Nip/Tuck (2003–2010): Season 1, Episode 13 - Escobar Gallardo - full transcript
The surgeons are still forced to harvest drugs from breast implants for Colombian cartel monster Escobar Gallardo. Christian gets a cold reception from bride Kimber when he visits Dr. Merril Bobolit's place to demand he retracts an advert showing her, Troy's masterpiece, off as his work. Julia coaches mother-to-be Gina and defends Christian's father potential. Mr. Parks wants tail hair of his show dog transplanted to Sir Winston's head; $150,000 is more then they can afford to refuse, yet Sean's ethical objections prevail- Merril gets the patient but kills him. Julia offers Sean her wedding ring for sale even though their marriage will never be fine again. Gina gets Christian to have sex with her to speed up her painful pregnancy; shortly after he delivers her, but gets a rude shock: the baby is black, yet he still considers him his son. Escobar demands the docs help him branch out to organ harvesting; when Sean refuses, he shoots nurse Liz in the leg. Sean buys a gun, but is unable to shoot Escobar, who offers him one way out: operate him a whole new identity. Mr. Parks' damage lawsuit puts Bobolit out of business, the partners back on the map. Escobar is surgically transformed into Mr. Armand Otiz; four months later he finds out the face is that of a real wanted criminal, Jorge Barco, when the FBI arrests him.
Christian: skin stapler.
Sean: i need an end date.
This is the 10th girl we've done
This month. How many more people
Do you have to hurt? When will
You have enough money?
Escobar: i feel your pain, sean.
I really do. But, you know,
Islands are expensive.
Sean: liz.
Escobar: keep your evening free.
Tomorrow we have a 4 a.M. Flight
Coming in. By the way, where's
Your partner?
Kimber: sorry for the delay,
Christian. Merril's upstairs
Supervising the installation of
The new 12-Jet shower.
Arsenic or strychnine? What's
Your poison?
[Chuckles] absolute, neat.
From model to maid in less than
6 months. That's quite a tumble
Down life's slippery slope,
Sweetheart.
Kimber: i'm hardly a maid,
Christian. In fact, i tell the
Maids what to do now.
Christian: nice ring.
Kimber: merril and i are getting
Married in december.
Christian: i knew you weren't
Smart, kimber, but i didn't
Realize you were that dumb.
Kimber: dumb would be signing a
Prenup, which i refused to do.
Christian: so you're getting
Everything but love.
Kimber: i don't believe in love
Anymore. What i do believe in is
Security and getting what's
Coming to me.
Christian: jesus, kimber.
Kimber: oh, please. 9 months
Ago, you were sniffing this
Stuff off my ass.
Christian: yeah, well, i'm
Trying to change.
Kimber: yeah, right.
Christian: i'm gonna be a
Father.
Kimber: how sad for that
Innocent baby. Have you
Destroyed the mother to be yet?
Christian: i told you, i've
Changed.
Kimber: bullshit, christian!
You're a serial heartbreaker.
How many more women can you
Hurt? When is enough enough?
Christian: isn't being tied to a
Bed and slashed penance enough?
Kimber: that's only the
Beginning.
Merril: hey, babe, shower's
Working.
You can lather up and save me a
Spot. I'll be up in a few.
[Uncaps bottle]
Mmm!
[Chuckles]
Don't say it. I know. I'm
Whipped.
Christian: she's using you,
Merril.
Merril: i love her, christian.
God help me, i love her.
What can i do you for?
Christian: i think you know why
I'm here.
Merril: mm-Mmm. Doesn't she look
Fantastic?
Christian: that she does, thanks
To me. I did her plastic
Surgery, not you. That's false
Advertising. You pull that ad
Or--
Merril: or what? You'll alert
The media? Uhh! Is your business
That bad, christian, that a
Little ad campaign is grounds
For a face-To-Face?
Christian: why are you playing
Dirty pool? 6 months ago, you
Wanted me to be your partner.
Merril: yeah, well, you're
Either my partner or my enemy.
I'm a sore loser, and so is
Kimber.
Christian: doesn't it bother
You, merril, that she's thinking
Of me while you're banging her?
Merril: yeah, actually, it does,
Christian, which is why i'm
Running you out of town.
Christian: i'm not going
Anywhere.
Merril: you will if i take all
Your clients, which i intend to
Do. You think this ad is bad for
Business? Wait till you see next
Week's campaign...where i
Promise to beat any estimate in
Town. A few months from now,
You'll have no other choice but
To declare bankruptcy and move
To tampa, and then you'll be
But a distant memory for my
Bride-To-Be.
You were never really good at
Marketing yourself, christian.
Luckily for me, i am.
You know the way out. Sweetie?
* ahh,
Make me beautiful,
Make me a perfect soul,
A perfect mind,
A perfect face,
A perfect
Lie *
Sean: good job, honey. You're a
Full 10 centimeters dilated. All
Right, ready? Push.
Julia: i'm trying. I can't feel
Anything.
Sean: that's normal. We had the
Girls numb your lumbar area.
Just bear down, squeeze, and
Exhale.
Julia: uhh!
Christian: sit up and pretend
You're trying to break wind,
Sweetie.
[Julia laughs]
Sean: christian, this is
Serious. Please.
[Julia grunting]
Christian: wait, wait. There's a
Head. There's a head!
[Pauses vcr]
Gina: christ, it looks like you
Barely broke a sweat.
Julia: feel a little better now?
Gina: are you kidding? Watching
This, i want an epidural with my
Oatmeal every morning. Did you
Have any pain at all?
Julia: not until my oldest got
To be about 15. Now it doesn't
Stop.
[Both laugh]
Gina: thanks for letting me
Watch this, julia.
Christian thought you might be
Able to help me get prepared for
What's coming.
Julia: you're never prepared. I
Mean, giving birth's one thing,
But raising kids and trying to
Keep a family together, that's
Something entirely different.
More coffee?
Gina: sure.
Christian never told me that he
Was with you in the delivery
Room.
Julia: well, originally, it was
Meant to just be sean. Heh, he
Was my birth coach for 8 months,
And--Until he decided he wanted
To deliver the babies. So he
Swapped places with the doctor,
He shot the video, and, um,
Christian volunteered to step in
At the last minute.
