Night Court (2023–…): Season 1, Episode 6 - Justice Buddies - full transcript
-Neil, what's troubling you?
Normally I wouldn't ask
about someone else's life,
but your sadness amuses me.
-I'm trying to text this
girl I met at a party.
It's so much pressure, I
feel like I'm gonna die.
-Neil, picking up a pizza
from Chuck E. Cheese
doesn't count as a party.
-It was a real party.
For my grandmother's 90th
birthday at her care home.
-Oh ho, that's the stuff!
-But I did meet a
very cute nurse.
Her scrubs had puppies on them,
so I told her I have a puppy.
I'll have to figure
that out later.
- Guys, guess what.
- It's the best...
Oh, sorry, Judge, you go.
- No, no, you tell them.
-Oh, no, no, why don't
neither of you tell us
and let us just get
on with our night?
-Gurgs' nephew Xavier and some
of his classmates are here
to do research for a
social studies project.
-Don't you think
it's a huge mistake
bringing children to the court?
And Earth in general.
-This is our chance to inspire
the next generation
of judges and lawyers.
Like when my dad
came for career day,
he did a presentation
and mixed in some magic.
He brought the house down.
Made the book fair
look like total trash.
-I think giving back
is a wonderful idea.
Just picturing
the wide-eyed look
on the faces of
prospective employers
when they see the word
"mentor" on my résumé.
It's why I do this.
-I'm just excited
to get to spend
some quality time with Xavier.
He used to really look up to me.
But ever since he
started sprouting
that little baby mustache,
he's been distant.
He hasn't come to my
Sunday bun day in a while.
It's when we put
things that normally
wouldn't go on a bun, on a bun.
Lasagna, soup, ice cream, pie.
- Oh, Jell-O?
- What are you, crazy?
-Huh, I didn't know
adults had cafeterias.
-Don't look, but I think
that's our lunch lady.
-Right, that's our cue, Gurgs.
-Welcome, Justice Buddies!
-If there's one thing I
know about this generation,
it's they love a banner.
-We are so excited you're
here, and we want you to learn
as much as you can, so
each of you will be paired
with one of our
legal professionals.
Max, you're gonna be with Neil.
Our prosecutor, Olivia,
is going to take Claire.
And, Xavier, you're
gonna be with Gurgs.
-'Cause he's always
been my little buddy.
This is us back in the day.
Look, we have on
matching uniforms.
-That's a deepfake.
-And, Carlos, you're gonna be
with Dan, our public defender.
Mr. Fielding, would you like
to meet your Justice Buddy?
-I reject the premise that
I have a Justice Buddy.
-Mr. Fielding, it'd be my
honor to watch you work.
-Continue.
-What you do as a public
defender is so noble,
and may I say, sir, you
are one of the true heroes.
-Well, I'm not a hero.
I'm just a man who constantly
does heroic things.
This one will make
a fine assistant.
Two steps behind
me, no eye contact.
-And for my next trick,
I give you the
U.S. Constitution,
conserved and protected
by the judicial
branch of government.
Without it, your rights
might... disappear.
Don't worry, it is
not gone for good.
It is right...
It's right...
It's definitely here.
-It's stuck in her bra again.
It happened earlier too.
She's gotten better though.
-Okay, you know what?
No one panic. I'll
be right back.
-Eye contact.
-Sir, I know public defenders
don't get paid enough
for what they do, so
may I buy you a coffee?
-Max, he's my Justice Buddy. I
should be buying him a coffee.
-Boys, boys, boys, don't fight.
You both can buy me coffee.
-Yeah, that's
good. #GivingBack.
-Make sure to identify
me as Claire Williams,
future district attorney.
I'm trying to get
my name out there.
-Rest assured, as your mentor,
I will pass on to you
everything I know.
-Great. Then I can
do the opposite
so I don't end up in
a place like this.
Some fearless feedback... No
one uses hashtags anymore.
And maybe invest in an iron?
-I-I woke up late today.
-Your eyeliner tells that story.
Don't let it become
your narrative.
-I hate kids.
Just look at them, growing
with their big dreams
and unearned confidence and
overabundance of collagen.
It's just rude.
-Mine is pretty great actually.
He helped me write that nurse
the perfect text, and look.
Just sent me a selfie.
-You asked a child
for dating advice?
-I don't know what
to tell you, Olivia.
This is where we're at.
Wait, am I supposed
to send a selfie back?
