NewsRadio (1995–1999): Season 1, Episode 2 - Inappropriate - full transcript
Dave and Lisa begin their office romance. Matthew inadvertently uses colorful language live on air.
And Amy Fisher, the
so-called Long Island Lolita,
who was also
implicated in the case,
is currently serving
five to 15 years
at Albion Correctional Facility.
And that's "Where They
Are Now" for this Tuesday.
Matthew Brock, WNYX news radio.
Bill?
Bill.
Uh, thank you, Matthew,
for that unusual report.
WNYX news time 12:45.
Minor delays on the...
What's going on, guys?
Matthew, I think
you mispronounced that
guy's name a few times.
What? Uh, i-i-it's...
Joey Butta...
No, it isn't, Matthew.
It's, uh... Buttafuoco.
Butta...
Fook-oh.
Wh-what did I say?
Well, Matthew,
of all the possible
mispronunciations of that name,
you seem to have stumbled upon
absolutely the worst one.
I... I don't know what you mean.
Think about it.
Nice job, Matthew.
My cab driver really
got a kick out of that.
Lisa, I'm on it, okay?
Well, if you were
really on it, Dave,
we wouldn't be doing stories
about Joey-butta-fook-oh
in the first place.
Oh, my God.
Uh-huh, yeah.
Oh, my God. Yeah.
Oh, no.
So you sort of see it now, huh?
Oh, God.
That's good.
All right, all right, here's
what we're going to do.
That's okay, Lisa,
I'll take it from here.
We'll just issue
a short correction
and a formal apology
to Mr. Buttafuoco.
Oh, my God.
I'm sorry, Lisa, did I miss
a memo or something?
I'm still the news
director, right?
Not for long if this is how
you're going to run the station.
Look, what is with you?
Do you really think you
can do this job better?
Haven't I been clear on that?
Well, all right, it would
be easier for you,
because you wouldn't have
someone like you haranguing you.
Dave, that makes
no sense at all.
Well, not as much
as I'd hoped it would,
but you get the point.
I, for one, am outraged!
Oh, my God, Joe, I'm sorry.
Way to go, dude.
I can't believe
you pulled it off.
I didn't pull anything off.
That was a mistake, Joe.
Look, I got it on tape.
We can make copies. 10,
15 bucks a pop for these.
What? I got blank
tapes in my van.
We'll bang it out over lunch.
It's a big market.
Same people who
buy sports bloopers.
Oh, God, Joe, no.
Well, don't worry
about your cut.
I'll break you off a piece.
Just keep it up
with the "mistakes."
So, who called first,
the FCC or
Mr. Buttafuoco's lawyers?
We're airing a short correction
and a formal apology, Mr. James.
No, we're not. Yes, we are.
No, Lisa, we are not.
Okay, okay, who did I
hire as news director here?
I'm sorry, Mr. James.
No, I'm really asking. I
lose track of these things.
That would be me.
Good. Then you
figure out what to do.
Dave, please don't fire me.
Make sure you get Lisa's input.
Lisa, just tell
Dave not to fire me.
I'll do the best I can, Matthew,
but you know Dave
has a mind of his own,
God bless him.
Matthew, I'm just glad
you didn't do a story
about Forrest Tucker.
I... I... I don't get it.
Think about it.
Oh!
Because he thinks I
would say Torrest...
Look, if you don't
want my input,
then just say so.
I don't want your
input. Too bad.
You know, especially if your
input is another 3-hour lecture
on the legal rights of
a known sleazebag.
Well, what if
Mr. Buttafuoco sues us?
For what... Defamation
of character?
Like we can help him with that.
That is completely
beside the point.
Look, it's, like, 6:00
now, all right? So?
So I want to get
something to eat.
Fine, I can finish
this over dinner.
That's not what I meant.
All right, would you rather
I call you at 3:00 a.m.
when I wake up from
my recurring nightmare
about you running this
station into the ground?
Well, this is going to
be a delightful meal.
Dinner, huh?
Why don't you guys
just get a room?
Shut up, Beth.
Yeah, that kind of insinuation
is really inappropriate,
and what the hell
are you wearing?
It only cost me $5.00.
I'm going to go get my coat.
Well, move it. Oh, settle down.
Don't tell me to settle down.
Wow, it's like
Tracy and Hepburn.
Look, all I'm asking is that
you stop arguing with me
until I get some
food in my stomach.
Fine, then let's go
to that sushi place
across the street.
Oh, no, I don't
want to go for sushi.
I see, I don't
even get any input
as to where we eat.
Oh, my God.
Morning, boss.
Oh, morning, Beth.
Here's your phone sheet.
