Oddballs (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 8 - Pillow Fight Club - full transcript
When the parents in Dirt ban their kids from doing anything risky, James starts a pillow fight club for his peers to release all of their excess energy.
-Go, go, go, go, go! Agh!
See? Everything worked out.
Aw. I wanna be a letter.
Stupid safety.
Dr. Bolster, want a wiener?
Yeah, ha-ha! Yes, please!
Ah, very nice.
Remember boys-- play safely.
Yeah!
My groundbreaking scientific study shows
eliminating all risky activities
will double a child's lifespan.
If it makes your kid frisky,
it's got to be risky.
Thank you, Dr. Bolster.
Bolster. Bolster! Bolster!
Careful. I think if you say his name
three times, he appears.
Well, let him! I'll tell him I'm sick of
his knowing-what's-best garbage.
He's ruining our childhoods!
He's killing all our fun!
He's a fun hater!
Kids need to have fun!
A way to work out the packed in,
piled up everything
that accumulates during the school day!
I mean, just look at what
Bolster's science has done to poor Max.
Normally, Max would be
spending his afternoon with me,
running around and rough-housing
as anthropomorphic crocodiles
and bubble boys do.
But today, no pressure release!
And the result? He's raging out!
Smash!
Whoa!
Do it again!
Wha...!
This is what I'm talking about!
Pillow fight!
Ah!
-This is fun!
UIh, hey, buddy. Uh...
The door's locked. Uh...
you're not having the kind of
risky, frisky fun
that Dr. Bolster forbids, are you, uh?
Well, actually, we were...
Um, we were arguing which of us
loves Dr. Bolster's research more.
And it turns out we all love it equally.
Awesome! Rock on then.
Pillow fighting's the only outlet
we have left.
And if our parents find out about it,
they'll take that away too.
Wait, but I need it!
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, exactly.
We can't risk you exploding again.
So, rule number one
about pillow fighting...
you're not allowed to talk
about pillow fighting.
No matter who asks,
you can't spill the beans.
I would never spill the beans!
I love beans!
And I won't tell anyone.
We gonna talk about beans all night
or get back to some walloping?
Whoa!
Safety is boring.
How come you two are
in such good moods and stuff?
Yeah, what's the haps on the happy?
I'm sure I don’t know
what you're talking about.
-Sure you do!
What? I didn't say anything about
our secret pillow fighting.
My beans!
Okay. Come to the RV
atop the suspiciously alive cactus.
Three o'clock. Bring a pillow.
But don't tell anyone, especially parents.
The first rule of Pillow Fight Club
is you don't talk about
Pillow Fight Club. Got it?
Got it.
What's that I hear about
a Pillow Fight Club?
Ooh.
Ha-ha! Gotcha!
-Ah!
-A-ha!
Agh!
Okay, that's time.
Pillow storage-- two bucks each.
Hey, we don't have storage fees.
I'll cut you in for twenty percent.
You heard her, people. Pay up!
I totally needed this.
Oh, man, that was fun
smashing your face in!
Oh, yeah.
And remember-- no talking.
I don't want too many people showing up,
or our parents might bust us.
Echo, where did all these people
come from?
I spread the word.
I said you don't talk about
Pillow Fight Club!
It was less so talking
and more like advertising
for my new pillow rental service.
Aren't those their pillows?
Dude, you're getting all worked up!
Go on, get!
Pauley, I can't give you the main event
Saturday night.
Because I booked Stuart against Acorn
and it's already sold-out
It'll be SRO for that TKO,
so you're SOL.
"Super outta luck."
What did you think it meant?
Gotta hit you back, kid.
Are you kids okay?
Well, I'm impressed.
Yeah, you cleaned your room.
Why's your bed so puffy?
To make my sleep safer
by giving me a puffy pad to land on
if I have one of those dreams
where I'm falling?
Guess we're not such bad parents.
The secret is to never let
anything get past us.
Maz, how's that sore arm?
You think you'll be ready
for the 6:00 slot this Friday?
-Great!
-Oh, yeah!
-Yes!
-I'll see you there.
And where have you been, Maximillian?
Just next door with James.
And doing elaborate
and suspicious handshakes.
What's the meaning of the handshake, Max?
No talking about
Pillow Fight Club.
