Nip/Tuck (2003–2010): Season 5, Episode 14 - Candy Richards - full transcript

Previously on Nip / Tuck...

Bob Levitts. Creative
Artist Agency.

You thought, "I'll just
make a few snide remarks,"

and then Sean will be all yours.

This is the end of our
relationship. Do you understand?

Colleen, what have you done?

Emmie, this is Matt.

Hi.

These last days have
just been so amazing.

- I met my father.
- Who is he?

My plastic surgeon, Dr. Troy.



You've been poisoning me.

- Ms. Richards, tell us...
- What the hell happened to you? Jesus.

Oh, yeah, I assume
you're referring to my tits,

Gail and Bozina.

Look at this. I'm like a
leaning human Tower of Pisa.

I have to use every bit of my strength
not to keep going around in circles.

And what's wrong with your eyes?

What? You mean my
deer-in-headlights look?

All I wanted was a little
fat sucked from my lids.

Now I look like Liza on crack.

And my lips.

I mean, I just wanted my lips to
be more kissable for my costars.

They've been over-injected
with silicone, would be my guess.

- Who did this to you?
- Dr. Kun Chi.



He's the chief resident at the
top reconstructive surgery center

in Bangkok.

Why would you go to
Thailand for plastic surgery

when you could've come here?

What? And then let the
tabloids get wind of it?

Come on, I have an image
to protect. I'm a goddamn icon.

I'm sorry, I have
no idea who you are.

Tell him. Tell him who I am.

- Candy Richards.
- Damn straight.

- Right.
- She did an arc on Hearts 'N Scalpels.

Pussy lips.

Oh.

I have had a recurring role
on every nighttime drama

since Judging Goddamn Am y.

I've been murdered on La w &
Order: S VU and Trial By Jury.

And I've been hacked
to death on CSI.

They're still talking about how
terrifying my head looked in the freezer.

No, I suppose I'm gonna have
to kiss that Cold Case goodbye.

I mean, how can I play
a supreme court justice

with one big oversized
tit and pop-eyes?

Look, we can try to fix what
was done to you in Thailand.

Okay, but you know what? I
have to be protected from the press.

The press cannot
know about this.

If you don't tell them,
they won't know.

Miss Richards, I know
how busy you are.

How soon would
you like this done?

Ladies and gentlemen,
Candy Richards.

A legend in her own mind.

Hey, she's just chasing what
everybody else is chasing.

At least she gets work.

You should see some of
the people in my acting class.

- You're taking an acting class?
- Mmm-hmm.

Don't you do enough acting in
the bars picking up the women,

pretending that you're
charming and likeable?

Jesus, you've really fallen for
this Hollywood shit, haven't you?

Hypocrisy doesn't
become you, Sean.

Fame is the VIP pass
to whatever you want,

and everybody
wants it, including me.

Well, take mine.

People come up to me
and want my autograph

because I play a doctor on TV.

I pretend to do the
thing I actually do

and suddenly I'm cool.

What happened to becoming famous
for being really good at something?

It doesn't matter what
you do anymore, Lizzy.

It's how many
people hear about it.

Close it up. Julia's been shot.

Make me beautiful

Make me

A perfect soul

A perfect mind A perfect face

A perfect lie

She put the gun to her
head. I begged her not to.

I kept saying how much
Mom loved her and Annie.

What did she say?

She said she'd become
a burden to everybody.

That she was hideous.

That she couldn't look in the mirror.
She just didn't even recognize herself,

- I mean...
- It's okay, my baby.

You tried to stop her.

Is that when you called 911?

I was about to when
she pulled the trigger.

Then she fell to the floor.
There was blood everywhere.

The bullet entered
at a strange angle.

If she was holding a gun
to the side of her head...

I tried to knock her arm away,

- but I couldn't stop her.
- Doesn't make any sense.

If the gun was in the
night table by the bed,

why didn't she just
shoot herself in there?

So she could shoot
herself in front of you?

She's upset, Sean.
Don't push her.

She can't know what
was in Julia's mind.

The Julia you and I know
wouldn't try to take her own life.

She wouldn't do
that to her kids.

Why didn't she leave a note?

There's something. There's
something you're not telling us.

