Party Down (2009–2010): Season 1, Episode 3 - Pepper McMasters Singles Seminar - full transcript
The Party Down crew is dismayed to discover that the singles mixer they're working is for seniors. Constance wants nothing to do these aged guests, including Bruce, an ex-lover from years past. Henry gives his unwanted advice to Casey about her move to Vermont. Kyle tries to get back at Roman with the help of one of Bruce's pills. And a marijuana cigarette tests Ron's supervisory chops. A nurse, a cop, and the kiss of life bring the party to its climax.
Dude,this is gonna be so awesome.
What's gonna be awesome?
Single mixer.
Roomful of lonely ladies!
And fellas.
Fish in a barrel,man.
We are all getting way laid,right?
Oh,good.
Really,last time this guy
hooked up with one girl,
hour later,hooked up with her twin.
And twins!
Actually I figured out later it was
just the same girl who put a sweater on.
- I see.
- Okay
people?What do I say?
What do I say all the time?
No personal business...
on...
- company...
- property.
- Pond.
- Time.
-=www.ydy.com/bbs=-
Sync:YTET-???ߵ???
Party.Down
Season1 Episode03
Pepper McMasters Singles Seminar
What the fuck is this?
It's like a nightmare dream sequence.
Am I the only one who thinks
this is like,really wrong?
Wrong,how?
Uh,I dunno,all these old people cruisin''
around,trying to fuck each other.
Well they're probably divorced,
or widowed and haven't been single
in a while,they need something.
So play cribbage.
My grandma is not for
cruising around like a skank.
Ugh,those hands,veins,and spots.
Groping each other all over.
Yuck!
Wrinkled parts pounding
against wrinkled parts.
They're flirting.
I mean seriously lady,that guy's scrotum
has got to be like three feet long.
Two eggs in a tube sock.
I mean,could he even get it up?
Nah,they
just--
wag it around till it
shoots little puffs of dust.
Sick.
Why is everything an ultimatum?
Like,that's what I don't understand.
Yeah because I'm finishing
my show,you know that.
And I have those aud--
i do have auditions!
Look I don't know,okay?
So I have to go,okay?
Can I-- can I
please call you back?
Thank you.
Hey.
Hey,uh,kyle is looking for you.
Doubtful.
I mean he's still fuckin'
crying about the fact
that he shaved off his eyebrow
and fucked up that audition.
Okay.
You know,I mean he
shaved his own eyebrow.
- He had the clippers.
- Okay.
So what's going on with you?
- Hey,we up for tonight?
- Hey.
- Henry.
- Smiles?
I'm smiling ron,new me.
Love it,the new henry.
Good.
Okay.
Remember no staring.
Okay,they're just a bunch of old people
just doing the best they can.
So don't stare.
Just pretend they're not there.
Do our job and pretend
they're not there.
Ron,you're kinda staring.
Um...
old people freak me out.
Have you ever seen it?
Seen--
seen what?
Them.
Doing...
it.
Have you?
Disney world,I was eight years old.
I got sick,I went back to my hotel.
Walked in on my
grandparents,they didn't notice.
They just kept...
their mouths...
and...
their hands,it was like
watching a mummy battle.
Two whites and an old fashioned.
What's like a mummy battle?
His grandparent's fucking.
- Don'T.
- Well,sure.
- Don'T.
- Go circulate.
Why would
you--
please make me a vodka.
Coming right up.
Check this out.
Got something going on here.
Hey!
Look at that,where'd
you get those new moves?
Well,as I sat in my
studio apartment last night
trying to decide between
falling asleep on the couch
or walking the four feet to the bed,
a show came on about this cop
and how this slasher
killed his entire family.
Okay...
with his whole life shattered,
this guy became like a super cop.
Ya know?
So I thought,wow,I should do that.
- Let the job fill my emptiness.
- This job?
Are you talking about this
job or becoming a super cop?
'Cause listen,I watch the shield.
I don't really see you
lasting on the streets.
No I meant bartending.
Bartending,well thank god.
Um,you doing okay?
No.
No,no.
Sorry to hear that.
- You are super bartender.
- Told ya.
- Yeah.
- Hello everyone!
I'm pepper mcmasters!
Thank you,thank you,thank you.
Welcome to seniorlicous!
If you read my book,you know that
we're gonna take your single senior life
and add a little pepper.
Because love and romance
isn't just for kids,is it?
No,no,no.
Well all need it,and we all can get it!
Yes!
Absolutely!
So our presentation will begin shortly,
but ya know,in the
meantime just loosen up,
live a little,and uh,get
ready for a surprise or two.
Surprises?
Surprises,they're coming.
Hey roman,congrats man.
I heard that george lucas totally loved
your script,everyone's talking about it.
