Packed to the Rafters (2008–2013): Season 5, Episode 4 - The Things We Do for Love - full transcript

♪ Love is in the air ♪

♪ Everywhere I look around ♪

Give me
a freaking break.

♪ Love is in the air ♪

♪ Every sight
And every sound ♪

Love songs,
what a load of crap.

Am I right?

I'm a realist.

Love is for pussies.

It's cool. Don't panic.

Everything's fine.
Just say something awesome



and don't act like a dick.

Yo!

What? No.

What? I didn't say "yo."
I said "hello."

Just... Oi.

Stop laughing, would you?

Hey. Did you want
another coffee?

Oh, no. I'm pretty certain
if I have one more,

I'll be able
to see through time.

So, what did you want
to see me about?

All right.

I have a bit
of a confession to make.

-Ooh, juicy.
-Don't be a knob about it.

I need to be able
to trust you.



You promise
you won't tell anyone?

Absolutely.
I'm totally trustworthy.

All right. All right.
Here goes.

Oh, no,
it's really embarrassing.

I mean, it's so early on
in the new job

and everything and I...

I kind of told a lie
during my interview.

Nothing major,
like I wasn't born

with eight arms or anything
like that. It's just,

my driver's license is sort of
a little bit suspended.

How suspended?

-Totally suspended.
-Wow.

I mean, it wasn't my fault.

I've just used up
all my demerit points

on all this silly little stuff,

like, I pulled over
to take a phone call,

and I got booked because I left
the car engine running.

Oh, that sucks.

Yeah, tell me about it.

Well, okay, so you can't drive
at all now?

Not for another week.

And that's been fine because
Dave's mostly given me jobs

-where you can drive.
-Until now.

Exactly. He's called me
this morning and I have a job

that I have no way of getting to
without breaking the law.

I can drive you.

Really?
I don't want to be a hassle.

No, no hassle, no,
just it makes perfect sense.

You've got yourself
a chauffeur.

Thank you.

I don't remember
calling you in.

Look, I don't expect
to get paid.

I just thought I should
hang with Frankie,

get a few pointers
on today's job.

All part of
the learning curve, eh?

-Is that right?
-Yeah, well, I mean,

how am I supposed to get better
unless I watch someone

-more experienced do the work?
-All right then.

Knock yourself out.

-Good to go?
-Great to go.

It's almost like
if I was into a chick,

not that I am, but if I was,

nobody would ever know.

Well, it looks like
there could be some romance

-in the air.
-Ooh, I love this game.

Don't tell me. Um,
John from the supermarket

and Carla from the food court.

-What? No.
- Jake and Retta!

Are you out of your mind?

I know. It'd be scandalous
though, wouldn't it?

I wonder about you sometimes,
Julie, I really do.

Oh, go on then. Tell me.

-Coby.
- Oh.

-And Frankie.
- Really?

Yeah, it's still a bit
one-sided, I think.

-Oh, well, that's so sweet.
-Is it?

Yeah, the Coby
we first met

wouldn't even look me
in the eye

and now he's got
a sweetheart.

Well, she's hardly
a sweetheart.

-Hey, Ted.
-Mmm-hmm.

Oh, what's all that?

-I'm making dinner.
-No, we're going out.

It's not for you.
I've invited Donna over.

Remember her?
My autumn spring romance.

Dad, that just slipped out.

On the bloody radio!

Maybe next time
hire a skywriter.

Look, I don't have
a problem with you returning

the favor to Donna,
but does it have to be here?

I mean, I haven't cleaned,

and there's washing
everywhere.

Come on, Jules,
it's Ted's home too.

He can have guests
if he wants.

Thank you, Dave.

We'll make ourselves
scarce for you, Ted.

Much appreciated.

What?

You don't want
Donna here, do you?

Well, it's just weird.

-I mean Donna works with Ben.
-So?

Well, and she's meant to be
my friend.

I don't know. It just feels
a bit close to home

-or something.
-Oh, but it was all very sweet

when it was Frankie and Coby
we were talking about.

-No, well, that's different.
-Yeah, and told to you

in confidence.
No broadcasting on the radio.

Ha, ha. No, when my father
decides to date my friend,

then that is actually
my business.

And I've got every right
to talk about--

Okay,
but you know your father.

You make an issue
out of this,

and it's just
going to encourage him.

I can't believe they're
starting you on a Saturday.

