Psych (2006–2014): Season 1, Episode 1 - Pilot - full transcript

The police department in Santa Barbara hires someone they think is a psychic detective.

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Dad, why do those people get better seats than us?
WITNESS: Your Honor, It's not that I...
Shawn, those people aren't just watchlng the trlal. Those people are the trlal.
They're the jurors,
and they're the most Important people In thls room.
They are?
The thlng about the jury Is, Shawn,
you gotta learn how to look at them, how to read them.
For Instance, take a look at juror number flve.
He's the guy In the front row, second one from the left.
Tell me what you see. Go.
Brown shlrt, Ilttle hole In hls collar.
Hls coat Is too tlght on hlm.
He's got rough hands, he's looklng down mostly and noddlng a lot.
Good, good.
All rlght, let's take that hole In hls collar.
Now, would Mom ever let you leave the house looklng Ilke that?
Never.
You belleve It.
So, that tells us that he's probably not marrled.
That's called deductlve reasonlng.
LAWYER: Your Honor, the people call Detectlve Henry L. Spencer to the stand.
All rlght, watch closely, kld.
One day you're gonna walk up the steps of thls courthouse
and you're gonna make your old man proud.
Gus, they Impounded my motorcycle wlthout warnlng.
I'm pretty sure the warnlng was the $900 worth of parklng tlckets you racked up.
Stlll, man, you can't take a man's means of transportatlon away.
It's, Ilke, unconstltutlonal or somethlng.
I'm pretty sure It's not In the Constltutlon.
Oh, don't be so sure.
I thlnk It says, "Thou shalt not somethlng, or covet somethlng.
"Don't mess wlth Texas or the rlght of transportatlon."
You're thlnklng of a commandment.
That's even better. Can we just pay thls tlcket
so we can get out of here, please?
You gotta be klddlng me. We came all the way over here,
and now you're not gonna walt In the Ilne?
Gus, dld you see It In there? It's a tlcket payment Ilne,
not Space Mountaln. Hardly worth It.
Plus, I don't walt In Ilnes. What do you mean you don't walt In Ilnes?
Everyone walts In Ilnes. That's what we do as people, we walt In Ilnes.
I don't. It's not In my nature.
(CELL PHONE RINGING) That makes no sense, Shawn.
You remember the story of the scorplon and the frog?
(SHUSHING) Burton Guster. They're both on the rlverbank. The scorplon's Ilke, "Hey"...
The polnt Is I shouldn't have gotten any tlckets, Gus.
I was uslng my ambassador plates.
Ambassador plates? You're not an ambassador, Shawn.
Impersonatlng a government offlclal wlll land you In jall.
I am an ambassador, of sorts.
I am a goodwlll ambassador to Paraguay.
To where? Paraguay.
It Is an honorary tltle that I recelved
after overseelng all sand castle constructlon at a South Amerlcan Club Med.
You never worked at Club Med.
Ooh, turn that up.
Someone we know, someone we love,
someone we invited into our...
I just saw that woman at the courthouse.
That's Sandra Panltch, the fourth grade teacher who murdered Jackson Hale.
Don't you watch the news? I can't watch Channel 8 anymore.
Lloyd Lanslng wears a toupee. It's Ilke every newscast starts wlth a Ile.
I can't stand thls guy. Somethlng about hlm just Irks me. Llsten to hlm.
Sandra Panitch went with weatherman Jackson Jale to his Channel 8 news studio,
engaged in sexual relations with him,
and then stabbed him in the heart with a letter opener.
She fled the scene, but not without leaving behind
a mountain of physical evidence,
including a trail of the victim's blood,
and her fingerprints all over the murder weapon.
This is why the state is going after murder one.
But she dldn't do It! What?
Gus, I'm gettlng a very strong feellng here.
I thlnk that woman Is Innocent.
I do watch the news, and I've been followlng thls case.
They have a mountaln of evldence agalnst thls lady.
Look, they call her the "School Marm Murderer."
Okay, flrst of all, there's a questlon mark at the end of that.
They call her the "School Marm Murderer?"
Even the news people aren't convlnced.
And today at the courthouse, In the mlddle of a conversatlon,
I saw her bend over and plck up a plece of trash!
Oh, I see. So because she plcks up somebody's KltKat wrapper
means she dldn't klll anybody? That makes sense.
Gus, she dldn't have to do that.
The woman Is about to be on trlal for her Ilfe.
She takes tlme out for common courtesy?
That Is not the mlndset of a cold-blooded murderer. No!
Thls Is what I know. She looked at me rlght In the eyes.
Now, there are a lot of tells that people have
when they are trylng to appear not gullty.
The way that they slt, crosslng thelr legs, uncrosslng them,
crosslng them back, eye Ilnes to Inanlmate objects, twltchlng, Itchlng, rubblng.
All of these affectatlons, I am an expert on all of them.
But there Is one thlng that you cannot change no matter how hard you try,
and that Is the tent on the wlndows to the soul.
(REPORTERS CJATTERING ON TV)
Adam Jornstock, attorney for the defense.
Sandra Panitch is a victim of circumstance,
of being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
I know. Look at thls poor guy.
Look, he's hunched over, he's not maklng eye contact.
Look at the handkerchlef In the left pocket, there.
It's not decoratlve, Gus. That's crumpled and stalned.
That's used for dabblng sweat, a lot.
Her lawyer's a beaten man.
Whether he knows It or not, Adam Hornstock needs us.
What are you talklng about?
Dude, we're golng to be legal consultants.
It's awesome.
(SINGING) I know, you know That I'm not telling the truth
I know, you know They just don't have any proof
Embrace the deception Learn how to bend
Your worst inhibitions tend to psych you out in the end
(ALL CHATTERING)
Ooh, let's get In there and grab seats.
How? You thlnk that court offlcer Is guardlng the door for hls health?
Just roll wlth me on thls.
Excuse me, people. Comlng through!
Shawn Spencer here. Spencer. That's S-P-E-N-C-E-R.
Thls Is my partner, Burton Guster. G-U...
Look, I know I've been reluctant to go on record
about thls trlal up to thls polnt...
I'm sorry, who are you?
What Is thls, Journallsm 101?
I glve my statement, you berate me wlth your rudlmentary Q and A later.
In fact, you two swltch places.
Come here. Excuse me. Come on, don't be shy.
He puts hls pants on one leg at a tlme. I do.
As I was saylng, thls trlal Is not about a partlcular case.
It Is about our rlghts as cltlzens.
No one, and I mean no one, should ever wake up and I don't know, let's say,
flnd that thelr motorcycle has been taken away from them.
As thls trlal moves forward, I'll have more to say. That Is all. Thank you.
Motorcycle? Whose motorcycle are we talklng about here? Dld...
Guys, please. Please, glve them space. Please.
Are we ready yet, Mr. Hornstock?
Oh, yes. Just one moment, slr. Ah!
You know, I was pre-law once. Maybe I should have stuck wlth It.
You were never pre-law. Well, I was pre-pre-law.
Slxth grade, but It was an accelerated program.
I won a mock trlal of Tortoise v. Jare, you know.
The hare dld It. Of course he dld.
The court wlll take a short recess, and then perhaps,
Mr. Hornstock, we can get golng wlth these proceedlngs.
(BANGS GAVEL)
Dude, we're so hlred. We are?
Watch thls.
Excuse me, Mr. Hornstock? Rlght?
You don't know me. My name's Shawn Spencer.
I'm the lead psychlc detectlve at the SBPD.
Yeah, I'm a Ilttle busy rlght now.
I can see. You're dolng a bang up job. Please don't stop.
I just... I thlnk maybe you should be a Ilttle careful.
Of? Juror number four.
Juror... Oh, yeah? Why Is that?
Somethlng about you really bothers her.
And somethlng about her bothers me.
I mean, she's been frownlng at me the whole tlme,
and I haven't even gone up yet.
Here's the thlng. She's a fashlon maven.
She has a problem wlth your appearance,
and untll you change It, I don't thlnk she's gonna Ilsten to a word you say.
My appearance? The manner In whlch you appear.
Your look.
I don't know exactly what the problem Is, but let's check It out.
Why don't you glve me the... Glve me the 360 cat dance real fast, huh?
(CLAPS)
Excuse me? Just twlrl It up for me, and then twlrl It rlght back.
(SCOFFS) There It Is. And back.
Sult, pleated. I would have gone wlth a three button,
maybe somethlng In a wool-cotton blend,
but I don't thlnk that's the problem.
Sldeburns? Check. Halr, bold, Strokes, Hlves.
I don't thlnk that's the problem.
The shoes, not a splt shlne, but Ilke you sald, you haven't gotten up yet,
so I can't make heads or... Whoa!
What? Whoa, whoa, whoa!
I thlnk It's the tle. What? My tle?
What's wrong wlth my tle? Well, It's a Ilttle blt...
Well, look, It's not Ilke my favorlte tle...
I'm so glad to hear you say that.
Gus? What?
(WHISPERING) Qulck, glve me your tle. I'm not glvlng you my tle.
It's a good tle! Glve me your tle, please.
It's a Thomas Plnk tle. One second.
Why don't you glve me the tle? Just once wlll you...
Come on, Shawn!
Look hlgh, reach low. Got It.
Now, we're also golng to take thls.
Prlmarlly because It's covered In sweat,
but also because It reads crulse shlp walter to me.
Crulse shlp? Go get 'em!
And so, I wlll demonstrate to the court
that Sandra Panltch Is an upstandlng cltlzen wlth no crlmlnal record,
and the dlstrlct attorney has rushed to the prosecutlon of an Innocent woman.
Are you flnlshed now, Mr. Hornstock?
Hmm? Ah! Oh, yes. Yes, Your Honor.
Brllllant.
Well, thlngs are flnally movlng along.
Court wlll recess tlll after lunch.
Dld you see that? That was amazlng! Dld you see that?
That was a whole 180!
Well, It's a pretty amazlng tle.
Hey, strong shag, strong tle, strong person.
You know, guys, I would hlre you In a second. It's just...
Well, I, I don't have the authorlzatlon.
My flrm doesn't really belleve In...
Wlnnlng? No.
Mermalds? No.
The Mlnotaur? No, me.
Yeah, at least not anymore.
No, there's no buts here.
A lot of the cases my partner Gus and I take, we do for free.
It's called pro bono.
Gus? What?
A Ilttle decorum, we're In a courtroom.
Congratulatlons, you got yourself a couple of legal consultants.
Wow. Oh, boy.
Dld he just grab your flst? And then he shook It.
Well, well, well, what do we have here?
HI, Jules.
Please tell me you're not one of those courtroom grouples
that bounces from trlal to trlal?
Walt a second, was that you at the Mlchael Jackson hearlng
wlth the sequlned glove and the shlrt that sald,
"Please free the man In the mlrror"?
That's actually really funny, Shawn.
Detectlve Lasslter Is the one who actually made the arrest of Sandra Panltch.
See, that makes It my case.
What a colncldence. It's also our case.
Yeah, we just slgned on as legal consultants to the defense just now.
And you wlll sell your Ilttle sldeshow act to anyone who'll Ilsten, won't you?
Just don't screw thls one up.
"Don't screw thls up"?
Hey, Lassy, that really wasn't much of a put down.
In fact It was somewhat Insplrlng.
Las, let's roll that back!
I don't know. It feels a Ilttle welrd.
I mean, you should really be slttlng here. Thls Is your offlce.
Yeah, thls Isn't my offlce.
You dldn't Ilke mlne. Thls Is Carter Jareckl's offlce, one of the partners.
Actually, he's the guy who took the case In the flrst place,
but then dumped It on me when he declded It was a lost cause.
You see, that's exactly what I'm talklng about.
Why dldn't you stand up to that guy?
For the worst reason posslble. I actually belleve thls woman Is Innocent.
(SIGHING) Now, can we please go before Jareckl gets back?
Carter Jareckl just left for a nooner wlth hls mlstress. We have at least two hours.
Maybe an hour and a half.
Hornstock, I thlnk you have the potentlal to be a fantastlc lawyer.
You just need confldence. After all, that's your name on the door. Now come on!
Oh, no. No. None of those Hornstocks are me.
The flrst one Is my grandfather, he founded the flrm.
The other one Is my father, then my brother.
Wow. A whole famlly of lawyers?
Yeah, even my slster.
Well, there you go. She dldn't make the door.
She's Blederman. It's her marrled name.
Well, we're gonna need to take a look at your wltness Ilst
and your deposltlon transcrlpts.
Oh, yeah. Well, I prepared all that for you.
I have... Here are all the forenslc and arrest reports.
And I deposed several of Hale's coworkers from Channel 8,
mostly to refute tlmellnes and for character testlmony.
Can we see those?
Oh, sure, yeah. It's...
(CHUCKLING)
Oh, yes.
And maybe, later on we can read the phonebook, just for fun.
Hornstock, I've gotta do what I do.
That's not the way I do It.
I need to see, feel and smell people
In order to flgure out what happens.
Smell them?
So, thls Is where the... The crlme took place.
So, just feel free to have a look around,
and do whatever It Is you do.
Okay. Thank you.
Let's walk the crlme, shall we? Yeah.
He probably came In from that same entrance we dld. Rlght.
Found thelr way over here to the Channel 8 anchor desk area.
Of course, the body was found here.
It was a short walk. Yeah.
Prlscllla, what are these green walls for?
Oh, well we do It all on green screen.
Really? Can you show me how that works, please?
Sure, I just need someone to slt In front.
Gus, go slt over there.
I'm not golng to slt there just 'cause you tell me to, Shawn.
Flne, I'll... I'll play anchorman.
I got It. I got It.
(SHAWN CLEARS THROAT)
Okay, so we've just have to go to the control room. It's just thls way.
Okay.
(DOING VOCAL EXERCISES)
You know when we're watchlng the weather guy,
and It looks Ilke he's got, Ilke, ralnfall behlnd hlm? Yeah.
Or snow or hall? Yeah.
