Randy Cunningham: 9th Grade Ninja (2012–2015): Season 1, Episode 1 - Got Stank - full transcript
[boy] For 800 years,
Norrisville High has been
protected by a ninja.
No one knows
that every four years,
a new warrior is chosen.
¶ Go, ninja! ¶
A freshman to fight
the forces of evil.
I am the ninja.
I am Randy Cunningham.
¶ Smoke bomb ¶
¶ What the hey
Come on, you ¶
¶ What the juice
He's a Bruce ¶
¶ Besta cheese
Ninja freeze ¶
¶ Ninja rock
Don't stop ¶
- ¶ What the hey ¶
- ¶ Come on, you ¶
¶ Do it, ninja
What the juice ¶
¶ He's a hero
Come on, fighter ¶
¶ Just a freshman
and a ninja ¶
[Randy] Smoke bomb!
[bell ringing]
[man] Welcome, freshmen.
I'm sure you're bummed
to be back in school.
Well, so am I!
Five hundred words.
What you did
on your summer vacation.
Name: Randy Cunningham.
Grade: Nine.
Title: What I did
on my summer...
Cunningham.
Let me copy off ya'.
Howard, we can't turn in
the exact same essay.
We had the exact
same summer.
- [glass shattering]
- [groans]
No talking!
Well, it wasn't
the exact same.
I mean, it started out
the same.
But then a week ago,
something epic happened.
[game] Congratulations.
You have punched
all the graves.
[Randy] And the day
after that,
something even epic-er
happened.
The Ninja-nomicon.
Eh.
"You are the ninja."
Oh, my... sweet!
I have to tell Howard.
"You can't tell anyone."
Ah, that's wonk!
Listen, I don't know
how it works,
but the ninja suit is
the straight-up cheese.
It lets me do things
I could never, ever do.
[grunting]
[exclaiming]
[laughs]
I am Randy Cunningham.
[grunting]
I am the ninja.
It's pretty much
the coolest thing ever.
Only bummer is
I can't tell anyone.
Not even my best friend.
[teacher] Pencils down!
And now I'm realizing
this probably wasn't
the best topic
for my essay.
What's this supposed to be?
Uh, my commentary on the
fleeting nature of summer?
Ooh, excellent use
of metaphor.
- Aced it!
- I'll give you a B.
B'ced it!
Go away, Bash!
I don't want a wedgie.
I already gave you
a wedgie.
I just wanna give you
your change!
Can we talk about
this ninja situation?
Ninja situation?
There is no ninja situation.
Exactly, the no ninja
situation.
We've been
in Norrisville High
for two days,
and we haven't
seen this guy once.
I think he has to wait
for like a monster
or a robot to attack.
Why aren't you
madder about this?
- Come on!
- We are his number one fans.
I mean, it's not like he
can just smoke bomb on by
for a meet and greet.
Or can he?
You assured me you would
destroy the ninja.
But I haven't seen him
all summer.
Have you seen him,
Viceroy?
I haven't seen him.
Then again,
he is a ninja,
so stealth is kinda
his dealio.
We have a plan.
The second he pokes
his little ninja head
out of his little
ninja hidey-hole...
Bam! Destroyed!
[roaring]
Do... not... fail... me.
- [phone ringing]
- [both screaming]
[woman] Mr. McFist,
your wife is on the line.
[grumbling]
[inhaling, exhaling]
Hey, sugarface!
I'm a teensy bit busy here.
Of course.
I'll meet you there,
honeycakes.
[shouting]
How am I supposed
to run an evil empire
when my stepson
keeps getting in trouble
at school?
Kids.
Just get down to your lab
and build me
something deadly.
Something dangerous.
Something with a cupholder!
You know what?
Forget the cupholder.
Just make it deadly.
Mm-hmm.
[bell ringing]
[humming]
Hmm. Hmm!
Cunningham, I know
you're in the can,
but if you don't want me
to eat your tater lumps,
just say so.
