No me gusta conducir (2022): Season 1, Episode 3 - Episode #1.3 - full transcript

Every year, students from all over Spain

come to Cuenca
for their driver's license.

Their destination:
Babieca driving school.

With our patented
"Made in Cuenca" method,

a full five days course,
you'll walk away license-in-hand.

Here we won't tie you down
to do several classes a day.

So that's why,
for "wheel", you'll be driving.

We have over 50 tablets equipped
with the latest technology

and we offer arranged accommodation.

Future drivers from Valencia,
Madrid, Sevilla and vice versa

come here for their driver's license



and choose the best driving school:
Babieca driving school.

Don't give it another thought.

The more you think on it,
the longer it'll take.

Babieca driving school,
we're the wheel deal.

Did he say "We're the wheel deal"?

Yes.

Lopetegui, you've got to see this.

- You're a student here?
- No, I'm just hanging with Yoli.

And you're not studying?
Meaning in general.

Boom! Again, deadpan humor.
Nicely done, Lopetegui.

Did you know Lorenzo's brother
has a driving school in Cuenca?

He's saying everyone there passes.

Can you imagine Lorenzo saying that?
No, of course you can't.

It's the celebs driving school.



We saw some TV presenters,
some pop stars.

They go there for their license:
five days and home with your "L".

What do you mean five days later?

Yes, he says he's
a full intensive course.

Double lessons, in the morning
theoretical and afternoon practical.

That's false advertisement.
Everyone passing, it can't be true, right?

Don't tell Lorenzo, OK? He told me

he can't stand his brother.
Literally not even in a picture.

But it's impossible.
Who gets their license in five days?

If it's where celebrities go,
it's a scam, trust me.

- What's the name of the driving school?
- Babieca!

Babieca.

Lopetegui!

Lopetegui, it's a scam. Can't you see?

He wheely doesn't care.

I DON'T LIKE DRIVING

With our patented
"Made in Cuenca" method,

a full five days course,
you'll walk away license-in-hand.

Here we won't tie you down
to do several classes a day.

So that's why,
for "wheel" you'll be driving.

Do you know why nobody
grabs coffee from this machine?

Yes, because it's disgusting.

Most people prefer the cafeteria.
The coffee is better there.

Yes, but the cafeteria has its drawbacks.

- Such as?
- It's full of people.

Well there's always the faculty lounge,
I'm sure it's not as busy.

Forget it, it's full.
To top it off with professors.

- Well here you're talking to me.
- I know.

But you're not like the other professors.

If you're shy enough to order coffee
from the staff, I'll order

and you can wait for me
at the table, isolated.

If I can avoid talking
to anyone, fantastic.

- Yes?
- Yes, I like that, yes.

Iria?

Hello.

- Made plans, did we?
- I have. You?

I mean, did you and I make any plans?

I've made plans close by with a person.

You? Do you have a euro?

No, I've also made plans.

Not right now but... yes I've made plans.

- That's great.
- I haven't fooled around since 98.

But... Is yours very serious?

I'm not dating anyone. I've got an
appointment with my psychologist.

- Since when are you seeing a psychologist?
- For a while now.

We lived together,
his office is right around the corner.

- You didn't tell me.
- No.

When can I give him my version?

You're probably talking about me, no?

- There's always two sides, Iria.
- Of course.

Funnily enough, I was thinking today
"what do I tell him".

Your failed novel,
about your driving license,

or how you think
the world revolves around you?

That last topic covers
a lot of ground, didn't it?

You're an idiot.

But you're being very funny.

I'll take that, right?

- Bye.
- Bye.

Hello?

THE MAP OF WHAT YOU ONCE WERE WILL BURN

What are you reading, Lopetegui?

- What are you doing here?
- I've a lesson with Lorenzo now. Any good?

- At what time do you have class?
- I haven't read it yet.

But they say it's minor work.

But don't tell my dad that, of course.

Hello, Yoli.

Thanks for the book.
I'm really enjoying it.

What are you doing here?
Your lesson's not till 17:30.

- No. My lessons now.
- No, it's not.

- Yes it is, check.
- I already have.

What are you doing here professor?
You don't have class until 17:30.

Let's see, I had it down as four.

Had it down where?

I didn't write it down anywhere,
I made a mental note.

I write things down
like you're supposed to.

Like I have always. With a pen and paper.

Look. 16.00, Yolanda Macías.
17:30, Pablo Lopetegui.

Are you Arturo Macías daughter?

If you'd check the students list,
you might have guessed.

Go ahead Pablo,
grab a magazine while you're waiting,

because the book's not yours.

I don't mind waiting.
He can go before me.

No. This is a solomonic decision.

Will do a joint class.

No, that's not a solomonic decision.

