Nehama (2019): Season 1, Episode 8 - Episode #1.8 - full transcript
If there's one thing I've learned,
it's that your closest friends
are the ones who'll betray you.
Take Anna & The Scammers,
the hottest band on the rock scene
in our capital city.
Anna just knew they were gonna be
the hottest thing in Israel.
She always said:
"All we're missing is one thing
"then we'll make it big.
It'll happen."
We were awesome. Awesome!
Energy!
I love this club.
-Excuse me, can I get your autograph?
Sure, hon. Come here.
I meant the drummer's.
-How nice of you to ask.
Got a piece of paper?
-I thought you could sign my chest.
Listen, dudes, I've told you
a thousand times,
Danino can't keep a beat.
We need to find a replacement.
But he's been with us
from the start.
So what?
This is a job, not social work.
If you wanna make it,
you gotta be ruthless.
While Danino was doing reserves duty,
the traitors auditioned a new drummer.
Though Danino
was Anna's first boyfriend,
she felt that, painful as it was
it was the right thing to do.
Where did you say you studied?
New York. Julliard.
Ezra, the new drummer,
brings the band to a new level
he's got that Manhattan beat.
Everybody's happy.
Until. . .
Behind Davidi's back...
Anna starts having
an affair with Ezra..
That was awesome.
Where'd you learn those moves?
New York,
Julliard.
We should record a demo.
I dunno.
Why not?
You think Tomer
is as good as you and me?
Yeah, he's a really good bassist.
He's an okay bassist.
Okay isn't good enough.
You think this isn't hard for me?
Tomer and I were together,
that makes it 200 times harder.
What do you say?
No choice.
This is a job, not social work.
If you wanna make it,
you gotta be ruthless.
The new bassist, Neta,
was the hottest thing
in the music industry.
Behind Ezra and Davidi's back
she and Anna have an affair
and work on a secret album together.
The band's fame spreads
beyond the city limits.
People come to their gigs
from out of town.
It's no longer just
Jerusalem, it's Mt. Gilo,
Maale Michmash, Maale Adumim
and the new neighborhood
in Itamar.
But despite all that,
that night...
Why're you in the men's room?
Neta tells them
Anna isn't good enough.
Davidi, we need to talk.
We gotta get rid of Anna.
She tells them: "As much as I like Anna,
she's always one step flat.
"We gotta get rid of her."
Anna takes the news hard.
I'm gonna die.
I'm gonna die, Davidi.
Anna, you have to understand
this isn't social work.
But it's "Anna & The Scammers."
Davidi, it's "Anna & The Scammers"!
I'm Anna!
-Anna...
I am Anna.
-Anna, put down the knife.
Anna, put down the knife.
Put down the knife.
Anna, stop it!
I'm gonna kill myself. I'll jump off
the Tower of David. -Stop it.
The place was packed,
the show was incredible
in the audience were
record company reps
who came to sign the band.
Despite certain qualms,
Davidi feels it was the right thing to do.
His mother was a social worker
and he always hated her
for being weak.
That was amazing!
We were awesome!
Did you hear that?
That was the best we ever played!
Ezra, what a drummer!
It was fun, wasn'
Where are we next week?
Davidi...
Look, Davidi, this is a job.
It isn't...
social work.
What?
And then,
the day before they sign a contract,
the band members fire Davidi, too.
They've come full
All the original members
were fired.
They sit in a Jerusalem bar
and watch
how other people make it
under their name.
Maybe if the Beatles replaced
John and George it would've worked.
Maybe it's all just karma.
Keep it to yourself, troublemaker.
It was all your fault.
’I met Anna two years later
at a rehab center.
She was a total wreck.
She kept mumbling:
"I had no choice,
he couldn't keep a beat,
"Danino couldn't keep a beat."
That's how it goes,
the traitor always believes
he's doing the right thing.
That's how it always goes,
and that's how it was with me,
Guy and Tamar.
Where've you been, Nehama?
-What's the matter?
Mom wants a divorce.
Dad's out of it,
he's totally senile,
it's Alzheimer's setting in.
Senile? Dad's got us all fooled.
He's pretending to be senile
to avoid paying his debts.
Dad's a con man. -I've had it
with your complexes about Dad.
We have to stop them from divorcing.
You think I'm going down with you?
You think I'm an idiot?
You've been gambling all these years.
You gamble at work,
at the casino...
What day is it?
-You're not fooling me.
I know you know what's going on.
You're the sharpest man in the room
Herzl. -Mom...
Be sensitive.
"Be sensitive...
Hagit was supposed to take me
to the airport.
Hagit the whore...
-Dad,
Hagit hasn't worked for you
in 5 years.
Then who's watching the factory?
-Oy...
You closed the factory.
I closed the factory?
Impossible.
Why are you lying to me?
Take me to the factory. Now!
He should be on Broadway.
He deserves an Oscar.
What day is it, Dad?
He knows both the Hebrew
and Gregorian dates.
Oren, it's a top ten disease.
My greatest fear.
He'll start pissing on the floor
like Dana's aunt.
Get him to sign the divorce papers
or I won't let you talk to him.
Mom, what about "for better or for worse"?
"In sickness and in health?"
I'm rescuing your inheritance.
It'll all be put in my name.
We'll still live together.
It isn't really a divorce,
only on paper.
The lawyer says that this way
nobody can touch the house.
My father paid for the house
to begin with.
Grandpa . . .
-I really do love your father.
I want to give him
some of my stuff to smoke. -Junkie!
Mom, you can't divorce him.
You need to find another solution.
Where's Hagit?
-Hagit...
She should be here,
we have merchandise coming from China.
Dad, you fired Hagit
5 years ago
when you caught her
stealing from the safe.
Leave him alone, Guy.
Herzl, Hagit's outside waiting for you.
She'll take you to the factory. Go on.
What do you say about that, Dad?
-Stop tormenting him.
Tormenting him?
It's an act.
100 shekels says he isn't really senile.
-200 says he doesn't know your name.
Be quiet, I can't hear.
Mom, put the property in my name,
then you won't need a divorce. -Right...
The nerve. Trying to cheat me
out of my inheritance?
You wish!
Cheap trick.
One day we'll each own
a third of the house.
I don't own an apartment.
Mom, you can put the house in my name!
I won't argue with you,
certainly not today.
You know she opened a file
at the Rabbinate?
Sure, I took her there.
Oren, I've had it with you!
What's this got to do with you?
I'm telling the Parental Capacity Committee
the kids stayed with Mom and Dad
twice a week.
They're sending a social worker
and a court representative
to make sure everything's okay.
Does that look okay to you?
No! That bastard's
pissing on my backpack.
Dad!
Dad, that's a 200-doHar backpack!
It's real fake leather!
See? He's a genius. I said he'd piss
on the floor and he pisses on my bag.
It's a crying shame.
The man's a wreck.
That's why I fight to keep working, your
brain can go in a flash, like Tamar went.
Like my favorite backpack went.
That, too.
What do I do with the kids?
I'm in trouble.
Bring them to me.
We'll tell the court that
Michal and I are your Plan B.
I'll be their legal guardian.
Oren, even Dad could do better than you.
You think you can be a dad?
Look who's talking.
Go make sure you didn't leave
Amir at the pool. -Oh, yeah?
Make sure Michal isn't sleeping
with the head of the tenants' committee.
Have the flashbacks stopped?
-Yeah.
At least my daughter
isn't sleeping with her PE teacher.
He's a drama teacher.
Once he substituted for the PE teacher
because he was a triple jump champion
but he's a drama teacher.
You moron, you ask me
whether to give Jonathan Similac.
He's 8, you want to give him
protein poisoning? -Watch yourself.
I'm playing fair
and I didn't bring up Jonathan.
An 8-year-old on pills.
Some parent you are.
Your wife can't even
commit suicide properly.
Ow! Let go!
That hurts! Let go!
That's my writing hand, Oren!
What's your problem?
Thursday is my most
important gig ever.
Channel 12 is coming to pick
a performer for a TV feature.
Prime time.
I gotta nail it.
Focus on your parental capacity.
Have you found a wife?
Everyone says you have to find a wife.
It's Monday, tomorrow is Tuesday.
That's the whole idea,
being famous is like a superpower.
No one can take my kids away.
I just need someone to watch them
on Thursday now that Dad's...
I'll watch them.
Thanks. -Take me home,
I don't have my car keys.
But you drove here.
Dad pissed on them.
I'm not touching that shit.
You're right.
Come on, I'll take you.
Hello?
Dad, I need you, it's urgent.
I'm at Guy's, Jonathan got hurt,
I have to take him to Emergency.
