Ned and Stacey (1995–2017): Season 2, Episode 6 - Loganberry's Run - full transcript
- Right, okay.
Thank you, sir.
God bless you.
That's it.
We got a date in divorce court.
January 7th.
- Yes, yes.
Oh, Ned.
Soon, we're never gonna
have to see each other again.
- I know it.
Stick a fork in us, we're done.
- Hey, I have an idea.
Let's have a divorce party.
- That is a great idea, Stacey.
You know, maybe get
a good caterer, or band.
- Ooh, a cool jazz combo.
- I was actually thinking maybe
more along the lines of salsa.
- For a divorce party?
Where were you raised?
- Wait.
What's that supposed to mean?
- I just think it's a
really tacky idea.
- Oh, I guess you gotta
have everything your way.
Huh, Stacey?
Well, you know what?
Why don't we just forget
the divorce party, okay?
In fact, why don't we
just forget the divorce.
- Ned.
- Yeah, yeah.
We're staying married.
Married forever.
- Ned.
- I'm going out to get drunk.
- Ned, stop!
Why Stacey?
Why Ned?
It was business.
Strictly business.
Here's the deal.
To get the promotion,
I needed the wife.
See, to get a life, I
needed his apartment.
So, what the hell.
We up and got married.
The only thing we
have in common,
we irritate each other.
Right.
Enjoy the show.
- Okay, that's one
banana walnut and a decaf.
- Can I get this to go?
- To go?
Uh, to go.
Here.
Go.
I'm sorry, we're still
getting organized.
We'll have lids tomorrow.
Thanks.
Hey, poppy seed.
Get the door for her.
Honey, where did I put the lids?
I can't remember anything.
Oh, Eric.
- Oh, honey, honey.
We can handle this crisis.
- Oh, God.
Are you sure my running a
muffin shop is a good thing?
- Of course it is.
You're doing a great job.
I mean, you hated the
real estate business, right?
Well, now you're your own boss.
Except, you know, Ned
owning 86% of the place.
- I want this to work out.
I do.
You know, it's funny.
I actually like serving people
warm toasty muffins, you know?
- Could I get some
more butter, please?
- Oh, for crying out loud.
Sorry, yes, of course.
Sure.
- Psst, Amanda.
I think everyone is really
enjoying your muffins.
- Stacey, I thought you were
going to be helping me today.
- I am, I am.
I'm sitting at that
table over there writing.
And I'm inviting a bunch of my
friends from the LA Magazine
to come over and
do their work, too.
I mean, I am giving
this place a sort of
literary Bohemian atmosphere.
- Any interest in
giving the bathroom
a kind of clean,
non-uriney atmosphere?
- Um, no.
- Hey, hey.
Ned Dorsey, owner.
Good to see you,
good to know ya, huh?
Ned Dorsey, owner.
Lemon, that's a sensible choice.
I like that.
How are you, Ned Dorsey.
Good to see you.
Is that the pumpkin?
That's devilish and sassy.
Good morning, sir.
Reservations for one
here at Amanda's Muffins?
I'm just funnin' ya.
Get your ass over to the
counter, have a muffin.
So, partner.
How's bidness?
- Biddy.
- Cha-ching, cha-ching,
cha-ching, cha-ching.
- Stop that.
That's why I got you
the toy cash register.
- Oh, I'm just
excited, you know?
I was up all night.
I was thinking about
the muffin store.
I got a lot of ideas.
Let's talk ideas.
- Oh, no more ideas, Ned.
- No, no, no.
We need something brash.
Something that
sizzles, you know?
New ideas, new furnishings.
What are those
crazy rock and roll kids
sitting on these days?
- Their asses?
- You know what?
We need a gimmick.
We need something.
We need muffins
of all different sizes.
Maybe a huge muffin shaped
like Richard Nixon's head.
Maybe a website.
What do you think?
Huh?
- Are you on something?
- Okay, honey.
I called the lid company,
I got the batter mixing,
and I emptied all the traps.
You all set to go downtown, Ned?
- I'm ready, buddy.
- Okay, honey.
- Bye.
- Good luck.
- Thanks.
Love you.
- Love you, too.
Wait a second.
Me thinks I do not spy
any loganberry muffins.
- Logan what?
- Loganberry muffins.
Like, duh.
- Oh, yeah, right.
Loganberry muffins.
Yeah, I'll get right on that.
- Get right on that, partner.
No one else serves 'em.
If we do, we'll be the
kings of the muffinaverse.
