Pointless Celebrities (2010–…): Season 13, Episode 12 - Special - full transcript
A special celebrity edition of the general knowledge quiz in which four teams try to come up with the answers that no-one else could think of. Presented by Alexander Armstrong and co-host Richard Osman.
APPLAUSE
Thank you very much indeed.
Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong,
and a very warm welcome
to Pointless Celebrities,
the quiz that puts obscure
knowledge to the test.
Let's meet this evening's
Pointless celebrities.
APPLAUSE
And couple number one. Hello.
I'm Patsy Kensit, and I'm an actress
and her mother and a writer.
Hey, Alexander.
I'm Jake Canuso, and I'm an actor.
APPLAUSE
Couple number two!
Hello, Alexander. I'm Chris Jarvis
and I'm a presenter on CBeebies.
I'm Pui Fan Lee and I'm
also a presenter on CBeebies.
APPLAUSE
Couple number three!
I'm Jenny Hanley and I've done
television, film, radio
and theatre,
and I'm now writing a book.
I'm David Hamilton, known to some
as Diddy. I'm a DJ and show host.
APPLAUSE
And finally, couple number four!
Hello, I'm Andrea McLean.
I'm an author, TV presenter
and entrepreneur,
and I work on a TV show
called Loose Women.
I'm Linda Robson,
I'm known for Birds Of A Feather
and I'm also a very loose woman!
APPLAUSE
Thank you all very much indeed.
Wonderful to have you all here.
A warm welcome to Pointless,
and we'll obviously chat
throughout the show
as it goes along.
So, that just leaves one more
person for me to introduce.
A man who always sat
in the front row at assembly,
mainly for the legroom.
It's my Pointless friend,
it's Richard.
Hiya. Good evening, everybody.
APPLAUSE
Good evening to you. Good evening.
Now, a few people
have been on before.
Normally when we've had people
go on before, I talk about who's
done the best, who's won a trophy
and what have you.
But no-one here has done very well
at all, I'll be honest with you.
LAUGHTER
We've got a few people
who have been in the second round.
Linda, Jake as well. No-one here has
been in a head-to-head yet. Wow.
So, no-one's been in a final,
no-one's won a trophy either.
So, a very open field.
Our only pair neither of whom have
been on before are Pui and Chris,
so all I'm saying is it should be
quite an easy evening for you,
that's all I'm saying to you.
I've got some history
with a couple of people here.
Patsy, I was on
Would I Lie To You with,
and she absolutely fooled me
on every single thing she did.
That's true. And Linda beat me at
darts on Loose Women, so...
I have bad memories of appearing on
telly with a number of these people.
But this evening is going to be
a fun one.
The first round is a good one.
The first round is good?
Everyone's going to be able
to have a crack at this first round.
There we are.
Thank you very much indeed.
As usual, all today's
questions have been put
to 100 people before the show.
Our contestants here are looking
for those all-important answers
that none of our 100 people gave.
These are pointless answers,
and each time anyone gives
one of those,
we will add 250 quid to the jackpot.
As today's show is
a celebrity special,
each of our celebrities is
playing for a nominated charity,
so we're going to start off with
a jackpot of £2,500.
There it is!
APPLAUSE
Right, if everyone's ready,
let's play Pointless.
APPLAUSE
As ever, it will be
the pair with the highest score
at the end of each round that will
be eliminated,
so keep your scores as low as you
possibly can.
Best of luck to all four pairs.
No conferring until we get to the
head-to-head round.
Our first category this
evening is...
Can you all decide in your pairs
who's going first,
who's going second, and whoever's
going first,
please step up to the podium.
OK. And our question concerns...
Richard? Yes, I'm going to show you
16 pictures of celebrities
who have been on the BBC TV series
Who Do You Think You Are?
Can you recognise any of these
people, please.
Thank you very much indeed.
OK, let's put this image up.
It's going to stay up for
the whole round.
We won't be changing it halfway, it
will be there for the whole round.
You just have to shout out anyone
you see on this image.
Here it comes.
16 people there.
Let's give you a moment
to digest them all.
There we go.
Jake, welcome back to Pointless.
Thank you.
Good to have you here again.
So, when did you move over here?
Because you're Swiss Italian, aren't
you, by birth? I'm actually Italian.
You're Italian.
Where did the Swiss bit...?
I was born and brought up
in Switzerland, in Zurich. I see.
I moved to Paris when I was 16.
I moved over here when I was 18.
I see. But then you sort of appeared
in loads of pop videos. I did.
That was kind of your thing,
wasn't it?
And that was back in the day
when pop videos were amazing.
People used to throw the kitchen
sink at them, didn't they?
What videos were you in?
I did loads of them, actually.
Back in the late '80s, early '90s,
when everyone was doing them.
Annie Lennox, Kylie, Bananarama,
Take That, Elton John.
And was there a specific agent,
were you in as a dancer?
I was a dancer, yeah.
I was on Top Of The Pops more
or less every week.
Funnily enough, out here.
Onstage, not dancing in the front?
Onstage in Elstree, yeah.
Wonderful. Now, Jake,
can I turn your attention
to our Who Do You Think You Are
celebrities here.
Right. I don't know who to go for.
I am going to go for...
Tracey Emin. Tracey Emin, says Jake.
Let's see how many of our 100 people
said Tracey Emin.
Tracey Emin is right.
Look at that, down it goes to 15.
Very well done indeed.
15 for Tracey Emin.
Yes, she discovered she came
from an itinerant gypsy clan
from the Midlands, much like Peaky
Blinders, but she was delighted.
Her greatest worry was that
she came from a suburban background.
She did not. She didn't.
We'll talk about your Who Do You
Think You Are at some point.
Very exciting one. It was exciting,
yes, it was. Thank you very much.
Unsurprising, but exciting.
He's descended from royalty.
William the Conqueror, right?
Only the Conqueror! Yeah.
He was essentially
your great-grandfather
or great-great-grandfather?
Great-great. Great-great, yeah.
Thank you very much indeed.
Pui, welcome! Thank you.
How lovely to have you here.
You were Po.
Eh-oh.
You were! That's just wonderful.
And there you are, appropriately
enough, wearing red. Kind of, yes.
Now, tell us all about that.
Because when you started doing
Teletubbies,
what was your background?
An actor, a normal, run-of-the-mill,
trained actor, went to drama school.
Had you done any mask work?
Nothing like that.
It was just another audition. And
they said, we'd like you to be Po?
A shot in the dark, absolutely.
Did you get a hunch when you got
measured up for "costume"
that you would in fact be invisible?
No hunch. I had no idea. Absolutely
nothing. Until the day arrived.
That's extraordinary.
So, how did you...?
What expression could you control?
We had these... They're called
mechies, mechanisms in my hand.
So, if you watch carefully,
your hands inside the gloves,
these are my eyes, so you blink
all the time, and this is my mouth.
Which is up here! You've got to keep
remembering to blink? So, I'm...
I'm four foot ten and a half, but
I was over six foot in my costume.
And doing that a lot.
Now, then, Pui, what are you going
to go for on our board here? Um...
Do you trust me, Chris?
Yes! Oh, absolutely.
I'm going to
go for a bit of a wild one.
And I think her name is
Lisa Bonet or Bonnet?
Lisa Bonnet or Bonet? Let us
find out. I think that's her name.
Lisa Bonnet or Bonet.
Oh, no!
Ooh. Oh, sorry.
It's not Lisa Bonnet or Bonet,
I'm afraid.
100 points is what that scores you.
I know the one you mean, but
Lisa Bonet is an American actress.
Oh, goodness!
Chris looking like he is glad he
trusted Pui now. I'm terribly sorry.
We're out. But do you know what,
Pui, by the way,
that's exactly how
you're meant to play.
So what you've done is exemplary.
I salute that kind of mistake.
Thank you. Yes, I salute that kind
of mistake as well. There we are.
Thank you very much.
Jenny, welcome back. Thank you.
Yes, my goodness.
So, I read that your grandparents,
it just said,
were royal photographers? Yes.
Povsky, the Russian immigrant,
who fled the revolution,
took the photographs
underneath the black cloth,
and my grandmother
was the one who set it up.
So, she got Princess Elizabeth and
Princess Margaret Rose to pose
for the photographs with
the Queen Mother. That's incredible.
Is your house full of photographs?
I have quite a few, yes.
But they also used to take
photographs for knitting patterns...
Modelled by the Royals!
Amazing, so valuable.
No, modelled by Roger Moore!
Oh, really? Of course, I've seen
those. Extraordinary things.
What fun. Now, Jenny. Yes.
Let's turn our attention
to these Who Do You Think You Are
subjects. Yes.
I would choose Bill Oddie.
Bill Oddie, says Jenny.
Let's see how many of our 100 people
went for Bill Oddie.
Bill Oddie is right.
100 is our high score,
15 is our low.
53 is where you end up with
Bill Oddie.
Yeah, he was the first-ever episode
of the first-ever series,
Bill Oddie.
I watched that one. 2004.
Fantastic. Thank you very much
indeed, Richard. Linda. Yes.
Linda, welcome back. Hello. Now,
when you're doing Loose Women? Yeah.
Are you allowed to sort of busk
it a bit? Yeah. You can?
We do. We just normally have the
first person that's going to speak,
and then after that, it's anyone...
And you can go any direction?
So, if you've got a thing you're
just desperate
to get off your chest, pow,
straight in.
I get into trouble quite a lot,
because my nickname's Baggy Mouth.
I say things I'm not supposed to
say, especially about my family.
But nice things, but they just don't
want to be mentioned on there.
My husband shaved his chest, and
I said it on Loose Women, and then
the dustman said to him, "What's all
this about you shaving your chest?"
He went, "Oh, my God,
what have you said on there now?"
Nothing wrong with shaving your
chest, I shave mine every day!
LAUGHTER
Do you have earpieces
or anything? Yeah.
So you can hear someone shouting in
your ear, going, "Don't!"
"No, you shouldn't have said that!
You're in trouble!"
Linda, who are you going to
go for on our board here?
All of these people have
been on Who Do You Think You Are,
who do we think THEY are?
I'm going to go
for Frances de la Tour.
Frances de la Tour, says Linda.
Let's see how many of our 100 people
went for Frances de la Tour.
There it is.
Well, 15 is our lowest score
so far...
There you are,
19 for Frances de la Tour.
Very well played, Linda.
Great answer, great actor,
Frances de la Tour.
Now, she had aristocratic
connections in Northumberland,
your neck of the woods. Did she?
She did. Seaton Delaval Hall.
Seriously?
I didn't know that.
I haven't seen her episode.
There you go. You need to watch it.
I do. I shall. That's your gang.
I mean, she wasn't as posh as you,
don't get me wrong. Oh, she is.
Thank you very much.
We're halfway through the round.
Just before we come back down the
line, let's look at those scores.