You know, you really
don't have to call me boss.
I know. I just do
it sarcastically
because it amuses me.
Coffee, boss?
Oh, yes, please. Thanks.
So how was your
dinner with Lisa?
Oh, it was fine.
By the time it got to dessert,
I was kind of sick of arguing,
so Lisa sort of had
to carry the bickering
through to the check herself.
He's doing it again.
Tell him to stop.
Doing what, Catherine?
He just sits there
and stares at me
all day long.
Look, Catherine,
as we've said before,
that is where he sits.
That is where you sit.
You sit opposite each other.
There's not really
much I can do.
You guys could switch seats.
Thanks, Joe.
I can't take it anymore.
On Wall Street, the Dow is
showing signs of recovering
after yesterday's
nine-point fall.
After just over an
hour of trading...
Listen, Dave, why don't you
and Lisa just bury the hatchet?
Oh, I'd love to,
but apparently Lisa thinks
she should have my job.
Oh, so when a woman's
ambitious, she's pushy,
but when a man is ambitious...
Oh, Beth, don't go into that.
You're right. I was actually
starting to make myself sick.
Is Cathy out in the hall?
Yeah, Bill, but I'd let her
go. She's in kind of a mood.
Don't worry. I know
how to sweet-talk her.
Cathy! Yoo-hoo!
Bill, I'd really rather you
didn't do that right now.
Oh...
Hi, Lisa.
Hi, Dave. Hi.
Uh...
Coffee. Yeah, okay.
Would you like some
cream for your coffee?
Sugar? No, no cream.
I just take it black.
I didn't know that.
You take it black?
Have a nice day.
Yeah, you too, yeah.
What was that?
What was what?
That incredibly awkward
little moment with Lisa
at the coffee machine.
Look, Beth, I have no idea
what you're talking about.
Dave, you do know that I
can tell when you're lying.
There's a thing you always do.
Oh, really? And what
is this thing I always do
when I'm lying?
Oh, come on, Beth, there's
absolutely nothing going on...
This is it, isn't it?
This is the thing?
All right.
Lisa and I sort of
made out last night.
Oh, my God.
Beth, look, it's
very, very important
that you don't tell anyone
about this, all right?
Look, I really don't
want anyone to know...
that we're moving
the sports update
to 15 after the hour.
Butta-fook-oh.
Butta-fook-oh.
Look, Beth, I'm serious here.
You really have to promise
you're not going to tell anyone.
No, I'm not going to
have to tell anybody,
because they're all going
to find out just as soon as
you and Lisa have your
ugly scene in the office.
There aren't going
to be any ugly scenes.
Dave, there's no avoiding it.
When you make
out with a coworker,
you have an ugly
scene in the office,
and then next thing you know,
I'm at home crying my eyes out,
because I'm afraid to come
in to work the next morning.
We're not talking about
me anymore, are we?
No, we're not, Dave.
We're talking about me now.
Y-you and, uh...
The FedEx guy.
We don't use FedEx.
Not anymore.
Ugly scene? Is it...
They almost had to call his
supervisor in from Memphis.
I don't want to get into it.
Well, look, Lisa and I
are not going to have
any scenes, all right?
We're both, uh, mature adults,
and we realize that what
happened was inappropriate
and, uh, unprofessional,
and that it can't
go any further,
and I am sure that Lisa
agrees with me on this fully.
La-da-la-da-la-da.
Now...
Hi. Oh, hi... Lisa.
I'm sure you two
need to discuss the...
Buttafuoco situation?
Right. The Butta-fiasco.
Well, I'm sure you want
the door closed for that.
Mm-hmm.
Hi. Hi.
Uh... Uh...
Oh, um...
Sorry.
It's, uh...
Oh.
Pretty weird last night, huh?
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, uh... but nice, though.
Oh, yeah.
It was nice.
Nice... and... and weird.
Yeah. Lisa, I've never done
anything like that before.
Oh, me neither.
I mean, I've made out before.
Yeah. As have I.
But never, you know,
never with someone
that I work with.
No, me neither.
I have a rule
about that, actually.
Me too. Me too. I do.
Guys, I'm throwing a
surprise birthday party
for Catherine at the
12:46 commercial break.
We're back on the air at 12:48,
which gives us two minutes
for cake, punch, small talk,
that kind of thing.
I suggest, if you're
interested, you RSVP now.
I'll check my calendar, but
I think we can squeeze it in.
Great. Look forward
to seeing you.
Okay.
All right, what
we did last night
was completely inappropriate...
And completely unprofessional.
Oh, good, good.
I was so worried we wouldn't be
on the same
wavelength about this.