How does that work? Well, the green background works
as a blank slate. Then I just run It through the board
and presto!
A composlte of the two Images Is made.
Oh, oh! Can we get sound In here?
Yeah, yeah. Sure.
(GUS DOING VOCAL EXERCISES)
In local news,
a pharmaceutical representative again provided
the key piece of information in a baffling police case.
But ran screamlng from the scene,
Ilke a Ilttle glrl before he could make a statement.
That was one tlme, Shawn! One tlme! I don't Ilke dead bodles!
I told you that. Now stop brlnglng that up!
Hello, thls Is your local news.
(DOING VOCAL EXERCISES)
Thls next offlce was Jackson Hale's.
I've got to tell you guys, everybody's been actlng a Ilttle welrd
slnce It happened. It's just not the same.
Oh! Ruben, thls Is Shawn Spencer and Burton Guster.
They're worklng on Jackson Hale's case.
Thls Is Ruben Leonard, he's a lab meteorologlst on Jackson's team.
RUBEN: Was.
I was just sortlng and packlng
some of hls more Important thlngs to send to hls famlly.
It's the least I can do.
That's very thoughtful.
Thank you.
That reminds me of a hot, little señorlta I met there.
She was serving fried jalapenos...
Would you excuse me? Sure.
Sure. Thanks.
JALE: So, if you'll notice that...
Dld you work wlth Jackson Hale long?
Slx years. He was a great man.
I had a lot of respect for hlm.
He was just so good at what he dld.
Take your umbrella because I guarantee,
it's raining cats and dogs out there.
A broadcastlng treasure.
Anyway, take a look at Thursday here...
(WHISPERING) Dude,
Ruben's In there destroylng Hale's awards.
What? Yeah.
Unless he's really offended by the shoddy engravlng on the plaque,
that guy hates Jackson Hale. I'm not saylng he dld It, but reasonable doubt, anyone?
Okay, Mlss Panltch. Please, walk us through the nlght of the crlme.
Well, I never met Mr. Hale before that nlght.
I just moved here from Wlsconsln.
It wasn't Ilke I was a fan of hls.
I only vaguely knew he was a weatherman.
So we talked, and he was charmlng...
So the scratches on Jackson Hale's back
and hls skln under your the flngernalls,
thls all happened durlng the sex,
as well as the brulses on your arm?
It got passlonate.
I don't remember anythlng untll I woke up the next mornlng.
Wlth hls blood on you?
And then you fled to the parklng lot?
Look, I was scared.
I, I know how bad all of thls looks, I do.
But I swear I dld not murder anyone.
Do you guys belleve me? Do you?
Of course we do, Sandra. Don't be rldlculous.
Counselor? Yes?
Would you please retlre wlth me to the hallway,
where we can exchange words In hushed tones?
Okay, what are you dolng? What?
You are supposed to be demonstratlng confldence and swagger for Hornstock.
Instead you're poklng holes In our case, and you're scarlng our defendant.
Here are the facts, Shawn. All we know about Sandra Is what she's told us.
I thlnk we need to do some Investlgatlng.
I belleve her. Hornstock belleves her. What else do we need?
We need proof, Shawn.
Look, rlght here In thls book?
Corey v. Bulevic In 1955. The key plece of evldence were half-melted candlestlcks.
We need evldence! Where are our candlestlcks, Shawn?
Maybe you just jumped over them?
What? Be nlmble. Be qulck.
You're not golng to glve me anythlng for that?
Now can we please...
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Check out the judge.
He's grabblng hls back. No wonder he's so grumpy.
He's not grabblng hls back, he's grabblng hls kldneys.
He probably has a kldney stone.
Dude, nlce! Thank you.
Please state to the court what your relatlonshlp wlth Mr. Hale was.
It was professlonal. He was my boss. I was hls receptlonlst.
And as the Channel 8 receptlonlst, Mlss Osterman,
If people were to call Jackson Hale, you took those calls?
I dld.
And dld you recelve any calls from the defendant, Sandra Panltch, at any tlme?
Oh, not to my knowledge. No.
But other women would call?
Sure.
Was Jackson Hale sleeplng wlth these women?
Objectlon, Your Honor, hearsay.
I'll allow the questlon.
Well, I can only say that I flelded many calls,
and sometlmes I helped to juggle these calls.
He was a handsome man.
He certalnly was.
Thank you, Mlss Osterman.
JUDGE LELAND: You may step down, Mlss Osterman.
Thanks.
Your Honor, the state requests a moment to prepare for our next wltness.
"He certalnly was"? What happened? You were rolllng!
I don't know, I don't know, It sounded good In my head.
You have a great support system, you know,
It glves you that easy confldence.
But, you know, my father hasn't been In the courtroom once.
Not one of my trlals.
You've been here one day, and your father's already here.
What are you talklng about?
Oh, I met hlm outslde. He's a really nlce guy.
(CLEARING THROAT) Your Honor, the defense would Ilke to call for a recess.
Excuse me. Who are you?
I'm sorry, Your Honor. My name Is Shawn Spencer.
I'm a psychlc legal consultant on thls case.
Objectlon, Your Honor. We were not made aware that a psychlc was hlred on thls case.
Approach the bench, all of you.
Sweet.
Your Honor, the people questlon hls valldlty.
Okay, flrst of all, that's hurtful.
Look, I know you're the blg bad prosecutor
wlth the sweet head, but Is thls tone really necessary?
No. Look, I'm a legltlmate consultant.
I've been hlred often by the Santa Barbara Pollce Department,
and there Is a hlgh-ranklng detectlve In thls very courtroom rlght now,
who wlll vouch for my valldlty.
And who Is thls?
He's rlght there. The wlspy, yet commandlng Irlsh fellow,
who looks Ilke he's been sucklng on the Sour Patch Klds.
Wlll you stand and state your name for the court?
Carlton Lasslter, Santa Barbara Pollce Department, Your Honor.
Head detectlve, 11 years thls May.
Perhaps you'd Ilke to Inform the court of your favorlte color as well.
The polnt Is, do you know thls man?
I do.
And has he worked on cases for the department?
He has.
There you have It. There you have It.
And he was helpful?
Absolutely.
Dld he just say absolutely wlth a Ilttle half smlle?
I'd Ilke that prlnted out, please.
I'm thlnklng of shellacklng It on a nlce plece of maple, maybe a Ilttle decoupage.
Your Honor, as you can see, I'm responslble
for breaklng many cases here In the state of Callfornla.
Well, guess what? I don't care who you are, or what you've done for the state.
I don't belleve In that psychlc mumbo-jumbo and It's not welcome In my court!
"Mumbo-jumbo"?
(GASPING) Oh! You poor, poor man.
No wonder. You're...
(WHISPERING) Passlng a kldney stone can be very stressful.
Who told you that? I never told anyone.
You tell me If I'm overstepplng my bounds here,
but I'd Ilke to suggest an old home remedy that dld wonders for my Aunt Dolores.
She slmply gargled wlth some mlneral water,
followed It up wlth some raw greens.
Me, personally, I'd go wlth asparagus tlps,
that way, later on, when you're maklng water,
you'll know that It's worklng.
Let's proceed wlth the trlal.
Okay, you got me? I'm startled. What are you dolng here?
Well, maybe we're both psychlcs.
I am serlous.
Occaslonally, I come down here, I slt In on a trlal.
Today, I get a phone call.
Guess who's practlclng law now?
Walt a mlnute. You come down here regularly?
Thursdays, usually. Today was just a bonus.
My God, you just can't let go, can you?
You retlred too early. Not my fault. I dldn't ask you to turn In your badge, Dad.
Shawn! Shawn! Shawn! I'm In there trylng to do somethlng...
You seem to forget whose name you've got at the end of your letterhead, kld.
When you use my name, It Is my buslness as well.
Glve me my phone.
Took you long enough to flgure out the kldney stone.
Let It be noted that the wltness Identlfled the defendant, Sandra Panltch,
as the woman he saw runnlng through the parklng lot on the nlght of the murder.
Has It been authentlcated?
Hey, what would Phelps need to get authentlcated?
(SIGHING) I don't know.
Hls Ilttle collectlon of green army men?
H-Stock, dld you just make a joke?
Hmm? I thlnk you dld.
(CHUCKLES)
Your wltness. Does the defense wlsh to cross-examlne?
Your Honor, the defense rests.
(COUGHING) No. No, It doesn't.
Your Honor, the defense may rest. Why am I not restlng?
I have a vlbe that's very strong.
Hatred, jealousy. That guy wanted to be a serlous weatherman.
He has no sympathy for Jackson Hale whatsoever.
Walt. What? You thlnk he dld It?
No, I'm pretty sure he dldn't.
But we can plant a seed.
Johnny Applestock.
Your Honor, the defense does not rest.
Mr. Leonard, you are a meteorologlst, are you not?
Yes, I am Indeed.
But not on the alr?
No, not on the alr.
Hmm. Maybe because you don't have a meteorologlst name.
RUBEN: I don't follow.
Well, correct me If I'm wrong,
but Leonard Isn't a term for any klnd of weather?
No, It Is not.
So, If I was to look up Leonard, In say, a weather glossary,
there would be no deflnltlon?
No, there would not.
Excuse me, where Is thls golng?
Yes, Mr. Hornstock, where are you golng wlth thls?
I'm sorry, Your Honor, It's just that every successful weatherman
that I know of, has a real weatherman's name.
Johnny Mountaln, Dallas Ralns?
Oh, Jackson Hale, for example.
Hey, flrst of all that wasn't even hls real name.
Preclsely.
Have you ever consldered golng by the name of Bolt Llghtnlng?
No.
Cloudy McMlllen? No.
Wendy Mornlng Dew?
That's a woman's name. Okay, look, I have a degree
In meteorology from the Unlverslty of Vlrglnla.
I wrote my thesls on Bernoulll's theorem
of Incompresslble level flow,
and I was a junlor tornado safety captaln for seven years.
Jackson Hale has a degree In what?
Physlcal educatlon from a junlor college.
He was an embarrassment. He was worthless, all rlght?
He was worthless to anyone who was a real meteorologlst Ilke myself.
He should have been stabbed In the heart long ago!
Objectlon, Your Honor.
(LELAND BANGING GAVEL)
It's a Ilttle late for that, don't you thlnk, Counselor?
That's the klnd of confldence I'm talklng about.
That's what I'm talklng about.
We are on our way to wlnnlng thls thlng.
Told you. She's klnd and she's Innocent.
Just because we had a small vlctory In court yesterday
doesn't mean we're out of the woods.
Son of a bltch!
JULIET: Alllgator pumps! I swear, I should arrest that weatherman.
He clearly stated It was not golng to raln today.
You see, that's the problem wlth what I Ilke to call "group thlnklng."
We don't Ilsten to group thlnkers.
Nope.
In fact, we don't Ilsten to weathermen at all.
If you excuse me, I've really got better thlngs to do.
Dlnner wlth your cat?
O'Hara, are you comlng?
You go. I'll catch up wlth you In a sec.
You know, Shawn, for a psychlc,
you are mlsslng somethlng rlght In front of your face. It's too bad.
You mlght actually learn somethlng about Lasslter. Maybe you don't want to.
He waxes hls back?
I'm gonna go now.
Shawn, I don't care what anyone else says. The plnk shlrt Is worklng.
Okay, that was cryptlc.
Not really. I'll be damned.
Who's Detectlve Assl?
Lassy. It's Lasslter. He must have sent some sort of memo to Phelps.
The questlon Is why would Lasslter
send a letter to the D.A.'s offlce?
Don't you ever watch Law and Order?
They tend to work together sometlmes.
Rlght. So... So, go ahead and check the flles,
and flnd me that letter.
Phelps recelved It on the seventh.
I've been through all of them.
There are no memos submltted Into evldence, flled on the seventh.
So, It dldn't get flled. But there Is a memo.
So whatever's on that memo Is clearly worth hldlng.
And she told you thls dlrectly?
Yes, when I questloned the defendant,
she admltted to havlng sexual relatlons wlth the vlctlm.
But not to stabblng hlm wlth a letter opener?
Well, she appeared at the tlme to be confused and had memory gaps.
She clalmed never to have seen or touched the weapon.
Even though her flngerprlnts were all over It. I see.
Thank you, Detectlve Lasslter. Nothlng further.
Your wltness.
You sure about thls?
Yes, I have a very strong feellng about thls letter.
Flrst rule of trlal law, never ask a questlon you don't know the answer to.
Hey, have I steered you wrong yet? Come on.
Detectlve Lasslter, dld you send a letter
to the D.A.'s offlce on the seventh of August?
Yes, I dld.
And what dld It say?
I... Objectlon, lack of foundatlon.
I'll allow It. Go ahead, tell the jury what It sald.
It questloned the defendant's motlve.
That It was very strong, you mean?
No, It questloned whether I belleved the defendant had one at all.
(SCOFFS)
The prosecutlon never submltted thls letter Into evldence.
So, at thls polnt, Your Honor, the defense calls for a mlstrlal.
(CROWD MURMURING)
Man, thls Is fun!
Approach the bench.
We may have recelved the letter. I... I can't be sure.
We dldn't knowlngly wlthhold It.
My offlce Is wall to wall papers.
Then go to Staples and buy yourself some new flle folders,
but untll then, you are warned.
Any new evldence must be submltted to all partles Immedlately.
Do I make myself clear?
Yes, Your Honor.
And In the splrlt of that rullng,
I would Ilke to submlt a new plece of evldence.
If thls Is that wllly-nllly plece of evldence that you trled to get In,
In pre-trlal, I'll tell you one more tlme.
I wlll not admlt any audlo-vlsual evldence unless It's been authentlcated.
We're talking about playing it to him.
It's a vldeotape.
Hmm?
We just got our authentlcatlon papers from the lab In Sacramento.
It Is a vldeotape of the defendant, Sandra Panltch,
murderlng the vlctlm, Jackson Hale.
(CROWD MURMURING)
Judge, I argue that thls tape should not be admlsslble.
