Northern Exposure (1990–1995): Season 6, Episode 12 - Mi Casa, Su Casa - full transcript

(CHATTERING
lN NATIVE LANGUAGE)

(BOAT APPROACHING)

MARILYN: Hi.

(SPEAKS lN NATIVE LANGUAGE)

There's your mail.

Hey, Marilyn! Hey!

Hi.

Hey,
welcome to Manonash.

Boy, what a surprise!
You look great!

Wow! I'm fine.

In spite of
what you may have heard.
I'm really... I'm fine.



I'm flourishing here.

I'm touched. Look at you.
You came all the way
to check up on me.

I didn't.

You didn't?

I came for the du ka-ak.

Oh, yeah?
You came for the potlatch?

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

For little Joey Pitka's
first kill, huh?

His mom, Estelle,
she's an old friend
from high school.

Yeah. Of course.
That makes sense,
the potlatch. Well, good.

Small world.
I'm glad you could make it.

Let me help you
with your stuff.

Next order of business, Ed,
is the lights
and window shades.



Ed?

Now where in the hell
did he go?

Here I am, Maurice!
Oh, yeah. There you are.

Lights and window shades.
They're on sun-up to
sun-down timers.

So don't monkey with them
because you'll throw them
out of synch.

I won't touch them, Maurice.

Now, the number
for the hunting lodge
where I'm gonna be

is on the blackboard
in there next to the phone
in the kitchen.

Now, I told you about
the water shut off.

If anything leaks...
Uh-huh.

And you know
about the alarm
and the electric box.

Oh, if you need any
staples or supplies,

call the Chalet Gourmet
in Cantwell.

Tell them to put it on my bill
and put it on
the regular delivery.

Okay. Chalet Gourmet.

Uh...

Electricity, alarm system.

Now, don't hyperventilate, son.
It's just house-sitting,
it's not brain surgery.

Oh, I know, Maurice,
but, well, I've only
cleaned it before.

I never sat it.

Oh, it's a shame
you have to this time.

I'm not gonna give up
an opportunity to go boar
hunting with Al and Wally.

They say those Arkansas
razorbacks are big as hell
and half of Georgia!

Hell and half of Georgia.
That's funny, Maurice.

Yeah? Well, I want you
to show a little initiative
around here while I'm gone.

Clean those
Venetian blinds, will you?
Okay, Maurice.

(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

Pirouetting around here with
a feather duster is one thing,

but I want you to use a little
soap and elbow grease.

Maurice, hi.
Oh, Michelle.

You just caught me
going out.

I've got to get to
the airport, catch a plane.

Hi, Mrs. Capra.

Oh, hi, Ed.

Well, thank goodness
I caught you.

It's my crafts piece
for the newspaper.

Sorry it's late,
but I found a glassblower
in Dyersville.

Oh, thank you.

Yeah. A real character.

Now, listen, some of
the transitions might be
a little rough still.

And if you don't like
the lead-in...

Look, look, Michelle,
can I look at this
when I get back?

Oh, sorry. Your plane. Right.
Yeah.

Okay. Well, have a nice trip!

All right.
Bye!

Bye, Ed.
Bye, Mrs. Capra.

Writers. A bunch of babies.

That my fruit?
Yes, sir.

Two bananas, a nectarine,

oh, and I threw in a box
of those yellow raisins
you like so well.

Well, wish me
a clean kill, Edward.

Clean kill, Maurice.

Get that door for me,
will you?

Yes, sir.
And I'll be fine, Maurice.

I will. Good luck.
I mean, clean kill.

Bye.

So obviously you've been
to Manonash before.

Well, summers
when I was little.

Oh, yeah. I can't wait
for the summer.

When the salmon run.
It'll be great.

Hmm.

See, when I came,
it was small moon month,
you know, Pis Yadi.

When the fish and
the berry season ends.

Mmm, when the flies bite.

Yeah. It's wild, huh?

Pis Yadi.

Excuse me?

That's how you say
„small moon month.”

Pis Yadi.

Oh, yeah?
Pis Yadi.

See, I'm still learning.

