Randy Cunningham: 9th Grade Ninja (2012–2015): Season 1, Episode 19 - Weinerman Up - full transcript

- ¶ Go, Ninja! ¶
- [Randy] I was chosen

to protect my school
from the forces of evil.

I am the Ninja.
I am Randy Cunningham.

¶ Smoke bomb! ¶

[Howard] Cunningham,
you have to let this go.

It's going to
drive you mad.

- I am mad!
- And I would be, too,

- if somebody
ate my lunch.
- You ate my lunch!

Look, we don't know
what happened for sure.

When you went
to the bathroom,
there was a sandwich.

When you came back,
the sandwich was gone.



It's a mystery.

- What's on the
side of your mouth?
- Mm. Nothin'.

- [microphone feedback]
- [students yelling]

Attention students!

This is not over.

As you know,
this week at NHS is

"Get Off Your Butts
And Do Something" week!

Which is why
for the next hour,

you're going to
sit right there and
watch fitness model,

butt-whoopsmith and
motivational speaker...

Mac Antfee! Yay!

- Mac Antfee?
- [gasping]

- Who's Mac Antfee?
- Seriously?

Seriously, that
psychotic former ninja
who ran Ninja Camp?



The one who tried to kill you?

Nope, doesn't
ring a bell.

Get ready to taste
the 'Splosion!

[grunting]

That Mac Antfee.

Yeah, I remember him.
He's a jerk.

Howard, save my seat.

Not like you
saved my sandwich.

[yelling, grunts]

Someday I'll come back
for that ninja suit,

and when I get it,
I'll kick every butt
in Norrisville!

[gasps] "The Ultimate Lesson."

The last thing a
Ninja's supposed to do
is Mind Wipe himself.

Mac never mind-wiped!

[gasps]

Only way to stop Mac for good

is to make him forget
he was the Ninja.

I'm gonna wipe his butt!

Mind-wipe his butt...
is what I meant.

[students]
'Splode to a better me!

- I can...
- [all] I can...

...'splode to a better me!

-...'splode to
a better me!
-[all cheering]

Oh, boy.

What the juice
is going on?

I'm going to get
real with you people.

I used to be what you might
call a "major league shoob."

Then I lost it all:
my Ninja Camp,
my awesome bus.

All I had left was
my go-fast boat and
my bro, Man Gong.

[crying]

Hey, I'm unexpectedly
moved by this.

That's when I realized,
all I had to do was
'splode to a better me!

And you can, too!

- [all cheering]
- People are actually
buying this?

- It's just so beautiful.
- He threw you out of a pagoda!

- [eagle crying]
- [both gasping]

If I can go from
jerkwad to nicewad,

anyone can!

Prepare to harness the
power of You-Splosion!

"You-Splosion: a Mac Antfee
Motivational System.

Experience 'Your' to
the power of 'Self'?"

Mac Antfee is a good guy?

Oh, he is not
a good guy,

he's a great guy!

[grunting]

Feel the You-Splosion!

[sobs] I feel funny!

Like I want
to hug a dork!

- Hey!
- [sobbing]

[sobs] We're best
friends forever now.

This is all a cover
so Mac can come after
the Ninja! I know it!

Cunningham,
please let this go.

You are seriously
harshing my You-Splosion.

- [people cheering]
- [growls]

[gasps]

Well, well, well.

If it isn't the nicewad
and my old Mac-olyte.

- [both gulping]
- [grunting]

Get over here, you two!

[chuckling]
You're awesome, Mac.

- No...
- [gasps]

We're awesome.

- [both laughing]
- Mac, quick question.
Last time we hung out,

you wanted to steal
the Ninja's mask and kick
every butt in Norrisville.

- That still on the menu?
- Kick every butt?

More like
inspire every butt.

There, see? Let it go.

So, you don't want
the power of the suit

and the pure
Ninja awesomeness
that goes with it?

- No, I'm good.
- Admit it, Mac.

You wanna feel those
magic black jimmy-jams
swirling around you,

giving you skills
you could only dream of.
I can feel it.

You want the weapons,
and the Nomicon,
and the smoke bombs.

Come on, how fun
are the smoke bombs?

[whimpering] Hey...

You sure know an awful
lot about being the Ninja!

Of course, this is all
speculation on my part.

I mean, how would I know?
I'm just a freshman.

Ordinary, average freshman.
I'm gonna go. Goodbye.

But I didn't get
my You-Splosion.

You just couldn't let it go.

You pretty much
told Mac Antfee that
you're the Ninja.

[Randy chuckles]
I think it's gonna be OK.