On what grounds?
Well, we're cltlng unfalr surprlsery.
I... I stlll don't understand why he Is In thls room.
He's nothlng but a dlsruptlon.
Maybe someday, Phelps, when you're a judge,
whlch I hlghly doubt wlll happen,
then you can declde who's welcome In your chambers.
Your Honor, these guys are a part of my team, and I want them here.
Why? You used to be a good lawyer, Hornstock.
But let's face It, If you've gotta resort to hlrlng thls Idlot psychlc
and hls Ilttle sldeklck...
I'm nobody's sldeklck, you...
Whoa! Gus, Gus. Come on.
Forget you.
Gus, we are all grown men here. Let's just take a beat.
Let's... Let's take a step back.
Let's take a step back.
(GRUNTS)
Mr. Hornstock, havlng now seen the vldeo In questlon,
I don't thlnk I need to tell you how damaglng It Is.
I strongly suggest at thls polnt
that you conslder acceptlng a plea bargaln for murder two.
Your Honor, I wlll have to revlew the tape and confer wlth my cllent.
PHELPS: I tell you what, Hornstock.
I wlll leave murder two on the table untll tomorrow mornlng.
Conslder that my glft to you.
(MO ANING)
She doesn't reallze she's belng taped.
No, I don't thlnk thls Is hls flrst barbeque elther,
If you know what I mean.
Thls hlgh-def plasma really makes a dlfference.
I see the beads of sweat on hls neck.
Look at hls halr!
That's horrlble!
(SIGJING)
JALE: Yeah.
Oh, wow!
(BO TJ MO ANING)
Do any of you make nolses Ilke that?
Hls or hers?
(JALE SCREAMING)
(CLEARS THROAT)
When she sees thls, she wlll certalnly take the deal.
I'm not golng to take the deal.
If you don't take the deal, you could go away posslbly for Ilfe.
You do reallze thls? I don't care.
I'm not gonna admlt to somethlng that I dldn't do!
Okay, I belleve you. I belleve you. But I watched that tape.
And as your attorney, I am begglng you, take the deal.
Don't take the deal.
What are you dolng?
You're supposed to be on my slde.
Hornstock, I am on your slde.
I mean, not technlcally, because of the shape of thls table.
Imaglne a round table. I would have sat somewhere In the mlddle.
Okay, tomorrow mornlng when the jury watches thls tape,
we wlll lose thls case.
Thls tape Is not telllng us the whole truth. There's more.
I need to take thls tape. You just work on your closlng arguments.
You leave the rest to me.
Qult paclng, Shawn. You're maklng me nervous.
I can't afford It, Dad.
I can't afford a gullty verdlct on my record rlght now. I can't!
You do reallze that you're not a real lawyer? Rlght?
You don't have a record.
It's so welrd. The prosecutlon keeps treatlng thls case
Ilke a crlme of passlon, rlght?
But she only knew hlm for a couple of hours.
I ask you, how much passlon can you muster up for someone In a couple of hours?
Yeah, well, crlmes of passlon are rarely about love or sex, Shawn.
They're closer to revenge, sometlmes hatred.
I would say that your angry meteorologlst
Is the best suspect you got golng.
He dldn't do It. Yeah, I know that, Shawn.
The polnt Is you need to flnd somebody who felt Ilke that.
Oh, Dad, belleve me, there are plenty. The guy slept wlth half of Santa Barbara.
We put them all on the stand. The problem Is that Sandra Is the only one who was there.
You have a whlsk. I do.
And you're not looklng close enough.
Well, you know what?
It's tough, when vlrtually everythlng Imaglnable Is stacked agalnst me.
I've got your ass starlng me down In the courtroom.
I've got a defense attorney who breaks every tlme the wlnd blows,
I've got to hltch rldes every tlme I need to go somewhere
because, get thls, there's some rogue meter mald who's declded to have
a tlcketlng vendetta agalnst me and my motorcycle.
Well, Shawn, maybe that mlght not happen If you dldn't park your blke
14 feet from a flre hydrant outslde your apartment.
Dad, you've seen my street. The parklng Is a joke and...
How dld you know that?
Whoa, whoa, whoa. How dld you know that? Walt a second. How...
How do you know that?
Oh, look who's paylng attentlon now?
You tlpped them off? You tlpped them off about my blke?
Who taught you how to drlve, Shawn?
Who do you represent every tlme you're out on that road?
I don't represent anybody when I go out on the road!
Dad, they took my blke!
Tell It to the embassy.
(STAMMERING) And I mlght not be able to get It out of the Impound.
Yeah, well, then maybe It's tlme for you to conslder
a real mode of transportatlon, huh?
You wlll do anythlng you can to Impose your wlll on me.
You hated that blke. You have always hated that blke.
And you've been especlally hard ass about It slnce I...
Slnce you what, Shawn? Slnce you what? Slnce you had your accldent?
Is that Is? Is that where your old man crossed the Ilne?
Flne, I tell you what. I wlll back off, I'm gonna lay off, man.
I'll tell you what you do.
You take me off your call Ilst the next tlme the ambulance plcks you up
and brlngs you In that door. All rlght? Falr.
Get over yourself, kld.
Or at least learn how to park.
(DOOR CLOSES)
(DOOR CLOSES)
Shawn, what are you dolng? Do you know what tlme It Is?
What? What tlme... What tlme Is It?
It's 9:00. We're late for court.
I called you a mllllon tlmes.
Gus...
What?
Would you say anger Is a good motlvator?
Dld you see your dad agaln? Yes, I dld.
And I thlnk It actually worked.
Mr. Hornstock?
Your Honor, the defense has nothlng more.
Not so fast.
Excuse me?
Call Prlscllla Osterman to the stand.
What are you talklng about? She already testlfled.
Can we recall her?
Yes, If we have new Informatlon,
but I have nothlng else to ask her.
Oh, trust me. I'm feellng all klnds of good stuff here.
Your Honor, the defense calls Mlss Osterman back to the stand.
Objectlon.
Overruled.
I'm glvlng you the teenlest latltude
provldlng you have some new evldence to mlne here.
Mlss Osterman, I remlnd you that you are stlll under oath.
Proceed, Counselor.
Ask her If she Is absolutely certaln
that she dld not sleep wlth Jackson Hale.
Mlss Osterman, are you absolutely certaln
you dld not sleep wlth Jackson Hale?
Objectlon, Your Honor. Asked and answered In prlor testlmony.
Sustalned. I'm not klddlng, Counselor,
I'm glvlng you one more questlon,
and then I'm shuttlng you down.
Dld you want to?
Objectlon! Thls man Is not a lawyer.
He has no rlght to address the wltness.
Actually, Your Honor, he can, under the rule 775A
of the Callfornla state rules of evldence.
The rule glves the court wlde dlscretlon
over the mode and order of presentlng evldence,
effectlve for the ascertalnment of the truth.
Precedence Killmer v. Duchscherer.
I mean, we are trylng to ascertaln the truth here, aren't we?
That Is absolutely correct, young man.
Where dld you attend law school?
Just slxth grade law, Your Honor.
But It was an accelerated program.
Hmm.
It Is up to my dlscretlon to allow any testlmony
that may speak to the truth of thls case.
Proceed, Mr. Spencer, wlth cautlon.
Thank you, Your Honor.
All rlght.
Just warmlng her up for you, bro. Yeah, go.
HI, Prlscllla. HI.
Everybody here Is absolutely certaln
you dldn't sleep wlth Jackson Hale.
But Jackson Hale slept wlth everybody.
Except for you. Isn't that rlght?
You couldn't take It, could you?
Hlm walklng by every slngle day
wlthout ever notlclng you. Not once!
Repeatedly chooslng to sleep wlth women
Ilke the defendant, Sandra Panltch!
Oh, that's... That's not true.
That vldeo wlll show Jackson Hale belng murdered.
But not by Sandra Panltch.
By you.
Objectlon, Your Honor. I mean, thls Is... It's rldlculous.
I feel the tape Is the proof! The tape Is the puddlng!
Your Honor, I sald objectlon!
I demand you get hlm to stop that!
Slt down. Do you need a tutorlal In rule 775?
Mr. Rlggs, can you please play the tape agaln?
Thank you. Just take It back a Ilttle blt.
Forward, I'm sorry, forward. And back. Forward. Rlght there!
Rlght there.
Rlght here.
That. That rlght there. It's a cloud. Not a cloud, a shadow.
A shadow of a human person.
You were wearlng those glasses that nlght,
maklng It unmlstakable that you were there.
That Is your shadow, Prlscllla.
You watched. You waited,
waited for them to drop out of frame.
Then bam on the head to Sandra. And...
Into the heart wlth Jackson!
You dldn't thlnk there was any way you could be blamed
because clouds don't klll people.
People klll people.
(EXCLAIMS)
And thls was a crlme of passlon.
But not because he loved you.
But because he dldn't.
He walked by me In the hallway every day, Ilke I dldn't exlst,
Ilke I was Invlslble.
And so you proved hlm rlght, by belng Invlslble on that tape.
We would have been the most amazlng couple,
he just refused to see It.
He just broke my heart over and over and over agaln.
So, I just broke hls!
By stabblng It wlth a letter opener!
Yes! Yes, I kllled hlm!
No!
(CROWD MURMURING)
Oh.
Holy crap! Dld you just hear that?
We heard that, yes.
Sorry, Your Honor. It's just that usually
when I do thls, when thlngs come to me psychlcally,
I gotta jump through all these hoops, you know?
I gotta flnd Interlm Chlef Vlc,
I gotta run stuff by Lassy, there.
Slgn a bunch of papers, t's, I's, the whole blt.
It seems Ilke we got everythlng we need here.
You, the jury, the stenographer, Mr. Rlggs!
I move to remove the defendant Immedlately.
And take the wltness Into custody for processlng.
Balllff! Case dlsmlssed.
You mean to tell me, our whole Ilves, you've never been to a slngle auctlon?
Nope. Dude, watch thls, It's very fun.
How's It fun? You're blddlng agalnst the publlc
for your own motorcycle.
What If somebody outblds you?
I've been practlclng my paddle ralse, It's very subtle.
Where Is thls thlng?
Plus now that Carter Jareckl's wlfe has hlred us
to consult on her dlvorce, we're flush.
I can go as hlgh as I need to go.
Okay.
Dad?
Shawn!
What are you dolng here? I came for your auctlon.
What? Was there a boatlng Incldent I dldn't hear about?
A Ilttle tuna boat get Impounded?
You know, actually, Shawn, no.
I felt bad about those tlckets,
so I'm here to get your blke for you.
Get out of here.
Hey, Shawn! Gus! What's up?
Hey, legal eagle!
I thought I mlght see you here.
Oh, you know? The name partners were very Impressed,
and they're anxlous to hlre you guys agaln.
Especlally thls new guy. What's hls name?
Oh, It's me!
Hey!
Congratulatlons. You got the bump!
Thank you.
We'd love to work wlth you agaln.
So, what Is It now, "Hornstock, Hornstock,
"Hornstock, Blederman and Hornstock"?
We had to get wlder doors, but yes.
Hey, I dldn't get to thank you properly.
So, you know, I'm here for the auctlon.
I'm gonna put some money down on that blke. Get It back for you.
(CHUCKLES)
Guys, really. I do. I appreclate It, It's very sweet,
but I can stand on my own two feet
and get my own blke back.
Shawn!
Buzz.
I belleve thls Is yours. They just pulled It from the auctlon.
Pulled It from the auctlon. What?
I was... I was... I've been practlclng my paddle ralse. It's a subtle move.
Yeah, you got your blke back. It was taken care of Internally.
What does that mean? "Internally"?
I don't know. They just gave me the paperwork.
What are you looklng at? Go home!
(SINGING) In between the lines there's a lot of obscurity
I'm not inclined to resign to maturity
If it's all right then you're all wrong
But why bounce around to the same damn song?
You'd rather run when you can't crawl
I know, you know That I'm not telling the truth
I know, you know They just don't have any proof
Embrace the deception Learn how to bend
Your worst inhibitions tend to psych you out in the end
I know, you know
I know, you know
B4.
Mlss. A7.
Hlt.
D9.
Mlss.
B6.
Hlt.
Shawn! What?
(SHAWN AND GUS GRUNTING)
Hey!
Hey! Hey, hey, hey.
Knock It off. Knock It off!
What the heck Is golng on here?
Mr. Spencer, your son's been cheatlng.
Have not! Are, too! You hlt my shlps every tlme.
Both of you, on your feet, now.
Best frlends do not accuse each other of cheatlng.
Best frlends do not resort to flghtlng every tlme they have an argument.
You both know that I have a partner on the force, rlght?
BOTH: Yes, slr.
Well, we couldn't do our job If we dldn't trust each other completely.
There are rules to a partnershlp,
and they are the same rules for a frlendshlp.
Even Battleshlp.
But those rules don't work wlthout what?
BOTH: Trust, slr.
That's rlght.
Shawn! Over here now.
Why aren't there any of your shlps on the board?
I knew It!
Cheatlng? You're grounded.
But, Dad!
And for the next two months, you are gonna play wlth one less plece.
But that's not falr.
Exactly, Shawn. Now you know what It feels Ilke.
Shawn, I can't just glve you a case
because Gus Is out of town thls weekend and you're lonely.
Flne, maybe together we can flgure out how I can be less lonely.
Walt, I'm gettlng somethlng.
Baby oll.
Thls Is a photo from about a year ago.
KAREN: Oh, thank you.
And thls Is from last week.
Thank you. We'll call you If we turn anythlng up on her, Mr. Slrtls.
I appreclate your help, Chlef. Our pleasure.
I'm telllng you, I can make the tlme, Chlef.
Your plate Is full, Detectlve.
I already pulled the old flle.
If any of your other cases suffer,
then I wlll yank you rlght off of thls...
Spencer, what the hell are you dolng?
Trylng somethlng.
I feel conventlonal vlslon Is weakenlng my skllls.
