Nurse Jackie (2009–2015): Season 7, Episode 5 - Coop Out - full transcript

Previously on "Nurse Jackie"...

You may not touch patients,

and just so nobody mistakes
you for a real nurse,

lose the blue scrubs.

There's one plan
we haven't made.

- Oh, my God!
- You don't want this?

I didn't say that.

I got a call from
a headhunter in Boston,

and I told them
my future is here

with my prospective fianc?e.

I knew 'cause I made
the arrangements.



I want you to have the future that
you deserve, and it's not me.

- All Saints is about to be sold.
- Are you kidding me?

Matt: Good-bye, All Saints,
hello, luxury condos.

You are looking at the Upper
East Side rep for Illyria.

You're a pharma-babe?

We have to call
your drug dealer.

Is there anything
I should know about this guy?

Jackie and I had
little fun in the day.

Really, motherfucker?

Get the fuck
out of the car, buddy!

Jesus!
What the fuck, Eddie?

No, what the fuck, Jackie?!

(theme music playing)

(man vocalizing)



- People are looking at us, you know.
- Really? Why is that?

Because we got that thing
everybody wants.

A suitcase full of drugs?

No, silly.
We got that love thing.

We also have
a suitcase full of drugs,

which is making me nervous for about
eight million different reasons.

Don't you worry.
I got a guy I guarantee

is gonna take this
off our hands.

I also guarantee he's a guy
you haven't slept with.

- You know this guy how?
- Don't worry about it.

You're not the only one
with a past, Jackie Peyton.

Hey, Eddie, thank you
for dealing with this.

I'd do anything for you.
You know that, right?

I gotta go.
Keep your head down.

Yeah.

It's very simple. We are not gonna
let them close this hospital.

We have to mobilize.
We have to get the word out.

We have to let the community know
what's going on.

This is their fight too.

If we want to stop these guys,
we have to get in their way.

Man, she's good
when she's in charge.

I know.

Any questions, comments?
Yes, Dr. Kaufman?

I heard we're getting turned
into 4-million-dollar condos.

Yeah, and the developers are from, like,
Norway.

There's a bunch of Norwegians
up on the fourth floor right now

setting up something fancy.

All right, well, keep
your ears to the ground.

We will meet back here tomorrow night.

We can do this, okay?

Thanks.

Hey, hey. It's Norma Ray.

Zoey, go to my first, uh,

any /AA/ diversion/pure group meeting today
if you wanna

- check a box or...
- I do, yes, check a box.

- Um, Zoey?
- Someone help me out, please?

Guys, guys, guys.

- Shit. Thor.
- Got it.

- Bathroom is right over-- go, go, go, go, go.
- (retching)

Hey, Thor, check out
this place I got in Back Bay.

It's 200 years old. It has
a fireplace and a foyer.

- You're in a good mood.
- Why wouldn't I be?

Miscarriage, breakup, moving
to a new city for a new job.

You've been through a lot
in the past few weeks.

You can't stop the waves, Thor,
but you can learn to surf.

This is me hanging ten.

I got a self-help book.
It's helping.

I'm ridin' waves, man.
No looking back, no party.

Oh, my God,
this is really happening.

(English accent)
'Ello, Governor.

He thinks that's
how they talk in Boston.

Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to
introduce you to Dr. Cooper's replacement.

This is Dr. Bernie Prince.

Many of you know him
from the ICU.

I've been wanting to get
down here for a long while.

Gloria: Dr. Prince
graduated from Stanford.

He did his internship
at Johns Hopkins.

Sorry, sorry, sorry, but
shouldn't they be moving faster?

We lost him in the truck.

- How many times did you defib?
- Four.

Carrie:
Ooh, whoa.

Come on, man.
Come on, man.

(heart monitor beeping)

I got a pulse.

(beeping stops)

I lost him.

(sighs)

Always wanted to try that.

- Oh, hey, beige scrubs.
- Dr. Prince.

Hey, listen, I totally
fucked my shoulder

trying that precordial
on our little buddy here.

- It was pretty cool, though.
- Yeah, well.

Would you mind
popping it back in for me?

Actually, I'm not allowed
to touch patients.

I'm a doctor, not a patient.

- Come on, come on.
- All right.

Be gentle.

