Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares (2004–2014): Season 5, Episode 5 - The Priory - full transcript

(upbeat instrumental music)

- This could be my biggest
challenge ever.

I'm checking into The Priory,

a 100-seater restaurant
desperately in need of rehab.

Shit at its best

It serves the most disgusting
food I've ever come across.

What's in here?

- That's a broccoli soup.
- Looks like vomit.

With one of the worst kitchen
brigades I've encountered.

Hello Muppets!
(upbeat instrumental music)

And one of the most naive
owners I've met.



You have got to get real,
I'm so fucking annoyed.

With just five days to
turn it around,

this rabble's going cold turkey.

And today we're stopping,
we're shutting it down

and we're starting again.

(upbeat theme music)

(upbeat instrumental music)

Hayward's Heath, a wealthy town
in the heart of West Sussex.

Close to London, it's flush with

young, fashionable commuters

and rich professionals
looking for a flash meal out.

A really exciting,
vibrant little town.

Everything's here, banks,
restaurants, brands.

I have to say absolutely ideal



for a local, good,
renowned restaurant.

(upbeat swing music)

But the aged Priory isn't
attracting the young and hip.

(upbeat swing music)

It's more Saga holiday
than Club 18-30.

The restaurant's stuck
in a time-warp,

turning out old-fashioned
carvery every day

for the past 20 years.

- [Bob] Would you
like a sausage?

- Yes, just one please.

- There you go my dear.
- Thank you.

- At home, you know, you
never have a big joint,

and it's really lovely
to have something off

a really nice big joint.

(upbeat swing music)

- [Gordon] Former IT
Consultant, Scott Aitcheson,

bought the Priory six weeks
ago for three hundred grand.

He's acquired a business
losing five thousand a week,

but what the hell, he's ended
up with a beautiful building?

- I've always really wanted
to be a restaurateur, I guess.

This place has got so much
character, so much charm

that, you know, I don't
think I could fail to

ever tyre of walking
through that restaurant

with those windows, you
know, it's just amazing.

(dramatic church organ music)

- Set in the chapel of
a 19th Century convent,

The Priory certainly is a
heavenly venue.

Bang goes the swearing.

(dramatic church organ music)

God, it's beautiful,
very gothic.

(dramatic church organ music)

Sister Wendy is
about to jump me.

(dramatic church organ music)

Fuck me, look at it.

It's so beautiful.

(dramatic church organ music)

Here's the vicar, hello.

- [Scott] Good afternoon,
I'm Scott.

- Scott, Gordon,
nice to see you.

- It's a pleasure to meet you.

- And you are the?
- I'm the owner.

- Owner, good to see you,
what a beautiful place.

- Thank you very much.
(people laughing)

It's amazing.
- It is magnificent isn't it?

- [Gordon] It's beautiful.

And the carvery's been
here for 20 years?

- Yes.
- So it's almost

sort of the heartbeat of
the restaurant?

- Yeah, it's the
tradition around here,

if you talk to people
about The Priory

and Hayward's Heath and
they will, you know,

they will say, yeah,
I've been there

but they've all been
to the carvery.

- Never been to a
carvery in ages.

Last time I went I think
it was back in 1982

called the Bernie Inn,

and it was a Sunday lunch
and it was fucking ghastly.

(slow jazzy music)

The Priory's food must
be denture friendly,

this place is rammed with
the blue rinse brigade.

I'm the youngest here by miles.

- Enjoy your food, mam.
- It's almost like

they've opened a soup
kitchen for the elderly,

and it's a sort of
glamorous old people's home.

But my age concern is explained
when the golden oldies

keep turning up with
suspicious looking vouchers

from the local papers.

(slow jazzy music)

- We offer two meals for
the price of one.

- Well, it's 9.99 for,
is that for?

- That's for your carvery.
- You put a discount on 9.99?

- We do, so--
- How much discount?

- It's buy one, get one free.

So it--
- It's 50%?

So you eat here for a fiver?

(people chattering)
- Yes.

- [Gordon] I'm starting
to feel left out.

Am I the only one here

without a voucher?

Did you bring your coupon?

- Yes I did, yeah, two.

- And did you bring your
voucher today?

- [Woman] Yes, yes.

- Did you bring your coupon?

- (chuckles) That's
why we get it.

- [Man] That's why we
got it (laughs).

- You mean it's
cheaper to come here

than it is cooking at home?

- Oh, yes, definitely, yes.
- Yeah, for two of us

it's for a really
marvellous value.

(people chattering)

- You must have dementia to
only let half your punters pay.

No wonder this business
is losing money.

The food's a bargain,
assuming it's up to scratch.

(uplifting instrumental music)

Toby's The Priory's Head Chef.

His claim to fame was a
stint at Planet Hollywood.

He's the starship trooper
in charge of the carvery.

(spoon clattering)
- Bugger.

I don't very much eat
roast dinners

when I'm at home nowadays,
doing them every day,

but I still eat them.

As they say, you never
trust a skinny chef do you?

(Toby chuckles)
(uplifting instrumental music)

- His sidekick Bob is the
part-time carvery chef.

Right, what have we got?

- [Bob] You've got turkey here.

- Yes.
- Right!

And you've got gammon, rib
of beef, pork and lamb.

(dramatic violin music)

- [Gordon] So these are
on every day?

- [Bob] These are every day,
yeah.

(dramatic violin music)

- [Gordon] So what
stuffing is that?

- [Bob] That's peach and nut
bound with an orange juice,

and it's rather nice,
so they tell us.

- Peach and nut bound

with orange juice?
- Yeah.

(dramatic violin music)

- [Bob] And that's
the Dauphinoise.

- Bloody hell, this is
a throwback isn't it?

I'll have a little bit of
the Dauphinoise.

- Okay. (laughs)
- This is (speech muffled).

Holy mackerel.
(Bob laughs)

Jesus, and all that for a fiver?

- Yeah, (laughs) just
enjoy it Gordon.

- (Gordon sighs) Fucking hell.

Roast potato is cooked
to fuck, and stuffing

that was like sort of
trying to cut through

a silicle implant.

And it, oh, dear!

Yorkshire pudding, well, soggy.

And turkey, well, bloody hell.

It's just so dry, pasty.

Even the quality of the beef,
it's dry.

That is shocking.