15, the best score, Jake,
very well done to you.
19 is where we find
Linda and Andrea.
53 is where we find Jenny and David,
then up to 100, I'm afraid, for
Pui and Chris. We're in very good
hands, though, because if anyone can
find a low-scoring answer to
try and right the balance, I'm sure
it's Chris, so good luck with that.
We're going to come
back down the line now.
Will the second players please
step up to the podium.
There we are.
Andrea, lovely to have you here.
I want to ask you about This Girl's
On Fire. This is your website.
It is, yeah.
Tell us all about it.
It's a female empowerment site.
Basically, it is out there to help
women live, learn and thrive
and live a life that they love.
So, what exactly is on there? Tips?
Articles, courses to help people
build their confidence.
Basically it's... I'm coming from a
middle-aged woman's perspective,
I'm 50, and there's a lot
of women who feel maybe
they want to get back into work
and don't know how to start,
younger women not maybe having
the confidence that they need,
so I just want to help.
Brilliant, good for you, Andrea.
There you are, on 19.
If you can score 80 or less with
your answer, you're into round two.
Well, I have history for thinking
that Danny Dyer is someone else,
so I'm not going to choose him.
Oh, hang on.
You're not allowed to do that.
We have to take the first answer you
give. Let's go for Danny Dyer, then!
Oh, but the big question,
is it Danny Dyer?
It's not, because everyone's
going to know who he is!
I wonder which one you
mean for Danny Dyer?
I wonder which one
she thinks is Danny Dyer.
Well, here's your red line.
Let's see what happens when
we say Danny Dyer.
Of course it's Danny Dyer. Gets you
through to round two. Only just, 64.
Taking your total up to 83,
very well done.
He's one of the most famous ones,
isn't he?
But you're safely through,
so it doesn't matter.
That's the beauty of it.
Yeah, Danny Dyer.
Now, he was related to
Edward III, Thomas Cromwell,
and he was related
to William the Conqueror.
So you're related to Danny Dyer.
I climbed Kilimanjaro with Dani
Dyer junior. The younger Dani Dyer?
The younger Dani Dyer, yeah.
The lady Dyer.
The lady Dyer. Lady Dyer, yeah.
I bet she's lovely?
Couldn't be lovelier. Hilarious.
Danny himself is lovely.
The second you turn a camera on him,
he's effing and jeffing
and all that.
The second it turns off, he's so
polite. So nice. And lovely, yeah.
Lovely fellow. OK, thank you
very much indeed. David.
David, I want to ask
you about the Beatles.
You interviewed the Beatles in 1963,
which was kind of on the cusp
of superstardom.
What do you remember about that?
Well, I did one of the first
television interviews with
the Beatles that year, 1963.
Brian Epstein, their manager,
was on the programme as well,
and his latest protege, Gerry
and the Pacemakers, who sang a song,
and then they went on to have three
consecutive number ones.
The thing about interviewing the
Beatles was that they were anarchic.
They didn't play the game
like people had done before that.
So it was slight bedlam.
But later that year, they asked me
to compere one of their shows
and introduce them
in concert in Manchester.
And I remember the tickets to see
the Beatles were ten shillings,
and I remember my fee
was ten guineas.
That was ten pounds and
ten shillings.
So even then, I was overpaid!
LAUGHTER
David, you are on 53.
We're looking for a target
score of 46 or less from you.
Who are you going to go for?
Right, well, of course, most
of the easy ones,
or the easier ones, have gone.
So I'm going for,
I think, Ainsley Harriott.
Ainsley Harriott.
OK, let's see. Ainsley Harriott.
Here is your red line.
Is it right?
It is right.
And it stops on 56,
taking your total up to 109.
Yes, his father was a Jamaican-born
pianist and entertainer,
so he went back to the Caribbean
in his episode.
David's voice is still
as brilliant as ever, isn't it?
You got into the right job,
I think, David.
Well, what's wonderful is
that Richard and I
support the same football club.
The only thing is that he's
a bigger supporter than me.
LAUGHTER
Yeah, David does not sit behind me.
That's the one thing I'm glad about!
Thank you very much indeed.
Now, Chris, welcome to the show.
Tell us about Little Radio.
Yes, it's a happy radio station
full of happy music, no bad news.
No bad news. No bad news. So, it
does have news? No news at all.
No news at all?
No news is good news!
Happy songs, like Windmill In Old
Amsterdam, all the nursery rhymes.
It's lovely. What other features do
you have? So, it's for children?
Do you have a few things from the...
hit parade, I was about to say?
We do. Diddy would be proud of me.
We have a mini disco every
hour during the day. Excellent.
We have that when we have downtime.
Straight after the show!
And some great storytellers as well,
including Pui.
Pui tells some lovely stories,
beautiful stories. Fantastic.
Would you come and do one for me?
Absolutely.
Now, then, Chris.
Now, listen, you are on 100.
We're looking for a target
score of eight.
We've got to dig deep here.
OK, OK. Dig deep. Right.
Going to go with who I know. Celia
Imrie. Celia Imrie, you're saying.
We're looking for,
here's your redline.
A score in that kind of area.
Let's see how many of our 100 people
said Celia Imrie.
Celia Imrie is, of course, right.
Very good, 16! So close, so close.
That takes you up to 116.
Yeah, she investigated her
eight-times great-grandfather,
who was Lord Russell.
There we go. Thank you very much
indeed. Patsy, welcome to Pointless.
Hello. Lovely to have you here.
Thank you.
I want to talk to you
about your extraordinary career,
because you started out
as a child actor.
Do we have an hour and a half?
We can make an hour and a half.
Or five minutes!
You went from child actor,
then you had your brilliant band
with your brother,
Eighth Wonder, fantastic.
Then came Absolute Beginners.
Yeah, but I was acting all the way
up, the whole way through.
Mel Gibson, David Bowie,
two leading men you acted against.
Did you have a preferred one?
It wasn't a bad day at work.
Every day I had to kiss Mel, I
wanted to pay them. It was great.
Was that fun?
It was really good fun, yeah. It was
wonderful. Absolutely incredible.
Now, Patsy, you're through,
it doesn't matter what you score.
You want to talk us
through the board? Um...
May be Alan Cumming, perhaps?
Hugh Grant, who is actually a
really good mate of mine.
Daniel Radcliffe, Samantha from
Sex And The City, Kim Cattrall.
Love her.
But I'm going to go with Alan.
OK. Let's see. Alan Cumming.
No red line, you're already through.
Alan Cumming.
Down you go to seven,
very well done indeed.
22 is your total.
Now, I've got good news for you,
Patsy, and bad news for you.
Oh, God. Give me the bad first.
The bad news is you've upset
Hugh Grant,
because he's not on that board.
Oh, God, is he not?
Close to Stephen Fry?
The good news is you have really,
really made Griff Rhys Jones's
day by saying that.
LAUGHTER
But he does look like him, right?
He does look like Hugh Grant!
I have my contact lenses in.
I could also do with my glasses.
It's Hugh Grant!
I mean, it's not.
LAUGHTER
It is definitely Griff Rhys Jones.
I contest that. It's Hugh.
ANDREA: I thought it was
the cricketer.
I thought it was Phil Tufnell!
It's a good job I didn't say that.
You thought it was Phil Tufnell?
Now Phil Tufnell's
looking like Hugh Grant!
And if you said Griff Rhys Jones,
it would have scored you 17.
Now, Pui... Yes, I know.
Lisa Bonet, that is
someone famous' name,
and you were so close to one
of the best answers on the board,
which is the brilliant
broadcaster Liz Bonnin.
And she would have scored you four
points, Liz Bonnin, there she is.
Now, up on the top there,
that is Nitin Ganatra.
He would have scored you two.
You are quite right, Patsy,
that is...
That didn't look like Kim
Cattrall to me,
but absolutely right, it is.
She scores nine points.
It's the angle that we're looking at
it, I blame that. For sure.
She would have scored you
nine points.
Stephen Fry, big scorer,
unsurprisingly, 70.
Next to Hugh Grant?
Colin Jackson. Colin Jackson.
He would have scored 27.
You're right about Daniel Radcliffe
as well. He would score 53.
And next to Daniel Radcliffe?
Matthew Pinsent.
Matthew Pinsent, the rower.
He would have scored 11.
And the bottom right is
Michelle Keegan.
And she would have scored you 34.
So, the best answer on the board
there is Nitin Ganatra,
well done if you said that.
The next-best answer is Liz Bonnin,
which you got so close to.
That's really unlucky.
Thank you very much indeed, Richard.
So, at the end of our first round,
we have to say goodbye to
one of our pairs. I'm so sorry!
Oh, Pui and Chris.
You were really close, though,
and you nearly brought it
back as well.
16 was a fantastic score
from you, Chris.
And, Pui, as I said, that was a good
wrong answer. We applaud that.
Terrible! Anyway, thank you
so much for playing.
Please come and play again.
Chris and Pui! Thank you!
But for the remaining three pairs,
it is now time for Round Two.
APPLAUSE
Very well done, everybody.
We made it through our Who Do You
Think You Are round. Fantastic.
Jake and Patsy, beautiful
low scoring from you.
You would appear to be the pair to
beat. Thank you very much.
Anyway, best of luck to
all three pairs.
Our category for Round Two
this evening is...
Oh!
LAUGHTER
Can you all decide in your pairs
who's going to go first,
who's going to go second.
And whoever's going first,
please step up to the podium.
OK, and the question concerns...
Richard. On each board, I'm going
to show you six definitions
of words that begin
with the letters C-O-N.
Tell us what these words are,
please. We'll also show you
the number of letters in each of the
words as well.
OK, let's reveal our first
board of six clues.
All the answers to these begin
with the letters C-O-N.
I'll read those all again.
There we are. Jake. It's not so bad!
Hold on, let me use my hands.
You count away.
LAUGHTER
I was going to go for concierge,
but I don't know how many
letters that has. OK.
You're going to go for concierge.
For which one? Second one.
Sorry, but that's why I'm counting.
I have got ten fingers,
but they're confused.
We'll take concierge and see
if it works. Let's try it.
Concierge for the second one down.
Caretaker. Oh, no!
Let's see how many of our 100 people
said it if it's right.
And look at that! Oh.
Bang on the money, Jake. Look, look!
Down it goes to 31.
Great start to the round.
APPLAUSE
The executive concierge at
the Stafford Hotel in London says
the most unusual thing
he ever did was
he had to gift wrap a sports car
as a birthday present. Wow.
ALEXANDER AND RICHARD SIGH
And did you thank me?
LAUGHTER
Thank you very much indeed.
Now, David.
Yes, I think I will go
for a condiment.
Condiment. For which one?
For the third one down. The third
one down. Yes. There we are.
Thank you very much.
Salt, mustard or pickle.
How many of our 100 people
went for condiment?
Condiment is right.
Ooh, look at that, 78!