[Randy] Smoke bomb!
[all gasping]
Hello, students.
'Tis I, the ninja!
- [all exclaiming]
- Finally! Yes!
Ninja! Hey, Cunningham,
the ninja just showed up.
In these two days
of school alone,
Bash has given 66 wedgies,
32 swirlies,
and a Chattanooga Gravy Bowl.
Is that even
a real thing?
- [both shouting]
- Sweet potatoes?
Oh, yeah!
Oh, Principal Slimovitz,
I just don't believe
my little Bashford
would ever do
anything like that.
Yeah, Ma, he's framing me!
[exclaims]
Hey! The ninja's
in the cafeteria!
[all chattering]
Ooh, the ninja!
What say we take a fiver?
I'm escaping!
Oh, go on.
If you don't destroy
the ninja now,
it's all you'll talk about
on the ride home.
You know what?
You're the best!
- [phone ringing]
- [Viceroy sighing]
McFist Industries,
Evil Genius Viceroy speaking.
The ninja's at the school
right now.
Release the...
[squeaking]
...the thing!
His name is Krakenstein.
Release the Krakenstein!
Go forth,
my Krakenstein.
And destroy the ninja!
[roaring]
Well, he's about ye high,
red scarf, black suit.
Maybe it's navy blue.
[crashing]
No, you're right,
it is black.
You never wear red
with navy blue.
Now, as a ninja,
I must be prepared
at any moment to do this,
and this, and how could I
forget this?
You've been great, everybody.
See ya next time.
Remember to tip
those lunch ladies.
- Smoke bom...
- No, wait, ninja.
My buddy and I have been
dying to meet you
since we were kids.
Please just hang out
until he gets back?
Aw, that's really cool
of you.
But I can't.
I must go.
- [roaring]
- [all screaming]
Yes, destroy.
Destroy!
My first monster fight.
So honkin' cool!
Ninja flip!
Monster,
get ready to get...
Eesh! "Cunningham,
get back here.
The ninja's totally
getting pwned."
[phone ringing]
I wouldn't say
I'm getting pwned.
Uh-oh.
[groaning]
[grunting] What?
Oh, man, I am
getting pwned.
Ninja sprint!
I wasn't hiding from you,
if that's what you think.
[roaring]
[screaming]
- [bell ringing]
- Now what?
- [shouting]
- [thudding]
Where have you been?
We were supposed
to meet the ninja together.
Man, but between
you and me,
he was kinda stankin' it up
out there.
Come on, Howard.
I... uh...
...the ninja
was trying his best, OK?
It's not like
there are instructions
for being the ninja.
The instructions!
I need to use
the bathroom!
- [gasping]
- Hey ya, Randy.
The Ninja-nomicon.
Come on, baby,
drop some secret
ninja knowledge on me.
"Believe in the weapon
that is in the suit."
OK, what's in the suit?
I'm in the suit.
I'm the weapon.
I just have to
believe in me.
- See ya, Randy.
- [gasping]
Hey, perfect, you're back.
I got some great news.
Sorry, Howard,
but I have to, um...
- [bell ringing]
- No, no.
You are going to
stick around for this.
Turns out the ninja
couldn't beat that monster,
so he just locked it
in a basement stall.
So I let it out.
You did what?!
Yeah. Now, he's just
gotta come back,
and we can see him
in action together.
[horn blaring]
You want to thank me
now or later,
or how should we do this?
Where the heck is
what's-his-crack?
- There he is!
- My car!
Ninja action,
courtesy of moi.
Who's the best friend ever?
Huh? Are you kidding me?
[Randy] Smoke bomb!
- [grunting]
- [all] Ninja, ninja!
I believe in me,
I believe in me.
I believe in me
kicking your butt.
Ninja block, ninja block,
ninja block, ninja block,
ninja block,
and ninja block.
Who's getting pwned now?
[all chanting] Ninja!
What?!
Secret arm!
That is so Viceroy.
