Nurse Jackie (2009–2015): Season 3, Episode 3 - Play Me - full transcript

Previously on Nurse Jackie...

Jackie around today?
Try the nurses' station.

You stole $12,000
worth of Roxies off me.

I have no idea what
you're talking about.

You don't want to fuck with me.

Vermin! God's
off his meds again.

You are an angel.

There's one boy.

Columbia Pres., I
know everybody in HR.

St. Luke's, I trained
more than half their staff.

So there is pretty much
no place you can go



where I can't be in
24 hours. Please stay.

Kev showing up at work? I don't
know what you want me to do.

I want him to know
that I work at All Saints.

Call him and tell him you just lost
your job and you're looking for work

in a downtown pharmacy.

Eddie lost his job today.
Wow. I'm sorry to hear that.

Thought maybe you'd
put in a word at All Saints.

Yeah, sure. I'll see what I can
do. Yeah, see what you can do.

You are stuck with me.

You're up early. Wow, waffles?

I made you a couple of sandwiches
from the chicken last night.

They're in the fridge
if you want them.

Nice.

You're drinking tea?



Yeah, taking a break from
coffee. Makes me buzzy.

Good. That's good.

Keep an eye on the bacon.
I'm gonna go wake up the girls.

Aunt Tunie and
the pilot broke up.

So he breaks up with
me while I'm still at work.

What a fucking
butt knuckle. Tunie.

"Fricking." Sorry, Kevin,
but it's an emotional story.

What's a butt knuckle? I
couldn't tell you, honey.

It's a pilot, Fi.

I will kill you if you
ever date a pilot.

Are you gonna
start crying again?

So he breaks up with me via
text fricking message at work.

And then he puts this
bullshit sad face at the end

like that's somehow gonna
muffle the fricking blow, right?

So I take advantage of the British
Air employee discount on drinks,

but as everyone knows, the pussy
British executive lounge closes at 10:00.

And you didn't want
to be alone. Exactly.

So I downed four
more Black Russians,

like, two or six
Heineken, whatever.

And the next thing you
know, I'm at your door.

What time did you get
in? Mmm, it was after 3:00.

I just used my key and
crashed with the girls.

She's done it before.
Yes, but in all fairness,

I'm usually gone before
you guys even get up.

I'm never scared. I just
pretend she's the tooth fairy.

Well, Aunt Tunie was shitfaced.

You sure you don't
want a plate? I'm good.

Okay, girls, show's over.
Time for school. Let's go.

Hold on, hold on.

Aunt Tunie gave it
to me. Yeah. Oh...

Shit.

I'm sorry, Gracie. This
is all I've got left of him.

But I'll buy you some
fancy shampoo later, okay?

All right.

Um, I forgot to tell you,

I put in a good word for Eddie
at work. I think he's got a shot.

Really? Yeah. Yeah.
It was no big deal.

Thanks.

Kevin told me everything.

Are you okay? Yes.
What did he tell you?

He told me that he and that snotty doctor
you work with did an intervention on you.

And I told him, "Kevin,
interventions are just fucking rude."

Yeah, we're... We're... We're good,
Tunie. Oh, no, of course you are.

I mean, Kevin can
be so overly dramatic,

you know, because of our
mother's drinking and that red wig.

But what I'm saying is
if you ever need me to,

you know, calm
him down about stuff,

I'm so here and there for you.

Thank you.

On that note, I
need a favor. Okay.

I was gonna move
in with the, um...

Gave up my lease and everything.

Can I crash here for a few days,
you know, just till I figure my shit out?

Sure.

Thank you. Okay.

Do you want another
waffle? Oh, yes, please.

Okay.

I didn't know Kevin
had a baby sister.

Yeah. Yeah, she's gonna
stay with us a couple days,

which is good, I guess.

Yeah, good for you.

Company can, you know, help
take some of the pressure off.

Yeah, that's true. Sure.

Look, you know what?
This... This is fucked up. What?

I can't stand when you
take me off the shelf like this.

It's, uh... Bullshit.

You throw me this crumb and
I'm hooked. It's fucking pathetic.

I'm sorry, Eddie. I... I
don't know how to do this.

If you need for us not
to be friends, I get it.

You might want to call your
buddy Kevin, tell him you got the job.

He's crazy about you, you know?

This is weird. So fucking weird.

We've got a young mother of two,

fell six feet into an open
sidewalk cellar door.

Massive internal bleeding.

They need to get her into
surgery to determine the source.

What's her name? Geela.

She and her husband
David are very orthodox.

Her parents are
reformed, very suburban.

Dr. O'Hara is confabbing
with them now.

She needs to get to
surgery. What's the holdup?

Her orthodox
husband would prefer

that she be moved to
their doctor at Beth Israel.

Her parents want her
operated on immediately.

Take the parents to the family
room. Keep the husband in here.

Call ICU and have
them ready for her.

Let's go.

Don't touch my stuff.

