Mystery Science Theater 3000 (1988–1999): Season 11, Episode 13 - Diabolik - full transcript

{\a1\pos(12,460)}♪ In the not-too-distant future

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ Somewhere in time and space

{\a1\pos(12,460)}♪ Mike Nelson and his robot pals

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ Are caught in a nasty place

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ They try to survive
the wrath of Pearl

{\a1\pos(96,460)}♪ Just an evil gal who
wants to rule the world

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ From her castle below
she sets her sights above

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Just to torture
all the captives on
the Satellite of Love

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Get me down!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ I'll send them cheesy movies

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ The worst I can find

{\a1\pos(201,460)}♪ La-la-la

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ They'll have to sit
and watch them all

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ And the monitor is mine

{\a1\pos(201,460)}♪ La-la-la

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Now keep in mind
Mike can't control

{\a1\pos(12,460)}♪ Where the movies begin or end

{\a1\pos(201,460)}♪ La-la-la

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ He'll try to keep his sanity

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ With the help of
his robot friends

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Robot roll call

{\a1\pos(201,460)}♪ Cambot
- You're on.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}♪ Gypsy
- Oh my stars!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}♪ Tom Servo
- Check me out.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}♪ Croooow
- I'm different.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}♪ If you're wondering
how he eats and breathes

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ And other science facts

{\a1\pos(201,460)}♪ La-la-la

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ Just repeat to
yourself, it's just a show

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ I should really just relax

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ For Mystery
Science Theater 3000

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(doors slamming)

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Son of a--

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Mike!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Crow, a little help?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}I can't==

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- What's the matter, Servo?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- I was cleaning out my room,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}and something got stuck
in my hover skirt,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}and now I'm not
getting any lift.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Oh, let's get out of it.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Whoa!

{\a1\pos(285,460)}There.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Well, look at this.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}It's an SOL Employee Handbook.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Huh, what do you know?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- I've never seen this before.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}"Welcome to the Forrester
Family of Hostages.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}"Making your life miserable
for over nine years."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Wow.
- Nice.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- It covers everything.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Discrimination policy.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}"I reserve the right
to discriminate

{\a1\pos(96,460)}"against anyone I
want, especially Mike."

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Figures.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Benefits package.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}"All employees are entitled
to smooch my backside."

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- What does it say
about grievances?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Hmm, let me see here.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Oh, grievance procedures.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}"Make your hand
into a hard fist,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}"drawing as far away from
your face as possible,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}"and keep your hand in place.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}"Quickly and forcefully
run toward your hand."

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Well, we'll be right back.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Hey!
- Yeah.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}- Heh.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(Mystery Science
Theater 3000 theme)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Does it say anything
about our dental coverage?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- "Shut up, you have
no right to ask!"

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Sorry, Mike, I didn't think
you'd take it so personally!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- No, no, that's what
it says in the...

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(loud creaking)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- Hey, hey!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- What the heck?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- What the hell?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}What's going on here?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- We better find
out what's going on!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Hey, Pearl's up!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Oh, hi, Nike Melson.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}How do you like my new joystick?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Got it at Radio Shack.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Say, I was wondering,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}what does a high-speed
tumble do to your stomach?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(everyone groaning)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I am just messing
with everybody today!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(nefarious giggling)

{\a1\pos(201,460)}What'd I do?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}What'd I do?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Hang on now!
- Feel sick.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Oh, boy!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Hey, you guys, the
retrofire has been activated,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}and the ship's initiating
a reentry protocol!

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- What?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Prepare for
gravitational reinsertion!

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Mike!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}This means we're
headed to Earth!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Earth, that's my home!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Yes, yes!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Isn't it?
- Yes.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Earth!
- To Earth!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(joyous laughter)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(Crow vomiting)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Crow, you're
wrecking the moment!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] I'm sorry!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(frustrated groan)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Apparently, you initiated

{\a1\pos(117,460)}reentry protocol
for the satellite.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Well, make it not
protocol to reentry!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Make it better!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Well, you broke
off the stick of joy.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}It's irreversible and wet bread.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- You're omnipotent!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Do something!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Pearl, the Mountain Dew
you so playfully poured

{\a1\pos(96,460)}into my brain pan took
my gravitational control

{\a1\pos(33,460)}as well as my speech centers.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Table-dog-purple-liquefy.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- No, damn it, no!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}They will not escape me!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I'll see them dead first!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Hey, Lawgiver, why
don't you just take

{\a1\pos(96,460)}and use the Satellite's
self-destruct mechanism?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- We have one?
- Yeah, right there.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Bobo, I'm a genius!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Take this, losers!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Chili squint!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(Bobo growling)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(rapid beeping)

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- This is it, I love you, Crow,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I love you, Servo,
I love you, Gypsy.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- I love you, Mike, I love
you, Servo, I love you, Crow.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- I love you, Gypsy, I love
you, Mike, I love you, Servo.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- I love you, Gypsy,
I love you, Mike.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(extended beep)
(tiny explosion)

{\a1\pos(285,460)}- Oh.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Um, Servo, do you wanna--

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- I was gonna say it!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I just couldn't
think of your name!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Yeah, right.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Well, the Satellite of
Love is headed back to Earth.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Paper, northbound, feet.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- It's as good as
done, Lawgiver.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Nooooo!