Yeah, yeah, so was I. All right.
So we're agreed then?
Yes. We just cannot...
Yes, we simply cannot...
Let anybody find out.
Uh-oh.
Yeah...
I thought we were both going
to say we can't do this anymore.
Oh, yeah. We... we...
I was. We were. I was. Yes.
Um...
Excuse me.
Well, then, what was this?
That was, um...
That was a joke. Get it?
Um, I have to go now.
35 seconds to party time.
Boy, do I love a good party.
You love a good party, Joe?
That's why I went
to college, sir.
It's also why I didn't graduate.
Yeah, me neither. So what?
Didn't stop me from building
a million-dollar empire.
Didn't stop you
from becoming a...
What do you do again?
I'm an electrician.
Well, things were
different in my day.
Beth, want to pour us a
round of the old red devil?
Lisa, can I talk
to you in my office
for just a moment, please?
Oh, I'm kind of busy...
Hey, hey, hey,
Don't you two even
think about working.
Here comes the birthday girl!
I told you I didn't
want a birthday party.
You always say that.
And I always mean it.
Mr. James. Present.
Buttafuoco.
Well, Buttafuoco to
you, too, Matthew.
If you'd said it
that way on the air,
we probably wouldn't have
lost two sponsors this morning.
Oh, my God.
Listen, Lisa, I really
need to speak to...
Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave!
You've got to
loosen up a little bit.
A good boss has to loosen
up every now and again.
Case in point, me.
I'm half loaded right now.
Sir, actually I really need
to speak to Lisa in
my office right now.
Actually, Dave, you don't.
No, I really do.
No, you really don't.
Catherine, how about a few
words from the birthday girl?
I am now officially
not speaking to you.
She...
gets a little shy sometimes.
I'm sorry, if you'll
all excuse me...
Perhaps I better go see
if my colleague needs
some assistance.
Is it just me, or
does this party suck?
Look, I'm really
sorry about earlier,
but I really think we
should discuss this now.
Look, Dave, can we
please just drop it?
It's not a big deal.
Look, if it's not a big deal,
then why'd we have
that scene out there?
Well, I'm not the one
having a scene out there.
I have dropped
it. See? All over.
Well, we're not leaving
this room until we settle this.
Oh, really? Really.
Well, I guess it's settled.
Cake, boss?
This is getting ugly.
I know that.
Dave, I am not going to
discuss this at the office.
Boss, do you need me
to FedEx anything for you?
Well, fine.
Then I'll call you at home.
9:00?
You'll get my machine.
I'll call at 10:00. Get
my machine. You'll still
All right, what time
will you be home?
I'll be home all night,
but you'll get my machine.
You two, I don't know what
this little dustup's all about...
The Buttafuoco situation.
Correction. Apology.
Absolutely not.
Fine. When you two
stop sniping at each other,
we've still got
a station to run,
so let's get our
priorities straight, okay?
Yes. Yes.
Good. You going to finish that?
No. Thank you.
Hi, Beth.
Is it still ugly?
Well, let's just
put it this way...
Right now, I'm really wishing
I'd made out with the FedEx guy.
Oh, hi, Lisa.
Hi, Dave.
Hi. Can I get you coffee?
No, I'll get it.
Well, um... Excuse me.
Have a nice day, Dave.
You too, have a good, um...
Okay, all right, uh,
I know what you
just saw out there
may have, on the surface,
appeared a bit odd to you.
Beth, I'm not hiding
anything from you.
For God's sakes, Beth,
I'm not even wearing a tie.
That's what tipped me off, Dave.
All right. Uh...
Look, Lisa and I, uh...
We did it.
Wh-what was that?
We did it.
Oh, my God! That is so wrong!
I know. I know.
How could you let that happen?
Uh, I have no idea.
I just... I called Lisa up.
We arranged to meet for
coffee to discuss the situation.
Right.
So we, you know, met
at the coffee place...
Right.
And then we went
to my place and did it.
Wrong. I know.
And not terribly
romantic, either.
Actually, it was romantic.
It was very romantic.
Afterward we went
out for a nice, long walk.
Right.
I walked Lisa back to her place.
And we did it again.
Wrong?
Yeah, I thought.
Okay, I think in a former life,
you two were some kind
of animals that did it a lot.
Well, that's an interesting...
perspective, Beth,
but Lisa and I
both know that, uh,
this cannot go on,
and it absolutely will not.
Come on in, Lisa.
Well, I'm sure you two need
to be alone to discuss the...
What is it again?
The Buttafuoco situation.
Right.
The Buttafuoco situation.
You know, I'm beginning to
think that Matthew's slip-up
was oddly appropriate
in your case.