You're upset, Dr. McNamara.

Why not leave the
investigation to the police?

Look, I've treated
enough suicide attempts

to know that women don't
usually choose a gun to end it.

They're much too vain.

She had no vanity left, Sean.

You're lying, Eden! Tell us what
really happened, God damn it.

Dr. McNamara.

My 18-year-old daughter's been
traumatized, do you understand?

Could you try to remember that

and stop deflecting
your own guilt onto her?

My guilt?

- For what?
- Well, clearly you didn't understand

how depressed Julia was.

You never accepted
the depth of her despair

during your marriage either.

Your lying and cheating.

You know, she said the only
way for her to get your attention

was to scream at
you or screw you.

So the fact is you never
knew her well enough to know

she would do this to herself.

They're trying to play this
off as a suicide attempt.

Maybe she was depressed.

- Are you kidding?
- I've seen patients with chronic illness.

It takes the life out of you.

That plus the fact that for
the first time in 25 years,

she didn't have
either of us to turn to.

Jesus, Christian.

I know you're an egomaniac,
but even you must know

that Julia wouldn't kill herself
just because you dumped her.

The only thing you're responsible
for is helping her buy that gun.

All right.

Here's what we know.

The bullet penetrated the
calvarium near the temporal lobe.

It seems to have grazed the dura

and exited without any
direct brain penetration.

Is there a subdural hematoma?

That was our major concern.
We inserted a ventriculostomy

to relieve the pressure, but
there was considerable swelling.

Will there be any
long-term damage?

Probably.

How long will she be comatose?

You're both doctors,
so I won't bullshit.

I don't know.

It could be an hour, a month.

Could be considerably longer.

Wow.

Nice office.

We like to make all our
patients feel comfortable.

Yeah.

You were very good at
that, if I remember correctly.

So, Darlene, tell me what
you don't like about yourself.

You really don't
remember me, do you?

Of course, it has been 25 years

and they've been a lot
kinder to you, I must say.

We've met before?

1982, Fort Lauderdale,
spring break?

You were just
starting college, I think,

and I served you a
drink at the Sand Ab

even though I knew
that you were underage.

'82. Still not coming to me.

Well, that's funny, 'cause
it's so clear in my mind.

But a woman never
does forget her first.

Your first, really?

It might have been a long time
ago, but I think I would remember

sleeping with somebody
as dynamic as yourself.

I didn't lose the
legs until '98.

Diabetes.

Everything else just sort
of followed suit after that.

But I was quite a
knockout in my heyday.

Here. This'll jar your memory.

- Wow. That was you?
- Yeah.

Well, you haven't changed much.

That's how I was so
sure that it was you

when I saw your picture
in Playgirl magazine.

My subscription's

kind of the only action I've been getting
these days, if you know what I mean.

It does look a lot like me.

You still don't believe me?

My first years in college were
memorable, in the sense that

I don't really
remember that much.

I'd be lying if I said that I
did, even if we had a thing,

once.

But why don't we get back to

- how I can help you.
- "A thing."

We had more than
just a thing, Christian.

We had a daughter.

Emmie Lowell came in
here a couple weeks ago

to get that birthmark
removed from her face.

Well, she slept with your son,

and I'm here to tell
you that they are in love

and we got to do
something about that.

Don't give them too
much, sweetheart.

So what do you
want to talk about?

First of all,

I need you to know
how much I love you.

No matter what, I'm your dad.

I'm here, and I'm
not going anywhere.

You understand?

What's wrong?

Daddy, what's wrong?

Is it Mommy?

You're lying, I know he's in
there and I wanna see him.

He has a restraining order
against you and you have to leave.

- You're lying!
- I'll be right back, honey.

I know he's here and
I wanna talk to him.

- You need to sit...
- Get your fat ass out of my way!

Okay, listen, you have a
restraining order, okay?

You got to get off the
premises. Right this way.

You need to leave right now,
Colleen. You're breaking the law.

Sean, I just need
your help, please.

I apologize, Liz. I didn't
mean to talk like that.

It's just I'm emotional, I
didn't mean to scare you.

Look, I've got a family crisis

and real patients who
require my attention.