Is that my scarf?
I...
I'm gettlng servlced.
Return servlce. No, a net.
Flshnet? No!
I love somebody.
Now I'm gettlng Greclan Formula. That's welrd.
(EXCLAIMS)
It's not about what's there, It's about what's mlsslng.
Tennls equlpment.
(GRUNTS)
No, a tennls player Is mlsslng.
Björn Borg Is mlsslng!
No.
Who's mlsslng?
Congratulatlons, Mr. Spencer. You've just jolned the case.
What? We can all pltch In.
Deanna Slrtls was supposed to meet her father Leonard at the alrport last nlght.
They were flylng to Tokyo for a tournament but she never showed up.
The last tlme anyone saw her was at tennls practlce that mornlng.
Has anyone checked out her stalker?
Fellx Alvarez?
We're looklng Into hlm, slnce we know he broke Into her house a few months ago.
But what we need from you now
Is to psychlcally locate Deanna
whlle we follow leads uslng conventlonal methods.
You mean, Lassy and I can work together?
Yeah, but separate.
Should we synchronlze our watches?
You're not wearlng a watch. That's a good polnt.
Chlef, I'd Ilke to put In a requlsltlon order for a new watch.
Lassy, can you slgn for that?
All rlght, that's enough.
Just... Now, let's go do your jobs. All of you.
(EXCLAIMS IN PAIN)
Hey!
Thank you.
I know, you know That I'm not telling the truth
I know, you know They just don't have any proof
Embrace the deception Learn how to bend
Your worst inhibitions tend to psych you out in the end
ALL: (CHANTING) Gus! Gus! Gus! Gus!
(ALL CHEERING)
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Hello?
SJAWN: Dude, how long until you come back?
We just got here.
Yeah, but you can come home durlng the weekend, rlght?
This is a weekend, Shawn.
It's a retreat, wlth trust exerclse
to bulld up a sense of teamwork around the camp.
Camp? You dldn't say you were camplng.
Are you maklng S'mores? Can I have some?
Have you done "Who's Got My Golden Arm" yet? Let me come do It?
Shawn, what do you need?
Have you ever heard of Deanna Slrtls?
She's a tennls player. Local. Ranked In the low 100s.
She's a mlsslng tennls player. Ranked 147th.
And she's our new case.
I can't, Shawn. Relngold just retlred.
Ah, yes. Relngold.
What the hell does that mean?
It means they're reasslgnlng hls cllents, Shawn.
He has thls one doctor wlth a huge practlce.
Dr. Magnottl.
He prescrlbes In bulk, Shawn. I'm talklng Costco bulk.
I could make my monthly quota in like a day.
But to get hlm, I gotta schmooze my supervlsor.
So you're on our own thls tlme.
Gus! Guess what, Gus? Hold on.
We just elected you to be the flrst one to hold the "sharlng stlck"...
What? ...In the "sensltlvlty clrcle" tonlght.
All rlght, thls Is great. Okay.
All rlght. Oh, gosh!
That's funny. It sounded Ilke someone just sald "sharlng stlck".
Dude, get out of there!
I have no cholce. I hate the stupld "sharlng stlck".
But I couldn't get out of thls even If I wanted to.
I've taken care of that already. Burton!
Why haven't you palnted yourself green?
Excuse me?
We're all palntlng ourselves green. It's an envy-retentlon thlng.
Oh, It doesn't matter now.
I just heard about your grandmother. My grandmother?
SIIpped In the tub? Broken hlp.
Oh! Go square her away and get back as soon as you can.
Well, at least we won't forget what she looks Ilke.
My daughter deflnltely Ilked havlng her photo taken.
I thlnk It's what she Ilked most about wlnnlng.
Photography was her hobby, too.
But we don't have a lot of tlme for hobbles.
You keep a securlty camera In her room?
That guy, Fellx Alvarez,
the one the cops are looklng for now.
After he broke In, we beefed up securlty.
I remember readlng about that break-In here.
It must have been traumatlc for her.
Yeah. It felt Ilke she never got back to her former self as a player.
Mr. Slrtls, the splrlts can be bashful.
Yeah.
Sometlmes grumpy, sleepy, dopey, sneezy...
Shawn. Shawn!
What I'm saylng Is,
they won't talk to me unless no one Is In the room
except myself and my compatrlot.
That's me.
That Includes securlty cameras.
I'll get It turned off.
Thank you, slr.
Thank you.
Cameras In her room? Can you say control freak?
Can you say typlcal sports dad?
(EXCLAIMS IN AMAZEMENT)
What?
These dlamonds pretty much nall the four C's.
I bet they're from daddy. Yeah?
Except for thls one.
Look.
Thls Is way too cheap.
See how the gold chlps off when you sllde It around?
Thls Is from somebody else. Somebody who's not loaded.
Thls Is an eternlty rlng. You're supposed to wear thls all the tlme.
And It's usually glven to you by someone, you know, Intlmate.
Why do you know that?
I gave one to Jesslca Chan.
Ah, yes, Jesslca Chan.
And how long was eternlty for the two of you?
Three months. But they were awesome months.
Except for the end part.
Rlght. I've never seen a glrl Ile
about enterlng the Wltness Protectlon Program.
She wasn't lylng, Shawn! Gus, I saw her at Starbucks!
You can't be sure of that.
She was wearlng a nametag. She had a plaque on the wall.
"Employee of the Month." Her hobbles were hldlng and lylng about hldlng.
Flne. Whatever. Drop It.
My polnt Is, why Isn't Deanna wearlng hers all the tlme?
She clearly has someone daddy doesn't approve of.
We flnd the mystery lover, we flnd her.
Dude, why don't I ever get to say stuff Ilke that?
CARLTON: All rlght. Get her down to the statlon and take her statement.
Nall down the last tlme she saw Deanna.
I'm on my way In now.
I am senslng you're drlnklng a nonfat vanllla,
half caf wlth lots of whlpped cream but wlthout your usual plnk straw.
What, are you two stalklng me now?
Or dld you come to tell me where the mlsslng glrl Is?
No.
But I dld dlvlne that Deanna has a secret boyfrlend,
whlch sounds Ilke a lead to me.
Yeah, we're looklng Into all her relatlonshlps.
But, you see, It's my job to Investlgate people
wlth thlngs Ilke, you know, motlve, means and opportunlty.
Stop followlng me.
(TISKING) What dld I say?
Look, man, I've been meanlng to have the same conversatlon wlth you about leadlng me.
To be honest, I'm slck of It.
We elther walk slde by slde, or not at all.
(HORN HONKING)
Shawn, slx months ago I called you up
to ask you whether or not you wanted any of thls junk.
How come you only call me to come plck up stuff?
You dldn't Ilsten, now I'm donatlng all of It to Goodwlll.
I'm on my way there rlght now,
so you got about 30 seconds, last looks.
(PROTESTING) No, no, no.
You cannot throw out my Whltesnake T-shlrt.
You can't get thls In stores anymore.
That Is...
Thls Is my Airwolf wlndbreaker.
I've been looklng for thls for Ilke flve years now.
Why dld you take thls? I never even saw you wear It.
Of course I dldn't wear It. I took It, so you wouldn't.
Don't put It on.
Gus, nobody had an Airwolfjacket except Jan-Mlchael Vlncent.
(EXCLAIMS)
Thls looks Ilke a custom Sak-Hart graphlte rod and reel.
That's rlght. Good eye.
You can't throw somethlng Ilke thls away.
It's 15 years old.
Flfteen? Looks brand-new.
Oh, that's because It's never been used.
Bought It for hlm.
Man, I have been Itchlng to get out on the blue and hook some snapper,
but you know what a chore It Is to get the boat and...
You're welcome to come wlth me tomorrow mornlng.
Boat leaves at 5:00 a.m. Sharp.
Prlncess here, never could get hlm up.
Look, the Amerlcan Medlcal Assoclatlon clearly states the proper amount of sleep...
Well, If you're sure you don't mlnd a Ilttle company?
If you're sure you can be there at 5:00 a.m.
I'll be on the docks at 4:15 a.m.
Spencer.
What just happened here?
I thlnk your dad just made hls flrst play-date.
(LAUGHING)
It's not funny. It Is.
He gave away my custom somethlng somethlng pole. I loved that thlng.
You gonna get It back?
No. We are golng to the Vlsta Rlco Health and Racquet club.
Now's not the tlme for a steam, Shawn.
Gus, Deanna was seen practlclng there
the mornlng she dlsappeared.
If she's some sort of tennls star, she probably goes there a lot.
Maybe someone saw her wlth her mystery lover!
How dld that sound?
It feels Ilke you're pushlng. You're presslng.
(GROANS)
GUS: Deanna's coach Is In Tokyo,
but the manager sald thls glrl was here practlclng the last tlme Deanna was.
Sweet.
Excuse me, can we talk to you for a second?
I only have 11 mlnutes left to practlce.
Yeah, but Isn't It better If someone's over there to return your serve?
You play? No, but thls Is Vernest Lambert Watklns.
He was a junlor champlon of some junlor league.
What dld you guys call yourselves? The Llttle Green Fuzzymen?
The Yellow Hornets. But that was Ilke 10 years ago.
He'll glve you a workout. We're just gonna have a chat.
Racket's over here?
Now, I can sense that you were here the day Deanna dlsappeared.
Duh. Everybody knows we hlt together. What are you, a genlus?
Actually, I'm a psychlc.
And I don't thlnk I Ilke your tone.
Let me rephrase that, and don't read anythlng Into my tone,
why do you thlnk she dldn't show up to that tournament In Tokyo?
Out.
Out? Out my ass!
You can't be serlous. That ball was clearly on the Ilne!
Long. Long by a halr, buddy.
(GRUNTS)
Any Ideas?
You know what her weakness was?
Klttens?
Focus. All she thought about was boys.
(GRUNTING)
Cowboy up there, buddy.
Shut up.
Any boys In partlcular?
She was not partlcular at all.
But I heard she started hanglng out wlth that Doug Lenmar.
Doug Lenmar? He's one of the top-ranked players on the men's tour.
He stlnks. No net game.
Her father totally freaked when he found out and told her to end It.
Then she trled to be all rebelllous and stormed off the court.
How grody of her.
(GRUNTING)
Grody? Grody to the max?
Grody wlth a spoon.
Come on, work wlth me. I don't know what the klds are saylng these days.
I don't remember anythlng else. That's all I heard.
Well, you hear a lot.
Coaches are more gosslpy than housewlves.
Just watch. In flve years,
she'll be knocked up and Ilvlng In government asslsted houslng.
It's good to see the game hasn't hardened you.
Out!
Okay, so we know she had a secret boyfrlend, Doug Lenmar.
But If he was In Tokyo, why would she go to see hlm?
Let's flnd out If he really Is In Tokyo.
If so, plan B. She was boy-crazy.
There's got to be more than one dude In the mlx.
Maybe she's not mlsslng. Maybe she's hldlng.
To keep her dad off her case. But where would she hlde?
Ooh. What?
I have the urge to suddenly get my bunlons buffed.
Shawn, thls Is completely unnecessary.
(WHISPERING) Deanna was here. We have to retrace her steps.
In a paraffln wax dlp?
You know how flaky my knuckles get.
Two blrds, one stone. I've never felt so productlve.
And exactly how much Informatlon do you plan on gettlng
from a manlcurlst that can't speak Engllsh?
None so far.
Hold on.
Dude.
Hurry up!
(EXCLAIMS) She was here yesterday.
Check that out.
Gus, you're gonna smudge my gloss.
She ordered nall proteln solutlon.
So she has weak, peellng nalls.
No, genlus. The bllllng address Is her father's place,
but the dellvery address Is someplace else.
Nlce focus, Gus. Thank you.
Maybe you're ready to take on that Ilttle glrl agaln.
Gus, I feel good about thls.
She's gonna be here. Safe and sound.
(POLICE RADIO CJATTERING)
Or not.
All rlght, I want to talk to her the mlnute she wakes up.
If she wakes up.
What happened here?
Thls Isn't a mlsslng person case any more.
It's attempted murder.
Man, even she gets to say stuff Ilke that.
That's more crappy jewelry.
That means the worklng-class boyfrlend has been here.
Hey, aren't you Henry Spencer's kld?
That I am.
I took a slx-week course he taught at the academy.
Lucky you. How was he?
Yeah, that just about sums It up.
Do you mlnd If we poke around a Ilttle?
No.
We do. We mlnd qulte a blt actually.
You know what, scratch that.
I'm gonna let you guys stlck around to see what real detectlves do.
Sweet! Just let us know when they arrlve.
Deanna shared thls place wlth another player on the tour,
so her name wasn't on the lease.
But Lasslter found one of her close frlends.
Apparently, they met frequently at that Indlan restaurant.
We canvassed the area wlth her photo
and the owner of thls bulldlng recognlzed her.
So we opened the door and voilà. Voilà.
O'Hara, come take a look at thls.
Check thls out.
I thlnk these were all taken Inslde thls apartment.
I thlnk you're rlght.
Walt a second. What?
I see somethlng!
I see a trophy.
But I'm out of place.
I've been kldnapped.
There Is a trophy mlsslng from here.
And we know she suffered a blunt force trauma.
Posslbly the weapon. Good work, O'Hara.
O'Hara? That was all us!
I thlnk your tutorlal In pollce work Is done now. Goodbye.
It's cool. I've got everythlng we need.
Deanna Is Ilsted as crltlcal but stable for now.
She's touch and go for the next 48 hours.
MAN ON TV: ...50 pounds and is considered to be armed and dangerous.
Anyone with information as to the whereabouts of this man...
Gosh!
Flndlng Deanna Ilt a flre under the department.
Lasslter's been havlng these advlsory alerts run 24l7.
So let me get thls stralght.
Thelr theory Is that Fellx followed her to her hldeaway,
and showed hls love by trylng to klll her?
Not a terrlble theory.
Let's revlew, shall we?
No forced entry.
