Nip/Tuck (2003–2010): Season 2, Episode 5 - Joel Gideon - full transcript

Hey.
Hey, babe. I'm on my way.

We need anything?

I'm buried in the mysteries
of the adrenal gland.

Can you pick up takeout for dinner?

I was thinking lime AJ's lime chicken.

Didn't we have lime chicken on Monday?

Then get garlic chicken.

How about the orange chicken?

Sean McNamara.

Oh, my God!

- Are you all right?
- I'm fine.



- Is he all right?
- Miraculously, yes.

Sean.

This is why I've been nagging at you...

to get a hands-free thing
for your car phone.

Wouldn't have made a difference.
The guy ran a stop sign.

Doesn't change the fact
that you could've died.

Hey. This is my patient.

And he's my partner and best friend.

Why would I leave his mug
in your inexperienced hands?

I have pubic hairs that are older than you.

You need a few days off.

- I can handle the farm.
- Christian, I'm fine.

Is that why you let me put
three sutures in without Novocain?

You're in shock.



It's a normal response to sudden trauma.

I know what shock is, Christian,
and I'm not in it.

Then where's your other shoe?

Dr. McNamara, I'm Officer Strand.

I need a report,
when you're up to it.

We've got plenty of witnesses
who say it was the other guy's fault.

- How is the other guy?
- He didn't make it.

He died in the O. R. a few minutes ago.

That's a mistake. I saw him
walk out of his car, he was fine.

Internal bleeding or something.
I'm not a doctor.

Where's my baby, asshole?

I could call the cops.

This is kidnapping!

James has him. He's suing for full custody.

Full custody?

From me?
Congratulations, Gina.

In your pathetic attempt
to screw with me...

you handed Wilber to the one person
who can actually take him from us.

He can't do that.

You can't take a baby away
from its mother.

Oh, God!

Christian, what are we going to do?

Don't. This is your fault.

You're the selfish prick
who didn't have the decency...

to turn the three of us into a real family.

Why aren't you
at your lawyer's office fighting this?

It's a little late for that.

As you keep reminding me,
I don't have any legal rights...

and I gave James enough dirt on you
to have the state tie your tubes.

We're done. He's gone.

So that's it.

You're just packing up his shit
and moving on?

Isn't that so typical?

Don't you have any feelings for Wilber?

If I were to stab you in the heart,
would I hit ice?

- I love that kid.
- Then why aren't you fighting for him?

You're so scared
to get your dick lopped off...

that you won't stick it out
for your own son.

- Hey.
- Hey.

The sound is giving me a headache.

Sorry.

How are you doing?

Good. A few aches and pains.

When Mom told me
you got into an accident...

I didn't breathe
until I saw you with my own eyes.

If I wasn't wearing a seatbelt,
you might've had to see me in a coffin.

That's why I'm always on your ass
to buckle up.

What are you reading?

Consumer Reports Auto Safety Guide.

We're gonna have to get a new car.

Let me guess, another Audi,
or a Volvo wagon.

There's nothing wrong with a car
that's designed to extend your life.

Yes, there is,
if that's all it's designed to do.

What's that supposed to mean?

Nothing. We just see things differently,
that's all.

You like the family Truckster...

and I like Christian's Ferrari.

Let's face it Dad, not even Christian
can get laid in a Volvo wagon.

You think I'm a pussy.

- I didn't say that.
- You're wrong.

I'm very bold.

Come on, Dad.

You could write a book
on the dangers of mundane situations.

I'm the only kid I know of
who never had the carpets...

in his house cleaned
because of Yamaha Syndrome.

It's Kawasaki Syndrome
and it's a very real issue.

Overly stripped carpet fibers
are havens for dust mites.

Children can get
very serious lung ailments from them.

Did you e-mail that car company?

Yes. I wanted to thank them.

Their safety features saved my life.

Must have been a pretty good e-mail.
They're on the phone.

The car company
forwards us any consumer feedback...

like that thank-you e-mail that you sent.

One of our guys flagged you
as a local plastic surgeon...

and we figured we'd bring you in.
We want your expertise.

I'm sorry. For what?

Climb in.

Dr. McNamara...

luxury cars are loaded
with safety features.

You could fill this car with eggs...

and crash it at 40 miles per hour
without breaking one shell.

Impressive.
Not perfect.