- You need to leave.
- I just need you to fix these for me.

Please, you owe me that much.

You know what? We've got no
more business together, okay? Zero.

You should be in a hospital.

They kicked me out because
I don't have any insurance.

Look, I don't know
what happened, all right?

I'm just some girl from Ohio, and I
didn't know how to protect myself.

It's like those
twisters back home

where families are
carried away in their beds,

and I got caught up in the
insanity of the fame game

and it destroyed me.

- Please.
- Colleen, come on.

No. Please, Sean.
Just help me start over.

Just someplace new, you know?

I could open up a
bed and breakfast.

But I can't do anything
with these scars, all right?

Every gash just screams, "She's
some suicidal lunatic," right?

"She's a self-pitying loser."

Colleen, I am walking to the phone
and I am calling the police right now.

- You did this to me and you will fix them!
- All right, let's go.

- Come on, come here.
- No.

- Give me a hand.
- No.

Come on, you stupid old bitch.

You murderer!

You destroyed my soul!

No, stop.

You'll be sorry
for this, I swear!

Leave me alone, you
understand? This is it for us.

This is it! I'm going inside
and I'm calling the police.

Freak.

Mom, I can't believe you
actually got on a plane.

Well, what was I supposed
to do, leave you here alone

while I knew what was going on?

I can't believe you
actually told her.

I tell Mom everything.

You know, by the
way, Mrs. Lowell,

it is nice to meet you. Emmie's
told me a lot about you...

All right, you need to stop

with the ass-kissing,
you hear me?

You're not gonna
score any points here.

You know what, man? Things are
stressful enough as it is right now

with Mom being in the hospital. Do
you really need to get so wound up?

Wound up? If your
mother was here,

her head would be
spinning right around!

And I can't believe I have to say this,
but you can't sleep with your sister again.

You have no idea
what's going on here.

Enlighten me.

Just so that I'm clear, Emmie,

you did tell me that
you slept together, right?

But we didn't know we
could be related at the time.

- We just felt this connection...
- Yeah, it's called DNA.

Well, if you mean it was the most intense,
real, chemical-like joining of two souls

that I've ever felt, then yeah,
man. That's exactly what it is.

What? What is the
matter with you?

You have some
kind of mental illness.

Every decision you
make is absolute batshit.

Well, hey, like
father, like son.

Look,

how many women have you
bedded in your lifetime, Christian, huh?

A couple thousand?

Now, other than me, no
mistakes have ever come forward

claiming paternity, so when
Emmie told me her story,

quite frankly, I didn't
think it held water.

I'm sorry, Darlene,
but I didn't believe you.

If your father and I handed
you proof, would you believe me?

Look, I know that
you are both in denial,

but that's why we had
the blood work done

and matched against
your medical records.

Emmie, he's your father.

Really?

So then you and I are really...

It's okay.

Stepkids, separated for years,

exchanging family fluids
is not the end of the world.

But you need to
stop now, all right?

Need to settle things down.

So, we're all family now?

Let's not get
sentimental, all right?

Connect the dots when we
need to. Where are you going?

I gotta see Mom. I
can't be here right now.

You let him go, sweetheart.

If he's my brother, I can still
be there for support, right?

Jesus.

- Do you drink?
- Oh, yeah.

Where do you
keep the good stuff?

What are we looking at, nurse?

33-year-old male photographer
was outside The Ivy.

Made the mistake of trying
to photograph Russell Crowe,

wound up with a camera
embedded in his rectum.

- Who are those people?
- Those are his friends, Doctor,

the other paparazzi.

He's gonna need surgery.

We'll make a small
Pfannenstiel incision,

do a laparotomy,

and we'll have him back on the boulevard
compromising celebrity privacy in no time.

And people, let's try
and save that camera.

It's a damn good Leica.

15-blade.

Cut!

How'd you get back
on the lot, Colleen?

Your old pass?

You know me, Sean. I
never take no for an answer.

Somebody get security! Get
this crazy bitch out of here.

There's a restraining
order out on her!

No, wait. You...

You will recognize me as
the true greatness in your life,

if it takes me to
my last breath!

Sean, please don't
let them take me!

Please! No! No!

