Nip/Tuck (2003–2010): Season 5, Episode 6 - Damien Sands - full transcript

NARRATOR:
Previously on Nip / Tuck...

I'm afraid I've never done
this before. Paid for someone.

You're one hot momma.

I'm surprised you
two never went for it.

I sort of assumed
that you were straight.

I know about your little
tryst with Julia, Dr. Troy.

You don't wanna play this game
with me. You're gonna get yourself hurt.

I'm Mrs. Feeny. I'm from The
Shelter drug rehabilitation center.

Rehab?

You need professional help.

There's been a bed reserved for
you. You'll be there for six weeks.



When I come back, Sean
is going to know everything.

Why aren't you in your scrubs?

It's just another tit job.
Sorry. I got... Hold on.

Bleaching tray in.

What I was trying to say is, it's
just another tit job. You can handle it.

I got Sally Hershberger at
10:00. I got a manicure at 11:00.

And I got a facial at noon.

The camera is a cruel
mistress, my friend.

I can't have a hair,
cuticle, or pore out of place.

I told you, I'm not
doing a reality show.

- Fiona worked very hard for this.
- 'Cause you pushed her relentlessly.

Come on, Christian.

We already have enough
exposure through Hearts 'N Scalpels.

(CHUCKLES) Hearts 'N Scalpels!



Dramas are going by way of
sitcom, my friend, into the shitter.

Reality is the future. In fact,
reality is the present, all right?

No overpriced writers,
no actors to suck up to.

It's exploitation and I
won't be involved in it.

The whole point of those shows
is to make fools out of people.

Those people are fools,
all right? We're different.

We're doctors, and
we have the opportunity

to show people how we operate.

You mean it's your
chance to be in the spotlight.

Yes, Sean, this is
important to me, okay?

I'm a star, and I'm tired of
feeling like a supporting player.

All right?

Look, we'll make it interesting.

We'll make it classy, all right?
It'll be much more PBS than VH1.

Fine, go ahead, do the
show. Just without me.

I can't.

Look,

they're not gonna green-light
the show without you in it.

They think you're some kind of
draw or something. I don't know.

Sean.

Please?

Look, just do it for me.

(SIGHS)

Make me beautiful

Make me

A perfect soul A perfect mind

A perfect face

A perfect lie

Hi, I'm Dr. Christian Troy.

I'm a Board-certified plastic surgeon,
and this show is about me and my partner,

and the fascinating world
in which we live and work.

While there are a number of
programs focusing on plastic surgery,

Hearts 'N Scalpels for example,

on which I play
Dr. Peter Casey...

Severe arterial hemorrhage,
Doctor. He's going into shock.

None analyze the whys
and hows of the process

as much as look for the
faux drama in the situation.

We're doing this pilot to reveal
the truth about plastic surgery.

Sean and I have
been together 20 years.

I'd say we've seen up to
40,000 undressed women.

You could double that number if
you're talking about my personal life.

(CAMERA CLICKING)

Every single one
of them is special.

Every single one
of them is different.

I think you could
go up to a double D.

I like that.

A C, D.

- Maybe even a double D would be fine.
- Mmm.

Double D sounds delicious.

I think you should go down
to a double D, sweetheart.

Can I go bigger?

I mean, I've always
loved the letter H.

I even named my cat Heathcliff.

We'll focus on the health
benefits of plastic surgery,

which, quite frankly, all too often
are buried under media slander

that claims our industry is unnecessary
and caters only to the wealthy and vain.

Yeah,

I think everything's
gonna change for me now.

Don't you, Dr. McNamara?

Ladies will be lining
up to meet this stud.

(LAUGHS)

We'll examine our patient's
psyches and their bodies.

Ask them why they would
undergo a painful procedure

just to have their
appearances altered.

I think the audience will find
their reasons very sympathetic.

The difference between
this reality show and others?

Simple.

The others don't
have me and Sean.

And in the end, that's
what this show's all about.

Us.

And we're fantastic.

(PLASTIC FANTASTIC PLAYING)

WOMAN: (SINGING)
Don't want no saggy bottom

Don't want no droopy eyes

I'd like a piece of candy
Go up one more cup size

Everyone wants to look
like me Plastic Fantastic

The most important thing
we do every day is floss.

Just kidding.

It's actually the first
time we meet a consult.

We say, "Tell me what you
don't like about yourself."

