Penn & Teller: Fool Us (2011–…): Season 8, Episode 10 - The Penn-Tagram - full transcript

Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.

- From the Penn & Teller Theater

at the Rio Hotel in Las Vegas,

here's our host,
Alyson Hannigan.

- Welcome to "Fool
Us," where we showcase

the world's best magicians.

We've had acts from
Germany, Argentina,

Australia, India, China,

and even as far away as Reno.

We're just like the Olympics,
but without the four-year wait.

So let the games
began as we bring out



our gold medalists of
magic, Penn and Teller.

Don't forget every
magician who manages

to stump Penn and Teller
wins a "Fool Us" trophy

and a spot in the Las
Vegas spectacular.

And here's tonight's
first potential Fooler.

- Magic is my second career.
I was a graphic artist first,

which is also about
creating other realities.

In those days,
magic was my hobby.

Then I got an
internship on a TV show

and I became fascinated
by how cameras and editing

can build a world.

So I went back to school
to study filmmaking.

It was very expensive, so I
supported myself with magic,

and a funny thing happened.



My magic got bigger and bigger.

Personal appearances
became stage shows.

I realized I could combine
everything in a theater:

graphics, cinema,
storytelling, and magic.

And when I put all
these things together,

I finally knew what
I wanted to be.

I love being a magician
because I can build my life

around play. You
never have to grow up.

As a kid, I would put
on shows in my backyard

and charge the
neighborhood kids a fee.

My dad passed
away when I was 17,

so all he ever saw
was my backyard magic.

When I perform,
like I will tonight,

using skills dad
never got to see,

I like to imagine
he's watching me.

Who knows? Maybe he is.

- All the way from Germany,

say, "bitte
willkommen" to Mellow.

- Hi, Penn. Hello, Teller.

Magicians are often
accused of using camera tricks

to make their magic happen.

Well, I admit.

What you are about
to see is a camera trick

because it is a trick...

with a camera.

Outside of the magical world,

there's nothing that comes
as close to magic as Polaroids.

You press the shutter button...

And a complete
blank picture pops out.

Then if you wait a
minute, the image appears.

Before the smartphone,
this is how memories

were captured instantly.

For example...

This one.

This is me as a kid
sitting in the bathtub

with a lot of bubbles.

Okay. Way too much
bubbles. Give me a second.

I've got lots of these pictures.

Like this one.

My money shot.

If I ever needed,

I can get cash back
at any time, even now.

And these are
my parents' wedding photos.

I know it sounds crazy,
but I couldn't find a photo

with both of them
together in one picture.

Maybe we can fix that.

I brought some
more pictures with me

and I want to share
them with this volunteer.

Please, come on stage.

Hi. Please take a seat.
What's your name?

- Magam.
- Magam.

And we've said nothing
up in advance, right?

- Correct.
- Okay.

Please reach into the basket
and mix up the pictures.

Look through all
these photographs

and you'll see, they're all
different moments, right?

- Mm-hmm.
- Okay. Please select a photo

that is facedown and
hold it against your chest

so I can't see which
moment of my life you chose.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Secretly, for the
very first time,

take a look at the picture

and try to remember
everything in detail.

- Mm-hmm.

- Then hold it close
to your body again.

Magam, imagine an
invisible, big, blank photo

right in front of us.

Try to project the picture
you have in your mind

clearly onto the blank photo

and let's see if I
take a real photo of it.

Here's the picture that just
came out of my magical camera.

I'll hold it out here
while it develops.

So out of that basket of
tons of different photos,

would you please show us which
photo you randomly selected?

My first day of school.
Very great memory.

I think we had enough time
for the new picture to develop

and amazingly,

it is the exact same
picture you chose.

This is the magic of Polaroids.

Every time you take a
look at the picture like this,

it's like having a glimpse
of the feeling you had

right in the moment
when it was taken.

Definitely, no camera
tricks are needed for this.

Just a lot of imagination
and a little bit of magic.

- Whoa.

Hi.

Why do they call you Mellow?

- Um, I think it
describes my personality

and my style of magic.

