Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares (2004–2014): Season 2, Episode 4 - La Riviera - full transcript

Strong language from the outset and
throughout.

What's the best recipe
for a successful restaurant?

Hurry up!

Top French chefs?

It looks fucking brilliant.

Ah, fucking hell!

The finest ingredients?

Food fit for a king?

Is that all for me?

La Riviera in Inverness
seems to have it all.

Yeah, all done.



There's just one thing missing.

Customers.

Without them you don't stand
a chance. And I should know.

Two years ago I had to close
my own restaurant in Scotland.

I'm worried that you don't fall
into the trap that I did.

I lost a lot of money.

This week, Kitchen Nightmares
gets personal.

It's been the biggest wake-up call
in my entire life.

Scotland, home of the brave.

Home too of haggis,
neeps and tatties, and...

the deep-fried Mars bar.

But in Inverness,
there's a restaurant on a mission

to bring sophisticated French cooking
to my fellow countrymen.

OK, you send me
two fresh starter right now, please.



It's the vision of French head chef,

Loic Lefebvre, who's trained in some
of the best kitchens in the France.

I went to work for the President
in France, Mr Chirac,

when we had like Mr Bush

coming or Japanese President coming
we used to do, like, big functions.

Service - one sea bass,
one bream, table 14. Go!

Then I moved to a restaurant
in Montpelier with three
Michelin stars.

I can't wait to meet a young chef
with such an impressive pedigree.

Hello Loic, enchante.

Enchante.

And this is the team?

To help realise his dream,

Loic's handpicked
an impeccably trained brigade.

Sous chef Geoffrey

has worked in restaurants with
both one and two Michelin stars.

Did you work with Loic in France?

Non, I came here because
it was a good opportunity

to work with somebody
with three Michelin stars.

Regis also has a Michelin
star-studded background.

How long have you been cooking?

Eight years in France
and in different country, you know.

And so does the junior of the team,
Nicolas.

And Nicolas whereabouts
in France are you from?

Brittany. Nantes.

There's a good football team there.
Now you support Celtic or Rangers?

FC Nantes.

FC Nantes. Hey, you're in
Inverness, for God's sake.

You've got to support a proper team.

And Gerard's not
letting the side down either.

His previous jobs
were at Michelin star level as well.

Gerard,
do you have a Scottish girlfriend?

Ah, yes.
I find accent is a good point.

1,400 miles from the French Riviera,

Loic has created a mini French
stronghold in Inverness.

And no-one Scottish in the kitchen?

No Scottish.

There was some, but not any more.

Did you sack them?

No, no, no. First time
when I came in the kitchen,

I switched off the microwave,
put it in the car park,

and after that, I was by myself.

They got the message.

Yeah, because they were using
microwave all the time,

powder for stock,

deep frying everything,

even fondant potatoes, so I had
to get a new team, which is good.

Loic's determined that his dream team

is going to get him
his very own Michelin star.

A bit like Roman Abramovich when he
wanted to get the Premiership title,

he went round and
got the best manager,

the best football players, and then
brought them all over to Chelsea.

Fantastic.

I think if you can
get a Michelin star,

that should be great for us.

We are looking to achieve like
one Michelin star to start with.

Why not two and, you know.

Even the fridge is top of the league.

Wow.

A walk-in fridge.

Look at the size of it.

It's like a one-bedroom flat.

And the produce is the very best.

Flying vegetables in from France
is over the top, even for me,

but the local shellfish
is really topnotch.

They are amazing.

They are fished on Skye.

When they come down to London,

they're definitely not that fresh,
I can assure you. That is incredible.

Fuck me. They've got
the best of everything here,

really, the best of everything.

Someone must be paying a small
fucking fortune to run this place.

And that someone is multimillionaire

Barry Larsen, hot from his 600-acre
private shooting estate.

He made his fortune from
the catering business,

but it wasn't exactly fine dining.

This is the man who brought
Kentucky Fried Chicken, Wimpy

and Harry Ramsden's to Scotland.

And now he's invested nearly £2m
trying to prove he can

make fine-dining finger-lickin' good.

It sounds amazing, the sort of
dream team that you've put together.

Slightly concerned about the
expense involved in that because

dream teams don't come cheap.

You haven't got any grey hair.

I've got some.

Well, you're hiding it very well,
unless you dye the fucking thing.

Ah, no, I don't dye it. Not yet.

But no, it's expensive.
You know what the score is.

Have you owned hotels
professionally before?

No, I haven't owned hotels before.
We've had various restaurants,

fast-food chains
that we've built up, sold out.

Family restaurants that we still run

but obviously
at a completely different level.

A fast food restaurant is miles away
from anything to do with fine dining.

But you still want to produce
quality for the...for the spend.