Gina: why? What was in it for
Him?
Julia: um...the 3 of us used to
Be very close.
Gina: he scares me, julia.
He's never had another
Responsibility in his life
Besides himself. He's not gonna
Be a good father.
Julia: i think you're wrong
About that. He taught annie to
Swim. When matt was a baby, he
Was so serious until christian
Walked in the room with his
Silly voices and that smile.
He's been there for them all
These years.
Gina: it sounds like he's as
Much a father to them as sean
Is.
Julia: hmm.
[Baby crying]
Christian: can i?
[Baby crying]
Christian: it's ok, little guy.
Christian: mr. Parks, tell me
What you don't like about
Yourself.
Parks: sir winston needs plugs.
Sean: your partner needs a hair
Transplant?
Parks: sir winston isn't my
Partner. Sir winston of glenn
Rock is my dog.
Oh, darling. There we are. The
Tuft on his head began to thin a
Year ago. The stress of the
Competitions, i presume.
Fullness of mane is an entire
Point in the grooming category.
That's why that pug bitch pulled
Ahead of us last year at
Westminster. Now, i want some
Hair from sir winston's tail
Transplanted to the front.
Sean: i'm sorry, mr. Parks, your
Request is out of the question.
It's inhuman, excessive--
Parks: plenty of others do it
And get away with it. Every
Year, millions of dollars of dog
Show dividends are stolen by
Surgically enhanced frauds.
Shar-Peis shot full of botox.
Poodles with nudicles.
Christian: nudicles?
Parks: artificial testicles.
Christian: oh.
Parks: dr. Troy, dr. Mcnamara,
The world of kennel clubs is a
Dog-Eat-Dog world. If sir
Winston places first in his
Scheduled dog shows, then i
Stand to make about $1 million
A year. You can see why i'm
Willing to take this chance.
Christian: that doesn't make it
Ethical.
Parks: yes, well, we live in a
World where physical perfection
Is not just expected, it's
Demanded, thanks in part to
Advances in your profession.
Sean: we don't do dogs.
Parks: not even for $100,000?
And 50 more to ensure
Doctor/patient confidentiality?
[Kiss kiss kiss]
Christian: i'm just saying that
We shouldn't dismiss this out of
Hand...or paw.
Sean: christian, we're doctors,
Not vets.
Christian: in case you haven't
Noticed, we're a little short on
Liquid capital. We need to take
On this client.
Sean: do i have to remind you
What happened the last time we
Took on a patient for the love
Of money?
Christian: it's not love, sean,
It's need. Goddamn it, we're
Tapped. Bobolit is stealing our
Client base, we're canceling on
The ones that remain to carve up
Mules at a moment's notice. How
Do you plan on keeping this
Place running without an influx
Of cash?
Sean: we need to downsize.
Christian: i agree. I'll fire
Dr. Santiago tomorrow.
Sean: you can't fire grace,
Christian, because you can't
Keep your dick in your pants.
You think we're hemorrhaging
Money now? Just wait till her
Lawyers slam us with a sexual
Harassment suit.
Look at us.
Look what we've become.
We're actually considering
Taking on a dog as a client.
Is this where you thought we'd
Be at 40, christian...
further behind and more confused
Than we were at 24?
Julia: i'm won't even ask
You where you were...
because i know you wouldn't tell
Me anyway.
Sean: i know it's late. I didn't
Want to wake you.
Julia: i don't even know who you
Are anymore, sean, what you're
Thinking, where you go, what you
Do.
Sean: you just have to trust me,
Julia.
Julia: do i? Heh. What if i
Can't?
Sean: if you're thinking it's
Another woman, it's not.
Julia: matt's check bounced.
I went to use my credit card.
It was denied. Insufficient
Funds.
Sean: look, i...i can't talk
About this, julia.
Julia: neither can i.
Not anymore.
Do you need money? Use this.
Sean: i'm not selling your
Wedding ring, julia.
We'll be fine.
Julia: we're not fine, sean, and
We never will be. You know it.
We both know it.
Sean: don't you give up on me.
Julia: there's nothing wrong in
Knowing when to surrender. We
Tried our best. No one can fault
Us for finally admitting that...
we just can't do it anymore.
Sean: my grandmother thought you
Were perfect for me, exactly
What i needed.
I don't want it back.
Julia: it's a family heirloom.
It belongs to you.
Sean: it's yours.
Julia: we haven't been family
For a long time, sean. We might
As well make it official.
Merril: christian was such a
Dumb-Ass for turning this one
Down. Easiest 100 grand i'll
Ever make.
Debbie: and a new low, even for
You.
Merril: you know, debbie, if i
Wanted to be emasculated, i'd
Stay home with my girlfriend.
Ok? I pay you for your skill,
Not your lip.
Debbie: hmm.
Merril: has he gotten all his
Halothane?
Debbie: yep. 2 max.
Merril: ok. Let's rock.
[Beeping]
Merril: what's happening?
Debbie: i think this puppy just
Stroked out.
Merril: well, do something!
Debbie: like mouth-To-Mouth?
Merril: yes!
Debbie: screw you, asshole.
Merril: shit! Come on, puppy.
Ohh!
[Coughs]
Shit!
Christian: this is good.
Gina: it's mahimahi with an
Asian slaw. I found the recipe
Online.
Christian: so what do you want?
You need something.
Gina: i need you to make love
To me.
Christian: you'd better have
Made a kick-Ass dessert, too,
Sweetheart.
Christian: i am serious,
Christian. I gotta get this baby
Out of me.
My back aches, my bowls are
Clogged up like a ballpark
Toilet.
Christian: your, uh, seduction
Technique needs work.
Gina: my o.B. Said i need to
Have sex to facilitate labor.
Something about the contraction
Of my orgasm. And apparently
Semen is gonna make the--
Christian: i--I've been
Informed.
Gina: i really do need you,
Christian.
Well, your dick started this
Mess. Now it's time for it to
Finish it.
[Heavy breathing]
Christian: you're too heavy.
You're crushing me.
Gina: oh, jesus. Christian, it's
Not--No, that's not it. You're
Missing it. It's not working! My
Back. Ohh!
Christian: did you shave your
Legs?
Gina: have you ever tried
Shaving your legs when you're 9
Months pregnant? Ow!
