Parlement (2020–…): Season 2, Episode 2 - Episode #2.2 - full transcript

...

Someone's knocking at the door.

-Do not ! Don't, don't!

Yes, I'm on it, okay? I'm on it!

-Bonjour.

I match all the characteristics
of all the deputies

to find a match
between what Martin Kraft said and...

-You can stop this.

You can stop.
-OK. Why ?

-I have the solution in there.

-Really ?
-Yes.



-What do you have ? A secret algorithm?

Or it's like in the movie where Brad Pitt
assembles the best baseball team

with bad players?
-Even better !

-Wait...
Are these all the deputies of Parliament?

Are you serious ?

Is it with this game that we will determine
the future president of the European Parliament?

- It is with this great game that we will determine
the future President of the European Parliament!

Samy sighs.

-Yeah OK. Well, I love this game!

Go on !

Why are you throwing away your bag?

- So it will be a Spaniard
in Foreign Affairs...

A Latin country:
Italy has no more arguments

to contest.



And in this way,
the right has what it wants.

Regarding the German candidate

to the Commission,

the chancellor didn't say yes,
but he didn't say no.

And that means yes!

-And the Council?

- The Cypriot.

Martin chuckles.

So. But...

ticks a lot of boxes: socialist,

citizen of a small country...

And we can even say
that he is from the East!

-And he will not overshadow anyone.

-There is only Parliament left.

-It's almost settled.

-Almost settled?
-Yes yes.

-It seems that there is a
last minute change?

-Yes yes.

But it was planned

because I launched a fuse candidate
to divert attention,

and then I unplugged it.

In the meantime,

I am able to maneuver in peace.

I put my best team on the job.

- Am I... Cypriot?

-No, they had the presidency of the Council.

-Your turn.

- The Speaker of Parliament
cannot be Polish.

-"Am I Polish?"

-Quoi ?

-Each player begins their sentence
with "Am I",

like: "Am I blond?"
-Okay yes.

Am I Polish?

- No, the Poles
had the last presidency.

-Exact.

- Do I have glasses?

-What does it have to do with the game?

-Glasses inspire confidence.
Good for the presidency.

Do I have glasses?

-There is surely a faster way
to get there!

Someone enters.
-Samy?

-Shit ! She's my MP!
Shut up and don't move!

-Samy?

Samy?

-Yes ?
-Ah!

Samy... -
Yes?

- It is absolutely necessary that you find me
a file with the maximum...

-We are late on the agenda
for the day, Valentine!

-What ?

-At 9:30 a.m., you have the meeting
at the Committee of the Regions.

Then there is a visit
to the Council of Europe.

It's very nice, the Council of Europe.
In addition, it takes 45 minutes.

At 12.30 p.m., the European Ombudsman,

and this afternoon you have an intervention
at the round table of College students...

- Wait... Who organized all this?

- Uh... They all called
to meet you!

What is very classic:

they're trying to make contact
with influential MPs, so...

- Do I have to go?

Because I wanted us
to start working right away.

-No no !

You don't have to,
it's up to you

but these are institutions that weigh heavily

in the political game here, so it's...

Alright, I'll call them.

It may be easier
to postpone or cancel...

-No, but wait, I'm not going to alienate them all
either. Hang up.

- Okay, there you go. Well, I put you
some tangerines for the road...

-Great.
-And a small gourd with water.

-Merci.

-Have a good day !
-Yes.

Uh... Oh yes.

- That's it, I convinced my MP
that European policy,

it's like a super complicated game of chess

and that I am an expert in the field,
and she listens to everything I say!

-Good !
-Good !

Do I have a mustache?

-No it's impossible !
-Nope.

-Rose, a good lobbyist
is like a snow leopard:

it hunts all the time! So,

I make a mental note
of all the new costumes,

haircuts,

perfumes...

to break the ice.
-I'm British.

We can talk hours of the weather

while it is always the same
in our country.

Finally, we invented the banalities.

-OK. See the woman who just walked
into the bar with khaki pants?

Who scratches his nose.

-Um yes...

But what...

-I want his name, his first name,

his place of birth,
his telephone number.

You have ten minutes.

-OK... CIA style, I see.
-Exactly !

Except that we will not eliminate you in a ditch
if you fail!

-So much the better !

-Your trial period will be interrupted.

-Did I pass a law
against the German automobile industry?

-Non.

Some are just incorrigible!

So... Am I going to be sued for
sexual harassment by my ex-assistants ?

when will they recover
from the trauma?

I do not think so...

-OK. Am I an expert
in European legislation?

-Nope.
-What ?!

But Cornelius
is the best member of Parliament!

-Yes, that's why
he can't be president!

If a capable MP becomes president,
who will do the job? You ?

And don't tell me yes.
-Okay, bye...

So the next President
of the European Parliament will be...