Mac doesn't care about
that stuff anymore.

He said it. You heard him.
This is all gonna be fine.

Right? Tell me this
is going to be fine.

Then why are you
hiding in your locker?

[music from TV]

Status update,
Weiner Nation.

Prep your peepers
for an H-clusive with
motivational guru,

Mac Antfee.

So, Mac,
what's the dilly?

The dilly? You want
to know the dilly?

[giggling]

Here's the dilly.

Now that I know who you are,

I will never stop
coming after you.

So save yourself
a lot of trouble,

and give me what I want!

- [Heidi screams]
- You have until
the end of the day!

- Hey, that's my...
- [grunts]

Oh, nice work, Cunningham.

Mac Antfee was a
full on nicewad,

until you un-sploded
him back into a jerkwad.

I'm totally shoobed!
He'll keep coming after
me and everyone I know!

Sometimes I wish I wasn't
everyone you know.

I have to Mind Wipe Mac Antfee.
Howard, I need your help.

Oh, no. Mac'll recognize me
the second I walk in the room.

- Or, will he?
- Yes. He will.

- [grunting]
- What're you doin',
Mr. Antfee?

Punching melons,
little...

- [giggling]
- ...lady, is it?

Oh, yes. I'm a
girl, all right.

[giggles]

Can I get your autograph?

Don't I know you?

Not unless you enjoy
such activities as

sewing, painting your nails
and driving a race car,

which are just a few
of the things girls
can do these days.

[giggling] Sky's the limit!

Kind of busy getting
pumped for a smack down!

Then how 'bout you
sign my math book

and I'll skadoodle on
out of here! [giggles]

[growls] Let's get
this over with.

Hey, this is the...

Huh... I cannot
believe that worked.

[gasps]

- [giggles]
- [growling]

[screaming]

[grunts, gasps]

The NinjaNomicon, wow.
This takes me back, man.

[Randy] Mac Antfee!

Gonna tell me why you
shloomped me in here,
ya scaredy-baby?

[Randy] To end things,
once and for all.

You know, I didn't even
go to Norrisville High
looking for the Ninja.

But the stupid Ninja
came to me! Ha!

[Randy] Yeah, not one
of my better moments.

- But I'm gonna fix it.
- [grunts]

[grunts]

[grunts, yelling]

- Oof!
- [laughing]

Uh-oh...

[grunts]

Ninja Air Fist!

Doodle Sword?
How'd you do that?

We're in the Nomicon,
chucklehead.

In here, anything is
possible. [laughing]

Oh boy. Not good.

[panting] I knew
I should've worn flats!

Oh boy.

[growling]

- [panting]
- Just give up!

We'll vloomp out,
I'll take the mask

and you can walk the earth
in shame! Sound good?

[gasps]
I got a better idea.

- Tengu Fire Ball!
- Ninja Hydro Hand!

There's a Hydro Hand?
What the juice, Nomicon!

I was the Ninja for five years!

- Five years?
- All right, six years.

Point is, I got skills
you ain't even heard of yet!!

[screams]

[growling, laughing]

[panting] We can take
a break if you want.

[panting]

- Yes!
- [growling]

Cunningham!
Hurry it up in there!

Look at me! Four arms...

I've missed this.

[grunts]

[groans]

Didn't know I had
a tail, did you?

Neither did I!
I just did that.

[yelling]

Nomicon, I don't want
to be a jerk about this,

but if Mac had been
properly Mind Wiped
when you de-masked him,

none of this
would be happening!

[yelling]

Ninja Comet Sprint!

[grunting, groaning]

[birds chirping]

I... [gasps]

[Randy] In the Nomicon,
anything is possible.

Ha!

Ho! Ho!

Oh! You brought me in
here to Mind Wipe me?

That is adorable.

Mac, when you're
done being the Ninja,

you're supposed to
Mind Wipe yourself.

Why would I want to
forget how awesome I am?

But the memory of having
all this Bruce power
can drive you crazy!

Which is why you're crazy!

Uh-huh, I hear you.

Or, how about this,
I Mind Wipe you!

- Ah!
- [laughing]

You don't
want to do that.

Oh, I so want to do it.

Listen, there's no shame in
losing to the Class of '85,

- because we rule!
- Please don't do this.

- You won't even remember
that I kicked your butt!
- [Randy] No!

Now time to vloomp out of
here and get my mask back.

[humming, gasps]

What the juice?

You tricked me!

Ain't no shame in
losing to the Class
of... in your face!

No!

[panting] Seriously...

When are you...

...gonna give up?

