No Offence (2015–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - Episode #1.3 - full transcript

There's another Down's girl missing.

Jocelyn Wade and Lucy Cooke both turned
up drowned, within 10 days of vanishing.

As far as we know, Cathy Calvert shared
no social contacts with the other two.

This fella moves like a dart.

Dinah!

I didn't drag her out of the river
just to put her in the system.

How long's she going to be staying?

The minute she's fit to speak,
I'll be the closest one listening.

There's a guy out there killing
Down's syndrome girls

who's not quite as patient as you.

'999, what's your emergency?'



'Fire!

'My house is on fire!

'Fire!'

SHE SCREAMS

Let it haunt you,

but we're in,

so focus.

~ That's good! That's good!
~ That's a belter!

We'll go back here.

Boogie.

~ Don't you look ace in that dress!
~ Yeah, look at you. Very pretty.

No visual. Repeat, no
visual on Jimmy Webb.

It's his own bloody wedding. He
can't have done a runner already.

'Shelf life's almost up, Viv.'



We're getting looks.

I've got him. Caught him.

He looks like he just snuck
off for a quick consummation.

Right, boys, what we
doing? Shotting it?

'How many guests, Dinah?'

At least 40.

'Won't be easy to yank him
out of his own wedding.

If he stopped frying
Asian birds with petrol,

~ we wouldn't have to, would we?
~ 'Can you isolate him?'

Negative. We need to make a decision.

This isn't going to get any prettier.

Shit.

Kerry Mandrake. Sent her
down for spousal GBH.

We've been spotted.

Stall for 60 seconds.

Joy, in 60 seconds, they'll have
stamped our heads into the floor.

Come on, boys.

All right, let me know
if they're coming, yeah?

~ They're coming.
~ OK, just follow my lead, all right?

~ Hey! Massive congratulations, pal.
~ You both having a good time, yeah?

~ Yeah, great. Yeah.
~ Amazing. This is Frank. I'm Becky.

It's just me and the wife can't
work out how we know you.

Well, you don't, actually. We've
just moved back from Australia.

Australia, yeah.

~ Oh, Katie said we could gate-crash.
~ Is that all right?

Fucking cops.

Back off! Back off!
Take it easy, right?

You're going to regret
anything you do.

Anything we do we're not
even going to remember.

Congratulations to Jimmy
and Michelle from all of us

at the Frithey Street nick.

Now, you two don't
spoil a pair, do you?

But what I'm really looking for
is the father of the bride.

Where are you, Vinny?

Oh, now, Vinny, I'm only a little
bit miffed not to get an invite

to this little shindig after
our families' history.

Deerings have put every twig of
your family tree in the clink,

but I'm so, so thrilled to be able
to nip in the bud yet another union

because your new son-in-law,
Jimmy Webb, is under arrest

on suspicion of the murder
of Samina Hassan.

Go quietly

so you can all wake up in the morning
with nothing but a hangover.

Get the fuck off me!

Pig!

You all right, Vinny?

I didn't torch her. I
was on my stag night.

Yeah, but you went dark, didn't you?

Just in time to nip off and get a
few bits like petrol and matches.

So, onto the Down's syndrome case,

and I gather we have
another promising lead

which you so graciously
texted me at 4am.

Oh, it's a bit more
than promising, sir.

Lucy Cooke was a member of
the Stage Wings drama company

who were devising a play
at her day centre.

Now, we've toothcombed her
belongings and discovered this.

A copy of the play and,
on the front page,

"Elsie loves Captain Brown Bread."

We're sending a detective
to interview the group,

keeping an eye out for
anybody who matches up

to Dr Peep's criminal profile which
I'm sure you've all digested by now.

Ma'am, I'm not having a go but...

It's a profile. It's
not a 3D printer.

Now, as for why, well, I'm afraid
it can only be speculation

at this stage but, for me,

he picks these girls because
of a severe sexual trauma,

likely in his adolescence.
You'd be smart to do a search

of any suspicious deaths
of Down's syndrome girls

~ up to their early 20s.
~ We've covered that, Doctor.