- Cool. So you started
magic very young?

- Yeah. I started magic
at a very young age.

Before this, I was in a circus
school and learned juggling.

And later, I find out that
magic is another way

to impress and amaze people
with also physical movements.

- Oh, cool.

What kind of obstacles did
you face when you got started?

- I was a very shy
person as a kid,

so it was very hard for me

to perform in front
of other people,

but magic helped
me to express myself

and make me more confident.

- How is the magic
community in Germany?

- The magic community
is very, very great,

but the audience is a
very hard one.

- Oh. Why?

- They are less enthusiastic

and it's, well, very
difficult to get emotions

and visible reactions
from the German audience.

- So you don't
really actually know

if a German audience
likes your magic or not?

- Yeah, yeah.

They sit and watch the
act and nice applause.

And after the show,
they came to you and say,

"The best I ever
seen."

- Okay.

Let's see if the memory you
made tonight includes a trophy.

- Hey, Mellow. Boy,
what a nice routine.

Really good. You know...

- Thank you.

- Polaroid cameras, instant
cameras were so magical,

you know, in a strange way,

so much more magical
than our smartphones

we all carry around.

Just that thing being spit out

and developing in front
of us was just so beautiful.

And you've taken that and
used it like a witch's spell.

You've taken
something out of the past

and really gotten
all the magic out of it.

And those transformations
at the top look just beautiful.

They just really look beautiful.

- Thank you.

- And they really
follow the idea

and you just have so much charm.

And then the thing at
the end was really great.

And I know you'd like to know
whether you fooled us or not.

And so would we.

This was right... it's a
really tough call for us.

We are going to go to the judges

and they're going to decide
whether we were fooled or not,

and whatever they
say goes for us.

So Alyson, it's to you.

- All right, I'm
talking to the judges.

They said this was really
tough decision for them too.

But at the end of the
day, you did not fool them.

It was so good.

- But it was close.
- Thank you for having me.

- You didn't fool 'em,
but it was amazing.

- Bye.
- Mellow.

Thank you for having me.

- Bye.
- Bye.

- Before Penn and
Teller can perform

one of their signature tricks,

they have to try and bust
another magician or two

right after the break.

- Welcome back.
Thirsty for more magic?

Well, drink in this
next performance.

- Kids really need
parental support.

My parents weren't there for me,

but I was so lucky I
had my grandmother.

She helped me pursue
magic in so many ways.

She printed my business
cards, paid for merchandise,

and even booked me my first gig.

I came from a very small town.

It was 30 minutes
to get anywhere,

and there was absolute nothing.

So when I first came to Vegas,

my mind was blown
by the grand theatrics

and the crazy production
value of the magic there.

When a female tells
people they do magic,

too often I'm asked,

"Oh, who do you work
with? Who do you assist?"

But obviously, it's
a dumb question

because girls can do magic, too.

I am truly obsessed with sports.

My most relaxing thing to
do is go to a baseball game

and pick up a deck of cards.

To calm down before
my stage shows,

I even watch a game on my phone.

So hopefully tonight, I
can throw Penn and Teller

a curve ball and
score myself a trophy.

- Get ready for some twisted
magic from Paige Thompson.

- Hello. I need to begin
by telling you both that

when you're a
female and into magic,

a lot of people assume

you're a witch.

Now, the upside to this

is you get some
pretty nifty witchy gifts.

A lot like this pentagram.

Yes, I know what you're thinking

and you are completely wrong.

Hollywood and serial killers

have really given
these a bad rep.

They're actually intended
for your protection,

especially this one,
because we have here

a Penntagram.

Yes. And we're going to use this

to test the powers
of this Penntagram

to save me from a very
slow and agonizing death

right here on this stage

because I have
brought with me tonight

a bottle of nitric acid,

the key ingredient of
fertilizers and explosives.

Now, you're going to know
something is truly dangerous

if I'm foregoing
fashion for safety.

Okay. Drinking just a
few ounces of this acid

will cause you to vomit blood,

which will slowly
close your throat

until you suffocate and die.

Super fun.

