Parks and Recreation (2009–2015): Season 2, Episode 5 - Sister City - full transcript
Leslie welcomes a delegation from Pawnee's sister city in Venezuela, whose goal is to humiliate their hosts.
Today we are welcoming a delegation
from the parks department
of our sister city,
Boraqua, Venezuela.
Our photo-op with the mayor
is tomorrow at 3:00 p.m.,
so I'm going to need your suggestions
about my wardrobe asap.
I told you...
Gold-sequined sweatpants.
Also, remember, everyone,
Venezuela is a poor country.
These men are not used
to the wealth and flash that we
have here in central Indiana.
Our only job over the next two days
is to make these men feel at home.
Yes, I am a little nervous.
Pawnee has kind of a tricky history
with welcoming foreign visitors.
But things have changed.
Our guests are going to stay
in a motel for sure.
- Feygnasse Team -
.:: La Fabrique ::.
Episode 205
Sister City
mpm
albator1932
Lestat78
Oh, God, what if they
don't speak english?
April, you know spanish, right?
Oh, good.
Excellent.
My mom's Puerto Rican.
That's why I'm so lively
and colorful.
Oh, my God. Here they are.
Okay, everybody, clean up.
Pull your thing up.
Everyone just be good.
Jerry, hit it.
This is my baby.
I put this whole trip together.
And let me tell you something...
It has not been easy.
You know, how do you fit all
of Pawnee in a 48-hour visit?
I had to drop the rock-and-roll
bowling alley from our itinerary.
One of the most difficult
phone calls I've ever had to make.
Hello, most excellent
representatives
of the great parks department
of Boraqua, Venezuela.
I am deputy director
of Parks and Recreation
and chairwoman
of the departmental ad hoc
subcommittee for Pit Beautification,
Leslie Knope.
It's a pleasure. I am
vice director ejecutivo del diputado
del departamento de parques,
Raul Alejandro Bastilla Pedro
de Veloso de Maldonado.
I'm Tom.
These are my colleagues,
Antonio Rivera-Fonseca,
minister of small fountains,
and Elvis correja,
administrator of hedges.
And he is?
Pay no attention to him.
He's our intern, Johnny.
He is worthless.
We are quite tired from our trip.
Could you have your servant
collect our bags, please?
- What did he call me?
- It's a different culture, okay?
Just be a good host
and do this for me.
Fine.
Yes, we'll get our pathetic servant boy
to fetch your luggage. Go, boy.
Now, I know you gentlemen
had a long flight,
but I have prepared
a welcome party in your honor.
Excellent, I like to party.
Well, my job is to see
to your every need.
Do we just...
select the woman we desire?
I will take the large black one.
- Interesting choice.
- What?
Do you have some kind of a book
with photos of the women available?
If not, I will also take
the sexy black one.
I am not surprised at all.
I've been to South America.
I did very well there.
There might have been
a translation problem.
When I said party, I meant one
that did not include sex for pay,
but one that had
food and drink and dancing.
That sort of thing.
So no women?
Off to kind of a weird start.
We have so much
to learn from each other.
- What kind of birds do you eat?
- Chickens.
Us too.
Amazing.
What is this?
Water.
I'm sorry... Agua.
In our country government officials
drink only bottled water.
That water's very safe to drink.
No. Bottled.
Please.
Send the boy.
Tom, go get water.
- Leslie, come on.
- For your troubles.
You got it, chief.
- Can you help me out a second?
- Go away, jerry.
This is a gold-plated replica
of a gun Hugo Chavez used
in the 1992 socialist revolution.
It is a gift.
This gun truly symbolizes
the blossoming peace
between our two nations.
A key aspect to diplomacy
is gift-giving.
The gift has to be nice enough
to honor and respect the guest,
but not so nice that it shames him.
Plus, it needs to represent
the local culture.
And I found the perfect thing.
A bottle of high-fructose corn syrup
made right here
in Pawnee's own sweetums factory.