You've covered 15 years. I'm
telling you to do the last 50

and I'd hurry.

The gap between Jocelyn Wade
and Cathy Calvert's abduction

is a massive acceleration.

He's missed his fix

so he's agitated,

volatile.

I've designated our assignments.
Connie's got print-outs.

Move fast. Doctor's orders.

Wearing a skirt like that,
doesn't count if you score.

You should be disqualified.

~ I can't compete.
~ Shut up.

And keep your eyes
off that rear-view.

PHONE BUZZES

He's still staying with you?

~ I thought it was only
supposed to be a few days.
~ Tell me about it.

Well, you tell him.

Right, yours is the only place

that we could play the
volume at full tilt.

Boot him.

There are certain conversations
that I can't have with him.

~ Like what?
~ Like any.

Oh, God, Jesus, Viv, you
know, since one past,

I've cut right down on my carcinogens

but 24 hours cleaning this up might
as well have sucked off a chimney.

HE COUGHS

So, it's looking like your fire
starter, he's poured petrol

through the cat flap and whoosh.

Cat survived, Joy.

Poor kid. She's had zero warning,

organs too overdone to tell if the
smoke got her first or the flames.

It's tragic. It's fucking tragic.

Press conference in
five minutes, ma'am.

There's roadworks on Hadley Avenue.
We're going to have to bomb it.

Choice of words, Jonah.

Right, I'm going to need
a plus one. Any volunteers?

PC Ahmed.

My daughter-in-law saw
the best in everyone,

even the Manchester
Metropolitan Police,

despite the hardly surprising
revelations of racism

in the very marrow
of their institution.

I know there's been
talk of reprisals.

Samina would not want any
of us responding in kind

to what they did to her.

Anybody who knows anything,

please, please, tell us.

Thank you.

We are doing laps around the
clock to find who did this.

Bad-mouthing us won't
speed that up any.

I ring you lot three times a week
when the shop gets vandalised.

You don't even bother
coming any more.

Yeah, so, it's hard
to be too thankful

that you've finally decided
we're worth helping.

Clive, for your own safety,
cease and desist, OK?

What are you? A nun now?

Come on, zip up Old Peculiar so
I can ask you about the arson.

Seriously, Clive, you're
practically pissing on a grave.

I wouldn't piss on that tight
cow if she were on fire.

~ Nick him!
~ Nick him!

My dick's still out.

Very good.

Very good.

Watch and copy every single
movement the other's making

like you're looking in a mirror.

Adam!

Adam, take this seriously!

All right, everybody,
we've got a visitor.

Detective Tanner's here to ask you
a few more questions about Lucy.

It's Patrick! He did it!

Adam! Watch it! We've discussed this.

You never listen! What a noob!

How many times? It was my stag do.

I don't remember where I was at 3am.

Be a shit stag do if I did.

You're a known on member of the
British Democratic Action Force

and you've just married into the
family founders of the movement

and, well, you've done this before,
to her father-in-law's mosque.

Yeah. An empty mosque.

Is this me, eh?

I want them out, not dead.

Then, you're released from prison
one week before this happens.

Exactly, so I wouldn't be so thick
to get caught on camera, would I?

We went to Half Moons for some
lap dances, then blackout.

And, if all you've got is some
skinhead, then I'm laughing,

and, frankly, why would we
bother going after one Paki

when there's 15 of
them five doors down?

Shut your mouth!

Done.

KNOCK ON DOOR

I got this off Majid Hassan's phone.

Clive Bradley reckons he found
it in the alley behind the house

the night of the fire.

Right, and he was how
pissed when he told you?

If Majid thinks we're
questioning his statement,

everything'll go south. We just need
to slip it in, simply, economically.

There's no point in dressing
it up. We've every right to ask.

You've no idea how sensitive
this culture can be.

SHE SNORTS

Really? What about that time when
me, you and Hadi went to that pub

at Christmas and we
ordered a mulled wine

but you giggled when Hadi ordered
a Red Bull and a dessert?

He dumped me for that.

No, he dumped you because you
wouldn't give him a blow job

until he'd met your mum,

after two dates.

Salam.