Christian: look, i'm trying to
Help here.
Gina: it's not working, is it?
Christian: can you get a leg up
There?
Gina: up there?
Christian: jesus, how do fat
People have sex?
[Gina laughs]
Christian: all right. All right.
Let's do something. Here.
Gina: ok.
Mmm.
Oh, god.
Oh.
Oh, god.
Christian: is that good?
Gina: yeah.
Ohh.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, god.
[Breathing heavily]
Oh, christian. I want to thank
You. I want to thank you for
Everything you've done. You're
Gonna be a really good daddy.
[Breathing heavily]
Oh, god.
Ohh.
Christian: so i've had an
Epiphany about fatherhood.
A day ago, i was literally
Living a nightmare. But
Something's...shifting.
Gina's trying. She's actually
Kind of a trooper.
Sean: are you saying you think
You two might make it?
Christian: as a couple? Shit,
No. But as parents...
the other day you asked me is
This where i thought i'd be at
40. Truth is, i didn't.
I thought i'd be retired, living
In a polynesian villa, giving
The local girls of bali hai
A hard one.
I never thought i'd be a father.
I didn't think i had it in me.
But in many ways, i'm more of a
Man now than i ever thought
I'd be.
Sean: julia and i are getting a
Divorce. I moved over to the
Franklin this morning.
Christian: sean, she'll get over
The affair. It just takes time.
Sean: it's done, christian.
It's ironic, isn't it? Just as
You're starting a family...
i'm losing one.
Sean: is she under?
Liz: yeah.
Sean: all right. Let's do this.
Escobar: that the last implant?
Liz: unless you made the poor
Girl eat one just for shits and
Giggles, yes.
Escobar: pepe, get the cooler.
Hey, don't just stand there,
Gentlemen. Stitch the girl up.
Christian: what's that for?
Escobar: that's where i'm gonna
Store the kidney.
Sean: i'm sorry?
Escobar: yeah, you heard me.
Slice her open and give me one
Of her kidneys.
Christian: why do you want her
Kidney?
Escobar: organ harvesting.
See, there's a lot of rich
Drunks in this country, and
They're willing to pay me top
Dollar. One kidney, i make
$50,000. So...open her up.
Sean: no. We won't do that.
Escobar: no.
Ok. No.
Sean: i said no.
Escobar: where you going, bitch?
You want me to splatter you all
Over her, man? Huh?
Liz: aah!
Escobar: give me a kidney, or i
Kill your friend. Your choice.
Christian: scalpel's right
There.
Sean: use the gel at least twice
A day to help prevent scarring.
Liz: did the directions say
Apply from a remote beach in
Bermuda?
Christian: no, that's to prevent
Additional bullet holes.
Liz: i'm not going.
Sean: come on, liz. You're
Finally getting that paid
Vacation you've been begging
For.
Liz: i don't want a vacation. I
Want to rip the skin off of that
Tattooed piece of shit and use
It as wallpaper.
You wouldn't be sending me away
If i was a man.
Sean: you've seen how he treats
Women--Like they're subhuman.
Liz: hasn't stopped me from
Working with christian.
Sean: we'll be fine, liz. We'll
Call you when it's over.
Liz: what if it's never over,
Sean?
Christian: either way, you've
Taken enough bullets for us.
P.A.: Flight 950 to bermuda now
Boarding.
Christian: don't take this the
Wrong way, but...you're a better
Man that i am.
Liz: damn straight.
Don't leave me out in the sun
Too long.
Christian: we're in way over our
Heads, sean. We have to go to
The police. We'll set up another
Meeting with escobar and have
The cops show up. I'm sure he
Has 100 warrants out for his
Arrest.
Sean: you think we get to just
Walk away from this, shake hands
With the cops and say, "thanks
For your help"? We're in this
Mess because we're guilty, too.
And putting escobar in jail
Isn't going to stop him. We're
Gonna keep looking over our
Shoulders as long as he's alive.
Christian: hey! You're not doing
Anything like that, sean.
Sean: we're completely broke,
With no anesthesiologist, which
Means no more surgeries. We're
Ruined, christian. And now julia
And i are over. I see only one
Way left to fix this.
Christian: we will find another
Way to fix it. You promise me
You'll be smart about this and
Don't do anything stupid.
All we have is each other now.
Julia: don't come over here and
Tell me sean needs me and then
Do exactly what he did and keep
Me in the dark.
Christian: he's doing the best
He can to get us out of this
Without anyone getting hurt.
Julia: does this have anything
To do with that man who came to
Our house?
Christian: jesus. He was here?
We would have never gotten
Involved with him if it weren't
For me, but...
now we're...obligated.
Julia: to do what?
Christian: surgeries.
Julia: why didn't he tell me?
Christian: because he's trying
To protect you, like he's trying
To protect me and our business.
He's ashamed, julia, that he's
Been reduced to cleaning up my
Shit...hoping that, eventually,
I will grow up and change.
Julia: he's not the only one who
Hoped that.
Christian: look...i know there
Is unresolved stuff between us
That might never work itself
Out, but...if there's even a
Part of you that's ever loved
Him...help him now.
He's not gonna make it through
This without you.
Where's your wedding ring?
Man: what do you want for this?
Sean: a gun.
[Escobar grunting]
Escobar: that's a good one right
There.
N[fear factory
By the cars playing]
Escobar: hey! Sean. What a
Surprise.
Sean: where's pepe?
Escobar: airport. It's just you
And me, doc.
* here in my car,
I feel safest of all *
Hey, you, um...you wanna give me
A spot?
* in cars,
Here in my car,
I can only receive,
I can listen to you,
It keeps me stable for days,
In cars *
Thank you.
First one's always the hardest,
Sean. I remember my first.
I was shaking...like a little
Girl.
But i didn't puke after.
Most people, they puke after
Their first.
Sean: i don't know what you're
Talking about.
Escobar: you're a desperate man,
Sean. Desperate men don't come
By to talk. They come by to
Kill.
You've got to get better at
Hiding your piece, man. You
Know, that's sticking out of the
Back of your shirt like a
Hard-On.
So...here i am.
Show me what you got.
Sean: you tortured me,
Threatened me, made me do things
I never thought i'd be capable
Of doing. But i'm not you!