- (pops)
- Yah! Yeah.

(chuckles) Wow, you are good.

- Mm, for a janitor.
- Well...

Man with Norwegian accent: Luksus
International is recognized

as a world leader.

We build what we love
and we love what we build.

Now for the most exciting part
of our presentation.

(speaks Norwegian)

Woman's voice:
Elegant, ease, luxury.

Introducing
the Luksus residences,

located in the vibrant East Village
neighborhood of Manhattan.

These exceptional
condominiums...

...soothing private garden
fills the courtyard area.

24-hour doorman,
and steam rooms.

Prices begin
at $3.5 million.

- Yes?
- It looks like a very intriguing plan,

but what about public pressure
to keep the hospital open?

(Norwegian accent) Uh, we have a
wonderful conflict resolution team

that specializes
in smoothing out

any potential opposition.

Jesus Christ.
Shoot me now.

Man:
Any other follow-ups?

Jackie, you should not be here.

Um, I was just leaving...

Ms. Chow.

This is for you.

Man: We have some refreshments
and some brochure prospects.

You can read through
the Luksus...

My very last...

tiny stitch...

at All Saints.

You okay?

Me?
I've never felt better.

You seem pretty excited
about Boston.

Cooper: There's so much
cool stuff up there, Zoey--

lobster rolls, Kennedys.

I joined a rowing club.
Head of the Charles.

There's definitely gonna be,
you know, an adjustment period.

No, I don't think so.

All set, buddy.

Love that dirty water.

(Boston accent) Go park the car.

I'm wicked excited!

He's cuter today, right?

(intercom beeps)

(over intercom)
Attention, everybody.

There is new information
about the hospital closing.

Tomorrow's meeting
is now tonight,

basement, 5:00.

- I'm sorry.
- Oh, please don't apologize.

I actually wanted to say hello.

Hello.

I have the utmost respect
for your profession.

- Mopping?
- (laughs) No, nursing.

You are a nurse,
are you not, Jackie Peyton?

Um, well, it's complicated,

but, yes, technically,
I am a nurse.

You are also quite
a good organizer.

Okay.

I work with with the development
group involved in the project.

My job is to make sure
everything proceeds smoothly.

How's that going?

I would very much
like to expedite

the reinstatement
of your nursing license.

In exchange, of course,

for your cooperation

in ending the upset
about the closing.

You want to help me get
my nursing license back?

Why me? You don't have
bigger enemies to deal with?

I am a detail person,
and every detail counts.

Why don't you take the
afternoon to think about it?

You might need more chairs
for the meeting tonight.

Just sayin'.

(sighs)

(laughs)

You do?

I got us two box seats to the New
York Philharmonic movie night.

Oh.

They play the themes
to all your favorite movies.

Um, "Star Wars," "Jaws,"
"Indiana Jones."

I mean, I think this might be the
most thoughtful thing I've ever done.

There's... trains.

You don't want to go
to movie night?

Of course I do.

I just think it might be
easier for both of us

if, you know, we really...

don't see each other.

Yeah.
(laughs)

- I'm sorry.
- No, don't be sorry. It was a good idea.

No, I'm sorry
that I wasn't ready.

I know.

Me, too.

Paramedic: We've got three incoming,
heading straight into trauma.

We have a 20-year-old male and a
40-year-old female both hit by a car.

55-year-old female lost control of
her car and drove onto the sidewalk.

The female was unconscious
at the scene.

All three have multiple abrasions to
the head, chest, and extremities.

Vitals stable.

One, two, three.

(monitor beeping rapidly)

Angus, you need to get her
on the monitor.

I know, I'm trying.

Blood pressure's dropping.
She's tachycardic.

We need a second line,
bloods, portable X-ray.

Now.

Angus. Just step away.

Thor.

Jackie, get in here.

Okay, I don't give a shit
about diversion, all right?

And I don't think
this lady does either.

Let's go.

I'm just gonna say it.
That was really fun.

I know, it was
a one-time thing.

Are you going to your
diversion peer group?

Uh, yes, I'm on my way.

(speaking Norwegian)

Jackie.

- What is that smell?
- Prince: Banana.

Want a drag?

Oh, of your banana-flavored
electric cigarette?

No, thank you.

What are you doing down here?

