Petticoat Junction (1963–1970): Season 2, Episode 7 - The Great Buffalo Hunt - full transcript
Uncle Joe has a new scheme to make money. Get a buffalo, take it to the Shady Rest, and sportsmen will follow.
Uncle Joe shocks Kate
by bringing home a buffalo.
And I remember this episode,
because we couldn't
use a real buffalo.
We used a bull instead,
wearing a buffalo costume.
And we called him Buffalo Bull.
But anyway, this buffalo was
part of Uncle Joe's scheme
to get a wealthy
British sportsman
to come to, what he
called in this episode,
"The Shady Rest Hunting Lodge."
(train whistle blows)
♪ Come ride the little train ♪
♪ That is rollin' down the
tracks to the Junction ♪
(bell clanging)
♪ Forget about your cares ♪
♪ It is time to relax
at the Junction ♪
(whistle blows twice)
♪ Lots of curves, you bet ♪
♪ And even more when you get ♪
♪ To the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
(snare drum plays train rhythm)
♪ There's a little hotel called
the Shady Rest at the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
♪ It is run by Kate, come and
be her guest at the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
♪ And that's Uncle Joe,
he's a-movin' kinda slow ♪
♪ At the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction! ♪
(train whistle blows)
(bell clanging)
(whistle blows)
(barking)
Thanks.
Girls, train's in.
(sniffling)
Onions are the most
unhappy vegetable.
(sneezing)
We having stew for supper, Mom?
Well, depends on Uncle Joe.
If he remembered to buy meat,
we're having stew.
If he didn't, we're
having vegetable soup.
How could he forget to buy meat?
Well, you know Uncle Joe.
Yeah, we'd better hunt for
some eggs for an omelet.
Come on, Billie Jo.
Seems to me you ought to have
more confidence in Uncle Joe.
If he said he was
going to buy the meat,
then he bought it.
Come on, you
gall-durned, no-good...
That sure is a stubborn
hunk of stew meat
you've got there, Joe.
Move you gall-durned...
Aw, quit showing off.
A lot of help you fellas are.
Anytime, Joe.
Move you cantankerous...
Try a little tenderness, Joe.
Go around the
other end and push.
Instead of standing there
making stupid suggestions,
why don't you
give a fella a hand?
Yeah, Charley, why don't we?
'Cause it's more
fun to stand here
and make stupid suggestions.
Come on, get out!
That's the ticket, Joe.
Kate send you to the
store for something, Joe,
you don't mess around, do you?
(growling)
What's the matter with him?
Maybe he smells something.
Oh, no, not another skunk.
(barking)
You know something, Joe,
this is the first time
I've ever been up close
to a real live buffalo.
Can't say I'm enjoying
the experience.
Whew.
Now I know why the Indian
on the front side
of the nickel's
got that pained
expression on his face.
Kate don't know
you bought this critter,
does she, Joe? No.
Don't you think you
ought to warn her?
Oh, I ain't a-scared of Kate.
Glad to hear it.
Oh, hi, Kate.
Now-now, Kate, I can explain...
For somebody who ain't
a-scared of somebody,
he sure does shy
at nobody. Yeah.
Very funny.
Come on.
Well, see you later, Joe.
Kate, I got a surprise for you.
No, the minute I
mention surprise,
she's going to expect something.
Maybe it would be a good idea
to make a guessing
game out of it.
Kate, guess who
bought a buffalo.
No, she'd know
right away it was me.
Maybe the best idea
would be to take you back
and let Charley and
Floyd mind you for a while.
(yelps)
(footfalls)
Uncle Joe, is that you?
Uh, yeah.
You wait here.
How are you, Kate?
I'm fine.
What's for supper?
Stew, if you remembered
to bring the meat.
Meat? Oh, sure,
sure, I remembered.
Well, where is it?
It's outside.
Well, bring it in so
we can get it in a pot.
I don't think this meat
will fit in any pot we've got.
See, I bought a mite
more than you figured on.
How much is a mite
more than I figured on?
About 1,100 pounds.
1,100 pounds?!
You see, the government
had this sale on, and...
I didn't know the
government sold meat.
Yeah, they... Sale or no sale,
you shouldn't have
bought so much.
We don't have a
deep freeze. It'll spoil.
Oh, you don't need
to worry about that.
It'll keep fine the way it is.
You see, it's still in
the original package.
What are you talking about?
Kate... (loud bellowing)
I didn't hear anything.
Now, Kate... Out of my way.
I-I-I... Out of my way!
She should have screamed by now.
Nice-looking animal, ain't it?
It's a buffalo.
A buffalo?
Real genuine article.
Oh, I'm glad to hear that.
If there's one thing we
don't need around here,
(voice breaking):
it's a phony buffalo.
I wish you wouldn't
take it this way.
What way?
Well, whatever way
you're going to take it.
I'm not going to
take it any way...
You are... back.
But I can't.
The government man says
that all sales are final. What?!
You know, they don't run the
government like a department store.
Sell you a buffalo,
let you bring it home
for a few days and try it out.
Hi, Uncle Joe.
Did you get the meat?
He sure did.
