No Activity (2015–2016): Season 1, Episode 6 - Episode #1.6 - full transcript
Car 72, no activity.
Standing by.
Mmm.
This is such bullshit.
How many other cops are here
waiting for this raid?
This is our raid, our moment!
We were here from the beginning.
Look how far back we are.
We've got a terrible position.
We should be at the front,
the front car, the only car!
- Hendy.
- It's our operation.
- Adapt or die.
- It just makes me mad.
- Be like the goldfish.
- Hmm?
You know goldfish?
They adapt or they die.
Like, you put a goldfish
in a small bowl, it grows small.
Put a goldfish in a large bowl,
that very same goldfish, like,
a swimming pool, it grows large.
It understands its surroundings
and it adapts, all right?
It does not buck the system.
It doesn't get a head
full of goldfish steam
and want to be a large-ish fish.
It's happy with being a goldfish.
Well, that's the problem.
I'm not a goldfish.
I'm a shark and they've
put me in a goldfish bowl.
You know how frustrating
that is for the shark?
I just wanna eat and keep moving
and never sleep and keep moving.
And never swim backwards.
Never swim backwards.
Always move forwards.
Or you could be a handsome dolphin.
I don't wanna be a dolphin. I'm a shark.
Oh, you remember that dolphin
I picked up in the hard
rubbish throw-out?
- Mmm.
- Had it in my living room.
- It looks ridiculous.
- Does it? That's weird.
There's a crack in its bum.
It leaked brown water
all over the carpet.
So... I put it out the front yard.
- Huh.
- The circle of life.
Has anyone else picked it up yet?
No. Why would they? It's fucked.
Operation Big Red.
We have 14 units standing by
outside target location.
Two known male associates
inside the warehouse
and, uh, the big boss
is expected any time.
Won't be long, guys.
You thought any more about maybe
coming down the coast with me?
I wanna follow up on a few leads
first, looking for the old man.
- Going to Esperance.
- Esperance?
- Yeah.
- Really?
Which, funnily enough,
is French for 'hope'.
What, did your mum have
French... She had French in her?
She might have at some stage, yeah.
- Yeah, she got around.
- She really did.
What about you? What about
this small business idea?
Nah, not a small business.
I'm sort of thinking...
There's a little place I love, you know?
- On the Sapphire Coast there.
- Oh, yeah.
You can never get a decent
coffee there. Might just...
Always hard, isn't it, in the
rural areas on that coast drive.
I might just open up a little
shop where you can get coffee.
Nice. Like a cafe?
No, not a cafe. Just a...
shop where you can get coffee.
You know, flat white
or something. Double shot.
You know, just... just coffee.
- Like a coffee shop.
- Not a coffee shop.
Just... just a shop, you know?
So nothing else, just purely coffee?
And just shit that goes
with it, you know?
- What shit?
- Shit people eat, you know?
- Shit people eat with coffee.
- People eat shit?
Yeah, they have a coffee
and they eat shit with it.
- What shit?
- Pastry or something.
- What kind of pastries?
- Oh...
Croissant. Chocolate croissant.
Nothing fancy. Just shit
to have with your coffee.
Maybe... a drawing
or something on the wall.
A painting or something. I don't know.
So it's... kind of an art cafe.
It's not a fuckin' art cafe.
It's not a fuckin' art cafe, all right?
Okay?
It's just a place where you go,
you get coffee, you get shit to eat
and you get a drawing.
So I could... I could go there.
I could get some locally
sourced and roasted beans?
- Mm-hm.
- And a strong latte perhaps.
- Get a pastry, a nutmeg tart.
- Yep, mm-hm.
Look at some... some work
from local artists.
Mm-hm.
Well, I don't know.
I don't mean to offend you.
But I'm pretty sure that's an art cafe.
Why don't you...
why don't you think about
coming down with me?
Better than trawlin' around the country
looking for that old slut, I know that.
What?
Car 72,
still no activity.
- Maintaining position.
- Copy that, Car 72.
Continue to stand by.
And have a great day.
You're in a good mood.
Yeah. I took Lachy back.
- From Tony?
- Yep.
He's gonna stay with me the whole time.
I can't have him with his dickhead dad.
- Okay.
- So... he's back with me.
That's... That is so great, Carol.
- When... when did that happen?
- This all happened today.
So you took him home, came to work?
No, he's in the car.
- Is... Why?
- Oh, just... you know.
No, bring him in. That's fine.
- No, no, no.
- He was fine last time.
After what happened with the photos,
I thought it would be best.
I didn't mind the photos.
He was just fine.
You don't know what he did with them.
- Okay.
- You don't wanna know.