APPLAUSE
Where's the justice in that?!
I was going to send you
my condiments of the season.
LAUGHTER
Yeah, 2017 was a very
big year for condiments.
The first year ever in
British history
that mayonnaise outsold ketchup.
Ah! Wow.
First time it overtook, 2017.
What could that mean?
They say that maybe ketchup is,
because of things like peri-peri
and various sauces and stuff,
people are using it less, but...
It's nothing to do with
our sugar intake or anything?
I don't think so. Yeah, sad day.
Yeah, sad day, I guess.
Listen, ketchup's still doing OK.
I hope so.
Poor ketchup. Poor ketchup.
Thank you very much. Um, Andrea.
I'm going to go...
You've got the whole board here.
If you felt like talking us
through it, we'd be thrilled.
I'm scared to say anything now.
Don't be!
If I get it wrong...
Don't be scared!
..say Danny Dyer or something
that I didn't mean to.
I'm going to go for the manner
in which a person behaves.
Conduct?
Conduct. Is it conduct?
Let's see how many of our 100 people
said CONduct or conDUCT.
ConDUCT, CONduct.
I've now said conduct
too many times.
LAUGHTER
It's right. 78's the high score,
and you pass it.
31's the low score.
You're on 37. You've done well!
I've done well, I know!
APPLAUSE
37. Well played, Andrea.
Yeah, concierge and conduct
are the best two answers
on the board, actually.
The best scores you could have got.
To focus all one's attention?
Concentrate. Concentrate,
would have scored you 46.
To bring or come to an end?
Conclude.
Conclude is 49, and the talk?
Conversation. Conversation.
And that would have scored 83.
Well, there we are.
Halfway through the round.
David, I share your indignation
at that high-scoring of condiment.
I thought,
being a long word and all,
and also we don't use that word very
much, unless, usually, as a joke,
if I'm honest! Anyway, there we are.
It scored you 78.
Jenny will just have
to do really well now.
Luckily, she will!
But 31 is our low score.
Very well done, Jake and Patsy.
37, not bad, Andrea and Linda.
And there we are,
David and Jenny on 78.
We're going to come back
down the line now.
Will the second players please
step up to the podium?
Let us put six more definitions
of words,
all beginning with the letters
C-O-N, on the board.
Here they are.
I'll read those all again.
There we are. Now, Linda. Yeah?
37 is your score at the moment.
If you score 40 or less,
you're into the head-to-head.
OK. Shall I say it now, then?
I think now's as good a time as any.
I'm going to go for congregation.
Congregation. For which one?
The last one.
The last one. OK.
Here is your red line.
Can you get close to or below
that red line with congregation?
Oh, poo bum! 82.
82.
Linda said "poo bum" there,
by the way, kids.
I'd just like to apologise to
everyone watching at home for that.
That takes your total up to 119.
Yeah, congregation.
Comes from the word conga,
because that's what the original
congregations...
Everyone had to sit
behind each other
with their arms
on each other's hips.
That's right.
And occasionally kick. Yeah.
And go, "Oi!"
Exactly that, yeah.
Thank you very much.
Now... Ooh, Jenny!
That has opened the door a little
bit. There you are on 78.
You have to score 40 -
exactly the same target
as Linda had, ironically.
I will try the second one down,
being condemn.
Condemn. Let us see if condemn
is right. Here is your red line.
It's right.
You're through! Look at that.
35. Very well done indeed.
113 is your total.
Very well played, Jenny.
Yeah, it's got that sneaky N
on the end, hasn't it?
Condemn, also the name of the last
coalition to run the country.
Thank you very much indeed,
Richard. Now, Patsy. Yes.
If you can score 87 or less,
there is a place for you
in the head-to-head.
Do you want to talk us
through the board?
Well, I could tell you what my
answer would be. Shall we do that?
Yeah, let's do that.
I'm going to go for a
formal statement
admitting that one
is guilty of a crime.
Confession. Confession, says Patsy.
Here is your red line.
We can talk about the board
if you want as well, but...
Talk about the war?!
The board! Oh, the board.
I'd say, "Let's not do that.
Not now!"
There's your red line.
Let's see if we can get you below
that red line with confession.
It's right and you're through.
Down to 66.
Takes your total up to 97.
Very well played, Patsy.
Very nicely done.
And then, of course,
Archduke Franz Ferdinand
was assassinated in Sarajevo,
and that led essentially to the
beginning of the First World War.
Now... Well, we don't have time.
I've been told we don't have time.
The reduction in the price
of something? Is a concession.
Concession. That would
have scored 40.
The change from gas to a liquid?
Condense. Condense, yeah, as in
condensation. 33 for that.
And a musical performance
in public? Concert. Concert.
That would have scored 65,
so the best answer on the board
there is condense.
But condemn not far behind,
Jenny, well played.
Thank you very much indeed.
Well, that brings us to
the end of our second round.
Oh, no, I've just seen.
Linda and Andrea, you are
our high scorers.
This is where we have to say
goodbye.
Normally that would be
good, wouldn't it?
Well, I know, in any other show
than this, I'm afraid,
it would be, but I'm afraid, yeah...
Did we win?
In a way, yes.
You have won the right to leave.
Aw! It's been lovely having you on.
Thank you so much, Linda and Andrea!
Thank you!
Please come and play again.
But for our two remaining pairs,
it is now time for the head-to-head.
Congratulations, Jake and Patsy,
David and Jenny.
You're now one step closer
to the final
and a chance to play
for our jackpot,
which currently stands at £2,500.
APPLAUSE
But now we have to decide
who's going to play for that,
and we do it by making you
go head-to-head.
But now you can start playing as
a pair. You play as a team.
You can chat before
you give your answers. Oh, lovely.
First pair to win two questions
will be playing for that jackpot.
Well, how's about this?
It's nice, isn't it? Isn't it? Mm.
No-one here's been in a Head-to-Head
before. Never before.
Mind you, no-one on
the entire show had been.
LAUGHTER
That is true. So it's uncharted
territory. Oh, yeah.
But you have played very well,
individually and together,
in fact. So, yeah, I think this
is going to be very, very close.
Anyway, best of luck to both pairs.
Let's play the Head-to-Head.
APPLAUSE
Here is your first question,
and it concerns...
Richard. We are going to play you
five clips now
of number-one singles
by the Spice Girls,
but can you tell us the title
of one of these, please?
Thank you very much indeed.
Have a listen to these.
Here come our clips. Here is A.
# There is no need to say
you love me
# It would be better left unsaid
# I'm giving you everything
# All that joy can bring
All that joy can bring
# This I swear
Yes, I swear... #
Here's B.
# Part of me wants to question why
Question why
# Why is there joy?
Why is there pain?
# Why is there sunshine
then the rain?
# One day, you're here
# Next, you are gone
# No matter what, we must go on... #
Here is C.
# I need some love like I've
never needed love before
# I wanna make love to you, baby
# I had a little love
Now I'm back for more
# Wanna make love to you, baby
# Set your spirit free
# It's the only way to be... #
Here's D.
# Like the sands of time
# Promises made, every memory saved
# As reflections in my mind
# Hasta manana
# Always be mine... #
And here's E.
# Yo, I'll tell you what I want
What I really, really want
# So, tell me what you want
What you really, really want
# I'll tell you what I want
What I really, really want
# So, tell me what you want
What you really, really want
# I wanna, I wanna
I wanna, I wanna
# I wanna really, really
wanna zig-a-zig-ah... #
OK, there we are.
Five Spice Girls number ones.
Jake and Patsy, you're our golden
couple, so you get to go first.
What are you going to go for?
Well, we think... We believe it
to be the zig-a-zig-ah song.
Wannabe. Wannabe.
For E. For E, OK.
Jake, how many videos
for those songs were you in?
2 Become 1, and I did
the world tour.
I could tell. I wasn't sure...
So we have a bit of an edge.
..a few moves going on.
A lot of pointing.
I remember some of
the choreography as well,
but that song didn't
come up, one of them.
There we are. OK, so you're going
to go for Wannabe for E.
David and Jenny, it's over to you.
Do you want to talk us
through the rest?
I don't know a lot about girl power,
but Jenny does. Ha-ha!
We think A is Mama, I Love You.
A - Mama, I Love You.
OK, so we've got A and E,
Wannabe and Mama, I Love You,
in that order.
So, Jake and Patsy went
for Wannabe for E.
Let's see how many of
our 100 people got that.
It's right.
Down that goes to 53.
APPLAUSE
Meanwhile, David and Jenny have gone
for Mama, I Love You for A.
Let's see how many of
our 100 got that.
Alas, not Mama, I Love You,
which means, Jake and Patsy, after
one question, you're up 1-0.
Yeah, for a band that had nine
number-one singles,
that round was harder than
it appeared, wasn't it?
Were they all number ones?
Yeah. They all were, yeah.
Yeah, amazing, innit? Great.
Shall we have a little listen
to some of them?
So the first one's not Mama.
Let's have a little listen.
# There is no need
to say you love me... #
You know that one?
Is it I'll Be There, is it?
Say You'll Be There.
Say You'll Be There.
That would have scored
you 14 points.
The second one...
# Part of me wants to question why
Question why... #
Let Love lead The Way.
Let Love Lead The Way.
Double-A side with Holler.
That was a number-one single,
would have scored you four points.
The third one...
# I need some love like
I never needed love... #
2 Become 1.
It's a better score than Wannabe,
but you got the point anyway.
41 for that. And D...
# Like the sands of time... #
Also the name of the musical
they did about the Spice Girls.
Viva Forever. Viva Forever was D,
and that would have scored you 20.
Well done if you said that at home.
Thank you very much indeed.
OK, now, here comes
your second question.
David and Jenny, we need you
to win this to stay in the game.
You get to answer it first,
so a slight advantage to you.
No more Spice Girls, eh?
I shouldn't think so.
LAUGHTER
Our second question this evening
is all about...
Richard.
I mean, you asked
for no more Spice Girls,
this is the next best thing
we had, David.
Could you bring back
the Spice Girls instead?
Five pictures now of people
wearing bucket hats,
but who are they, please?
Thank you very much indeed.
Let's reveal our five
bucket-hat-wearing people.
We've got...
There we are.
Five people in bucket hats.
David and Jenny, you go first.
Once again, you know,
I think Jenny...
I trust in her completely.
LAUGHTER
She's going to give you the answer.
We've been friends since the '60s,
this could be the end of it.
Um, E, Miley Cyrus.
E, Miley Cyrus, say David and Jenny.
OK, Jake and Patsy, over to you.
Talk us through
the bucket-hat people.
Well, we've got...
Who did you say? I think it was
Mel Brooks. Mel Brooks.
I can't see very well.
Billy Corgan from
the Smashing Pumpkins.
Rihanna.
I'm going to... Well, I...
WE... We. You.