It's a line I came up with.
It's kind of our signature line.

Actually, I came up
with it in med school.

No, you didn't. You... I came
up with it, Grubman's first consult.

I knew that she was a well of self-hatred
and she'd be on the table for years.

It was in Weintraub's seminar.
You weren't even there that day.

You stayed in bed
with a belly dancer.

(BELLY DANCING MUSIC PLAYING)

(CAMERA CLICKING)

- Tell me what you...
- Tell me what you...

- don't like about yourself.
- Don't like about yourself.

Mr. Sands.

I don't like that the world we live
in rewards youth over experience.

You see, that's what's so
great about plastic surgery.

We have the ability to
give people with experience

back their youth.

I'll never be 20 again.

I know that. Frankly,
I wouldn't want it.

Twenty year olds have
their heads up their asses

and they stick their dicks in
any moist hole they can find.

Even at 40, 45,

you think you know yourself
and what you're good at,

but you really don't. Do you?

These types of patients
are quite common.

They're really just looking
for someone to talk to,

and sometimes the best
that we can do is listen

and advise them not to
go under the knife at all.

But you are here to talk about
getting cosmetic surgery, aren't you?

Yes, of course.

I would like a neck
tightening and an eye lift.

May I ask, Mr. Sands, what
type of business you're in?

I see you left it blank
in your questionnaire.

Well, I'd rather not
divulge that information.

Knowing your profession
can be quite helpful

in planning your
recovery schedule.

Blurred vision, for example,

is a common side effect
after a blepharoplasty.

Uh... An airline pilot
or a truck driver...

That's not a concern.
Most of my work is... It's

done in the dark.

So you're a vampire.

No, sir.

More like a Marquis de
Sade, a Casanova, a libertine.

Naturally, I was shocked
when my partner informed me

he believed our consult
was a male escort.

I don't like to
judge, but, really,

of all the people out
there we should be helping,

I'd have to say that
a male prostitute is

pretty far down the list.

Most of the time, I would
have to agree with Dr. Troy,

but there was something
about this patient

that makes him
quite a unique case.

Something I don't believe has
ever been on television before.

I don't want any drugs in my
system during the operation.

I've been clean for 20 years
and I'd like to keep it that way.

We practice Western
medicine, Mr. Sands.

Pharmacology is
necessary in anesthesia.

Well, it's not a
problem for me, Sean.

If he wants to feel the
pain, I say we go for it.

I assume you're looking for a
more holistic alternative approach.

Acupuncture.

(CHRISTIAN LAUGHS)

I love all this
California new age crap.

I mean, it's hilarious to me to think
that you can stick a needle in your head

and that your whole body's
gonna go numb, you know?

It's just a lawsuit
waiting to happen.

If he signs a release, and
our staff anesthesiologist

stands by ready to jump in, I
think it's a totally viable request.

I mean, more and more people
have been turning to Eastern medicine

to treat a number of ailments,

and we do know an
acupuncturist who studied in China.

When Sean first asked me
to treat one of his patients,

I must admit, I
was quite surprised.

I have my degree at the Nanjing
University of Traditional Chinese Medicine,

but I've only assisted on
acupuncture anesthesia a few times.

What?

Sean didn't tell you she's
his ex-wife's girlfriend? Yeah.

I'm not sure why
my opinion matters.

But...

Well, I mean, no, of course,

I completely trust Sean
and Olivia, you know?

I feel that this patient's
in very good hands.

(BABY CRYING)

Um... I think I should
go and check on him.

I'm gonna check on him and...

She's still a little
shy about PDA.

I'm not gonna talk about my
ex-wife and her personal life.

If you have any
questions about medicine

or surgical
procedure, I'm all ears.

Preparation is key before a
surgery, so we're doing a dry run

of the acupuncture anesthesia.

Dr. Troy has volunteered
to be our guinea pig.

There are approximately 20 points
that can trigger analgesia in patient.

After examining Dr. Troy
I've isolated three,

and about a half-hour before
surgery we'll insert needles into

large intestine 4,
liver 2 and heart 3.

Oh, you're not sticking
any needles into my heart.

- Oh, can I do it?
- Lizzy, keep your hands off me, all right?

I don't wanna catch that rash
festering all over your face.

Sure, Christian
and I joke around,

but we've been working
together for a long time.

We don't mean it.

We really love each
other. Like Bill and Hillary,

Ike and Tina.