You told her, didn't you?
No, no. I didn't
tell her a thing.
Yes, you did. She
knows all about this.
I didn't tell her anything.
I just didn't wear a tie.
I have no idea what that means.
Hey, you two.
What do you mean, "Hey, us two"?
I'll count again, but I think
I'll get the same result.
Anyway...
I'm taking the entire
staff out to lunch
in honor of Catherine's
birthday yesterday.
Oh. Is, uh, Catherine going?
No, but it's the thought
that counts. Come on.
Bill, Dave and I are really
pretty busy right now.
Okay, but if you finish up,
we'll be down at Chico's.
We'll try and catch
up with you later.
Super.
What?
Okay.
Is Matthew getting fired?
No.
No decision yet, Matthew.
Ciao.
I can't believe you told Beth!
I can't believe you're making
such a big deal out of it.
Well, believe it!
Well, unfortunately, I do.
Yes.
Is the ugliness over?
For now.
Are you guys okay?
Yes, we're fine.
Apparently, we're fine.
How was lunch?
Catherine actually showed up,
but Matthew was convinced
that it was a surprise
going-away party for him.
You really should talk to him.
Yeah, I will.
Okay, here, I brought
you guys some burritos.
Just put them on the desk, Beth.
They're better than they sound.
Do you think she
noticed anything?
No, I don't think so,
but your sweater's
buttoned up wrong.
God, thank you.
You have a little lipstick
on the side of your face.
Where? Here?
The other side. Other side.
Oh, jeez.
Okay, oh, God, let me get that.
What are you doing?
I'm just rearranging
the cushions. Okay.
You know, are
my nylons in there?
Uh... are these them?
No.
Hmm?
Dave!
I... I, uh...
I'm just kidding.
They're mine.
Oh, man.
This is ridiculous.
I mean, I have never...
Done it in the office
while everyone
else is out to lunch?
Yeah. Me, neither.
Well, where do we go from here?
News booth?
Seriously, seriously.
I don't know. The way I see it,
we only have two options.
Either you quit, or I quit,
because I am not going to have
one of those dirty little
secret office affairs.
Well, I'm not quitting.
Well, neither am I.
Well, then, it's
out of our hands.
Guess so.
Mm.
This is such a bad idea.
Oh, it's the worst.
I know.
Mm.
No more kissing in the office.
No, this is definitely
the last time.
Hello?
David...
It's me, Matthew.
Listen, I want you to know
that I know what's going on here.
Huh?
There's n-nothing. Nope.
I'm getting fired, aren't I?
Oh...
Okay, David.
I can't take this anymore.
Would you please just tell
me to my face that I am fired?
Matthew, you're
not getting fired.
Okay, that's fine.
It's been very great
working with you,
and I'll pack up my
desk at a later date.
And did you say...
Not fired. Not fired.
Oh, how embarrassing.
Were you just going
to let me leave?
Mm-hmm.
Oh, my God.
Lisa, have you had lunch yet?
No, Dave, I haven't.
Well, great. I was wondering if
you'd like to have lunch with me
to discuss those new promos.
Yes. The new promos.
Let's discuss them over lunch.
Yeah, okay.
Uh, Lisa?
Yeah?
Could I talk to you
for a sec? Yeah.
You do know what
you're getting yourself into,
don't you?
It's a really bad idea.
I know.
Look, no matter what
happens, you absolutely cannot...
What?
I'm picking up an overnight
delivery from Bill McNeal.
That would be me.
Beth, I absolutely cannot what?
I'll talk to you
about that later.
So you're the new guy?
Bill...
Bill!
Come on.
I'm sorry.
Would you please tell
her that from now on,
if she needs to
tell me anything,
a written memo will suffice.
Oh, come on.
What is it this time?
Bill, I was not
ignoring you at lunch.
I just don't talk
much while I'm eating.
A written memo. Tell her.
Look, would you two just shut up
and get back into the booth?
Look, you can say
whatever you want to me,
but you do not tell
the lady to shut up!
You know, actually,
I have some leftovers
at my apartment.
If you wanted to, we
could go over there
and discuss the police
corruption probe story
at a later date.
Good work, Lisa.
I look forward to your input.
Listen, Dave, I just
wanted to apologize
for that outburst in there.
Bill,
I've been looking for you.
Yeah. Whatever.
That's a really nice tie.
Oh, please don't patronize me.
Whatever!
You two seem to have a very...
complex relationship.
It's a nightmare.
Why is that?
Well, about four years
ago, Catherine and I sort of...
tried to have a secret
little office romance.
You know how those things go.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Worst mistake I ever made.