I'll check with Max.
-Being in a courthouse
is cool, right?
Ah, it's just like on TV.
I remember you used
to watch "Paw Patrol."
Chase the Police Pup was
your favorite character.
-I can't believe I
ever watched that.
That show is copaganda.
-Cool, cool, cool.
Fire!
So, uh, what are
you into these days?
- You ever get on TikTok?
- No.
Some mouthwash influencer.
-Well, there's this
guy, Malcolm FX.
He's a street artist who
talks about the real issues.
-Oh, I know him.
He's the one that did that
Central Park Five mural.
His work is legit.
Wait, he's getting
arrested in this video.
And he's coming to this court?
-Oh, is he?
Oh, that's... that's weird.
I never...
- Don't play.
Are you here to get
a picture with him?
Alright, I'll sneak
you into the lineup,
but if someone identifies you
as the perp, you're on your own.
-Oh, um...
I wasn't going to tell
you because I didn't think
you'd get it, but we're
here to see the trial
so when the system screws
Malcolm FX, we can take action.
-Take action? In my courtroom?
Cool, cool, cool.
Uh, that is fire.
-Judge, fun new idea.
-Ooh, I love fun new ideas.
What do you think about a
gavel that goes "boi-oi-oing"?
I'm not sure if it
should be a sound effect
or a superloud spring.
-Well, I was thinking what
if we send the kids home?
-Disband the Justice Buddies?
-Yeah, they've already
been plenty inspired by
"Abby Stone presents
Law-zzle Daw-zzle."
-Aw, well, that was
just the previews.
It's time for the
feature presentation.
-Mnh-mnh. The previews
are the best part.
I don't even stay for the movie.
When the lights go all the way
down, I get all the way up.
-Trust me, there is
nothing better than seeing
this justice system in action.
You want to...
- Mm-hmm, yeah.
Okay.
Uh, all rise.
The Honorable Judge
Abby Stone presiding
over a very calm and
respectful court.
-First up, the City
vs. Malcolm Richardson,
aka Malcolm FX.
-Your Honor, the defendant
was caught defacing the statue
of Christopher Columbus
in Central Park
by covering his head with this.
-I was trying to
flush that piece of...
-Oh! Children.
-He also works in bidets.
Oh! I love it when
art surprises me.
Your Honor, my justice
associate has familiarized me
with Mr. FX's work.
He is no criminal.
He is an artist who
provokes social change,
a man who uses his medium
to speak for those who
cannot speak for themselves.
-Just like Mr. Fielding.
-Ah, kiddo.
-No one is saying that
Christopher Columbus is good.
He and I have very
different opinions
on how you should make friends
when you're new in town.
Don't you think you could
contribute to the debate
without breaking the law?
-We've been debating
for 400 years.
What more is there left to say?
Nah, man, actions speak
louder than words.
- Yeah!
- Whoo!
-Yeah, freedom of speech,
a right guaranteed
to every citizen
by the First Amendment
of the Constitution.
And that document is the GOAT.
And I will fight tooth and nail
to make sure it exists
for future generations.
-Okay, okay, order.
Gurgs, can I talk
to you a minute?
I was right, huh?
Watching the court in action
got them real fired up, huh?
-Yeah, fired up, alright.
-Think you can get them just
to calm down a little bit?
-Sure.
Uh, but while I'm up here,
I just think the charges
seem a little harsh
for someone who's trying
to express himself.
If Christopher Columbus
would've seen a modern toilet,
he wouldn't know
what to do with it.
He might have put
it on his head.
We just don't know.
-Unfortunately,
my hands are tied.
This isn't about
freedom of speech.
He confessed to vandalizing
public property.
I find the defendant guilty of
third-degree criminal mischief.
-Objection! This
system is rigged!
-Unleash the signs!
What do we want?
- Justice!
- When do we want it?
- Justice!
-I said we should get
one more practice in,
but no one listens to Max.
-What is going on?
-We're protesting
an unjust system
that will find Malcolm
FX guilty of anything
except speaking the truth.
-And they got a better
banner than you.
-Look, you seem like
a nice magician,
but you're a cog
in a broken system.
-There is a lot of passion
here, which I love.
-Day or night,
court's not right!
Day or night, court's not right!
-Don't love that.
Neil, can you clear
the court out, please?
And, um, everyone
else, can I talk to you
out in the hall, where
there's less chants?
-Less "chance" of what?!
-No, less chants!