Well, look who's here.
Marilyn Whirlwind,
is that you?

Hi, Mr. Two-Clocks.

I was hoping you'd
make the potlatch.

How are you?
Good.

How was your fishing season?

Well, I did okay.

Oh, yeah, okay.

He's just being modest.

Last time we went fishing,
he speared like 47 coho
before high sun.

What're you talking about?

Everybody knows
he's the best fisherman on
the Batza River anyway.

Well, he is.

Oh, I was just lucky.

Look, I gotta check
my snag lines.

Why don't you two
drop by later?

I've got some Ootkut roots
in the pot. We could eat some.

Okay.

Yeah. That sounds great.
Thanks.

We'll see you.

You fished with Two-Clocks?

Oh, yeah.
All the time.

Just you and him?

Just me and him.
At least
three times a week.

He's a wonderful guy.
A real kindred spirit of mine.

He's just now teaching me
how to think like a salmon.

Her place is right up here.

I know.

Some fab dump, huh?

Officer Semanski's even got
her own workout parlor.

Well, actually,
this is the dining area.
Nice and big, huh?

Wow, H.

All this room just for
our kitchen table.

Yes, it is spacious,
isn't it?

But, Maggie,
just the one wall plug?

Oh, no, no, no,
there's one here,

and I think you have
a 220 back here
behind this table.

Oh?
Yeah!

Uh-huh, okay.

So what do you think?
I think this is the house.

It even has your left-handed
medicine cabinets, Holling.

I didn't think
I'd ever find those.

Yeah, that's unusual.

Oh, you see that kitchen spray
gun for the dirty dishes?
I always wanted one.

And a real fireplace.

We can put our own family pics
up there!

Tack up Randi's
Christmas stocking.

And we can get out
that little manger scene.

Well, all right,
then, finally.

Well, there are
a few things.

I mean, the cracked linoleum
in the utility room.

And that loose towel rack
in the half-bath.

Well, that's okay, Holling,
because we can
do a fix-it list.

Kind of doesn't seem fair
getting so nit-picky

after you've shown us
every joint
in the greater nabe, Mag.

Well, that's okay.
I mean, it's your
starter home.

It's normal
to be particular.

So, now,
what do we do, Maggie?

We make an offer
and then we close
on the sale.

I mean,
she may not accept.

Oh, I don't think
it's gonna be
a problem, Holling.

Barbara is motivated.

I mean, with that transfer
to Sleetmute,
the drive's killing her.

So if she does?

Accept?
Uh-huh.

Then you guys get the house.

Our house.

Just think, H.

Us, in a real house,
just like a real family,
just like everybody else.

Here are the Ootkut roots.

I dug up plenty more to boil
for the potlatch, too.

Hmm, smells good.

Yeah.
I'm hungry, too.

Mrs. Pitka's been busy
in the cooking hut
for most of the week.

I know. She showed me
the dried duck and geese
from last fall.

Yeah, did she show you
the dried Dall sheep she got
from the Upper Alatna?

Mmm-hmm.

And don't forget
the centerpiece,

the reason for
our celebration,
little Joey's first kill.

Big black bear, huh?

Yeah. Very big.

Yeah. Thick with fat.

I heard they got
a lot of fat strips
from him.

I can't wait.

You?

Yeah.

Eat bear fat?

Sure.

(CHUCKLES)

What, Marilyn?
What's so funny?

Him and bear.

Yeah? What?

The first time he smelled it,
he threw up.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Oh, really?
Dr. Fleischman?

Marilyn...

You did. Remember?

Crab apple festival dinner
at my house?

My mom gave him
the whitest strap of fat.

Yeah? And?

And he saw it and started
to sweat and got pale
and ran from the table.

Well, it was the first time
I had it.

And fast. So fast.
Like this.

Oh, Dr. Fleischman,
running from the bear.

I didn't know
he could move so fast.

(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

Coming. Be right there.

Hey, Ed.

Hey, Chris.

What's up, man?
Where's Lupe?

Had to go to Barrow,
so I'm watching the house.

Oh, cool.

I don't know.