Oh, yeah, it's one
of their busiest days.

I just hope I can handle it.

-'Course you can.
- Okay.

So, how do I look?

Hot as. Check her out, Benno.
Doesn't she look hot as?

So, what have you two
got planned for the day?

This.

And what does "this"
entail exactly?

Oh, you're looking at it.
But sexier.

It's a nice day outside.

Why don't you make
the most of it?

This is me making
the most of it.

Why don't you ditch work
and join us?

Mm.

Ben, I can't call in sick
on my first day at work.

Cool. Can you pass
the Wii remote on your way out?

Just there.

-Oh.
- Enjoy the couch.

-Enjoy the office.
- Good luck.

-She's so jealous.
-Totes.

So what do you get up to
when you're not working then?

Murder people. You ask
too many personal questions.

I hide their bodies
in the tip.

Oh, you don't need
to be so defensive.

I'm not being defensive.
I'm just private.

Oh, come on.
I told you a secret,

now you owe me one.
It doesn't have to be big.

Oh, wow, a suspended license.
Remind me to spill

-about my time in juvie.
- All right, smartass.

Come on. It's either that
or we stand here

and talk about the weather.
What do you do?

What are you passionate about?
What music do you listen to?

Here, I'll start.
My name's Frankie.

I'm really into movies,
martial arts, whatever,

indie bands and tattoos. Go.

I didn't know you had tattoos.

I don't. Not yet.

But I really want one.

I just keep trying
to pick the right design.

So far, I've thought
of everything from anchors

to Celtic tattoos.

You don't think about it, you
just rock up totally hammered

to a tattoo parlor
and say, "That one."

Yeah, but I'm fickle.

Like, right now, I'm pretty
fixated on the idea

of two bluebirds here.

Maybe my shoulder.

-Possibly my foot.
-You really know

-what you want, eh?

Your turn.

Oh, I paint a bit and draw.

Wow, that's really great.
I'm hopeless at art.

Oh, I didn't say
I was any good.

Yeah,
I know you arty types,

a bit of painting,
a bit of drawing.

I bet you've got some
masterpiece hidden away

that's going to make
your kids a million bucks

-when you're dead.

I knew it!
Freaking genius over here.

Hey, listen, thanks for
covering for me this morning

with Dave and everything.
It was a big deal.

No, all good.

No, seriously, I owe you one.

Maybe I'll buy one
of your more expensive works

and you can run off
to an island and live

with eight wives
in hula skirts.

So, what's on the menu?

Oysters.

You're serving oysters?

Yeah, with vegetables.

Pureed, of course. I mean,

perfect for a cradle-snatching
geriatric and his girlfriend.

It's a stir fry.

Are you sure you don't want
to join us?

-I'll get it.

Well, anyway, don't know
what time we'll be back.

It could be any time.

Oh, enjoy yourselves.

- Oh.
-Hi.

-Hi.
-Oh, don't mind us.

-We're... We're going out.
-Mm.

To give you some space.

Oh. How pleasant.

-I brought wine.
-Oh, lovely.

I've got some too.

-Are we off?
-Yes, we're off. Okay, bye.

Bye then.

Well...

I forgot my bag.

Love. Who needs it?

All that lovey dovey
holding hands

and doing things
for each other garbage.

I'm a loner.

I just do things for me.

-Whoa!
-Oh, sorry.

-Where are you off to?
-I've got a shift.

Of course, yes.

I take it your first day
went well?

Amazing. I just feel
so energized, you know,

like I could take on the world,
like I could...

-Where's Carbo?
-He's, ah...

He's there.

Has he even moved
once all day?

Oh, I have a vague memory
of him getting up around 1:30

to go to the toilet.

-See you.
-Mm.

- Carbo!
-How was work, babe?

-Yeah, good. Thank you.
-Yeah. Yeah.

Mm. What's...
What's all this?

This is totally awesome.

There's this family
from Zygon,

they're hiding out on Earth.

You're a total slob.
You haven't moved once

-from this couch all day.
- Not true.

I did get up twice to top up.

Oh, speaking of which...

Tell me you've at least worked
out our plans for tonight.

Yeah, I was thinking of
a couple of quick games

of sexy librarian,
and then an early night

-because I'm buggered.
-You're hopeless.

-No.
-And a slob.

- No.
-And...

I'm so good looking.

Yes.

Hmm?

Well, Ted, this is lovely.