-There's no chance
we're gonna hear you
over all these chants!
Let's go out in the hall!
-Day or night,
court's not right!
Day or night, court's not right!
- What is going on in there?
- Okay, look, this is my fault.
I should have...
- It's not your fault.
Dan's the one who got them
all riled up, talking about
the First Amendment for
his little fan club.
-I was just making a passionate
defense for my client.
The fact that it turned
a roomful of children
against you is just a fun bonus.
-No, a fun bonus is
when you're watching
"Live with Kelly and Ryan"
but Ryan Seacrest
has the day off,
so Kelly's husband fills in
and you get to see their
sexual tension for a full hour.
-Maybe some disillusionment
is a good thing.
Now Claire doesn't go into
law and we all sleep easier.
Claire, my little
justice nemesis.
How do not know Claire?
She's trying to destroy me!
-I think y'all are
missing the point.
When Xavier came to me and told
me what they were going to do...
-Wait, you knew they
were going to do this?
- Well, I only found out...
- Why didn't you tell me?
-If I'm being honest, I can see
where the kids are coming from.
-Oh, that's great, so
you can talk to them.
You can get them to calm down.
-You know what?
Yeah, I got this.
-Day or night,
court's not right!
Day or night, court's not right!
- Xavier Lawrence.
- Yeah?
-You got room for one more?
-Sorry, I grabbed my
science homework by mistake.
-Gurgs, what are you doing?
-I'm supporting my nephew.
-Hey, Max, I know it's
not the best time,
but I'm getting the three dots.
-I got 70 cases tonight, Gurgs,
and we already started late
'cause I did that magic show.
You know I'm obligated
to report this.
- I do know protocol.
- Well, then, help me out.
I hear you, but you
could lose your job.
Are you sure about this?
-When I say "all rise,"
you say "get wise."
All rise!
- Get wise!
- All rise!
- Get wise!
- All rise!
- Get wise!
- All rise!
- Get wise!
-Claire is clearly
the weakest chanter.
-Get wise!
-Neil, they're trespassers
in my courtroom,
which means we have no
choice but to report them.
So can you report them?
- I don't want to do that.
-Neither do I.
-Here's a good rule of thumb.
If you're too scared
to do something,
I'm definitely too
scared to do it.
-Okay, I'm here as a liaison
with a list of demands.
"We the protesters will not
be silenced until we receive,"
uh, all of these.
-The children demand a bottle
of Macallan single malt scotch?
-Oh, yes, and they insist
on the 18-year, not the 12.
These kids have taste.
-How can you just
treat this like a joke?
-Of the things that I
have seen in this court,
this doesn't even
break the top 20.
There are no bombs,
there are no hostages,
no disgruntled warlocks.
This is a snooze.
-Oh, Gurgs, thank God.
Is the protest over?
-No, I'm here with our demands.
-Uh, uh, what are
you talking about?
I just brought our demands.
Alright, fine.
These are for me, but my
happiness is important to them.
-Neil, you're missing it.
They started a chant about you.
"Clerks are jerks!"
-I got bigger problems out here.
I sent the nurse a selfie
and she saw all the
kids in the background.
Now she thinks they're my kids.
- What? Why would she think that?
-I told her they were my kids.
I didn't know what to do.
My Justice Buddy wasn't
around, so I panicked.
-Sorry that a 12-year-old
dropped the ball
on your love life.
Well, this little protest
really worked out well for me.
I got some photos of that little
queen bee agitator, Claire.
She will never work in a D.A.'s
office after they see this.
Oh, it is a career killer!
-You do know we're
talking about a child?
She doesn't have a career.
-Yeah, and I intend
to keep it that way.
-They would also like
a complete overhaul
of the judicial system,
the abolishment of
the Electoral College,
and a large cheese pizza with
Doritos baked into the crust.
-Some of those
are really tricky.
I don't know how I'm going
to do that pizza thing.
Can we just end this?
I'm not anti-protest.
I went to all the
women's marches,
and the march I thought
was against ageism
but turned out to be a
casino bus that broke down.
-None of those grandmas
knew how to change a tire?
Greatest generation, my butt!
-I know firsthand how
this system fails,
and you know I try really
hard to make things better,
but they are blaming
me for something
that I can't do anything about.
It's just unfair.
-That's not a good
feeling, right?
When things are unfair
and there's nothing
you can do about it.
Makes you want to...
I don't know...
Pick up a sign and
yell or something.