I don't get it.
I'm believing.
What else could be
in the suit?
Ah. Believe in the weapon
that is in the suit.
[roaring]
That makes way more sense.
Let's do this.
[Randy shouting]
Stop.
[screaming] No!
Way, dudes.
That was awesome. Ha!
[all chanting] Smoke bomb!
Smoke bomb!
Hey, Howard.
Oh, you think I'm
some sort of chowder head?
I... don't know how
to answer that.
- I know what
you've been up to.
- You do?
Yeah. First, you're gone,
ninja's here.
And then, he's gone,
and then you're here.
I know your secret, man.
Howard, listen,
I wanted to tell you.
Well, it's too late now.
Yeah, I figured it all out.
With my mind.
This is such a relief.
It's been killing me
that I couldn't tell you.
I mean, sneaking off
so you can have the bathroom
all to yourself every time
the ninja shows up.
Wait, you're the ninja?
My best friend's the ninja!
This is incredible!
I'm gonna tell everyone.
You can't tell anyone.
Well, that stinks.
No, Howard, this stinks.
Smoke bomb!
[Howard coughing] Oh, man.
Those things smell like fart.
[Randy] You get used to it.
You'd be surprised,
you start liking it.
And how is this gonna get us
seats in the cool section?
OK, trust me, Howard.
We go in there like, boom!
And they're all like,
"Oh, no, you didn't!"
And we're like,
"Oh, yes, we did!"
Whatever, let's just do it.
This stuff's
making my butt itch.
[cheering]
[horn blowing]
What up,
Norrisville High!
- Dorks!
- [all laughing]
Oh, man.
He's talking about us.
[shivering]
That incredible display
of school spirit
was supposed to get us
into the Fishcage.
- [chattering]
- Does anyone even
talk to freshmen anymore?
I can't be bothered.
No way.
Oh.
Only the cool de la cool
get to sit there.
No freshman
has ever gotten in.
[screaming]
Nice try, Doug.
Hey, at least we're not sitting
with the marching band.
That section's
got a splash zone.
[humming]
Bucky, there's no
triangle solo in this song.
Or any song.
[all booing]
Bucky! What'd I tell you
about showboatin'?
[singing]
Hensletter,
your triangle's
writing checks
your dinger can't cash.
You're benched till
further notice.
But the triangle's
my life.
Put your dinger
in my hand, son.
You can take my dinger,
but you'll never take
my back-up dinger!
[sad trombone]
Ho-ho! Sad trombone.
Ultimate band burn.
[sobbing]
[sniffing]
Mmm. Misery,
with subtle notes
of humiliation,
and just the slightest hint
of flop sweat.
Yum.
He will do nicely.
[sinister laughter]
[shouting]
They'll pay!
They'll all...
- [cheering]
- Hey, come on!
...pay.
Good game tonight, team.
You played some strong D.
Your B flats
and A minor sevenths
weren't bad either.
[sad trombone]
Stevens, cool it
with the trombone jokes.
- [rumbling]
- [shouting]
[screeching]
Ah, feels good
to be out of that
humiliating body paint.
Yeah, now we're
just two freshmen
kicking it in Speedos.
Nothing embarrassing
about that.
[screaming]
Something tells me
it's ninja time.
You're gonna put that
on you face?
Yes, I am.
But it was in your pants!
Yes, it was!
[exclaiming]
[all shrieking]
[Randy] Smoke bomb!
- [cheering]
- Drop that piano.
Uh-oh.
[groaning]
I probably should have
seen that coming.
Princess Tootie.
I almost lost you.
[shouting]
Hey, you, cowbell.
Cowbell me.
Ha!
OK, so here's
a question, Bucky.
What exactly
is going on here?
Like in this...
in this area?
[distorted voice] If I can't
play triangle in the band,
then no one will.
But my no showboating policy.
He was showboating.
You all saw it.
[rattling]
[groaning]
Gonna drop it!