I'm Detective Sergeant Joy Freers.
My sincere condolences.

Can we just get on with it, please?

Certainly.

Adam and Lucy were both in the
Romeo and Juliet take-off we did.

Adam can get fiction and
reality a bit confused.

We found this

on a copy of your script.

"Elsie loves Captain Brown Bread."

Mean anything to either of you?

~ No. Sorry.
~ No.

Lucy had loads of crushes.
Loved attention.

I miss her.

Do any of these men
look like the suspect

that you saw outside your house
before you left for work?

I'm not being funny but they
all really do look alike.

No rush. No rush.

We... We stumbled across
your phone this morning.

Any idea how you might have
misplaced it and when?

I can't even think.

It's been a pretty rough 36 hours.

Yeah, 'course. God.

Can't even imagine.

It's just that, in your statement,

you said that you didn't leave
the shop and it was actually found

behind your house on the
night of the attack, so...

My statement?

What are you trying to get at?

It's just a question! It's not
like you're a suspect or anything.

~ A suspect?
~ No, not a suspect. Just
a person of interest.

You're telling me you think I had
something to do with killing Samina

when you have a guy,
a white guy, on film?

What's happened, Mr Hassan?

Mr Hassan's phone was found by
a witness outside the house.

We're just asking how it got there.

Fuck's sake. This is...

She don't deserve this.

Look, I'm...

I'm 17 months off an upgrade

so I dropped my phone in
the skip behind the shop

and I was going to say it got nicked
so I could claim for a new one.

Dad, I'm sorry.

HE SPEAKS IN HIS OWN LANGUAGE

We're not done.

Your sergeant just declared
my son a person of interest

after questioning him
without a solicitor.

How is that going to play out?

I don't dispute asking how Hassan's
phone got into the alley,

but both of you circling around him
when this man is our prime suspect?

And who leaked this on Twitter?

~ KNOCKING AT THE DOOR
~ Ma'am?

The reporters are asking about
Nazi cakegate, any comment?

Tell them it tasted so damn good

Mary Berry would have gobbled
it down and done the goose-step.

Well? Why camouflage a legitimate
line of investigation?

We both thought they'd be
oversensitive to formal questioning.

No, I thought, ma'am.

It was my fault.

What about Jimmy Webb?

Well, we didn't have
enough to hold him.

Ma'am, we've got sources covering
all main fascist groups,

including Jimmy's, and normally
there'd be trophy chatter by now

~ but they're picking nothing up.
~ That's a first, ma'am.

And I don't ever want to quote
Jimmy Webb, but why would that lot

bother with Mina when there's a much
larger Asian family next door?

Wrong cat flap?

Viv? Viv?

What if it wasn't race hate?

We just assumed it was because
of the haircut and the area,

but it could be a more
personal motive or...

~ Mina was a teaching assistant.
~ But that's all we've gone on.

I mean, what if Mina wasn't even
the target? What if it was Majid?

Find out more. Ask around.

Then quiz Majid and his dad.

Make them understand our thinking.

Sergeant, what are you going to
do next time a top notch Constable

offers you advice?

Take it, ma'am.

I can't stay here. I've got
a safe place. Let's go.

I should have asked you straight
up about your phone. I apologise.

Oh, and this has been
released as evidence.

It was found in your bedroom,
I thought you'd want it.

So, if it wasn't race...

.. what else is there?

We've been hearing Samina

was quite a vocal feminist
within the community.

Any light you can
shed on that for us?

Such as?

Come on, Dad, they mean the mosque.

Samina made noise about women
being allowed on the committee.

Her and Dad would stay up
all night talking about it.

I'd wake up and they'd
be having a massive row.

I could never keep up, could I, Dad?

She wanted to organise
a demonstration.

She didn't even have a chance to...

.. print off the leaflets.

Sorry, Dad.

HE STUTTERS

Imam Hassan, do you think her
stance might have been seen

as controversial, or
inflammatory, even?

HE SPEAKS IN HIS OWN LANGUAGE

It is so important that
if anybody approaches you,

anybody you haven't met before
in the street, in a shop,

knocking on your front
door, whoever they are...