You'll be okay, Jonathan.
All right, I'm coming.
Dad. -Yes?
Can I count on you?
-Of course. I'm coming.
You scared me this morning,
I was sure you'd gone senile.
That's your mother's nonsense.
She wants a divorce,
she's out of her mind.
It makes life interesting,
exciting,
that's why I'm so crazy about her.
I knew it was an act.
Now let me get moving.
-Bye, Dad.
Dear Guy Nehama,
who told you Dad is putting on act?
He'll be there in five,
babysitting your kids.
Get it into your head,
your father is a con man!
Go on, Dad.
Go on, Dad.
Dad?
got in the
but I can't remember
where I'm supposed to go.
I called you.
When?
Just now. I told you to go to Guy's house,
that Jonathan got hurt.
Where's Tamar?
Isn't she home?
Tamar's dead, Dad.
Now, now, don't cry.
Don't cry.
Why are you crying? Stop.
Tama r's dead .
Guy.
-Where are you, Nehama?
I'll be right over,
I had a slight delay.
This is bad, I'm late for my gig.
Eden, I'll make you schnitzel.
I can't eat it.
-You have to eat.
Do you eat fruit? -No.
-Vegetables? -No.
Then you can't be a vegan.
You need protein. You're so smart
you want to turn into the drooling kid
the teacher's afraid of?
Dad, when they raise cows
they keep them in their own shit
and rape them all the time.
-Nobody rapes them.
All their sex is totally consensual,
and if some farmer takes advantage of them
he belongs in jail.
Are you coming?
-Where is he?
Dana isn't answering. Get over here.
-Where did he go? -I...
I turned my back for a second...
-Why is he driving?
All the doctors said
he gets lost he's done for.
He doesn't know the way home.
What do you care?
You just want the house.
Don't say that.
He's the love of my
He broke up his first family for me.
He left his wife
and gave her everything.
Without him I'm dead.
Dead.
Let's go.
We have to find him.
Guy, there's been a slight delay,
Dad's missing.
Dad isn't missing, Dad's a liar.
It's all a trick,
isn't that what we decided?
You have to get over here,
this is my most important gig ever.
Guy, I understand you're upset,
and I'm not angry,
but Dad is missing.
-You aren't angry?
You bastard, I'm angry with you.
I was counting on you.
You stabbed me in the back.
-He'll kill me first.
I can stay home with Itai and Jonathan.
-Thanks, Shir, but you're epileptic.
I'm not epileptic!
You're an epileptic in denial
but if the Nazis from Welfare
find you here
it'll be much worse because they said
you can't stay with them.
Oren, I'm bringing them to you.
-Listen, take the kids with you,
I'll find Dad and then
come get them, okay?
You think I'm gonna take the kids
to a club in Tel Aviv?
Meet you at the club.
I'll put on my flashers.
He'll kill me He'll kill me first...
-Idiot.
Fuck!
What about Grandma Leah?
Grandma Leah is a traitor.
Don't talk to her.
Not a word, you hear?
You feed her information
and get us in trouble, and you too.
No matter how many times
I told Guy
that it wasn't Grandma Leah
who ratted on him to Welfare
he wouldn't believe me.
She's on his shit list.
He carried on Tamar's grudge
and tried to keep her
from his kids.
Hurry. Take the stroller.
Hurry. I can't let the audience
see me before the show.
Don't talk to anyone.
A man would never say that.
A man would never say,
I give a toss.
Never, not even as a joke.
If a man ever said "I give a toss,"
another man would say:
"Are you crazy?
Nobody gives a toss.
Kids,
Uncle Oren will pick you up
in a minute.
Be patient, okay?
What's Asi Dvora
doing in the audience?
What are you doing? Don't...
What's your problem?
It's medicinal, it's expensive.
Not in front of the kids.
-Dad, what is that?
Tobacco. Causes cancer.
I'm protecting you. -What?
Smells like grass.
-Whoa!
How do you know
what that is, anyway
Sometimes Grandpa Herzl
smokes outside, he told me.
Grandpa Herzl...
-Why did I get a Bukharan father?
What was I thinking? -That's funny,
put it in your act. -I'll make a note.
Don't do anything.
They want to take them away.
Dad, do you smoke drugs, too?
-Never. I'm allergic.
What's your name, sweetie?
Eden, and I'm not sweet. Don't belittle me
just because I'm a woman.
I'm the smartest person here.
-Of course. What a sweetie.
Your dad is the most sober person
I know.
Because of you, he doesn't do anything fun.
Nothing.
Then take him out
and show him a good time.
You're right. Hear that?
Can you tell me what Asi Dvora
is doing here
on the most important night
of my career?
You're his friend, don't you know?
Didn't you tell him?
That show on Channel 12?
He's the host.
I didn't want to tell you
so you wouldn't get nervous.
Why would I get nervous?
-You tend to get nervous.
Kids, Uncle Oren will be here soon.
Amir, stop it.
Stop -I'm not touching you.
-But I can see you
and it's bugging me. -Eden!
Put your feet down, Amir.
How did it go, Siso?
I blacked out.
I had a half-hour act planned,
and after 5 minutes, boom,
my brain went on "silent."
That hasn't happened
since my math SATs, which I failed.
And Asi Dvora's sitting there
and I know he hates me.
And there's some girl
next to him and...
Silence.
Don't worry about it, Siso.
-Don't worry about it?!
That was my big chance.
I waited all my life for it
and finally I was ready.
They may take you.
-Forget it, Nehama.
I sucked.
These things come around
once in 3 years.
Next time I'll be too old.
Badani, you'll be fine.
You'll be fine
Where are you, Nehama?
Did you find Dad?
Yeah, we found him.
Good thing Mom didn't
put gas in the car.
Geez, that was lucky.
How's he doing?
Suddenly it all came back to him.
His war buddies, who died
who was wounded.
Shimshon Balili
took a bullet in the eye...
That's how it is,
it comes and goes.
Are you coming?
I'm on my wa
Fast. -He got hit in the butt
by shrapnel from his helmet...
Yigal Asulin. . .
Go to sleep.
It'll be all right, Dad.
Thanks, sweetie.
Funny people are really sad backstage.
You're smart like your mom.
Do you miss her?
A lot.
I know you don't say it, but...
you think about her all the time.
All the time.
Nehama, you ready?
You're up next.
-I need another 20 minutes.
I don't have anyone
I can't perform with them here.
-Why not?
Jonathan.
Amir.
Wake up, we finally get to see
Dad perform.
What's the problem?
-All my jokes are about the kids. -So?
It's one big indictment.
I'm making money off them
ruining my life.
I can't tell them
marriage is a rip-off.
Eden is an angel.
It'll break her heart.
That bit about when
Tamar and I wanted to have sex
I suggested we put them
to sleep with Fenistil...
You have to give me another 20 minutes.
How? I saved you for last,
you're my best act.
Now I have to find an excuse
to get them back next week.
You can't bring your kids anymore,
you gotta get a grip. -You're right.
Yes! -What?
I blew them away.
I rule!
I can't believe it.
-I rule!
Good for you.
-You rule!
That's great. -You asshole,
you goat-fucker.
Sorry, Siso, I got nervous.
So what? You did all my material
right in front of me.
"Women hate when you compliment
their sister,"
"My wife got a job at a fertilizer factory.
-Siso, you didn't do that one,
I told you, I got nervous.
-So what?
You stole my whole act.
That was me on stage! Me!
You ugly...
Badani, I'm gonna kill you!
I'll mutilate your face...
You piece of...
-Watch yourself...
Move.
Cut it out.
-There's a baby here.
Stop fighting,
you're scaring the baby.
- Eden, Siso!
close your eyes.
You guys, close your eyes.
Stop it!
-Leave him alone.
Can't you see there's a baby here?
They're scaring the baby.
-Get off of me!
They're scaring the baby.
Come on...
You're scaring the baby. Stop it.
-What's your problem?
They're scaring the baby.
Take your time.
How'd it go? Did you knock 'em dead?
Get the part?
Help me get them into the car,
Did I knock 'em dead?
You knocked me dead.
Get in the car, cuties.
Don't wake him up.
Eden,
is that the social worker?
Yeah, that's her.
What's she doing here?
Fuck.
I can't believe you.
I'll have Kube wiretap the whole family
especially Leah.
Someone from my inner circle
is squealing to Welfare.
I'll lose the kids.
I need to know who my enemy is.
Relax, Guy, nobody's squealing.
-Oh, yeah?
Then what's she doing here tonight?
It must be Leah.
Leah's an amazing grandmother.
-Leah sucks ass.