I told you Uncle Joe
would come through.
Where is it?
Outside.
Any questions?
I'll start the omelet.
Poor child.
She'll probably have nightmares.
KATE: Of all the silly things...
What's the matter with Betty Jo?
She just said there
was... It's outside.
(both gasping)
B-b-b-b-b...
It's a buff, it's a
buff... A buffalo!
(stammering)
Bye. Bye.
Shook 'em up pretty good.
The way everybody's
acting around here,
you'd think I'd done
something foolish.
The thought had crossed my mind.
Well, there ain't
nothing foolish about it.
That buffalo's going
to make us rich.
We'll be rolling
in the green stuff.
We'll be millionaires.
Uncle Joe... Oh, what's the use?
Maybe this money order
will change your mind.
Money order?
"Pay to the order
of the Shady Rest...
Hunting Lodge."
Has a nice gamey
sound, don't it?
Read on.
"The sum of $50."
Who sent this to you?
His Lordship.
Whose Lordship?
Lord Faversham's Lordship.
That's a down payment
on a week of buffalo hunting
at $25 a day,
including room, board and guide.
Skinning and ammunition's extra.
I can't believe it.
I just can't believe it.
Maybe this newspaper article
will clear things up for you.
"Lord Faversham, who has just
returned from an African safari,
"told reporters that he has
hunted every type of big game
except the American buffalo."
And when I saw that, I...
You sat right down
and wrote him a letter,
telling him about the
great buffalo hunting
at the Shady Rest Hunting Lodge.
Yeah, I... How'd you know that?
Well, what else could you do
since you'd already
ordered the buffalo?
Well, yeah, I...
How'd you know that?
Just a wild guess.
Well, it don't matter.
The thing is that
once word gets around
that a famous man like Lord
Faversham's hunted here,
why, sportsmen from all
over the world will gather here.
We'll have standing
room only at $25 a day.
We'll make millions. We...
Uncle Joe, I, um, I want
you to send this back.
But I can't.
Lord Faversham's on his way.
He's due to arrive
here tomorrow.
Oh, that's too bad. Huh?
Because you and the
buffalo are leaving tonight.
But, Kate...
Some women just don't
understand big business.
How... do we look? Hmm.
Like the Pixley
players in the last act
of The Return of Hiawatha.
Where's your costume, Mom?
She wouldn't wear it.
She didn't want
to help cooperate
to make this a real Wild West
welcome for Lord Faversham.
I am too cooperating.
I could have sent him a telegram
stopping him from coming,
and I let you decorate
the lobby with...
(train whistle blowing)
(engine chugging and hissing)
The train's coming.
Oh, what are we going to do
when His Lordship gets here?
Now-now-now, just act natural.
Curtsey.
Wh-Where's Betty? Where's Betty?
Wh-Where's Betty?
Betty? Betty?
Betty? Wh-Where's...?
Betty?
Right here.
What have you
done to that critter?
Just spruced him up.
Currycombed him a little.
And we sprayed some of your
aftershave lotion on him, too.
He looks real nice.
Well, he ain't
supposed to look nice.
He's supposed to look
like a real wild buffalo.
Take him over
under that water tower
and let him roll in the mud.
Making a household
pet out of him.
We like him.
Come on, Bill. (train
whistle blowing)
Well, Cannonball's
just about here.
Okay!
Girls, come over here.
Billie Jo, Bobbie Jo.
Now, Billie, you stay here,
Bobbie, you stand there.
Now-now-now,
let's not get excited.
No, Billie, you stand over here.
Bobbie, you stand over here.
Now keep calm, keep calm.
And, Kate, you come
over here and... (gunshot)
JOE: I'm bleeding!
You winged the water tower.
Uncle Joe, the buffalo got away!
What?!
The shot scared
him and he bolted.
Which way did he go? That way.
No, there he goes. Oh!
Come on, everybody, after him!
Oh, wait for me!
There he goes! He's coming back!
UNCLE JOE: Catch him!
BETTY JO: I got his tail.
UNCLE JOE: That's my hat.
BOBBIE JOE: This way!
Help! I fell in a
patch of brambles!
Well, when Uncle Joe
said a Wild West welcome,
I guess he wasn't kidding.
(bellowing)
Although I don't think the
West was ever quite this wild.
Oh, sorry you had to carry
your bags up by yourself,
but as I explained,
Uncle Joe and the girls...
That's quite all right.
I'm used to roughing it.
I do hope they
get their buffalo.
Nothing like the
thrill of the hunt.
It was pretty thrilling.
Now, there you are.
Oh, thanks.
My, you write a pretty hand.
You know, you're the
first lordship we never had
stay at the Shady Rest.
I'm honored.
The Earl of Wintergreen
does come and stay
occasionally though.
The Earl of...? Well,
that's just a nickname.
He's a traveling salesman
for a liniment company.
His real name's Earl Gilby.
(chuckles)
Yes.
Would-would, would
you like a cup of tea?
I know that's your
national drink.
Oh, no, no, thank you.
Mr. Smoot served some en route.
You know, it was
dashed hospitable.
He stopped the train
and drew the hot water right
out of the locomotive boiler.