You can't have my soul.
Escobar: ah, souls are
Overrated.
[Music ends]
[Up-Tempo song plays]
Oh, shit! I love this song.
Have a seat.
Have a seat.
Hey, sean, you ever hear a song,
And bam, you're right back where
You were when you first heard
It?
I was 23 when this song came
Out. The whole world
In front of me.
Sean: and look what you did with
It.
Escobar: hey, you know what i
Wanted to be when i was a kid?
Really. An actor. No shit, man.
Ha ha ha. No, no, not some big
Star like, you know, banderas or
Assante, just one of those,
Like, soap actors, the ones my
Grandmother used to watch.
Sean: am i supposed to be sorry
For you?
Escobar: i'm not looking for
Sympathy.
I'm looking to the future.
You ever think about a fresh
Start, doc?
Sean: you forced that on me.
My wife left. My practice is in
Ruins.
Escobar: and all of that gave
You the nuts you never had.
I gave you the balls to come
Here with a gun.
Now you return my favor.
You do for me what you did for
That cochino sylvia perez.
Give me a new face.
Get rid of all this pain.
The snake wants to shed its
Skin.
Sean: you're joking.
Escobar: you do it and you are
Free. You do it...and you can
Have your life back.
Sean: so you've been i.D.D.
Yeah. F.B.I.?
Escobar: i can't go anywhere.
I can't go home. I'm trapped!
Sean: how do i know you're not
Lying?
Escobar: men like me don't need
To lie.
You make me never have to see my
Face again...
and you'll never have to see it
Again, either.
Christian: sean, i've been
Trying to reach you all day.
I'm worried. Please call me.
Gina: hey, asshole.
Escobar: what?
Gina: my water just broke.
[Knock on door]
Cat stevens:
Now that i've lost
Everything to you,
You say you wanna
Start something new,
And it's breaking my heart
You're leaving *
Julia: i want my ring back.
Sean: i don't have it, julia.
Julia: i don't care.
Come home.
* ooh, baby, baby,
It's a wild world,
It's hard to get by
Just upon a smile *
[Screaming]
Christian: that's it. That's it.
All right, that's good. That's
Really good. Take a deep breath.
Deep breath. All right, now, one
More time. Come on. Suck it up.
Gina: screw you, asshole!
Christian: push one more time.
Gina: ok!
Christian: all right, good.
Good! Go. Here we go. Push.
Gina: aah!
Christian: here she comes.
It's crowning. Come on. Come on.
Yeah, here it comes.
Come on. Come on. Come on.
Come on. Come on.
Gina: aah!
Christian: here he is. He's
Here.
Gina: ohh! Ohh...
cat stevens: * just remember
There's a lot of bad,
Everywhere,
Well,
Ooh, baby, baby,
It's a wild world,
It's hard to get by,
Just upon a smile,
Ooh, baby, baby,
It's a wild world,
And i'll always remember you,
Like a child, girl,
[Infant crying]
Baby, i love you,
Ooh, baby, baby,
It's a wild world,
And it's hard to get by,
Just upon a smile,
Ooh, baby, baby,
It's a wild world,
And i'll always remember you,
Like a child, girl *
Christian: little guy.
Hey, little guy.
Sean: congratulations, papa.
Julia: which one is he?
Christian: he's the little guy
In the middle.
Julia: i don't understand.
Christian: that's him.
She says she doesn't remember
The encounter.
You've heard of blackout
Drinking? Well, this is what
Sexaholics anonymous calls
Blackout sex.
Julia: do you believe her?
Christian: i'm workin' on it.
Like, you guys are all right?
Sean: what are you gonna do?
Christian: i'm not gonna walk
Away over dumb shit like dna.
I'm not gonna abandon him
Because he doesn't look like me.
I protected him before he was
Born. I put together his crib.
I loved him.
I can't just leave him.
He's my son.
It kinda sucks, though.
Sean: what?
Christian: for years i've
Fantasized about what it would
Be like to have a--[Sighs]
Have a real family...
a guaranteed spot at the table.
Sean: you've got that,
Christian, with us.
Julia: we're your family, and
You're ours.
P.A.: Dr. Kravitz, you have a
Visitor in the main lobby.
Dr. Kravitz, a visitor in the
Main lobby.
Christian: "area plastic surgeon
Sued by dead dog's owner."
Sean: sued for how much?
Christian: $10 million.
Even if he survives the lawsuit,
His reputation is in tatters.
Sean: no wonder our appointment
Book is filling up again.
Ready for our consult?
Christian: you think it will
Work?
Sean: hope so.
Here's your current physical
Likeness, and here's what you'll
Look like 4 months after
Surgery.
Escobar: i look like an armand
To you?
Christian: armand?
Escobar: yeah, that's the new
Name to go along with my new
Face: armand ortiz. Sounds like
It belongs up on the silver
Screen, right, dr. Sean?
Sean: hmm.
Escobar: i don't like this face.
I'm better-Looking than this.
Sean: don't let vanity rob you
Of your freedom, mr. Ortiz.
Escobar: pepe will be present
During the surgery. If you try
And kill me during the
Operation, he has orders to
Shoot to kill.
Christian: we are not murderers.
Plastic surgeons have a bad
Enough image problem as it is.
Escobar: all right.
Let's do this.
Sean: we're gonna sedate you
Now.
[Hissing]
Julia: oh, tsk!
Ahem.
Woman: may i help you?
Julia: i'm here for my paternity
Results.
Woman: your number?
Julia: 248xt.
Woman: thank you.
Woman: oh. We've had your
Results for over 3 months. We
Called the number you gave us,
But it was disconnected.
Julia: i made up the number.
I didn't know if i was coming
Back.
Woman: hmm. Why did you?
Julia: i thought the answer
Would change my life. Now i'm
Not sure it has to or that it
Should.
Woman: just because you know,
Doesn't mean that anybody else
Has to.
Julia: thank you.
* well, you don't wanna stop,
And i don't wanna cry,
I'm not getting tired of you,
Well, are you getting over
While i'm getting by,
Leavin' all the times i've
Thought on?
What we had
Of course it makes me sad,
That is when i say to myself,
I won't be following,
You were just borrowing
Me...
just one more cup of coffee
Before you have to leave,
This room's not getting tired *
[Airplane taking off]
Man: excuse me, sir? Could you
Stop right there, please?