I like working here. I
like working with you.
But there are cases
that come through here
that just get under my skin.
Most nights, I can push past it.
Tonight was different.
-Alright, so, I've
talked the kids down
to something more reasonable.
They want to have a weekly
luncheon with me at The Palm.
No budgetary restrictions.
Oh, yeah, and
they'll be in school
so they won't be able to attend.
-You know, I just
realized something.
I'm the bad guy
in this situation.
-Must be hard for you.
I mean, I've been the good
guy for like 45 minutes,
and it's pretty intoxicating.
Don't know if I'll ever
be able to go back.
-You're using children
to scam booze.
I'm pretty sure you'll
be able to go back.
-Look, you said yourself
that you're part of a system
that doesn't always
get it right,
which means that sometimes
you're gonna be the bad guy.
You know what? I'm...
I'm gonna tell you
something that's gonna be
difficult for you to hear,
but I know from experience.
This isn't about you, Dan.
Sorry, I've just never
heard that sentence
without the word "Dan"
at the end of it.
-So I guess I got to figure out
a way to make it about them.
-Or we could just shut
this whole place down
and I would never
have to come back.
-You know, a real good
guy would help me.
-Yeah, okay.
Tell you what...
Let's go get a table
at The Palm and figure this out.
-What you got there, hmm?
A little celebratory cola?
Feeling pretty good
about yourself, huh?
Well, you should know stunts
like this can really hurt
your chances with law
school and future employers.
-Are you blackmailing me?
-Should I be?
-Please, I could spin those
pics like a C.D. player...
An obsolete device
you may remember
from your teenage years.
Okay.
You're young and you, uh, think
you got it all figured out,
but pretty soon you're
going to wake up
to a closet full
of Ann Taylor Loft,
an infestation of roaches
that you call water bugs,
and a therapist who won't
return your phone calls
because her therapist identified
you as clinically unhelpable!
-You're right. I don't
have it all figured out.
I act like I do
because I'm scared
and I lash out at people
to make myself feel better.
I'm a fake.
-I'm an adult woman who felt
threatened by a 13-year-old.
And that monologue was about me.
-So, are you really going
to lose your job over this?
- Probably.
- Good.
Why do you want to work in
a place like this anyway?
-I've asked myself
that question a lot
these last couple years.
Why do I keep putting
on this uniform?
I think being here is important.
I want the people who
come to court to see
someone from their community,
someone who understands them
and who doesn't just
assume they're guilty.
I mean, sometimes
they are very guilty.
But they still deserve to be
treated like human beings,
and that's what I do.
-Maybe it's good to have
people like you here.
I hope you don't lose your job.
-Well, if I do, I'll just
get a job at your school.
If you think
you were embarrassed today,
strap in, baby!
-Alright, no more being
Judge Mr. Nice Judge!
I'm charging you all with
criminal trespassing!
Technically Olivia
is charging you,
so really she's the worst,
but I'm still plenty bad!
-Just a second,
you tiny monster!
-Ah, it's Mr. Fielding
for the defense.
-That's right, and I have
secured an emergency permit
to allow these young
people to assemble.
-Damn it, you found a way to
let these dissenting voices
be heard by working
within the system.
You and these fresh-faced
future lawyers and judges
have foiled me yet again!
-Is this a play?
-It's boring like a play.
-No, it's very
funny and suspicious
that you're against us when
your signature is on it.
-Is it? Wow.
I sign so many things
'cause, you know, cog.
-Uh-huh.
Well, thanks, but our
protest is over anyway.
This place needs a lot of work.
But I feel better knowing there
are people here who get it.
-Me too.
-So, this means I get to go
to your school's
auntie-nephew dance.
- Uh, we don't have one of tho...
- Shh!
Let her have this.
-There, I fixed it for you.
She said she'll see
you next weekend
when your kids are with
your ex in Hartford.
-Wow, you're good.
You know, this whole night,
I thought I was teaching you,
but in a way, you
were teaching me.
-In every way I
was teaching you.
At no point were
you teaching me.
-Goodbye, Aunt Gurgs.
See you at Sunday bun day?
-Thanks again for the
invite. I can't wait.
It's going to be a
"bunnn-ch" of fun.
-It's called bun
day, not pun day.
-Before I go, I just
want to let you know
how much this meant to me.
-Oh!
This generation and
your incessant need
to express every feeling.
J-Just get out of here
before I take more
of your birthday money.