It was rather good.
Had a smoky taste.
Well, if there's anything
you want, you just ask for it,
because we want to
make your stay here
as enjoyable as we can.
Well, I'm sure it will be.
Charming place.
Not at all what I expected
from Mr. Carson's letter.
Oh?
You must have done
quite a lot of rehabilitation
to this place since he wrote.
Disposed of the
peeling wallpaper,
carpeted the bare
floors, installed electricity
and sent the Indians packing.
Indians?
Yes, you know, those savages
who used to squat
on your front porch
weaving blankets.
Oh, those Indians!
Tell me, is that some of
their work? This blanket?
Kate, we just...
Is this...?
Mm.
Your Lordship.
I'm Buffalo Joe Carson.
You've met my niece,
Buffalo Kate Bradley.
And these, these
here are her daughters.
That's Buffalo Betty.
(giggles)
Buffalo Billie.
How.
Buffalo Bobbie.
Ug.
Charmed. I hope you
bagged your buffalo.
The one that was running
around down to the water tower.
Oh. No, he got away.
Happens to even the
most experienced guides.
(bellowing)
(bellowing continues)
I say, what's that?
Buffalo. After him, girls!
Extraordinary!
First, there's one
at the train stop,
and then another one
right here at the lodge.
Yeah, they're
all over the place.
Just as you said in your letter.
I wish I'd seen that letter.
I must say, I thought
you were exaggerating.
Uncle Joe exaggerate?
I sure do wish those
Indians had come back.
Indians? Mm-hmm.
The blanket weavers.
I miss them squatting
around the front door.
Oh, oh. They probably
went for more wool.
To pull over our eyes?
Yes, well, you know, I, I really
am looking forward to a week
of the most wonderful hunting.
I should like to shoot
three or four buffalo.
Well, you may have
to settle for just one.
Is that the limit?
No, Uncle Joe's
letter-writing, that's the limit.
Uncle Joe, where've you been?
I've been worried sick.
Your bed wasn't slept in and...
Oh, I've been out all night
looking for that dang buffalo.
No-no sign of him?
No. Thought I spotted him
out in the middle of a field,
but it was Les Williams' bull.
I just barely made
it over the fence.
Ooh! Oh, that darned barbwire.
Kate, if I don't
find that buffalo,
we're gonna be out of
business before we get started.
Don't include me in this.
It was your idea.
Now, that's all the
thanks I get for trying
to make you a wealthy woman.
Now, I appreciate
that, Uncle Joe,
but don't you see when...?
Kate, don't preach to me.
Lord Faversham's gonna
be down in a minute,
and I got to figure out
something pretty good
to tell him.
How about the truth?
Oh, don't worry, Kate.
I'll think of something.
It's only 7:00 in the morning.
And I say it's too late.
Them buffalo herds come
down from the mountains
about sunrise, graze a while,
then go back up
where they came from.
If you don't get them
early, you don't get them.
Mr. Carson, I have hunted
wild game all over the world.
Lord Faversham, you're paying
for room, board
and guide, right?
Right. Ammunition
and skinning extra.
Yeah. Well, I'm the
guide you're paying for.
And I say if you don't get them
early in the morning,
you don't get them.
You might just as
well go back to bed.
I'll see you tomorrow.
(snoring)
(knocking)
Mr. Carson?
(knocking)
Mr. Carson?
What the Sam Hill?
'Morning, Mr. Carson.
'Morning. It's quarter to 5:00.
More like the
middle of the night.
Well, see, I remember
what you told me yesterday:
"If you don't get them early,
you don't get them at all."
So should we go
and get them, old boy?
Just a second.
Too bad.
What's the matter?
The wind's from the southeast.
What difference does that make?
You see, you don't
know the first thing
about buffalo hunting.
I'll see you tomorrow.
Would you like another
game, Your Lordship?
No, thank you. Six is enough.
Would, would you like
some more pie and tea?
No, nothing, Mrs.
Bradley, thank you.
Tell me, have you
seen Mr. Carson lately?
Psst! KATE: No. He's been
out scouting the
buffalo for you.
FAVERSHAM: Oh, really?
Well, frankly, I
think he's stalling.
Has been for three days.
And I don't mind telling you
that I'm jolly well fed up.
If and when you see Mr. Carson,
I'll thank you to inform him
that I went to a
great deal of trouble
and expense to
come out here to hunt
based on his lavish
representations
that he told me
about in his letter,
which I intend to
turn over to my lawyer
as evidence when I sue for
misrepresentation and fraud.
I'm sorry to be so
unpleasant. Good night.
Your Lordship...
Can he really sue Uncle Joe?
I suppose so.
Boy, does this put us in a spot.
BETTY JO: What are
we gonna do now, Mom,
let Lord Faversham
sue Uncle Joe?
BOBBY JO: Or let Uncle Joe
find out we caught the buffalo,
and we've been hiding it?
So you been hiding it?
Letting me tramp
the fields all day,
making a fool out of myself.
Now if you'll just simmer down,
we can explain everything.
What is there to explain?
It's pretty obvious, isn't it?
