On Becoming a God in Central Florida (2019–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - A Positive Spin! - full transcript
Krystal and Cody throw a rally. Ernie tries to connect with his son. Stan finds a new supplier for the water park.
Previously...
[CODY] He was my workhorse.
Well, keep the wife.
[CODY] She can be very negative, sir.
I want to talk about Travis's
business in light of the tragedy.
- Are those...?
- What do you want, Cody?
I'm from Sunshine Repo,
and your husband, rest his soul...
He has a few things that
technically belong to the bank.
Well, it looks like one of
your mortgages is past due.
Wait, what? "One of"?
I need a raise, an advance, something.
[STAN] Water-obics
needs a new instructor.
[BUZZ] My daughter Becca,
she's prepping for Miss Teen Zuber.
She's gonna need a proper coach.
[KRYSTAL] I'm, like, one bad day
from losing my house.
That's called "surrendering
your leverage."
Is that what you called it
when you were trading
tiaras for tug jobs?
Give her an upline bonus.
Use the value of your business
to show this widow her value.
- Ta-da!
- [KRYSTAL] Give me double,
- and I'll grow it.
- You'd recruit?
[KRYSTAL] I'll have Ernie
signed up in a week.
Guys, my life is good.
[SCREAMS]
Hey, what's the, uh,
fine for gator poaching?
Really? Ten thou?
[KNOCKING]
[CECE PENISTON'S "FINALLY" PLAYING]
[KRYSTAL] Shake those hips!
Squeeze those buns!
Shake those hips! Squeeze those buns!
Shake those hips!
- Cannonball...!
- Squeeze those buns!
[DISTORTED, ECHOING GASP]
♪♪
- Ah! Oh, my God!
- [WHISTLE BLOWS]
Get! Get out of here!
- You, too.
- Losers.
All right! Keep it going.
No pain, no gain.
Twist... twist...
twist, and squeeze those buns.
Squeeze... squeeze...
- squeeze...
- [OBIE] People...
are terrified of no.
N-O.
Just two little letters,
but hearing them...
brings a man face-to-face with his soul.
That's why Timmy is afraid to swing
during the biggest at bat
of his Little League life,
and he cries in front of the
girlie he's got a crush on.
That's why Martin keeps
his mouth shut at his J-O-B
when Johnny Big Stuff takes credit
for Martin's idea and walks off
with the big promotion.
[DISTANT CHATTER]
It isn't the no
that makes your life terrible.
It's the fear.
- Oh, shit.
- [ERNIE] Oh, it's all right.
It's all right. I got it.
Oh. Oh, thanks, Ernie.
- Oh, you're welcome.
- Oh, it's wet.
[ERNIE] Full of water now.
Where you been, girl?
Oh...
enjoying hotel room service.
Yeah. My FAM business is booming,
and my floors were just
begging to be redone.
[LAUGHS]
So... Have you thought about it anymore?
- Starting your own business?
- [MAN OVER SPEAKERS] Ernie.
- Nacho tank two is...
- I'm sorry, I got...
- Yeah, I got this.
- I got to go. Okay, thank you.
All right, all right, coming.
[OBIE] The fear.
The fear that you'll run and hide
in a corner when it comes time
to prove what you're made of.
The fear... that you're weak.
Do you want to know what
I say to the letters N-O?
Ask Dave Dingle in Memphis, Tennessee.
Go ask Dave.
Dave Dingle told me, "No,
you can't take my wife
dancing in the Dominican,"
and I said, "Thank you, Dave."
- Bonar?
- Yes?
Your dad won't see you.
Disagree. He will see me this time.
[POUNDS ON GLASS]
[OBIE] Thank you, Dave Dingle.
Ha! Ha-ha! Thank you, Dave Dingle!
Thank you for giving me drive.
Thank you, Dave Dingle,
for volunteering yourself
as my target.
[OVER EARPHONES] I will destroy your no.
I will crush your no into powder,
and I will... [CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY]
- Your no is music...
- [MAN] Uh, keep walking, boy.
[OBIE] ... to my ears,
and Mrs. Dingle and I
will dance the bachata to it.
- [CRYING, SNIFFLING]
- Come on! Let me feel it!
Come on! Let me feel your yes!
My favorite thing to hear is no.
My favorite thing to hear is no,
because that means I am close to a yes.
[LATIN SONG PLAYING OVER EARPHONES]
[CLICKS]
[TAPE REWINDING]
[OBIE] And I will sift it all
over my yes-flavored dessert.
Ha!
- [BACHATA MUSIC PLAYING]
- Your no
is-is music to my ears,
- [SNIFFLES]
- and Mrs. Dingle and I
will dance the bachata to it.
♪♪
- Come on!
- [MOUTHING]
Let me feel it!
Let me feel your yes!
Come on! Let me feel your yes!
My favorite thing to hear is no.
My favorite thing to hear is no,
because that means I am close to a yes.
[COFFEE POURING]
Hi, Stan. I've been working on these
- on my breaks.
- Mm-hmm.
Billboard ideas for Splashercize.
Could really draw some
crowds in off the interstate.
"Wet Sweat."
"Wave Goodbye to Your Fat."
"Make a Splash in Your Bikini."
No.
No? You didn't even look at 'em.
Hey, this helps you, too.
We got, like, three people
coming into class every day.
Don't you want more?
The point of paying
you two dollars a head
is that you do the advertising.
If that's not enough,
well, that's your problem.
Well, I can't live in
the stockroom forever.
You're right, you can't.
So you're not gonna help me out?
You're just gonna let me starve?
[CHUCKLES] Starve, huh?
Don't think I haven't noticed
all those hot dogs that
have gone missing lately.
What do you expect me to eat?
Look, I am the only one that
is helping you right now, okay?
So don't point your finger at me.
Point it at yourself.
What the fuck does that mean?
You shot those gators, right?
You got caught.
You had to go and pay
that poaching fine.
And if that means
you're without a house,
well, that's your fault.
It was my house or jail!
I couldn't go to jail.
Here's the thing.
You get yourself all worked up
in a tizzy, and then
you do something rash.
You've got a temper.
And you've got your head up your ass!
Have a great night.
Thank you!
[DESTINEE CRYING OVER BABY MONITOR]
Shit.
[DESTINEE CRYING LOUDLY]
[CRYING STOPS]
Okay. [GASPS]
Oh.
- [FUSSING]
- Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh...
[CONTINUES SHUSHING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪♪
[UP-TEMPO, DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪♪
[DESTINEE COOING, FUSSING]
[MARGE] How pretty!
Oh. Hey, Marge.
Uh, first of the day.
I should get a prize.
Could I trouble you for a restroom?
Morning coffee just
turns me into a hose.
Oh, well, renovations on the
house are in full swing, so...
- water's shut off.
- Can't wait to see it.
[VEHICLE APPROACHING]
[HORN HONKS]
- Do you mind?
- Course.
[BACHATA MUSIC PLAYING]
No.
We're throwing a rally.
It'll be a real morale boost.
I don't have time for rallies.
- [MUSIC STOPS]
- I don't have time
for you not to have time, okay?
I've got to get to the ballroom ASAP.
There are curtains to hang,
balloons to fill, streamers
- to stream...
- Our deal was that I do this
and you pay me... that's it.
And only until I get my house back.
Our deal was that you were
gonna stick to the deal.
Have you locked down Ernie?
Well, Krystal, you haven't
even done the distro.
What do you want?
A handout? Okay, okay, here's a handout.
Here's another.
I don't have any more hands to put out.
Looks like you might have
to actually do some work.
- Huh?
- Ernie's in the process, okay?
And what do you mean,
I'm not doing the distro?
What's all this, then?
Well, Carol says
that order right there has
been just sitting there
like that for weeks.
Carol needs to mind
her fucking business.
Well, Carol is gonna be here
any minute to check on you,
so cool your beak on the freaks
if you ever want to get paid again. Hmm?
Well, why hasn't this Mimi lady
been picking up her orders?
[GROANS]
Travis used to personally
deliver that one, okay?
Why? That's not the system.
[SIGHS]
Why would he personally
deliver something, Cody?
I'm already behind schedule.
I've got choreography to learn.
Ask Carol.
Look what I got! Rally tickets.
[KRYSTAL] Yeah.
Sell them to your downline.
[KIDS LAUGHING AND CHATTERING PLAYFULLY]
[BELL RINGING IN DISTANCE]
Ugh. Come on.
Not the "boobs" kid again.
Does the park seem...
different recently?
Well, the smell sure has improved,
that's for sure.
Yes, it has, but...
that's not really what
I'm getting at here.
You know,
I used to come out here as a boy.
My father would walk his grounds,
and everybody would wave at him.