It sounds fantastic.

But this place is costing Barry

over £8,000 a week on food
and staff costs alone.

And they seem to have forgotten
the three most important things

in the restaurant business.

Customers, customers, customers.

Four days a week,
the restaurant's dead.

And every night it's empty,

it's another big dent in
Barry's investment, and Loic's ego.

Sometimes we get zero.

Really? >

It must be hard when it's zero, no? >

Yeah.

Especially with all this team here.

Does it hurt? >

Yeah, a bit, yeah.

You've got the team,
but you want to play.

Oh, yeah.

We are like dogs, you know,
when they go shooting they go grrrr!

"We are ready."

Loic's hungry for success,
but the locals aren't biting.

Can you do me a favour?
Can you read that out for me?

Oh, gosh, I can't say that!

Boulangiere of Jerusalem artichokes.

Do you know what that is?

One glance at his menu

and I think I've spotted the problem
before I've even tasted the food.

Declanaise Asian of Salmon.

Barragoolies...

That sounds good!

How's your goolies?

That doesn't sound very appetising.

I'd probably order that one.

'This food may appeal to connoisseurs
in the South of France,

Haven't got the foggiest.

'but this is Scotland's
smallest city.'

Would you eat that?

You cannae read it
so you don't know what it is.

Thank you.

Barry and Loic want Michelin-level
success but they've lost sight
of the basics.

Yeah.

You want it and you wanna get
your shopping trolley

and go along and get that and get
that and I can see it in your eyes.

You've had a lot of success, bringing
all these things in together.

It's not the perfect recipe
for an instant hit.

I'm just worried that you don't fall
into the same fucking trap that I did

and I lost a lot of money.

It was a proud day for me
when I opened Amaryllis
in my home town, Glasgow.

We got off to a great start
and within our first year,

we'd won a Michelin star.

But as the menu
became more elaborate,

the diners started to dwindle.

The food was so fancy,
it put off the locals.

They stopped coming and I was
forced to close Amaryllis down.

Its a bit of deja-vu for me and
I'm concerned that you may be running

too quickly too soon. You know,
you're in danger of fucking it.

Going too far.

That happened to me
after 12 years at the top.

There's no doubting Loic's talent.

It's his lack of experience
that worries me.

One scallop, table three.

Its his first ever head chef's job.

There's always
a big, big trap they fall in,

where they try to do too much too
soon and almost try to be sort of

competitive and thinking that what
they saw in their previous kitchen

which was in a three Michelin star,
I've got to be better than that

and that's where a lot of
young chefs fail.

Can you check table ten for me,
please?

'It's my second day at La Riviera,
a top restaurant with no customers.

'So if the locals aren't
eating here, where are they eating?'

Busy for lunch.

Fuck me, £5.95 for two
courses, starter and main.

'Inverness is a fast-growing city

'and the restaurant market
is clearly thriving.'

£7.95. That's fucking cheap,
isn't it? Two courses, £9.95. >

'I've asked Loic to serve me dinner
from his a la carte menu,

'which costs £34 for two courses.'

With that team in there, and the
produce in the fridge is to die for,

erm, so it should be a great dinner.
I'm looking forward to this one.

One scallop, to follow one duck,
the breast pink.

Allez, let's go.

This is your canapes. An olive
medallion and a cheese beignet.

'Canapes and a pre-starter.

'This is ambitious food for London,
let alone Inverness.'

Potato soup with, erm, wasabi.

Very creamy.

Very, very rich.

I'm excited about the food, but
I don't feel comfortable sat here.

You are like a painter.
You need a good eye.

You know, like a painter would
put something like black here and

not here because for him
it doesn't look right.

OK, let's go.

One scallops, table nine.

Very complicated.

A lot of...a lot of, erm,
combinations of flavours going on.

'For me the golden rule is
always, "Keep it simple."'

You're tasting broad bean, white
asparagus, the citrus vinaigrette,

confit tomato, fennel seeds, fennel
flowers, chervil, salad, parmesan.

There must be 20 things going on.

And then, you know,
that looks fantastic, but...

doesn't do anything really.

Next up, duck en deux services.

This is a duck leg. Decided
to make it a ravioli on duck leg.

A good 10,
12 flavours on the plate again.

It's just confusion.

And your mind is working overtime
to understand what's happening.

OK, service, please.

'A main course served in two parts?
That's just pretentious.'

Almost like someone, erm,
is uncontrollable

and almost like a little bit
carried away and, erm, overexcited

and nothing's saying, "Just stop.
Come back."

Ohh, la, la. Is that all for me?

'Loic seems desperate to impress.

'Next he'll be telling me
how to eat it.'

If I may,
to recommend you the order.