- He's got a 'Tumble' site thing.
- Okay.
He's put it on the Facebooks.
It's... it's "Hot April Nights".
- Wow. Okay.
- Some of it's pretty degrading.
It's your head with
other bodies and... Burgh!
Anyway, 'cause he 'photo-stores' them.
So I wouldn't go googling
yourself any time soon...
All right, okay.
Unless you want a bit of a fright.
Is it possible to ask him
to take them down for me?
I don't think he can.
Once the internet's got them...
- Okay.
- That's it.
Maybe it's best he does
stay in the car, then.
- That's probably a good idea.
- Yeah!
God, he's a terror, hey?
Yes.
He's my little terror.
I'm so happy
to have him back.
Oh, Carol!
Hey, that's so great.
Hey, that's wonderful.
- You've got him back!
- Yeah.
It's just so great you've got
him back after everything.
That's enough. I got...
I gotta do some stuff.
I might make a cuppa.
- I don't want one.
- All right!
This is even better.
Yes! It's a much better blend.
- What have you done?
- I just got a different bean.
- From where?
- From evidence.
- From the evidence room?
- Yeah, nicked it from evidence.
From this operation?
Yes, it's the same beans
that had the drugs in them.
They left a couple of bags
behind, so...
- It's really good.
- Mm-hm.
Oh, that is an interesting...
interesting fact.
What's that?
That by the year 2050, in the UK
there will be no one called Gary.
See, no one's been christened there,
christened "Gary", since 1992
so by the year 2050, the breed
of Garys will be extinct.
Isn't that amazing?
Yeah, so that's it?
There's no Garys by...
By 2050.
That won't be a great loss, will it?
I mean, it's Gary. It's like... Gary.
That was my dad's name.
And it's Lachy's middle name.
Oh, sorry, Carol. I didn't know that.
No, no. You're fine.
I didn't know that, Carol. How am I...
I'm sure
there'll still be Aprils.
Okay.
And Mays. Junes.
Oh, mate, look. I... I've
got something to tell ya.
- It sounds serious.
- Yeah.
Should I sit down for this?
- You better take a seat.
- All right. Go.
- Stokes, what is it?
- I've just...
I've gotta get this off my
chest, gotta unburden myself.
- Mate, what's wrong?
- Well...
You can tell me anything.
You know how Wendy and I...
We've been trying to get pregnant.
- Yeah.
- To cure her depression.
- Right.
- Well, she's, um...
You know her ex-husband, the pilot?
- The dead husband. Yep.
- Yeah.
Very handsome man.
He, um... We've been using, uh...
We've been using cups
of the dead husband's semen
to... to try to get her pregnant.
Oh, mate. So your boys aren't swimming?
Oh, no, they're swimming. Yeah.
Like world-class athletes, you know?
High divers. Leapin' from the pond.
- Hang on, hang on, hang on.
- Yeah?
This guy died, what?
- Eight years ago?
- Yeah, yeah.
How is his sperm still in this world?
Well, it's the pilot semen bank.
- Mmm?
- You heard of that?
- No.
- Really?
I thought everyone knew about it.
- It's a bank of pilot semen.
- Okay.
Yeah, 'cause, you know, pilots
in the cockpit, they're...
The radiation in the cockpit
can affect their... their boys.
They don't swim as well.
So they make them, uh...
they make them store their semen
and they freeze it
at the pilot semen bank.
So we've been going along
and, um, making withdrawals
from the pilot semen bank.
- Okay.
- Mm-hm.
And you...
Why? I mean, you'd be... Why?
- I'm doing this for her, right?
- Right.
Because she loved him
and they were happier days.
So I just figure that if...
if she can have a small
Charles running around...
That's okay with you, to have
a small Charles running around?
Well, I'm hoping it'll be
his head on my body, you know...
It'll probably be his head on his body
unless you're mixing
your boys with his boys.
- Well, that's an option.
- I don't think it is an option.
What would happen there?
Probably a horrific sperm milkshake
would be the outcome there
and I don't think anyone
wants to see that.
No, that sounds messy.
Listen, I... I know she has a
real thing for this ex-husband.
- Almost as much as you do.
- He was a handsome man!
Listen, Stokes.
As your best friend,
it's important that I tell you...
giving another man's semen to your wife
when you have semen
is not an appropriate gift.
Hmm?
And I feel I can tell you that
because I have some insight into you
and I think your sperm's good enough.
I think it's more
than good enough, mate.
Look at yourself!
Look at... You're a cop.
You're a... a strapping,
you know, wise, you know...
You've got all your facilities, mostly.
- Mmm.
- Um...
Mate, you're about to make
one of the biggest drug busts
in the history
of this country, you know?
