One Tree Hill (2003–2012): Season 2, Episode 12 - Between Order and Randomness - full transcript

Previously on One Tree Hill:

-You're Nathan, right?
-Yeah, do I know you?

You should. I'm your sister-in-law.

Dude, the thing is when I saw her,
I got that deja vu thing.

-You probably saw her around school.
-She was the first girl I had sex with.

Nice work, Jules. Just like we planned.

What did Dan ask you to do?

Make Keith fall in love with me...

then break his heart.

Dan's heart condition, is it genetic?

-Yes.
-You are taking that test.



There were these rumors that got started.

But the thing is they were true.

-What were the rumors?
-That I like girls.

I won't say anything.

I can't do this.

You're not ready.

Mom, what's going on?

You want to live in my house,
against my rules?

You're sure as hell not going
to be comfortable doing it.

The heart test?

I'm sorry, Mom. But this is my life.

If I'd been that selfish at your age,
you might not be here right now.

You can't make me take this test, Mom.

-Yeah. We'll see about that.
-Mom!



You seem like a decent kid.

But most of the applicants
at Carl's Crab Shack...

have some work experience.

Okay, fair enough.

But I make up for my lack of experience
in other ways.

I'm really good with people.
I mean, my friends really like me.

And I know my crustaceans.
Lobsters, crabs, shrimp...

they're all very tasty.

Okay. Now, I have your number.

Look, Mr. Crab Shack Carl, I need this job.

My car insurance is due. I am on my own.

And I cannot lose
my mode of transportation.

Okay. I'm gonna give you a chance.
You can start today.

Okay.

But I don't have any waitress slots open.

This is more of a PR job.

PR is perfect for me.

Come get the crabs at Carl's Crab Shack.

Crab cakes, crab steaks
and creamy crab shakes.

Come get the crabs at Carl's Crab Shack.

If you came by for a game, Lucas,
you know I can't let you play.

What are you doing to Keith?

You mean Keith Scott,
the new VP at Dan Scott Motors?

Company-car,
six-figure-salary Keith Scott?

With Jules.

She told me everything. Don't deny it.

And I wanted to believe
that you'd somehow changed.

Keith slept with Deb.

What kind of man
sleeps with his brother's wife?

-You're lying.
-Am I? Ask him.

The night I walked in on them
was the night I had my heart attack.

And I wanted revenge.
Just like any man would.

But after a few weeks,
I came to my senses.

I couldn't do that to my own brother,
no matter what he did to me.

That's why I gave him the job. Out of guilt.

And I told Jules to leave town quietly.

-Why should I believe anything you say?
-Because it's the truth.

I don't know what she's still doing here.
Maybe she's seen his paycheck.

Shut that off.

Is this the infamous Chris?
He sounds sexy.

Nathan is in the bedroom.
Do you want to start World War III?

-Nice henna tattoo.
-It's not henna.

It is real. 23?

Is that how many tequila shots
it took you to do it?

Stop it!

Hey, what happened to the whole...

''tattoos are for sluts and burn-outs''
sermon that you gave me?

Twenty-three is Nathan's jersey number...

and you permanently marked your body
with some random spider.

The scorpion paralyzes its victims.

Nothing random about that.

Yeah, I bet.

You got a tattoo.

And conveniently
it's in the exact same spot as me.

I guess you don't disapprove
of your older sister so much after all.

Don't flatter yourself.

Does this mean you didn't wait for the ring
to give it up, either?

I waited until I was in love.

How about you, Nathan?

Were you in love
the first time you had sex?

-Tay!
-What?

We're family now.
We shouldn't have secrets.

It's not really any of your business.

But the truth is whoever my first was
wasn't nearly as important as my last.

Thank you.

You're sure that my staying here
isn't an imposition?

Of course not. We've got plenty of room.

The last time I had my hardwood floors
refinished, it took almost a week.

-Hey, Lucas.
-Hey, Andy.

Okay, if you need anything...

you know, stereo, PlayStation,
clean underwear...

check the garage.

Thanks, I will.

Stupid little kids.

One of them poured a soda down my hole,
and now I'm all sticky.

Honey, that's nothing.

One time a gang of eight-year-olds
pushed me into the fountain.

They wanted to watch the lobster swim.

-I'm Marla.
-I'm Brooke.

And you are so not a lobster.

-Hi.
-Hi.

Yeah. So how long have you been
doing this?

Six weeks.

I used to be a giant beaver down at the
lumberyard, so at least I'm moving up.

