Pretty Freekin Scary (2023–…): Season 1, Episode 6 - The Bro Life - full transcript

Yum, cereal.
Thank you, Mrs. Ripp!

Aw. So nice to hear someone
say "Thank you" every morning.

Thank you.

And for that one,
you get an extra cookie.

Thank you.

Okay, we can stop now.

Thank you.

Where's Dad?

Oh. He had an early meeting
and he's working late.

They're launching
a new Schmeat product.

Oh, to be a fly on the wall
for that meeting.



You mean

the "Schmeating"?

What? This is
no laughing matter.

Everyone in this town
eats Schmeat,

but no one knows
what's really in it.

Don't any of you
find that suspicious?

I find it suspicious
that you find it suspicious.

But what are we really eating?

I'm eating cereal right now.

Actually, your father
being so busy works out

because there's
a new series I wanna binge,

but it's too intense for him.
You know your father.

He's all about the baking shows.

Yeah, he even looks away
when they sharpen their knives.



So what's the show you wanna watch?

Well, it's called The Ladder,

and it's a drama
based on a true story about a husband

who gets in
an argument with his wife,

then mysteriously falls off
a ladder into a hot tub

and is viciously pecked by sparrows.

You had me at "pecked."

Fantastic! Frankie, you in?

Sorry, but falling off a ladder
is too close to falling down a manhole.

I don't need to relive that drama.

Oh, baby, no one does.

Any other takers?

I've got way too much S.W.E.A.T.I.
business to think about ladders.

And I'm studying lacrosse.

I'm trying to learn everything
about lacrosse, so I can make friends.

But, Pretty, we're your friends.

Aw. You're more like family.

-Aw.
-And family isn't enough.

Oh.

-I need a guy friend.
-Hey, you can join S.W.E.A.T.I.

-Carson and me are guys.
-I was thinking someone in my grade.

Okay, picky.

Time for school.

Scary, I'll have
the popcorn ready when you get home.

Great, I like mine burnt and spicy.

Oh, you're serious.

I'll make two batches.

How does this sound?

"Way to move the ball around
the perimeter in practice yesterday."

It sounds boring. So they'll love it.

I think it sounds great. Good luck.

I'm nervous.
I really want them to like me.

There's nothing to be nervous about.

You've got this.

I'm so nervous for him.

I don't usually have emotions,
but I am, too.

Way to move
the ball around the perimeter

in practice yesterday.

-That didn't work at all.
-Because they didn't hear you.

Go back and speak up.

Hey, guys!

Oh.

Hey, Pretty. 'Sup?

Nothing!

Let's agree
to never talk about this.

I might have the perfect plan.

I'm gonna match Pretty up with a friend.

He already knows Dio,
so we're gonna go for him.

This'll be so easy.

Uh, Frankie,

like, maybe you shouldn't do that.

Uh, Brian, like,
what are you talking about?

You're forcing friendships.

You gotta be like water
and just flow, man.

Don't meddle with the universe.

I am not meddling
with the universe, man.

I'm just manipulating one friend
to alter the course of events

to make him friends
with another friend.

Uh, dude, that's meddling.

It's not meddling. It's helping.

Uh, dude, that's denial.

Dude!

Can you believe Brian?
He has some nerve.

How dare he tell me
what to do with my friends?

If anyone's meddling, he's meddling.

-And even worse, he's dude-splaining!

Whoa.

I just did that, didn't I?

Yeah, I think your little hissy fit
made your wind powers kick in.

Maybe. Are you okay, Mr. Huerta?

Okay, let's do this.

Pretty? We're gonna make you a friend.

I want a real friend.

Not just a shirt friend.

Trust me. Put it on.

Have fun, you two.

Now you say something,
and I'm gonna laugh.

Something!

What's so funny?

Pretty! He is hysterical.

He's, like, so funny I can't even say
what he said without laughing.

It was just something!

Hey, that jersey is sick, Pretty.

-I didn't know you played lacrosse.
-I... I don't.

But he's been practicing a lot.
Maybe you can show him some moves?

I'd be down for that.

-How about after school?
-Really? That would be amazing!

But we're supposed
to go rollerblading later.

Layla...