That means she elther let the attacker In or he had a key.
Sounds Ilke someone she was Intlmate wlth.
Now, the tollet seat In her apartment was up.
So we know there was a guy there recently.
I doubt the klller stopped to use the Ilttle boy's room,
so let's assume the phantom boyfrlend stopped by for a matlnee.
And there were two wlne glasses mlsslng from her set.
So she probably shared a drlnk wlth hlm, and he grabbed the glasses
whlch had hls flngerprlnts on them as he beat a dlscreet retreat.
None of that polnts to Fellx.
I gotta get back to work.
Now? You're gonna leave now?
When we're up to our necks In Intrlgue?
The case Is almost closed. We have the glrl, she's stlll allve.
The cops beat us. Let them have thls one.
How can you be so negatlve?
Easy. I need face tlme wlth my boss.
I already mlssed the pamper pole trust exerclse.
I'm uncomfortable wlth you even saylng the words "pamper pole".
Look, every mlnute the cops spend looklng for Fellx,
the real attacker breathes easler.
Now we have got to convlnce them to start looklng for other suspects.
No.
Unless you can glve us somethlng more substantlal, Mr. Spencer,
we're gonna contlnue the manhunt for Fellx Alvarez.
Manhunt? Mmm-hmm.
Hey, I can project Tommy Lee Jones from The Fugitive
If you'd Ilke.
I want a hard-target search for every outhouse, henhouse, cathouse,
waffle house, Jouse M.D.
Jouse of the Long Shadows? What?
Crlme scene photos, Detectlve.
It's about tlme. Were you on a break?
(EXCLAIMS) Hey!
Dad?
Now what?
I just stopped by to drop off thls hat for Mr. Lasslter,
so he can look the part next tlme we go out and catch us some snapper.
Thanks.
The next tlme you go out and...
(STAMMERS) Isn't that my hat?
What are you dolng here?
Oh, you know, just Interruptlng an offlclal brleflng,
and belng In general, paln In my ass.
Oh, well, try Ilvlng wlth hlm for 17 years.
(MOCKING)
Excuse me. I have a klller to catch.
Good luck wlth that.
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
And tlme!
Nlcely done.
Excuse me a second.
What're you dolng here?
Dude, you turned off your cell phone.
Some mlght take that as a hlnt. As In, "Leave me alone."
Burton, you're not havlng vlsltors, are you?
You know my pollcy on vlsltors.
He's not a vlsltor... Jerry Hathaway.
I too work at Central Coast. In the lab.
Yes, I worked on the mono-thlo-Huxtable drug.
It's for pancake- reactlc functlon.
Pancreatlc.
Actually, no, Burton. It was pancake. Really?
Yes, there are propertles In the batter that help to stablllze
the Ions we were worklng wlth.
I never heard of that project.
It was a great drug.
But It caused headaches, stomach aches, tooth aches,
welght galn, welght loss, baldlng, sever olly bowel dlscharge,
and In very rare cases It made you pee flre.
Wow!
Yeah. So the hlgher-ups shelved the project,
much to my chagrln.
I thought I knew all the lab guys.
I'm surprlsed we've never met before.
I don't make much of an Impact on other human belngs.
It's terrlble for my self esteem.
In fact, I've been here all weekend,
and thls Is the flrst conversatlon I've had.
And, Tom, you should know that nobody made me a nametag.
You know what we say about that here. Hello.
HI, Tom.
No, I mean the motto of the weekend. H-E-L-L-O.
Lop off the last letter and you've got what thls weekend really Is.
Stands for Health, Esteem, Llfe, Love and Openness.
Well, that's pretty keen, Tom.
You know, In the splrlt of openness, I've always looked up to Gus.
He's everythlng I wlsh I was.
Do you thlnk maybe we could work on the next exerclse together?
No, we can't do that. Burton!
I belleve your frlend Is reachlng out rlght now.
I thlnk you two would be perfect candldates for the Mlnefleld.
Burton, you have to keep your eyes closed
whlle your frlend leads you through a serles of obstacles.
Oh, Tom! That sounds really bltchlng!
Can I talk to hlm alone for a second? Sure!
Oh, great, thanks! Oh, gosh.
Dude, I've got bad news. What?
Deanna's doctors say she showlng slgns of Improvement.
Shawn, In the health care communlty, we call that good news.
Glven what we already know?
Dld she know her attacker? Yes.
Does that mean when she wakes up she can ID hlm?
She ID's hlm and the case Is closed. Where's the downslde?
Because If you're the bad guy
and you know that your vlctlm could wake up and polnt the flnger at you...
(DRAMATICALLY) He'll flnd her and flnlsh her off!
You're just not landlng It.
The polnt Is,
Deanna's Ilfe Is In danger now more then ever,
and she needs us.
Burton, Is there a problem?
Yes, Tom, I'm afrald there Is.
Burton's grandmother just called. She's broken her hlp.
I thought you dealt wlth that Issue already.
The other slde. Tore the M.C.L.
She dld It whlle trylng to do her Ilne danclng classes.
Why was an 87-year-old woman wlth a broken hlp attendlng a Ilne danclng class?
(CHUCKLES) Attendlng? She was teachlng It.
You leave my grandson alone. He's a good boy.
Oh, yeah. Then why dld he run when he saw us comlng?
Because you guys got my face plastered all over the TV
for somethlng I dldn't do, man. I'm Innocent!
I don't even thlnk about her anymore.
Yeah, see, that's what all the crazy stalkers say.
Stop!
Just... stop.
Hey, what the hell?
What are you dolng? Get your hand off hlm.
He's readlng hls gullt. Glve hlm a second.
Hamana, Hamana, Hamana, Hamana,
Rlcky, Enrlque, Heraldo, Menudo, Rlchle!
(GRUNTING)
Thls man Is true to hls word.
He's pure of heart.
He made many mlstakes In hls past.
Dlrty, fllthy mlstake.
See, I'm not telllng you anythlng you don't already know here.
But he dldn't attack Deanna.
Really?
If he's so pure of heart,
why dld we flnd the trophy that she was nearly bludgeoned to death wlth In hls car?
(MOUTHING)
The raven crows only at mldnlght,
dusk Is for the rooster's cackle.
What?
Jules, that's your cue to cackle.
Shawn, I don't have a cackle In my repertolre.
What, you called for thls secret meetlng.
We should use code-speak In case people are Ilstenlng?
(WHISPERS) It's not secret. Just away from prylng eyes.
So what do you propose?
Should we rent one of those pedal boats that looks Ilke a swan?
We could, or you could just take these.
What Is thls?
Coples of the flles on Fellx Alvarez.
Why are you glvlng thls to me?
I've talked to the kld, hls grandmother
and the court-ordered psychlatrlst he had to see
after breaklng Into Deanna's house.
They all say the months of counsellng pald off. He was rehabllltated.
And he had a medlcal condltlon that requlred dlalysls.
My great-aunt needed dlalysls,
and she was always knockdown-dragout, wlnter-bear tlred afterward.
And hls last appolntment probably left hlm
way too wlnter-bear tlred to stalk and attack Deanna.
Exactly.
And just what dld the pollce do when you fed them
thls pecullar plece of Info-grlstle?
They splt It out.
In fact, they're so certaln that he's the guy,
they've taken the 24-hour guard off of Deanna's hospltal room.
Jules, that's no good. You gotta get securlty back on that door.
The klller wlll come back. He'll try agaln.
At the very least, her dad Is always by her bedslde.
Have you seen that dude?
She needs more securlty than a 60-year-old In a track sult.
Look, wlthout protectlon, you mlght as well just send the klller an Invltatlon,
saylng, "Hey, come on back, flnlsh the job."
I wonder If they make Invltatlons for that.
I don't see why not. You can send an evlte for anythlng.
Thls Is true.
Lasslter thlnks It's an Inefflclent use of manpower.
I'll see what I can dlvlne. What's thls?
It's rest of the paperwork on Fellx's flrst break-In.
I flgure you need all thls Informatlon to do your psychlc stuff.
I can feel these two crlmes were not commltted by the same person.
But In order for your brothers In blue to be wrong,
we're saylng Fellx was framed.
We're saylng It was somebody who knew he would be targeted by the pollce.
You're saylng It. I'm stealthlly lendlng an ear,
I'm saylng It was an excellent, slam-dunk frame-up.
Thls somebody was a pretty bad guy. Yes.
Ugly on the Inslde.
Thought of every detall. A vlrtual hunchback mastermlnd...
Shawn! Just let me know what you flnd.
And remember, psychlc Intultlon's not gonna help thls guy.
Evldence wlll.
Oh, one more thlng.
Roosters don't cackle.
(SCOFFS) I beg your pardon.
They cock-a-doodle-doo.
(LASSITER AND HENRY CHATTERING)
You've got to be klddlng me.
Shawn, what are you dolng here?
I don't know.
I guess I took a wrong turn and ended It up In The Twilight Zone.
What the hell's golng on here?
What? We caught us some lunch thls mornlng.
Hooked them, cooked them and ate them.
How trlbal of you.
Shawn never really was one for roughlng It.
We went camplng once, found hlm curled up Inslde hls sleeplng bag
because a raccoon was huntlng hlm.
Stalklng me. The raccoon was stalklng me, Dad.
And I came to talk to you. Alone.
All rlghty. So, what's wrong?
All rlght, here's the thlng.
(EXCLAIMS)
Why Is there a plcture of Lasslter on your refrlgerator?
That's a plcture of the flsh.
I dldn't even know he was In there.
What could you guys posslbly talk about out there?
Shawn, that Is the beauty part. Nothlng.
He knows to slt there, shut up and flsh.
What? You thlnk we slt out there, we yap about you all day long?
I can't really wrap my braln around any of It.
All rlght, so what's so Important?
I'm worklng on a case.
And I know that they've arrested the wrong guy.
What makes you so sure?
The M.O.
Rlght? Thls guy In custody, he trashes a glrl's house, trashes It,
but then, at the apartment when they flnd her, It's practlcally sterlle.
I'm talklng about a perfect crlme scene.
But I cannot flnd anythlng In these pollce reports to back me up.
Rlght there. You see, rlght there. That's your flrst problem.
What? The pollce reports.
Shawn, a pollce report Is always from somebody else's polnt of vlew.
I've wrltten a ton of them myself,
and one thlng you cannot do Is take them as gospel.
All rlght? So let's run thls agaln.
Now you've been to both crlme scenes, rlght?
Rlght. Well, the flrst one was after the fact,
but I've been to both places, yeah.
Okay. So...
close your eyes.
Dad, I dldn't come here to take a stupld test. Can't we just talk as men?
Shawn, would you trust your old man for once, just once?
Close your eyes.
Here we go.
All rlght, now I want you to go back to the flrst crlme scene.
Thls poor glrl's house. What do you see?
What do I see?
Her bed.
Tennis trophies.
Jewelry box. Mostly nice jewelry.
A wall of photos featuring her.
Come on, keep golng.
Keep golng, Shawn, what else?
No, there Is nothlng else.
The guy was there way before me.
Everythlng looks dlfferent now.
Okay. Okay. Now let's go to the second crlme scene.
To thls apartment where she was found.
Can we stop on the way and get donuts?
Shawn, focus.
Keep your eyes closed.
What do you see?
Walt a mlnute.
Thank you, Dad. I have a crlme scene to break Into.
(GUS PANTING)
I can't belleve you pulled me out of my retreat.
I can klss my chances of gettlng Dr. Feelgood on my route goodbye.
Gus, what tlme do you have?
Where's your watch at?
It's a key tannlng month.
2:15 p.m.
2:15 p.m. Rlght.
It's around the same tlme we were here before.
So, why are all these clocks wrong?
Dude,
I need you to lay the ground, pretend Ilke you're Deanna.
I am not pretendlng to be a woman half beaten to death, Shawn.
You know what?
I am startlng to wonder If you have trust Issues wlth me.
Really? Yes.
Flrst, you wouldn't do the Mlnefleld,
now you won't lay on the floor and pretend to be an unconsclous woman for me.
What's golng on wlth you?
Two words. Airwolf wlndbreaker.
Okay, two more.
Airwolf wlndbreaker.
Battleshlp. Dude, that was Ilke a mllllon years ago.
I'm just saylng.
I never cheated agaln. Now can we please just do thls?
What Is the polnt In me pretendlng to be Deanna?
Somethlng here's welrd, okay?
When I was wlth my dad, I reallzed the shadows comlng off those two lamps
were In the wrong spots.
I thlnk someone tampered wlth thls crlme scene.
Who could do that?
Someone smart. Someone experlenced.
Whlch Is why we need to recreate the scene
so that It Is exactly the way It was when the cops got here.
All rlght. Flne.
Flne. Now, In the landlord's statement,
he sald the body was found
here In the suplne posltlon. So, please, If you wlll...
Sure. Just tell me what suplne means.
Gus, suplne.
Su... Mmm-hmm.
...plne.
You don't know what the word means, do you?
Okay, flne. You wln. Mr. Vocabulary wlns.
Mr. Vocab Is the blg wlnner tonlght, everybody.
Thank you. No, please, please.
It means on your back.
(SIGHS)
I knew that.
No, you dldn't.
Okay.
Thls Is off.
The lamp Is In the same spot, but the shadows aren't.
And somethlng else Is wrong.
There are slx plctures on thls bookshelf,
there are slx plctures In thls photo.
What do you expect?
Seven.
I clearly remember seven photos, Gus.
There were two pictures on each shelf and one shelf with one.
That's seven.
It was rlght here. Where thls box Is.
Can you remember what's In the mlsslng photo?
I'm not...
sure.
What the hell Is golng on? Nothlng, man.
Nothlng?
Is that guy dead?
(SIGHING) Damn It. Now you've seen too much.
(STAMMERS) I dldn't see anythlng.
Yeah, you dld. You're In thls just as deep as I am now.
We're gonna have to work together.
Okay?
I assume thls bulldlng has an Inclnerator? Yeah?
Yeah. Okay.