Oh, boy.
Uh...
[cymbal dings]
Smoke bomb!
[bell ringing]
I was out till curfew
looking for Bucky.
You just can't find a runaway
monster on a school night.
Yeah, he'll turn up
eventually.
Not good enough, Howard.
The ninja needs to do
something about this.
No, the "ninja" needs
to come up with a new plan
to get us into
the Fishcage tonight.
Hey, how about you come up
with a plan for once?
I know, it sounded stupid
the minute it came
out of my mouth.
It did, it really did.
You can still make us
the first freshmen in
the Fishcage, Cunningham.
I believe in you.
Being inspiring
really wipes me out.
[snoring]
Something turned Bucky
into a monster.
Maybe the Ninja-nomicon
knows how to change him back.
"Severing
the puppet's strings."
What the juice?
"You gotta D'stank 'em,
bro!!!"
Again, I ask.
What the juice?
"The evil funk
possesses the vulnerable,
using that which
he holds most dear."
I have to
D'stank him, bro!
Really?
Yelling in the library?
We got like one rule
and you just broke it.
Sorry.
[squeaking]
[shrieking]
Hello.
I don't think we've met.
I am the Sorcerer.
I have been down here
for 800 years.
You've probably heard of me.
[squeaking]
Makes no difference.
I will not be here
much longer.
My latest creation
is up above spreading chaos.
Chaos gives me power.
And once I have
enough power,
I will break free
from this prison,
and destroy the ninja.
[sinister laughter]
Are you laughing with me
or at me?
Good.
- [Randy] Hey, man.
- So, what's the plan for...
[shouts] Why are you
wearing that?
- I joined the marching band.
- Why are you saying that?
Uh, because you asked.
Hey!
- How did this happen?
- I auditioned.
- [dinging]
- You're in!
Didn't know I was
so musical, did ya'?
Why, when we're trying to
sit in the cool section,
did you go and join
the dorkiest dorks on Earth?
I know, I know,
it's bad timing.
[muffled] But if the band
has a new triangle player,
Bucky's guaranteed
to show up,
and then the ninja
will take him down.
Your ninja-ing is killing
any chance at popularity.
It's the price
I have to pay.
We're paying it.
We. Cunningham,
you're my best friend.
But as long as you're
sporting that geek gear,
I cannot be seen with you.
Give me your word
you'll stay in here
ten seconds after I leave.
- You have my word.
- Good.
Oh, one more thing.
[farts]
[laughing]
Not cool, man!
That is not cool!
[growling, gasping]
[woman] Bucky!
Ain't you performing with
the band tonight, sweetheart?
[screeching]
[band playing]
[chatter]
Let us be clear. I'm only
sitting here for the snacks.
[chatter, laughter]
[Randy] Really?
You can't be seen with me?
- [thudding]
- [all gasping]
[all screaming]
Hey, Howard.
Do you have the time?
I'm not doing this
with you.
Oh, what do you know?
- It's ninja o'clock.
- Dumb.
[sinister laughter]
[exclaiming]
[cheering]
Bucky, I do not feel right
about beating up a band geek.
- But... [groans]
- [all] Ooh!
- [groaning]
- He killed the snack bar.
You make him pay, ninja.
You make him pay!
OK, easy there, buddy.
- [screeching]
- [shouts]
I gotta D'stank this geek.
That which he holds
most dear.
[echoing] Most dear,
most dear, most dear.
Back-up dinger!
Ninja flash!
Ninja snatch!
[whooshing]
[moaning]
[groaning]
[all cheering]
[chanting] Smoke bomb!
Smoke bomb!
Well, Howard, we did it.
We're the first freshmen
ever to sit in the Fishcage.
Technically, that is true.
Aw, I guess I forgive you
for joining the band.
Forgiveness accepted,
buddy.
Forgiveness accepted.
[shivering, moaning]
Hey, check it out.
That guy's naked!
What happened?
Why am I naked?
