Play for Today (1970–1984): Season 8, Episode 3 - Abigail's Party - full transcript

DOG BARKS

# Oooh, love to love you, baby

# Oooh, love to love you, baby

# Oooh, love to love you, baby

# Oooh, love to love you, baby

# Oooh, love to love you, baby

# When you're laying so close to me

# There's no place I'd rather
you'd be than with me here

# Oooh, love to love you, baby

# Oooh, love to love you, baby

# Oooh, love to love you, baby



# You do it again and again

# You put me in such an awful spin
In a spin

# Oooh, love to love you, baby

# Oooh, love to love you, baby

SINGER MOANS ORGASMICALLY

# Oooh, love to love you, baby

# Lay your head down
real close to me

# Soothe my mind
and set me free... #

All right? Hi.

# ..Oooh...! #

You're late. Sorry?

# ..Oooh, love to...love to... #

HE TURNS VOLUME DOWN

I said you're late.
Sorry about that. Unavoidable.



What happened?
Oh, some clients were late.

Laurence, don't leave your bag
on there, please.

I'll move it in a minute.

Did you get something to eat? No.
No? I had to throw your pizza away.

# ..Oooh, love to love you, baby

# When you're laying so close to me

# There's no place I'd rather
you'd be than with me here

# Oooh, love to love you, baby... #

302 7341.

I've got to make a couple of calls.
D'you want me to make you a
sandwich? Not at the moment, thanks.

You want to have your bath and
get changed. They'll be here soon.

# Oooh, love to love you, baby... #

Come on! Laurence,
you're gonna get heartburn.

Mr O'Halligan?
Mr Moss here, Wibley Webb.

Where's that key
to 15 Clittingham Ave?

Yes, but you were supposed
to have it back before lunch.

That's no good. I need it now.

Will you be in in the morning?
Tonight? Where?

Belfast?

Well, what time's your plane?

All right, train, then.

Wh...? A party? I thought you said
you were going to Belfast.

All right. Well,
what time are you going to Kilburn?

Well,
what time are you having your bath?

I'm not asking you
to bath in cold water.

I just want the key
to 15 Clittingham Ave.

Yes!

Well, all right,
I will come and get it. Now!

Laurence! No!

Yes, I do know how to get there.

OK.

I'll see you shortly. Goodbye.

Stupid man! Christ, Laurence! What?
How long's all this gonna take?

Oh, yes, I'm sorry.

It won't take long.

Did you get those lagers?

No... I didn't have time.

Oh, Laurence!

You better get them when you go out,
and don't forget, please.

Mrs Cushing?
Laurence Moss here, Wibley Webb.

Yes, we have finally run him
to ground and I'm in the throes
of retrieving the key.

Not at all, no, not at all.

All part of the service.

Yes, surely.
Now, when would be best for you?

I'll fall in with you, Mrs Cushing.

What about tomorrow morning?

Laurence! My pleasure,
Mrs Cushing, my pleasure.

What time would suit you best?

No, I am at your service,
Mrs Cushing.

He who pays the piper calls the
tune.

You name the hour - I shall appear.

No, really. I insist.
Now, what time?

Eight o'clock? Laurence! Early!
Not at all, no.

Up with the lark, you know. Yeah.

Don't mention it, Mrs Cushing.
My privilege.

I'll see you tomorrow morning, then.

Yeah.

Bye, now.

You're gonna kill yourself,
you know, Laurence. Yes.

Well, it can't be helped.
It's ridiculous!

It's not a nine-to-five job,
Beverly. You can say that again.

You gonna get changed?

Oh, yes.

I'll drink this, I'll get changed
and then I'll go out.

Don't forget those lagers.

Beverly, where are the olives?

In the kitchen, Laurence.

If you want olives,
would you put them out, please?

DOORBELL RINGS

They're early! No, they're not.

And you're not changed.
Yes, I know that.

Beverly, get the olives.

Hello, you must be Laurence.
Yes. I'm Angie.

Do go in, won't you?

Thanks. This is my husband Tony.

How d'you do?

Hello.

Hi, Ange!

Hello, Beverly. Hi.
Oh, what a lovely dress!

Thanks. Were we meant to wear long?

No, no, it's just informal, so...

This is my husband Tony.

How d'you do? Pleased to meet you.

How d'you do? Firm handshake!
Yes. Fantastic!

Like to come through? Ta.

Angela. Thanks.

Tony. Ta. ..This is the suite
I was telling you about.

It's nice, isn't it?

Lovely.

Drink?

Yes, please.

Laurence, Angela's coat.

Surely. Thanks. Pleasure.

It's funny, cos he's a lot bigger
than I thought he was.

I've seen him across the road
and thought he was the same size
as Laurence but he's a lot bigger.

Would you like a drink? Yes, please.

What? Bacardi and Coke.
Ice and lemon? Yes, please.

Angela? Have you got gin? And
tonic? Please. Ice and lemon? Yes.

Laurence,
would you like to get the drinks?

A Bacardi and Coke
with ice and lemon for Tony.

G&T with ice and lemon for Angie
and a fill-up for me. OK? Fine.

Thanks.

D'you like lager, Tony?

I'm fine with Bacardi. I mean later,
cos Laurence is going to get some.

I'll be OK.
Or light ale. Which do you prefer?

Light ale. Laurence, would you get
some light ales as well?

Yes. It's going to be nice tonight.
I've invited Sue from number 9.

Lovely. Be nice for you to meet her
too. Her daughter's having a party.

So I said, "Pop down
and spend the evening with us."

That'll be really nice. Cos I want
to meet all the neighbours.

Say hello and break the ice!

Cos that was what was so nice
when you came over.
It made me feel at home.

It's funny. As soon as we met,
I knew we were going to get on.

Well, we're alike, aren't we? Yeah.

Thanks. Thanks.

Ta.

Cheers, everyone. Cheers! Cheers!

Cheers!

Cheers!

Are you staying or going, darling?
I'll stay for a while.

Laurence has to pop out on business,
I'm afraid.

Cigarette? ..Laurence, would you?

Angela? No, thanks. Tony, would you
like a cigarette? No, thank you.

We've just given up.

Sorry!

Who'd like some olives?

Not for me. ..Ange? No, thanks.
Tony, d'you like olives?

No, I don't. They're horrible.

..Told you nobody liked them!
Not nobody, no, Beverly.

I like olives, and that's 25%
of the assembled company.

We've met you before! Really?
..He's the one you remember,
isn't he?

Yes.

Do you remember us? We came looking
for a house. I can't say that I do.

Of course, we see a lot of clients.

We saw a lot of estate agents! Yes,
we went to all the ones in the area.

We got the house from Spencer's
in the end - Anthony Spencer.

Yeah, yeah. He's very nice.
..Do you know him?

Yes, I know him.

We were very lucky because
we got the price of the house down

from £22,000 to £21,000.
Really, Ange?! Mm.

That is fantastic, isn't it?

That's really great.

Is it your first house? Yes. Yes.
We were in a furnished flat before.

Oh, that's a bit grim,
isn't it, Ange - furnished flats?

Ta... Your bed arrived yet, Ange?

Oh, don't talk about that!

It's a sore point. Is it?

Well, it's funny, really,
cos I came home today... Mm?

I saw this big parcel in the hall.
Yeah? Then I saw his face -
he was looking furious.

I thought, "What's happened?"

And you know what? The bed head
had arrived and no bed.

No! That's disgraceful! You've been
sleeping on the floor, haven't you?

Yes. Well, we've got a mattress
from Tony's mum's,

but it's not the same.

No. ..You can't do much
with a bed head, can you, Tone,
d'you know what I mean?

What line of business are you in?