"If you can't beat 'em, sweetums."
Since 1891.
And eight and a half dozen
rubber baby-bottle nipples.
Also made here in Pawnee.
Kernston's rubber nipples.
"Tastes like the real thing."
Yes, and we too are pleased to be here
in your dirty alleyway.
We thank you
for the container of sap
and the bag of garbage.
His english isn't perfect,
so I don't think he realizes
how insulting he's being.
We are also sister cities
with Kaesong, North Korea.
Their town is far nicer.
That's fine. It's my job.
I'm a diplomat.
I'm not supposed
to take it personally.
We haven't been here for a long time,
but what we have seen is
really, from the bottom of our hearts,
truly depressing.
Really, really sad stuff.
I mean, that's why people
respect Hillary Clinton so much,
'cause nobody takes
a punch like her.
She's the strongest, smartest
punching bag in the world.
It's funny because
Antonio said to me,
"can we turn this car around
"and say we're sick or something,
or that we lost our way?"
Of course that would be rude to you.
- What is your profession?
- I'm a city planner.
This city was planned?
On the drive in,
I saw a tattoo parlor
next to a school
next to a Taco Bell.
It looks like it was designed
by a very stupid rodent.
He's actually a pretty smart rodent.
You have a quick wit.
I've changed my mind.
I will have you for the evening.
Oh, boy.
She'll get back to you on that.
Politically, no.
I don't support Chavez.
I despise him
and everything that he does.
On the other hand, this is
a pretty sweet-ass gun.
- The banana you wanted, señor.
- Finally.
You peel.
What?
With your hands,
you peel the banana.
Let's get started, shall we?
I have a full day of activities planned.
I would like to see where the children
are fed the sweeteners.
Our restaurant?
American children
are fattened more efficiently
than any other children
in the world.
They're like little basketballs.
I mean, they're huge.
Little porkers.
This is our thermometer.
I'm trying to turn a giant dirt pit
into a community park,
but I need $35,000,
and the city doesn't have
enough money in its budget.
- I do not understand.
- You've never had a budget shortage?
Venezuela is blessed
with massive oil reserves.
Massive, I mean, tremendous,
like you would not believe.
The state sells the oil,
keeps all the money,
and we build whatever we want.
Now I do not understand.
I feel that my English
was very clear.
Shall I repeat?
Venezuela...
Venezuela, my country...
has a lot of oil.
Oil is food for cars.
The Venezuelans
are very confident people.
I know these guys didn't turn out to be
exactly how we thought they would be.
You said they might not know
what toilet paper is.
I'm calling an audible.
We can't be humble anymore.
We're going to take them
to our best park,
and we're gonna blow
their socks off.
I don't think
that's gonna blow their socks off.
We'll go further, to Chicago
and pretend it's part of Pawnee.
Or New York.
Or London!
The money's different.
They'll figure it out. Never mind.
We'll go to the park.
Everybody doing okay back there?
Comfortable?
Well, the motel we're putting you up in
is really nice.
You can watch TBS.
Do you have TBS in Venezuela?
I have everything in Venezuela.
I have four satellite dishes
on my estate.
We get 14,000 channels.
14,000.
I already know
who wins project runway.
I'm coming over to your house, then.
I see what you're getting at.
I am still primarily interested
in the large black woman.
Here we are.
Take it in, boys.
- This is an embarrassment to America.
- I'm sorry?
- You are right to want to correct this.
- Correct what?
This is the giant pit of dirt
you were telling us about, is it not?
The one you want
to turn into a park?
This is already a park.
And it's one of our best-loved parks.
Why are the trees so small?
They're not that small.
Besides, size doesn't matter.
Yes, it does.
Our trees are huge.
We build tunnels through them.
The parks in Boraqua
are far superior.
The park in my hometown,
the parque del este,
we have a monorail,
and we have an aquarium.
And the Jaripa amphitheatre is huge.
Lady Gaga played there last week.
Great, we don't have Lady Gaga.
