Petticoat Junction (1963–1970): Season 2, Episode 6 - My Dog the Actor - full transcript
The family has a potential star in the family. Billie Jo's dog is a finalist for a dog food commercial.
Here's another
chance to show off
our wonderfully
talented family dog.
This time, Billie Jo
enters his picture
in a pet food company's
beauty contest.
Animal trainer Frank Inn
always said that Higgins
was probably the smartest
dog he'd ever taught.
So the title of this next
episode is certainly fitting.
It's called "My Dog the Actor."
(train whistle blows)
♪ Come ride the little train ♪
♪ That is rollin' down the
tracks to the Junction ♪
(bell clanging)
♪ Forget about your cares ♪
♪ It is time to relax
at the Junction ♪
(whistle blows twice)
♪ Lots of curves, you bet ♪
♪ And even more when you get ♪
♪ To the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
(snare drum plays train rhythm)
♪ There's a little hotel called
the Shady Rest at the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
♪ It is run by Kate, come and
be her guest at the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
♪ And that's Uncle Joe,
he's a-movin' kinda slow ♪
♪ At the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction! ♪
(train whistle blows)
(brakes squeal)
Three cans of beans.
Mm-hmm. What else, Kate?
Let's see now.
Um, oh, yeah.
Billie Jo needs a
package of bobby pins.
How about Bobbie Jo? She
need a package of Billie pins?
(laughs)
I-I've been waiting for two
months for you to order them
so's I could pull that on you.
You should have waited longer.
(laughs)
Yeah, I guess it could
have stood a little aging.
Anything else, Kate?
Um... I don't know.
Uh, Betty Jo, you need anything?
Just these.
Dog food.
Well, what do we need this for?
He doesn't eat dog food.
He eats what we eat.
We need the labels
for the contest.
Well, what contest is that?
You send a picture of
your dog with three labels,
and the winning dog
gets to make a commercial
for Trail Wagon dog food.
And they'll pay him $500.
$500?! Say!
KATE: Just a second.
How much are they?
15 cents a piece.
Put them back on the shelf.
Gee, Mom, I know
our dog can win.
Betty Jo, with
a prize like that,
thousands of people are
gonna be entering their dogs.
Blue ribbon winners, pedigrees.
None like him.
KATE: That's for sure.
Oh, please.
There isn't much time.
We've got to take the
picture, get it developed
and mail it before
tomorrow night.
I'm sorry, Betty Jo.
There are too
many things we need
without spending 15
cents on a can of dog food.
Uh, how about a nickel?
Sam, I really
don't... For the label.
(laughs)
I'll use the dog food on my dog.
BOBBIE JO: Come on,
boy, give me a big smile.
Oh, Betty Jo, can't you
even get him to smile?
I'm having enough
trouble getting him to sit up.
How do you expect
a dog to smile?
I don't know, but he has to.
The contest is for a happy dog.
Oh, my arms are getting tired.
Hey!
Oh!
Come back here with that!
(indistinct shouting)
Uncle Joe!
I thought this contest
was for dogs, not fish.
Though fish would
have a better chance
of winning a good-looking
dog contest than him.
He couldn't even win a
good-looking fish contest.
(growling)
See? Some dogs just can't stand
to hear the
under-varnished truth.
Uncle Joe, you're
always running him down.
That's right. You're going
to give him an
inferiority complex.
Well, look, some dogs has
got it, and some dogs ain't.
And it only takes
one look to see
that he's a first class ain't.
He's got a cute personality.
Yeah, and he's
gonna win the contest.
Don't tell me
you girls are really
gonna send in his picture?
We certainly are.
Just a waste of good film.
Come on, let's start over.
Come on, boy. (smacking lips)
Come on, boy. Come on. Smile!
I hope they turned
out all right, Henry.
We're going to send
them in to a contest.
Oh, this one's a prize
winner for sure, Billie Jo.
If I was one of the judges,
I wouldn't bother to
look at another picture.
Bobbie Jo is a pretty
good photographer.
Well, she had a pretty
good subject to work with.
Yeah, he is pretty cute.
He?
I'm a little nearsighted,
but even I can
tell this isn't a he.
Let me see that.
Well, this is me.
(laughs) Yeah.
This must have been left
on the roll from last year.
Weren't there any pictures
of the dog on the roll?
I didn't notice.
Oh, here. Let me see those.
Oh, here's a good one.
I like the first one better.
Well, I don't think it
would do any good
to send my picture
into a dog food contest.
Oh, you mean that contest.
I'm entering my collie.
Now there's a dog.
Oh, he's all right
as far as collies go,
but our dog's a real doggy dog.
Well, I've got to
get this in the mail.
Oh, uh, you ought to put it
between a couple of pieces
of cardboard so
it doesn't get bent.
Oh, but I haven't
got time to go home.
Oh, I'll be glad to cut
you a piece. Oh, will you?
Sure, Billie Jo. I-I'd
do anything for you.
Oh, good. Put a
stamp on it, too.
A-Allow me.
(items clattering to the floor)
Good-bye, Henry.
And I'm happy to inform you
that your dog has been selected
as one of the five
finalists in our contest.
I'll be leaving
Hollywood on the 12th
to make screen
tests of the five dogs.