He's in computers. ..puters.

That's funny, cos my brother's
in computers. Is he?

He's a programmes analyst...
Analyst.

Oh, yes, Tony's just an operator.

I know it's a fantastic job,
cos my brother, Ange, he had to go
to college and get exams.

..Studied for years, eh? Oh, yes.

..Did you have to go to college and
everything? You didn't, did you?

No. No. Oh...

These are lovely.

Aren't they? Nice and dainty.

9-5 is it?

No, there's quite a bit of
variation. Shift work.

It's a two-weekly system.

One week is 8.00 to 4.00, the
following week is 4.00 to midnight.
Every other Saturday off.

Were you off today? Yes, I was.

It's lucky, cos if I'm working and
he's off, he can do the shopping.

Don't you find shopping boring,
Ange? Mm. I do. I hate it.

He takes me down and I get my
wheelie and grab anything I can see.

He writes me a cheque,
bung it in the car, and home.

It's done for the week. Beverly's
not very organised. She doesn't
believe in shopping lists.

You have a car, do you?

Yeah. Yes, an Escort.

A yellow one? >

That's it. It's beautiful, actually.

Beverly said you only like Minis.

No, no, not at all, no.
I don't ONLY like Minis.

I like lots of other cars,
but I find the Mini economical,
efficient and reliable,

and the most suited for my purposes.

Of course,
I change my car every year.

Yeah, but what I say, is this -
what is the point in changing
just the colour of your car?

That's not ALL you change!
The design does alter.

You're not a motorist.
You don't understand. OK, Laurence,
I failed my test three times.

Three times!

..I'm his wife and reckon I should
have a say in choosing the car.

When you've passed your test,
you can have your say.

Until then, Beverly,
please, leave it to me!

Let me put it to you this way, Ange.

When we chose the furniture,
we chose it together.

We chose the house together.

But when it comes to...
If you don't mind me saying so,
that is a ridiculous argument.

Buying a house is one of the most
important decisions you ever make.
..Don't you agree?

Yes. ..Isn't it, Tony?

Definitely.

It was so worrying
with the mortgage and everything.

I never thought I'd live in a house.
Didn't you, Ange? No.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm afraid I really must be off.

Don't be all night,
please, Laurence. No.

I do apologise. I shan't be long.

Don't forget the light ales.
No, and the lagers.

Are you going to take
your test again?
I'm going to have another try.

..Don't get me wrong, Tone.
It's not that I can't drive.
In fact, I am a good driver.

Let me put it this way. When I get
to my test, my nerves fail me,
d'you know what I mean?

It was my nerves that failed me
the last time.

I set off behind another bloke who
was doing his test, a Chinese bloke.

So we were going along.
Now my examiner had told me
to turn left, right?

We came to the first Give Way.
The bloke in front,
he slams his brakes on.

I'm going behind him and going
a bit too quick with my nerves.

Right, so, I slam my brakes on and
go right slap in the back of him.

Now, I reckon that prejudiced
my examiner against me.

D'you see what I mean? What a
shame.

It was. Can you drive, Ange?

No. I'd like to learn,
but Tony won't let me.
He doesn't think I'd be any good.

It's a shame - it's so awkward for
me to get to work since we've moved.

I could use the car
when he wasn't working.

That would make you completely
independent of Tone. Mm. Yeah.

Did you pass your test first time,
Tony?

Yeah.

I thought so, actually.

..He looks the type, doesn't he?

Who's for another drink? Ange?
Yes, please. Thanks. Thanks.

Tony, another drink? Ta.

..What's the matter? Nothing.

Tony, I wonder if you could give me
a hand for a moment, please?

Won't the car start?

No.

Go on, Tony. All right.

Mind you don't get dirt
on your suit, Tone, OK?

Ange. Thanks.

Cheers. Cheers.

Ange...can you take
a little bit of criticism?

Please don't be offended when I say
this. I can see what you've done.

You've sat down in front of your
mirror and put your lipstick on.

Next time, will you try this
for me? Now this is something
I always used to tell my customers.

It always works.

Next time, sit down in front of the
mirror and look at yourself. Relax,

and just say,
"I've got very beautiful lips."

Then apply your lipstick. Ange,
you're gonna see the difference.

You'll be applying the lipstick to
every single corner of your mouth.

Do you know what I mean? Mm.
Will you try it for me? Yes.

Sit down in front of the mirror,
look at yourself, relax,
and just say...

"I've got very beautiful lips."
Yeah.

I promise you,
you'll see the difference. OK?

Mm. Thanks.

DOORBELL RINGS

Would you excuse me, Ange, please,

for one minute?

That'll be Sue.

Hi, Sue. Hello, Beverly. Come in.

Thank you.

Are you all right? Yes, thank you.
Come through.

Sorry I'm a bit late.
Don't worry. That's all right.

Like to slip
your little jacket off? Thank you.

Everything all right, Sue?
I think so. I hope so.

That's it. Lovely.

Thank you. Thanks.
Like to come through and say hello?

Ange, this is Sue. Sue,
this is Ange. Hello. How do you do?

Sue's from number 9. We've just
moved into 16. Oh, really?

You know the McDonalds' old house?
Oh, yes. Yeah.

Sit down, Sue.
I'll just pop your coat away.

Make yourself at home, Sue.
Thank you.

We've only been here a fortnight.

Oh, really?

Did you bring that, Sue? Yes.
Is it for us? Yes.

Oh, thank you, Sue. It's nothing
very special, I'm afraid.

..Isn't that kind, Ange? Yeah.
Not at all.

Lovely, cos Laurence
likes a drop of wine, actually.

Fantastic. It's Beaujolais. Lovely.
I won't be a sec.
I'll just pop it in the fridge, OK?

I'm so pleased to meet you.

I want to meet all the neighbours.
Yes.

Now, then, Sue, let's see.
What would you like to drink?

I'll have a glass of sherry, please.

Sherry? Are you sure? Yes, thank
you. Cos we've got everything.

There's gin, whisky, brandy,
vodka - whatever you like.

Would you like a little gin
and tonic? We're drinking that,
actually. All right. Thank you.

Ice and lemon? Yes, please. Great.

It's a nice drink gin and tonic,
isn't it? Yes, it is. Refreshing.

Sometimes I drink lager and lime.
Say I'm in the pub with my husband,
I'll drink that.

But I prefer this.

Can I wash my hands, please?
One second till I get Sue's drink.

..Oh, sorry. Sue, this is Tony.
My husband.

How d'you do? How d'you do?

Did you push it all right? Yeah.

Battery was flat.

Sue. Thank you.

Cheers!

Cheers! ..Now, Tony - hands.

Come through.

This is our downstairs toilet, OK?

Ta.

Do you work? No. No, I don't.
I'm a nurse. Oh?

At St Mary's in Walthamstow. Yes.

Beverly was saying
your daughter's having a party.

Is that right? Yes. Has it
started yet? Yes. Yes, it has.

..All right, Tone? Yes, thank you.
Come through.

Drink's on there. Like to sit down?

Ta. Yeah?

..Now, then, Sue. Let's see.

Would you like a little cigarette?
Oh, no, thank you.

You sure? Yes, thank you.
You can have one later.

And I know Angela doesn't want one.
Now, everybody OK?

ALL: Yes, thank you.

"ALL AROUND THE WORLD" BY THE JAM
PLAYS IN THE DISTANCE

Aye, aye! It's started Sue.

Oh, yes, they've got the record
player going, haven't they? Yeah.

They're going to have fun.
Sounds like it, yeah.

I hope so.
How old is she - your daughter?

15. What does she look like?
Cos I might have seen her.

Oh, well, she's quite tall
and she's got fair hair,
quite long fair hair.