"Hello, Harry," they'd say.
They were his friends.
They were our neighbors.
Now I look out from my office, and...
I don't recognize the faces.
I don't recognize the park.
Well, you just got to get out here more.
Yeah.
Hey.
Hola, Garcia.
[BOTH SPEAK SPANISH]
- Hey. Hola.
- Hola.
- [GIRL] Hi.
- [SPEAKS SPANISH]
Hello.
[BELL RINGING IN DISTANCE]
It's like you don't even see
what's happening around you.
And it's your job, to see.
Y-You know, I'm-I'm...
I'm really not sure
what I'm supposed to be l-looking at.
[CHUCKLES]
Our guests.
I just... I want our old guests back.
You know, a little less Benetton,
a little more...
Ralph Lauren.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
Okay. [CHUCKLES] Okay, I-I get it.
- I get it, I get it.
- Yes. Good.
[SIGHS]
W... Well, you know, generally, uh...
people don't wear shirts,
so is this a bathing suit issue?
I just need you
to bring it... All right.
Call it, um...
Suburban Outreach. Huh?
- Hmm? Here, take these...
- Ah.
Yeah. Half-off passes.
Go to the malls, go to the zoo,
and you give those to affluents,
people that live in cul-de-sacs.
Just...
make it my father's park again.
You got it, Stan.
All right.
Get that shit off.
[CHEERING, LAUGHTER]
Oh, honey, the Garbeau System
can make any man feel like a stallion.
Now, of course,
I don't worry about my own stallion,
because he's getting an all-you-can-eat
hay buffet at home.
Oh. Come on.
Personal drop-offs?
Late-night counseling sessions?
Overnight seminars three towns over.
Oh. These men...
like to make you think
they're working hard, but...
Oh.
Travis barely had energy
for me and Destinee. [CHUCKLES]
Why, of course. Of course, right.
Travis was a good man, a loyal man.
I'm sure there's no reason to worry
about this Mimi Waldenstock.
Oh. We're gonna hang out
while Mama and Mimi have a nice chat.
[CAROL CHUCKLES]
[LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC]
♪♪
[EXHALES]
My injection is not until next week.
Oh. Mimi?
Yeah.
Oh. I... I've got your FAM orders.
They're just taking up space in my yard.
Oh, honey.
You're Travis's wife.
Oh, come on in.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh, I am so sorry for your loss.
- Oh. Thank you.
- Mm.
Oh.
- [DOOR CLOSES]
- I wanted to be at the funeral.
But my spine is crushing in on itself.
It's stenosis. [CHUCKLES WEAKLY]
Oh, y... you are stunning,
like Travis said.
[CHUCKLES]
I'll show you...
where Travis always put the stuff.
[CHUCKLES]
How exactly did you know Travis?
[LAUGHS]
I taught him tenth grade history.
Twice.
[BOTH LAUGH]
Oh, he was a real... charmer.
[CHUCKLES]
[GRUNTS]
Where's all your FAM stuff?
It's out here.
You can put it wherever you like.
Huh. Why do you keep ordering this stuff
just to dump it out here?
Oh, no. [CHUCKLES]
I'm just storing it.
It's all Travis's.
He bought it.
[TENSE MUSIC]
♪♪
- Are we feeling it, people?
- [MAN] Hey, it's Cody.
- [LAUGHING] Let me feel it.
- [MAN] Oh, my gosh, he's here.
- Hi, sir. Good to see you.
- Good to see you, Mr. Bonar.
- Oh, hi.
- [MAN] That's him.
- [GIGGLES]
- [MAN] That's him.
- Beautiful. Beautiful!
- [WOMAN] Hey, Cody.
Hey. What the frick, people?
I can't prepare the rally
- if I can't feel the rally.
- [SNAPS FINGERS]
- Huh?
- Yeah.
- Come on, let me feel it.
- What a pleasure.
- Right? Give me heat!
- Whoo!
- Energy. Yes!
- Yeah!
Give me 200 motivation-starved IBOs
just begging to get what I'm cooking up
out of Mr. Garbeau's cookbook.
Yeah! Sorry, that wasn't it.
- Well, find it! Quickly.
- Yes, sir.
- Come on!
- Come on, come on.
- Let me feel it!
- Oh, yes.
- Let me feel your yes!
- Whoo!
- Come on, people.
- Yes! Yes!
- More. More. Let me feel it.
- [SCATTERED EXCLAMATIONS]
- What? I can't hear you!
- [CHANTING] Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
- I can't hear you!
- Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
- Yes!
- Yes!
Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
You know, if an elephant
could fit on our waterslide,
it would definitely go down it. [LAUGHS]
H-Here. Half-off passes,
good for the whole season.
- [MAN] Thanks.
- Thank you.
[SLOW, PERCUSSIVE MUSIC]
♪♪
- Afternoon.
- Yeah.
Oh, hey.
You know, if a chameleon were
to come to our water park,
its best camouflage
would be a huge smile.
Here, half off. Good for the
whole season. Really, it's free.
Okay. Half off.
Good for the whole season.
- Rebel Rapids.
- That place sucks.
Rebel Rapids. Half off.
Good for the whole season, sir.
Thank you.
That's my house out there.
[MIMI] Couldn't you resell the stuff?
[KRYSTAL SCOFFS]
It's worthless.
Oh, it must have some value.
Travis bought so much.
Oh, honey, I...
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Yeah, I don't need your pity right now.
It's not pity.
It's an apology.
Every time he came around,
there was some new story,
some-some plan for the two of you.
Uh, taking you to Bali,
putting Destinee in private school.
You don't vacation in Bali
i-if it's not working, you know?
Oh. Oh.
They told him to buy this crap,
just 'cause they said to.
He wanted to believe so bad,
he did whatever they told him to,
no matter what.
[AIR HISSES]
No matter what.
[BACHATA MUSIC PLAYING]
♪♪
Yes.
Nice, Cody.
Mm. [COUGHS]
Can't breathe back here.
Well, that's the optimal spot
for stagecraft.
[KISSINGER COUGHING]
♪♪
[COUGHS, CLEARS THROAT]
[KRYSTAL] Cody! Cody?
[MUSIC STOPS]
[KISSINGER COUGHING]
Can you turn that off, please?
Thank you.
Wow.
I sold 30 tickets to my downline today.
Hey! That's great.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Wow.
But what I'd really love
is to speak at the rally.
What would you say?
I would talk about how
my upline has affected my life.
Mr. Garbeau says...
that's what every great
speech is really about.
[LAUGHS]
Great. Great. Let's keep going.
[SEABIRDS SCREECHING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
_
[MAN ON TV] So get those poles out
and fire those boats up.
Back to you, Johnny.
[JOHNNY] And now it's time
for "Mirta's Minute."
[MIRTA] Local teens say goodbye
to the streets and hello to the beats,
live from Tickseed Park.
Don't miss "Mirta's Minute,"
coming up at the top of the hour.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪♪
[ISAAC] Mirta.
Uh, Mirta.
[MAN] Ready to go.
Ready?
- [ISAAC] Five...
- [MAN] Let's do this.
[ISAAC] four...
- three...
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER]
[MAN] Yeah.
I'm Mirta Herrara, live,
bringing you One Minute
on hip-hop youth...
but with a positive spin.
- [MAN GRUNTS]
- Yes.
- That's right.
- Yeah.
- [MAN] All right, now.
- [MAN 2] Go ahead, slim.
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
[JUDD] Okay, coming through.
Uh, p-please. I-I'm coming through.
- Please, can you move?
- [ISAAC] Jesus.
Coming through, please. Can you move?
- I have something I need to say.
- [MAN] What is he doing?
[ISAAC] Sir? Sir?
- Please. All right, sir.
- Papa misses you.
- Please, come home.
- We need you out
of the shot. Sir, please.
- FAM took my family.
- [ISAAC STAMMERS]
- Get him off the stage.
- Obie Garbeau took my family.
- Okay, just...
- He took my family.
- Yeah, just focus on the dancers.
- He took them!
He brainwashed them!
He turned them against me!
I don't even know where they are.
- [MAN] Cut the music.
- Oh, Jesus.
[JUDD] Daddy's looking for you.
- Daddy won't give up.
- [MAN] Uh.
- Uh-huh. Back at it.
- [MAN 2] Yeah.
♪ She makes the bed and
he steals the covers ♪
♪ She likes it neat and
he makes a mess... ♪
[BETS] Hey, Ernie?
I know he's, he's only nine,
but...
do you think that he's already...
♪ I like to smoke ♪
♪ Things in common?
There just ain't one... ♪
Oh, God forgive.
♪ But when we get to... ♪
[IMITATES SIREN]
Dad alarm.