Escobar: is there a problem?
Man: fbi with i.N.S. On your
Knees, hands behind your head.
Mr. Barco, you have the right to
Remain silent.
Escobar: boys, a mistake has
Been made here. My name is
Armand--Armand ortiz?
Check my passport.
Man: mr. Barco, you have the
Right to an attorney.
Escobar: who's mr. Barco?
Man: mr. Barco, a word of
Advice: next time there's a
Warrant out for your arrest for
Bank robbery and murder of a
Federal agent, do more than
Change your name. Change your
Face.
Christian: tell me what you
Don't like about yourself?
Sean: i need an end date.
This is the 10th girl we've done
This month. How many more people
Do you have to hurt? When will
You have enough money?
Escobar: i feel your pain, sean.
I really do. But, you know,
Islands are expensive.
Sean: liz.
Escobar: keep your evening free.
Tomorrow we have a 4 a.M. Flight
Coming in. By the way, where's
Your partner?
Kimber: sorry for the delay,
Christian. Merril's upstairs
Supervising the installation of
The new 12-Jet shower.
Arsenic or strychnine? What's
Your poison?
[Chuckles] absolute, neat.
From model to maid in less than
6 months. That's quite a tumble
Down life's slippery slope,
Sweetheart.
Kimber: i'm hardly a maid,
Christian. In fact, i tell the
Maids what to do now.
Christian: nice ring.
Kimber: merril and i are getting
Married in december.
Christian: i knew you weren't
Smart, kimber, but i didn't
Realize you were that dumb.
Kimber: dumb would be signing a
Prenup, which i refused to do.
Christian: so you're getting
Everything but love.
Kimber: i don't believe in love
Anymore. What i do believe in is
Security and getting what's
Coming to me.
Christian: jesus, kimber.
Kimber: oh, please. 9 months
Ago, you were sniffing this
Stuff off my ass.
Christian: yeah, well, i'm
Trying to change.
Kimber: yeah, right.
Christian: i'm gonna be a
Father.
Kimber: how sad for that
Innocent baby. Have you
Destroyed the mother to be yet?
Christian: i told you, i've
Changed.
Kimber: bullshit, christian!
You're a serial heartbreaker.
How many more women can you
Hurt? When is enough enough?
Christian: isn't being tied to a
Bed and slashed penance enough?
Kimber: that's only the
Beginning.
Merril: hey, babe, shower's
Working.
You can lather up and save me a
Spot. I'll be up in a few.
[Uncaps bottle]
Mmm!
[Chuckles]
Don't say it. I know. I'm
Whipped.
Christian: she's using you,
Merril.
Merril: i love her, christian.
God help me, i love her.
What can i do you for?
Christian: i think you know why
I'm here.
Merril: mm-Mmm. Doesn't she look
Fantastic?
Christian: that she does, thanks
To me. I did her plastic
Surgery, not you. That's false
Advertising. You pull that ad
Or--
Merril: or what? You'll alert
The media? Uhh! Is your business
That bad, christian, that a
Little ad campaign is grounds
For a face-To-Face?
Christian: why are you playing
Dirty pool? 6 months ago, you
Wanted me to be your partner.
Merril: yeah, well, you're
Either my partner or my enemy.
I'm a sore loser, and so is
Kimber.
Christian: doesn't it bother
You, merril, that she's thinking
Of me while you're banging her?
Merril: yeah, actually, it does,
Christian, which is why i'm
Running you out of town.
Christian: i'm not going
Anywhere.
Merril: you will if i take all
Your clients, which i intend to
Do. You think this ad is bad for
Business? Wait till you see next
Week's campaign...where i
Promise to beat any estimate in
Town. A few months from now,
You'll have no other choice but
To declare bankruptcy and move
To tampa, and then you'll be
But a distant memory for my
Bride-To-Be.
You were never really good at
Marketing yourself, christian.
Luckily for me, i am.
You know the way out. Sweetie?
* ahh,
Make me beautiful,
Make me a perfect soul,
A perfect mind,
A perfect face,
A perfect
Lie *
Sean: good job, honey. You're a
Full 10 centimeters dilated. All
Right, ready? Push.
Julia: i'm trying. I can't feel
Anything.
Sean: that's normal. We had the
Girls numb your lumbar area.
Just bear down, squeeze, and
Exhale.
Julia: uhh!
Christian: sit up and pretend
You're trying to break wind,
Sweetie.
[Julia laughs]
Sean: christian, this is
Serious. Please.
[Julia grunting]
Christian: wait, wait. There's a
Head. There's a head!
[Pauses vcr]
Gina: christ, it looks like you
Barely broke a sweat.
Julia: feel a little better now?
Gina: are you kidding? Watching
This, i want an epidural with my
Oatmeal every morning. Did you
Have any pain at all?
Julia: not until my oldest got
To be about 15. Now it doesn't
Stop.
[Both laugh]
Gina: thanks for letting me
Watch this, julia.
Christian thought you might be
Able to help me get prepared for
What's coming.
Julia: you're never prepared. I
Mean, giving birth's one thing,
But raising kids and trying to
Keep a family together, that's
Something entirely different.
More coffee?
Gina: sure.
Christian never told me that he
Was with you in the delivery
Room.
Julia: well, originally, it was
Meant to just be sean. Heh, he
Was my birth coach for 8 months,
And--Until he decided he wanted
To deliver the babies. So he
Swapped places with the doctor,
He shot the video, and, um,
Christian volunteered to step in
At the last minute.
Gina: why? What was in it for
Him?
Julia: um...the 3 of us used to
Be very close.
Gina: he scares me, julia.
He's never had another
Responsibility in his life
Besides himself. He's not gonna
Be a good father.
Julia: i think you're wrong
About that. He taught annie to
Swim. When matt was a baby, he
Was so serious until christian
Walked in the room with his
Silly voices and that smile.
He's been there for them all
These years.
Gina: it sounds like he's as
Much a father to them as sean
Is.
Julia: hmm.
[Baby crying]
Christian: can i?
[Baby crying]
Christian: it's ok, little guy.
Christian: mr. Parks, tell me
What you don't like about
Yourself.
Parks: sir winston needs plugs.
