Nip/Tuck (2003–2010): Season 5, Episode 11 - Kyle Ainge - full transcript

Previously on Nip / Tuck...

Mr. McNamara? I'm Colleen
Rose of the Colleen Rose Agency.

You have a very
naturalistic process.

Let me ask you something.
What do you think of these?

Colleen, this is inappropriate.

Hey, asshole. Sean called.

He offered me the
job of receptionist.

I don't want you near
my work ever again.

I know you want it, Christian.

This is love.

This is love.



Have you decided what you're
gonna do with Gina's body?

Why do you keep asking me
that? I'm not her next of kin.

- Are you joining me for our 10:00...
- I just need to get my shit together.

Okay? Just give
me a sec. Just...

So, tell me what you
don't like about yourself.

Sorry, I'm not sure which one
of you is here for the consult.

That would be me.

We just got back from
our honeymoon, and well,

it didn't go quite
as we had planned.

Oh, I bet it
happens all the time.

I mean, the pressure alone
is enough to kill your libido.

That's not exactly what I meant.

We were going up to the
mountains, the Oregon Coast Range,

for some skiing.



And it started snowing hard. It
was impossible to see anything,

and I took a wrong turn,
went down a ravine, 20 feet.

Our car was on its side,
completely buried in snow.

We were trapped
inside for 10 days.

But you survived,
which is a miracle.

I mean, if your marriage can
survive that, it's a pretty good sign.

And you're here because...

Well, I don't remember much.

I must've been knocked
unconscious or something.

I just remember waking
up with this incredible pain,

and these huge gouges
taken out of my arm.

The trim from the
dash cut right through it.

Well, the tendons are okay.
Muscles undamaged. You're lucky.

The cut's pretty...

The trim from the
dashboard did this?

Tell them the truth, Kyle.

- Honey.
- I have to tell him,

tell somebody what you did.

The guilt is...

I can't take it anymore.

Uh.

We had no food, no water.

I'm severely hypoglycemic.

We tried text messaging till the
cell battery ran out, but no help came.

After a week, she started to
complain of headaches and dizziness,

and eventually she
started to lose motor control.

I started hearing noises,

and my eyes wouldn't focus.
I could only see these spots.

I thought she was gonna die. I
thought we both were gonna die.

He saved me.

He gouged out small
pieces of his flesh,

warmed them with the car
lighter and fed them to me.

I was like a...

Like a cannibal eating
my own husband to survive.

Oh, what kind of person am I?

Oh, God, I think
I'm gonna be sick.

She couldn't have lasted
without something to eat,

and I didn't want to lose her. I
did not know what else to do.

You must think I'm a monster.

But you have no idea

what you would do to
survive, until it happens to you.

Please.

Please, fix my husband.

Make me beautiful

Make me

A perfect soul A perfect mind

A perfect face

A perfect lie

I eat cannibal

Feed on animal

Your love is so edible to me

I eat cannibals

I still can't believe
Gina killed herself.

Seemed like she
was doing so well.

Well, it happens to a lot
of suicidal personalities.

Things get good.

The bad feelings don't go away,

all hope is lost and then splat.

How is Wilber handling this?

Fine.

He took it hard at first,
but kid's a survivor.

I owe Gina for Wilber,
but besides that,

she was nothing but a chronic hemorrhoid.
Every time I thought she was gone,

she'd flare up again
and be a pain in my ass.

Here, hand them over.

- Why? What're you doing?
- I'll close.

It's almost noon. Why don't you
go pick Wilber up from school?

Your son needs you
right now more than I do.

Can I help you?

He's my son. Wilber.

I'm Dr. Troy.

- So the principal called you already?
- About what?

Well, there was an
incident today with your son.

He bit another student.

Yeah, during stretch and grow.

I guess Owen got too
close to Wilber's mat.

Jesus.

Is the other boy okay?

Well, you know, at this age, they
forget all about it 20 minutes later.

We have a bigger
problem though. Uh...

School policy requires
that Wilber be expelled.

Yeah, it's in the enrollment contract
that you signed. Personal conduct.

You can speak to
the principal, but...

Is he aware that Wilber's
mother died a few days ago?

Oh, my God! I had no
idea. What happened?

She jumped off the
balcony. Suicide.

Oh, well... How is he
handling his mother's death?

He doesn't know.

You haven't told him?

- No.
- Well, no wonder he's acting out.

He's probably so confused by
her sudden absence in his life.

Scared. You need to
tell him what happened.

He's too young to understand.

Well, he might not
have the verbal skills,

but he can certainly
sense such a big change.