When the headlines come out tomorrow,
'Top Cop in Drug Bust',
they're gonna be lining up
around the block
to get some of your boys.
You've got liquid gold running
through your nuts there.
Just to get a droplet of your
semen is like manna from heaven.
She should be so lucky
to get a cup of your semen!
Mate, what you've got
in your pants there
you could float on the stock exchange.
- Ohh...
- You are liquid gold nuts.
Gold Nuts, that's what I'm
gonna call you from now on
because they're
so fuckin' valuable, all right?
I don't wanna hear any more talk
about this dead husband.
I wanna hear about you and your semen.
- That's all I wanna hear about.
- All right.
- Let's do it. Ooh! Whoa!
- Whoo! Yeah!
- Shall we have another coffee?
- Yeah, yeah.
Sources are reporting
unusual movement on the streets.
We anticipate contact to be made
with the warehouse before dawn.
This could be it, guys.
To tell you the truth, Jim,
I'm a bit scared.
- Why, mate?
- I'm a bit nervous.
- Why, mate?
- I'm a bit excited.
Yeah.
But I'm also a bit broke, mate.
Um, it's gonna take a while
to sell the house.
I mean, we can take the
Land Cruiser. That's no problem.
Oh, Brucey, don't worry.
I'll spot you some cash.
I got... I got I reckon 60
to 80 grand up in the paddock.
Don't worry.
It's all squirrelled away.
I've been saving.
So you got it up there
in a safe all sweet?
No, it's up in the paddock bank
in the holes.
- The hole technique.
- What? What do you mean?
I've dug holes. I buried it.
- Sweet, mate.
- Yeah.
So little markers,
little private little markers
so you know exactly
where everything is, all good?
No, no. I mean, even I don't
know where most of it is.
I know where some of it is,
but most of it,
I've got absolutely no idea.
Just dig holes in the dark and leave it.
Remember when I had that
problem with impulse buying?
Remember when I first discovered eBay?
Yeah, yeah, I know.
You were mad on that.
- Yeah.
- The jet ski.
- The jet ski.
- Jet skis.
- I don't wanna talk about it.
- No, fair enough.
Two weeks ago I was watching,
uh, a fishing show
and I'm thinking, "I wanna
start up a tropical fish tank."
So I'm doing a bit of research
and online I find a
5,000-litre fish tank.
It's clad with Italian terrazzo marble.
It's got high-density
fluorescent lights.
It's got an incredibly extensive
double filtration system.
And I'm picturing it,
a lush, tropical, undersea garden,
dozens of small reef sharks,
tetra neons, baby snapper,
sitting there at the end of my bed.
- Oh, shit!
- Like a love-making machine!
- Beautiful.
- So I hop in the car.
- I'm driving up to my paddock.
- Yep.
Four hours, I'm just at the
wheel thinking, "Tropical fish."
- Nothin' but fish.
- "Aquarium. Aquarium. Aquarium."
It's like a white line fever.
I get to the paddock
and I'm diggin' my holes
and I'm thinking seahorses,
I'm thinking crabs,
I'm thinking octopuses.
- Oh, my mind's just goin' crazy!
- Yeah.
- Then I get to the 28th hole.
- Yeah.
And then it hits me,
I fuckin' hate fish.
And that's the beauty of holes.
It takes the impulse
out of impulse buying.
I tossed down that shovel, drove home.
I've saved myself $25,000!
Mate, that's all well and good,
but we really need this money.
Nah. We THINK we need this money.
You wait till you're in your 30th hole.
See how you feel then.
I just got a text from Phil.
Phil? Ex?
Your ex Phil? Ex-fianc??
That's right. Basically
he says... What did he say?
He said, "I have made a huge mistake,"
and, "Can we try again?" or something.
And I just... I don't know what...
- He wants to get back together?
- I don't think I can go back.
- No?
- Nup. It was toxic.
- It was abusive.
- Oh, that's awful!
It was best I got out, I reckon.
- Yeah!
- 'Cause I'd just hit him.
I would just punch him...
You'd punch him?
- Yeah.
- And what?
'Cause he'd... Would he punch you?
No, no, no, no, no. Um...
No, he just brought out
this violent side in me
and I just can't be bothered
with it, honestly.
It's just... it's just not my best side
and, um, we'd just fight about
the same thing and it was...
The main fight we used to have
was over hot sauce.
Hot sauce?
Yeah, like, habanero
or Tabasco or chipotle...
No, I know what hot sauce is.
Okay, well, um...
Yeah, he'd just leave it out
and it says plain as day
on the bottle,
"Refrigerate after opening."
He knew it bothered me.