Has she got a pink streak in it?

Yes.

That's Abigail, Ange, and she wears
those jeans with the patches on.

And safety pins going right down
the side. And plumber's overalls.

She makes me die, you know!

I saw her standing
outside your gate with a friend.

..You saw her as well,
getting off that motorbike?

Yeah.

How many people are coming?
About 15, isn't it, Sue?

Well, it was 15.
Then it went up to 20.
Last night, I gathered it was 25.

It's creeping up, Sue.

I told her that's the limit.
I think it's enough, don't you?

Definitely, Sue, definitely.

But this is it with teenagers.
OK, they'll tell you 25.

But a friend invites a friend.
That friend invites another friend.
You end up with about 70 or 80.

This is it. This is the danger.

I just saw some people arriving.

It was nice of them to help
with the car. Oh, no, not them.

A couple of coloured chaps and
a girl in a Ford Capri. Oh, really.

There were only about half a dozen
when I left...was asked to leave!

They don't want Mum sitting there,
do they?

Not when they get to 15.

When I was 15,
I really wanted a party of my own,
and my dad - he'd never let me.

You see, he was worried
about people pinching things
and things getting broken.

Have you locked your silver away,
Sue? I haven't got any.

Well, not much, anyway. I have put
a few things upstairs, just in case.

It's better to, isn't it,
cos it can easily happen.

Don't get me wrong.
I don't mean that any
of Abigail's friends are thieves.

Please don't think that,

but you don't know who you get at a
party and people are light-fingered.

Yes.

Did you leave your carpets down,
Sue? Yes.

Have you got fitted carpets? Yes.
Yes, we've got fitted carpets.
The McDonalds left them all.

They were inclusive in the price of
the house. Oh? We were very lucky,

because we got the price of the
house down from £22,000 to £21,000.

Oh, really? I don't know
what we'll do about our carpets
when we have a party.

..We're having a party soon,
aren't we? House-warming.

Yes. ..You'll have to come.
Oh, thank you.

With fitted carpets, you don't know
what to do for the best.

Particularly with teenagers,
because they're not as careful
as we would be.

They don't think, do they? Drink
in one hand, cigarette in the other,

a bit of a dance.
Next thing you know,
the cigarette's on your carpet.

Did you get that beer, Sue?
Yes, four of those big tins
and some Pomagne.

That's nice, isn't it? Yes, it is.

At that age, we used to drink
Bulmers Cider. We said, "A glass
of cider and she's anybody's."

I got very drunk on champagne
at our wedding. ..Do you remember?
Yeah.

Gives you a terrible headache.
Yes, in the morning.

Shocking, yeah.
..Did you get any spirits, Sue?

No. No, I didn't. Very wise,
actually. They're so expensive.

If they want to drink spirits,
they can bring their own,
particularly the older boys,

cos they're working.
There will be older boys there?

Oh, yes. A few, anyway. Yeah.

..Let's face it, Ange, when
you're 15, you don't want to go out
with a bloke who's 15. Mm.

I mean, when I was 15, I was going
out with a bloke who was 21.

..Hey, Sue, how's Abigail
getting on with that bloke?

I'm not sure. I daren't ask.

Mind you, I reckon you're better
to let her go out with as many
blokes as she wants at that age,

rather than sticking to the one.

Yes.
..How many boyfriends has she got?

Oh, I don't know.
I don't think she knows herself.
Footloose and fancy-free!

I was just thinking. It might be a
good idea if a little bit later on

if Laurence and Tony pop down there.

I don't mean to go in - just to
check everything's OK

and put your
mind at rest. ..You agree, Ange?

It's a good idea.
..You don't mind, do you?

No. It's very nice of you, but
I don't think it'll be necessary.
Your husband's away?

No, we've split up, actually.
Are you separated or divorced?

Divorced.
Oh, when did you get divorced?

Three years ago. Oh, that's given
you time to sort of get used to it,
hasn't it?

We've been married nearly three
years. Three years in September.
Me and Laurence are three years.

It's funny. We were all
getting married about the same time
as you were...getting divorced.

What a coincidence. Yes.

Where is he now? Do you know? Yes,
he lives quite near here, actually.

That's nice. Do you keep in touch?
Yes. He pops over to see the kids,
doesn't he?

He comes every Sunday. Does he?
For lunch. Oh, lovely.
Is he coming tomorrow?

Yes, I expect so. That's nice.
..For the kids.

Yeah. ..Well, let's face it, Sue,
whatever you say about him,
he is their father.

Yes.

..Are you all right, Tone?

Yes, thank you. Great.

What did your husband do? He's
an architect. That's a good job.

It's a good job. Well paid.

It can be.
Quite long training, though. Yes.

Has David married again? Yes.

It's a good job that he's got
a good job then, isn't it?

I mean,
if he's got two families to support.

Have they got any children, Sue?

No. But she wants some, so they're
trying. But they don't seem
to have had any success so far.

Does she come over on Sundays?
No, he comes on his own.

I suppose, like, when your kids
go over there, it's nice for her,
a little ready-made family.

They don't go over there, actually.
Well, hardly ever.

Don't you get on with her? No...
Well, I hardly know her really.

Well, I mean, if your husband runs
off with another woman...

You can hardly be the best of mates!

Who's for another drink? Ange?
Please.

Thanks. Thanks.
..How about you, Sue?

I've still got some, thank you.
I'll give you a little top-up.

..Tony, another drink? Ta. Yeah?
Thanks.

I think more and more people
are getting divorced these days.
Definitely.

Mind you, I blame a lot of it
on women's lib, I do, Ange.

And on permissiveness and
wife-swapping. ..Don't you, Tone?

I suppose so. ..Don't you, Sue?
Possibly.

Take Peter Sellers - he has been
married at least five or six times.

Four, actually. Is it four, Sue? Ah.
Well, look at Elizabeth Taylor
and Richard Burton.

Yeah. Now, to me, Ange,
their relationship is ridiculous.

It's a mockery of marriage. It's
disgusting. It's all for publicity.

Let's face it. With film stars,
I reckon half the time
the attraction is purely physical.

They did it in the jungle.

Getting divorced, to a film star,
is like going to the lavatory...
if you'll pardon my French.

But to us, it's a big wrench.
..Isn't it, Sue? Yes, of course.

Yes.

I think film stars only get married
because the public expects it.

Do you? Yes.

I think people take divorce
for granted. I think if they stuck
it out, they'd be OK. ..Don't you?

Yeah, but there are times you could
hit them on the head with a
rolling pin! It's like Tony and me.

We've only been married
nearly three years,
but we're always rowing, aren't we?

Yeah.

She give you a bad time, Tone?
Ta. Shocking.

And I think it spoils things,
doesn't it? Yes, it does.

Mind you, I reckon sometimes
a little row adds a sparkle
to a relationship.

Did you have lots of rows with your
husband? No, we didn't, actually.

It's funny. It doesn't always
follow. No. It's funny.

..Do you think people should get
married, Tony? Sometimes.

He's not so sure, you see,
since he's been married to me!

Perhaps we should all just live
in sin and forget the whole thing.

Did you live with Laurence before
you got married? No, I didn't, no.

Do you think if you had've done,
you'd still have married him?

No.

Don't get me wrong -
I do love Laurence in my own way.

But if we'd have lived together,
say, for a year, I don't think
it would've worked out.

I think if you have kids, you should
get married. Yes. Give them a name.

Yes. ..You'll be having
all this soon, Sue.

Do you think Abigail
is the marrying type? I hope so.

You'll be getting married again
yourself soon.

I don't think that's very likely.
You never know. I never thought
anyone would marry me.

And I met Tony and we were married
with a year, weren't we?