You know what?
This turned out to
be a lot of fun.
Normally I wouldn't ask
about someone else's life,
but your sadness amuses me.
-I'm trying to text this
girl I met at a party.
It's so much pressure, I
feel like I'm gonna die.
-Neil, picking up a pizza
from Chuck E. Cheese
doesn't count as a party.
-It was a real party.
For my grandmother's 90th
birthday at her care home.
-Oh ho, that's the stuff!
-But I did meet a
very cute nurse.
Her scrubs had puppies on them,
so I told her I have a puppy.
I'll have to figure
that out later.
- Guys, guess what.
- It's the best...
Oh, sorry, Judge, you go.
- No, no, you tell them.
-Oh, no, no, why don't
neither of you tell us
and let us just get
on with our night?
-Gurgs' nephew Xavier and some
of his classmates are here
to do research for a
social studies project.
-Don't you think
it's a huge mistake
bringing children to the court?
And Earth in general.
-This is our chance to inspire
the next generation
of judges and lawyers.
Like when my dad
came for career day,
he did a presentation
and mixed in some magic.
He brought the house down.
Made the book fair
look like total trash.
-I think giving back
is a wonderful idea.
Just picturing
the wide-eyed look
on the faces of
prospective employers
when they see the word
"mentor" on my résumé.
It's why I do this.
-I'm just excited
to get to spend
some quality time with Xavier.
He used to really look up to me.
But ever since he
started sprouting
that little baby mustache,
he's been distant.
He hasn't come to my
Sunday bun day in a while.
It's when we put
things that normally
wouldn't go on a bun, on a bun.
Lasagna, soup, ice cream, pie.
- Oh, Jell-O?
- What are you, crazy?
-Huh, I didn't know
adults had cafeterias.
-Don't look, but I think
that's our lunch lady.
-Right, that's our cue, Gurgs.
-Welcome, Justice Buddies!
-If there's one thing I
know about this generation,
it's they love a banner.
-We are so excited you're
here, and we want you to learn
as much as you can, so
each of you will be paired
with one of our
legal professionals.
Max, you're gonna be with Neil.
Our prosecutor, Olivia,
is going to take Claire.
And, Xavier, you're
gonna be with Gurgs.
-'Cause he's always
been my little buddy.
This is us back in the day.
Look, we have on
matching uniforms.
-That's a deepfake.
-And, Carlos, you're gonna be
with Dan, our public defender.
Mr. Fielding, would you like
to meet your Justice Buddy?
-I reject the premise that
I have a Justice Buddy.
-Mr. Fielding, it'd be my
honor to watch you work.
-Continue.
-What you do as a public
defender is so noble,
and may I say, sir, you
are one of the true heroes.
-Well, I'm not a hero.
I'm just a man who constantly
does heroic things.
This one will make
a fine assistant.
Two steps behind
me, no eye contact.
-And for my next trick,
I give you the
U.S. Constitution,
conserved and protected
by the judicial
branch of government.
Without it, your rights
might... disappear.
Don't worry, it is
not gone for good.
It is right...
It's right...
It's definitely here.
-It's stuck in her bra again.
It happened earlier too.
She's gotten better though.
-Okay, you know what?
No one panic. I'll
be right back.
-Eye contact.
-Sir, I know public defenders
don't get paid enough
for what they do, so
may I buy you a coffee?
-Max, he's my Justice Buddy. I
should be buying him a coffee.
-Boys, boys, boys, don't fight.
You both can buy me coffee.
-Yeah, that's
good. #GivingBack.
-Make sure to identify
me as Claire Williams,
future district attorney.
I'm trying to get
my name out there.
-Rest assured, as your mentor,
I will pass on to you
everything I know.
-Great. Then I can
do the opposite
so I don't end up in
a place like this.
Some fearless feedback... No
one uses hashtags anymore.
And maybe invest in an iron?
-I-I woke up late today.
-Your eyeliner tells that story.
Don't let it become
your narrative.
-I hate kids.
Just look at them, growing
with their big dreams
and unearned confidence and
overabundance of collagen.
It's just rude.
-Mine is pretty great actually.
He helped me write that nurse
the perfect text, and look.
Just sent me a selfie.
-You asked a child
for dating advice?
-I don't know what
to tell you, Olivia.
This is where we're at.
Wait, am I supposed
to send a selfie back?
I'll check with Max.
-Being in a courthouse
is cool, right?