Heart 3 is on the inside
of your elbow, Christian.

And the needles will only
go in about a centimeter.

- You'll barely feel them.
- Okay.

CHRISTIAN: Oh!

Yep. Felt that.

(LAUGHS)

These people are crazy.

The only reason I moved out here

was because they threw
a bunch of money at me.

And the golfing opportunities.

We'll slowly turn it up to 100
hertz on the continuous mode.

- What's the electric stimulator for?
- It calms the shen,

which is the patient's emotional
experience of the surgery.

That's right, Liz.

I took a couple of night
classes back in Miami.

I'll have the intravenous anesthesia
ready for Mr. Sands if he feels anything,

but I have the utmost confidence
in Olivia and her techniques.

She's really great.

Close your eyes
for me, Christian.

- Can you feel this?
- Of course I can.

How about you, Ollie?

What do you feel when
you're in the sack with Julia?

Can you feel her disappointment

when she reaches between your
legs and comes up empty-handed?

I can assure you, Christian,
that when we're undulating

in the sheets together,
there are no empty hands.

Heart rate is 60.

You know, I don't think
this is working, Sean.

(EXHALES) I mean, it
might make great TV, but

how do you operate on a patient
who is screaming bloody murder?

Right?

You know, Olivia, it's
just a matter of time

before Julia gives
up the gay ghost.

You know, our private
life is exactly that. Private.

It's for us to know, and for you to
have masturbatory fantasies about.

- I think she's talking to you, Lizzy.
- Lay off, Christian.

Oh, you're the one who said
she wasn't a carpet cruncher.

Not me.

Liz, you don't
think Julia's gay?

Um... I...

I think that people
can fall in love

with whomever they want,

and I totally understand
why Julia fell in love with you.

The patient's ready,
Dr. McNamara.

I'm gonna go get her so that
she can take out the needles.

Yep, good work
there, Liz. All right?

CHRISTIAN: I really
don't think this is working.

(WHISPERING)

OLIVIA: (WHISPERING)
I know, it's just...

You know, I'd appreciate it if you kept it
on the surgery and out of the bedroom.

You know? I mean, you promised
me this show would be professional,

not exploitative, remember?

Just trying to spice
things up a little, all right?

You know Julia's not a lesbian.

That's why you're overcompensating
by having Olivia here.

Well, you know, I'm
trying to be supportive.

You're trying to break them up.

Look, if you wanna
be supportive, all right,

then tell Olivia to
take a hike, all right?

And we'll get rid of grandpa,
we'll have 20 tit jobs in here

that'll have much more eyes on the
TV screen than his saggy ass. All right?

- Oh...
- All right.

The run-through was
a complete success.

SEAN: How are you
doing, Mr. Sands?

Just great, thank you.

OLIVIA: Fully
anesthetized, Doctor.

CHRISTIAN: Now, let's
get this started. Hit it, toots.

Because the surgeries can take
up to six, maybe even eight hours,

we here at McNamara/Troy
have a tradition

of playing music
to keep us dancing.

SEAN: Fifteen-blade.

I'm really glad we're
doing this surgery, Dr. Troy.

SEAN: I only wanna hear you
speak if there's any pain, Mr. Sands.

My competition is
getting more ferocious,

- younger.
- We gonna have to sew your mouth shut?

Give me a ball gag
and a two-prong hook.

SEAN: Next pickups, please.

While Dr. Troy lifts the skin
and cauterizes the bleeders,

I'll separate it
from the muscles.

Why so much hostility, Dr. Troy?

What are you afraid of?

Certain information
might come out, perhaps?

LIZ: What are you doing?
CHRISTIAN: Needles are not working.

He's perfectly sedated.

I'm the operating
physician. It's my call.

It's better to be
safe than sorry.

(CHRISTIAN GRUNTS)

Right, Sean?

Okay.

I don't know what was going on
between Dr. Troy and Mr. Sands,

but for some reason,

Christian has a bee in
his bonnet about that guy.

The patient is stable, Doctor.

Maybe we can cut
around that last part, yes?

Hey...

SEAN: Eden, this
is a sterile zone.

Oh, you got what you wanted,
right? They attacked me in rehab.

CHRISTIAN: Get
the hell out here,

or you'll go someplace
much worse than rehab.

You are a... liar. You
put the... pills in my bag...

You know, you just
wanna get rid of me again

because you don't
want your little secret out.