Two dollars for the beans.
Can't say! Won't say! No say!
Then maybe you'd prefer to tell
Dr. Bolster.
Ah, sounds like you've been having...
Too. Much. Fun.
Max, pick up!
Why weren't you at school?
Are you okay?
We're sorry.
The person you are trying to reach
is no longer available.
That's concerning.
Hey! Who's there?
What?
I'm looking for your brother.
You know, Max.
Is he home?
No. He, uh, started acting all aggro,
so they took him to Dr. Bolster's lab.
Of course he's getting aggro!
He hasn't had a pressure release
in 12 hours!
If Dr. Bolster locks him up,
it's only going to make it worse!
Yeah, cool.
So, uh, sounds like he won’t be
coming back for a while,
so I'm gonna take his pillow.
Echo says there's a sweet
Pillow Fight Club in town.
Ugh!
Thank you all for coming here
on such short notice.
Max is in trouble,
and it's up to us to help him
before he totally rages out... again.
All right, my intel says Max is being held
in Dr. Bolster's lab, which is here.
There are perimeter guard units
posted here, here, and here,
as well as a roving security patrol,
which circles the building 24 hours a day.
Where's the vending machines?
What? Sequential assaults make me hungry.
Our mission is to infiltrate
Bolster's lab, locate our beloved Max,
and extract him without bloodshed.
But you promised.
Ugh, fine. Minimal bloodshed.
To execute this mission,
I've assembled you
to be an elite special forces team,
which I've dubbed Pillow Team Six.
I don't get it. There's only five of us.
Why are we called Pillow Team Six?
Because Pillow Team Six sounded cooler
than Pillow Team Five.
So, I picked up an extra agent.
Say hello to Geefus the Janitor.
-Geefus!
-Huh?
Geefus is a Revolutionary War reenactor,
or he was until Dirt banned
all simulated violence.
Here's what I think of the King
and his tea!
Eee! Yah! Yah! Yah!
Not now, Geefus. It's time to get risky.
To the armory!
We don't have an armory.
But I do have a broad selection of pillows
that you've all been suckered
into paying me to hold on to.
But it'll cost you a removal fee.
Stupid pillows costing money.
A pokey goose feather pillow.
This should come in handy.
Ah, what's the deal with anti-pasta?
Does it blow up when it touches regular--
-Ah!
-Hey! Oh!
Yo!
Ugh!
Hup.
Huh? What?
Hah!
Oh, no! Max!
It's worse than I thought.
Oh, he's beyond raged out!
My, my, my, such naughty children.
Looks like we're going to need
more suspension tanks.
Believe me now?
I contacted your parents the minute
you set foot on this property.
Needless to say, they weren't happy
to hear you're getting frisky.
Mama? Daddy?
Oh, forgive me!
James, what have you done?
Saved our childhoods.
This guy's stupid study
has ruined our lives!
It's for your own good, pal-o.
Following Dr. Bolster's
guidelines can double your lifespan.
Will it? Or will it mean being miserable
for twice as long?
I'd rather cut things short,
and so would Max!
Trust the science, my children.
The science shall set you free!
No, the pillow shall set us free!
No! Not the pokey pillow!
Yeah!
Game over, man!
Intriguing results.
Ahh!
Ah! Croco-- help me!
Stretchy-stretch!
Throw!
Uh, hello.
Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-bah!
See what happens when you take away
kids' fun outlets?
You get this.
But don't worry. I got you.
There, that should do it.
Or not.
Interesting.
Here, let's test my hypothesis.
Let's collect some data.
For science!
Oh\, yeah. Look at his eyes.
Ah! Ah!
-Eureka!
-I love you.
Pillow fight!
Stop this dangerous fun! Oof!
You risky children!
Stop! This is dangerous!
-Welcome back, little guy.
Aww, heck yeah! I'm back! Yeah!
Subject has been transformed
by the violence!
This new data changes... nothing!
You're all being too risky!
And naughty children must be punished!
Do you hear? Puni-- ah!
Ah, cram it!
Ah!
Wanna hit Bolster? Have at it.
I'll bill James.
No! But the science! No!
Hmm. Seeing all these parents
enjoying pillow fighting
kinda takes the fun out of it.