Look, I'll talk to the principal. I'm
sure the school will make an exception,

given the circumstances.

But you need to tell Wilber
that his mother is gone.

For everyone's safety.

Come on, do it for me.

- Come on, you can do it.
- Colleen.

This is awkward.

I've heard about it,
and I want to hear it.

I mean, I think I deserve
the full McNamara charm.

Okay.

Tell me what you
don't like about yourself.

So good.

The old hammer toe.

Which I got from pounding the pavement
on yours and my other clients' behalf.

Hold still, please.

I see there are several
toes that are quite rigid.

- And some calluses, and...
- Yeah, okay.

Now, check those out.

It's gonna be a great awards
season for Hearts 'N Scalpels,

and I refuse to walk down the red
carpet in a pair of goddamn Easy Spirits.

Now,

I read about this surgery in the
new Allure. It's as hot as your career.

So, you shave the bones,
they shorten the toes,

they fuse the tendons
and they peel the skin.

There's nothing to it, right?

I do want you to look your best, Colleen.
It's in my best interests that you do.

I do feel, however, that we have a
proper and fair financial arrangement,

and good professional
boundaries which...

Whoa, hold it
right there, cookie.

You think I'm
asking for a freebie?

Never, all right? I'm the
patient, you're the pro.

Just like you're a
client and I'm a pro.

So, let's get this
surgery on the book.

Oh, my God, how cute do
you look holding those shoes?

What you doing, buddy?

Playing my T-rex.
He bites hard like this.

Wilber, no.

It's not nice to bite.

We don't do that in this
house, okay? Or at school.

But I know why you're doing it.

You're upset because your
mommy's gone away again.

Right?

I miss Mommy.

Okay, here's the deal.

You're my son and I love you,

and I'm gonna be honest
with you always, okay?

Mommy's not coming back
because Daddy killed her.

I don't know what happened. I...

Daddy was horny and tired
and needed to get his rocks off.

You'll understand what I'm
talking about when you're older.

And Mommy offered him cheap
sex, and like a fool, Daddy accepted.

Basically,

I screwed her off the balcony
and she fell to her death,

and I haven't told you or anybody else,
because I don't want the police involved.

'Cause then Daddy
could go to jail

and then I wouldn't be with you,
and I'm not gonna let that happen.

Is Mommy a skank?

Yes, honey, she was.

She was a bad person and a bad
mommy, and maybe this is all for the best.

So it's just you and
me, like it's meant to be.

Play with me, Daddy.

I miss Mommy.

She buyed me ice cream.

Is Mommy coming back?

Mommy took a long trip, honey.

You know,

like before.

Mommy's not coming
back for a long time.

What were you two gabbing about?

Sorry, Sean. I should've waited
before I sent her into la-la land.

But the woman is a force of nature,
and she doesn't know when to stop.

Yeah, I've been there.

She's very excited about
what you're doing for her.

- This isn't pro bono. She's paying for it.
- No, not this.

About taking her to all the
award shows this winter.

Yeah. Are you really
going to the Oscars?

No, she must've meant
one of her other clients.

I don't think so.

It's hammer time. Hit it.

- I have Nicole.
- Call back.

- I'm in the middle of a surgery here.
- Hi, Sean. We're CAA.

- Who?
- Creative Artists Agency.

The biggest talent
agency in town, Sean.

That's right, and we want to be
in the Sean McNamara business.

You could've
caused an infection!

Severely compromised
that patient's health!

We sincerely apologize,
Dr. McNamara.

In no way did we intend to put
you, or anyone else, in danger.

- I have Tom.
- Call back.

- Cruise?
- Or Hanks.

Look, I appreciate the interest,

but I already have
representation. Colleen Rose.

- Of the Colleen Rose Agency.
- I'm not familiar with her.

- Have you heard of Colleen Rose?
- No.

- No.
- Probably one of those new boutiques.

I'm sure she's a terrific agent,

though she doesn't have as
much in common with you as we do.

- You don't even know me.
- Well, that's why we're here,

to begin that process.

Look, you're a doctor.

We want to help people.

We care about our clients'
entire lives, not just their careers.

For example,

this is a list of organizations
with which we're involved.

Doctors Without Borders.

NRDC, Habitat for Humanity.

This week we're actually
taking an afternoon off

and building a house in New
Orleans to help aid Katrina victims.

Have you helped with
the Katrina effort, Sean?

Mike, you got that club
sandwich? I'm frigging famished.

I've been at this one
all goddamn morning.

Who are you?

I'm Dr. Christian Troy.

- I arranged for Ms. Russo's interment.
- Right.

This one just bought me a
flat-screen TV. Thanks for the gig.