...this is a matter of lacrosse!

-Let's go.
-Yeah!

Yeah! Whoo!
-Whoo!

What just happened?

Pretty just made a friend.

I guess I'll go
rollerblading by myself

and hold my own hand.

Have fun!

Why is the water tower
on the mystery board, Remy?

Isn't it just water?

That's what they want you to think.
This town is full of mysteries.

Speaking of weird stuff,

am I the only one
seeing Scary popping out of that closet?

It's my bedroom

which I can't nap in
because you're too loud.

This is a top-secret meeting.

Nothing screams "top-secret" like
a giant board in your sister's room.

Okay, we need
to investigate Schmeat.

-They could put anything in that stuff.
-Whoa!

You think they use the rare
spotted pickle frog as an ingredient?

We can't rule it out.

Carson, I've got the job for you.

You're gonna set this up
outside the factory.

Ooh. The Nikoff
J113 surveillance camera?

But that's so expensive!

Ah, S.W.E.A.T.I. business
has been booming.

Also, I sold your telescope.

Awesome! Wait, what?

You see that door? I'm guessing
it's some sort of Schmeat delivery door.

So after you set up the camera,
we'll see who goes in and out.

-Why do I have to set up the camera?
-Because I'll be monitoring the feed.

See, this is why we're the perfect team.
I'm the brains. You're the brawn.

-What does "brawn" mean?
-Muscle.

Yeah, it does.

Please stop that.

If somebody asks you what you're doing,
you say,

"This is a nature cam
to study the rare spotted pickle frog."

I've wanted to see that frog
my whole life!

I love frogs so much.

You understand
that's just our cover story, right?

I also love pickles.
And Granny Smith apples.

Anything green, really.

Except for leprechauns.
They freak me out.

Yep. You're definitely the brawn.

Aw yeah, I am.

Did Genna
push her husband off the ladder,

or did Ian lose his balance?

Find out some answers, but not all,
on the next episode of The Ladder.

Whoa.

-Yep. But I don't think she did it.
-What? I do.

She seems shady,
and they just had that argument

about who started the argument.

But remember, the doctor said,
"Ian had legs like a giraffe

"and he should stay away
from ladders all together."

We have to watch another episode.

Oh, Scary,
we said we'd only watch two.

How many have we watched?

Six.

So you're saying one more?

-Don't you have homework?
-Done.

Still, it's a school night.
You should get some sleep.

I don't have to shower in the morning,
and I'll wear my school clothes to bed.

That'll save an hour.

Nope. I'm going to be the adult.

Let's just shut it down
and call it a night.

One more.

Then straight to bed after two.

I mean one.

You ready?

Oh! I was born ready.

Whoo!

You are so lucky to live with Pretty.

-I am?
-Totally.

At breakfast,
what does he put on his toast?

He's a bagel guy.

Ooh, so sophisticated!

See, Brian?

Everything worked out.

Pretty and Dio are buddies,
and now Pretty has female admirers.

And you told me
not to meddle with the universe.

Well, the universe
seems to be doing just fine.

Uh...
Maybe you should tell Layla that.

You blew me off yesterday
to hang with Pretty.

You didn't text last night,

and now
I'm being forced to leave you a...

Voicemail.

You're turning me into my mother!

Call me.

She's probably overreacting.
I'm sure everything's fine.

There you are.

I brought my rollerblades
if you wanna go skate after school?

Aw, man. I'm so sorry.

But I just made plans
with my bro to get boba.

We should call it "bro-ba"!

-Oh. Later, bro-ba!
-Later, bro-ba!

Whoo-hoo!

Uh, next time, instead of meddling,

just let the universe
do its thing, dude.

Don't you have
anywhere else to be, dude?

Hey. What's up?

Nothing.

It's like suddenly
Dio would rather spend

all his time with Pretty than with me.

You know what? I can fix this.

Why? You had nothing
to do with it.

Yeah, nothing.

But it's kinda like when you see
a car on the side of the highway,

and you have to
pull over and help them out.

So I'm a broken car?

No, no, no.
You're just have a flat tire.

And I have a spare in the trunk.

I think you're getting caught up
in the details here.

What do you say
we team up and break up this bromance?

