Nip/Tuck (2003–2010): Season 3, Episode 11 - Abby Mays - full transcript

PREVIOUSLY ON NIP/TUCK...

EVERY TIME YOU
LIPO A BIG BLACK ASS

OR SHAVE THE BUMP
OFF A JEWISH NOSE,

YOU MAKE THAT PERSON
MORE VIABLE IN A WHITE WORLD.

WHY WOULD YOU WANT SOMEBODY
LIKE THAT IN YOUR LIFE, MATT?

SHE'S A RACIST.

I'M SO AFRAID I'M
MAKING A MISTAKE, GINA.

I'M GIVING UP
EVERYTHING FOR HIM.

THIS WAS SPRAY PAINTED ON
THE LOCKER OF A JEWISH GIRL

AT CORAL GABLES PREP.

SEVERAL BLOCKS AWAY,
"GO HOME, LEMONHEADS"



WAS SCRAWLED ON AN
ASIAN-AMERICAN COUPLE'S FRONT DOOR.

THAT'S TERRIBLE, DETECTIVE,
BUT WHY COME TO US?

WELL, BOTH THE TEENAGER

AND THE ASIAN HUSBAND
ARE PATIENTS OF YOURS.

SO YOU HAVEN'T HAD
ANY FILES GO MISSING?

NO STRANGE BEHAVIOR FROM
YOUR EMPLOYEES OR PATIENTS?

NO... BUT WE'LL
DOUBLE CHECK THE FILES

AND KEEP AN EYE OUT
FOR ANYTHING UNUSUAL.

SO I'LL GET BACK TO
YOU GUYS IN A FEW DAYS.

IF YOU THINK OF
ANYTHING BEFORE THEN,

PLEASE GIVE ME A CALL.

OK.

DETECTIVE.

HOW LONG DOES
SOMEONE HAVE TO BE GONE



BEFORE YOU CAN FILE A
MISSING PERSONS REPORT?

SHE'S NOT MISSING, SEAN.

DO YOU HAVE ANY REASON
TO SUSPECT FOUL PLAY?

NO. I ONLY SUSPECT THAT MY
FIANCEE CAME TO HER SENSES.

I DIDN'T KNOW THAT SORT OF
THING HAPPENED TO A GUY LIKE YOU.

CHRISTIAN, I KNOW IT'S
ONLY BEEN A FEW DAYS,

BUT DON'T YOU THINK YOU HAVE TO
EXAMINE EVERY POSSIBLE SCENARIO?

IT ISN'T LIKE...
KIMBER'S GONE...

AND I'M MOVING ON, SEAN.

I'M NOT MEANT TO BE MARRIED
TO HER OR ANYBODY ELSE.

LOOK AT ME.

I'M A WILDLY SUCCESSFUL
PLASTIC SURGEON

WITH GREAT HAIR,
PEARL-WHITE TEETH,

AND A 33-INCH WAIST.

I'M A GODDAMN SUPERHERO.

AND I'M GONNA PUT
THAT CAPE BACK ON,

FLY BACK INTO EVERY
SINGLES BAR IN TOWN

AND... BANG MYSELF SILLY.

I'VE GOT A CONSULT
WAITING IN THE OFFICE.

CAPTIONING MADE
POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.

♪ MAKE ME BEAUTIFUL ♪

♪ MAKE ME ♪

♪ THE PERFECT SOUL ♪

♪ A PERFECT MIND ♪

♪ A PERFECT FACE ♪

♪ A PERFECT ♪

♪ LIFE ♪

TELL ME WHAT YOU DON'T LIKE
ABOUT YOURSELF, MISS... MAYS.

I DON'T LIKE THAT I
LOOK LIKE A CLYDESDALE.

MY FACE BELONGS IN A FEEDBAG,

AND THESE HIPS
AND LEGS SHOULD BE

PULLING THE
BUDWEISER BEER WAGON.

UM, THIS IS WHERE YOUR WONDERFUL
BEDSIDE MANNER SHOULD KICK IN.

YOU SHOULD SAY, "NO, ABBY,

I THINK YOU'RE AN
ATTRACTIVE LADY."

OR AT LEAST A HANDSOME GAL?

THAT'S WHAT MY DAD USED TO
CALL THE UGLY WOMEN... HANDSOME.

WHY DON'T YOU BE A
LITTLE MORE SPECIFIC

ABOUT EXACTLY WHAT
CHANGES YOU'RE LOOKING FOR.

I JUST KNOW I WANT
TO BE BEAUTIFUL

SO I CAN BE LOVED
BY SOMEONE LIKE YOU.

OK, NOT YOU EXACTLY.

I KNOW YOU'RE
UNATTAINABLE. I KNOW THAT.

I SAW YOU IN BEACH
DRIVE MAGAZINE.

I KNOW YOU WERE NAMED ONE OF
MIAMI'S 50 MOST ELIGIBLE BACHELORS.

BUT YOU'RE OFF
THE MARKET, RIGHT?

YOU'RE... ENGAGED?

NOT ANYMORE.

LOOK, IF IT'S A BOYFRIEND
YOU'RE LOOKING FOR,

WHY DON'T YOU SAVE YOUR MONEY

AND TRY ONLINE DATING
OR PERSONAL ADS?

I'M SURE THERE'S SOMEBODY OUT
THERE WHO'S PERFECT FOR YOU.