..are going to go with Billy Corgan
from the Smashing Pumpkins.
Billy Corgan. Yes.
OK, so we have got Miley Cyrus
and we've got Billy Corgan.
In the order they were given,
Miley Cyrus for E is what
David and Jenny are going for.
Miley Cyrus is right.
Down it goes to 48.
APPLAUSE
Meanwhile, Jake and Patsy are going
to go for Billy Corgan for C.
Let's see how many of
our 100 got Billy Corgan.
It is Billy Corgan.
And it wins you the point.
Very well done indeed.
Down to four, which means,
Jake and Patsy,
after only two questions, you're
straight through to the final, 2-0.
Yeah, that's a terrific answer,
Patsy. Very well played.
Billy Corgan there.
Now, we'll leave B for a moment.
A was Samuel L Jackson.
He's got his own range of hats
as well. 63 for Samuel L Jackson.
We've got tea towels like that,
that pattern on. Oh, lovely, yeah.
D, you're quite right, was Rihanna.
She scores even more points, 67.
Now, this other answer is
the best answer on the board.
Eight people said it was
Harrison Ford, but it is not.
Did anyone think it was
John McEnroe?
It's obviously not John McEnroe.
It is not. It's Hugh Grant.
Shush! No, it's not!
LAUGHTER
Can you believe it?! He's aged well.
Not even from this angle!
It is not Hugh Grant.
Now, I'll see if I can
give you a clue.
He's an American singer. He was part
of a very famous double act.
Simon and Garfunkel!
# And bright eyes. #
Art Garfunkel is who it is. Wow.
Art Garfunkel.
And he was a pointless answer,
so very well done if you said that.
Yeah, without the hair,
hard to recognise.
He went back into supply teaching,
I think. Wow.
I think so. Art teacher.
I met him at the Sandringham
Pop Festival in the '80s,
and he hid behind a bush cos
he didn't want anyone to say,
"Wow, isn't it great
you're all here?"
So that's a little bit of useless
trivia. He should have worn a hat!
And his hair was...his hair was
camouflaged as a bush as well.
He didn't have a hat, he had foliage
cos he was behind this sort of bush.
Aw. Yeah, I know.
I didn't know that was called
a bucket hat, so...
No, we've all learned something.
Yes.
Yeah! In fact, we've learnt a lot.
Thank you. Thank you.
Sadly, one of the pairs
has to leave us,
cos it's the end of the round,
and I'm afraid that pair
is David and Jenny.
It's been so lovely having you
here. You've been wonderful!
Come back and win, that's all I can
say. It's been lovely having you.
David and Jenny. Brilliant.
Thank you.
APPLAUSE
But for Jake and Patsy, it's now
time for our Pointless final.
Congratulations, Jake and Patsy.
You've seen off all the competition
and you've won our coveted
Pointless trophy.
You now have a chance to win
our Pointless jackpot
for your charities,
and at the end of today's show,
the jackpot is standing at £2,500.
APPLAUSE
Now, normally this is
a template for success.
You've been the low scorers in both
rounds, 2-0 in the Head-to-Head.
There's no arguing with that.
You were up against Diddy Hamilton!
You triumphed!
I'm shocked and amazed that
we're here. Well, there we are.
I'm literally speechless. Yes.
What you want to see
come up in this last round?
What's going to help you win
that jackpot for your charities?
Nothing that I need to count.
Easy questions would be nice.
Easy questions. OK. Why does
no-one ask for that more often?
It's as easy as that. I'd be happy
to do it if someone asked.
It's too late now!
We've got hard ones.
But if you'd had said beforehand,
I would have... Ugh.
Ah, I'll let you have that.
You can copyright that. You can
take it. I give it to you.
Thanks, Patsy.
OK, now, you get to choose. Four
things will appear on the board.
You just have to choose
one of those.
We've got to hope there's
something up here
that doesn't send you running
for the hills.
We've got...
What do we think? You know them.
The Beatles.
Beatles' songwriting, surely.
Beatles' songwriting.
OK, very best of luck.
We're looking for any of
the following three things.
Choose your answers from any
of these categories.
We're looking for any Beatles song,
any song recorded and released by
the Beatles in their career,
which was not written
by the Beatles,
so any cover versions that they
released, essentially.
We are looking for any Beatles songs
written by George Harrison
or Ringo Starr. Yep, got it.
Or we are looking for... You sure?
Yeah. Well, I would hope so.
Or we're looking for any of the acts
on the 1979 album
The Songs Lennon And McCartney
Gave Away,
which were songs written by
Lennon and McCartney
but recorded by other people.
So we're looking for
any Beatles songs
not written by any of the band,
songs written by Harrison or Starr -
and those were the original
studio recordings box set,
so that's everything they did
throughout their career -
and acts on The Songs Lennon
And McCartney Gave Away.
Very best of luck.
OK, now, as always,
you'll have up to a minute
to come up with three answers.
All you need to win that jackpot
for your charities
is for just one of these answers
to be pointless.
Are you ready? Yes.
Let's put 60 seconds up
on the clock. There they are.
Your time starts now.
Beatles songs not written
by the Fab Four.
Money. Do I carry on? Ooh, yeah.
Beatles songs written by
George Harrison or Ringo Starr.
Something In The Way She Moves.
Beet... Roll Over Beethoven.
Uh, Beatles didn't write that.
Um...
Uh...
Uh... Oh, I've frozen now on that.
That's all I can give you.
Was that not enough?
Yeah, you've got time, though.
No, relax.
But now you've relaxed, maybe more
answers'll come. Right, OK. Um...
Oh, gosh.
No, the frog song, Paul McCartney,
sadly, wrote that. Um...
So... Uh...
I don't know.
I've given all I can give.
You've given all you can give?
No, I gave you the Spice Girls, you
give us the Beatles. There we are.
Yeah, you're fine.
We'll take what you've given.
Thank you.
Right, stop the clock there.
Give those answers again.
Um, OK, so, songs not written
by the Fab Four -
Money. Money.
And Roll Over Beethoven.
Roll Over Beethoven.
Beatles songs written by George
Harrison and Ringo Starr -
Something In The Way She Moves.
Something In The Way She Moves.
Lovely. OK, no, that's fine.
We just need three. We've got three.
Of those three, which is your best
shot at a pointless answer,
do you think?
Shall we put Money last?
Yeah, Money or Roll
Over Beethoven maybe as well.
OK, we'll put Money last.
Least likely to be pointless?
Oh, um... Yeah, Something was an
amazing song. Put Something first,
then we have Roll Over Beethoven
and then we have Money.
Just give it a bit of a drum roll.
Put them in the right order.
Let's hope. OK.
OK, let's put those answers up
on the board in that order, then,
and here they are.
We've got...
Three great answers. Surely one of
these'll turn out to be pointless
and win that jackpot for your
charities. Wouldn't that be nice?
Which charities are you playing for?
Jake, I'm going to ask you first.
I'm playing for The Hope Foundation.
Lovely. And Patsy?
I'm playing for
the Future Dreams charity,
which is a cancer charity,
and I'm their ambassador.
APPLAUSE
Two lovely charities there.
Three good answers.
Let's hope one of these wins
that jackpot for your charities.
Your first answer was Something.
In this case, we were looking for
any songs written by George Harrison
or Ringo Starr that
were recorded by The Beatles.
If Something is pointless,
your charities will win £2,500.
How many people said Something?
Well, it's right.
We just have
to get all the way down to zero
and your charities will win
that jackpot.
Down we go into single figures.
Still going down. Oh!
APPLAUSE
Nearly. Nearly.
But do you know,
the interesting thing,
when you're a massive fan,
it's very hard to know
what's the obscure knowledge
and what's the commonly known...
This is it, I love them all,
so if you aren't a fan,
then perhaps you... Exactly.
But anyway. We'll speak later.
About that and the war. Yes.
Let's hope nobody said your next
answer, Roll Over Beethoven.
We were looking for songs that
weren't written by the Beatles
but were nonetheless
recorded by them.
If this is pointless, £2,500 makes
its way to your charities.
How many people said
Roll Over Beethoven?
Again, it's right.
Something took us
all the way down to eight.
Roll Over Beethoven takes us down
through the 20s, into the teens.
Into single figures,
passing eight. Still going down.
To two! Oh! This is very, very good.
No! That shouldn't be allowed!
APPLAUSE
That shouldn't be allowed.
Give it to us anyway.
Come on, it's two points.
No-one will know. Only two people.
Listen, we've got one more shot.
Your third and final answer -
which, by the way,
I think is a brilliant answer -
Money, you've gone for.
Again, we're looking for songs
recorded by The Beatles
not written by the Beatles. Yes.
£2,500 for your charities is riding
on this being pointless.
How many people said Money?
Again, it's right. Eight was
your first score, with Something.
Two was your second score,
with Roll Over Beethoven.
Can we pass two?
Still in single figures.
Going down, going down.
Yes!
APPLAUSE
Aw, I'm so pleased.
Very well done indeed.
I'm so happy!
Look at that - Money!
Bang on the money.
And it wins all that money for your
charities, which is fabulous.
A pointless answer.
You are wonderful, Jake and Patsy.
Very well done. Beautiful work.
Lovely to have a final category
you know something about,
and then to get the pointless
answer as well. Congratulations.
I think a lot of people
don't realise
that's not a Beatles song, Money.
But you did, which is why you just
won a load of cash, ironically.
Let's take a look at the pointless
answers in the different categories.
See if you got any others at home.
Long Tall Sally would have
been pointless,
the Little Richard song.
There's Money.
Till There Was You,
from the musical The Music Man.
Words Of Love,
that's a Buddy Holly song.
Loads of other pointless
answers there.
Dizzy Miss Lizzie, Everybody's
Trying To Be My Baby, Matchbox,
Rock And Roll Music, Slow Down,
You Really Got A Hold On Me.
All of those were pointless answers.
Well done if you said any of those.
Now, songs written by
George or Ringo.
Don't Pass Me By, that's Ringo.
Those other three there
are all George.
I Want To Tell You, Savoy Truffle,
Think For Yourself.
You could have had If I Needed
Someone, It's All Too Much,
Old Brown Shoe,
Only A Northern Song, Piggies -
all of those were pointless answers.
And this is a slightly harder one,
the acts on that album.
These are acts that Lennon
and McCartney gave songs too.
Clearly, I was clueless about that.
PJ Proby, That Means A Lot.
Cat Call, The Chris Barber Band.
The Fourmost and Tommy Quickly.
Cilla Black was the biggest answer,
but those were pointless.
Well done if you got those,
and congratulations,
been a lovely show
and what a lovely end to it.
Thank you very much indeed.
And thanks once again to Jake
and Patsy, our fabulous winners,
who take away today's jackpot of
£2,500 for their charities!
Brilliant!
APPLAUSE
Join us next time, when we'll be
putting more obscure knowledge
to the test on
Pointless Celebrities.
