Pushpavalli (2017): Season 2, Episode 1 - Ab aap kya karengi - full transcript

Bhavna, Pushpa.

Look at that grey shirt guy.

Oh hey, but what's your name?

Pushpavalli...

I'm going to call you Lee.

I donno how I would've survived
this conference without you.

We'll keep in touch... right?

May be we could hangout...

...if you ever came to Bangalore
to work or to study or something.

Mom, I got a job in Bangalore.

You're going there only for the job right?



Yeah.

So this Bangalore guy
has nothing to do with it?

Le!?e

Nikhil!!

Wow! This is such a pleasant surprise!

It happened very suddenly.
I didn't plan.

I gave you this job,
because I was your friend.

It was a fucking favour, right?

- T Boi!?
- Huh!!!

What you doing here?

T Boi is helping me.

He is collecting information
from Nikhil's office for me.

What's your deal with Nikhil sir?

Moving cities is desperate.



Go back to Bhopal.

What you came to find,
you'll never get.

Did you even wanna work here?

Of course I wanted to.

You just wanted to fucking
work on the street as him right…

.. that's what you wanted to do?

He has found that you are stalking him.

All of this is creeping me out.

Love Failure huh?

I also want attention.
You guys just break my leg!

[Pushpavalli Screams in Pain]

Abandoned a handicapped girl,

to be with Swati

No one gets to feel bad for her...

You fucking took my dog.

This is completely unacceptable...

There's no talking to her again.
There's no meeting her again.

This isn't even stupid.
This is fucking insane.

I didn’t stalk…

I didn’t mean to follow someone…

It just...it just happened.
It's because...

...because that would be crazy.

Madam, I've got an amazing thing for you.

Madam, what will you do now?

God bless you.

Good luck with your exams.

Did she tell you
she was planning to get engaged?

Nope…

Yeah, she didn't tell me either.

Yeah so?
Why would she tell you?

Because, I am her best friend.

Best friend yeah…
Well maybe back in 6th standard,

when you guys tied friendship bands
and shit.

But, not now…

Nobody knows how fucked
she's in the head like I do.

I don't think you even like her.

I like her.
I don't think you even like her.

I like her.

Like… I like my appendix.

You know I don’t need it but…

It’s not inflamed enough for me
to get rid of it yet.

Wow…

Yeah.

What? As if you dad paid for it.

Pushpavalli, are you ready?

They are all waiting for you.

Did you wear the necklace?

Started huh?

Just when something good has to happen and
you’ll have to start crying.

No mom, just listen to me ma.

From when I’ve been…

Finally, someone said yes to you.

Somehow that boy also
likes that you are chubby.

Mom, I just want you to listen…

You wanted a boy from Bangalore
and he is from Bangalore.

What do you want now?
You wanted a boy from Bangalore
and he is from Bangalore.

What do you want now?

What do you want?

Pankaj, mom…

Pankaj!?

Why are you giving me a gag reflex?

In the beginning itself I asked you,

if you have something
to do with that Pankaj.

Listen…

The family's honour
will take a ship and leave!

The entire city won’t casually
laugh at us…

they will drop their pants
and laugh at us!

Holy goddess!

If you want I’ll fall at your feet!!

Mom.

Have some pity…

Mom, will you please listen to me?

Spit it out!

I am just saying...

I miss my Dad…

And Pankaj is the only man
who's like family to me.

So just can you call him?

I want him to give me away.

No need.

No need to do all of this at our engagement

not needed.

Amma please ma, Please call Pankaj ma.

Pushpavallli!

Amma please ma.

I miss dad ma.

Keep crying that “Father’s Dead” “Father’s Dead”!

I only don’t miss that man…

But this girl is always asking for him.

Madan! Have you seen Pankaj?
You haven't?

When you have stone there's no dog,
when you have dog there's no stone.

Story of my life.

Tell me.

Madam, I know when they're coming.

When are they coming?

They're not coming only!

Why?

Because they are giving
him more money to bring them there

and madam the actual problem is

that I am not able to speak to him

because I speak in hindi,
he listens in Tamil

and responds in English.

So Madam I’ve found a solution…

that you speak to them.

If I could have come out today,

then why have I called you for my engagement?

