Northern Exposure (1990–1995): Season 2, Episode 4 - What I Did for Love - full transcript

You know what I think?

I think they did it together.

I mean,
they both really hated his guts.

I bet you anything...

they were in cahoots
from the beginning.

Professor Plum and Mrs. White?

Well, yeah.
Sometimes, they get stuck together.

I once had to pry Colonel Mustard
off of Mrs. Peacock's back.

Three cards, O'Connell-
location, weapon and murderer.

One murderer.

It's after 10:00.
I gotta go.



I can see every card in your hand.

- So, don't look.
- I can't help it.

How about turning up
the heat, O'Connell?

I'm freezing.
Can I wear this?

Oh, I don't think you should.

What? Rick's gonna mind?
No, it's not his.

So, what's the big deal?

Go, already.
I'm gonna miss my plane.

Well, we both know it's the library.

This is stupid, O'Connell. You can't
play the game of Clue with two people.

It is obviously Colonel Mustard
with the candlestick in the library.

Now, can we leave?
Please?

Oh, I don't want you to go.

Stay.



Stay.

Stay.

Give me something really, really stupid.

I don't think we have
anything that stupid, Dr. Fleischman.

Well, then give me something
really touristy.

How about some
willow ptarmigan candies?

It's the state bird,
so it's good for tourists.

And it's marzipan,
so it's nice and filling.

Great.
I'll take three boxes.

Okay.

One each for your folks,
and one for-

Now, isn't that a nice thought?

I wouldn't be surprised
if she took you back.

It's not for Elaine. It's for-
Uh-huh.

You know-
I have a lot of friends in New York.

Friends from med school, friends from
college, friends from-from Bronx Science.

I'm still in touch with Richie Marx.

We had our bar mitzvah together.
It was a Temple Beth Shalom double bill.

Yeah. He's gonna get us tickets
to, uh, Sinead O'Connor.

She's playing the Palladium.
Oh, great.

I don't even know if
I can pack it all into two weeks.

When you come right down to it, what's
the point of comin' back here at all?

You'll get thrown in the slammer
for breach of contract.

Okay. There's a point.

Morning, Maggie.
Hi.

- Hello, O'Connell.
- Hi.

Your chair's out back.
That's a heavy old thing.

I had to help the guy lug it off the truck.

Thanks, thanks.

just stockin' up for my little trip back to
the Big Apple. I'm goin' bullish on ptarmigans.

Care for a box as a memento?

Bite a ptarmigan's head off,
you'll be flooded with memories of me.

Mmm, no, thanks.
Um, I'll just go get the truck.

- You better get Rick to give you a hand.
- Oh, I can't. He's in the Aleutians.

- I'll give you a hand.
- You will?

Sure. Why not?

Is this a dirty trick, Fleischman?

What, like a practical joke? Like, I'm gonna
help you with the chair and drop it on your foot?

- Yeah.
- Absolutely not.

Well, thanks, Fleischman.
That's, uh-

That's-That's sweet.

Oh, I appreciate it, I do. It's just that
I have this Pavlovian response to you,

and I can never
really express my appreciation.

To you, that is, because you're sneaky
and duplicitous and self-serving,

and I always think
you have a hidden agenda.

You're welcome.
Be back in five minutes for the marzipan.

Okay, Joel.
I'll get 'em wrapped up for you.

Trapped as we are on
that merry-go-round of time,

we've circled around once again to the annual
Cicely, Alaska birthday bash extravaganza.

That's right.
Tomorrow's Founder's Day,

when we all get together out at the church
and mark that special day back in 1932...

when Cicely and Roslyn stalled out here
on the cusp of the new Alaskan Riviera...

and had to make the best
of a bad situation.

That's a damn lie.

Now, nobody really knows for sure what
happened in that stalled car out in the woods...

with Cicely and
her very special friend Roslyn.

Damn it!
I told him to lay off that lesbian angle!

All alone, a little homesick,

couple of slugs
out of Roslyn's hip flask.

One thing leads to another. Hey, come
on. We've all seen Cicely's picture.