That cut on your face,
happens all the time.

Blunt force trauma caused by the airbags.

Muslin-skinned dummies
can't tell us anymore...

what really happens to people
when this safety stuff hits them.

Then what do you use?

The bodies come from
a special donor program.

You read those crash-test results
before you buy a car?

Religiously.
So does everyone else.

If we don't get our results in
before publication...

we don't get in the report,
and then people don't buy our cars.

We've got 10 days
before the fall deadline...

and we've just lost our medical expert...

due to work-related stresses.

Okay. There are freak cases,
one in a million...

when the bags balloon out
in a funny angle...

and decapitate the driver.

It happened to one of the cadavers.
Kind of spooked the doc.

What would the job entail?

Examining the bodies after we mash them.

Looking for the hidden bumps
and bruises...

so that we can recalibrate our systems...

and make sure that we're treating
our paying customers more kindly.

And we'd throw in a free car.

Top-of-the-line model.

Navigation, XM Satellite Radio,
hands-free phone.

My wife would certainly love that.

Do you want to hit the B. O. D.?

- The B. O. D.?
- Button of Death.

I named it.

You okay?

Brody, go get the doc something
from the machine.

No. I'm fine.

But I'm sorry, Mr. Kintner,
I'm gonna have to turn down your offer.

What happened?
Rental car wouldn't start?

I told you to upgrade
to the premium model.

I couldn't drive.
I couldn't even put the car in gear.

I was frozen.

Post-traumatic stress disorder.

I didn't go to war, Christian.
I had a car accident.

Your brain doesn't care
if it was a bullet or a Yugo.

You faced death.

You know the worst part of it?
How familiar it all feels.

Being afraid to even move.

I've felt that way most of my life.

- What are you afraid of?
- I don't know.

Dying.

Is that all?

What's all that?

Wilber's stuff from my apartment.
I'm giving it to charity.

Getting rid of evidence doesn't mean
you can eradicate memories, Christian.

Deciding to raise a baby
that wasn't my own...

was the worst mistake of my life.

And I have an impressive list.

I just want it all to go away.

Tell me what you don't like
about yourself.

229 feet.

That's the distance between
the bottom of the Hillary Step...

and the summit at 29,029.

That's where I donated my nose
and half my fingers to Chomolungma...

the Mother Goddess of the World.

Mount Everest.

We got pinned down
for two hours there in a storm.

Do you have a picture
of what your face looked like...

before it suffered frostbite trauma?

Here.

They're what got me off the hill.

Just the thought of a graduation
or a wedding dance...

can get you through anything.

Not to be too personal, Mr. Gideon,
but with such a large family to support...

why did you risk the climb
in the first place?

I was a medic in the Special Forces...

I'd jumped out of helicopters.

Then I met my wife, had my kids...

and got a job
as a high-school guidance counselor...

and for the first time in my life
I felt scared.

What were you scared of?

Losing who I was.

But when you are ticking off the years
past 40 and the sailing is smooth...

suddenly you realize,
statistically speaking...

I'm closer to the end of my life
than I am to the beginning.

I decided I wanted my kids...

to grow up with the memory
of a father who had lived his life...

rather than a shell of a man
who surrendered to fear.

So I started climbing mountains.

Mr. Gideon, to repair your injuries,
we'll need to remove the dead tissue...

and then graft skin
from a harvest site on your body.

If we do our job correctly,
there'll be minimal scarring.

Small price to pay for the rush
of being on top of the world.

What happens now that you've lost
the ability to get that rush?

Lost it, my ass. I'm going back.

That ice-covered bitch took my nose,
I'm taking her summit.

Not to be a fatalist, but what if you don't?

You know, freezing to death
isn't that bad of a way to go.

Seriously, your body goes numb
so there's no pain.

The way I felt up on that hill,
during that storm...

my body was totally numb...

but on the inside I was on fire.

I'd take a numb nose
over a numb soul any day.

Get your coat
and your bitch on.

We're meeting with my lawyer in an hour.

They aren't taking our son without a fight.

Mr. Kintner. About that free car...

I'm a big fan of night blue.

His name was Mike. Big Mike.

Best buddy in the world.

We worked here
loading the masher together, 10 years.

This is my going-away present
for him.

I figured a guy who never did
anything exciting his entire life...

deserved one good thrill
before we put him in the ground.