Hi.
Mom found this while she
was cleaning your room.
[SIGHS]
We-we don't have to talk about it.
But-but we can if you want to.
All right. Um...
Listen, just, um...
know that I love you.
And if there's e-ever anything that...
you need to talk about...
I'm-I'm always here for you.
Always.
[DOOR CLOSES]
♪ I take two steps forward ♪
♪ I take two steps back ♪
♪ We come together
'cause opposites attract ♪
♪ And you know, it ain't fiction ♪
♪ Just a natural fact ♪
♪ We come together
'cause opposites attract ♪
♪ Who'd-a thought, ah... ♪
- _
- [KRYSTAL] My husband spent
all our money
on a product he didn't use.
Because he wanted to climb the FAM ranks
to a point that it would make us rich.
Well, there's no riches
coming to me now.
Nothing.
The Garbeau System doesn't work.
[SOFTLY] The Garbeau
System doesn't work.
- [DESTINEE FUSSES]
- "Maybe you're just lazy."
"Maybe you're just a stinker thinker."
Bullcrap.
You're going... You're going...
broke...
for a lie.
If the Garbeau System worked,
I wouldn't be broke.
If the system worked,
I wouldn't be sleeping in a closet.
Now, you're all going broke for a lie.
[DOOR HANDLE RATTLES]
[SIGHS]
[KICKS DOOR]
Locked out.
My baby and I sleep
in a fucking roach closet.
[SIGHS]
[SOFTLY] Oh, shit.
Vendor contracts.
[STAN] Floating the lazy
river towards implosion
on a bright warm day.
Okay.
Stan's a poet. Huh.
What the fuck?
[QUIETLY] Wait, what the fuck?
[MAN SCREAMING IN DISTANCE]
[KEYS JANGLE]
[MAN CONTINUES SCREAMING]
- [GASPS]
- No!
Oh! Oh, my God.
You scared the shit out of me.
- Sorry.
- Oh, my God.
What are you doing here?
Cleaning, uh, graffiti.
You wouldn't believe where
these kids will spray-paint.
Are you okay, Ernie?
Happy as a clam. [CHUCKLES]
You can tell me.
Nothing to tell. [CHUCKLES]
Ernie.
Whatever it is you're feeling,
I guarantee I've felt worse.
Harold's head is all twisted in circles,
and now he's touching himself,
and I had to throw out the TV and...
[SIGHS]
I'm so worried about him, you know?
Now Stan's all up my crack,
you know, about
this Suburban Outreach program,
and then I got all these half-off passes
that I'm supposed to spread out.
And I'm just, you know,
I'm just, I-I'm going...
I don't know what
to do with them, but...
- Ernie, just-just breathe.
- [TAKES DEEP BREATH]
- Breathe and relax, okay?
- Okay. Okay.
- [EXHALES]
- Okay.
[SIGHS]
It's just all...
so much sometimes.
[EXHALES]
Everything's gonna be okay.
Bring Harold to the park.
Have some fun together.
I-I don't want him to
think that I care more
about this place than I do him.
Why would he?
You're a great dad.
A great one.
If either of us had you as a father,
I know we'd be somewhere else right now.
And Stan can take a chill pill.
Thank you, Krystal.
Hey, Ernie? I'll help you.
Give me the passes.
Really?
Aw, Krystal.
[KRYSTAL CHUCKLES]
You're one of the nicest people
I've ever met in my whole life.
♪♪
Thanks, Ernie.
- Good night.
- Night.
[JUDD] This is Judd Waltrip.
[MAN OVER PHONE] Now's not a good time.
I know he's there.
Put Obie Garbeau the fucking
Second on the fucking phone.
- Do it!
- The best I can do is take a message.
I know I'm on speaker, Obie.
I can hear it in the timbre.
Mr. Garbeau isn't in
the office right now.
You're a liar!
I promise I will never
write another word.
I-I just wanted to talk to them.
Please deposit five cents
for the next three minutes.
- If five cents is not deposited...
- You can't do this to me!
I know things!
I can fuck up your whole life!
Randy.
Put these over there, please.
Audio equipment.
If the recording turns out well,
Mr. Garbeau would like to consider
distributing it as a tape.
[PHONES RINGING IN DISTANCE]
Phones haven't stopped ringing.
- Biggest response we've ever gotten
- [SNIFFS]
to a "Mirta's Minute."
Public loves a kook.
It's not our viewers.
All the calls are from these people.
They're upset.
One guy threatened to
mail me a turkey sandwich
every day until the
network airs a retraction.
I don't understand what that means.
So stop answering the phone.
Aren't you tired of doing
stories with a positive spin?
I've been calling around.
There's a rally in town tonight.
- Not gonna happen.
- Come on.
[CHUCKLES] How long have we been doing
"Mirta's Minute" now?
[SIGHS]
How did this guy
turn to that?
He's a crazy person, Isaac.
He might not even have a family.
Or maybe he pushed them away
with a crippling drug addiction.
Fuck you.
- I have disc problems.
- Oh.
Do you want your back to hurt doing
"Mirta's Minute"
or 60 Minutes?
[SIGHS]
_
Oh. Excuse me. Sorry.
Excuse me.
Excuse me. Sorry.
- If you can dream it, we can do it.
- Excuse me.
[MAN] Silver Jeffersons incoming.
Step aside, please.
Step aside, please. Thank you.
[CROWD] If you dream it, we can do it.
If you dream it, we can do it.
Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Excuse me.
- I'm with the press.
- Uh, I'm sorry, ma'am.
- Okay. Oh, excuse me.
Sir. I'm Mirta Herrera.
I'm here for an interview.
I reserve one-on-one coaching
for Franklin-level entrepreneurs.
Uh, I'm sorry, ma'am.
You'll have to wait
for general admission.
[CROWD] If you can dream it, we can...
- Y'all ready?
- [CROWD] Yeah!
- All right.
- All right.
[MAN] How you doing out there, FAM?
[WOMAN] They know what time it is.
Uh-huh. Yeah.
- ♪ Uh, ding-dong ♪
- ♪ Ding-dong ♪
- ♪ Ding-dong ♪
- ♪ Ding-dong ♪
♪ Well, I used to be so woebegone,
ding-dong ♪
[CROWD SINGING ALONG] ♪ Ding-dong ♪
- ♪ Ding-dong ♪
- ♪ Ding-dong ♪
♪ I finally found my FAM
and the lights came on... ♪
- She'll sleep through it okay.
- Uh-huh.
Thank you. Thank you, Betty.
[MAN] ♪ I'm making that climb... ♪
He was tr... Oh, sorry.
[SIGHS]
[MUSIC CONTINUES IN DISTANCE]
[WHISPERS] Emergency test.
- ♪ Ding-dong ♪
- ♪ Ding-dong ♪
[MUSIC CONTINUES IN DISTANCE]
[MUTTERS QUIETLY]
- ♪ Ding-dong ♪
- ♪ Ding-dong ♪
- ♪ Ding-dong, ding-dong ♪
- ♪ Ding-dong... ♪
Oh. There you are.
Whatever it is, make it quick.
I'm on after this ding-dong sing-along.
That's exactly it. No, you're not.
I'm sorry. I'm not explaining this
well at all. Let me start over.
Mr. Garbeau is recording tonight.
He's gonna put my speech out as a tape,
so I'm the only one who's gonna speak.
Can you believe it?
- Cody, that's...
- [SIGHS] My own Garbeau tape.
Hey, Cody? I-I...
I want to give you something.
Just to celebrate your big moment.
Really?
Yeah. You've taught me so much about...
about the system,
about the importance of upline,
about trust.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
Do you trust me, Cody?
You're my number one mentee.
But do you... trust me?
Yeah.
[QUIETLY] Good.
[WHISPERING] Okay, come on.
Follow me.
- [DOOR CREAKS]
- Shh. Okay.
Almost there.
All right.
Stay just like that.
Okay.
- ♪ Ding-dong ♪
- ♪ Ding-dong ♪
- [LOCK CLICKS]
- ♪ Ding-dong, ding-dong ♪
♪ Ding-dong... ♪
[SIGHS]
- You got this.
- [CROWD CHEERING]
K-Krystal?
[DOOR HANDLE RATTLES]
- Oh. Krystal?
- [KNOCKS]
What-what-what is it
you want to give me?
[CHEERING CONTINUES]
Checks, hugs and rock and roll.
Huh? [CHUCKLES]
All right, folks.
Krystal? Krystal?
Krystal!
Krystal!
Krystal!
- [KISSINGER] Are we ready...
- Hey!
... to talk some business?!
[CROWD CHANTING] Let's talk business!
- Let's talk business!
- [KISSINGER] Yes!