- I have no secrets, Eden.
- Oh, really?

She's a drug addict and a liar.

And she'll do anything she
can to score some more pills.

- Lying isn't gonna help anybody.
- Who's the liar, Sean?

Want me to tell them about
our little masturbation party?

Or do they know about that, too?

She's a drug addict and a
liar. And she'll do anything...

Anything... Anything
to get some pills.

CHRISTIAN: I don't give a
crap about that little bitch, Eden.

Or about Julia
and Liz and Olivia

and their muff-diving bullshit.

The show is supposed
to be about me. Me!

SEAN: How did this happen?

How do you think it happened?
The real junkies at rehab attacked me.

And I'm sure you'll
all be proud to know

that I'm a pack-a-day
smoker. Good job, everyone.

I'm sorry, do we have to
have these things here?

I mean, this is a family matter. Do
we have to share it with the world?

- Keep going.
- JULIA: Christian.

Cigarette burns, probably second degree.
Did a doctor at the center see these?

(EDEN SCOFFS)

They don't care. All they
do is cash your check.

So you ran away before you even
got the treatment you needed, right?

That's why I'm here... head.

Olivia, why don't just
stick some needles in her?

- Send her on her way.
- Go to hell, Christian.

You just wanna
get rid of me again

because you don't
want your little secret out.

I have no secrets, Eden.

Oh, really. So then I guess Sean
knows that you already... Julia?

Um... Twenty years
ago. We all know.

(SCOFFS) No, Sean.
Like, a month ago.

- Lying isn't gonna help anybody.
- Who's the liar, Sean?

Want me to tell them about
our little masturbation party?

Or do they know about that, too?

(JULIA GASPS)

What I believe Eden
Lord was referring to

is an exam I gave her
after a previous operation.

Another female was present. It
was completely clinical in nature.

My medical opinion? The little
bitch belongs in an institution.

I... Somewhere, deep down,
I know that Eden's a good kid.

I just have no idea why
she hates me so much.

Sorry. Um...

Can we just stop a minute? I...

This camera business
is really intrusive. Can I...

(SOBBING)

Um...

I signed the release form? Okay.

Liz.

- Hey.
- Hi.

- Do you have a moment?
- Yeah, sure. What?

You know, I know that it's not
easy, you know, being in a new city,

finding someone...

Oh, yeah, well, you
tell me about it, huh?

You don't know how lucky
you are you found Olivia.

You mean, before you did.

No, excuse me, can you
stop taping me, please?

No, I'm serious.

No, stop taping me now
or I'm gonna just leave.

Am I making myself clear?

I've watched you, Liz. You
can't keep your eyes off her.

We're friends, Julia.

You might not have
gotten the handbook yet,

but two lesbians
can be just friends.

Well, then I hope that
you and I can be friends

and you can respect
our boundaries.

And maybe you wanna talk to your
girlfriend about that instead of me.

Do they know about the
overhead cameras I had put in?

I don't think so. But it's
pretty sexy stuff, right?

Three lesbians fighting
over their turf is ratings gold.

This cream will help
your scars heal faster.

Why are you doing this? Don't
you hate me like everybody else?

I'm doing this because I'm
a doctor. This is what I do.

Now, you'll need some surgery.

Shit, are they gonna scar?

Not if I'm your surgeon.

- Sean.
- Hmm?

I lied earlier.

Julia and Christian
didn't sleep together.

I just... I was so angry,
I had to say something.

(SEAN SIGHS)

I'll see you in a
few days, okay?

We'll schedule some time
in the OR for your grafts,

and afterwards this whole
thing can just be forgotten.

CHRISTIAN: I don't give a
crap about that little bitch, Eden.

Or about Julia
and Liz and Olivia

and their muff-diving bullshit.

The show is supposed
to be about me. Me!

Okay, why don't you just go do
something glamorous, you know?

Like go shopping on Rodeo Drive.

- People eat that shit up.
- That's ridiculous.

- I see that shit all the time.
- Oh, okay, go have lunch at Fred Segal.

Okay? That place is just
crawling with celebrities.

I just saw Jason
Priestly having a nosh

there last week. That's good.

Look, you came here with no
contact except for me, right?

I got you this job, and that's
the best you can come up with?

Where's Fiona? Get
Fiona on the phone.

She's unavail, Christian, okay?
Sean Penn just got back from Iraq.