{\a1\pos(285,460)}No!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(furious sobbing)

{\a1\pos(285,460)}No!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(furious sobbing)

{\a1\pos(285,460)}- Oh!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- This can't be good for us!

{\a1\pos(285,460)}- No.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(furious sobbing)

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(loud smack)
- See?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Pearl] Oh, god!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Raging clip art.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Reentry commencing!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Entering low orbit.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}We'll be landing in one
hour and 55 minutes.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Hooray!
- Yay!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- We did it!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}We did it!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Well, I mean, we didn't
really do it, but...

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- Well, it was done by someone!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Yes, someone did it!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- It was done!
- Yay!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Woooooo!
- Hurrah!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- There, there.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Ooh.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}- Oh.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}So you're coming
back to Earth, huh?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}So I failed, huh?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(primal scream)
(panicked scream)

{\a1\pos(201,460)}That's fine!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}It's okay!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Good for you!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}But there's still one
button that works,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}so you're still getting
your final movie.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}I give you...

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Diabolik!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}If it gives you half the hell

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I have had to endure
keeping you captive,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}it will have all been worth it.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(quiet sobbing)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(alarm buzzing)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Oh, movie sign, let's go!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Boy, we're not gonna be
hearing that back on Earth.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Yeah, let's enjoy it.
- Yeah.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- Will you get in there, please?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Boy, we're not gonna
be hearing that either.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Wow.
- Let's enjoy it.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Come on!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(puzzled groan)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(doors opening)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(sonar beeping)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Mike] Oh, my.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Two Fat Ladies have
their own gang now.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(sirens wailing)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Uh, the
hyena is stuck on.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Crow] Oh no, is this
a Pink Floyd video?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Dr. Pepper formula
requires very high security.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] At least it's a
nice orderly bank robbery.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Alright, how are we doing?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Well, last bag.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Uniforms designed
by William Rehnquist.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- All plain paper.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Wonder how those guys
would feel if they knew

{\a1\pos(117,460)}they were guarding
all this wastepaper

{\a1\pos(117,460)}instead of $10
million, huh, sir?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Mike] They'd feel hurt, sir.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Well, that's it.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Sergeant
Sideburns reporting.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(shrill whistling)

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Crow] Just watching you film.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Don't worry about me.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] If Hitler had won

{\a1\pos(96,460)}and hired Stu Sutcliffe
as a fashion designer.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike] Malcolm Forbes
and friends go camping.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Crow] Good luck with
the movie, you guys.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Mike Brady
World Headquarters.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- We're ready.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Servo] We need your
desk to make sandwiches.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}(motorcycle engines roaring)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Spring Break!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Woo-hoo!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- This is the largest single
shipment of dollars ever made

{\a1\pos(33,460)}at six o'clock in the morning.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] There was a
larger one at 7 a.m. once.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Would you please
sign here, inspector?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Right.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- I've never seen
such precautions just
to reach the port.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- The whole underworld worries
me less than a single man.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Servo] Michael Jeter.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Diabolik?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(dramatic music)
- Excuse me.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}They're waiting
for you, inspector.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Good luck.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Ah, hah.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Well, that was
an inappropriate response.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Crow] Yeah.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(dramatic music)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}A Scrooge McDuck fortune.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Boy, Lech
Walesa is rich!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Well, that makes
exactly $10 million.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Alright, you can take that away.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Here.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Oh, I'm gonna
feed this bag to the dog.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(upbeat music)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Mmm, I
really do have a cud!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(chewing noises)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(Servo humming)

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Mike] Oh, there it goes, the
liquid center just exploded.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Oh.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] The Young
Mr. Boston Story.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Sir, are you
trying to seduce me?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(Servo humming music)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Ah, there's
some crap all over me!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}What the hell is this stuff?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Well.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] When I said
dress up real tough,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}this is what you come up with?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Ginko] This is wonderful.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Just splendid.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Duh, anyone
want to marry me?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- And dignified, too.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Are they meant to be diplomats?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- They're the best men we have.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Uh-huh.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- We did this.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- You're a diplomat?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Look sophisticated.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Crow] Sophisticated, not gay!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- You're a man of the world.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Polished, witty, bored.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}What's that?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Mike] You have a chili stain!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Here, put it in your hat.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}And these.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(Servo belching)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Alright, let's go.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(uptempo surf music)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ Driving off to the store

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ Gonna pick up some bread

{\a1\pos(12,460)}♪ Maybe stop by the post office

{\a1\pos(96,460)}♪ Meet Dolores for lunch

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Hope they're serving
that ham, oh yeah

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] Each seagull
has its own parking space.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Michael, we're lost.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] This music
would work better

{\a1\pos(33,460)}with women in bikinis
shaking all over the place.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I think that's true
of any music, really.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] They're going over to