Yeah,first of all I told no one
about that little message you left me.
Second,everyone knows
lucas is kiddy bullshit.
I'm hard sci-fi.
And never the twain shall meet.
Kick ass revenge bro.
Kick ass.
Geez.
Scotch rocks.
Nice lookin' crowd.
It's not really my scene.
You don't date?
Not old people.
You will someday.
I'll probably do like a
michael douglas thing,ya know?
Grab some young hottie.
Ah,so you're an actor.
But not really a michael douglas type.
I'm more of a colin farrell,ya know?
Dangerous,yet vulnerable.
Well,if doesn't
work out--
uh,it'll work out.
But if it doesn'T.
It will.
Yeah,but if it doesn't,this
might be you in 40 years.
But,why bother?
I don't mean to be rude but,isn't
everything all dried up and limp anyway?
Kid,this is the 21st century.
Hey uh,okay so this is a text message.
So there's like grammatical
issues or whatever,
but,bottom line: "Btm line" uh,"
so-called career = chldsh blshit,"
which I-- I'm assuming
is childish bullshit.
Uh,"if give fck anything but yrself,
buy tket--" I
don't even know.
Buy ticket.
Oh,yeah like a ticket to vermont.
Yeah,buy a ticket to vermont.
Yikes.
Really?
Is it-- yeah I mean is
that-- dickish actually.
Yeah.
Because I've been trying to
think,like maybe he's right.
And I'm wrong,ya know?
Like maybe he's a good guy
and I'm just the asshole
who's breaking up the whole marriage.
- Of I at first thought I was the
- sure.
The good guy,but
I-- I dunno.
I really-- I-- I
don't even know.
Okay.
Splitsville man,for sure.
You think?
It's in her body language.
I can read her body.
She's back on the market man if you're
thinking about having a go,get in line bro.
Whoa,there's a line?
Yeah.
I'm ahead of you 'cause
you're the new guy.
- Alright.
- Alright good.
Didn't know you were into her,so...
she's alright.
She's not the hottest girl,
but I'm not the kinda
guy who's gonna be like,
oh,she's-- ya know,her
brain is a nine.
What about her tits?
I mean don't get me
wrong,she's got nice tits.
I'd give them a six.
And her face is decent.
I give that a six or a seven.
Body,go to the gym.
Once in a while,tone up the stomach.
Overall right now,a six or a seven body.
Eyes are really nice but ya know,
some makeup would be nice to kinda
bring them out a little bit more.
And then her hair,brown,nice.
Like the brown carpet.
I prefer linoleum.
But I-- overall
it's a 6.8
6.9 6.8,6.89
That's what I'd say.
That guy gets you up
and ready right away.
These guys,more of a
mellow all day style.
These babies take care
of the aches and pains.
This shit's practically straight speed.
Keep the right
balance,dude,I'm a teenager.
That is amazing.
Uh,and that one right
there is the insta-boner?
Mmm-hmmm.
Um,you think I could keep one of those?
- For shizzle.
- For shizzle.
Anything useful?
Mmm,yeah,I bet you don't know
what the biggest sexual organ is.
- Well that would be
my throbbing-- brain.
It's your brain.
Exactly,my throbbing five inch brain.
- Five inch brain?
- Casey.
- What?
- Circulating.
Oh,constance!
I'm sorry?
Constance carmell!
Oh honey,think!
Cabo,every night tequila and a
new page from the karma sutra.
David.
No,how about...
"you're the only man
I ever let go up there.
" Oh,uh jeffrey,todd,t-bone...
no,hold on.
You can't have forgotten about this.
- Huh?
- Uh,I dunno.
- Um,bruce.
- Yes!
Bruce wingstreet!
Bruce nesbitt.
Bruce nesbitt!
- Yeah.
- Oh my gosh.
What happened to your face?
Nothing.
It's been 25 years,I got a line or two.
Yeah.
It's been 25 years huh?
Yeah.
Honey,you look great.
Can I buy you a drink?
Um...
no.
No personal business on company pond.
Rough out there.
Got any tips?
No.
Hey.
Um,can I get you anything?
No.
I just got hit on by one
of the creepy old freaks.
Whatcha doin'?
Revenge.
I'm getting back at roman.
- Poison?
- Boner pill.
Hey kyle.
Hey man what's up.
Lady in the pantsuit said she'd give you
a blow-j in the back of her buick skylark.
Even take out her teeth.
Give me a ginger ale.
I'm parched.
It's rough out there,fella's just
trying to get some bartender advise.
Geez mister,I dunno.
It's not exactly our scene,is it fellas?
My advise,matlock.
I did a matlock.
- You ever play a corpse?
- No.
Character with no life?
Not allowed to breathe,can't even move?
- That's a challenge.
- Amazing.