Radical feminist,
Holocaust researcher
never forgave me for having balls
and being Sephardi.
Relax, Guy,
nobody's talking to Welfare.
But even as I said it
I knew it wasn't true.
I couldn't tell Guy.
He was in no state to hear it,
but a few months before
the day Jonathan
tried to kill himself...
Guy.
Guy.
When I saw Jonathan
on a respirator
I knew I had to do something.
For Tamar, I gave her my word,
and she was still playing with us
from beyond the grave.
Hey.
How's it going?
Long time, huh?
Yeah.
Sweetheart, I need a favor.
Let's meet and I'll tell you.
Great. Thanks.
You always admired him.
You were proud of him.
I still am. He's a great father
and a great brother, he's a genius.
The thing is, since his wife died
it's hard for him to cope,
to deal with the kids...
His son tried to kill himself.
How old is he?
-Eight, I think.
I can't believe it.
I couldn't either.
I didn't know a kid that age
could even consider such a thing.
Now his eldest daughter is having an affair
with her teacher and he doesn't even know.
Nehama, I'm still shocked
about the 8-year-old. What's going on?
I'm not sure if he's 8...
About this tall.
That's why I came to you.
We have a common past,
we have an understanding
we know secrets about each other.
I need your help here.
You know I'm always here for you.
How do we help him
without him knowing?
Did you suggest therapy?
He won't go, he's primitive.
He thinks talking things over
only complicates them.
After all, he takes advice from our dad
who's still shell-shocked
from the Yom Kippur War.
-What do you suggest?
Look, you're a social worker,
you're with the Welfare Department
he can't say no to you.
I suggest you set up a meeting
with the kids, we'll talk,
get a therapist who'll give
the kids what they need.
Make him forget the stand-up stuff.
What's he doing stand-up for now?
He should go back into high-tech
and marry Dana Khen.
Who's Dana Khen?
Dana Khen.
Worst case scenario...
-Yeah?
Convince him to make me
his kids' guardian.
I'LL be a great da
You know I'll be a great dad.
Funny.
-What's so funny?
You haven't changed,
you've still got that energy.
You look great, too.
Do you work out? You've lost a lot of weight
-You're sweet.
You've lost a lot of weight.
Did you have that operation?
It's true.
-Thank you.
Want to go to your place
for a cup of coffee?
You think? I have a partner.
A partner?
What are you, lovebirds?
Why doesn't he propose?
Tell me more about the kids.
I thought I was smart,
I thought I was in control.
I thought I was in charge
of the plan Tamar left behind,
and like all traitors, I thought
I was doing the right thing.
But a few weeks later,
when I went to babysit the kids...
I found everything out of control.
Be quiet, you'll wake up Dad.
-Amir, why are you so useless?
I have dyslexia, dysgraphia and ADD,
how am I supposed to watch anything?
Hey, what's the matter?
Welfare... -The assholes from Welfare
are testing Dad's parental capacity.
What?
-Yeah, and he'll never pass.
He's a lousy dad.
He gets depressed, plays songs
by Chava Alberstein and goes to sleep.
Who told you this?
-Some social worker.
"It's not the same valley
it's not the same house,
you're gone, never to return,
"the tree-lined path
and the eagle in the sky...
Anyone would get depressed.
What social worker?
-Galit.
Dalit, Dalit Mizrahi.
Great, Eden, you can remember useless names
but you can't watch your brother.
Dalit, I can't believe you stabbed me
in the back with that rusty ax.
I only did what you asked.
I asked you to help with the kids,
not take them away!
You asked to be their guardian,
that's the procedure, Oren.
Dalit, he's an amazing dad,
trust me.
You said his son
ran your father over.
Oren, you're too close.
The family is a wreck.
You have to stop this now, it's treachery.
You hear me? Stop it now!
I think the grandmother
hired a lawyer,
she wants to be more involved.
How could you do this
after all everything we had together?
I asked that this stay
between you and me!
First of all, you aren't my patient
so there's no confidentiality,
and secondly, you left me
and broke my heart, Oren,
then you screened my calls,
so what exactly did we have together?
And the most important thing
is those kids, okay?
They come first.
Get that into your head.
For fuck's sake, Dalit!
We're all kids, don't you get it?
It's an Israeli record.
10 minutes, Itai's asleep,
Jonathan's asleep,
Amir's in bed,
about to fall asleep,
Eden's doing homework...
She wants to talk to you,
she wants to impress you.
One Pe rmixon . .
It isn't coke,
it's for my prostate.
It's hot.
-I'll be careful.
So today's the big day?
-Yep.
Word is, Shiomi Badani
got the pa rt, but...
Rami Avital got me another chance
and I know it sounds cocky
and Tamar always said I'm obtuse,
but I think I'm the funniest man in Israel
and I'm gonna nail this.
You're great at hiding it, by the way.
Funny. Dana,
I need to ask you a favor.
-Another favor.
Yes.
-I'm VP of a high-tech firm,
why am I babysittting for you
nstead of going out with my boyfriend?
You have a boyfriend?
-None of your business.
Everyone says if I come
to the parental capacity hearing
with a normal woman with a good job
pretty, charismatic, tall,
I'll pass, no sweat.
Now, you have some of those traits
not the important ones,
but since we're friends,
I thought you might... come with me.
What do you say?
Sounds crazy, but okay, I'll come.
Cool.
Then you'll have to sleep here
for a few weeks
because sometimes they do
pop inspections.
Nehama, are you asking me
to go steady?
Of course not.
I know you aren't into me
and I don't want to embarrass you.
It'll be impersonal, nothing will happen
you can rest assured.
I'm not gonna sleep here.
-Because of the kids?
But you get along pretty well.
-What's it got to do with the kids?
You've always said
you don't want kids,
you want to focus on yourself
and your career.
Stop saying that.
It just didn't work out.
I've always wanted kids.
Don't be condescending.
I'm not, I'm very down-to-earth.
-No, you're condescending.
"Five kids, five kids..." You slept
with a woman five times. So what?
You found the right woman.
You got lucky.
-Yes, it was fate.
No, not fate, Nehama, simple luck.
You found the right woman.
I went out with lots of
rotten men, married men.
love your kids, they're very sweet.
What are you trying to say?
-Nothing. Nothing.
I'm not worried, I'm only 37.
But you piss me off,
you're so condescending.
No, I'm down-to-earth, ask anyone.
I talk to everyone the same way
regardless of status.
When I came here
you didn't even hug me.
Because we work together
and you're babysitting,
it seemed inappropriate
exploitative.
If you didn't have 5 kids
I'd think you were a virgin.
Don't say that.
I'm great in bed.
My only witness is dead,
but I'm really good.
long time, I don't give up.
I'M there, rain or shine,
like the mail, I'm on time
and I do the job.
Really, I'm fantastic.
I've seen movies... -Oh.
And I've got moves
you've never seen,
I invented them,
and I can last for hours...
You're such a goofball.
-Thank you.
Tell me, Dana, what do you want?
You didn't give us a chance.
We haven't even had sex.
It might be nice, God forbid.
Dana, you're so beautiful
and sexy
I'm sure your partner
would fart fireworks.
I'm sure it's like hearing
the Beatles for the first time
like being a vegan for 30 years
and suddenly downing a steak.
I'm sure nothing compares
to sex with you.
You're finally talking sense, Nehama.
Okay, then come with me
to the parental capacity hearing,
you'll sleep here,
meanwhile I'll grow some balls.
You know that underneath this
I have Brad Pitt's body?
It's not gonna happen.
-Why not?
Because, and I'll repeat this slowly,
I have a boyfriend.
Get out. Really?
Someone from work?
Tamar was right,
you really are obtuse.
And for a comedian
you have lousy timing.
You know how many men
had a chance with me and blew it?
How many?
-None. You're the
Move it, Mr. Impotent.
Make 'em laugh, knock 'em out,
don't blow the second-best
opportunity you've ever had.
I'm going upstairs to help her.
Badani's doing we
I'm nervous.
-Relax.
Did you talk to Dana?
-There is no Dana.
She isn't going, she isn't into me.
Forget Dana.
I'm sure Dana said she'd go
to the hearing. -Oh, yeah?
She has a boyfriend.
She won't stay with us.
What boyfriend?
She's making it up.
She's crazy about you, Guy.
She bought the manual
"How to Get Your Man in 10 Steps,"
"Step No. 3: Invent a boyfriend."
Why would she want me?
Look at me.
I'm a wreck with 5 kids
and no career.
And with my looks,
she's out of my league.
That's because you keep asking her
to come to the hearing
instead of telling her
you love her.