You need to press charges,
Sean. She needs to be locked up.

So Emmie says, "It's not
mine, Officer. It's my raccoon's."

She must've been a funny kid.

Do you realize that the
only one of my three children

that I actually take care of

is the only one that isn't mine?

Well, after getting to know
you, I think that's for the best.

- How's Matt's mom doing?
- She's fine.

No, hey, don't you pee down
my back and tell me it's rain.

Come on, you all right?

It's kind of weird.

I feel responsible, you know?

With her and Emmie, it's
been kind of a surreal week.

Well, to Hollywood,
land of the surreal.

You know what, Darlene?

I can't remember doing
you, but I can see why I did.

What's the matter?

It's nothing.

I'm just... I'm such an idiot.

I haven't got many
compliments since...

I figure I am an eight.

But since half of me
is gone, I'm only a four.

You're beautiful, Darlene.

I mean, a little weathered
around the edges,

but you're still very beautiful.

Seriously.

I haven't kissed like that
in a long time, Christian.

Well...

I haven't had that much
to drink in a long time.

- Do you have to go to work?
- Yeah, I have surgery in an hour.

You're going to be okay
getting out of here on your own?

I mean, do I have to order you
some kind of special cab or something?

Because of your legs?

No, I can handle myself.

That's not what I meant.

I know.

I do every night.

Excuse me?

You said you never drink
like that. I do every night.

A 12-pack of beer,
it helps me sleep.

I'm sorry, Darlene. I
shouldn't have done this.

No, no, I'm glad you did.

Truth is I haven't
been laid in a long time,

and last time wasn't
half as good as that ride.

God, I'm so old.

You know, I spent the last
25 years fantasizing about you,

wondering how you'd turn out.

How does reality
compare to fantasy?

I have a really
good imagination.

Will you do something for me?

Sure.

Will you make me look like
you made me feel last night?

You want me to operate on you?

Yeah.

I spent my youth on Emmie,

and that was a good deal.
I would do that again today.

But I think somehow I just
thought it would all come back.

And then I lost my legs
'cause of the diabetes.

It all just slipped away.

Now, I know I'm not
gonna get that time back,

and I also know that I'm
surely not getting my legs back,

but maybe you can
give me my face back.

You wanna take a shower first?

Oh, Doctor, I love you!

You're the bomb.

And I am the bomb.

Actually, I'm a ghost.

My agent just called
and I just got an offer

to play a Russian ballerina
on The Ghost Whisperer.

She has a very
bad brain aneurysm.

She dies during a
very tragic pas de deux.

That's why I have to
perfect my rond de jambe.

When can I start ballet
class? We shoot in a week.

Candy, you need
to get back into bed

or your swelling won't go down

and you won't even be able
to shoot from a wheelchair.

- Now just...
- You know, this is gonna be

such a great role for my return.

- Excuse me.
- Hey, excuse me!

This is a private room and
there will be no autographs.

I'm sorry, my name is Gary
Gold and I'm Bob Levitts' partner.

So you worked with Bob at CAA?

No, no. I meant life partners.

Look, please forgive
me for this intrusion,

but I'm going insane.

You were one of the
last people to see him,

and I'm sorry, but I really can't
wrap my mind around this whole

"I'm leaving you and
going to Darfur" thing.

His sudden departure
was a surprise?

There were no signs that he
was dissatisfied with his life?

A surprise? How about you could've
knocked me over with a feather.

Look, I love Bob.
He's a ton of fun.

He was great in bed.
But a humanitarian?

I mean, we don't even recycle.

Look, I'm at my wit's end.

The police refused to
consider him a missing person

- and they're sick and tired of me...
- Wait, wait, go back a second.

The police?

- Are you saying you suspect foul play?
- Yeah.

I don't mean to be insensitive,

but have you
considered... Oh, no, no.

He didn't run off with some twink
or disappear to a Caribbean island

with a new identity.

No, didn't happen.

I know someone forced
him to write that e-mail,

or someone else wrote
it on his Blackberry,

pretending to be him.

I just don't know who
that person would be.

Yes, this is Dr. McNamara.

I'm calling about
Julia McNamara.

Uh-huh.

Yes. How's her ICP looking?