You didn't want me to
succeed in the hunting business
because you was afraid
some other hunting lodge
would hire me away,
and you'd lose me
and my moneymaking ideas.
That's not the reason at all,
and stop shaking
your chicken leg at me.
Then what other
reason could there be?
A very good one.
We've become attached
to that old buffalo,
and we don't want Lord
Faversham to shoot him.
So we're gonna keep him.
Look, this is a hunting lodge,
not a home for old buffaloes.
Lord Faversham
just wants to kill him
so's he can say
he shot a buffalo.
He doesn't even want the meat.
Poor old thing.
The poor old thing?
What about this poor old thing?
What do you want
me to do, get sued?
Maybe go to jail if I
couldn't pay if I lost?
Of course not.
Then you'd better tell me
where you hid the buffalo.
Oh, Mom, isn't
there any other way?
We don't want Lord
Faversham to shoot our buffalo.
Well, maybe he'll miss.
He's a crack shot.
Maybe we ought to hide his gun.
Mom, can't you
think of anything?
I have been trying
to think of something,
but I keep coming up blank.
Hey, hold on.
I think I just thought of
what I was trying to think of.
♪ Oh, give me a home
where the buffalo roam ♪
♪ Where the deer and
the antelope play. ♪
Joe, you'll kill more
buffaloes with your singing
than His Lordship will
with them blank cartridges.
You just leave the
buffalo hunting to me.
Keep an eye out for wherever
we're supposed to stop.
You know, there was no need
for your uncle to load my gun.
I'm perfectly capable
of loading it myself.
Yes, well, I guess he
just wanted to make sure
you got the right ammunition.
Oh, yeah, yeah,
duty of the guide
and all that, I suppose.
Oh, tell me, did your early
pioneers really hunt buffalo this way?
I mean, from a railroad train?
Oh, yes. 'Course, I-I didn't
experience this personally,
but I've seen
pictures of it in books.
Here you are, Your Lordship.
You're all loaded.
Now keep your eye peeled
'cause we're getting in
the heart of the
buffalo country.
I say.
If you don't spot them,
our trained buffalo
dog here will.
I'll sit across the aisle so
as to give Your Lordship
plenty of shooting room.
Thank you.
(barks)
By jove, I think
he's spotted one.
(steam hissing)
Yeah! It's a beauty!
Get him in your
sights and blast him.
You'd better open
the window first.
Oh, yeah.
I missed.
No, you didn't.
Buffalo hide is
thicker than most.
Takes longer for the
bullet to get through to him.
He'll lie down and
roll over pretty soon.
(hushed): Lie
down and roll over.
There he goes.
Jove.
Where you going?
Well, I'm going to
fetch the blighter.
Oh, no need for that.
We'll send one of the
native guides back for him.
I say, look, steady, old chap.
Sorry, Your Lordship.
What, what's going on?
(train chugging)
Come on, buffalo, we got
to move down the track.
Come on! Come on!
Come on! (smacking lips)
Come on. That's good.
Trained buffalo dog's
smelled out another one.
Oh, brother.
(steam hissing)
By jove, what a shot.
Fire!
Lie down! Lie down!
(grunting)
Well, there's another
one gone to glory.
By jove, this is
jolly good sport.
I'll fetch him.
No. That one we got
to leave for the Indians,
according to the
Buffalo Treaty 1892.
Oh.
What are you doing?
Sorry, I'm so clumsy.
(engine chugging)
(sighs) Well, I've lost count.
How many times has
he shot our buffalo?
Six.
Oh, I wish he'd
quit. I'm pooped.
Look, buff, will you lie down
when you hear the shot?
You don't have to tell him.
He's learning to
do it by himself.
Here he comes.
(dog snarls, gunshot)
You got him! (barks)
Congratulations. He's
deader than the last one.
Come back here,
you miserable hound!
(barking)
Oh, no, go away.
Get out of here!
(buffalo bellows)
Come back here!
Don't scare our buffalo!
Joe, he's running away...
and so are your daughters.
Your daughters?
Mr. Carson,
I think an
explanation is in order.
Okay, let's hear it.
Well, Your Lordship,
I guess you'll be glad
to get back to old England,
or as you fellows
say, "Old Bailey."
Well, hardly. You see, Old
Bailey is the first step to prison.
Yeah, and if His Lordship
hadn't been so forgiving,
that's where you'd be right now,
in Hooterville's Old Bailey.
Well, no hard feelings.
After all, I did get
what I came for,
an American buffalo.
A magnificent trophy.
The chaps in the club
will be green with envy.
(chuckles)
Our poor buffalo.
Cruel!
It's terrible!
(all three crying)
For goodness
sakes, stop bawling!
You got a standing
offer from His Lordship:
If you ever get to England,
he'll take you to the zoo,
and you can look
at him all you want.
(barking)
Oh-oh! Joe, give us a hand!
Hold him! Get that
buffalo dog away from him!
BETTY JO: He got away!
Come on. Let's get him.
Come on! We got to get him!
JOE: Head him off! Head him off!
JOE: Catch him, somebody!
No! Wait! Oh!