I didn't know
you were such a good cook.

Well, I wouldn't
call this cooking.

It's just a cheese plate.

-Well, arranging, then.
-Yeah.

You know, I'm very glad
you accepted my invitation.

I didn't know
whether you would after,

well, after all that
radio palaver.

-Oh, it doesn't matter.
-Oh, yes, it does.

I know it made you
feel uncomfortable.

But we're adults
and what we do

is none of Julie's business.

Well, I'm glad you say that,
Ted, because--

Yoo-hoo! Home early!

Hi!

Oh, sorry, sorry to interrupt.

Ruby was being a nightmare,
so we just had to leave.

Oh, well, I mean,
she's fine now.

You should've seen her before.

-Jules.
-Oh, darling could you give me

-a glass of white, please!
-Ah, no,

I think you might've
had enough.

Hmm?

Oh.

Oh, sorry. Okay.

Well, maybe later.

As you were.

Oh, look who decided
to make a cameo.

Pull up a pew.

Tell us what you've been
up to out there.

Yeah. You've been
pretty secretive lately,

-haven't you, Cobes?
-It's a need to know basis,

-and you don't.
- See?

-I'm rooted.

Hey, Sian.

Oh, that's what you've been
up to out there.

Yes. Yes, mate.

If you see a stray
lingerie model

walking around the joint,
send her back to the garage

-is all I'll say.
-Yeah, hang on, I'll ask them.

Either of you two want
to go down to the Boat Club

-for a beer?
-Yes, I'm in.

-No, I'm not.
-That's a yes and a no.

Yeah, righto,
we'll catch you there.

Tell Frankie we won't be long.

All right.

Oi, that's weird.
I've called a cab.

It should be here by now.

Do you reckon
I should call again?

I might just...
I'm going to...

I'm just going to
call and check.

Well, I thought
you were staying in bro?

Yeah, well, I changed my mind,
didn't I? That's not a crime.

Did you change your mind
about washing your hair too?

Jeez, mate, that'd be
the first time in months,

-wouldn't it?
-Eh?

Come here, come on,
come here.

Coconut? Oh, forget
the anti-dandruff,

you've really gone top shelf.

What, are you out to pick up
tonight or something?

As if. I can't think
of anything worse.

Oh, on hold.

Maybe I should call
another one.

Hey, Boots, Boots,
you're a cabbie.

Why don't you get
one of your mates

to come and pick us up?

You know, logic.

Picking up? Right.

Save love
for the pussy losers.

I've got better things
to think about.

Oi!

I thought
you said not long.

Don't tell me
you weren't able to relax

-until I arrived?
-Relax?

I couldn't concentrate.
My night was incomplete.

If that's your way
of trying to get me

to buy you a drink,
that's not working.

Well, maybe just a little bit.

Hey, tell me there's
someone here under 40

looking for a slightly
shop-soiled musician

who can hold his breath
under water

-for nearly three minutes.
-Seriously?

That's going to be
your opening line?

No, no, I like to start with,
"You have beautiful eyes."

-Just go from there.
-Right.

-Who's up for a drink?
-Yeah.

Cobes?

I thought Frankie
was supposed to be here?

Running late, I guess.

I have no idea how that girl
ever makes it to work on time.

I'm pretty certain she gets
extra sleep in the shower.

Oi. You've been an early riser
lately, mate.

Maybe you could give her
some tips.

Yeah.

Oh, I don't know.

Who's up for some drinks?

Really?
Matt's already at the bar.

You ordered, like,
ten seconds ago.

Oh, yep, yep, right you are.

You're not really
with us, are you, buddy?

Frankie!

I think she heard you.

-Can we just eat on the couch?
-Are you serious?

Oh, I just started
getting comfortable.

What, now?

Well, no,
I was comfortable before

but this is like
a whole new level of comfort.

It's like the code green
of the comfort world.

The couch has molded
to my skin.

-Oh, code orange.
-Carbo, this is ridiculous.

-We need to talk.
-Code red, code red, code...

Sorry.

Today at work,
my bosses laid out

a five-year plan
for the company.

It was amazing.

It made sense.

That's... good.

-I know.
-Good.

Planning is what
we should be doing.

Planning in a broader sense.

I mean, you can't spend
the next five years

sitting on this couch
and working

-at your cousin's flower shop.
-Why not?

Because you can't.

We need to have a sense
of where we're going

-with our lives.
-Well, we do.