I'd come home from work most days
and it would be there on the
table, you know what I mean?
And it just... it just really
got to me and it just...
And one night I got home
and there it was on the table
and I just lost it, just laid into him.
Kicked him in the guts
a couple of times.
Punched him across the face.
There was quite a bit of blood.
So after that he'd put
the hot sauce away.
But the love was gone.
Something was broken.
I'm pretty sure you don't
have to keep it in the fridge.
What?
Hot sauce. It's just a guideline.
- But it says it on the...
- "Best before."
Oh, fuck, yeah, right.
"Uh, no, Detective Stokes and myself"
"never thought about our own safety..."
You should drop your voice an octave.
It sounds more authoritarian.
"It was always
the public safety"
"that was our principal consideration."
- 'Primary'.
- "Our primary concern."
Ooh, "Of chief," "Of chief."
"Of chief importance to us..."
'Paramount'. "Paramount concern."
"Uh, the public's safety
was of paramount concern to us."
"No. No further questions."
"No further questions. Thank you."
That's great.
Shush, shush, shush!
- You hear something?
- No.
These vests are comfortable...
- Hang on.
- The old ones used to cut around the neck.
Nup, nothing.
Mmm!
Shush. Shush, shush!
What?
That... that was gunshots.
Where was that?
- Where is it?
- They haven't called through.
What's going on? Fucking...
- Jesus!
- Why haven't they said anything?
Is something happening?
The radio's not working.
- It's not plugged in.
- Why?
I've got the grinder
plugged into the socket.
Runs off the same voltage.
You unplugged the radio? Put it back!
- You fucking dick!
- It's the same thing!
- Jesus Christ!
- Get off me! I can do it.
Copy that, Car 36.
The eastern perimeter is now secure...
We're missing it. We're
missing it, we're missing it!
- All right!
- Go, go, go. Ow! Fuck.
- Give me your coffee.
- No. Wait.
- Finish it first!
- Arggh! Fuck!
- Don't worry.
- Just go, just go! Go!
- Stokes, come on!
- Yeah, okay.
- You unplugged the radio?!
- Well, just... The grinder!
If we miss this...
if we miss this...
Why don't you have pre-ground beans?
They don't taste the same!
You gotta have freshly ground.
The two suspects
appear to have fled on foot.
Should we pursue them?
We got the big fish.
Leave 'em for next time.
This is our fuckin' case.
All right, here we go.
- Stop running.
- Watch out!
Whoa, whoa!
Here we go. Here we go!
Hands behind your back. Go!
- He's already dead.
- He's dead.
All right, clear!
- Watch it!
- Stokes, Stokes, Stokes.
- What can we do?
- Where's it at?
- Where is it?
- It's over. It's over.
- Here we go! Suspect identified!
- He's mine.
- Okay, okay. Clear, clear, clear.
- Come on.
- Stokes, stay with me.
- Hey! Him!
- Stokes, Stokes!
- Where have you been?
- Stokes, Stokes, Stokes...!
- Oof!
- Jesus, Rob!
- Okay, Stokes, Stokes, Stokes...?
- Yeah, very good!
- Yep, got it.
- Hey!
- Yeah, all right, all right.
- Looks like we missed it.
- Looks like it.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, it does.
- Why do you think?
- I don't know.
- Maybe the... the grinder...
- Maybe?
Plugged into the radio didn't help.
What are you doing?
Hey, it's not... You wanted a coff...
- Don't you point your gun at me!
- You...!
- What's that?
- Ssk!
- Oh, snip?
- That's it.
- Ohh.
- That's it.
What?
- Pfft...
- Don't follow me.
- Hendy, don't.
- Don't look at me.
- Look away.
- Ugh!
Don't follow me!
I mean it!
Just... Ohh.
You don't have to...
Jesus.
All right. Okay. All right.
Hendy! I need a lift home.
Now we're livin' here
In our art cafe
Livin' here in...
Behind you, behind you.
I've got an order up.
- Got it.
- Fig and ricotta tart on 16.
- And an almond milk latte.
- Absolutely.
Bring your card next time.
- Two for 7, lattes.
- No worries.
- Bernie!
- Hi, mate.
- Piccolo latte.
- Please.
- How's Sam doing?
- Really well.
- Good with the exams?
- Yeah, great.
Smart kid.
Margaret's large
charcoal nude out the back?
- Yeah, she won't budge, mate.
- I know she won't.
I've taken $100, said
we'd hold it till Thursday.
- Take it, take it.
- Janet. How are you?
- I'm already.
- How's Martin?
Made a full recovery? You tell
him Bruce and Jimmy said hello.
- I'll let him know.