Let's talk business.
Our next speaker needs no introduction.
- He is the man you c...
- Hi. Thank you.
Hey, y'all.
[CROWD MURMURING]
My husband Travis...
was at an AA meeting
when I found out I had
a baby in my belly.
He was trying,
but trying just meant he cried
when he started drinking again.
I showed him the pregnancy test,
and I told him I wouldn't
raise a child with a drunk.
A week later,
Travis came home with a FAM starter kit
- and told me...
- [GASPING]
"I found it."
[APPLAUSE]
[CROWD CHEERING]
[KRYSTAL] FAM became
everything to Travis...
More than liquor, even...
- Because FAM made him feel good.
- [WOMAN] Aw.
And for a while, that was great.
But Travis chased
that feeling into the swamp...
and never came out.
[SIGHS] Travis gave everything to FAM.
His nights.
Our money.
His life.
When Travis got eaten by that gator,
I lost everything.
You don't know how scared you are
until you're looking at your baby
and wondering where she's
gonna sleep that night.
[SNIFFLES]
[CODY] Krystal!
I looked at my life after Travis died.
At bills, debts, loneliness.
At the vultures.
At my screaming baby
and at my empty stomach,
and I was terrified.
And then I looked at the...
at the business Travis built.
[WOMAN] Mm-hmm.
[GRUNTS]
[EXHALES] And I was excited!
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
Who is that?
That's the alligator widow.
Travis,
- he left me a widow...
- [PANTING]
... but he also left me...
a future.
- [CHEERING]
- He left me an opportunity.
Now, Travis always said,
- "Go-getters go get."
- Give me your jacket.
Well, I got out there,
and I got mine, all right.
I found myself two plump gators,
and I shot 'em in the face.
[CROWD CHEERING]
And then I skinned 'em,
I tanned 'em, and I pulled
myself up by my bootstraps.
And you better believe they
were alligator skin boots.
[LOUD CHEERING]
I'm doing so well, in fact...
I said I'm doing so well, in fact...
[CROWD] How well?
I'm doing so well
that I spend all the
time I want in the pool.
- [CHEERING]
- Living the life of Riley.
Yeah!
And while I'm in there, I might as well
be getting my exercise in.
Am I right, girls?
[WOMEN CHEERING]
Now, I'm not a selfish person.
I know what's good for the
goose is good for the gander.
- Am I right?
- [CROWD MURMURING ASSENT]
So I give back
- every night.
- [WOMAN WHOOPS]
[CROWD] Every night!
- Every night!
- Every night!
- Every night!
- Every night!
Every night!
Every night!
- Every night!
- I give back every night,
teaching Splashercize
down at Rebel Rapids.
And, dang, if it doesn't get me pumped
to go out there and recruit!
- [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
- Uh-huh!
It's the key to my success!
They told my husband
to give everything he had.
And he did,
so I could get up here and tell y'all
that Travis's dream, my dream,
didn't end in the swamp.
- [WOMAN] No!
- It lives on in the pool.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
[OPTIMISTIC MUSIC]
♪♪
Now, I'm teaching a class tomorrow,
bright and early.
[SINGSONGY] Who's interested?
I've got half off.
[CHEERING]
[CLAMORING]
- Me!
- I'd like to interview you.
I'd like to interview you.
Here, pass 'em around.
Here you go. Have-have the rest.
Now, settle down,
'cause our next speaker
is closer than family to me.
He's my upline, Mr. Cody Bonar!
- [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
- [MAN] Cody!
[CROWD CHANTING]
Cody, Cody, Cody, Cody...
[QUIETLY] Mentorship from the best.
[CHEERING CONTINUES]
[APPLAUSE STOPS]
Now, that is a millionaire in waiting!
- [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
- [LAUGHING]
Wow!
[CHEERING CONTINUES]
- [LAUGHING]
- [CHEERING]
[OBIE] People are hesitant to say yes,
but they are terrified to say no.
Terrified of what they
might miss out on.
Terrified of what they might not have.
Come on! Join us!
Hey, Dad, can I go?
Yeah, sure.
[OBIE] Which is why they say...
"what if."
What if I won the lottery?
What if I could date the prom queen?
What if I could make
my dreams come true?
[WHOOPING]
[DISTORTED] Come on!
[OBIE] But a winner
doesn't say "what if."
A winner says...
- "when I."
- Yeah! [WHOOPS]
[KRYSTAL] Come on! Everybody in!
Come on, Ernie!
[OBIE] Because "what
if" is a pipe dream.
"When I" is a promise.
- Ernie! Ernie! Ernie!
- You give me your pipe dream...
- Come on, Dad!
- ... and I'll make you
- a promise.
- All right! All right!
You give me your yes,
and I'll give you the world.
[DISTORTED] Eyes on me!
[NORMAL] Okay, and push! Out!
Push! Push!
♪ Right in front of my face ♪
♪ Finally you've come along... ♪
Up! Up!
Push! Push!
And we're touching our toes,
touching our toes,
touching our toes, touching our toes.
Pray it down. Pray it down.
And push. Push.
And touch. Touch. Touch.
Up. Push.
♪ Finally it's happened to me ♪
♪ Right in front of my face ♪
♪ And I just cannot hide it ♪
♪ Finally... ♪
Hey. Where did all those
people come from, huh?
That much excitement in this
park's never been a good thing.
Hey, I'm a walking billboard, Stan.
I only cost you two bucks a head.
How'd you do that?
[SIGHS]
I have access to people.
Suburban people.
They listen to what I have to say,
- no matter what.
- Okay.
But they're gonna want
FAM goods stocked here.
Now, I have a big order I can fulfill
- for you immediately.
- Oh, my God.
But when that runs out,
if those FAM folks don't
see more FAM products,
they're gonna stop showing up.
If this is some sort of joke,
I'm not laughing.
Now, I have been very nice to you,
and if you think you
can just walk in here,
say what you want
about your goddamn FAM,
that's not...
What are you...
No, don't! God!
That's not what, um...
That's my father's. [SIGHS] Shit.
You know, a lot of employees
have been getting sick lately,
- and, uh, it's just a hygiene issue...
- Shh!
Buy the inventory.
Re-up through me.
Spackle your little eye-spy here.
You get to keep boosted ticket sales,
I get my house back.
Win-win.
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
$196 for 93 Splashercizers today, and...
a check for all this FAM inventory.
I thought we agreed on $10,027.
I'm not gonna write another one.
Pleasure doing business with you, Stan.
[CLICKS TONGUE]
How was it?
It was weird.
But it's just another
get-rich-quick thing.
Oh, I think I might have
met the turkey sandwich guy.
Gave me investment advice.
Not much of a story there though.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Well, well, thanks for checking it out.
There was this alligator
widow lady though.
It'd be a hell of a "Minute."
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
Yeah. Cool.
Let's talk b... [GROANS]
♪ Be lovers if we can't be friends? ♪
[SINGING ALONG]
♪ How can we start over ♪
♪ When the fighting never ends... ♪
You hungry, little fella?
All right, hold on.
♪ How can we be lovers... ♪
[CHUCKLES] Okay, wait.
[GASPS]
Oh, shit!
[PARROT SCREECHING]
Ah, damn, where's the fire extinguisher?
[SHOUTS]
Oh, damn!
What the fuck?! Oh, shit.
[SCREECHING]
Come on.
C-Come on, little fella, come on.
Hey, there you go,
there you go, there you go.
[SHOUTS]
Oh, shit.
[WHIMPERS]
Mr. Crackers!
♪ We can work it out ♪
♪ How can we be lovers... ♪
[SHOUTS]
♪ How can we start over when
the fighting never ends? ♪
♪ How can we make love if
we can't make amends... ♪
- [ENGINE STARTS]
- [TAPE CLICKS]
[KRYSTAL] I give back every night,
teaching Splashercize
down at Rebel Rapids.
And, dang,
if it doesn't get me pumped...
[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
[KEYS JANGLE]
Howdy, neighbor. Welcome back.
- Hey.
- [CHUCKLES]
Renovations done?
Yeah.
Huh.
Wow.
Eh, looks the same to me.
That's how you know they did good.
Wow!
They did amazing work.
[CHUCKLES]
Look...
when-when Harold and I
were in that pool together,
splish, splash, I was having a blast.
[CHUCKLES]
I-I don't know much about FAM, okay?
But I do know how I felt
when I was in there.
I felt... surrounded.
Surrounded by...
love...
and...
positivity,
by family.
Like a warm blanket.
That's what I've been missing.
It's what Harold needs.
Yeah.
I want in.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
I want to be part of the FAM.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
Okay, Ernie.
Yeah?
We'll get you set up.
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
[QUIETLY] Thank you.