And I don't think she's gonna come here
unless her career takes a very bad turn.
But we have something
more beautiful than Lady Gaga.
Democracy.
I'm going to show you an example.
Let's go to a town-hall meeting.
Elvis.
Henry!
Raul... butterfinger.
Antonio, Nestle crunch
with the crispy rice removed.
Weird choice, but for you
I got it done.
I find it incredibly demeaning,
but, guess what?
Cash money
I'm going to make it rain
I'm gonna pick that up real quick.
So are you guys ready?
We're about to start.
This is
where you have your meetings?
Well, the location rotates.
Sometimes we have them
on the volleyball courts.
Where do you hold yours?
Well, now that you asked,
we usually rotate as well
between different fortresses
and citadels and palaces.
We don't need palaces.
The ideas are what shine
in our meetings.
What are you, some kind of moron?
Why don't you have hand dryers
in the park bathrooms?
They're so much more sanitary
than paper towels! Anyone knows that!
My dog went to one of your parks
and ate another dog's feces,
and I am going to sue you for that.
How do you like it?
How do you like that?
Now imagine you're holding coffee!
This is outrageous.
Where are the armed men
who come in to take the protestors away?
Where?
This kind of behavior
is never tolerated in Boraqua.
You shout like that,
they put you in jail.
Right away.
No trial, no nothing.
Journalists...
We have a special jail for journalists.
You are stealing...
Right to jail.
You're playing music too loud...
Right to jail. Right away.
You're driving too fast?
Jail.
Slow? Jail.
You're charging
too high prices for sweaters,
glasses, you right to jail.
You undercook fish...
Believe it or not, jail.
You overcook chicken...
Also jail.
Undercook, overcook.
You make an appointment with a dentist
and you don't show up...
Jail, right away.
We have the best patients
in the world...
Because of jail.
Well, it was tough going,
but it was lively.
- What did you think of the open forum?
- This meeting of ugly people yelling...
It is like torture.
That's one perspective.
In Boraqua, the government moves
like a hot knife through butter.
I'm supposed to sit here
and listen to people,
these fat faces turning all red.
You kidding me?
We're like kings.
We walk down the street,
and they treat us like rock stars.
We answer to nobody.
In a true democracy, we believe
that the input of our citizens
is extremely valuable.
These pretzels suck.
Thank you.
See?
No wonder nothing ever
gets done here.
Nothing gets done?
Tell that to the Golden Gate Bridge
or American Idol
or the moon. Oh, wait.
You can't 'cause you've never been.
Look, this is not personal.
We just think that you are weak,
and your city is disgusting.
I think you're rude.
And you've been rude since you came.
And I think that
your medals are stupid.
And your uniform is lame.
And you guys want to marry
Hugo Chavez.
Do not disrespect Chavez.
Stupid Chavez.
- I told you not to disrespect him.
- I did.
- That's twice.
- I don't like Chavez.
- You do, and do not disrespect him.
- No, I don't.
- Yes, you do.
- No, I don't, Raul.
Look, if you don't
like it here, then go.
- Great.
- Good, shut up.
We're shutting up, yeah.
Here we go.
- Those are our pens.
- Great. We don't even need them.
- Great. Then don't take them.
- We didn't.
They started it.
Those guys were rude, arrogant,
narrow-minded, class-a jerks.
Now, I may have lost my cool,
but they deserved it.
Okay, I'll call the mayor
and cancel the photo-op.
No, don't.
Then call the Venezuelans
and apologize.
No, they were rude, arrogant,
narrow-minded, class-a jerks.
Okay, then I'll call the mayor
and cancel the photo-op.
- Do you see the problem here?
- Yes, but I don't want to.
Yesterday I was tough and direct.
And today I have to be charming.
Basically, yesterday
I was Hillary Clinton, today I'm Bill.
Gracias.
Can I get anyone anything to drink
before we start...
- Coffee, brandy?
- I'd love some coffee.
Anything?
- Some nuts?