Sure, she's a little heavy-set,
on the jowly side,

but very attractive in
a Margaret Thatcher kind of way.

It's not an angle, Maurice.

Cicely and Roslyn
loved each other deeply.

That's why they came to Alaska
in the first place.

They couldn't find acceptance
in polite Billings society.

Well, why in the hell
did they have to find it here?

I've got nothing against
Sapphic love.

I've been to some erotic movies myself.

But why hold up Hecate and Persephone and
whoever to the rest of the world and say,

"Hey, look, folks.
This is what we're all about"?

You get into areas of attraction, and we're
talkin' serious mystery here. Shh! This is it.

And while we are talking mystery,

the Video Society continues Death and Devastation
Month this Wednesday at Ruth-Anne's library.

Tonight's selection,
Pile-Up On Highway 10,

is on loan from
the private collection of Ed.

Well, guess that was my 15 minutes.

Ingrid.!
Is it April already?

Time does fly.
Seems like I just left, doesn't it?

Yeah.
Hi, Ed.

I heard your name on the
radio just now. Oh, thanks!

- You're looking well, Ingrid.
- Well, you're looking good yourself, Maurice.

Your squeeze off on the ice again?

Yeah. The snowshoe
hare population's up eight percent.

Doesn't he freeze out there
in just that itty-bitty pup tent?

He doesn't even notice it.

From now until the end of tagging season,

he thinks about nothing
but hares, hares, hares.

I can dig it.

Such a help. Watch-Watch the legs.
This way. This way. This way. This way.

Thank you. What is this thing
made of, melted-down anvils?

Oh, great, Fleischman.
My records!

I hope you take better care of your
airplane. They were in alphabetical order.

Very classy, O'Connell.
Cole Porter.

You ever hear Sinead O'Connor
sing "You Do Something To Me"?

It's fantastic.

All right, where do you want this
thing? Over there in the corner, please.

Ah, yes.
Under the memorial shrines.

I think scrapbooks are clich?.

Huh. How many boyfriends
have you lost?

Four.

This is definitely original.

No, I'm serious.

Well, I used to have candles,
but I worried that they'd burn the dioramas.

A lot of those figurines are crayons.
Crayons?

Yeah, I melt them down,
pour them into molds.

Then after they cool off,
I put on their little outfits.

Where'd you pick up the plastic sushi?

Sitka.

Harry's is the worst.

I mean, no matter what I do,
talcum powder does not look like snow.

But Roy's is good, though.

He loved those California rolls.

Why do they all have these
little black polka dots all over them?

Those are the black fedoras.
The black fedoras?

Yeah, symbolizing-
Well, you know.

Death?
Right.

And what does
the glued-on macaroni symbolize?

Man's inhumanity to man?
Nothing, Fleischman.

They symbolize nothing.
They're macaroni.

What are you gonna do for Rick,
a toy plane and a tiny Soloflex machine?

Very amusing.
Now, just put the chair by the sushi.

You're amazing.

Incredible.

Spectacular.

Better than the Buzzer?

I know, I know.

I wouldn't want you
to talk about me to them.

Oh, you're the one
with the privacy fetish.

No dining out,
no strolling through town.

I've got your reputation to protect.

Girl like you,
small town like this-

You could be ruined in a week
if tongues started wagging.

You're sweet.

Very sweet.

As sweet as Johnno?

Maurice, you're so silly.

Oh, I bet he's great
in the sack, huh?

Unimaginative,

but very, very dependable.

A missionary man all the way.

Am I right?
What if I don't tell you?

What if I make you?

I've got something that'll
break down those defenses.

What are you doing?

Maurice.! Oh, no.

Again? You devil.!

You bad, bad man.

Five. Four. Three. Two. One.
Oh, Maurice.

Ignition.
We have liftoff.

Oh, my God.!

One, two, three, four.

Sorry I'm late.

Your move, Mr. -
Streisand.

Your move, Mr. Streisand.

Ah!

Let's not tell him about
the Anchorage-New York plane crash.

If he finds out he's dead,
the evening'll be a total drag.