Ah, it's just like on TV.
I remember you used
to watch "Paw Patrol."
Chase the Police Pup was
your favorite character.
-I can't believe I
ever watched that.
That show is copaganda.
-Cool, cool, cool.
Fire!
So, uh, what are
you into these days?
- You ever get on TikTok?
- No.
Some mouthwash influencer.
-Well, there's this
guy, Malcolm FX.
He's a street artist who
talks about the real issues.
-Oh, I know him.
He's the one that did that
Central Park Five mural.
His work is legit.
Wait, he's getting
arrested in this video.
And he's coming to this court?
-Oh, is he?
Oh, that's... that's weird.
I never...
- Don't play.
Are you here to get
a picture with him?
Alright, I'll sneak
you into the lineup,
but if someone identifies you
as the perp, you're on your own.
-Oh, um...
I wasn't going to tell
you because I didn't think
you'd get it, but we're
here to see the trial
so when the system screws
Malcolm FX, we can take action.
-Take action? In my courtroom?
Cool, cool, cool.
Uh, that is fire.
-Judge, fun new idea.
-Ooh, I love fun new ideas.
What do you think about a
gavel that goes "boi-oi-oing"?
I'm not sure if it
should be a sound effect
or a superloud spring.
-Well, I was thinking what
if we send the kids home?
-Disband the Justice Buddies?
-Yeah, they've already
been plenty inspired by
"Abby Stone presents
Law-zzle Daw-zzle."
-Aw, well, that was
just the previews.
It's time for the
feature presentation.
-Mnh-mnh. The previews
are the best part.
I don't even stay for the movie.
When the lights go all the way
down, I get all the way up.
-Trust me, there is
nothing better than seeing
this justice system in action.
You want to...
- Mm-hmm, yeah.
Okay.
Uh, all rise.
The Honorable Judge
Abby Stone presiding
over a very calm and
respectful court.
-First up, the City
vs. Malcolm Richardson,
aka Malcolm FX.
-Your Honor, the defendant
was caught defacing the statue
of Christopher Columbus
in Central Park
by covering his head with this.
-I was trying to
flush that piece of...
-Oh! Children.
-He also works in bidets.
Oh! I love it when
art surprises me.
Your Honor, my justice
associate has familiarized me
with Mr. FX's work.
He is no criminal.
He is an artist who
provokes social change,
a man who uses his medium
to speak for those who
cannot speak for themselves.
-Just like Mr. Fielding.
-Ah, kiddo.
-No one is saying that
Christopher Columbus is good.
He and I have very
different opinions
on how you should make friends
when you're new in town.
Don't you think you could
contribute to the debate
without breaking the law?
-We've been debating
for 400 years.
What more is there left to say?
Nah, man, actions speak
louder than words.
- Yeah!
- Whoo!
-Yeah, freedom of speech,
a right guaranteed
to every citizen
by the First Amendment
of the Constitution.
And that document is the GOAT.
And I will fight tooth and nail
to make sure it exists
for future generations.
-Okay, okay, order.
Gurgs, can I talk
to you a minute?
I was right, huh?
Watching the court in action
got them real fired up, huh?
-Yeah, fired up, alright.
-Think you can get them just
to calm down a little bit?
-Sure.
Uh, but while I'm up here,
I just think the charges
seem a little harsh
for someone who's trying
to express himself.
If Christopher Columbus
would've seen a modern toilet,
he wouldn't know
what to do with it.
He might have put
it on his head.
We just don't know.
-Unfortunately,
my hands are tied.
This isn't about
freedom of speech.
He confessed to vandalizing
public property.
I find the defendant guilty of
third-degree criminal mischief.
-Objection! This
system is rigged!
-Unleash the signs!
What do we want?
- Justice!
- When do we want it?
- Justice!
-I said we should get
one more practice in,
but no one listens to Max.
-What is going on?
-We're protesting
an unjust system
that will find Malcolm
FX guilty of anything
except speaking the truth.
-And they got a better
banner than you.
-Look, you seem like
a nice magician,
but you're a cog
in a broken system.
-There is a lot of passion
here, which I love.
-Day or night,
court's not right!
Day or night, court's not right!
-Don't love that.
Neil, can you clear
the court out, please?
And, um, everyone
else, can I talk to you
out in the hall, where
there's less chants?
-Less "chance" of what?!
-No, less chants!
-There's no chance
we're gonna hear you
over all these chants!