-It is too beautiful !

- Hey! You know what ?

I am 17 years old !

No, it's because...

Alright, I'll take one,
please.

-Water mint, always?
-Yes yes.

- He doesn't know any files?

-Non.

-He has no

political ally?
- No, there isn't a single one!

-It sounds too good to be true!

-Oui.

Well, when you know how to take it,
it is docile.

On the other hand,
he is wary of new people,

be careful.

He eats very well

but he dehydrates very quickly,
so when he is thirsty, he is very thirsty.

You have to be reactive.

-Here Mr.
-Thanks.

- Ok, I'll do it to him.

a proposal...

"Maybe it's better
if I go talk to him myself.

I know him well, I will know what to say to him.

Hello Michel !

I can sit ?

So, how is this new office?
It's nice ?

You know that the President of Parliament

occupies almost an entire floor?

I went there the other day,
it was really...

The view of Strasbourg...

It must be fun,
being President of Parliament,

all the same !

Travel... Well, travel
isn't your thing, but...

There are meetings

we are really the center of attention,
it must be great!

Well, Michel, you're angry with me because
I left with a new deputy,

that's it ?

Michael?
-No no...

No, you do what you want!

If you prefer her, she...

-I don't prefer her!
It's just that I felt the need

to make a change in my life,
that's all!

-"A change in my life..."

-You know, we can continue to see each other!

The weekend, for example!
One week-end out of two !

Every third weekend!

-The truth...

it's because you've abandoned me, Samy.

- Exactly, Michel,
if I came to see you...

I want to be your assistant again.

-It's true ?

-Oui.

-Samy!

You can't know
how much I was waiting for this moment!

Put a mint in the water to Samy!

-How nice. Thank you, Michael!

- Hello, my name is Rose...

Good morning ! My name is Rose!

-So what ?

-And you're... ?

-Reading the newspaper with my coffee.

-Let me guess...

Eastern Europe ? Poland?

Oui ?

-Poland is in Central Europe.
-Ah!

This is a typically Polish response!

Are you Polish?

-Why ? You will try to evict me

from this country too?

-Oh... I plead guilty,
I'm British.

But no, no, no!
I love the Polish people!

Poland is a beautiful country!

Varsovie, Cracovie, Ausch... witz...

- What an idiot!

OK. If you talk to me again, I'll
call security!

-Yes. Sorry about Auschwitz,
I didn't mean...

It wasn't...
-Security!

-I said it twice.

It's nothing ! How are you !

- I still want his number for tonight.

-OK.

You have everything...

-Yes.
- Yes, you heard, of course. OK...

-There, you have a sparkling water pump...
-No, I have everything I need.

-No problem.

What you need to know
is amusing, by the way,

is that the Council of Europe exists

longer
than the European Union!

And our mission is to defend
human rights and democracy.

-Oh? So Russia
and Turkey are part of it?

- Yes, yes, absolutely!
-Hmm hm...

-And Norway too!
-Hmm.

-I wanted to tell you...
It's nice of you to come and see us!

Because it's true that in general,
MPs don't take too much time...

-Sorry, excuse me...

Bonjour !

-(Samy!

(Look, Sami!

(Look!)
-(No, Torsten!)

-Do not move ! You're supposed to be dead!

-(Torsten !)

-Come on, Samy!
Take a photo, please!

Like an American GI!

Release your leg.

-OK. Mouse.

Voilà.

-Hi !
-Hi !

-I need your help.
-Well, get in line.

because I'm the person
who fixes everything here.

- This woman should be identified.

-OK... So, let's see that...

OK. white woman,

thirties, wearing a blue shirt.

-Do you know who it is?
I had never seen her before. And you?

-Sorry. But the photo doesn't match
anyone in our database.

-OK.

But she doesn't have a Parliament badge.
What does it mean ?

The Commission or the Council?
Maybe the Commission?

-Hm...

Do you have any fingerprints
or even a DNA sample?

-How long

are you going to play detective again?

-Probably a long time,
because I'm a bit stuck here.

Finally, in short...

Since when do you care
about older women ?

and how do you know
it's my favorite pastime?

-Oh, shut up!

- You, shut up! You... -
You know this idiot?

-Who is that ? Who... No, no!

-Samy ! Les filles!
-Torsten! Torsten! Torsten!

We're adults here, okay?
Nobody listens to you! OK ?

-Thank you, Sharky!

-"Sharky"? Still your thing?

An instant success.
- Yes, well actually...

-Ah, were you on the
"Save the Sharks" campaign, too?

-Yes. Uh... Well, if you want...

- Not really... -
Yes!

Le ...

The ridiculous shark costume
was my idea.

-Yeah finally, our idea to all!
It was a group work, in fact.

-It was my idea.
- So it's you I have to thank.

That's how
I spotted this activist!