Eight months. Yes.
..So you see, it can happen.

Really? Have you got a boyfriend?
No.

Would you like to have kids, Ange?
Yes, I would. Would you?

..Would you, Tone? Not for a while.
Not till we get settled in.

Yeah, get yourselves sorted first.
He'd make a nice dad, wouldn't he?

Yes. I could just see you
with a little boy, taking him out,
looking after him.

It would be nice to have
one of each. Yeah, like Sue.

..Mind you, Abigail and Jeremy
aren't a bit alike, are they, Sue?

No. They're like chalk and cheese.

Sue, how did Jeremy get on
packing his little overnight bag?

He loved it. Did he?
You know what kids are like.

He was so excited packing.

He'd have taken the kitchen sink!
Where's he gone? Round the corner.
How old is he? 11.5.

Would you like kids? Mm, no,
I don't think I would really.

Don't get me wrong. It's not that
I don't like kids, because I do.

But, let me put it to you this way.

I wouldn't like to actually have
to have them. ..Did you
have yours in hospital? Yes.

Yeah, to me, having to go into
hospital would be like being ill.
And I couldn't stand that.

I know it sounds horrible but all
that breast-feeding and changing
nappies would make me heave.

I don't think
I've got that motherly instinct.

It would be different for me cos
I'm used to looking after children.

And the thing with children
that are ill is you've got
to watch them every minute. Yeah.

Like recently we had this little
girl. She was only about two.

And she kept picking at her
dressing.

She picked it all off
and got right down into the wound.

Sorry, stop!
If you carry on, I'll faint.

Leave it out, Ange. It's all right -
she wasn't in any pain. She got
the stitches out... Drop it!

Did you know my husband used to be
a professional footballer?

Really? Yes, he used to play
for Crystal Palace. ..Didn't you?

Yeah.

Oh, fantastic!

Before I knew him.
Did you play for the reserves?
Oh, no, the first team.

Honestly, is that true?

For a bit, yeah.

Oh, Tony, that is fantastic!

..Hey, Sue, we didn't know we'd a
celebrity moved into Richmond Road.

No, we didn't. That's great. That's
made my night, actually. Honestly.

Oh...! Laurence!

..Would you excuse me, please,
one minute?

Laurence!

MUSIC BLARES FROM SUE'S HOUSE

Nice music.

..Isn't it, Tony?

Would you like one of these?
Thank you.

Ta.

I shouldn't be eating these really,
cos we had a big tea.

Did you eat earlier?

No. No, I didn't.

Oh, you must be hungry.
Here, have some peanuts.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Hey, Sue, it's all happening
at your place!
..Oh, Ange, it's so funny!

..You know your bay window, Sue,
at the front? ..It's wide open
and there's this bloke, 20st.

..And he's wedged
in your bay window.

..He's got one of those purple
vests and a great big fat belly!

..And there's a girl, Sue,
in your front garden.

She is as thin as he's fat, right?
And she's like this, Ange,
draped round him, snogging away.

You've never seen anything so funny
in your life! Oh, dear!

Don't worry, Sue. They're only
having a bit of fun - teenagers.

I wonder if I dare pop down.
Would you like me to go?

No... Tony doesn't mind.
It's no problem. It's better not.

Sue's right. It's best not to.
They're only having a bit of fun.

When Laurence gets back,
we can discuss it then.

OK?

Who's for another drink? ..Come on,
Ange. ..Sue, another drink?

No, thank you. Come on, Sue.
I'll just give you a little top-up.

Just to settle your nerves, Sue.
..Tony, another drink? Ta.

Cheers, Ange. Cheers.

Where is Laurence anyway?

I don't know actually, Tony.
I wish I did know.

What a lovely table.
And this is what I'd really love.

What's that, Ange? The candelabra.
It's brilliant, isn't it?

Is it real silver?
Yeah, silver plate, yeah.

Ah, it looks so lovely.

And with the light.

Sue.

Thank you.

Are you all right, Sue?
Yes, I'm fine, thank you. Yes.

Sue, you must think I'm dreadful.
I'm sorry. I do apologise.

I haven't offered you
anything to eat. Have some nuts.

Thank you.

Take some crisps as well.

That's it. Thank you. Lovely.

Now, then, Sue, let's see. A
little cheesy-pineapple one, Sue?

Thank you.

..Tone,
a little cheesy-pineapple one? Ta.

Take another one, Sue,
save me coming back. Thank you.

That's it. Lovely.

Now, then, Sue, let's see. Would
you like a little cigarette, Sue?

No, thank you. Not just at the
moment. Sorry, Sue. I'll tell you
what I'll do. I'll put it here.

You can light that
when you finish those.

Tony, come and have a look
at this beautiful kitchen.

It's lovely, isn't it?
..Oh, these tiles are gorgeous.

Were they here when you came?
Yeah, we were lucky, actually.

Our kitchen's nothing like this.
..Tony, come and see. ..Go on, Tone.

Go and have a look. Go on. Tony!

He's nice, isn't he?

Yes. Mm... He's fantastic.

Actually,
they're a very nice couple. Yes.

Oh, and you've got one of these!

What's that, Ange?
Oh, the rotisserie?

Do you do chickens and things
on it?

You can do, but I'm not much of
a cook, so I haven't used it yet.
But you can.

..Laurence, where have you been,
please? To the off-licence.

..Hello, Sue. All right?
Yes, I'm fine, thank you.

Those want to go in the fridge,
Laurence, to chill, actually.

..All right, Ange? Yeah.

..Come through, Tone.

Like to sit down, Tone. Ta. Yeah.

Now, then, Sue, let's see.
That little cigarette...

There we are, Sue.

OK?

Thank you. Lovely.

Now, everybody OK? Yes, lovely. Yes.
Yes, thank you.

Who's for a drink? Tony, light ale?

Not just yet, thank you.

He got them specially for you.

If he doesn't want one, Beverly,
he doesn't have to have one.

Sue? No, thank you. Angela?
No, I'm all right, thanks.

Beverly? No, I'm fine, thank you.

Laurence?

Yes, please.

Thanks very much.

..The party seems to be hotting up
at your place, Sue. So Beverly said.

Actually, Laurence, we were just
saying it might be a good idea
if you and Tony popped down.

What for? Just to check that
everything's all right for Sue.

Put Sue's mind at rest. She's a
bit worried. It'll be all right. I
don't think there'll be any
problems.

I'm not saying there will be.
All I'm saying is check for Sue.

Everything seems all right.
Didn't you see what was happening
in the garden? Well, er, yes...

The couple snogging through
the window. Through the window?

With the dirty vest. No, no...

I saw a couple down the side
of the house and a few in the porch.
I didn't see anybody in the window.

- D'you wanna sit down?

- Stay where you are.

Sit here. There's plenty of room.
Thank you.

These sort of things
happen at parties. Of course.

It's nothing to worry about. No.

Actually, I think
you're being very unfair to Sue.

Not at all. ..Don't make excuses
for him. ..Apart from anything else,
Tony has already agreed to go.

- Have you?

- Yeah.

I didn't say I wouldn't go.
If Sue wants us to go,
we'll go down there.

I don't know that I do. Fine.

Tony doesn't mind going on his own.
..Do you? No, I don't.

I didn't say I wouldn't go.
Are you going, then, please?

< Yes.

Thank you. That's quite all right.

I'm not saying there'll be
any trouble,

but teenagers
have a drink and get overexcited.

Yes. Well, it starts with one kiss.
This is it, Ange. Then they find
their way to the bedrooms.

Sue...do you like olives?

Yes.

Fine!

I'll get you some. Thank you.

You've got a friend for life. Oh?
None of us like olives. Oh, I see.