Let's go out in the hall!
-Day or night,
court's not right!
Day or night, court's not right!
- What is going on in there?
- Okay, look, this is my fault.
I should have...
- It's not your fault.
Dan's the one who got them
all riled up, talking about
the First Amendment for
his little fan club.
-I was just making a passionate
defense for my client.
The fact that it turned
a roomful of children
against you is just a fun bonus.
-No, a fun bonus is
when you're watching
"Live with Kelly and Ryan"
but Ryan Seacrest
has the day off,
so Kelly's husband fills in
and you get to see their
sexual tension for a full hour.
-Maybe some disillusionment
is a good thing.
Now Claire doesn't go into
law and we all sleep easier.
Claire, my little
justice nemesis.
How do not know Claire?
She's trying to destroy me!
-I think y'all are
missing the point.
When Xavier came to me and told
me what they were going to do...
-Wait, you knew they
were going to do this?
- Well, I only found out...
- Why didn't you tell me?
-If I'm being honest, I can see
where the kids are coming from.
-Oh, that's great, so
you can talk to them.
You can get them to calm down.
-You know what?
Yeah, I got this.
-Day or night,
court's not right!
Day or night, court's not right!
- Xavier Lawrence.
- Yeah?
-You got room for one more?
-Sorry, I grabbed my
science homework by mistake.
-Gurgs, what are you doing?
-I'm supporting my nephew.
-Hey, Max, I know it's
not the best time,
but I'm getting the three dots.
-I got 70 cases tonight, Gurgs,
and we already started late
'cause I did that magic show.
You know I'm obligated
to report this.
- I do know protocol.
- Well, then, help me out.
I hear you, but you
could lose your job.
Are you sure about this?
-When I say "all rise,"
you say "get wise."
All rise!
- Get wise!
- All rise!
- Get wise!
- All rise!
- Get wise!
- All rise!
- Get wise!
-Claire is clearly
the weakest chanter.
-Get wise!
-Neil, they're trespassers
in my courtroom,
which means we have no
choice but to report them.
So can you report them?
- I don't want to do that.
-Neither do I.
-Here's a good rule of thumb.
If you're too scared
to do something,
I'm definitely too
scared to do it.
-Okay, I'm here as a liaison
with a list of demands.
"We the protesters will not
be silenced until we receive,"
uh, all of these.
-The children demand a bottle
of Macallan single malt scotch?
-Oh, yes, and they insist
on the 18-year, not the 12.
These kids have taste.
-How can you just
treat this like a joke?
-Of the things that I
have seen in this court,
this doesn't even
break the top 20.
There are no bombs,
there are no hostages,
no disgruntled warlocks.
This is a snooze.
-Oh, Gurgs, thank God.
Is the protest over?
-No, I'm here with our demands.
-Uh, uh, what are
you talking about?
I just brought our demands.
Alright, fine.
These are for me, but my
happiness is important to them.
-Neil, you're missing it.
They started a chant about you.
"Clerks are jerks!"
-I got bigger problems out here.
I sent the nurse a selfie
and she saw all the
kids in the background.
Now she thinks they're my kids.
- What? Why would she think that?
-I told her they were my kids.
I didn't know what to do.
My Justice Buddy wasn't
around, so I panicked.
-Sorry that a 12-year-old
dropped the ball
on your love life.
Well, this little protest
really worked out well for me.
I got some photos of that little
queen bee agitator, Claire.
She will never work in a D.A.'s
office after they see this.
Oh, it is a career killer!
-You do know we're
talking about a child?
She doesn't have a career.
-Yeah, and I intend
to keep it that way.
-They would also like
a complete overhaul
of the judicial system,
the abolishment of
the Electoral College,
and a large cheese pizza with
Doritos baked into the crust.
-Some of those
are really tricky.
I don't know how I'm going
to do that pizza thing.
Can we just end this?
I'm not anti-protest.
I went to all the
women's marches,
and the march I thought
was against ageism
but turned out to be a
casino bus that broke down.
-None of those grandmas
knew how to change a tire?
Greatest generation, my butt!
-I know firsthand how
this system fails,
and you know I try really
hard to make things better,
but they are blaming
me for something
that I can't do anything about.
It's just unfair.
-That's not a good
feeling, right?
When things are unfair
and there's nothing
you can do about it.
Makes you want to...
I don't know...
Pick up a sign and
yell or something.
I like working here. I
like working with you.