There's only one thing wilder
than a wild West welcome
and that's a Wild West good-bye.
♪ Petticoat Junction. ♪
This has been a
Filmways Presentation.
by bringing home a buffalo.
And I remember this episode,
because we couldn't
use a real buffalo.
We used a bull instead,
wearing a buffalo costume.
And we called him Buffalo Bull.
But anyway, this buffalo was
part of Uncle Joe's scheme
to get a wealthy
British sportsman
to come to, what he
called in this episode,
"The Shady Rest Hunting Lodge."
(train whistle blows)
♪ Come ride the little train ♪
♪ That is rollin' down the
tracks to the Junction ♪
(bell clanging)
♪ Forget about your cares ♪
♪ It is time to relax
at the Junction ♪
(whistle blows twice)
♪ Lots of curves, you bet ♪
♪ And even more when you get ♪
♪ To the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
(snare drum plays train rhythm)
♪ There's a little hotel called
the Shady Rest at the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
♪ It is run by Kate, come and
be her guest at the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
♪ And that's Uncle Joe,
he's a-movin' kinda slow ♪
♪ At the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction! ♪
(train whistle blows)
(bell clanging)
(whistle blows)
(barking)
Thanks.
Girls, train's in.
(sniffling)
Onions are the most
unhappy vegetable.
(sneezing)
We having stew for supper, Mom?
Well, depends on Uncle Joe.
If he remembered to buy meat,
we're having stew.
If he didn't, we're
having vegetable soup.
How could he forget to buy meat?
Well, you know Uncle Joe.
Yeah, we'd better hunt for
some eggs for an omelet.
Come on, Billie Jo.
Seems to me you ought to have
more confidence in Uncle Joe.
If he said he was
going to buy the meat,
then he bought it.
Come on, you
gall-durned, no-good...
That sure is a stubborn
hunk of stew meat
you've got there, Joe.
Move you gall-durned...
Aw, quit showing off.
A lot of help you fellas are.
Anytime, Joe.
Move you cantankerous...
Try a little tenderness, Joe.
Go around the
other end and push.
Instead of standing there
making stupid suggestions,
why don't you
give a fella a hand?
Yeah, Charley, why don't we?
'Cause it's more
fun to stand here
and make stupid suggestions.
Come on, get out!
That's the ticket, Joe.
Kate send you to the
store for something, Joe,
you don't mess around, do you?
(growling)
What's the matter with him?
Maybe he smells something.
Oh, no, not another skunk.
(barking)
You know something, Joe,
this is the first time
I've ever been up close
to a real live buffalo.
Can't say I'm enjoying
the experience.
Whew.
Now I know why the Indian
on the front side
of the nickel's
got that pained
expression on his face.
Kate don't know
you bought this critter,
does she, Joe? No.
Don't you think you
ought to warn her?
Oh, I ain't a-scared of Kate.
Glad to hear it.
Oh, hi, Kate.
Now-now, Kate, I can explain...
For somebody who ain't
a-scared of somebody,
he sure does shy
at nobody. Yeah.
Very funny.
Come on.
Well, see you later, Joe.
Kate, I got a surprise for you.
No, the minute I
mention surprise,
she's going to expect something.
Maybe it would be a good idea
to make a guessing
game out of it.
Kate, guess who
bought a buffalo.
No, she'd know
right away it was me.
Maybe the best idea
would be to take you back
and let Charley and
Floyd mind you for a while.
(yelps)
(footfalls)
Uncle Joe, is that you?
Uh, yeah.
You wait here.
How are you, Kate?
I'm fine.
What's for supper?
Stew, if you remembered
to bring the meat.
Meat? Oh, sure,
sure, I remembered.
Well, where is it?
It's outside.
Well, bring it in so
we can get it in a pot.
I don't think this meat
will fit in any pot we've got.
See, I bought a mite
more than you figured on.
How much is a mite
more than I figured on?
About 1,100 pounds.
1,100 pounds?!
You see, the government
had this sale on, and...
I didn't know the
government sold meat.
Yeah, they... Sale or no sale,
you shouldn't have
bought so much.
We don't have a
deep freeze. It'll spoil.
Oh, you don't need
to worry about that.
It'll keep fine the way it is.
You see, it's still in
the original package.
What are you talking about?
Kate... (loud bellowing)
I didn't hear anything.
Now, Kate... Out of my way.
I-I-I... Out of my way!
She should have screamed by now.
Nice-looking animal, ain't it?
It's a buffalo.
A buffalo?
Real genuine article.
Oh, I'm glad to hear that.
If there's one thing we
don't need around here,
(voice breaking):
it's a phony buffalo.
I wish you wouldn't
take it this way.
What way?
Well, whatever way
you're going to take it.
I'm not going to
take it any way...
You are... back.
But I can't.
The government man says
that all sales are final. What?!
You know, they don't run the
government like a department store.
Sell you a buffalo,
let you bring it home
for a few days and try it out.
Hi, Uncle Joe.
Did you get the meat?
He sure did.
I told you Uncle Joe
would come through.
Where is it?
Outside.
Any questions?
I'll start the omelet.
Poor child.