You've got the tiramisu first,
please, then the floating island

then you have the souffle
and then the sorbet,

finally the coffee torte.

What a load of bollocks. Next we'll
be told which direction to pee in

because of the salmon in the river.

Technically the
flavours were amazing.

The scallops were delicious. >

The, erm, light vinaigrette - did it
need the parmesan, the flowers,

do you need
that many flavours to make it work?

I won't change anything
on the flavour.

I think the way we work, the product,

erm, brings the guests
the flavour that I want.

Your personality has to be
comfortable on the plate

and I see a lot of
uneasiness on the plate.

I don't know if you're confident
enough in what you're doing, >

and I've got to be very honest
because this is very crucial,

but this has to work.

Barry, what do you think?

When you think about it,
it's probably right that he has to

just find his own style.

'Barry's acting more like a besotted
sugar daddy than Loic's boss.'

You take on somebody like that
and you're taking them on

because of their capabilities and
their ambition and the last thing

I want to try and do is to restrain
that ambition and what he's doing.

I'm not...I'm not a chef and
I couldn't do what he does.

I'm not really
in a position to criticise.

One sea bass, one bream.

'But I am.

'The place isn't even breaking even,

'and yet Barry's forking out four
and a half grand a week on staff.

'It's no way to run a successful
business.'

Barry's in love with you.

Ah, no, I don't think so.

No, he's in love with your food.

Yeah, I think he likes it, yeah.

He's never gonna be your critic,

and what I've gotta understand is
where is your critic coming from?

Who's telling you to stop,
that's it, send it.

When I think it's all right,
don't touch it any more...

'No wonder his food's over the top.

'Now I want to see how
he runs his kitchen.'

(Scalpel.)

Shallots. Shallots.

(Tweezers.)

(Forceps.)

'As every plate journeys around
the kitchen, each of his seven chefs

'adds another flourish.

'And all this unnecessary fussing
is wasting time and money.'

Hurry up now.

Yeah, all done.

There's so many hands that are going
on round the kitchen.

The plate,
is that normal for it to go round?

They need my sauce, it's the same for
the lobsters, they need my sauce.

You put the plate under the
grill and I sauce, OK?

Service, please. >

Oop. What is missing? No, no, no.

It's OK, sorry.

Oh, fucking hell, it
feels like we've done 250 and

all we've cooked in the last, erm,
two and a half hours is, erm, ten.

I felt that I wanted
to just say, "Stop."

What you've got at the
beginning was just enough for me.

You prefer something more simple?

Simple because the ingredients
you've got are phenomenal.

'He needs to let his food
speak for itself.

'His approach feels outdated
and pretentious.'

Is it easier if we maybe
cook a dish, like cook the scallops

and look at the difference and
go through it together that way?

Hmm...

Right, now what shall we do?

Scallops?

Um, now now?

I've got a few things to do first

for the guests tonight and
I'll be with you.

OK.

'If the restaurant was full,
I could understand his arrogance.

'But it's haemorrhaging cash
and no-one seems to care.'

It's like the barricades are up
and nothing's gonna get through

because all I wanna do
is do a dish together

and look at the stages we're taking
out to make it more appealing.

But it doesn't seem to sink in.

I only want to be part of
the team, just let me in.

Being a hard-ass is nice, but when
you're in this situation

with over-complex food
and no direction,

I'd fucking grab that kind of
insight if I was in his shoes.

The owner trusts me completely.
I can do whatever I want, so...

It was the deal between us.
Carte blanche on whatever I do.

'Loic's behaving like a spoilt brat,

'so as a last resort,
I'll try his brigade.'

Is this something, you can, you
know, work closely with Loic, yeah?

You cannot make the food too
complex. You can help us as well.

I want to help.
Definitely. Let me fucking in. Yes?

'First, I'm going to
tackle the language barrier.'

I have to get you speaking
fluent Scottish. Dirty wee bastard.

Dirty wee bastard.

No, again.

Dirty wee bastard.

It's getting there.
Dirty wee bastard.

someone upsets him in the street...

Dirty wee bastard.

Oh, piss off!

"Pees off"! No, piss off!

Piss off out of my way.

Oh, fucking hell.

Oh, fucking hell.

Fucking hell, yeah.

I'm making headway with the team.

And perhaps I can get through to
Loic if we're on neutral ground.

Are you familiar with the songs?
Do you know what they sing here?

(SINGS FRENCH FOOTBALL CHANT)

I wouldn't shout that here
if I was you! >

I'm not sure the locals will
appreciate French football songs

any more than they'll
appreciate Loic's food.

I look at your situation and I can't
stop comparing it to my situation

when I opened up
in my home town in Glasgow.

It got too serious
and everybody was scared to come >

and then we lost a lot of money
and, you know,

what's the point in keeping
a restaurant open to lose money?