I have also brought
with me water,

a liquid that is completely
indistinguishable

from the nitric acid.

We all know water
helps plants grow,

gives fishies a little
place to swim around

and well, reproduce.

A little nasty, but
it won't kill you.

Okay, time now

to test the powers
of this Penntagram

to protect me

because we have here
three glasses full of water

and one full of danger.

Now, not much of a test if
we all know where the acid is.

This is why I have brought
along my friend, lazy Susan.

Now, Penn, I want to make
this as awkward as possible.

Please gaze in to my
eyes as I spin and spin

so nobody knows

where the acid goes.

Great. And Penn,
because you were so great,

you're going to help me first.

I need you to name two of these

that you feel are
safe for me to drink.

We have one, two, three,
four. Which two are safe?

- Two and four.
- Two and four.

You sounded confident,
but just out of pure curiosity,

you really believe that
or are you guessing

'cause you don't know me?

So if I'm flopping
around, it's not a big deal.

- All of those.
- Great.

- I'm guessing, and
I don't know you.

Honesty, the best.

Oh, boy. Well, here we go.

Mm.

Refreshing. Okay. Two
was your other option.

Do you want to change
your mind before I drink it?

- Yes, I do.
- Oh, wow.

- I wanna go to one.
- One.

We're gonna swap-a-roo here.

Okay.

Hoo.

Okay.

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

So far, so good-ish.

Terrified, but good-ish.

Okay, Teller, it
is now your turn.

Two remain. One will kill me.

The other,

it's really going to make
me need to pee during

my interview with Alyson.

So tell her with my
safety your top priority,

please tell me which one
you feel is safe for me to drink.

We have one or two.

Two? That was
very fast. This one.

You are so positive.
You feel great.

Okay. You feel great.

Well, I will thank you both now

for letting me share
this bit of magic.

Just in case in a
few short moments,

my throat is
slowly closing shut.

Okay.

Wrong pipe. We're
good... we're good.

- The acid remains.
- Great.

I know you don't look,
like, really impressed

because you're
probably thinking,

"Oh, she could have
filled those all with water."

No. I am not here
to waste your time,

which is why I brought
along some of my silverware

because metal reacts
crazily with nitric acid.

You see it change
color instantly,

start to bubble ferociously.

And not only that,
acid can actually eat

through the lining
of your esophagus

and through your teeth,

but also right
through stainless steel

just like that.

Whoo! My name is Paige
Thompson and I'm alive!

- Paige Thompson! Wow.

Do you always
incorporate like, you know,

things that could kill
you into your magic?

- I've actually
found it's kind of fun,

you know, with the
dangerous liquids,

you hang upside down,
the straitjackets with fire,

you know, all that
sort of shenanigans.

- Right. Uh-huh. Yeah,
I mean as one does.

So how do you prepare for
a big performance like this?

- Focus but not over-rehearse.

And then do something I
enjoy like watch baseball

or basketball or hockey or...

- All right.

Do you ever incorporate
sports into your act?

- Oh, yes. I have a full
baseball-themed routine.

- Do you?
- Yes.

- Have all the men in
magic welcomed you in?

- I didn't realize
when I was younger

there wasn't females in magic.

All my friends were guys

and they didn't act like I
was a different magician.

They just acted like,

"Oh, here's our friend,
Paige, who does magic."

And so I never felt excluded,

which I think has
helped me a lot

because I've always felt like

I've had the support
of my friends.

- Yeah. All right, Paige.

Let's see if you earned
yourself a trophy.

- Okay.

- Hello, Paige.
- Hello.

- Boy, we're worried
about you for a while,

but then at the end,
you came through.

Plop, plop, fizz, fizz,
what a relief it is, huh?

That you came through like that.

You came through
fine. That was great.

You know, we do
the roulette thing.

- Yeah.
- It's a common theme in magic.

We did rodent roulette on
"Letterman" with rat traps.

- Yes.

- But you did the
most important thing

with danger magic,
which is keeping it safe.

You know, we don't
allow anybody on the show

that's actually doing something

that would actually put
someone in jeopardy.