How much CSF
have you tapped off?

That's good.

All right, all right.

And the ventric is
working properly? Okay.

Yeah.

Well, no, I'm not in favor of
putting her into a hypothermic coma.

No, I...

I think it's too risky
and it's too soon.

Yeah.

I'd rather stick with
the current protocol.

You're paying for a new armoire.

She stuffed him?

Jesus. What a
horrible way to go.

Anything?

Yeah, her passport was scanned
at the Tijuana border crossing.

The feds are on it, though.
They got a lot of good connections

with the Policía down there.

We'll get her back.

How deluded could I have been?

I'm not stupid, I know
how to read people.

I can spot a nut in a
consult before they sit down.

I guess you were just blinded by
the light of your big, shining star.

Let's face it, that show's been
nothing but problems since day one.

It's not the show. The show's
been good for business and for me.

You see? You're so drunk
on your own 15 minutes,

you can't see that this
is wrecking your life.

I apologize for attacking you
back at the house, all right?

I got caught up in that
bullshit just as much as you did,

maybe even more.

If I hadn't, none of this
would have happened.

If I hadn't done that stupid Playgirl
spread she wouldn't have seen it,

then her daughter... My daughter,
she wouldn't have come looking for me.

I wouldn't have
introduced her to Matt.

I mean, I practically forced
them into sleeping with each other.

I'm gonna give her some
insulin. Her pulse is erratic.

Okay.

I don't know what the hell
we're gonna do about Matt.

- He's not still...
- No, no, no, no.

It was a one-time
thing, all right?

Once he found out
she was his whatever...

He's done with it. Her.

I can't believe a word that
comes out of his mouth.

It's the one good thing
about Julia being in a coma.

She doesn't have to
know what he's done.

Look,

I know you guys
got stuff going on

that you don't wanna share
with me, and I respect that.

I always have.

But there's something I
wanna say to the both of you.

If we say no, will
you say it anyway?

Here's the thing. Every idiot
out here wants to be famous.

But you? You guys got
something better. You got respect

as doctors, as
skilled physicians,

and you didn't get this recognition
by going out and looking for it.

You got it because you
got talent, you got integrity.

Okay, maybe not integrity,

but because you took on
some pretty amazing cases

that no one else would
touch with a 10-foot 15-blade.

So do what you do best.

Do what you do better than
anybody else, and screw the rest.

The hospital just
called. Julia's awake.

Thank you. I'm on my way.

- Who was that?
- Julia's awake, thank God.

I'm going over if
you wanna come.

I need to go, sweetheart.
If you're coming...

Wait.

There's something
I have to tell you.

You have to help me,
Mommy. I need your help.

- We'll take one car, it'll be faster.
- If I drive, it will.

Hey. Please, don't go out there.

- They're swarming. The locusts.
- The what?

The paparazzi. They're
right outside the door,

and they know I'm in here,

and they are dying to get a
photo of me, post-surgery.

Just go back to Recovery
or take the side door.

No. No, what I meant was I
don't want you blocking my big exit.

They're all setting
up for me right now,

and I told them to
come here at 2:00.

You called them?

I thought you
didn't want anybody

to know that you
were getting work done.

You know, Doctor, if a
tree falls in the woods

and two dozen nerds with
cameras aren't there to put it online,

does it really make a sound?

I don't think so.

And you wanna know why?

Because that tree doesn't
know what it takes to be famous,

and I do.

So if you don't mind, I'd
like you to stay right here.

I don't want you
to ruin my entrance.

Wait. It's me.

Dr. McNamara, what can
you tell us about Colleen Rose?

Is it true you had Aidan
fired to further your career?

Did you tell her
to kill your agent?

What about your wife?

Were you involved in
her shooting, as well?

Back off, all right?

Give the doctor some
room here, all right?

Why are they doing this?

You're a public person now,
buddy boy. They own you.

Nothing is off-limits.

- Hey, do we know anything?
- Only that she's awake.

Hey, Jules, how you doing?

You look good.

How's it going, Mom?

I'm so glad you're okay.

I was so scared.

You're a lovely girl.

Does she belong to one of you?

The doctors call it
retrograde amnesia.