- She's got damage control to do.
- You better come up

with something fast, Bliss, all
right? I'm sick of hearing about this

Hearts 'N Scalpels
bullshit. This is my show!

I know, I know, okay? I will
think of something. I promise.

When I found out my first
assignment as a Los Angeles PR queen

was to work on the
launch of a reality show,

well, I was beside myself.
See, here's the thing.

Reality shows are my jam, okay?
Charm School. Project Runway.

Hey, Paula, the one where they
spend every episode convincing us

that Paula Abdul's "just tired."

Well, I watch every one, okay?

I'm just obsessed. So
suddenly it came to me.

Who better to give Christian
advice on how to navigate

a reality show than the biggest
star in reality TV right now?

Oh, that's right. Miss
New York herself.

I'm sitting next to
New York. She's huge.

That's right, honey. I am
big, and I'll save your ass

from cancellation because I
know how this genre works.

Mmm-hmm.

And after we explained to Christian
about the whole New York phenomenon,

he really seemed to get with the
program. New York gave it to him straight.

I love New York.

I'm just gonna cut to the
chase and give it to you straight.

You need to be way
more interesting, homeboy.

- Interesting?
- Like, seriously.

- Interesting?
- Yes, yes.

- Come in, come in. Interesting?
- Interesting.

I am interesting. All right?

If you want this show to go,

you are gonna have
to create conflict.

Be the center of controversy.

Controversy, conflict. What do you
mean? So everybody can hate me?

Is that that what
you're talking about?

You know what? Everybody's
not gonna hate you.

Just don't take responsibility.

(CHRISTIAN EXHALES)

- Deny, deny, deny.
- Deny, deny.

And then just move on to the
next thing. As simple as that.

- Yeah.
- Deny.

Yeah. I think that what
New York is saying, Christian,

is that people have very
short attention spans.

So you just need to
listen to New York,

'cause New York knows
what's going on. Okay?

MS. NEW YORK: You feeling it?

(CLEARS THROAT)

Would you guys, just give
me a second here? Okay?

(LAUGHS)

Bye.

I care about Julia, and I
don't wanna see her get hurt.

- You know, I should never have...
- What's going on?

- Let Olivia anywhere near you.
- Okay.

You are a bitter, dried up...

(ALL SHOUTING)

Plastic Fantastic

Plastic Fantastic

CHRISTIAN: How are
we feeling, Mr. Sands?

I thought you had
forgotten about me, Dr. Troy.

Or did you stay away on purpose?

I heard you asked for some
morphine. What happened?

Acupuncture not the answer
you thought it would be?

There are some side effects to
morphine. They include hallucinations,

- delusions of grandeur.
- This is not a healthy environment.

The peace and quiet that acupuncture
requires for success are nonexistent here.

Keep saying that, Mr. Sands.

If I develop an addiction
to these painkillers,

I'll be saying lots of
things to my lawyer.

To be fair, you did request a service
that our acupuncturist couldn't provide.

We've decided to eat the costs.

Your procedure
is free of charge.

That seems fair.

Marvelous.

I could be 44 again.

- Don't you think?
- Forty-five at the most.

You removed the
wrinkles, not the wisdom.

You and your partner
have done a very good job.

This puts me back in the game.

Will I be seeing you
on the playing field?

The only playing field I have is
that surgical table back in there.

Let's keep it that way.

This town isn't big
enough for the both of us.

Doesn't he look fantastic?

Patient satisfaction is a
priority here at McNamara/Troy.

Tell me,

are you satisfied, Mr. Sands?

Very.

MR. SANDS: A s it turns out,

Dr. Troy is an excellent doctor.

He's not who I thought he'd be.

Actually, I could probably
send him some work.

On second thought, maybe not.

He doesn't really seem to
need any help, now, does he?

While Eden Lord was not
originally scheduled to be a patient,

she does need our help.

Her forearms were badly
scarred in an accident.

So we're gonna graft some
skin from the back of her thighs,

and sew it onto her forearms.

Here you can see
what I'm talking about.

We pick an area of
unaffected skin, shave it off,

and then roll it through
this machine here,

which creates a mesh-like quality,
allowing the skin to expand when sutured

- to the affected area...
- JULIA: Where are you?

Liz? Liz?

She's in here. Oh, God damn it.

(JULIA EXCLAIMS)

Olivia. God damn
it. How could you?

- What are you talking about?
- And of all the people that...

You had to choose Liz and here?