- Okay.
Bye, Ned.
Bye, goodbye.
Get your muffins here!
All nude muffins!
- Okay, how about this?
Isn't it funny how as you get
older, your dad gets smarter?
Your dad drove a Regent.
Huh?
- What are people looking for
whenever they make their choice?
- Comfort.
- Safety.
- Flavor, moistness.
- Uh, exactly.
Those, too.
- Hey, I said flavor a week ago.
- All, right, all right,
all right, all right.
How about this?
Drive a Regent,
taste the difference.
- Regent, moistness is job one.
- What?
What are you...
Jughead, Veronica,
stay with me here, huh?
I'm talking muffins, all right?
- Ned, you're scaring us.
- Ned, you got a few minutes?
Can I talk to you?
- I got all the time
you need, buddy.
You crazy kids get out of here.
Keep working on that.
- Okay.
Working on what?
- Just keep moving.
- What do you need, buddy?
- It's about that stupid
promotion they gave me.
Acting assistant to the
accounting co-manager.
It turns out it's
just a fancy title
to get me to do
their dirty work.
- Hey, with a lateral move
come extra responsibilities.
- You know, they're downsizing,
so they want me to pick
someone from the department
and fire them.
I don't want to fire anybody.
I became an accountant
to help people.
I mean, I don't even
know how to fire somebody.
- It's not that difficult, Rico.
Huh?
I can show you how to do it.
Like, uh.
Excuse me there, buddy.
Can you come in
here for a second?
- Yes, Mr. Dorsey?
- Listen, we here at
Haywood and Kirkland
appreciate all your
hard work, my friend.
But, I'm afraid the company's
headed off in a new direction
and, well, we're gonna
have to let you go.
Hey, what can I tell ya?
I fought for ya, but you
know those bastards upstairs.
It's all about the bottom line.
Those sons of bitches.
Anyway, go see
Pete Dugan upstairs
and collect your
two-week severance pay.
And hey, eat more muffins.
Okay, there you go.
- Shouldn't you tell him
that he's not really fired?
- Oh, sure.
I'll tell him.
Who was he?
- I'm sorry.
What kind of muffin?
Orange streusel.
- Ah, fine.
Coming up.
Look, I can't hear you,
so just take this blueberry.
It's on me.
- As long as it's not blueberry.
If I eat blueberry,
I get convulsions.
- You're welcome.
Enjoy.
Can you put that on mute?
Sir, just.
- Mr. Dorsey wanted a
cappuccino machine installed today,
so we gotta run a hot
water line through here.
- Please, do it later.
What can I get you?
- Amanda, can I get four
more of the free refills, please?
- Hey, I was next, girlie.
- Oh, it's okay.
I'm her sister.
- I don't care if
you're Sister Sledge.
- Oh, my god.
What the hell is that?
- A Pasquini mega
serve cappuccino maker.
Makes 83 varieties of
caffeinated beverages.
It'll do just about
whatever you want.
- Muffin lovers unite.
- Will it kill a man?
- Well, if it isn't the Skyward
Magazine think tank.
Doing a daring expose on
the travel toothbrush industry?
- Well, I guess you'll
just have to read
our magazine to find out.
See you on the
shuttle to Albany.
- I thought you guys
only landed in corn fields.
Hey, partner.
The look on your
face says it all, huh?
What do you think
of the improvements?
Not bad, huh?
And the new stools?
Want to go for a spin?
Ha ha.
- Ned, did it ever occur
to you to consult me
before you went
and did all this stuff?
- Yeah, but it's good stuff.
And good stuff is good.
You know, my father,
Assemblyman Dorsey, taught me that.
So, onto new business.
Loganberry muffins.
Has the new fleet
hit the showroom?
- No.
No loganberry muffins.
- Yes.
Yes, loganberry muffins.
- Look, Ned.
You got your floor
tile, and your stools,
and your crazy straws, and
the HMS Cappuccino here.
But, loganberries
are stupid berries.
It would be a stupid muffin
and I'm not making them.
- Loganberries are not
stupid berries, okay?
As a young boy I
used to run naked
through the loganberry patch.
Smearing its delectable juices
all across my hairless,
prepubescent body.
- Oh, wow.
Okay, not only am I not
making loganberry muffins,
but now I'm gonna wake up
screaming for the rest of my life.
- And I suppose
you'll be voting down
proposition loganberry
with your 14% ownership?
- Fine.
Here is 100% of the apron.
Goodbye.
