Psych (2006–2014): Season 2, Episode 3 - Psy vs. Psy - full transcript

Look I'm telling you,
my son Shawn did not

have a permission to go
on that field trip.

Well, he did turn in his
permission slip signed by you.

Signature's a forgery.
It's a fake.

Well, that's a little dramatic,
don't you think, Mr. Spencer?

Look, this form is a counterfeit.
These are serious charges.

And my son needs to be punished.

Mr. Spencer... all three are permission
slips also signed by you.

Yes.

Yes.

- Yes, those... those are my signatures.
- Well, you see, then?



I'd be hard-pressed to believe
that a child of Shawn's age

could be capable
of such detailed forgery.

Well, you don't know my son.

No offense, but you are the vice
principal of a middle school,

not a handwriting expert.

That testimony's not gonna
hold up in court.

Well, we're not talking court.
Are we?

You know, 'cause if we were,
you should know that I did take

a handwriting personality course
at the Learning Annex last summer.

And I can tell by the way you, uh,
turn your N humps

that you have a very open
and childlike kindness about you.

I could be off on that.

You know, it... it was
a one-night seminar.

Okay... now, as a sergeant
with the Santa Barbara



Police Department, let me tell you
what I know.

See the pen lift on the R there?

The bleed mark... that shows
hesitation, as if thinking, "Gee.

How do I form that next letter?"

Now I don't know about you,
but I don't have to think

about how to sign my own damn name...
So you're wrong.

Really?
I don't know, Dad.

I think Mr. Petlic has a point.
They look pretty identical to me.

Hey, check it out.
There's Lassiter.

Make a loop like a bunny's ear, wrap
it around, careful as you steer...

That's a good boy, Lassie.

Wait a minute. You're not Lassie.

Well, I don't know what a Lassie is,
but I'm not it.

I'm Special Agent Lars Ewing
with the FTD.

- You're a special florist?
- Federal Treasury Department.

We have a department that deals
exclusively with treasures?

If you'll excuse me, I have
a meeting in an...

Interim Chief Vick's office.

That's where our meeting is!
This is very exciting.

I feel nervous.

Is that what you're wearing?

This goes against every federal bone
in my body, but who are you guys?

I'm not familiar with
the federal bone.

Is that connected to
the hip bone or the knee bone?

Well, I can tell you what the
knee bone is gonna connect with

- if you don't get out of my way.
- I'm gonna guess.

Not the funny bone?

- This meeting is bigger than we thought.
- Yeah.

Get us some seats close to the desk,
but not on the side.

I'll catch up in a second.

Waiting for Godot?

Guffman.

Waiting to exhale?

I'm not waiting to exhale.

- Shawn Spencer.
- Lindsay Leikin.

I'm the head psychic
in the department. This is...

- sort of my joint.
- They, um...

- hire psychics around here?
- Personally, I'm a little bit skeptical.

I'm sorry, I didn't catch that.

I was just getting
a very strong vibration. Did you...

did you just recently
take up the guitar?

Oh, my God.
Yes, just recently.

Very impressive.
How did you do that?

Sometimes there's just this
amazingly strong connection

from the word go.
I'm getting something else.

This is gonna be a very,
very good week for you,

- Lindsay Leikin.
- Really, I...

- didn't think...
- Just... let it happen.

So let me officially welcome you
to Santa Barbara.

We are all ready
and willing to...

Don't let me interrupt.
Please continue.

What'd I say about seats
on the side?

Mr. Spencer, this is
Special Agent Ewing

from the Treasury Department
in Washington.

Yes, we sniffed one another
in the hallway.

He is here because
they have been tracking

an aggressive forger who's been
counterfeiting large numbers

of $100 bills and then
laundering the money

into small communities
across the country.

The last being a Home Depot right here
in the heart of your little hamlet.

Well, we are raring to help you
with this federal bust.

Who is this?

This is Carlton Lassiter,
our head detective,

and his junior partner,
Juliet O'Hara.

Ah, the name Juliet.

"How silver-sweet sound
lovers' tongues by night. "

Shakespeare. Romeo and Juliet.

"Tootie,

you in trouble. "

It's Mindy Cohn.
Facts of Life.

Could you gentlemen
please state your name once again?

And please speak clearly.

Is that a recording device?
Government issued?

Asking if that
is a recording device

is like asking if this
is a pen.

- Is it a pen?
- That's classified.

It's tiny.