- I'll have Some nuts.
- Gummi bears.
- Sure.
Apple crisps.
- Granola bars.
- I'll take those.
Nothing?
Sure?
OK, I'll be right there
if you need me.
Well, Raul, gentlemen,
thank you for coming.
I would just like to first say
I am so sorry for blowing up yesterday.
It was completely uncalled for.
We are sorry as well.
We were very tired
from our long journey.
Also, we were a bit jealous.
Our colleagues from Caracas are
visiting their sister city of Miami.
They've been partying
with Dwayne Wade.
They sent us all these photos
and Quicktime files,
I mean, you have to see
this place Miami, just gorgeous.
There's so much soul and life.
Every little, tiny street.
So much culture and history,
and the cars...
People take care
of their cars there.
I noticed that in the pictures.
They're a little older but beautiful.
It's really nice, and the food...
So spicy and wonderful.
We could not even believe.
But Pawnee is really good as well.
In any case,
I made a few phone calls,
and the government of Venezuela
has authorized
a special gift
for you.
$35,000?
Yes, it is to fill your pit,
to start to build a park.
We can't take this.
Yes, yes, please.
We'll see you later today
at the photo opportunity.
And I think we are good here.
Good meeting.
Maybe I should return the money.
It's from a foreign government.
I don't really trust them.
- I'm gonna return the money.
- Are you crazy?
- You could buy a low-end Lexus.
- Or you could build a park.
Let's look at the pros and cons.
- Pro, we could fill in the pit.
- Con, maybe it's dirty money.
Pro, $35,000 worth of dirty money.
- Con, not quite sure why that's a pro.
- Pro, we can fill in the pit.
Con, Ann already said that.
Pro and con never works.
Pro, yes, it does.
I don't...
Fine, we'll keep the money, OK?
Everybody happy?
- Jerry, are you happy?
- What did I do?
Meeting adjourned.
Can I just say, I still feel
kind of weird about this money.
I know they've given you
a hard time.
When the mayor gets here,
we'll do the photo-op,
they'll be out of our hair.
You'll get to build your park.
The mayor will be with us
in a few minutes.
We would like to take a video of you
to show our superiors.
Sure.
Do you have the check?
Yes, I do.
OK, you can show it to the camera,
and say how much it is
and what it is for.
Okay, this is a check for $35,000,
- and it is to build a park.
- How generous.
Yes, it's really generous.
Now say, "viva Venezuela".
Viva Venezuela.
Viva Chavez.
Thank you, Venezuela.
- Viva Chavez... Say it.
- Ah, come on.
I don't want to viva that guy.
We just gave you $35,000.
That's worth one viva.
Viva Chavez.
Yes, viva Chavez.
What is he saying?
They are very happy.
They say Hugo Chavez
will love this video,
because it is another success
for their committee.
Committee?
They're a committee
to humiliate and shame America.
Gonna be a good video.
The committee to humiliate
and shame America?
Yes, it is Hugo Chavez's
passion project.
We just had an idea.
Why don't you call your park
after Chavez?
You call it, "Hugo Chavez park".
You can have
a nice big fountain of his head
so that when the water is coming out,
he's spitting at you all the time.
You should write this down.
Viva America.
Viva Pawnee.
Viva mayor Walter Gunderson.
You have offended us.
You have offended
the government of Boraqua.
You are no longer our sister.
No, America is not perfect.
But diplomacy isn't just
sucking up and being a pushover.
Sometimes you got to get tough.
I am going to build
that park myself,
and it is going to be awesome.
And it's not going to have a fountain
shaped like Hugo Chavez's head
spitting water all over everyone,
unless that's what the people want.
And that, sir, is democracy.
Leslie, come see this.
Check out this video
that April sent me.
Hey, guys, I'm at Jhonny's place
in Venezuela.
It's okay, I guess.
He has, like, 5 million rooms.
- And this is only his guest house.
- Holy cow.
There's a lot of guys
with guns here.