Fuck.
I've
lost Dana.
I just realized I love her
and I lost her.
You haven't lost Dana.
-Yes I have, Oren, I feel terrible,
I've lost the second love of my life.
-Don't be ridiculous.
You know what she said about you?
That when she's at work
she thinks about you and masturbates.
-Get out.
That's what she said.
-She said that?
She didn't actually say "masturbate
but you know...
You think girls are any different?
If there's one thing
science has proven
it's that girls are different.
Why don't you make a move?
You've had a thousand chances.
What can I tell you
I was with Tamar all my life and...
I always thought... Never mind.
What? Speak up.
I never had sex with another woman
I was afraid I'd climax
in the elevator on the way there.
That's the difference between us.
-That you're a super-stud?
No, that you think too much.
What's up?
-Ready, Nehama?
Did you talk to Siso?
-Fuck Siso.
You think just because he blew
one performance he blew it all?
So Badani stole two jokes.
Big deal.
Listen, Nehama, success comes
to those who deserve it.
Siso could've gone on tonight,
but he claims he has a strep throat.
Good for him.
Dumbass Bar Mitzvah entertainer.
Listen, Nehama,
you've got what it takes.
You hear? You're a star.
Success is just waiting.
Now go on stage and grab it,
and if you blow it
I'll ruin your career.
And remember,
wearing a cheap suit doesn't mean
you're lesser than anyone
Good luck.
Okay, okay.
Knock 'em dead, okay?
Knock 'em dead.
Did you have to mention the suit?
Man, he's killer. Number one.
Got any Viagra?
You started using?
You think? It's not for me.
I have a constant hard-on.
It's for a friend.
For a friend?
You know you're pathetic, Nehama?
You come to me with the lamest
excuse in the book, "It's for a friend"?
Show a little respect.
You're right, it's for me.
I'm in a rut.
Can you scare some up for me?
-You'll get it, don't worry.
And some turmeric, too.
-Turmeric? What for?
You'It get a hard-on
and you won't catch a cold.
Sit here and watch "Breaking Bad"...
Number one.
Thank you!
Oren,
tell me about the applause again.
You killed it, Guy.
-Really?
You kicked ass.
Broke all the rules, huh?
-I look at the producer,
she's weeping with laughter, crying,
hitting herself,
hitting the guy next to her.
You got the part, I know it.
-That's not the point,
I'm doing what I love,
my lifelong dream is coming true.
-What is
25 grams of Sildenafil.
Back on drugs, Oren?
It's Viagra, stupid, I've been
living on it for 10 years.
All the artists take it,
all the single men in Tel Aviv
this and anti-balding pills.
-For real? I didn't know.
You take this, swallow it,
you get hard like an iron rod.
You screw like a superhero.
You stay hard as a rock.
You go in,
Dana's there waiting,
she probably jilted off over you
when the kids fell asleep...
That's ridiculous.
You take her hand...
You say: "Dana, I feel so bad.
She'll say: "About what?
"About what?"
"Your boyfriend,
because you're going
to break his heart,
because I want you, Dana.
"I do, Dana, not because of that stupid
parental capacity hearing,
"not because of anything else.
I want you so I can make you happy,
"and I want to be happy with you, Dana,
and you know what, Dana?"
What?
They say everyone has a soul-mate.
"Some say there are a hundred
some say there's only one,
"but they're wrong, there are two,
"and you're my second
soul-mate, Dana."
You nutcase.
Whoa.
But what is
Are there any side effects?
Sure, very dangerous side effects:
Tired women
women who want more,
women who won't stop calling
rashes... Very dangerous.
-Funny. I'll write that down.
Listen, Dana is amazing.
She's way out of my league.
-Way out of your league,
but don't let her know.
-1 won't.
Here we go.
Yes!
Wait, it's stuck in my throat. -You rule!
-It's stuck in my throat.
You're gonna blow her away. Do you know
how to go down on a woman?
can draw you a diagram.
Look.
Oh, Guy...
Are you crazy?
Nutcase.
-Show her what you got. -Whoa...
Half an hour?
-Yeah.
Thanks, Oren.
-Show her what you got.
Dana?
Dana?
-I'm in here, Guy.
Leah. . .
I have a splitting headache.
I came to see the kids
so I let the babysitter go.
She didn't even want to get paid.
-You don't say.
They're all asleep, I gotta go.
Oh. . .
I ate all the schnitzel.
I hope you weren't counting on it.
Well, I'm off.
That's that.
Good night. -Thanks, Leah.
-No problem.
You won't believe it, Oren.
-What happened?
Leah came and sent Dana home.
Wow, don't sleep on your belly,
you'll rotate.
Oren, I'm going to her place.
Nothing can stop me.
Whoa !
Go for it.
Dad, what're you doing?
It's the middle of the night.
Shir, go back to sleep,
I have to do something.
Where are you going?
Dad, where are you going?
I'm going to ask Dana to go steady.
"Go steady"?
What are you, ancient?
Shir, love has nothing to do with age.
I know.
That line doesn't refer to you.
-What have you got there?
A love letter.
-Why didn't you write it by hand?
Ever see my handwriting?
She won't get past "Hi, Dana."
You wrote "Hi, Dana"?
-What's wrong with "Hi, Dana"?
You're so lame.
-Want to correct it for me?
No. -From a woman's viewpoint.
-Dad, ew.
So I shouldn't go? -Of course
you should go. Dana's awesome.
I'm losing a bet here,
I said you'd never have the guts,
but all the kids would
love to have her move in.
Actually, better that she move in
and you move out.
Funny
Might happen.
Wait a sec, Dad.
Good luck.
Shir,
Mom will always be in our hearts...
-Don't say that.
Don't be silly.
Mom is very jealous,
but she understands.
If I'm not back by 8:00,
get them off to school.
Don't worry, the Welfare squad
won't come now.
Yes?
Dana, it's me.
-Who?
Nehama. I'm downstairs
can I come up?
Oh. . .
I'll be right down.
-Okay.
Dana. -What's up, Nehama?
Are the kids okay?
Listen, Dana, I'm not here
because I have to be,
I'm here because I want to be.
I love you. I'm in love with you.
Don't say that.
Nehama, please don't say that.
I wrote you a love letter.
Just read it, okay?
It's what I'm best at,
writing love letters.
Okay, I'll read
it later, at home.
No, read it now.
-Later, Nehama.
Please, please, read it now, okay?
You want me to read it out loud?
-Of course.
"Hey, Dana.
"from the moment I first saw you
my heart knew what my head couldn't hear.
"We were destined for each other.
"In another universe
we already have lots of kids
"but in this universe
we gave our love a test
"the hardest test there is,
one that could get in our way
"another great love.
"Only you could remind me
that there are sunsets..."
You're such an idiot.
-I didn't write that,
I didn't write "idiot," the computer
added that, it must be a virus.
I have a boyfriend.
-Oh, stop it.
Who'll make you laugh like I do?
Who's tall, impressive in the dark...
Nehama, what're you doing here?
This is hers, not mine.
Asi Dvora?!
Asi Dvora, Dana?
Of all the men in the world, Asi Dvora?
Hey, I'm right here.
What's wrong with me?
Asi Dvora?!
Stop saying my name
like it's rotten food.
Fucking Asi Dvora? -I'm sorry, Nehama,
I'm in love with him...
Fuck!
Asi Dvora?!
I was crushed and he was there,
you said it couldn't happen,
you acted like it couldn't happen,
you made it clear it couldn't happen,
and eventually I figured you're gay.
-Gay? I'm not gay, I love women.
And he made me laugh.
-He isn't funny, all his material is stolen,
I can prove
-Okay.
What's this letter?
-No, that's not...
Gimme that! What's with you?
Couldn't you have gone
for someone else?
After Tamar died
I felt my life was empty,
that it was now or never.
I came to your party
to find someone your style,
someone from the suburbs
from Hadera.
I'm from Carmiel.
-Same-same, babe.
Not like those Tel Aviv chicks
sex maniacs with complexes.
I always regretted
that Tamar chose you instead of me
and I thought
this was the only way...
Is it because he's famous?
Because I'm gonna be famous too
I'm gonna rip it up,
I'm gonna be much bigger than him.
Is that what you think?
That just shows how little you think of me.
Then why, Dana?
I've loved you for years,
and you love me too. I love you!
You don't love me.
You never loved me.
I was always part of some
twisted game of yours and Tamar's.
Nehama, you'll find someone else.
What does the letter say, anyway?
Let me see...
-It has nothing to do with you...
Nehama, why are you...
Nehama, Nehama...
-I'm shocked.