Unless I hear to the contrary,
I'll be arriving in your
town on Wednesday.
Very truly yours. Etcetera.
Now, uh, send the same
letter to Betty Jo Bradley,
Bobbie Jo Bradley
and Billie Jo Bradley,
Shady Rest Hotel, Hooterville.
Tell them I'll arrive on Friday.
Mom! (barking)
Mom!
Mom?
Where are you?
Oh.
Oh! I didn't see you.
Oh, I'm so excited.
We won! We won!
What?
Bobbie Jo! Billie Jo!
Our dog won the contest!
Oh, you wonderful dog!
Oh, I just knew he would.
I just knew it.
Oh! Don't squeeze him so hard!
Will someone please
tell me what's going on?
The dog was named
as one of five finalists
in the dog food contest.
Those other four dogs
haven't got a chance.
Nope. Our dog's gonna
win and make the commercial
and win the $500! Oh!
Oh, don't squeeze him so hard!
Him win $500?
Well, I-I must admit, I
didn't think he had a chance.
That's just because you
ain't got no confidence in him.
I knew right from the
start, he was a winner.
That's why I made
the girls enter him.
You made us enter him?
Big of you to
give me the credit.
Uncle Joe, you said
it was a waste of
film to take his picture.
Oh, well, that was
reverse of psychology.
If I'd have told you
to send in the picture,
you wouldn't have done it.
Uncle Joe!
There's no need
to thank me, Kate.
I'd have done the same thing
for any dog the girls owned.
I just wish
the rest of Uncle Joe
worked as fast as his mind.
What was that, Kate?
I said, you got a fast mind.
Uncle Joe, you mind
giving me a hand turning
a couple of mattresses?
I want to get the rooms ready
for Mr. Talbot and his cameraman
before they get here tomorrow.
Soon as I finish doing this.
You mind telling me
what you're doing?
Converting the
rooms into suites.
Any special reason?
Yeah. So we can hike the rates.
What for?
Kate, as soon as the dog
becomes a big television star,
there's gonna be crowds of
tourists breaking down our doors
to see the spot where
I first discovered him.
You?
Uncle Joe, aren't you getting
a little ahead of yourself?
Unless the dog wins the
finals and does the commercial,
he won't be on television.
Oh, he'll win with
me managing him.
Oh, you're managing him?
(laughs)
Did you get him
to sign a contract?
Of course not.
But he did give me a verbal
wag of the tail on the deal.
Kate, with me
managing his career,
it won't be no time at
all until he's as famous
as that other dog star, Lasso.
Lassie.
Yeah. He'll be swimming
in his own swimming pool,
eating porterhouse
steaks for breakfast,
putting his paw prints in
Grauman's Chow Mein.
And then getting back
in his swimming pool
to, uh, wash the chow
mein off his paws.
Oh, Kate.
Let's turn the mattresses.
Hey, sit up.
Sit up!
JOE: You're not listening.
Now sit up like I told you.
Sit up! Sit up!
Sit up like this.
No, no. Sit up!
Sit up!
(quietly): Girls? Come here.
Now, this one here is
a sure crowd pleaser.
It's called rollover.
Now when I give you
the command to roll over,
all you got to do is this.
(stifled laughter)
Now you try it.
Roll over. Roll over!
(yawns)
What's Uncle Joe
trying to do, Mom?
Make the dog into another Lasso.
Roll over! Roll over!
I wonder if I'm not
wasting my time
trying to make
a star out of you.
We weren't expecting you
till later today, Mr. Talbot.
My cameraman and I
made good connections.
I wouldn't call that
Cannonball a good connection.
And we're putting you
in, uh, Suite A, Mr. Talbot.
Oh, I don't need a suite.
Oh, well, in that
case, we'll put you
in, um, room one.
Mr. Johnson?
Would you like to be in
Suite B or, um, room two?
Anything.
We'll put him in room two.
He probably wants to
be next to Mr. Talbot.
By the way, where's the pooch?
Oh, he's down at the high
school waiting for the girls.
Yeah, he does that every day.
I taught him to protect them.
From his picture, he looks
like he'd be able to do that.
He does?
Oh, he's a beautiful animal.
You're just wasting your film
screen-testing them
other four mungles.
Uncle Joe is always worried
about people wasting film.
If you gentlemen would,
uh, like to wash up,
lunch'll be ready soon.
Bathroom's at the
head of the stairs.
Uh, after lunch, would it be
all right if we looked around
to see where we
might shoot this test?
Don't make no difference
where you shoot it
with this dog in the picture.
He can keep you entertained
for hours with his tricks.
Show Mr. Talbot
how he rolls over.
No, I'm afraid the chicken
coop is not the background
we're looking for, Mr. Carson.
Then how about one
of them artistic shots?
Underneath the Cannonball
while she's barreling along?
You could hang on to the
brake router with one hand,
and shoot the
picture with the other.
Mr. Carson...
Uncle Joe, why don't you let
Mr. Talbot make up his own mind?
I was just trying to
give him the benefit
of my years of experience
as a motion picture producer.
Yeah. Yeah, I produced a film
of the Elks picnic
for the last five years.
You're kidding.
Nope. Everybody said
the sack race was one of the
greatest sequences ever filmed.