It broke my heart,
in my home town, I was born there

and that's what I don't
want to see happen with you.

You're running La Riviera

like a three-Michelin-star
establishment.

You've started at such a high level.

I don't know if it is
such a high level.

I mean, um,
when you practise with...

I mean, your chefs,
when they practise with you,

one day they'll go by their own,
what do you think they're gonna do?

Yeah, it's a good question.

Chips and fish.

Yes, but you've got to start
with the locals. >

It's not gonna survive
unless that restaurant's full.

'So what do the locals want?'

Some mustard, or ketchup?

Mustard, please.

You have to help
yourself, you lazy bastard.

'You can't beat an Aberdeen Angus
steak sandwich.'

Mmm, that's not bad that, is it?

The beef is good.

'When you've got good local produce,
you don't need to mess with it.'

He didn't give me my change back,
did he?

No. See, he's really Scottish.

It's already my third day,
but nothing's sinking in.

Surely Loic can't
ignore the evidence

if it's staring him in the face.

This isn't a meal for six. All this
is dinner for one at La Riviera.

Looks like a fucking
feast for a king. Henry VIII.

Huh?

It's quite interesting when you
start from one end and go >

all the way right to the very end.

It helps you to identify where
you can just draw back a little bit

and look at the whole balance
of exactly what you're doing.

People have to understand that they
are here to enjoy it, so they have

to spend a bit more time

on the table, just say, "We've got
two hour and a half to enjoy it."

I couldn't eat all that.

I'd have to stop halfway, I think.
I'd stop halfway. Yes?

I don't know, um...

If I was not able
to eat all this, I wouldn't do it.

What Loic can't get into
his stubborn French brain

is that refusing to trust
his ingredients

isn't just putting off
his customers,

it's also a turn-off
for Michelin inspectors.

'Maybe I can convince Barry.
It is his money after all.'

Recommend me a whisky. >

'I'll try to explain in terms that
any Scotsman will understand.'

And one for, er, Barry please,
because Barry's paying, so...

Can I have a touch of
ice in there, please? Thank you.

Can I have
a touch of soda in there, please?

No, because you're going to spoil
the drinks.

Are you suggesting or telling me?

I'm doing both.

No way, soda on the malt whiskies.

There's no way. No.

Let me just say something.

You're absolutely right.

You don't fuck
with things that are good.

And the first thing I said to
Loic about the food,

when you've got quality ingredients,
let them

speak for themselves.

And when you've got something as
good as that, that speaks volumes,

doesn't need anything else,
no fucking parsley, no chervil,

no bay leaf, no fucking fruit gum,
nothing. Just bang, get it out.

Do you understand? Yeah, I do.

'Barry seems to be getting it, and
this just might convince his chef.'

The St Jacques dish.

Cook that, and I'm gonna cook
a St Jacques dish alongside you.

There's a lot of ways to do it.

Yeah, no, no, no, of course.

I'm 38, I'm ten years older, so it's
not because I'm ten times better,

I just want to make you understand
how I think, yeah?

OK.

'What Loic doesn't know is that I've
invited ex-AA-inspector David Young

'to judge the dishes for himself.

'And what he won't know
is whose is whose.

'My St Jacques dish
has just four simple ingredients.

'As well as the scallops,
it has a cauliflower puree,

'and a caper and raisin dressing.'

How long for you...?

30 seconds.

'Loic's dish has
at least 14 different flavours.'

So you've got the new season
asparagus, white asparagus

with roasted scallops.

Ah, you've got a fennel, artichoke
and anise jus

and I mix it with a fennel milk, OK?

You've got the parmesan crisps
and you've got the broue.

'It's time to let Loic
into my little secret.'

I've arranged
for the inspector of the AA guide

to come and taste our food.

Thank you. Go, darling, please.

So is he gonna make like
a competition?

'Food inspectors are feared and
revered by chefs across the country.

'If they judge your food worthy
of Michelin stars or AA rosettes,

'the reward
is a place on the gastronomic map.

'And, ideally, customers
beating a path to your door.

'Will he prefer Loic's elaborate
plateful or my simpler rendition?'

This particular one has much more
visual impact. I get the feeling

that the dish is going to taste
of exactly what was described to me.

Whereas this one
looks a little bit over-garnished

and there's a bit of a muddle of
different types of flavours.

'Inspectors like David can make or
break a restaurant's reputation.'

Let me introduce you to Loic.

'If Loic is going to gain a coveted
Michelin star, his food really needs

'to be worthy of four rosettes.'

How difficult, David, is it
to get four AA rosettes?

It's very difficult because to put
it into context, as of this moment,

there are only two AA four-rosette
restaurants in Scotland.