Uh, I had a diversion
peer group meeting thing.

Ah. How'd that go?

Oh, you know,
you talk about yourself

and then you listen to other
people talk about themselves.

It's the usual.

Sounds like life.

(laughs)

Thanks for jumping in earlier.

Are you kidding me?
Thank you.

It was the best thing ever.

It'd be a shame
if this place closed.

That woman would've died if they'd
taken her to a hospital uptown.

So what are you doing
hiding in the basement?

Can't you smoke
those things anywhere?

Eh, it's my first day.

Let's be honest.
These are a little douchey.

(laughs)

How long is this
sentence of yours?

When do you get
your license back?

Three months, and the hospital
could be gone by then.

Oh, I heard there's
this activist nurse

who's fighting to keep it open.

Mm, I wouldn't bet on it.

I would totally bet on it.

Gotta have faith, Jackie.
What's the alternative?

A doctor and an optimist?
Hmm.

I've been called worse.

- (laughs)
- Seriously, though.

If this place is closing
in a few months,

let's make it
a fucking great few months.

Give me that thing.

There ya go.

Oh, no. Ugh!

You think that's nasty,
you should try the kiwi.

(chattering, laughing)

Jackie, I seriously hope
you were not administering care

to a patient at this hospital.

Gloria, they were short a nurse.

I made it very clear you were
not to touch any patient.

If I did not touch that patient,
she would be dead.

- Is that what you want?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. It was my fault.

It's my first day on the floor.

I'm still figuring out
where the forks go,

if you know what I mean.

I do not.

But hear this--
you must be very clear

about people's roles
at this hospital.

You're right.
I have an idea.

Let's you and I sit down and
go over all the ins and outs

to ensure something like
this doesn't happen again.

Say, lunch next week?

Did my disciplining you
just turn into lunch?

You okay?

Are you?

Next time you guys see me, I might
be hanging with Matt and Ben.

Or the Yaz.

I think it's just Yaz.

This is so weird.

Who am I gonna talk to while
they're trying to do work?

There are people
to annoy everywhere, Coop.

I'm sure you'll find someone.

The question is, who's going
to get on our nerves now?

You are really
leaving a hole, Coop.

Hold the frickin' phone.

You're not saying your
good-byes here, are you?

What the hell, guys?

No one thought to plan
a going-away party?

We tried.
He didn't want one.

Thor's right.
I don't want a party.

Okay, well, you don't always
get what you want, do ya?

Give me 20 minutes.
I'm making some calls.

Nobody leave.

Technically, I am your new boss,
so you have to do what I say.

Hope everybody likes meat.

I like him.

Now I don't want to leave.

You do what you gotta do, Coop.

(rumbling)

(chatter)

Okay, everyone!
Listen up!

So, we are all concerned
about the rumors,

and here to give us the latest update
is our behind-the-scenes leader.

Hi, uh...

our me.

(murmuring)

Jackie:
I've done some digging,

and as it turns out,
the reality's not good.

The developers are way further
along than I thought they were.

- Meaning what?
- Meaning that it's over.

The fight's done.

We know how this stuff goes-- there's a
whole lot of effort and very little result,

and I don't know about you guys,

but I got better things
to do with my time.

I'm sure you do, too.

(murmuring)

I'm sorry, I wish
the news was better.

I thought you were
gonna save this place.

What happened?

Zoey, I am shoveling shit after 23 years
of working my ass off in this place.

Why the fuck
would I want to save it?

You've come a long way
in your time here, Dr. Cooper.

All you have to do now
is sign these forms

and you're good to go.

That's my exit interview?

- You want more?
- No, no.

Ah, I guess I should
turn these in--

ID badge, key card.

Oh, also, I borrowed
something four years ago.

I'd like to return it.

You stole an otoscope
from this hospital?

They're great for reading
the back of the TV.

Keep it.

I'm sure you will have plenty
of TVs to hook up in Boston.

You're not mad at me
for jumping ship?

Do you know how many offers
I've turned down over the years?

I wish I had said yes
to at least one of them.

This might be the last time
I'm sitting in your office.

Yes, it might be.

- Should we hug?
- You really have to ask?

Sorry, you're right.

Wrong answer.

Get back here.

(laughs)

You're getting out of here
just in time.

