No me gusta conducir (2022): Season 1, Episode 1 - Episode #1.1 - full transcript

THE WAY DRIVING SCHOOL

I turned 18 last week.

I really want to get my license.

I've wanted to since I was little.

I finished high school this year

and I'd rather wait until next year
to go to university.

Now I want to study English well
and get my driver's license.

I live with my parents
and since they live far from everything,

I need my license or I'd die of boredom.

They ask for it at work.
If I want to work, I need it.

I don't know, it's something
I've had pending for a while.



Everyone needs a license, right?

You haven't needed it until now?

I didn't find the right time.

Lots of guys and girls
just turned 18 come here

and they're really keen.

We have almost no one your age

and they don't come
for fun but from obligation.

Excuse me, is there
an age limit for this?

You're not that old.
To get your license you are.

Theory classes are Wednesdays.

Can I sit for the theory
without coming to classes?

It's not recommended,
but if you want to do it on your own...

Yes, I'll do it on my own.

Is this what I have to learn?



Yes, but if you want to come
to a class or two,

any student is welcome.

I'm not a very good student.

Why?

- Because I'm a teacher.
- School?

No, university.

I DON'T LIKE DRIVING

Yes?

A tractor that hauls a trailer, what...?

You can't do these things, Pablo.

What things?

Call me at this hour.
What if I'm with someone?

- Are you with someone, Iria?
- No.

A tractor that hauls a trailer,

what maximum speed must it
not exceed outside of town?

I've never driven a tractor.
Look in the manual.

I am, but it's not here, I can't find it.

Did you call about the that
or to ask me to drive you?

I wasn't thinking of asking you,
but if you can...

Okay, I'll drive you, but go to sleep.

And you start studying
the night before...

I found it! 25 km/hour.

Are you nervous?

It's more that I don't feel like it.

You seem pretty cocky.

Would you feel like sitting for an exam?

I haven't sat for an exam in 22 years.

Watching you it looks easy.

I've been driving for many years.
I don't drive that well.

- Yes, but you passed first time.
- The practical the second time.

It's easy when you're 18.

Everything's easy when you're 18.

I'm thinking you could use this
to take what you have left at home.

I have nothing left. I took it all.

Well, I have a copy of the keys.
Shall I give them back?

No, no, no.

Keep them in case I leave mine inside.

Okay, whatever you like.

So we don't have to sign anything?

Sign what?

I don't know, the divorce.

Pablo, we're not married.

Didn't we sign something once
at the council?

The residency register,
we signed the residency register.

So that's it?

That's it.

Do you have class later?

Yes.

What are you doing?

Pablo...

Call me later and tell me.

Now you're nervous, eh?

Yeah, yeah.

Alright, this sign indicates...

Careful, there's a trap.

"Limited parking time".

Correct. Don't confuse it
with "parking prohibited".

What distance must one keep

on a 3-lane freeway
from the vehicle in front?

Excuse me, can we go in now?

- I'm going in, yes.
- I mean to do the exam.

I'm doing the exam too.

I thought you were the examiner.

Lopetegui...

What are you doing here?

The same as you.

I'm doing the exam.

I imagine so.

Don't you recognize me?

You teach me at college.

We shall start the exam.

Cellphones off.

I remind you that the duration
of the test is 30 minutes

and the results will be published
on the Traffic Dept. website

throughout the day.

You may begin.

You don't know who I am?

No, sorry.

It's alright, I'm new.
Maybe it's because I'm in first year.

I'm very bad with faces, sorry.

- My name's Yolanda.
- I'm worse with names.

Are all the professors
at college this sullen?

- Half don't know what 'sullen' means.
- Sullen, misanthropic, withdrawn, dour.

A friend's picking me up,
we can take you.

- No, thanks.
- We're going to college, it's nothing.

I'm not going to college now.

Yes, you are, you have a class
with me in under an hour.

Lucy!

- How did it go?
- Well...

You go in front,
you'll be more comfortable.