We do know where we're going,
you know.

We're saving up
for a house deposit.

Yeah. I saw your IOU,
by the way.

Why are you taking money
out of the house deposit

-for pizza?
-Look, don't worry about that.

I'll pay that back, I swear.

One of us had to draft
this five-year plan,

so I made a head start.

Yeah. It looks... awesome.

-So, when we have the baby--
-Sorry?

-A baby.
-Wait, are you...

-Are we having a...
-No.

No, no, no, no, no,
not... not yet.

In five years.
Look at the plan.

Okay,
so which one's the baby?

The blue squiggle
or the red star?

You're not even trying
to understand.

-I need pictures.
-Oh, honestly, Carbo!

Why would I want a baby
when I've got you?

It's like you're only one step
away from breastfeeding.

Well, yeah, I'm up for anything
if you ask nicely.

...can dance
with no clothes on at all!

-I swear to God.

And she comes spruiking past
totally starkers.

It's true.

The roadies used to call her
"Pants Off Pamela."

Not to her face, of course.

What, too difficult
to maintain eye contact?

Oh, yeah, you could say that.

-Unless it was a brown eye.
-Ooh.

-Ooh.
-Frankie!

I thought ladies weren't
supposed to talk

in such a crass way.

Find me one and we'll ask her.

Oh!

Chatting with chicks, easy.

Just get them laughing,

and they are putty
in your hands.

Did I ever tell you
about that time

-Johnno and Strawbs...
-Yeah.

...were hitchhiking,
and they got picked up

by that chick from that film.

What was it called?

Whoa, we're going to need a bit
more information than that.

Yeah, um, it's coming to me.

-Was it Australian?
-Yes.

-Muriel's Wedding?
-Oh, I love that movie.

Oi, no,
it wasn't Muriel's Wedding,

but it doesn't matter.

She was pretty famous
and she was just acting

like a complete idiot, like,
you know,

one of them princesses, right?

And she dropped them off
at the Coolong servo,

and when she was paying
for the petrol,

Johnno put a barker's egg
in her tailpipe.

- Um...
-What's a barker's egg?

-A dog turd.
- Gross.

So he picked it up
with his bare hands?

No!

How did he get it
from the ground into the--

It doesn't matter how, how...

That's, you know,
not the point.

So what is the point?

It's my round, right?

He even managed to talk me

into having a turn
on his skateboard.

Oh, good on you, Cooper.
How'd you go?

Oh, oh, I grabbed
onto the railing,

rolled about two feet
and whooshka!

Oh!
You dare devil.

Don't mind me.
I'm just getting some water.

And you ought to have seen him
at laser tag.

Oh, yes.

You'd think
he'd take it easy

on an old bloke, but no,
no mercy at all.

You know,
there's some more food here.

Donna, there's some
dried figs, prunes...

I'm sure you think
all these digs

about age difference
are very clever.

Age diff?

Oh, well, no, no,
I didn't mean you.

-I--
-I'm sure you didn't.

- You're not going?
-It's getting late.

No, no, no, no,
Donna, please stay.

I'll give you a lift.

I was just getting some water.

Thanks, Ted.
It's very kind of you.

Donna, I'm...

I...

-You right there?
-Oh, I've gone insane.

I've gone completely insane.

But I don't get
why you play football

in thongs in the first place.

-Why not just play Black Rock?
-Black Rock!

That was it.

Well, fat chicks
in bikinis or something.

Oi, mate, shouldn't you be
taking it easy?

-I'm fine.
- Mate,

it's just you're knocking them
back a bit fast.

That's because I'm thirsty.

Are you sure you're all right?

I'm awesome. I'm awesome.

It's not like I'm not up to
holding my drink or anything.

I've got iron guts.

It's just that sometimes
when you mix

or don't eat dinner
or something.

Oi, mate,
you don't look so good.

Come on. You don't look good.

I'm just going to go
get some air.

-Righto.

-Oh, mate.
-Sorry!

- Sorry about that.
- I'm sorry.

He's on his way.

There you are.

You okay?

Fine.

You don't look fine.

-I might go for a walk.
-Are you sure?

You don't want us
to organize you a lift home?

No, I'm right.
You have a good night, eh.

Oh, you're back.

-Dad, I'm sorry.
- Are you now?

Look, I know
I didn't behave well tonight.

I want to apologize.

There you go.

And you have done.