Isn't she lovely?
Maggie?

Miss Scarlet.

Gilliam, I don't care whether you like it or-
Well, that was fast.

Oh. I'm surprised that
there's someone in New York who-

No, I've never heard of
a Dr. David Ginsberg.

Ginsberg. Jewish.

This may come as a shock to you, but not every
Jew in New York knows every other Jew in New York.

We're not like the-the Masons.
We don't have a secret handshake.

No, not the Masons.
The Freemasons.

Look, forget I mentioned-
Okay, fine.

I will look forward to seeing his face.

Oh, boy.
The substitute New York Jewish doctor.

I know the type.
You do?

You bet your mukluks I do.

Dr. David Ginsberg. B.A., City
College, M.D., Columbia University.

Do I know guys like him?
I am guys like him.

He's gonna love Cicely, Alaska.

- Hello. I'd like to see the doctor.
- That's him.

Can I help you?

May I speak to you a moment
in private?

Sure.

Have I seen you before, Ms. -

Klochner.
No, I'm just passing through.

It's Ben's week
to tag snowshoe hares.

Sounds thrilling.
Who's Ben?

- My husband.
- Oh. Okay.

Well, what seems to be
your, uh, problem?

Oh, it's not me.
It's Maurice.

Maurice?
Maurice Minnifield?

Last night in the middle of the night, he was snoring away
- Wait, wait. Wait.

Excuse me, Mrs. Klochner.

I mean, I don't mean
to be invasive or anything, but-

just to make sure I'm totally clear on this
- we are talking about the same Maurice Minnifield?

Yes, the astronaut. All right.
I just wanted to be clear.

Well, I was fast asleep
when his snoring woke me up.

Actually, I'm-I'm quite used
to Maurice's snoring.

I've come to expect it.

In an odd way,
even to depend on it.

It's so-
Well, you know, it's so Maurice.

Anyway, I came awake with a start,
and I glanced over at Maurice...

who not only had stopped snoring,
but was no longer breathing.

Wait a minute. Maurice stopped
breathing? just like that.

If I hadn't been there
to shake the air out of him,

I'm afraid to think
what might have happened.

Now, Mrs. Klochner,

I realize that this is-is-
it's none of my business,

but, I mean, just to put this into
some sort of medical perspective,

um, have-have there been
other occasions...

where you noticed this sleep disorder?

Oh, yes. But it was the first time
he ever actually stopped breathing.

Huh.

Okay, um-

Well, tell Maurice to come in and see me.

Impossible.
He refuses to see a doctor.

I know it's a lot to ask,
but, um, would you talk to him for me?

Sure.

There's a condition called sleep apnea,
which is unusual in adults, actually.

Uh, you stop breathing, and then after
a little while you start up again.

Is it fatal?

Only if you don't start up again.

Now, all kinds of people
love all kinds of people.

None of it makes any sense,

but when you get right down to it,
love just doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

I'll tell you why.
Half the time,

you're either tramplin'
on somebody's heart,

or half the time
it's your heart that's got the footprints.

Now, usually it's another man or woman
who does the trampling.

But in the case of our beloved founders,
Cicely and Roslyn,

it was that two-fisted cross-dresser
Mortality who did the damage.

Chris?

Hi.

I was just, uh, practicing
my Founder's Day sermon.

I don't know. Maybe I should play
up that "hardy spinster" thing.

So I guess this is a bad time, huh?

No, no. No.
I need a break.

Come in. What's up?

Well, I feel really stupid asking you this,

but, uh, well,
if a person has a-

a premonition that
this other person's going to die,

but you're not really close
to that someone or anything,

is it the premonitioner's moral obligation
to warn the premonitionee?

Hmm. Depends on
the nature of the premonition.

I mean, is it a, uh, cold chill racing up and
down the spine, or something more definite?

It's a dream.
A recurring dream.

Fleischman and I are playing Clue,
and he's wearing this black fedora.

A black fedora?

Uh-huh.
Oh, man.

I've really gotten to likeJoel.

What does that mean?