It's kind of lonely
when you're up here
all alone.

'Cause it's so big, I bet.

Yeah.

Hey, look, I gotta borrow
the chief's Hasselblad.

His good camera?
Oh, I don't know, Chris.

Well, I gotta take
some slides, man.

Doc Capra came out
to the house, right?

Saw my art and dug it.

Knows this guy down in LA
who's a dealer.

Thinks I should send him
some pics.

Oh, but his Hasselblad.

Well, Maurice didn't
say anything to me
about it, Chris.

Well, it's not my idea,
it's Cap's, you know.

I'm on the fence
about this thing myself.

I mean, I do my art to do it,
you know.

Nothing more, nothing less.

Never thought about
putting it out there and Doc
thinks there's a market.

Thinks people should see it.

You should, Chris.

It's not gonna bug you?

Oh, no.

You should take
those pictures.

Send them in.
See what happens.
Who knows?

Yeah, really, huh?

So got the whole house
to yourself?

Uh-huh.

Game's on. Sonics, Bullets.

Wanna stay and watch?

Crank up the big tube?

That'd be good, man.

Okay.

Hey, you're looking
pretty clean, man.

What, did you get Maurice's
smoking jacket there?

Oh. This? Yeah.
Well, I was cold.

I have to keep the house
at 68, you know.

Let's get some brew dogs
and some of them big,
old, fat, salty pretzels!

All right!
But we gotta be careful
about the crumbs, you know.

Us?

Hey, Crystal.

Hey, Marilyn.
Here you are.

Look, I've been thinking
about our dinner last night
at Two-Clocks...

Oh. Can you hand me
that branch there, please?

This one?

Thanks.

Look, I know
that seeing me like this
must be strange for you.

Dressed in these clothes
and fishing in the Batza,
eating bear fat.

I understand how
that could be so...

Dr. Joel Fleischman
in nature?

Not exactly the man
you knew, right?

I mean, he couldn't see
past the Hudson River
if he tried.

And fish?

Let's put it this way.
He liked his smoked, right?

Preferably hand sliced
from Zabar's served on
a bagel with diced onions.

And nature, nature to him
was an irritant.

Birds, they didn't sing.

They woke him up.

A body of water wasn't life,
it was like a golf hazard.

I mean, that Joel Fleischman
was anxious,

and he was competitive
and he was grasping.

He was self-righteous
and he was
overly critical of people

and at times he could
even be given to self-pity.

He wasn't at peace.

I mean,
how could he be, right?

He didn't know what it was,
but he does now.

I do.

I'm different, Marilyn.

I'm not the same
Joel Fleischman.
I've changed.

I have.

Marilyn, I have.

Well, I'm gonna go now.

I just wanted to
clear the air.

Bye.

Bye.

See, Holling?
That tub filled up
just as fast this time.

Well, there's
no harm in checking.

Thanks again, Barbara.
Sorry for the inconvenience.

You know, they just needed
one last little walk-through.

Find any more loose washers
for your fix list, Holling?

None that I could see.

Okay. Well, let me get these
guys off and I'll be back
and we'll finalize the papers.

Roger that.

MAGGIE: Ready?

Well, I think we got a deal.

She agreed to
the earthquake retrofitting,
the new gravel driveway.

It's all right here
in the offer.

So let's just sign
and get you guys moved in.

I don't see anything
about the septic tanks.

Septic tank? Yeah.
See, it's number five.

And also, she said
floats for the toilets,

caulk for the sills
and repair of the storm door.

Wow. She even went
for new carpet
in the hall closet.

I thought she was gonna
blow a gasket.

Everything you asked for.

What about the picnic table?

Picnic table?

What picnic table?

That one.

Well, you didn't say anything
about a picnic table.

I did. First visit.

Nice place to have
a picnic, I said.

Oh, well, I'll have to
talk to Barbara
about that one.

Do that.

Tell her the picnic table
and both benches.

It's just as easy for us
to walk away.

Holling...

When do we ever picnic?

We can start.

Oh, man.
She looks really
PO'd now.

Why'd you go and do that?

Well, anybody can see
that that table
is a pertinent fixture.