Ha-ha! Go get some
loaner pants, man.
[groans] I did not need
to see that.
Norrisville High has been
protected by a ninja.
No one knows
that every four years,
a new warrior is chosen.
¶ Go, ninja! ¶
A freshman to fight
the forces of evil.
I am the ninja.
I am Randy Cunningham.
¶ Smoke bomb ¶
¶ What the hey
Come on, you ¶
¶ What the juice
He's a Bruce ¶
¶ Besta cheese
Ninja freeze ¶
¶ Ninja rock
Don't stop ¶
- ¶ What the hey ¶
- ¶ Come on, you ¶
¶ Do it, ninja
What the juice ¶
¶ He's a hero
Come on, fighter ¶
¶ Just a freshman
and a ninja ¶
[Randy] Smoke bomb!
[bell ringing]
[man] Welcome, freshmen.
I'm sure you're bummed
to be back in school.
Well, so am I!
Five hundred words.
What you did
on your summer vacation.
Name: Randy Cunningham.
Grade: Nine.
Title: What I did
on my summer...
Cunningham.
Let me copy off ya'.
Howard, we can't turn in
the exact same essay.
We had the exact
same summer.
- [glass shattering]
- [groans]
No talking!
Well, it wasn't
the exact same.
I mean, it started out
the same.
But then a week ago,
something epic happened.
[game] Congratulations.
You have punched
all the graves.
[Randy] And the day
after that,
something even epic-er
happened.
The Ninja-nomicon.
Eh.
"You are the ninja."
Oh, my... sweet!
I have to tell Howard.
"You can't tell anyone."
Ah, that's wonk!
Listen, I don't know
how it works,
but the ninja suit is
the straight-up cheese.
It lets me do things
I could never, ever do.
[grunting]
[exclaiming]
[laughs]
I am Randy Cunningham.
[grunting]
I am the ninja.
It's pretty much
the coolest thing ever.
Only bummer is
I can't tell anyone.
Not even my best friend.
[teacher] Pencils down!
And now I'm realizing
this probably wasn't
the best topic
for my essay.
What's this supposed to be?
Uh, my commentary on the
fleeting nature of summer?
Ooh, excellent use
of metaphor.
- Aced it!
- I'll give you a B.
B'ced it!
Go away, Bash!
I don't want a wedgie.
I already gave you
a wedgie.
I just wanna give you
your change!
Can we talk about
this ninja situation?
Ninja situation?
There is no ninja situation.
Exactly, the no ninja
situation.
We've been
in Norrisville High
for two days,
and we haven't
seen this guy once.
I think he has to wait
for like a monster
or a robot to attack.
Why aren't you
madder about this?
- Come on!
- We are his number one fans.
I mean, it's not like he
can just smoke bomb on by
for a meet and greet.
Or can he?
You assured me you would
destroy the ninja.
But I haven't seen him
all summer.
Have you seen him,
Viceroy?
I haven't seen him.
Then again,
he is a ninja,
so stealth is kinda
his dealio.
We have a plan.
The second he pokes
his little ninja head
out of his little
ninja hidey-hole...
Bam! Destroyed!
[roaring]
Do... not... fail... me.
- [phone ringing]
- [both screaming]
[woman] Mr. McFist,
your wife is on the line.
[grumbling]
[inhaling, exhaling]
Hey, sugarface!
I'm a teensy bit busy here.
Of course.
I'll meet you there,
honeycakes.
[shouting]
How am I supposed
to run an evil empire
when my stepson
keeps getting in trouble
at school?
Kids.
Just get down to your lab
and build me
something deadly.
Something dangerous.
Something with a cupholder!
You know what?
Forget the cupholder.
Just make it deadly.
Mm-hmm.
[bell ringing]
[humming]
Hmm. Hmm!
Cunningham, I know
you're in the can,
but if you don't want me
to eat your tater lumps,
just say so.
[Randy] Smoke bomb!
[all gasping]
Hello, students.