- Probably can't hold much.
- Oh, that's not a tape recorder.

That is a high-tech microphone system
attached to a Mildred.

A Mildred?
What's... what's a Mildred?

I believe it's an
intelligence-gathering device.

"Mildred" is probably an anagram.
Military Intel Listening Device

Recorder... something.

Mildred is not a device.
She's my stenographer.

You have your own stenographer?

I am hyper-careful.
Can't take any chances.

Saved my behind more than once
in making cases stick past deposition.

- Brilliant. Chief?
- Not happening.

Now what I need from all of you
is your full cooperation

in assisting Special Agent Ewing
in any way he sees fit.

- Now, any questions?
- I have a question for Special.

- Who is this?
- I'm sorry.

This is Shawn Spencer.
And his partner, Burton Guster.

Mr. Spencer is a psychic
with the department

who I thought might be helpful.

Well, next time I have to go on a
panty raid, I'll give him a call.

But we already have our own psychic.

She's just started in the department
and she is already a superstar.

Got us so close to the counterfeiter
a month ago in Wilmette, Illinois.

We must have missed him
by only a few minutes.

- Mr. Spencer,
- Lindsay... Leikin.

- We too met in the hallway.
- Okay, then

let's adjourn this meeting.

I know Special Agent Ewing has prepared
informational packets for all of you.

- We will meet at the Home Depot tomorrow.
- Let's say... 0700 hours.

- 700 hours is almost 20 days.
- Shouldn't we act sooner?

- 0700 is 7:00 a. m.
- Precisely, Detective.

- Striking and whip-smart. Intriguing.
- I knew that too.

You have Pennsylvania Ave.
Running through your veins.

Ever consider taking the Bureau exam?

I have.

Let me set up that conference
area for you.

Right this way.

Little skeptical of psychics, are we?

I should have said "just you. "

And don't think I didn't pick up on
that calluses on my hands guitar clue.

Good one. This is gonna be good.

I'm gonna solve this case,
and I'm gonna prove you're a fake.

Fun, right?

Okay, you are all instructed to cooperate
fully with the federal agents.

I'll be damned if we're gonna get
shown up on our own turf.

They may be the feds, but we are
a team and this is our town.

They will need us.

You breached protocol, Leikin.
I waited outside the hotel, 0630.

- You weren't there.
- Yeah, sorry.

I got up early and went
to go get coffee.

Son, let me ask you a question.

What made you think those
$100 bills were authentic?

Um, 'cause they said "100" on them.

Are you an idiot?
Don't answer that.

If I plopped a Granny Smith apple
down on this counter

and carved a "100" on it, would you
accept that as legal tender?

Don't answer that.
Do you know what microprinting is?

- I'm confused. Should I answer that?
- I know what it is.

The introduction of microprinting
as an anti-replicant feature

began in 1990 with the addition
of the words "United States of America"

printearound
Ben Franklin's lapel.

In addition, the words
"U.S. 100" are printed

within the lines
of the lower left 100.

I'm sorry... is it just me,
or is this unbearably boring?

I don't know how Ms. Leikin works,
but Gus and I

are going to investigate
the body of the store

and search for our culprit's
twisted, wretched, filthy aura.

Because that is what
serious psychics do.

Shawn. What are you doing?

- Shawn?
- Dad.

Wow, you look so tiny
down there.

What the hell are you doing
up there?

What does it look like I'm doing?
We're making a case.

- A federal one.
- Oh, of course you are.

Well, when you've finished
wrapping things up

for the Pentagon, I want you at my house.
I got a project for you.

Afraid we're gonna be
a little busy having our pictures

taken with the President of the
United States of America.

Mm, oh, I think you'll be there.

- You owe me.
- I owe you?

Yeah, for the last 12 times I helped
you solve one of your little cases...

- you agreed.
- Gus, did I agree to that?

Well, technically...
I think you did.

See ya.

- Excuse me. Can I help you guys?
- Hello, Garrison.

We're working
on the counterfeiting case.

And we need to see all of
yesterday's security footage.

How do you know my name's Garrison?

You thought this was
gonna be a problem?

I'm sorry, man. I... I didn't
mean to freak you out.

My name is Shawn Spencer. I'm a
psychic with the police department.

There was already a psychic here
last night. From Washington, no less.

She looked at all the tapes
and there was no positive ID.

She already came here, huh?

And she's good.
She also knew my name was Garrison.