Cedar, just like
the siding lumber.

MAN ON TV: Now she lays
a nice soft pass
into Bettina's hands.

Here comes Bettina
in for first shot!

She pounds it
into the ground...

Come on, Bettina!
Girl can really glide
on them rollerblades.

The girl's got some
good pecks, too.

Walt, slide that bowl
of macadamias, will you?

Who's looking at her pecks?

Hey, guys, I found some
of that fancy ham and
stinky cheese in the fridge.

That black forest of his?

Over here, Ed.
Give me a hunk.

HAYDEN:
Okay if I spark up?

Look what I got.
Nine lnch Nails for blasting
after the fight!

All right!

Did you call
the pay-per-view people?

Main event's in
10 minutes, buddy!

All right! Live from Caracas!
All in the comfort of
our own casa splendido.

Maurice's casa splendido.

Chris, did you remember
to bring that camera back?

Oh, you know what?
I ain't quite got there yet,
buddy.

Got into a card game
over at The Brick,
some hearts, you know.

What're you watching?
Blade babes?

Jeez, have you seen
his Visa bill? 5,800 bucks.

Laura Ashley duvet cover.

Can you believe those
things upstairs are $400?

And look what I found
in his medicine chest.
Wrinkle cream.

Put that around
your eyes, Owen.
It stings a little.

You know, I had some
awfully smooth port
here last Christmas.

Port,
it'd be a nice accompaniment
to this Stilton.

CHRIS: That's my favorite
fortified wine.

Port, port, port.

HAYDEN: Stogies, anybody?
Hey!

Port. 191 7?

OWEN: Might have been.

Hit me.

HAYDEN: Me, too.

MAN ON TV: Well, good luck
and thanks for the TLC.

ED: Anybody else?

Ed, you sure it's all right
we're drinking this?

We drink it when Maurice
is here, right?

I mean, he's the one
that's always saying it,

„Mi casa, su casa.”

To the chief.
To Maurice!

All right.
Here! Here!

Here! Here!

Hey, Walt. Fight's on.
Hit that thing, would you?

Ruth-Anne, those grape strips
Randi likes to gum on,
they come in yet?

Yeah. They're right over there
on the second shelf
next to the Vienna sausage.

I roll them up real tight
to last her all day.

Officer Semanski. Hi.

Afternoon.

I'm just picking up some
grape strips for Miranda.

Me? NoDoz.

To stay awake, right.

On my six-hour commute.

Officer Semanski.

A man makes me an offer,
I bargain in good faith.

I know.
He wanted my Kenmore's.
I threw them in.

Well, it is kind of far
to the laundromat.

And the fireplace set?

That was for me.
I loved the little shovel.

Your husband,
Ms. Vincoeur...

Holling.

The man's a chiseler.

RUTH-ANNE:
Oh, three dollars.
A chiseler?

Seen it before.

No, he isn't.

Give an individual
like that a smoke,

he's in your pocket
for the pack.

It's just a ratty old
picnic table.

(CHUCKLES)
Let me tell you what,

it's my ratty
old picnic table.

And the chiseler's
not getting it.

Fat goose, huh?

Uh-huh.

JOEL: This is Canadian.

Uh-huh.

You know, if you like pretty
geese, the snow goose up here
are incredible. Just white.

Well, „snow”, of course.
Hence the name, right?

You know, they're
actually not born white.
They're kind of more gray,

so that they can blend in
with their nest.

Hi.
Hey.

Hi, Joey. Hi, Estelle.

Hi, Ms. Whirlwind.
Hi, Dr. Fleischman.

What do you say, Joey?

Boy, you guys sure
are blazing along
with these geese.

Yeah? Well, we were just
talking about the geese,
snow goose.

You know, the protective
covering of the young,

which you should find
pretty interesting, Joey.

Because you know that was
the beginning
of Darwin's theories

of natural selection.

I mean, it was his observation
of bird species on
the Galapagos lslands.

Off Peru.

Quite the master plan
when you think about it,
right?

I guess.

Well, we better get back
to our preparations.