You definitely have a point madam

Madam…

Let’s do one thing…

…let’s get on a conference call.

I’ll call you…

you call them…

and then add me to the call

because I can't add
myself to the call can I...
and then add me to the call

because I can't add
myself to the call can I...

Madam what are you…

Oh madam, are you jumping out?

Atleast give me a heads up,
I’ll move!

Don't sprinkle it on their face..

Oh, I haven't aimed...
freaking practicing and all that dude...

Pankaj!

Pankaj, come with me

This Pushpavalli wants you to
walk her down the aisle like one Christian.

What?

She says you're family or something.

Just handle it no...

- Everyone is waiting.
- Okay, come, come, let's go.

Aunty, I don't even think he likes her.

Yo relax “Bestie”.
This is a family matter…

...Now you stay out of it.

Let's go, Mummy.
Sorry aunty.

Come sir come...

Move man! Hollow head.

What?

Why is Guruji leaving?

He is supposed to stay here.

Is Guruji a lift, you press up button
means he'll go up...

...you press stop button
means he will stay there

There is no button in Guruji, okay!

Where will you press Guruji?

I am getting engaged in 15 minutes.

And I paid you for Guruji
to stay here.

I'll tell Guruji you are taking bribe?

Ooooh, I'll tell your Mom
that you are giving bribe?

If you tell my mom, I'll tell Guruji.

If you tell Guruji, I'll tell your mom.

If you tell...

Got you!

Pushpavalli what the
hell are you doing inside?

Don't don't do any stupid, alright?

Stupid meaning?

Stupid means I don't know aunty,
if she's emotionally unstable,

if she's trying to hurt herself
or something. I don't know.

If she's doing some drama means
ask her to keep the door open...

...atleast I'll have some excuse
to tell people why she is not here.

Aunty, that's really cold hearted, okay!

Can you just relax right now?

What's cold hearted is pubic hair!

Pushpavalli!

Fine.
Nobody needs to tell anybody anything.

Just keep Guruji here okay.

I have paid you for that.

But they're paying more no...

They’re also sending SUV with chip,
water bottle, popcorn and polo.

You are just giving some sugar candy.

And there is no umbrella also.
I am TANNING.

I'll get him an umbrella, madam?

No need.

Here, keep this and keep Guruji here.

Do one thing ma, keep this
and also send me your IFSC code, okay!

Why?

Because, I am sending back all your money.

You think I am a cheapo?

Bloody motormouth

Wants one whole Golgumbaz,
but wants to pay only for a dosa.

Pushpavalli! [Door Banging]

Did you hang yourself or some shit?!

Pushpavalli! [Door Banging]

Wait!

Wait, sir wait.

Keep this… okay?

And keep Guruji here.

Call them!

Hey, they are already on their way.

You go wait in the room okay.

Don't shout so much.

Relax! Do some breathing exercises,
drink some buttermilk and eat less.

I love also drink sir!

Sometimes he speaks so well no..Ma…

Pushpavalli, open the damn door!

Why have you locked the door from inside?

Five minutes! I am just in the bathroom.

Okay! She’s in the bathroom, that’s all!

If she's in the bathroom means,
why has she locked the main door?

I don't know. Maybe she had to
take off her saree to go to the bathroom.

I don't know.

Don't need to take off the saree and all.
Just lift up the petticoat and go.

Don't make it all graphic like that.
She doesn't know all this no...

It's the first time, she's getting engaged.

This is not the first
time she's wearing a saree no..

Can you just stop attacking
your daughter right now?

I am attacking her?

I am attacking her?

Right now, the boy's side they
are attacking me, asking where the girl is.

They think I don't even have a girl.

Can you just empathize, for one minute...

...just try to empathize.

It’s a big day for her… she might be nervous.
...just try to empathize.

It’s a big day for her… she might be nervous.

Even you must’ve been nervous
when you got engaged right?

Nonsense! I was raring to go.
You know that?

No, I don't know that aunty.

I wasn't there at your engagement ceremony.

Please give me one second,
I'll get her out.

Yo Pushpavalli, just come out dude!

Pushpavalli, Pushpavalli

Aah! Fuck…

Dude open the freaking door dude.

I slipped and fell ma.

Shit!