Are you okay?
-Fuck, what a wallop!
it's that your closest friends
are the ones who'll betray you.
Take Anna & The Scammers,
the hottest band on the rock scene
in our capital city.
Anna just knew they were gonna be
the hottest thing in Israel.
She always said:
"All we're missing is one thing
"then we'll make it big.
It'll happen."
We were awesome. Awesome!
Energy!
I love this club.
-Excuse me, can I get your autograph?
Sure, hon. Come here.
I meant the drummer's.
-How nice of you to ask.
Got a piece of paper?
-I thought you could sign my chest.
Listen, dudes, I've told you
a thousand times,
Danino can't keep a beat.
We need to find a replacement.
But he's been with us
from the start.
So what?
This is a job, not social work.
If you wanna make it,
you gotta be ruthless.
While Danino was doing reserves duty,
the traitors auditioned a new drummer.
Though Danino
was Anna's first boyfriend,
she felt that, painful as it was
it was the right thing to do.
Where did you say you studied?
New York. Julliard.
Ezra, the new drummer,
brings the band to a new level
he's got that Manhattan beat.
Everybody's happy.
Until. . .
Behind Davidi's back...
Anna starts having
an affair with Ezra..
That was awesome.
Where'd you learn those moves?
New York,
Julliard.
We should record a demo.
I dunno.
Why not?
You think Tomer
is as good as you and me?
Yeah, he's a really good bassist.
He's an okay bassist.
Okay isn't good enough.
You think this isn't hard for me?
Tomer and I were together,
that makes it 200 times harder.
What do you say?
No choice.
This is a job, not social work.
If you wanna make it,
you gotta be ruthless.
The new bassist, Neta,
was the hottest thing
in the music industry.
Behind Ezra and Davidi's back
she and Anna have an affair
and work on a secret album together.
The band's fame spreads
beyond the city limits.
People come to their gigs
from out of town.
It's no longer just
Jerusalem, it's Mt. Gilo,
Maale Michmash, Maale Adumim
and the new neighborhood
in Itamar.
But despite all that,
that night...
Why're you in the men's room?
Neta tells them
Anna isn't good enough.
Davidi, we need to talk.
We gotta get rid of Anna.
She tells them: "As much as I like Anna,
she's always one step flat.
"We gotta get rid of her."
Anna takes the news hard.
I'm gonna die.
I'm gonna die, Davidi.
Anna, you have to understand
this isn't social work.
But it's "Anna & The Scammers."
Davidi, it's "Anna & The Scammers"!
I'm Anna!
-Anna...
I am Anna.
-Anna, put down the knife.
Anna, put down the knife.
Put down the knife.
Anna, stop it!
I'm gonna kill myself. I'll jump off
the Tower of David. -Stop it.
The place was packed,
the show was incredible
in the audience were
record company reps
who came to sign the band.
Despite certain qualms,
Davidi feels it was the right thing to do.
His mother was a social worker
and he always hated her
for being weak.
That was amazing!
We were awesome!
Did you hear that?
That was the best we ever played!
Ezra, what a drummer!
It was fun, wasn'
Where are we next week?
Davidi...
Look, Davidi, this is a job.
It isn't...
social work.
What?
And then,
the day before they sign a contract,
the band members fire Davidi, too.
They've come full
All the original members
were fired.
They sit in a Jerusalem bar
and watch
how other people make it
under their name.
Maybe if the Beatles replaced
John and George it would've worked.
Maybe it's all just karma.
Keep it to yourself, troublemaker.
It was all your fault.
’I met Anna two years later
at a rehab center.
She was a total wreck.
She kept mumbling:
"I had no choice,
he couldn't keep a beat,
"Danino couldn't keep a beat."
That's how it goes,
the traitor always believes
he's doing the right thing.
That's how it always goes,
and that's how it was with me,
Guy and Tamar.
Where've you been, Nehama?
-What's the matter?
Mom wants a divorce.
Dad's out of it,
he's totally senile,
it's Alzheimer's setting in.
Senile? Dad's got us all fooled.
He's pretending to be senile
to avoid paying his debts.
Dad's a con man. -I've had it
with your complexes about Dad.
We have to stop them from divorcing.
You think I'm going down with you?
You think I'm an idiot?
You've been gambling all these years.
You gamble at work,
at the casino...
What day is it?
-You're not fooling me.
I know you know what's going on.
You're the sharpest man in the room
Herzl. -Mom...
Be sensitive.
"Be sensitive...
Hagit was supposed to take me
to the airport.
Hagit the whore...
-Dad,
Hagit hasn't worked for you
in 5 years.
Then who's watching the factory?
-Oy...
You closed the factory.
I closed the factory?
Impossible.
Why are you lying to me?
Take me to the factory. Now!
He should be on Broadway.
He deserves an Oscar.
What day is it, Dad?
He knows both the Hebrew
and Gregorian dates.
Oren, it's a top ten disease.
My greatest fear.
He'll start pissing on the floor
like Dana's aunt.
Get him to sign the divorce papers
or I won't let you talk to him.
Mom, what about "for better or for worse"?
"In sickness and in health?"
I'm rescuing your inheritance.
It'll all be put in my name.
We'll still live together.
It isn't really a divorce,
only on paper.
The lawyer says that this way
nobody can touch the house.
My father paid for the house
to begin with.
Grandpa . . .
-I really do love your father.
I want to give him
some of my stuff to smoke. -Junkie!
Mom, you can't divorce him.
You need to find another solution.
Where's Hagit?
-Hagit...
She should be here,
we have merchandise coming from China.
Dad, you fired Hagit
5 years ago
when you caught her
stealing from the safe.
Leave him alone, Guy.
Herzl, Hagit's outside waiting for you.
She'll take you to the factory. Go on.
What do you say about that, Dad?
-Stop tormenting him.
Tormenting him?
It's an act.
100 shekels says he isn't really senile.
-200 says he doesn't know your name.
Be quiet, I can't hear.
Mom, put the property in my name,
then you won't need a divorce. -Right...
The nerve. Trying to cheat me
out of my inheritance?
You wish!
Cheap trick.
One day we'll each own
a third of the house.
I don't own an apartment.
Mom, you can put the house in my name!
I won't argue with you,
certainly not today.
You know she opened a file
at the Rabbinate?
Sure, I took her there.
Oren, I've had it with you!
What's this got to do with you?
I'm telling the Parental Capacity Committee
the kids stayed with Mom and Dad
twice a week.
They're sending a social worker
and a court representative
to make sure everything's okay.
Does that look okay to you?
No! That bastard's
pissing on my backpack.
Dad!
Dad, that's a 200-doHar backpack!
It's real fake leather!
See? He's a genius. I said he'd piss
on the floor and he pisses on my bag.
It's a crying shame.
The man's a wreck.
That's why I fight to keep working, your
brain can go in a flash, like Tamar went.
Like my favorite backpack went.
That, too.
What do I do with the kids?
I'm in trouble.
Bring them to me.
We'll tell the court that
Michal and I are your Plan B.
I'll be their legal guardian.
Oren, even Dad could do better than you.
You think you can be a dad?
Look who's talking.
Go make sure you didn't leave
Amir at the pool. -Oh, yeah?
Make sure Michal isn't sleeping
with the head of the tenants' committee.
Have the flashbacks stopped?
-Yeah.
At least my daughter
isn't sleeping with her PE teacher.
He's a drama teacher.
Once he substituted for the PE teacher
because he was a triple jump champion
but he's a drama teacher.
You moron, you ask me
whether to give Jonathan Similac.
He's 8, you want to give him
protein poisoning? -Watch yourself.
I'm playing fair
and I didn't bring up Jonathan.
An 8-year-old on pills.
Some parent you are.
Your wife can't even
commit suicide properly.
Ow! Let go!
That hurts! Let go!
That's my writing hand, Oren!
What's your problem?
Thursday is my most
important gig ever.
Channel 12 is coming to pick
a performer for a TV feature.
Prime time.
I gotta nail it.
Focus on your parental capacity.
Have you found a wife?
Everyone says you have to find a wife.
It's Monday, tomorrow is Tuesday.
That's the whole idea,
being famous is like a superpower.
No one can take my kids away.
I just need someone to watch them
on Thursday now that Dad's...
I'll watch them.
Thanks. -Take me home,
I don't have my car keys.
But you drove here.
Dad pissed on them.
I'm not touching that shit.
You're right.
Come on, I'll take you.
Hello?
Dad, I need you, it's urgent.
I'm at Guy's, Jonathan got hurt,
I have to take him to Emergency.
You'll be okay, Jonathan.