Maggie, come on. I mean, your
history with men bein' what it is.

And a black fedora?
How's it happen?

The flight from Anchorage to New York.
No!

The whole plane goes down?
Mm-hmm.

I mean,
I feel like I have to warn him.

Don't I?
Yes, I think so.

I mean, if you don't
and he goes down in that plane,

you gotta live with that for
the rest of your life. I know.

On the other hand,
what if you tell him...

and the plane that he changes to
turns out to be the one that crashes?

Oh, God. I didn't even
think of that. Oh, yeah.

This fate thing
can be a tricky business.

We may have been fated
to have this conversation...

and then decide
whatever we decide.

So-So you mean
whatever my decision is,

that's the thing
that's gonna kill him?

It could be. I mean,
we're assuming that you have free will,

and that's not really
that safe an assumption.

So I-I should make a decision,

and then do the opposite thing
really fast?

Yes.

But you were
probably fated to do that.

She told you?

Maurice, she was worried about you.

You'd better zip your lip, boy.

Now, if you say one word that tarnishes
the reputation of that little lady,

you will have to answer to me.

I will carry her secret to my grave.

Sure. Sexual promiscuity
is de rigueur for rock stars.

But do you have any idea-
any idea-

of the amount of tail
that astronauts have to contend with?

No, I-I don't.

A lot.

Now, yours truly usually refrained
from dipping his wick into the oil lamp,

but Ingrid was one groupie that I
never had the wherewithal to say no to.

Mrs. Klochner is an astronaut groupie?

Some women, when they see a man
brave enough to blast off...

into the darkness of infinity
in a Thinsulite suit-

A lot of women get excited.

Excited, maybe.
Excited, okay.

But-But this is way beyond excited.
This is- This is-

This is really excited.

Look, Maurice, the only way for me to see if
you have sleep apnea is to watch you sleep.

No, sir. No way. But, Maurice-

Do you think that I'm gonna lie there, sleeping
like a baby, while you're crawling all over me?

I just wanna check your breathing.

Yeah, and look in my ears and shine a
light up my nose and God knows what else.

And I won't be able
to do a damn thing about it.

How would you like it
if I watched you sleep?

I wouldn't, but-
Good. It's kinky.

Case closed.

There. You see?

It's moving.

You did it. You fixed it.

Give a man a set of combination wrenches,
and he can fix anything.

just one more little tweak.
That's got it.

Is that beautiful or what?
Beautiful? Try late.

I put a call into someone somewhere six
weeks ago. Where'd you walk in from, Nome?

New York.
Red-eye from Kennedy.

Serious nightmare.
They showed Marked For Death.

You're my replacement?
You're Dr. Ginsberg?

Oh, please.
I can't handle this "Doctor" stuff.

He likes to be called Dave.

I hope you don't mind.
I, uh, took a look around the office.

Well, it came furnished. I didn't
have to touch a thing. I can see that.

You know, usually
I turn down these substitute gigs.

I mean, hey,
say what you will about New York,

but I see a lot of variety
in my practice.

I can't complain.
But when they said Alaska-

I mean, we're talkin' serious
wilderness here. Am I right?

We're talkin' unspoiled beauty.

We're talkin'
a city boy's dream come true...

for two fabulous weeks.

You're actually looking forward
to your stay here?

- Oh, you bet.
- Where you from in New York?

- Flushing.
- Flushing?

- You know Flushing?
- Yeah, I'm from Flushing. 139th and Main.

- By the Long Island Railroad.
- Right.

How about that? Small world.

Huh.

Well, I'll just-
I'll get this stuff out of your way.

I'll just toss it all in the, uh-

I'm gonna get this Tlingit language down
if it's the last thing I do.

Dr. Fleischman, is Dave still in there?

Yeah, yeah, Dave's
still in there. Oh, good.

Hey, Ed.

What do you think
about this Dave, anyway?

Oh, he's nice.
Yeah? You base that conclusion on what?

His niceness.
Plus, he's an excellent doctor.

Yeah? How do you know that? Well,
he's Jewish, and he's from New York.