We're still stuck in the
doldrums here,

and all I've had today
so far has been shit.

Shit at its best.

Stiff Scott's certainly got
himself a celestial building,

but that pitiful excuse of
a carvery is a mortal sin.

Right.
- Hi there.

- Okay, right, who
haven't I met?

I haven't met.
- Hi, Matt.

- Matt, good to see you.

And you do?
- General Manager.

- General Manager, owner,
General Manager.

And you must be
- I'm Stuart.

the Kitchen Manager?

- No, no, no.
- No, he wishes

he was. (laughs)
- No?

- That's his department.

- No, Stuart?
- Stuart.

- And what are you buddy?

- I generally do your
general cooking of the veg,

and general,
- Right.

- you know, in the kitchen.

- Okay, this man we met?
- You met me.

- You look so different
with your hat off, yeah?

- I know Gordon.
- Yeah?

Good to see you buddy.
- Good, yeah.

- Hey, I'm Tom.
- Tom?

Yeah, and what do you do?

- I'm a trainee chef.

- Trainee chef, excellent.
- Yeah.

- Good, and you're studying?

- Cooking. (laughs)
- Good.

And this is?
- Toby.

- Toby?
- Yeah.

Head Chef.
- How are you?

- I'm not bad, good.
- Head Chef?

- Yeah.
- Good.

And you're completely
responsible for?

- Yeah, everything that goes on.

- The whole food?
- Yeah, yeah!

The whole food thing, yes.
- Yeah, so?

- So Matt cooks when I'm
out sometimes.

- Matt cooks when he's
out sometimes.

- [Gordon] So you're a
chef as well?

- I've trained as a chef, yeah.

- Oh, good.
- A long time ago, yeah.

- So proper all round
General Manager?

- I'd like to think so, yeah.

- I was really excited
when I walked in.

I was, seriously,
walked up the stairs

and thought, Christ,
it's quite breathtaking

walking through that door.

Then, unfortunately,
the carvery, it was dry,

it was hideous, it was over
cooked and it tasted of nothing.

Sat alongside plastic
Yorkshire puddings,

is that I wouldn't even use
as a fucking ice hockey pock.

I mean, you know, as a
chef to chef,

- Right.
- let's be honest,

you can't call yourself a
chef if you serve that shit.

And I'm not just blaming you.

I've got to bring in the
General Manager, yeah?

- Yeah, I'm on board, I think,

You know, it's just, yeah.
- I have a proportion

of the blame, of course I do.

- [Gordon] Yeah, you know,
it was bad.

I mean, the whole
experience was bad.

Then you look around and
you look at the customers,

half of them would be
eating for nothing.

- Yeah, on, yeah, on the buy
one, get one free vouchers

that have been in
place historically

to attract people
through the door.

The spend per head is very low

because of that.
- And, more importantly,

they're dying off aren't they?

- Well, yeah.
- I was the youngest one

in there by 40 years
today, it's the first time

(woman laughs)
I've ever sat in, fucking,

a dining room and felt so young.

We're going down quickly
yet no one seems to realise

how quickly we are sinking.

Fuck me, there's some cobwebs
that need blasting here,

I tell you.

(upbeat church organ music)

The Priory's a 100-seater
restaurant in an old convent

and it's full of bad habits.

The venue's heavenly but
head chef Toby's food's

straight from hell.

Rookie restaurateur,
Scott Aitcheson,

bought a business
losing a fortune

with food given away
in vouchers.

I'm The Priory's last
chance of salvation,

it's my toughest task yet.

(upbeat organ music)
(knives screeching)

Tonight the restaurant's
going to be absolutely packed

with the two for one
voucher brigade.

So Toby's gonna be busy
and it'll give me a chance

to see him in action.

How can professional
chefs struggle

to get a simple carvery
out twice a day?

What the fuck is he doing?

(upbeat rock music)

Eating Toby's lunch was
like chewing carpet,

but it's no wonder when all
I can find in his fridge

are old half-eaten joints
set to be used again.

(upbeat rock music)

(hand smacking)

What are we gonna do with that,
feel that.

- [Toby] It's rock hard, yeah,
I know,

and it usually goes in the
bin 'cause we don't get

so many covers at the moment,
so--

- So how many of them do
you put in the bin, roughly?

Three a week?
- Maybe.

- So right now you've got
a meat mountain, yeah?

- [Toby] I use it up
for sandwiches,

some if it's any good we
put it back out.

- Fuck me, what's that?
- Those we won't use.

- [Gordon] But what's that?

- [Toby] Lamb.

- Lamb?
- By the looks of it.

- You know your meat don't you?

Especially when it's
fucking rotten.

Look at it.

I think you're not being
very honest with me now,

you know that?
- No, they don't go off.

- The turkey breast,
it's still warm,

and that's three hours ago.

What happens when you
wrap things in clingfilm

when they're still warm,
come on?

- It still carries on bacteria
and all the rest of it.

- That's right, so it cools
down and stays hot inside.

Cools down the
outside and festers,

and then the bacteria grows,
- Yeah, and it goes back in.

- then you put it back out
on the carvery.

- [Toby] Not very often,
no, but some of the time,

yes, we do.

- [Gordon] Fucking hell.

This is page one of
food hygiene.

Even my most junior
chef would know

that this is dangerous practise.

If this stuff goes out
we're all dead meat.

But how are Toby's starters?

What's in here?

- [Toby] That's a broccoli soup.

- [Gordon] That's broccoli soup?

- [Toby] No, it's not
broccoli soup,

it needs to thicken up.

I haven't got round to it.

- Well, okay.
- I didn't

thicken it up yesterday.

- [Gordon] It looks like vomit.

- [Toby] I've not finished
the whole thing, so.

- You are a lazy fucker,
you know that?

- Oh, yeah, what I'm
saying, I haven't had time

to finish it.

Well, no, all right, I
did have time

but I never got round to
finishing it off.

Do me a big favour,

fucking ditch it.

Toby's incompetence is
flushing The Priory

down the plughole.

I've never met such a
gormless head chef.

If his prep is this bad,
Lord help us

with the rest of service.

Right, so Toby, your cheese
sauce, explain the recipe?

- [Toby] Comes out of a packet.

- Out of a packet?
- Bastard.

- Sorry?
- No, not you, my oven.

- So all the veg is prepped?

