Nip/Tuck (2003–2010): Season 5, Episode 3 - Everett Poe - full transcript

NARRATOR:
Previously on Nip / Tuck...

My dad just gave us a lot of
money for the baby's education fund.

SEAN: Her name is Kate. She
happens to be pretty special.

KATE: I had gastric bypass,

and after I lost 100
pounds, this is the result.

I don't give a shit
if she was once fat.

Julia met someone,
you met someone. I get it.

- Oli sounds very upper crust.
- Yeah.

- Is Oli rich?
- Yes. Very.

And it's Olivia.

(KATE MOANING)



- No, no, no, no, no.
- Oh, come on.

Let 'em out or
they'll suffocate.

Trust me, I'm a
famous TV surgeon.

Right, right. Which is exactly
why we should be careful,

because the tabloids
would kill for a photo op of us.

- Of us naked in the hot tub?
- That's right.

- Sean, I gotta go.
- Oh, no, you don't.

- No, no. No, I do. I got a cramp.
- Okay, okay, okay.

I promise we don't
have to get naked.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)
Wait, Sean. Oh, God.

I... I drained it.

I put enough disinfectant in there
to kill an outbreak of Ebola, so...

- Honey...
- Don't, don't touch me, I...

- I can't even look at you.
- Look...



I'm a doctor. Besides,
this was nothing.

- Once you've seen your children born...
- Wait, wait. Hey, whoa.

Are you comparing the birth of your
children to me shitting in a hot tub?

Maybe you've got a
bug or a stomach flu.

- Did you eat something?
- Yeah, yeah, I did. I ate something, okay?

I felt awful after doing the
scene with Aidan, and...

I tried shoving the entire
catering truck down my throat,

and when that didn't
make me feel any better,

I went over to the
craft service table

and I hoovered up
all the sugar cookies.

At least when you do a play,
you can go to the ladies' room

and vomit in between
acts, but no. This is TV.

The next shot was
close on my face

so I had to resort to plan B.

- You took a laxative?
- Yeah, three.

Oh.

You are never gonna be able to
have sex with me again, are you?

Oh, for God's sake.

I mean, I am a little concerned
that you'd resort to pills...

Look, it's a Catch 22, okay?

I'm so dissatisfied

with everything,
work, my body...

So I eat.

I'm just, I'm scared, I'm
scared that I'm gonna...

That I'm not gonna be satisfied till I
drive away the one thing that is working.

You.

I'm not here because
you're perfect.

I'm here because you're
you. Human, beautiful.

And I'm satisfied with you.

Whoa, tiger. You should
probably replenish your liquids.

Okay. Fill 'er up. How
about I satisfy you right now?

Make me beautiful

Make me

A perfect soul A perfect mind

A perfect face

A perfect lie

Mr. Poe, how long have you
been a plastic surgery addict?

Well, I'm hardly what
you would call an addict.

Really?

Let's see. You've had two
rhinoplasties to reshape the nostrils

and straighten out the bone, eh?

A chin augmentation, two
blepharoplasties, a canthopexy

to tighten up the bottom lid and
give you that catlike appearance there.

A brow lift, two otoplasties.

Am I missing anything?

Chin reduction,
not augmentation.

My bad.

No, it's actually Dr. Woodman's
bad. I asked for a cleft.

Do you see a cleft on me?

No, that's the one thing
on your face I do not see.

It would have delineated the symmetry
that I've been trying so hard to achieve.

Now, that hardly makes
me an addict, does it?

I mean, a
perfectionist, perhaps.

But in our business that sort of
comes with the territory, doesn't it.

- Our business?
- Yes.

I own one of the top salons
in... In Beverly Hills. Hergonia.

Oh, I've heard of it.
Home of the $800 haircut.

Farmers get haircuts.

My clientele are limited to
the very rich and famous.

They don't come
to me for haircuts.

They come to me because they know that
I understand beauty is an Olympic ideal.

I face a mirror all day.

Every time I look
up, there I am.

Now, if I'm striving to make my
clients pictures of perfection, then...

Don't I owe the same
obligation to myself?