How did you get away with that?

Fudged some paperwork
and got him into the program.

Mike and I were the presidents...

of the "gonna" club.

As in we were gonna do a lot of things.

Since we started putting
real people in the masher...

it was like, "Damn, it could be us. "

We decided to do something.

Something that just scared
the piss out of us.

Like what?

Shark diving?
Mikey and I were scared of sharks.

Me, too. Ever since I saw Jaws.

You mind if I hit the B. O. D., Doc?

No, please.

Ride of your life, Mikey.

Low-grade abrasions
around the thorax and lower extremities.

One-inch scrape along the clavicle
indicating blunt force trauma.

Small laceration of the left cheek...

just below the eye.

First, I want to thank all of you
for agreeing to go to arbitration on this.

Court cases can be ugly and expensive.

Just so we're all clear, is there no way
I can convince you to share custody?

We live 3,000 miles away.

Joint custody is not an option.

But you're asking for more
than just full custody, Mr. Sutherland.

You want closed custody.

You don't want the mother involved
in the child's life at all.

I assume you've read
the information we provided...

about Ms. Russo's sexual addiction.

I'm in recovery.

How was that recovery going
when you had unprotected sex...

with my husband at the airport Ramada?

Gina is working hard
to deal with her illness.

Have you seen the recommendation
from her SA sponsor?

And the one from my shrink.
I have.

In terms of testimonials,
those good ones...

are outweighed by the numerous
less flattering affidavits...

from your and Ms. Russo's extensive list
of former acquaintances.

What kind of man is this child
going to grow up to be...

if he has one parent
who sees commitment...

as something that ends
when the martini wears off...

and the other who sees herself
as no more than a sexual receptacle?

There is no need to be cruel.

Don't you dare defend her in front of me.

You want this baby, I'm getting it for you.

Not that I don't want him, too.

Listen, role models come in many forms.

Yes, Gina is flawed.

But she's working hard
to overcome her illness.

Who are you?

Excuse me?

You're not her husband or her boyfriend.

From what my husband tells me,
you don't even like her.

You're not the child's father, so...

why are you here?

It's a fair question.

Doctor, even if I were to grant custody
to Ms. Russo...

you would have to deal
with the adoption process...

before you had any legal parental rights.

I never had a real father.

I never had someone love me...

so much that he risked
changing his life for me...

like I have for Wilber.

I love him.

I love him
more than I've ever loved anyone...

or anything in my life.

Cicely's right.

I've held hundreds of women in my bed...

and counted the minutes
till the sun came up...

and I could get rid of them.

But when it's late at night...

and that little boy is asleep in my arms...

I wish the Earth could just...

freeze there forever.

You're right, sweetie. Frisky's pregnant.

I'm gonna be a mommy.

- So?
- It's a massive tumor.

As difficult as it may be,
we're going to have to tell her the truth.

Can't we let her celebrate life a little
before she has to deal with death?

Hey. Thank you.

Okay, goodnight.

Jesus, Jules. How about a little variety?

With your sensitive stomach, Sean...

there are only so many places
we can order from.

I don't have a sensitive stomach.
Right.

Do you remember
when Christian took us...

to that cool Vietnamese restaurant
and all you ate was rice?

- And you still had diarrhea.
- It was a bug!

Dad, it's nothing to be ashamed of.

You just like what you like, that's all.

Okay, that's it.

We're not wasting one more night
of our lives eating the same bland chicken.

This family is gonna start
experiencing life.

Well, where're we gonna go?

Somewhere where they don't
serve chicken.

You drive.

Who do you think could win in a fight?
A shark or a bear?

A shark, definitely.

Shark talk freaking you out, Dad?

Four California rolls, four spicy tuna rolls...

- four spicy yellowtail...
- Sorry, no Chicken of the Sea, Jules.

Two sea urchin, two live baby shrimp,
two giant clam.

Excuse me. What is this here?

Fugu. Blowfish.

Isn't that the stuff that can kill you
if it's not made right?

Very uncommon.
There's poison in the spikes.

Bad chef and...
But our chefs are very good.

- Let's try it.
- Stop joking around, Sean.

I'm serious. She said the chefs were good.

Come on. There's a big difference between
shaking things up and killing yourself.

Relax. He's just screwing with us.

Bring us an order of fugu.

Fugu!