Meanwhile, it's goodbye from
Richard. Goodbye.
And it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.
APPLAUSE
Thank you very much indeed.
Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong,
and a very warm welcome
to Pointless Celebrities,
the quiz that puts obscure
knowledge to the test.
Let's meet this evening's
Pointless celebrities.
APPLAUSE
And couple number one. Hello.
I'm Patsy Kensit, and I'm an actress
and her mother and a writer.
Hey, Alexander.
I'm Jake Canuso, and I'm an actor.
APPLAUSE
Couple number two!
Hello, Alexander. I'm Chris Jarvis
and I'm a presenter on CBeebies.
I'm Pui Fan Lee and I'm
also a presenter on CBeebies.
APPLAUSE
Couple number three!
I'm Jenny Hanley and I've done
television, film, radio
and theatre,
and I'm now writing a book.
I'm David Hamilton, known to some
as Diddy. I'm a DJ and show host.
APPLAUSE
And finally, couple number four!
Hello, I'm Andrea McLean.
I'm an author, TV presenter
and entrepreneur,
and I work on a TV show
called Loose Women.
I'm Linda Robson,
I'm known for Birds Of A Feather
and I'm also a very loose woman!
APPLAUSE
Thank you all very much indeed.
Wonderful to have you all here.
A warm welcome to Pointless,
and we'll obviously chat
throughout the show
as it goes along.
So, that just leaves one more
person for me to introduce.
A man who always sat
in the front row at assembly,
mainly for the legroom.
It's my Pointless friend,
it's Richard.
Hiya. Good evening, everybody.
APPLAUSE
Good evening to you. Good evening.
Now, a few people
have been on before.
Normally when we've had people
go on before, I talk about who's
done the best, who's won a trophy
and what have you.
But no-one here has done very well
at all, I'll be honest with you.
LAUGHTER
We've got a few people
who have been in the second round.
Linda, Jake as well. No-one here has
been in a head-to-head yet. Wow.
So, no-one's been in a final,
no-one's won a trophy either.
So, a very open field.
Our only pair neither of whom have
been on before are Pui and Chris,
so all I'm saying is it should be
quite an easy evening for you,
that's all I'm saying to you.
I've got some history
with a couple of people here.
Patsy, I was on
Would I Lie To You with,
and she absolutely fooled me
on every single thing she did.
That's true. And Linda beat me at
darts on Loose Women, so...
I have bad memories of appearing on
telly with a number of these people.
But this evening is going to be
a fun one.
The first round is a good one.
The first round is good?
Everyone's going to be able
to have a crack at this first round.
There we are.
Thank you very much indeed.
As usual, all today's
questions have been put
to 100 people before the show.
Our contestants here are looking
for those all-important answers
that none of our 100 people gave.
These are pointless answers,
and each time anyone gives
one of those,
we will add 250 quid to the jackpot.
As today's show is
a celebrity special,
each of our celebrities is
playing for a nominated charity,
so we're going to start off with
a jackpot of £2,500.
There it is!
APPLAUSE
Right, if everyone's ready,
let's play Pointless.
APPLAUSE
As ever, it will be
the pair with the highest score
at the end of each round that will
be eliminated,
so keep your scores as low as you
possibly can.
Best of luck to all four pairs.
No conferring until we get to the
head-to-head round.
Our first category this
evening is...
Can you all decide in your pairs
who's going first,
who's going second, and whoever's
going first,
please step up to the podium.
OK. And our question concerns...
Richard? Yes, I'm going to show you
16 pictures of celebrities
who have been on the BBC TV series
Who Do You Think You Are?
Can you recognise any of these
people, please.
Thank you very much indeed.
OK, let's put this image up.
It's going to stay up for
the whole round.
We won't be changing it halfway, it
will be there for the whole round.
You just have to shout out anyone
you see on this image.
Here it comes.
16 people there.
Let's give you a moment
to digest them all.
There we go.
Jake, welcome back to Pointless.
Thank you.
Good to have you here again.
So, when did you move over here?
Because you're Swiss Italian, aren't
you, by birth? I'm actually Italian.
You're Italian.
Where did the Swiss bit...?
I was born and brought up
in Switzerland, in Zurich. I see.
I moved to Paris when I was 16.
I moved over here when I was 18.
I see. But then you sort of appeared
in loads of pop videos. I did.
That was kind of your thing,
wasn't it?
And that was back in the day
when pop videos were amazing.
People used to throw the kitchen
sink at them, didn't they?
What videos were you in?
I did loads of them, actually.
Back in the late '80s, early '90s,
when everyone was doing them.
Annie Lennox, Kylie, Bananarama,
Take That, Elton John.
And was there a specific agent,
were you in as a dancer?
I was a dancer, yeah.
I was on Top Of The Pops more
or less every week.
Funnily enough, out here.
Onstage, not dancing in the front?
Onstage in Elstree, yeah.
Wonderful. Now, Jake,
can I turn your attention
to our Who Do You Think You Are
celebrities here.
Right. I don't know who to go for.
I am going to go for...
Tracey Emin. Tracey Emin, says Jake.
Let's see how many of our 100 people
said Tracey Emin.
Tracey Emin is right.
Look at that, down it goes to 15.
Very well done indeed.
15 for Tracey Emin.
Yes, she discovered she came
from an itinerant gypsy clan
from the Midlands, much like Peaky
Blinders, but she was delighted.
Her greatest worry was that
she came from a suburban background.
She did not. She didn't.
We'll talk about your Who Do You
Think You Are at some point.
Very exciting one. It was exciting,
yes, it was. Thank you very much.
Unsurprising, but exciting.
He's descended from royalty.
William the Conqueror, right?
Only the Conqueror! Yeah.
He was essentially
your great-grandfather
or great-great-grandfather?
Great-great. Great-great, yeah.
Thank you very much indeed.
Pui, welcome! Thank you.
How lovely to have you here.
You were Po.
Eh-oh.
You were! That's just wonderful.
And there you are, appropriately
enough, wearing red. Kind of, yes.
Now, tell us all about that.
Because when you started doing
Teletubbies,
what was your background?
An actor, a normal, run-of-the-mill,
trained actor, went to drama school.
Had you done any mask work?
Nothing like that.
It was just another audition. And
they said, we'd like you to be Po?
A shot in the dark, absolutely.
Did you get a hunch when you got
measured up for "costume"
that you would in fact be invisible?
No hunch. I had no idea. Absolutely
nothing. Until the day arrived.
That's extraordinary.
So, how did you...?
What expression could you control?
We had these... They're called
mechies, mechanisms in my hand.
So, if you watch carefully,
your hands inside the gloves,
these are my eyes, so you blink
all the time, and this is my mouth.
Which is up here! You've got to keep
remembering to blink? So, I'm...
I'm four foot ten and a half, but
I was over six foot in my costume.
And doing that a lot.
Now, then, Pui, what are you going
to go for on our board here? Um...
Do you trust me, Chris?
Yes! Oh, absolutely.
I'm going to
go for a bit of a wild one.
And I think her name is
Lisa Bonet or Bonnet?
Lisa Bonnet or Bonet? Let us
find out. I think that's her name.
Lisa Bonnet or Bonet.
Oh, no!
Ooh. Oh, sorry.
It's not Lisa Bonnet or Bonet,
I'm afraid.
100 points is what that scores you.
I know the one you mean, but
Lisa Bonet is an American actress.
Oh, goodness!
Chris looking like he is glad he
trusted Pui now. I'm terribly sorry.
We're out. But do you know what,
Pui, by the way,
that's exactly how
you're meant to play.
So what you've done is exemplary.
I salute that kind of mistake.
Thank you. Yes, I salute that kind
of mistake as well. There we are.
Thank you very much.
Jenny, welcome back. Thank you.
Yes, my goodness.
So, I read that your grandparents,
it just said,
were royal photographers? Yes.
Povsky, the Russian immigrant,
who fled the revolution,
took the photographs
underneath the black cloth,
and my grandmother
was the one who set it up.
So, she got Princess Elizabeth and
Princess Margaret Rose to pose
for the photographs with
the Queen Mother. That's incredible.
Is your house full of photographs?
I have quite a few, yes.
But they also used to take
photographs for knitting patterns...
Modelled by the Royals!
Amazing, so valuable.
No, modelled by Roger Moore!
Oh, really? Of course, I've seen
those. Extraordinary things.
What fun. Now, Jenny. Yes.
Let's turn our attention
to these Who Do You Think You Are
subjects. Yes.
I would choose Bill Oddie.
Bill Oddie, says Jenny.
Let's see how many of our 100 people
went for Bill Oddie.
Bill Oddie is right.
100 is our high score,
15 is our low.
53 is where you end up with
Bill Oddie.
Yeah, he was the first-ever episode
of the first-ever series,
Bill Oddie.
I watched that one. 2004.
Fantastic. Thank you very much
indeed, Richard. Linda. Yes.
Linda, welcome back. Hello. Now,
when you're doing Loose Women? Yeah.
Are you allowed to sort of busk
it a bit? Yeah. You can?
We do. We just normally have the
first person that's going to speak,
and then after that, it's anyone...
And you can go any direction?
So, if you've got a thing you're
just desperate
to get off your chest, pow,
straight in.
I get into trouble quite a lot,
because my nickname's Baggy Mouth.
I say things I'm not supposed to
say, especially about my family.
But nice things, but they just don't
want to be mentioned on there.
My husband shaved his chest, and
I said it on Loose Women, and then
the dustman said to him, "What's all
this about you shaving your chest?"
He went, "Oh, my God,
what have you said on there now?"
Nothing wrong with shaving your
chest, I shave mine every day!
LAUGHTER
Do you have earpieces
or anything? Yeah.
So you can hear someone shouting in
your ear, going, "Don't!"
"No, you shouldn't have said that!
You're in trouble!"
Linda, who are you going to
go for on our board here?
All of these people have
been on Who Do You Think You Are,
who do we think THEY are?
I'm going to go
for Frances de la Tour.
Frances de la Tour, says Linda.
Let's see how many of our 100 people
went for Frances de la Tour.
There it is.
Well, 15 is our lowest score
so far...
There you are,
19 for Frances de la Tour.
Very well played, Linda.
Great answer, great actor,
Frances de la Tour.
Now, she had aristocratic
connections in Northumberland,
your neck of the woods. Did she?
She did. Seaton Delaval Hall.
Seriously?
I didn't know that.
I haven't seen her episode.
There you go. You need to watch it.
I do. I shall. That's your gang.
I mean, she wasn't as posh as you,
don't get me wrong. Oh, she is.
Thank you very much.
We're halfway through the round.
Just before we come back down the
line, let's look at those scores.
15, the best score, Jake,
very well done to you.
19 is where we find
Linda and Andrea.