And this, this cleft chin. It's
gonna fulfill some kind of ideal?

Dr. Troy, when an A-list celebrity is
thinking about getting a little work done,

to whom do they
turn? Their maid?

Or to someone like me?

Who has dedicated himself body and
soul to a universal standard of beauty.

So to whom do I send
my $800 haircuts?

I truly am at a loss.

Okay, so this cleft. Are we
talking Michael or Kirk Douglas?

And my migraines had just
gotten so bad that, actually,

it was my mother, of all people,
that suggested I got acupuncture.

I put two needles in her,
and bingo. She starts to sob.

And she let me stay until
I'd stopped, and then...

I invited her out to
dinner to thank her.

And you're still
thanking each other.

(LAUGHING)

So how did Annie deal with
the new situation, did she freak?

No. Well, you know how she
adores her aunt Liz, so I just...

You outed me to Annie?

Why? Is that something
to be ashamed of?

No, it's just that I wanted to be able
to tell her myself, like when she's 60.

Ladies, this is the 21st century.
You can take off your corsets.

I'm sorry. No, it's just...

Olivia said I should
get used to PDA's...

- Public displays of...
- Affection? I know.

So how did Annie deal with it?

She's fine. I mean, she
sees how happy I am.

That I'm more complete. That
there's no missing part of me.

You know how it is.

Well, actually, no.

Yeah, what's up with that?

You're this beautiful, brilliant doctor
and no one's grabbed you up yet?

Hard to believe, huh?

Honey, look in the mirror.
Okay? You're one hot momma.

You've got sexy
spilling out of every pore.

- Doesn't she?
- You do.

You know, I'm surprised
you two never went for it.

- Oh!
- Liz is like family.

It'd be like going
out with your sister.

(LAUGHS) Well, call me
stupid. You're married with kids.

I sort of assumed
that you were straight.

Lesbian lesson number
one, never assume.

Time's up.

Do you have an
appointment? I'll give you a lift.

Lesson two. Hotel
sex, hottest kind.

We've got this incredible
suite overlooking Hollywood.

I always stay there when
I come out on business.

Thank you.

- Thank you.
- All right.

Let's go take advantage
of the kids not being around.

I can't wait to do
you on the balcony.

Oh, stop.

And you hang in. Okay? She's out there.
You just have to have a little faith.

(MAKING FART NOISES)

- Thar she blows, laddy!
- Damn it, Christian. She got sick.

Oh, come on. It's no big deal.
There are plenty of women out there.

Some are even potty trained.

Well, I'm not like you, okay?

You see the slightest imperfection
in a woman and, poof, you're gone.

Well, news flash, the only kind
of woman who doesn't fart and cry

and look like crap in the
morning is either inflatable or dead.

Sean, you are not gonna
start dating "The Shitter."

- Stop saying that.
- Oh, come on.

How can you look at her naked
body and not think "rubber sheets."

LIZ: I got some leftover
Sloppy Joes. Any takers?

(MAKING FART NOISES)

No thank you, Liz.

Asshole.

(LAUGHING)

Was it something I said?

I tell you, man. That guy is
the Job of the dating world.

First, Julia moves to Lesbania.

Then, bachelorette number two...

Julia is just a tourist.

She hasn't taken up residency,
and I don't think she plans to.

I thought she had the
hots for that Oli chick.

Gay, straight, who wouldn't
be? Oli is incredibly beautiful.

So she's just bi-curious.

Right now, Olivia's
something dangerous and new.

More satisfying than what she had
with Sean, but this isn't "it" for her.

You can see that every
time Olivia touches her.

Poor Sean. I tell you, that Julia
keeps you guessing, don't she?

At least she doesn't
shit in a hot tub.

They told me to come
right in, so that's what I did.

And you are?

Weston, Eden. Like
"In the Garden of."

No, I meant, you are how old?

Old enough. I just turned 18.

Uh-huh.

Is your mother or father
going to be present?

I don't perform surgical
procedures on anyone under 21

without parental approval.

Well, my father's not really
in the picture anymore.

And I'd be too embarrassed to
talk about it in front of my mother.