(CLICKS TONGUE)

What?

Just the same.

What?
You.

Me?

I am, aren't I? Yes, it...

Look at me. I'm just...
I'm talking.
I'm just yabbering away here.

Marilyn, okay.
I am, Marilyn. I know it.

I'm talking. I'm just...
I'm falling back on all my
old ways and you know why?

It's 'cause of you.
That's right.

'Cause I'm not like this
when you're not here.
Believe me!

I go hours here.
I go weeks.

I go days even.
You can ask anyone.

Ask them if I just
talk to myself.

Go ahead.
Ask your friend.
I don't care.

Ask them if he just talks,
'cause they'll say no.

He doesn't talk to just
hear himself talk anymore.

But, boy, you show up
and Marilyn Whirlwind, winner
of the US Open of Silence,

you just shatter
any inner peace
that I've managed to find.

Thanks a lot.
You know, I really
appreciate you coming.

It's been a wonderful visit.
Thanks a lot!

Here you are,
Sir Walter, one thermos
full of fresh brewed.

Thanks, Holling.
How goes it?

You youngsters
find your new home?

Well, I've tendered an offer,
but, uh,
we've got a stingy seller.

Digging her heels in on terms.

Some people.

Phew! Hi, Walt.
Hi, Maggie.

Hey, Holling! Guess what?
Good news.

About what?

The house,
Holling.

I had a long talk
with Barbara, and the
picnic table is yours.

Uh-huh. It is?

Not only that,
but the benches,
and the lawn chairs.

„Whatever it takes,”
she says, „I gotta sell.
I'm moving to Sleetmute.”

Is that a fact?

Yeah! So, what do you say,
Holling?

She's at the house waiting.
All you have to do is sign.

Sign? Now wait.

What?

What about that roof?

Roof?
That's right.

Holling, it was
just reshingled, remember?
Seven-year guarantee.

That's my whole point.
It's tar shingles.

So?
Well, I can't have that.

It's the fumes.
It's got to be split shingles
and treated.

I don't want the house
unless it's treated shake.

So now it's about the fumes?
That's right.

Holling, this isn't
about fumes.

Petrochemicals.

I read somewhere that
it gives you migraines.

It's not about fumes.
It's not about the roof.

It's not about picnic tables.
It's about you, Holling.

Holling, you don't
want this house.

You don't want any house.

Yes! Of course I do.

Come on, Holling.

Barbara didn't even
throw in that picnic table.

She didn't?

No. I just said that.

I see.

Look, Holling,
this is just a sham.

All this lookie-looing,
it's a waste of time.

It's a waste of your time
and my time. Okay?

I'm tired of
showing you guys around.
I want my Sundays back.

Sounds like a plan.
Shoot some pool,
watch The Hustler.

Yeah.
I've got The Color of Money,
in there, too.

It's just like
going to the movies,
but at Maurice's.

The hi-fi VCR of his.
I wonder how much
the whole thing cost.

The dual tuner,
picture-in-picture. Ed?

Boy, the walls seem
much closer in here.

What?

Nothing.

So how much do you think
Maurice's TV costs?

Oh, I don't know, Eugene.

I would hook up
some big speakers,
if I was him.

And invest
in a laser disc.

Better fidelity.
Superior resolution.

Oh, my.
Would you listen to that?

Ready, Ed?
Let's get back, okay?

Profiteroles ought to be
defrosted by now.

Yeah, we gotta
get outta here.

Oh, my.

Well, Marilyn.
Hi.

I see you brought
plenty of feathers
for the babiches.

Little Joey's gonna be
very proud to have
his own ceremonial garters.

Just like
the rest of us guys.

Soft down to help him go
lightly through life.

Say, you want
a cup of Nescafe?

I could put the water on.

I only drink coffee
in the morning.

You're right
and I'm trying
to cut back, too.

You wanna
make armbands?

I'm good at mukluk garters.

Okay.

Uh, say, why don't you
pass me that seal grease
over there.

This leather's
getting kind of dry.

Pretty bowl.

Yeah. lsn't it?

Good carving.

That was a gift
from Dr. Fleischman.