I'll be glad to show it to
you if I can get Lem Wallers
to loan me his eight
milligram projector.
Eight milligram?
Shall we continue the tour?
Yes, yes, all right, but,
you know, really, I think, uh,
the kitchen would be the
ideal place to shoot the test.
Oh. Now, you say the
dog won't be back here
until after school is out?
Oh, uh, that's right.
Uh, between 3:00 and 3:30,
depending on the Cannonball.
Well, fine. It gives me a chance
to write a little commercial
scene for us to shoot.
I'll be glad to help
you, Mr. Talbot.
I've had a lot of experience
in the advertising field.
Thank you, Mr. Carson,
but I wouldn't feel right
if I had to pick your brain.
Wonder how he meant that.
Mr. Talbot! Mr. Talbot!
Come on downstairs!
What's the matter?
Train's coming in.
You're gonna meet your
new dog commercial star.
Oh.
Mr. Talbot's here.
Mr. Talbot, Mr. Johnson, I'd
like you to meet my daughters.
This is Betty Jo
and this is... Kate...
All they want to
meet is the dog.
There he is, gentlemen.
Leaves you kind of
speechless, don't he?
Where's the collie?
Oh, well, that's mostly
in the back part of him.
No, no, the collie, the collie.
Th-The dog in the picture.
Here, this, this, this dog!
Why, that looks like
Henry Brewster's collie.
Oh, no. What's the matter?
Henry must've put his
picture in our envelope.
And Henry Brewster's
dog is the one, all right?
Right.
That mutt?
Does this mean our dog's
not gonna get a screen test?
We ain't gonna get a
chance at the $500?
I'm sorry, folks.
Is, um, this a private wake
or can anybody get in on it?
This never would've happened
if you girls had listened to me
and not sent in this
hasbeen's picture.
(whimpering)
You reversing your
psychology again?
I didn't expect it to
work in the first place.
Never has.
Well, good morning.
Good morning.
Good morning. Good morning.
Sit down, Mr. Talbot.
You'll have to excuse the girls.
They're a little
disappointed about the dog.
He could've won!
Yeah, and he's
cute and he's smart
and he's... I think so, too.
And another thing... You do?
Sure. That's why I've decided
to make a test of
your dog anyway.
You mean our star
is back in the contest?
Well, no, but I've got an idea
for a different
kind of commercial
and well, if the
sponsor likes the test,
I think we might want
your dog for a whole series.
A whole series?!
BETTY JO: Oh, that's wonderful!
How about that, Uncle Joe?
Oh, um, Mr. Talbot,
as the dog's manager,
we've got a little
negotiating to do.
How much you figure on paying
to be in these commercials?
Well, in the past, we've paid
$100 a day to use the dog,
but I want to use the whole
family in these commercials.
Us, acting on television?
Yeah, but I don't
want you to act.
I want you to be yourselves.
You see, my idea is
to show a real family
and the way they love
and care for their pet.
Well, will you do it?
Now, hold on.
We got a little more
negotiating to do.
How much you figure on
paying Kate and the girls?
Well, what would you say?
Oh, well, if you pay
a dog $100 a day,
Kate ought to be
worth at least, uh, $20.
Thank you.
Ten for the girls. Each.
Look, let's not
quibble, Mr. Carson.
If the sponsor likes the test,
I think I can make a
deal for $350 a day
for the dog and the family.
$350?
If I'd started higher,
he'd gone lower.
And reverse
psychology always works.
Now, girls, I've typed up these
copies of a sample commercial.
Now, this is the idea.
You're working in
the kitchen, okay,
you look up and
you see the camera.
You act surprised as if
you didn't know it was there.
You say hello, and then
you introduce your daughters.
Hey, chief?
Excuse me.
Why don't you all
study your lines, huh?
Sh-Shall we practice?
What's going on here?
Mr. Talbot, where do you
think I ought to put this?
Well, I think outside
would be a dandy place.
Well, I think it
ought to be inside.
So, when people look
at Kate and the girls,
they'll know where
it's coming from.
When I directed
the Elks sack race...
Mr. Carson, I have directed
hundreds and hundreds
of commercials,
and I think I know
what I'm doing.
Well, if you ain't sure,
I'd be glad to give
you the benefit
of my moviemaking experience.
I'll be very happy
to call on you
if I ever make an
eight milligram picture.
And these are my daughters.
Billy Jo. Hello.
Bobbie Jo. Cut, cut, cut. And...
In all the Elks
picnics I've directed,
I've never seen such bad acting.
What's wrong?
Let's start from the beginning.
You're supposed to
walk across the kitchen...
Yeah.
See the camera... Yeah.
And act surprised.
Yeah.
Now, do you think
you can do that?
Well, I can try.
Now?
Now.
Oh, I didn't know
you were there.
Cut! Oh!
(groaning)
You call that walking?
That's the way I always do it!
Give it more meaning.
Act more surprised.
Okay.
Now, Artie, let's make
a sound check, huh?
Right. All right.
Okay, Artie, we
hot? (claps loudly)
It's hot, chief.
Good. Now, folks,
there's nothing
to worry about, nothing at all.
Microphone, camera.
Nothing... just relax.
Now, we start standing
where you are, Mrs. Bradley.