Correctly, you had to hurt your face only.

Couldn't have hurt any other body part?

Aunty, she's bleeding aunty.

Wait..
is there a first aid box or something?

No need, go call the makeup lady.

I'll handle the boy's family.

No, no, no wait wait wait wait one minute,
one minute.

Aunty, she's...dude can we just take care..

This is the boy's ring.
Go to the boy's side, get my ring...

...go to the Guruji, and get it
blessed and take as much time as you can.

Yes, good idea!

But don't tell them about her face okay.

No no no, no this stuff
stays within family, guys

Go!

Ohh yaa

Don't forget to call the makeup lady.

I got hurt mom..

Sit down.

Need your blessings guruji

Aanandhi! Come here.

What happened?

Guruji likes kesari with sugar,
and not jaggery, is it?

That lamp has to be moved.

So many ladies wearing silk.
Safety hazard.

What I am saying?
What you are saying?

Always you've to be like this

Excuse me Guruji, Pushpavalli's
mom asked you to bless this plate..

Not the plate, the rings

Ya rings, whichever…
just a general area.

I mean take your time with it...

Family needs extra blessings
no the father died off...

Just really sad you know...
just...

Just take your time with it...That's all...

Meaning?

Already you are bad luck,
on top of that you are pregnant!

Oho… Who is pregnant?

Nobody is pregnant.

I am just getting her
ready for the marriage.

If marriage has to happen,

first engagement has to happen no...

...But this girl is not
finishing her makeup only

No.. No...
She's just getting up

Get the hell up

You carry on.

Our boy only has given you his room,
and now you want us only to go?

Mom, I feel like vomiting a little bit.

Go on the stage and vomit...come

Mom listen to me,
how to go on stage and vomit?

How much to wait?

We could have had coffee by then.

Move move

Where is the girl?

Where is she?

Taking a lot of time for makeup, right?

Mom... Mom

What?
Mom... Mom

What?

- Mom
- What?

Mom

What happened?

- Mom
- What happened now?

What happened?

Mom, necklace is missing.

Necklace is missing?

Necklace is missing mom.

Where the hell did you lose it?

I had it in my room and
then I went to the bathroom

and then I slipped and fell.

You water buffalo!

So big you've become but
you're still so irresponsible

It's not my fault mom.
Why would you say that!

Why you are doing this to me?

It's not like I picked
it and gave it to somebody.

It's not...
It's not like I picked
it and gave it to somebody.

It's not...

What's happening?

Someone stole my necklace, Pankaj!

What?
The gold one?

Yeah

Are you serious? Shit…

Alright.
Just start the ceremony I’ll…

No no no, no, no, no.
Already I am a widow.

If she goes with empty neck,
means they'll think she is also a widow

Correct!

Why will they think…
She is not even married…

They are not gonna notice, aunty.
Just start the ceremony..

We noticed Pankaj..

You know what?
I can't get engaged like this...

I won't get engaged without a necklace ma..

You shut your big fat mouth!

If I don't speak, how will we find it, Mom?

Stop shouting!

Just relax,
just think about where you left it.

Where did you see it last?

It was in the room…

I was in the room,
I think I lost it there, Pankaj.

Ok... Was it the...
Was it the makeup lady?

No, no, no
She is from a good family.

Okay fine.

So then, who else did
you see that looked suspicious?

Around there, anybody?

There was a shirtless guy
who kept roaming around my room.

This is a Brahmin engagement alright.
Everybody here is shirtless.

Is it this guy?

No no no, not this guy.

Okay, then what else?

He had this thing...

What's that called?

What's this?

The thing...

Like a sling...like an arm sling

like he has broken his
hand...is it plaster of Paris?

No...no Pankaj

What the fuck is it then?

Pankaj!

What aunty?

Don't use bad words...

Ok sorry.

It's a jhola

Jhola…

What's a jhola?

A bag...

Jesus...say that no..

Pankaj!

What aunty?

Don't say Jesus in a brahmin wedding.

Mom stop wasting time!

Pankaj, please go find my necklace.

Okay..fine fine, Just give me ten minutes.

Take twenty minutes.

Take thirty minutes.

- Just go wherever you have to Pankaj.