It's nice.
Where'd he get it?

Well, he made it.

He made it?

Kept a sharp knife, didn't he?

Are you sure?

Well, yeah, I'm sure. Why?

You have to have time
and patience to make
a bowl like this.

Yeah. So?

He's nervous.

Well, yeah, that's true.

Dr. Fleischman
can be nervous.

But, Marilyn,
what can you expect?
He's from New York.

So what's he
doing here, then?

Well, can you blame him?

No.

He's trying to simplify.
And he's
making progress, too.

Just remember,
it's a long way from
New York City to Manonash.

Eat up, everybody.
That's aged prime Kobe beef.

Potatoes boulanger and
caramelized shallots,

had them trucked in fresh
from the Chalet Gourmet
just this morning.

Mmm, lobster ravioli, too.

Is that what's in these?
Whoo!

CHRIS: Hey, Eugene.
Give me some more of
that red, would you?

Try and save
an empty leg for dessert.

There's more
in the kitchen,

and I got a baked Alaska
in there as big as hell
and half of Georgia!

(CHUCKLING)

Big as hell
and half of Georgia.
I'm gonna file that one, Ed.

That reminds me, Michelle.
I wanted to talk to you.

I had a chance
to read your article.

Oh, you read it?

It's good.

I mean, it'll be fine.
I only have
a few notes for you.

You do?
Mmm-hmm.

You buried your whole lead.
I'd cut the top two graphs
and get right to it, you know,

and the whole tangent
about the glassblower's shack,
do you need that?

Well, for atmosphere
and texture, yes.

Well, I'll be honest.
It was all lost on me.

Well, I can take
another look.

Fine.

So, Chris, what about you?

Did you get those
slides off yet?

Not quite, Doc,
but I'm working on it.

(LAUGHS) Working on it. Right!

Huh?

Oh, come on, Chris,
just fess up.

You probably haven't even
got that camera
on the tripod yet.

That'd get in the way
of his drinking beer
and playing cards, right?

Hey, Ed. Come on, man.

It just happens to him folks,
that's all.

Opportunity knocks
and Chris is tiptoeing
out the old back door.

Where do you get off, Ed?

I'll say what I want,
it's my party,
Mr. Art for Art's Sake.

You're probably just chicken
the public'll think you stink.

I'm out of here.

Mmm, eat up, everybody.

Sixty-five, sixty-six...

Well, Randi's off
to dreamland, hon.

Got her snoozing this time
before Snow White
even met Sneezy.

Well, rah-rah.
Have to put you in for
dad of the year, won't we?

Oh, Shelly.

We were this close, Holling.

We almost had it.
Then you had to start in.

I should never have let it
get along this far anyway.

Yeah. Well, you did.

Now we have to find
another one all over again.

Well, that's the thing,
Shelly.

What?
We don't.

What don't we don't?

Have to look for a house.

Why not?
You find another one?

No. Just,
we don't have to look for
a house because, well,

I don't want one.

You don't want one? What?

A house?

I'm afraid not.

Yes, you do.

Everybody wants a house.

Well, I don't.

A house, off by itself...
I'm sorry, I really am.

But it just doesn't hold
anything for me, Shelly.
I was a trapper.

I've been off by myself
plenty enough.

We're not talking about
camping out, Holling.

Aren't we happy?

Right here? Right now?

I mean, we're in
the center of things, Shelly.

Best of both worlds, really.

We need
a little time to ourselves,
we skip right upstairs.

Want some lively talk
or a cup of coffee,

well, it's right there,
down below.

Plus, we get to work at home.

Well, hunky-d.

And what's Randi
supposed to do,
kick cans in the alley?

We do pay taxes for
a nice winter play gym.

A twirly-whirly,
a clean sandbox,

and plenty of other
young children to play with.

Yeah, and where
are they crashing?

Above a bar? No, Holling.
Houses.

'Cause that's what people do.

They get married,
they pop out a rug rat,
and they picket fence-it.

You never saw
The Brady Bunch?

H-O-U-S-E! Period.