That Dave, Jewish?
Give me a break.

The man's got no pigmentation.
His roots are blond.

Scandinavian?
His hair roots.

The guy's a Jewish impostor, Ed.

Some goyish overachiever who changed his name
from Gilmore to Ginsberg to get credibility.

jewish! Give me a break.
What Jew who looks like that fixes heaters?

Michael Landon.
Michael Landon's Jewish?

Little Joe? You gotta
be kidding me. Nope.

Well, I'm tellin' you,
Ginsberg's not.

Hey, what do I care?
I'm outta here in two days.

Oh, you.

I thought you'd be inside.
Dave's inside.

Uh, I better go see him
while he's still there.

See ya.

What's up, O'Connell?

Look, uh, I know you've got a plane
to catch in Anchorage on Saturday,

and I know I'm supposed to fly you there, but I
have this errand I have to run Saturday afternoon,

and by the time I'm finished
we'll be really late.

So I'm really sorry, but you'll have
to change your flight. Okay? Thanks.

What are you talking about?
Change my flight?

I've been planning this trip for weeks.
Sorry.

You have an errand? You
have an errand? What errand?

It's personal.
It's a personal errand.

What, you have to pick up your dry
cleaning? You're lyin', O'Connell.

You're just tryin' to weasel out
of an agreement.

There's no errand. You just
don't wanna take me to Anchorage.

Hey, I spent the last four months
living for this vacation.

I know. I know.
So?

It's just I keep having this stupid dream
about your plane crashing.

What?
You heard me.

You wanna cancel my trip because
you dreamed my plane crashed?

Yes. No.
You died.

Oh.

You dreamt about me?
On several occasions.

You're- So you're worried about me?

Concerned, Fleischman.
I'm concerned.

You know, the kind of generic, impersonal
concern you have for any living creature.

I'm touched.
Oh, please.

No, I am-
Hey, I really am.

You're an unbelievable egomaniac.
You know that, Fleischman?

You really are worried about me.
Fine. Fine.

You wanna turn this into some sop
for your male vanity, go ahead.

But I have warned you,
and your life is in your hands now.

As opposed to whose? Yours?

Well, now, this time of year,
the best place is the Ugamak Pass.

Tuck your tent into a drift,
you got shelter on three sides,

stars close enough to touch.

Build a little fire.
You sit quiet enough,

the elk'll come out to watch the light.

I saw four in one night.
Killed every last one of' em.

Mazel tov.

He's got antlers up the wazoo.

You wouldn't maybe feel like blowin' a
couple of moose away this weekend, would you?

I mean, you and me?
Thank you, Dave.

But, uh, a few years ago,
I started seein' things through elk eyes.

Now the only thing I shoot
wildlife with is Fujifilm.

Oh. Right.

Dr. Fleischman?
Ed?

Two mooseburgers, medium well.

Thank you, Shelly.
Welcome.

Now I've lost my train of thought.

You said, "Dr. Fleischman. "

Oh, right.
Dr. Fleischman?

Ed?

Um, do you like me?

Of course I like you.
Oh, good.

So you'll sell your plane ticket then.

Well, I don't like you that much.

Ed, I don't like anyone that much.
I'm goin' to New York.

I'm not changing my plans
because of some facockta dream.

But you were at the Video Society.
You saw It's A Wonderful Life.

Yeah? So?
So, don't you remember?

jimmy Stewart thought
he'd wasted his whole life.

Then he saw the effect he'd had
on other people's lives around him.

I mean, just imagine what
this town would be like without you.

Can you imagine that,
Dr. Fleischman?

Imagine.
I mean, just imagine.

? I'm as corny as Kansas in August?

? High as a flag on the 4th of July?

? If you'll excuse an expression I use?

? I'm in love, I'm in love
I'm in love, I'm in love?

? I'm in love with a wonderful guy?

Thanks, Maurice.

I think it's time
to propose a toast...

to a little lady
who means an awful lot to me.

I think you know exactly
who I'm talking about.

Oh. Yes.

Thanks.