You walk across the room,
and you stop right
on that chalk mark.
But don't look down
at it, don't look down.
Look into the camera
and say your first line.
Now, shall we try it?
All right, fine.
Can you see everything?
Yep.
You got a good shot?
Well, now, if I was doing it...
Aren't there any sack races
going on today, Mr. Carson?
May I?
Oh, yeah. Thank you.
Now, all right, folks,
just a rehearsal.
Now, let's start it
alive, alive, alive.
Action.
Oh!
I didn't know you were there.
Welcome to the Shady Rest Hotel.
I'm Kate Bradley,
and these are my daughters.
Billie Jo.
Ooh, hello there.
Bobbie Jo.
Hello, everybody out
there in Television Land.
(smacks lips)
I put that in to give
it a television feeling.
And my youngest, Betty Jo.
Hi.
(giggling)
(snort laugh)
No, no, no, no.
Cut, cut, cut.
Mrs. Bradley...
aren't we overdoing
it just a little?
Yeah, but Uncle Joe
said that that's the way
we should... Uncle Joe?
Now, Kate, you were overacting.
But you showed us how!
Maybe I'd better show you again.
Will you stay out of this!
Now, look, Mrs.
Bradley, we'll... we'll have
to work a little bit
on the introductions.
Why don't we cut to
the spot where you go
to the cupboard,
get out the dog food
and put it down for the dog.
You can't do that. Why not?
Uh, we don't have
any of that kind
of dog food in the house.
That's right, we never
keep it in the house.
You sent in three
labels with the picture.
Oh, Mr. Drucker
cut them off the cans
and gave them to me.
No problem, chief.
We can, uh...
You're right, Artie.
No problem, no problem at all.
We'll send out
for some dog food.
Uncle Joe, how
would you like to be
assistant director
on this picture?
You... you mean you
want me to take over
while you go into Hooterville
and get the dog
food? Oh, no, no, no.
You've got it wrong, Uncle Joe.
You're the assistant director.
I'm the director.
You go to Hooterville
for the dog food.
But, uh... Uncle
Joe, Uncle Joe...
the show must go on.
Go.
You see, Artie?
You just have to use your head.
Now, I'll tell you where
I want to put the dog.
Where's the dog?
I don't know.
Here, boy... here,
boy. (clapping)
Here, boy, here.
Where's the dog?
He went into Hooterville.
With his manager.
Uh... Billie Jo,
you set the table.
Bobbie Jo, you take
in the bread and butter.
Yes, ma'am.
And Betty Jo, you hand me
the platter for the chicken.
When are you gonna feed the dog?
Right now.
Cut, cut.
Very, very good, girls.
Very good.
Now, Mrs. Bradley, we're
gonna dolly in and get
a close-up of you holding
the can of dog food.
Then when the dog comes back,
we're gonna shoot you... What?
Photograph you. Oh.
We'll photograph you
dishing out the food
to the dog and
feeding him, okay?
Now, let's see how it looks
when you hold up the food.
All right.
Oh, no, Mrs. Bradley.
No, no, no... the label.
The label... the
label needs to show.
(barks)
(growling, barking)
The least you can
do is carry the bag.
You didn't help
with the pumping.
You do everything I told you,
and in no time at all, we'll
be banking $350 a day.
Here you are, Mr. Talbot.
Last three cans
Sam had on the shelf.
Thank you.
Uh, he took the labels off
and sent them in with a picture.
Oh, well, that's all right.
We, uh... we just
happened to have
a couple cans with us.
Thank you.
Now, folks, let's
get this finished.
Now, girls, you stand
close to your mother.
You stand around
her as she opens up
a can of dog food.
Is that where I say the words
about how good it
is and everything?
Yeah, that's right.
You see, you open
up the dog food.
You put it in the dish.
Then, you call the dog.
You put the dish
down on the ground,
and we'll move in for
a close-up of the dog
while he eats the food.
You understand?
Let's shoot it.
(chortles) All
right, let's shoot it.
All right, folks, this
one's for the money.
And it contains everything
that's good for your dog.
You hungry?
(barking)
I taught him that trick.
All dogs love the meaty smell
and good taste of
Trail Wagon Dog Food.
Right, boy?
(barks)
Go ahead and eat it.
It's good for you.
(groaning)
Cut, cut, cut.
What... what's the
matter with the dog?
Why... why won't
he eat his supper?
He probably ain't hungry.
It's not that at all.
No self-respecting
dog would eat this.
What's wrong with it?
Smell it.
Smells all right to me.
Well, it didn't to me,
and it didn't to the dog.
And it probably
tastes even worse.
Well, maybe it's
just that one can.
Artie, give me the other can.
Where is it? Here, boss.
Here, boy.
(groans)
Mr. Talbot, I couldn't
tell folks to feed this
to their dogs for
$350,000 a day.
Now, hold on, Kate.
Nothing wrong with that.
Mmm.
That tastes wonderful.
Mr. Talbot, I got a great
idea for a commercial.
You won't even need a dog.
I'll do it for $50.
Here, look at this.
Mmm, mmm!
That's just yummy, folks.
Folks, if Trail Wagon Dog Food's
good enough for human beings,
it's good enough for your dog.
Pay attention.