No, I'll go in back.

Right, off to college.

I blew an easy one.

- How many mistakes can you make?
- Three and you fail.

- Put the book away, don't stress out.
- Okay.

And how did you do? Did you pass?

I don't know.

Hey... You're well into your 40s, right?

- Hey, Lucy.
- What's wrong?

Can't I ask how old he is?

It's strange that a guy so old
wants to get his license.

You're not so old, Lopetegui.
That's Basque. Are you Basque?

No.

But why do you want to get your license?

- I want to get it.
- But why now?

All your life to get your license,
and now in your 40s you get it?

- Something must've happened.
- Right. Maybe he had it

and lost it because of points.

Because of fines, drunk driving.

Did you lose your license
for drunk driving?

I want to because if I had it,
I'd could've spared this conversation!

Fuck, Lopetegui!

You like to kid around, man.

You're my kind, with ironic humor
that not everyone gets.

Out you get, Lopetegui.

- Thanks. See you shortly.
- Yes, see you.

What's this Lopetegui like as a teacher?

You know those who write a book
for a subject and make you buy it?

Classic.

I find him touching, I don't know why.

Because it's touching to see a man
his age trying to get his license.

That must be it.

And because he's like your father.

- No way.
- Yes.

No.

Spanish Literature in the 15th Century

The Dantesque allegorical school.

Enrique de Villena translated
Dante's "Divine Comedy"

and began...

Sorry.

Sorry, sorry.

As I was saying a current began...

in the Spanish literary pre-Renaissance...

What is it?

Nothing, nothing.

I passed.

- The results are out already?
- Yes, they are.

I don't have anything.

Let's see.

I don't know what to tell you,
mine's there.

We'll leave it here for today
and continue next time.

Now you're nervous.

I'm not nervous about the exam,
but because the result's not out.

If you fail and have to
sit for it again, it's no big deal.

Yes, it is. I'll have a stroke
if I have to do it again.

Studying manuals is so boring.

That's what your college students say.

Ha-ha-ha.

Hold on.

What, has it come out?

Hello, Pablo. Congrats on
the theory. You're eligible.

Thanks.

Not everyone passes first time, do they?

Well, almost everyone.
In fact, it's rare to fail.

Sit down.

Look, for the practical classes

I've given you Lorenzo,
he's very patient.

Is he a special instructor
for older people?

With extra patience?

When you sign up a bit older
you're a bit more awkward.

Old and awkward. We've got it all.

Well, you're more cautious,
which could be good,

but since you're more aware
of the dangers,

you're more scared, more nervous.
In short, awkward.

Look, Lorenzo has a spot right now.

Now?

Don't get nervous, it's the first class.

Lorenzo will only show you
the controls of the car, at most.

Is now not good for you?

THE WAY DRIVING SCHOOL
TRAINING DRIVERS SINCE 1985

- Excuse me, can I get in?
- It's your car.

You don't need my permission.
Get in your car when you like.

- Lopetegui, Pablo, right?
- Yes.

I've got you here. Good.

Are they the most comfortable
shoes you have?

If they are, you have to
always bring them to class,

even to the exam.

I don't mean you, I mean girls.
You know what they're like.

They come to class in high heels,
it's unbelievable.

Some even do the exam
in heels that look like stilts.

I say this because in the first class
you don't drive with your hands,

but with your feet.

Repeat after me: "You don't drive
with your hands, but your feet".

Go, no fear.

You don't drive with
your hands, but your feet.

Exactly, champ. A trained monkey
could handle the wheel.

But can a monkey use the pedals?
No, no, it wouldn't reach.

Maybe with stilts, yes.
But it doesn't matter,

a monkey can't do the driving test
because it doesn't have ID.

- Do you follow me so far?
- It has no ID.

Exactly. Watch it, I don't mention
the stilts thing out of sexism.

Some people take it badly.

Maybe when I say "Stick your butt out",

I mean the car's butt, not their butt.

In here the only butt that
interests me is the vehicle's butt.