What is it you want
me to do to you?

Surgically, I mean.

My hymen broke while I was
riding my stupid horse at school.

I could feel it rip deep inside.

I want you to reconstruct it.

Well, why don't we call
your mother and just...

- Look.
- Talk to her about your problem.

I'm still a virgin, okay?

And I wanna decide
who to give it to.

I don't want some damn
horse deciding it for me.

I mean, blowjobs don't count. That's
just like kissing someone, you know?

And anal's cool, I mean,

guys don't mind as long as
they get to stick it in somewhere,

but your virginity?

That's a sacred hole.

It's a gift you give to
someone you care about.

You know, I'm not comfortable

having this conversation
without a parent present.

Is that why you're
squirming around like that?

Because you're not comfortable?

Or are you hard?

You need to leave.

You know, I could make
that erection go away for you.

I'll let you put it in
my mouth, my ass.

Two out of three's
not bad, right?

Maybe another time.

It was nice meeting you.

You're even hotter
than you are on TV.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

- Who is it?
- CHRISTIAN: Dykes on Bikes.

We're having a "Welcome to
LA" weenie roast with real weenies.

- Christian.
- Hello.

What are you doing here?

Can't an old friend come by and
see how an old friend is doing?

(LAUGHS)

Look at you. I love this place.

You know, I wish you'd called,
because I'm meeting Olivia and...

Have to get ready.

Ah, just slam on a pair of jeans and some
Birkenstocks and you're good to go, right?

- Ha-ha.
- Ha.

What's this that you're
reading? Lesbians at Midlife?

Wow, you need a how-to book.

I thought this kind of stuff
just came naturally. This is...

- Very interesting...
- Collective writing, literary work.

Ah. You mean like The
Vagina Monologues.

(SIGHS) Christian, do you
have a problem with my sexuality?

I've always had a
problem with your sexuality.

And you've always
had a problem with mine.

That may have been true
once, but not anymore.

Why? Because you're a lesbian?

No, because I'm
in love with Olivia.

Bullshit. For the first time
we have the opportunity

to tell each other how we feel,
and you pull this lesbian crap.

Unbelievable! You think I'm
with a woman because of you?

I think you're with a
woman because deep down,

you realize that you can't
fall in love with another man.

Your ego's so huge it's a
wonder your head doesn't explode.

It's the only thing bigger than my cock.
If you recall. Or do men disgust you now?

(SCOFFS)

You know what? I
am gay, Christian.

I feel like I'm being authentic
for the first time in my life.

So what we had wasn't authentic?

What we had was exciting...

And illicit, and
full of fantasy.

(CHUCKLING)

This is nothing to do
with you, it's just that...

Women have a greater
level of sensitivity.

Sensitivity my ass.

Remember how this feels? Huh?

Remember what that feels like?

(JULIA MOANS)

Puzzle pieces
fit, baby. Admit it.

Let me make love to you.

What's the worst that could
happen, huh? That I'm right?

- That we stop running?
- Damn it, Christian!

You want honesty?

You can't stand the fact
that I am happy without you.

That I am in love
with someone else.

You keep lying to yourself, sweetie-pie.
One day the novelty will wear off.

And you'll realize you missed
your one chance at true happiness.

Olivia's a nice piece of ass.

But she can never get
inside you the way that I can.

Well, this is nice, huh?

Kind of like being
back in Florida.

How's school going?

Your mom says it's a little bit of an
adjustment just 'cause everything's new,

which is totally understandable.

I wanna come live with you.

Oh, sweetie. It takes time. You
don't know any of the kids yet.

- You don't...
- It's not the school. It's Mom.

Is it her being gay?

Pretty new for
her, too, you know.

I just wanna live here with you.

Can I, Daddy?

How about I talk it over with your
mom, and then we'll see, okay?

Sometimes when things are different,
you just have to get used to them

then they're not
so bad, you know.

EDEN: Hey, Annie.

It's a cute suit, but lay
off the carbs, pudge.

Annie's fanny's starting
to look like a blubber butt.