I can't stand them. You know
the little red bit that sticks out
in the stuffed olives?

I won't say what it reminds me of -
it puts me off. I can't eat them.

Not everyone can like everything.

It's like Tony - he doesn't like
curry and I love it.

..So we never go in Indian
restaurants, do we? No. No.

..He won't even eat curry at home,
which is a shame,
because I enjoy making it.

Have you ever tried pilchard curry?

No.
Oh, that's a very economical dish.

You just get one of those big tins
of pilchards in tomato sauce

and mix it with onions and curry
powder, and it's really tasty.

But, of course, Tony won't touch it.

Darling, have you got heartburn?

No, I haven't got heartburn. Slight
case of indigestion, that's all.

I thought so. ..This is it,
you see, Ange. He came in late
and he was all upset.

He's very highly strung
and this gives him heartburn.

He must be careful, because when
I was working in Intensive Care,

the people who'd had a cardiac
arrest were nearly all businessmen

and those who worried about work.

I hope you're listening, Laurence!

Yes, I'm listening.

..Cigar?

No, thanks. I've just given up.

You sure?

..Go on, Tone, take a little cigar.
Go on, enjoy yourself.

Go on, take one.

Ta.

Tony! ..Oh, well,
that counts, doesn't it?

I mean, if he's having a cigar...
Come on, Ange.

Sue, would you like one? No,
thank you. Some women do like them.

So I understand,
but I've got a cigarette.

Oh. ..Light?

Ta.

Laurence, would you put
a record on for us, please?

Yeah, surely.
..What would we like to hear?

Demis Roussos. No, Beverly.

We don't want to listen to that
fat Greek caterwauling all night.

Darling, not classical!

Light classical,
just as a background.

Sue, do you know James Galway?

I've heard him. An up-and-coming
young flautist. Do you like him?
Yes, he's very good.

I'll put it on for you.

I'm sorry, but we don't want to
listen to classical music. What
do we want to listen to, then(?)

Demis Roussos.

Well, if everybody else
wants to listen to Demis Roussos,
we'll put him on.

Tone, do you like Demis Roussos?
Yeah, he's all right.

He's fantastic. ..Sue?
I don't know him, I'm afraid.
You'll like him. He's lovely.

He's really great. Would you like
to hear him? Yes. Yeah?

Laurence, Angela likes Demis
Roussos, Tony likes Demis Roussos,
I like Demis Roussos

and Sue would like to hear
Demis Roussos, so please,
could we have Demis Roussos?

Yes.

Thank you.

How are you enjoying your cigar?

Very nice, thank you.
How's your cigarette?

Oh, it's lovely.
Mind you don't choke on it.

He's not used to smoking a cigar.
He doesn't know what to do with it.

He'll be all right.

Tone? Another drink?

Ta. Yeah?

RECORD STARTS

How about you, Ange? Another drink?

Yes, please. Thanks.
..How about you, Sue? No, thank you.

Come on, Sue. I'll just give you
a little top-up. Lovely.

..Like to help yourself, Tone?

Ta. Yeah?

It's a fantastic drink, isn't it,
Bacardi? Yeah. It's a knockout.
First started drinking it in
Majorca.

Have you been to Majorca? Yeah.
Where did you go?

Palma. Not Palma Nova? Yeah.
Oh, Tony, isn't it beautiful there?

Yeah. Yes.

They drink it very long there
with lots of ice and Coke and lemon.

It's my dream just to lie on
a beach drinking Bacardi and Coke.

Have you always had a moustache?
What do you mean? Have you had it
for a few years? Yes.

Never thought of having a beard? No.

He wouldn't suit a beard.
His face is too small.

Actually, I think
a beard can look very scruffy.

Yes, but I think a man
with a moustache and a beard,

they look more masculine.

Sexier, isn't it?
..Has your husband got a beard?

No. No, he used to have a long time
ago when I first knew him.

Why did he shave it off?
Well, he grew out of it.

Do you play any instruments, Sue?

No. I used to play the piano... Oh?

..When I was a child. The piano?

Just a bit. I once went for guitar

lessons, but I never kept them up.

That's a pity.

Yes, I've often regretted it.

You know, I think that musicians
and artists are very lucky people.

They're born
with one great advantage in life.

Do you know what that is?

Their talent. Yeah.

They've got something to cling to.

I often wish that I'd been born
with that sort of talent.

Most people,
they just drift through life

without any real aims.

They're weak.

It's no good just sitting there
whining. You've got to get up
and do something about it.

Not that it isn't a fight.
Of course it is.

Life is a fight.

People, er...

They always seem to be against you.

Not that I've done badly, no, no.
I've done all right.

But, er...

it's certainly an uphill battle.

I once went to a party and they
said, "Can anyone play the piano?"

I said, "Oh, yes. I can."

You see, I can't play the piano.
I'd just learnt this one tune
from a friend.

It was...
# Buy a broom, buy a broom

# Buy a broom
and sweep the room... #

And that's all I knew.

They wanted me to play
for musical chairs. Mm.

So I started...
# Buy a broom, buy a broom... #

And I played it a few times
and then I thought I'd have
to do something a bit different.

So I started... What - bumping?

Yes. But as I can't play,
oh, it sounded terrible.

I felt such a fool. Yeah. I thought,
"Why did I say I'd play?"

When was this, Ange?

Oh, it was only when I was eight.
Oh, I see. Oh, yes.

I still felt a fool, though. Yeah.

Would anybody mind
if I turn this next track up?

Cos it's my favourite.
It's Forever And Ever. I'd like
us all to hear it. Anybody mind?

No. No. Great.

# Forever and ever, for ever

and ever, you'll be the one... #

SHE INCREASES THE VOLUME

# That shines on me
like the morning sun... #

Oh, isn't he great? Yeah.

I know this one.

# ..Forever and ever, for ever
and ever, you'll be my sweet

# My rainbow's end... #

Do you think he's sexy, Ange?

Yes. It's a pity he's so fat.

No, but he doesn't sound it
when you hear him. It's funny.

He's still fantastic, though.

# ..My dream come true,
my consolation... #

D'you like him, Tone?

Yeah.

Knockout, isn't he?

# ..You'll be my dream, my symphony

# My own lovers' theme

# Forever and ever, forever and ever

# My destiny

# Will follow you eternally... #

Ange, imagine making love to this,
d'you know what I mean?

..Are you all right, Laurence?

HE SWITCHES IT OFF

Tony? Thank you(!)

..Don't mention it! ..Ready?

- What for?

- Sue wants us to go

and inspect the party.

Would you like to go NOW? I AM
going! It'd be better... ..Coming?

- I think so.

- Well, come on, then!

I really think it would be better
if you didn't. It's all right.

Just take a walk past your house.
Put your mind at rest.

Don't worry, Sue. Tony'll handle it.

Won't be long.

Take care.

I'm sorry about that.
Oh, that's all right.

Shall I put the record back on?
No, don't bother.
He's spoiled it now, so forget it.

And you were enjoying yourself.
Well, we were all enjoying
ourselves, weren't we?

To be honest with you, he's
a boring little bugger at times.

Anyway, sod him! Let's all have
another drink. Come on, Ange.

Oh, no, really.
A little top-up. That's it. Lovely.

Listen - we'll all get pissed.
Yeah. We can enjoy ourselves. Yeah!

Cheers! Cheers! ..There we are, Sue.
OK? Thank you. Lovely.

Cheers! Cheers! Cheers!

Ange, have a cigarette while he's
gone. Oh, yeah, while he's out.
Here you are.

That's it. Lovely.

I think I'm going to be sick.
Are you?

Come along, then. That's it.