Good for you. Good night.

No, Dad, I didn't intend
to ruin your evening.

And look at what a good job
you did.

Imagine if you'd have tried?

It's just... It's a strange
situation for me to be in.

My father and my friend

having a romantic dinner
in my house.

And I reacted badly.
I'm sorry.

As my daughter
and Donna's friend, supposedly,

I'd have thought you'd want
to see us both happy.

Well, of course I want that.

Well, we're enjoying
each other's company.

That's it.

And the more you start
fussing about it,

the bigger the deal
it becomes.

Now, you're the one
responsible

for all the trouble
and hurt, Julie.

And frankly,
I've had a gutful.

Carbo.
You want to play Nintendo?

-No, thank you, mate.
-Corridor World Cup?

I've been practicing my dives
so I don't smash my head

into the bathroom door.

What am I doing
with my life, Benno?

Who am I going to be?

Have you been watching that
Christian call in show again?

-No.
-Have you?

No.

Retta thinks I'm a deadweight.

-She said that?
-Well, not in those words.

She's all about plans now,
five-year plans.

-Yeah.
-Yeah, well,

where are we going,
when are we going to do stuff.

-Yeah.
-And look at me.

I've got the next
five minutes covered.

There's nothing wrong
with that.

It's a spontaneous way
to live.

Well, if I keep it going, mate,
she's going to ditch me.

-Is it that serious?
-I don't know.

But I want to start
changing stuff

before it gets that way.

I need a five-year plan.

That's what she wants.

Oops.

Sorry, I didn't mean
to wake you, bro.

Hey? I wasn't sleeping.

Just resting your eyes.

Yep. Something like that.

Do you want a cuppa?

Have you got
anything stronger?

-I could go a whiskey.
-Oh, look out.

I might leave you two to it.

Have you had
enough water, bro?

Yes. Thank you, Mom.

Well, you don't need to bite
my head off.

Oi, what happened
to Matt and Frankie?

Did they stay for
another drink or something?

No, no, no.
Matt knew another band

playing down at the Legacy

so they went off there
together.

Goodnight, Coby.

You see? This is why
I steer clear of love,

because it sucks.

Big time.

♪ Where ever you go ♪

♪ Whatever you do ♪

♪ I will be right here
Waiting for you ♪

♪ Whatever it takes ♪

♪ Or how my heart breaks ♪

♪ I will be right here... ♪

♪ I don't wanna live ♪

♪ I don't wanna die ♪

♪ I ain't gotta give ♪

♪ I ain't gotta try ♪

♪ All my spirit gone... ♪

What the hell is that?

It's Sunday morning.

Oi, oi.

-Just leave him be.
- Are you serious?

It's like living next door
to Guns N' Roses.

I'm going to go in there
and set fire to his stereo.

No, no, no, mate.
Look, go easy on him, all right?

I think...

I think Cobes
might be suffering.

What, right, so we all are.

Suffering how?

Well, I was just
reading the signs,

you know, mood swings,
heavy on the booze,

and now this,
I think this might be

-the music of heartbreak.
-What?

That is the music
of heartbreak?

This is a crime against music.

Not to mention my eardrums!

You're up early.

-Oh, I've been working.
-Oh, what is it?

It's my five-year plan
obviously.

-Oh, can I see?
-Yeah.

I've noticed you've marked
the World Cup

in fairly big letters.

Yeah, and that's where we go
visit Mom in Greece,

and there's your birthdays.

I won't be forgetting those.

And what are these bits?

Our wedding anniversaries.

Five of them.

Carbo, this isn't a plan.

This is a diary.

Hey, it pays to be
up to speed.

Hey, what's this bit?

"Become manager
of the flower shop."

Yeah, you said be ambitious.

Yes, but how are you going
to become the manager?

I don't know.

Get a suit or something.

Okay, um, and what's this
brown smudge thing

-meant to signify?
-That's...

Oh, I spilt pie on that bit.

Carbo, this is...

This is hopeless,
the whole thing.

What do you mean?
This is good.

My plan has goals
and targets.

Yours has scratch and sniff.

How are they ever
going to match up?

-No.

Motorhead.

♪ You're done the grind... ♪

You got a sec?

Sure.

-Hey, what's all this?
-Nothing.

I'm just here for a chat.

Yep, that's what they all say
then they ask for money.

Mate, we've all been there.

We've all fallen for someone.

Are you still drunk
or something?