- [grunts]
- [growls]

Man Gong!
What are you doing?

- Oh! [giggles]
- Help me tear
the stage down.

We gotta get to Flackville
for a 4:30 You-Splosion
and River Cruise!

[grunts]

Here's your stupid book.

[whispering]

Me? The Ninja?

I think I'd remember
something like that.

We did it, Howard.
We Mind Wiped Mac Antfee.

You know what
we could do, MG?

Make a fruit salad.
Drop it by the
orphanage on the way!

Yep, he's a
permanent nicewad.

Let's go to the Bucket.
I'm starved.

Hey buddy, my treat.

You took that
from my wallet while I was
shloomped out, didn't you?

Let it go, Cunningham.
Let it go.

[humming]

[Principal on PA] So the
music class is cancelled
until further notice.

In lieu of flowers, the family
asks that you send... a note!

School announcement, zing!

[Principal] And finally,
quicksand has been found

in the creepy swamp
behind the school.

So, don't go in
the creepy swamp.
There's quicksand!

- Did you hear what he said?
- Yeah!

Go in the creepy swamp,
there's quicksand!

Oh, bad news, RC.
There's a sign.

[grunting]
And a fence.

Oh, I didn't even
see the fence!

Looks like we dragged
that cinder block all
this way for nothing.

No, Howard, I dragged this
cinder block all this way
for nothing.

And I won't let it
be for nothing!

[chuckling]

[laughs] Yes!

Chop it down!
Chop it down!

No!

That book's going
to ruin everything.

Not this time!
Nomicon don't own me!

We came to swamp,
we gonna swamp!

In your face, Nomicon!

Ninja Slice!

[gasps] I can not
believe you did that!

Howard, what say we go
find ourselves some...

[both] Quicksand!

[laughing] Oh yes!

[alarm ringing]

- You check left!
- I'll take right!

[screams]

I've been snared like a
possum! Or is it opossum?

An opossum? A opossum?
None of these sound right.

Anyway, these guys don't know
who they're messin' with!

Hello? Suit?

Dangling in mid-air here.

Could kinda use my suit
and my weapons and...

Why isn't this working?

- [leaves rustling]
- [gasps]

- Ahh!
- Well, how're you doin'
over there, partner?

- My name, Catfish.
- Hello, Mr. Catfish.

My name's Ran...
ginald Bagel.

Ranginald Bagel.
That's me.

It seems I've been
mistakenly caught
in your trap.

Oh, there's no mistake
'bout it, Mr. Bagel.

I'm the best trapper
in these here parts.

Or any parts. [chuckles]

You danglin' 'cause
you criss-crossin'
on my popaty.

Oh no, sir. I would
never criss-cross
on your "popaty."

This is all just a
big misunderstanding.

It don't matter.

Now you're my popaty.

- [gasps]
- [phone ringing]

- Howard?
- Cunningham?
Found the quicksand.

I'm dangling over it!

I need the ninja! Hurry!

OK, OK. Don't panic.
I'll be right there.

Actually, not right there,
'cause I'm sort of, kinda

tied to the grill of a
psychopath's pickup truck.

- And my Ninja suit
doesn't work.
- Get off of speaker phone.

It sounded like you said
your suit doesn't work.

It doesn't.
So just hang in there.

Word play? At a time like this?

- [phone beeps] Call dropped.
- [groaning]

Oh boy.

Get yourself some cozy.
This here is your new home.

What the juice?

I'm the boss of
this here swamp. Me.

All these critters?
They do what I say.

Ain't that right?

I said, ain't that right!

Ooh, a skinny mullet
like you gonna make me
a nice coat rack yet.

I just gotta fit you
with a collar.

So what size collar are you?

I'm gonna say about a
15, 15 and a half...

Why would I know that?

[alarm ringing]

It looks like someone else been
criss-crossing on my popaty!

Now you keep an
eye on Mr. Bagel.

He act like a couyon,

you have yourself a
skinny mullet po' boy!

Y'all rest, follow me!

NinjaNomicon, I've been
trapped in a cage by some
kind of swamp wizard.

Why won't my Ninja suit work?

Huh?

"If you abuse the power,
you lose the power."

So I lost my ninja powers
because I abused them.

But not forever, right?
How do I get them back?

Fine. You won't tell me?

Then I'll just do this
without the suit.

Psst. You help free me,
I'll help you stop being
a sofa.

[growls]

[gasps]

You hungry?

How'd you like a
bite of couyon leg?

- [gasps]
- [Howard screaming]

I'm comin', Big H!