And you had that line
between playing with the danger,

but also letting us know
that it was all in good fun.

You also did one of the
really great things in magic,

which is using a prop that
is used for one purpose

in another purpose, you know,

and it was a very
good use of that.

I also loved the Penntagram

and I think I'm going
to start marketing those.

Teller's drawn an
envelope on a string

and said, "it's a
Tell-a-gram."

You liked that joke
more than I did.

Good. Very good.
- I liked that.

- But it was a great routine.

We love seeing women in
magic and we loved the routine.

Very funny. Very good.

And we don't think
you've fooled us.

- No, I don't think so.
- Okay.

- So you're convinced
they weren't fooled.

- Oh, yes, no.
- Well, thank you so much.

Paige Thompson.

- Thank you. Thank you so much.

- Something impossible
awaits you right after this.

Stick around.

- Welcome back.

Let's meet out next
flinger-flickin' Fooler.

- My name is Stanley
Zhou. I'm 16 years old.

I grew up in China,
but four years ago,

my mom brought me and my
brother from China to the U.S.

I was always very
shy and awkward.

And now on top of that, I
didn't speak any English,

so I couldn't talk to anyone.

So I taught myself English
with thousands of index cards.

In some ways, that
was my first card trick.

Eventually, I discovered magic
and it became my super power

because now I can
suddenly connect with people

and make friends without
any language barriers.

I'll admit it, I'm
very ambitious.

My two biggest passions
are fencing and magic.

When I started fencing,

I always wanted to go to
the nationals, which I have.

And when I started doing magic,
I practice every day for hours.

And now three years
later, I'm on "Fool Us."

Penn, Teller,

you guys have been doing
magic a lot longer than I have,

so I'll find another
way to fool you.

- Put your hands together

for a 16-year-old
magician, Stanley Zhou.

- Hi, Penn. Hi, Teller.
- Hey, Stanley.

I can't believe I'm
sitting here in front of

two of the greatest
minds in magic.

- Oh, thank you.

- It'd be crazy for me to try
to fool you with a card trick.

So I won't. Instead,

I'm going to try and fool you
with a physics experiment.

Now, this physics experiment
requires three red cards

and three black cards.

You two will be our
independent observers

to validate the results.

I want you to notice
that the rest of the deck

is well-mixed.

Yes? - Yes.

- Perfect.

This deck will be our
scientific control group.

I'll set it aside for now
and I won't touch it.

Now, my research has
shown that black ink weighs

more than red ink.

To demonstrate this,
I'll separate the cards,

three blacks, three reds.

And I'll mix them
up alternating.

Black, red, black,
red, black, red.

If I pick them up and drop them,

the heavier black ink
will cause the black cards

to pass through the red cards.

And then they end
up on the bottom.

Let me show you. There.

I think that did it.

If we take a look now,

the first card,
that's a red card.

The second card, it
used to be a black card,

but since we dropped
them, it's also a red card.

And the third card,
another red card.

Thank you.

And if you're
wondering, over here

are the three black cards.

Thank you. Now, I
don't know about you,

but that seemed
pretty fair to me.

However, I still sense
some skepticism,

which is fine because science,
like magic, needs skeptics.

So I'll demonstrate this again.

And this time you'll know
exactly what to look for.

Penn, what color
are these cards?

- Black.
- Exactly.

So that means that Teller
must have the three red cards.

If you don't trust me, you
can check again to make sure.

He doesn't trust me.

Here, help me mix the
red cards into black cards,

just like this.

First one.

Good.

And perfect.

Now, once again, we're
going to drop the cards

and the black cards are going
to pass through the red cards.

I saw it. Did you
see it? Penn? Teller?

- I didn't.
- You didn't?

- I didn't - Come on.

You're my independent observer.

- I didn't see them
actually move.

It just looked like
you dropped them.

- Well, who knows?
Maybe it worked.

Let's check it out.

First card is red.

Red.

And red. Thank you.

And over here.

Thank you.

- Very nice.

- I'll admit that
while this experiment

appears to have been
perfectly and scientifically fair,

I did handle the cards
after Teller mixed them.