- No, just the carrots and the
potatoes come in prepped up.

- [Gordon] This is more
expensive this way.

- Yes.
- Are they hot inside?

- [Stuart] I've put
them in the oven.

- You steam them?

- Why are they soaking wet?

Look at the sponge there.

I'd say, it's like King
Kong's fucking condom,

(Stuart chuckles)
look at it.

This is fucking horrendous.

Personally I've never quite
seen anything that fucking bad.

The fucking meat is
cooked for hours

then stuck in a hot
cupboard to go dry,

run up to the fucking carvery.

The sauces are from a
fucking packet,

the Yorkshire
puddings are frozen,

and then the chef is
totally oblivious

to what he's fucking serving.

(upbeat piano music)

Upstairs the meals on
wheels brigade

aren't bellyaching, but
then who would

when they're giving it away?

- Nice to see you again.
- Are you well?

Have you got a voucher?
- Yeah, I have indeed.

- [Gordon] Two meals for the
price of one at a tenner,

that's got to be less than it
costs to put it on a plate.

Matt's the General
Manager and knows

The Priory's in purgatory.

He thinks restaurant
novice Scott's mad

to have bought the business.

It's got so many,
potential failings in it

and huge costs to
keep it running.

If you've never run a
restaurant before

then this probably wouldn't
be your number one choice,

but, it certainly
wouldn't be mine.

- [Gordon] But Scott's drowning.

Parading stiffly in
his suit and tie

he's more bank clerk than
passionate restaurateur.

This man's in way over his head.

I don't think you quite
understand how bad it is.

You may have one of the
most beautiful

fucking stunning dining
rooms in Britain today,

I'll agree with you on
that one, but, fuck me,

this is one of the worst
kitchens I've ever been in.

And then I'm fucking
looking at you thinking

how can you let all this
go on under your nose

with the instinct that
you have for business

and not understand that
this fucking place

is going down the pan?

- There's so many
things in this place

that I've looked at and
said this is all wrong,

(Gordon's voice drowned out)
it's where to start?

- Right now it's worse
than hospital food,

and we're not cooking,
we're not a carvery,

we're a fucking mess.

Tomorrow morning.
- Yeah.

- I wanna see you and
your team at 9.30,

because I can't go any further

unless we make some
radical changes.

(dramatic guitar music)

It's now my second day
at The Priory

and I need to act swiftly.

After the horrors of last
night's service

I decided to raid the kitchen
early before the staff arrive.

God, Jesus Christ, what is that?

Bloody hell, fucking hell.

(Gordon exhales unhappily)

Fucking hell, how old is that?

That's been there since
fucking 1981, look at it.

Oh, shit, the smell.

Bingo, fucking hell.

Parsnips. Look at them.

(liquid trickling)
Fucking hell.

What is that?

(span scraping)

What's that for?

(water splashing)
You can't cook in this,

you can't even attempt to
start thinking of a new menu.

The only thing to do now is to
condemn the fucking kitchen.

(metal clattering)
(upbeat instrumental music)

Fucking disgusting.

Shut it down, no way anything

is gonna be fucking
cooked in here.

(upbeat dance music)
(plastic tape crackling)

I fucking ate here.

Dirty fucking lazy pigs.

I'm even gutted.

Out, you're gonna learn
the hard way big boy.

It's fucking closed.

(Gordon grunts)
(plastic snaps)

Carvery, my fucking arse.

I'm covering my arse.

Where are the fuckers?

(door banging)

Come in this morning?

Condemning the kitchen's
a last resort,

but for this clueless bunch

it's a kick up the
arse they need.

But it won't be as
half as painful

as the bollocking I'm
about to give them.

It's amazing, have a
good look round.

Matt, Scott, in you go.

That there, that came
out of there.

Who threw all the veg in there

like that last night
not wrapped?

Parsnips that you could
tie a knot in,

fucking cauliflower
that's got mould in it.

What's going on guys?

We're all responsible for what
we put in the fridge, yeah.

I can't just hold my hands
up and say it was just me.

That's not good enough, Toby.

You'd better get your fucking
fat head outside your arse

and start understanding what
the fuck is going on here.

Scott, I'm not your voice,

I'm not here to blow
smoke up your arse.

This is your responsibility.

You bought into this and
you've taken this

on your shoulders.

- Absolutely, I've had
this conversation

with the guys a
couple of weeks ago

about cleaning this kitchen up,

about getting it ready
for the service.

- Scott, you have to get real.

- But it's--
- You have got to get real.

I am so fucking annoyed,
this is disgusting.

Matt, you may come in
one day a week,

two days a week, whatever,
but give me something

will you?
- Well, I wouldn't--

- You're a chef, you
trained as a chef.

- Yeah, well I wouldn't--
- Rumour has it the food's

fucking ten times better
when you're cooking,

that's the rumours.

- Well, I'd like to
think, I wouldn't leave

the kitchen in that state, no,
no way.

- I'd love to go
round and get 50%

of those customers last night,

fucking knock on the
door this morning

and fucking walk them
in this kitchen.

Then where would we be?

- I just can't understand
why you guys left it

like a shit-hole

Knowing that Gordon was
coming back this morning?

That wrecks my head
even more than anything.

- I'm getting some fresh
air 'cause I feel sick.

Un-fucking-believable, I mean,

absolutely fucking disgusting.

Most chefs I know would
be fucking embarrassed

what I've just done to
that kitchen.

And Toby, well, he didn't
even fucking react.

Scott, well, that guy's just
sunk three hundred grand

into this fucking
shit-hole, he's oblivious.

And as for Matt, well, he
seemed to be the only one

that actually cares.

He's deeply embarrassed,
cannot believe

the shit in that kitchen.

(upbeat instrumental music)

It's time for a meeting
with the bank manager.

Scott's only been in the
restaurant trade for six weeks,

but he won't last long
at this rate.

I've been running a
restaurant for 15 years,

and to succeed you must
have passion.

I need to inject some
into stuffy Scott.

You've remortgaged the house?

- Yeah.
- How worried are you?

- Yeah, I'm very worried
because it's my livelihood

on the line, it's my
career, it's my family

that I'm putting on the
line for the success

of this business.

And you've just, you've
treaded water

for the last two months.
- Yeah!