Sean: your partner needs a hair
Transplant?
Parks: sir winston isn't my
Partner. Sir winston of glenn
Rock is my dog.
Oh, darling. There we are. The
Tuft on his head began to thin a
Year ago. The stress of the
Competitions, i presume.
Fullness of mane is an entire
Point in the grooming category.
That's why that pug bitch pulled
Ahead of us last year at
Westminster. Now, i want some
Hair from sir winston's tail
Transplanted to the front.
Sean: i'm sorry, mr. Parks, your
Request is out of the question.
It's inhuman, excessive--
Parks: plenty of others do it
And get away with it. Every
Year, millions of dollars of dog
Show dividends are stolen by
Surgically enhanced frauds.
Shar-Peis shot full of botox.
Poodles with nudicles.
Christian: nudicles?
Parks: artificial testicles.
Christian: oh.
Parks: dr. Troy, dr. Mcnamara,
The world of kennel clubs is a
Dog-Eat-Dog world. If sir
Winston places first in his
Scheduled dog shows, then i
Stand to make about $1 million
A year. You can see why i'm
Willing to take this chance.
Christian: that doesn't make it
Ethical.
Parks: yes, well, we live in a
World where physical perfection
Is not just expected, it's
Demanded, thanks in part to
Advances in your profession.
Sean: we don't do dogs.
Parks: not even for $100,000?
And 50 more to ensure
Doctor/patient confidentiality?
[Kiss kiss kiss]
Christian: i'm just saying that
We shouldn't dismiss this out of
Hand...or paw.
Sean: christian, we're doctors,
Not vets.
Christian: in case you haven't
Noticed, we're a little short on
Liquid capital. We need to take
On this client.
Sean: do i have to remind you
What happened the last time we
Took on a patient for the love
Of money?
Christian: it's not love, sean,
It's need. Goddamn it, we're
Tapped. Bobolit is stealing our
Client base, we're canceling on
The ones that remain to carve up
Mules at a moment's notice. How
Do you plan on keeping this
Place running without an influx
Of cash?
Sean: we need to downsize.
Christian: i agree. I'll fire
Dr. Santiago tomorrow.
Sean: you can't fire grace,
Christian, because you can't
Keep your dick in your pants.
You think we're hemorrhaging
Money now? Just wait till her
Lawyers slam us with a sexual
Harassment suit.
Look at us.
Look what we've become.
We're actually considering
Taking on a dog as a client.
Is this where you thought we'd
Be at 40, christian...
further behind and more confused
Than we were at 24?
Julia: i'm won't even ask
You where you were...
because i know you wouldn't tell
Me anyway.
Sean: i know it's late. I didn't
Want to wake you.
Julia: i don't even know who you
Are anymore, sean, what you're
Thinking, where you go, what you
Do.
Sean: you just have to trust me,
Julia.
Julia: do i? Heh. What if i
Can't?
Sean: if you're thinking it's
Another woman, it's not.
Julia: matt's check bounced.
I went to use my credit card.
It was denied. Insufficient
Funds.
Sean: look, i...i can't talk
About this, julia.
Julia: neither can i.
Not anymore.
Do you need money? Use this.
Sean: i'm not selling your
Wedding ring, julia.
We'll be fine.
Julia: we're not fine, sean, and
We never will be. You know it.
We both know it.
Sean: don't you give up on me.
Julia: there's nothing wrong in
Knowing when to surrender. We
Tried our best. No one can fault
Us for finally admitting that...
we just can't do it anymore.
Sean: my grandmother thought you
Were perfect for me, exactly
What i needed.
I don't want it back.
Julia: it's a family heirloom.
It belongs to you.
Sean: it's yours.
Julia: we haven't been family
For a long time, sean. We might
As well make it official.
Merril: christian was such a
Dumb-Ass for turning this one
Down. Easiest 100 grand i'll
Ever make.
Debbie: and a new low, even for
You.
Merril: you know, debbie, if i
Wanted to be emasculated, i'd
Stay home with my girlfriend.
Ok? I pay you for your skill,
Not your lip.
Debbie: hmm.
Merril: has he gotten all his
Halothane?
Debbie: yep. 2 max.
Merril: ok. Let's rock.
[Beeping]
Merril: what's happening?
Debbie: i think this puppy just
Stroked out.
Merril: well, do something!
Debbie: like mouth-To-Mouth?
Merril: yes!
Debbie: screw you, asshole.
Merril: shit! Come on, puppy.
Ohh!
[Coughs]
Shit!
Christian: this is good.
Gina: it's mahimahi with an
Asian slaw. I found the recipe
Online.
Christian: so what do you want?
You need something.
Gina: i need you to make love
To me.
Christian: you'd better have
Made a kick-Ass dessert, too,
Sweetheart.
Christian: i am serious,
Christian. I gotta get this baby
Out of me.
My back aches, my bowls are
Clogged up like a ballpark
Toilet.
Christian: your, uh, seduction
Technique needs work.
Gina: my o.B. Said i need to
Have sex to facilitate labor.
Something about the contraction
Of my orgasm. And apparently
Semen is gonna make the--
Christian: i--I've been
Informed.
Gina: i really do need you,
Christian.
Well, your dick started this
Mess. Now it's time for it to
Finish it.
[Heavy breathing]
Christian: you're too heavy.
You're crushing me.
Gina: oh, jesus. Christian, it's
Not--No, that's not it. You're
Missing it. It's not working! My
Back. Ohh!
Christian: did you shave your
Legs?
Gina: have you ever tried
Shaving your legs when you're 9
Months pregnant? Ow!
Christian: look, i'm trying to
Help here.
Gina: it's not working, is it?
Christian: can you get a leg up
There?
Gina: up there?
Christian: jesus, how do fat
People have sex?
[Gina laughs]
Christian: all right. All right.
Let's do something. Here.
Gina: ok.
Mmm.
Oh, god.
Oh.
Oh, god.
Christian: is that good?
Gina: yeah.
Ohh.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, god.
[Breathing heavily]
Oh, christian. I want to thank
You. I want to thank you for
Everything you've done. You're
Gonna be a really good daddy.
[Breathing heavily]
Oh, god.
Ohh.
Christian: so i've had an
Epiphany about fatherhood.