'Tis I, the ninja!
- [all exclaiming]
- Finally! Yes!
Ninja! Hey, Cunningham,
the ninja just showed up.
In these two days
of school alone,
Bash has given 66 wedgies,
32 swirlies,
and a Chattanooga Gravy Bowl.
Is that even
a real thing?
- [both shouting]
- Sweet potatoes?
Oh, yeah!
Oh, Principal Slimovitz,
I just don't believe
my little Bashford
would ever do
anything like that.
Yeah, Ma, he's framing me!
[exclaims]
Hey! The ninja's
in the cafeteria!
[all chattering]
Ooh, the ninja!
What say we take a fiver?
I'm escaping!
Oh, go on.
If you don't destroy
the ninja now,
it's all you'll talk about
on the ride home.
You know what?
You're the best!
- [phone ringing]
- [Viceroy sighing]
McFist Industries,
Evil Genius Viceroy speaking.
The ninja's at the school
right now.
Release the...
[squeaking]
...the thing!
His name is Krakenstein.
Release the Krakenstein!
Go forth,
my Krakenstein.
And destroy the ninja!
[roaring]
Well, he's about ye high,
red scarf, black suit.
Maybe it's navy blue.
[crashing]
No, you're right,
it is black.
You never wear red
with navy blue.
Now, as a ninja,
I must be prepared
at any moment to do this,
and this, and how could I
forget this?
You've been great, everybody.
See ya next time.
Remember to tip
those lunch ladies.
- Smoke bom...
- No, wait, ninja.
My buddy and I have been
dying to meet you
since we were kids.
Please just hang out
until he gets back?
Aw, that's really cool
of you.
But I can't.
I must go.
- [roaring]
- [all screaming]
Yes, destroy.
Destroy!
My first monster fight.
So honkin' cool!
Ninja flip!
Monster,
get ready to get...
Eesh! "Cunningham,
get back here.
The ninja's totally
getting pwned."
[phone ringing]
I wouldn't say
I'm getting pwned.
Uh-oh.
[groaning]
[grunting] What?
Oh, man, I am
getting pwned.
Ninja sprint!
I wasn't hiding from you,
if that's what you think.
[roaring]
[screaming]
- [bell ringing]
- Now what?
- [shouting]
- [thudding]
Where have you been?
We were supposed
to meet the ninja together.
Man, but between
you and me,
he was kinda stankin' it up
out there.
Come on, Howard.
I... uh...
...the ninja
was trying his best, OK?
It's not like
there are instructions
for being the ninja.
The instructions!
I need to use
the bathroom!
- [gasping]
- Hey ya, Randy.
The Ninja-nomicon.
Come on, baby,
drop some secret
ninja knowledge on me.
"Believe in the weapon
that is in the suit."
OK, what's in the suit?
I'm in the suit.
I'm the weapon.
I just have to
believe in me.
- See ya, Randy.
- [gasping]
Hey, perfect, you're back.
I got some great news.
Sorry, Howard,
but I have to, um...
- [bell ringing]
- No, no.
You are going to
stick around for this.
Turns out the ninja
couldn't beat that monster,
so he just locked it
in a basement stall.
So I let it out.
You did what?!
Yeah. Now, he's just
gotta come back,
and we can see him
in action together.
[horn blaring]
You want to thank me
now or later,
or how should we do this?
Where the heck is
what's-his-crack?
- There he is!
- My car!
Ninja action,
courtesy of moi.
Who's the best friend ever?
Huh? Are you kidding me?
[Randy] Smoke bomb!
- [grunting]
- [all] Ninja, ninja!
I believe in me,
I believe in me.
I believe in me
kicking your butt.
Ninja block, ninja block,
ninja block, ninja block,
ninja block,
and ninja block.
Who's getting pwned now?
[all chanting] Ninja!
What?!
Secret arm!
That is so Viceroy.
I don't get it.
I'm believing.
What else could be
in the suit?