I should ask people
to take your breatho

before they come in here!

-Seriously.
-It's a rite of passage.

You fall for someone,
you do something crazy.

It's okay.

Nothing happened with me
and Frankie last night.

So, what if it did?

I thought you might like
to know.

No. I don't know
what you're talking about.

You know, when I was 19,
I got stuck on Lucinda White.

Used to stand outside
her bedroom window

-at night.
-Pervert.

Just waiting
for her light to go off

so I knew she was safe asleep
or something.

One night, I gathered
all my courage,

picked up a handful
of pebbles.

I just wanted her to know
I was there.

Gently throw a pebble
against her window,

smile, say hello.

So what happened?

Well, I must've chucked

that first pebble
a bit too hard.

Smashed the window.

A bit of glass flew
into her face

just above her eyebrow.

Yeah, she got seven stitches

and everyone
at the school dance

called her Bride of Chucky.

Well, I guess
she'll never forget me, eh?

So, how's that
supposed to help me?

No idea.

Thanks for coming over.

I'm sorry if I was
a bit frosty on the phone.

Oh, no, I deserved it.

Here's your jacket.

Thank you.

Listen, I was...

I was way out of line
last night.

I'm really sorry.

I told Ted not to make a fuss.

No. It wasn't Dad.

I behaved really badly.

That's kind of you.
Thank you.

No, it's not kind,
it's just honest.

I had a really good friend

who confessed that she had
feelings for Dave.

Made our friendship
really difficult.

In fact, it never
really recovered.

But Ted is your father,
not your husband.

Yeah, I know.

But if...
Say, if something bad happens

between you and Dad,

my loyalties lie with him.
They have to,

and that's going to
make things difficult

-between you and me.
-What if nothing bad happens?

-Yeah, but what--
-No, think about it, Julie.

What if nothing bad happens?

Should I sacrifice
my shot at happiness

because of some
hypothetical chance

that you might feel
uncomfortable?

All right. Well, maybe
I'm being overcautious.

I think it might be
more than that.

Can I speak plainly?

Well, I have a feeling
you're going to.

Well, we've talked
about this before

but you're still spending
an awful lot of time here,

at home.

In fact, between Dave,
Ruby, and work,

these four walls
are your life,

and now even your blog
keeps you at home.

Yeah, well,
I suppose that's true.

Maybe, just maybe,
you're letting yourself

get a little bit too caught up
in the lives of others.

So, what you're...

What you're really saying is--

You need to
get out more, Julie.

Okay.

Well, thank you
for your honesty.

Mm. I always find
it's the best policy.

Don't you?

Yes.

I'm never having

anything to do
with women again.

In fact, if Jessica Alba
called up right now,

I wouldn't even
answer the phone.

Even if she was naked.

I'd just tell her
to put some clothes on and--

Don't be a dick again.

Don't be a dick.

Yo!

Yo, yourself.

How are you feeling?

Have I caught you
at a bad time?

No, no. Good.

I just wanted to see
how you pulled up

after your big drunk-a-thon.

Fine.

Good. Well.

Three out of three.
Excellent.

So, are you still all right

to drive me
to the job tomorrow?

Yo. I mean, no problem.

All right.

Well, I'm sorry
to be such a leech.

I promise
I'll get my driver's license

back any day now.

But in the meantime, you rule.

-I'll see you tomorrow.
-Sure. Bye.

Sweet.

-Hey, it's Monday morning.
-Yeah, so?

You're happier
than anyone has a right to be

on a Monday morning.

-Has something happened?
-No, nothing happened.

-I can wake up happy, can't I?
-Yeah, course you can.

We'll beat it out of you
by lunchtime.

-Yo!
-Oh, yeah, righto.

Good morning.

You okay to head off
to the job now?

Coby and I have got a few bits
and pieces to do here

then we'll join you.

Or I could grab us all coffees

and drop Frankie on the way?

-Are you sure?
-Yeah.

No dramas. Ah, well...

So, I'll see you on site
and a strong latte, yeah?

No, no, I think
you'd more useful here.

Dave, Dave, it's my shout.

Don't knock it.

Ready to roll?

Dave, you couldn't lend us
a tenno, could you?

I've got it all worked out.

I'm going to pitch
for a massive contract

at the funeral home. Boom.

Endless supply of flowers,
big business, mega bucks.

-Can't fail.
-Boom.