Did you have an MRI after the accident?
Because I think you have brain damage.

Not damage. Awareness.

Excuse me.

Enough. This isn't funny.

Come on. We're taking a bigger risk
by driving home.

- What do you think?
- I'll try it if you will.

You're not eating it because we're leaving.

It's one thing to put yourself in danger.

Encouraging your children
to do the same thing is over the line.

Come on, Annie, Matt.

It's pretty bold, Dad.

Don't die or anything.

Not on your life.

See you.

Excuse me.

How long does it take for the symptoms
to kick in if something goes wrong?

The chef leaves some blowfish toxin in.

Just enough so your lips
and tongue feel numb.

It's called "the taste of death. "

Poison works fast, though.

15 seconds go by
and you feel nothing but the taste...

you're A-okay.

They bill it as Shark Alley.
It's a feeding channel off the keys.

Are funeral expenses included
in the price?

They've only had one incident
and that guy was irritating the sharks.

How does one irritate a shark?

You wanna be bold?
Start slow.

Wear some flat-front pants.

So what you're saying
is you're a pussy.

There's a difference between
being a pussy and respecting fear.

It reminds me
to slide on a johnny hat...

every time I perform a slip-in-dick-tomy
on a woman of questionable standards.

Look, Sean.

I'm allowed to take risks.

I don't have a wife and kid to leave behind
if something goes wrong.

Taking risks is easy
when you're alone.

Dr. Troy?

Ms. Russo's on the phone.
The decision came down.

Good morning, everyone.

Coming to a decision has been difficult.

On the one hand,
I have Mr. and Mrs. Sutherland.

You've raised
three successful sons.

But chasing around a toddler at 60
is different than chasing one around at 30.

I also question Mrs. Sutherland's desire
to raise Wilber at all.

On the other hand I have Dr. Troy.

Your unconditional love
for Wilber is obvious.

But unfortunately, all emotion aside...

you have no legal right
to parenting the child.

So it comes down to Ms. Russo.

You are the child's biological mother.

And you're the only one...

with whom I fear Wilber
could be in physical danger.

Frankly, I fear for his life
if he remains with you.

I'm granting the Sutherlands' request
for custody of the child.

What?

But, that's my baby. That's our baby.

Ms. Russo and Dr. Troy
will not be allowed contact...

that is not initiated
by Mr. and Mrs. Sutherland...

until the child is 18 years of age.

You can't do that.
That's not the law. It's...

Christian, do something.

Loss is a part of life.

You can't really care for something
or someone...

until you realize that one day,
they may be gone.

And when they do go...

we feel as if everything goes with them...

and we feel like we'll never really care
about anything again.

But we do.

And we discover that
that loss was a gift...

that helps us appreciate
all of the things we still have.

Should we push the dirt on now?

Yes, sweetheart.

Why don't you go and comfort Frisky Two?

It wasn't even about me.

Gina was the deal-breaker.

I lost him.

Christian.

I am so sorry.

I know that feeling of loss.

It's how I felt after the miscarriage.

I know you can't believe it now...

but one day, you'll feel better,
stronger and you...

Thank you, but
the "sun will come out tomorrow" crap...

isn't gonna cut it today.

You lost a zygote.

Wilber was my son.

Appease me with platitudes
when you've experienced...

some real loss in your life.

I think Julia's miscarriage
and my father leaving when I was five...

was experience enough.

I can see it's had a big effect
on your life, Aquaman.

You're making sure
your kids don't have to experience...

the same kind of loss, aren't you?

I understand that you're hurting...

but lashing out
isn't gonna make you feel any better.

Wait a minute. Aquaman?
I don't understand.

Captain Nemo didn't tell you...

about his dick-swinging competition
on Saturday?

I'm going shark diving this weekend.
I was gonna tell you tonight.

Is your goal to have us crying
over your coffin, Sean?

How can you be such a hypocrite?

Didn't you listen to your own eulogy?

"What's the use of living
if you don't embrace life?"

What the hell is the matter with you?

Pushing your luck
is no way to raise a family!

Don't come into my house and lecture me
on the subtleties of parenting.

You were a father for six months.
I've been one for 16 years.

I may have only been a father
for a few months...

but one thing I am dead sure about...

is that fatherhood's
not about proving to your family...

that you've got steel balls.

It's about taking care of them...

keeping them safe, and making sure
they never feel the way I do right now.