A star is being born.
♪ Petticoat Junction. ♪
This has been a
Filmways Presentation.
chance to show off
our wonderfully
talented family dog.
This time, Billie Jo
enters his picture
in a pet food company's
beauty contest.
Animal trainer Frank Inn
always said that Higgins
was probably the smartest
dog he'd ever taught.
So the title of this next
episode is certainly fitting.
It's called "My Dog the Actor."
(train whistle blows)
♪ Come ride the little train ♪
♪ That is rollin' down the
tracks to the Junction ♪
(bell clanging)
♪ Forget about your cares ♪
♪ It is time to relax
at the Junction ♪
(whistle blows twice)
♪ Lots of curves, you bet ♪
♪ And even more when you get ♪
♪ To the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
(snare drum plays train rhythm)
♪ There's a little hotel called
the Shady Rest at the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
♪ It is run by Kate, come and
be her guest at the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
♪ And that's Uncle Joe,
he's a-movin' kinda slow ♪
♪ At the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction! ♪
(train whistle blows)
(brakes squeal)
Three cans of beans.
Mm-hmm. What else, Kate?
Let's see now.
Um, oh, yeah.
Billie Jo needs a
package of bobby pins.
How about Bobbie Jo? She
need a package of Billie pins?
(laughs)
I-I've been waiting for two
months for you to order them
so's I could pull that on you.
You should have waited longer.
(laughs)
Yeah, I guess it could
have stood a little aging.
Anything else, Kate?
Um... I don't know.
Uh, Betty Jo, you need anything?
Just these.
Dog food.
Well, what do we need this for?
He doesn't eat dog food.
He eats what we eat.
We need the labels
for the contest.
Well, what contest is that?
You send a picture of
your dog with three labels,
and the winning dog
gets to make a commercial
for Trail Wagon dog food.
And they'll pay him $500.
$500?! Say!
KATE: Just a second.
How much are they?
15 cents a piece.
Put them back on the shelf.
Gee, Mom, I know
our dog can win.
Betty Jo, with
a prize like that,
thousands of people are
gonna be entering their dogs.
Blue ribbon winners, pedigrees.
None like him.
KATE: That's for sure.
Oh, please.
There isn't much time.
We've got to take the
picture, get it developed
and mail it before
tomorrow night.
I'm sorry, Betty Jo.
There are too
many things we need
without spending 15
cents on a can of dog food.
Uh, how about a nickel?
Sam, I really
don't... For the label.
(laughs)
I'll use the dog food on my dog.
BOBBIE JO: Come on,
boy, give me a big smile.
Oh, Betty Jo, can't you
even get him to smile?
I'm having enough
trouble getting him to sit up.
How do you expect
a dog to smile?
I don't know, but he has to.
The contest is for a happy dog.
Oh, my arms are getting tired.
Hey!
Oh!
Come back here with that!
(indistinct shouting)
Uncle Joe!
I thought this contest
was for dogs, not fish.
Though fish would
have a better chance
of winning a good-looking
dog contest than him.
He couldn't even win a
good-looking fish contest.
(growling)
See? Some dogs just can't stand
to hear the
under-varnished truth.
Uncle Joe, you're
always running him down.
That's right. You're going
to give him an
inferiority complex.
Well, look, some dogs has
got it, and some dogs ain't.
And it only takes
one look to see
that he's a first class ain't.
He's got a cute personality.
Yeah, and he's
gonna win the contest.
Don't tell me
you girls are really
gonna send in his picture?
We certainly are.
Just a waste of good film.
Come on, let's start over.
Come on, boy. (smacking lips)
Come on, boy. Come on. Smile!
I hope they turned
out all right, Henry.
We're going to send
them in to a contest.
Oh, this one's a prize
winner for sure, Billie Jo.
If I was one of the judges,
I wouldn't bother to
look at another picture.
Bobbie Jo is a pretty
good photographer.
Well, she had a pretty
good subject to work with.
Yeah, he is pretty cute.
He?
I'm a little nearsighted,
but even I can
tell this isn't a he.
Let me see that.
Well, this is me.
(laughs) Yeah.
This must have been left
on the roll from last year.
Weren't there any pictures
of the dog on the roll?
I didn't notice.
Oh, here. Let me see those.
Oh, here's a good one.
I like the first one better.
Well, I don't think it
would do any good
to send my picture
into a dog food contest.
Oh, you mean that contest.
I'm entering my collie.
Now there's a dog.
Oh, he's all right
as far as collies go,
but our dog's a real doggy dog.
Well, I've got to
get this in the mail.
Oh, uh, you ought to put it
between a couple of pieces
of cardboard so
it doesn't get bent.
Oh, but I haven't
got time to go home.
Oh, I'll be glad to cut
you a piece. Oh, will you?
Sure, Billie Jo. I-I'd
do anything for you.
Oh, good. Put a
stamp on it, too.
A-Allow me.
(items clattering to the floor)
Good-bye, Henry.
And I'm happy to inform you
that your dog has been selected
as one of the five
finalists in our contest.
I'll be leaving
Hollywood on the 12th
to make screen
tests of the five dogs.
Unless I hear to the contrary,
I'll be arriving in your
town on Wednesday.
Very truly yours. Etcetera.