- Slow down, Julia.
- What, were you hoping to get off?

You don't know what
you're talking about.

Oh, don't even, you know?

- You know, I should never have...
- What's going on?

- Let Olivia anywhere near you.
- Okay.

- You are a bitter, dried-up...
- What are you talking about?

No! You looked me in the face
and you told me that lesbians

could be friends.

And I just can't
believe that I fell for it.

Okay, who told you what?

You weren't even there,
Christian. Come on, get in here.

Get off me.

I wasn't even there
to see what, Liz?

It's not her fault. Don't blame
Olivia. Those were my lips.

You don't need to defend
me, Liz. I kissed her.

Okay? I was hurt and confused
and in need of some kind of comfort.

Look, I screwed up. Okay? I
screwed up. But so have you.

No, look, I'm sorry, but, you know,
when I told you about the indiscretions

that I'd had since
we've been together...

You know, I know
I'm not perfect.

But I thought you
understood. I trusted you.

I wish you trusted me.

- What indiscretions?
- Listen, Liz, Liz, Liz.

Don't interrupt people
when they're trying

- to make a reconciliation, all right?
- It was an accident.

Nothing more. It meant nothing.

God, you have been so
unavailable to me lately.

I don't know if it's the cameras, or
what, but sometimes when I'm with you,

- I have never felt more alone.
- Look, I just... Can we...

- Not here. Please, not now.
- Okay, okay. Turn it off.

The show's over. Turn it off!

God, you have been so
unavailable to me lately.

I don't know if it's the cameras, or
what, but sometimes when I'm with you,

- I have never felt more alone.
- Look, I just... Can we...

- Not here. Please, not now.
- Oka y, okay. Turn it off.

The show's over. Turn it off!

This is the cut they wanna air?

Mmm-hmm.

The producers love it.

They won't change a frame
and won't consider any edits.

- We're screwed.
- I knew we shouldn't do this.

I did this for you. You fix it!

Oh, come on, like you don't love
being Mr. Famous Plastic Surgeon.

If there's a camera around these
days you're like a heat-seeking missile.

I wouldn't be surprised if
I turn on the TV next year

and find you on
Celebrity Fit Club.

I am not fat. I'm in terrific shape,
and I don't need to go on that show.

- I have standards, you idiot.
- All right, all right. I'm sorry, okay?

I thought getting that TV show
would even the playing field.

I'm sorry that I single-handedly
destroyed our reputation.

Well, nobody made me
sign the consent form.

I admit it, I like
getting attention.

After years in your shadow,
I like being in the limelight.

I've become deeply
superficial, haven't I?

I've gone Hollywood.

- What are we gonna do now?
- We have to move back to Miami.

They have cable
television in Miami, too.

- Then we can't shoot any more episodes.
- We're contracted to do 13.

Well then we're screwed.

There's only one thing to do.

You're right.

I'm gonna hang Fiona and
that dumbass Bliss Berger

by their press-on fingernails.

I don't know what to say.

Then let me help. Crawl back to Fiona
and tell her that you've both been fired

- by McNamara/Troy.
- The show is a complete embarrassment.

It's not about doctors.

It's about two sex-crazed
lunatics and their crazy family.

If people wanna watch a cheesy
soap, they can watch Hearts 'N Scalpels.

You hid cameras
without our consent.

Sorry, but watching you guys interact
when you think no one's watching

is where all the action is.

Well, during surgery, fine.

But not with our wives
and children and friends.

This show will hurt
people in our lives.

And we have to do 12 more of these
things because we signed that consent form.

You didn't protect
us. You screwed us.

So you wouldn't agree to any
more re-shoots, that sort of thing?

- No.
- No.

Well then, fine.

Hey, good news. The
show's not happening.

I hope you're happy.

You know, you could have
become huge stars from this.

- Wait a minute, you got us out of it?
- I didn't have to.

The network tested
the show this morning...

Wait a second. The
network tested us?

How high did we score?
I bet you we scored huge.

Actually, killer, it
was just the opposite.

Let's have a look.

The test audience rated you
low on the likeability scale.

A two on a one-to-ten scale.

And they thought the tone of the show
was, and I quote, "pushing credibility."

Said one tester, a Mrs. Lois
Jean, "This show jumped the shark

"five minutes into
the pilot." End quote.

The lesbians tested high, though.
They always do. Guys find that hot.

What? This is bullshit.