She'll probably have nightmares.
KATE: Of all the silly things...
What's the matter with Betty Jo?
She just said there
was... It's outside.
(both gasping)
B-b-b-b-b...
It's a buff, it's a
buff... A buffalo!
(stammering)
Bye. Bye.
Shook 'em up pretty good.
The way everybody's
acting around here,
you'd think I'd done
something foolish.
The thought had crossed my mind.
Well, there ain't
nothing foolish about it.
That buffalo's going
to make us rich.
We'll be rolling
in the green stuff.
We'll be millionaires.
Uncle Joe... Oh, what's the use?
Maybe this money order
will change your mind.
Money order?
"Pay to the order
of the Shady Rest...
Hunting Lodge."
Has a nice gamey
sound, don't it?
Read on.
"The sum of $50."
Who sent this to you?
His Lordship.
Whose Lordship?
Lord Faversham's Lordship.
That's a down payment
on a week of buffalo hunting
at $25 a day,
including room, board and guide.
Skinning and ammunition's extra.
I can't believe it.
I just can't believe it.
Maybe this newspaper article
will clear things up for you.
"Lord Faversham, who has just
returned from an African safari,
"told reporters that he has
hunted every type of big game
except the American buffalo."
And when I saw that, I...
You sat right down
and wrote him a letter,
telling him about the
great buffalo hunting
at the Shady Rest Hunting Lodge.
Yeah, I... How'd you know that?
Well, what else could you do
since you'd already
ordered the buffalo?
Well, yeah, I...
How'd you know that?
Just a wild guess.
Well, it don't matter.
The thing is that
once word gets around
that a famous man like Lord
Faversham's hunted here,
why, sportsmen from all
over the world will gather here.
We'll have standing
room only at $25 a day.
We'll make millions. We...
Uncle Joe, I, um, I want
you to send this back.
But I can't.
Lord Faversham's on his way.
He's due to arrive
here tomorrow.
Oh, that's too bad. Huh?
Because you and the
buffalo are leaving tonight.
But, Kate...
Some women just don't
understand big business.
How... do we look? Hmm.
Like the Pixley
players in the last act
of The Return of Hiawatha.
Where's your costume, Mom?
She wouldn't wear it.
She didn't want
to help cooperate
to make this a real Wild West
welcome for Lord Faversham.
I am too cooperating.
I could have sent him a telegram
stopping him from coming,
and I let you decorate
the lobby with...
(train whistle blowing)
(engine chugging and hissing)
The train's coming.
Oh, what are we going to do
when His Lordship gets here?
Now-now-now, just act natural.
Curtsey.
Wh-Where's Betty? Where's Betty?
Wh-Where's Betty?
Betty? Betty?
Betty? Wh-Where's...?
Betty?
Right here.
What have you
done to that critter?
Just spruced him up.
Currycombed him a little.
And we sprayed some of your
aftershave lotion on him, too.
He looks real nice.
Well, he ain't
supposed to look nice.
He's supposed to look
like a real wild buffalo.
Take him over
under that water tower
and let him roll in the mud.
Making a household
pet out of him.
We like him.
Come on, Bill. (train
whistle blowing)
Well, Cannonball's
just about here.
Okay!
Girls, come over here.
Billie Jo, Bobbie Jo.
Now, Billie, you stay here,
Bobbie, you stand there.
Now-now-now,
let's not get excited.
No, Billie, you stand over here.
Bobbie, you stand over here.
Now keep calm, keep calm.
And, Kate, you come
over here and... (gunshot)
JOE: I'm bleeding!
You winged the water tower.
Uncle Joe, the buffalo got away!
What?!
The shot scared
him and he bolted.
Which way did he go? That way.
No, there he goes. Oh!
Come on, everybody, after him!
Oh, wait for me!
There he goes! He's coming back!
UNCLE JOE: Catch him!
BETTY JO: I got his tail.
UNCLE JOE: That's my hat.
BOBBIE JOE: This way!
Help! I fell in a
patch of brambles!
Well, when Uncle Joe
said a Wild West welcome,
I guess he wasn't kidding.
(bellowing)
Although I don't think the
West was ever quite this wild.
Oh, sorry you had to carry
your bags up by yourself,
but as I explained,
Uncle Joe and the girls...
That's quite all right.
I'm used to roughing it.
I do hope they
get their buffalo.
Nothing like the
thrill of the hunt.
It was pretty thrilling.
Now, there you are.
Oh, thanks.
My, you write a pretty hand.
You know, you're the
first lordship we never had
stay at the Shady Rest.
I'm honored.
The Earl of Wintergreen
does come and stay
occasionally though.
The Earl of...? Well,
that's just a nickname.
He's a traveling salesman
for a liniment company.
His real name's Earl Gilby.
(chuckles)
Yes.
Would-would, would
you like a cup of tea?
I know that's your
national drink.
Oh, no, no, thank you.
Mr. Smoot served some en route.
You know, it was
dashed hospitable.
He stopped the train
and drew the hot water right
out of the locomotive boiler.
It was rather good.
Had a smoky taste.
Well, if there's anything
you want, you just ask for it,
because we want to
make your stay here
as enjoyable as we can.