All right, I'm coming.
Dad. -Yes?
Can I count on you?
-Of course. I'm coming.
You scared me this morning,
I was sure you'd gone senile.
That's your mother's nonsense.
She wants a divorce,
she's out of her mind.
It makes life interesting,
exciting,
that's why I'm so crazy about her.
I knew it was an act.
Now let me get moving.
-Bye, Dad.
Dear Guy Nehama,
who told you Dad is putting on act?
He'll be there in five,
babysitting your kids.
Get it into your head,
your father is a con man!
Go on, Dad.
Go on, Dad.
Dad?
got in the
but I can't remember
where I'm supposed to go.
I called you.
When?
Just now. I told you to go to Guy's house,
that Jonathan got hurt.
Where's Tamar?
Isn't she home?
Tamar's dead, Dad.
Now, now, don't cry.
Don't cry.
Why are you crying? Stop.
Tama r's dead .
Guy.
-Where are you, Nehama?
I'll be right over,
I had a slight delay.
This is bad, I'm late for my gig.
Eden, I'll make you schnitzel.
I can't eat it.
-You have to eat.
Do you eat fruit? -No.
-Vegetables? -No.
Then you can't be a vegan.
You need protein. You're so smart
you want to turn into the drooling kid
the teacher's afraid of?
Dad, when they raise cows
they keep them in their own shit
and rape them all the time.
-Nobody rapes them.
All their sex is totally consensual,
and if some farmer takes advantage of them
he belongs in jail.
Are you coming?
-Where is he?
Dana isn't answering. Get over here.
-Where did he go? -I...
I turned my back for a second...
-Why is he driving?
All the doctors said
he gets lost he's done for.
He doesn't know the way home.
What do you care?
You just want the house.
Don't say that.
He's the love of my
He broke up his first family for me.
He left his wife
and gave her everything.
Without him I'm dead.
Dead.
Let's go.
We have to find him.
Guy, there's been a slight delay,
Dad's missing.
Dad isn't missing, Dad's a liar.
It's all a trick,
isn't that what we decided?
You have to get over here,
this is my most important gig ever.
Guy, I understand you're upset,
and I'm not angry,
but Dad is missing.
-You aren't angry?
You bastard, I'm angry with you.
I was counting on you.
You stabbed me in the back.
-He'll kill me first.
I can stay home with Itai and Jonathan.
-Thanks, Shir, but you're epileptic.
I'm not epileptic!
You're an epileptic in denial
but if the Nazis from Welfare
find you here
it'll be much worse because they said
you can't stay with them.
Oren, I'm bringing them to you.
-Listen, take the kids with you,
I'll find Dad and then
come get them, okay?
You think I'm gonna take the kids
to a club in Tel Aviv?
Meet you at the club.
I'll put on my flashers.
He'll kill me He'll kill me first...
-Idiot.
Fuck!
What about Grandma Leah?
Grandma Leah is a traitor.
Don't talk to her.
Not a word, you hear?
You feed her information
and get us in trouble, and you too.
No matter how many times
I told Guy
that it wasn't Grandma Leah
who ratted on him to Welfare
he wouldn't believe me.
She's on his shit list.
He carried on Tamar's grudge
and tried to keep her
from his kids.
Hurry. Take the stroller.
Hurry. I can't let the audience
see me before the show.
Don't talk to anyone.
A man would never say that.
A man would never say,
I give a toss.
Never, not even as a joke.
If a man ever said "I give a toss,"
another man would say:
"Are you crazy?
Nobody gives a toss.
Kids,
Uncle Oren will pick you up
in a minute.
Be patient, okay?
What's Asi Dvora
doing in the audience?
What are you doing? Don't...
What's your problem?
It's medicinal, it's expensive.
Not in front of the kids.
-Dad, what is that?
Tobacco. Causes cancer.
I'm protecting you. -What?
Smells like grass.
-Whoa!
How do you know
what that is, anyway
Sometimes Grandpa Herzl
smokes outside, he told me.
Grandpa Herzl...
-Why did I get a Bukharan father?
What was I thinking? -That's funny,
put it in your act. -I'll make a note.
Don't do anything.
They want to take them away.
Dad, do you smoke drugs, too?
-Never. I'm allergic.
What's your name, sweetie?
Eden, and I'm not sweet. Don't belittle me
just because I'm a woman.
I'm the smartest person here.
-Of course. What a sweetie.
Your dad is the most sober person
I know.
Because of you, he doesn't do anything fun.
Nothing.
Then take him out
and show him a good time.
You're right. Hear that?
Can you tell me what Asi Dvora
is doing here
on the most important night
of my career?
You're his friend, don't you know?
Didn't you tell him?
That show on Channel 12?
He's the host.
I didn't want to tell you
so you wouldn't get nervous.
Why would I get nervous?
-You tend to get nervous.
Kids, Uncle Oren will be here soon.
Amir, stop it.
Stop -I'm not touching you.
-But I can see you
and it's bugging me. -Eden!
Put your feet down, Amir.
How did it go, Siso?
I blacked out.
I had a half-hour act planned,
and after 5 minutes, boom,
my brain went on "silent."
That hasn't happened
since my math SATs, which I failed.
And Asi Dvora's sitting there
and I know he hates me.
And there's some girl
next to him and...
Silence.
Don't worry about it, Siso.
-Don't worry about it?!
That was my big chance.
I waited all my life for it
and finally I was ready.
They may take you.
-Forget it, Nehama.
I sucked.
These things come around
once in 3 years.
Next time I'll be too old.
Badani, you'll be fine.
You'll be fine
Where are you, Nehama?
Did you find Dad?
Yeah, we found him.
Good thing Mom didn't
put gas in the car.
Geez, that was lucky.
How's he doing?
Suddenly it all came back to him.
His war buddies, who died
who was wounded.
Shimshon Balili
took a bullet in the eye...
That's how it is,
it comes and goes.
Are you coming?
I'm on my wa
Fast. -He got hit in the butt
by shrapnel from his helmet...
Yigal Asulin. . .
Go to sleep.
It'll be all right, Dad.
Thanks, sweetie.
Funny people are really sad backstage.
You're smart like your mom.
Do you miss her?
A lot.
I know you don't say it, but...
you think about her all the time.
All the time.
Nehama, you ready?
You're up next.
-I need another 20 minutes.
I don't have anyone
I can't perform with them here.
-Why not?
Jonathan.
Amir.
Wake up, we finally get to see
Dad perform.
What's the problem?
-All my jokes are about the kids. -So?
It's one big indictment.
I'm making money off them
ruining my life.
I can't tell them
marriage is a rip-off.
Eden is an angel.
It'll break her heart.
That bit about when
Tamar and I wanted to have sex
I suggested we put them
to sleep with Fenistil...
You have to give me another 20 minutes.
How? I saved you for last,
you're my best act.
Now I have to find an excuse
to get them back next week.
You can't bring your kids anymore,
you gotta get a grip. -You're right.
Yes! -What?
I blew them away.
I rule!
I can't believe it.
-I rule!
Good for you.
-You rule!
That's great. -You asshole,
you goat-fucker.
Sorry, Siso, I got nervous.
So what? You did all my material
right in front of me.
"Women hate when you compliment
their sister,"
"My wife got a job at a fertilizer factory.
-Siso, you didn't do that one,
I told you, I got nervous.
-So what?
You stole my whole act.
That was me on stage! Me!
You ugly...
Badani, I'm gonna kill you!
I'll mutilate your face...
You piece of...
-Watch yourself...
Move.
Cut it out.
-There's a baby here.
Stop fighting,
you're scaring the baby.
- Eden, Siso!
close your eyes.
You guys, close your eyes.
Stop it!
-Leave him alone.
Can't you see there's a baby here?
They're scaring the baby.
-Get off of me!
They're scaring the baby.
Come on...
You're scaring the baby. Stop it.
-What's your problem?
They're scaring the baby.
Take your time.
How'd it go? Did you knock 'em dead?
Get the part?
Help me get them into the car,
Did I knock 'em dead?
You knocked me dead.
Get in the car, cuties.
Don't wake him up.
Eden,
is that the social worker?
Yeah, that's her.
What's she doing here?
Fuck.
I can't believe you.
I'll have Kube wiretap the whole family
especially Leah.
Someone from my inner circle
is squealing to Welfare.
I'll lose the kids.
I need to know who my enemy is.
Relax, Guy, nobody's squealing.
-Oh, yeah?
Then what's she doing here tonight?
It must be Leah.
Leah's an amazing grandmother.
-Leah sucks ass.
Radical feminist,
Holocaust researcher
never forgave me for having balls
and being Sephardi.