I HAVE DONE THEM ALL ALREADY,

BUT NOTHING'S CLICKED.

ON MOST OF THE DATES,
THE GUY USUALLY JUST TURNS

AND WALKS OUT OF THE RESTAURANT
ONCE HE SEES FLABBY ABBY.

OR THEY'RE JUST TOO HIDEOUS,

AND I WALK OUT ON THEM.

YOU KNOW, THE UGLY ONES
ARE USUALLY THE BEST LOVERS.

REAL... GIVERS...

TO MAKE UP FOR
THEIR SHORTCOMINGS.

JUST BECAUSE I AM UGLY

DOESN'T MEAN I'M
ATTRACTED TO UGLY, DR. TROY.

I GET ALL THE
MAGAZINES. I WATCH MTV.

I'M AS AFFECTED BY THE
MEDIA AS ANYONE ELSE.

WELL, SWEETHEART,

YOU'RE NEVER GONNA
LOOK LIKE ANGELINA,

AND YOU'RE NEVER
GONNA SLEEP WITH BRAD.

THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT IS.

LIFE SUCKS FOR YOU.

YOU DON'T THINK I SHOULD
TRY PLASTIC SURGERY?

YOU'LL NEED MULTIPLE SURGERIES,

AND NONE OF THEM ARE CHEAP.

I REALIZE THAT.

I WANT TO DO WHATEVER
IT TAKES TO BE BEAUTIFUL.

FINE.

GIVE ME YOUR LIPSTICK
AND TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES.

IS THAT REALLY NECESSARY?

YOUR FIRST STEP
TOWARDS A LIFE OF BEAUTY

IS TAKING A LONG,
COLD LOOK AT REALITY.

SO YEAH, I THINK IT'S NECESSARY.

STRIP.

BEAUTY IS SYMMETRY,
AND YOU DON'T HAVE ANY.

FIRST I'LL NEED TO GET RID

OF ALL THIS NASTY
COTTAGE CHEESE.

AND HERE YOU NEED
SOME LASER HAIR REMOVAL

TO KEEP THIS FOREST
UNDER CONTROL.

THESE MUD FLAPS WILL
NEED TO BE LOPPED OFF.

HAVE YOU EVER PICKED
UP ANYTHING HEAVIER

THAN A CARTON OF HAAGEN DAZS?

UM, NO, I DON'T GO TO
A GYM OR ANYTHING.

OBVIOUSLY.

YOUR BEER BELLY WILL NEED
EXTENSIVE ABDOMINAL LIPO.

AND YOU COULD
INSULATE YOUR HOUSE

WITH THE AMOUNT
OF FAT I'M GONNA SUCK

OUT OF YOUR HIPS AND YOUR ASS.

IS SOMETHING WRONG?

I RAN OUT OF LIPSTICK.

WHAT ABOUT MY FACE, DR. TROY?

IT'S A LOST CAUSE.

BUT IF I SCULPT YOUR
BODY WITH TUMESCENT LIPO,

IT MIGHT BE SALVAGEABLE.

"SALVAGEABLE?"

DO-ABLE. SCREWABLE.

READY TO BE RIDDEN BAREBACK.

NOW PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON.

YOU LOOK LIKE A
ROAD MAP TO HELL.

AFTER WE REMOVE
THE EMBEDDED METALS,

WE CAN EVEN OUT THE SKIN SURFACE

WITH A LIGHT MICRODERMABRASION.

EXCUSE ME, DR. COSTA.

I'LL HANDLE IT FROM HERE.

I THOUGHT I'D GO
AHEAD AND GET STARTED.

I DIDN'T WANT TO WASTE
THIS SOLDIER'S TIME.

WE'LL ONLY BE WASTING HIS
TIME IF WE EXAMINE HIM TWICE.

ISN'T HE A DOCTOR?

YES, HE IS,

BUT YOU DESERVE TO BE
EXAMINED BY A PARTNER,

INSTEAD OF JUST ONE OF
OUR ASSOCIATE DOCTORS.

SOUNDS GREAT.

CAN YOU TELL ME

HOW YOU GOT YOUR SHRAPNEL
SCARS, CORPORAL BRANDT?

I RAN A REGULAR SUPPLY
CONVOY ON ROUTE IRISH.

IT'S THE ONLY ROAD BETWEEN
CENTRAL BAGHDAD AND THE AIRPORT.

THEY CALL IT THE MOST
DANGEROUS ROAD ON EARTH

'CAUSE IT GETS ATTACKED
ALMOST EVERY SINGLE DAY.

THE HUMVEE I WAS RIDING IN

TOOK A DIRECT HIT FROM AN RPG...

AND IT WAS MAYHEM.

MY PARTNER TOOK A
GRENADE RIGHT TO THE CHEST,

AND IT BLEW HIM TO SHIT.

I SAW THE DUDE WHO
LAUNCHED IT AT US

ABOUT 200 YARDS AWAY
ON TOP OF A BUILDING.

HE WAS DANCING.

I JUST SNAPPED.

I DIDN'T HAVE ANY WEAPONS ON ME,

BUT I HEADED STRAIGHT
FOR THAT BUILDING.

WERE YOU AFRAID?

I WOULD HAVE DONE
THE EXACT SAME THING.

NO, IT WASN'T FEAR.

I MEAN, THIS MAY
SOUND TERRIBLE, BUT...