[panting]

And my mom said all
those hours playing

SwampPuncher:
Grand Theft Fanboat

- would amount to nothing!
- [phone rings]

Howard? I'm coming
to save you.

- What?
- I'm coming to save you!

I can't hear you! It sounds
like you're on a fanboat.

I am on a fanboat!

Oh man, I miss everything.

Also, help!

[screams] If I don't
make it through this...

- Howard, you're
going to make it.
- No, let me say this.

In seventh grade,
when I borrowed
your underpants,

and returned them and
said they were clean?

Not true! Not even close!

Wait, wait, wait.
How not clean?

Adios, bromosabe.

Howard? [groans]

Ooh, now we gonna make gumbo.

[screams]

Don't even think
about it, Booray.

You's supposed to be
in your cage, boy!

You're not
eating my friend.

I ain't gonna eat
your friend!

They gonna eat your friend.

- Then they gonna eat you.
- [gulping]

Would you PJ up already?

I can't! The mask is
freezin' me out because
I abused my power!

So, unabuse it and
get us out of here!

[snarling]

[Howard screaming]

[growls]

No!

- Whoa.
- I second that
whoa two times.

- Whoa, whoa!
- [bubbling]

[gasps] No!

Mr. Bagel just sacrificed
himself for you.

That was very noble...

...and stupid.

[screams]

[screaming]

[shouting] Power unabused!

Ninja! Yes!

Ninja? What are you
doin' down there?

[growls]

Stupid swamp panther!

Oh, he name is Shaun.

Shaun? Really?
You named a panther Shaun.

- Get him, Shaun!
- [growls]

"Abuse the power,
lose the power!"

Ahh... That's it!
The collar!

You're free, Shaun.

- [purring]
- You were totally
abusing power, Booray.

Wild animals should not be
controlled by magic collars.

And that furniture
thing was way wrong.

Didn't even look comfortable.
What's up with having
uncomfortable furniture?

[snaps]

Multiple Collar
Slicing Ninja Rings!

My swamp army!

Getting a little
light-headed here.

Oops, my bad. Ninja Slice!

Hi-yah!

- [yelling]
- Let's go!

[Booray] I'm afraid I can't
let you do that, Ninja.

[laughs] What are you
gonna do, Booray?

Your beasts abandoned you.

Oh, I still got a little
somethin'-somethin', yeah.

This here my gris-gris.

I got the power of the swamp!

Oh, how Bruce for you.
I got the power of smoke bomb!

You spilled my gumbos!

Oh, mighty spirit
of the swamp...

conjure! Bewitch! Voodoo!

- [rumbling]
- [laughing]

[grunting]

[gasps]

He booby-trapped
the whole swamp!

Ninja Slice! Ninja Slice!

[screaming]

The fence! We made it! [gasps]

It's a pythanthigator!

[screeching]

- Quick, through the hole.
- I'm not leaving without you.

- [growling]
- I'll see you
on the other side.

- [growls]
- Yah!

[shouting]

[grunts]

Ha! Did you see that?

I hit him from over here.

Me! You know how hard it is
to throw a cinder block?

- [growling]
- Uh-oh!

[yelling]

[grunting] How do
I stop this thing?

Ah!

- [growls]
- Ninja Pouch Slash!

[growling, yelling]

See you later, pythanthigator.

- [giggling]
- Boo!

You killed my gris-gris!

And now that you
lost your power,

the animals want back
they popaty!

[growling, hissing]

Hold on now, y'all!

Ain't no reason to get ornery.

[laughing]

- [growls]
- I'm goin', I'm goin'.

Cunningham, the swamp has
taught us a lesson today.

The secret ingredient in the
delish gumbo is a pinch of me.

True... and there's that
thing about my ninja powers.

I abuse them, I lose them.

Although you did
get them back,

so clearly there's
some wiggle room.

Nope, this ninja is
emergencies only from now on.

Mr. Weinerman, what part of
keep out of the creepy swamp
did you not understand?

Uh, the keep out part.

You just earned
yourself detention.

Smoke bomb!
It's OK, Principal Slimovitz.

This young man was just
helping me fix that fence.

Which is something
I do as the Ninja.

Fixing fences.

Oh, in that case,
detention waved.

- Hm...
- What? Wiggle room.

¶ His name is Catfish ¶

¶ He's got the gris-gris ¶

¶ He's got the voodoo ¶

¶ He's got the gumbo ¶

¶ Don't like the couyon ¶

¶ He's got the voodoo ¶

¶ Down on the bayou ¶¶

[scatting]

Chirp.

[Booray] You spilled my gumbos!