Ruined the entire
relationship forever.
Either of you ever
been in one of those?
No, no. No, never. No. Uh-uh.
so-called Long Island Lolita,
who was also
implicated in the case,
is currently serving
five to 15 years
at Albion Correctional Facility.
And that's "Where They
Are Now" for this Tuesday.
Matthew Brock, WNYX news radio.
Bill?
Bill.
Uh, thank you, Matthew,
for that unusual report.
WNYX news time 12:45.
Minor delays on the...
What's going on, guys?
Matthew, I think
you mispronounced that
guy's name a few times.
What? Uh, i-i-it's...
Joey Butta...
No, it isn't, Matthew.
It's, uh... Buttafuoco.
Butta...
Fook-oh.
Wh-what did I say?
Well, Matthew,
of all the possible
mispronunciations of that name,
you seem to have stumbled upon
absolutely the worst one.
I... I don't know what you mean.
Think about it.
Nice job, Matthew.
My cab driver really
got a kick out of that.
Lisa, I'm on it, okay?
Well, if you were
really on it, Dave,
we wouldn't be doing stories
about Joey-butta-fook-oh
in the first place.
Oh, my God.
Uh-huh, yeah.
Oh, my God. Yeah.
Oh, no.
So you sort of see it now, huh?
Oh, God.
That's good.
All right, all right, here's
what we're going to do.
That's okay, Lisa,
I'll take it from here.
We'll just issue
a short correction
and a formal apology
to Mr. Buttafuoco.
Oh, my God.
I'm sorry, Lisa, did I miss
a memo or something?
I'm still the news
director, right?
Not for long if this is how
you're going to run the station.
Look, what is with you?
Do you really think you
can do this job better?
Haven't I been clear on that?
Well, all right, it would
be easier for you,
because you wouldn't have
someone like you haranguing you.
Dave, that makes
no sense at all.
Well, not as much
as I'd hoped it would,
but you get the point.
I, for one, am outraged!
Oh, my God, Joe, I'm sorry.
Way to go, dude.
I can't believe
you pulled it off.
I didn't pull anything off.
That was a mistake, Joe.
Look, I got it on tape.
We can make copies. 10,
15 bucks a pop for these.
What? I got blank
tapes in my van.
We'll bang it out over lunch.
It's a big market.
Same people who
buy sports bloopers.
Oh, God, Joe, no.
Well, don't worry
about your cut.
I'll break you off a piece.
Just keep it up
with the "mistakes."
So, who called first,
the FCC or
Mr. Buttafuoco's lawyers?
We're airing a short correction
and a formal apology, Mr. James.
No, we're not. Yes, we are.
No, Lisa, we are not.
Okay, okay, who did I
hire as news director here?
I'm sorry, Mr. James.
No, I'm really asking. I
lose track of these things.
That would be me.
Good. Then you
figure out what to do.
Dave, please don't fire me.
Make sure you get Lisa's input.
Lisa, just tell
Dave not to fire me.
I'll do the best I can, Matthew,
but you know Dave
has a mind of his own,
God bless him.
Matthew, I'm just glad
you didn't do a story
about Forrest Tucker.
I... I... I don't get it.
Think about it.
Oh!
Because he thinks I
would say Torrest...
Look, if you don't
want my input,
then just say so.
I don't want your
input. Too bad.
You know, especially if your
input is another 3-hour lecture
on the legal rights of
a known sleazebag.
Well, what if
Mr. Buttafuoco sues us?
For what... Defamation
of character?
Like we can help him with that.
That is completely
beside the point.
Look, it's, like, 6:00
now, all right? So?
So I want to get
something to eat.
Fine, I can finish
this over dinner.
That's not what I meant.
All right, would you rather
I call you at 3:00 a.m.
when I wake up from
my recurring nightmare
about you running this
station into the ground?
Well, this is going to
be a delightful meal.
Dinner, huh?
Why don't you guys
just get a room?
Shut up, Beth.
Yeah, that kind of insinuation
is really inappropriate,
and what the hell
are you wearing?
It only cost me $5.00.
I'm going to go get my coat.
Well, move it. Oh, settle down.
Don't tell me to settle down.
Wow, it's like
Tracy and Hepburn.
Look, all I'm asking is that
you stop arguing with me
until I get some
food in my stomach.
Fine, then let's go
to that sushi place
across the street.
Oh, no, I don't
want to go for sushi.
I see, I don't
even get any input
as to where we eat.
Oh, my God.
Morning, boss.
Oh, morning, Beth.
Here's your phone sheet.
You know, you really
don't have to call me boss.
I know. I just do
it sarcastically
because it amuses me.