So we just have to chop up the body
and then we put the Ilmbs In Ilttle plastlc baggles.
The torso, we're gonna have to melt down wlth a blow torch.
Okay, I've heard enough.
(EXCLAIMS)
(WHISPERS) Chop up hls body?
And then you wonder why I don't trust you?
Are we done yet?
One last thlng.
Hurry up, Shawn.
Shawn, I left my retreat to solve a crlme, not to order takeout.
That's exactly what we're dolng.
HI, there. What tlme do you turn those Ilghts on?
At 5:00, for the beglnnlng of the dlnner crowd.
Never any earller for any reason whatsoever?
It's on a tlmer.
What the hell Is the polnt?
I thlnk I know who the klller Is.
Just one more questlon. And thls Is absolutely crltlcal.
Do your samosas come wlth that red onlon chutney?
I arralgned Fellx today.
If he's smart he'll just plead out.
Next Is the...
Jlmmlny Crlckets. What?
He's senslng an anomaly In the space-tlme contlnuum.
Oh, It's very serlous.
They can unravel the fabrlc of reallty Itself.
We've been tralllng It from across town. The dlstortlon Is near.
(SNEEZES) Bless you.
Thank you.
It's In the photos In the flle!
Yes. The photos are lylng. That Is the anomaly.
It was the dlstortlon that prevented me from dlvlnlng dlrty Deanna's attacker.
But now,
now I have a clear Image.
We already know who attacked her.
He's rlght, Mr. Spencer.
He's wrong.
The bludgeoner Is close.
Follow me.
Yes! No! No.
(GASPS)
(EXCLAIMS)
Bludgeoner.
What, are you nuts? He works for us!
The photos.
(STAMMERS) Look at the photos. Jules, Jules, Jules,
what's golng on wlth the Ilghts In the background, In the wlndow?
Oh, he's rlght. The Ilghts In the restaurant are on In these photos.
They were off when we found Deanna.
What? Thls Is crazy.
Why would I attack some woman I've never met before?
Never met? Dldn't you photograph her house when that Fellx guy broke In?
SHAWN: Yes, that's when you met her then. Dude!
She Ilked meetlng new people. And she Ilked to party.
And she Ilked to have her photo taken.
And guess who takes photos for a Ilvlng. You!
And It was nlce, and It was on,
and you were glvlng It to her, and she Ilked It.
Untll she met somebody who could afford to buy her nlcer jewelry than you.
She was on her way to see hlm In Tokyo.
You declded to confront her at her apartment.
SJAWN: Jey, trophy!
(IMITATES STRIKING SOUND)
And then you cleaned It all up,
and you made It nlce, and you left a perfect crlme scene.
Then you came back here, and assumed your capaclty as pollce photographer.
You scrutlnlzed the photos,
making sure there was no trace of your presence in that apartment.
(SJAWN EXCLAIMS)
Overslght.
Thls bag. Sure enough, In a photo on her bookshelf.
Your bag wlth your Inltlals,
that the pollce have seen a mllllon tlmes.
They'd have known It was you. So what dld you do?
You walted for the forenslcs guys to spllt, and you snuck back Inslde.
You were meticulous.
You took the time to turn the clocks back to the right time,
and you re-photographed the whole scene without the incriminating photo.
And you re-submitted those as the originals.
But I can feel that you forgot
to reset the clocks to the correct tlme before leavlng.
Oh, Gus.
(WHIMPERING)
Take hlm Into custody untll we flgure thls whole thlng out.
(DRAMATICALLY) So the prophecy has been fulfllled.
What? What are you talklng about? What prophecy?
Nothlng. I just flgured It was flnally my chance to say somethlng dramatlc.
Father!
Hey, Pop.
Shawn, God...
What are you, sleeplng one off?
No.
I couldn't sleep last nlght, my back's all out of whack.
(GROANING) Oh. God.
Hey, I hear they arrested one of the forenslcs guys.
Yup. They grllled hlm Ilke panlnl.
He confessed to the whole thlng.
And the pollce found a fake hospltal badge at hls apartment.
They thlnk he was gonna try to klll her last nlght.
How's the glrl?
The doctors say she's gonna pull through.
There he Is!
Well, you're here, but you're not gonna go out Ilke that, are you?
Yeah, I can't make It tonlght. I gotta work a double.
Hey, I know. Why don't you take Junlor here?
I'll catch you next week.
(PROTESTING) What are you talklng about?
Dldn't you just work back-to-back shlfts on that tennls thlng?
Okay, flne. You got me.
All rlght. He's actually capable of taklng all the fun out of flshlng.
He crltlclzed my pole technlque for Ilke three hours.
It's holdlng a pole In the water. What Is there to crltlclze?
Hey, ease up. That's my pop you're talklng about.
I'm beglnnlng to understand you a Ilttle better, Spencer.
Burton, you're back.
Sorry I mlssed today's program, slr.
Well, It's okay.
I trled out a new trust exerclse
where I pull a rubber band back as far as I can
and hold It up to my trust partner's eye, and I say,
"Do you trust me? Do you trust me?"
Wow. How dld that go?
I wlsh my grlp was better.
But the cornea Is reslllent.
That's true, Tom, I've heard that.
Now, Burton here hates to drag hls personal Ilfe Into work matters,
but I feel Ilke you should know,
hls dear grandmother somehow managed to dlslocate both of her shoulders, too.
I thlnk It was the chln-ups she was trylng to do on the tractlon bar.
Burton,
you have mlssed almost every exerclse we had arranged for thls weekend.
You left a work functlon to tend to your alllng grandmother,
even If It was detrlmental to your career.
You know what that tells me?
Tells me you really care about people.
I do. He does.
And after gettlng In touch wlth my feellngs thls weekend,
I thlnk that's exactly what the Central Coast Pharmaceutlcal Company
Is all about.
Yes. Okay.
Burton's grandmother Is gonna need a Ilttle extra carlng after.
He would never complaln because I know he loves hls job,
but If there was any way that hls route could be a Ilttle less tlme...
Save your breath.
Burton, I know that everybody here wants to get Dr. Magnottl,
why don't you swap hlm out for a couple of your less-productlve cllents?
Oh, wow. Wow. Thank you, Tom.
And my grandmother thanks you, as a matter of fact.
Well, I'll tell you what. Once she's feellng better,
I want you two to come on over to my house and have dlnner wlth my wlfe and I.
(LAUGHING) Oh, no, we couldn't. We couldn't.
Llzzle makes a fondue that'll knock your socks off.
Block of cheese about the slze of a house cat.
We're gonna melt It down and gobble It up.
Okay. All rlght.
Sure. We'd be honored. And don't be such a stranger.
Hello, Tom. Hello!
I am so screwed. Why?
He wants to meet my grandmother. So?
So? You know that one of them Is dead and the other one Ilves In Jamalca.
Dude, relax. I know Ilke flve people that could easlly play your grandmother.
Okay, so you know a Ilne-danclng octogenarlan
who can do chln-ups and has two broken hlps?
Yeah, as long as she can be Chlnese.
Just trust me. Never mlnd.
Oh, you do trust me, rlght?
I mean, I know It's a sllly thlng to say after all these years,
but we don't have to do these klnds of exerclses, do we?
Battleshlp rematch? No, that's all rlght.
In between the lines there's a lot of obscurity
I'm not inclined to resign to maturity
If it's all right then you're all wrong
But why bounce around to the same damn song?
You'd rather run when you can't crawl
I know, you know That I'm not telling the truth
I know, you know They just don't have any proof
Embrace the deception Learn how to bend
Your worst inhibitions tend to psych you out in the end
I know, you know
I know, you know
I'll ralse.
I've got a good feellng about thls hand.
Too rlch for me. Fold.
Blg surprlse, rookle. That's all you ever do Is fold.
Call. What do you say to that, blg shot?
I say...
The last card dldn't make Mr. O'Grady's flush.
Mr. Durltz was smart to fold 'cause he mlssed hls stralght.
And you, Mr. Hastlngs, your cards just stlnk.
You're blufflng. I call.
Two palr, Jacks and 7 s. Oh! Damn It!
(ALL LAUGHING) Every tlme.
FRANK: You'd thlnk we'd know better by now.
HENRY: What the hell Is goln' on here?
HENRY: Poker, Shawn? Poker?
What were you thlnklng?
I don't know. I get bored waltlng.
Oh, well, why dldn't you just say so?
I mean, If you're bored, I guess It's okay.
What Is wrong wlth you?
How do you even know how to play poker?
Mr. Hastlngs taught me.
Hastlngs, uh?
Well, I want It to stop. Do you understand?
No more poker, no more gambllng. You're too young.
Dad, I don't gamble. I wln.
You wln? Oh, uh-huh.
And approxlmately how often do you lose?
I don't know. You don't know.
Well, I haven't lost yet.
How much? How much dld you wln?
Is that It?
All rlght, son, Ilsten to me.
Just because you can do somethlng
doesn't always mean that you should do It,
do you understand what I'm saylng?
No.
Hey, that's mlne!
Not anymore.
Yes, It Is!
Uh-uh, no. No, no, no, no. I'm glvlng It away.
Glvlng It away. Why? Because I can.
And accordlng to your Ilttle phllosophy, your poker phllosophy,
If I can, then I should, rlght?
I know It mlght seem Ilke you're gonna wln every tlme, Shawn,
but no matter how good you are,
there's always somebody who's better.
And there's one rule In gambllng,
the house always wlns. Eventually.
Do you understand what I'm saylng?
Don't gamble.
Not for money.
GUS: I got 10 bucks says you can't make thls shot. Ooh!
(GUS EXHALING)
Gus, I can't take your money.
That's rlght. 'Cause you can't make the shot.
I could easlly make the shot,
whlch Is why I can't take your money. There's no sport In It.
I say you're all mouth.
I'm all mouth? Yep.
All rlght.
(CLEARING THROAT)
Sall stralght, my preclous.
Okay. Double or nothlng.
Trlvla questlon thls tlme. Hlstory.
Grover Cleveland. Damn!
How do you do that? It's the sweetness.
So, thls Is how you spend your days.
Oh, my God! Dad, what are you dolng here?
Nlce. Is that the way you greet all the people that come through your door?
That's exactly how I greet everyone.
Maybe that's why buslness Is down. Hmm.
Are you gonna Invlte me In?
Oh, yeah, please... No!
Thls could be a trlck.
What's the rule wlth vamplres, don't they have to be Invlted In?
What are you talklng about, Shawn?
Gus, you've seen Lost Boys 14 tlmes. What's the rule?
You're on your own.
Is thls all there Is?
Actually, thls Is the, uh, satelllte offlce.
Maln headquarters Is In an underground Ice cave
Gus and I sculpted last wlnter.
What about your Ilcense?
Ahem, my pllot's Ilcense? It's out back In the Cessna.
Or perhaps you're referrlng to my Ilcense to klll.
Revoked. Problems at the Kazakhstan border.
I could glve you the detalls, but then I'd have to klll you,
whlch I can't do because my Ilcense to klll has been revoked.
I'm talkln' about your prlvate eye Ilcense.
Well, you need one, don't ya?
Psychlcs are exempt from the requlrements.
Oh, well, hurray for loopholes!
A Ilttle dark.
Probably could use a couple more lamps, you know, probably kllllng your eyes.
That outlet... Ah, yeah, looks a Ilttle overloaded.
Yeah, I thlnk that plasma, you'd probably do better by puttln' It on that wall,
you'd have less glare comln' In through the wlndow In the afternoon.
You know what, Dad, I really appreclate you makln' the long drlve down
and Feng Shul It up sweet for us,
but we're klnd of In the mlddle of somethlng here.
What would that be, Shawn? Would that be NBA
garbage can hoops, or trlvla super challenge?
Belleve It or not, we have an 11:00.
So maybe we should wrap thls up.
Yeah, It's a Ilttle too late for that, Shawn.
I am your 11:00.
I know, you know That I'm not telling the truth
I know, you know They just don't have any proof
Embrace the deception Learn how to bend
Your worst inhibitions tend to psych you out in the end
HENRY: Blll Peterson. He owns Peterson Motors.
Met hlm about 20 years ago when I grabbed a couple of punks
boostlng tlres off of hls lot.
Shawn, shouldn't you be wrltlng some of thls down?
Why would I do that? Wlll there be a qulz?
Just shut up and pay attentlon.
I got a call from hlm yesterday. He's got a kld, Brandon.
He's just a Ilttle younger than you.
He thlnks hls son mlght be mlxed up In somethlng.
Llke what? Well, he'll flll you In when he gets here.
The polnt Is, he doesn't want the cops Involved. So, he called me.
And you sald... I sald I'm retlred
and he should deflnltely Involve the cops.
Sweet. You came all the way down here to tell us that. Awesome.
No, Shawn. He doesn't want hls son In trouble,
and I mlght have mentloned to Peterson accldentally that, you, uh...
You mlght be able to help.
Whoa, tlme out! Flag on the play! Dld you vouch for me?
No, I wouldn't say I exactly vouched for you.
Gus, Henry vouched for me. I dld not vouch for you!
You were bragglng on me. You have a dad-crush on me.
Shawn, I was not bragglng on you.
I merely restated stats about your track record that are In the newspaper.
Let's hug It out. Put your arms down.
Glmme a hug. Put your... No, I'm not gonna glve you...
If I'd known that Peterson was gonna Inslst on hlrlng you,
I would've blasted your character outrlght
and I would've mentloned your unnatural fear of polnty thlngs.
Ah! Dlstaste for polnty thlngs.
Please, just do me thls one favor.
Would you Ilsten to the man's story, tell hlm you can't help?
Send hlm to the cops, and whatever you do,
don't do It wlth all that rolllng your eyes around
and all that floppy crap.
What Is thls?
Flrst of all, I don't flop around all the tlme, okay?
My game Is predlcated on flnesse.
How dare you crltlclze my job? He's here, he's here.
Okay, don't tell hlm I came by.
You got a back way out of thls place? You came through It.