I hear you're the best.

And I hear you're a plastic
surgeon, which is fantastic.

I'm a goddamn
Picasso with the putty,

but not even I can figure out how to put
this Humpty Dumpty back together again.

- Can I pick your brain?
- Sure.

So, Doc, help me out here.

As you can see, the left side of
Ms. Russo's face, the point of impact,

has just been shattered
beyond recognition.

There's no cheekbone,
no jaw structure to prop up.

Try a vitallium recon
plate for the left mandible.

At least it'll give you some
architecture to manipulate.

There's no stable fixation point.
The whole side's like Smucker's jelly.

Dr. Troy, I don't think there's
anything else I can do for her.

I think we're talking
closed casket here.

You want a minute?

For all the times
I've wanted to kill you,

this wasn't one of them.

Hello?

His heart suddenly
dropped from 74 to 140.

He's been labile for
the last half an hour.

- Fever?
- 105.

His heart rate stabilized at 90,

but his BP keeps bottoming out.

Get his chart. Maybe he's on
some medication we're not aware of.

No, he doesn't take anything.
He's never been sick a day.

Now, you fix this. Maybe those
instruments you used weren't sterile.

- I've read about that.
- I assure you, we sterilize everything.

I can't lose him. I'll kill myself
if something happens to him.

Kyle,

can you hear me? Baby?

Mrs. Ainge, your husband is
in some kind of septic shock.

If you want him
to pull through this,

you're gonna have to wait
outside. You understand?

Gonna start him on a
dopamine drip, 10 mics.

Have some ephedrine standing by.

He's losing blood pressure.

- How's it going, Colleen?
- What's the matter, cookie?

Minor trouble with another
patient. He's stabilized.

Oh, well, he'll live. I
mean, you are a genius.

Your work is just
goddamn brilliant.

I could have a second career
as a foot model. Seriously.

Well, you seem to
be healing perfectly.

So I'll just check in later.

Look what I made you.

It's a Sean bear. And look.

Tell me what you
don't like about yourself.

I recorded it
during our consult.

Also, I sewed these surgery
garbs and the booties myself, in silk.

So it'd be soft
against your skin.

It's

charming.

It's how I express
my friendship.

Here.

It's my hobby. I make teddies

instead of knitting or whatever
these other people do to relax.

I'm in a very stressful
profession, as I'm sure you know.

Colleen, when we
started working together,

I had in mind a more
business-like arrangement.

I understand your approach is a
more personal, hands-on kind of...

Are you ready, Sean? Operation
Katrina kids, here we come.

Hey, Bob. You know, I'll be right
down. We're just finishing up here.

Operation Katrina
kids? Who's this?

Bob Levitts.

CAA! What's CAA?

That's CAA. Creative
Artists Agency.

Whatever.

Why are you gonna
fly to Katrina with them?

What, you want poverty?
I'll show you poverty.

We'll get in my Volvo,
we'll drive down to Watts.

- Colleen.
- Well, come on,

these guys are gonna
eat you alive, Sean.

You're nothing but a
piece of meat to them.

As soon as they swallow
you, they're gonna shit you out

just like last night's
dinner at The Palm.

Bob, can you just
give us a minute?

Yeah. Do what you gotta do.

We got a private jet waiting. No
one's gonna leave without you.

Okay.

Nice to meet you, Collette.

You can't go. You have
a patient in distress.

I told you, my
patient has stabilized.

- I'm only out for the afternoon.
- I was talking about me.

My staff will look after you.

And as for you and me, I
haven't made any commitments.

I just want to
explore my options.

Fine, go.

You just broke my heart.

- Colleen.
- Go!

Go!

Tell me what you
don't like about yourself.

Tell me what you
don't like about yourself.

- Big turnout, huh?
- Yeah.

I knew she didn't have any family, but I
didn't realize she had so many friends.

Nice to know, right?

That she touched so many people.

Hello, everyone. I'm Manuel.

- Hi, Manuel.
- Hi, Manuel.

Today is a very sad day.

We've lost a dear friend,

a pillar of support

in our struggle to control those
impulses that too often run our lives.

All these people must be from
her Sexaholics Anonymous heyday.

Gina,

more than anyone in this room,
you struggled with those impulses.

Well, no more.

So in that spirit,

I'm going to say what I know
everyone is thinking right now.

She gave the best
damn blowjob I ever had.

Gina gave me the
rim-job of my life.

A handjob like an octopus.

Her tongue could
actually vibrate.

In fact,

I'm hard right now.

My little G-spot, that's
what I liked to call her.

And the taint is real, folks.

Gina turned me on to that, too.