- What do we do now mom?
- Don’t worry…

Necklace is missing mom.

- Necklace is missing mom
- We’ll find it.

- What are we going to do?
- Don't worry...

Come ma, Let's go..

Yes let's go back to the room.

No Mom, let's go on stage.

Without the necklace?

Mom, if they find out

that my necklace is stolen, means
they'll think our relatives are thieves.

- You want that?
- No no no no no.

If you want it, come we will go.

No on no that would be shameful...

- ...come lets go
- It's so hot in Bangalore no mom

yeah, as if that's what's important.

Now they're adding oil.

No respect for safety.

Be quiet…

Hi...

Hi..

How are you?

I am fine.

Matching, pink pink.

You planned this?

No...

Oh..okay

Very hot...

What?

No… weather…sweating…
Bangalore… unusual…

Nothing…

Dad, seriously we've come to someone
else's wedding to meet this Guruji.

Engagement...

That doesn't matter.

Why couldn't Guruji come to the hospital?

We are paying him more money right?

Hello, remember Guruji is not some cab
that you book from your app.

Comes home,
you give OTP 5 star and all okay!

Guruji is a train okay!
Express train!!

If you want to climb train means,
you have to go to station.

Do you want to climb Guruji or not?

What?

Hey, do you want to climb Guruji or not?

- Yes yes...we want to.
- Dad?

Sorry sir for tempering,

but sometimes this not so
youngster no with their gel hair,

get to your head okay!

Dad!

Your hair is looking very nice..

fresh, shiny.

Much better than last time.

It's fake.

Oh.

So...Is your face also fake?

Huh?

It’s looking nice no…

Hah…haha

Joke Valli, I was making a joke.

it was.. a joke

[Pushpavalli Laughs]

Just got funnier…

Topless jhola...Topless jhola..

Topless no..But jhola yes.

It's a nice jhola..Linen
blend or something is it?

Nice

Valli?

Huh?

You have been to the US?

No

Me neither.

Okay

Okay.

Dad, see the time, I have to leave.

Five minutes more...

Guruji, the engagement is starting.

So if you could just…

So if you could just what?

Umm…

Engagement is starting..

Blessings and all that for the couple…

Blessings and all that huh…
What else?

Complimentary breakfast, some jazz music?

What you want Guruji to do?
Huh?

Nothing, like that.

You don't want to do Guruji anything?

I mean, he can do whatever he wants.

Of course, he can do whatever he wants,
that's why he is Guruji...

No one can tell what Guruji
can do and cannot do... Huh

If Guruji listens to everyone,
Guruji won't be Guruji.

Guruji will be... You.

Who wants to be you?

Not me...Guruji...

Okay, Guruji can come whenever he wants.

Of course, he can come whenever he wants.

Isn’t that obvious…

Who's that girl?

That motormouth's friend

Who?

That motormouth who is getting engaged.

Can't bear that nuisance.
She's been chasing me since morning.

Nikhil?

Let's go

Nikhil?

[Pushpavalli Laughing]

I just got what you said.

Vidyuth, you are so funny.
Very funny.

Why you being so extra today?
Before you were not like this.

Vidyuth, it's my engagement no...
I'm not allowed to be excited or what?

Our engagement!

[Pushpavalli Laughing]

I'm still thinking about the previous one.

[Pushpavalli Laughing]

Nice nice.

Get up both of you.

Okay, sure.

Where is Pankaj mom?

What "Pankaj Pankaj"?
Get engaged first.

Sorry, sorry.
It's loose.

You lost weight or what?

Only on the fingers it seems!

[Snarky Giggle]

Was that necessary, aunty?

What can I do if she is so fat?

Just be quiet for sometime!

Don't listen to her, okay!

No need to loose weight and all.

Very nice you look...
like one Khushboo

Little bit height if you increase,
it would be nice.

You decrease your height
then we’ll match.

Oh feisty! I like it.

Nikhil, take Guruji's blessings.

Such bad arrangements.

So much sweat Guruji, one second.

Ohhh..
you son of a…bitch

So you'll be back in two weeks?

Yeah

Uhh...You wanna go get
blessings from the Guruji?

Yeah

Who's that guy?

Who?

That's Pankaj.
He is my friend..