Uh, you mind if I take a peek anyway?
I work a little differently than her.

My process is a little more complex.

I can sometimes pick up images
that are underneath the...

- epidermal layer.
- Here it is.

This is the tape of the counterfeiter
that she looked at last night.

You know, honestly,
if that pretty lady psychic

couldn't pick up anything, I can't
imagine you're gonna have much luck.

You know what, you're probably right.
We gave it a shot.

Thanks, Garrison.

Tall? Short?
Age? Race?

Do you mean to tell me
that the only thing

you can remember clearly
is that he was a man?

And technically, I can't even
be sure of that, now, can I?

Wait. I'm getting something.

- He... did not wear corrective lenses.
- Actually, that is true.

Okay, well, that's something to go on.
Good work, Mr. Spencer.

Great... and so we're looking
for someone in Santa Barbara

- who does not wear glasses.
- He... He had a small scar...

about three inches,
on the jaw line.

And... he wore a single stud
diamond in his left ear.

Yes. And yes.

She's exactly right.
I can see that clearly now.

That's why she's the best.

Tough break.

Wh... Jules...

Dad, I'm confused.
There are plans for a wet bar.

Yeah, that's right.
For entertaining.

Right, but I don't see anywhere in
the plans the portal into 1976.

Shawn, a wet bar happens to be
a timeless home feature.

Right, perfect for those warm
summer evenings when Reggie Jackson

and Dyan Cannon swing by
for Harvey Wallbangers.

Shawn. Are you gonna crack wise
or are you gonna get to work?

I feel like it should be noted
that neither Gus nor myself

- are licensed plumbers.
- Yes, I understand that, Shawn.

I've already installed the sink.

All you two have to do
is connect the fittings.

All right.

- Let's get to work.
- Seriously?

- This will be good.
- It will?

Work is good, Gus.

Work is glorious.
It's the breath of life.

- What is this?
- It's a drill.

Of course it is.
Don't be ridiculous.

You're still upset that Lindsay showed
you up at the crime scene, aren't you?

What is her trick?

- Maybe she's just more psychic-y than you.
- Gus, don't be ridiculous.

- There's no such thing as psychics.
- I don't know, Shawn.

Even I've been getting
a little bit of intuition lately.

In fact, I'm getting something
right now. Something very strong.

She's... she's...
better than you.

You know, they say imitation
is the greatest form

of flattery, but that hurts.

- It hurts below the belt.
- Shawn, if you want to beat her,

then we have to actually
work the case.

Utilize my knowledge.
You know I have a coin collection.

I've studied tender
from around the world.

I have over 85 Buffalo
nickels, Shawn.

Okay.

First of all, and this is key,
don't ever, under any circumstances,

ever admit that to anyone
outside of these walls.

Secondly, I love utilizing
your knowledge, Gus.

I can't wait until we have
the case of the missing thimble.

But this case is not about
counterfeiting.

It's about me versus her.
Ecks versus Sever.

- Joe versus the Volcano.
- Fine. Then let's get to it.

- What do you know?
- All right, this is what I got.

He managed not to be identified
on any of the security cameras,

which means he's smart.

Smart enough to stay
ahead of the game.

Which means changing up anything that
could be linked or traced to him.

Like his vehicle. His key.
It was distinctively Nissan.

Probably a Murano.
Maybe a Sentra.

So we go back and check
the outdoor surveillance cameras

from the store, and look for Nissans

- in the parking lot yesterday.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I already tipped Lassiter off
to that.

The only one that didn't check out
was a new one with no plates.

Ewing's informational packet
links this guy

to over a dozen vehicles
since he left Washington.

His pattern's to spend
six to eight days

in a town before pricking up ears.

- You read Ewing's informational packet?
- Cover to cover.

That's weird.
I just read the cover.

But I don't need
to read the whole thing

to know that that's his M.O.

He's too smart to still be
driving that car, Gus.

He's gotta be switching out
his mode of transportation

- on a daily basis.
- And paying cash.

Gotta launder as much
of that funny money as he can.

So the question is, to which car
dealership would a crook go

to spend lots of cash
without pricking up ears?

This must be what Jay Leno
feels like when he walks

into his garage. Which makes
you Kevin Eubanks.

I don't think they roll
around town together, Shawn.

- Can we talk to the owner?
- First we play customer.

It's the people who groove
on the floor that are gonna

give us the scoop, Gus.