And as a magician physicist
with incredibly fast fingers...

I might've done something.

I might have used sleight
of hand. Who knows?

So for those of you
who still may be thinking

that this is a card trick and
not a physics experiment

and to put all doubt to rest,

I'm going to create a condition
that only physics can solve.

I have invented a sleight
of hand prevention machine.

The first part is
this hole punch.

Penn, you can check that out.

And the second part
is the paper fastener.

- Okay.

- Teller, you can
take a look at that.

Now to prevent sleight of
hand, we just punch a hole

in each one of my fingers.

Just kidding.

What we're actually going to
do is punch a hole in the cards.

There we go. That's good.

And we're going to use that
paper fastener. Thank you,

To make sure that I
can't use sleight of hand

to make the cards
move, just like this.

Now, if you take a
look, the cards are really

alternating red, black,
red, black, red, black.

And you can see
that there's no way

we can change the
order of the cards

no matter which
way we turned them.

And if you think about
it, if this were a card trick,

the paper fastener
will make it impossible.

But this isn't a card trick,
it's a physics experiment.

I think that did it.

Look. That's red...

red, and red.

And black, black, and black.

But that's not all.

You see,

the real physical evidence
is in our control group.

The stack of cards.

Remember, it was
totally mixed up

before I set it down and
hasn't been touched since.

If black ink truly is heavier
than red, this shall prove it.

And if you take a look,

you'll see that all the red
cards have come to the top

and all the black
cards to the bottom.

Thank you very much.

Thank you, Penn.
Thank you, Teller.

- Can we take these with us?
- Sure, go ahead.

- Stanley Zhou. Hi.
- Hi.

- So nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.

- You're so incredible.
- Thank you so much.

- How long have
you been doing this?

- Doing magic?
- Yeah.

- Only about three years.

- Wow.
- Yeah.

- Three years and you're
already here at "Fool Us"

doing close-up magic
with Penn and Teller.

- Yes.

- And is your family supportive?

- Yes, of course.
- Yeah.

- I wouldn't be
here without them.

That's true.

It's so brave to do these
tricks with Penn and Teller

sitting right in front of you.

- Well, of course, I
was nervous at first,

but once I got out, I just
kinda got into the zone.

- And so are you actually
good at physics as well?

- Yeah.

- I feel like you're
good at everything.

It's just a hunch.

I don't know, actually.

What other goals do
you have for yourself?

- I really, really
enjoy fencing.

- Ooh.
- It's just a really cool

combination of mental
and physical skills.

- All right, Stanley.

Let's see if Penn and Teller
know how you did your trick.

- All right.

- Stanley.

Yes.

- I want to apologize to you

'cause I think I cheated
a little bit on the game.

I asked you at the end,

if I could take
this prop with me

and I'm really not
supposed to do that.

I mean, during this section,
I can ask about props,

but I'm not supposed to
within the performance,

ask to grab something
you didn't offer to me.

And when I did it,
my heart kind of sunk

because I said, here's
this guy, he 16-years-old.

You've been in the
country. What? Three years?

- Three, four years.

- Four years. Been in
the country four years,

learning English,
learning magic.

I'm here on our show

and it was kind of a move...

To say, "Can I take this?"
and put you on the spot.

You don't have a
choice. You can't say no,

because that shows
how the trick is done.

So you have to say
yes, then we take it away.

And we bust the trick.
So I... I... I apologize.

I don't feel like this
is good or righteous

or I did the right thing.

I feel like I cheated
on the game

and then I looked
at this prop and...

- Yeah.

You fooled us.

You did it!

- Thank you.
- Yay! Congratulations!

- I'm kind of exonerated
from my cheating

because you fooled us anyway.

- Thank you so much.
Thank you, Penn.

Thank you, Teller.
- I shouldn't have done that.

- Thank you.

- I shouldn't have
done that but...

- Stanley Zhou!
- Thank you.

There goes one fine Fooler
with a "Fool Us" trophy.

Can another magician
fool our boys tonight?

Come back and find out.