It's a sucky job,
but I really need the money, so....

Tell me about it.

...13, 14, 15.

That's it?

The six most humiliating hours of my life,
and I made $15?

I deducted the usual fee
for costume rental and dry cleaning.

That is a total racket.
We bust our butts out there all day.

I have a blister from this thing, okay?

We should be getting hazard pay.

Any of you other crabs feel this way?

If you don't like it, I guess it's...

goodbye car insurance, hello city bus.

Thanks.

Dan Scott looking for recipes?

I have officially seen everything.

I was thinking of inviting Keith
and his girlfriend for dinner.

They're getting serious.
Time she met the family.

-Wouldn't that be a little awkward?
-Why should it be?

You and Karen both slept with me and
you still figured out a way to be friends.

That's what I mean.

She seems like such a nice person...

one night with our crazy family,
she might skip town.

I don't think so.

And this isn't just another opportunity
for you to rip Keith apart?

It isn't. Promise.

I'll call Keith and set it up.

Hello.

Hey, it's me, what are you doing?

Nothing. Just thinking of you.

So Keith slept with Nathan's mom?

I don't know.

Can't really trust what Dan said.

But you know Jules and Dan set Keith up.

Are you gonna tell him?

If I don't, I'm basically lying to my uncle.

And, if you do, it'll crush him.

Yeah. And I just can't believe Jules.

I mean, she says she loves Keith.

But what kind of a person
would do something like this...

in the first place, you know?

Maybe Jules was a bad person
when she went into it...

but now her feelings for Keith are real.

Or maybe it's all just part of the lie.

Thank you,
for talking to me about this, Anna.

It feels good to have at least one person
in my life that knows the truth.

You're that person for me.

AIthough there is one other person
who knows.

Felix?

Not hardly. Peyton.

-You told Peyton?
-No.

But she kind of found out when...

I kind of kissed her.

-Luke.
-Hold on.

-I'm picturing that.
-Okay. Don't be such a guy.

It was only the single most embarrassing
moment of my life.

Sorry.

Let's just say it didn't end well,
and now she's avoiding me.

No, it's not that at all.

She just took a little road trip.

She only told me and Brooke.

-What?
-No, it's just kind of funny.

The last time I kissed Peyton
it didn't end well, either.

We have to talk.

You didn't call me back.

-So are we still on for tomorrow night?
-Definitely.

That's good because I just got a call.

We're invited to dinner
at my brother Dan's house.

What the hell are you doing?

Shopping. But apparently I'm the only
James who got the good-taste gene.

You know what I'm talking about.

We agreed to keep what happened
between us a secret.

Relax, Nathan. Haley doesn't have a clue.

I went out on a limb for you.

I said you could stay here because
I knew you didn't have anywhere to go.

And I really appreciate it.

You keep this up,
I'll throw you out on your ass.

Or maybe I should tell Haley
about our history.

And then you'll be the one out on your ass.

How would you like
a crab leg up your ass?

Nice claws. I thought you said
you had a crappy new job?

Why are you here, to make fun of me?

No. I came to have lunch
and give my waitress girlfriend a big tip.

Surprise! I'm not a waitress. I'm a crab.

Trust me. That's no surprise.

I applied everywhere, okay.
This was the only job I could get.

At least I look good in red.

Felix, come on.

-No. Don't take a picture of me.
-Just one. Come on.

Enough, okay?

Stop.

Snap to it, Crabitha!

And no flirting with the sailors!

Okay.

Hey, Carl. I'm just curious.

I've been at this for three hours,
so when do I get a break?

State law says
I don't have to give you a break.

A shark stops swimming, it'll drown.

But I'm a crab.

Whatever. It's all fish.

I hate that guy!

I don't know why any of the other crabs
put up with him.

They probably need money like you.

Otherwise, you could all band together
and pince him to death.

-Luke. What's up?
-I need to talk to you.

Is everything okay?

Remember when we were in Charleston...

and you said you'd done some things
you weren't proud of?

Yeah.

Was it Deb?

You and Deb?

It's...

kind of complicated, Luke.

No, not really.

There's some lines you just don't cross.

It was a mistake, I know.

I know it's no excuse, but I was lonely.

Your mom had just turned down
my proposal and...

it just sort of happened.

It's bad enough it was someone's wife,
but Dan's wife?

-He's never gonna let that go!
-I know you're disappointed in me.

I'm never gonna make a mistake
like that again.

I'm with Jules now.