Well, I'm sure it will be.
Charming place.
Not at all what I expected
from Mr. Carson's letter.
Oh?
You must have done
quite a lot of rehabilitation
to this place since he wrote.
Disposed of the
peeling wallpaper,
carpeted the bare
floors, installed electricity
and sent the Indians packing.
Indians?
Yes, you know, those savages
who used to squat
on your front porch
weaving blankets.
Oh, those Indians!
Tell me, is that some of
their work? This blanket?
Kate, we just...
Is this...?
Mm.
Your Lordship.
I'm Buffalo Joe Carson.
You've met my niece,
Buffalo Kate Bradley.
And these, these
here are her daughters.
That's Buffalo Betty.
(giggles)
Buffalo Billie.
How.
Buffalo Bobbie.
Ug.
Charmed. I hope you
bagged your buffalo.
The one that was running
around down to the water tower.
Oh. No, he got away.
Happens to even the
most experienced guides.
(bellowing)
(bellowing continues)
I say, what's that?
Buffalo. After him, girls!
Extraordinary!
First, there's one
at the train stop,
and then another one
right here at the lodge.
Yeah, they're
all over the place.
Just as you said in your letter.
I wish I'd seen that letter.
I must say, I thought
you were exaggerating.
Uncle Joe exaggerate?
I sure do wish those
Indians had come back.
Indians? Mm-hmm.
The blanket weavers.
I miss them squatting
around the front door.
Oh, oh. They probably
went for more wool.
To pull over our eyes?
Yes, well, you know, I, I really
am looking forward to a week
of the most wonderful hunting.
I should like to shoot
three or four buffalo.
Well, you may have
to settle for just one.
Is that the limit?
No, Uncle Joe's
letter-writing, that's the limit.
Uncle Joe, where've you been?
I've been worried sick.
Your bed wasn't slept in and...
Oh, I've been out all night
looking for that dang buffalo.
No-no sign of him?
No. Thought I spotted him
out in the middle of a field,
but it was Les Williams' bull.
I just barely made
it over the fence.
Ooh! Oh, that darned barbwire.
Kate, if I don't
find that buffalo,
we're gonna be out of
business before we get started.
Don't include me in this.
It was your idea.
Now, that's all the
thanks I get for trying
to make you a wealthy woman.
Now, I appreciate
that, Uncle Joe,
but don't you see when...?
Kate, don't preach to me.
Lord Faversham's gonna
be down in a minute,
and I got to figure out
something pretty good
to tell him.
How about the truth?
Oh, don't worry, Kate.
I'll think of something.
It's only 7:00 in the morning.
And I say it's too late.
Them buffalo herds come
down from the mountains
about sunrise, graze a while,
then go back up
where they came from.
If you don't get them
early, you don't get them.
Mr. Carson, I have hunted
wild game all over the world.
Lord Faversham, you're paying
for room, board
and guide, right?
Right. Ammunition
and skinning extra.
Yeah. Well, I'm the
guide you're paying for.
And I say if you don't get them
early in the morning,
you don't get them.
You might just as
well go back to bed.
I'll see you tomorrow.
(snoring)
(knocking)
Mr. Carson?
(knocking)
Mr. Carson?
What the Sam Hill?
'Morning, Mr. Carson.
'Morning. It's quarter to 5:00.
More like the
middle of the night.
Well, see, I remember
what you told me yesterday:
"If you don't get them early,
you don't get them at all."
So should we go
and get them, old boy?
Just a second.
Too bad.
What's the matter?
The wind's from the southeast.
What difference does that make?
You see, you don't
know the first thing
about buffalo hunting.
I'll see you tomorrow.
Would you like another
game, Your Lordship?
No, thank you. Six is enough.
Would, would you like
some more pie and tea?
No, nothing, Mrs.
Bradley, thank you.
Tell me, have you
seen Mr. Carson lately?
Psst! KATE: No. He's been
out scouting the
buffalo for you.
FAVERSHAM: Oh, really?
Well, frankly, I
think he's stalling.
Has been for three days.
And I don't mind telling you
that I'm jolly well fed up.
If and when you see Mr. Carson,
I'll thank you to inform him
that I went to a
great deal of trouble
and expense to
come out here to hunt
based on his lavish
representations
that he told me
about in his letter,
which I intend to
turn over to my lawyer
as evidence when I sue for
misrepresentation and fraud.
I'm sorry to be so
unpleasant. Good night.
Your Lordship...
Can he really sue Uncle Joe?
I suppose so.
Boy, does this put us in a spot.
BETTY JO: What are
we gonna do now, Mom,
let Lord Faversham
sue Uncle Joe?
BOBBY JO: Or let Uncle Joe
find out we caught the buffalo,
and we've been hiding it?
So you been hiding it?
Letting me tramp
the fields all day,
making a fool out of myself.
Now if you'll just simmer down,
we can explain everything.
What is there to explain?
It's pretty obvious, isn't it?
You didn't want me to
succeed in the hunting business
because you was afraid
some other hunting lodge
would hire me away,
and you'd lose me
and my moneymaking ideas.