So you're an actress.
Wipe your mouth.
Listen,my advise to you
would be leave us alone.
Okay?
Leave us alone.
Sorry about her.
Where the fuck is my ginger ale?
Here you go,sorry about that.
Sweet,real speedy.
Dick.
Bad back.
Rolled my horse on the beach in phuket.
Scotch.
Sounds a lot more fun than
how I screwed up my back.
I'd share but it was my last one.
Unless you go for the all natural stuff.
Why yes I do.
Hey henry,what's up?
Uh not much,just headed to the john.
Drop the deuce.
Just uh,actually meeting a
man who offered me some pot.
Oh hey,I could really use a mellow.
Yeah?
Let me get rid of this and I'll meet
you in the little boy's in a couple.
I dunno,you know,I
don't really-- o-- okay.
So you flamed out huh?
Acting thing was a bust.
Total bust,yeah yeah.
Total...
complete fuckin' bust.
Money,celebrity,who wants the trouble?
Why do you think you don't see old
dudes like me trying to be famous?
We know better.
Okay.
There's really only four things
in life that are important.
You got friendship,mmm?
Love.
Sex,bada bing,that's why
I come to these things.
That's only three things.
Oh yeah,shit.
I forgot the other one.
Is it work?
Like uh,career?
No,it's a really big one.
Let's get high!
Hey uh,ron wants you
to tuck your shirt in.
What,you don't wanna tuck it in?
What's your problem?
Tuck it in.
Happy?
Queerbot,what
the--
it is exciting.
- Right?
- Yeah!
Oh,are you kidding me?
I get to travel,I meet
new people,everyday is new.
I finally,without a man,living the
life I've always wanted to live.
And it's not like you're
just some piece of furniture
that he moves from the
old house to the new house.
Right.Yeah.
- Right.
- I mean it should be like that.
You know,you should live your life.
You should write your name
on the earth in gasoline
and just like light that shit on fire.
Yes,yes!
- It's our right!
- It is our right!
We should grab it,we
should seize it,it's ours.
Have you ever given this
speech to somebody before
and they like did
exactly what you're saying
and then it totally
ruined their whole life?
Shoot,I'm on!
Oh,alright.
Um,okay bye.
I--
okay.
- Remember the wrap party for hooper where the stunt guy
- oh yes.
Jumped off the roof into the pool.
You know what happened?
You know what happened?
Uh,yeah he jumped in the pool.
Fractured his skull.
That sounds horrible.
Did we mention he was naked?
He was completely naked.
That sounds-- that
still sounds horrible.
Oh my god it was so hilarious.
Oh and the coke was so good back then.
- Oh yeah.
- Remember?
I mean the shit they're
snorting today,my god.
It's like baby formula.
Come on,why bother?
It's like having a strong
cup of coffee or something.
You know?Big freakin' deal.
Yeah.
Do you remember when we
did it in the phone booth?
Do you remember that we were in
glass and that everybody could see in.
Or the time we did it in the
yard when I broke my hand?
You broke your hand!
- It was crazy!
- Plaster all over both of us.
We did-- we had sex
in some insane places.
- Insane.
- And it was so much fun.
It was so much fun.
I had a good time.
It was a good time.
Henry,what is the craziest
place that you ever made love?
A bed.
What'd he say?
- What'd he say?
- Bed.
What-- what'd
we ask him?
I don't know.
What do you say connie
,when you get off let's say we
take this party back to my place.
I dunno.
I don't think I want to.
I have to go to the bathroom.
Harsh.
I didn't really go.
I know.
Scotch.
Man,I do not get women.
Dude,you said that pill
gives you an instant boner.
It's not like pushing a button.
Still need the right
mood and everything.
Or is that gay?
To you kids,everything's gay now.
Shit,I am high as a kite.
Give me that,I gotta even my keel.
Yeah.
I don't see why you couldn't
at least give him your number.
He's old.
Well,how old are you?
What do you mean?
In years.
You're as young as you
feel henry and I feel super.
What are you,like 48?
Okay,well you did it
on the set of hooper.
That was 30 years ago.
Don't remind me.
But if you're as young
as you feel and so is he,
and you guys both feel the
way you did 30 years ago
when you had a great time together,
then aren't you both still like...
the same person?
Wait,what?
- What?
- I don't know,I'm sorry.
I-- I'm so
fuckin' high.
It's
just--
I wish I had someone that...
I got along with the
way you guys get along.
There are four things
that are important in life.
Friendship,love,and sex.
- What's the fourth one?
- What?
What's the fourth one,you said there was
what are you constance,
what are you do
Is that pot?
My god it stinks like pot
in here,what are you doing?
Pot.
Smoking pot.
God dammit what happened
to the new henry?
I-- now I-- shirt
smells like pot.