-That's your five-year plan?
-Part of it.

The business part.

Well, I think you look great.

If I was running
the funeral home,

I'd give you a contract
straight away.

Exactly. It's all
in the presentation.

Ooh. Lilac shirt.
Interesting choice.

It shows I've got character,
Benno.

I think outside the box.

Is that really
the best term of phrase

when you're pitching
to a funeral home?

Ignore him.

Go and knock them dead.

-Yeah.
-Again.

What?

You could've been
more encouraging.

Oh, what!

I helped him
with his five-year plan.

I was super encouraging.

-What, he's done more?
-Yeah, heaps.

Look, he's all over it.

House here, holiday here.

Funded how exactly?

Oh, he's thought of that too.

A big win on scratches.

What does that say?

Make Retta happy.

He has that on his plan?

I told him it was stupid.

It's not stupid.

It's beautiful.

Yes, it is.

God, I can't believe
what I've been trying to do.

Carbo doesn't make plans.

I could've told you that
the minute he asked me

to stick an ice cream wrapper
on for decoration.

-Oi, eyes on the job, please.
-Oop.

Sorry.

My friend just sent me
a new design.

Oh, yeah? For what?

-Oh, tattoo.
-Bluebirds?

No, it's a tribal thing.

Oh, you're back on the tribal.

Yeah, yeah,
I changed my mind again.

You're hopeless.
You better figure out

what you want
before you get it permanently

-stuck on your arm.
-I know, I know.

I just need time to get used
to one thing and stop faffing.

Otherwise I'm going to end up
like one of those women

covered in laser scars.

Well, even that'd suit you,
I reckon.

Oh, aren't you sweet.

Yeah,
no problems, love.

I'll get Frankie onto it.

We'll catch you later.

Hey Frankie, I need you to
cover a new job

on McCarthy Street.
You can take my van.

-What about me?
-I'll supervise you.

Don't worry,
I won't leave you alone

-to run any power tools.
- No, no, no.

I mean, what about me?
Why can't I go?

What are you on about, Coby?
You're an apprentice.

Are you saying I'm not ready
for it? Is that it?

No, I'm saying you're not
qualified, for starters.

Oi, look,
if you don't believe in me,

if you don't believe
I'm up to a new challenge,

why am I even here?

Why am I wasting
your time and mine

because if you don't have
faith in me as a worker,

then you should have the balls
to say it to my face!

I think what my slightly
deranged pal here

is trying to say is that
I don't have a license,

and he's very kindly
trying to cover for me.

Yep.

So, this is awkward.

So, you just thought
Cobes would cover for you?

Oi, give it a rest.

I can't believe
you can't drive.

Like, what a hassle.

I can drive.

I'm just on a break.

Yeah, an enforced break.

-You're really not mad?
-I just don't understand

why you didn't fess up
in the first place.

I mean, it's not like
you stabbed a man.

Yeah, or ran him over
with a car.

Oh, wait, you can't drive
so you wouldn't--

Ooh!

Ah, oh.

How long is this
going to last?

Well, how long was
your license suspended for?

No, seriously, Frankie,
why all the secrecy?

Well, I was embarrassed,

and I really,
really wanted the job.

You're not going to hoon around
in my work vans, are you?

No, and not one of the fines

was for speeding,
or running a red light,

or anything dangerous.

Nothing else
you're hiding from me?

-Nothing.
- Promise?

Promise.

Aside from the fact
that I was born a man

but that's more a fun fact.

I'm kidding.

Oh.

- Hey.
- Hey.

How'd it go?

Oh, let's just say
it didn't quite,

quite go to how I planned.

In what way?

In the way that
I didn't get the contract.

But I don't want you to stress,

'cause I'll be back
on that road tomorrow,

suit, tie and everything.

Five-year plan ready to go.

Look at you.

You're exhausted.

No, no, I'm just recharging
my batteries.

You really need to drop this
whole five-year plan thing.

Why?

It's important to you.

And I'm happy to be
the one taking charge.

Just because you're not
in the same headspace

as me right now,
that's okay.

I'll be the driver.

Wow.

This job really has
changed you.

You're like, the boss.

Is that weird for you?

No.

It's kind of hot.

I know who you are,
and I accept it,

and love you for it.

If you want to be a florist,
be a florist.

For the time being, I do.

Then do it.

We'll move forward together.

Also, honey,
you're not wearing any socks.

Oh, yeah.