- Have a good night.
- You, too.
[DOOR CREAKS]
[SIGHS]
[CODY] He was my workhorse.
Well, keep the wife.
[CODY] She can be very negative, sir.
I want to talk about Travis's
business in light of the tragedy.
- Are those...?
- What do you want, Cody?
I'm from Sunshine Repo,
and your husband, rest his soul...
He has a few things that
technically belong to the bank.
Well, it looks like one of
your mortgages is past due.
Wait, what? "One of"?
I need a raise, an advance, something.
[STAN] Water-obics
needs a new instructor.
[BUZZ] My daughter Becca,
she's prepping for Miss Teen Zuber.
She's gonna need a proper coach.
[KRYSTAL] I'm, like, one bad day
from losing my house.
That's called "surrendering
your leverage."
Is that what you called it
when you were trading
tiaras for tug jobs?
Give her an upline bonus.
Use the value of your business
to show this widow her value.
- Ta-da!
- [KRYSTAL] Give me double,
- and I'll grow it.
- You'd recruit?
[KRYSTAL] I'll have Ernie
signed up in a week.
Guys, my life is good.
[SCREAMS]
Hey, what's the, uh,
fine for gator poaching?
Really? Ten thou?
[KNOCKING]
[CECE PENISTON'S "FINALLY" PLAYING]
[KRYSTAL] Shake those hips!
Squeeze those buns!
Shake those hips! Squeeze those buns!
Shake those hips!
- Cannonball...!
- Squeeze those buns!
[DISTORTED, ECHOING GASP]
♪♪
- Ah! Oh, my God!
- [WHISTLE BLOWS]
Get! Get out of here!
- You, too.
- Losers.
All right! Keep it going.
No pain, no gain.
Twist... twist...
twist, and squeeze those buns.
Squeeze... squeeze...
- squeeze...
- [OBIE] People...
are terrified of no.
N-O.
Just two little letters,
but hearing them...
brings a man face-to-face with his soul.
That's why Timmy is afraid to swing
during the biggest at bat
of his Little League life,
and he cries in front of the
girlie he's got a crush on.
That's why Martin keeps
his mouth shut at his J-O-B
when Johnny Big Stuff takes credit
for Martin's idea and walks off
with the big promotion.
[DISTANT CHATTER]
It isn't the no
that makes your life terrible.
It's the fear.
- Oh, shit.
- [ERNIE] Oh, it's all right.
It's all right. I got it.
Oh. Oh, thanks, Ernie.
- Oh, you're welcome.
- Oh, it's wet.
[ERNIE] Full of water now.
Where you been, girl?
Oh...
enjoying hotel room service.
Yeah. My FAM business is booming,
and my floors were just
begging to be redone.
[LAUGHS]
So... Have you thought about it anymore?
- Starting your own business?
- [MAN OVER SPEAKERS] Ernie.
- Nacho tank two is...
- I'm sorry, I got...
- Yeah, I got this.
- I got to go. Okay, thank you.
All right, all right, coming.
[OBIE] The fear.
The fear that you'll run and hide
in a corner when it comes time
to prove what you're made of.
The fear... that you're weak.
Do you want to know what
I say to the letters N-O?
Ask Dave Dingle in Memphis, Tennessee.
Go ask Dave.
Dave Dingle told me, "No,
you can't take my wife
dancing in the Dominican,"
and I said, "Thank you, Dave."
- Bonar?
- Yes?
Your dad won't see you.
Disagree. He will see me this time.
[POUNDS ON GLASS]
[OBIE] Thank you, Dave Dingle.
Ha! Ha-ha! Thank you, Dave Dingle!
Thank you for giving me drive.
Thank you, Dave Dingle,
for volunteering yourself
as my target.
[OVER EARPHONES] I will destroy your no.
I will crush your no into powder,
and I will... [CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY]
- Your no is music...
- [MAN] Uh, keep walking, boy.
[OBIE] ... to my ears,
and Mrs. Dingle and I
will dance the bachata to it.
- [CRYING, SNIFFLING]
- Come on! Let me feel it!
Come on! Let me feel your yes!
My favorite thing to hear is no.
My favorite thing to hear is no,
because that means I am close to a yes.
[LATIN SONG PLAYING OVER EARPHONES]
[CLICKS]
[TAPE REWINDING]
[OBIE] And I will sift it all
over my yes-flavored dessert.
Ha!
- [BACHATA MUSIC PLAYING]
- Your no
is-is music to my ears,
- [SNIFFLES]
- and Mrs. Dingle and I
will dance the bachata to it.
♪♪
- Come on!
- [MOUTHING]
Let me feel it!
Let me feel your yes!
Come on! Let me feel your yes!
My favorite thing to hear is no.
My favorite thing to hear is no,
because that means I am close to a yes.
[COFFEE POURING]
Hi, Stan. I've been working on these
- on my breaks.
- Mm-hmm.
Billboard ideas for Splashercize.
Could really draw some
crowds in off the interstate.
"Wet Sweat."
"Wave Goodbye to Your Fat."
"Make a Splash in Your Bikini."
No.
No? You didn't even look at 'em.
Hey, this helps you, too.
We got, like, three people
coming into class every day.
Don't you want more?
The point of paying
you two dollars a head
is that you do the advertising.
If that's not enough,
well, that's your problem.
Well, I can't live in
the stockroom forever.
You're right, you can't.
So you're not gonna help me out?
You're just gonna let me starve?
[CHUCKLES] Starve, huh?
Don't think I haven't noticed
all those hot dogs that
have gone missing lately.
What do you expect me to eat?
Look, I am the only one that
is helping you right now, okay?
So don't point your finger at me.
Point it at yourself.
What the fuck does that mean?
You shot those gators, right?
You got caught.
You had to go and pay
that poaching fine.
And if that means
you're without a house,
well, that's your fault.
It was my house or jail!
I couldn't go to jail.
Here's the thing.
You get yourself all worked up
in a tizzy, and then
you do something rash.
You've got a temper.
And you've got your head up your ass!
Have a great night.
Thank you!
[DESTINEE CRYING OVER BABY MONITOR]
Shit.
[DESTINEE CRYING LOUDLY]
[CRYING STOPS]
Okay. [GASPS]
Oh.
- [FUSSING]
- Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh...
[CONTINUES SHUSHING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪♪
[UP-TEMPO, DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪♪
[DESTINEE COOING, FUSSING]
[MARGE] How pretty!
Oh. Hey, Marge.
Uh, first of the day.
I should get a prize.
Could I trouble you for a restroom?
Morning coffee just
turns me into a hose.
Oh, well, renovations on the
house are in full swing, so...
- water's shut off.
- Can't wait to see it.
[VEHICLE APPROACHING]
[HORN HONKS]
- Do you mind?
- Course.
[BACHATA MUSIC PLAYING]
No.
We're throwing a rally.
It'll be a real morale boost.
I don't have time for rallies.
- [MUSIC STOPS]
- I don't have time
for you not to have time, okay?
I've got to get to the ballroom ASAP.
There are curtains to hang,
balloons to fill, streamers
- to stream...
- Our deal was that I do this
and you pay me... that's it.
And only until I get my house back.
Our deal was that you were
gonna stick to the deal.
Have you locked down Ernie?
Well, Krystal, you haven't
even done the distro.
What do you want?
A handout? Okay, okay, here's a handout.
Here's another.
I don't have any more hands to put out.
Looks like you might have
to actually do some work.
- Huh?
- Ernie's in the process, okay?
And what do you mean,
I'm not doing the distro?
What's all this, then?
Well, Carol says
that order right there has
been just sitting there
like that for weeks.
Carol needs to mind
her fucking business.
Well, Carol is gonna be here
any minute to check on you,
so cool your beak on the freaks
if you ever want to get paid again. Hmm?
Well, why hasn't this Mimi lady
been picking up her orders?
[GROANS]
Travis used to personally
deliver that one, okay?
Why? That's not the system.
[SIGHS]
Why would he personally
deliver something, Cody?
I'm already behind schedule.
I've got choreography to learn.
Ask Carol.
Look what I got! Rally tickets.
[KRYSTAL] Yeah.
Sell them to your downline.
[KIDS LAUGHING AND CHATTERING PLAYFULLY]
[BELL RINGING IN DISTANCE]
Ugh. Come on.
Not the "boobs" kid again.
Does the park seem...
different recently?
Well, the smell sure has improved,
that's for sure.
Yes, it has, but...
that's not really what
I'm getting at here.
You know,
I used to come out here as a boy.
My father would walk his grounds,
and everybody would wave at him.
"Hello, Harry," they'd say.
They were his friends.
They were our neighbors.
Now I look out from my office, and...