Now, uh, send the same
letter to Betty Jo Bradley,
Bobbie Jo Bradley
and Billie Jo Bradley,
Shady Rest Hotel, Hooterville.
Tell them I'll arrive on Friday.
Mom! (barking)
Mom!
Mom?
Where are you?
Oh.
Oh! I didn't see you.
Oh, I'm so excited.
We won! We won!
What?
Bobbie Jo! Billie Jo!
Our dog won the contest!
Oh, you wonderful dog!
Oh, I just knew he would.
I just knew it.
Oh! Don't squeeze him so hard!
Will someone please
tell me what's going on?
The dog was named
as one of five finalists
in the dog food contest.
Those other four dogs
haven't got a chance.
Nope. Our dog's gonna
win and make the commercial
and win the $500! Oh!
Oh, don't squeeze him so hard!
Him win $500?
Well, I-I must admit, I
didn't think he had a chance.
That's just because you
ain't got no confidence in him.
I knew right from the
start, he was a winner.
That's why I made
the girls enter him.
You made us enter him?
Big of you to
give me the credit.
Uncle Joe, you said
it was a waste of
film to take his picture.
Oh, well, that was
reverse of psychology.
If I'd have told you
to send in the picture,
you wouldn't have done it.
Uncle Joe!
There's no need
to thank me, Kate.
I'd have done the same thing
for any dog the girls owned.
I just wish
the rest of Uncle Joe
worked as fast as his mind.
What was that, Kate?
I said, you got a fast mind.
Uncle Joe, you mind
giving me a hand turning
a couple of mattresses?
I want to get the rooms ready
for Mr. Talbot and his cameraman
before they get here tomorrow.
Soon as I finish doing this.
You mind telling me
what you're doing?
Converting the
rooms into suites.
Any special reason?
Yeah. So we can hike the rates.
What for?
Kate, as soon as the dog
becomes a big television star,
there's gonna be crowds of
tourists breaking down our doors
to see the spot where
I first discovered him.
You?
Uncle Joe, aren't you getting
a little ahead of yourself?
Unless the dog wins the
finals and does the commercial,
he won't be on television.
Oh, he'll win with
me managing him.
Oh, you're managing him?
(laughs)
Did you get him
to sign a contract?
Of course not.
But he did give me a verbal
wag of the tail on the deal.
Kate, with me
managing his career,
it won't be no time at
all until he's as famous
as that other dog star, Lasso.
Lassie.
Yeah. He'll be swimming
in his own swimming pool,
eating porterhouse
steaks for breakfast,
putting his paw prints in
Grauman's Chow Mein.
And then getting back
in his swimming pool
to, uh, wash the chow
mein off his paws.
Oh, Kate.
Let's turn the mattresses.
Hey, sit up.
Sit up!
JOE: You're not listening.
Now sit up like I told you.
Sit up! Sit up!
Sit up like this.
No, no. Sit up!
Sit up!
(quietly): Girls? Come here.
Now, this one here is
a sure crowd pleaser.
It's called rollover.
Now when I give you
the command to roll over,
all you got to do is this.
(stifled laughter)
Now you try it.
Roll over. Roll over!
(yawns)
What's Uncle Joe
trying to do, Mom?
Make the dog into another Lasso.
Roll over! Roll over!
I wonder if I'm not
wasting my time
trying to make
a star out of you.
We weren't expecting you
till later today, Mr. Talbot.
My cameraman and I
made good connections.
I wouldn't call that
Cannonball a good connection.
And we're putting you
in, uh, Suite A, Mr. Talbot.
Oh, I don't need a suite.
Oh, well, in that
case, we'll put you
in, um, room one.
Mr. Johnson?
Would you like to be in
Suite B or, um, room two?
Anything.
We'll put him in room two.
He probably wants to
be next to Mr. Talbot.
By the way, where's the pooch?
Oh, he's down at the high
school waiting for the girls.
Yeah, he does that every day.
I taught him to protect them.
From his picture, he looks
like he'd be able to do that.
He does?
Oh, he's a beautiful animal.
You're just wasting your film
screen-testing them
other four mungles.
Uncle Joe is always worried
about people wasting film.
If you gentlemen would,
uh, like to wash up,
lunch'll be ready soon.
Bathroom's at the
head of the stairs.
Uh, after lunch, would it be
all right if we looked around
to see where we
might shoot this test?
Don't make no difference
where you shoot it
with this dog in the picture.
He can keep you entertained
for hours with his tricks.
Show Mr. Talbot
how he rolls over.
No, I'm afraid the chicken
coop is not the background
we're looking for, Mr. Carson.
Then how about one
of them artistic shots?
Underneath the Cannonball
while she's barreling along?
You could hang on to the
brake router with one hand,
and shoot the
picture with the other.
Mr. Carson...
Uncle Joe, why don't you let
Mr. Talbot make up his own mind?
I was just trying to
give him the benefit
of my years of experience
as a motion picture producer.
Yeah. Yeah, I produced a film
of the Elks picnic
for the last five years.
You're kidding.
Nope. Everybody said
the sack race was one of the
greatest sequences ever filmed.
I'll be glad to show it to
you if I can get Lem Wallers
to loan me his eight
milligram projector.