{\a1\pos(12,460)}John Steed's house for a kegger.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(dramatic music)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Wild thing!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Doo doo
doo-doo doo, doo-doo.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Man, that is one Europey road.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Man] This is Air
Surveillance Ship Number One.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Now over port zone.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Nothing suspicious,
repeat, nothing suspicious.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Embarkation to
proceed as scheduled.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Over.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Ginko] Ginko here.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Have received.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(horn whooping)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Would somebody shut
those howler monkeys up?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(horn blowing)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo]
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-ohhhhhhhhh!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(horn whooping)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Whooping.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Cranes.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}What?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Dah, giant
robotic seahorses!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Some movies
just won't stop

{\a1\pos(96,460)}and ask for directions.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(gas hissing)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Clown gas.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(ethereal music)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Joni Mitchell
must be nearby.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(tires screeching)

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- What the?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Man] Inspector?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}What's happening?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Inspector!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Inspector!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike] It's the Dick
Butkus newspaper grill!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Man] Stay with
the Rolls Royce!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] Boy, Ted, when you
let one, you don't kid around!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Hey, you're
having sex with me!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Now cut that out!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Mike] Sorry!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Ginko] Oh, no.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Where's the Rolls?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Man] It disappeared!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Ginko] What's
that, you moron?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Man] Inspector, we
tried (coughing)...

{\a1\pos(12,460)}And it was gone just like that!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Man] There it is!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] The Rolls
is going to heaven.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Another great car.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] They're downwind
of the Rainbow Gathering.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] And still,
Union Carbide claims

{\a1\pos(12,460)}they're meeting all guidelines.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Men] Diabolik!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(ethereal music)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Starring
this Muslim woman.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Servo] When he takes
that mask off later,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}his weird tan will
give him away.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(diabolic laughter)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Okay, yeah,
it's not that funny.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(rapid gunshots)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Here's
all your laundry.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(rapid gunshots)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Deep, deep, down

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Uh-oh,
it's getting groovy.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Oh god, is
someone gonna tell us

{\a1\pos(117,460)}that something is
shagadelic, man?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Oh, no, no.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Deep, deep, down

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] A-wheel of fortuna.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Servo] Uh-oh.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Mike, I need my Dramamine.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Mario Donen.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Renzo Palmer.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Never start a movie

{\a1\pos(12,460)}in the middle of the spin cycle.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Starring a bunch
of vowels and Terry Thomas.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Well, thank goodness

{\a1\pos(117,460)}they had three
people on soggetto.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] The true
story of Spin Art.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike] Man, I feel
sicker than when I went

{\a1\pos(117,460)}on the tilt-a-whirl
10 times in a row.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] Movie just started,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}it's already circling the drain.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] I must agree, by the
way, dee-dee-dah, absolutely.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Servo] Slam enough espresso,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}and you'll see the
world like this.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Deep down, he
might love deep down

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Very deep, deep down

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] This must be from

{\a1\pos(117,460)}the point of view of
a Scrubbing Bubble.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ No, womp-ba-doo

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(Servo scatting)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] The wall,
I are, deep down.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Very deep, deep down

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ You, only you, deep down

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] A French-Italian
co-production, so I'm guessing

{\a1\pos(96,460)}there's gonna be a lot
of cheese involved here.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ Keep my heart deep down

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Keep my potty down?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Women and their
toilet seat issues.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Servo] Under his firm and
visionary diretto, I feel safe.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Gentlemen,
let's open our movie

{\a1\pos(117,460)}with a 10-minute shot
of a spinning radish.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Reverse Raccoon Man!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ All I want is you

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] I can't breathe.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(muffled breathing)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(Mystery Science
Theater 3000 theme)

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Crow] I never should have let

{\a1\pos(33,460)}that balloon melt on my face.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Diabolik
is late for daycare.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Honey, you
forgot your lunch!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(muffled speech)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(rapid gunfire)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Wisconsin
kill speeders.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(tires screeching)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Run that
metered ramp, will ya?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Is this
the one circumstance

{\a1\pos(117,460)}where driving drunk
is actually safer?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] They have a bowling
ball glued to their runner.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(tires screeching)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Whoa,
where are we going?!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Hey, look out!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Hey, we're
going in (vomits).

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Hey, helicopter one
through to Coast Patrol.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Helicopter one through
to Coast Patrol.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Attention, attention.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Jaguar spotted.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Turned off main highway headed
towards senior district.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Roger, affirmative.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Do something
affirmative, Roger.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(helicopter whirring)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike]
Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da,
this guy!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Hey look,
that's pretty.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Oh, a lot of drift
on this steering wheel.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(rapid gunfire)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(bullets ricocheting)

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Crow] Ah, this is a metaphor

{\a1\pos(33,460)}for arterial plaque reduction.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(tires screeching)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Good thing Britt
Ekland is waiting for him.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(tires screeching)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] Ah-ha, my
licorice suit held up well.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}- Eva.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Thanks for
helping me, Mom.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(helicopter whirring)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Hey, dammit.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Make the
tunnel entrance

{\a1\pos(33,460)}look like a slice of bread.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(rapid gunfire)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(tires screeching)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] George
Jones tours Italy.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Uh,
you're flooding it.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(ethereal music)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Tar fashions never
really took off, did they?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Owwww,
that was my skin!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Deep, deep, down