(RANDI CRYING)

(SlNGlNG)
Oh, what a beautiful morning

Oh, what a beautiful day

I've got a beautiful feeling
everything's

going my way

Beatrice?
Where'd that girl get to?

Beatie, there you are.

After you finish
with this mess,

I'll have
another glass of milk
and a fresh croissant.

With some of this
raspberry jam.

Oh, and better polish
the silver
and the crystal, too.

Try not to chip it
this time.

(SINGING) There's a bright
golden haze on the meadow

Chigliak!

What the hell?

Maurice?

What is this?
What are you doing?

What are you doing here?

Well, I happen to live here.

But you're in Arkansas
till Tuesday.

Wally threw his back out.

What's that you're wearing?

Is that my wild silk
smoking jacket?

You take that off!
Take it off this instant!

Okay, Maurice.

What have you been doing?
Throwing a party here?

Oh, just dinner,
Maurice.

Dinner?
With my '72 Petrus?

You've been in my cellar.
You've been drinking my wine.

It wasn't me, Maurice.
It was the others.

(STAMMERING) What's this?
French tulips?

Where'd you get these
in the middle of winter?

Pierson's.

You called Pierson's
in Cantwell?

At a sawbuck a stem?
Are you crazy?

Have you gone completely nuts?
What the hell did you
think you were doing!

Look, I entrusted you
with the care of my house.

And how'd you repay me?
You ransacked the place!

You raided my cupboard!
You drank my wine!

What are you doing?
You're standing here with that
stupid look on your face.

Go get a mop and pail.
I want you to stack and scrape
all of these things!

Get this mess cleaned up!

Now! Double time!

Right, Maurice.
Go!

And if I see one wine stain
on this damask tablecloth,
your hide is mine...

So the tulips really
sent him into orbit, huh?

Yeah.

Until he found out
I stretched out
his good Bally shoes.

And then he fired me.

Bummer.

Oh. But he re-hired me
back again.

Chop wood until
I pay for a new pair.

Double bummer.

I tell you, Shelly,
I'm just glad
to be out of there.

That big house,
all that food and stuff,

it's just no good
unless you share it
with people.

Only then you start feeling
like you know something

'cause they don't have it
and you do.

You start acting bossy
and telling everybody
what to do.

Kind of like Maurice.

Yeah, kind of.

Wait, Shelly!

That is like Maurice!

I stayed in his house,
I start acting like him.

Think so?

You know what I think,
I think that house took me
over just like in The Shining.

That one about the kook case
who chases his nuclear family
around with an ax?

That's Jack Nicholson, Shelly.

But he wasn't a kook case.
He was really a nice guy.

Till he got into that house.
The house made him do it.

Well, at least
they had a house.

More than some families
I know.

'Cause of some people.

Oh, but I think
they were just caretaking
the house.

Ed, I'm talking about
Mr. Picnic Table there.

Mr. I Don't Want to
Live in a House.

Well, I know.
But what if Holling's right?

How am I ever gonna know?

All I ever lived in
was a mobile home
with the Tamster.

And then here.

Oh, but then how do you
know you want to?

Live in a house?
I don't know.

'Cause I tried it, Shelly.

I thought it'd be fun
living in there,
but it did something to me.

Made me feel all weird.
Different, you know.

I wasn't even myself.

Huh.

Oh, wow.

I brought you something.

Yeah, well,
I'll tell you, Marilyn,
all I really want right now

is a box of thumbtacks,
hold this antenna up.

I'm gonna listen
to some real music.

And some real news.
And some sports.

I don't even know
who the Knicks traded for.

They get a point guard yet?

I don't think so.

Yeah.

Well...

Danny Moonwater
pulled this out of
his Dodge Duster

after I set
a shattered ankle for him.

I was using it
to crack walnuts.

Mmm.

I brought you something.

What's that?

A present.

Yeah, well...
I mean, thanks.

I appreciate it,
but I think you
got it wrong, you know.

I should be
giving you presents.

You saved me a lot of
time here, Marilyn.
A lot of trouble.

Probably another case
of head lice.

Hmm. Take it.

Look at me,
lug boots, hair shirt!
What was I thinking?