Okay you know what?
I'm not gonna bust you guys
for smoking pot on the job.
Even though I should,because
it's really wrong.
Okay,this is me,ron.
Giving you two a little straight talk.
You-- you're aware that I used
to party pretty hard,right?
Oh,yeah.
Yeah you made a bong out of cheese.
Oh my gosh.
I wanna show you something.
Four years ago I vowed to get straight.
I put this in my wallet
as a constant reminder.
I don't know what I'm
looking at here ron.
You
don't--
do you remember my party
buddy kevin cathcart?
No.
That's where his foot used to be.
So pot made his foot fall off?
No.
He became an alcoholic,
mixed gin and percoset
on his way to work,
he crashed the company van
into a tree and lost his foot.
God.
Where does pot fit in?
He smoked a lot of pot!
That's a leg?
Made footless.
By pot.
Get it?
Give me this.
Straight talk.
Thanks ron.
Thanks ron.
Oh,hello.
- Hey.
- Uh,are you here for something?
Working the event,like you.
That the men's room?
Uh,why?
What do you mean,why?
Why-- I wouldn't go
in there if I were you.
I mean I didn't stink
up the place ya know,
not my thing when I'm working
but there's an old
guy in there and uh...
he has some bowel
problems and he can't see
so it's-- quite frankly
it's a little messy in there.
I'd use the bathroom down the hallway.
It's not far.
So.
Seniors,god what a word,huh?
Yuck.
But maybe it's because we're
just not looking at it right.
Sexy!
That's right,that's right!
Okay that's good.
But you know,you guys won't admit it
because you think that once you get
older you have to act all dignified.
Yes sir.
How am I supposed to be sexy?
If I can't even stand up!
I'm glad you asked.
If you read chapter nine,"sexy time",
you'd know that your biggest sex organ,
and I don't care who
you are,is your brain.
That's where it starts.
Respect yourself,respect your body,
and then other people will respect you.
Don't be afraid to seize the moment.
Think of how exciting it
was to be in high school
and have all those nervous feelings,
and who wouldn't want to
go back to high school!
Yes,are there any questions?
okay,oh you again.
Okay,yes sir?
Isn't this whole thing
kinda undignified?
You know what fred?
What I really think you
need to do is loosen up.
- Huh?
- Yeah she's right fred.
You need to loosen up a little.
You should listen to your nurse.
Yeah.
Oh my god!
I told you there would be surprises!
Bet you're all wishing
you had a nurse like this.
Okay!
So I just got really high,
and I had the weirdest
fucking thing happen.
I'm getting a divorce.
Oh my gosh.
Oh my gosh.
Cut the music!
Oh my gosh.Cut the music!
Nurse.Nurse!
What are you--
what's happening?
She's not a nurse.
Now do something!
okay,okay,what's all the commotion?
Oh,officer.
We got a man down,and
this woman is not a nurse.
Yeah,uh...
I took a class!
I took a class,
we'll do a two man version
you're gonna do the back,
you're gonna breathe--
and whatever that entails,
and I'm gonna-- and I'm
gonna smush the heart.
Oh shit!
- Is he dead?
- What?
Listen,listen to me!
This is what you were trained for!
He's a stripper.They're both strippers.
Do something!
Doctor?
Is someone here a doctor?
Is anybody a doctor?
There's no doctor!
Okay,you took the class.
Come on,do it,do it,do it.
It's a
series--
it's a series of breaths
and compressions-- oh!
15 to two ratio.
That's right,15 to two ratio.
Here we go.
I was a girl scout.
Come on.
It's okay,come on.
Come on.
Two.
Three.
Oh no,it's the other way around!
Just two breaths.
No,you can't tell me that now!
Two breaths,two breaths,two breaths.
Bruce,no don't be dead!
Don't be dead,oh god
bruce,please don't be dead.
Oh please bruce!
Bruce,please live!
I'm too young!
You can't die!
Bruce,please,please.
Live,dammit,you bastard!
Okay,that's one.
Is this part of the seminar?
Yes!
Yes it is.
Yes it's part of the seminar.
You see,you gotta be
prepared,you gotta be sexy!
Seniorlicious!
Tell your friends!
Sorry,I thought this was the men's room.
- Jesus!
- It's not.
And again service--
knock it off!
Excellent.
Can't get any higher than that.
Oh henry,where've you been?
Guess what?
The bar's not gonna pack itself.
Where's constance?
So uh,see you later then.
- See you later.
- Okay.
Hey casey,grab those boxes for me.
Yep.
No,calm down.
Hey um,casey I just
wanted to say that we heard
what's happening in your personal
life with your marriage and stuff,
I wanted to let you know
that if you need anything,
someone to talk to,you
know,maybe you just need a hug.