- Welcome back.

Penn and Teller gave up
one "Fool Us" trophy so far.

They might give away
another to our next act.

Let's meet them.

- I'm a Michigan magician.

Try to say that five times fast.

I met my girlfriend, Jasmine,

at a magic
convention in Michigan

called the "Abbott's
Magic Get Together"

where we were both performing.

She really put a spell on me.

Fast forward a year,

and we have a little girl
named Paizley Abbott.

And that's so we remember
where she sprang from.

We do a lot of county fairs,

traveling around
Michigan and the Midwest.

I have a 30-foot trailer
with a built-in stage

and my very own
animatronic chicken.

People ask me if I ever
want to open a show in Vegas.

And I tell them, no, I'll do
it right here in Michigan,

'cause that's my home.

Tonight, I'll be
bringing out a trick

that's taken me
five years to perfect.

Since Battle Creek, Michigan

is the cereal
center of the world,

it takes a Michigan
magician to pull it off.

Penn, Teller, prepare for the
breakfast of magical champions.

- Give it up for Michigan's
own Jonathan Lachance.

- When I was a kid, to me,

nothing said magic more
than a bowl in a box of cereal.

And I'm not even
talking about the food.

I mean, on the inside
of every single box,

there was a prize at the bottom,

pour out some sugary,
over-processed grain,

get a toy. Magic.

Yeah, I know this was just a
cheap hook to sell more cereal,

but guess what? It worked.

Penn and Teller, in front
of you is an envelope.

Would you please open it?

Inside, you'll find a list

containing the top 20 common
items found in cereal boxes,

things like baseball
cards, snap bracelets,

and my personal
favorite, the mini terrarium,

because who doesn't
like a tiny garden of weeds

as a side order for cereal?

If you both could settle on
one prize you see on the list.

- No, no, they don't do that.

- Okay. We got one.
- All right. And what is it?

- X-ray specs.

- X-ray specs. Excellent choice.

- Thank you.
- Okay.

So now that we have the prize,
it's time to select the cereal.

And Alyson, would
you mind joining me

at the breakfast table?

- Gladly.

- So I have a bag with
six mini cereal boxes in it.

And can you verify
the bag is empty?

- Yes.
- Awesome.

And let's see what
choices we have.

We have Huffle Puffs.

Okay. We have Malt-O Magic.

And we have Presto Pops...
- Mm.

Mysteerios...

Hocus Oatus...

and lastly, Abra-cadapples.

Okay. Alyson, if you could
please shake up the bags

so we can make a
totally random selection.

Okay, keep shaking it up.

You good? Okay,
great.

Now that you've mixed up
our choices, let's pick one.

Reach inside and grab one
box. And what do we have?

- Yay, Presto Pops.
- Presto Pops.

And here's what
we could have had.

And Alyson, you want
to know something weird?

I knew that you were
going to pick this cereal

and that's because it
matches my prediction.

- Oh.

- It gets better. Watch.

If we open up the box
here on the inside...

Presto Pops.

Wow.

- Now... but there's more, okay?

If we fold up the box here...

And we have to use
a little magic for this,

and I think you actually have
something we need right here.

Just like that. Hold
on to that for me.

And take the bowl
and hold it right there

and wave the spoon
over the top of the box

and say, "sugar coma in a bowl."

Sugar coma in a bowl.

- And watch this.
- Wow.

- Just like that,
we have something

inside... inside the
box right there,

we have Presto Pops,
but there's actually a prize.

Penn, what was the
prize you guys selected?

- X-ray specs.

- You had a free
choice out of 20.

- We did.
- And what is in there?

X-ray specs. Now,
here's the thing.

We have 98% of the trick.

We have the bowl,
we have the prize,

we have the spoon,
and we have the cereal.

The only thing we
need now is the... here.

You know what? Take
a look inside the box.

Do you see anything
at the bottom?

- No.
- No?

That's because... oh.

Well, I guess there's one
thing that got past your eyes.

And when, I mean,
past your eyes,

I'm talking about the other 2%.

And that's a magical
breakfast of champions.