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Deep, deep tongue.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] I'm driving
with my whipper.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Hmm, I don't know, a
white car before Memorial Day?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Risky, huh?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}(high-pitched squeaking)

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Stop playing with that balloon.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}(high-pitched squeaking)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Ah, a giant earth
clam is attacking them!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] This will fool
them unless they look at it.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}(midtempo mysterious music)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Crow] You know, it's
hard to get contractors

{\a1\pos(33,460)}who will do this kind of work,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}signing the complete
secrecy agreement

{\a1\pos(33,460)}on pain of death and all.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(engine revving)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] You may get nauseous

{\a1\pos(117,460)}and light-headed froe
the exhaust fumes,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}but still, pretty cool, huh?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Great
hideout, but it's hard

{\a1\pos(117,460)}to get your Sunday
paper delivered.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Mike] They had Willy Wonka's
contractor do this part.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Yeah, you go
through Mop and Glo

{\a1\pos(117,460)}by the case keeping
this place shiny.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Servo] Did you really
need this much stuff

{\a1\pos(33,460)}to get some tail in the '60s?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I thought a hi-fi
would do the job.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Deep, deep down

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Deep, deep down

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Deep, deep down

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Deep, deep down

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] I have an
awning over my cyke.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Like it?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Deep, deep down

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] A tanning
lamp works better

{\a1\pos(33,460)}if you get out of the car.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Deep, deep down

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] We're out of gas.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Crow] Mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm, good.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Okay, okay, okay.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Alright, and you
have those, too.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}That's fine.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Pretty good.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Let's have
a tantric quickie.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Oh, you smell
like a tire store.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] This is
just a Good Samaritan

{\a1\pos(117,460)}he met in the tunnel.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Crow] She's a
Great Samaritan!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] You don't mind if
I swallow your face, do you?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Mike] Oh, oh.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Sorry, some unexpected rubbing
in the outfit, so I, well...

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(engine droning)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Pretty fancy-schmancy
Jiffy Lube they go to.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] This is
just my mud room.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Mike] Wow.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Occasionally, a spelunker
just wanders in.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}"Hey, what the hell?"

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Let me just go and
have really quick lousy sex.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}(sensual mysterious music)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(Servo humming)

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(sniffing air)

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Mike] Oh, you have cats, huh?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] You gonna help me
with the groceries, or...

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] He loves her so much,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}he bought her a walk-in diamond.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Hmmm, I
love your Habitrail.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] You need
some baseboard heaters
in this tunnel.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}It's freezing in here!

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Mike] Please get Ravi
Shankar out of the living room!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Oh, I
need to get out of

{\a1\pos(117,460)}these bulky,
restricting clothes.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I am so bunched
up in this thing.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Wow,
dangerously steep stairs.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] You're
watching the stairs?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Poor Mike.
- Oh, Mike.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Gee whiz.
- What?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] I oughta take
down that Simon game

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I superglued on the ceiling.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] Considering the
guy who owned it before

{\a1\pos(33,460)}had a North Woods theme going,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I think he's done pretty well.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(electronic beep)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(electronic droning)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] High-tech
for a bathroom fan.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(electronic droning)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Really makes the hall

{\a1\pos(33,460)}to our theater look efficient.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] Might as well throw

{\a1\pos(96,460)}these Hardee's wrappers
away now I'm here.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Oh, I can't
wait to get into

{\a1\pos(33,460)}my loose-fitting latex sweats.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(Servo humming)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Servo] Turns out
he's just house-sitting.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Yeah, he
actually lives in

{\a1\pos(33,460)}an efficiency over at the
campus with some guys.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Well, my cherry
tomato detector's operational.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Good.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(air hissing)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Servo] Oh, damn,
blew the place up again.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Gotta learn the combination.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] I went out
to get something.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}What was it...

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Oh, bread!

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Dammit.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike] He's pretending
to be The Pretender.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Crow] I really should
get a checking account.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike] Well, I'm just
delaying the moment

{\a1\pos(96,460)}she finds out I have an
undescended testicle.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(engine turning)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(upbeat sensual music)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Ugh, they're
really gonna have

{\a1\pos(33,460)}to get their money laundered.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Steve
Forbes and his wife.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike] With my budget,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I'd be rolling around
in a handful of change.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Oh, the
paper cuts are brutal.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] (gagging) I have
100 caught in my throat.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Crow] A young Alan Greenspan.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] They got
pretty badly injured

{\a1\pos(117,460)}when they tried
this with gold bars.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] When they make
love in English pound notes,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}the sex is 50% better.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Oh, you're
the friendliest
teller I've ever met.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Last time, I just got a toaster.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Y'know, if he'd
stolen just a little less,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I could see her ass right now.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Good grief.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Member,
FDIC, heh-heh-heh-heh.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(doors slamming)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(sonar beeping)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Well, I'm all
packed and ready.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Nice suitcase.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Monogrammed and everything.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Actually, I got it at
Mojo Nixon's garage sale.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}- Ah.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}You got nothing but
bags of rice in here!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Yup, sure is good for ya.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}It's bleached and enriched.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- I'll bleach and enrich you.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Say, Mike, could you
grab my bag here?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Sure.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Just put my stuff in
a bunch of these babies.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Ah, I see.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}You've got your dirty laundry,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}and a Schmidt Beer sign.
- Of course.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- And a whoopee cushion.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Yep, and the food I
cleaned out of the fridge.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Oh, an opened tin
of smoked oysters.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- And there's some loose
paella on the bottom there,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}if you want to dig in.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- You're not my new best friend.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Stop pestering me!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Scram, would ya?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Oh, for cryin' out loud...