Can't we just tell our mates?

Let him finish, Teresa.

You must tell a responsible adult.

Can't just be your mates.

~ Has to be a parent or a guardian.
~ Is she your girlfriend?

It's Teresa, yeah?

~ I'm Teresa.
~ All right, Teresa.

There is a man out there who
wants girls like you dead

and bobbing up and down
in the river like apples.

Now, I'm sorry, but we need you
all to be scared of this guy.

Yes?

We are.

CHATTERING

MOBILE VIBRATES

You tease, you absolutely love it.

Hello, is that Stuart's dad? So,
what's going on between you and him?

No, I'm just saying you must have
a few years of prostate value left,

no need to lean on
a young guy just yet.

So, I was just thinking, right,

I'm just going to break it to
you all very gently. Freeloader!

Oh, Tegan!

Relax, relax. I put the phone
down before I said anything.

SHE LAUGHS

'Hello?'

~ Shit!
~ 'Hello?'

I want what he's having.

~ Uh, yeah. Two Cokes, then, please.
~ I want a pint.

No, no, I'm not having a pint.

OK, then, I will tell everyone that
you touched me in my party zone.

So, you're saying the day
that Lucy went missing

she was crying on the
payphone to Patrick?

~ How do know it was Patrick?
~ Lucy was my friend.

Captain Brown Bread.

Brown bread.

She meant brown beard.

Shit for brains.

Patrick.

Just got off the phone
from the bookies, big tip.

Work tip, obviously.

Manager told us that last Thursday
he heard a big row in the bogs

and saw Jimmy Webb chasing
out an Asian guy

saying he's going to kill him.

Well, which Asian guy?

Which do you think?

Oh, no! No! First you wreck our
engagement sticking him in prison,

then you smash our wedding,
fuck our honeymoon -

~ I'm going to clump out your spine.
~ Threaten my boss

one more time and you'll
spend your honeymoon

being finger banged by women
uglier than your mother-in-law.

Fucking pigs!

Get me out of these handcuffs now!

Jimmy! Jimmy!

SHE GRUNTS

We've witnesses saying you
were arguing with Majid Hassan

in a bookie's toilets two days after
being released from prison. Why?

~ He stank the bog out.
~ We know you threatened Majid's life.

Week later, his house gets
torched - simple maths, Jimmy.

All right. OK.

We help people out, yeah? You know,
with cash flow sort of thing.

~ Yeah, I think you mean loan sharking.
~ I do it down the bookies

because the in-laws might not like
some of the clients we help out.

I mean, this stuff isn't even me
but, you know, I fell in love.

Her dad wouldn't accept me
unless, you know, I converted.

~ When did you loan Majid money?
~ Michelle did.

Said he was after 12 K to pay off
some gambling debts - yeah, right.

She only gave him five.

But then he kept palming her
off, he wouldn't cough up.

With interest, he owed about
20 by the time I came out.

~ We had a wedding to pay for.
~ Did he pay you back? Where were you?

You better start having flashbacks
or it'll be more than

an extortion charge you're facing.

MICHELLE CONTINUES TO SCREAM OUTSIDE

I was in the bogs at Half Moons.

I got a handjob.

I was twatted, it took a while.

Off who?

It was my stag night.

Shit had been laid since noon.

She said her name was Marlene.

She was black. Please
don't tell Michelle.

Black? Bravo.

~ Be more specific.
~ She...

Well, there's a memory
I've got, you know,

she had long dark hair, spandex,
miniskirt, big tits.

And then there's like a flash image

which has been sort of fucking
with me a little bit

that she might have had
some sort of deformity,

or something.

Deformity?

Jimmy, are you're listening to me?

Tell them to get me out
of these handcuffs now!

A dick.

Please don't tell Michelle.

Adam got that pint out
of you, then, did he?

Why didn't you tell us that Lucy
called you the day she went missing?

She didn't.

Captain Brown Bread.

~ Where were you the night
that Lucy went missing?
~ I love those kids.

Yeah?

How much do you love them?

Don't be so disgusting!

~ As if I'd ever even dream...
~ Dream of what?