Turf wars. These two
were fighting over a corner.

Who hasn't?

The vendor over
here burned this guy,

who then retaliated with
a shish-kebab skewer.

Bon appetit!

Right, I have a hot oil burn
and a facial puncture wound.

I am feeling generous
today, Dr. Cooper.

I'll go with the burn.

Holy moly.

What did he say?

He said, "Dogs should shit
on you." O'HARA: Lovely.

Sam, will you hold the
kebab still while I have a look?

So, Thor... Hilarious.

What?

That's the first time in two years
you've gotten my name right.

Not true.

You call me sport, chief,
wegian and Grande D,

which I assume
stands for big diabetic.

Busted. New chapter, my friend.

I hear you're really
good at fantasy football.

Yeah, I am outstanding.
I need your help.

Careful, Thor. He might
sleep with your boyfriend.

Hi, I'm Jackie. Why is
everyone wasting time?

I'm sorry, what's
your name? David.

This is very simple. I
need to get her out of here.

Okay, we're just trying to understand
why you don't want her treated here.

Her doctor is at Beth Israel.
Why didn't they take her there?

The EMTs just brought
her to the nearest hospital.

She wants to go to Beth Israel.

The problem is when a
patient has internal bleeding,

it can be very dangerous
to transport them.

I'm trying to speak for my wife.

Are you sure you
want to do this?

We made vows. We have beliefs.
They either mean everything or nothing.

I don't understand,
Father. Ah, it's a snafu.

A snafu? Yes.

When All Saints built
a new addition in 1978,

the hospital and its property were
rezoned for commercial purposes.

As such, the chapel was
officially deconsecrated,

which means that any
statuary, relics, et cetera,

should have been removed
from the space in 1978.

You want to
deconsecrate my chapel?

According to the books, the
move date was scheduled,

canceled and rescheduled
half a dozen times.

You were here in 1978,
weren't you? What's your point?

We need them back.
Can't have them.

Look at it as you were
blessed with having them

33 years longer than
you were supposed to.

Bureaucrat to bureaucrat,
can't you just look the other way?

No. Forgive me,
Father, but this is bullshit.

Those statues belong here.

Not according to the books.

I know Michelle Obama.

What? You heard me.

Tuna on raisin bread.

You remembered.

Uh-huh. Mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm.

I'll take that as a yes.

You're such a dork. I know.

Oh!

Shit! It's my house key.

Oh, Jesus!

I think I... I think
I cracked a filling.

Oh, boo, I'm so sorry. It was...

You put a key in my sandwich?

Yeah, it was my romantic way of asking
you to come over whenever you want.

I saw it in a movie. This
is the next level, boo.

Don't put stuff in
my food, Lenny.

But it...

Those are the parents? Yep.

I'm not sure how to
maneuver this one.

Yeah, I tried with the
husband. It's not happening.

With the parents, who knows?

May I? Please.

Okay, so here's the deal.

Geela's injuries
are life-threatening.

We've already signed
off on the surgery. No.

This can't happen here.

This is about Geela, not
some goddamn superstition.

She makes her own choices
now. You've turned her into a zealot.

We're wasting time.
Please, move her.

Well, she's too
delicate to transport.

I have faith that
everything will be fine.

You're standing on
ceremony at a time like this?

Can you help me? GEELA'S FATHER:
If you want her to help, let them operate.

You dragged her into
this cult. It's not a cult.

This is not about what I want.

This is about what I really
believe Geela would want.

She doesn't know what she
wants since she married you.

She adopted this life.
I didn't drag her into it.

I'm trying to give her what
she wants. Why won't...

She's my wife.

Why won't any of
you help me do this?

I will.

Lenny, I need your
rig. I can't. I'm on a run.

Drunk with a broken
leg in Madison Park.

No, I need you to transport
a patient to Beth Israel.

You got to do it right
now. My hands are tied.

Dispatch won't allow a driver
to pull off an existing run.

I don't have a lot
of time. Call 911.

Are you fucking kidding me? No.

I need you to send an ambulance
to All Saints emergency room.

Ask for Jackie.

Yes, I know how this sounds.
Get your asses here ASAP.

I am Catholic.

I could have this entire
conversation in Latin if you'd like.

The removal of statues
breaks my heart, as well.

What will you do with them?

A storage facility on
Staten Island. Staten Island?

Can you at least give me
a couple of extra weeks

so that my staff can
say their goodbyes?

I'll see to it personally
that the statues will stay

till the last possible day.

And I assure you that their removal
will be handled with reverence and care.

Pillaging a hospital chapel,
nice work if you can get it.

The ambulance is here.

Would you tell them
to keep it down, please?

They're freaking
out about their carts.

If a vendor even abandons
his cart just for a second

to take a piss, they
get fined like crazy.

He's got three kids. He
won't recover. Follow me.

Hey, keep it down!

Tell them to give
me their phones.

Scroll for home. Talk to the
families. Tell them to get the carts.