Oh your friends came.
My one friend Cresevelle couldn't come.

He's very jolly.
Like you are being today.

[Pushpavalli Laughs]

Oh no! [Crowd Screaming]

Take Guruji to safety.

Mom, get some water please.

I told you to move that lamp.

Dad.. I think..

Come let's go

Very bad sign...

very bad sign

Mom is coming to my ashram.
What will you do?

Guruji, what will I do in Bhopal all alone?

So I'm going to stay back in Bangalore

and spend time with
Vidyuth and his parents.

Before marriage?

Guruji, I'll be staying at the PG.

Uh, I'm not going to be staying with them.

So you have everything planned, hmm?

Yeah, Guruji.

This time you will get what you want.

But the fire will follow you.

Don't forget.

Thank you, Guruji.

Madam, your secret phone

Hmmm

Madam, my payment?

Why?
Not like you did the job.

I did! I told you when Nikhil sir
was going to come, when he wasn't

The CCTV was supposed do that

but the CCTV is not been working for
2 months because you didn't fix it

Madam how can I fix the CCTV
if they won't call me to fix it

What about Nikhil's consignment's date?
You didn't find that out too.

I am working on that madam

Madam...how much can I chat with
the okra manager without payment?

[T Boi Giggling]

Thank you madam.

You'll get this chain
when you fix the CCTV, okay?

- And tomorrow, the QA manager
- Who?

You will get Nikhil's
consignment date out of

his okra manager in front me, got it?

Done madam

Madam, one last doubt.

Why are you taking revenge from Nikhil sir?

Is his okra business
actually your Dad's business?

Is he your dad's murderer?

What?

Go go, leave!

One minute!

Pankaj, it's you?

You could have just told me no.

Wait, let me just pack
and then we can leave together.

Don't act dude!

What?

Don't fuckin act.

Is that the why you locked yourself inside?

Because you were up to some shit...
trying to get him over here.

Who?

That bastard Nikhil, man.
What was he doing here?

What was Nikhil doing here?

What was Nikhil doing here?
You tell me what he was doing here.

Pankaj, you saw him.
You tell me what was Nikhil doing here.

He was here with some old man.

Was it a cop?
Did he come with a cop?

Did he speak to my mom?

Because my mom doesn't know anything.

And she will get a stroke
if she finds out, Pankaj.

It wasn't a cop. It was like
an old dad or an uncle or something.

- Okay.
- Wait wait wait...

How does he know that I am getting engaged?

Nobody told..
Who told him that I got engaged?

Ok...I didn't tell
him I am getting engaged.

- Did you tell I am getting engaged?
- I...

- What?
- No, nothing...nothing

- Pankaj, tell me what?
- It's nothing...I

Pankaj, It's important
please tell me what.

I don't know, maybe I told Swati.

Are you serious?
You told Swati?

Maybe…Maybe!

Swati would have gone and told Nikhil.

You know how close they are.
What's wrong with you?

Yeah. They are not that close and all.

You know what?
Why do I even bother?

Why do I even bother moving on?

Because I am not allowed
to even make one mistake.

And Vidyuth, I really love him.

I really do and I don't
want him to get into all of this.

Now, what am I suppose to do?

Because Nikhil will ruin everything.

Am I not allowed to be happy?
Is that what this is, Pankaj?

I’m… maybe…

It was a coincidence or something alright.

Maybe...

maybe he was here to meet the Guruji.
I don't know, alright.

We'll figure this stuff out later.

But you know what Vidyuth is
the only good thing in your life...

So just focus on that.

Yeah, you are right!

I should focus on Vidyuth.

I should just go tell him everything.

No no no no no...
you not gonna tell about this.

- Pankaj, let me tell him.
- No no..

He really likes me.
He is the love of my life, Pankaj.

Are you crazy man, he will freak out!

He will freak out,

if he finds out what kind of fucked up
shit you've done in your life.

Alright, you cannot tell him.

Base of every marriage is honesty.
I will be honest with him.

You can be honest about everything else,
but not this.

Please Pankaj let me just tell him!

Dude, just calm your fucking blouse...

and get your shit together.
And let's just go...

- Yeah
- Are you sure?

Not really but, yes.

Fuckin...just don't tell him.

Don't tell.