..Where's the toilet?
We've got a downstairs one.
In the hall, on the right.

Hold on a minute.
Take deep breaths, Sue.

RETCHING

That's the way.

Bring it all up.

That's it.

Aw, are you all right, Sue?
Yes, thank you.

..She still looks a bit pale.
Yes. ..I'll take that.

Come and sit down.

That's it. You sit down here.

And your soda water's there. All
right? Just lean forward a minute.

That's it. Lean forward, Sue.
Make you comfy.

Yes, cos Angela knows. Lovely.

Now, look, Sue, I've made you
a little black coffee.

I've made it nice and strong
and no milk in it in case that
makes you sick again. All right?

Try and sip that for me, Sue,

cos it will help to revive you
a little bit. OK?

MUSIC STARTS UP AGAIN UP THE ROAD

Sorry about that. There's no need
to be sorry. ..Is there?

Don't worry. Let's face it.
It could happen to any of us.

Yes, and it's better for it to
happen while those two are away.

Definitely, Ange, definitely.

Cos when you're vomiting in front
of blokes, it's embarrassing. Yes.

And they're not usually that
sympathetic. Well, Tony isn't.

Cos if I've got a headache or my
period pains, he doesn't wanna
know.

Really? In fact, it annoys him.

This is it, Ange. I reckon a woman,
she needs a bit of love
and affection from a bloke.

OK, sex is important,
but it's not everything.

No. You see if Tony comes home
and he's in a bad mood,
I can't do anything right.

Cos they pick on you, don't they?

Is he like that?
Oh, yes, he's very quick-tempered.

I think
it's because of his red hair.

Yeah. ..Funny, though, innit, Sue?

To see him sitting there, he looks
ever so quiet and gentle. He does.

Is he very violent?
No, he's not violent.

He's just a bit nasty.

Like the other day, he said to me
he'd like to Sellotape my mouth.

No, Ange!
And that's not very nice, is it?

It certainly isn't, Ange.

Was your husband violent?

Oh, no. Not at all. ..She's one
of the lucky ones, isn't she?

Definitely, Sue, definitely.

Mind you, if Tony wasn't around,
I'd miss him.

Would you? Mm. Yeah.
Funny, isn't it?

I suppose I would miss Laurence,
in as much as I need a bloke.
We all need a bloke, don't we?

OK, credit where it's due -
he's very good with money.

If I want a new dress, make-up,
have my hair done,
whatever it is, the money is there.

But, apart from that, it's just
boring, d'you know what I mean?

I think that comes
from being married, though. Do you?

The fun wears off. Yeah.

..Everything all right down there?

Yes, I think so.

How many's at the party? I don't
know. I didn't stop to count them.
This is my glass.

It's all right, is it? Yes!

Oh, I'm sorry, Sue.

Yes. Yes, I went in
and I had a few words with them
and everything seems to be all
right.

Where's Tony got to? Perhaps you
better ask him when he gets back.

Did you see Abigail?
I certainly did. Is she all right?

I think so.

Where is he?

I don't know. I'm not his keeper.

Did you talk to her? Well,
I asked her to turn the music down.

..He's stayed at the party!
Was she upset? I don't think so!

He's probably being raped, Ange, by
a load of 15-year-old schoolgirls!

Oh, lucky them! Hey, listen,
at least they had a bit of taste -
they didn't pick him.

BEVERLY AND ANGELA GIGGLE

I hope he's being a bit more
enthusiastic than when I leap on
him! Is he one of those?

He turns over.
I've met those before!

That's enough, Beverly!

Oh, Christ, Laurence! Soon
as I'm enjoying myself... Can't
you see you're embarrassing Sue?

Aw, no, I'm sorry, Sue. I didn't
mean to embarrass you.

That's all right. It was only a
little joke.

Sue's not been feeling too good
anyway. No.

What's the problem, Sue? Nothing.

She's been vomiting... ..Thank you.

Sue can speak for herself.

She's had a few too many gin and
tonics. ..You've not had any tea,
have you? No. Hasn't she, Ange?

No. Would you like one of these?
She doesn't want one of those on
an empty stomach. A sandwich, then?

Would you like a sandwich? No, thank
you. She doesn't want a sandwich!
Well, I want a sandwich!

..Do you want a sandwich? Yes or no?
No, thank you. OK, fine!

I hope it chokes you!

What did you say, Beverly? Eeek!

I thought I was going to get
stabbed! Don't tempt me!

Well, go on, then - do it!

Laurence, would you please go back
in the kitchen

and finish making your little
sandwich?

All right?

Are you sure you don't want
a sandwich, Sue? Yes. Thank you.

Fine.

DOORBELL RINGS

Everything all right?

What do you mean?

I wondered where you'd got to.

I wondered where YOU'd got to!

Come in.

What's that for?

I'm making a sandwich.

Go in.

Where have you been? Southend.

Did you enjoy yourself there?
Wonderful.

Where have you been? Laurence has
been back ages. ..Everything's OK.

Good. Not too rowdy? No.

Thank you. That's all right. Would
you like a drink? Yes, please.

What would you like? Light ale,
please. D'you want a little Bacardi
with it? No, thank you. You sure?

Yeah. You all right?

Yeah.

Great.

Was Abigail all right? I think so.
You saw her? I didn't see her,
but I think she's all right.

Tone. Ta.

Your shirt's all wet. What is it?
Nothing.

It's soaking wet.
What have you been doing? Nothing.

Get off!

..Bumped into somebody accidentally.
Nothing to worry about.

D'you wanna sit down, Tone? Ta.

Laurence didn't come back
with his shirt all wet, did he?

..I don't think you two have been
to the same party, have you?

Course we've been to the same party!
What are you on about? Lay off her!
It's a joke. ..See what I mean?

What?

..Are you all right, Sue? Yes, but
I better go and see Abigail. No.

Please, Sue, don't go down there.

You know what Abigail's like.
She's only going to shout at you
and then you'll be upset.

Please, sit down.

Now, Sue, Tony has only just come
back. ..Now it was all right,
wasn't it, Tone?

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Nothing to worry about.
Are you sure? Yeah.

Yeah.

Now, come on, Sue.

Sit down.

That's it.

I'll tell you what I'll do.

I'll put a record on for us all.
We can all have a listen to that.

Now, let's see what we've got.

I'll tell you what, Sue.
Do you like Tom Jones?

He's all right. He's great, isn't
he? ..Do you like him, Ange? Yes.
Yeah, he's fabulous.

Now, we'll put this on for Sue...

Is Abigail always having parties?

No.

Oh... You ready, Ange? Mm.

INTRO TO "IT'S NOT UNUSUAL"

Oh, isn't he great? Mm.

I won't be a sec.
I'm just going to the toilet.

# ..To be loved by anyone

# It's not unusual
to have fun with anyone

# But when I see you
hanging about with anyone

# It's not unusual to see me cry

# I wanna die

# It's not unusual to go out
at any time

# But when I see you out and about,
it's such a crime... #

HE TURNS IT ALMOST RIGHT DOWN

Now we can hear ourselves think.

Sit down here. No, thank you. Go on.
No, thanks!

Steady!

I expect you've seen a few changes
since you've been here, Sue?
Not really, no.

Come on, Sue. Surely you must have
seen SOME changes?

There are the new houses
on the other side of Ravensway.
The houses. What about the people?

What about them?

The class of people. Don't you think
that's changed? Not really, no.

The tone of the area - don't you
feel it's altered? Not particularly.

You don't think it's gone down? No.

And you, Tony, come on -
what do you think?

I wouldn't know, would I?

Oh, no, no, of course not, no.

You've only just moved in. Yes.

Yeah.

Yes. A drink?

No, thank you.