A day ago, i was literally
Living a nightmare. But
Something's...shifting.
Gina's trying. She's actually
Kind of a trooper.
Sean: are you saying you think
You two might make it?
Christian: as a couple? Shit,
No. But as parents...
the other day you asked me is
This where i thought i'd be at
40. Truth is, i didn't.
I thought i'd be retired, living
In a polynesian villa, giving
The local girls of bali hai
A hard one.
I never thought i'd be a father.
I didn't think i had it in me.
But in many ways, i'm more of a
Man now than i ever thought
I'd be.
Sean: julia and i are getting a
Divorce. I moved over to the
Franklin this morning.
Christian: sean, she'll get over
The affair. It just takes time.
Sean: it's done, christian.
It's ironic, isn't it? Just as
You're starting a family...
i'm losing one.
Sean: is she under?
Liz: yeah.
Sean: all right. Let's do this.
Escobar: that the last implant?
Liz: unless you made the poor
Girl eat one just for shits and
Giggles, yes.
Escobar: pepe, get the cooler.
Hey, don't just stand there,
Gentlemen. Stitch the girl up.
Christian: what's that for?
Escobar: that's where i'm gonna
Store the kidney.
Sean: i'm sorry?
Escobar: yeah, you heard me.
Slice her open and give me one
Of her kidneys.
Christian: why do you want her
Kidney?
Escobar: organ harvesting.
See, there's a lot of rich
Drunks in this country, and
They're willing to pay me top
Dollar. One kidney, i make
$50,000. So...open her up.
Sean: no. We won't do that.
Escobar: no.
Ok. No.
Sean: i said no.
Escobar: where you going, bitch?
You want me to splatter you all
Over her, man? Huh?
Liz: aah!
Escobar: give me a kidney, or i
Kill your friend. Your choice.
Christian: scalpel's right
There.
Sean: use the gel at least twice
A day to help prevent scarring.
Liz: did the directions say
Apply from a remote beach in
Bermuda?
Christian: no, that's to prevent
Additional bullet holes.
Liz: i'm not going.
Sean: come on, liz. You're
Finally getting that paid
Vacation you've been begging
For.
Liz: i don't want a vacation. I
Want to rip the skin off of that
Tattooed piece of shit and use
It as wallpaper.
You wouldn't be sending me away
If i was a man.
Sean: you've seen how he treats
Women--Like they're subhuman.
Liz: hasn't stopped me from
Working with christian.
Sean: we'll be fine, liz. We'll
Call you when it's over.
Liz: what if it's never over,
Sean?
Christian: either way, you've
Taken enough bullets for us.
P.A.: Flight 950 to bermuda now
Boarding.
Christian: don't take this the
Wrong way, but...you're a better
Man that i am.
Liz: damn straight.
Don't leave me out in the sun
Too long.
Christian: we're in way over our
Heads, sean. We have to go to
The police. We'll set up another
Meeting with escobar and have
The cops show up. I'm sure he
Has 100 warrants out for his
Arrest.
Sean: you think we get to just
Walk away from this, shake hands
With the cops and say, "thanks
For your help"? We're in this
Mess because we're guilty, too.
And putting escobar in jail
Isn't going to stop him. We're
Gonna keep looking over our
Shoulders as long as he's alive.
Christian: hey! You're not doing
Anything like that, sean.
Sean: we're completely broke,
With no anesthesiologist, which
Means no more surgeries. We're
Ruined, christian. And now julia
And i are over. I see only one
Way left to fix this.
Christian: we will find another
Way to fix it. You promise me
You'll be smart about this and
Don't do anything stupid.
All we have is each other now.
Julia: don't come over here and
Tell me sean needs me and then
Do exactly what he did and keep
Me in the dark.
Christian: he's doing the best
He can to get us out of this
Without anyone getting hurt.
Julia: does this have anything
To do with that man who came to
Our house?
Christian: jesus. He was here?
We would have never gotten
Involved with him if it weren't
For me, but...
now we're...obligated.
Julia: to do what?
Christian: surgeries.
Julia: why didn't he tell me?
Christian: because he's trying
To protect you, like he's trying
To protect me and our business.
He's ashamed, julia, that he's
Been reduced to cleaning up my
Shit...hoping that, eventually,
I will grow up and change.
Julia: he's not the only one who
Hoped that.
Christian: look...i know there
Is unresolved stuff between us
That might never work itself
Out, but...if there's even a
Part of you that's ever loved
Him...help him now.
He's not gonna make it through
This without you.
Where's your wedding ring?
Man: what do you want for this?
Sean: a gun.
[Escobar grunting]
Escobar: that's a good one right
There.
N[fear factory
By the cars playing]
Escobar: hey! Sean. What a
Surprise.
Sean: where's pepe?
Escobar: airport. It's just you
And me, doc.
* here in my car,
I feel safest of all *
Hey, you, um...you wanna give me
A spot?
* in cars,
Here in my car,
I can only receive,
I can listen to you,
It keeps me stable for days,
In cars *
Thank you.
First one's always the hardest,
Sean. I remember my first.
I was shaking...like a little
Girl.
But i didn't puke after.
Most people, they puke after
Their first.
Sean: i don't know what you're
Talking about.
Escobar: you're a desperate man,
Sean. Desperate men don't come
By to talk. They come by to
Kill.
You've got to get better at
Hiding your piece, man. You
Know, that's sticking out of the
Back of your shirt like a
Hard-On.
So...here i am.
Show me what you got.
Sean: you tortured me,
Threatened me, made me do things
I never thought i'd be capable
Of doing. But i'm not you!
You can't have my soul.
Escobar: ah, souls are
Overrated.
[Music ends]
[Up-Tempo song plays]
Oh, shit! I love this song.
Have a seat.
Have a seat.
Hey, sean, you ever hear a song,
And bam, you're right back where
You were when you first heard
It?
I was 23 when this song came
Out. The whole world
In front of me.
Sean: and look what you did with
It.
Escobar: hey, you know what i
Wanted to be when i was a kid?
Really. An actor. No shit, man.
Ha ha ha. No, no, not some big
Star like, you know, banderas or
Assante, just one of those,
Like, soap actors, the ones my
Grandmother used to watch.
Sean: am i supposed to be sorry
For you?