(TUTTING)

- How do you know that girl?
- Eden? She's Olivia's daughter.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Want some? My mom likes to loosen
her girls up before she nails them.

Julia's quite the
screamer, by the way.

Why didn't you tell me
you were Olivia's daughter?

You mean, use my real name?
Would've spoiled all the fun.

You know, if Julia's my new mommy,
that practically makes you my daddy.

Don't you wanna be my daddy?

What I want is for you to
stay away from my daughter.

You mean my little sister?

She's so sweet
and impressionable.

(CHUCKLES)

- I have so much to teach her.
- You're a real little bitch, aren't you?

What did you just
call my daughter?

Your lovely daughter showed up at my
office requesting a hymen reconstruction.

I don't care if she
asked for a third tit,

you're never to use that
word in reference to her again.

What's going on?

EDEN: Oh, hi, Julia. I
didn't know you were here.

So quiet. What's the matter,
Mom? Have an off day?

Sweetheart, don't think
that by going on the offensive

we'll forget that you're
the one in trouble.

So who popped your cherry?

Charles. He's black.

And that should
make a difference?

Well, he was too big for
me. It hurt when I rode him.

You thought you couldn't come to
your mother because I was in the way?

Oh, no Julia. You're
not in the way.

You aren't even here, God.

Don't talk to her that
way. I won't allow it.

I bet you don't even know the
first thing about who this Charles is,

where he comes from...

I told you. Charles is a goddamn
black stallion, you racist piece of shit.

Even if that's true, I'm
sure it wasn't her first horse.

Your daughter came to me
to have her hymen redone.

Doesn't that make you
a little bit uncomfortable?

Julia's always talking about how you're
one of the top surgeons in the country.

So I assume she went to you
because you were the best.

Maybe the discomfort's
subjective, Doctor.

Can I talk to you for
a minute? Outside?

(SIGHS)

- What is wrong with you?
- It's about Annie.

I don't think this is a good
arrangement, with you and Olivia.

For her or for you?

I mean, if you're worried
about Annie seeing her mother

with another woman, don't.

- She seems perfectly fine.
- That's not what she told me.

What did she say?

She says she wants to live with
me, that she's not comfortable

with everything that's going on.

I don't believe that. She
never mentioned anything.

She loves you. She doesn't
wanna hurt you. But she's not happy.

She's my baby, Sean.

I don't wanna lose her.

(WHIRRING)

(SATISFACTION PLAYING)

Ah, you're late. We
started without you...

Sorry, I got a little
hung up at Julia's.

Pass me the Roto
Osteotome, would you?

Unless, of course, you
wanna do the honors.

- Here you go.
- Thank you, nurse.

How'd everything go with Julia?

Julia's fine. It's Annie.

She's uncomfortable with
the whole Julia gay thing.

She wants to live
out here with me.

I can talk to her, Sean. At
that age, it's all about fitting in.

Maybe she's right. Maybe I'm
the one who's having trouble with it.

- Maybe.
- Maybe I don't wanna

see her with someone
else, male or female.

Maybe Annie's picking
up on something from me.

You know what I
think you should do?

You should take Kate on one of those
romantic California weekends, you know?

Like Shutters down in Santa
Monica or something like that.

Forget about Julia.

You're suggesting I take
The Shitter to Shutters?

Look, I was wrong, you were right.
We're all human. Everybody poops.

And Julia doesn't need you to take
care of her problems anymore, Sean.

You're a free agent.
You should just go for it.

OLIVIA: Eden's rebelling.

Remember how you always
wanted to shock your parents?

Well, most kids go
through that stage.

But when you're mother's a
lesbian, it's a tough act to follow.

She's giving it a hell of a try.

Look, gay or straight, as
parents we need to set limits.

I think she could
use a few more.

Her story about
the horse was true.

I checked with her
riding instructor.

After a particularly difficult hurdle,
she had blood on her uniform.

Look. She's been through
a lot, being different...

Having me for a mom
isn't easy on a kid.

And if for once in her life she wants
to be like the other girls in her class,

I want her to have that.

I'm signing the consent form.

I'm not comfortable doing
this. Julia would never approve.