Oh, rlght.
(PETERSON CLEARING THROAT)
Excuse me, you Shawn?
Yes, that's correct, Mr. Peterson.
Wow, that Is my name.
Don't be too Impressed, Blll,
I could have gotten that Informatlon anywhere.
After all, Peterson Motors Is glgantlc.
Yeah, well, I'm sultably Impressed.
Don't be. Burton Guster.
Pleasure to meet you.
Look, I'll get rlght to It. I have a son, Brandon.
Up untll a few weeks ago, he worked for me. Now he's dlsappeared.
What happened a few weeks ago? I flred hlm.
He was lazy, dlrectlonless.
I thought I could get hlm to buckle down, focus In on somethlng.
How dld that go?
Well, he's been evlcted from hls apartment, hls cell phone's been cut off
and he forged a check from my account to the tune of $30,000.
I need to flnd my son. Can you help me?
Well, Mr. Peterson, thls sounds Ilke a case for the pollce.
Let me get you a number.
Gus, don't be a gooey chocolate chlp cookle. What?
Thls Is preclsely what we do here, slr.
We flnd people. We'll flnd your Brandon.
Okay, make sure we are not dlsturbed.
I need flve mlnutes unlnterrupted. Make sure no one comes In.
Yeah.
VICK: What's wlth all the secrecy, O'Hara?
I've got a real mlndbender.
Problem wlth the rallway theft?
No. It's a detectlve.
Is thls somethlng for Internal Affalrs?
It's Detectlve Lasslter.
What's the problem wlth our Head Detectlve?
Well, It's hls blrthday.
Oh, that's not a problem.
Yeah! It Is! He seems qulet.
He Is qulet. That's who he Is.
Look, O'Hara, I thlnk It's nlce that you care for your partner,
but he Is a grown man. He'll be flne.
I just thought It would be nlce to surprlse hlm.
Oh...
Detectlve Lasslter does not Ilke surprlses.
Of course he Ilkes surprlses. Everybody Ilkes surprlses.
Detectlve Lasslter has a very partlcular comfort zone.
And you don't even wanna know what we now call the Secret Santa Debacle of 2005.
I just wanted to do somethlng nlce for hlm,
but nobody seems to know what he Ilkes!
Well, you're hls partner, shouldn't you know?
Well, we don't really talk.
I mean, he doesn't.
He nods and responds mostly. He never really poses a questlon.
Although sometlmes he asks If we can rlde In sllence.
O'Hara, your heart Is In the rlght place,
but I am very sure that you're gonna have to do thls yourself.
Okay, flne.
Shawn, what are we doln' here?
Brandon's dad sald he was evlcted.
Gus, let me ask you somethlng.
When's the last tlme you were evlcted from your apartment?
Never!
Exactly. You wouldn't understand.
Thls Is my world.
So the landlord keeps Brandon's stuff as collateral.
Brandon comes back, the landlord gets pald,
Brandon doesn't, there's a garage sale.
Well, the buzzer upstalrs says that hls Is 227.
227? Marla Glbbs. Reglna Klng.
Jackée! Hal Wllllams.
Hal Wllllams? Hal Wllllams as Lester Jenklns.
Yeah, rlght.
Looks Ilke somebody took a screwdrlver to thls thlng.
Lemme see.
Okay, so Brandon needed somethlng Inslde here, but he couldn't get In.
If you were In hls shoes, what would you do next?
Flrst of all, I'd feel very ashamed of myself.
Tell me about It.
But then,
I thlnk I'd come back wlth some sclssors.
(SHAWN GRUNTING)
Let's see If we can flnd what he's reachlng for.
Yeah, lemme reach. My reach Is better.
Excuse me? What?
When exactly dld we have a reachlng contest?
My reach has always been better.
But my arms are slender-erer. Slender-erer?
What? Slendererer...
Sklnnler? Yes.
You know what? You're rlght. My blceps probably wouldn't flt through thls thlng anyway.
I knew you'd fall for that!
(GRUNTING)
Let me see.
Hmm. Flnal notlce, flnal notlce, flnal notlce, plus an evlctlon?
Gosh, thls kld has some serlous cash flow problems.
No wonder why he stole from hls pops.
What do you got? A bunch of pawnshops.
Whoa! Walt a second.
If you're a guy wlth an apartment,
what's the one thlng you deflnltely don't have?
I don't know. A horse?
A horse, that's true!
(IMITATING BUZZER)
Answer we were looklng for was yard or garden.
I would have accepted both yard and garden.
I was joklng, Shawn.
So If you're a guy wlthout a yard or a garden... Shawn!
...why would you have a buslness card for a garden supply store?
What Is R-R-L-R-L-L?
Rrlrll. Rrlrll.
Of course. Rrlrll.
No, no. Rrlrll! Rrlrll.
What does It mean?
We should probably flgure that out, huh? You thlnk?
GUS: How long are we gonna slt here?
Brandon mlght not even show up.
When I suggested we do a stakeout, you were, Ilke,
"No, no, we need to do somethlng actlve."
I am dolng somethlng actlve. What?
I'm preparlng to try and enjoy thls chalupa.
Odd.
No, what's odd, the customers that keep drlvlng Into thls place.
Look at these cars. They're rldlculous!
They're all fancy and what not.
Not exactly what you'd use to plck up shrubs and fertlllzer.
Let's see what these people are up to.
Let's go!
SHAWN: Ah!
Wrong turn.
What the...
Dude, It's a maze.
What is "R-R-L-R-L-L"?
Shawn, what are you dolng?
Rlght, rlght.
Dude, the letters on the back of that card were dlrectlons.
Follow me. All rlght.
Rlght.
Rrlrll...
Rrlrll, rrlrll. Shawn!
Rlght.
Left...
Left...
(SIGHING) Yes!
Whoa, walt a second. Walt a second.
Maybe we should take a peek and see what we're gettlng Into, Shawn.
Ooh, you know what thls Is, Shawn?
It's one of those underground poker games.
My poker buddles talk about them.
SHAWN: Slnce when do you have poker buddles?
My onllne poker buddles, Shawn.
I'm good. I'm up $7 mllllon dollars.
You have $7 mllllon dollars and you falled to mentlon It to me tlll just now?
It's not real money, Shawn. That's Illegal.
Rough luck there agaln, huh?
Yeah, a blt of bad luck.
Dude, you should get In thls game. How?
These games are tlght. You gotta know somebody to get In.
Well, let's just throw Brandon's name around, maybe they'll let us In.
Uh, yeah, one more hand, I'll get It.
It's just not worklng out for you today, Is It? No. Not rlght now.
I'll tell you what. Why don't you stand up here?
I'm just gonna... Come on. Come here.
It's okay. It's okay.
Okay. Just relax now.
Put your hand up Ilke thls. Why?
Just hold It up. There you go.
Now, maybe next tlme, you won't force me
Into such a barbarlc form of retrlbutlon.
Good news, there appears to be a seat openlng up.
Stlll, I thlnk our best course of actlon would be...
Get the hell outta here! Go!
Go! Go, go!
I want you to know I cannot hear anythlng you say!
Shawn, what the hell Is golng on?
What the... Shawn, what are you dolng?
It's hls ongolng sensory-deprlvatlon experlment,
sharpenlng one sense by denylng others.
In thls case, he can't hear, whlch only ampllfles hls sense of smell.
What? Amazlng!
That's one word for It.
I need complete and utter sllence.
What do you need sllence for, Shawn, If you can't hear anythlng?
Shh! Please! Henry, let the boy work.
I smell chlps!
Potato, po-tah-to!
Let's call the whole thlng off!
Mr. Peterson, I want you to grab my arm.
Both hands, Ilke you're dolng a pull-up.
Feel the burn.
I wlll now become a condult to your son's thoughts.
Please, clear your mlnd and your nasal passages.
Thlnk of nothlng but Brandon and those chlps.
Gus, present spuds!
I'm gettlng somethlng.
It's not clear.
That's a shocker.
Oh, ah, I'm wrong! It's not potato!
Gus, lose the spuds!
Chlps! Ponch! John!
Strlker! Cracker! Poker!
Poker? I hardly know her!
Shawn. Poker chlps!
Well, what the hell do poker chlps smell Ilke, Shawn?
They smell Ilke butterflles.
Poker chlps...
And playlng cards.
Ah! What?
What about the poker chlps and the playlng cards?
Ah! Gus, It burns!
(GRUNTS)
(PANTING)
The Ilnk has been broken.
I'll have to read the cards,
see what they say.
Shawn!
There's your son.
Notlce there are no dlamonds around hlm.
Well, dlamonds represent wealth.
So Brandon lost hls wealth playlng poker?
That's correct, Gus.
Yeah, well, what do all these clubs around hlm mean, Shawn?
Clubs, clubs are Ilke
clover.
He's been playlng poker In a garden.
Wlth thls guy.
We need a name.
Has he mentloned any of the guys he plays poker wlth?
DumbLuck2.
That was hls onllne screen name.
I kept seelng It on hls computer
when he was supposed to be worklng.
DumbLuck2.
Here, you can have Brandon.
Thanks.
(PHONE RINGING)
MRS. LASSITER: Jello? HI, Mrs. Lasslter?
Yes? Who is this? What do you want?
It's about your son.
Oh, no! It's the phone call!
Oh, no! No, no, no, no! It's not... It's not that.
Well, then, who the hell are you?
I'm hls partner.
But you're a woman.
Yes. Shocklng, Isn't It?
What are you, fulfilling a quota?
If you get hlm shot... I'm not getting him shot!
I just need to ask a few personal questlons.
Personal questions?
You're not a cop.
Thls Is some klnd of Internet scam, Isn't It?
You'll want my Social Security number next, right?
Well, suck lemons, Cooklepuss!
You're gettln' nothln' out of me!
No. No, no, no. It's just...
It's hls blrthday. It's comlng up and I...
Who told you that?
Excuse me?
Booker doesn't celebrate hls blrthdays.
(SNICKERS) Booker?
Damn It! Oh, you're good, Trlckypants.
Well, I just want you to know
thls phone call Is now belng recorded.
Um, I just need to get some Inslde Informatlon because I wanna surprlse hlm.
Why are you asking me? Why don't you ask his wife?
Well, I dldn't exactly thlnk that was approprlate
wlth them belng separated and all.
They're what?
Nothlng.
My son Is separated? No...
I mean, I don't know.
Uh, please don't tell hlm that you know.
Please don't tell hlm that I told you. I really...
I had no Idea. Can we please just pretend
thls conversatlon never happened?
(DIAL TONE BUZZING) Hello?
(PHONE RINGING)
Lasslter.
Mother?
What?
What do you mean you want your weddlng rlng back?
SHAWN: What are you dolng?
I'm playlng onllne poker, Shawn.
I know I knew that name, DumbLuck2.
I've played Brandon before, rlght here, and I beat hlm.
I flgured I'd hang out, see If he logs on.
Hmm. Looks Ilke a full house, huh?
How dld you know that?
You went...
I don't do that, Shawn.
I dldn't do that!
Two palr.
I'd call. And ralse.
You're slttlng on pocket rockets.
You're not gonna do any better than that.
Serlously, how do you do that?
It's a good thlng you're not a real poker player, Gus.
You'd lose more money than Brandon.
I'm a stellar player, Shawn. And don't thlnk...
Walt a second. What?
He's on now! Brandon.
Great! Brlng hlm In.
Brlng hlm In how?
Say, "Hey, Brandon, your dad's looklng for you"?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, walt a second here, tlme out.
What?
You're "BlgKItty75"?
Yeah, as In the kltty, you know, the pot.
The kltty? Yes, 75.
74 other "Blg Klttles" came before you?
Yeah, Shawn, there were 74 of 'em. All rlght. All rlght.
Does Kltty have a proflle?
It's Blg Kltty, and no, I don't!
Perfect. Scoot over. Glve me some room to operate here.
What are you dolng? Baltlng the hook, Gus.
Baltlng the hook? How?
You can't do thls, Shawn! Thls Is my account! Shh, relax.
Don't you tell me to... You don't have a proflle.
They don't know If "Blg Kltty" Is a man or... I'm a man!
The players I play poker wlth, chat wlth, know that I'm a man, Shawn!
That's funny,
'cause It appears Brandon thlnks that you're a...
A cheerleader?
"Where does a glrl go around here for fun and games?"
Stop It, Shawn! Get the...
Relax! I can't transfer my bank!
I have 7 mllllon bucks! Oh!
Oh, what's my name?
Oh, I don't know. Shawn...
BlgKItty75. Shawn...
You know, Kltty? The Kltty... Kltty-Cat? Fellne!
Ah! Fellcla.
"Fellcla Fancybottom"?
What am I, a James Bond vlllaln?
Look, he's Invltlng us Into a prlvate chat.
Don't do It, Shawn. I'm telllng you, don't do It!
Buy me a drlnk?
I thlnk that questlon's for you, Fellcla.
Where?
I don't know. I... l can't...
Dude, where do you go to hook up wlth dudes you meet onllne?
(SNICKERING) That's not funny, Shawn.
Coffee wlth Attltude Coffeehouse?
Brlng a flower?
What do you thlnk? Polnsettla?
That's a plant, not a flower.
And It's out of season. Perfect.
We'll see just how badly he wants to Impress
Blg Fellcla Fancybottom.
(SHRIEKING)
Ah! He's punctual.
I Ilke that In a date.
Whoa, guys, I'm expectlng somebody, actually.
We know. Fellcla.
Yeah, how do you know...
Huh. She's not comln', Is she?
He's Fellcla.
And I'm Fellcla.
Great! Yeah, I knew It.
All hot Internet women are guys!
Of course, you're two guys, whlch makes It doubly welrd.
Sorry, Brandon, but your Dad's lookln' for you.
SHAWN: That's the rub. He hlred us.
Oh, yeah? Well, the joke's on you 'cause I'm outta here.
Hey, we just wanna talk.
What's goln' on? Whoa, whoa, whoa!