-I say let's start meddling.
-Yes!

Don't let Brian hear that.

So how are we gonna
break up this bromance?

With a hot, gossipy rumor.

Dio's a sneakerhead and gets super moody
when anyone disrespects them.

-Totally.
-Stand by.

Hey, Miguel. I heard Pretty
say that Dio's kicks are trashy.

Hey, Pretty.

I heard you say
my kicks are flashy.

Oh, I think you mean trashy.

Not cool, Frankie.

They light up, too.
Check it.

Whoo! They're beautiful!

Go, Dio!
Go, go, go, Dio!

Go, go, go, Dio!

Ugh. That totally didn't work.

Now their bromance
is even broier.

Don't worry, Layla.
I'll just unfix my fix, then re-fix it.

It totally makes sense in my head.

You need to scooch a little.

Scooch. Such a funny
sounding word.

Focus, Carson.
Scooch a bit more to the left.

Your left or my left?

Move your face so I can tell you.

Carson?

Oh, no. I think you froze.

And get a tissue.
You got bats in the cave.

-Remy, can you see now?
-Yes. Almost there.

Just scooch it
slightly to your right.

And one more scooch.

Perfect. I can see the door.
You did it, Carson.

Now get back here.

Remy, this ladder's wobbly.
It's starting to...

Scooch!

Yep, she definitely did it.

Wait, last night
you convinced me she didn't do it.

But she did remarry a little fast.

I mean, if my husband fell of a ladder,

I'd like to think
I'd give it more than two months.

Yeah, but he borrowed
the neighbor's hose,

and the neighbor was still upset
because he hadn't returned it yet.

Good point.

The neighbor did it.

But now that I think about it,

why did they just introduce
the brother in this episode?

Good point.

The brother did it.

-Or the neighbor.
-The suspense is killing me.

-Why don't we just look it up?
-No spoilers.

We've come this far.
We can't quit now, Mrs. Ripp.

Guys! Cereal for dinner!

Yay!

So, after school,
quick game of lacrosse, then mini-golf?

You bro it.

Oh, bro, you didn't!

We need a new plan.

-Can I have a fry?
-Sure.

You know
what Dio hates more than anything?

When people eat off his plate!

He once left me on read all weekend

'cause I ate
two of his jalapeno poppers.

Hey, Pretty,
could you come here for a sec?

What's up?

It's great to see you
getting along with Dio.

We're bros.

Well, you know what will make you
lock in that bro-ship?

-Eat some fries from his plate.
-Really?

So really.

Eating from each other's plates
always cements friendships.

Yeah. That's like bro-code 101.

I'm on it. Thanks for having my back.

Bro, what are you doing?

I'm sorry. I just wanted
to cement our best bro-friendship

by chewing
these French fries together.

It's cool, bro.

Truth is, I've always had issues
about people eating from my plate.

But it's time to get over them.
After all, bro-sharing is bro-caring.

-Wow. Thanks.
-No, thank you.

Here, hold it and smile.

Ugh, Dio just posted this.

Burger bros?

-We are so sinking this bro-ship.
-They are so going down.

Halfsies on a burger first?

-Are you sure this is a good idea?
-No. It's a great idea.

Distract him,
and I'll take care of the rest.

Uh, hey, Pretty.
What are you up to after school?

Dio's taking me to get froyo,
but we call it...

Let me guess. Bro-yo?

We said fro-bro,
but yours is better.

Well, fro-bro's good, too,

because it means
you're frozen yogurt brothers,

while mine, bro-yo,
just means you're brothers of yogurt.

Thanks for
the extremely detailed breakdown.

In three, two, one.

Dude, you unfollowed me?

No. I've been
following you all day.

And yesterday and the day before.

I mean on social.

You've crossed a line, and I'm done.

I would say "I'm done, bro",

but you're not my bro anymore, bro.

That was the last bro.

Does this mean we're not going to get
matching ten-day temporary tattoos?

No!

Hey, Layla.

Uh, wanna hit the bike path
and go rollerblading later?

I mean,
I guess I have some free time.

This is my first friendship.
My first friendship to tragically end.

But I'm fine.

Ignore the water coming out of my eyes.