53 is where we find Jenny and David,
then up to 100, I'm afraid, for
Pui and Chris. We're in very good
hands, though, because if anyone can
find a low-scoring answer to
try and right the balance, I'm sure
it's Chris, so good luck with that.
We're going to come
back down the line now.
Will the second players please
step up to the podium.
There we are.
Andrea, lovely to have you here.
I want to ask you about This Girl's
On Fire. This is your website.
It is, yeah.
Tell us all about it.
It's a female empowerment site.
Basically, it is out there to help
women live, learn and thrive
and live a life that they love.
So, what exactly is on there? Tips?
Articles, courses to help people
build their confidence.
Basically it's... I'm coming from a
middle-aged woman's perspective,
I'm 50, and there's a lot
of women who feel maybe
they want to get back into work
and don't know how to start,
younger women not maybe having
the confidence that they need,
so I just want to help.
Brilliant, good for you, Andrea.
There you are, on 19.
If you can score 80 or less with
your answer, you're into round two.
Well, I have history for thinking
that Danny Dyer is someone else,
so I'm not going to choose him.
Oh, hang on.
You're not allowed to do that.
We have to take the first answer you
give. Let's go for Danny Dyer, then!
Oh, but the big question,
is it Danny Dyer?
It's not, because everyone's
going to know who he is!
I wonder which one you
mean for Danny Dyer?
I wonder which one
she thinks is Danny Dyer.
Well, here's your red line.
Let's see what happens when
we say Danny Dyer.
Of course it's Danny Dyer. Gets you
through to round two. Only just, 64.
Taking your total up to 83,
very well done.
He's one of the most famous ones,
isn't he?
But you're safely through,
so it doesn't matter.
That's the beauty of it.
Yeah, Danny Dyer.
Now, he was related to
Edward III, Thomas Cromwell,
and he was related
to William the Conqueror.
So you're related to Danny Dyer.
I climbed Kilimanjaro with Dani
Dyer junior. The younger Dani Dyer?
The younger Dani Dyer, yeah.
The lady Dyer.
The lady Dyer. Lady Dyer, yeah.
I bet she's lovely?
Couldn't be lovelier. Hilarious.
Danny himself is lovely.
The second you turn a camera on him,
he's effing and jeffing
and all that.
The second it turns off, he's so
polite. So nice. And lovely, yeah.
Lovely fellow. OK, thank you
very much indeed. David.
David, I want to ask
you about the Beatles.
You interviewed the Beatles in 1963,
which was kind of on the cusp
of superstardom.
What do you remember about that?
Well, I did one of the first
television interviews with
the Beatles that year, 1963.
Brian Epstein, their manager,
was on the programme as well,
and his latest protege, Gerry
and the Pacemakers, who sang a song,
and then they went on to have three
consecutive number ones.
The thing about interviewing the
Beatles was that they were anarchic.
They didn't play the game
like people had done before that.
So it was slight bedlam.
But later that year, they asked me
to compere one of their shows
and introduce them
in concert in Manchester.
And I remember the tickets to see
the Beatles were ten shillings,
and I remember my fee
was ten guineas.
That was ten pounds and
ten shillings.
So even then, I was overpaid!
LAUGHTER
David, you are on 53.
We're looking for a target
score of 46 or less from you.
Who are you going to go for?
Right, well, of course, most
of the easy ones,
or the easier ones, have gone.
So I'm going for,
I think, Ainsley Harriott.
Ainsley Harriott.
OK, let's see. Ainsley Harriott.
Here is your red line.
Is it right?
It is right.
And it stops on 56,
taking your total up to 109.
Yes, his father was a Jamaican-born
pianist and entertainer,
so he went back to the Caribbean
in his episode.
David's voice is still
as brilliant as ever, isn't it?
You got into the right job,
I think, David.
Well, what's wonderful is
that Richard and I
support the same football club.
The only thing is that he's
a bigger supporter than me.
LAUGHTER
Yeah, David does not sit behind me.
That's the one thing I'm glad about!
Thank you very much indeed.
Now, Chris, welcome to the show.
Tell us about Little Radio.
Yes, it's a happy radio station
full of happy music, no bad news.
No bad news. No bad news. So, it
does have news? No news at all.
No news at all?
No news is good news!
Happy songs, like Windmill In Old
Amsterdam, all the nursery rhymes.
It's lovely. What other features do
you have? So, it's for children?
Do you have a few things from the...
hit parade, I was about to say?
We do. Diddy would be proud of me.
We have a mini disco every
hour during the day. Excellent.
We have that when we have downtime.
Straight after the show!
And some great storytellers as well,
including Pui.
Pui tells some lovely stories,
beautiful stories. Fantastic.
Would you come and do one for me?
Absolutely.
Now, then, Chris.
Now, listen, you are on 100.
We're looking for a target
score of eight.
We've got to dig deep here.
OK, OK. Dig deep. Right.
Going to go with who I know. Celia
Imrie. Celia Imrie, you're saying.
We're looking for,
here's your redline.
A score in that kind of area.
Let's see how many of our 100 people
said Celia Imrie.
Celia Imrie is, of course, right.
Very good, 16! So close, so close.
That takes you up to 116.
Yeah, she investigated her
eight-times great-grandfather,
who was Lord Russell.
There we go. Thank you very much
indeed. Patsy, welcome to Pointless.
Hello. Lovely to have you here.
Thank you.
I want to talk to you
about your extraordinary career,
because you started out
as a child actor.
Do we have an hour and a half?
We can make an hour and a half.
Or five minutes!
You went from child actor,
then you had your brilliant band
with your brother,
Eighth Wonder, fantastic.
Then came Absolute Beginners.
Yeah, but I was acting all the way
up, the whole way through.
Mel Gibson, David Bowie,
two leading men you acted against.
Did you have a preferred one?
It wasn't a bad day at work.
Every day I had to kiss Mel, I
wanted to pay them. It was great.
Was that fun?
It was really good fun, yeah. It was
wonderful. Absolutely incredible.
Now, Patsy, you're through,
it doesn't matter what you score.
You want to talk us
through the board? Um...
May be Alan Cumming, perhaps?
Hugh Grant, who is actually a
really good mate of mine.
Daniel Radcliffe, Samantha from
Sex And The City, Kim Cattrall.
Love her.
But I'm going to go with Alan.
OK. Let's see. Alan Cumming.
No red line, you're already through.
Alan Cumming.
Down you go to seven,
very well done indeed.
22 is your total.
Now, I've got good news for you,
Patsy, and bad news for you.
Oh, God. Give me the bad first.
The bad news is you've upset
Hugh Grant,
because he's not on that board.
Oh, God, is he not?
Close to Stephen Fry?
The good news is you have really,
really made Griff Rhys Jones's
day by saying that.
LAUGHTER
But he does look like him, right?
He does look like Hugh Grant!
I have my contact lenses in.
I could also do with my glasses.
It's Hugh Grant!
I mean, it's not.
LAUGHTER
It is definitely Griff Rhys Jones.
I contest that. It's Hugh.
ANDREA: I thought it was
the cricketer.
I thought it was Phil Tufnell!
It's a good job I didn't say that.
You thought it was Phil Tufnell?
Now Phil Tufnell's
looking like Hugh Grant!
And if you said Griff Rhys Jones,
it would have scored you 17.
Now, Pui... Yes, I know.
Lisa Bonet, that is
someone famous' name,
and you were so close to one
of the best answers on the board,
which is the brilliant
broadcaster Liz Bonnin.
And she would have scored you four
points, Liz Bonnin, there she is.
Now, up on the top there,
that is Nitin Ganatra.
He would have scored you two.
You are quite right, Patsy,
that is...
That didn't look like Kim
Cattrall to me,
but absolutely right, it is.
She scores nine points.
It's the angle that we're looking at
it, I blame that. For sure.
She would have scored you
nine points.
Stephen Fry, big scorer,
unsurprisingly, 70.
Next to Hugh Grant?
Colin Jackson. Colin Jackson.
He would have scored 27.
You're right about Daniel Radcliffe
as well. He would score 53.
And next to Daniel Radcliffe?
Matthew Pinsent.
Matthew Pinsent, the rower.
He would have scored 11.
And the bottom right is
Michelle Keegan.
And she would have scored you 34.
So, the best answer on the board
there is Nitin Ganatra,
well done if you said that.
The next-best answer is Liz Bonnin,
which you got so close to.
That's really unlucky.
Thank you very much indeed, Richard.
So, at the end of our first round,
we have to say goodbye to
one of our pairs. I'm so sorry!
Oh, Pui and Chris.
You were really close, though,
and you nearly brought it
back as well.
16 was a fantastic score
from you, Chris.
And, Pui, as I said, that was a good
wrong answer. We applaud that.
Terrible! Anyway, thank you
so much for playing.
Please come and play again.
Chris and Pui! Thank you!
But for the remaining three pairs,
it is now time for Round Two.
APPLAUSE
Very well done, everybody.
We made it through our Who Do You
Think You Are round. Fantastic.
Jake and Patsy, beautiful
low scoring from you.
You would appear to be the pair to
beat. Thank you very much.
Anyway, best of luck to
all three pairs.
Our category for Round Two
this evening is...
Oh!
LAUGHTER
Can you all decide in your pairs
who's going to go first,
who's going to go second.
And whoever's going first,
please step up to the podium.
OK, and the question concerns...
Richard. On each board, I'm going
to show you six definitions
of words that begin
with the letters C-O-N.
Tell us what these words are,
please. We'll also show you
the number of letters in each of the
words as well.
OK, let's reveal our first
board of six clues.
All the answers to these begin
with the letters C-O-N.
I'll read those all again.
There we are. Jake. It's not so bad!
Hold on, let me use my hands.
You count away.
LAUGHTER
I was going to go for concierge,
but I don't know how many
letters that has. OK.
You're going to go for concierge.
For which one? Second one.
Sorry, but that's why I'm counting.
I have got ten fingers,
but they're confused.
We'll take concierge and see
if it works. Let's try it.
Concierge for the second one down.
Caretaker. Oh, no!
Let's see how many of our 100 people
said it if it's right.
And look at that! Oh.
Bang on the money, Jake. Look, look!
Down it goes to 31.
Great start to the round.
APPLAUSE
The executive concierge at
the Stafford Hotel in London says
the most unusual thing
he ever did was
he had to gift wrap a sports car
as a birthday present. Wow.
ALEXANDER AND RICHARD SIGH
And did you thank me?
LAUGHTER
Thank you very much indeed.
Now, David.
Yes, I think I will go
for a condiment.
Condiment. For which one?
For the third one down. The third
one down. Yes. There we are.
Thank you very much.
Salt, mustard or pickle.
How many of our 100 people
went for condiment?
Condiment is right.
Ooh, look at that, 78!
APPLAUSE
Where's the justice in that?!
I was going to send you
my condiments of the season.