< Angela? Please.

It's more mixed, that's all. Mixed?

Yes,
I suppose you could say it was
mixed.

More "cosmopolitan".

There's nothing wrong with that.
You don't think so? No.

No, well, that's a matter of
opinion. Would you like another
drink?

I'm just drinking soda water.
Fine. Would you like some more?

Thank you.

We like to keep our guests happy.

TOM JONES PLAYS ON QUIETLY

Do you read, Tony?

Sometimes.

..Sue.

Thank you. ..Just what do you read?

All sorts.

All sorts?

You know Shakespeare?

Not personally.
I've read it at school, yeah.

At school?
Well, I have the complete works
here.

Oh, they're a lovely set,
aren't they? Yes.

They are very well bound.

They're embossed in gold.
Mm... Really nice.

..Sue...

Very nice.

Part of our heritage, hmm? Mm.

Course they're not something
you can actually read.

Your house is a lot older than ours,
isn't it?

Yes. Sue...

1936, yes?

I'm not sure. I know it was built
before the war. I thought so.

There's nothing wrong with an old
house. There's some quite nice ones.

I like old and I like new.

Tudor... Are you all right, Sue?

Fine. You don't feel sick again?
Mock Tudor.

No. No?

There are some real Tudor houses...
..Are you all right, Tone?

Yes, thank you.

Great. Do you know
the Belvedere Hotel? Yes, I do.

Originally, on that site,
there stood a Tudor mansion. It was
the feudal lords'. Drink? Ta.

They owned all the land here.
Ange, another drink?

I've seen to the drinks, thank you!

Oh, I'm sorry, Laurence, it's just
that I can't hear through two walls.

It was all part
of the Belvedere Estate. Oh.

Laurence, would you like to turn
that up, please? How can we hold
a conversation with that racket?

We're not here for conversations.
We're here to enjoy ourselves.
We are enjoying ourselves!

We're enjoying this conversation.

MUSIC BLARES

# ..And take to dinner

# She always knows the place, she's
got style, she's got grace... #

MUSIC STILL BLARES UP THE ROAD

All right, Laurence, all right!

Sorry about that.
Oh, that's all right.

We're all getting
a little bit merry, aren't we?

It's nice for us to get a bit
of a break, because since the move,
we've hardly been out.

Where are you going, Sue?! I was
just going to the toilet. Oh...

You don't feel sick? I'm fine.
D'you want me to come with you?

No, thank you. You see,
Sue's been vomiting up her gin.

While you were away,
I had to take her to the lavatory.

Ange, shall we have a little dance?
Yeah, that'd be nice. Yeah? ..Tone,
fancy a dance? Yeah, I don't mind.

There's no room to dance in here.

Laurence, if I wanted someone
to put a damper on the idea,
I'd have asked you first.

OK?

..Come on, Ange,
give us a hand to move the couch.

TONY: I'll get that, Angela.

I'll take this corner.
Oh, no, you just sit down.

Cheers, Tone.

Got it, Laurence?

Yes.

Oh, for Christ's sake!

Don't interfere, Beverly.

Ready(?)

Where d'you wanna put it?

..Where do you want it? For God's
sake, just move it back there.

..Just back.

Got this fantastic record I'm gonna
play for us. Just hang on a sec.

Now this record, Ange,
it turns my husband on.

And when he hears it,
he cannot resist my charms.

They're still enjoying themselves
down there, aren't they?

Yeah. What were they getting up to?

Nothing much.

You ready, Ange?

SLOW, JAZZY NUMBER

Oh, isn't it great?

..Fancy a little dance, Tone?

Dance with Beverly.
Perhaps Laurence would like to
dance.

I don't think he would, actually.

..Come on, Tone,
have a little dance.

..Are you all right, Sue?
Yes, I'm fine, thank you. Yeah.

..You don't mind me mawling your
husband, Ange? No, you go ahead.

Go on. Dance with Laurence.

No, I can't.

Course you can! Get up and dance!

Don't worry. You'll be quite safe
with Laurence. He won't rape you.

D'you wanna dance?

Surely, yeah. If you'd like to.

I'm not very good
at these slow dances. No.

I'm better at this sort.

..Do you wanna dance with us?

No, thank you. We can all three
dance together. I'm fine, really.

TRACK ENDS

Thank you. Thanks.

Laurence was shaking my hand.

Oh, was he?

Christ, he'll be shaking mine next.

NEXT TRACK BEGINS

Now, who's for another drink?

Ange? Please.

Never say no! Thanks.

Thanks.

..Tony? No, thanks. I'm all right.

..How about you, Sue? No, thank you.
Are you sure? Yes. Yeah.

He's a good dancer, isn't he?

He's fantastic. ..I never knew
you could dance so well.

We don't usually dance like that,
do we? No.

Ange.

Thanks.

Cheers, everyone! Cheers! Cheers!

Cheers.

Darling...

why don't you dance with Sue?

I really don't think Sue wants to
dance, thanks very much, darling(!)

Then, why don't you ask her?

..Would you like to dance? No, thank
you. ..Sue doesn't want to dance.

Of course she wants to dance.

..Go on, Sue, have a little dance
with Laurence. Enjoy yourself.

..Would you like to, Sue? All right.

I'll take the glass for you.
Thank you.

..Come on, Tone.

Ange, d'you wanna dance with Tone?
No, you're all right.

Are you going on holiday this year,
Sue? I hope so.

Expensive business - holidays. Yes.

Do you know Paris? A little.

Do you?

No.

TRACK ENDS

Thank you.

NEXT TRACK BEGINS

Tone...you wanna sit down?

Ta. Yeah.

..Ange, do us a favour
and throw us me fags, please.

..Cheers, Tone.

Mind your head! It's too big! What?

It's too big. What is? Your head!

Give it a rest.

..You feeling better now? Oh, much.
Thank you. Good.

Ange...want a cigarette?

Oh, I would. ..Can I have a
cigarette? D'you want one? I'd love
one. Why don't you have one, then?

Ange, give us a light, please.

Cheers.

Once you've had one cigarette, you
want to keep on smoking. This is it.

What sort of work do you do?
I'm in computers.

He's an operator.
Still play football, Tone? No...

He gave up when he was 20. He plays
for the firm's team, though, but
he's much better than the others.

It's not the firm's team. I played
twice. He's funny in his shorts.

Why d'you give it up?
Things didn't work out.

You've got footballer's legs though,
haven't you? ..Has he?

..Have you?

Let's have a little look.

Oh, yeah, so he has.

I like footballer's legs, actually.
Nice and muscly, aren't they?

BEVERLY GIGGLES

Can't stand blokes with skinny legs.
Puts you off, doesn't it,
you know what I mean?

Talking of Paris, Sue,
do you like art?

Yes. Oh, so do I.

Beverly doesn't. Of course,
you know that Paris is the centre of
the art world. Do you like Van Gogh?

Yes. Ah. This is a Van Gogh.

Yes.

They called him a postimpressionist
but, to my mind,
he was more of a symbolist.

Do you like the Impressionists? Yes.
You do? Well, that's good.

That's fine.

Fine.

Are you all right, Tone? Yeah.

Great.

Of course, you know Van Gogh,
now, he was a very unstable man.

Not only did he cut his ear off and
live in a brothel, he also ate paint
and he shot himself.

..Thank you, Laurence.
We don't want all the gory details.

..I am talking to Sue!

And Sue is interested
in these things.

Now this is a picture of his chair
in the corner of his room in Arles.

It wasn't actually yellow.
He painted it yellow because
yellow symbolised so much for him.

Can we liven things up a bit? Yeah.

..Do you like art? Yes.

This is a Lowry. Now, did you know
his father was an estate agent?