That I could just walk away
from everything?

Just escape my culture?
Myself?

I'll tell you, Marilyn,
the most pathetic thing

is I really actually thought
I was getting somewhere, then
you show up and it's like...

It's like the raven himself
sent you down here
to put me to the test.

And, boy, did I flunk.

'Cause if you were my test,
I failed with flying colors.

'Cause it is hopeless.
There is absolutely,
there is no growth.

There is no change for me.

Open it.

What is it?

Just open it.

These are babiches.

Uh-huh.

This is for me?

Uh-huh.

You are giving this to me?

I made them with
lots of goose feathers.

To help me go lightly
through life.

Do you like them?

Of course I like them.

Good.

Marilyn, I don't deserve this.

You will.

Officer Semanski.

Just leaving.

Oh, I guess I can't go
in there then, huh?

You want in my house again?

I just kind of need to
go in there and
kind of see something is all.

Haven't you two seen enough?

Yeah, maybe
I could convince him.

If I could just see...

Could I?

Two minutes, then I roll.

Thanks, Officer Semanski.

Chris?

Chris, it's me. Ed.

Hey, man, I know you
probably don't ever
want to talk to me again

and I don't blame you.

Come in here, Ed.

Chris, I said some terrible,
terrible things that...

Well, even if it was
the house talking,

I shouldn't have said.

Oh, listen, Ed...

I'm supposed to be
your friend, Chris,

and friends don't care
if you have
unrealized potential.

Well, you know...

They like you
just the way you are, Chris.

Hey! I do, man. Really.

If you want to drink beer,
play cards all day long, well,
that's all right with me.

Please, just forgive me,
Chris.

Okay.

What?

Okay. I forgive you.
There's nothing to forgive.

I want you to see something.

Oh! Wow, Chris!

You're taking your pictures.

Yeah. I'm gonna click away.

I'm gonna let
the public decide.

Well, all right!

Owe it all to you, bud.

Me?

Hey, you lit a fire
under my butt.

You know, you dished out
a healthy dose of tough love.

And if you can't
count on your friends
to set you straight,

who're you gonna count on?

Hmm?

Oh, Chris.

All right. Let's do this.

Hold still.

Two for the queen,
silliest old lady
I've ever seen.

Whoo!

Now, are you ready
for number three?

In a minute, maybe.

Oh, yeah, you wanna go
sift in the sand pile
for a little while?

There you go.

Just playing some.

They had one of these
youngster carousels
in Skatesville

where we'd go
to pick up dry goods.

Kids hanging all over it.

If there was time,
Uncle Frank would set me down
and let me have a spin.

Yeah, we had
a pretty deep sand pit
at the trailer park, too.

Shelly, I'm sorry
I skunked that deal for us.

I got your hopes all up
and then let them be dashed.

Look at them, H.
Look how they're digging her.

(CHUCKLING)
They are having a time.

Yeah, Shelly, we're gonna
keep on looking for a house,
all right, hon?

There's another one
out there,
bigger and better.

Nah, I don't think so.

I promise you, Shell,
I will grow
into house living.

Well, at least I'll try.

We are a family.

We're a family now, Holling.

And we live above a bar.
So what?

Who says we can't
if we want to?

Nobody, I suppose.

That's right.

I mean, a house,
it's like you get in there

and you gotta mind
your p's and q's,
you know what I mean?

Put out coasters
and make sure
everything's just so.

That is true.

Besides...

I mean, you wanna look out
the kitchen window

and see Randi out there
digging all by herself?

It's not what I'd want.

Ah! Come on!
Come on home, my little baby!

Nah, we'll stick
to city life, H.

You mean it?
Hey!

Which one of you bad haircuts
wants to teeter-totter
with me and Randi V.

I do! And I wanna be first.

Really?

Oh, I'm an old see-sawer
from way back.

Let's ride then!
Up you go!

Down you go!

(WHOOPS)

Sure is tasty
beaver tail, isn't it?

Oh, fresh.

Pretty good, huh?
Yeah.

Want to dance?

Yeah.

(OWL HOOTING)