Yeah, I accept that, but again,
you know,

it's my lack of understanding
of the business.

If I was a, already a
successful restaurateur

I could have come in
here and said,

right, now I understand
the business.

- Yeah.
- This is what I

expect a restaurant to run like.

You run with me or
- Yeah.

- go find another job.
- Yeah!

- But--
- But it doesn't stop you

going round and looking
at fucking things

and checking under the
fucking fridge

and asking the chef, you know,
what the fuck's going on.

- Yeah.
- Because you can't

just walk in like a vicar
and be nice to everybody,

welcoming them, thanks for
coming to work.

Yeah, I'm fucking paying you.

My house is the security that's
guaranteeing your salary.

(choir singing in
foreign language)

I pray Scott's sins
will be forgiven,

but to save The Priory it's
his staff I need to pardon.

A confessional was used by
The Priory's Catholic nuns

and perhaps a few hail Mary's
could help the kitchen crew

purge their sins.

What's the worst thing
you've ever seen here ever?

- Worst thing I'll have to say

meat getting taken
out of the oven

and dropped on the
floor, picked up quickly,

put back on the hot tray
and put in the hot cupboard.

- I just don't want the
carvery to collapse,

or The Priory to collapse.

It's a good--
- Hey Bob!

It has collapsed.

- Oh, yeah.
- And it's losing money,

between four and 5000 a week.

- Oh!
- So I don't know

who's telling you porkies,
but the carvery's fucked.

- Oh.
- And The Priory's

in the shit.

Does the carvery frustrate you?

- (Toby sniffs) Sometimes, yes,

'cause it's just the
same thing day after day.

(Toby sniffs loudly)
- It's mundane.

- That's probably
half the problem.

- It's not nice is it?
- No.

(Toby sniffs loudly)
- Jumping in and out

of the freezer for
Yorkshire pudding.

Why haven't you tried
to do anything about it?

- 'Cause I just got in a rut.

- I so desperately want
you to get out of that rut.

And, hey, big boy, hey,

I'm here to help you.
- All right.

- With the kitchen sinners
absolved, General Manager Matt

needs to unburden himself.

He's also a cardinal
sinner in my eyes.

How do you motivate staff
as the General Manager?

- Probably not very well
at the moment,

because I'm probably
de-motivated and deflated
myself,

in all honesty.

- How hungry are you to
make it work?

- Very much, very much indeed.

Always said I treat this
like my own business,

which sounds really fucking
stupid sitting here,

- Mm-hmm.
- in the state

that we're in at the moment.
- Mm-hmm.

You want it to succeed
- I care about it.

- though don't you?
- Yeah, I do, yeah,

I care about it,

and I don't want it, you
know, I don't want it to,

go the way it's going, gone.

- The Priory staff are so
stuck in a rut,

and it's the carvery
that's the problem.

I need to re-light the
fire in these guys

with a new concept
that'll excite them

and appeal to the younger,
wealthier crowd

to fill that 100-seater venue.

Hayward's Heath is packed
with affluent individuals,

the place is littered
with restaurants,

but what it hasn't got
is a good, honest grill.

Personally, ditch the
fucking carvery,

get rid of the festering
meat and out with the old,

in with the new and
get hold of some

good, local, honest
produce and cook it simply.

Nothing more than that.

(uplifting country music)

This local farm supplies
my restaurants with beef

and it's going to
answer our prayers.

I've invited a team along
to brief them on my idea

that The Priory should
become a grill.

(upbeat country music)

Some people just can't help
putting their foot in it.

Toby, watch out for the cow pat.

- [Toby] Oh, I'm not
worried about those.

- [Gordon] You can't
fucking miss them.

(cow mooing)

Look at them, aren't
they beautiful?

(cows mooing)

(upbeat country music)

This is some of the best
home-reared beef in the country,

and we have got it wrong
at The Priory.

What we need to do now
at The Priory

is to ditch the carvery
and turn that restaurant

into a grill, supplied
locally with phenomenal beef,

that starts at the
top of the menu.

I'm hoping that getting hands on

with this prime stock
will motivate the team.

(upbeat country music)

Right, who'd like to ride it?

Toby, you go first.

(group laughing)

To help me inspire the guys
I've invited a meat expert

to test them on their
cuts of beef.

So the sirloin is where?

- Down here isn't it?
- Down there.

- Sirloin basically starts
there and you count back in

one, two, three ribs
of the 13 rib ribcage,

that,
- Is a sirloin.

- is a sirloin.

- Toby, where is the brisket?

- Here, here.
- Comes from

the back end where?

Sort of, about there.

- [Man] Your brisket runs
from the first five ribs

parallel underneath
it's front leg.

- Matt, where would we
get the topside from?

- Embarrassingly so, I
haven't got a bloody clue.

- Have an educated guess.
- Well, I'm hoping

it's gonna be up the top
somewhere for a start.

(group laughs)

- These guys are more
denser than MENSA,

but at last they're getting
to grips with great beef.

- Scott, think about this one.

(Scott laughs)
Okay.

I know you're not a chef,
you're an IT Consultant, yeah?

Show me where you would
get the oxtail from?

(cow mooing)
(group laughing)

I could be (speech muffled).
(group laughing)

Do you mind if I roll
my sleeve up?

(group laughing)

Okay, I believe it's
down there Gordon.

- Excellent, well done.

- 100% accurate.
- 100% accurate.

(traffic whirring)

Back at The Priory I've
thrown out the old kitchen

and had six thousand pounds
of impressive new grill kit

installed along with
a new chipper.

We can now hit the ground
running and start making money.

Wow, look at that.

Beautiful, a proper grill,
a proper fryer,

there's no excuse now.

Scott the suit should be
embracing the grill with gusto,

But face to face with
it he loses his bottle.

His attitude is getting to me.

- What you've got to
understand is

I am the, you know, you
do understand,

I'm new to the business so
it's a radical, radical change

from what I've seen has been
here already for 20 years,

the carvery, and it's been
the cash cow for the business.

To kind of suddenly
cut it off is obviously

is a concern,

but what we've got to do..
- Scott.

- Yeah, I know, I understand.

- You're losing five
grand a week,

there's no cash cow,
- Yeah!

- this is what you bought,
you've bought a head-fuck.

- Well, I wouldn't put it in
those terms, but, yeah, okay,

I understand exactly what
you're saying.