Excuse me, my buddy here
is interested

in the bana yellow Ferrari, though
he's neither gay nor European.

I hope that's not a prob...

Look who finally figured it out.

Little late.

How did you not notice her, Shawn?

- I wasn't expecting her to be here.
- You were looking right at her

She's got me all out of whack.

- Get your head in the game.
- So what's going on?

No one calls us anymore.

That's the new thing?
I thought we were a team.

Yeah, first of all,
the whole "team" thing.

She wasn't talking to you.
And secondly, Ewing didn't call me.

He called O'Hara.

- It's not like I asked him to.
- It's okay, Clarice.

- You don't have to make excuses to us.
- It wasn't just today.

My phone's been ringing
all the time.

I don't know how he got my home number.
I mean, please.

Do you think I wanted to pick up
my phone at 2:00 a. m.

and hear his voice all gravelly
and masculine?

Probably called from the hotel.

Maybe just got out of the shower or...
finished with a swim. Dripping wet.

Just catch Mr. Spencer and
Mr. Guster up

on what Ms. Leikin
was able to figure out.

Apparently our guy came in here,
bought a used Lamborghini

- for $47,000 in cash.
- Next day, he tries to return it.

All sales are final, but the
sales manager makes a concession,

offering mere $26,000 in cash.

He accepts it?
What kind of idiot is this guy?

A genius idiot,
according to the feds.

You see, those familiar
with this sort of thing

know that it's the classic grift.

Essentially, he traded 47 Gs
of worthless paper

for $26,000 in cold, hard cash.
I've seen it before.

- Where, in a Mamet play?
- Any witnesses?

No, but a Lamborghini
was spotted outside of town

in Goleta, but it was moving
too fast to make an ID.

You know, I don't think
he's a swimmer.

He's not really that build.
I bet he plays rugby.

Hey, what color is that suit?

- Black.
- Really?

- It seems blacker than black.
- It's Washington black.

Look, if anyone wants to join me,
I'm gonna be taking a look

at some of the bills from the safe
that didn't get deposited.

Look, Leikin, I think it's possible
that we got off on the wrong foot.

- Is that right?
- Yeah, I mean, this is silly.

We should join forces
like Pitt and Jolie, you know?

Work together,
make it nice for everyone.

I don't think you get it.
I have nothing to gain here.

If you haven't noticed,
my job is safe.

It's you I'm worried about, faker.

- In that case, maybe we should just date.
- I'm seeing somebody.

- Well, is it...
- Serious? Yes.

- You didn't know I was gonna...
- Yes, I did.

Dude, don't you know the move
where you take off

your jacket and you lay it
across some seats?

- Get your head in the game, Shawn.
- Uh, budgies?

These are good.
But they're not great.

You see how on this bill, the edge of
the nose on Ben Franklin's cloudy?

Did you get that, Mildred?

Hey, is there any reason
a $100 bill would change colors?

Actually, yes.

It's an effect caused
by color-shifting ink.

It's only present in $100 bills.

The changing color
is called color diffraction.

And it's made possible
when light reflects

off of metallic flakes
added to the ink.

- Good work, Gus.
- Thank you.

So we'll check the information that
Ms. Leikin's gathered for us...

Thank goodness!
Finally, some nice seats, huh?

This is what I'm talking about.

What?

Did I... did I just sit
in something?

- Gus, do I have pudding on my jeans?
- No, no.

- Nothing?
- Shawn. I think we're not welcomed here.

Gus, don't be a paranoid
schizophrenic.

- We're always welcome here.
- No, look.

- Oh, my God. We're not welcome.
- It's nothing personal, Mr. Spencer.

Special Agent Ewing just
feels that Ms. Leiken

has things covered
on the psychic front.

And I have to agree with him.

Okay.
Take a hint.

Certainly don't need
to be told twice.

I think you were just told
three times.

You know what, this is fine,
because we had a good run.

Thank you for the memories.
Oh, just one more thing.

You might want to check
the cash from the dealership,

because it's not all counterfeit.

That's ridiculous.

If I had learned how to laugh
as a child, I would right now.

I looked at all those bills myself.

Do you really want to go against
the leading special agent

in counterfeiting with 14 years
of experience under his belt

and say that those bills
weren't fake?

Not all of them. Just one.

And I believe the serial
number was...

- ALD... 975... 7080... 7...
- 7!

Where are we going?

Shouldn't we have stayed until
they checked the bills out?

Wait for it.