Yes, I'll hold.

Because I have nothing better to do

than listen to this terrible music
as my youth slips away.

Can you take
the sad pacing into another room?

No, I can't.
This room's excellent for sad pacing.

Hey, feeling better?

Is it a good afternoon,
Mr. Tech Support?

I'll have to take your word for that.

Now tell me, how does a person
unfollow another person

without actually doing it?

You know,
the kitchen has better reception.

Because of the microwave, duh.

Fine, I'll hold.

And by "fine", I mean "not fine."

Pretty's acting like he doesn't care,

being sarcastic,
and seeing the dark side of everything.

He's me.

There can only be one Scary.

Don't worry. I'm gonna fix this.

So I guess
they'll let anyone do tech support.

Make it fast.

We've been binging footage for hours.
I'm bored.

And sore. And ice is cold.

Carson, keep your eyes on the prize.

Right. I can't believe we might be
able to see a rare spotted pickle frog.

Not the prize, Carson.

A guy just walked up.

And it sort of
looks like your dad.

You're right.
Why is he just standing there?

Look, the door! It's opening!

And another guy came out!

He just handed
some package to him.

Quick, get a screen grab!

Carson, this is
the first piece of the puzzle.

Who knows what else we'll see!

-Yes!
-No!

Outta the way,
stupid rare pickle frog!

Or stay 'cause you're adorable!

Well, at least we got the screen grab.

You really think
that could be your dad?

Well, he's been working late nights,
so he's part of the mystery now.

Let's put him on the board.

Sorry, maybe-Mr. Ripp.

Looks like
we got a long night ahead of us.

-Get comfy, Carson.
-I can't.

I fell off a ladder,
and everything still hurts.

We all make
sacrifices for the greater good.

I sacrificed my telescope.

That was my telescope!

Yeah, but I'm the one
who had to sell it, remember?

You got me there.

Okay, so you know
how I helped you with your problem?

-Well, now I'm coming to you with one.
-What's up?

I meddled with the universe
so Pretty could make a friend,

but you got upset.

So I re-meddled,
and now Pretty's upset.

I want them to be bros again,

but the last thing I wanna do
is upset you.

-Again.
-You know what?

If they're meant to be bros,
they should be bros.

And if anyone
can meddle with the universe,

it's the girl who came back to life.

Hey, there was a post-it on my locker
about a lacrosse team meeting here?

I don't know. You should ask Frankie.

Yeah, I heard
the meeting's starting soon.

-Have a seat.
-Hi, Frankie.

I'm here for a "How To Make Friends
And Keep Them" seminar.

-Wait, why are you here?
-Lacrosse team meeting.

Oh, rule number one
of keeping friends,

don't unfollow them.

I didn't!

I'm outta here. Goodbye.

No, I'm outta here.
And it's not a goodbye.

It's a bad bye.

-Wait, don't go...
-It was me.

I messed with the universe.

-What?
-Huh?

Sit.

In the last few weeks,

I've learned
how important friendships are.

So when Pretty said
he wanted a new friend,

I jumped to help him out.
But that made Layla upset.

So to make Layla un-upset,
I started the sneaker rumor.

I told Pretty to eat Dio's fries.

And then I took Pretty's phone
and unfollowed Dio.

Actually, I did that.

You guys seem confused.
I'll start from the top.

-Wanna go throw some balls?
-You bro it.

I'll call you later.

-Nice meddling, Frankie.
-You bro it.

Too soon.

Well, we watched all 13 episodes.

Still don't know who did it.

I feel like I ran a marathon.

On my butt.

Just passing through for a snack.

Hey, what are you watching?

Oh, nothing.
Just a dumb show about a door.

Oh, well,
we just watched a show about a ladder.

No, you won't like this one, Mom.

All the door does is just...

...open and close.

-I'll make myself some coffee.
-I'll burn myself some popcorn.

Look, someone's coming!

Wait, where'd he go?

It's old man Snickering.

-He took our camera!
-And he's got bats in the cave.

Well, at least
he won't know who put the camera there.

Yeah, about that...

I might've, sort of, maybe, definitely,

put a "Property of S.W.E.A.T.I."
sticker on the camera.