Ah! You're so good to me, Maurice.
It's just that, um-

What?
What are you trying to say, Ingrid?

I think maybe
I should stay in town tonight.

T- T-Tonight?
You mean, the whole night?

Yes. Ingrid, you know
I'm better in the morning.

This was just a-a prelude,

a- a preliminary to the main event.

I just don't feel right about-

Because I wasn't the first
to ride the top of that rocket?

My God, Ingrid,
I'm not Shepard.

Don't you think I spend
my whole life thinking,

"Why Al? Why Al? Why Al?"

Maurice, this has nothing to do with-
All right, I'm-I'm second string.

Grissom took his ride before me.
Go ahead, say it. I'm second string.

Maurice, it's not about flying.

You stopped breathing last night.

And you think Schirra never paused
in his breathing? Think again.

I'm just worried that you might-
Might what?

I'm worried you might die.

Now, hold the phone, now.

I do start breathing again, don't I?

So far.

As to the psycho-sexual bent
of our founders,

let's just say
that they were very, very close.

I mean, they had a good thing, they were lucky
to have it, and we were lucky to have them.

Cicely and Roslyn created the place
that we call home, sweet home,

so remember them however you like.

They won't mind.
They're dead.

But, folks, please,
do remember them.

And while our mental gears
are shifted into memory,

I'd like to call a little attention
to a fella...

that we've gotten pretty attached to here
the last few months.

A guy that we refer to
as Dr. Fleischman.

Well, he just might go away
for two weeks.

Well, how many people know
about Maggie's dream?

Wow.
Oh, my-

Shelly!

They pried it out of me.

Okay, all right, sure,
he can come back.

And, uh, true, even if he doesn't,
we still have Dave.

But I'd like to take
a little time now...

to-to pay our respects to Joel
while we know we still can.

Anyone? Ruth-Anne?

When I remember Dr. Fleischman, I-
Wait a minute.!

She has one stupid dream,
and-and that's it? I'm history?

Well, Joel, you were wearing
the fedora.

Well, I-I just think that Dr. Fleischman is
a fine doctor and a very interesting person.

And I feel really bad about
Elaine breaking up with him.

I can't help but think
had she known about the plane wreck,

she might have gone ahead
and waited until he was dead.

I think that would have been
the tactful way to handle it.

Marilyn?

He taught me how to use
the hold button.

I always wanted to be
at my own funeral.

This way, you can see what people
thought about you. Anyone else?

Shelly?

Dr. Fleischman is sweet and kind
and gentle and honest.

He's a good doctor.

And he was a real friend to me
when I thought I was pregnant...

and when I discovered I wasn't.

And besides all that, he's ethnic,
which is kind of cool.

- And he's cute.
- Cute? Yeah? You think so?

- Very cute.
- Wouldn't go that far.

- I would.
- I find him attractive.

All I'm saying is, I can see why
Maggie's had dreams about him.

Dream. Singular.
One dream!

Hey, you stop lookin'
at me like that.

Look, you guys are the ones that said
he was cute. I never said he was cute!

You know, I've been having some serious thoughts lately about that winged chariot
- time.

Sooner or later,
it sweeps us all away.

I know that, Maurice.

Well, this boy
might be swept away tomorrow.

He might go off on that rocket ship
to the hereafter.

A man likes sweet words from a woman
when he's about to go into the beyond.

It bucks him up.

All right, have it your own way!
But, remember,

you may never see him again.

? I'm a little teapot, short and stout?

? Here is my handle
Here is my spout?

? When I get all steamed up?

? Then I shout?

? Just tip me over and pour me out?

All right. Okay.

Oh, sorry. I was just cheering them
up after their tetanus boosters.

Well, don't stop anything
on account of me.

Oh.

That's okay.
It's almost dinnertime.

This is Grandpa Jim.
He's dead.

Oh. Well,
he-he looks very nice.

If you see him,

tell him Grandma's only marrying
Mr. Skinner for his microwave.

Well, Joel,
I've gotta hit the road too.

I just dropped by for a sec to bring some
oatmeal cookies that I baked for Dave.