But there are cases
that come through here
that just get under my skin.
Most nights, I can push past it.
Tonight was different.
-Alright, so, I've
talked the kids down
to something more reasonable.
They want to have a weekly
luncheon with me at The Palm.
No budgetary restrictions.
Oh, yeah, and
they'll be in school
so they won't be able to attend.
-You know, I just
realized something.
I'm the bad guy
in this situation.
-Must be hard for you.
I mean, I've been the good
guy for like 45 minutes,
and it's pretty intoxicating.
Don't know if I'll ever
be able to go back.
-You're using children
to scam booze.
I'm pretty sure you'll
be able to go back.
-Look, you said yourself
that you're part of a system
that doesn't always
get it right,
which means that sometimes
you're gonna be the bad guy.
You know what? I'm...
I'm gonna tell you
something that's gonna be
difficult for you to hear,
but I know from experience.
This isn't about you, Dan.
Sorry, I've just never
heard that sentence
without the word "Dan"
at the end of it.
-So I guess I got to figure out
a way to make it about them.
-Or we could just shut
this whole place down
and I would never
have to come back.
-You know, a real good
guy would help me.
-Yeah, okay.
Tell you what...
Let's go get a table
at The Palm and figure this out.
-What you got there, hmm?
A little celebratory cola?
Feeling pretty good
about yourself, huh?
Well, you should know stunts
like this can really hurt
your chances with law
school and future employers.
-Are you blackmailing me?
-Should I be?
-Please, I could spin those
pics like a C.D. player...
An obsolete device
you may remember
from your teenage years.
Okay.
You're young and you, uh, think
you got it all figured out,
but pretty soon you're
going to wake up
to a closet full
of Ann Taylor Loft,
an infestation of roaches
that you call water bugs,
and a therapist who won't
return your phone calls
because her therapist identified
you as clinically unhelpable!
-You're right. I don't
have it all figured out.
I act like I do
because I'm scared
and I lash out at people
to make myself feel better.
I'm a fake.
-I'm an adult woman who felt
threatened by a 13-year-old.
And that monologue was about me.
-So, are you really going
to lose your job over this?
- Probably.
- Good.
Why do you want to work in
a place like this anyway?
-I've asked myself
that question a lot
these last couple years.
Why do I keep putting
on this uniform?
I think being here is important.
I want the people who
come to court to see
someone from their community,
someone who understands them
and who doesn't just
assume they're guilty.
I mean, sometimes
they are very guilty.
But they still deserve to be
treated like human beings,
and that's what I do.
-Maybe it's good to have
people like you here.
I hope you don't lose your job.
-Well, if I do, I'll just
get a job at your school.
If you think
you were embarrassed today,
strap in, baby!
-Alright, no more being
Judge Mr. Nice Judge!
I'm charging you all with
criminal trespassing!
Technically Olivia
is charging you,
so really she's the worst,
but I'm still plenty bad!
-Just a second,
you tiny monster!
-Ah, it's Mr. Fielding
for the defense.
-That's right, and I have
secured an emergency permit
to allow these young
people to assemble.
-Damn it, you found a way to
let these dissenting voices
be heard by working
within the system.
You and these fresh-faced
future lawyers and judges
have foiled me yet again!
-Is this a play?
-It's boring like a play.
-No, it's very
funny and suspicious
that you're against us when
your signature is on it.
-Is it? Wow.
I sign so many things
'cause, you know, cog.
-Uh-huh.
Well, thanks, but our
protest is over anyway.
This place needs a lot of work.
But I feel better knowing there
are people here who get it.
-Me too.
-So, this means I get to go
to your school's
auntie-nephew dance.
- Uh, we don't have one of tho...
- Shh!
Let her have this.
-There, I fixed it for you.
She said she'll see
you next weekend
when your kids are with
your ex in Hartford.
-Wow, you're good.
You know, this whole night,
I thought I was teaching you,
but in a way, you
were teaching me.
-In every way I
was teaching you.
At no point were
you teaching me.
-Goodbye, Aunt Gurgs.
See you at Sunday bun day?
-Thanks again for the
invite. I can't wait.
It's going to be a
"bunnn-ch" of fun.
-It's called bun
day, not pun day.
-Before I go, I just
want to let you know
how much this meant to me.
-Oh!
This generation and
your incessant need
to express every feeling.
J-Just get out of here
before I take more
of your birthday money.
You know what?
This turned out to
be a lot of fun.