Hurting her?

Lucy was raped. And drowned.

I'll show you photos of her
dead, cold, dug-up body.

Just so you can see
it before and after.

Now, I don't ever want
to see them photos again,

~ but if that's what it takes...
~ No, please, I didn't know,

not until he hurt those other two.

Who, Patrick?

Her...

Her boyfriend.

What? Wait, no...

No-one we've spoken to has ever
mentioned a boyfriend. Who?

The first day I met Lucy
she told me she loved me.

It got so bad she wouldn't
even believe me

when I told her that I was...

That I'm...

gay.

She was devastated.

Then she, er...

She told me that she
found another bloke.

Someone like me.

That made me nervous,
so I followed her.

I saw him pick her up in a van.

What sort of van?

A white transit.

~ He looked scared when he saw me.
~ You saw him?!

You saw him and you didn't stop
him? He wasn't suspicious?!

What do you think?

But he got her back safe,
she said he made her happy.

~ I mean, who was I to judge?
~ She was in your care!

I couldn't face hurting her again.

So she rang me in a state
cos she said he dumped her.

She said she wanted to kill herself.

I said I'd meet her at
my local for a drink.

She never showed.

And you didn't step forward with
this when she went missing?

I was going to, but then they
pulled her out of the river

and I thought that
she topped herself.

But who'd feel better knowing that?

How do you think they would feel
if they knew I let one of them die?

I couldn't.

I'd lose my job.

Your job?

HE WHISPERS: Your job?

Lucy Cooke,

Jocelyn Wade,

very close to a third -

you had days to come
forward with this.

And you knew, you knew
he was still out there.

You knew.

They're a good fit, but I
said to get the black ones.

Shirt's OK, though, yeah?

Shirt's fine.

But Tess is right,

fork out for another pair in black.

I've had the cast off.

~ And you're here because?
~ I invited him, and he's staying for tea.

Which is going to be top.

Come on, Tess, let's go upstairs

and tell Cathy that
dinner's almost ready.

Knock first, yeah?

~ Would you rather I pissed off?
~ No.

Not if you're being useful.

But using Tess and Mum to get
back over the mat - bit cheap.

HE LAUGHS SOFTLY

They wanted me to meet Cathy.

SCREAMING

Call 999. Check Tess
and Cath. And Mum.

GRUNTING

Don't hurt him, Dinah!

Tell her who I am, Cath!

RECORDING: '..them photos again,
but if that's what it takes...

'No, please. I didn't know. Not
until he hurt those other two...'

'Not until he hurt
those other two...'

FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING

'Her boyfriend...'

'Wait, no...'

One sec.

'No-one we've spoken to has ever
mentioned a boyfriend. Who?'

Laurie, what does this
look like to you?

Like every single night for
the past couple of weeks.

Not whining for a fuck here, Viv.

I need a second opinion, and you
promised me yours an hour ago.

Not every night.

And who was it who didn't bat
an eyelid when you wanted

to turn our tidy cellar into this
stinking soundproof spaceship, eh?

And who's working his tits off
to prove that it was worth it?

Are you going to pour or what?

OK... radio ad for the college.

They want it street,
catchy, unforgettable.

HE PLAYS JINGLE ON PIANO

Herpes, basically.

SHE LAUGHS

Probably shite. Brace yourself.

~ Ready?
~ Mm-hm.

HE PLAYS JINGLE IN FULL

THEY HUM TOGETHER

♪ Oh, Laurie, that's not shite

♪ That isn't shite, shite. ♪

Go on, do it again.
Just one more time.

THEY HUM TUNE

~ F sharp.
~ ♪ F sharp! ♪

~ Yeah.
~ F sharp. How do you know about F sharp?

Oh, I know F sharp.

That's better.

I think it's better.

~ I like it.
~ I like it too, yeah.

Mm. Do you like this?

MOBILE PHONE RINGS

HE SIGHS

I'll save you the olives.

But the Rioja doesn't stand a chance.

CAR HORN HONKS, THUNDER RUMBLES

Isn't your girlfriend
just full of surprises?

How come Cathy's family
never heard of you?