- Hang on, hang on.
What are you doing?
- Oh, it's your
muffin shop, Ned.
I'm getting out of your way.
You run it.
- Okay, fine.
Go.
Go your merry way.
Fine, go.
You think I need you
to run this muffin shop?
Ha, you were dragging
us down, sissy.
- Excuse me.
Could you refill
this napkin holder?
- Hang on.
You win.
Please, come back.
Please.
- All right, fine.
But, there is a new rule, Ned.
From now on, you are the
unseen, unheard, silent partner.
You got that, butchy?
- But.
- No, no, silent.
But, loganberries.
- No.
No loganberries ever.
Goodbye, Ned.
- Uh, Ray?
Yeah, Eric?
- You got a second?
- Sure, what's up?
- Well, Ray.
We here at the Kirkland-Haywood
Agency really appreciate
all the hard work
you've been doing.
- Well, thanks, Eric.
- No, there's more.
Oh, okay.
- Yeah, yeah.
The thing is, the company is,
we're changing
direction, and it.
Is that your family there?
- Yeah.
Yeah, that's them.
Me and the Misses, and the kids.
- Whoa, a lot of little buggers.
- Only seven of them are ours.
The rest we adopted.
This is Ming Lee.
And this is Horst.
Oh, and this is little Richie.
He was born with all his
organs on the outside of his body.
- Well, you gotta watch the
roughhousing there, huh?
- Yeah.
So, what were you saying, Eric?
- So, Ted.
The company is changing
direction and unfortunately
we're gonna have to let you go.
- No.
- I'm sorry?
No, no, I'm not leaving.
But, listen.
Do you mind if I cut out
a little bit early today?
You see, my girlfriend's
kid is in this school play.
- Oh, sure.
Really important
moments in a child's...
- See you tomorrow.
- Okay.
Well, okay, Ted.
Glad we had this talk
and welcome back.
- So, Jim, unfortunately
we're gonna have to let you go.
- I see.
Well, okay.
- Okay?
You'll go?
Well, that is great.
You see, that
wasn't so bad, was it?
- I'm just sorry I
let you down, Eric.
- No, Jim, you
didn't let me down.
You've been a great employee.
Hardworking, cooperative,
you're easy to fire.
I'm gonna make some phone calls
to see if I can't line
something up for you.
- You're the best.
- No, you're the best.
- You are.
- No, you are, stop it.
♪ Love is in the town
no need to waste it
♪ You're a happy clown
why don't you baste it
- Stacey.
Stacey, hi.
- Hi.
- Cool, a flying hat zone.
Hey.
So, what did you do today?
- Oh, I was just out and about.
- Yeah?
Uh-huh.
- Yeah, where'd you go?
- Just out and about.
- Did you happen to go
by the muffin shop today?
- No, I didn't go there today.
- Oh, come on, Stacey.
I can smell the
stink of muffin on you
and it's a stench most foul.
- Look, Ned.
I am not getting in
the middle of this thing
between you and Amanda.
- Come on, Stacey.
- No.
- She won't even
let me in the shop.
She won't even talk to me.
Are people sitting
on the stools?
- Yes.
- Ha, I knew it!
I'm right.
So, you think maybe you
could get me in to see Amanda?
You know, have
a little sit with her?
- Ned, my hands are tied.
- All right, all
right, all right.
Just do me a favor.
Just show her
something for me, please.
- A muffin?
- Huh, not just a muffin.
It's a loganberry muffin.
But, actually it's a prototype.
It's made of polyurethane
and fiberglass.
Had the art department
make it up for me.
Cost me $2,000,
but I think you'll agree
it was worth every penny.
- Ned, why didn't you
just bake a real one?
- Who are you?
- I'm Jim.
- Are you a squatter?
- I'm your new
full-time accountant.
Eric hired me.
Hey, do you want to
start a softball team?
- Delivery.
- Go, I'm fine.
- I have your blueberries here.
Just sign right there.
- Great.
I just...
Wow, these don't
look like blueberries.
Ned Dorsey, please.
Thanks.
Ha, ha, ha.
Nice try, freak show.
- Ned?
Just a reminder that
the Regent storyboards
were due three days ago.
I thought we should get...
- Get out.
Thought.
Muffins spelled
backwards is sniffum.
- Thanks so much.
Come again.
- Miss, that refill, please.
- Oh, right.
Sorry.
I'll just be one second.
Hang on.
Amanda, Amanda, Amanda?
- What, what?
Another muffin split seven ways?