It's better than
my mom's house, I guess.
So tell Leslie I don't know
when I'm going to be back.
And Donna's here.
Hey, guys.
from the parks department
of our sister city,
Boraqua, Venezuela.
Our photo-op with the mayor
is tomorrow at 3:00 p.m.,
so I'm going to need your suggestions
about my wardrobe asap.
I told you...
Gold-sequined sweatpants.
Also, remember, everyone,
Venezuela is a poor country.
These men are not used
to the wealth and flash that we
have here in central Indiana.
Our only job over the next two days
is to make these men feel at home.
Yes, I am a little nervous.
Pawnee has kind of a tricky history
with welcoming foreign visitors.
But things have changed.
Our guests are going to stay
in a motel for sure.
- Feygnasse Team -
.:: La Fabrique ::.
Episode 205
Sister City
mpm
albator1932
Lestat78
Oh, God, what if they
don't speak english?
April, you know spanish, right?
Oh, good.
Excellent.
My mom's Puerto Rican.
That's why I'm so lively
and colorful.
Oh, my God. Here they are.
Okay, everybody, clean up.
Pull your thing up.
Everyone just be good.
Jerry, hit it.
This is my baby.
I put this whole trip together.
And let me tell you something...
It has not been easy.
You know, how do you fit all
of Pawnee in a 48-hour visit?
I had to drop the rock-and-roll
bowling alley from our itinerary.
One of the most difficult
phone calls I've ever had to make.
Hello, most excellent
representatives
of the great parks department
of Boraqua, Venezuela.
I am deputy director
of Parks and Recreation
and chairwoman
of the departmental ad hoc
subcommittee for Pit Beautification,
Leslie Knope.
It's a pleasure. I am
vice director ejecutivo del diputado
del departamento de parques,
Raul Alejandro Bastilla Pedro
de Veloso de Maldonado.
I'm Tom.
These are my colleagues,
Antonio Rivera-Fonseca,
minister of small fountains,
and Elvis correja,
administrator of hedges.
And he is?
Pay no attention to him.
He's our intern, Johnny.
He is worthless.
We are quite tired from our trip.
Could you have your servant
collect our bags, please?
- What did he call me?
- It's a different culture, okay?
Just be a good host
and do this for me.
Fine.
Yes, we'll get our pathetic servant boy
to fetch your luggage. Go, boy.
Now, I know you gentlemen
had a long flight,
but I have prepared
a welcome party in your honor.
Excellent, I like to party.
Well, my job is to see
to your every need.
Do we just...
select the woman we desire?
I will take the large black one.
- Interesting choice.
- What?
Do you have some kind of a book
with photos of the women available?
If not, I will also take
the sexy black one.
I am not surprised at all.
I've been to South America.
I did very well there.
There might have been
a translation problem.
When I said party, I meant one
that did not include sex for pay,
but one that had
food and drink and dancing.
That sort of thing.
So no women?
Off to kind of a weird start.
We have so much
to learn from each other.
- What kind of birds do you eat?
- Chickens.
Us too.
Amazing.
What is this?
Water.
I'm sorry... Agua.
In our country government officials
drink only bottled water.
That water's very safe to drink.
No. Bottled.
Please.
Send the boy.
Tom, go get water.
- Leslie, come on.
- For your troubles.
You got it, chief.
- Can you help me out a second?
- Go away, jerry.
This is a gold-plated replica
of a gun Hugo Chavez used
in the 1992 socialist revolution.
It is a gift.
This gun truly symbolizes
the blossoming peace
between our two nations.
A key aspect to diplomacy
is gift-giving.
The gift has to be nice enough
to honor and respect the guest,
but not so nice that it shames him.
Plus, it needs to represent
the local culture.
And I found the perfect thing.
A bottle of high-fructose corn syrup
made right here
in Pawnee's own sweetums factory.
"If you can't beat 'em, sweetums."
Since 1891.
And eight and a half dozen
rubber baby-bottle nipples.