You've met her family, yeah?

Alfredo Delghani, one year
out of Young Offenders.

~ It's Alpha.
~ Clearly not.

Now, humour me - where were you

the dates that Lucy
Cooke, Jocelyn Wade

and your good lady were abducted?

Are you mad? What, me?

Give us some dates.

~ March 10th for Lucy.
~ Sitting retakes.

Yeah - six As, three Bs, no Cs.

Check. Next.

Jocelyn Wade, September 2nd.

I was playing chess.

And I won every single round

to raise money for spackie
kids from my foster home.

You can check their
phones. They loved it.

I'm no suspect.

I've worked in an office, you know.

So fuck the lot of yous.

Don't charge him, Dinah. I mean
it, it'll fuck his life up again.

Go on. Go and see him.

Can't blame her for not telling
the family, Viv. They'd wreck it.

We've all put our neck
in the noose for this kid,

so there's no going back.

You've never taken anything
at face value before.

Cathy can't be the exception.

Patrick Llewellyn's
alibi's got some legs.

He said he went to meet Lucy
at the Blue Anchor pub

the night she went missing.

It's a gay pub, Patrick's
a regular there.

Look, here he is, 8:04pm, March 10th.

Now, there's only one camera
by the front door,

but that same night, he went
home with the landlord.

Same again with the other girls.

If he is gay, it doesn't really
fit with anything in the profile.

What, is there a rule book?

Yeah. Gay serial killers
only ever target gay men.

Dahmer, Nilsen...

~ I'm having him.
~ His alibi holds up.

He knew about the van,
which means he saw him.

~ We don't want to alienate a star witness.
~ Star witness?

He didn't just turn a blind eye.

Two girls died. God
knows how many more.

Are you saying it's not him?

No, of course I'm not.
I'm saying it's unlikely.

O, Captain...

my Captain.

I'm sorry. I'm so...

Scared of losing your job, Patrick?

You better be waking
up screaming, boy.

I swear to God, you better
be carrying this guilt

like cancer till you croak.

So, one question.

Do we want the same thing, Patrick?

Out loud, you streak of piss.

I want to help catch him.

I pray that's the only thing we'll
ever have in common, Mr Llewellyn.

Right, good news is we found Marlene.

That deformity's a stonker.

She was a giggle, actually.

Check out that cleavage.
Can't blame you.

That Adam's apple, though - can't
quite get how you missed that.

Your wife open-minded, Jimmy?

Please. Look, this is lifetime shit.

Don't wreck it.

Show it to me again? I'll tell
you anything that I can.

Wait, wait, wait...

Why would he get caught on camera
unless he wanted to be seen?

We know that twitch.

Shit.

Gold stars, girls, for
thinking outside the box.

And for astonishing bigotry.

~ A fucking mask?
~ Viv, ma'am, just play it out.

Majid kept his shop door locked so
he could easily sneak out the back

and peg it to the petrol station.

He makes damn sure he's
seen getting the petrol,

pours it in through the cat flap,

and is in such a rush to
get back he drops his phone.

KNOCKING

From a bank job. Four years
ago near Elderwood Avenue.

You can get 'em for
less than a grand.

Hot in there, Jonah?

HE SIGHS

~ How did you know it was me, ma'am?
~ Got a very distinctive walk.

Don't let anyone tell you different.

Cheers, Jonah. I owe you one.

That and the BO.

Motive?

Majid's paying off
mega gambling debts,

so he borrows money
from Jimmy's wife.

He knows he hasn't got a
prayer of paying it back.

When Jimmy gets out of prison,
Majid knows he's on borrowed time.

So Majid sets fire to his
wife for the life insurance

and gets to keep the
money by framing Jimmy.

And we link arms and yellow brick
road it to it to McLaren's office

and present him with this.

Based on what?

A tic?

I'm ever so disappointed, Majid.

Why didn't you tell us that Jimmy had
reason to set your house on fire?

Don't look at him, look at me.

My dad can't know.

You don't know what he's like.

Are you so afraid of your dad

that you'd let your
wife's killer go free?

I'm sorry.

Sorry goes down much better
for me with a chaser.