- No, not yet.
Look, we need your help.
Dave is doing a
cover story for Skyward
on the Statue of Liberty.
- It was a gift from the French
and the salt air is
what turned it green.
- That's all he has so far.
Oh, hey.
Hey, what's the
name of that movie
where the Statue of Liberty
gets knocked over, you know?
It's the one when the planet
is taken over by
a group of apes.
- Planet of the Apes.
- No, that doesn't sound right.
- Service.
- Ah, coming.
- Oh, and can we have
some more coffee?
That'd be great, thanks.
- Sure.
- Oh, fresh pot, thanks.
- Jim?
- Yeah.
Are you busy at the moment?
- No.
I'm pretty much
caught up until tax time.
- Great.
Then, can you help
me serve customers?
- Me?
But, I'm an accountant.
- Okay.
- Hey, Jimbo.
My man.
- Buddy boy.
- Hey, how's the first day?
- Pretty good, my man.
- Great news.
He's a great guy, huh?
Jimbo, my man.
- Hi, can I help you?
- Yes, I would like to buy a
large assortment of muffins
for our choir picnic.
- Oh, certainly, Father.
What can I get ya?
- Well, let's see.
We need 20 blueberry,
35 corn, 30 bran,
and 200 oinkyberry muffins.
- Come again?
- Loganberry muffins.
- 200 Loganberry?
- That's right.
Heaven holds a
special place for those
who eat loganberry muffins.
In fact...
- The soul that doesn't
enjoy loganberry muffins
will burn in Hell
for all eternity.
- Is that so?
Interesting.
I know what you're up to.
- The oppressor is in the nest.
Abort, abort.
- If I ever see you
in here again, ever,
I'm gonna chase
you down the street
and kick your butt, old man.
Amanda!
- Honey, honey.
Honey, take it easy.
Just because you and
he are of different faiths.
- Hey, good greetings.
I just happened to be
in the neighborhood.
- I can't believe you, Ned.
Hiring some two-bit
actor to come in here
and pretend to be a priest.
- Hey, I may have hired him,
but he happened
to be a real priest.
Looks like somebody's
going to Hell, little lady.
- Going?
Ho ho.
This is my hell, buddy,
and you're Satan.
- Ha ha, you're Satan.
- Oh, you think that's
funny, do you, Stacey?
- Yeah.
- I got news for you.
You and the Algonquin
Round Table over there
haven't been making
my life any easier.
- But, we're giving it a
literary Bohemian atmosphere.
- No, you're not.
You're annoying.
I can't make a profit with 12
people spending $1.50 a day.
I'm sure my full-time
accountant can attest to that.
- She's right.
- Oh, he's good.
He's very, very good.
- Oh, yeah.
He's wonderful.
Fire him.
- Uh, Jim?
We here at Amanda's
Muffins really appreciate...
- It's okay, Eric.
I remember from yesterday.
- Okay.
Looks like the air's been
cleared all the way around.
What say we get back
to the business at hand?
Loganberry muffins.
- Ned?
- Yeah, pard.
- If you say the word
loganberry again,
I will reach down your throat
and pull out your loganberries.
- Come on.
This is my muffin shop.
- No, this is our muffin shop.
And this is my life.
Ned, why is it so hard
for you to process the idea
that this is important to me?
- It is?
- Yes.
For better or worse, this
is the path I'm on right now.
Running this shop.
This is not your path.
This is my path.
You have a path.
- And I can never
walk on your path?
- You can walk on my path,
but you've been walking
you dog on my path.
- Okay, I'm sorry.
I'll back off.
Oh, oh.
Look, I'll let you run the
place the way you want.
I won't interfere,
I won't pull rank,
I won't mention
the naughty berry.
- Okay.
Thank you.
Oh, hi.
Can I help you guys?
- Uh, listen.
We're closed.
Please, go away.
- Ned, stop it.
What can I get you?
♪ Loganberries, loganberries,
loganberries, loganberries
♪ Loganberry muffins
♪ Loganberry muffins
are full of freshness
♪ Loganberry muffins
are savory and good
♪ I like them at work
♪ I like them at play
♪ Delicious and nutritious
treats any time of day
♪ Any time of day
♪ Any time of day
♪ Yum
- Here I am at Larson's pond
where the disrobing
would take place.
And now, onto the
loganberry patch.
- Oh, my god.
- You really did that.
- Oh, and damn proud of it.
- Oh, Ned.
- No, no.
Rico, Rico.