Relax, Guy,
nobody's talking to Welfare.
But even as I said it
I knew it wasn't true.
I couldn't tell Guy.
He was in no state to hear it,
but a few months before
the day Jonathan
tried to kill himself...
Guy.
Guy.
When I saw Jonathan
on a respirator
I knew I had to do something.
For Tamar, I gave her my word,
and she was still playing with us
from beyond the grave.
Hey.
How's it going?
Long time, huh?
Yeah.
Sweetheart, I need a favor.
Let's meet and I'll tell you.
Great. Thanks.
You always admired him.
You were proud of him.
I still am. He's a great father
and a great brother, he's a genius.
The thing is, since his wife died
it's hard for him to cope,
to deal with the kids...
His son tried to kill himself.
How old is he?
-Eight, I think.
I can't believe it.
I couldn't either.
I didn't know a kid that age
could even consider such a thing.
Now his eldest daughter is having an affair
with her teacher and he doesn't even know.
Nehama, I'm still shocked
about the 8-year-old. What's going on?
I'm not sure if he's 8...
About this tall.
That's why I came to you.
We have a common past,
we have an understanding
we know secrets about each other.
I need your help here.
You know I'm always here for you.
How do we help him
without him knowing?
Did you suggest therapy?
He won't go, he's primitive.
He thinks talking things over
only complicates them.
After all, he takes advice from our dad
who's still shell-shocked
from the Yom Kippur War.
-What do you suggest?
Look, you're a social worker,
you're with the Welfare Department
he can't say no to you.
I suggest you set up a meeting
with the kids, we'll talk,
get a therapist who'll give
the kids what they need.
Make him forget the stand-up stuff.
What's he doing stand-up for now?
He should go back into high-tech
and marry Dana Khen.
Who's Dana Khen?
Dana Khen.
Worst case scenario...
-Yeah?
Convince him to make me
his kids' guardian.
I'LL be a great da
You know I'll be a great dad.
Funny.
-What's so funny?
You haven't changed,
you've still got that energy.
You look great, too.
Do you work out? You've lost a lot of weight
-You're sweet.
You've lost a lot of weight.
Did you have that operation?
It's true.
-Thank you.
Want to go to your place
for a cup of coffee?
You think? I have a partner.
A partner?
What are you, lovebirds?
Why doesn't he propose?
Tell me more about the kids.
I thought I was smart,
I thought I was in control.
I thought I was in charge
of the plan Tamar left behind,
and like all traitors, I thought
I was doing the right thing.
But a few weeks later,
when I went to babysit the kids...
I found everything out of control.
Be quiet, you'll wake up Dad.
-Amir, why are you so useless?
I have dyslexia, dysgraphia and ADD,
how am I supposed to watch anything?
Hey, what's the matter?
Welfare... -The assholes from Welfare
are testing Dad's parental capacity.
What?
-Yeah, and he'll never pass.
He's a lousy dad.
He gets depressed, plays songs
by Chava Alberstein and goes to sleep.
Who told you this?
-Some social worker.
"It's not the same valley
it's not the same house,
you're gone, never to return,
"the tree-lined path
and the eagle in the sky...
Anyone would get depressed.
What social worker?
-Galit.
Dalit, Dalit Mizrahi.
Great, Eden, you can remember useless names
but you can't watch your brother.
Dalit, I can't believe you stabbed me
in the back with that rusty ax.
I only did what you asked.
I asked you to help with the kids,
not take them away!
You asked to be their guardian,
that's the procedure, Oren.
Dalit, he's an amazing dad,
trust me.
You said his son
ran your father over.
Oren, you're too close.
The family is a wreck.
You have to stop this now, it's treachery.
You hear me? Stop it now!
I think the grandmother
hired a lawyer,
she wants to be more involved.
How could you do this
after all everything we had together?
I asked that this stay
between you and me!
First of all, you aren't my patient
so there's no confidentiality,
and secondly, you left me
and broke my heart, Oren,
then you screened my calls,
so what exactly did we have together?
And the most important thing
is those kids, okay?
They come first.
Get that into your head.
For fuck's sake, Dalit!
We're all kids, don't you get it?
It's an Israeli record.
10 minutes, Itai's asleep,
Jonathan's asleep,
Amir's in bed,
about to fall asleep,
Eden's doing homework...
She wants to talk to you,
she wants to impress you.
One Pe rmixon . .
It isn't coke,
it's for my prostate.
It's hot.
-I'll be careful.
So today's the big day?
-Yep.
Word is, Shiomi Badani
got the pa rt, but...
Rami Avital got me another chance
and I know it sounds cocky
and Tamar always said I'm obtuse,
but I think I'm the funniest man in Israel
and I'm gonna nail this.
You're great at hiding it, by the way.
Funny. Dana,
I need to ask you a favor.
-Another favor.
Yes.
-I'm VP of a high-tech firm,
why am I babysittting for you
nstead of going out with my boyfriend?
You have a boyfriend?
-None of your business.
Everyone says if I come
to the parental capacity hearing
with a normal woman with a good job
pretty, charismatic, tall,
I'll pass, no sweat.
Now, you have some of those traits
not the important ones,
but since we're friends,
I thought you might... come with me.
What do you say?
Sounds crazy, but okay, I'll come.
Cool.
Then you'll have to sleep here
for a few weeks
because sometimes they do
pop inspections.
Nehama, are you asking me
to go steady?
Of course not.
I know you aren't into me
and I don't want to embarrass you.
It'll be impersonal, nothing will happen
you can rest assured.
I'm not gonna sleep here.
-Because of the kids?
But you get along pretty well.
-What's it got to do with the kids?
You've always said
you don't want kids,
you want to focus on yourself
and your career.
Stop saying that.
It just didn't work out.
I've always wanted kids.
Don't be condescending.
I'm not, I'm very down-to-earth.
-No, you're condescending.
"Five kids, five kids..." You slept
with a woman five times. So what?
You found the right woman.
You got lucky.
-Yes, it was fate.
No, not fate, Nehama, simple luck.
You found the right woman.
I went out with lots of
rotten men, married men.
love your kids, they're very sweet.
What are you trying to say?
-Nothing. Nothing.
I'm not worried, I'm only 37.
But you piss me off,
you're so condescending.
No, I'm down-to-earth, ask anyone.
I talk to everyone the same way
regardless of status.
When I came here
you didn't even hug me.
Because we work together
and you're babysitting,
it seemed inappropriate
exploitative.
If you didn't have 5 kids
I'd think you were a virgin.
Don't say that.
I'm great in bed.
My only witness is dead,
but I'm really good.
long time, I don't give up.
I'M there, rain or shine,
like the mail, I'm on time
and I do the job.
Really, I'm fantastic.
I've seen movies... -Oh.
And I've got moves
you've never seen,
I invented them,
and I can last for hours...
You're such a goofball.
-Thank you.
Tell me, Dana, what do you want?
You didn't give us a chance.
We haven't even had sex.
It might be nice, God forbid.
Dana, you're so beautiful
and sexy
I'm sure your partner
would fart fireworks.
I'm sure it's like hearing
the Beatles for the first time
like being a vegan for 30 years
and suddenly downing a steak.
I'm sure nothing compares
to sex with you.
You're finally talking sense, Nehama.
Okay, then come with me
to the parental capacity hearing,
you'll sleep here,
meanwhile I'll grow some balls.
You know that underneath this
I have Brad Pitt's body?
It's not gonna happen.
-Why not?
Because, and I'll repeat this slowly,
I have a boyfriend.
Get out. Really?
Someone from work?
Tamar was right,
you really are obtuse.
And for a comedian
you have lousy timing.
You know how many men
had a chance with me and blew it?
How many?
-None. You're the
Move it, Mr. Impotent.
Make 'em laugh, knock 'em out,
don't blow the second-best
opportunity you've ever had.
I'm going upstairs to help her.
Badani's doing we
I'm nervous.
-Relax.
Did you talk to Dana?
-There is no Dana.
She isn't going, she isn't into me.
Forget Dana.
I'm sure Dana said she'd go
to the hearing. -Oh, yeah?
She has a boyfriend.
She won't stay with us.
What boyfriend?
She's making it up.
She's crazy about you, Guy.
She bought the manual
"How to Get Your Man in 10 Steps,"
"Step No. 3: Invent a boyfriend."
Why would she want me?
Look at me.
I'm a wreck with 5 kids
and no career.
And with my looks,
she's out of my league.
That's because you keep asking her
to come to the hearing
instead of telling her
you love her.
Fuck.
I've
lost Dana.