In the whole of Scotland. Is it a
four-star dish, what you've eaten?

This one, Gordon? No.

No, this particular dish would be
between two and three rosettes,

whereas this dish
would be probably four rosettes.

With the combination of
the cauliflower and caper puree,

it just absolutely lifted
the dish into a different dimension.

Whereas this one, some of the
flavours were over-complicated,

to be frank.

And it may be just a case of, erm,

sometimes, erm,
less is actually more.

'Loic has taken the news badly.

'He thinks I've stitched him up.

'Anglo-French relations
have hit an all-time low.

'But time is running out
at La Riviera.'

It's got to work, hasn't it?
It's your first head chef's job.

'Will I ever make princes
out of this colony of frogs?'

Smile! Fucking hell, it doesn't
cost anything in Scotland.

I'm getting towards the end of my
week at La Riviera and I don't know

if Loic is still speaking to me.

Last night he reacted badly

when an AA inspector confirmed
that his food was over fussy.

What was the first thing you
thought about this morning after, em,

yesterday with the inspector?

What sort of message
did you learn from it?

Hmm, now I have your advice,

I have his, his advice as well, so,

one, we can say, maybe he's wrong.

Two, ah, you start thinking

maybe I am wrong.

Em, so.

It's a difficult thing to accept.

The French franc
has finally dropped.

It's been hard for Loic, but he's
already changing his game plan.

He's come up with a new, much
simpler idea for the scallop dish.

It looks fucking brilliant.

And what I can identify now, I know
there's apple cos you kept the green

I know there's rocket, I know
there's pumpkin seeds and it...

it makes me feel comfortable, because
I know what I'm about to eat.

I can identify what you're doing.

That...that's delicious.
Everything that goes on the plate

has to have a reason,
not for this, but for here.

Yeah, for the palate.
And what you've just done, Loic,

you've given your food clear insight.

OK.

I understand.

It's not three, four, five rosette.
I'd be happy eating that anywhere.

Where's that fucking inspector?

Fucking hell, hallelujah!

I've just taken fucking France.

Now Loic has finally swallowed his
pride we can begin to move forward.

With his team behind him,
maybe he has a chance

of achieving his ultimate goal.

Hmm, you told me

that you wanted a Michelin star

and at first I didn't think that was
possible, you know that,

because of how things got so
complicated.

But with this here,

there's no two ways about it,
it's definitely worth a star.

And I respect Loic
for taking it on board,

because it's a fucking hard lesson,
a very hard lesson, but, you know,

it's got to work, hasn't it?
It's your first head chef's job.

You can't afford to fuck that.

Crucial...
You've got the right training.

Now you've got the
perfect position to do it.

But winning over the kitchen
is only half the battle.

Carolyn is the maitre d'.

And she's also Loic's girlfriend.

She's responsible for writing
the elaborate menus

and I've already discovered

that the locals
haven't got a clue what they mean.

It's time to turn the tables.

Read that for me.

Cullen Skink
peppered with mashed tatties.

Nice.

To prove a point, I've given them
a menu of classic Scottish dishes.

What do you think it is,
something sexy?

Something, um, spicy? Tatties.

Tatties.

Loic, what do you think that
one is there? This one here?

Bridies Forfar
and winter Aberdeen salad of grilse.

No idea at all.

What is Queen Mary tart?

Queen Mary tart, yeah. And?

And crumble crunch.

Do you have any idea
what I'm trying to say?

Yes, it's impossible to choose
anything you don't understand.

Exactly. That's exactly it.

It's difficult to make a choice when
you have this one, because it's...

Yes. It's difficult for fucking
Scotland to understand you guys,

that's what I'm trying to say.

Same, yeah.

So it's less intimidating if you have

"an assortment of salmon" em,
you know, "a selection of mandarin".

what I'm trying to say?

'At last I'm getting somewhere.'

Just look at what you're taking to
the table,

and, fucking hell, you know,

it's like you're a librarian.

You should see what it's like
when the table are sat

and six of them are looking in here.

You've lost everybody.

There's no dinner any more, because
everyone's behind a brick wall.

You can simplify the whole thing.

Just one beautiful open card,
starters, mains, so everything

going down there has simplified it.

And it's not just the menus
that need lightening up.

Smile, mon ami.

Smile. He's far better looking
when he's smiling. Smile!

Fucking hell, it doesn't
cost anything in Scotland.

Well tried, though.

Well tried, yeah. Oh fucking
hell, throw him in the river.

We're supposed to be in a restaurant.

Not a Sunday School church service.

Where's my Bible?

ORGAN MUSIC

Barry's grasped the nettle,

and has radical plans to
transform the dining room.

We're gonna take this column away,

gonna take the raised area
away at the back on that side...