Wait for it.

- Spencer. Hold up.
- The bill checked out. It's real.

All right.
Answer me this, Mr. Psychic.

Why would a counterfeiter
ever use real bills?

Because he had to

Man... I read your informational
packet cover to cover.

Our guy spends six to eight days in
every city... we're only on day four.

Quite simply, he ran out of dough.

He didn't know what kind of deal
he'd be able to make on the car.

Turns out, short one bill.

- Lucky for us.
- So what's our next move?

Well, I'll call Washington
and begin...

I'm sorry, I was asking
Mr. Spencer.

Oh... oh, you want to know
what I think his next move is.

Oh, Gus, look, she wants...

Well, let's see here.
He's gotta print more money.

My guess is he, uh,
set up shop here in town.

So... we find his little nest,
we find him.

Well, buddy...
I really hope you like this.

It took me 19 hours to bake.
Put it in last night before bed.

It takes 19 hours to bake
a pineapple upside-down cake?

It does when it's being heated
by a 60-watt bulb.

It's not upside down, Shawn.

Who could that be at this hour?

Are you gonna invite me in?

Eh... Uh... guess.

So this is what a psychic
detective office looks like.

You know, I always imagined it...

Does something smell like pineapple?

Pineapple upside-down cake.

Would you like some?
Wait.

Before you answer that,
are you a fan of delicious flavor?

All right, look.

This isn't easy
for me to say, but...

I was wrong.
You're better than I thought.

Your discovery at the station today
was a huge get.

I think we should
work together after all.

The faster we find out where
the counterfeiter's den is, the better.

That is, if you guys are willing.

I don't know.

Depends. Don't you think, Gus?

Wait. I'm definitely getting something.

Oh, this is good.

It's a... it's a...
it's a transient location.

Uh, where people can come and
go anonymously, paying in cash.

And... and it's remote,

so they can print large sums of money on
a noisy printer without being heard.

- Yes... yes, I'm getting that same thing.
- Yes?

- And I see it.
- Yes?

It's by a body of water.

Really? It's by a body of water?

Leikin, that's amateur stuff.

You know what, I might
expect that from John Edwards.

Definitely from Miss Cleo.
But not from you.

- Leikin...
- Wait.

I'm also...
I'm also getting something in French.

A sign, maybe?

- Could it be a European hotel?
- Wait a minute.

She may be on to something.

I know this particular hotel.
It's on my sales route.

On a private beach...

- What?
- It's just... it's strange.

I'm... I'm pretty familiar
with your route, Gus.

I don't recall any private beaches
with hotels on them.

- What are you talking about, Shawn?
- Where was it you went last summer

for the Pips autograph
signing convention?

- You met Gladys Knight?
- No.

- Just the Pips.
- Actually, a Pip.

The other two got stuck in traffic.
Look, I don't wanna talk about it.

The point is, it's been
under construction for months.

Which would account for the noise.
And it caters to Europeans.

- This could be the place.
- Sweet. We totally scored.

But you couldn't have got that without
my transient location thing, am I right?

I don't...

I don't think that cake is cooked.

Listen, I need to know every guest...

...cashed in the last week.

I'm sorry, who are you,
and what do you want?

Special Agent Lars Ewing.

Federal Treasury Department.

Head Detective Carlton Lassiter,
Santa Barbara Police Department.

Presidential Recommendation
for Distinguished Service.

Presidential Physical Fitness award.

Eighth, ninth, and tenth grade.
And I've got a cocktail napkin

from Air Force One.

I personally arrested Ivan Boesky.

I wrestled in high school.

- What, with your conscience?
- That is it!

Look, we need to know who's paid
with cash or travelers checks recently.

My God, you're a firecracker.

It would probably be easier
to ask who didn't.

I'm sorry?

This is a hotel. We're a cash business.
Lots of European travelers.

With what foreign credit card companies
charge these days, cash is king.

The south tower, I see him.

I see him in the south tower.

How many rooms in the south tower?

There are 170.

All right, let's start banging on
some doors and call for backup.

If we tap every available
source of manpower,

we can have this thing done
18, 19 hours tops.

I can alert Washington right now

and have an 80-man SWAT team
on a C-130 Hercules.

They could be here in
less than three hours.

Filthy sheets!

I see dirty, filthy sheets.

Yes, and towels on the floor.

And a mediocre, half-eaten
turkey club sandwich.

And he's refused maid service.