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- So, Tom, what are you gonna do

{\a1\pos(33,460)}with all the spare yous you've
collected over the years?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Oh, you know, I
just did a head count,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}an boy, I've made
quite a few of me.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}517 at the last count.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Wow, yeah, that's
far too much you.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}You should be limited
to one or less.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Exactly.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}So I'm just gonna enact
a self-destruct mechanism

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I planted in all the mes, ha-ha!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Here goes!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(electronic beep)
(loud explosions)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh boy.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Oh, what the?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(loud explosion)

{\a1\pos(285,460)}- Wow.
- Dah!

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Servo?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- He done blowed hisself up!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Well, more Earth
for us, I guess.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- What the?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Oh, there's my remote!

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Figures.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}One of those dumb
mes got a hold of it

{\a1\pos(96,460)}and started playing me.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- Well, are you sure you're you?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Of course I am!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}You could tell right
away if I wasn't.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Well, I better clear out the
rest of the mes before I go.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(electronic beep)
(loud explosion)

{\a1\pos(285,460)}- Dah!

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Servo?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Right here, Mike.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Say, have you seen my
remote detonating device?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Oh, man.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}This may take a
while to sort out.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}We'll be right back.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Ah, there it is!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Well, here goes!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Dahh!
(electronic beep)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(loud explosions)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Your government, ever
vigilant, determined--

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Terry, yech!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- To stamp out, to crush
the current crime wave,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}has restored the death penalty.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] And so
Sister Helen Prejean

{\a1\pos(33,460)}pulls out a rifle and shoots.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- As a temporary
measure, of course.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(goofy sounds)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Faced with this extreme
form of punishment,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}the socially sick
elements of our society...

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] Look who's talking.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- By that, I mean criminals.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Do you mean Diabolik?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Diabolik?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I assure you this
individual whose very name

{\a1\pos(33,460)}reveals his antagonism
to the established values

{\a1\pos(96,460)}of our society will soon
be brought to justice!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Man] Finally!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}We agree!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Who the?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- The criminal paranoid seems
to have dedicated himself

{\a1\pos(117,460)}to a one-man fight
against our society.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(goofy laughter)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}This black mark,
this manifestation

{\a1\pos(33,460)}of exaggerated delinquency...

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Dorothy!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Has exceeded the boundaries
of rational behavior.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(mocking mumbling)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Within or without
the beaten structure

{\a1\pos(33,460)}that is the very basis of
our freedom and way of life.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] (coughing) Awesome
press conference, man.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- He also seems to derive a
great of pleasure from me.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] Here's the gap.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Making fun of our
entire police force.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You certainly are not
gonna make a fool of me.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(man laughing)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Nice teeth!

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Crow] What are you, British?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Take it off!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(woman laughing)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] I really should
get a line of dialogue soon.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(reporters laughing)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Servo] Dan Quayle
announces his candidacy.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(obnoxious laughter)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike] He temporarily
turned lizard!

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Servo] C'mon, more, we
haven't seen his epiglottis yet.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Well, it's their
mess, so they should.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(sirens wailing)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike] Gerrymandering,
actual footage.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Man] Inspector,
we've discovered

{\a1\pos(12,460)}the center of the drug traffic.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}It's one of Valmont's
night clubs.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}We have it surrounded.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] Sorry, I'm
having hallucinations here.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(psychedelic music)

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Woooooo!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Mike] Whoa.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Uh, Gary, you're
trying too hard.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Man] The police, the police!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(sirens wailing)

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Cops!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}It's all over, boys!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}The club is surrounded.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You're all under arrest!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Even you
giant juice glasses!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(mysterious music)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Servo] Oh no,
abandoned ships!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Sebastian Junger
wrote a book about us!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Hey look,
it's my nest up there.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Oh yeah, I see it.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Servo] Cute.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Man] You promised
us the drugs!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Man] Yeah, where is it?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Man] I run the best...

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Yeah, whoa!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Fishing has been good today.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] It's too
rough to feed you!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Oh wait, you're
models, never mind.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}You don't eat.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- They've been inside for hours.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Such a waste of us.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Man] Your opinion is--

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] Burt Bacharach's
put on some weight.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Ah, just surveying
my girl kingdom here.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- If you're not gonna
back us, Valmont,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}we'll have to withdraw
form the syndicate.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- I'm sorry to hear
you say that, Frank.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Crow] You have a
terribly annoying voice.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- I said sorry.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}What flowers would
you like me to order?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] How about
Wayland Flowers, boss?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- No, no, really.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}What flowers?