(Matt in Norwegian accent) Are
you supposed to be in this room?

I'm just fucking with you.

It's not like Norwegians
are actually scary.

That was a little scary.

(laughs)

(door opens, closes)

Hey, Jackie. You're coming
to my party, aren't you?

Uh, no, I don't think so.

Things have just
gotten a little weird.

But, uh-- but thank you.

Okay, well, I got you something
that made me think of you.

You didn't have to do that.

Sometimes I do nice things for
people who are mean to me.

(laughs)

St. Agatha,
patron saint of nurses.

She kind of looks like a dude.

That's not what
made me think of you.

Thanks, Coop.

There he is.

Well, have fun.

Bye, Jackie.

Guys, wait up.

Okay, Hora time, you schmucks!

- (music playing)
- (singing in Hebrew)

(whoops)

Oh, yeah,
everybody sing with me.

That's right, look at the
goyim doing the Hora.

Look at this guy,
little schmuck.

Oh, my God, the shiksas,
the shiksas doing the Hora.

(M.C. singing
in Hebrew)

Hey, ho!
Hey, hey, ho, ho!

Hey, hey, hey!
(laughing)

(cheering)

M.C.: Hey, where are you going?
It's not over.

- Where'd the shiksa go?
- Come on.

(music, singing continue)

Dr. Prince
is relentless.

I have to pee.

- Wanna dance?
- I always wanna dance.

Let's go!

Be right back.

- Hey!
- Hey!

What is this? It's like
an adult bar mitzvah.

Yes, but with a lot more
frozen vodka.

Sounds good.

Do me a favor,
shield me from Akalitus.

Oh, it's a party.
I think you'll be fine.

So where's the guest of honor?

(dishes clanging)

I never had sex
in a samovar closet before.

- (clanging)
- (moaning)

- Have you?
- Yeah. Oh!

Well, I'm Ukrainian.
Oh, my God.

I like doing it in front
of shiny, jangling things.

(moaning)

- (panting)
- Wait, wait.

What?

(stammers) Now you're sad?

I've been sad.
I'm just good at hiding it.

Tell me how sad you are.

(pouting) I'm so sad.

- Oh...
- (sniffles)

- I'm sad.
- (laughs)

Oh.

Oh, I'm really sad.
(moans)

(singing in Hebrew)

I can't get enough
of this spread.

What did the guy
say it was called?

- Jewish guacamole.
- Jewish guacamole.

Also known as the best chicken
liver west of the river.

(singing continues)

I need a break.

(applause, cheering)

Who's the guy
with Gloria and Zoey?

That's Coop's replacement,
Dr. Prince.

Everybody loves him.

- Eddie, you made it, man.
- Hey, Coop.

How you doing, Coop?
Congrats, bro.

- How's the new job?
- It's sales, man. What can I say?

- Ladies and gentlemen, we have
a very special guest... - Crowd: Shh, shh.

- at Sammy's tonight-- Dr. Fitch Cooper.
- (cheering)

Is there a doctor in the house?

You might want
to tuck in your shirt.

Get up here.

- Go Sox!
- (crowd booing)

Obviously some Yankee fans
here tonight. I'm sorry.

Seriously, thanks for
arranging this, Dr. Prince.

I didn't think I wanted a party.
I was wrong.

Wow, this is...

it's really hard
saying good-bye.

You guys are my people.

- We love you, Coop!
- Man: That's right, we do.

I love you, too. Thank you, Eddie.
I'm gonna miss you, man.

Wow, uh...

Gloria, you've been
like a mother to me.

Not that I don't have
enough of them already.

(laughs)

Zoey...

I think you might be the
nicest person in the world

and a damn fine nurse, too.

Thor, my Viking dude!

Thanks for always
having my back.

Reuben, you've got
a good one there.

(chuckles)

Carrie.

What can I say?

You changed my life.

Thank you, beautiful.

Thank you, everybody.

(cheering)

Oh, wait, wait, one more thing.

Um, this might make certain people
here a little uncomfortable,

but there's one more person
I'd like to thank.

In a lot of ways, she's probably
the most important one.

She made my life a living hell
most of the time.

But the truth is,

she made me a better doctor.

So I guess I just want to say
thank you, Jackie,

wherever you are.