So ni-- oh
thanks roman.
What the fuck?
- Oh fuck look,I-- that-
is that-- real-- okay,sure.
In my pocket.
Fuck.
Snap,motherfucker!
-=www.ydy.com/bbs=-
Sync:YTET-???ߵ???
Party.Down
Season1 Episode03
What's gonna be awesome?
Single mixer.
Roomful of lonely ladies!
And fellas.
Fish in a barrel,man.
We are all getting way laid,right?
Oh,good.
Really,last time this guy
hooked up with one girl,
hour later,hooked up with her twin.
And twins!
Actually I figured out later it was
just the same girl who put a sweater on.
- I see.
- Okay
people?What do I say?
What do I say all the time?
No personal business...
on...
- company...
- property.
- Pond.
- Time.
-=www.ydy.com/bbs=-
Sync:YTET-???ߵ???
Party.Down
Season1 Episode03
Pepper McMasters Singles Seminar
What the fuck is this?
It's like a nightmare dream sequence.
Am I the only one who thinks
this is like,really wrong?
Wrong,how?
Uh,I dunno,all these old people cruisin''
around,trying to fuck each other.
Well they're probably divorced,
or widowed and haven't been single
in a while,they need something.
So play cribbage.
My grandma is not for
cruising around like a skank.
Ugh,those hands,veins,and spots.
Groping each other all over.
Yuck!
Wrinkled parts pounding
against wrinkled parts.
They're flirting.
I mean seriously lady,that guy's scrotum
has got to be like three feet long.
Two eggs in a tube sock.
I mean,could he even get it up?
Nah,they
just--
wag it around till it
shoots little puffs of dust.
Sick.
Why is everything an ultimatum?
Like,that's what I don't understand.
Yeah because I'm finishing
my show,you know that.
And I have those aud--
i do have auditions!
Look I don't know,okay?
So I have to go,okay?
Can I-- can I
please call you back?
Thank you.
Hey.
Hey,uh,kyle is looking for you.
Doubtful.
I mean he's still fuckin'
crying about the fact
that he shaved off his eyebrow
and fucked up that audition.
Okay.
You know,I mean he
shaved his own eyebrow.
- He had the clippers.
- Okay.
So what's going on with you?
- Hey,we up for tonight?
- Hey.
- Henry.
- Smiles?
I'm smiling ron,new me.
Love it,the new henry.
Good.
Okay.
Remember no staring.
Okay,they're just a bunch of old people
just doing the best they can.
So don't stare.
Just pretend they're not there.
Do our job and pretend
they're not there.
Ron,you're kinda staring.
Um...
old people freak me out.
Have you ever seen it?
Seen--
seen what?
Them.
Doing...
it.
Have you?
Disney world,I was eight years old.
I got sick,I went back to my hotel.
Walked in on my
grandparents,they didn't notice.
They just kept...
their mouths...
and...
their hands,it was like
watching a mummy battle.
Two whites and an old fashioned.
What's like a mummy battle?
His grandparent's fucking.
- Don'T.
- Well,sure.
- Don'T.
- Go circulate.
Why would
you--
please make me a vodka.
Coming right up.
Check this out.
Got something going on here.
Hey!
Look at that,where'd
you get those new moves?
Well,as I sat in my
studio apartment last night
trying to decide between
falling asleep on the couch
or walking the four feet to the bed,
a show came on about this cop
and how this slasher
killed his entire family.
Okay...
with his whole life shattered,
this guy became like a super cop.
Ya know?
So I thought,wow,I should do that.
- Let the job fill my emptiness.
- This job?
Are you talking about this
job or becoming a super cop?
'Cause listen,I watch the shield.
I don't really see you
lasting on the streets.
No I meant bartending.
Bartending,well thank god.
Um,you doing okay?
No.
No,no.
Sorry to hear that.
- You are super bartender.
- Told ya.
- Yeah.
- Hello everyone!
I'm pepper mcmasters!
Thank you,thank you,thank you.
Welcome to seniorlicous!
If you read my book,you know that
we're gonna take your single senior life
and add a little pepper.
Because love and romance
isn't just for kids,is it?
No,no,no.
Well all need it,and we all can get it!
Yes!
Absolutely!
So our presentation will begin shortly,
but ya know,in the
meantime just loosen up,
live a little,and uh,get
ready for a surprise or two.
Surprises?
Surprises,they're coming.
Hey roman,congrats man.
I heard that george lucas totally loved
your script,everyone's talking about it.
Yeah,first of all I told no one
about that little message you left me.
Second,everyone knows
lucas is kiddy bullshit.
I'm hard sci-fi.
And never the twain shall meet.
Kick ass revenge bro.
Kick ass.
Geez.
Scotch rocks.
Nice lookin' crowd.