And I'm going to be
whacking off to those memories

for the rest of my life.

I only had sex with Gina once.

And I'm sorry that I did.

Because I am the guy

who gave her AIDS.

Not on purpose.

I didn't even know myself
that I was positive at the time.

But, Gina,

when I told her,

she forgave me. She...

She said it would finally force
her to get her life under control,

something she wasn't
able to do before.

She even helped
me get treatment.

I mean, she supported me.

This addiction that we
have, it can ruin your life.

But in a weird way,

when I met Gina,

it saved mine.

It was the wake-up
call that I needed.

And I want to
thank her for that.

- Is something wrong?
- He did it again.

This time during sleepy time.

Mason Pierce was just lying on her
mat next to him. She needed two stitches.

I don't understand.
He's such a sweet kid.

Well, have you told him
about his mother's death yet?

No.

Look, I can't
protect him anymore.

If I don't remove him, the
parents are going to sue.

How much?

Wilber loves it here. He needs
some kind of consistency in his life.

There must be something
you need. A jungle gym?

I was hoping that you could
provide something else to climb on.

That's it, right there,
big boy. That's good.

Oh, what a good,
big boy you are!

Faster. Yeah, yeah,
yeah. Faster, faster.

Yes, that's good.
Yes! Faster, please!

Jesus. What the...

- You bit me.
- I'm sorry.

- You drew blood.
- I'm sorry. I just...

I've never done that before.

I guess you bring
out the animal in me.

You're the one who
bit the kids, aren't you?

Sorry, but I would
never hurt a child.

I understand that it's difficult to
accept that your son has issues.

But it's gonna take a lot
more than the accusations

of the father of a bad little biter and
my behavior in a moment of passion

to release Wilber from the
responsibility of these attacks.

Okay?

Okay.

Well, I'm gonna do a hell of
a lot more than that, Vampira.

Just so you know, I'm
pretty good with skin,

and I don't think it'd be too much
trouble for me to take an indentation

of the marks you
just left on my neck,

match them to the ones on
the kids that you claim Wilber bit.

I hope you know how
to operate a griddle,

because you won't be
teaching kids anymore.

The new lab work pinpoints
his white blood count at 30,000.

But they still don't pinpoint
the cause of the infection.

We're losing him, Sean.

- How is he?
- We need to move him,

get him to a hospital.

He's fighting something,
and we don't know what it is.

- We're running out of options.
- I think I know what's made him sick.

I cut myself,

fed him small
pieces of my flesh.

He's in recovery.

I didn't mean to. After the operation,
I felt so guilty about what I did,

about what he did for me.

I made him do it.
Love nourishes. It does.

- What?
- Kyle showed me that.

Do you have any idea how filthy
and contaminated human flesh is?

Bacteria in uncooked meat can
cause life-threatening diseases.

I don't understand. I ate
pieces of him. I didn't get sick.

Well, he said he
warmed those pieces.

Obviously, the heat was
enough to kill anything toxic.

If your husband dies, Mrs.
Ainge, you have yourself to thank.

Who are you calling? I
didn't want to hurt him. I just...

It would help me get rid of my
shame. I thought if we both did it,

we could be like we were.
Please don't call the police.

I can't promise
you that. I'm sorry.

Dr. Larsen, please.

Tell him Dr. McNamara
is on his way over.

If he could meet me at
the ER, I'd appreciate it.

Welcome to my humble home.

Wait a minute, you
said this was your office.

- My home office, yes. Please, come in.
- Right.

So, Koreatown. It's an
up-and-coming neighborhood, I'm told.

I feel so safe here, and the
vegetables are so inexpensive.

Can I take your jacket?

Yeah.

Wow. A lot of bears.

- Yes.
- Have you spoken to Sean?

He's running a few minutes late.

Would you like a glass of
Asti? Cheese canapé? No?

I really appreciate you
agreeing to this meeting, Bob.

I like doing things in a very
open and honest fashion.

Just putting everything
out on the table.

That way everyone feels
that they've been heard,

and Sean can then make
a more informed choice.

- Whatever it takes.
- Please.

Wait.

You know, Sean is a great talent.
He deserves the best representation.

I made you your own bear.

It's an agent bear.

- What the hell is this?
- That's what you do, isn't it?

Eat people alive? Devour
their souls and spirits.

- Have a cheese canapé, Bob.
- No.

I went to a lot of trouble.

Thank you. No.

So, Colleen,

who else do you
represent these days?

Why, so you can steal
them from me, too?

I represent Moon
Zappa, Dakota Fanning.

I also happen to represent
Ms. Nicole Kidman.