- Thanks, babe.
Hey, listen, we gotta
get another order in...
Standing by.
Mmm.
This is such bullshit.
How many other cops are here
waiting for this raid?
This is our raid, our moment!
We were here from the beginning.
Look how far back we are.
We've got a terrible position.
We should be at the front,
the front car, the only car!
- Hendy.
- It's our operation.
- Adapt or die.
- It just makes me mad.
- Be like the goldfish.
- Hmm?
You know goldfish?
They adapt or they die.
Like, you put a goldfish
in a small bowl, it grows small.
Put a goldfish in a large bowl,
that very same goldfish, like,
a swimming pool, it grows large.
It understands its surroundings
and it adapts, all right?
It does not buck the system.
It doesn't get a head
full of goldfish steam
and want to be a large-ish fish.
It's happy with being a goldfish.
Well, that's the problem.
I'm not a goldfish.
I'm a shark and they've
put me in a goldfish bowl.
You know how frustrating
that is for the shark?
I just wanna eat and keep moving
and never sleep and keep moving.
And never swim backwards.
Never swim backwards.
Always move forwards.
Or you could be a handsome dolphin.
I don't wanna be a dolphin. I'm a shark.
Oh, you remember that dolphin
I picked up in the hard
rubbish throw-out?
- Mmm.
- Had it in my living room.
- It looks ridiculous.
- Does it? That's weird.
There's a crack in its bum.
It leaked brown water
all over the carpet.
So... I put it out the front yard.
- Huh.
- The circle of life.
Has anyone else picked it up yet?
No. Why would they? It's fucked.
Operation Big Red.
We have 14 units standing by
outside target location.
Two known male associates
inside the warehouse
and, uh, the big boss
is expected any time.
Won't be long, guys.
You thought any more about maybe
coming down the coast with me?
I wanna follow up on a few leads
first, looking for the old man.
- Going to Esperance.
- Esperance?
- Yeah.
- Really?
Which, funnily enough,
is French for 'hope'.
What, did your mum have
French... She had French in her?
She might have at some stage, yeah.
- Yeah, she got around.
- She really did.
What about you? What about
this small business idea?
Nah, not a small business.
I'm sort of thinking...
There's a little place I love, you know?
- On the Sapphire Coast there.
- Oh, yeah.
You can never get a decent
coffee there. Might just...
Always hard, isn't it, in the
rural areas on that coast drive.
I might just open up a little
shop where you can get coffee.
Nice. Like a cafe?
No, not a cafe. Just a...
shop where you can get coffee.
You know, flat white
or something. Double shot.
You know, just... just coffee.
- Like a coffee shop.
- Not a coffee shop.
Just... just a shop, you know?
So nothing else, just purely coffee?
And just shit that goes
with it, you know?
- What shit?
- Shit people eat, you know?
- Shit people eat with coffee.
- People eat shit?
Yeah, they have a coffee
and they eat shit with it.
- What shit?
- Pastry or something.
- What kind of pastries?
- Oh...
Croissant. Chocolate croissant.
Nothing fancy. Just shit
to have with your coffee.
Maybe... a drawing
or something on the wall.
A painting or something. I don't know.
So it's... kind of an art cafe.
It's not a fuckin' art cafe.
It's not a fuckin' art cafe, all right?
Okay?
It's just a place where you go,
you get coffee, you get shit to eat
and you get a drawing.
So I could... I could go there.
I could get some locally
sourced and roasted beans?
- Mm-hm.
- And a strong latte perhaps.
- Get a pastry, a nutmeg tart.
- Yep, mm-hm.
Look at some... some work
from local artists.
Mm-hm.
Well, I don't know.
I don't mean to offend you.
But I'm pretty sure that's an art cafe.
Why don't you...
why don't you think about
coming down with me?
Better than trawlin' around the country
looking for that old slut, I know that.
What?
Car 72,
still no activity.
- Maintaining position.
- Copy that, Car 72.
Continue to stand by.
And have a great day.
You're in a good mood.
Yeah. I took Lachy back.
- From Tony?
- Yep.
He's gonna stay with me the whole time.
I can't have him with his dickhead dad.
- Okay.
- So... he's back with me.
That's... That is so great, Carol.
- When... when did that happen?
- This all happened today.
So you took him home, came to work?
No, he's in the car.
- Is... Why?
- Oh, just... you know.
No, bring him in. That's fine.
- No, no, no.
- He was fine last time.
After what happened with the photos,
I thought it would be best.
I didn't mind the photos.
He was just fine.
You don't know what he did with them.
- Okay.
- You don't wanna know.
- He's got a 'Tumble' site thing.
- Okay.