I contacted him after seeing the video.

We drank coffee and...

I was surprised to see that a man
in a suit and tie was passionate

by the climate and biodiversity!
-Yes yes...

-Oh yes ?

Are you interested ?

-Yes, absolutely!
And it always has been!

But maybe you should talk to Lydia
about your lobbying!

She's a pro at it all!
She is very talented!

- Wait, I'm not a lobbyist!

- No, she's not! She is...

She's in...
-I work for an NGO.

-An NGO!
-Okay, yes.

And NGOs and lobbyists
are not the same thing!

- No, not at all, no.

-Nope. We believe in what we do!
-Yes that's it !

And we don't pretend to be dead!

-Uh...

-I see others
who look dead, here...

- Are you going to... What the... -
I have to go.

-Then Hi !

-See you later !
- See you later, yeah!

Maybe you should check with...

-It will be fine, I have things in hand.
It's okay, I'll be fine.

It'll be fine, don't worry!

-Bye!
-Goodbye.

-Yes, Mom, it's really...
It's really a huge place.

I...
Someone comes in.

I have to go there. See you soon, bye!

Bonjour ?

-Bonjour ?

-Would you like to speak with Mrs. Cantel?

- No, no, it's my office!
You must have screwed up there!

-Oh?
-Yeah.

- Uh... I'm sorry.

-It happens !
-Sorry.

- Don't worry.

-I got a little carried away, sorry.

Uh...
-Who are you?

- Well delighted!

I'm Dragan...
-Okay.

-And I'm on an internship here with...
-Third year internship?

-No, not at all,
I am an assistant trainee

of Mrs Cantel.

- Of... I don't know!
-Oh?

-Non.

-Ah...
-You...

-Yes, Mrs. Cantel mentioned
that she was working with someone.

I imagine it's you...
-Yes, it's me, exactly.

Here, I'll give you back... Yours is heavy!

-In any case,

I am very happy to improve
my knowledge with experts

in European question like you,
I still have a lot to learn...

Gate.
-Well, you know everything...

- So you got to know each other?

-A little.
-That's great !

Dragan is going to spend a few months

with us on stage.
-OK.

-He did

the University of Belgrade, Sciences Po,

the College of Europe...

-That's it !
-Well then !

-I met him at the round table.

You're right, it's essential,
these meetings, in fact!

-Yeah !

Yeah yeah...

-Maybe I should
go get myself an office?

- No, you're going to my office!

And then like that,
we get to know each other better!

Get your office back, no worries.

-As you prefer.
I can very well...

We can share the...

I put myself in the...

- By the way, thank you for the visits!
It was really very instructive!

-So ? What is the mission?

- Don't talk about missions!

Can you stop doing your Torsten for
a moment, please?

-Rose, you have to know one thing:
I'm here for you!

-OK. Thanks, that's... -
Who's the target?

- Don't talk about target! It's not that !

The woman who is at the bar.

OK ! But wait ! No wait !
Don't do anything too embarrassing!

Torsten! What did I say ?
-(It's okay, I know!)

...

Matylda Bredonka.

Polish, born April 16, 1979,
linguist lawyer at the Council,

she is here for a trialogue.

She's heterosexual,
open to all kinds of experiences,

except that she didn't have the same thing
in mind when I asked the question...

I am sorry.

-How did you do that ?

-I asked.

-That's all ? You asked ?
-Yeah ! Finally...

It's my thing.
People naturally come to me.

-No way !

-You did it.

-"You did it."

I forgot all the information!
Torsten!

...

- Thank you, Samy.

I won't forget it.

-Yeah...

-Good !

It's a pleasure to see you again.
-Thanks.

-Have a good day.
-Have a good day.

*...

*-Now gently close your eyes,

*and let the breathing
happen naturally.

*Inhale deeply through your nose...

*And exhale through your mouth

*by resting the whole weight of the body
on the chair or cushion.

*...

...

-Cheer !
I am really very happy for you!

See you later? Michael!

-Hello ! What an atmosphere this year!
-Is not it ?

Martin Kraft.
I'm your new chief of staff.

-Ah...

Very well.

-Pardon...

Merci.

-No, compared to the atmosphere...
-Hm?

-It's like my neighbor who...

She's sad as a nightcap,
and this year...

Must say that she comes from Bulgaria.
It's not...

Every week, huh!
You realize ?

She changes planes twice,

and the saddest part of all this
is that afterwards she goes back to Bulgaria!

My office is on the 3rd floor!

-Not anymore.

-Bah !

Samy!

- Samy, shall we go?
-Yes yes I...

Go on ! Let's go !

Dragan! Careful, you have a... There you go.

Ah... That's really the...
It's haphazard luck!

It works, it doesn't work,
I don't know why.

- How are you, are you in good shape?
- Mrs. Cantel! Ms Cantel!