You'll never hear me say:
"Women drivers, no survivors".

Other sayings, yes.

Like: "Behind a ball,
there's usually a kid".

"Flush with the curb,
license in the bag".

I say that a lot because
I like it, I like saying it.

But why do I say these things?
Because they're true.

"Women drivers, no survivors",
is that true? No.

Some women drive well,
even better than some men.

- Have we started the class?
- In here, Pablo, it's all the class.

I don't just consider myself
a driving instructor, I'm an educator.

What do you do?

- I'm a teacher.
- Hey, we're colleagues.

At university.

And what you and I do, Pablo,

is help the new generations
to prepare for the future.

I don't know about "new generations".
I'm 45.

- Who cares about that?
- Everyone, it seems.

You take no notice.

What's your future, Pablo? I'll tell you.

Your future is
the practical driving test.

And that's where I'm going to help you.

Because the second lesson
I'll give you today:

I won't teach you how to drive.
No, that's not my job.

That's not my job.

So...?

I'm going to teach you
how to pass a test.

When you've passed that test
and you're holding your license,

that's when true learning will begin.

Let's do the controls class.

Go on.

Low beam.

High beam.

Left indicator.

Right indicator.

Seat.

Mirrors.

And belt.

Is all that clear?

- A bit fast, but yes.
- Right then.

We're going, let's start her up

and hit the street.

What?

We're going for a spin.

But don't do what a student
of mine, Javier, did.

The examiner tells him "hit the street"

and good old Javier opens
the car door and gets out.

How about that?

No, no, no, no, no...

The secretary said today's class
was just on the controls.

The sooner we liven up
the vehicle, the better.

Don't be scared, Pablo. Relax. You relax,

relax, relax.

I've got pedals too, see?
Look, I have pedals.

What do you drive with,
your hands or your feet?

- Sure, sure. With your feet.
- That's right. We saw that.

So, relax. Relax and let's do it.

Start up the car.

That's for a student of mine

who gets "nervouth" in the classes

and he only calms down
by listening to this music.

I tell him they won't let him
put music on in the test,

but he says he'll convince the examiner.

If it's no good for you,
we'll turn it off, fine.

Let's do the three steps.

Step on the brake.

In the middle, right?

Yes, in the middle.
We take off the handbrake.

Now we step on the clutch
as if you've seen a cockroach.

Step on that cockroach, step on it.

Firmly. The cockroach is getting away.

Pablo, more firmly.

Now we put it in first,
you know, to you and up.

That's it. Now, very slowly,

very gently, very gently,

gently, gently, gently,
I'm an old guy, that's it,

until you find the vibrato.
The car has vibrato.

Hear it? Hear the vibrato?

Now, what is the car telling you?
What's it telling you?

"Accelerate me, or I won't go".

Let's go, accelerate.
Brake off and we accelerate.

That's it, that's it.

That's it.

The car is stupid. It won't do
anything you don't tell it to do.

Now, if you're "nervouth",
the car can tell.

That's it, easy and for the whole family.

I'll end up being more handsy
with you than with my wife.

Buy me a drink later, eh, sweetie?

Yes, there it is. There we go.

Let's go to second, first is worn out.

We go to second. Accelerate.

Clutch, the cockroach. I'll help you.

We go to second and accelerate.

We accelerate, accelerate.
We're out, there it is.

Look, my brother-in-law
lives on that street.

If I see him cross, I'll tell you
and you accelerate, eh?

Now watch the curve.
Don't hit the curb. That's it.

That's it, that's it.

We have a red light.
When the light's red, we have to...

- Stop.
- Stop, exactly.

Good, let's go. Three steps.

First, brake, shoe weight only.
Gently, shoe weight. We go to...

That's it, the cockroach.
All the way down, all the way.

And now we stop, now. Here.

We go to neutral. Neutral.

We can rest our foot the riser.

That's it.

So, professor, how's it going?

- It's all very fast.
- Okay.

We're going to indicate
to others that we're turning left.