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Frank?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Yeah, lilacs?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- You boys.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}You don't know when to
put your heads down.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] After
the test is done?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- We just wait for now.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}We're outside of the
three-mile limit, luckily.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(siren blaring)

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Mike] The SS Jo Anne Worley!

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Valmont] Is that Stud coming?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] I beg your pardon?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(sinister music)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Can I
have another Ho Ho?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- When?
- Last night.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- You say all the narcotics?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Are in
Keith Richards, yes.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Do you want to,
like, look at us or something?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] Every one of
these guys is in sanitation.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(hard smack)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Mike] Fresh!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I saw you undressing
me with your eyes.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- It seems that you
brought bad news.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Girls, I'm about
to sweat through my suit,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}if you want to watch.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(nail file shaving)

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Shut up!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Wow, he can
afford white owls.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- That's enough, Ginko.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Oh man, gotta go.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Oh, don't be occupied,
don't be occupied...

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Get lost.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Could you tell me
what floor housewares is on?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(electronic squealing)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Servo] Mmm, mmm, boy,
pencils are good, mmm.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(alarm buzzing)

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Ginko here.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Huge Tanhead here.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- This is Valmont.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Ginko] Valmont?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I have nothing to say to you.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- I'm calling you, inspector,
on behalf of law and order.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Good.
- I love Jerry Orbach!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- I would like us to make a
little bargain, inspector.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- You know how I
bargain with your kind.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}First, I put you in cages.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Then I teach you to
sing beautifully.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}For once, we've
got special powers.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Servo] Zing.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- By getting you Diabolik alive,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}and then you can arrest him.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Ginko] Well, well, at
last you got the idea.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(Mystery Science
Theater 3000 theme)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Joe, give me the tape
recording of the meeting.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Our Promise
Keepers meeting.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- We've taken a democratic vote.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Five in favor of my plan.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}And three against it.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(loud gunshots)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- I will throw my vote!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Don't shoot, please!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] I'm gonna put a
piece of my tongue in there.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- DOn't shoot, don't shoot!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Since you said
please, I won't shoot.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}- Ahh!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Mike] Extreme
organized crime!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Valmont] Clean up.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] If Northwest flight
attendants had their way...

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Oh, Ralph!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}How nice.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Toni, get dressed.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Fresh air--
- Scram.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Sure.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Now it's unanimous.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Cavernous
noses are the best.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- So...

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Should
we watch Sounder?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- These new emergency powers.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Ginko is really
putting the heat on us.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}If we don't play ball with him,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}we all wind up behind bars.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Or waiting tables.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- So we play ball, but how?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- We catch Diabolik for him.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}We got the know-how
that the cops don't.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- No one's ever seen
Diabolik or his girl.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}No one's ever seen
them and lived.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- So what?
(hoarse wheezing)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}We got connections.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}We all know squealers.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}If all of us work
together on this...

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Mike] We can wipe out litter.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- So long, Diabolik.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Crow] Just airing
out the little sizzler.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(sensual music)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Phyllis
Diller dropped by.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(stifling sneeze)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Plumber pulled
this out of the tub drain.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}♪ Dee dee dah

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Diabol-lick.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Servo] Honey,
I'm out of cash.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Wanna roll around in
some savings bonds?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- You've been
asleep for 20 hours.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- 20 hours?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- I slipped you a sleeping pill.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}- Why?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] When you're asleep,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}you don't talk to
me or touch me.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- When you're not planning,
I'm afraid you get restless.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I'd rather have you sleep.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Hey, her
hair has a navel!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Ah,
they're co-gargling.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(machine buzzing)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Excuse me, dear, I'm
expecting something.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- What?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Watch.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Hef taught
me that move.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- The Foreign Office
today confirmed

{\a1\pos(33,460)}the upcoming official visit of

{\a1\pos(33,460)}British Finance Minister,
Sir Harold Clark.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Sir Harold and his
charming wife, Lady Clark,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}will arrive here on
Thursday, May 5th.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- May 5th.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Isn't the 6th your birthday?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] We're going over
to the Andersons for dinner.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- What would you
like me to give you?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Hmmm,
something non-penis.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- There must be
something I haven't got.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Reporter] A reception
is planned in their honor

{\a1\pos(33,460)}in historic St. Just Castle.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Lady Clark will wear the
famous Aksand necklace

{\a1\pos(117,460)}which is comprised
of 11 emeralds,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}the most perfect in the world.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Those emeralds.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] Typical guy,
doesn't pick up the hint.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(mysterious jingle)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Man] You've arrived.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Wow, the
addition blends right in.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Got tickets?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Need two.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- You got the time, baby?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Depends, handsome.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}So far I've turned
down all offers.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}- Why?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}What's your price?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] Are you planning
to buy me in bulk?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- An emerald necklace.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] You're not gonna
give me the time, are you?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- You look worth it.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Hop in.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] "You look weathered."

{\a1\pos(33,460)}What a nice thing to say.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Look out!

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Well?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] A young Sam
Donaldson scores.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Lady Clark's room is...