Coffee, boss?
Oh, yes, please. Thanks.
So how was your
dinner with Lisa?
Oh, it was fine.
By the time it got to dessert,
I was kind of sick of arguing,
so Lisa sort of had
to carry the bickering
through to the check herself.
He's doing it again.
Tell him to stop.
Doing what, Catherine?
He just sits there
and stares at me
all day long.
Look, Catherine,
as we've said before,
that is where he sits.
That is where you sit.
You sit opposite each other.
There's not really
much I can do.
You guys could switch seats.
Thanks, Joe.
I can't take it anymore.
On Wall Street, the Dow is
showing signs of recovering
after yesterday's
nine-point fall.
After just over an
hour of trading...
Listen, Dave, why don't you
and Lisa just bury the hatchet?
Oh, I'd love to,
but apparently Lisa thinks
she should have my job.
Oh, so when a woman's
ambitious, she's pushy,
but when a man is ambitious...
Oh, Beth, don't go into that.
You're right. I was actually
starting to make myself sick.
Is Cathy out in the hall?
Yeah, Bill, but I'd let her
go. She's in kind of a mood.
Don't worry. I know
how to sweet-talk her.
Cathy! Yoo-hoo!
Bill, I'd really rather you
didn't do that right now.
Oh...
Hi, Lisa.
Hi, Dave. Hi.
Uh...
Coffee. Yeah, okay.
Would you like some
cream for your coffee?
Sugar? No, no cream.
I just take it black.
I didn't know that.
You take it black?
Have a nice day.
Yeah, you too, yeah.
What was that?
What was what?
That incredibly awkward
little moment with Lisa
at the coffee machine.
Look, Beth, I have no idea
what you're talking about.
Dave, you do know that I
can tell when you're lying.
There's a thing you always do.
Oh, really? And what
is this thing I always do
when I'm lying?
Oh, come on, Beth, there's
absolutely nothing going on...
This is it, isn't it?
This is the thing?
All right.
Lisa and I sort of
made out last night.
Oh, my God.
Beth, look, it's
very, very important
that you don't tell anyone
about this, all right?
Look, I really don't
want anyone to know...
that we're moving
the sports update
to 15 after the hour.
Butta-fook-oh.
Butta-fook-oh.
Look, Beth, I'm serious here.
You really have to promise
you're not going to tell anyone.
No, I'm not going to
have to tell anybody,
because they're all going
to find out just as soon as
you and Lisa have your
ugly scene in the office.
There aren't going
to be any ugly scenes.
Dave, there's no avoiding it.
When you make
out with a coworker,
you have an ugly
scene in the office,
and then next thing you know,
I'm at home crying my eyes out,
because I'm afraid to come
in to work the next morning.
We're not talking about
me anymore, are we?
No, we're not, Dave.
We're talking about me now.
Y-you and, uh...
The FedEx guy.
We don't use FedEx.
Not anymore.
Ugly scene? Is it...
They almost had to call his
supervisor in from Memphis.
I don't want to get into it.
Well, look, Lisa and I
are not going to have
any scenes, all right?
We're both, uh, mature adults,
and we realize that what
happened was inappropriate
and, uh, unprofessional,
and that it can't
go any further,
and I am sure that Lisa
agrees with me on this fully.
La-da-la-da-la-da.
Now...
Hi. Oh, hi... Lisa.
I'm sure you two
need to discuss the...
Buttafuoco situation?
Right. The Butta-fiasco.
Well, I'm sure you want
the door closed for that.
Mm-hmm.
Hi. Hi.
Uh... Uh...
Oh, um...
Sorry.
It's, uh...
Oh.
Pretty weird last night, huh?
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, uh... but nice, though.
Oh, yeah.
It was nice.
Nice... and... and weird.
Yeah. Lisa, I've never done
anything like that before.
Oh, me neither.
I mean, I've made out before.
Yeah. As have I.
But never, you know,
never with someone
that I work with.
No, me neither.
I have a rule
about that, actually.
Me too. Me too. I do.
Guys, I'm throwing a
surprise birthday party
for Catherine at the
12:46 commercial break.
We're back on the air at 12:48,
which gives us two minutes
for cake, punch, small talk,
that kind of thing.
I suggest, if you're
interested, you RSVP now.
I'll check my calendar, but
I think we can squeeze it in.
Great. Look forward
to seeing you.
Okay.
All right, what
we did last night
was completely inappropriate...
And completely unprofessional.
Oh, good, good.
I was so worried we wouldn't be
on the same
wavelength about this.
Yeah, yeah, so was I. All right.
So we're agreed then?
Yes. We just cannot...
Yes, we simply cannot...