We're hot. You tell her, Sean.

So we're not picked up.

Nope. The show's not happening.
Especially without re-shoots.

So thanks for killing
my baby. I appreciate it.

Oh, and by the way, boys,

before you consider firing
myself and Ms. McNeil,

I suggest you wait a beat.

If this report gets leaked
to the bloggers, and it will,

you'll need somebody
around to do damage control.

(DOOR CLOSING)

(CHRISTIAN EXHALES)

- I thought we were kind of cute.
- Well, me, too.

How much do you think
it costs for re-shoots?

JULIA ON COMPUTER: When
I told you about the indiscretions

that I'd ha d since
we've been together...

You know, I know
I'm not perfect.

When I told you about the indiscretions
that I'd ha d since we've been together...

You know, I know I'm not perfect.
But I thought you understood.

When I told you about the indiscretions
that I'd ha d since we've been together...

You know, I know I'm not perfect.
But I thought you understood.

I trusted you. I
wish you trusted me.

What I don't get is how you
knew about Olivia and me

and you were nowhere
around when we kissed.

Maybe a little birdie told me. Maybe
I have a hidden camera of my own.

Oh, yeah? Where did it happen?

In the ladies' bathroom.

Oh, you have a hidden
camera in the ladies' bathroom?

How else would I know
you have stretch marks?

Look, I admit I was shocked to
find out that Olivia kissed you first,

and I was even more pissed that they
didn't capture my reaction on camera

because I think it would've
made for brilliant television.

But I'm not surprised that
Olivia made the first move,

because despite your flaws,
and you have many, trust me,

you are still a very
cute little cupcake.

Oh, I'm so happy those cameras
aren't around anymore, aren't you?

We can finally get life
around here back to normal.

And in the spirit of normalcy,
I think you should insult me.

Oh, no, no, no.

No, I am done with
name-calling, Christian.

Oh, come on, Lizzy. I just
apologized. You can't still be mad at me.

Besides, you're the one who kept lying
about your crush on Miss Muffin Muncher.

You know, Christian, sometimes you have
to lie to protect other people's feelings.

You know I don't
think Julia's a lesbian,

but there's no reason
Olivia has to know that.

You're right.

I guess she would've
figured it out on her own.

You know, in a perfect
world, you'd be with Julia

and I would ride off into
the sunset with Olivia.

But maybe that's not the
way it's meant to happen, huh?

How are the arms?

They itch like hell, Sean.

All right. Let's give
the graft some air.

Hey, easy, easy.
You'll rip your stitches.

They look like they're healing
well. You just can't scratch like that.

What am I gonna do?

My mom says I have to
go to public school now.

I think that could
be good for you.

Are you insane?

I don't belong in public
school. I won't survive.

Where do you belong, then?

(SIGHS)

Nowhere, I guess.

Or maybe with you.

You're the only one who's
even pretending to be nice to me.

Pretty much everyone
else wants me to go to hell.

You need to get some rest.

Wait.

Will you stay with me?
Just for a little while.

Maybe for a moment.

(DOOR OPENING)

So is this it?
You're moving out?

- Is that what you want?
- Of course not.

I wanna be with you.

But first you need to realize
that who you are and what you are

is nothing to be ashamed of.

Then why am I so scared?

(SIGHS)

Because, I don't know,

you've only known one
thing your whole life.

Change is hard.

Yeah, but it's not that.

I love being with you.

It's just...

You feel judged for
being a lesbian in public.

Well, why do you think so
many of us are still in the closet?

It takes a strong individual
to be gay in this world, Julia.

A strong personality.

You're very strong.

It's one of the biggest
reasons I fell in love with you.

I don't feel strong at all.

Trust me, you are.

It's just so much
easier when we're alone.

Well, the cameras have all gone.

Promise me something.

If I'm ever not being
as open as I should be,

let me know about it first
before you'd run to Liz.

I do promise, but

you need to give me the same
respect and stay out of Christian's bed.

(EXHALES)

When Eden burst into
the surgery suite that day,

did you believe
anything she said?

Of course not. Stupid
little bitch will say anything.

- So you didn't put those pills in her bag.
- What? No, of course I didn't.

She told me she lied about you
and Julia sleeping together again.

I wonder why she
finally admitted she lied.

Guilt, I guess.

Maybe she felt like too
much damage had been done.

Time to stop hurting people.

Maybe.

English -SDH