WHEN YOU'RE IN A
SITUATION LIKE THAT,

AND YOU'RE ATTACKED
FOR NO REASON,

IT'S HATE THAT GETS
YOU THROUGH IT.

EVEN PROTECTS YOU.

WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?

WELL, HE WAS BIGGER THAN ME,

SO HE FENDED ME OFF AT FIRST,

BUT I FINALLY GOT HIM
DOWN ON THE GROUND...

AND I STUCK MY
THUMBS IN HIS EYES

UNTIL THEY WERE
COVERED IN BLOOD.

HE STARTED SWINGING
WILDLY AT THE AIR,

SO I TOOK HIS
LAUNCHER, AND I HIT HIM

IN THE HEAD WITH
IT AGAIN AND AGAIN.

I JUST KEPT HITTING
HIM IN THE HEAD

UNTIL IT CRACKED WIDE OPEN.

WHEN I SAW BONE, I
KNEW HE WAS DEAD.

WHAT A TERRIBLE
THING TO EXPERIENCE.

I GUESS.

I'M KIND OF NUMB
TO IT NOW, THOUGH.

ALL THE BLOOD AND EVERYTHING.

YOU GUYS MUST KNOW
WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

YOU MUST DEAL WITH
GORE EVERYDAY, RIGHT?

I DON'T THINK ANYONE EVER
GETS USED TO SLAUGHTER.

I SEE YOU HAVE A WIFE... CHLOE.

SHE MUST BE HAPPY YOU'RE HOME.

YEAH. YEAH.

I'M GONNA BE STAYING
FOR A WHILE, TOO.

THE ARMY WANTS ME TO DO
RECRUITING FOR THEM NOW.

I MEAN, THAT'S
WHY THEY'RE PAYING

FOR ALL THE COSMETIC SURGERY.

SO I'M GOING TO GO AROUND TO
HIGH SCHOOLS AND MALLS AND STUFF

AND GET PEOPLE TO SIGN UP.

IT'S JUST LIKE OLD TIMES
HAVING YOU HERE, LIZ.

WELL, DON'T GET TOO
EXCITED, CHRISTIAN.

I'M ONLY FILLING IN TODAY

'CAUSE YOU COULDN'T FIND
ANYBODY ELSE ON SUCH LATE NOTICE.

IS SHE PROPERLY TUMESCED?

YES, DOCTOR.

♪ I'VE BEEN SINGING
WITH MY BAND ♪

♪ ACROSS THE WIRE
ACROSS THE LAND... ♪

METZ.

♪ I'VE SEEN EVERY BLUE-EYED
FLOOZY ON THE WAY, HEY ♪

♪ BUT THEIR BEAUTY
AND THEIR STYLE ♪

♪ WENT KIND OF SMOOTH
AFTER A WHILE... ♪

CANNULA.

♪ ...LADIES EVERY TIME ♪

♪ COME ON ♪

♪ OH, WON'T YOU TAKE
ME HOME TONIGHT? ♪

♪ OH, DOWN BESIDE
YOUR RED FIRELIGHT ♪

♪ OH, AND YOU GIVE
IT ALL YOU GOT ♪

♪ FAT-BOTTOMED GIRLS ♪

♪ YOU MAKE THE ROCKIN'
WORLD GO ROUND... ♪

CHRISTIAN, COME ON!

I GAVE THIS PATIENT ENOUGH
PROPOFOL FOR A LIPOSUCTION.

YOU'RE SCRAPING ICE
OFF OF A CAR WINDSHIELD.

TUMESCENT LIPOSUCTION
LEAVES BARELY ANY BRUISING.

JUST DO YOUR JOB
AND KEEP HER UNDER.

IT'S MY JOB TO MINIMIZE PAIN.

HAVING HER WAKE UP LOOKING LIKE

SHE JUST PLAYED
LINEBACKER FOR THE DOLPHINS

KIND OF DEFEATS THE PURPOSE.

LOOK... LOOK!

AFTER BEING ATTACKED, ACCUSED OF
MURDER, REJECTED BY YOUR MOTHER,

AND DUMPED BY YOUR BRIDE,

WHO WOULDN'T BE ANGRY?

IT ALL MAKES SENSE.

YOU'VE HAD A REALLY
ROUGH YEAR, CHRISTIAN,

BUT YOU SHOULDN'T BE
TAKING IT OUT ON HER.

ENOUGH OF YOUR
FEMINAZI BULLSHIT, LIZ!

I DON'T CARE IF YOU DON'T
WORK HERE FULL-TIME ANYMORE.

WHEN YOU'RE ASSISTING ME,

THAT MEANS YOU'RE AN EMPLOYEE,

WHICH MEANS SHUT UP
AND SERVE THE SURGEON!

THIS IS THE LAST FAVOR
I AM GONNA DO FOR YOU.

YOUR FAVOR IS NO
LONGER REQUIRED.

LINDA CAN HELP ME FINISH.

FINE.

OK, YOU REVERSE HER SLOWLY,

AND THEN YOU
EXTUBATE WHEN YOU CAN.

♪ WAR ♪

15 BLADE.

I HEARD SOMEONE
PAINTED A SWASTIKA

ON A LOCKER AT MATT'S SCHOOL.

WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT IT?

NOTHING.

JUST WONDERED IF THEY
HAVE ANY IDEA WHO DID IT.

ADSEN PICKUPS.

SCISSORS.

IT'S FUNNY, ISN'T IT?