Also made here in Pawnee.
Kernston's rubber nipples.
"Tastes like the real thing."
Yes, and we too are pleased to be here
in your dirty alleyway.
We thank you
for the container of sap
and the bag of garbage.
His english isn't perfect,
so I don't think he realizes
how insulting he's being.
We are also sister cities
with Kaesong, North Korea.
Their town is far nicer.
That's fine. It's my job.
I'm a diplomat.
I'm not supposed
to take it personally.
We haven't been here for a long time,
but what we have seen is
really, from the bottom of our hearts,
truly depressing.
Really, really sad stuff.
I mean, that's why people
respect Hillary Clinton so much,
'cause nobody takes
a punch like her.
She's the strongest, smartest
punching bag in the world.
It's funny because
Antonio said to me,
"can we turn this car around
"and say we're sick or something,
or that we lost our way?"
Of course that would be rude to you.
- What is your profession?
- I'm a city planner.
This city was planned?
On the drive in,
I saw a tattoo parlor
next to a school
next to a Taco Bell.
It looks like it was designed
by a very stupid rodent.
He's actually a pretty smart rodent.
You have a quick wit.
I've changed my mind.
I will have you for the evening.
Oh, boy.
She'll get back to you on that.
Politically, no.
I don't support Chavez.
I despise him
and everything that he does.
On the other hand, this is
a pretty sweet-ass gun.
- The banana you wanted, señor.
- Finally.
You peel.
What?
With your hands,
you peel the banana.
Let's get started, shall we?
I have a full day of activities planned.
I would like to see where the children
are fed the sweeteners.
Our restaurant?
American children
are fattened more efficiently
than any other children
in the world.
They're like little basketballs.
I mean, they're huge.
Little porkers.
This is our thermometer.
I'm trying to turn a giant dirt pit
into a community park,
but I need $35,000,
and the city doesn't have
enough money in its budget.
- I do not understand.
- You've never had a budget shortage?
Venezuela is blessed
with massive oil reserves.
Massive, I mean, tremendous,
like you would not believe.
The state sells the oil,
keeps all the money,
and we build whatever we want.
Now I do not understand.
I feel that my English
was very clear.
Shall I repeat?
Venezuela...
Venezuela, my country...
has a lot of oil.
Oil is food for cars.
The Venezuelans
are very confident people.
I know these guys didn't turn out to be
exactly how we thought they would be.
You said they might not know
what toilet paper is.
I'm calling an audible.
We can't be humble anymore.
We're going to take them
to our best park,
and we're gonna blow
their socks off.
I don't think
that's gonna blow their socks off.
We'll go further, to Chicago
and pretend it's part of Pawnee.
Or New York.
Or London!
The money's different.
They'll figure it out. Never mind.
We'll go to the park.
Everybody doing okay back there?
Comfortable?
Well, the motel we're putting you up in
is really nice.
You can watch TBS.
Do you have TBS in Venezuela?
I have everything in Venezuela.
I have four satellite dishes
on my estate.
We get 14,000 channels.
14,000.
I already know
who wins project runway.
I'm coming over to your house, then.
I see what you're getting at.
I am still primarily interested
in the large black woman.
Here we are.
Take it in, boys.
- This is an embarrassment to America.
- I'm sorry?
- You are right to want to correct this.
- Correct what?
This is the giant pit of dirt
you were telling us about, is it not?
The one you want
to turn into a park?
This is already a park.
And it's one of our best-loved parks.
Why are the trees so small?
They're not that small.
Besides, size doesn't matter.
Yes, it does.
Our trees are huge.
We build tunnels through them.
The parks in Boraqua
are far superior.
The park in my hometown,
the parque del este,
we have a monorail,
and we have an aquarium.
And the Jaripa amphitheatre is huge.
Lady Gaga played there last week.
Great, we don't have Lady Gaga.
And I don't think she's gonna come here
unless her career takes a very bad turn.
But we have something
more beautiful than Lady Gaga.