I don't recognize the faces.
I don't recognize the park.
Well, you just got to get out here more.
Yeah.
Hey.
Hola, Garcia.
[BOTH SPEAK SPANISH]
- Hey. Hola.
- Hola.
- [GIRL] Hi.
- [SPEAKS SPANISH]
Hello.
[BELL RINGING IN DISTANCE]
It's like you don't even see
what's happening around you.
And it's your job, to see.
Y-You know, I'm-I'm...
I'm really not sure
what I'm supposed to be l-looking at.
[CHUCKLES]
Our guests.
I just... I want our old guests back.
You know, a little less Benetton,
a little more...
Ralph Lauren.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
Okay. [CHUCKLES] Okay, I-I get it.
- I get it, I get it.
- Yes. Good.
[SIGHS]
W... Well, you know, generally, uh...
people don't wear shirts,
so is this a bathing suit issue?
I just need you
to bring it... All right.
Call it, um...
Suburban Outreach. Huh?
- Hmm? Here, take these...
- Ah.
Yeah. Half-off passes.
Go to the malls, go to the zoo,
and you give those to affluents,
people that live in cul-de-sacs.
Just...
make it my father's park again.
You got it, Stan.
All right.
Get that shit off.
[CHEERING, LAUGHTER]
Oh, honey, the Garbeau System
can make any man feel like a stallion.
Now, of course,
I don't worry about my own stallion,
because he's getting an all-you-can-eat
hay buffet at home.
Oh. Come on.
Personal drop-offs?
Late-night counseling sessions?
Overnight seminars three towns over.
Oh. These men...
like to make you think
they're working hard, but...
Oh.
Travis barely had energy
for me and Destinee. [CHUCKLES]
Why, of course. Of course, right.
Travis was a good man, a loyal man.
I'm sure there's no reason to worry
about this Mimi Waldenstock.
Oh. We're gonna hang out
while Mama and Mimi have a nice chat.
[CAROL CHUCKLES]
[LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC]
♪♪
[EXHALES]
My injection is not until next week.
Oh. Mimi?
Yeah.
Oh. I... I've got your FAM orders.
They're just taking up space in my yard.
Oh, honey.
You're Travis's wife.
Oh, come on in.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh, I am so sorry for your loss.
- Oh. Thank you.
- Mm.
Oh.
- [DOOR CLOSES]
- I wanted to be at the funeral.
But my spine is crushing in on itself.
It's stenosis. [CHUCKLES WEAKLY]
Oh, y... you are stunning,
like Travis said.
[CHUCKLES]
I'll show you...
where Travis always put the stuff.
[CHUCKLES]
How exactly did you know Travis?
[LAUGHS]
I taught him tenth grade history.
Twice.
[BOTH LAUGH]
Oh, he was a real... charmer.
[CHUCKLES]
[GRUNTS]
Where's all your FAM stuff?
It's out here.
You can put it wherever you like.
Huh. Why do you keep ordering this stuff
just to dump it out here?
Oh, no. [CHUCKLES]
I'm just storing it.
It's all Travis's.
He bought it.
[TENSE MUSIC]
♪♪
- Are we feeling it, people?
- [MAN] Hey, it's Cody.
- [LAUGHING] Let me feel it.
- [MAN] Oh, my gosh, he's here.
- Hi, sir. Good to see you.
- Good to see you, Mr. Bonar.
- Oh, hi.
- [MAN] That's him.
- [GIGGLES]
- [MAN] That's him.
- Beautiful. Beautiful!
- [WOMAN] Hey, Cody.
Hey. What the frick, people?
I can't prepare the rally
- if I can't feel the rally.
- [SNAPS FINGERS]
- Huh?
- Yeah.
- Come on, let me feel it.
- What a pleasure.
- Right? Give me heat!
- Whoo!
- Energy. Yes!
- Yeah!
Give me 200 motivation-starved IBOs
just begging to get what I'm cooking up
out of Mr. Garbeau's cookbook.
Yeah! Sorry, that wasn't it.
- Well, find it! Quickly.
- Yes, sir.
- Come on!
- Come on, come on.
- Let me feel it!
- Oh, yes.
- Let me feel your yes!
- Whoo!
- Come on, people.
- Yes! Yes!
- More. More. Let me feel it.
- [SCATTERED EXCLAMATIONS]
- What? I can't hear you!
- [CHANTING] Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
- I can't hear you!
- Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
- Yes!
- Yes!
Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
You know, if an elephant
could fit on our waterslide,
it would definitely go down it. [LAUGHS]
H-Here. Half-off passes,
good for the whole season.
- [MAN] Thanks.
- Thank you.
[SLOW, PERCUSSIVE MUSIC]
♪♪
- Afternoon.
- Yeah.
Oh, hey.
You know, if a chameleon were
to come to our water park,
its best camouflage
would be a huge smile.
Here, half off. Good for the
whole season. Really, it's free.
Okay. Half off.
Good for the whole season.
- Rebel Rapids.
- That place sucks.
Rebel Rapids. Half off.
Good for the whole season, sir.
Thank you.
That's my house out there.
[MIMI] Couldn't you resell the stuff?
[KRYSTAL SCOFFS]
It's worthless.
Oh, it must have some value.
Travis bought so much.
Oh, honey, I...
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Yeah, I don't need your pity right now.
It's not pity.
It's an apology.
Every time he came around,
there was some new story,
some-some plan for the two of you.
Uh, taking you to Bali,
putting Destinee in private school.
You don't vacation in Bali
i-if it's not working, you know?
Oh. Oh.
They told him to buy this crap,
just 'cause they said to.
He wanted to believe so bad,
he did whatever they told him to,
no matter what.
[AIR HISSES]
No matter what.
[BACHATA MUSIC PLAYING]
♪♪
Yes.
Nice, Cody.
Mm. [COUGHS]
Can't breathe back here.
Well, that's the optimal spot
for stagecraft.
[KISSINGER COUGHING]
♪♪
[COUGHS, CLEARS THROAT]
[KRYSTAL] Cody! Cody?
[MUSIC STOPS]
[KISSINGER COUGHING]
Can you turn that off, please?
Thank you.
Wow.
I sold 30 tickets to my downline today.
Hey! That's great.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Wow.
But what I'd really love
is to speak at the rally.
What would you say?
I would talk about how
my upline has affected my life.
Mr. Garbeau says...
that's what every great
speech is really about.
[LAUGHS]
Great. Great. Let's keep going.
[SEABIRDS SCREECHING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
_
[MAN ON TV] So get those poles out
and fire those boats up.
Back to you, Johnny.
[JOHNNY] And now it's time
for "Mirta's Minute."
[MIRTA] Local teens say goodbye
to the streets and hello to the beats,
live from Tickseed Park.
Don't miss "Mirta's Minute,"
coming up at the top of the hour.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪♪
[ISAAC] Mirta.
Uh, Mirta.
[MAN] Ready to go.
Ready?
- [ISAAC] Five...
- [MAN] Let's do this.
[ISAAC] four...
- three...
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER]
[MAN] Yeah.
I'm Mirta Herrara, live,
bringing you One Minute
on hip-hop youth...
but with a positive spin.
- [MAN GRUNTS]
- Yes.
- That's right.
- Yeah.
- [MAN] All right, now.
- [MAN 2] Go ahead, slim.
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
[JUDD] Okay, coming through.
Uh, p-please. I-I'm coming through.
- Please, can you move?
- [ISAAC] Jesus.
Coming through, please. Can you move?
- I have something I need to say.
- [MAN] What is he doing?
[ISAAC] Sir? Sir?
- Please. All right, sir.
- Papa misses you.
- Please, come home.
- We need you out
of the shot. Sir, please.
- FAM took my family.
- [ISAAC STAMMERS]
- Get him off the stage.
- Obie Garbeau took my family.
- Okay, just...
- He took my family.
- Yeah, just focus on the dancers.
- He took them!
He brainwashed them!
He turned them against me!
I don't even know where they are.
- [MAN] Cut the music.
- Oh, Jesus.
[JUDD] Daddy's looking for you.
- Daddy won't give up.
- [MAN] Uh.
- Uh-huh. Back at it.
- [MAN 2] Yeah.
♪ She makes the bed and
he steals the covers ♪
♪ She likes it neat and
he makes a mess... ♪
[BETS] Hey, Ernie?
I know he's, he's only nine,
but...
do you think that he's already...
♪ I like to smoke ♪
♪ Things in common?
There just ain't one... ♪
Oh, God forgive.
♪ But when we get to... ♪
[IMITATES SIREN]
Dad alarm.
Hi.
Mom found this while she
was cleaning your room.
[SIGHS]
We-we don't have to talk about it.