And I'm not gonna do anything
to mess that up.

So things are going well
with you and Jules?

Yeah. I never thought I'd feel this way
again after your mom.

But she's the one, Luke.

I'm not proud of what I did with Deb, and...

that's the only reason
that I kept it secret from you.

You understand that, right?

Sure.

I've been to Turkey.

They have prisons
more comfortable than this.

Here. I swiped you some saltines.

-Thank you.
-Just don't tell the warden.

At least she's creative.

Single moms are the toughest.
I guess they have to be.

-I think I can outlast her.
-Or you could just take the test.

I had to try.

-You know she's just worried about you.
-Yeah, I know.

But at a certain point she needs to
trust me to do the right thing.

AII right.
Just, don't be too hard on your mom.

Sometimes people do crazy things
when they're desperate.

Family dinner was never
part of the arrangement.

It was my wife's idea.
I couldn't talk her out of it.

It's just a simple dinner.
Consider it overtime.

I told you. I'm not doing this anymore.

What Keith and I have is real.

lf that's the case, why don't you
come over to dinner and convince me?

Maybe we'll discuss a change of plans.

I was thinking about asking Karen
if we could live here till Taylor's gone.

Maybe put a mattress behind the counter
or something.

We need to talk about her.

I warned you about her.

Give Taylor an inch
and she'll take whatever she wants.

I know her a lot better than you do.

AII right, Haley.

We got married so quickly...

we never really had the talk that
most people have when they get engaged.

About past relationships...

sexual history.

That's probably because I can give you
mine in under 10 seconds...

while yours is cataloged
in the Library of Congress.

What's going on?

AII right.

My first time was at this party
at my parents' beach house.

I was pretty wasted
and I never really saw the girl again.

-Until now.
-Until now?

Haley, I swear I hadn't even heard of you
when this happened.

-Taylor.
-I'm sorry. I just....

She threatened to tell you.
I just thought you should hear it from me.

-You slept with my sister?
-This was, like, two years ago.

I didn't know you. I didn't even know
there was gonna be a you.

I should go.

Haley....

You're home early.

You're home all the time.

What are you doing on my laptop?
You cruising for jailbait?

Excuse me?

I heard your specialty
is deflowering freshmen.

So the boy scout told you.
Quite a coincidence.

Look at it this way,
now we can compare notes.

-It's not funny, Taylor.
-Let go!

If you wanted to find someone I haven't
slept with, you could've moved to Alaska.

You know what?
Do you think my relationship...

-with Nathan is just a big joke?
-No! Of course not.

But I think that Chris is a laugh riot.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about you bitching about your
husband's past when you have a present.

I was online and I got an IM.
Or rather you did.

-You've been kissing Chris.
-I don't...

know what you're talking about.

-Are you sleeping with him?
-No!

-It's not what it looks like, okay.
-Really?

Because it seems to me like
Saint Haley is just as bad as the rest of us.

Taylor, Nathan cannot find out about this.

Fine, Hay.
But you have to let me stay here.

At least until I figure out what I'm doing.

That costume is so sweaty.

I have a rash all over my....

Anyways, I've got a rash.

I've got carpal tunnel
from snapping my pincers all day.

Okay. You guys, we can stand around
in the break room...

and complain and be crabby...

or we can figure out a way to protect
ourselves from that guy.

But if we want to change things,
we have to do it together.

So you want to form a crab union?

I'm thinking more along the lines
of a crab sorority.

We make a list of our demands
and we take them to management.

Okay. It's not a bad idea.

But I've got a two-year-old at home.
I really need this job.

Besides, I've seen Carl fire people
who make trouble.

Okay. But what if I can find a way...

to guarantee that none of us get fired?
Are you all on board?

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

-You guys?
-Yeah.

Okay.

What are you doing?

Nothing. What's up?

I didn't know how soon I'd see you again
after yesterday....

Yeah, I know.

I've been thinking about that a lot.
I came down pretty hard on you.

You weren't the only one
running away to Charleston.

Don't worry, you weren't
any harder on me than I was on myself.

That's not what I want
to talk to you about.

This HCM thing.

I don't care what Mom told you.
I'm not taking the test.

That's what I said.

We've got the same genes, Luke.
I'm just as at risk as you are.

I've been putting off the test, too.
You want to know why?

Because I'm scared.

-Yeah, me too.
-But I've decided I'm gonna take the test...

if it'll give Jules peace of mind.

Jules wants you to take the test?