I was wondering why my feet
were so sweaty.

See? Where would you be
without me?

Oh, I don't know.
Probably homeless,

or really fat, or both.

Speaking of which,
do you want me to make dinner?

I reckon I'm capable of that.

Yeah. Go for it.

Yeah.

Hang on.

-Oh.
-Oh.

Are you going to let me in?
I come bearing gifts.

-What sort of gifts?
-Does it matter?

Let me say thank you
with a little bit of dignity,

would you?

Whoa.

Canvas and paints.

A gift from the heart
of my bottom.

I don't...

I don't really know
what to say.

Start with thank you,
we'll take it from there.

Right, yes.

Thank you. Seriously.

Thank you.

Thank you.

So, this is where
the magic happens?

Oh, yeah.

It's not really the magic

but just mucking around
and stuff.

Yeah, still, it's better
than everyone else

just sitting around
on their ass.

Yeah.

I mean, there's this one thing
I'm working on.

It's still early days,
so it's, um,

you know, it's probably crap,

but it's sort of what I'm into.

Um...

Well, hang on,
do you want to...

-I'll show you.
-Yeah.

It's not like
I'm showing Frankie my stuff

because I'm trying
to tune her

or I'm in love
or anything stupid like that.

We're mates.

That's all.

Sorry, the answer's
going to have to be no.

And no amount
of arm-twisting's going to help.

Or flattery for that matter.

Yeah, maybe next time.

Okay. Thanks, Adam.

Bye.

So?

Oh, the paper's
food writer is ill

and Adam wants me
to write up a restaurant.

Well, what are you still
doing here? Go.

Darling, watching cooking shows
doesn't make me a food critic.

I've got no idea
how to write up a restaurant.

What do they expect you to do?

Well, it's 300 words tops.

More of an advertorial
than a review,

and he said skew it
towards positive.

Well, you do that
with my cooking all the time.

Darling,
even if I could do it--

Which you can.

I don't have the time.

I mean, between invoices
and Ruby's bath,

you know, there's a column
due next... week.

What is it?

Oh, just something
someone said.

Adam, hi, it's Julie.

I've changed my mind.

Can I ask a really big favor?

Oh! I can barely walk.

Oh, me neither.

No wonder food critics
are so fat.

Did we have to eat
all four desserts?

Well, they kept bringing
the food out.

It would've been rude
to say no.

Oh,
would it have been rude

to smuggle home the leftovers?

Yeah, well, you should have.

Next time, grab a cheesecake,

shove it up your jumper
and make a run for it.

Did someone
mention cheesecake?

Oh, sorry, Dad.

I'll take you next time.

Thanks for including me.

Well, you said
to get out more.

-We just did.
-Hmm.

Anyway, I'll just go
and check on Ruby.

Good to see you two
getting along.

Well, Julie and I
were friends a long time

before you and I were...

whatever it is we are.

How does "good friends" sound?

-Whoa.
-Oh, go away.

Yeah, I need
to brush my teeth.

Yeah, I think
I'm going to be sick again.

Oh.

What was in those pizzas?

Well, nothing
we don't normally have.

You know, prosciutto,
salami, beef mince--

Please don't stand there
naming meats.

Oh, that's weird
because I feel totally fine.

Mm, bully for you.

Old iron guts Karandonis
rides again!

Oh, honey,
as much as I'd like

to congratulate you
on not vomiting,

I think I'm going to
vomit again,

so can you just...

Just shut the door
when you leave.

Okay. Hey,
maybe it's a chick thing.

All the dudes
who ate it are fine.

A chick thing?

This was not a part
of the plan.

♪ The weather's turned ♪

♪ And all the lines are down ♪

♪ The things we do for love ♪

♪ The things we do for love ♪

♪ Like walking
In the rain and the snow ♪

♪ When there's nowhere to go ♪

♪ And you're feelin' like
A part of you is dying... ♪

Okay,
not all love songs suck.

It depends on your mood,
kind of.

Like liquorice.

Frankie's an awesome chick
and there's nothing wrong

with having awesome chicks
in your life.

In a mate's way, I mean.

Nothing weird.

She'll probably end up
one day with some bloke

she's really into,
and that'll be good.

Not that I care
who she ends up with.

Me, not me, whoever.

Just so long as she's happy
and stuff.

But I'm sure she'll settle
on the right dude eventually.

♪ The things we do for love ♪