Mmm, oatmeal.
My favorite.

You baked him oatmeal cookies?
Mm-hmm.

Bye, Dave.
Bye.

I brought you something.

What-What are you trying to tell me?
I should paddle to New York?

It's to ease your journey
to the other side.

Okay. Okay.

You win.
I'm spooked.

I admit it.
I am officially unsettled.

I give up. It's not worth it. I have my pride,
but I'll be damned if I'm gonna die for it.

What'd the airline say? Can I use my frequent
flyer ticket for the 6:00 a. m. flight?

It's a extra $600.

$600?
Yeah, over my dead body.

Okay, damn it.
Watch me sleep.

Huh?
All that stuff I was sayin;..

about winged chariots got to me.

It was creepy, and damned moving.

And I decided if it was that important to, uh
- Well, you know who I'm talking about.

You can check me
for sleep whats is tonight.

Are we talking, uh, sleep apnea here?

Yeah.
I did a study on sleep apnea.

It's sort of a hobby of mine.
You know, it's often a misdiagnosis-

Forget it, Ginsberg.
Maurice is my patient.

I'll make his diagnosis.

"All at once
he was through max G,

"as if through a turbulent straight,
and the trajectory was smooth,

and he was supersonic, and the
pressure in his chest reached six G's. "

I mean, Proust, HenryJames,
those guys could put me to sleep.

But The Right Stuff?.
Shh!

This is the best part coming up here.

"The rocket pitched down,
and in a moment, there it was.

And his body slammed forward
as if it were screeching to a halt. '"

Look, I hate to spoil the slumber party,
but, uh, this stuff's gonna give me nightmares.

Can we just skip to the stuff
about Sally Rand and the striptease?

All right, Ingrid.
The boy's gettin' antsy.

Go ahead.
Leave us alone.

I'm primed.
Good night, Maurice.

I'll be in the guest room
if you need me.

Good night, Ingrid.

Joel, there goes a fine woman.

I guess it's kind of cornball,
me goin' on and on like this about her.

No.
Actually, it's kind of sweet.

- Sweet?
- Yeah.

Joel...

we're talkin' sex here,
pure and simple.

Now, it may be a lot of things,
but, uh, it's not sweet.

What Ingrid and I have is, uh,

comparable to a fully-loaded X-15...

firing at 57,000 pounds of thrust.

You may not understand that now,

but when you get to be
an old bear like me,

you will.

Oops. Sorry.

Forgot about the crash.

That was tactless of me.

But, you know, in a way, Joel,

I envy you your demise.

You envy my dying?
Yeah.

Well, it comes to all of us, son.

You know what
my greatest fear is?

Slipping in the shower.

Having a heart attack
sitting on the john.

Sleep apnea.

Goin' out with a whimper
instead of a bang.

You know, Fleischman,

in a lot of ways,

you're lucky.
Lucky?

You'll be sailing along peacefully.

Then all of a sudden, wham!

You're pinned back
against your seat,

wind screaming in your ears,

cold air everywhere,
glass shattering,

darkness coming at you
from all directions.

And then...

oblivion.

Nothing but ice, more ice.

As far as the eye can see, just ice.

Ice.
Sure. Must be the polar route.

I'll tell you a secret.

I had some strong reservations
about getting on this plane.

No kidding? Do you believe
in fate? Predestination?

No. I'm an existentialist.

Me too. Well,
really more like a rational humanist.

Sweetheart, what's important
is the here and the now.

People should learn to relax
and take life as it comes.

Hey, I like your philosophy, Mrs. -

- Streisand.
- Streisand?

Wait. Where-Where have I heard
that name before?

Wait a minute.
You're not-

We're related by marriage, hon,
not by blood.

Oh. Let me buy you a drink,
Mrs. Streisand.

Sure.
Stewardess?

Hey, O'Connell.
Champagne?

You'll be needing this.

- Hey, what's that thing on your back?
- Parachute.

Wait. Flight attendants aren't supposed to wear
parachutes. How do you think the passengers feel-

- O'Connell-
- Bon voyage, Fleischman.