He's put it on the Facebooks.
It's... it's "Hot April Nights".
- Wow. Okay.
- Some of it's pretty degrading.
It's your head with
other bodies and... Burgh!
Anyway, 'cause he 'photo-stores' them.
So I wouldn't go googling
yourself any time soon...
All right, okay.
Unless you want a bit of a fright.
Is it possible to ask him
to take them down for me?
I don't think he can.
Once the internet's got them...
- Okay.
- That's it.
Maybe it's best he does
stay in the car, then.
- That's probably a good idea.
- Yeah!
God, he's a terror, hey?
Yes.
He's my little terror.
I'm so happy
to have him back.
Oh, Carol!
Hey, that's so great.
Hey, that's wonderful.
- You've got him back!
- Yeah.
It's just so great you've got
him back after everything.
That's enough. I got...
I gotta do some stuff.
I might make a cuppa.
- I don't want one.
- All right!
This is even better.
Yes! It's a much better blend.
- What have you done?
- I just got a different bean.
- From where?
- From evidence.
- From the evidence room?
- Yeah, nicked it from evidence.
From this operation?
Yes, it's the same beans
that had the drugs in them.
They left a couple of bags
behind, so...
- It's really good.
- Mm-hm.
Oh, that is an interesting...
interesting fact.
What's that?
That by the year 2050, in the UK
there will be no one called Gary.
See, no one's been christened there,
christened "Gary", since 1992
so by the year 2050, the breed
of Garys will be extinct.
Isn't that amazing?
Yeah, so that's it?
There's no Garys by...
By 2050.
That won't be a great loss, will it?
I mean, it's Gary. It's like... Gary.
That was my dad's name.
And it's Lachy's middle name.
Oh, sorry, Carol. I didn't know that.
No, no. You're fine.
I didn't know that, Carol. How am I...
I'm sure
there'll still be Aprils.
Okay.
And Mays. Junes.
Oh, mate, look. I... I've
got something to tell ya.
- It sounds serious.
- Yeah.
Should I sit down for this?
- You better take a seat.
- All right. Go.
- Stokes, what is it?
- I've just...
I've gotta get this off my
chest, gotta unburden myself.
- Mate, what's wrong?
- Well...
You can tell me anything.
You know how Wendy and I...
We've been trying to get pregnant.
- Yeah.
- To cure her depression.
- Right.
- Well, she's, um...
You know her ex-husband, the pilot?
- The dead husband. Yep.
- Yeah.
Very handsome man.
He, um... We've been using, uh...
We've been using cups
of the dead husband's semen
to... to try to get her pregnant.
Oh, mate. So your boys aren't swimming?
Oh, no, they're swimming. Yeah.
Like world-class athletes, you know?
High divers. Leapin' from the pond.
- Hang on, hang on, hang on.
- Yeah?
This guy died, what?
- Eight years ago?
- Yeah, yeah.
How is his sperm still in this world?
Well, it's the pilot semen bank.
- Mmm?
- You heard of that?
- No.
- Really?
I thought everyone knew about it.
- It's a bank of pilot semen.
- Okay.
Yeah, 'cause, you know, pilots
in the cockpit, they're...
The radiation in the cockpit
can affect their... their boys.
They don't swim as well.
So they make them, uh...
they make them store their semen
and they freeze it
at the pilot semen bank.
So we've been going along
and, um, making withdrawals
from the pilot semen bank.
- Okay.
- Mm-hm.
And you...
Why? I mean, you'd be... Why?
- I'm doing this for her, right?
- Right.
Because she loved him
and they were happier days.
So I just figure that if...
if she can have a small
Charles running around...
That's okay with you, to have
a small Charles running around?
Well, I'm hoping it'll be
his head on my body, you know...
It'll probably be his head on his body
unless you're mixing
your boys with his boys.
- Well, that's an option.
- I don't think it is an option.
What would happen there?
Probably a horrific sperm milkshake
would be the outcome there
and I don't think anyone
wants to see that.
No, that sounds messy.
Listen, I... I know she has a
real thing for this ex-husband.
- Almost as much as you do.
- He was a handsome man!
Listen, Stokes.
As your best friend,
it's important that I tell you...
giving another man's semen to your wife
when you have semen
is not an appropriate gift.
Hmm?
And I feel I can tell you that
because I have some insight into you
and I think your sperm's good enough.
I think it's more
than good enough, mate.
Look at yourself!
Look at... You're a cop.
You're a... a strapping,
you know, wise, you know...
You've got all your facilities, mostly.
- Mmm.
- Um...
Mate, you're about to make
one of the biggest drug busts
in the history
of this country, you know?