Say, two years for perverting
the course of justice?

And I'll ensure that you get the same
room as Jimmy, with the same view,

at the same time.

Lovely, Ta.

Wait!

I did it.

Come again?

There's a mask in a concrete-installed
biometric thumbprint safe,

hidden under a towel at my shop.

You'll be needing this.

But I want a word with my solicitor.

In private.

REPORTERS HECKLING

Is this you?

It doesn't look like we need his
thumb. Got a mark for trying.

Why the bullshit?

Step back, step back, please.

~ Any comment?
~ Did you murder your wife?

Not murdered! Martyred!

In the name and fulfilment
of Allah's Holy War!

Allahu akbar!

Allahu akbar!

Tanner, get in.

Allahu akbar! Allahu Akbar!

From bereaved husband to religious
psychotic in under an hour?

That's a bit rich,
even from you, Ashok.

Four weeks ago, his doctor
put him on antidepressants

because he said he was
having suicidal thoughts.

Now, do you remember
that mum from Hulme,

smothered her kids, then threw
herself out the window?

Same drug, same dose.

Are you calling in a
psychiatric report or am I?

'Tensions are running high
in north Manchester today,

'amidst escalating protests
and attacks from all sides,

'with several casualties
already reported.

'Detective Chief
Superintendent McLaren...'

Get back to your desks.

Ma'am, there's a street
fight on Poppy Field Road,

between a gang of
Asians and the BDAF.

~ Neighbourhood Watch got
stuck in, so it's got messy.
~ Thanks, Connie.

And McLaren's on the warpath,

wants to know if you've saved
him a piece of that cake.

Do you think you could
text me this shit?

Majid Hassan's brilliantly adapted
to everything we've thrown at him.

Framing Jimmy failed and
now he's a mad jihadi.

That scumbag deserves
life for what he's done,

not seven months in a puzzle factory.

Oh, fuck.

~ What do you suggest?
~ That we thump this twat

right back in his box
with the right motive,

and we get that out there fast,
before anybody else gets hurt.

Sounds lovely. How?

Well, Samina's got to have
known her husband's debts were

spiralling out of control,
so she must have told someone.

When... when you were with
Majid, his dad was just

staring at Samina's necklace and
he said something in Urdu but...

I tried to Google translate it but
I can just remember it phonetically.

SHE TRIES TO SPEAK URDU

Something, something,
Samina, something.

With conviction, Joy.

SHE TRIES TO SPEAK URDU

Do you have a Clubcard?

HE SPEAKS URDU

It means, "Forgive me,
Samina, my darling."

Why didn't you just ask me
in the first place, Sarge?

I... I couldn't work out
if it was racist or not.

Leave me alone.

But, sir, just one question...

Your son is saying he killed
Samina in God's name.

His solicitor's claiming he's crazy.

Do you honestly believe either?

Lads that you've known
since they were born

are a baseball bat away from joining
your son in jail, or hospital.

Right now, you're either
this community's imam or

you're that boy's father,
you can't be both.

Samina begged the imam to grant
her a divorce five weeks before

the fire but the imam wouldn't
grant it. She'd found out Majid

had remortgaged the house to pay his
gambling debts and put a stop to it.

I want a full-blown confession
from Majid, on tape, both of you.

No, Majid already thinks
I'm a screw-up.

It should be me... just me.

I know I can trip him up, ma'am.

It shouldn't have to be a question.

So, Majid, you don't think
you're mentally ill.

I think that I'm not.

I heard the voices of
martyrs on my shoulders,

and they were bidding me the
courage of a child of Allah.

You proud, Dad?

Oh, he's far from proud, Majid,

and if you are hoping to pin your
sudden jihadist urges on meds,

it won't work.

Your doctor's given me the dates
you started taking them, here.

Now, how come before you started
taking the medication,

your wife's life insurance
policy was signed

while she was on a school
trip at Euro Disney?

You know what Allah
just whispered to me?

"How fat must your legs
look without heels?"

Answer the question.

How did your wife sign
the life insurance

when she wasn't even in the country?

Shh...