She's been bugging me about it
for three weeks.

Just like your mom. That's what people do
if they care about you, Luke.

How about we go together? Not for us.

For them.

Just give it some thought.

-Okay. I gotta get going.
-Keith.

-Thank you for being here for me.
-AIways.

I just want you to know
that I'm here for you, too.

No matter what happens.

Don't' worry about the test, Luke.
Everything's gonna be okay.

Don't worry. You don't have to throw
the ball in the river. I'm just here to watch.

-What's going on with you?
-It's a long story.

Actually, it's not a long story.

I kind of told Haley that I slept with Taylor.

Wow. I guess I'm not the only one
who doesn't want to go home.

You know, I've been thinking lately.

Maybe it's okay to lie
if you're doing it to protect somebody.

Now you tell me.

I mean, look.

When you got together with Haley,
you were doing it to screw with me, right?

Yeah. Pretty much.

But, when she found out...

-she was able to forgive you.
-Yeah, but that's all Haley.

Why? What'd you do wrong?

Nothing really.
At least I didn't sleep with Taylor.

I better go home
and try to get Haley to forgive me again.

AII right, man.

Am I in the right apartment?

Where's that nasty incense smell?

Taylor went out for a jog.

Does this mean
you're talking to me again?

I'm really sorry, Nathan.

I overreacted.

What happened with you and Taylor
was a long time ago...

and I don't have any right to be angry.

I am in the wrong apartment.

Besides...

the things we did in the past
don't mean anything, right?

You don't have to worry anymore.

I went through your family album
and I haven't slept with your other sisters.

Listen, Haley.

I don't want to hurt you.

I don't want to lie to you, either.
I know how honest you are with me.

Keith. Promise me we can talk later.

We'll have dinner first.
Then we'll see if you're still talking to me.

Danny. This is Jules.

Jules, this is my brother Dan.

Nice to meet you, Jules. Come on in.

-Here you go.
-So, Jules...

how does someone like you end up
with someone like my brother?

Just good luck, I guess.

It's gotta be more than that.

-What's your story? Where are you from?
-Texas.

I thought you said you were
from the Midwest.

We're from all over, really. Army brat.

Deb, this chicken is fantastic.

And I'm not just saying that
because you're kind of my boss.

Thanks. But, actually, Dan made dinner.

You okay?

Yeah.

How are things going down at the club?

-Great. We've been really busy.
-Good.

Keith, you're dating a bartender.

It's like a dream come true for you, boozy?

Must be fascinating work, though.

You get to hear everyone's dirty secrets.
We all have them.

I guess every bartender
has to be part therapist.

Sure. But it's got to be tough.

Pretending to care
about the poor bastards.

I don't have to pretend.

Deb, you did a...

-beautiful job. The table looks just great.
-Thanks, Keith.

You know, Jules.

Deb and Keith
have always been very close.

They have a very special relationship.

Not just in-laws. More loving.

Hopefully, you and I can
carry on the tradition.

Dan, put it away and help me with dessert.

Sure. But first a toast.

To Jules and Keith.

And to honesty.

The foundation of every good relationship.

Look at these people.

They all know what they want
and they manage to find it.

Makes me kind of jealous.

Okay, maybe not of them.

You probably think I'm weird.

Yeah. But I've thought that
since I first met you.

It's just that...

you like girls or you like guys.

Trust me. I wish it was like that for me.

It would be a lot easier
if I could just pick a team.

Not necessarily.

Maybe you shouldn't feel so much
pressure to define yourself.

So, are you gonna take
this HCM test, or what?

Your mom tracked me down.

Look, Luke, for selfish reasons,
I think you should.

As far as friends go, you're all I've got.

I can't risk losing you.

What if it was your mom
that was supposed to take this test?

She's the only mom you've got.

Would you let her take that for granted?

No, I do not have time right now.

Just because we're dating does not mean
you get a sexual season pass.

What's going on?

I promised the other crabs I'd find a way
to make things better at work...

so I'm gonna look up dirt on this Carl guy.

That, or you could go after him legally.

How do you mean?

Try looking
on the state employment website.

A guy like that is bound to be breaking
some kind of small-business law.

I'll get us some coffee.
We can work all night.

You're gonna help me?

Of course, Brooke. You're my girlfriend.

Thanks.

Besides, I have to
if we're ever gonna have sex again.

Just kidding.

Those trophies are all for first place.
Except that one.

Second place.

My junior year against Mt. Pilot.