PAINTING A FEW JAGGED
LINES ON A LOCKER

IS CONSIDERED A HATE CRIME

WHEN SO MANY THINGS ARE
EXCLUDED FROM THAT LABEL.

RAPE, MURDER, INCEST.

WHY AREN'T THEY
CALLED HATE CRIMES?

WAR. THAT'S NOT
CONSIDERED A CRIME AT ALL.

YET HATING YOUR ENEMY MAKES
IT SO MUCH EASIER TO KILL THEM.

WHAT ABOUT SLEEPING
WITH A COLLEAGUE'S EX-WIFE?

ISN'T THAT A HATE CRIME?

WHY DON'T WE JUST
BE MEN ABOUT THIS

AND FULLY ADDRESS
THE DILEMMA AT HAND?

I HATE YOU.

WHAT A COINCIDENCE.

I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE DAY

WHEN YOUR CONTRACT
FINALLY EXPIRES

AND WE CAN KICK YOUR
ASS OUT THAT DOOR.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST
DO IT NOW, SEAN?

DO IT! BUY ME OUT.

OH, THAT'S RIGHT,
YOU CAN'T AFFORD IT.

IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR A
DECLARATION OF WAR, QUENTIN,

YOU'VE GOT IT.

THE GAUNTLET HAS
OFFICIALLY BEEN THROWN DOWN.

I ACCEPT YOUR DECLARATION.

AS UNCOMFORTABLE AS YOU TRY
AND MAKE MY LIFE AROUND HERE,

I HAVE SEVERAL DELIGHTFUL WAYS

TO MAKE IT MORE
DIFFICULT FOR YOU.

AND THEN AT THE END OF THE DAY,

I CAN GO HOME AND GET OUT
ANY LEFTOVER AGGRESSION...

BY SCREWING JULIA.

♪ WAR ♪

♪ HUH ♪

♪ YEAH ♪

♪ WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR? ♪

HOW ARE WE FEELING
TODAY, CORPORAL?

WHERE'S DR. McNAMARA?

I THOUGHT HE WAS MY SURGEON.

NO, I'LL BE DOING
YOUR FOLLOW-UP.

IS THAT A PROBLEM?

NO. I GUESS YOU'LL BE FINE.

YOU KNOW, UM,

I'VE BEEN THINKING
ABOUT YOUR STORY.

IT'S REALLY QUITE AMAZING.

TRY HAVING IT HAPPEN TO YOU.

YOU MUST HAVE FELT
SO... SO VULNERABLE.

WHEN YOU'RE UNDER ATTACK,

YOU HAVE TO PUSH
THOSE FEELINGS DOWN.

YEAH.

WELL, EVERYTHING IS
HEALING VERY NICELY.

UH, ONCE WE REMOVE THE STITCHES,

THERE SHOULD BE NO
SCARRING WHATSOEVER.

ALL RIGHT.

EXCUSE ME.

YOU DIDN'T TELL US YOU
CAUGHT SHRAPNEL DOWN THERE.

YOU KNOW, WE COULD'VE
TAKEN CARE OF THOSE

DURING THE SAME PROCEDURE.

NO, I DON'T WANT
ALL OF THEM FIXED.

THEY'RE SOUVENIRS, MY
OWN BADGES OF HONOR.

WELL, AT LEAST LET ME CHECK

AND MAKE SURE NO
KELOIDS ARE FORMING.

GOOD.

THAT'S GOOD.

WHAT THE HELL DO YOU
THINK YOU'RE DOING?

I'M NOT A FAGGOT, DOCTOR.

I'M A MARRIED MAN.

I HAVE A WIFE.

HMM.

I CAN SEE... WHY YOU
ASKED FOR DR. McNAMARA.

CHRISTIAN, HEY!

GOOD TO SEE YOU.

SWANK PLACE YOU
HAVE HERE, JULIA.

I CAN SEE WHY THE PATIENTS

ARE BANGING DOWN
THE DOORS TO GET IN.

I'M GLAD YOU APPROVE.

YOUR DESIGN STANDARDS
ARE VERY HIGH,

SO I'M FLATTERED.

CAN I GIVE YOU A
TOUR, GET YOU A DRINK?

WHY THE KID GLOVES?

NO. I'M JUST HAPPY TO SEE YOU.

YOU OK?

I'M FINE.

ARE YOU SURE?

YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH A PRETTY
SHATTERING EXPERIENCE, YOU KNOW.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST TAKE A
VACATION AND GO SOMEWHERE...

ENOUGH WITH THE PITY, OK?

I DON'T NEED A VACATION.

KIMBER'S ALREADY GIVEN ME ONE.

I'M HERE FOR A
PATIENT FOLLOW-UP.

DR. TROY, I DIDN'T
THINK YOU'D STOP BY.

AFTER ALL YOU'VE
BEEN THROUGH, I MEAN.

I HEARD YOU WERE
DITCHED AT THE ALTAR?

I DON'T WANT TO
SOUND MEAN, DR. TROY,

BUT THAT EX-BRIDE OF YOURS

SOUNDS LIKE A REAL BIRD-BRAIN.

WHAT WAS SHE THINKING?

YOU'RE A RICH, HANDSOME
PLASTIC SURGEON,

EVERYTHING A WOMAN COULD WANT.

YOU'RE BETTER OFF ANYWAY.