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Is the highest window,
the one that's lit up.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}- And?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] That building
looks like us.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- I saw a truck delivering
some television equipment.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Closed-circuit TV.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] Ali/Spinks tonight.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Many police?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- About 50 outside.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}And 30 inside
dressed as waiters.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Hmm, and Ginko's the chef.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- I didn't see Ginko.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] That squares my chin.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- If you didn't see
him, he's there.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}- Huh?
- Huh?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Anyone notice you?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Oh, one of the
girls on the sidewalk

{\a1\pos(33,460)}asked me a few questions.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}She thought I was trying
to move in on her beat.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- I figured Diabolik would
make a play for those emeralds.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Who wouldn't?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}They're beautiful!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Dry up, stupid!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- (laughing) Sure.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] She's a sex clown.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- This might be our big chance.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}If you're right, I'll
take care of you, sweetie.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Want me to describe her?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Servo] Who's
straight in this scene?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Not to me, to Tony.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Tell him!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Time for blood
pressure check, gentlemen.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Woman] Well, look at that.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}That's a funny-looking thing.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(goofy laughter)

{\a1\pos(201,460)}What is it?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Hey, I'm talking to you!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}What is it?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- You'll see, and
don't touch it.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Guys, he sees us!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Whoa, hey!
- Did she have a face...

{\a1\pos(285,460)}- Huh?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Like this?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Was her face like this?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- No, like this.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Okay, let's go on, her eyes?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(mysterious music)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] No, no, stop
there, stop there.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}No, no, wait, go back.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Go back.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}No, it was not like
that, what'd'ya doin'?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}No, no, that one, that one.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}D'oh!

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Servo] No, she wasn't Hitler!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] This is actually
Electric Ladyland.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Yeah, yeah, that's her!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Just like real.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Get 5,000 copies of this
printed and circulate them.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}She will not get away!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Cleopatra
drives a Jaguar.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Good night.
- Good night.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Good night, so
nice to see you.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Thanks
for helping us move.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Good night.
- Good night.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Good night.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] I finished
the magic flute.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Boy, glad that's over.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- I hope it's not.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Why do you think I gave the
necklace all that publicity?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}He'll never be able to
resist those emeralds.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Now we'll sit back and
wait to spring the trap.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Oh, can't
the Navy SEALs

{\a1\pos(117,460)}ever just come in
the front door?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Wife
drops her earring...

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Mike] Clunk.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Let's go
security guarding now,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}where everybody's learning how.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Come on and security
guard with me!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] I'm a Nazi,
but I love color!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}What can I do?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(waves splashing)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] I hurl my
skinniness at you!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Stupid jerk!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Wait, I'm
just the postman!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] I exfoliate
while I creep.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Crow] Omaha Beach, June 5th.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}I was early.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Look at that,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}he's got knives stuck
in every cranny.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] I'm just a neighbor!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] You gotta
get rid of that cyst.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Sir Harold...
- Are you dead?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- If you don't mind, I'd like
to check your room again.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Please do.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- How romantic.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}It makes me feel I'm living

{\a1\pos(12,460)}in the days of highway robbers.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Hang on (snoring).

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- When I return to London,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I will have such exciting
things to tell to my friends.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] C'mon, honey,
I want you, baby!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Get moving!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] My butt is weird.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Now for my
ACME Giant Pogo Stick.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] I hate when
the party is done

{\a1\pos(33,460)}and you just got a couple
old people left over.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(Servo vomiting)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Look out!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- No danger on this side.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Slippery wall straight down.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}A fly couldn't climb it.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Lady Clark, may I ask you
to leave your necklace

{\a1\pos(96,460)}on this table all night?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Part of our security
arrangements.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Why, of course, inspector,
anything you'd like.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Now I wish you
both good night.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Bye-bye, to you.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Good night.
- Good night.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Come along, Vivaldi.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] You're gonna play
the Montgolfier brothers.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike] Hey, he's
double-bagging himself.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Now I'm gonna put a
nice red one over this one.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(tense music)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] Brought his Lars
Tetens cigars with him.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}That's good.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike] Oh boy, this is
gonna take a long time.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Crow] Yup.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Ah, he's just skittering
up the wall, isn't he?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] He needs
Wallace's trousers.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] I'm getting
a funny feeling.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Scraping
sounds reverberate
throughout the castle.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(helicopter whirring)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Servo] Help?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- How amusing they are.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- They're the police!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- I know, dear.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] Are you nude yet?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Lady Clark] Oh, I feel
so marvelously attractive!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I did do good, didn't I, dear?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Harold] Yes, dear.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- It was a nice
evening after all.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] That's right, be old.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- He never took his eyes
off my decollete once

{\a1\pos(117,460)}the entire evening.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Howells
got a spin-off.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Lady Clark] Don't be nasty.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(Mystery Science
Theater 3000 theme)

{\a1\pos(285,460)}- Huh?