Eight milligram?
Shall we continue the tour?
Yes, yes, all right, but,
you know, really, I think, uh,
the kitchen would be the
ideal place to shoot the test.
Oh. Now, you say the
dog won't be back here
until after school is out?
Oh, uh, that's right.
Uh, between 3:00 and 3:30,
depending on the Cannonball.
Well, fine. It gives me a chance
to write a little commercial
scene for us to shoot.
I'll be glad to help
you, Mr. Talbot.
I've had a lot of experience
in the advertising field.
Thank you, Mr. Carson,
but I wouldn't feel right
if I had to pick your brain.
Wonder how he meant that.
Mr. Talbot! Mr. Talbot!
Come on downstairs!
What's the matter?
Train's coming in.
You're gonna meet your
new dog commercial star.
Oh.
Mr. Talbot's here.
Mr. Talbot, Mr. Johnson, I'd
like you to meet my daughters.
This is Betty Jo
and this is... Kate...
All they want to
meet is the dog.
There he is, gentlemen.
Leaves you kind of
speechless, don't he?
Where's the collie?
Oh, well, that's mostly
in the back part of him.
No, no, the collie, the collie.
Th-The dog in the picture.
Here, this, this, this dog!
Why, that looks like
Henry Brewster's collie.
Oh, no. What's the matter?
Henry must've put his
picture in our envelope.
And Henry Brewster's
dog is the one, all right?
Right.
That mutt?
Does this mean our dog's
not gonna get a screen test?
We ain't gonna get a
chance at the $500?
I'm sorry, folks.
Is, um, this a private wake
or can anybody get in on it?
This never would've happened
if you girls had listened to me
and not sent in this
hasbeen's picture.
(whimpering)
You reversing your
psychology again?
I didn't expect it to
work in the first place.
Never has.
Well, good morning.
Good morning.
Good morning. Good morning.
Sit down, Mr. Talbot.
You'll have to excuse the girls.
They're a little
disappointed about the dog.
He could've won!
Yeah, and he's
cute and he's smart
and he's... I think so, too.
And another thing... You do?
Sure. That's why I've decided
to make a test of
your dog anyway.
You mean our star
is back in the contest?
Well, no, but I've got an idea
for a different
kind of commercial
and well, if the
sponsor likes the test,
I think we might want
your dog for a whole series.
A whole series?!
BETTY JO: Oh, that's wonderful!
How about that, Uncle Joe?
Oh, um, Mr. Talbot,
as the dog's manager,
we've got a little
negotiating to do.
How much you figure on paying
to be in these commercials?
Well, in the past, we've paid
$100 a day to use the dog,
but I want to use the whole
family in these commercials.
Us, acting on television?
Yeah, but I don't
want you to act.
I want you to be yourselves.
You see, my idea is
to show a real family
and the way they love
and care for their pet.
Well, will you do it?
Now, hold on.
We got a little more
negotiating to do.
How much you figure on
paying Kate and the girls?
Well, what would you say?
Oh, well, if you pay
a dog $100 a day,
Kate ought to be
worth at least, uh, $20.
Thank you.
Ten for the girls. Each.
Look, let's not
quibble, Mr. Carson.
If the sponsor likes the test,
I think I can make a
deal for $350 a day
for the dog and the family.
$350?
If I'd started higher,
he'd gone lower.
And reverse
psychology always works.
Now, girls, I've typed up these
copies of a sample commercial.
Now, this is the idea.
You're working in
the kitchen, okay,
you look up and
you see the camera.
You act surprised as if
you didn't know it was there.
You say hello, and then
you introduce your daughters.
Hey, chief?
Excuse me.
Why don't you all
study your lines, huh?
Sh-Shall we practice?
What's going on here?
Mr. Talbot, where do you
think I ought to put this?
Well, I think outside
would be a dandy place.
Well, I think it
ought to be inside.
So, when people look
at Kate and the girls,
they'll know where
it's coming from.
When I directed
the Elks sack race...
Mr. Carson, I have directed
hundreds and hundreds
of commercials,
and I think I know
what I'm doing.
Well, if you ain't sure,
I'd be glad to give
you the benefit
of my moviemaking experience.
I'll be very happy
to call on you
if I ever make an
eight milligram picture.
And these are my daughters.
Billy Jo. Hello.
Bobbie Jo. Cut, cut, cut. And...
In all the Elks
picnics I've directed,
I've never seen such bad acting.
What's wrong?
Let's start from the beginning.
You're supposed to
walk across the kitchen...
Yeah.
See the camera... Yeah.
And act surprised.
Yeah.
Now, do you think
you can do that?
Well, I can try.
Now?
Now.
Oh, I didn't know
you were there.
Cut! Oh!
(groaning)
You call that walking?
That's the way I always do it!
Give it more meaning.
Act more surprised.
Okay.
Now, Artie, let's make
a sound check, huh?
Right. All right.
Okay, Artie, we
hot? (claps loudly)
It's hot, chief.
Good. Now, folks,
there's nothing
to worry about, nothing at all.
Microphone, camera.
Nothing... just relax.
Now, we start standing
where you are, Mrs. Bradley.
You walk across the room,
and you stop right
on that chalk mark.
But don't look down
at it, don't look down.