I agree, I agree, yeah.
- Okay, so, a restaurant

that's losing five grand
a week, four grand a week

what is it then?

Well, it's a business
that needs turning around,

it's the same phrase but
just using a polite way.

- It's shit, Scott.

You can't have it both ways.

You can't step in new
territory and evolve

and become somewhat dynamic
in what you're trying to do

and still hold--
- Yeah, you've got to

take a leap of faith doing it.

- You've got to.

Matt, I need a bit of
support here.

I need a 100% of the
bill being paid.

- Yeah!
- So as we don't come in

with a semi-deluded
insight that our business

is functioning, yet we're
giving 50% of it away.

- [Matt] You don't have
to sell that to me.

- Good.
- You seriously don't.

- Help me out.

- No one made the cash cow

except me.
- No, I'm gonna give you

five minutes on your own

because I don't
think you get it.

See you later.
- Okay.

I can't believe Scott, he's
such a fucking slippery eel.

For God's sake embrace the
grill, get excited about it,

grab it and run with it.

It could become
fucking phenomenal.

There's no halfway house here,
yeah?

Change or die.

(upbeat dance music)

I'm at The Priory in
Hayward's Heath.

I've ditched their carvery and
installed a brand new grill.

I'm desperate to re-open tonight

but not if restaurateur's
Scott's lost his nerve.

Now he's slept on it I hope
he's embraced the idea,

otherwise it's game over.
(fingers rapping)

Are you well?

- Hi Gordon, good morning.
- Yeah!

Good to see you.
- Yeah.

- Right.
- Have a seat, have a seat.

- Thank you, ahem.

Now,
(Scott's voice drowned out)

You've had a chance
to sleep on it.

- Yeah.
- Yeah?

First thought this
morning when you woke up?

Excited?
- Yes.

- Or shitting yourself?

- A little bit of both.
- A bit of both.

- A bit like being told
that suddenly

your wife says she's pregnant.

- Right.
- Loads of excitement,

thinking great news, great news,

and then suddenly the
realisation of,

okay, how the hell are we
gonna do this,

- Yeah!
- what are we gonna do,

where are we going forward?

So, yeah.
- Yeah.

- But, yeah, really,
really excited today,

massive opportunity to move on.

- The fright is now
on the grill,

but tonight's a dress rehearsal.

- Yeah, exactly, yeah.
- A very simple menu,

and let's charge for
three courses twenty quid.

Now, that's not expensive,
and tonight for the first time

in the history of this
fucking restaurant

we're not giving anything away.

(upbeat playful music)

These chefs aren't the
sharpest knives in the drawer.

(upbeat playful music)

So for this bunch I've
deliberately chosen

a trial menu that's
easy to prepare,

and can be turned around
in large numbers.

First starter, mackerel salad
with some fresh chives, yeah?

- Yeah.
- Yeah, mixed in at the ends.

- Yeah!
- Then,

smoked mackerel fillets, bang,
three.

So basically, vinaigrette,
round and bang, bingo!

Beetroot salad, feta, pine
nut and rocket.

What's that in there?

- Balsamic dressing.
- That's right.

Over, dress the beetroot,
something fresh, simple,
fragrant.

How can we fuck that up?

- We can't really.
- Can't really.

- The main courses will
be rib eye steak,

salmon and spatchcock chicken.

Toby's on the grill.

This menu and grill, don't
take this the wrong way,

but it's idiot proof.

Right, can you do that?

- Yeah.
- Are you anxious?

- I am, yes.
- Good, that's healthy.

- 'Cause I don't wanna
fuck it all up.

- No, I don't want you
to fuck it all up either.

Matt the General Manager's
heading up the front of house.

He's a trained chef so
he can see the advantages

of the grill, God knows
about the rest of them?

- I am anxious that it
is all gonna work out

and it's completely diverse
to what we've done before.

It's what we need to do, and
it's the only way forward

out of this, carvery situation.

So it'll be fine, it'll be fine,
I keep telling myself that.

♪ Hallelujah ♪

- [Gordon] The first
customers are arriving

for the dress rehearsal
dinner, amongst them

a group of rather
spiritual special guests.

♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah ♪

- [Gordon] I've invited
the Bishop of Sussex

to head up a VIP table of
local clergymen.

If the kitchen stuff up at least

they'll grant forgiveness.

I've asked him to
bless this kitchen

and how he may wish that we
never see a broccoli soup

like you made last week
anywhere near the building.

- Heavenly Father, we thank
you for the gift of food

to delight us and to feed
us, and we ask your blessing

upon this kitchen and these
guys that are working here,

give them a sense of serenity
in the midst of the pressures

they are under, and we
pray a special blessing

upon Gordon, we know
he needs it.

And we ask you to
bless this kitchen

in the name of the Father,
Son and Holy Spirit, Amen.

- Amen!
- That's it, Amen.

- Thank you sir.

- A pleasure.
- Thank you.

♪ Hallelujah ♪

- Okay, thank you.

Gentlemen take your seats.

- First order.
(hands clapping)

- (speech muffled) thank you.
- Take a deep breath.

Fill up those things.

Fill 'em up, fill 'em up.

- Big enough, yeah.

- Fill 'em up.

Now, let it go.

All right, two covers,
one Caesar Salad to start

and one Smoked Mackerel.

Two Rib Eyes, one medium rare,
one medium,

two chips, two courgettes.

- [Group] Yes chef.

(hands clapping)
- Bingo.

Come on Bobby, I need you
tonight, you know that.

- Yeah.
- Yeah?

I know you're waiting
on a hip replacement,

but, fuck me, hey, I'm waiting
on the Smoked Mackerel Salad.

Yeah?
- Is that all right, Chef?

No, because you put the
Balsamic Vinegar

around there and it's just,
what's the Balsamic vinegar?

- Olive oil, yeah, that's
for the Caesar salad.

- Oh, fuck me.

- I can't believe it!

Come on Bobby!

Bob's screwed up the
dressing on the first dish.

All Stuart's got to do is
fry courgettes and chips,

but this guy's on
another planet.

Right, what's going next?

Where's the courgettes please?

- They're not ready,
about three minutes.

- What, Excuse me,
hello, look, turn round,

the courgettes are fucking raw.

- God!
- I honestly didn't realise

steak and chips

could be so fucking difficult.