SURE, YOU CAN GET ANY
WOMAN YOU WANT TO MARRY YOU,

BUT IF YOU NEVER GET MARRIED,

YOU CAN GET EVERY WOMAN
ANY NIGHT OF THE WEEK.

AND NONE OF THEM WILL NAG YOU

WHEN YOU LEAVE
THE TOILET SEAT UP.

I THINK... SHUT UP!

LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT YOU.

THAT'S WHY I'M HERE.

AMAZING WORK.

I FEEL LIKE SOMEONE ELSE.

LIKE MAYBE I SHOULD CHANGE
MY NAME OR SOMETHING.

FLABBY ABBY'S DEAD.

BUT DID YOU BEAT ME
WITH A BROOM HANDLE

WHILE YOU WERE
VACUUMING MY HIPS?

SORENESS IS A SMALL
PRICE TO PAY FOR BEAUTY.

DON'T YOU THINK?

I'D HAVE PAID DOUBLE.

WHEN CAN I GO OUT

AND MEET MY DR. CHRISTIAN TROY?

WHEN ARE YOU CHECKING OUT?

FRIDAY AFTERNOON.

SO WHY DON'T YOU STOP

BY MY PLACE FRIDAY
NIGHT AROUND 8:00?

OK.

AHEM!

HEY!

HEY.

SOMETHING SMELLS GOOD.

HA HA. I DON'T
THINK I MADE ENOUGH

OR I'D INVITE YOU
TO STAY FOR DINNER.

ARE YOU HERE TO SEE MATT?

YEAH.

IS HE AROUND?

YEAH, HE'S, UH...
STUDYING WITH ARIEL.

HA HA HA.

GOOD. I WANT TO
SPEAK TO HER, TOO.

NO, I DON'T THINK YOU
SHOULD DISTURB THEM, SEAN.

WHY NOT?

WELL, YOU REMEMBER
WHAT YOU WERE LIKE

WHEN WE FIRST
STARTED DATING, RIGHT?

YES, I DO.

IF YOU DO THIS,

YOU MIGHT NEVER BE
ABLE TO GET HIM BACK.

JESUS, ARE THEY HAVING SEX?

JULIA!

SEAN, I WOULD RATHER
HIM HANGING OUT HERE

THAN ON THE STREETS.

I MEAN, OR STILL WITH AVA.

AT LEAST ARIEL'S HIS AGE.

YOU KNEW ABOUT THIS?

YES, AND I GAVE HIM CONDOMS,
LIKE YOU ONCE DID, SEAN.

NO, THAT WAS DIFFERENT.

REALLY? WHAT, THERE'S
A DOUBLE STANDARD

IN TERMS OF PARENTS PROVIDING
CONTRACEPTION TO THEIR KIDS?

NO! I JUST DON'T WANT OUR
SON HAVING SEX WITH HER!

THAT GIRL IN THERE IS PURE EVIL.

SHE'S A TEENAGER!

NO, SHE'S A RACIST, JULIA!

HAVE YOU EVEN HAD A
CONVERSATION WITH HER?

OR IS IT ALL SUDDENLY
JUST ABOUT YOUR CAREER?

I HAVE BEEN BUSY WITH THE SPA,

BUT THERE HASN'T BEEN
ONE THING GOING ON

WITH THIS FAMILY THAT
SLIPPED THROUGH THE CRACKS.

OH, REALLY? HERE'S SOMETHING
THAT SLIPPED THROUGH THE CRACK...

SOME GUY'S COCK IN
YOUR BOYFRIEND'S ASS!

WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?

I CAUGHT QUENTIN
GETTING REAR-ENDED

BY A MALE PATIENT
THIS AFTERNOON.

AND I DON'T THINK HE WAS
JUST COLLECTING THE BILL.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOUR JEALOUSY.

WHAT IS IT, SEAN?

IF I CAN'T LOVE YOU,

I'M NOT ALLOWED TO LOVE ANYONE?

I JUST DON'T WANT TO SEE
YOU GET HURT, THAT'S ALL.

OH!

YOU HAVE AN AWFUL
WAY OF SHOWING IT.

YOU SLEEPING WITH HIM?

IF YOU ARE, MAKE SURE
HE DOUBLE-BAGS IT!

WHAT'D YOU SAY TO HER?

I GUESS THERE'S ONE
GOOD THING THAT COMES

OUT OF SCREWING YOUR
GIRLFRIEND IN THE BEDROOM.

NEITHER ONE OF YOU CAN BE OUT
COMMITTING MORE HATE CRIMES!

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

IT'S TIME FOR YOU
TO LEAVE, SEAN.

YOU'VE DISRUPTED THIS
FAMILY ENOUGH FOR ONE DAY.

DID YOU AND YOUR LITTLE
GIRLFRIEND HAVE ANYTHING TO DO

WITH A SWASTIKA
PAINTED ON A LOCKER?

NO.

I HEARD YOU HELPED THE GIRL

WHOSE LOCKER IT WAS
HIDE HER JEWISH NOSE.

SOUNDS TO ME LIKE
YOU'RE AN ACCESSORY

TO THE CRIME, DR. McNAMARA.

DON'T LET HER SPIN HER
WEB AROUND YOU, MATT.

YOU CAN DO SO MUCH
BETTER THAN HER.

HEY! YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH.

WE'RE IN LOVE.

I LOVE YOU.

I LOVE YOU, TOO.