Jonathan Lachance.

So your mom never told
you to not play with your food?

- No. Well, that was
the biggest thing.

I used to take my grubby
little paws and stick them

all the way at the bottom
searching for that toy.

- Yes, or you
could just flip it open

and open it from the bottom.

- Yeah. I never thought of that.

- Right. So is this the
trick you're known for?

- So this is actually a trick

that I've been working
on for like five years and...

- Wow.
- And kind of a trick

I really wanted to
do on this show.

- It's pretty awesome.
- Thank you.

- Have you done lots of
virtual magic this year?

- I did.

I did a show for like
over 5,000 people

all over the world.

- So how else did
you spend your time?

- I became a firefighter.

- What!
- Yes.

- That's amazing.

- Yeah. I like to do stuff

in the public and
help the public out.

And with magic, I've done
a lot of, like, charity events

and so it was just kind
of a give back thing

that I wanted to do.

- All right, Jonathan,
let's see if Penn and Teller

can see through
your cereal trick.

- Awesome.

- Hey John, I'll tell you,
you've made "Fool Us" history.

- Yeah?

- We have not seen a
cereal magic routine before.

- Awesome.
- You've got it.

You own that whole area.
- Yeah.

- That was really,
really nice and funny.

And there's also, it's such a
magical premise, you know,

to have a box of
cereal, you know,

and have something
hidden in that box

is just this magical idea
that you're going to find...

You're going to find the
whole secret in the box

when you pour the stuff out.

Now, remember that
when I was a child,

you know, I had this little...

I had a little bag that
I carried to school.

My mom would give
me change in the bag.

I hid the change in the bag.

I'd go to the store,
buy the cereal,

then hidden in the box
was the whole secret.

And I'd pull that out
and it was just great.

And I don't think you
expected to fool us

with how you poured the
milk out and the cereal out.

We had a pretty
good idea on that.

And I think that as you're
listening between the lines

or underlining certain
words that I said,

I think you have an idea
what I'm saying to you

and I don't think you fooled us.

- I did not.
- Aw.

Oh, well, Jonathan,
you didn't fool them,

but we absolutely
loved that trick.

Thank you so much.
- Thank you.

Jonathan Lachance.

Penn and Teller
have talked the talk.

Now they get to walk the
walk with a trick of their own

when "Fool Us" returns.

- Joined by a randomly-selected
host of this show,

give it up for our
headliners, Penn and Teller.

- Alyson, so many
of these shows,

we've done a trick
for you at the end.

We think tonight, you
should do a trick for us,

more specifically for Teller.

You'll do all of this.

I'll just kind of
talk you through.

You've seen a lot
of magicians work.

You know the basic
idea, just go through it.

First, pull out
your deck of cards.

Open them up.
- Oh, jeez.

- Beautiful. Pull out the
cards, pull out the cards.

You can throw the
empty box on the floor

and get rid of... beautiful.
Now, give the cards a shuffle.

Say, "Teller, watch me shuffle."

- Shuffle. I mean,
Teller, watch me shuffle.

Not closely.

- Do a legitimate shuffle.

- I'm trying, but it's
a little intimidating.

- Do a legitimate shuffle.
- You guys are really, like...

- There you go.
Shuffle like a freak.

- Really famous magicians.
- Shuffle like a freak.

Beautiful, beautiful.

Want to shuffle some
more? Shuffle some more.

- My daughters always say

I need to practice
shuffling more.

- There you go.
- They're right.

- Now, give 'em a
cut, give 'em a cut.

- Okay. Okay. Okay.

- And when you complete the cut,

now say, "Teller."

- Teller!
- "Pick a card."

What you are going to do
is spread them out like this.

Turn them over like that.

- Gosh.
- Spread them out just like

that and say, "pick
any card you want."

- Pick a card,
any card you want!

- Get in your head.
Okay. He has got one.

- He has got one.
- Now, gather them up like that

and turn the deck
over, facedown,

put it right down
there and say, "Teller."

- Teller!

- "You're going to
remember your card?"

- You're going to
remember your card?