Okay, what guest
refused maid service?

I might remind you we do cater
to a very European crowd.

He's isolated.

He's in a less-desirable room
that's not facing the ocean.

Do you have any rooms
that face the parking lot?

A few.

- He's in one of those.
- Let's see.

French woman.

Another French party.

Here... here's a single gentleman.

Paid all in cash.
Corner room facing the alley.

And according to this, he's never taken
his "do not disturb" sign off his door.

- Room number.
- Key!

Clear!

Nice job, psychics,
let's get to work.

That's a really cute front-loader.

Thank you.

He prints the money, then he washes it
here to soften it.

Then he tumbles it dry and beats it up
with stones to give it that...

natural, worn texture.

Dude, there's linen fibers
in that paper.

What was he doing,
amending the constitution?

You can't print money on regular
paper, Shawn. That's government-issue.

I'm getting a visual.

He printed a batch of about 50.000,
which will last him a while.

Five bills a sheet, at least 80 sheets
missing from this ream

that sounds about right.
- Wait.

No, I'm getting more.
I'm getting a lot more.

Like 500.000, which would last
more than just a while.

Maybe... maybe a whole lifetime.

- That's not possible.
- It is if you live in one of

the Baltic states.

I'm just not getting that feeling...
at all.

Anything over 50.000 is just getting
blocked from my receptors. Not a chance.

Receptors? Really?

This would do it.

This is a 500-sheet ream,
and it's likely he used it all.

Treasury seal?

No.

Passport seal.

Uh, this guy's officially on the lam.

We don't catch him now,
we can kiss him good-bye.

The railway stations, obviously the
airport security has been notified,

and all the interstate
agencies are on alert.

They've all been given the sketch

based on Ms. Leikin's
description of the suspect.

Okay, but please keep your phones on
just in case we get any movement.

What's the point? Nobody ever
bothers to call us anymore.

Shawn, I don't do this much,
but I just wanted to say thank you.

I know we haven't nailed him yet,
but you were right, we make a good team.

Yes, we do.

And hopefully tomorrow
we'll wrap this thing up.

Have a good night.

Wait for it...

Wait for it.

Shawn, I was thinking maybe
we could go somewhere now.

Maybe continue working to see
if we can't stumble upon some

collective apparition.

That's a fantastic idea.

I love it. Where could we go at
this hour that's still open?

You know what, I think there's
a Color Me Mine that stays open late.

- You don't quit with the jokes, do you?
- I'm sorry, would you like me to stop?

Not yet.
I kinda like it.

But actually, I was thinking
back to my hotel room?

You know, it's something we could try.

I mean, it's not as much fun as making
ashtrays with our names on them, but...

Yeah.

I'm a flexible guy, a sportsman.

Good.

All right, I'll head back to freshen up.
What do you say we meet at 2200 hours?

Perfect. Oh, I'm so rude.

Gus, buddy, would you like to join us?

- Well, I...
- That sucks,

so 2200 on the dot. I'll be there.

Dude, what time is 2200 hours?

Gus.

Buddy, help me out.

What is it?
Is it, like, 11:00 times two?

Buddy!

So, tell me, Shawn. Are you planning on
doing psychic police work forever?

No.

No, just until I find
the girl of my dreams.

And then I'll whisk her
off to Carmel and...

Open a small haberdashery...

Do some macrame, maybe.

Maybe blow some glass.

Well, as hot as that sounds, I think the
psychic world would miss your talents.

Just make sure they appreciate you.

After a while, the world tends to take
people with our abilities for granted.

Well, that's awfully easy
for you to say.

I mean, you've already met
your special someone...

Your handsome prince.

You're serious with somebody, remember?

Actually, I...

recently had a change of heart.
- Really?

Would a certain psychic
have anything to do with that?

Well, we do have quite a connection.

We do. It's...

It's like our minds are just
fused together, you know?

I feel like Holly Hunter
in Broadcast News, you know,

when she's inside
William Hurt's head?

Okay, let's try it.

I'm thinking of something.

- None... they don't bury the survivors.
- Yes, exactly.

You have a favorite color,
and I'm seeing... sea foam green.

Actually, it's blue, but
that is so near the green family.

- Pick a number between one and ten.
- Eight.

That's close enough.

- You totally wanted me to do that.
- You totally read my mind.