It's not really my scene.
You don't date?
Not old people.
You will someday.
I'll probably do like a
michael douglas thing,ya know?
Grab some young hottie.
Ah,so you're an actor.
But not really a michael douglas type.
I'm more of a colin farrell,ya know?
Dangerous,yet vulnerable.
Well,if doesn't
work out--
uh,it'll work out.
But if it doesn'T.
It will.
Yeah,but if it doesn't,this
might be you in 40 years.
But,why bother?
I don't mean to be rude but,isn't
everything all dried up and limp anyway?
Kid,this is the 21st century.
Hey uh,okay so this is a text message.
So there's like grammatical
issues or whatever,
but,bottom line: "Btm line" uh,"
so-called career = chldsh blshit,"
which I-- I'm assuming
is childish bullshit.
Uh,"if give fck anything but yrself,
buy tket--" I
don't even know.
Buy ticket.
Oh,yeah like a ticket to vermont.
Yeah,buy a ticket to vermont.
Yikes.
Really?
Is it-- yeah I mean is
that-- dickish actually.
Yeah.
Because I've been trying to
think,like maybe he's right.
And I'm wrong,ya know?
Like maybe he's a good guy
and I'm just the asshole
who's breaking up the whole marriage.
- Of I at first thought I was the
- sure.
The good guy,but
I-- I dunno.
I really-- I-- I
don't even know.
Okay.
Splitsville man,for sure.
You think?
It's in her body language.
I can read her body.
She's back on the market man if you're
thinking about having a go,get in line bro.
Whoa,there's a line?
Yeah.
I'm ahead of you 'cause
you're the new guy.
- Alright.
- Alright good.
Didn't know you were into her,so...
she's alright.
She's not the hottest girl,
but I'm not the kinda
guy who's gonna be like,
oh,she's-- ya know,her
brain is a nine.
What about her tits?
I mean don't get me
wrong,she's got nice tits.
I'd give them a six.
And her face is decent.
I give that a six or a seven.
Body,go to the gym.
Once in a while,tone up the stomach.
Overall right now,a six or a seven body.
Eyes are really nice but ya know,
some makeup would be nice to kinda
bring them out a little bit more.
And then her hair,brown,nice.
Like the brown carpet.
I prefer linoleum.
But I-- overall
it's a 6.8
6.9 6.8,6.89
That's what I'd say.
That guy gets you up
and ready right away.
These guys,more of a
mellow all day style.
These babies take care
of the aches and pains.
This shit's practically straight speed.
Keep the right
balance,dude,I'm a teenager.
That is amazing.
Uh,and that one right
there is the insta-boner?
Mmm-hmmm.
Um,you think I could keep one of those?
- For shizzle.
- For shizzle.
Anything useful?
Mmm,yeah,I bet you don't know
what the biggest sexual organ is.
- Well that would be
my throbbing-- brain.
It's your brain.
Exactly,my throbbing five inch brain.
- Five inch brain?
- Casey.
- What?
- Circulating.
Oh,constance!
I'm sorry?
Constance carmell!
Oh honey,think!
Cabo,every night tequila and a
new page from the karma sutra.
David.
No,how about...
"you're the only man
I ever let go up there.
" Oh,uh jeffrey,todd,t-bone...
no,hold on.
You can't have forgotten about this.
- Huh?
- Uh,I dunno.
- Um,bruce.
- Yes!
Bruce wingstreet!
Bruce nesbitt.
Bruce nesbitt!
- Yeah.
- Oh my gosh.
What happened to your face?
Nothing.
It's been 25 years,I got a line or two.
Yeah.
It's been 25 years huh?
Yeah.
Honey,you look great.
Can I buy you a drink?
Um...
no.
No personal business on company pond.
Rough out there.
Got any tips?
No.
Hey.
Um,can I get you anything?
No.
I just got hit on by one
of the creepy old freaks.
Whatcha doin'?
Revenge.
I'm getting back at roman.
- Poison?
- Boner pill.
Hey kyle.
Hey man what's up.
Lady in the pantsuit said she'd give you
a blow-j in the back of her buick skylark.
Even take out her teeth.
Give me a ginger ale.
I'm parched.
It's rough out there,fella's just
trying to get some bartender advise.
Geez mister,I dunno.
It's not exactly our scene,is it fellas?
My advise,matlock.
I did a matlock.
- You ever play a corpse?
- No.
Character with no life?
Not allowed to breathe,can't even move?
- That's a challenge.
- Amazing.
So you're an actress.
Wipe your mouth.
Listen,my advise to you
would be leave us alone.
Okay?
Leave us alone.
Sorry about her.
Where the fuck is my ginger ale?
Here you go,sorry about that.
Sweet,real speedy.
Dick.
Bad back.