Ah. Believe in the weapon
that is in the suit.
[roaring]
That makes way more sense.
Let's do this.
[Randy shouting]
Stop.
[screaming] No!
Way, dudes.
That was awesome. Ha!
[all chanting] Smoke bomb!
Smoke bomb!
Hey, Howard.
Oh, you think I'm
some sort of chowder head?
I... don't know how
to answer that.
- I know what
you've been up to.
- You do?
Yeah. First, you're gone,
ninja's here.
And then, he's gone,
and then you're here.
I know your secret, man.
Howard, listen,
I wanted to tell you.
Well, it's too late now.
Yeah, I figured it all out.
With my mind.
This is such a relief.
It's been killing me
that I couldn't tell you.
I mean, sneaking off
so you can have the bathroom
all to yourself every time
the ninja shows up.
Wait, you're the ninja?
My best friend's the ninja!
This is incredible!
I'm gonna tell everyone.
You can't tell anyone.
Well, that stinks.
No, Howard, this stinks.
Smoke bomb!
[Howard coughing] Oh, man.
Those things smell like fart.
[Randy] You get used to it.
You'd be surprised,
you start liking it.
And how is this gonna get us
seats in the cool section?
OK, trust me, Howard.
We go in there like, boom!
And they're all like,
"Oh, no, you didn't!"
And we're like,
"Oh, yes, we did!"
Whatever, let's just do it.
This stuff's
making my butt itch.
[cheering]
[horn blowing]
What up,
Norrisville High!
- Dorks!
- [all laughing]
Oh, man.
He's talking about us.
[shivering]
That incredible display
of school spirit
was supposed to get us
into the Fishcage.
- [chattering]
- Does anyone even
talk to freshmen anymore?
I can't be bothered.
No way.
Oh.
Only the cool de la cool
get to sit there.
No freshman
has ever gotten in.
[screaming]
Nice try, Doug.
Hey, at least we're not sitting
with the marching band.
That section's
got a splash zone.
[humming]
Bucky, there's no
triangle solo in this song.
Or any song.
[all booing]
Bucky! What'd I tell you
about showboatin'?
[singing]
Hensletter,
your triangle's
writing checks
your dinger can't cash.
You're benched till
further notice.
But the triangle's
my life.
Put your dinger
in my hand, son.
You can take my dinger,
but you'll never take
my back-up dinger!
[sad trombone]
Ho-ho! Sad trombone.
Ultimate band burn.
[sobbing]
[sniffing]
Mmm. Misery,
with subtle notes
of humiliation,
and just the slightest hint
of flop sweat.
Yum.
He will do nicely.
[sinister laughter]
[shouting]
They'll pay!
They'll all...
- [cheering]
- Hey, come on!
...pay.
Good game tonight, team.
You played some strong D.
Your B flats
and A minor sevenths
weren't bad either.
[sad trombone]
Stevens, cool it
with the trombone jokes.
- [rumbling]
- [shouting]
[screeching]
Ah, feels good
to be out of that
humiliating body paint.
Yeah, now we're
just two freshmen
kicking it in Speedos.
Nothing embarrassing
about that.
[screaming]
Something tells me
it's ninja time.
You're gonna put that
on you face?
Yes, I am.
But it was in your pants!
Yes, it was!
[exclaiming]
[all shrieking]
[Randy] Smoke bomb!
- [cheering]
- Drop that piano.
Uh-oh.
[groaning]
I probably should have
seen that coming.
Princess Tootie.
I almost lost you.
[shouting]
Hey, you, cowbell.
Cowbell me.
Ha!
OK, so here's
a question, Bucky.
What exactly
is going on here?
Like in this...
in this area?
[distorted voice] If I can't
play triangle in the band,
then no one will.
But my no showboating policy.
He was showboating.
You all saw it.
[rattling]
[groaning]
Gonna drop it!
Oh, boy.
Uh...
[cymbal dings]
Smoke bomb!