Let anybody find out.
Uh-oh.
Yeah...
I thought we were both going
to say we can't do this anymore.
Oh, yeah. We... we...
I was. We were. I was. Yes.
Um...
Excuse me.
Well, then, what was this?
That was, um...
That was a joke. Get it?
Um, I have to go now.
35 seconds to party time.
Boy, do I love a good party.
You love a good party, Joe?
That's why I went
to college, sir.
It's also why I didn't graduate.
Yeah, me neither. So what?
Didn't stop me from building
a million-dollar empire.
Didn't stop you
from becoming a...
What do you do again?
I'm an electrician.
Well, things were
different in my day.
Beth, want to pour us a
round of the old red devil?
Lisa, can I talk
to you in my office
for just a moment, please?
Oh, I'm kind of busy...
Hey, hey, hey,
Don't you two even
think about working.
Here comes the birthday girl!
I told you I didn't
want a birthday party.
You always say that.
And I always mean it.
Mr. James. Present.
Buttafuoco.
Well, Buttafuoco to
you, too, Matthew.
If you'd said it
that way on the air,
we probably wouldn't have
lost two sponsors this morning.
Oh, my God.
Listen, Lisa, I really
need to speak to...
Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave!
You've got to
loosen up a little bit.
A good boss has to loosen
up every now and again.
Case in point, me.
I'm half loaded right now.
Sir, actually I really need
to speak to Lisa in
my office right now.
Actually, Dave, you don't.
No, I really do.
No, you really don't.
Catherine, how about a few
words from the birthday girl?
I am now officially
not speaking to you.
She...
gets a little shy sometimes.
I'm sorry, if you'll
all excuse me...
Perhaps I better go see
if my colleague needs
some assistance.
Is it just me, or
does this party suck?
Look, I'm really
sorry about earlier,
but I really think we
should discuss this now.
Look, Dave, can we
please just drop it?
It's not a big deal.
Look, if it's not a big deal,
then why'd we have
that scene out there?
Well, I'm not the one
having a scene out there.
I have dropped
it. See? All over.
Well, we're not leaving
this room until we settle this.
Oh, really? Really.
Well, I guess it's settled.
Cake, boss?
This is getting ugly.
I know that.
Dave, I am not going to
discuss this at the office.
Boss, do you need me
to FedEx anything for you?
Well, fine.
Then I'll call you at home.
9:00?
You'll get my machine.
I'll call at 10:00. Get
my machine. You'll still
All right, what time
will you be home?
I'll be home all night,
but you'll get my machine.
You two, I don't know what
this little dustup's all about...
The Buttafuoco situation.
Correction. Apology.
Absolutely not.
Fine. When you two
stop sniping at each other,
we've still got
a station to run,
so let's get our
priorities straight, okay?
Yes. Yes.
Good. You going to finish that?
No. Thank you.
Hi, Beth.
Is it still ugly?
Well, let's just
put it this way...
Right now, I'm really wishing
I'd made out with the FedEx guy.
Oh, hi, Lisa.
Hi, Dave.
Hi. Can I get you coffee?
No, I'll get it.
Well, um... Excuse me.
Have a nice day, Dave.
You too, have a good, um...
Okay, all right, uh,
I know what you
just saw out there
may have, on the surface,
appeared a bit odd to you.
Beth, I'm not hiding
anything from you.
For God's sakes, Beth,
I'm not even wearing a tie.
That's what tipped me off, Dave.
All right. Uh...
Look, Lisa and I, uh...
We did it.
Wh-what was that?
We did it.
Oh, my God! That is so wrong!
I know. I know.
How could you let that happen?
Uh, I have no idea.
I just... I called Lisa up.
We arranged to meet for
coffee to discuss the situation.
Right.
So we, you know, met
at the coffee place...
Right.
And then we went
to my place and did it.
Wrong. I know.
And not terribly
romantic, either.
Actually, it was romantic.
It was very romantic.
Afterward we went
out for a nice, long walk.
Right.
I walked Lisa back to her place.
And we did it again.
Wrong?
Yeah, I thought.
Okay, I think in a former life,
you two were some kind
of animals that did it a lot.
Well, that's an interesting...
perspective, Beth,
but Lisa and I
both know that, uh,
this cannot go on,
and it absolutely will not.
Come on in, Lisa.
Well, I'm sure you two need
to be alone to discuss the...
What is it again?
The Buttafuoco situation.
Right.
The Buttafuoco situation.
You know, I'm beginning to
think that Matthew's slip-up
was oddly appropriate
in your case.
You told her, didn't you?
No, no. I didn't
tell her a thing.