We would have won the game, too.

Except the team tried to change
the offense in mid-play.

Is that what this dinner was all about?

The dinner was to remind you
who you're working for. I pay you.

I give you a place to live.
In exchange, you do exactly what I say.

I don't want to do this anymore.

I love Keith.

You know,
I'm as romantic as the next guy.

Ordinarily, I'd let you guys ride off
into the sunset together.

-But you told my son.
-He found out.

From now on, you leave Lucas to me.

Your only job is to finish what we started.

Come on, Jules.

It would be different if you were gonna
spend the rest of your life with him.

But do you really think Keith
would forgive you if he knew the truth?

Sorry about your hair.

I'm sorry I slept with your husband.

If it's any consolation,
I'm not that memorable.

Okay, that's a lie.

-What am I gonna do, Taylor?
-Hang in there.

-Eventually, he'll forget about me.
-I'm serious.

I love Nathan.
And this is all really confusing.

-Because you kissed Chris?
-No.

Because I'm just jealous of what Chris has.

You know, his music,
the freedom to pursue his dream.

And that kiss just made it a lot messier.

I really don't know what to do.

I am...

the wrong girl to ask for advice.

You want to know why
I really got the tattoo?

When a scorpion's caught in a fire,
it stings itself to death.

That's a myth, actually.

Not in my life.

When things get bad,
I always find a way to make them worse.

The truth is, Hay...

you've always been miles ahead of me.

Most of the time I feel like the little sister.

You'll do the right thing, Haley-Bob.

You always do.

Luke. What are you doing here?

I just wanted to see how you're doing.

Actually, I'm glad you stopped by.

Something happened tonight. With Jules.

I asked her to marry me.

Hey, don't look so worried. She said yes.

That's great.

What are you standing around here for?

Get back to work!

We will. As soon as you agree
to our list of demands.

Demands? What is this?

I've been doing some research.

It turns out that uniform maintenance
can't be deducted from our hourly wages.

And these crab suits are not flame
retardant, which is a violation of OSHA.

-OSHA?
-Trust me.

And there is plenty more
where that came from.

We are not singing our crabby songs
until you comply.

Okay, you win.

Turn in your crabby suits! You're all fired!

I can snap my fingers
and get crabs whenever I want to.

Okay. Girls. There you go.

That's for you. For you.

What the hell is this?

Since you've fired us,
you've given us plenty of time to picket.

What do the signs say?

Nothing your entire crab staff
doesn't already know.

That your so-called fresh crabs
aren't fresh at all.

They're frozen. Now girls.

-That's a lie.
-Really?

There's supposed to be flown in daily
from Alaska.

They come in on a truck from Jersey.

-Listen, you can't prove any of it.
-Really?

In the case of Carl's famous crab bisque...

you use imitation crab.

Negotiate.

A dollar more per hour per crab.

AII right, fine.

-Two 15-minute breaks.
-One.

-Mars, did I say two 20-minute breaks?
-Yes.

You said 15. AII right. Two.

Get rid of the signs and you've got a deal.

Damn crabs.

How'd it go?

We won!

What's gonna be your first act
as an organized crab?

Actually, I quit.

-Seriously?
-Yeah.

I put in my two-weeks notice.

By then I'll have enough money
to pay my car insurance.

As it turns out,
I'm not so big on the working thing.

It felt really good to do something nice
for the little guy though.

You must be pretty tired.

How about you get some rest,
and I'll come by later?

How about you get some rest
with me now, boyfriend?

So what do you think about
your uncle being engaged?

Honestly, I think it's a little fast.

You know, this HCM thing.

It reminded me that every day
might be the last, and...

I want to live them all with Jules.

I know,
but what do you really know about her?

I know you wanted me
to marry your mom.

But life doesn't always work
according to plan.

I had to move on.
I don't want to miss a second chance.

Trust me, once you get to know Jules...

you're gonna love her just as much as I do.

I'm glad you're taking the test, Luke.

Like you said, for my mom, right?

Before we go in,
there's something I want to ask you.

I know this whole thing is still sinking in...

but it would mean a lot to me
if you'd be my best man.

-Sure.
-AII right.

Mom.

I don't agree with your decision.

I don't understand.

And I'm not going to.

I took the test.

We'll know in a couple of days.

Thank you.

What do you want?

You and I are the only ones who know
the truth about Jules.

And I'm willing to keep it a secret.
Keith never has to know.

What do you want from me?

I'm sure we can work something out.

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