Don't look away.
This is the best part.
Look how anatomically
correct I was.
Thank you, sir.
God bless you.
That's it.
We got a date in divorce court.
January 7th.
- Yes, yes.
Oh, Ned.
Soon, we're never gonna
have to see each other again.
- I know it.
Stick a fork in us, we're done.
- Hey, I have an idea.
Let's have a divorce party.
- That is a great idea, Stacey.
You know, maybe get
a good caterer, or band.
- Ooh, a cool jazz combo.
- I was actually thinking maybe
more along the lines of salsa.
- For a divorce party?
Where were you raised?
- Wait.
What's that supposed to mean?
- I just think it's a
really tacky idea.
- Oh, I guess you gotta
have everything your way.
Huh, Stacey?
Well, you know what?
Why don't we just forget
the divorce party, okay?
In fact, why don't we
just forget the divorce.
- Ned.
- Yeah, yeah.
We're staying married.
Married forever.
- Ned.
- I'm going out to get drunk.
- Ned, stop!
Why Stacey?
Why Ned?
It was business.
Strictly business.
Here's the deal.
To get the promotion,
I needed the wife.
See, to get a life, I
needed his apartment.
So, what the hell.
We up and got married.
The only thing we
have in common,
we irritate each other.
Right.
Enjoy the show.
- Okay, that's one
banana walnut and a decaf.
- Can I get this to go?
- To go?
Uh, to go.
Here.
Go.
I'm sorry, we're still
getting organized.
We'll have lids tomorrow.
Thanks.
Hey, poppy seed.
Get the door for her.
Honey, where did I put the lids?
I can't remember anything.
Oh, Eric.
- Oh, honey, honey.
We can handle this crisis.
- Oh, God.
Are you sure my running a
muffin shop is a good thing?
- Of course it is.
You're doing a great job.
I mean, you hated the
real estate business, right?
Well, now you're your own boss.
Except, you know, Ned
owning 86% of the place.
- I want this to work out.
I do.
You know, it's funny.
I actually like serving people
warm toasty muffins, you know?
- Could I get some
more butter, please?
- Oh, for crying out loud.
Sorry, yes, of course.
Sure.
- Psst, Amanda.
I think everyone is really
enjoying your muffins.
- Stacey, I thought you were
going to be helping me today.
- I am, I am.
I'm sitting at that
table over there writing.
And I'm inviting a bunch of my
friends from the LA Magazine
to come over and
do their work, too.
I mean, I am giving
this place a sort of
literary Bohemian atmosphere.
- Any interest in
giving the bathroom
a kind of clean,
non-uriney atmosphere?
- Um, no.
- Hey, hey.
Ned Dorsey, owner.
Good to see you,
good to know ya, huh?
Ned Dorsey, owner.
Lemon, that's a sensible choice.
I like that.
How are you, Ned Dorsey.
Good to see you.
Is that the pumpkin?
That's devilish and sassy.
Good morning, sir.
Reservations for one
here at Amanda's Muffins?
I'm just funnin' ya.
Get your ass over to the
counter, have a muffin.
So, partner.
How's bidness?
- Biddy.
- Cha-ching, cha-ching,
cha-ching, cha-ching.
- Stop that.
That's why I got you
the toy cash register.
- Oh, I'm just
excited, you know?
I was up all night.
I was thinking about
the muffin store.
I got a lot of ideas.
Let's talk ideas.
- Oh, no more ideas, Ned.
- No, no, no.
We need something brash.
Something that
sizzles, you know?
New ideas, new furnishings.
What are those
crazy rock and roll kids
sitting on these days?
- Their asses?
- You know what?
We need a gimmick.
We need something.
We need muffins
of all different sizes.
Maybe a huge muffin shaped
like Richard Nixon's head.
Maybe a website.
What do you think?
Huh?
- Are you on something?
- Okay, honey.
I called the lid company,
I got the batter mixing,
and I emptied all the traps.
You all set to go downtown, Ned?
- I'm ready, buddy.
- Okay, honey.
- Bye.
- Good luck.
- Thanks.
Love you.
- Love you, too.
Wait a second.
Me thinks I do not spy
any loganberry muffins.
- Logan what?
- Loganberry muffins.
Like, duh.
- Oh, yeah, right.
Loganberry muffins.
Yeah, I'll get right on that.
- Get right on that, partner.
No one else serves 'em.
If we do, we'll be the
kings of the muffinaverse.
- Okay.
Bye, Ned.
Bye, goodbye.