She's just stunning.

Well, I wonder how that works.

Since I'm on Team Nicole.

Not anymore!

Wakey-wakey.

Wakey-wakey.

Wakey-wakey, Mr. Agent Bear.

Are you ready to be
immortalized forever?

I know what you were thinking.

You thought, "I'll just make a
few snide remarks about her age

"and her pitiful apartment,
and then Sean will be all yours."

Well, it's hard to talk with
duct tape on your mouth, isn't it?

You know what it's
like to be a nobody

and suddenly become a
somebody because you hitched

your dumb little unimportant star to one
that shines so much brighter than yours?

And do you know
how much it hurts

when that wondrous magical star

suddenly flickers out
and dies in your life

and you end up being
just shut in the shadows?

It hurts so much!

You will not take away my star.

You will not take away my Sean.

I want you to open your mouth.

I said, open your mouth!

Get some goddamn dignity.

See the stuffing?

It's going inside you now.

That's it, that's
it, that's it, that's it.

Hey, there. Officer Cane is here
to assist you to the police station

and take an
imprint of your teeth.

You can go peacefully, but frankly,
I'd prefer if you resisted arrest.

I'll be happy to do anything
to help clear my name.

Our parents pay a premium
to send their children here,

and I really don't want to waste
any more of my valuable time

so Dr. Troy can remain
in denial about his son.

Just so you know,

you'll be away for
two years for this.

And even female inmates don't
take kindly to bitches that bite babies.

I'm sorry, Officer,
I forgot my purse.

I had my teeth capped, dickhead.

Okay.

Laney's forearm flexor
muscles are about 30% gone.

She might lose partial control
of her hand because of this.

If she had just ordered
him beef carpaccio.

I don't think her husband
would've known the difference.

How is Mr. Ainge doing?

The hospital localized two
infections, toxoplasmosis and listeria,

but he is responding
to antibiotics.

Did you take a bite
out of crime, McGruff?

That bitch filed away the
evidence and got caps.

So they couldn't prosecute?

The principal believed me, however.
So, the least I can do is get her fired.

What are you gonna tell Wilber,
now that his teacher is gone, too?

That she was picked
up by a tornado

and carried far, far away,
and never to be seen again.

You can't keep lying to him. He's gonna
keep asking questions, you know that.

He's too young to understand,
all right? It's too hard on him.

I think it's too hard on you.

Is that a sausage toe?

I don't think so.
Just a little swollen.

Have you been wearing
closed-toe shoes?

Oops.

You told me and I
forgot. I was a bad girl.

You just need to ice it
and take some ibuprofen.

Sorry I was so panicky.

It's fine. You will remain
a watched-over patient

at McNamara/Troy until
you're healed and happy.

Um...

I know I kind of misbehaved
the last time I saw you.

And for that, I'm very sorry.

And I also wanted to take this
opportunity to wish you well with CAA,

and that charming Bob Levitts.

Actually, my mentor
taught me once.

She said, "Never be
sad if you lose a client."

It's sort of like the Pope.

You know, when one goes,
another one comes along.

Well, this Pope
isn't going anywhere.

Apparently, Bob Levitts had
some kind of spiritual awakening

after our trip to New Orleans.

He sent out a mass
e-mail, via his BlackBerry,

saying he's taken off for
Darfur to build schools.

How fantastic for those
refugees over there.

Bob's a real go-getter.

I'm sorry. Not so
fantastic for you, Sean.

Have any of his colleagues
tried to contact you?

Oh... Not a single one.

Fools.

Why didn't you call me? I mean,
at the very least, I am your friend.

I didn't feel I had the right.

After running off like that.

I guess I was bit by the bug.

The Hollywood bug.

It's what this town does to us.

We've all been there, cookie.

It's odd. I never
would've imagined it.

The whole time we
were down there,

he was chasing Fats
Domino, trying to sign him.

Didn't seem like he had
a spiritual awakening.

It's hard to keep
those ethics intact

when you have that
constant corporate pressure.

Yeah, I'm seeing that.

We were a rare team, you and I.

What do you say we just
forget this whole incident,

and start over?

Sounds like a plan.

Good.

Close your eyes.
Keep them closed.

Keep them closed.
Keep them closed.

Not yet.

Open.

He's mine?

Actually, he's a she. I called
her Lipo. Isn't that cute? Huh?

Daddy got her from the pound.

I always wanted a puppy
when I was a little boy.

So, now,

anytime you feel like
you miss your mommy,

you can play with your
puppy so you don't get sad.

Cool.

Daddy, is Mommy coming back?

No, honey.

Mommy's never coming back.

English -SDH