Come on, two birds with one stone.
Well, not at the same time though.

One after the other.
Shaken but not stirred. Let's go.

Why didn't you tell me?

Giving me extra credit because
my dad is Arturo Macías?

No, but handy to know your student's
the daughter of a language scholar.

It's not like he helps me
with my homework.

That's a shame, your father's...

- My father what?
- He is something of an institution.

This was a great idea. This way
we can pretend it's like an exam.

One drives and one in the back.
Just missing the examiner.

It's great practice for Yoli
as it's almost time for her driving exam.

When?

- In the next batch, I think.
- And you would be correct.

Do you think you're all set
to take the test?

- Not sure. I'll give it a go.
- It's good,

to try it to have
an idea of what the exam is like.

Maybe, I can try too.

Easy cowboy.
You're not doing too badly professor,

you still need more lessons
and for mechanics.

- You've already done that?
- Yes.

Listen professor, if you want
to give it a go, knock yourself out.

Are you going to flunk? Most likely.

When you're behind the wheel,
this thing does not exist.

Same thing when you're teaching.

Yoli, avanti tutti.

OK, forget me taking the test,

but maybe taking longer classes
like they do in Cuenca.

What about Cuenca?

- Nothing.
- You said Cuenca. What about Cuenca?

We were watching the commercial for
that driving school... of your brothers.

That's not a commercial, it's fake news.

No one learns to drive in Cuenca.

- Your brother says he has a method.
- He has a method my ass.

He runs a raffle house
that gives licenses away.

And the whole
"We're the wheel deal" idea was mine!

He wanted to use
"come on, get wheel!" That's way worse.

That's way more aggressive,
just like him. Of course.

Lorenzo, answer it,
it might be important.

Excuse me.

You're not thinking of going
to Cuenca, are you?

No, no.

So why even bring it up? I told you,
Lorenzo can't stand his brother.

Fuck, you're going to take the exam soon.

How many lessons do I still have?
Six, twelve, twenty lessons.

You're not going
to study for it ad eternum.

Ad eternum? Ad eternum, Yolanda?

Is that the way you talk at home?
Of course,

your father is Arturo Macías.
Ad eternum, ad eternum.

Is something wrong? Is it serious?

My boy's having
an altercation with the taxi.

Better I go sort it.
The taxi license is under my name.

- We can make up the lesson another time.
- No, I'm a professional

and I'm not going
to allow a private matter

to get in the way of a scheduled lesson.

So jump back in the car immediately.

Let's go.

I've never missed
a single day of driving school.

I've taught with 39-degrees of
fever. That said not the best idea

because the student caught the flu.

But this is different.

What happened?

Lorenzo's son is a thug.

No, he's not a thug. He's a cab driver.

You, in the car.
Leave him. Get in the car!

Get in the car!

Careful, here he comes.

Unbelievable! Un-fucking-believable!

Can you believe this?
No need to generalize.

Not all taxi drivers are like this.

But some of my co-workers are...

I call them frienemies. Frienemies!

Look at Garrido, dipshit.

Once back don't mention
"frienemy" isn't in the dictionary.

Right back at you, you're the daughter
of a language scholar.

What are you doing here?

Get in the car! In the car!

Run along, go blow your nose.

Get in the car!
Rest and a balanced diet! Let's go!

I've told you to not provoke Garrido,

he's like a loose canon.

But do you know what this dipshit did?

He put an 8 year old girl
in a size 2 car seat.

- Come on, please.
- Maybe the girl was a little short.

Maybe a size 3 chair was too big.

No, no. The girl was average weight.

Normal percentage, dad.

Twenty-six kilos.
A standard group 3 chair. End of story.

- We'll be leaving now.
- No, no, no the lessons not over.

Do they ask about
kids seat sizes in the test?

It's one of the most important tests,
Yoli. The test of life.

The altercation was because
a fellow taxi coworker...

- Frienemy.
- OK, well...

Who accepted a fare
to take a family with a girl

and apparently
Garrido's kids seat is a size 2.

And the girl was a size 3 all the way.

Hang on, where were they headed?

Within city limits
kids car seat's aren't mandatory.

They're going to the airport.
And to go there

you have to take the highway,
like it or not.

- And that's why he messed up.
- Of course.

No need to carry on
with this lesson. I'll grab a cab.

Let's see professor, you're too old

to be riding in a kid's car seat
size zero, one or infinite.

The lesson's not over and it's your turn
to drive. Come on, you're up.

Let's go.

Move it.

Put everything in place
and let's get out of here.

We're going to go via General Lacy
and then on to the highway.

Let's make the most of it and work on

gear changes, that will be good
for you to work on

and to start gaining
a little confidence on the wheel,

with the change of lanes and all that,
hey, professor?