LAUGHTER
Yeah, 2017 was a very
big year for condiments.
The first year ever in
British history
that mayonnaise outsold ketchup.
Ah! Wow.
First time it overtook, 2017.
What could that mean?
They say that maybe ketchup is,
because of things like peri-peri
and various sauces and stuff,
people are using it less, but...
It's nothing to do with
our sugar intake or anything?
I don't think so. Yeah, sad day.
Yeah, sad day, I guess.
Listen, ketchup's still doing OK.
I hope so.
Poor ketchup. Poor ketchup.
Thank you very much. Um, Andrea.
I'm going to go...
You've got the whole board here.
If you felt like talking us
through it, we'd be thrilled.
I'm scared to say anything now.
Don't be!
If I get it wrong...
Don't be scared!
..say Danny Dyer or something
that I didn't mean to.
I'm going to go for the manner
in which a person behaves.
Conduct?
Conduct. Is it conduct?
Let's see how many of our 100 people
said CONduct or conDUCT.
ConDUCT, CONduct.
I've now said conduct
too many times.
LAUGHTER
It's right. 78's the high score,
and you pass it.
31's the low score.
You're on 37. You've done well!
I've done well, I know!
APPLAUSE
37. Well played, Andrea.
Yeah, concierge and conduct
are the best two answers
on the board, actually.
The best scores you could have got.
To focus all one's attention?
Concentrate. Concentrate,
would have scored you 46.
To bring or come to an end?
Conclude.
Conclude is 49, and the talk?
Conversation. Conversation.
And that would have scored 83.
Well, there we are.
Halfway through the round.
David, I share your indignation
at that high-scoring of condiment.
I thought,
being a long word and all,
and also we don't use that word very
much, unless, usually, as a joke,
if I'm honest! Anyway, there we are.
It scored you 78.
Jenny will just have
to do really well now.
Luckily, she will!
But 31 is our low score.
Very well done, Jake and Patsy.
37, not bad, Andrea and Linda.
And there we are,
David and Jenny on 78.
We're going to come back
down the line now.
Will the second players please
step up to the podium?
Let us put six more definitions
of words,
all beginning with the letters
C-O-N, on the board.
Here they are.
I'll read those all again.
There we are. Now, Linda. Yeah?
37 is your score at the moment.
If you score 40 or less,
you're into the head-to-head.
OK. Shall I say it now, then?
I think now's as good a time as any.
I'm going to go for congregation.
Congregation. For which one?
The last one.
The last one. OK.
Here is your red line.
Can you get close to or below
that red line with congregation?
Oh, poo bum! 82.
82.
Linda said "poo bum" there,
by the way, kids.
I'd just like to apologise to
everyone watching at home for that.
That takes your total up to 119.
Yeah, congregation.
Comes from the word conga,
because that's what the original
congregations...
Everyone had to sit
behind each other
with their arms
on each other's hips.
That's right.
And occasionally kick. Yeah.
And go, "Oi!"
Exactly that, yeah.
Thank you very much.
Now... Ooh, Jenny!
That has opened the door a little
bit. There you are on 78.
You have to score 40 -
exactly the same target
as Linda had, ironically.
I will try the second one down,
being condemn.
Condemn. Let us see if condemn
is right. Here is your red line.
It's right.
You're through! Look at that.
35. Very well done indeed.
113 is your total.
Very well played, Jenny.
Yeah, it's got that sneaky N
on the end, hasn't it?
Condemn, also the name of the last
coalition to run the country.
Thank you very much indeed,
Richard. Now, Patsy. Yes.
If you can score 87 or less,
there is a place for you
in the head-to-head.
Do you want to talk us
through the board?
Well, I could tell you what my
answer would be. Shall we do that?
Yeah, let's do that.
I'm going to go for a
formal statement
admitting that one
is guilty of a crime.
Confession. Confession, says Patsy.
Here is your red line.
We can talk about the board
if you want as well, but...
Talk about the war?!
The board! Oh, the board.
I'd say, "Let's not do that.
Not now!"
There's your red line.
Let's see if we can get you below
that red line with confession.
It's right and you're through.
Down to 66.
Takes your total up to 97.
Very well played, Patsy.
Very nicely done.
And then, of course,
Archduke Franz Ferdinand
was assassinated in Sarajevo,
and that led essentially to the
beginning of the First World War.
Now... Well, we don't have time.
I've been told we don't have time.
The reduction in the price
of something? Is a concession.
Concession. That would
have scored 40.
The change from gas to a liquid?
Condense. Condense, yeah, as in
condensation. 33 for that.
And a musical performance
in public? Concert. Concert.
That would have scored 65,
so the best answer on the board
there is condense.
But condemn not far behind,
Jenny, well played.
Thank you very much indeed.
Well, that brings us to
the end of our second round.
Oh, no, I've just seen.
Linda and Andrea, you are
our high scorers.
This is where we have to say
goodbye.
Normally that would be
good, wouldn't it?
Well, I know, in any other show
than this, I'm afraid,
it would be, but I'm afraid, yeah...
Did we win?
In a way, yes.
You have won the right to leave.
Aw! It's been lovely having you on.
Thank you so much, Linda and Andrea!
Thank you!
Please come and play again.
But for our two remaining pairs,
it is now time for the head-to-head.
Congratulations, Jake and Patsy,
David and Jenny.
You're now one step closer
to the final
and a chance to play
for our jackpot,
which currently stands at £2,500.
APPLAUSE
But now we have to decide
who's going to play for that,
and we do it by making you
go head-to-head.
But now you can start playing as
a pair. You play as a team.
You can chat before
you give your answers. Oh, lovely.
First pair to win two questions
will be playing for that jackpot.
Well, how's about this?
It's nice, isn't it? Isn't it? Mm.
No-one here's been in a Head-to-Head
before. Never before.
Mind you, no-one on
the entire show had been.
LAUGHTER
That is true. So it's uncharted
territory. Oh, yeah.
But you have played very well,
individually and together,
in fact. So, yeah, I think this
is going to be very, very close.
Anyway, best of luck to both pairs.
Let's play the Head-to-Head.
APPLAUSE
Here is your first question,
and it concerns...
Richard. We are going to play you
five clips now
of number-one singles
by the Spice Girls,
but can you tell us the title
of one of these, please?
Thank you very much indeed.
Have a listen to these.
Here come our clips. Here is A.
# There is no need to say
you love me
# It would be better left unsaid
# I'm giving you everything
# All that joy can bring
All that joy can bring
# This I swear
Yes, I swear... #
Here's B.
# Part of me wants to question why
Question why
# Why is there joy?
Why is there pain?
# Why is there sunshine
then the rain?
# One day, you're here
# Next, you are gone
# No matter what, we must go on... #
Here is C.
# I need some love like I've
never needed love before
# I wanna make love to you, baby
# I had a little love
Now I'm back for more
# Wanna make love to you, baby
# Set your spirit free
# It's the only way to be... #
Here's D.
# Like the sands of time
# Promises made, every memory saved
# As reflections in my mind
# Hasta manana
# Always be mine... #
And here's E.
# Yo, I'll tell you what I want
What I really, really want
# So, tell me what you want
What you really, really want
# I'll tell you what I want
What I really, really want
# So, tell me what you want
What you really, really want
# I wanna, I wanna
I wanna, I wanna
# I wanna really, really
wanna zig-a-zig-ah... #
OK, there we are.
Five Spice Girls number ones.
Jake and Patsy, you're our golden
couple, so you get to go first.
What are you going to go for?
Well, we think... We believe it
to be the zig-a-zig-ah song.
Wannabe. Wannabe.
For E. For E, OK.
Jake, how many videos
for those songs were you in?
2 Become 1, and I did
the world tour.
I could tell. I wasn't sure...
So we have a bit of an edge.
..a few moves going on.
A lot of pointing.
I remember some of
the choreography as well,
but that song didn't
come up, one of them.
There we are. OK, so you're going
to go for Wannabe for E.
David and Jenny, it's over to you.
Do you want to talk us
through the rest?
I don't know a lot about girl power,
but Jenny does. Ha-ha!
We think A is Mama, I Love You.
A - Mama, I Love You.
OK, so we've got A and E,
Wannabe and Mama, I Love You,
in that order.
So, Jake and Patsy went
for Wannabe for E.
Let's see how many of
our 100 people got that.
It's right.
Down that goes to 53.
APPLAUSE
Meanwhile, David and Jenny have gone
for Mama, I Love You for A.
Let's see how many of
our 100 got that.
Alas, not Mama, I Love You,
which means, Jake and Patsy, after
one question, you're up 1-0.
Yeah, for a band that had nine
number-one singles,
that round was harder than
it appeared, wasn't it?
Were they all number ones?
Yeah. They all were, yeah.
Yeah, amazing, innit? Great.
Shall we have a little listen
to some of them?
So the first one's not Mama.
Let's have a little listen.
# There is no need
to say you love me... #
You know that one?
Is it I'll Be There, is it?
Say You'll Be There.
Say You'll Be There.
That would have scored
you 14 points.
The second one...
# Part of me wants to question why
Question why... #
Let Love lead The Way.
Let Love Lead The Way.
Double-A side with Holler.
That was a number-one single,
would have scored you four points.
The third one...
# I need some love like
I never needed love... #
2 Become 1.
It's a better score than Wannabe,
but you got the point anyway.
41 for that. And D...
# Like the sands of time... #
Also the name of the musical
they did about the Spice Girls.
Viva Forever. Viva Forever was D,
and that would have scored you 20.
Well done if you said that at home.
Thank you very much indeed.
OK, now, here comes
your second question.
David and Jenny, we need you
to win this to stay in the game.
You get to answer it first,
so a slight advantage to you.
No more Spice Girls, eh?
I shouldn't think so.
LAUGHTER
Our second question this evening
is all about...
Richard.
I mean, you asked
for no more Spice Girls,
this is the next best thing
we had, David.
Could you bring back
the Spice Girls instead?
Five pictures now of people
wearing bucket hats,
but who are they, please?
Thank you very much indeed.
Let's reveal our five
bucket-hat-wearing people.
We've got...
There we are.
Five people in bucket hats.
David and Jenny, you go first.
Once again, you know,
I think Jenny...
I trust in her completely.
LAUGHTER
She's going to give you the answer.
We've been friends since the '60s,
this could be the end of it.
Um, E, Miley Cyrus.
E, Miley Cyrus, say David and Jenny.
OK, Jake and Patsy, over to you.
Talk us through
the bucket-hat people.
Well, we've got...
Who did you say? I think it was
Mel Brooks. Mel Brooks.
I can't see very well.
Billy Corgan from
the Smashing Pumpkins.
Rihanna.
I'm going to... Well, I...
WE... We. You.
..are going to go with Billy Corgan
from the Smashing Pumpkins.
Billy Corgan. Yes.
OK, so we have got Miley Cyrus
and we've got Billy Corgan.