'At a cost of £35,000.'

The arches over the doors,
we're going to square off,

and then it's all panelled all
the way round. Some nice artwork.

It doesn't look that bad, does it?

It doesn't look... I don't
think it looks particularly...

It's not glamorous.

It's not glamorous...

But it's not shitty.

No, but it's just not...
I just think it doesn't look right.

But I've got a low-cost idea

which I think will give La Riviera
a unique selling point.

I'd like you to start thinking
about having a table in the kitchen

where you have locals who
come and sit and eat.

It starts to break up
the sort of wall that,

you know, sometimes you have when
you come to a strange new country.

As I've discovered, having a chef
table in the kitchen is a great way

to bring customers into your world,
and keep the chefs on their toes.

And this would be the first
restaurant in Scotland to have one.

I think this would be
the best place.

Yes, down there.

Just in the corner
and they will see everything.

And it can create something
exciting in Inverness.

Can you imagine the buzz?
The chef's table could be a way

of showing off
and establishing your reputation here

and be first, you know?

It's an exciting idea.

Yeah, it is.

I mean, for once, we're gonna see
how do the people react to the food?

just throw it.

Hopefully they won't
do that. Super.

But it all costs money

and although the chef table is a
great investment, until they've got

customers coming in, they need
to make economies elsewhere.

Crab, foie gras and hand-dived
scallops which are king scallops.

So, I mean the Rolls Royce
of ingredients.

I mean, everything's here,
fucking hell.

Loic needs to do what I
did when I started out.

Learn to use good cheap cuts to put
together an inspiring menu.

Do you ever use a shin, Loic?

No.

'Making something exquisite
from a shin of beef or an ox tongue

takes a lot of skill.'

It's like the size of my feet.

'And it's great way
to identify talent.'

Right, em, oxtail.

You, you and you,
a little competition.

I want you to cook a dish. >

Come up with something really
exciting and then Loic and myself

will look at it

and the most tastiest delicious dish,
we'll put on the lunch menu.

And for me the most important thing
about this, it's always a sign of a

very, very, good cook

to turn something very, very cheap
into something quite special.

So, Regis,
take it to bed and think about it.

LAUGHTER

Next morning, I'm pleased to see
the young chefs have taken their

oxtail challenge seriously.

Pasta. Yes.

Pulled through, yes.

It's very, you know...

Nice and long. Yep.

Roll it. Put it back into
still shape from the beginning.

That's a good idea.

Jus reduction.

Reduction...glass.

Like a fondant.

The oxtail dishes for the lunch menu

are almost ready and they've each
cost about a quid to put together.

This is braised oxtail with ah,

winter vegetable with
and braised mushrooms.

Such dishes are highly profitable,
and bringing together

great Scottish produce with
French flair is a winning formula.

I like the jus and just a bit of
horseradish on it.

Yes. It tastes delicious.
With the white root vegetables,

it made it feel earthy and together.

Thank you.

Who's next?
'And despite what Loic thinks,

'simplifying his dishes will actually
make them more likely to win awards.'

I've never had oxtail
and sesame seed together before.

Michelin inspectors never reveal
their criteria, but I know

from experience that beautifully
cooked food is not enough.

Next.

Inspectors want quality ingredients,

ideally regional,
and definitely in season.

I put, ah, carrots and celeriac.

This idea was great.

'And the balance of flavours
is crucial.'

Very rich.

It needs a salad
because it's quite rich.

And what I like is, he put the salad
just next to it and not on a plate.

like this, you can choose.

But first and foremost, don't confuse
a Michelin inspector's palate

by putting too many ingredients
on the plate.

I never expected anyone French to
come up with a jacket potato stuffed.

The simpler, the better.

Um, what do you think?

Brilliant idea.

The flavours are very good.
What you managed to do

is to bring out the true flavour
of oxtail.

Thank you.

That's OK, Mel Gibson.
Any one of these dishes

would deserve a place on the lunch
menu, but we're choosing just one.

I want to see if Loic and I
will agree on the winner.

I'm gonna touch the plate I'd like
on the lunch menu,

you touch the plate after three,
yeah?

OK.

One, two, three.

Nicolas. Bravo.

That's good.

It was real and authentic
Scottish food.

That's... I think, he understood,

really understood,
where we wanna go.

With Loic leading the way, we
ready to re-launch the restaurant.

For me, it's a critical stage for
any restaurant to get a lunch full.

'And if our customers
have an enjoyable lunch,

chances are they'll be back for a
more expensive a-la-carte dinner.'

And when they leave with a bloody
good lunch,

good prices, I can guarantee by the
time 5 o'clock in the afternoon hits,

you know, they've told 100 people,

"Go there for dinner because
I had a fantastic lunch."