Democracy.
I'm going to show you an example.
Let's go to a town-hall meeting.
Elvis.
Henry!
Raul... butterfinger.
Antonio, Nestle crunch
with the crispy rice removed.
Weird choice, but for you
I got it done.
I find it incredibly demeaning,
but, guess what?
Cash money
I'm going to make it rain
I'm gonna pick that up real quick.
So are you guys ready?
We're about to start.
This is
where you have your meetings?
Well, the location rotates.
Sometimes we have them
on the volleyball courts.
Where do you hold yours?
Well, now that you asked,
we usually rotate as well
between different fortresses
and citadels and palaces.
We don't need palaces.
The ideas are what shine
in our meetings.
What are you, some kind of moron?
Why don't you have hand dryers
in the park bathrooms?
They're so much more sanitary
than paper towels! Anyone knows that!
My dog went to one of your parks
and ate another dog's feces,
and I am going to sue you for that.
How do you like it?
How do you like that?
Now imagine you're holding coffee!
This is outrageous.
Where are the armed men
who come in to take the protestors away?
Where?
This kind of behavior
is never tolerated in Boraqua.
You shout like that,
they put you in jail.
Right away.
No trial, no nothing.
Journalists...
We have a special jail for journalists.
You are stealing...
Right to jail.
You're playing music too loud...
Right to jail. Right away.
You're driving too fast?
Jail.
Slow? Jail.
You're charging
too high prices for sweaters,
glasses, you right to jail.
You undercook fish...
Believe it or not, jail.
You overcook chicken...
Also jail.
Undercook, overcook.
You make an appointment with a dentist
and you don't show up...
Jail, right away.
We have the best patients
in the world...
Because of jail.
Well, it was tough going,
but it was lively.
- What did you think of the open forum?
- This meeting of ugly people yelling...
It is like torture.
That's one perspective.
In Boraqua, the government moves
like a hot knife through butter.
I'm supposed to sit here
and listen to people,
these fat faces turning all red.
You kidding me?
We're like kings.
We walk down the street,
and they treat us like rock stars.
We answer to nobody.
In a true democracy, we believe
that the input of our citizens
is extremely valuable.
These pretzels suck.
Thank you.
See?
No wonder nothing ever
gets done here.
Nothing gets done?
Tell that to the Golden Gate Bridge
or American Idol
or the moon. Oh, wait.
You can't 'cause you've never been.
Look, this is not personal.
We just think that you are weak,
and your city is disgusting.
I think you're rude.
And you've been rude since you came.
And I think that
your medals are stupid.
And your uniform is lame.
And you guys want to marry
Hugo Chavez.
Do not disrespect Chavez.
Stupid Chavez.
- I told you not to disrespect him.
- I did.
- That's twice.
- I don't like Chavez.
- You do, and do not disrespect him.
- No, I don't.
- Yes, you do.
- No, I don't, Raul.
Look, if you don't
like it here, then go.
- Great.
- Good, shut up.
We're shutting up, yeah.
Here we go.
- Those are our pens.
- Great. We don't even need them.
- Great. Then don't take them.
- We didn't.
They started it.
Those guys were rude, arrogant,
narrow-minded, class-a jerks.
Now, I may have lost my cool,
but they deserved it.
Okay, I'll call the mayor
and cancel the photo-op.
No, don't.
Then call the Venezuelans
and apologize.
No, they were rude, arrogant,
narrow-minded, class-a jerks.
Okay, then I'll call the mayor
and cancel the photo-op.
- Do you see the problem here?
- Yes, but I don't want to.
Yesterday I was tough and direct.
And today I have to be charming.
Basically, yesterday
I was Hillary Clinton, today I'm Bill.
Gracias.
Can I get anyone anything to drink
before we start...
- Coffee, brandy?
- I'd love some coffee.
Anything?
- Some nuts?
- I'll have Some nuts.
- Gummi bears.
- Sure.
Apple crisps.
- Granola bars.
- I'll take those.