Get your muffins here!
All nude muffins!
- Okay, how about this?
Isn't it funny how as you get
older, your dad gets smarter?
Your dad drove a Regent.
Huh?
- What are people looking for
whenever they make their choice?
- Comfort.
- Safety.
- Flavor, moistness.
- Uh, exactly.
Those, too.
- Hey, I said flavor a week ago.
- All, right, all right,
all right, all right.
How about this?
Drive a Regent,
taste the difference.
- Regent, moistness is job one.
- What?
What are you...
Jughead, Veronica,
stay with me here, huh?
I'm talking muffins, all right?
- Ned, you're scaring us.
- Ned, you got a few minutes?
Can I talk to you?
- I got all the time
you need, buddy.
You crazy kids get out of here.
Keep working on that.
- Okay.
Working on what?
- Just keep moving.
- What do you need, buddy?
- It's about that stupid
promotion they gave me.
Acting assistant to the
accounting co-manager.
It turns out it's
just a fancy title
to get me to do
their dirty work.
- Hey, with a lateral move
come extra responsibilities.
- You know, they're downsizing,
so they want me to pick
someone from the department
and fire them.
I don't want to fire anybody.
I became an accountant
to help people.
I mean, I don't even
know how to fire somebody.
- It's not that difficult, Rico.
Huh?
I can show you how to do it.
Like, uh.
Excuse me there, buddy.
Can you come in
here for a second?
- Yes, Mr. Dorsey?
- Listen, we here at
Haywood and Kirkland
appreciate all your
hard work, my friend.
But, I'm afraid the company's
headed off in a new direction
and, well, we're gonna
have to let you go.
Hey, what can I tell ya?
I fought for ya, but you
know those bastards upstairs.
It's all about the bottom line.
Those sons of bitches.
Anyway, go see
Pete Dugan upstairs
and collect your
two-week severance pay.
And hey, eat more muffins.
Okay, there you go.
- Shouldn't you tell him
that he's not really fired?
- Oh, sure.
I'll tell him.
Who was he?
- I'm sorry.
What kind of muffin?
Orange streusel.
- Ah, fine.
Coming up.
Look, I can't hear you,
so just take this blueberry.
It's on me.
- As long as it's not blueberry.
If I eat blueberry,
I get convulsions.
- You're welcome.
Enjoy.
Can you put that on mute?
Sir, just.
- Mr. Dorsey wanted a
cappuccino machine installed today,
so we gotta run a hot
water line through here.
- Please, do it later.
What can I get you?
- Amanda, can I get four
more of the free refills, please?
- Hey, I was next, girlie.
- Oh, it's okay.
I'm her sister.
- I don't care if
you're Sister Sledge.
- Oh, my god.
What the hell is that?
- A Pasquini mega
serve cappuccino maker.
Makes 83 varieties of
caffeinated beverages.
It'll do just about
whatever you want.
- Muffin lovers unite.
- Will it kill a man?
- Well, if it isn't the Skyward
Magazine think tank.
Doing a daring expose on
the travel toothbrush industry?
- Well, I guess you'll
just have to read
our magazine to find out.
See you on the
shuttle to Albany.
- I thought you guys
only landed in corn fields.
Hey, partner.
The look on your
face says it all, huh?
What do you think
of the improvements?
Not bad, huh?
And the new stools?
Want to go for a spin?
Ha ha.
- Ned, did it ever occur
to you to consult me
before you went
and did all this stuff?
- Yeah, but it's good stuff.
And good stuff is good.
You know, my father,
Assemblyman Dorsey, taught me that.
So, onto new business.
Loganberry muffins.
Has the new fleet
hit the showroom?
- No.
No loganberry muffins.
- Yes.
Yes, loganberry muffins.
- Look, Ned.
You got your floor
tile, and your stools,
and your crazy straws, and
the HMS Cappuccino here.
But, loganberries
are stupid berries.
It would be a stupid muffin
and I'm not making them.
- Loganberries are not
stupid berries, okay?
As a young boy I
used to run naked
through the loganberry patch.
Smearing its delectable juices
all across my hairless,
prepubescent body.
- Oh, wow.
Okay, not only am I not
making loganberry muffins,
but now I'm gonna wake up
screaming for the rest of my life.
- And I suppose
you'll be voting down
proposition loganberry
with your 14% ownership?
- Fine.
Here is 100% of the apron.
Goodbye.
- Hang on, hang on.
What are you doing?
- Oh, it's your
muffin shop, Ned.