♪ Dissolve the nerves
that have just begun ♪

♪ Listening to Marvin ♪

♪ All night long ♪

♪ This is the sound ♪

♪ of my soul ♪

♪ This is the sound ♪

Whoa, slow down.
What do you mean she took off... when?

You know, I don't know when.
She tricked me, okay?

She clearly wants to take
all the credit for herself.

Look, just... just meet me over here.

Oh, that's Lassie on the other line.
I gotta take it.

- You're dropping me for Lassiter?
- Hurry up!

You wait till now to call us?

I called you as soon as I heard.
Do you think I want

Junior G-man here to
beat me to the punch.

Thank you.

Well, it's affirmative...
our counterfeiter.

Shot with his own gun...
there are signs of a struggle.

Checks out as Steven J. Grabinski.
His only priors are a couple counts

of petty theft, and small-time
fraud in Washington.

He had a small scar, about three
inches on the jaw line, and...

He wore a single stud diamond
in his left ear.

Damn, she's good.

Whoa... touchy!

I don't know how you do it
in Washington, but here,

we don't disturb the body till
forensics has a chance to come in,

collect some evidence.
- Lassiter, ease up.

We're lucky if our psychic
doesn't lick the body.

Well...

I guess congratulations are in order.

We have to hand it
to our federal agents here.

Though we would have preferred
to bring him in and charge him,

this case looks pretty much wrapped up.

There's no need to congratulate us
for doing what is our job.

We don't ask for commendation for
what is merely our proud honor

of servitude to our country.

Perhaps just a small hug.

Just an itty-bitty one.

I'm serious.

Too much?

So how'd you sleep?

Well, I guess I was right
about one thing.

It turned out to be a
pretty good week for you.

Look, I'm sorry, Shawn.

I don't know what
you want me to say to you.

I don't know either.

You lost a case. You lose.

She's on the winning side,
you're on the losing side.

She's the winner, you're the loser.

You know, dad, had I made
a list of things I did want to hear,

that wouldn't even
have made the top eight.

Something is really off with this cake.

But, Shawn, you want my advice,

I think you should quit.

- What?
- You should quit.

That's what you do. When things get tough,

somebody's better than you, you quit.

- Where is this even coming from?
- Oh, come on, Shawn,

I've got 80 examples sitting
on the tip of my tongue.

Eighth grade you quit the bassoon when
Bobby Nowocinski beat you out

for the solo in the winter festival.

Let me get this straight.

You have an example from eighth grade
sitting on the tip of your tongue?

Shawn, the point is, a year from now,

you won't even be working for
the Santa Barbara Police Department.

- You don't know that.
- All right, look, Shawn,

now I'm gonna tell you something
that you do want to hear.

I accept you for who you are.

- Is that a fact?
- That is a fact.

You don't have to prove anything to me.
I'm gonna let you off the hook.

Now, how's that feel, better?

Now you can go ahead,
and you can quit this too.

First of all... and I think
I can say this now

with a fair amount of certainty...

there's definitely something
not right about this cake.

Maybe because it was baked
with a child's oven.

We're talking about a deluxe
Easy-Bake Oven, Gus.

I paid over $300 for it on eBay.
This is hardly a toy.

Okay, I didn't major in psychology,

but I'm gonna guess this doesn't have
anything to do with the cake.

I'm sorry.

It's got nothing to do with you or me
or my dad or the cake.

It's got a little something
to do with the cake.

But it's mostly about Lindsay
showing us up on this case.

She's either a crazy-good psychic,

or she's just a better
detective than me.

Hey, I thought you had her
back at the hotel

when you surprised her
with that $500.000 thing.

I'm getting more...
I'm getting a lot more.

Like 500.000, which would last
more than just a while.

- Maybe a whole lifetime.
- That's not possible.

I did have her.

I totally had her. Come on!

Mildred, you kept a record of everything

that was said in this investigation.
Am I right?

If someone as little as burped,
I got it down.

- There's a symbol for burp?
- Terrific.

I need you to clarify something for me.

Two days ago, in the morning,
outside the Home Depot center.

Ewing and Leikin making small talk.
Can you read that back?

- What was that, 0700 hours?
- No, no, it was 7:00 a. m.

Here's something.

Ewing: "Do you know
of a good chocolatier?"

Leikin: "I had someone in Seattle,

specialized in hazelnut
praline stuff... very good."

- It was just after that.
- Something about the dye

used in public swimming pools

to identify urine?
- No.

- The musical Wicked?
- No.

- Something about coffee?
- Yes, that's it.