But-but we can if you want to.
All right. Um...
Listen, just, um...
know that I love you.
And if there's e-ever anything that...
you need to talk about...
I'm-I'm always here for you.
Always.
[DOOR CLOSES]
♪ I take two steps forward ♪
♪ I take two steps back ♪
♪ We come together
'cause opposites attract ♪
♪ And you know, it ain't fiction ♪
♪ Just a natural fact ♪
♪ We come together
'cause opposites attract ♪
♪ Who'd-a thought, ah... ♪
- _
- [KRYSTAL] My husband spent
all our money
on a product he didn't use.
Because he wanted to climb the FAM ranks
to a point that it would make us rich.
Well, there's no riches
coming to me now.
Nothing.
The Garbeau System doesn't work.
[SOFTLY] The Garbeau
System doesn't work.
- [DESTINEE FUSSES]
- "Maybe you're just lazy."
"Maybe you're just a stinker thinker."
Bullcrap.
You're going... You're going...
broke...
for a lie.
If the Garbeau System worked,
I wouldn't be broke.
If the system worked,
I wouldn't be sleeping in a closet.
Now, you're all going broke for a lie.
[DOOR HANDLE RATTLES]
[SIGHS]
[KICKS DOOR]
Locked out.
My baby and I sleep
in a fucking roach closet.
[SIGHS]
[SOFTLY] Oh, shit.
Vendor contracts.
[STAN] Floating the lazy
river towards implosion
on a bright warm day.
Okay.
Stan's a poet. Huh.
What the fuck?
[QUIETLY] Wait, what the fuck?
[MAN SCREAMING IN DISTANCE]
[KEYS JANGLE]
[MAN CONTINUES SCREAMING]
- [GASPS]
- No!
Oh! Oh, my God.
You scared the shit out of me.
- Sorry.
- Oh, my God.
What are you doing here?
Cleaning, uh, graffiti.
You wouldn't believe where
these kids will spray-paint.
Are you okay, Ernie?
Happy as a clam. [CHUCKLES]
You can tell me.
Nothing to tell. [CHUCKLES]
Ernie.
Whatever it is you're feeling,
I guarantee I've felt worse.
Harold's head is all twisted in circles,
and now he's touching himself,
and I had to throw out the TV and...
[SIGHS]
I'm so worried about him, you know?
Now Stan's all up my crack,
you know, about
this Suburban Outreach program,
and then I got all these half-off passes
that I'm supposed to spread out.
And I'm just, you know,
I'm just, I-I'm going...
I don't know what
to do with them, but...
- Ernie, just-just breathe.
- [TAKES DEEP BREATH]
- Breathe and relax, okay?
- Okay. Okay.
- [EXHALES]
- Okay.
[SIGHS]
It's just all...
so much sometimes.
[EXHALES]
Everything's gonna be okay.
Bring Harold to the park.
Have some fun together.
I-I don't want him to
think that I care more
about this place than I do him.
Why would he?
You're a great dad.
A great one.
If either of us had you as a father,
I know we'd be somewhere else right now.
And Stan can take a chill pill.
Thank you, Krystal.
Hey, Ernie? I'll help you.
Give me the passes.
Really?
Aw, Krystal.
[KRYSTAL CHUCKLES]
You're one of the nicest people
I've ever met in my whole life.
♪♪
Thanks, Ernie.
- Good night.
- Night.
[JUDD] This is Judd Waltrip.
[MAN OVER PHONE] Now's not a good time.
I know he's there.
Put Obie Garbeau the fucking
Second on the fucking phone.
- Do it!
- The best I can do is take a message.
I know I'm on speaker, Obie.
I can hear it in the timbre.
Mr. Garbeau isn't in
the office right now.
You're a liar!
I promise I will never
write another word.
I-I just wanted to talk to them.
Please deposit five cents
for the next three minutes.
- If five cents is not deposited...
- You can't do this to me!
I know things!
I can fuck up your whole life!
Randy.
Put these over there, please.
Audio equipment.
If the recording turns out well,
Mr. Garbeau would like to consider
distributing it as a tape.
[PHONES RINGING IN DISTANCE]
Phones haven't stopped ringing.
- Biggest response we've ever gotten
- [SNIFFS]
to a "Mirta's Minute."
Public loves a kook.
It's not our viewers.
All the calls are from these people.
They're upset.
One guy threatened to
mail me a turkey sandwich
every day until the
network airs a retraction.
I don't understand what that means.
So stop answering the phone.
Aren't you tired of doing
stories with a positive spin?
I've been calling around.
There's a rally in town tonight.
- Not gonna happen.
- Come on.
[CHUCKLES] How long have we been doing
"Mirta's Minute" now?
[SIGHS]
How did this guy
turn to that?
He's a crazy person, Isaac.
He might not even have a family.
Or maybe he pushed them away
with a crippling drug addiction.
Fuck you.
- I have disc problems.
- Oh.
Do you want your back to hurt doing
"Mirta's Minute"
or 60 Minutes?
[SIGHS]
_
Oh. Excuse me. Sorry.
Excuse me.
Excuse me. Sorry.
- If you can dream it, we can do it.
- Excuse me.
[MAN] Silver Jeffersons incoming.
Step aside, please.
Step aside, please. Thank you.
[CROWD] If you dream it, we can do it.
If you dream it, we can do it.
Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Excuse me.
- I'm with the press.
- Uh, I'm sorry, ma'am.
- Okay. Oh, excuse me.
Sir. I'm Mirta Herrera.
I'm here for an interview.
I reserve one-on-one coaching
for Franklin-level entrepreneurs.
Uh, I'm sorry, ma'am.
You'll have to wait
for general admission.
[CROWD] If you can dream it, we can...
- Y'all ready?
- [CROWD] Yeah!
- All right.
- All right.
[MAN] How you doing out there, FAM?
[WOMAN] They know what time it is.
Uh-huh. Yeah.
- ♪ Uh, ding-dong ♪
- ♪ Ding-dong ♪
- ♪ Ding-dong ♪
- ♪ Ding-dong ♪
♪ Well, I used to be so woebegone,
ding-dong ♪
[CROWD SINGING ALONG] ♪ Ding-dong ♪
- ♪ Ding-dong ♪
- ♪ Ding-dong ♪
♪ I finally found my FAM
and the lights came on... ♪
- She'll sleep through it okay.
- Uh-huh.
Thank you. Thank you, Betty.
[MAN] ♪ I'm making that climb... ♪
He was tr... Oh, sorry.
[SIGHS]
[MUSIC CONTINUES IN DISTANCE]
[WHISPERS] Emergency test.
- ♪ Ding-dong ♪
- ♪ Ding-dong ♪
[MUSIC CONTINUES IN DISTANCE]
[MUTTERS QUIETLY]
- ♪ Ding-dong ♪
- ♪ Ding-dong ♪
- ♪ Ding-dong, ding-dong ♪
- ♪ Ding-dong... ♪
Oh. There you are.
Whatever it is, make it quick.
I'm on after this ding-dong sing-along.
That's exactly it. No, you're not.
I'm sorry. I'm not explaining this
well at all. Let me start over.
Mr. Garbeau is recording tonight.
He's gonna put my speech out as a tape,
so I'm the only one who's gonna speak.
Can you believe it?
- Cody, that's...
- [SIGHS] My own Garbeau tape.
Hey, Cody? I-I...
I want to give you something.
Just to celebrate your big moment.
Really?
Yeah. You've taught me so much about...
about the system,
about the importance of upline,
about trust.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
Do you trust me, Cody?
You're my number one mentee.
But do you... trust me?
Yeah.
[QUIETLY] Good.
[WHISPERING] Okay, come on.
Follow me.
- [DOOR CREAKS]
- Shh. Okay.
Almost there.
All right.
Stay just like that.
Okay.
- ♪ Ding-dong ♪
- ♪ Ding-dong ♪
- [LOCK CLICKS]
- ♪ Ding-dong, ding-dong ♪
♪ Ding-dong... ♪
[SIGHS]
- You got this.
- [CROWD CHEERING]
K-Krystal?
[DOOR HANDLE RATTLES]
- Oh. Krystal?
- [KNOCKS]
What-what-what is it
you want to give me?
[CHEERING CONTINUES]
Checks, hugs and rock and roll.
Huh? [CHUCKLES]
All right, folks.
Krystal? Krystal?
Krystal!
Krystal!
Krystal!
- [KISSINGER] Are we ready...
- Hey!
... to talk some business?!
[CROWD CHANTING] Let's talk business!
- Let's talk business!
- [KISSINGER] Yes!
Let's talk business.
Our next speaker needs no introduction.
- He is the man you c...
- Hi. Thank you.