When the headlines come out tomorrow,
'Top Cop in Drug Bust',
they're gonna be lining up
around the block
to get some of your boys.
You've got liquid gold running
through your nuts there.
Just to get a droplet of your
semen is like manna from heaven.
She should be so lucky
to get a cup of your semen!
Mate, what you've got
in your pants there
you could float on the stock exchange.
- Ohh...
- You are liquid gold nuts.
Gold Nuts, that's what I'm
gonna call you from now on
because they're
so fuckin' valuable, all right?
I don't wanna hear any more talk
about this dead husband.
I wanna hear about you and your semen.
- That's all I wanna hear about.
- All right.
- Let's do it. Ooh! Whoa!
- Whoo! Yeah!
- Shall we have another coffee?
- Yeah, yeah.
Sources are reporting
unusual movement on the streets.
We anticipate contact to be made
with the warehouse before dawn.
This could be it, guys.
To tell you the truth, Jim,
I'm a bit scared.
- Why, mate?
- I'm a bit nervous.
- Why, mate?
- I'm a bit excited.
Yeah.
But I'm also a bit broke, mate.
Um, it's gonna take a while
to sell the house.
I mean, we can take the
Land Cruiser. That's no problem.
Oh, Brucey, don't worry.
I'll spot you some cash.
I got... I got I reckon 60
to 80 grand up in the paddock.
Don't worry.
It's all squirrelled away.
I've been saving.
So you got it up there
in a safe all sweet?
No, it's up in the paddock bank
in the holes.
- The hole technique.
- What? What do you mean?
I've dug holes. I buried it.
- Sweet, mate.
- Yeah.
So little markers,
little private little markers
so you know exactly
where everything is, all good?
No, no. I mean, even I don't
know where most of it is.
I know where some of it is,
but most of it,
I've got absolutely no idea.
Just dig holes in the dark and leave it.
Remember when I had that
problem with impulse buying?
Remember when I first discovered eBay?
Yeah, yeah, I know.
You were mad on that.
- Yeah.
- The jet ski.
- The jet ski.
- Jet skis.
- I don't wanna talk about it.
- No, fair enough.
Two weeks ago I was watching,
uh, a fishing show
and I'm thinking, "I wanna
start up a tropical fish tank."
So I'm doing a bit of research
and online I find a
5,000-litre fish tank.
It's clad with Italian terrazzo marble.
It's got high-density
fluorescent lights.
It's got an incredibly extensive
double filtration system.
And I'm picturing it,
a lush, tropical, undersea garden,
dozens of small reef sharks,
tetra neons, baby snapper,
sitting there at the end of my bed.
- Oh, shit!
- Like a love-making machine!
- Beautiful.
- So I hop in the car.
- I'm driving up to my paddock.
- Yep.
Four hours, I'm just at the
wheel thinking, "Tropical fish."
- Nothin' but fish.
- "Aquarium. Aquarium. Aquarium."
It's like a white line fever.
I get to the paddock
and I'm diggin' my holes
and I'm thinking seahorses,
I'm thinking crabs,
I'm thinking octopuses.
- Oh, my mind's just goin' crazy!
- Yeah.
- Then I get to the 28th hole.
- Yeah.
And then it hits me,
I fuckin' hate fish.
And that's the beauty of holes.
It takes the impulse
out of impulse buying.
I tossed down that shovel, drove home.
I've saved myself $25,000!
Mate, that's all well and good,
but we really need this money.
Nah. We THINK we need this money.
You wait till you're in your 30th hole.
See how you feel then.
I just got a text from Phil.
Phil? Ex?
Your ex Phil? Ex-fianc??
That's right. Basically
he says... What did he say?
He said, "I have made a huge mistake,"
and, "Can we try again?" or something.
And I just... I don't know what...
- He wants to get back together?
- I don't think I can go back.
- No?
- Nup. It was toxic.
- It was abusive.
- Oh, that's awful!
It was best I got out, I reckon.
- Yeah!
- 'Cause I'd just hit him.
I would just punch him...
You'd punch him?
- Yeah.
- And what?
'Cause he'd... Would he punch you?
No, no, no, no, no. Um...
No, he just brought out
this violent side in me
and I just can't be bothered
with it, honestly.
It's just... it's just not my best side
and, um, we'd just fight about
the same thing and it was...
The main fight we used to have
was over hot sauce.
Hot sauce?
Yeah, like, habanero
or Tabasco or chipotle...
No, I know what hot sauce is.
Okay, well, um...
Yeah, he'd just leave it out
and it says plain as day
on the bottle,
"Refrigerate after opening."
He knew it bothered me.
I'd come home from work most days
and it would be there on the
table, you know what I mean?