Rolled my horse on the beach in phuket.
Scotch.
Sounds a lot more fun than
how I screwed up my back.
I'd share but it was my last one.
Unless you go for the all natural stuff.
Why yes I do.
Hey henry,what's up?
Uh not much,just headed to the john.
Drop the deuce.
Just uh,actually meeting a
man who offered me some pot.
Oh hey,I could really use a mellow.
Yeah?
Let me get rid of this and I'll meet
you in the little boy's in a couple.
I dunno,you know,I
don't really-- o-- okay.
So you flamed out huh?
Acting thing was a bust.
Total bust,yeah yeah.
Total...
complete fuckin' bust.
Money,celebrity,who wants the trouble?
Why do you think you don't see old
dudes like me trying to be famous?
We know better.
Okay.
There's really only four things
in life that are important.
You got friendship,mmm?
Love.
Sex,bada bing,that's why
I come to these things.
That's only three things.
Oh yeah,shit.
I forgot the other one.
Is it work?
Like uh,career?
No,it's a really big one.
Let's get high!
Hey uh,ron wants you
to tuck your shirt in.
What,you don't wanna tuck it in?
What's your problem?
Tuck it in.
Happy?
Queerbot,what
the--
it is exciting.
- Right?
- Yeah!
Oh,are you kidding me?
I get to travel,I meet
new people,everyday is new.
I finally,without a man,living the
life I've always wanted to live.
And it's not like you're
just some piece of furniture
that he moves from the
old house to the new house.
Right.Yeah.
- Right.
- I mean it should be like that.
You know,you should live your life.
You should write your name
on the earth in gasoline
and just like light that shit on fire.
Yes,yes!
- It's our right!
- It is our right!
We should grab it,we
should seize it,it's ours.
Have you ever given this
speech to somebody before
and they like did
exactly what you're saying
and then it totally
ruined their whole life?
Shoot,I'm on!
Oh,alright.
Um,okay bye.
I--
okay.
- Remember the wrap party for hooper where the stunt guy
- oh yes.
Jumped off the roof into the pool.
You know what happened?
You know what happened?
Uh,yeah he jumped in the pool.
Fractured his skull.
That sounds horrible.
Did we mention he was naked?
He was completely naked.
That sounds-- that
still sounds horrible.
Oh my god it was so hilarious.
Oh and the coke was so good back then.
- Oh yeah.
- Remember?
I mean the shit they're
snorting today,my god.
It's like baby formula.
Come on,why bother?
It's like having a strong
cup of coffee or something.
You know?Big freakin' deal.
Yeah.
Do you remember when we
did it in the phone booth?
Do you remember that we were in
glass and that everybody could see in.
Or the time we did it in the
yard when I broke my hand?
You broke your hand!
- It was crazy!
- Plaster all over both of us.
We did-- we had sex
in some insane places.
- Insane.
- And it was so much fun.
It was so much fun.
I had a good time.
It was a good time.
Henry,what is the craziest
place that you ever made love?
A bed.
What'd he say?
- What'd he say?
- Bed.
What-- what'd
we ask him?
I don't know.
What do you say connie
,when you get off let's say we
take this party back to my place.
I dunno.
I don't think I want to.
I have to go to the bathroom.
Harsh.
I didn't really go.
I know.
Scotch.
Man,I do not get women.
Dude,you said that pill
gives you an instant boner.
It's not like pushing a button.
Still need the right
mood and everything.
Or is that gay?
To you kids,everything's gay now.
Shit,I am high as a kite.
Give me that,I gotta even my keel.
Yeah.
I don't see why you couldn't
at least give him your number.
He's old.
Well,how old are you?
What do you mean?
In years.
You're as young as you
feel henry and I feel super.
What are you,like 48?
Okay,well you did it
on the set of hooper.
That was 30 years ago.
Don't remind me.
But if you're as young
as you feel and so is he,
and you guys both feel the
way you did 30 years ago
when you had a great time together,
then aren't you both still like...
the same person?
Wait,what?
- What?
- I don't know,I'm sorry.
I-- I'm so
fuckin' high.
It's
just--
I wish I had someone that...
I got along with the
way you guys get along.
There are four things
that are important in life.
Friendship,love,and sex.
- What's the fourth one?
- What?
What's the fourth one,you said there was
what are you constance,
what are you do
Is that pot?
My god it stinks like pot
in here,what are you doing?
Pot.
Smoking pot.
God dammit what happened
to the new henry?
I-- now I-- shirt
smells like pot.
Okay you know what?
I'm not gonna bust you guys
for smoking pot on the job.
Even though I should,because
it's really wrong.
Okay,this is me,ron.
Giving you two a little straight talk.
You-- you're aware that I used
to party pretty hard,right?
Oh,yeah.