I want to see if we can push the
starter, main and dessert, one hour.

As well as the new oxtail dish,

the menu will include mackerel,
pheasant and goats cheese ravioli,

venison from Barry's estate,
tuna and the cheapest cut of pork.

Customers sometimes are scared about
belly of pork, thinking fat, greasy.

We've taken the fat off, rolled it
and spiced on a bed of spinach.

It's a caramelised onion puree.

Have a taste, if you wish.

And I've got some other ideas
to give Scottish traditional dishes

a modern twist.

This is a soup that doesn't look
pretty, but tastes amazing.

They wouldn't expect a Frenchman
to make this soup.

It's a really nice way of, you know,
putting your identification on it.

Ah, Loic, just an idea
for the rice pudding.

We grew up with this kind of food, so
we can go a little bit further.

Caramelised pineapple, mango
or even marinate the prunes

in a nice malt whiskey. Yeah.

The kitchen's finally turning out
the kind of food that I know will

definitely appeal to the locals.

And even the waiters have
promised to try and smile.

But there's one more thing to
complete the transformation.

You've got to come with me now,

because we're gonna
become even more Scottish.

Any ideas yet?

Regis, have you ever taken
your knickers off before?

No.

No. A chance to show everyone
your Scotch Eggs.

OK.

It's time for Loic and his
small colony of French comrades

to surrender themselves to the Scots.

Oh, fucking hell. The things I'll do
to get the arrogant French to become

a little bit more Scottish
is amazing, you know that?

It's cold!

How do you put it on?

MAN: We don't wear
pants underneath our kilts.

It's wonderful, very hot.

And very sexy, yeah.

LAUGHTER

Attendez! Attendez! Attendez!
Hey, there's 25 very important guests

coming in for lunch.
Yes? I've got some really good news.

They're all women.

Nice.

Very powerful women.
Super.

If they can impress 25 influential
local business women,

they'll be the talk of the town.

Could I have the oxtail
and the pork, please?

Table two, four guests.
One potato soup, vegetarian.

Three oxtail.

Table seven, one tuna.

Nicolas, go on starters.

Two mackerel, two ravioli,

one oxtail, OK?

Watch your legs.
Watch your frog's legs.

At last, Loic's team are beginning
to dance to a different tune.

Mushroom! Start.

The food looks really good -
clear and simple.

Fucking class. Everyone's coping
really well.

It's the first time I've actually
seen a real taste of Scotland

in this kitchen.
It's about fucking time.

After this, two pork.

Loic's on his way to the
top of the premier league.

It's wonderfully presented.
It's gorgeous.

And judging by the reaction of
his fans, he's definitely scored.

Absolutely divine. >

Perfect, absolutely perfect.

You couldn't fault anything, really.

I would imagine normally this sort
of food, you're talking at least

a couple of hours for lunch,
but to get something

like this in that timescale,
brilliant. It's beautiful.

You have tried. You win this.

OK, it's for you a present.

Thank you, mon ami.

Excuse me, what the fuck is that?

Who is that?

I think it's a big chef.

And what is that there?

Ah...balls.

Balls, yeah. Trust me, I
have a big pair of bollocks.

Allez les Bleus. Thank you.
Chin chin.

Loic and his team have

come a long way this week, and if he
sticks to my keep-it-simple mantra,

then I think La Riviera might be on
the right track for a Michelin star.

Outside.

Just for the ladies, Regis.

To understand that you really
are part of Scotland now,

we're all gonna turn around...

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Turn round, turn round,
turn round. Ready?

One, two, three, go!

Right, Loic.

'It's been two months
since I was at La Riviera.'

Bonjour, have you missed me?

Ah, a little bit, yeah.

'So, what's changed?'

Take one.

The menu looks lovely...and you've
got, um, cheaper ingredients on.

I'm dying to taste the pork cheeks.
Can you cook me one?

Yeah.

Yes.

That looks interesting.
Is that the Chef's Table?

Yes, I'm finishing the Chef's Table.

Very impressed. That looks great.

'It's good to see
he's acted on my advice.

'But the proof of the pudding
is in the eating.'

Here we are, monsieur.

Thank you, Loic.

The pork cheek is, ah,
Ebly risotto and chanterelle.

'A dish with just four ingredients?'

Delicious.

That is one of the tastiest dishes
I've ever eaten here.

Really delicious.
If you continue like this,

this place is only gonna just
get busier and busier and busier.

That's what we want.

That's a great dish to be proud of.

Thank you.

How's the refurb been going on
in the dining room?

It's finished for one week now.

Wow. Fuck me, what a difference.

Bloody hell. It looks
a lot more, ah, slick, smart. >

Barry must have spent
a fortune on it.

Beautiful, er, dark panel wood.