Hey, y'all.
[CROWD MURMURING]
My husband Travis...
was at an AA meeting
when I found out I had
a baby in my belly.
He was trying,
but trying just meant he cried
when he started drinking again.
I showed him the pregnancy test,
and I told him I wouldn't
raise a child with a drunk.
A week later,
Travis came home with a FAM starter kit
- and told me...
- [GASPING]
"I found it."
[APPLAUSE]
[CROWD CHEERING]
[KRYSTAL] FAM became
everything to Travis...
More than liquor, even...
- Because FAM made him feel good.
- [WOMAN] Aw.
And for a while, that was great.
But Travis chased
that feeling into the swamp...
and never came out.
[SIGHS] Travis gave everything to FAM.
His nights.
Our money.
His life.
When Travis got eaten by that gator,
I lost everything.
You don't know how scared you are
until you're looking at your baby
and wondering where she's
gonna sleep that night.
[SNIFFLES]
[CODY] Krystal!
I looked at my life after Travis died.
At bills, debts, loneliness.
At the vultures.
At my screaming baby
and at my empty stomach,
and I was terrified.
And then I looked at the...
at the business Travis built.
[WOMAN] Mm-hmm.
[GRUNTS]
[EXHALES] And I was excited!
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
Who is that?
That's the alligator widow.
Travis,
- he left me a widow...
- [PANTING]
... but he also left me...
a future.
- [CHEERING]
- He left me an opportunity.
Now, Travis always said,
- "Go-getters go get."
- Give me your jacket.
Well, I got out there,
and I got mine, all right.
I found myself two plump gators,
and I shot 'em in the face.
[CROWD CHEERING]
And then I skinned 'em,
I tanned 'em, and I pulled
myself up by my bootstraps.
And you better believe they
were alligator skin boots.
[LOUD CHEERING]
I'm doing so well, in fact...
I said I'm doing so well, in fact...
[CROWD] How well?
I'm doing so well
that I spend all the
time I want in the pool.
- [CHEERING]
- Living the life of Riley.
Yeah!
And while I'm in there, I might as well
be getting my exercise in.
Am I right, girls?
[WOMEN CHEERING]
Now, I'm not a selfish person.
I know what's good for the
goose is good for the gander.
- Am I right?
- [CROWD MURMURING ASSENT]
So I give back
- every night.
- [WOMAN WHOOPS]
[CROWD] Every night!
- Every night!
- Every night!
- Every night!
- Every night!
Every night!
Every night!
- Every night!
- I give back every night,
teaching Splashercize
down at Rebel Rapids.
And, dang, if it doesn't get me pumped
to go out there and recruit!
- [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
- Uh-huh!
It's the key to my success!
They told my husband
to give everything he had.
And he did,
so I could get up here and tell y'all
that Travis's dream, my dream,
didn't end in the swamp.
- [WOMAN] No!
- It lives on in the pool.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
[OPTIMISTIC MUSIC]
♪♪
Now, I'm teaching a class tomorrow,
bright and early.
[SINGSONGY] Who's interested?
I've got half off.
[CHEERING]
[CLAMORING]
- Me!
- I'd like to interview you.
I'd like to interview you.
Here, pass 'em around.
Here you go. Have-have the rest.
Now, settle down,
'cause our next speaker
is closer than family to me.
He's my upline, Mr. Cody Bonar!
- [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
- [MAN] Cody!
[CROWD CHANTING]
Cody, Cody, Cody, Cody...
[QUIETLY] Mentorship from the best.
[CHEERING CONTINUES]
[APPLAUSE STOPS]
Now, that is a millionaire in waiting!
- [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
- [LAUGHING]
Wow!
[CHEERING CONTINUES]
- [LAUGHING]
- [CHEERING]
[OBIE] People are hesitant to say yes,
but they are terrified to say no.
Terrified of what they
might miss out on.
Terrified of what they might not have.
Come on! Join us!
Hey, Dad, can I go?
Yeah, sure.
[OBIE] Which is why they say...
"what if."
What if I won the lottery?
What if I could date the prom queen?
What if I could make
my dreams come true?
[WHOOPING]
[DISTORTED] Come on!
[OBIE] But a winner
doesn't say "what if."
A winner says...
- "when I."
- Yeah! [WHOOPS]
[KRYSTAL] Come on! Everybody in!
Come on, Ernie!
[OBIE] Because "what
if" is a pipe dream.
"When I" is a promise.
- Ernie! Ernie! Ernie!
- You give me your pipe dream...
- Come on, Dad!
- ... and I'll make you
- a promise.
- All right! All right!
You give me your yes,
and I'll give you the world.
[DISTORTED] Eyes on me!
[NORMAL] Okay, and push! Out!
Push! Push!
♪ Right in front of my face ♪
♪ Finally you've come along... ♪
Up! Up!
Push! Push!
And we're touching our toes,
touching our toes,
touching our toes, touching our toes.
Pray it down. Pray it down.
And push. Push.
And touch. Touch. Touch.
Up. Push.
♪ Finally it's happened to me ♪
♪ Right in front of my face ♪
♪ And I just cannot hide it ♪
♪ Finally... ♪
Hey. Where did all those
people come from, huh?
That much excitement in this
park's never been a good thing.
Hey, I'm a walking billboard, Stan.
I only cost you two bucks a head.
How'd you do that?
[SIGHS]
I have access to people.
Suburban people.
They listen to what I have to say,
- no matter what.
- Okay.
But they're gonna want
FAM goods stocked here.
Now, I have a big order I can fulfill
- for you immediately.
- Oh, my God.
But when that runs out,
if those FAM folks don't
see more FAM products,
they're gonna stop showing up.
If this is some sort of joke,
I'm not laughing.
Now, I have been very nice to you,
and if you think you
can just walk in here,
say what you want
about your goddamn FAM,
that's not...
What are you...
No, don't! God!
That's not what, um...
That's my father's. [SIGHS] Shit.
You know, a lot of employees
have been getting sick lately,
- and, uh, it's just a hygiene issue...
- Shh!
Buy the inventory.
Re-up through me.
Spackle your little eye-spy here.
You get to keep boosted ticket sales,
I get my house back.
Win-win.
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
$196 for 93 Splashercizers today, and...
a check for all this FAM inventory.
I thought we agreed on $10,027.
I'm not gonna write another one.
Pleasure doing business with you, Stan.
[CLICKS TONGUE]
How was it?
It was weird.
But it's just another
get-rich-quick thing.
Oh, I think I might have
met the turkey sandwich guy.
Gave me investment advice.
Not much of a story there though.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Well, well, thanks for checking it out.
There was this alligator
widow lady though.
It'd be a hell of a "Minute."
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
Yeah. Cool.
Let's talk b... [GROANS]
♪ Be lovers if we can't be friends? ♪
[SINGING ALONG]
♪ How can we start over ♪
♪ When the fighting never ends... ♪
You hungry, little fella?
All right, hold on.
♪ How can we be lovers... ♪
[CHUCKLES] Okay, wait.
[GASPS]
Oh, shit!
[PARROT SCREECHING]
Ah, damn, where's the fire extinguisher?
[SHOUTS]
Oh, damn!
What the fuck?! Oh, shit.
[SCREECHING]
Come on.
C-Come on, little fella, come on.
Hey, there you go,
there you go, there you go.
[SHOUTS]
Oh, shit.
[WHIMPERS]
Mr. Crackers!
♪ We can work it out ♪
♪ How can we be lovers... ♪
[SHOUTS]
♪ How can we start over when
the fighting never ends? ♪
♪ How can we make love if
we can't make amends... ♪
- [ENGINE STARTS]
- [TAPE CLICKS]
[KRYSTAL] I give back every night,
teaching Splashercize
down at Rebel Rapids.
And, dang,
if it doesn't get me pumped...
[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
[KEYS JANGLE]
Howdy, neighbor. Welcome back.
- Hey.
- [CHUCKLES]
Renovations done?
Yeah.
Huh.
Wow.
Eh, looks the same to me.
That's how you know they did good.
Wow!
They did amazing work.
[CHUCKLES]
Look...
when-when Harold and I
were in that pool together,
splish, splash, I was having a blast.
[CHUCKLES]
I-I don't know much about FAM, okay?
But I do know how I felt
when I was in there.
I felt... surrounded.
Surrounded by...
love...
and...
positivity,
by family.
Like a warm blanket.
That's what I've been missing.
It's what Harold needs.
Yeah.
I want in.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
I want to be part of the FAM.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
Okay, Ernie.
Yeah?
We'll get you set up.
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
[QUIETLY] Thank you.
- Have a good night.
- You, too.
[DOOR CREAKS]
[SIGHS]