Yeah. I guess we're back to having fun
the old-fashioned risky way.
Whoo-hoo! Yeah!
Ow! Ah!
See? Everything worked out.
Aw. I wanna be a letter.
Stupid safety.
Dr. Bolster, want a wiener?
Yeah, ha-ha! Yes, please!
Ah, very nice.
Remember boys-- play safely.
Yeah!
My groundbreaking scientific study shows
eliminating all risky activities
will double a child's lifespan.
If it makes your kid frisky,
it's got to be risky.
Thank you, Dr. Bolster.
Bolster. Bolster! Bolster!
Careful. I think if you say his name
three times, he appears.
Well, let him! I'll tell him I'm sick of
his knowing-what's-best garbage.
He's ruining our childhoods!
He's killing all our fun!
He's a fun hater!
Kids need to have fun!
A way to work out the packed in,
piled up everything
that accumulates during the school day!
I mean, just look at what
Bolster's science has done to poor Max.
Normally, Max would be
spending his afternoon with me,
running around and rough-housing
as anthropomorphic crocodiles
and bubble boys do.
But today, no pressure release!
And the result? He's raging out!
Smash!
Whoa!
Do it again!
Wha...!
This is what I'm talking about!
Pillow fight!
Ah!
-This is fun!
UIh, hey, buddy. Uh...
The door's locked. Uh...
you're not having the kind of
risky, frisky fun
that Dr. Bolster forbids, are you, uh?
Well, actually, we were...
Um, we were arguing which of us
loves Dr. Bolster's research more.
And it turns out we all love it equally.
Awesome! Rock on then.
Pillow fighting's the only outlet
we have left.
And if our parents find out about it,
they'll take that away too.
Wait, but I need it!
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, exactly.
We can't risk you exploding again.
So, rule number one
about pillow fighting...
you're not allowed to talk
about pillow fighting.
No matter who asks,
you can't spill the beans.
I would never spill the beans!
I love beans!
And I won't tell anyone.
We gonna talk about beans all night
or get back to some walloping?
Whoa!
Safety is boring.
How come you two are
in such good moods and stuff?
Yeah, what's the haps on the happy?
I'm sure I don’t know
what you're talking about.
-Sure you do!
What? I didn't say anything about
our secret pillow fighting.
My beans!
Okay. Come to the RV
atop the suspiciously alive cactus.
Three o'clock. Bring a pillow.
But don't tell anyone, especially parents.
The first rule of Pillow Fight Club
is you don't talk about
Pillow Fight Club. Got it?
Got it.
What's that I hear about
a Pillow Fight Club?
Ooh.
Ha-ha! Gotcha!
-Ah!
-A-ha!
Agh!
Okay, that's time.
Pillow storage-- two bucks each.
Hey, we don't have storage fees.
I'll cut you in for twenty percent.
You heard her, people. Pay up!
I totally needed this.
Oh, man, that was fun
smashing your face in!
Oh, yeah.
And remember-- no talking.
I don't want too many people showing up,
or our parents might bust us.
Echo, where did all these people
come from?
I spread the word.
I said you don't talk about
Pillow Fight Club!
It was less so talking
and more like advertising
for my new pillow rental service.
Aren't those their pillows?
Dude, you're getting all worked up!
Go on, get!
Pauley, I can't give you the main event
Saturday night.
Because I booked Stuart against Acorn
and it's already sold-out
It'll be SRO for that TKO,
so you're SOL.
"Super outta luck."
What did you think it meant?
Gotta hit you back, kid.
Are you kids okay?
Well, I'm impressed.
Yeah, you cleaned your room.
Why's your bed so puffy?
To make my sleep safer
by giving me a puffy pad to land on
if I have one of those dreams
where I'm falling?
Guess we're not such bad parents.
The secret is to never let
anything get past us.
Maz, how's that sore arm?
You think you'll be ready
for the 6:00 slot this Friday?
-Great!
-Oh, yeah!
-Yes!
-I'll see you there.
And where have you been, Maximillian?
Just next door with James.
And doing elaborate
and suspicious handshakes.
What's the meaning of the handshake, Max?
No talking about
Pillow Fight Club.
Two dollars for the beans.
Can't say! Won't say! No say!
Then maybe you'd prefer to tell
Dr. Bolster.