And as the orders mount it's
the return of the zombie

on the grill.

Toby can't run a kitchen
and cook at the same time.

Again, again, fucking
season them,

salt, pepper, olive oil, tray!

You can't just throw a
chicken on a fucking grill

and expect it to fucking, hey,
cook.

You haven't seasoned them again.

- Oh, for fuck's sake.
- God!

(meat sizzling)
- Try not to

throw it on there, yeah?
- How long for the courgettes,

please?
- We're fucking cooking,

we're not playing darts.

With Toby screwing up,
he's now way behind

with the orders, and two
hours into service tables

are still waiting
for their food.

(man's voice drowned out)
- First thing they did

when we came in was
take our order,

and then half an hour
later we sat down,

waited half an hour

for our starter,
- I can't actually remember

- What time did you come in?

- and now it's five past nine,
- Quarter past seven.

- quarter past seven
- and we've been here

- the table was booked for.
- for nearly two

and a half hours.
- Quarter past seven?

Quarter past seven.
- We hoped that we

would make a virtue of patience,
so, hey.

- Absolutely.
- We're not unhappy.

- [Priest] Well, it's
one of the fruits

of the spirit. (laughs)
- Yeah, exactly.

- Tonight's menu is so
simple any head chef

worth his salt should
be able to cope.

There's too much oil on there.

Too much oil on there.

What the fuck?

Would you seriously eat that?

Hey, would you eat that?

Seriously?
- No.

Where are you at in the queue?

- Personally, to be honest,
I don't fucking know,

I'm going down very fast.

I haven't got a fucking clue.

- At worst I'd hoped Toby
- Actually we're not

really mad.
- would muddle

through tonight, but this guy
clearly isn't a head chef.

It's one calamity after another.

A big deep breath.

Hey, hey, hey!

I'll do the pass, yeah?

I'll stand alongside
you and cook.

Hey, look at me.

Can you do it?

- Give me five minutes.

- Five minutes?
- Three minutes.

Three minutes, yeah, yeah?

Fucking hell, look, I mean,
there's burnt shit everywhere.

- Just going to pieces.

(upbeat dance music)

Don't know what happened there.

- All right, where's
fucking Toby, come on?

Can't throw the towel in.

I can't believe
Toby's walked out.

He's letting everyone down.

Three people with salad,
two chicken, one salmon.

- Fine, okay, Chef.
- No answer, hello Muppets?

- Oh, shit!
- The kitchen's now

even further behind
with the orders

and the night's a disaster.

- No, they're still here,

okay.
- He's got his sauce

and we're waiting for
a sauce here to start

and no salad, and he
hasn't got any main course.

- Are you waiting?

- [Gordon] Scott's
getting it in the neck

from the customers.

- Less than a minute
for the soup?

Yeah, I understand that,
sorry about that.

It's a new menu, it's
the first night,

so I understand its been,
its been challenging

for you guys, you've
not had your dinner yet.

30 people out there that
do not wanna pay

for their dinner.

- [Toby] Oh, well, I've
fucked up that one, so.

- But we're not doing
30 out of 50,

we're doing like 30 out of 60.

That's what I've got up
there's telling me

who's not going to pay
for their dinner,

30 people at the moment.

Starters, main courses
and dessert, 30 people.

- Ask the fucking Bishop to
take the place over and help,

tell him to hold a service
here on Sunday,

it'll be more
fucking successful.

Tonight's been a
fucking disaster.

That was bad.

Watching the first
fucking 15 minutes

the way you organise your
kitchen as far as I'm concerned

fucking midnight now,
mate, you're not capable

of running a fucking bath.

- Yeah.
- And then you disappear

because you're pissed off.

I'm really sorry, but
tomorrow we're gonna readjust.

If this place has got a chance
to fucking turn around, Matt,

I want you running the
kitchen tomorrow.

You have to concentrate
tomorrow night,

and all I want you
to do is cook.

- Yeah.
- There's such

an amazing opportunity here,

fucking to turn this
place around

and for everyone to
pull on the row,

and I get an attitude like that.

- Where's your spunk and
fucking pzazz,

look, you've got all this
fucking new stuff in here,

the roller-coast week
we've been on

and you just want to fucking
jerk off out the door

'cause it's fucked up tonight.

- We cannot give up,

we stay united.

One, two, three, four, five,
six, seven, eight of you

have to come in here
tomorrow morning as a team.

Just a fucking dynamic team

to really want to do
something fucking different.

(hands smacking)
Restart.

Thank you.

(traffic whirring)

Tough one that one last night.

Scott's gonna have to understand

if he wants to turn
this place around

then he's gonna have to
invest in proper staff.

Toby is not the head
chef of the grill.

I'm gonna focus in the
kitchen today with Matt

and get some sort of
power in there,

some assertive strength.

Hopefully it should be a
vast improvement

on last night's service 'cause
that was a fucking nightmare.

(uplifting guitar music)

With tonight's launch
only hours away,

I can't afford another
disaster like last night.

The stakes are even higher as
I'm introducing a bigger menu.

Rump steak, rib eye, fillet.

Chicken, lamb, tuna, salmon.

So we've, like, almost
sort of doubled.

With Matt at the helm
controlling
the kitchen it's a gamble,

and I'm hoping that the
potential
I see in him will pay off.

I like your assertiveness,
you command a lot of sort of,

you know, power, it's nice.

Spread it around,
off-load it on them.

Okay.
- Yeah?

- Yeah, yeah.
- Chop-chop!

(upbeat instrumental music)

With The Priory menu
completely revamped

we've got to get the
message out.

At the railway station
hundreds of city slickers

are returning home.

They're just the wealthy crowd

I want eating at The
Priory every week

now that the carvery's
finally gone.

Steak sandwich, come on,
don't be shy.

I'm going to tempt them
with some prime steak,

and it's Scott's job to
market the grill

and keep the campaign going.

- (voice drowned out)
pre-launched.

Anyone heard of The Priory?

This is the re-launch
of The Priory.

Try one of those.

What do you think of
that steak sir?

- That is good!
- Fantastic, yeah?

- Really good.
- Fresh, new, innovative,

fantastic food and we want
all you guys in there.

Eaten at the carvery

have you?
- Mm-hmm.

- That is a lovely
piece of beef.