You, uh, you know these guys?
Hey, relax. Brandon and I are frlends.
I just wanna talk to hlm for a mlnute.
So how's It goln', you good? BRANDON: Yeah.
(GROANS)
Hey! Whoa!
(COUGHING) It's just so you don't forget. You have untll Monday.
Oh!
You were saylng?
Well, It looks Ilke your dad's not the only one who's lookln' for ya, huh?
All rlght, look. You guys gotta glve me a break, okay?
I stole $30,000 dollars from my dad
and then I lost It, and more, to that jerk, J.P. Berger.
So I can't go home, not untll I wln enough to pay everybody back.
What'd he say, you've got tlll Monday?
Yeah, he dld, but see, the thlng Is,
I'm a better player than he Is. I am much better.
And yet he bent you over hls knee
and spanked you In front of the whole class.
But he shouldn't have!
I just... I just gotta flgure out how he dld It.
Look, Brandon, It's slmple.
You go to your dad and convlnce hlm to glve you your job back.
And then you flgure out a way to pay thls Berger back hls money.
Yeah, that sounds really great.
But, guys, I can't go back to work for my dad.
Nothlng I do Is ever good enough for that man, nothlng Is rlght.
You have no Idea what that's Ilke.
Look, here's some brutal truth.
We're the only reasons you're not In jall, or worse.
Your dad's done.
It took someone cashlng In a very old favor to get us Involved at all.
Now, you are not gonna be able to play your way out of thls hole, baby boy!
So pack It In! Pull the plug! Shut It down!
Leave the dead meat In the freezer and put on your Sunday best,
'cause It's Arbor Day, baby!
Okay. Falr enough.
Let's get thls over wlth.
Take me to my father.
BRANDON: What'd I tell ya?
Mornlng tlll nlght, the old man never stops selllng.
Want some advlce?
Yeah, sure.
When you owe a man $30,000 dollars,
I'd be careful about crltlclzlng hls work ethlc.
That's a good polnt.
You want us to come wlth you?
No. No, you know what?
I screwed up on my own, I am gonna face hlm on my own.
That's very Cameron Frye of you.
It's Cameron who?
Wow, are we that much older than you?
What's that?
That's nothln'. It's a good luck charm.
I mean, used to be. But you know what?
Here. I don't need It.
I've glven up cards, I got no use for It.
Whoa! No, thanks. Not really a jewelry guy.
Gus here Is. No, I'm not.
Sure you are.
Rlght.
Phew! Let's get thls over wlth, rlght?
You tryln' to pass that thlng off to me?
You Ilked It. You Ilke the sweet turquolse.
So you're telllng me that you've been worklng wlth hlm for 15 years,
but you have no Idea what klnd of food he Ilkes?
He orders separate when we get take-out.
Somethlng about polson.
What are you dolng?
Looklng.
For what?
A mlnt.
I'm allerglc to mlnt. Ah-ha!
What?
Nothlng.
I'm just happy.
Now I know you don't Ilke mlnt.
HENRY: Well, well.
Don't you look Ilke hell.
I know I look Ilke hell, Dad.
Everyone who gets up at thls hour looks Ilke hell.
Wlth the posslble exceptlon of Matt Lauer and Dlane Lane.
Mr. Peterson, how are you, slr? Somethlng wrong?
No, no, Shawn, everythlng Is great.
That's why I woke your ass up, had you zlp down here so Blll and I could tell you
how terrlflc everythlng Is.
It's Brandon. Brandon?
Well, he seemed flne when we dropped hlm off yesterday, maybe a Ilttle nervous.
Walt, walt, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You found hlm?
Well, yeah, we dld.
When was thls? Yesterday.
I'm sorry, slr, I should have told you.
It was rlght before closlng. We could clearly see you from Gus' car,
and he sald he wanted to come In by hlmself,
do thls man-to-man, you know, just you and hlm.
He dldn't come In? You never saw hlm?
Oh, we saw hlm, all rlght.
I got the reunlon rlght here. You wanna see It?
PETERSON: There he Is, there's my boy.
Guess he couldn't face me, so he walted untll after I went home.
Not the safe? He's breaklng Into your safe?
Breaklng In? No, he dldn't have to break In.
He's too smart for that.
He knows the comblnatlon!
There you have It. Not qulte the reunlon I Imaglned.
So tell me, psychlc,
where's my son now?
SHAWN: Somethlng's botherlng me, dude.
I'm never wrong!
You're always wrong, what are you talkln' about?
That thls kld should be a better poker player, Gus.
That was a pretty good bluff.
Oh, dude, look!
What? Rlght there. That necklace thlng.
That's horrlble.
He wears hls rldlculous good luck charm Into battle
the way that Superman wears hls cape,
or Rocky Balboa wears hls belt.
I bet you he's on hls way back to the maze to take on Berger.
No, Berger's not gonna be at the lawn and garden center. Not thls weekend.
Why not?
There's a tournament goln' on where the wlnner gets a buy-In to the World Poker Derby.
You know where that Is?
Of course I do! Phew!
Ooh! Phew! Ah! Oh, It's fllpplng!
Ah, It wants to fllp! Oh, It wants to flop! Dad!
(GRUNTING)
T.P.
Tollet paper... No.
Terl Polo. Shawn...
T.P. Tee-pee.
Tee-pee wlth a chlmmy...
Chlmmy, chlmmy-changa, chlml-changa, Chaka Khan. Chaka Khan. Chaka Khan.
Chlml-changa. Cha-changa?
Cha-changa! That's It.
You say tomato, I say to-mah-to.
Cha-changa.
The Indlan caslno?
Cha-chlng!
Damn It! You were rlght, Henry.
How's that?
Maybe gettlng the pollce Involved Is the only way to get hls attentlon.
May I have that DVD, please?
(SHAWN EXCLAIMS)
No.
Excuse me? Shawn!
Not yet.
Why?
Let's glve hlm another chance.
I'm senslng there's more to thls story, slr.
He's actually a pretty good poker player.
I'm gettlng a very, very strong psychlc vlbratlon
he's gonna lose
blg!
Not wlth my money he's not.
Let's go. Oh, God.
We're outta here. No, Dad. Dad, I can't.
Would you rather I call the pollce
and show them a certaln vldeo of you lootlng my safe?
I know, I'm sorry about all that.
No, Brandon. Let's go.
No, Dad, Dad, I'm In more trouble here than you thlnk.
I'm already In! And they don't glve refunds here.
Flne.
I'll play. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You?
You know what? Actually, slr, thls Is your call.
I work for you. But keep In mlnd that I am a psychlc
and, unllke any of these other players,
I come wlth a money-back guarantee.
What do you thlnk, Henry? Can he wln?
Dad, I don't gamble. I win.
Yeah. He can wln.
So, what's the deal?
GUS: Shawn and Berger drew opposlte tables.
The only way for hlm face Berger Is If he beats everyone at hls table,
makes It to the flnals, and wlns.
Check.
God, must be rough.
Sorry?
You plcked the wrong week to qult smoklng, dude.
There's a tournament happenlng here.
What are you talklng about?
What Is thls about? Is thls about your lady frlend, huh?
Your speclal glrl back home? She doesn't Ilke It?
Look at the cards, guys, huh? Lot of posslbllltles on the table rlght now.
Lot of posslbllltles.
Flfty thousand.
(WHISTLES) Mldnlght oll says no! No!
Call.
Ay-ay-ay, actlon.
Actlon In my fanny pack. All rlght, I'll call you both.
SHAWN: You dldn't catch your stralght, dld you?
Hundred thousand.
Fold.
You let me down. You let me down.
Ronnle!
What?
Thls can be your tlme, rlght here, rlght now.
You thlnk you can mess wlth my head, too?
Here's the thlng, I'm a psychlc.
So If I had to guess, whlch I don't, I'd say yes.
Yes, I can mess wlth your head and I can put an entlre sandwlch In your halr.
Well, you know what? I'm not playlng wlth a psychlc.
It's agalnst the rules.
Agalnst the rules? No, guys, guys, I checked the rulebook.
I looked In the Index under "P".
It mentloned polygamy, pancakes, and pterodactyls.
Who knew pterodactyl started wlth a "P"?
I bet you dld. You dld.
It's not agalnst the rules, Ronnle. It's cool.
No, It's not cool.
Look at your stack, man.
Everythlng's here. Everythlng's here.
I need you here. Take a rlsk, man! Bluff It up!
I'll ralse you two hundred thousand.
You just bluffed to prove to me that you could bluff.
Ronnle...
I call thls move the all In.
Ronnle wlth the orlgaml.
(LAUGHING)
Oh! Oh!
ANNOUNCER: Center table showdown,
Shawn Spencer and J.P. Berger.
All In.
All In?
CROUPIER: All In?
Yeah, but he shouldn't have. I just gotta figure out how he did it.
Walt!
Walt, walt, walt.
The chlps demand we stop the game.
What the hell Is golng on here?
Shh! I can't hear them If you're talklng, Berger.
What?
Really?
You guys sure about thls?
Chlps say you're a cheater-cheater pumpkln-eater!
(SHAWN LAUGHING)
Is that rlght? SHAWN: Yeah.
And how do they know that?
We're really supposed to belleve that you're psychlc or somethlng!
If you were psychlc, I wouldn't be cleanlng your clock rlght now.
Cleanlng my clock? What does that mean, Berger?
What, you'd take tlme out of your day to clean another man's tlmeplece?
And If so, that would be a bad thlng?
No, I would be graclous. I would say, "J.P., dude,
"thanks for sprltzlng my watch."
Besldes, It doesn't matter.
Doesn't take a psychlc to flgure out that these cards are marked.
You know what, If you had been paylng attentlon,
you'd reallze that the decks were all sealed.
Shh! He's saylng the decks are sealed. What do you got for me?
Well, come on, guys, speed It up!
Check the...
Oh!
For shame!
You dlrty fllthy rascal wlth the suede-suede head.
Ah-ha!
SHAWN: Face card. Face card.
Well, how's that posslble? These are brand-new decks.
We got spotters on every table.
But you dldn't check your dealers!
Okay, I'm on the dealer. What do you got for me?
Halr cllp? Halr cllp! Of course.
You! You stand up!
I'm sorry, ah... Walt, let me...
Hold on! Thls...
Oh, my, there's some klnd of Invlslble Ink on thls halr cllp,
and every tlme she fussed wlth her ponytall,
and I thlnk we can all agree It's a fetchlng tall, It's a sllky tall,
she got the Ink on her flngers and then she put her flngers on the cards!
And then her speclal partner wlth hls speclal rose-colored glasses
could see that everythlng Is turnlng up faces.
All rlght. We're not partners.
Put a hold on all these chlps here. Thls Is rldlculous!
Take these two Into custody untll we sort thls out.
Thls Is rldlculous! You're rldlculous!
For shame!
That Is so much money.
I'll, uh, I'll let you guys make It rlght.
(SIGHS) Well, now I know why I always lost to Berger. It wasn't me.
But, um,
It was me stealln' from you and lylng to you,
and, Dad, for that, I really am sorry.
Well, I appreclate the apology, Son.
But you're gonna have to do a lot more than that to earn my trust back.
Thank you.
No, thank, thank you, Mr. Peterson!
No, thank you. SHAWN: No, serlously, thank you.
Shut up! Okay.
Dude! $7,500?
Peterson Is a generous man. Thls Is our most profltable case ever!
I know, I got plans!
Pay off the flat screen, consolldate our loans,
and pay off the bulk In a lump sum!
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ooh!
Or... What...
We double up, rlght here, rlght now. What?
Come on, Gus, thlnk about It, serlously, flfteen large?
What are you talkln' about, Shawn?
We could go to Aruba. Shawn...
Cozumel. Shawn!
Lbeeza. It's lblza!
Dude, we could rent a jet to lblza.
Don't even thlnk about It!
Rule number one of gambllng, do not thlnk.
That's not a rule, Shawn!
Rule number two,
always bet on black.
Money plays. Whoa, but...
Isn't that rlght, Steve?
I can't belleve you dld that!
(SIGHS) Look, I told you that's why I don't gamble, Gus.
Shut up, Shawn!
What dld Wesley say In Passenger 57? I don't want to talk about It!
He sald, "Always bet on black." So I dld!
Yeah. Here you go. They're cold.
Um, Lasslter leads a really dlfferent prlvate Ilfe.
Yeah... I mean, who'd have thought he was Into blkes?
I guess.
HI.
Well, some of these people look really famlllar.
Yeah! I know, to me, too! But I haven't had a chance to talk to any of them yet.
I see hls car! I see hls car!
What? Oh! Everybody hlde! Hlde!
(JULIET WHISPERING)
What the hell?
ALL: Surprlse!
JULIET: Whoa! Whoa! No, It's okay.
MAN: Whoa! Move It!
JULIET: Oh! Oh, my gosh, no, no, no! No, no, no, Carlton!
Hey! It's a party, It's a party!
It's what?
For your blrthday! Surprlse!
Why are these people at my house?
They're your frlends.
No, they're not.
Yeah, they are! I got 'em out of your address book.
You took my book?
Yes, I admlt It, I opened your desk.
I dldn't want to load you up wlth a bunch of work people,
so I just Invlted the ones wlth stars by thelr names.
These are all people I put In jall.
The stars are repeat offenders.
You keep a Ilttle black book of people you've arrested?
Of course I do.
Why?
To drlve by and check on them.
Um, um, oh, Carlton, where are you golng?
To pack! Why?
Because now they know where I Ilve!
Happy Blrthday, dude!
Happy Blrthday!
MAN: Nlce house!
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
In between the lines there's a lot of obscurity
I'm not inclined to resign to maturity
If it's all right then you're all wrong
But why bounce around to the same damn song?
You'd rather run when you can't crawl
I know, you know That I'm not telling the truth
I know, you know They just don't have any proof
Embrace the deception Learn how to bend
Your worst inhibitions tend to psych you out in the end
I know, you know
I know, you know