Nothing?
Sure?
OK, I'll be right there
if you need me.
Well, Raul, gentlemen,
thank you for coming.
I would just like to first say
I am so sorry for blowing up yesterday.
It was completely uncalled for.
We are sorry as well.
We were very tired
from our long journey.
Also, we were a bit jealous.
Our colleagues from Caracas are
visiting their sister city of Miami.
They've been partying
with Dwayne Wade.
They sent us all these photos
and Quicktime files,
I mean, you have to see
this place Miami, just gorgeous.
There's so much soul and life.
Every little, tiny street.
So much culture and history,
and the cars...
People take care
of their cars there.
I noticed that in the pictures.
They're a little older but beautiful.
It's really nice, and the food...
So spicy and wonderful.
We could not even believe.
But Pawnee is really good as well.
In any case,
I made a few phone calls,
and the government of Venezuela
has authorized
a special gift
for you.
$35,000?
Yes, it is to fill your pit,
to start to build a park.
We can't take this.
Yes, yes, please.
We'll see you later today
at the photo opportunity.
And I think we are good here.
Good meeting.
Maybe I should return the money.
It's from a foreign government.
I don't really trust them.
- I'm gonna return the money.
- Are you crazy?
- You could buy a low-end Lexus.
- Or you could build a park.
Let's look at the pros and cons.
- Pro, we could fill in the pit.
- Con, maybe it's dirty money.
Pro, $35,000 worth of dirty money.
- Con, not quite sure why that's a pro.
- Pro, we can fill in the pit.
Con, Ann already said that.
Pro and con never works.
Pro, yes, it does.
I don't...
Fine, we'll keep the money, OK?
Everybody happy?
- Jerry, are you happy?
- What did I do?
Meeting adjourned.
Can I just say, I still feel
kind of weird about this money.
I know they've given you
a hard time.
When the mayor gets here,
we'll do the photo-op,
they'll be out of our hair.
You'll get to build your park.
The mayor will be with us
in a few minutes.
We would like to take a video of you
to show our superiors.
Sure.
Do you have the check?
Yes, I do.
OK, you can show it to the camera,
and say how much it is
and what it is for.
Okay, this is a check for $35,000,
- and it is to build a park.
- How generous.
Yes, it's really generous.
Now say, "viva Venezuela".
Viva Venezuela.
Viva Chavez.
Thank you, Venezuela.
- Viva Chavez... Say it.
- Ah, come on.
I don't want to viva that guy.
We just gave you $35,000.
That's worth one viva.
Viva Chavez.
Yes, viva Chavez.
What is he saying?
They are very happy.
They say Hugo Chavez
will love this video,
because it is another success
for their committee.
Committee?
They're a committee
to humiliate and shame America.
Gonna be a good video.
The committee to humiliate
and shame America?
Yes, it is Hugo Chavez's
passion project.
We just had an idea.
Why don't you call your park
after Chavez?
You call it, "Hugo Chavez park".
You can have
a nice big fountain of his head
so that when the water is coming out,
he's spitting at you all the time.
You should write this down.
Viva America.
Viva Pawnee.
Viva mayor Walter Gunderson.
You have offended us.
You have offended
the government of Boraqua.
You are no longer our sister.
No, America is not perfect.
But diplomacy isn't just
sucking up and being a pushover.
Sometimes you got to get tough.
I am going to build
that park myself,
and it is going to be awesome.
And it's not going to have a fountain
shaped like Hugo Chavez's head
spitting water all over everyone,
unless that's what the people want.
And that, sir, is democracy.
Leslie, come see this.
Check out this video
that April sent me.
Hey, guys, I'm at Jhonny's place
in Venezuela.
It's okay, I guess.
He has, like, 5 million rooms.
- And this is only his guest house.
- Holy cow.
There's a lot of guys
with guns here.
It's better than
my mom's house, I guess.
So tell Leslie I don't know
when I'm going to be back.
And Donna's here.
Hey, guys.