- "Wait a minute, Teller."

- Wait a minute, Teller.
- "You're a slimy weasel."

You're a slimy, cute weasel.

- "Who has been
riding his whole career

on the back of Penn."

Who's been...

- You don't have to say that.
- Okay.

- Just say,

"But I think you might change
your mind just to screw me up."

- I think you might change
your mind just to screw me up.

- "So write down the name
of the card you picked."

- So write down the name
of the card you picked.

Oh, he...

- "Just write it on
your arm. Who cares?"

- On your arm. Who cares?

- "Write down the name
of the card you picked."

- Write it down.
Don't let me see.

- Don't... yeah, that's
good. That's a good ad-lib.

- Okay, good.
- Really good.

Now say, "I will find
your card, Teller."

- I will find your card, Teller.

- Oh no, no. Watch this.
Show both hands empty.

Show it to Teller.
You've seen all this.

Now say, "I'll cut
right to your card."

- I will cut right to your card.

- Now, listen carefully Alyson.

Cut about a third
of the way down,

then turn it over and
put the right back on top.

- A third of the way down.
- Perfect.

- Right here. Oh, gosh.

- Turn it over, turn it over.
- Turn it over.

- And then, put it
back right on top.

- And then... oh, right on top.
- Beautiful.

And say," Five of
hearts. Is that your card?"

- Five of hearts!
Is that your card?

Oh, no.

- Now, you gotta bail out of it.

You say, "Of course
it's not your card.

- Of course, It's not your card.

- "That would be too easy."
- That'd be too easy.

- "Watch this."
- Watch this.

- Now you're going
to cut a little deeper.

Cut a little deeper, like
two-thirds of the way down.

- Two-thirds. Okay.

- Now turn it over
just like you did before.

Put it right back
down there and say,

"Three of hearts.
Is that your card?"

- Three of hearts.
Is that your card?

Aw. That would be
way too easy.

- Way too easy, way too easy.
- Way too easy.

- "Watch this, Teller."

- I will get this in at
least 52 more tries.

- Show your hands over there.

And them just spread
them out like this.

Just spread them out.

Now, take all the face-up cards.

You got to throw them
down over there with disdain

and say, "none of them!"

- None of them!
- Oh, your disdain is good.

Yeah.

- Now, get the card you cut
through, that card right there.

Slide it over here. Okay.

Now take all those
cards, gather those cards,

and then throw them
down with disdain and say,

"None of them!"

None of them!

- Boy, your disdain... you got
a lot of hate there, don't you?

- I'm so excited.

- So there's one card
left. Don't look at...

- I guess your energy
is very contagious.

- "Don't look at it."
- Don't look at it.

- Just say, "That's
one card left."

- One... one card left.
- Then say...

Then you're gonna do a recap
that's called closing the door.

- Okay.
- You're going to say,

"First of all, you saw
me shuffle the deck."

- First of all, you saw
me shuffle the deck.

- "And you picked one
card just in your mind."

- You picked one
card just in your mind.

- "I had you write it down
because you're a slimy weasel."

- I had you write it down
because you're a cute weasel.

- "And then I shuffled
and cut repeatedly."

- And then I shuffled
and I cut repeatedly.

- "And there's
only one card left."

- And there's
only one card left.

- "And I can't change my mind."

- And I can't change my mind.

- "And you can't
change your mind."

- And you can't
change your mind.

- "Watch this, Teller.

Alyson is going
to blow your mind."

- I'm going to blow your mind!

- "Teller, what
card did you pick?"

- "What card did you pick?"

- Six of...
- The six of spades.

Watch this, Teller.

Show both your hands empty

then show Teller
your hands empty.

Then reach down, take that card.

Take a look at it and
make sure you're right

so don't freak out.

- The six of spades!
- Six of spades!

I did it!
- Yes, that's Alyson!

I wanna thank you from
all of tonight's magicians,

including Alyson.

Goodnight from Las Vegas.

Tune in next week to
see Alyson Hannigan

and all her shenanigans.

- Yay, it's, like, so easy.

Easy?

- I loved that.

Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.