- There is still...
- You're shamming our profession!

Your fucking mother!

Start! Start, start, start professor!

Start her up! Start her up at once!

Don't leave, you bastard!

- Let's go!
- Come on!

- I don't have my belt on.
- Non ti preocupare.

I'll turn a blind eye this time,
sometimes you just have to.

I am stickler for the rules,

but you're acting like a State Trooper.

We complain about
cab drivers reputations.

The perfect cab driver doesn't exist.

If it doesn't exist then we invent one.

OK, now! Let's take it easy,

because we have to drive the car.
Good enough,

we've reached the red light, good.
Put your belt on,

fix your chair, position your wing mirrors

and that's good enough,
we can calmly start the class now.

Look, we're going to turn right here,
because we have... Holy shit, Garrido!

Look, we're going to turn right here,
because we have... Holy shit, Garrido!

Was he tailing us?

- What's he doing?
- Nothing, he's provoking you.

I'll drive it's my problem.

Not with your hand like that,
it's probably hurting.

Plaguing of cabbies is what hurts.

- What do I do now?
- Nothing, what!

Start a drag race in Arganzuela?

Let the girl drive,
she's probably better at driving.

- Me? No way!
- Put a cork in it, Dieguito!

Professor, just accelerate,
slowly, like the song.

Hi there. Avenida de America, please.

- What? Shall we drive professor?
- I can't...

I can't seem to
let go of the steering wheel.

No need to get nervouth,
it's all come to nothing in the end.

I know.

Let go, let go. Relax.

Look, professor turn to the right

and stop I'm going into this pharmacy,

to see if we can patch
that iron fist of his.

And how's my dad as an instructor?
Any good?

- Didn't he teach you?
- My dad's like a doctor.

If a surgeon isn't allowed
to operate on family,

he's not allowed
to teach his son to drive.

- But you're a taxi driver, right?
- So?

He probably gave you a few pointers.

My dad being a taxi driver
hasn't made things easier for me.

But you're using his taxi license.

I get it. Following in
one's footsteps isn't always easy.

No.

My dad was a salesman.

You think he took me serious
enough to be a writer?

So, you wanted to be a writer?

No.

So, then?

It doesn't matter.

- That lady wants to get out.
- Well, she's going to have to wait.

We aren't allowed
to drive this thing on our own.

Come on, just move up a few feet.

No we can't, right?

Move it, professor.
No need to get nervouth.

Well then...

No, no! That's our spot!

Our spot?!

I'm not going to park, huh?

Don't worry, I'll help you.

Your dad said,
you can't drive with that hand.

We drive with our feet, not our hands.

Let's go.

- Do you see the end of the other car?
- Yes. I crank it to the right, no?

That's it.

Very good.

Very good, good, good, very good.

Very good. Tire to the curb,
license in your pocket.

Nailed it! See? Easy peasy.

Easy and for the entire family.

Nice job parking, Lopetegui.
Better than me.

But you're taking the test and you've
already taken the mechanics class...

The mechanics class
isn't what you think. It's bullshit.

It's not like you have to repair a car.

At most, they'll ask you where
to find the reflective vest

or where the oil rod goes.

And where is the reflective vest?

I would need a car to explain it to you.

If we had car in front of us right now

would you be able
to give me a mechanics class?

Yes, of course.
But where are we supposed to find a car?

Hello, Ramón.

Hello, Pablo.

I don't have my keys. Do you have a copy?

- Yes, of course.
- Thanks.

- Here you go.
- Fantastic.

Pablo. Just one thing.

I'm not one to pry
into other people's business, but

isn't she a little young?

- Who?
- Her?

- She's my student from the university.
- Even worse.

- You're a married man, Pablo.
- No, not any more.

You don't say. Poor Iria.

Such a fine woman, so pretty.

Same age as you too.

See you later, Ramón.

Why do you have this car?

It was my father's.

And he passed it down
to you who doesn't drive.

The only thing
my father bought for himself.

This car.
And it's the only thing I inherited.

It's like new.

It was his pride and joy,
he was very proud of it.

When I turned 18 my father
took it hard me not getting my license.

And that's why you're doing it now.

Where did you say
the reflective vest goes?

The reflective vest goes in here.

And Lorenzo told me they always

quiz you about the vest
and the triangles,

they go in the trunk.

What's wrong?

- You don't know what's in here?
- The emergency triangles?

So it's yours?

Why did you tell me it wasn't?

What's that doing there?

Can I keep one?

What do you mean one?

There must be like 200.

THE CHANCES OF THE LIVING

Your father was clearly a fan.

I gave him a copy of the book
and he used it to steady the table.

Maybe not as a writer,

but as a son... he really loved you.

- Sign me up.
- To what?

To the next driving test.