I DON'T HAVE TO STAND FOR THIS.

WHY... WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE

TO CHOOSE HATE OVER LOVE, MAN?

GOOD AFTERNOON, CORPORAL.

AHH, YOU MUST BE...
CHLOE BRANDT. HI.

HI.

IT'S THE LITTLE LADY.

YOU DID A GREAT JOB ON HIS FACE.

I HAVE MY HANDSOME
OLIVER BACK AGAIN.

MUST BE WONDERFUL HAVING
YOUR HUSBAND BACK, MRS. BRANDT.

OH, IT IS.

IT'S AS IF MY
NIGHTMARE HAS ENDED

AND THIS IS DREAM
COME TRUE. HMM.

AND AS SOON AS WE FIND OUT
WHERE OLIVER'S STATIONED,

WE'RE GOING TO START
LOOKING FOR A HOUSE

AND TRY TO GET PREGNANT.

OH, THAT'S... THAT'S TERRIFIC.

HAVE YOU HAD A PHYSICAL
SINCE HE'S BEEN BACK, CHLOE?

A BLOOD PANEL?

NO. WHY? IS THERE SOMETHING I
SHOULD BE CONCERNED ABOUT?

NO, NO, IT'S A GOOD IDEA.

WHO KNOWS WHAT DISEASES
I WAS EXPOSED TO IN IRAQ?

I KNOW A LOT OF GUYS

WHO CAUGHT SOME
SAND FLY PARASITE THING.

I'LL MAKE AN APPOINTMENT
WITH DR. FLICKINGER.

HONEY, DID YOU
BRING IN MY SWEATER?

I DON'T... I DON'T SEE IT.

OH, I MUST'VE
LEFT IT IN THE CAR.

I'LL RUN AND GO GET IT.

SHE'S LOVELY, CORPORAL.
YOU'RE A LUCKY MAN.

DOES CHLOE KNOW ABOUT

YOUR EXTRACURRICULAR ACTIVITIES?

I DON'T THINK I KNOW
WHAT YOU MEAN.

I SAW YOU AND DR. COSTA HAVING
ANAL INTERCOURSE, CORPORAL BRANDT.

NOT ONLY IS THAT HIGHLY
INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR

BETWEEN A DOCTOR
AND HIS PATIENT,

BUT I HAVE A STRONG
FEELING THAT YOUR POOR,

TRUSTING WIFE HAS
NO IDEA ABOUT IT.

BOTH YOU AND CHRISTIAN HAVE
HAD SEX WITH PATIENTS, SEAN.

I THOUGHT IT WAS COMPANY
POLICY AROUND HERE.

I SUGGEST YOU TELL
YOUR WIFE ABOUT IT,

JUST LIKE I'VE TOLD MY
WIFE ABOUT DR. COSTA.

EX-WIFE.

THAT WAS A MISTAKE.

OK, EXCUSE ME. WAIT A MINUTE!

WHY AM I CAUGHT IN THE
MIDDLE OF YOUR CROSSFIRE,

AND I DIDN'T HAVE SEX
WITH ANYBODY, OK?

I'M NOT A FAG.

NO ONE'S ACCUSING YOU
OF ANYTHING, CORPORAL.

DR. McNAMARA IS JUST JEALOUS
BECAUSE I'VE BEEN SEEING HIS EX-WIFE.

IT'S OBVIOUS HE STILL
HAS A THING FOR HER.

I GUESS WE CAN LEAVE IT
UP TO THE A.M.A. TO DECIDE.

I'M FILING A SEXUAL
MISCONDUCT GRIEVANCE...

AND I'LL JUST TELL THEM THAT YOUR
PERSONAL VENDETTA AGAINST ME

HAS NOW INAPPROPRIATELY
INVOLVED A PATIENT.

CORPORAL BRANDT,
I'M SORRY TO DO THIS,

BUT I'LL GIVE YOU TWO CHOICES...

YOU CAN TELL THE
REVIEWING MEDICAL BOARD

DR. COSTA SEXUALLY ABUSED
YOU WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT...

HA!

WHICH WILL RESULT IN
DR. COSTA LOSING HIS JOB

AND HIS LICENSE TO PRACTICE,

OR YOU CAN ADMIT THAT WHAT
HAPPENED WAS CONSENSUAL

AND FACE YOUR FATE
WITH THE MILITARY.

HI.

HEY.

IT'S, UH... IT'S QUIET
AROUND HERE.

WE'RE DOWN TO TWO
PATIENTS TONIGHT.

A BUNCH CHECKED OUT
BEFORE THE WEEKEND.

YOU'RE TIGHT.

WHAT IS THAT, UM... THAT SAYING?

THE DEVIL IS THE KNOT

BETWEEN YOUR SHOULDER BLADES.

HA! IT'S BEEN A LONG DAY.

LET ME HELP YOU RELAX.

LET'S CHRISTEN THE SOAKING TUB.

I NEED TO ASK YOU SOMETHING.

SEAN TOLD ME HE
SAW YOU HAVING SEX

WITH A MALE PATIENT
OF YOURS YESTERDAY.

HE... HE WHAT?

QUENTIN, IF YOU'RE
GAY, I'LL UNDERSTAND.

AHH.

OH, JULIA.

JULIA, DON'T YOU
SEE WHAT HE'S DOING?

THAT'S NOT AN ANSWER.

HE IS TRYING TO COME BETWEEN US.