Yeah you made a bong out of cheese.
Oh my gosh.
I wanna show you something.
Four years ago I vowed to get straight.
I put this in my wallet
as a constant reminder.
I don't know what I'm
looking at here ron.
You
don't--
do you remember my party
buddy kevin cathcart?
No.
That's where his foot used to be.
So pot made his foot fall off?
No.
He became an alcoholic,
mixed gin and percoset
on his way to work,
he crashed the company van
into a tree and lost his foot.
God.
Where does pot fit in?
He smoked a lot of pot!
That's a leg?
Made footless.
By pot.
Get it?
Give me this.
Straight talk.
Thanks ron.
Thanks ron.
Oh,hello.
- Hey.
- Uh,are you here for something?
Working the event,like you.
That the men's room?
Uh,why?
What do you mean,why?
Why-- I wouldn't go
in there if I were you.
I mean I didn't stink
up the place ya know,
not my thing when I'm working
but there's an old
guy in there and uh...
he has some bowel
problems and he can't see
so it's-- quite frankly
it's a little messy in there.
I'd use the bathroom down the hallway.
It's not far.
So.
Seniors,god what a word,huh?
Yuck.
But maybe it's because we're
just not looking at it right.
Sexy!
That's right,that's right!
Okay that's good.
But you know,you guys won't admit it
because you think that once you get
older you have to act all dignified.
Yes sir.
How am I supposed to be sexy?
If I can't even stand up!
I'm glad you asked.
If you read chapter nine,"sexy time",
you'd know that your biggest sex organ,
and I don't care who
you are,is your brain.
That's where it starts.
Respect yourself,respect your body,
and then other people will respect you.
Don't be afraid to seize the moment.
Think of how exciting it
was to be in high school
and have all those nervous feelings,
and who wouldn't want to
go back to high school!
Yes,are there any questions?
okay,oh you again.
Okay,yes sir?
Isn't this whole thing
kinda undignified?
You know what fred?
What I really think you
need to do is loosen up.
- Huh?
- Yeah she's right fred.
You need to loosen up a little.
You should listen to your nurse.
Yeah.
Oh my god!
I told you there would be surprises!
Bet you're all wishing
you had a nurse like this.
Okay!
So I just got really high,
and I had the weirdest
fucking thing happen.
I'm getting a divorce.
Oh my gosh.
Oh my gosh.
Cut the music!
Oh my gosh.Cut the music!
Nurse.Nurse!
What are you--
what's happening?
She's not a nurse.
Now do something!
okay,okay,what's all the commotion?
Oh,officer.
We got a man down,and
this woman is not a nurse.
Yeah,uh...
I took a class!
I took a class,
we'll do a two man version
you're gonna do the back,
you're gonna breathe--
and whatever that entails,
and I'm gonna-- and I'm
gonna smush the heart.
Oh shit!
- Is he dead?
- What?
Listen,listen to me!
This is what you were trained for!
He's a stripper.They're both strippers.
Do something!
Doctor?
Is someone here a doctor?
Is anybody a doctor?
There's no doctor!
Okay,you took the class.
Come on,do it,do it,do it.
It's a
series--
it's a series of breaths
and compressions-- oh!
15 to two ratio.
That's right,15 to two ratio.
Here we go.
I was a girl scout.
Come on.
It's okay,come on.
Come on.
Two.
Three.
Oh no,it's the other way around!
Just two breaths.
No,you can't tell me that now!
Two breaths,two breaths,two breaths.
Bruce,no don't be dead!
Don't be dead,oh god
bruce,please don't be dead.
Oh please bruce!
Bruce,please live!
I'm too young!
You can't die!
Bruce,please,please.
Live,dammit,you bastard!
Okay,that's one.
Is this part of the seminar?
Yes!
Yes it is.
Yes it's part of the seminar.
You see,you gotta be
prepared,you gotta be sexy!
Seniorlicious!
Tell your friends!
Sorry,I thought this was the men's room.
- Jesus!
- It's not.
And again service--
knock it off!
Excellent.
Can't get any higher than that.
Oh henry,where've you been?
Guess what?
The bar's not gonna pack itself.
Where's constance?
So uh,see you later then.
- See you later.
- Okay.
Hey casey,grab those boxes for me.
Yep.
No,calm down.
Hey um,casey I just
wanted to say that we heard
what's happening in your personal
life with your marriage and stuff,
I wanted to let you know
that if you need anything,
someone to talk to,you
know,maybe you just need a hug.
So ni-- oh
thanks roman.
What the fuck?
- Oh fuck look,I-- that-
is that-- real-- okay,sure.
In my pocket.
Fuck.
Snap,motherfucker!
-=www.ydy.com/bbs=-
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Party.Down
Season1 Episode03