I'm getting out of your way.
You run it.
- Okay, fine.
Go.
Go your merry way.
Fine, go.
You think I need you
to run this muffin shop?
Ha, you were dragging
us down, sissy.
- Excuse me.
Could you refill
this napkin holder?
- Hang on.
You win.
Please, come back.
Please.
- All right, fine.
But, there is a new rule, Ned.
From now on, you are the
unseen, unheard, silent partner.
You got that, butchy?
- But.
- No, no, silent.
But, loganberries.
- No.
No loganberries ever.
Goodbye, Ned.
- Uh, Ray?
Yeah, Eric?
- You got a second?
- Sure, what's up?
- Well, Ray.
We here at the Kirkland-Haywood
Agency really appreciate
all the hard work
you've been doing.
- Well, thanks, Eric.
- No, there's more.
Oh, okay.
- Yeah, yeah.
The thing is, the company is,
we're changing
direction, and it.
Is that your family there?
- Yeah.
Yeah, that's them.
Me and the Misses, and the kids.
- Whoa, a lot of little buggers.
- Only seven of them are ours.
The rest we adopted.
This is Ming Lee.
And this is Horst.
Oh, and this is little Richie.
He was born with all his
organs on the outside of his body.
- Well, you gotta watch the
roughhousing there, huh?
- Yeah.
So, what were you saying, Eric?
- So, Ted.
The company is changing
direction and unfortunately
we're gonna have to let you go.
- No.
- I'm sorry?
No, no, I'm not leaving.
But, listen.
Do you mind if I cut out
a little bit early today?
You see, my girlfriend's
kid is in this school play.
- Oh, sure.
Really important
moments in a child's...
- See you tomorrow.
- Okay.
Well, okay, Ted.
Glad we had this talk
and welcome back.
- So, Jim, unfortunately
we're gonna have to let you go.
- I see.
Well, okay.
- Okay?
You'll go?
Well, that is great.
You see, that
wasn't so bad, was it?
- I'm just sorry I
let you down, Eric.
- No, Jim, you
didn't let me down.
You've been a great employee.
Hardworking, cooperative,
you're easy to fire.
I'm gonna make some phone calls
to see if I can't line
something up for you.
- You're the best.
- No, you're the best.
- You are.
- No, you are, stop it.
♪ Love is in the town
no need to waste it
♪ You're a happy clown
why don't you baste it
- Stacey.
Stacey, hi.
- Hi.
- Cool, a flying hat zone.
Hey.
So, what did you do today?
- Oh, I was just out and about.
- Yeah?
Uh-huh.
- Yeah, where'd you go?
- Just out and about.
- Did you happen to go
by the muffin shop today?
- No, I didn't go there today.
- Oh, come on, Stacey.
I can smell the
stink of muffin on you
and it's a stench most foul.
- Look, Ned.
I am not getting in
the middle of this thing
between you and Amanda.
- Come on, Stacey.
- No.
- She won't even
let me in the shop.
She won't even talk to me.
Are people sitting
on the stools?
- Yes.
- Ha, I knew it!
I'm right.
So, you think maybe you
could get me in to see Amanda?
You know, have
a little sit with her?
- Ned, my hands are tied.
- All right, all
right, all right.
Just do me a favor.
Just show her
something for me, please.
- A muffin?
- Huh, not just a muffin.
It's a loganberry muffin.
But, actually it's a prototype.
It's made of polyurethane
and fiberglass.
Had the art department
make it up for me.
Cost me $2,000,
but I think you'll agree
it was worth every penny.
- Ned, why didn't you
just bake a real one?
- Who are you?
- I'm Jim.
- Are you a squatter?
- I'm your new
full-time accountant.
Eric hired me.
Hey, do you want to
start a softball team?
- Delivery.
- Go, I'm fine.
- I have your blueberries here.
Just sign right there.
- Great.
I just...
Wow, these don't
look like blueberries.
Ned Dorsey, please.
Thanks.
Ha, ha, ha.
Nice try, freak show.
- Ned?
Just a reminder that
the Regent storyboards
were due three days ago.
I thought we should get...
- Get out.
Thought.
Muffins spelled
backwards is sniffum.
- Thanks so much.
Come again.
- Miss, that refill, please.
- Oh, right.
Sorry.
I'll just be one second.
Hang on.
Amanda, Amanda, Amanda?
- What, what?
Another muffin split seven ways?
- No, not yet.
Look, we need your help.