I just realized I love her
and I lost her.
You haven't lost Dana.
-Yes I have, Oren, I feel terrible,
I've lost the second love of my life.
-Don't be ridiculous.
You know what she said about you?
That when she's at work
she thinks about you and masturbates.
-Get out.
That's what she said.
-She said that?
She didn't actually say "masturbate
but you know...
You think girls are any different?
If there's one thing
science has proven
it's that girls are different.
Why don't you make a move?
You've had a thousand chances.
What can I tell you
I was with Tamar all my life and...
I always thought... Never mind.
What? Speak up.
I never had sex with another woman
I was afraid I'd climax
in the elevator on the way there.
That's the difference between us.
-That you're a super-stud?
No, that you think too much.
What's up?
-Ready, Nehama?
Did you talk to Siso?
-Fuck Siso.
You think just because he blew
one performance he blew it all?
So Badani stole two jokes.
Big deal.
Listen, Nehama, success comes
to those who deserve it.
Siso could've gone on tonight,
but he claims he has a strep throat.
Good for him.
Dumbass Bar Mitzvah entertainer.
Listen, Nehama,
you've got what it takes.
You hear? You're a star.
Success is just waiting.
Now go on stage and grab it,
and if you blow it
I'll ruin your career.
And remember,
wearing a cheap suit doesn't mean
you're lesser than anyone
Good luck.
Okay, okay.
Knock 'em dead, okay?
Knock 'em dead.
Did you have to mention the suit?
Man, he's killer. Number one.
Got any Viagra?
You started using?
You think? It's not for me.
I have a constant hard-on.
It's for a friend.
For a friend?
You know you're pathetic, Nehama?
You come to me with the lamest
excuse in the book, "It's for a friend"?
Show a little respect.
You're right, it's for me.
I'm in a rut.
Can you scare some up for me?
-You'll get it, don't worry.
And some turmeric, too.
-Turmeric? What for?
You'It get a hard-on
and you won't catch a cold.
Sit here and watch "Breaking Bad"...
Number one.
Thank you!
Oren,
tell me about the applause again.
You killed it, Guy.
-Really?
You kicked ass.
Broke all the rules, huh?
-I look at the producer,
she's weeping with laughter, crying,
hitting herself,
hitting the guy next to her.
You got the part, I know it.
-That's not the point,
I'm doing what I love,
my lifelong dream is coming true.
-What is
25 grams of Sildenafil.
Back on drugs, Oren?
It's Viagra, stupid, I've been
living on it for 10 years.
All the artists take it,
all the single men in Tel Aviv
this and anti-balding pills.
-For real? I didn't know.
You take this, swallow it,
you get hard like an iron rod.
You screw like a superhero.
You stay hard as a rock.
You go in,
Dana's there waiting,
she probably jilted off over you
when the kids fell asleep...
That's ridiculous.
You take her hand...
You say: "Dana, I feel so bad.
She'll say: "About what?
"About what?"
"Your boyfriend,
because you're going
to break his heart,
because I want you, Dana.
"I do, Dana, not because of that stupid
parental capacity hearing,
"not because of anything else.
I want you so I can make you happy,
"and I want to be happy with you, Dana,
and you know what, Dana?"
What?
They say everyone has a soul-mate.
"Some say there are a hundred
some say there's only one,
"but they're wrong, there are two,
"and you're my second
soul-mate, Dana."
You nutcase.
Whoa.
But what is
Are there any side effects?
Sure, very dangerous side effects:
Tired women
women who want more,
women who won't stop calling
rashes... Very dangerous.
-Funny. I'll write that down.
Listen, Dana is amazing.
She's way out of my league.
-Way out of your league,
but don't let her know.
-1 won't.
Here we go.
Yes!
Wait, it's stuck in my throat. -You rule!
-It's stuck in my throat.
You're gonna blow her away. Do you know
how to go down on a woman?
can draw you a diagram.
Look.
Oh, Guy...
Are you crazy?
Nutcase.
-Show her what you got. -Whoa...
Half an hour?
-Yeah.
Thanks, Oren.
-Show her what you got.
Dana?
Dana?
-I'm in here, Guy.
Leah. . .
I have a splitting headache.
I came to see the kids
so I let the babysitter go.
She didn't even want to get paid.
-You don't say.
They're all asleep, I gotta go.
Oh. . .
I ate all the schnitzel.
I hope you weren't counting on it.
Well, I'm off.
That's that.
Good night. -Thanks, Leah.
-No problem.
You won't believe it, Oren.
-What happened?
Leah came and sent Dana home.
Wow, don't sleep on your belly,
you'll rotate.
Oren, I'm going to her place.
Nothing can stop me.
Whoa !
Go for it.
Dad, what're you doing?
It's the middle of the night.
Shir, go back to sleep,
I have to do something.
Where are you going?
Dad, where are you going?
I'm going to ask Dana to go steady.
"Go steady"?
What are you, ancient?
Shir, love has nothing to do with age.
I know.
That line doesn't refer to you.
-What have you got there?
A love letter.
-Why didn't you write it by hand?
Ever see my handwriting?
She won't get past "Hi, Dana."
You wrote "Hi, Dana"?
-What's wrong with "Hi, Dana"?
You're so lame.
-Want to correct it for me?
No. -From a woman's viewpoint.
-Dad, ew.
So I shouldn't go? -Of course
you should go. Dana's awesome.
I'm losing a bet here,
I said you'd never have the guts,
but all the kids would
love to have her move in.
Actually, better that she move in
and you move out.
Funny
Might happen.
Wait a sec, Dad.
Good luck.
Shir,
Mom will always be in our hearts...
-Don't say that.
Don't be silly.
Mom is very jealous,
but she understands.
If I'm not back by 8:00,
get them off to school.
Don't worry, the Welfare squad
won't come now.
Yes?
Dana, it's me.
-Who?
Nehama. I'm downstairs
can I come up?
Oh. . .
I'll be right down.
-Okay.
Dana. -What's up, Nehama?
Are the kids okay?
Listen, Dana, I'm not here
because I have to be,
I'm here because I want to be.
I love you. I'm in love with you.
Don't say that.
Nehama, please don't say that.
I wrote you a love letter.
Just read it, okay?
It's what I'm best at,
writing love letters.
Okay, I'll read
it later, at home.
No, read it now.
-Later, Nehama.
Please, please, read it now, okay?
You want me to read it out loud?
-Of course.
"Hey, Dana.
"from the moment I first saw you
my heart knew what my head couldn't hear.
"We were destined for each other.
"In another universe
we already have lots of kids
"but in this universe
we gave our love a test
"the hardest test there is,
one that could get in our way
"another great love.
"Only you could remind me
that there are sunsets..."
You're such an idiot.
-I didn't write that,
I didn't write "idiot," the computer
added that, it must be a virus.
I have a boyfriend.
-Oh, stop it.
Who'll make you laugh like I do?
Who's tall, impressive in the dark...
Nehama, what're you doing here?
This is hers, not mine.
Asi Dvora?!
Asi Dvora, Dana?
Of all the men in the world, Asi Dvora?
Hey, I'm right here.
What's wrong with me?
Asi Dvora?!
Stop saying my name
like it's rotten food.
Fucking Asi Dvora? -I'm sorry, Nehama,
I'm in love with him...
Fuck!
Asi Dvora?!
I was crushed and he was there,
you said it couldn't happen,
you acted like it couldn't happen,
you made it clear it couldn't happen,
and eventually I figured you're gay.
-Gay? I'm not gay, I love women.
And he made me laugh.
-He isn't funny, all his material is stolen,
I can prove
-Okay.
What's this letter?
-No, that's not...
Gimme that! What's with you?
Couldn't you have gone
for someone else?
After Tamar died
I felt my life was empty,
that it was now or never.
I came to your party
to find someone your style,
someone from the suburbs
from Hadera.
I'm from Carmiel.
-Same-same, babe.
Not like those Tel Aviv chicks
sex maniacs with complexes.
I always regretted
that Tamar chose you instead of me
and I thought
this was the only way...
Is it because he's famous?
Because I'm gonna be famous too
I'm gonna rip it up,
I'm gonna be much bigger than him.
Is that what you think?
That just shows how little you think of me.
Then why, Dana?
I've loved you for years,
and you love me too. I love you!
You don't love me.
You never loved me.
I was always part of some
twisted game of yours and Tamar's.
Nehama, you'll find someone else.
What does the letter say, anyway?
Let me see...
-It has nothing to do with you...
Nehama, why are you...
Nehama, Nehama...
-I'm shocked.
Are you okay?
-Fuck, what a wallop!