All her memories, everything
before the gunshot, have disappeared.

For how long?

No one knows.

- Are you sure you don't mind?
- No, of course not.

I'll take her for a bite to eat, then
I'll meet you back at the house.

I just feel like I wanna stay
a little bit, keep her company.

I get it.

Hey, you. You feel like
going to Johnny Rockets, huh?

There we go.

I'll catch up with
you guys later, okay?

Come on, let's go get
some burgers and fries.

Why don't I take a look
at all that stitching they did,

see how it's coming along?

They did a good job.

I couldn't have
done it better myself.

It's good to keep it lubricated.

Are you a doctor?

Plastic surgeon.

Is that how we know each other,

because I had plastic surgery?

No.

I'm your husband.

We met in college.
College sweethearts.

That's when we got married.

And we're still married?

We're still married,

and we have three
beautiful children,

and we're as happy
now as we were then.

Everything is just

perfect.

Music?

You know, the fact that your
mom's talking is a great sign,

even if she doesn't
recognize you right now,

but you know it's
not personal, right?

It doesn't matter. She
doesn't know who I am anyway.

Look, I know how
hard this is for you.

What the hell?

Behind you.

Wait here, all right?

Look, just leave us...
What the hell are you doing?

All right, look, I'm
not Sean, all right?

And you're scaring his daughter.

That's whose picture we
want. Get out of the way.

What are you
doing? Jesus Christ.

Get out of my way.

- Why won't they leave us alone?
- I don't know, honey.

Just put your head down, okay?
We're gonna be fine, all right?

Get the hell out of my way,
you assholes. Get out of the way!

Thanks for lunch, Matt.

I'm glad I got to see the handprints
in the cement at the Chinese Theatre

- before I left town.
- Yeah, me too.

So what time is your flight?

11:00.

The red-eye's pretty
much all I could afford.

I still have a few hours.

- We could...
- We can't.

Look, Em, we just
need a clean break.

You know, maybe in a few
months I'll come to Georgia

and we can figure
this whole thing out,

how to be brother and sister.

But for now our feelings
are just too strong.

It's not like we'd be the only inbreds
in the mountains where I'm from.

You could get a
job at a coal mine.

I could pull out all my teeth.

Yeah, I just don't think I'm ready
for the Appalachian lifestyle just yet.

I've been trying to get away
from those freaks my whole life.

Hey.

You're gonna go home a
beautiful, confident woman.

And guys are gonna be falling
all over themselves for you,

and your life is gonna
open up in a whole new way.

It already has.

Yeah, mine too.

I got to go.

- Matt.
- Yeah?

You all right?

What are you doing here?

I don't think you're gonna be
much help with a broken collarbone.

I thought I could at least
lend some support in there.

You mad at me?

I'm mad at myself.

I feel like a fool.

I lost myself.

I lost my priorities, my values.

I chased the dream like a silly
teenager. Look what's happened.

I can't blame you for anything.

We both got caught up.

It's what happens
out here, I guess.

Yeah, but

don't you think the
measure of a man is his

ability to maintain his core values,
no matter what's going on around him?

Easier said than done.

I called Freddy.

I told him I want out of my
Hearts 'N Scalpels contract.

Really?

Really.

Do you mind if I
handle this solo?

I just feel like I wanna be
alone with my daughter in there.

Of course.

I should check on
Darlene, anyway.

She's had a tough
recovery. Lot of pain.

Everyone's gonna be okay.

Hey, baby.

- What?
- I'm afraid I'm gonna have an ugly scar.

I was just telling Annie that you're
a very famous plastic surgeon,

and that people come from all
over the country for your expertise.

That's about all I wanna
be famous for ever again.

I promise you'll be
good as new, sweetie.

Now, Auntie Liz is gonna give you
something so you don't feel any pain.

You'll go right to sleep and
your dad will sew you up.

I want you to count back
from 100 for me, okay?

100, 99...

Liz, can you get me some
gauze and tape, please?

It's gonna be good
from now on, I promise.

I've been thinking, Liz, maybe
it's time to put down some roots.

Find a place of my own.

Kids need a real home
out here and so do I.

What do you think of
the Hollywood Hills?

English -SDH