In the order they were given,
Miley Cyrus for E is what
David and Jenny are going for.
Miley Cyrus is right.
Down it goes to 48.
APPLAUSE
Meanwhile, Jake and Patsy are going
to go for Billy Corgan for C.
Let's see how many of
our 100 got Billy Corgan.
It is Billy Corgan.
And it wins you the point.
Very well done indeed.
Down to four, which means,
Jake and Patsy,
after only two questions, you're
straight through to the final, 2-0.
Yeah, that's a terrific answer,
Patsy. Very well played.
Billy Corgan there.
Now, we'll leave B for a moment.
A was Samuel L Jackson.
He's got his own range of hats
as well. 63 for Samuel L Jackson.
We've got tea towels like that,
that pattern on. Oh, lovely, yeah.
D, you're quite right, was Rihanna.
She scores even more points, 67.
Now, this other answer is
the best answer on the board.
Eight people said it was
Harrison Ford, but it is not.
Did anyone think it was
John McEnroe?
It's obviously not John McEnroe.
It is not. It's Hugh Grant.
Shush! No, it's not!
LAUGHTER
Can you believe it?! He's aged well.
Not even from this angle!
It is not Hugh Grant.
Now, I'll see if I can
give you a clue.
He's an American singer. He was part
of a very famous double act.
Simon and Garfunkel!
# And bright eyes. #
Art Garfunkel is who it is. Wow.
Art Garfunkel.
And he was a pointless answer,
so very well done if you said that.
Yeah, without the hair,
hard to recognise.
He went back into supply teaching,
I think. Wow.
I think so. Art teacher.
I met him at the Sandringham
Pop Festival in the '80s,
and he hid behind a bush cos
he didn't want anyone to say,
"Wow, isn't it great
you're all here?"
So that's a little bit of useless
trivia. He should have worn a hat!
And his hair was...his hair was
camouflaged as a bush as well.
He didn't have a hat, he had foliage
cos he was behind this sort of bush.
Aw. Yeah, I know.
I didn't know that was called
a bucket hat, so...
No, we've all learned something.
Yes.
Yeah! In fact, we've learnt a lot.
Thank you. Thank you.
Sadly, one of the pairs
has to leave us,
cos it's the end of the round,
and I'm afraid that pair
is David and Jenny.
It's been so lovely having you
here. You've been wonderful!
Come back and win, that's all I can
say. It's been lovely having you.
David and Jenny. Brilliant.
Thank you.
APPLAUSE
But for Jake and Patsy, it's now
time for our Pointless final.
Congratulations, Jake and Patsy.
You've seen off all the competition
and you've won our coveted
Pointless trophy.
You now have a chance to win
our Pointless jackpot
for your charities,
and at the end of today's show,
the jackpot is standing at £2,500.
APPLAUSE
Now, normally this is
a template for success.
You've been the low scorers in both
rounds, 2-0 in the Head-to-Head.
There's no arguing with that.
You were up against Diddy Hamilton!
You triumphed!
I'm shocked and amazed that
we're here. Well, there we are.
I'm literally speechless. Yes.
What you want to see
come up in this last round?
What's going to help you win
that jackpot for your charities?
Nothing that I need to count.
Easy questions would be nice.
Easy questions. OK. Why does
no-one ask for that more often?
It's as easy as that. I'd be happy
to do it if someone asked.
It's too late now!
We've got hard ones.
But if you'd had said beforehand,
I would have... Ugh.
Ah, I'll let you have that.
You can copyright that. You can
take it. I give it to you.
Thanks, Patsy.
OK, now, you get to choose. Four
things will appear on the board.
You just have to choose
one of those.
We've got to hope there's
something up here
that doesn't send you running
for the hills.
We've got...
What do we think? You know them.
The Beatles.
Beatles' songwriting, surely.
Beatles' songwriting.
OK, very best of luck.
We're looking for any of
the following three things.
Choose your answers from any
of these categories.
We're looking for any Beatles song,
any song recorded and released by
the Beatles in their career,
which was not written
by the Beatles,
so any cover versions that they
released, essentially.
We are looking for any Beatles songs
written by George Harrison
or Ringo Starr. Yep, got it.
Or we are looking for... You sure?
Yeah. Well, I would hope so.
Or we're looking for any of the acts
on the 1979 album
The Songs Lennon And McCartney
Gave Away,
which were songs written by
Lennon and McCartney
but recorded by other people.
So we're looking for
any Beatles songs
not written by any of the band,
songs written by Harrison or Starr -
and those were the original
studio recordings box set,
so that's everything they did
throughout their career -
and acts on The Songs Lennon
And McCartney Gave Away.
Very best of luck.
OK, now, as always,
you'll have up to a minute
to come up with three answers.
All you need to win that jackpot
for your charities
is for just one of these answers
to be pointless.
Are you ready? Yes.
Let's put 60 seconds up
on the clock. There they are.
Your time starts now.
Beatles songs not written
by the Fab Four.
Money. Do I carry on? Ooh, yeah.
Beatles songs written by
George Harrison or Ringo Starr.
Something In The Way She Moves.
Beet... Roll Over Beethoven.
Uh, Beatles didn't write that.
Um...
Uh...
Uh... Oh, I've frozen now on that.
That's all I can give you.
Was that not enough?
Yeah, you've got time, though.
No, relax.
But now you've relaxed, maybe more
answers'll come. Right, OK. Um...
Oh, gosh.
No, the frog song, Paul McCartney,
sadly, wrote that. Um...
So... Uh...
I don't know.
I've given all I can give.
You've given all you can give?
No, I gave you the Spice Girls, you
give us the Beatles. There we are.
Yeah, you're fine.
We'll take what you've given.
Thank you.
Right, stop the clock there.
Give those answers again.
Um, OK, so, songs not written
by the Fab Four -
Money. Money.
And Roll Over Beethoven.
Roll Over Beethoven.
Beatles songs written by George
Harrison and Ringo Starr -
Something In The Way She Moves.
Something In The Way She Moves.
Lovely. OK, no, that's fine.
We just need three. We've got three.
Of those three, which is your best
shot at a pointless answer,
do you think?
Shall we put Money last?
Yeah, Money or Roll
Over Beethoven maybe as well.
OK, we'll put Money last.
Least likely to be pointless?
Oh, um... Yeah, Something was an
amazing song. Put Something first,
then we have Roll Over Beethoven
and then we have Money.
Just give it a bit of a drum roll.
Put them in the right order.
Let's hope. OK.
OK, let's put those answers up
on the board in that order, then,
and here they are.
We've got...
Three great answers. Surely one of
these'll turn out to be pointless
and win that jackpot for your
charities. Wouldn't that be nice?
Which charities are you playing for?
Jake, I'm going to ask you first.
I'm playing for The Hope Foundation.
Lovely. And Patsy?
I'm playing for
the Future Dreams charity,
which is a cancer charity,
and I'm their ambassador.
APPLAUSE
Two lovely charities there.
Three good answers.
Let's hope one of these wins
that jackpot for your charities.
Your first answer was Something.
In this case, we were looking for
any songs written by George Harrison
or Ringo Starr that
were recorded by The Beatles.
If Something is pointless,
your charities will win £2,500.
How many people said Something?
Well, it's right.
We just have
to get all the way down to zero
and your charities will win
that jackpot.
Down we go into single figures.
Still going down. Oh!
APPLAUSE
Nearly. Nearly.
But do you know,
the interesting thing,
when you're a massive fan,
it's very hard to know
what's the obscure knowledge
and what's the commonly known...
This is it, I love them all,
so if you aren't a fan,
then perhaps you... Exactly.
But anyway. We'll speak later.
About that and the war. Yes.
Let's hope nobody said your next
answer, Roll Over Beethoven.
We were looking for songs that
weren't written by the Beatles
but were nonetheless
recorded by them.
If this is pointless, £2,500 makes
its way to your charities.
How many people said
Roll Over Beethoven?
Again, it's right.
Something took us
all the way down to eight.
Roll Over Beethoven takes us down
through the 20s, into the teens.
Into single figures,
passing eight. Still going down.
To two! Oh! This is very, very good.
No! That shouldn't be allowed!
APPLAUSE
That shouldn't be allowed.
Give it to us anyway.
Come on, it's two points.
No-one will know. Only two people.
Listen, we've got one more shot.
Your third and final answer -
which, by the way,
I think is a brilliant answer -
Money, you've gone for.
Again, we're looking for songs
recorded by The Beatles
not written by the Beatles. Yes.
£2,500 for your charities is riding
on this being pointless.
How many people said Money?
Again, it's right. Eight was
your first score, with Something.
Two was your second score,
with Roll Over Beethoven.
Can we pass two?
Still in single figures.
Going down, going down.
Yes!
APPLAUSE
Aw, I'm so pleased.
Very well done indeed.
I'm so happy!
Look at that - Money!
Bang on the money.
And it wins all that money for your
charities, which is fabulous.
A pointless answer.
You are wonderful, Jake and Patsy.
Very well done. Beautiful work.
Lovely to have a final category
you know something about,
and then to get the pointless
answer as well. Congratulations.
I think a lot of people
don't realise
that's not a Beatles song, Money.
But you did, which is why you just
won a load of cash, ironically.
Let's take a look at the pointless
answers in the different categories.
See if you got any others at home.
Long Tall Sally would have
been pointless,
the Little Richard song.
There's Money.
Till There Was You,
from the musical The Music Man.
Words Of Love,
that's a Buddy Holly song.
Loads of other pointless
answers there.
Dizzy Miss Lizzie, Everybody's
Trying To Be My Baby, Matchbox,
Rock And Roll Music, Slow Down,
You Really Got A Hold On Me.
All of those were pointless answers.
Well done if you said any of those.
Now, songs written by
George or Ringo.
Don't Pass Me By, that's Ringo.
Those other three there
are all George.
I Want To Tell You, Savoy Truffle,
Think For Yourself.
You could have had If I Needed
Someone, It's All Too Much,
Old Brown Shoe,
Only A Northern Song, Piggies -
all of those were pointless answers.
And this is a slightly harder one,
the acts on that album.
These are acts that Lennon
and McCartney gave songs too.
Clearly, I was clueless about that.
PJ Proby, That Means A Lot.
Cat Call, The Chris Barber Band.
The Fourmost and Tommy Quickly.
Cilla Black was the biggest answer,
but those were pointless.
Well done if you got those,
and congratulations,
been a lovely show
and what a lovely end to it.
Thank you very much indeed.
And thanks once again to Jake
and Patsy, our fabulous winners,
who take away today's jackpot of
£2,500 for their charities!
Brilliant!
APPLAUSE
Join us next time, when we'll be
putting more obscure knowledge
to the test on
Pointless Celebrities.
Meanwhile, it's goodbye from
Richard. Goodbye.
And it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.
APPLAUSE