And it just... it just really
got to me and it just...
And one night I got home
and there it was on the table
and I just lost it, just laid into him.
Kicked him in the guts
a couple of times.
Punched him across the face.
There was quite a bit of blood.
So after that he'd put
the hot sauce away.
But the love was gone.
Something was broken.
I'm pretty sure you don't
have to keep it in the fridge.
What?
Hot sauce. It's just a guideline.
- But it says it on the...
- "Best before."
Oh, fuck, yeah, right.
"Uh, no, Detective Stokes and myself"
"never thought about our own safety..."
You should drop your voice an octave.
It sounds more authoritarian.
"It was always
the public safety"
"that was our principal consideration."
- 'Primary'.
- "Our primary concern."
Ooh, "Of chief," "Of chief."
"Of chief importance to us..."
'Paramount'. "Paramount concern."
"Uh, the public's safety
was of paramount concern to us."
"No. No further questions."
"No further questions. Thank you."
That's great.
Shush, shush, shush!
- You hear something?
- No.
These vests are comfortable...
- Hang on.
- The old ones used to cut around the neck.
Nup, nothing.
Mmm!
Shush. Shush, shush!
What?
That... that was gunshots.
Where was that?
- Where is it?
- They haven't called through.
What's going on? Fucking...
- Jesus!
- Why haven't they said anything?
Is something happening?
The radio's not working.
- It's not plugged in.
- Why?
I've got the grinder
plugged into the socket.
Runs off the same voltage.
You unplugged the radio? Put it back!
- You fucking dick!
- It's the same thing!
- Jesus Christ!
- Get off me! I can do it.
Copy that, Car 36.
The eastern perimeter is now secure...
We're missing it. We're
missing it, we're missing it!
- All right!
- Go, go, go. Ow! Fuck.
- Give me your coffee.
- No. Wait.
- Finish it first!
- Arggh! Fuck!
- Don't worry.
- Just go, just go! Go!
- Stokes, come on!
- Yeah, okay.
- You unplugged the radio?!
- Well, just... The grinder!
If we miss this...
if we miss this...
Why don't you have pre-ground beans?
They don't taste the same!
You gotta have freshly ground.
The two suspects
appear to have fled on foot.
Should we pursue them?
We got the big fish.
Leave 'em for next time.
This is our fuckin' case.
All right, here we go.
- Stop running.
- Watch out!
Whoa, whoa!
Here we go. Here we go!
Hands behind your back. Go!
- He's already dead.
- He's dead.
All right, clear!
- Watch it!
- Stokes, Stokes, Stokes.
- What can we do?
- Where's it at?
- Where is it?
- It's over. It's over.
- Here we go! Suspect identified!
- He's mine.
- Okay, okay. Clear, clear, clear.
- Come on.
- Stokes, stay with me.
- Hey! Him!
- Stokes, Stokes!
- Where have you been?
- Stokes, Stokes, Stokes...!
- Oof!
- Jesus, Rob!
- Okay, Stokes, Stokes, Stokes...?
- Yeah, very good!
- Yep, got it.
- Hey!
- Yeah, all right, all right.
- Looks like we missed it.
- Looks like it.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, it does.
- Why do you think?
- I don't know.
- Maybe the... the grinder...
- Maybe?
Plugged into the radio didn't help.
What are you doing?
Hey, it's not... You wanted a coff...
- Don't you point your gun at me!
- You...!
- What's that?
- Ssk!
- Oh, snip?
- That's it.
- Ohh.
- That's it.
What?
- Pfft...
- Don't follow me.
- Hendy, don't.
- Don't look at me.
- Look away.
- Ugh!
Don't follow me!
I mean it!
Just... Ohh.
You don't have to...
Jesus.
All right. Okay. All right.
Hendy! I need a lift home.
Now we're livin' here
In our art cafe
Livin' here in...
Behind you, behind you.
I've got an order up.
- Got it.
- Fig and ricotta tart on 16.
- And an almond milk latte.
- Absolutely.
Bring your card next time.
- Two for 7, lattes.
- No worries.
- Bernie!
- Hi, mate.
- Piccolo latte.
- Please.
- How's Sam doing?
- Really well.
- Good with the exams?
- Yeah, great.
Smart kid.
Margaret's large
charcoal nude out the back?
- Yeah, she won't budge, mate.
- I know she won't.
I've taken $100, said
we'd hold it till Thursday.
- Take it, take it.
- Janet. How are you?
- I'm already.
- How's Martin?
Made a full recovery? You tell
him Bruce and Jimmy said hello.
- I'll let him know.
- Thanks, babe.
Hey, listen, we gotta
get another order in...