Put on the indicator.

That way?

Yes, your standard left.
The traditional, the usual.

No, no, if we go that way
I'll get on the Atocha roundabout.

Good, professor. Very good.

It's good that you know
where the streets are,

these days with that darn GPS
nobody knows where anything is.

I know them all. True, my first job

was driving my dad's taxi.

I'd be with that
huge Madrid street guide,

looking and looking,
and suddenly one day I said:

"I'm not using the guide anymore".
I knew all of them.

I even know what some of them
were called before. So, if I say

José Antonio Avenue
or Generalísimo Avenue,

don't think I'm being nostalgic,
eh, professor?

I was a taxi driver,
it's not the same thing.

Let's go. Careful...

It's fine.

In the test you can stall
up to three times

and they don't fail you.

In fact, if a student of mine
gets stalled,

I tell the examiner "Just like me,
I stalled this morning".

Let's do it.

"Try to start it up, Pablo,
for God's sake, try to start it up".

You know, the...?

Let's go, professor.

Come on.

We go out slowly.

Gently, gently, gently.

That's it.

No, no, no, no. I'm not going in there.

Relax, it takes patience.
We'll get in a good situation.

That's it.
Let's get properly in position.

Relax.

Don't get away.

That's it, that's it. Help the car.

Help the car. That's it, relax.

- Careful, careful.
- Well!

Not too close to the roundabout.
Focus, focus.

- Step on...
- What?!

No, calm, professor.
Don't mess with people.

That's it. Hang in there. Don't get away.

Don't get away.

- I'm doing it!
- Take no notice, relax.

Don't get too close, don't get too close,

you'll bump the other guy.

- That's it. Like that.
- What?!

No, don't let go of the wheel.
This is a dance.

We're going to park.
There's a space there.

Step on the cockroach.

Watch the... No, no, no, no.

Relax, relax. That's it, that's it.

That's it. Hold it.

Relax.

That's it.

Gear off, clutch off,

handbrake.

We totally immobilize the car.

Done. That's it, professor.

It's all about starting
and dispelling fear.

Until the next class.

You didn't...

You didn't ask me why
I want to get my license.

That's silly. Everyone wants
to get their license.

Driving is the most beautiful thing
in the world.

See you later.

Don't forget to bring
the same shoes to the next class.

Yes, yes, good.

Lopetegui!

Relax, I'm not stalking you.

It's closest driving school
on the way to college.

Yes, for all of us.

Who's teaching you?

Lorenzo.

Oh, me too.

Isn't he funny?
I had some laughs with him.

He's not just an instructor.

- He's an educator.
- Yes.

Lopetegui!

Your book has run out
at the college bookshop.

Which one?

What else? The one you
make us buy for the subject.

You'll find it on the Internet, for sure.

To buy it, eh?

At home, downloading a book
is a mortal sin.

I have no intention at all
of despoiling you.

You speak strangely.
Girls your age don't say "despoil".

Well, I do it loads.

Say it, not do it.

You think it's bad that
I tell you to buy my book, right?

It happens to me every year.

Then why do you do it?

Because 15th century Spanish literature
hasn't changed in the last 600 years,

and if nothing's changed in 600 years,

I don't know why I have to
teach classes differently every year.

Yes, but limiting yourself
to reading the book...

Would you like me to be
a cool professor, like in the movies?

To recite poems up on a desk
and teach in the forest?

Don't get it wrong, I'm your professor,

you're my students, that's all.

Not in the driving school.

Here we both are students.

Ciao, Lopetegui.

Ciao.

Hey, Pablo.

How are you, Ramón?

Your father is sorely missed.

I'm awful sorry.

Thanks a lot.

You'll want to sell the car, right?

Your dad looked after it
like it was made of gold, but...

a car that old, if it doesn't move
it ends up as scrap.

Right.

No, I wasn't thinking of selling it.

Oh, but do you drive?

I'm getting my license.

Shit, at your age?

See you soon, Ramón.