[bell ringing]
I was out till curfew
looking for Bucky.
You just can't find a runaway
monster on a school night.
Yeah, he'll turn up
eventually.
Not good enough, Howard.
The ninja needs to do
something about this.
No, the "ninja" needs
to come up with a new plan
to get us into
the Fishcage tonight.
Hey, how about you come up
with a plan for once?
I know, it sounded stupid
the minute it came
out of my mouth.
It did, it really did.
You can still make us
the first freshmen in
the Fishcage, Cunningham.
I believe in you.
Being inspiring
really wipes me out.
[snoring]
Something turned Bucky
into a monster.
Maybe the Ninja-nomicon
knows how to change him back.
"Severing
the puppet's strings."
What the juice?
"You gotta D'stank 'em,
bro!!!"
Again, I ask.
What the juice?
"The evil funk
possesses the vulnerable,
using that which
he holds most dear."
I have to
D'stank him, bro!
Really?
Yelling in the library?
We got like one rule
and you just broke it.
Sorry.
[squeaking]
[shrieking]
Hello.
I don't think we've met.
I am the Sorcerer.
I have been down here
for 800 years.
You've probably heard of me.
[squeaking]
Makes no difference.
I will not be here
much longer.
My latest creation
is up above spreading chaos.
Chaos gives me power.
And once I have
enough power,
I will break free
from this prison,
and destroy the ninja.
[sinister laughter]
Are you laughing with me
or at me?
Good.
- [Randy] Hey, man.
- So, what's the plan for...
[shouts] Why are you
wearing that?
- I joined the marching band.
- Why are you saying that?
Uh, because you asked.
Hey!
- How did this happen?
- I auditioned.
- [dinging]
- You're in!
Didn't know I was
so musical, did ya'?
Why, when we're trying to
sit in the cool section,
did you go and join
the dorkiest dorks on Earth?
I know, I know,
it's bad timing.
[muffled] But if the band
has a new triangle player,
Bucky's guaranteed
to show up,
and then the ninja
will take him down.
Your ninja-ing is killing
any chance at popularity.
It's the price
I have to pay.
We're paying it.
We. Cunningham,
you're my best friend.
But as long as you're
sporting that geek gear,
I cannot be seen with you.
Give me your word
you'll stay in here
ten seconds after I leave.
- You have my word.
- Good.
Oh, one more thing.
[farts]
[laughing]
Not cool, man!
That is not cool!
[growling, gasping]
[woman] Bucky!
Ain't you performing with
the band tonight, sweetheart?
[screeching]
[band playing]
[chatter]
Let us be clear. I'm only
sitting here for the snacks.
[chatter, laughter]
[Randy] Really?
You can't be seen with me?
- [thudding]
- [all gasping]
[all screaming]
Hey, Howard.
Do you have the time?
I'm not doing this
with you.
Oh, what do you know?
- It's ninja o'clock.
- Dumb.
[sinister laughter]
[exclaiming]
[cheering]
Bucky, I do not feel right
about beating up a band geek.
- But... [groans]
- [all] Ooh!
- [groaning]
- He killed the snack bar.
You make him pay, ninja.
You make him pay!
OK, easy there, buddy.
- [screeching]
- [shouts]
I gotta D'stank this geek.
That which he holds
most dear.
[echoing] Most dear,
most dear, most dear.
Back-up dinger!
Ninja flash!
Ninja snatch!
[whooshing]
[moaning]
[groaning]
[all cheering]
[chanting] Smoke bomb!
Smoke bomb!
Well, Howard, we did it.
We're the first freshmen
ever to sit in the Fishcage.
Technically, that is true.
Aw, I guess I forgive you
for joining the band.
Forgiveness accepted,
buddy.
Forgiveness accepted.
[shivering, moaning]
Hey, check it out.
That guy's naked!
What happened?
Why am I naked?
Ha-ha! Go get some
loaner pants, man.
[groans] I did not need
to see that.