Mildred, could you read
the coffee thing?

Ewing: "You breached protocol, Leikin.

I waited for you outside the hotel,
0630, but you weren't there."

"Yeah, sorry, I got up early
and went to grab coffee."

Mildred, where are Ewing and Leikin now?

Where I'm supposed to be... catching
a chartered flight back to Washington.

- I'm late.
- Not a problem.

We'll give you a ride. We happen
to be headed that way.

That's great.

- Mildred, here, say this.
- Shotgun.

Tough luck, buddy.

Well, folks...

You all did a nice job
on this investigation.

So, uh...

you have a MySpace page or something?

Whoa, Lindsay, Lindsay, Lindsay!

Wait, wait, wait!

I just wanted to make sure I had
an opportunity to congratulate you,

you know, personally.

- Thank you. It's not necessary.
- No, no, no, it is necessary.

You did it. You cracked it.

I mean, you deserve all the credit...
You're amazing. She's an amazing person.

Look, Shawn, don't feel too bad.

- There'll be other cases.
- Yeah, yeah, I know. I know.

But not for you.

You see...

It all started when you identified
the scar on the jaw line

of our counterfeiter, along with
his little diamond-stud earring.

I mean, I couldn't even
draw a hair color.

So there's no way that
you could do that unless...

Unless you'd already seen him before.

- This is ridiculous.
- Is it?

It's not like I'm wearing
a giant moose costume.

I had a vision you were drinking coffee.

- Oh, congratulations.
- But not at the hotel.

You were driving past one Starbucks,
two Starbucks, 17 Starbucks,

and ended up all the way in Goleta.

On the very same day that
Grabinski's Lamborghini

was spotted just outside of town in...
Anybody?

- Special?
- Goleta.

That's right. Goleta.

The two of you were partners
and you were in touch the whole time.

What's more, they were
lovers in the night.

I'm seeing somebody.

I didn't think it was possible
to fall in love with somebody

in the span of five minutes.

She got us so close to the counterfeiter
a month ago in Wilmette, Illinois.

Probably just missed him
by five minutes.

That's when you met him.

You didn't miss him. She had him.

She had your bad boy red-handed.

Suddenly you were much more interested

in combining forces and
making a whole lot of money.

And it was going well.

It was going very well...

Until you blew it.

You know which moment
I'm talking about, right?

The one in the hotel room.
When you realized

he had printed way more than
the 50,000 that you'd planned.

And the passport?

So you called him that morning,
you met him at the warehouse.

It was you who struggled with him.

And it was you who shot him dead.

Only then, having your vision

that miraculously led everyone
here to the crime scene.

Oh, come on. I mean, I've seen poor
losers before, but this is just sad.

Your DNA was all over him.

But you covered your tracks by touching
the body in front of everybody

before forensics had a chance
to come in and brush it.

Or comb it.

Braid it.

- Maybe put it in pigtails.
- Shawn!

That only leaves one outstanding issue.

And that is...
Where's the rest of the money?

Wait a minute.

What's happening?

What's happening to me?

I've heard about this.

It's called spontaneous
psychic krav maga.

Oh, my, it's the bag.

Something's in the bag!

It's bad. It's very bad.
And it could be embarrassing.

Well, you were wrong
about one thing, Shawn.

I didn't sleep with you
because you were my enemy.

I did it because I really thought
we had something.

Okay.

First of all, a little discretion
would be nice. All right?

I mean, these are...
These are my co-workers.

Secondly, anything
we had, you ruined.

Because you betrayed your gift, Leikin.

You give a bad name to psychics like me

who pride themselves
on the purity of that gift.

There are so many people out there
who already doubt what we do.

Now you've given 'em all a reason
to think that we're fakes.

You sicken me...
I'm sickened.

I mean, sure, I'm still wildly attracted
to you on the physical level, but...

spiritually and psychically,
you're dead to me.

Gun! I'm taking him
and I'm taking the plane.

This is not what it looks like.

Okay, they're just processing
Ms. Leikin's arrest before

we put her back on a plane to Washington.

It'd be great if you guys could give me
this paperwork as soon as possible.

Got it.

Lassiter spilled a cup of coffee on me

and right before I was
supposed to get on the plane.

Thankfully I keep an extra
crisp, white shirt on me.

Government issue, folds up
to the size of my wallet.

Fits in my back pocket.

Gotta love those boys
in the Gadget Tech Department.

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