- Get yourselves a
little sandwich.

- I'm a vegetarian.
- Oh, shit!

(people laughing)
You're what?

- I'm so sorry.
- How can you do that?

(upbeat dance music)

- Follow me through.
- Thanks, love.

- It's launch night, and the
marketing effort's pulling in

a younger, hipper crowd
to The Priory.

These are the people who
will help the business grow.

There's 80 booked so
we need to impress them

to keep them coming back.

So it's time to put a
rocket up these space cadets

before lift-off.

Are we ready guys?
- Yes!

- Yeah, big night, yeah
I'm watching you

like a fucking hawk, yeah?

- Yeah.
- I'm gonna be

a fucking CCTV camera
up your arse-hole, yeah?

- Show me the grill.

- There it is, show
me the grill.

- One more.

- Show me the grill.(chuckles)

- One more.
- Show me the grill.

- That's bollocks, show
me the grill.

One more.
- Show me the grill.

- One more.
- Oh, show me the grill.

- That's it, excellent, Matt.

- Yeah?
- Too smooth to move.(laughs)

Too smooth to move.
- Too smooth to move.

- Excellent, good luck.

Make it work, yes, excellent.

- Check on, Table 11,
two covers.

One mackerel, one meat,
one new potatoes

Two chips, one courgettes.

- [Gordon And Staff] Yes, Chef!

- Good.

Tonight I'm leaving Matt to it.

There's no more baby-sitting,

and these guys need to show me

they can step up to the plate.

I want that medium!

- Yes!
- Look fucking pretty raw

on the side to me.

Drop the fucking griddle.

Yeah?
- Yeah.

All right, three mackerel
please Tom, yeah,

I need those next.
- Yes chef.

- (whistles) Stuey I really
need those sides bubba.

Watch your salmon?

Yeah, table 9.

He looks like he's fucking been

- Yeah, another order

(speech muffled) fucked!
- Mike Tysoned, yeah?

- These are going cold Toby,
but, yeah.

- Yeah, I know, well,
I've just fucked

the salmon haven't I?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, right.

- Hey, hey, big boy,
that's no way to talk to

the fucking General Manager.

Where's your respect?
(man's voice drowned out)

Oh, I'm getting that
Groundhog day feeling.

Matt really needs to hold
the kitchen together.

(people chattering)

Upstairs in the restaurant
the food is getting out

but there are glitches.

Sorry about the tuna,
whose was it?

- That's mine.
- Damn, was it way overcooked?

- [Ladies] Yeah.

- Is that seared?
- What, that one?

- This one?
- No.

- And nothing is on the grill?

- No.
- That one?

- No.
- Nothing on the grill?

- No.
- Shall I call that

and confuse you?
- No.

It will only
- I'll keep it for a moment

- fucking confuse me now,
- shall I, yeah?

I'll keep it for a moment?
- Yes!

- [Matt] If you ain't got a a
job fucking well let me know.

- Despite Toby's tantrums Matt
has a firm grip on things,

- One medium, and I'm
impressed with how he's keeping

his cool.
- Medium.

(uplifting instrumental music)

And Matt's control of
the kitchen is paying off

in the restaurant.
(people chattering)

At last, the grill menu's
going down well.

Hi darling, what did you have?

I had salmon.

Salmon?

It was very nice.

- Yeah?
- the sauce was

a very nice Bearnaise.

- Are you missing the carvery?

- No, we've been
coming here for,

on and off for the
last 10 years.

- Really?
- We live in Hayward's Heath,

- Right.
- And I think

it had run it's course
- Yeah.

the carvery, it's
time for change,

- Yeah!
- and this is excellent.

- Well, that's very kind,
I'm glad you enjoyed it,

and please come back.
- It was lovely.

- Five days ago The
Priory was churning out

plates of crap
carvery for a fiver.

Tonight, with freshly
cooked food from the grill

the restaurant's making money,

and the vicar's almost
enthusiastic.

- 3,200 Pounds we've taken.

We did 80 covers tonight.

You know, working that
out through 80 covers

that's 40 pounds a head spend.

You know, clearly, the
concept of a grill works.

I think it's gonna be
very successful.

So that's very good,
so I'm really,

I'm kind of buzzing now.

I'm tired from the week
but very excited.

- [Gordon] Matt's been The
Priory's saviour tonight,

his strength kept the
kitchen going

despite his flock's
obvious flaws.

If you weren't in the
kitchen tonight

nothing would have come out.

You are the sole key individual

that can be
instrumental at turning

this fucking business around,
and I really mean that.

- Thank you.
- And so don't let go

of that strength, I
swear to God,

'cause if you let go
they're all fucked.

- Now we've done this tonight

this is where I want it to go.

You know, this is where we are,

this is where we are going,

- Yeah!
- as far as I'm concerned.

- Well done.
- Good, thank you.

Cheers.
- I'll see you in a month.

- Yeah.
- And, fuck me,

I can't wait to come back.

I'm dying to find out
who's gonna be

the fucking head chef.
- All right.

- Good turnaround, the
difference from the carvery

to the grill night and day.

Fuck me, Scott has got
an asset in Matt

and if he lets Matt do his job,

then re-staff the kitchen,
focus, menu's there,

run with it, because it's
hardly fucking rocket science.

(upbeat dance music)

It's six weeks since I
was in Hayward's Heath.

I left The Priory grill
with a packed congregation

making a healthy profit.

(upbeat dance music)

I'm back and I can't wait to
find out what the score is.

I'm hoping that Matt's still
got a grip of the kitchen

and Scott has been pushing
the business forward

and getting the
message out there.

(upbeat dance music)

Hey, how are you big boy?

- I'm well, you?

- Yeah, very well thank you,
how are you?

- Yeah, not bad, not bad.
- You're still in the kitchen?

- (laughs) I am.
- Good news.

- Yes!
- Very good news.

- Toby, where is he, day off?

- Toby's gone.
- Toby's gone?

- Yeah.
- That's a positive decision.

Toby was sacked for preparing
chicken that was off.

He disputes this, but
left anyway.

So has the business taken off?

And how's it been?

Not busy enough.
- Really?

- Seriously, not busy enough.

- Lunch and dinner or?

- We've probably done
about 230 covers

or thereabouts every week.

- Every, is that all, 230?
- Yeah.