That's not the reason at all,
and stop shaking
your chicken leg at me.
Then what other
reason could there be?
A very good one.
We've become attached
to that old buffalo,
and we don't want Lord
Faversham to shoot him.
So we're gonna keep him.
Look, this is a hunting lodge,
not a home for old buffaloes.
Lord Faversham
just wants to kill him
so's he can say
he shot a buffalo.
He doesn't even want the meat.
Poor old thing.
The poor old thing?
What about this poor old thing?
What do you want
me to do, get sued?
Maybe go to jail if I
couldn't pay if I lost?
Of course not.
Then you'd better tell me
where you hid the buffalo.
Oh, Mom, isn't
there any other way?
We don't want Lord
Faversham to shoot our buffalo.
Well, maybe he'll miss.
He's a crack shot.
Maybe we ought to hide his gun.
Mom, can't you
think of anything?
I have been trying
to think of something,
but I keep coming up blank.
Hey, hold on.
I think I just thought of
what I was trying to think of.
♪ Oh, give me a home
where the buffalo roam ♪
♪ Where the deer and
the antelope play. ♪
Joe, you'll kill more
buffaloes with your singing
than His Lordship will
with them blank cartridges.
You just leave the
buffalo hunting to me.
Keep an eye out for wherever
we're supposed to stop.
You know, there was no need
for your uncle to load my gun.
I'm perfectly capable
of loading it myself.
Yes, well, I guess he
just wanted to make sure
you got the right ammunition.
Oh, yeah, yeah,
duty of the guide
and all that, I suppose.
Oh, tell me, did your early
pioneers really hunt buffalo this way?
I mean, from a railroad train?
Oh, yes. 'Course, I-I didn't
experience this personally,
but I've seen
pictures of it in books.
Here you are, Your Lordship.
You're all loaded.
Now keep your eye peeled
'cause we're getting in
the heart of the
buffalo country.
I say.
If you don't spot them,
our trained buffalo
dog here will.
I'll sit across the aisle so
as to give Your Lordship
plenty of shooting room.
Thank you.
(barks)
By jove, I think
he's spotted one.
(steam hissing)
Yeah! It's a beauty!
Get him in your
sights and blast him.
You'd better open
the window first.
Oh, yeah.
I missed.
No, you didn't.
Buffalo hide is
thicker than most.
Takes longer for the
bullet to get through to him.
He'll lie down and
roll over pretty soon.
(hushed): Lie
down and roll over.
There he goes.
Jove.
Where you going?
Well, I'm going to
fetch the blighter.
Oh, no need for that.
We'll send one of the
native guides back for him.
I say, look, steady, old chap.
Sorry, Your Lordship.
What, what's going on?
(train chugging)
Come on, buffalo, we got
to move down the track.
Come on! Come on!
Come on! (smacking lips)
Come on. That's good.
Trained buffalo dog's
smelled out another one.
Oh, brother.
(steam hissing)
By jove, what a shot.
Fire!
Lie down! Lie down!
(grunting)
Well, there's another
one gone to glory.
By jove, this is
jolly good sport.
I'll fetch him.
No. That one we got
to leave for the Indians,
according to the
Buffalo Treaty 1892.
Oh.
What are you doing?
Sorry, I'm so clumsy.
(engine chugging)
(sighs) Well, I've lost count.
How many times has
he shot our buffalo?
Six.
Oh, I wish he'd
quit. I'm pooped.
Look, buff, will you lie down
when you hear the shot?
You don't have to tell him.
He's learning to
do it by himself.
Here he comes.
(dog snarls, gunshot)
You got him! (barks)
Congratulations. He's
deader than the last one.
Come back here,
you miserable hound!
(barking)
Oh, no, go away.
Get out of here!
(buffalo bellows)
Come back here!
Don't scare our buffalo!
Joe, he's running away...
and so are your daughters.
Your daughters?
Mr. Carson,
I think an
explanation is in order.
Okay, let's hear it.
Well, Your Lordship,
I guess you'll be glad
to get back to old England,
or as you fellows
say, "Old Bailey."
Well, hardly. You see, Old
Bailey is the first step to prison.
Yeah, and if His Lordship
hadn't been so forgiving,
that's where you'd be right now,
in Hooterville's Old Bailey.
Well, no hard feelings.
After all, I did get
what I came for,
an American buffalo.
A magnificent trophy.
The chaps in the club
will be green with envy.
(chuckles)
Our poor buffalo.
Cruel!
It's terrible!
(all three crying)
For goodness
sakes, stop bawling!
You got a standing
offer from His Lordship:
If you ever get to England,
he'll take you to the zoo,
and you can look
at him all you want.
(barking)
Oh-oh! Joe, give us a hand!
Hold him! Get that
buffalo dog away from him!
BETTY JO: He got away!
Come on. Let's get him.
Come on! We got to get him!
JOE: Head him off! Head him off!
JOE: Catch him, somebody!
No! Wait! Oh!
There's only one thing wilder
than a wild West welcome
and that's a Wild West good-bye.
♪ Petticoat Junction. ♪
This has been a
Filmways Presentation.