Oh, she already has. She
says medically, you're the best.

And as far as your ethics are
concerned, she trusts you completely.

I'd have to see how
extensive the tear is.

(KNOW WHAT BOYS LIKE PLAYING)

What if you can't repair it?

We'll have to use a dermal
regenerative template.

I'd shape it to an exact fit.

Replicating the natural fenestrations
that would allow normal secretion.

I want your hands
in me any way I can.

I'm sorry you don't
agree with my decision.

I'm just doing
the best job I can.

And I know you will, too.

What's the matter?

Matt. What...

I've left Kimber, Dad.

And I've taken the baby.
I really need your help.

She's beautiful, Matt.

But you can't just take her
and disappear, it's kidnapping.

No, Kimber knows she's
with me. She doesn't care.

She can't handle
being a mother right now

and she doesn't want
anything to do with me.

I've been declared a
"suppressive person."

- What the hell is that?
- It's this whole campaign

they wage against people
who leave, you know?

I mean, they take your
property, they take your kids.

There was no way I was gonna
let them get their hooks into Jenna.

CHRISTIAN: All right, just
relax. All right, here you go.

Take a seat. Okay, nothing's going
to happen to you now you're with us.

- Does your mother know?
- No.

And I don't want her to. She's
going through enough right now

coming out to everybody.

I don't know. I was thinking
maybe I could give it a try out here.

You know? Start over?

If I can make a few thousand
bucks, find a place to live...

Maybe check into
school, I think...

You've got 250 grand, Matt.

I can't think of a
better time to dip into it.

(JENNA COOING)

The money's gone.

She gave it to the church.

- All of it?
- Yeah.

- Jesus, Matt. That was our house.
- I didn't know she was doing it.

It was my house,
everything I worked for.

How could you have entrusted
her with that kind of money?

He loved her, Sean. All right?

He didn't know the bitch
was gonna rip him off.

Look, here's a few hundred
bucks to tide you over.

I'll pay the first couple month's
rent when you find a place.

- Thanks, Christian.
- Yeah, great. You be the good father.

And watch him take
everything you ever did for him

and flush it down the toilet.

Dad, look.

I'm sorry, okay. I screwed
up. It's unforgivable,

you know, and I wish there were
do-overs in life, like when you're a kid.

(JENNA CRYING)

I have to change her.

Come on. Cut the kid some slack.

He can't help it if he was
born with his brains in his dick.

He's just like his daddy.

(SIGHS)

I'm having a great time.

I wish you were here.

I'm sorry. I'm
just. I'm just off.

Off, or off me?

I'm beginning to
question my technique.

(CHUCKLES) Don't. You
have a very good technique.

You have a great technique.

I just... Oh, I don't know.
I'm just distracted, you know.

Sean and Annie and...

That Christian's a
piece of work, isn't he?

Yeah, yeah.

You know what I
think we should do?

What?

I think we should get married.

We could drive to
Boston when we get home.

The girls could
be maids of honor.

Oh, God. Olivia, I, I just
don't think I'm up for this.

You know, I don't think Annie's up
for it, you know. I don't know that I am.

I am.

I love you.

Orgasm or no orgasm.

(LAUGHING)

Sooner or later, I just, I
just want the world to know it.

I just have to go
to the bathroom.

I'm sorry, it's not you.

- Okay.
- It's me. I'm just distracted.

My daughter's going
through a tough time.

Okay.

Ride me, baby. Ride me.

EDEN: Yes! Full count!

(MOANING)

Harder, harder!

These sheets are real soft.

The blood supply seems healthy.

The risk of rejection is
what we mostly worry about

with the majority of allographs.

It feels very tender.

It will for a couple of days.

There's some slight
swelling. Nothing unusual.

It's real sensitive, all along
here, whenever I touch it.

It seems so, I don't know...

Once the sutures are removed,
the extreme sensitivity should lessen.

Not too much, I hope.

That'd be a drag.

Do I have to worry about
tearing my new hymen?

When I touch myself like this?

I'll recommend another
practice for your follow-ups.

I don't wanna see
you in here again. Ever.