DON'T YOU THINK IT'S
A BIT COINCIDENTAL

THAT HE SAID HE SAW ME
SCREWING SOME GUY YESTERDAY,

IN OUR OFFICE, WHERE MY BOSS,

YOUR EX-HUSBAND COULD CATCH ME?

IT'S AS IF HE SAID TO YOU
IF YOU DON'T LOVE HIM,

YOU CAN'T LOVE ANYONE ELSE.

YOU WANT TO BELIEVE HIM?

YOU'D BE COMPLETELY IGNORING
EVERY SECOND WE EVER SHARED.

COME HERE.

EVERY SECOND WE EVER SHARED
ON THE DANCE FLOOR, HMM?

EVERY CARESS OF OUR LIPS.

EVERY SOFT TOUCH OF OUR SKIN.

THEN WHY HAVEN'T YOU
TRIED TO HAVE SEX WITH ME?

WE'VE BEEN DATING
FOR ALMOST A MONTH.

I DO THINGS... DIFFERENTLY.

THERE'S, UM... AN
HONOR INVOLVED.

WELL, IF THIS IS TO CONTINUE,

I COULD DO WITH A
LITTLE LESS HONOR

AND A LITTLE MORE HEAT.

HOW'S THAT?

IS THAT HOT ENOUGH FOR YOU?

COME IN.

WOULD YOU LIKE A DRINK?

WHAT ABOUT DINNER? I THOUGHT...

I THOUGHT MAYBE
WE'D JUST STAY IN.

THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.

I'LL HAVE A WHITE WINE SPRITZER.

I HEARD THERE'S LESS
CALORIES IN A SPRITZER, RIGHT?

DON'T WANT TO GET FAT AGAIN.

CHRISTIAN, I WANT
TO THANK FOR THIS.

YOU'VE ALREADY GIVEN ME
MORE THAN I COULD EVER IMAGINE.

DON'T GUZZLE, ABBY. I WANT
YOU TO BE FULLY CONSCIOUS

FOR WHAT'S HAPPENING NEXT.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

YOU LOOK LIKE A TROUT.

I'M SORRY. DID YOU
WANT TO MAKE OUT?

BEFORE WE DO, WHY DON'T YOU...

SLIP INTO SOMETHING A
LITTLE MORE COMFORTABLE?

UM, I DIDN'T BRING ANYTHING.

THAT'S OK. I WENT SHOPPING.

IT'S ON THE BED.

THAT'S A BAG.

YES.

I THOUGHT YOU SAID
YOU WENT SHOPPING.

I DID, GROCERY SHOPPING.

AND I RECYCLE. AND NOW I WOULD
LIKE TO MAKE GOOD USE OF THAT BAG.

I WANT YOU TO PUT IT ON.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

IF YOU WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH ME,

YOU HAVE TO PUT THE BAG OVER
HEAD SO I CAN'T SEE YOUR FACE.

YOU WON'T SUFFOCATE, IF THAT'S
WHAT YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT.

COME ON, ABBY. HOW MANY
CHANCES IN LIFE ARE YOU GOING TO GET

TO SLEEP WITH SOMEONE LIKE ME?

HMM?

YOU WANT ME OR NOT?

YES. SPEAK UP!

I SAID, YES, I WANT YOU.

THEN PUT IT ON.

I UNDERSTAND WHY YOU WENT
INTO THE MILITARY, CORPORAL.

IT GIVES YOU AN
OPPORTUNITY TO ROLE PLAY,

HIDE FROM YOUR TRUE SELF.

THAT'S FUNNY, DR. COSTA.

HIDING YOUR TRUE
SELF FROM DR. McNAMARA

SEEMS TO BE EXACTLY
WHAT YOU HAD TO DO.

HAVE YOU MADE UP YOUR MIND?

YOU GOING TO BE A MAN
AND TELL THE TRUTH?

OR ARE YOU GOING TO LIE IN AN ATTEMPT
TO RUIN MY CAREER TO SAVE YOURS?

DOESN'T SEEM LIKE
MUCH OF A CHOICE TO ME.

WHY WOULD I DO ANYTHING
TO SAVE YOUR SORRY ASS?

AS MUCH AS I ENJOYED IT.

YOU'RE NOT A HERO.

TO YOU, IT'S MORE
RESPECTABLE TO KILL A MAN,

THAN IT IS TO BE A HOMOSEXUAL.

AND YOU'D RATHER RUIN
EVERYTHING I STAND FOR

THAN TO FIGHT YOUR OWN BATTLES.

ISN'T THE DOCTOR'S CREED
TO "FIRST DO NO HARM"?

THAT'S A GOOD POINT.

BECAUSE I HELPED
YOU TODAY, CORPORAL.

THIS MORNING I CALLED
YOUR COMMANDING OFFICER

AND INFORMED HIM
OF WHO YOU ARE...

GAY... AND A COWARD.

YOU DID WHAT?

I TALKED TO COLONEL WATTERSON.

I TOLD HIM I'D GO UNDER
OATH IF NECESSARY.

YOU ASSHOLE!

NOW IT'S TIME YOU FACED HIM.

WE DON'T NEED YOU FOR
THIS SURGERY, QUENTIN.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO HOME?

OR WHY DON'T YOU HEAD
DOWN TO THE DOCKS?

I HEAR THERE'S A
WHOLE BUNCH OF SAILORS

JUST ARRIVED WITH 3-DAY PASSES.