Look into the camera
and say your first line.
Now, shall we try it?
All right, fine.
Can you see everything?
Yep.
You got a good shot?
Well, now, if I was doing it...
Aren't there any sack races
going on today, Mr. Carson?
May I?
Oh, yeah. Thank you.
Now, all right, folks,
just a rehearsal.
Now, let's start it
alive, alive, alive.
Action.
Oh!
I didn't know you were there.
Welcome to the Shady Rest Hotel.
I'm Kate Bradley,
and these are my daughters.
Billie Jo.
Ooh, hello there.
Bobbie Jo.
Hello, everybody out
there in Television Land.
(smacks lips)
I put that in to give
it a television feeling.
And my youngest, Betty Jo.
Hi.
(giggling)
(snort laugh)
No, no, no, no.
Cut, cut, cut.
Mrs. Bradley...
aren't we overdoing
it just a little?
Yeah, but Uncle Joe
said that that's the way
we should... Uncle Joe?
Now, Kate, you were overacting.
But you showed us how!
Maybe I'd better show you again.
Will you stay out of this!
Now, look, Mrs.
Bradley, we'll... we'll have
to work a little bit
on the introductions.
Why don't we cut to
the spot where you go
to the cupboard,
get out the dog food
and put it down for the dog.
You can't do that. Why not?
Uh, we don't have
any of that kind
of dog food in the house.
That's right, we never
keep it in the house.
You sent in three
labels with the picture.
Oh, Mr. Drucker
cut them off the cans
and gave them to me.
No problem, chief.
We can, uh...
You're right, Artie.
No problem, no problem at all.
We'll send out
for some dog food.
Uncle Joe, how
would you like to be
assistant director
on this picture?
You... you mean you
want me to take over
while you go into Hooterville
and get the dog
food? Oh, no, no, no.
You've got it wrong, Uncle Joe.
You're the assistant director.
I'm the director.
You go to Hooterville
for the dog food.
But, uh... Uncle
Joe, Uncle Joe...
the show must go on.
Go.
You see, Artie?
You just have to use your head.
Now, I'll tell you where
I want to put the dog.
Where's the dog?
I don't know.
Here, boy... here,
boy. (clapping)
Here, boy, here.
Where's the dog?
He went into Hooterville.
With his manager.
Uh... Billie Jo,
you set the table.
Bobbie Jo, you take
in the bread and butter.
Yes, ma'am.
And Betty Jo, you hand me
the platter for the chicken.
When are you gonna feed the dog?
Right now.
Cut, cut.
Very, very good, girls.
Very good.
Now, Mrs. Bradley, we're
gonna dolly in and get
a close-up of you holding
the can of dog food.
Then when the dog comes back,
we're gonna shoot you... What?
Photograph you. Oh.
We'll photograph you
dishing out the food
to the dog and
feeding him, okay?
Now, let's see how it looks
when you hold up the food.
All right.
Oh, no, Mrs. Bradley.
No, no, no... the label.
The label... the
label needs to show.
(barks)
(growling, barking)
The least you can
do is carry the bag.
You didn't help
with the pumping.
You do everything I told you,
and in no time at all, we'll
be banking $350 a day.
Here you are, Mr. Talbot.
Last three cans
Sam had on the shelf.
Thank you.
Uh, he took the labels off
and sent them in with a picture.
Oh, well, that's all right.
We, uh... we just
happened to have
a couple cans with us.
Thank you.
Now, folks, let's
get this finished.
Now, girls, you stand
close to your mother.
You stand around
her as she opens up
a can of dog food.
Is that where I say the words
about how good it
is and everything?
Yeah, that's right.
You see, you open
up the dog food.
You put it in the dish.
Then, you call the dog.
You put the dish
down on the ground,
and we'll move in for
a close-up of the dog
while he eats the food.
You understand?
Let's shoot it.
(chortles) All
right, let's shoot it.
All right, folks, this
one's for the money.
And it contains everything
that's good for your dog.
You hungry?
(barking)
I taught him that trick.
All dogs love the meaty smell
and good taste of
Trail Wagon Dog Food.
Right, boy?
(barks)
Go ahead and eat it.
It's good for you.
(groaning)
Cut, cut, cut.
What... what's the
matter with the dog?
Why... why won't
he eat his supper?
He probably ain't hungry.
It's not that at all.
No self-respecting
dog would eat this.
What's wrong with it?
Smell it.
Smells all right to me.
Well, it didn't to me,
and it didn't to the dog.
And it probably
tastes even worse.
Well, maybe it's
just that one can.
Artie, give me the other can.
Where is it? Here, boss.
Here, boy.
(groans)
Mr. Talbot, I couldn't
tell folks to feed this
to their dogs for
$350,000 a day.
Now, hold on, Kate.
Nothing wrong with that.
Mmm.
That tastes wonderful.
Mr. Talbot, I got a great
idea for a commercial.
You won't even need a dog.
I'll do it for $50.
Here, look at this.
Mmm, mmm!
That's just yummy, folks.
Folks, if Trail Wagon Dog Food's
good enough for human beings,
it's good enough for your dog.
Pay attention.
A star is being born.
♪ Petticoat Junction. ♪
This has been a
Filmways Presentation.