Escobar: i'm not looking for
Sympathy.
I'm looking to the future.
You ever think about a fresh
Start, doc?
Sean: you forced that on me.
My wife left. My practice is in
Ruins.
Escobar: and all of that gave
You the nuts you never had.
I gave you the balls to come
Here with a gun.
Now you return my favor.
You do for me what you did for
That cochino sylvia perez.
Give me a new face.
Get rid of all this pain.
The snake wants to shed its
Skin.
Sean: you're joking.
Escobar: you do it and you are
Free. You do it...and you can
Have your life back.
Sean: so you've been i.D.D.
Yeah. F.B.I.?
Escobar: i can't go anywhere.
I can't go home. I'm trapped!
Sean: how do i know you're not
Lying?
Escobar: men like me don't need
To lie.
You make me never have to see my
Face again...
and you'll never have to see it
Again, either.
Christian: sean, i've been
Trying to reach you all day.
I'm worried. Please call me.
Gina: hey, asshole.
Escobar: what?
Gina: my water just broke.
[Knock on door]
Cat stevens:
Now that i've lost
Everything to you,
You say you wanna
Start something new,
And it's breaking my heart
You're leaving *
Julia: i want my ring back.
Sean: i don't have it, julia.
Julia: i don't care.
Come home.
* ooh, baby, baby,
It's a wild world,
It's hard to get by
Just upon a smile *
[Screaming]
Christian: that's it. That's it.
All right, that's good. That's
Really good. Take a deep breath.
Deep breath. All right, now, one
More time. Come on. Suck it up.
Gina: screw you, asshole!
Christian: push one more time.
Gina: ok!
Christian: all right, good.
Good! Go. Here we go. Push.
Gina: aah!
Christian: here she comes.
It's crowning. Come on. Come on.
Yeah, here it comes.
Come on. Come on. Come on.
Come on. Come on.
Gina: aah!
Christian: here he is. He's
Here.
Gina: ohh! Ohh...
cat stevens: * just remember
There's a lot of bad,
Everywhere,
Well,
Ooh, baby, baby,
It's a wild world,
It's hard to get by,
Just upon a smile,
Ooh, baby, baby,
It's a wild world,
And i'll always remember you,
Like a child, girl,
[Infant crying]
Baby, i love you,
Ooh, baby, baby,
It's a wild world,
And it's hard to get by,
Just upon a smile,
Ooh, baby, baby,
It's a wild world,
And i'll always remember you,
Like a child, girl *
Christian: little guy.
Hey, little guy.
Sean: congratulations, papa.
Julia: which one is he?
Christian: he's the little guy
In the middle.
Julia: i don't understand.
Christian: that's him.
She says she doesn't remember
The encounter.
You've heard of blackout
Drinking? Well, this is what
Sexaholics anonymous calls
Blackout sex.
Julia: do you believe her?
Christian: i'm workin' on it.
Like, you guys are all right?
Sean: what are you gonna do?
Christian: i'm not gonna walk
Away over dumb shit like dna.
I'm not gonna abandon him
Because he doesn't look like me.
I protected him before he was
Born. I put together his crib.
I loved him.
I can't just leave him.
He's my son.
It kinda sucks, though.
Sean: what?
Christian: for years i've
Fantasized about what it would
Be like to have a--[Sighs]
Have a real family...
a guaranteed spot at the table.
Sean: you've got that,
Christian, with us.
Julia: we're your family, and
You're ours.
P.A.: Dr. Kravitz, you have a
Visitor in the main lobby.
Dr. Kravitz, a visitor in the
Main lobby.
Christian: "area plastic surgeon
Sued by dead dog's owner."
Sean: sued for how much?
Christian: $10 million.
Even if he survives the lawsuit,
His reputation is in tatters.
Sean: no wonder our appointment
Book is filling up again.
Ready for our consult?
Christian: you think it will
Work?
Sean: hope so.
Here's your current physical
Likeness, and here's what you'll
Look like 4 months after
Surgery.
Escobar: i look like an armand
To you?
Christian: armand?
Escobar: yeah, that's the new
Name to go along with my new
Face: armand ortiz. Sounds like
It belongs up on the silver
Screen, right, dr. Sean?
Sean: hmm.
Escobar: i don't like this face.
I'm better-Looking than this.
Sean: don't let vanity rob you
Of your freedom, mr. Ortiz.
Escobar: pepe will be present
During the surgery. If you try
And kill me during the
Operation, he has orders to
Shoot to kill.
Christian: we are not murderers.
Plastic surgeons have a bad
Enough image problem as it is.
Escobar: all right.
Let's do this.
Sean: we're gonna sedate you
Now.
[Hissing]
Julia: oh, tsk!
Ahem.
Woman: may i help you?
Julia: i'm here for my paternity
Results.
Woman: your number?
Julia: 248xt.
Woman: thank you.
Woman: oh. We've had your
Results for over 3 months. We
Called the number you gave us,
But it was disconnected.
Julia: i made up the number.
I didn't know if i was coming
Back.
Woman: hmm. Why did you?
Julia: i thought the answer
Would change my life. Now i'm
Not sure it has to or that it
Should.
Woman: just because you know,
Doesn't mean that anybody else
Has to.
Julia: thank you.
* well, you don't wanna stop,
And i don't wanna cry,
I'm not getting tired of you,
Well, are you getting over
While i'm getting by,
Leavin' all the times i've
Thought on?
What we had
Of course it makes me sad,
That is when i say to myself,
I won't be following,
You were just borrowing
Me...
just one more cup of coffee
Before you have to leave,
This room's not getting tired *
[Airplane taking off]
Man: excuse me, sir? Could you
Stop right there, please?
Escobar: is there a problem?
Man: fbi with i.N.S. On your
Knees, hands behind your head.
Mr. Barco, you have the right to
Remain silent.
Escobar: boys, a mistake has
Been made here. My name is
Armand--Armand ortiz?
Check my passport.
Man: mr. Barco, you have the
Right to an attorney.
Escobar: who's mr. Barco?
Man: mr. Barco, a word of
Advice: next time there's a
Warrant out for your arrest for
Bank robbery and murder of a
Federal agent, do more than
Change your name. Change your
Face.
Christian: tell me what you
Don't like about yourself?