Oh, for Christ's sake, Laurence,
give it a rest! Give what a rest?

Nobody is interested.
Oh, yes, they are.

Oh, no, they're not! Do you know
something, Beverly? You're ignorant!

Oh, so I'm ignorant now, am I?
Now? You always have been!

It's not a question of ignorance,
it's a question of taste.

And what would you know about taste?

If someone doesn't happen to like
what you like,
then you say they've got no taste.

That's rubbish! Oh, is it rubbish?

What about the picture
I've got in the bedroom?
That is cheap, pornographic trash.

Just because a picture is erotic
doesn't mean it's pornographic.

Oh, shut up, Beverly!

..I've got this fabulous picture,
right? It's really beautiful.

I brought it home and he wouldn't
let me put it up in here.
I had to hang it in the bedroom.

If I had my way, it'd be in the bin!

You're dead from the waist down!

Can I see it?
..D'you wanna see it, Ange? Yes.

Angela's working tomorrow. We better
go. Yes. See the picture another
day.

Don't go early just cos of me.
Sure, Ange?

I'll be all right. She's got to get
up in the morning. Shut up!
Don't you tell me to shut up!

Angela, coat! No, it's all right.

I really ought to be going.
We haven't had coffee yet. Sit down.

Beverly! We're going soon anyway.

Don't bring that picture downstairs.
Oh, sod off, Laurence!

Beverly! Drop dead!

You just can't keep
your big mouth shut, can you?

GET UP!

Sit down...please.

BEETHOVEN'S 5th BLARES OUT

HE GROANS

Laurence! Laurence! What's the
matter? What's wrong? Just a minute.

What's wrong with him? I don't know
yet! Help me get him on the floor.

Get me something for his head.

Get his feet up higher. Here.
No, that's too big.

Here you are. What's going on?

What's the matter with him?
..Laurence? ..Did he pass out?

Tony, could you lift up his feet?
..Tony, do you mind?

Sue, get him a glass of water.
Quickly.

Laurence, come on.
Leave him! Leave him!

..He happens to be my husband.
You've got to let him breathe.

He is breathing! ..Get an ambulance
instead of sitting there!
An ambulance? Yes.

What's wrong with him? He just had
a heart attack. Where's your phone?

A heart attack? Where's your phone?

Under the bar, under the bar.

Oh, Christ, Angie, are you sure?
Has he got false teeth?

Of course he hasn't got false teeth.

Oh, Ange, his lips
are going all blue! Don't worry.

His hands are going freezing. ..Get
him something to keep him warm.

A blanket? Yes.

..Laurence!

..Can he hear me, Ange?

Yes. ..Come on! LAURENCE!
Leave him! He's got to lie still.

..Oh, Christ, Ange!
..Have you got through yet?

I'm trying!

Beethoven PLAYS ON

Ange... Ange, his face
is going all purple! Ambulance!

Ange! ..Someone turn
that bleeding record off!

..What?

503 9041.

That's right, yeah.

LAURENCE GASPS AND GROANS

Oh, Ange, listen to that noise.

Can we get an ambulance? Ange!

..What's the number of your house?
THE NUMBER?! 13. 13.
..13 Richmond Road. Yeah.

Angela! He's had a heart attack.

Angela,
I told him this would happen.

I said to him, "Laurence, you're
going to have a heart attack."
But he wouldn't listen to me, Ange.

I never thought it would happen
at this age. I thought
it'd be more when he was 50 or 60.

Oh, Christ!

LAURENCE GROANS

..Listen to that noise! Angela,

is there anything we can do?

We must just wait for the ambulance.
What happens at the hospital?
Will they revive him?

They've got everything he needs
in the ambulance. Have they? Great.

LAURENCE GASPS AND GROANS

Sue, you want a drop of brandy?
No, thank you.

..Tone? No, thank you. ..Angela,
you want some brandy? No. No?

Now listen to me, Ange...

Ange...

Should I put a little dab of brandy
on his lips? No!

I don't mean for him to drink it,
Angela.

How about a little dab of water?
No, he must just lie still.

Shall I get a cold flannel for
his forehead? He'll be all right
if he lies still.

The thing is, I'm very fond of him.
Get that cigarette out of his face!

All right, Tony! Lay off me,
please, if you don't mind!

You're flicking ash all over him!
That'll do from you as well!

Calm down! It's all right for you.
Your husband
hasn't had a heart attack, has he?

..Angela, is there nothing
we can do? No, just sit down.

It's my fault, isn't it, Angela?
I know it is.

..I didn't mean
to upset him tonight, Sue.

I wouldn't do that...

..but he is argumentative with me,
Sue.

When he starts shouting at me,
I can't help but shout back,
but I didn't mean to upset him.

..The thing is, Ange,

when he started going on
about his pictures, I should've
kept quiet, but I couldn't.

I shouldn't have brought
that picture down cos he hates it.

Oh, Christ, this is ridiculous!

..Tony, where's that ambulance?

..Ange,
shall we give them a ring again?

We've only just phoned them!
I know we've only just phoned them,

but we don't know what goes on in
these places. They could've taken
the address down wrong.

..Tony, do me a favour and get on
the phone and check what's going on.

Shall I, Ange? Never mind her!
I know she's a nurse,
but I'm his bloody wife! All right!

Get on that phone!

LAURENCE GASPS AND GROANS

How is he?

He's all right.

Mind you, Sue...
he's brought this on himself.

I'm sorry, Sue, but he has!

Sue, if you knew the number
of times I have pleaded with him

to take a day off and rest,

and he wouldn't listen to me,
he wouldn't take any notice of me.

Do you know why? Because basically
he is stubborn and he's pig-headed.

Ambulance.

503 9041. 13 Richmond Road.
Tell them, Tony!

It's off Ravensway.
Make sure they've got it right.

We phoned for an ambulance...
Tony, tell them we've been waiting
for ten minutes!

A man is... SHUT UP!
WILL YOU BE QUIET!

I beg your pardon, Sue?
Will you just shut up for a minute?

Look, Sue, this is my house
and if you don't like it, piss off!

Shut up, please!

Sorry... 13 Richmond Road.

503 9041.

That's right. Yeah.

Ta.

LAURENCE GASPS AND GROANS

Thank you.

What did they say, Tone?
It's on its way. Yeah?

MUSIC BEGINS UP THE ROAD AGAIN

For Christ's sake, Sue,
would you go and tell Abigail...?

It's not my fault they're making
a row. She's your daughter!

I can't help that.
Can I use the phone? Yes.

No, you're all right.
Now, just lie still.

Is he coming round a little bit?
Yes. ..Keep still.

Laurence... Laurence.

It's Beverly speaking.

Listen to me, Laurence. Now, look...

I'm going to put my cigarette down.

We don't wanna blow smoke
in your face, do we?

Now, Laurence, listen to me.

Laurence...you're not well.

But we're gonna take you
to the hospital. Listen to me.

LAURENCE IS SILENT

I'm not going to leave you.

I'm going to stay with you
all the time. Listen to me...

Angela is looking after you,
so there's no need to worry.

Ange...

Ange, what are you doing?

Could I speak to Abigail, please?
Abigail.

Abigail Lawson!

Tony, hold my hair out my face.

Eh? Tony!

MUSIC BLARES UP THE ROAD

Oh, Tony...! Oh...!

Oh, Tony!

Oh, shit! Tony! What's the matter?
You haven't got cramp again?

Come here!

Give us your leg.

Stretch it. STRETCH IT!

Oh...

BEVERLY SOBS

Abigail?

It's Mummy here.

Abigail?!

ABIGAIL!

Subtitles by Martin Maguire
BBC Scotland 1997