You used to know that.

Just so you know,
in your quest to find yourself...

you're losing something.

My respect.

Are you really gonna do this?

Yes. And you're coming with me.

Don't you have enough already?

There's gonna be 50 sharks down there.

Do you want them snacking on the chum
or on your leg?

I don't know what scares me more.
The sharks...

or Mom after she finds your note.

If you're freaked, we can bail.

Are you kidding? This rules.

Let's gear up, boys.

Brody, this is my son, Matt.

Hey.

Into the buffet line, fellas.

Ride of my life!

Dad!

Dad?

You ready to go?

We're not going. Come on.

What are you doing?

I'm being a responsible parent.

I know you're scared, but...

Sometimes being scared is a good thing.

It's your brain telling you
not to do something stupid...

to prove something to your son.

Bullshit! Look, we're not gonna die.

You really are a pussy.

Call me what you want.

If it's a choice between losing your respect
or losing you, I'll keep you.

Quinn, diver in trouble.
Get him up.

Give us a hand!
Get him up the ladder!

All right, get him up here.

He got down to 25 feet
and he freaked.

He shot to the surface like a rocket.

Get the divers up. Pull anchor.

Something don't feel right, Doc.

Holy shit.

He's got an arterial gas embolism.
Get his feet up.

Can you regulate that
to give him 15 liters per minute?

You got it.

Is he gonna die?

If he can't get to a hospital...

with a hyperbaric oxygen chamber
within an hour, he might.

Never give a girl your number.

Always take hers. Keeps you in control.

And no American cars. German, Italian...

or the occasional English.

Treat yourself to a barber-shop shave
once a month.

Take a beautiful girl to Florence
and eat at Enoteca.

Talk to Marino. He'll take care of you.

Tell him you're my son.

Don't take any crap off anyone.

You're better than that.

Try to be good to people.

Never get too jaded to care.

Remember me.

Just a second.

Just one more second.

You wanna come in?

Yeah, but, we should go.

We have a 6:00 flight.

You guys good?

Thanks for this.

I figured you deserved an hour
after all you did for him.

If you ask me, you saved his life.

May I?

I hope you understand...

we're serious about enforcing
the no-contact thing.

Cicely and I think
it's what's best for Gabriel.

That's what we're calling him.

Say goodbye, Gabriel.

Bye.

You have nothing
to be ashamed of, Brody.

At least you went in.

Look, I gotta run.

Call me when you get out of the hospital.

All right.

Is he gonna be all right?

He'll live.

Listen...

I wanna apologize
for what I said to you on the boat.

About you being a pussy and all that.

You don't need to impress me.
You're my dad.

That used to be enough.

When you were a kid,
I could wow you with state capitals.

I'm still wowed by you.

What you did for that guy on the boat?

It was amazing.

What are you writing?

My obituary.

I read somewhere that writing your own
was a good motivational tool.

And what does it say?

"Dr. Sean McNamara, 101 years old...

"died Tuesday night of natural causes.

"Inventor of bipolar liposuction.

"He was described by his friends
and large family as a good doctor...

- "good husband... "
- And a good father.

Where's Mom?
Is she still pissed about the trip?

What trip?

Is that the note?

What she doesn't know
won't hurt her, or us.

Dude. We cheated death.

Thanks, Julia, but I'm not hungry.

You asked me to come around
and make you feel better. This is step one.

I shouldn't have called.

I think I just didn't wanna be alone.

The place feels so empty with him gone.

I keep thinking I hear him in the bedroom.

This is what happens
when you let people in.

Don't shut off, Christian.

You can still have other children.

I want him.

I want my son.

But he's gone.

You can't let that scare you away...

from loving another child.

What do you know about real fear?

Losing a ring down the garbage disposal
isn't the same...

as a court telling you
you can't see Annie again.

Have some stranger tear Matt
literally from your arms...

and then tell me that a new son
is gonna replace the one that I lost!

I feel dead inside.

Nothing's getting me back from this.

I'm sorry.

I just miss him so much.

What's wrong?

I can't do this anymore. It's killing me.

I feel like I am being stalked
by a huge bear.

I keep pretending it's not there...

and hoping it'll go away
but it just keeps following me.

I don't understand.

What if I told you...

that you already had a son?

What?

You already have a son, Christian.

With me.

Matt.