Yes, you did. She
knows all about this.
I didn't tell her anything.
I just didn't wear a tie.
I have no idea what that means.
Hey, you two.
What do you mean, "Hey, us two"?
I'll count again, but I think
I'll get the same result.
Anyway...
I'm taking the entire
staff out to lunch
in honor of Catherine's
birthday yesterday.
Oh. Is, uh, Catherine going?
No, but it's the thought
that counts. Come on.
Bill, Dave and I are really
pretty busy right now.
Okay, but if you finish up,
we'll be down at Chico's.
We'll try and catch
up with you later.
Super.
What?
Okay.
Is Matthew getting fired?
No.
No decision yet, Matthew.
Ciao.
I can't believe you told Beth!
I can't believe you're making
such a big deal out of it.
Well, believe it!
Well, unfortunately, I do.
Yes.
Is the ugliness over?
For now.
Are you guys okay?
Yes, we're fine.
Apparently, we're fine.
How was lunch?
Catherine actually showed up,
but Matthew was convinced
that it was a surprise
going-away party for him.
You really should talk to him.
Yeah, I will.
Okay, here, I brought
you guys some burritos.
Just put them on the desk, Beth.
They're better than they sound.
Do you think she
noticed anything?
No, I don't think so,
but your sweater's
buttoned up wrong.
God, thank you.
You have a little lipstick
on the side of your face.
Where? Here?
The other side. Other side.
Oh, jeez.
Okay, oh, God, let me get that.
What are you doing?
I'm just rearranging
the cushions. Okay.
You know, are
my nylons in there?
Uh... are these them?
No.
Hmm?
Dave!
I... I, uh...
I'm just kidding.
They're mine.
Oh, man.
This is ridiculous.
I mean, I have never...
Done it in the office
while everyone
else is out to lunch?
Yeah. Me, neither.
Well, where do we go from here?
News booth?
Seriously, seriously.
I don't know. The way I see it,
we only have two options.
Either you quit, or I quit,
because I am not going to have
one of those dirty little
secret office affairs.
Well, I'm not quitting.
Well, neither am I.
Well, then, it's
out of our hands.
Guess so.
Mm.
This is such a bad idea.
Oh, it's the worst.
I know.
Mm.
No more kissing in the office.
No, this is definitely
the last time.
Hello?
David...
It's me, Matthew.
Listen, I want you to know
that I know what's going on here.
Huh?
There's n-nothing. Nope.
I'm getting fired, aren't I?
Oh...
Okay, David.
I can't take this anymore.
Would you please just tell
me to my face that I am fired?
Matthew, you're
not getting fired.
Okay, that's fine.
It's been very great
working with you,
and I'll pack up my
desk at a later date.
And did you say...
Not fired. Not fired.
Oh, how embarrassing.
Were you just going
to let me leave?
Mm-hmm.
Oh, my God.
Lisa, have you had lunch yet?
No, Dave, I haven't.
Well, great. I was wondering if
you'd like to have lunch with me
to discuss those new promos.
Yes. The new promos.
Let's discuss them over lunch.
Yeah, okay.
Uh, Lisa?
Yeah?
Could I talk to you
for a sec? Yeah.
You do know what
you're getting yourself into,
don't you?
It's a really bad idea.
I know.
Look, no matter what
happens, you absolutely cannot...
What?
I'm picking up an overnight
delivery from Bill McNeal.
That would be me.
Beth, I absolutely cannot what?
I'll talk to you
about that later.
So you're the new guy?
Bill...
Bill!
Come on.
I'm sorry.
Would you please tell
her that from now on,
if she needs to
tell me anything,
a written memo will suffice.
Oh, come on.
What is it this time?
Bill, I was not
ignoring you at lunch.
I just don't talk
much while I'm eating.
A written memo. Tell her.
Look, would you two just shut up
and get back into the booth?
Look, you can say
whatever you want to me,
but you do not tell
the lady to shut up!
You know, actually,
I have some leftovers
at my apartment.
If you wanted to, we
could go over there
and discuss the police
corruption probe story
at a later date.
Good work, Lisa.
I look forward to your input.
Listen, Dave, I just
wanted to apologize
for that outburst in there.
Bill,
I've been looking for you.
Yeah. Whatever.
That's a really nice tie.
Oh, please don't patronize me.
Whatever!
You two seem to have a very...
complex relationship.
It's a nightmare.
Why is that?
Well, about four years
ago, Catherine and I sort of...
tried to have a secret
little office romance.
You know how those things go.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Worst mistake I ever made.
Ruined the entire
relationship forever.
Either of you ever
been in one of those?
No, no. No, never. No. Uh-uh.