Dave is doing a
cover story for Skyward
on the Statue of Liberty.
- It was a gift from the French
and the salt air is
what turned it green.
- That's all he has so far.
Oh, hey.
Hey, what's the
name of that movie
where the Statue of Liberty
gets knocked over, you know?
It's the one when the planet
is taken over by
a group of apes.
- Planet of the Apes.
- No, that doesn't sound right.
- Service.
- Ah, coming.
- Oh, and can we have
some more coffee?
That'd be great, thanks.
- Sure.
- Oh, fresh pot, thanks.
- Jim?
- Yeah.
Are you busy at the moment?
- No.
I'm pretty much
caught up until tax time.
- Great.
Then, can you help
me serve customers?
- Me?
But, I'm an accountant.
- Okay.
- Hey, Jimbo.
My man.
- Buddy boy.
- Hey, how's the first day?
- Pretty good, my man.
- Great news.
He's a great guy, huh?
Jimbo, my man.
- Hi, can I help you?
- Yes, I would like to buy a
large assortment of muffins
for our choir picnic.
- Oh, certainly, Father.
What can I get ya?
- Well, let's see.
We need 20 blueberry,
35 corn, 30 bran,
and 200 oinkyberry muffins.
- Come again?
- Loganberry muffins.
- 200 Loganberry?
- That's right.
Heaven holds a
special place for those
who eat loganberry muffins.
In fact...
- The soul that doesn't
enjoy loganberry muffins
will burn in Hell
for all eternity.
- Is that so?
Interesting.
I know what you're up to.
- The oppressor is in the nest.
Abort, abort.
- If I ever see you
in here again, ever,
I'm gonna chase
you down the street
and kick your butt, old man.
Amanda!
- Honey, honey.
Honey, take it easy.
Just because you and
he are of different faiths.
- Hey, good greetings.
I just happened to be
in the neighborhood.
- I can't believe you, Ned.
Hiring some two-bit
actor to come in here
and pretend to be a priest.
- Hey, I may have hired him,
but he happened
to be a real priest.
Looks like somebody's
going to Hell, little lady.
- Going?
Ho ho.
This is my hell, buddy,
and you're Satan.
- Ha ha, you're Satan.
- Oh, you think that's
funny, do you, Stacey?
- Yeah.
- I got news for you.
You and the Algonquin
Round Table over there
haven't been making
my life any easier.
- But, we're giving it a
literary Bohemian atmosphere.
- No, you're not.
You're annoying.
I can't make a profit with 12
people spending $1.50 a day.
I'm sure my full-time
accountant can attest to that.
- She's right.
- Oh, he's good.
He's very, very good.
- Oh, yeah.
He's wonderful.
Fire him.
- Uh, Jim?
We here at Amanda's
Muffins really appreciate...
- It's okay, Eric.
I remember from yesterday.
- Okay.
Looks like the air's been
cleared all the way around.
What say we get back
to the business at hand?
Loganberry muffins.
- Ned?
- Yeah, pard.
- If you say the word
loganberry again,
I will reach down your throat
and pull out your loganberries.
- Come on.
This is my muffin shop.
- No, this is our muffin shop.
And this is my life.
Ned, why is it so hard
for you to process the idea
that this is important to me?
- It is?
- Yes.
For better or worse, this
is the path I'm on right now.
Running this shop.
This is not your path.
This is my path.
You have a path.
- And I can never
walk on your path?
- You can walk on my path,
but you've been walking
you dog on my path.
- Okay, I'm sorry.
I'll back off.
Oh, oh.
Look, I'll let you run the
place the way you want.
I won't interfere,
I won't pull rank,
I won't mention
the naughty berry.
- Okay.
Thank you.
Oh, hi.
Can I help you guys?
- Uh, listen.
We're closed.
Please, go away.
- Ned, stop it.
What can I get you?
♪ Loganberries, loganberries,
loganberries, loganberries
♪ Loganberry muffins
♪ Loganberry muffins
are full of freshness
♪ Loganberry muffins
are savory and good
♪ I like them at work
♪ I like them at play
♪ Delicious and nutritious
treats any time of day
♪ Any time of day
♪ Any time of day
♪ Yum
- Here I am at Larson's pond
where the disrobing
would take place.
And now, onto the
loganberry patch.
- Oh, my god.
- You really did that.
- Oh, and damn proud of it.
- Oh, Ned.
- No, no.
Rico, Rico.
Don't look away.
This is the best part.
Look how anatomically
correct I was.