That's smart.

Yeah, you might have thought
of that one yourself, Sam.

Pardon me.

Hey, man!

Guys!

I don't have what
you're looking for.

I come in peace.

Walk with me?

Give me your wallet.

I'm going out for a cup of coffee.
If I end up dead, this guy did it.

You're popular here.

I know them from meetings.

AA, NA.

Relax, I'm a former drug
and alcohol counselor.

Former.

I got tired of pouring my life force into
people who weren't ready to get sober.

How compassionate.

Usually people who succumbed
to bullshit interventions

who then tried to get sober
for all the wrong reasons.

I burned out watching people
relapse after getting sober too soon.

So I decided to specialize.

I'm the guy who helps
people bottom out,

find their all-time low by
supplying them with drugs

and then supervising their
downward spiral for a hefty price.

That's repulsive. I take
people right to the edge

till they beg for sobriety.

I trawl the rooms looking for
the weakest pie-eyed newbies

with 30, 60, 90
days of sobriety,

wait for them to relapse,
and then I make my move.

Why are you telling me this?

I'm tired of lightweights.

This belonged to that woman over
there. She hit 30 days. Not ready.

What I'm saying is if you
need my help, I'll be around.

No, I'm good.

I've dealt with
addicts for 20 years.

You took drugs off a man
having an epileptic seizure.

New low. Well done.

Hypothetically,

how far am I from
hitting bottom?

Not even close.

I got lives to save.

You got a minute for a snack?

A smoke? Nope, sorry.

Come on, that could be us.

Mmm, mmm.

Honestly, I'm just
swamped today.

Rain check? Yes.

You okay? Yes, go.

I don't even get fantasy football.
Then problem solved. Bye-bye.

This just isn't any
fantasy football league.

It's all the hotshot doctors upstairs
who've always looked down on the ER.

It's five grand a
head. Five grand?

And you're trying to bribe me
with a Quiznos combo meal?

Come on, these guys are
assholes of the highest order.

Seriously, they're only letting me in
because they think I'm easy money.

And why should I help
you join a club of assholes?

We win this, the ER earns
the respect it deserves.

They're no different than the
bullies I knew in the fourth grade,

the ones who gave me
shit for having gay moms.

Dude, they called me Martina.

Oh, my God, you're so
much prettier than she is.

Thank you.

I'll help you. Yeah!

Thor is the man!

A doctor bought me lunch.

Carry on.

He put a key in
my sandwich. I see.

I saw that once in a movie. He
wants you to come over more.

God, I'm conflicted.

Go on.

It's like one minute I'm just crazy
about him, I want to rip his clothes off.

And the next I just want to
stab him in the neck with a fork.

I saw that once in a movie, too.

It's not just that he
cracked my filling.

I just wish he would,

you know, slow
the fuck down, son.

You trust your gut.
Date other people.

I confess I wanted
to ask you out.

Thanks,

but it'd be too much
pressure to date God.

Good point.

Fuck! What did you do?

I gave Zoey a key
to my place. Nice.

Then I cracked
her filling. Romantic.

I put my key in
her sandwich and...

Holy shit, Lenny. I know, right?

Please help a bonehead out.

Stop trying to handcuff her.

Give her some space, she
will make a beeline to you.

I just want to be with her.

Then let her come to you. Suffocation
is not really much of a turn-on.

Lenny, please.

Stop it. Wait.

Stop it. Wait, wait. Why?

You have enough kickers,
okay? You need more defense.

A good offense is a
good defense, isn't it?

Look, do you want
my help or not? I do.

Okay, then here's the
rule, you don't get to type.

You get to stand
there and look pretty.

I can do that.

Oh, no. No, you
don't. Not these two.

They're architectural
embellishments

that do not fall within
the scope of the chapel.

Nice catch.

Jesus Christ.

I'm an idiot. A little bit.

I don't mean to pressure you.

I just love being with you, you
know, no matter what form that takes.

I'm sorry if it felt
like I handcuffed you.

What?

At this very moment, I have
no desire to stab you in the neck.

Cool.

Really, Miss Barkow?

Really? Really?

Get a haircut!

Where did you get this?

I made it.

You have till the
count of three.

One!

Jesus.

We're just waiting
for my father.

We're not open.

No, we're here for Dad.

Mwah!

I have to tell you
something. Okay.

Aunt Tunie's pilot needed space.

Is that right? Yeah.

What's a sugar daddy? That's
nice. Did you have dinner?

Beer nuts and cherries.

Thank you. For what?

Hey, girls, Aunt Tunie is going to
stay with us for a couple of weeks.

Weeks?

You're good with that, right?

Yeah, yeah, it's fine with me.

We shouldn't have to check in with
each other about every little thing.

This is going to
be so good for us.

I saw your friend Eddie
at work today. He called.

Thanks again. Yeah.

Eddie, that's the one you
want me to go out with, right?

I don't know. Just a thought.
The last one broke his heart.