- Christ!
- Yeah, we were doing

on carvery I suppose 700
as an average?

- Christ, so from 700 you
lost 500 covers?

- Comes down to advertising
and we're not advertising

what we're doing.

You know we haven't said
we're not a carvery,

we've gone back to carvery
on the weekend.

- Carvery's back?
- One day a week

guest appearance, I
just think this is

a massive, massive
golden opportunity

that we have potentially
fucked up so far.

- Oh, fucking so frustrating.

Unbelievable, the carvery's back

and the business is failing.

What's the vicar gone and done?

Scott, how are you?
- Hi Gordon, how you doing?

- Yeah, very well thank you.

I was until I heard the news.

We're down by 500 covers

The message is still
not out there,

and the carvery's come back.

I think you made a big mistake,

you're sending a
conflicted message

by having a carvery on a Sunday.

Why can't you just have a
simple roast and plate it?

- Because that isn't what
the customers around here

are telling me that they want.

- No.
- I get, I get, I get--

- You're losing confidence,
Scott.

- No, no, no, it's not, no,
it's not about that Gordon.

It's a--
- It's a dinosaur

that fucking thing.

What message have you
put out there

about a grill taking place?

- I'm not gonna stand here
and say we've got it all,

you know, everything sorted
out and we've got it going.

Are we ready to bring in
80 covers and do it well?

I don't think we still are.

He could cope with that.

On the back of doing 80
in front of me

with a fucking handicapped
fucking brigade, yeah,

and no disrespect to Toby, but,
you know,

he didn't have the fucking
strongest fucking influence

in the kitchen.

I'm more confident, six
weeks down the line,

you could be doing a
150 on a Saturday night.

I just think it's a
missed opportunity.

I'm infuriated with Scott,
he's so weak-willed,

and he's forgotten the lesson
of the marketing campaign

I started at the rail station.

I call an urgent meeting
with his staff

to shock him into action.

Your asset is driving
the fucking business.

Marketing, selling your
fucking business

and standing there like a
fucking salesman driving it.

And you've got to loosen
up and embrace your staff,

listen to them and move
forward together.

I think sometimes that
you're so fucking worried

about your persona in
front of them

because of your weakness
in the industry--

- I'm seriously trying to
help you do this Scott.

You know, seriously,
there is no other

ultimatum kind of thing
that we're doing

is to help do this, and
make it run more smoothly.

- We're going out on the
streets today,

and we're gonna fucking
drum up some business,

and ties are banned.

- Why, what's wrong with
being smartly dressed,

and turned out in a
nice restaurant?

- Nothing wrong with being

smartly dressed.
- So, if I wanna wear a tie

I wanna wear a tie.
- No, you're not

letting me finish.

Let me finish.
- Yeah, go on then.

- Before we get all fucking
angry and take a swipe.

(Scott chuckles)
And, fuck me, am I quick.

There's a level of
casualness when you've got

an open necked shirt rather than

an office point of view with
a fucking shirt and tie on.

Are you worried about the tie?

It's a nice tie.

(group laughing)

- On or off?
- Off.

- On or off?
- Off.

- On or off?
- Off.

(everybody laughing)
- Yeah you can off as well.

(hands clapping)
(everybody laughing)

- Is it coming of?

It's, yeah!
(Gordon applauds)

(group laughing)

(laughs) Look at his face now.

- Yeah!
- Well, that's better.

- All right,
- Yeah,

is it safe outside.
- I'll take my tie off.

(upbeat instrumental music)

- Freed from the shackles
of his suit and tie,

Scott's gotta rev up his
marketing drive.

It's what he should have
been doing six weeks ago,

and now we need all
hands on deck.

(upbeat funky music)
♪ Pah ♪

♪ And the way you groove ♪
- Ready?

Big smile!
(hand smacking)

Mr. Restaurateur lead
the way, let's go ladies.

Yesterday they had
seven for dinner,

tonight I want a full house.

Yes, go on Matt, get in there,

work your magic.
- Lovely, yeah!

- Come on, get in there,
and work it, go on.

- Lovely.
- Let's go.

- It's the young and wealthy
Scott needs to attract,

they're the future for
his restaurant.

- It's cheese.
- You're gonna have to.

- And we've got a
booking from you tonight,

you're gonna come in
and visit us

so we can show you a real
good time and you get,

you know, it'll be buzzing.

- Four of us at 7.30?
- 7.30, fantastic.

(women laughing)

After less than an hour
The Priory's 100 seats

are filling up.
- Table for 7 at 8.45.

- Oh, no!
- Yeah!

- We're nearly fully
booked for tonight,

and you still look unhappy.

- I'm loving it.
- Uh?

- Absolutely, no, I love it,
I love it.

I'm not unhappy.
- He's missing his tie.

- Oh, fucking hell.
(group laughing)

- Too loose.
(upbeat instrumental music)

Spreading the good word on
the streets has paid off,

and tonight The Priory's
full of customers.

(uplifting instrumental music)

Has Scott finally repented
for his marketing sins?

- Yeah, I've learnt from
today that it's the marketing

that's the most important thing.

A lot of these people have
never been here before,

and they're now raving about it.

And, so, yeah, it's absolutely
what we need to do now.

- They're young,
they're vibrant,

and it's exactly the
kind of customers

that you deserve, yeah?

- Drive it.
- Thank you very much.

Yeah.
- Yeah?

And I mean drive it,

- Yeah!
- and don't stop driving it.

Yeah?
- No, exactly!

It's not a one day thing,

it's a ongoing, yeah!
- No!

No, no, no, no.

And do me one more favour.
- Yeah?

- Undo another button.
(Scott laughs)

Goodnight, good luck, mate.

(people chattering)

(Scott exhales contently)

Scott now just needs
to drive it.

Business doesn't just
come and sit on your lap,

you gotta go looking for it.

And if you don't,
you're gonna fail.

As a cocktail what's it
called, I need a name for it?

Oh?
- Something to do

with the--
- I know,

isn't it called a
vicar's tipple.

(group laughing)

Come on Andy, yes or no?

- A monk's bunk.
- A monk's spunk?

(group laughing)
- Oh, God!

- I said bunk, I said bunk.
(people laughing)

- A monk's bunk?

(people laughing)

Oh, my god, shit (voice
drowned out).

(people laughing)