I'VE BEEN THINKING, GENTLEMEN,

AND I'VE DECIDED
TO MAKE YOU A DEAL.

WE ALL KNOW IT'S BECOME AN UNPLEASANT
WORK ENVIRONMENT AROUND HERE,

AND I'M NOT WANTED.

SO I'LL MAKE YOU AN
OFFER YOU CAN'T REFUSE.

WE'RE LISTENING.

BUY OUT THE REMAINDER
OF MY CONTRACT

AT 50 CENTS ON THE DOLLAR.

FINE. WE'LL HAVE OUR LAWYERS DRAW
UP THE PAPERWORK IN THE MORNING.

NO, NO, NO. THERE'S NO
NEED TO WAIT THAT LONG.

I'VE ALREADY TAKEN CARE OF
THE NECESSARY ARRANGEMENTS.

I'LL LEAVE THE
PAPERS ON YOUR DESK.

NO. WE'RE TAKING
CARE OF THIS RIGHT NOW.

♪ I LOVE TO HATE YOU ♪

♪ WHAT CAN I DO... ♪

EVERYTHING LOOKS GOOD
TO ME. YOU HAVE A PEN?

I'M LEAVING NOW.

I'LL SEND FOR THE REST OF
MY THINGS IN THE MORNING.

THAT'S A WONDERFUL IDEA.

WHY THE CHANGE
OF HEART, QUENTIN?

DID YOU SUDDENLY REALIZE ATLANTA

HAD A BRAND NEW CROP
OF PATIENTS TO BUGGER?

ACTUALLY, CHRISTIAN, I'M
STAYING RIGHT HERE IN MIAMI.

I TOOK A JOB AS THE PLASTIC
SURGEON IN RESIDENCE

AT SPA DE LA MER.

I'M WORKING FOR JULIA.

♪ WHAT CAN I DO ♪

♪ I LOVE TO HATE YOU ♪

♪ WHAT CAN I DO... ♪

Kimber: "DEAR CHRISTIAN,

"I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT
YOU READING THIS LETTER

"EVER SINCE THE DAY I LEFT.

"FOR YOUR SAKE, I
HOPE YOU'VE MOVED ON

"AND BARELY REMEMBER MY NAME.

"PLEASE KNOW THAT LEAVING
YOU ON YOUR WEDDING DAY

"WAS THE LAST
THING I WANTED TO DO.

"I TRIED TO SAY THIS TO
YOU SO MANY TIMES BEFORE,

"BUT COULDN'T DO IT.

SO I JUST LEFT."

"BUT THE WORDS
STILL NEED TO BE SAID.

"WE WERE NEVER MEANT TO
SPEND OUR LIVES TOGETHER.

"THERE IS ONE THING
I THANK YOU FOR...

"FORCING ME TO CHOOSE
BETWEEN YOU AND MY CAREER.

"YOU HELPED ME REALIZE THAT MY
CAREER GIVES ME EVERYTHING I NEED...

"INDIVIDUALITY,
EMPOWERMENT, AUTONOMY...

WHILE BEING YOUR WIFE WOULD ONLY
STRIP ME OF MY DIGNITY AND SENSE OF SELF."

"SO I CHOSE ME OVER YOU.

"YOU PROBABLY HATE ME FOR
IT, AND FOR THAT, I'M SORRY.

"DON'T TRY AND FIND ME.

"I NEVER WANNA SEE YOU AGAIN.

"IT WOULD BE TOO PAINFUL

"AND NOTHING WOULD BE GAINED.

GOOD-BYE. KIMBER."

WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME DO THIS?

LETTER.

THANK YOU.

NO. AAH! STOP.

GOD!

CHRISTIAN?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

DID YOU FINALLY FIND
AN OUNCE OF RESPECT

AND COME TO TELL ME
WHAT AN ASSHOLE I AM?

YOU AND I ARE VERY
SIMILAR, YOU KNOW.

I KNOW YOU HATE
ME, BUT I'M OK WITH IT.

'CAUSE I HATE ME, TOO.

YOU COULDN'T BE MORE PATHETIC.

YEAH, I KNOW. YOU
MADE THAT PRETTY CLEAR.

BUT, CHRISTIAN,
THAT'S COOL WITH ME.

I LIKE THAT I DON'T HAVE TO
WORRY IF YOU'LL EVER LOVE ME.

I DON'T HAVE TO
TRY TO PLEASE YOU.

IT WOULD ONLY WASTE MY TIME.

DON'T YOU GET IT?

LAST NIGHT, THOSE WEREN'T
TEARS OF HUMILIATION YOU SAW.

THEY WERE TEARS OF JOY.

I HAD THE FIRST ORGASM
OF MY LIFE WITH YOU.

I WENT ONLINE TO TRY AND GET
INFORMATION ABOUT MY FEELINGS.

ACCORDING TO THE WEB
SITES, I MUST BE A MASOCHIST.

AND YOU, YOU'RE
DEFINITELY A SADIST.

WE'RE MADE FOR EACH OTHER.

ANYTIME YOU WANT
ME, JUST LET ME KNOW.

AND I'LL WEAR THE BAG AGAIN.

I DON'T MIND.

BE AT MY PLACE TONIGHT AT 9:00.

CAPTIONING MADE
POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.

♪ MAKE ME BEAUTIFUL ♪

♪ LIFE ♪