Now, there's a lovely girl.

Bon voyage.!

Joel? Joel?

Look alive, son.

My back.

So, how's my sleep apnea?

You don't have it.
I watched you for six hours.

Your breathing is perfectly regular.

Hey. No kiddin'?

- Ingrid!
- Is, um- Is he all right?

He's fine. There's nothing
wrong with his breathing.

Oh.

Well, why don't you keep
my afghan till next year?

I'm, uh- I'm traveling light.
Traveling?

The green-winged teals are
flying soon. Oh, so soon?

At least I know you're all right.
Oh, I'm fit as a-

Excuse me. Damn!

Maurice, have you spent
a lot of time around mohair?

Well, the only experience
I can recall...

was my-my mama knitted me a mohair
sweater when I was around 10 years old.

And when you put it on,
do you recall having any reaction to it?

I think I went into a three-day coma.

From now on, stick to cashmere.

You have what is called
a severe allergy.

You mean, if we get rid
of this damn blanket, we can-

Absolutely.

Happy landings.

Nice look.

Very homey.

Nice.
Very nice.

Nice decor.
I like your style.

I'm sorry.
I thought you'd be on your-

Well, it's just a few touches
so I'd feel more-

I mean, I'll clear them all away
if you ever-

I mean, when you-

- Forget it.
- I didn't throw any of your stuff away.

- You are a prince, Ginsberg. A real mensch.
- Thanks.

- I wish you naches.
- Oh, thanks.

Naches is one of those words-
I mean, you always hear,

but you never really know
exactly what it means.

Does anyone really know?

Do you, Ginsberg?

Well, happiness, luck.
Uh-huh.

It actually dates from the 12th century,
when, uh, naches...

were the spice cakes
they gave travelers-

All right, all right!
I mean, you're not really Gilmore.

Look, I know how much you like it here
and how great everyone thinks you are,

but, uh,
there's been a change of plans.

A change?
Yeah, yeah.

I don't know how to spring this on you, but
we've run into a little scheduling problem.

Scheduling? So it's been a
pleasure to meet you, Dave.

Wait! I'm only sorry you
couldn't stay longer, but-

Look, I'm sure there's a doctor in Yellowknife
or somethin' who'll need a substitute.

Okay?
Well, take care.

If you find yourself in Cicely, don't be
a stranger. Joel, I don't understand. I-

Bye, Dave.

Joel?

Joel.!

Did you knock?
Uh, I was getting around to it.

How long have you been standing out there?

Not long.
Five, 10 minutes.

You wanna come in?

So- Huh.

"Huh" what? Well, I've
never just, you know,

visited you before, you know?

I mean, socially.
Oh.

Look, uh, I don't wanna get
too personal or anything,

but is there like some reason
you were so concerned with my safety?

I mean, it's not like you and I are
- No.

- We've never-
- God, no.

So why are you having
these dreams about me?

I don't know.

Can I suggest an explanation?

No.
Come on, O'Connell.

just admit that once, in your heart
ofhearts, you have had feelings for me.

Well, I-
Not feelings, Fleischman.

I wouldn't qualify them as feelings.
They're more like occasional... thoughts.

Thoughts?
Yeah, you know, thoughts.

Yeah, okay.
You've had thoughts about me.

Or maybe more like impulses.

Impulses?
No, thoughts.

What do you mean, thought-type
thoughts or fantasy-type thoughts?

Can we change the subject?
Yeah, sure.

No problem.
Well, what was I wearing?

All right.
Come on, O'Connell.

just admit you don't want
me to go. I never said that.

You want me to take that plane?
Why are you doing this, Fleischman?

Tell me to take that doomed flight,
and I will.

Well?

Oh, what the hell.

Don't think I'm doing this
because I'm superstitious. I'm not.

It's just I don't feel right about leaving
my patients with that quack Ginsberg.

Good night.

? You do?

? Something to me?

? Something that simply mystifies me?

? Tell me?

? Why should it be?

? You have the power?

? To hypnotize me?