I couldn't leave LA without
seeing the Pacific Ocean.

I was driving around and I just
kept thinking, what if he's right?

What if I'm running away from the
only thing that I have ever wanted?

Listen.

It's beautiful, isn't it?

It's the world's oldest song.

May I have this dance?

(CALIFORNIA PLAYING)

I should be the
one to tell Sean.

Unless, of course, you want to.

No.

Then I'll tell him.

He'll be upset at first,
but he'll come around.

He loves us both. I'm sure
he wants us to be happy.

He'll find someone, you know.

Did he tell you what happened with
that TV actress that he's been seeing?

Oh, my God, that
guy sure can pick 'em.

Present company
excluded, of course.

He's gonna have to learn how
to live without you, you know.

I've been doing it for
years, now it's his turn.

Is that what gave you an orgasm?

Imagining the look on Sean's face
when you told him we were together?

That's ridiculous. I love you.

How can you love
what you can't even see?

Where you going?

Home.

Olivia said that the only way
I'd get you out of my system

was to sleep with you.

I guess she was right.

(DOOR CLOSING)

(SHOWER RUNNING)

(DOOR CLOSES)

SEAN: Matty?

Hey, do you know when
Christian is gonna get back?

I wanted to ask
him if he could...

You know what? Never
mind. It's not important. Sorry.

You need some money?

What did Christian give
you, a couple hundred? Here.

No, it's, it's okay, Dad. You made
your stance on that real clear. I got it.

I was wrong. I overreacted.

Let me help you out,
I'll make it out to cash.

Why the sudden change?

We all make mistakes, right?

We all just keep trying to
do better, be better people.

Overcome our weaknesses.

It took guts to do
what you did. Take it.

Leave Kimber, start fresh.

I'm proud of you.

- KIMBER: Did you get it?
- Mmm-hmm.

I got $300 worth
courtesy of my two dads.

Yeah. Daddy-Mac gave me a big fat
check to help me get back on my feet,

and next week, it's
Mommy's turn to save me.

(JENNA CRYING)

No, hey, I think she's hungry.

She's fine, Matt! Will you
help me with this, please?

Okay.

(REHAB PLAYING)

(SOFT PIANO PLAYING)

Patrón Silver, please.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Thank you.

Well, Helen didn't exaggerate.

She said you would be over
six feet tall, and gorgeous.

Although she said you'd be
sitting at the other end of the bar.

Do I pay for the drinks now, or
should I put it on my hotel bill?

And you are?

Valerie Farrell.

I probably shouldn't
have used my real name.

Oh, well. Too late.

I'm sorry. Forgive me.

I'm afraid I've never
done this before.

Paid for someone.

Tell me,

does your husband know how
you spend his hard-earned money?

Only if there's
life after death.

I'm sorry.

Don't be.

He's much better
off to me that way.

My husband owned most of the
city of Santa Clarita, California.

He was a very powerful man.

In every way but one.

Well, as they say, money
can't buy you everything.

As long as it can buy you.

Campbell, isn't it?

I think that's what Helen said.

Is it enough?

(CLEARS THROAT) Depends
on what you're thinking.

Three or four years ago, we had one of
the worst droughts in California history.

The fruit just
withered on the vine.

And then it rained,
and it all came back.

It's been a long dry season.

Well, I hope you
brought an umbrella.

Because they're
predicting thunderstorms.

I know Matt's an adult, and
I'm not supposed to worry,

but when was the last
time you heard from him?

Oh, you know how
it is with a new baby.

Yeah, I guess with Kimber and
the church, he's got his hands full.

So, what did you
decide about Annie?

You said you
figured something out.

Actually, it was her idea.

(DOOR OPENS)

(LAUGHING)

He was so checking you
out. Here, let me have those.

So did Mommy tell
you? Isn't it great?

Annie wants to go to Preston.
The school where Eden goes.

It's right outside
of Santa Barbara.

Isn't it wonderful? I'll be
able to look out for her 24/7.

Like a real big sister.

And it's only an hour away, so Daddy
can come visit whenever he wants to.

English -SDH