If... if you really are a jihadist,

don't you think we would have found
some hard-core stuff hanging about?

Extremist websites on your phone?

Allah compels me, not YouTube.

Step outside, sister,

see the glory the blood of
my wife has already sown.

In 50 years, your
grandchildren will be Muslim.

(Though I'm not sure
we'd want them...)

(.. ugly fuckers.)

May I suggest that we stop
wasting valuable time

and get my client into
a psychiatric facility...

~ Save her.
~ .. for his own safety?

Is that a slim-fit Armani shirt?

How much was that, 100, 150?

Try 200, love.

It's just that we hauled in
a batch of those last week,

selling two for a tenner
down the market -

saw you coming a mile off.

~ Still, 200 quid? Did Samina
have to buy it for you?
~ No.

No, but she had to buy you your
skinhead mask, didn't she?

Look, it says here on her
credit card statement, look.

Spending your wife's cash on
the mask that you were going to

murder her in, that is top five.

She...

She... she didn't
know I was going to.

She bought it herself for fun!

Come on, Majid, you took out
that credit card behind her back

because you couldn't
scrape up the cash.

HE SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE

~ English, Mr Hassan.
~ I said, I'm going to cut your head off.

I thought you'd be used to
answering to women by now.

By all accounts, your wife
that held the purse strings.

~ She didn't.
~ Working day and night, coming
home, leaving your balls

by the front door, she'll
chop them off, am I right?

~ Oh, you think, you think
I'd kill my wife for money?
~ Your dad does.

You must have been so desperate.

I get it, I get it.

Your whole life, you've felt
like an embarrassment to others,

but most of all to yourself.

SHE YELPS

HE GRUNTS

Sit!

Look at that - ripped
off like toilet paper.

Samina probably never laughed
at you to your face,

but on behalf of a woman who sounds
like a cracking good bird, let me.

~ Ha-ha-ha! Ha!
~ The only thing that bitch
was good for was cash in hand.

~ So you did kill her for the money?
~ Fucking right, I did!

Dad didn't arrange a marriage for
me, he just hand-picked the daughter

he never had, and I never
once put a foot wrong,

and she still had his
ear more than me!

Majid, you just drop-kicked
yourself into a life sentence,

don't bother having the last word.

And she was such a hairy fucking
cunt from day fucking one!

Fuck off!

Consider that leaked.

~ Take a bow, lady, take a bow.
~ Oh!

No, no, no, no, no, these are on me.

Oh, thanks, ma'am.

Oh, do I pick them,
or do I pick them?

Oh, you are not still
sulking about that call

I made to your old man, are you?

It was a joke... and what's going
on between you two, anyway?

OK, what was it? Did he finger you
when you were little or something?

Am I right?

Tegan, meet my old man.

Mr O'Connell!

I-I-I am so sorry about
what happened on the phone

and about the-the...

the fingering thing just then.

~ Did you hear that?
~ Laughed my tits off.

Name's Jock, by the way.

We're on brandies. You?

Yes, please - doubles.

Here, pal, I'm not having this.
I'm not having it, right?

If you don't mind humming
away to Barry Manilow, sir,

~ while I put you on hold?
~ This is what I'm after, here.

~ Thank you.
~ I've been fiddled with!
Where are you going now?

~ I'm trying to make a complaint!
~ Clive!

You'd best turn your vocab
around me right now,

cos I'm two seconds away from
shoving a Taser up your arse

and pumping you so full
of volts you'll feel like

you've been fisted by a pylon!
Now, go and sit down.

Back of the queue... Get to
the back of the queue, lad.

Are you all right, sir?

She's missing.

~ You all right?
~ Thanks.
~ You're very welcome.

You OK?

What else is she keeping quiet?

PHONE RINGS

PHONE RINGS

Got to go.

Get a taxi.

Did Theresa mention
having a boyfriend?

Someone was very keen.

We're doing everything
we can to get her back.

I told her to get out there,

be stupid and normal
like everyone else.

Police.

GLASS SMASHES

SHE SHOUTS

Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide.

What's the crime?

But I did those people a favour.

Definitely something rotten
in the state of Primark.