It is, it is another restaurant.

'It feels more relaxed,
but is it money well spent?'

Has anything improved
since the last time I was here?

Yeah, the restaurant's
bookings have improved.

We looked at what you told us
on simplifying the menu,
writing the menu.

Michelin star?

I would love to get one,
but what's more important

at the moment is that
we build the customers.

'It's come a long way from the
restaurant I found two months ago.

'His food was so elaborate.'

There must be 20 things
going on on this plate.

'It frightened off the customers.'

Oh, fucking hell.

Oh, fucking hell.

Hurry up now.

'He was desperate
for a Michelin star,

'but reluctant to let me help.'

'But by the end of the week...

Take it to bed and think about it.

'..the message had sunk in.'

Hallelujah!
I've just taken fucking France.

'And we were able to fill the
stuffy restaurant with happy diners.

'His dream was to win awards
and with his newly simplified food,

'I thought Loic was finally producing
dishes worthy of a Michelin star.

It looks fucking brilliant. >

Where's that fucking inspector?

'This time round,

'I raised the bar even higher with
another surprise visitor for Loic.'

Last time I saw him,
he gave me three Michelin

so, um, perhaps the most revered
and feared critic in the world.

'Derek Brown is the grand fromage
of restaurant inspectors.'

Hi. >

'He's ex-President of The Michelin
Guide and is doing me a favour.'

I'm not gonna say
too much about this restaurant,

but he's a very intriguing,
talented individual

and would love to see what you think.

What he's capable of doing.

Now, remember, you don't know me.
Top secret.

'Head chef Loic
has no idea he has such

'an influential critic
in his restaurant.

'For his sake, I hope Derek goes
for the simple pork cheek I had.'

The lamb, please.

Lamb.

'Damn!'

How would you like it cooked, sir?

Um, pink, please.

'To me, the Scottish lamb with

'stuffed baby artichokes looks as
elaborate as it did two months ago.'

You've got your herb garden back.

I'm from the South of France,
so it's very important for me.

'I hope to God I'm wrong.'

You can't eat it.

I can't wait to see Loic's face
when he realises

the food he's sending out now
is for the ex-President of Michelin.

He's gonna shit his French knickers.

'Time for the moment of truth.'

Loic, deux secondes, s'il vous plait.

Loic, do you know this gentleman?

Hmm, no.

Sorry. Mr Derek Brown, Loic.

I think I've seen you,
yeah, already.

Maybe in France.

I'm dying to find out, so is Loic,
how was lunch?

Well, it was very interesting.
Your technique, you've been

very careful about the whole
preparation of each of your dishes,

but it was too complicated.

There were ten
different flavours on the plate.

There was
garlic and herbs in the artichoke,

which is itself a delicate thing,
a little bit overpowering.

The shoulder which you'd done
a confit of was the tastiest part.

The million-dollar question,
was lunch worthy of a Michelin star?

I would, I would say that
you have not got very far to go.

I never gave advice
in my working life before, but if

you want me to give advice,
I would simplify.

Make sure the customers are going to
be happy with every dish you make

and things like stars from
The Michelin Guide will follow.

The old boys have got to be
replaced, so it's up to you

Hmm, hmm, hmm.

'But has the message really sunk in?
Or is he still intent on

'forcing over-elaborate
French food on the locals?'

This is our challenge. It is not to
bring people like you do in London.

The challenge is to teach them
and to bring them in.

That's why you have
to make something special.

Fuck me, my frustrating thing is
that you've really got to understand

the message, because I fucking
said this from day one

and I'm not an inspector. I'm a
chef and I see it from your level.

'Will he ever understand
that simple can also be special?'

One salmon, one venison.

Are you feeling nervous about the
Chef's Table in the kitchen tonight?

If they see a nightmare, they'll
say, this French is fucking crazy.

I think they'll be very happy
with the fucking nightmare.

'With a fully booked restaurant

'tonight, and his first
diners in the kitchen,

'Loic should be a very happy man.'

OK, ah, mon ami. Bon chance.
Allez les Bleus.

Good evening. How are you tonight?

I hope you're glad to be
the first in my kitchen table.

I will make a bit of music
for you, if you want?

I can manage this.

'We'll never be best mates, but we
have one thing in common - ambition.'

Remember what he said
about 12 or 15 things on

one plate, so the next time you put
a dish together and you've gone past

eight, nine, ten things on the plate,
give me a fucking call,

cos I'm coming back
when you get to 11. OK?

OK.

Allez les Bleus.

Thanks a lot.

Bon chance. Good luck tonight, yes?

You're gonna fucking need it.
Ciao ciao, bon soiree.

I sincerely hope
he makes it a success.

'Who knows, maybe
the Michelin star will follow.'