Ah, sounds like you've been having...
Too. Much. Fun.
Max, pick up!
Why weren't you at school?
Are you okay?
We're sorry.
The person you are trying to reach
is no longer available.
That's concerning.
Hey! Who's there?
What?
I'm looking for your brother.
You know, Max.
Is he home?
No. He, uh, started acting all aggro,
so they took him to Dr. Bolster's lab.
Of course he's getting aggro!
He hasn't had a pressure release
in 12 hours!
If Dr. Bolster locks him up,
it's only going to make it worse!
Yeah, cool.
So, uh, sounds like he won’t be
coming back for a while,
so I'm gonna take his pillow.
Echo says there's a sweet
Pillow Fight Club in town.
Ugh!
Thank you all for coming here
on such short notice.
Max is in trouble,
and it's up to us to help him
before he totally rages out... again.
All right, my intel says Max is being held
in Dr. Bolster's lab, which is here.
There are perimeter guard units
posted here, here, and here,
as well as a roving security patrol,
which circles the building 24 hours a day.
Where's the vending machines?
What? Sequential assaults make me hungry.
Our mission is to infiltrate
Bolster's lab, locate our beloved Max,
and extract him without bloodshed.
But you promised.
Ugh, fine. Minimal bloodshed.
To execute this mission,
I've assembled you
to be an elite special forces team,
which I've dubbed Pillow Team Six.
I don't get it. There's only five of us.
Why are we called Pillow Team Six?
Because Pillow Team Six sounded cooler
than Pillow Team Five.
So, I picked up an extra agent.
Say hello to Geefus the Janitor.
-Geefus!
-Huh?
Geefus is a Revolutionary War reenactor,
or he was until Dirt banned
all simulated violence.
Here's what I think of the King
and his tea!
Eee! Yah! Yah! Yah!
Not now, Geefus. It's time to get risky.
To the armory!
We don't have an armory.
But I do have a broad selection of pillows
that you've all been suckered
into paying me to hold on to.
But it'll cost you a removal fee.
Stupid pillows costing money.
A pokey goose feather pillow.
This should come in handy.
Ah, what's the deal with anti-pasta?
Does it blow up when it touches regular--
-Ah!
-Hey! Oh!
Yo!
Ugh!
Hup.
Huh? What?
Hah!
Oh, no! Max!
It's worse than I thought.
Oh, he's beyond raged out!
My, my, my, such naughty children.
Looks like we're going to need
more suspension tanks.
Believe me now?
I contacted your parents the minute
you set foot on this property.
Needless to say, they weren't happy
to hear you're getting frisky.
Mama? Daddy?
Oh, forgive me!
James, what have you done?
Saved our childhoods.
This guy's stupid study
has ruined our lives!
It's for your own good, pal-o.
Following Dr. Bolster's
guidelines can double your lifespan.
Will it? Or will it mean being miserable
for twice as long?
I'd rather cut things short,
and so would Max!
Trust the science, my children.
The science shall set you free!
No, the pillow shall set us free!
No! Not the pokey pillow!
Yeah!
Game over, man!
Intriguing results.
Ahh!
Ah! Croco-- help me!
Stretchy-stretch!
Throw!
Uh, hello.
Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-bah!
See what happens when you take away
kids' fun outlets?
You get this.
But don't worry. I got you.
There, that should do it.
Or not.
Interesting.
Here, let's test my hypothesis.
Let's collect some data.
For science!
Oh\, yeah. Look at his eyes.
Ah! Ah!
-Eureka!
-I love you.
Pillow fight!
Stop this dangerous fun! Oof!
You risky children!
Stop! This is dangerous!
-Welcome back, little guy.
Aww, heck yeah! I'm back! Yeah!
Subject has been transformed
by the violence!
This new data changes... nothing!
You're all being too risky!
And naughty children must be punished!
Do you hear? Puni-- ah!
Ah, cram it!
Ah!
Wanna hit Bolster? Have at it.
I'll bill James.
No! But the science! No!
Hmm. Seeing all these parents
enjoying pillow fighting
kinda takes the fun out of it.
Yeah. I guess we're back to having fun
the old-fashioned risky way.
Whoo-hoo! Yeah!
Ow! Ah!