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Oh.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Hey, Mike!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Does Pearl offer any kind
of a severance package?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}'Cause as soon as we
get down to Earth,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I'm gonna need to buy a
blue suit for interviews,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}and I'll probably want to blow

{\a1\pos(33,460)}15 large on off-track betting!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Oh, hang on.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Hey, Pearl?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(shredder whirring)

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Can it wait?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I have to explode
the nuclear core,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}release all the mutants,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}and fill out the change
of address cards.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Oh, oh, hey, Brain Guy.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Start pitching viruses
while I shred documents.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- I've got a million things to--

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Oh, very well.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Yes, sir, Nelson.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I don't even care that
you're coming back to Earth.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I took me a sweet job as
dictator for life of Qatar.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Now, they've been
courting me for some time.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}They've even sent me
this beautiful basket
of flavored sand.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Look at that, Qatar!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}My first act is to
get these idiots a U!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}And, Brain Guy?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Brain Guy could care less, too.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}He's got lots of stuff
going on, right, snow crab?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Oh, yeah.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Hell yeah, in fact.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I've got lots of stuff going on.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Yes, see, lots of stuff.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Big white guy like
him, you kidding me?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Actually, though,
I was wondering

{\a1\pos(12,460)}if you guys would be interested

{\a1\pos(117,460)}in getting a place
together after this?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- Ooh, sorry, I actually have to

{\a1\pos(33,460)}live in Qatar to rule over it.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Oh, plus, you smell,
and I don't like you?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Naturally.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Bobo, what about you?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Oh, you see, that's not
gonna work out for me.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I just took myself an
important position at the zoo.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Yup, had me a killer interview,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}although I thought I'd blown it

{\a1\pos(33,460)}when I charged the nice lady

{\a1\pos(12,460)}and relieved myself on her desk.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}But it turns out they want
me to start right away.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}In fact, they pursued me.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Nets and stun guns, and
I had to lightly maul

{\a1\pos(96,460)}one of my new coworkers.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Anyway, it's free
room and board.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Besides, I'm too
important for you now!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Ha, hahaha!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- I guess I'll have
to take that position

{\a1\pos(33,460)}as the all-knowing eternal
and universal consciousness

{\a1\pos(96,460)}over in Rylos-14, then.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- What a loser!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Oh, anyway, Mike, you were
asking me about severance.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}That's on page 74
of your handbook.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Oh, okay, I see, got it.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(alarm buzzing)
We got Movie Sign!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(doors opening)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(sonar beeping)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Servo] Choke.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Whoa, leave me alone,
you horny old goat!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Mike] Hello?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(dramatic music)

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Crow] There are no coasters!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] Happy Halloween,
I came as Powder.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(mysterious music)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] After this score,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I'll be able to
reupholster myself.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Hmm, subtle!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] It takes
a buto dancer.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Mike] The inside of his suit
is just filthy with bronzer.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Man, I hope
my nougat coating

{\a1\pos(117,460)}doesn't wash off
on the trip back.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] I'll take the picture

{\a1\pos(117,460)}using the largest
camera in the world.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Lady Clark]
Harold, do you think

{\a1\pos(12,460)}perhaps you should take a tonic?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] 11, Mississippi.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}12, Mississippi.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] That's this room!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I'd know it anywhere.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- What?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Servo] Wa-wa.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- What is it?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Went blank!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Harold] Do you
think the frowst

{\a1\pos(33,460)}would have had the rhubarb?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Lady Clark] Oh,
rhubarb, rhubarb, rhubarb!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}That's all you think about!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Harold, don't be ridiculous
and do come to bed.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Harold] I think I
need a new pair of pumps.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I think my feet must be growing.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(shrill scream)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Salieri, Mozart,
Scarlatti, you're with me!

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Come on.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- My necklace, my beautiful,
beautiful emeralds.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] Diabolik's only
two feet down the tower,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}going as fast as he can.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Crow] The camera adds
10 pounds to a room.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(loud gunshots)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] The old couple's
finally having it out.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(loud gunshot)

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Diabolik!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike] Left my
suction cups in the can.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}What was I thinking?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(loud gunshot)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] He has got to
be a bag of sweat by now.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(door slams)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] Oh, this is what
they apult their cats with.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(rapid gunfire)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Crow] Kapellmeister,
break the door!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(loud gunshot)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(dramatic music)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] I guess they like

{\a1\pos(117,460)}to launch their
fruit occasionally.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Step aside, Voltaire.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(loud gunshot)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] A flying mummy!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(loud gunshots)

{\a1\pos(201,460)}I got him!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}I know I did!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Let's go and see.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] If you got
him, you get a pistol.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(ethereal music)

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Crow] Okay, I'm nude and I'm
still trapped in the castle.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Hmm.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(waves splashing)

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Mike] Could you hold my hand

{\a1\pos(12,460)}while we watch the sunset, sir?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- We've been had again.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}We must get word to all patrols.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}If he's escaping by car, they'll
stop him at the roadblocks.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- They'll never expect
us to double back.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}We've done it again.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}You are hurt.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Have Doc Vernier look
at that tomorrow.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Servo] But I'm
bleeding pretty bad now.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Mike] No, wait 'til tomorrow.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- What'll it be, ma'am?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Fill it up, please.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Sure thing.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Okay, Mr. Diabolik!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Servo] She's dressed
like Sheridan Liqueur.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] So, Europe just looks
like Hampshire, Illinois.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Take that little
thing on the roads, pal,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}you'll be in the grill of an SUV

{\a1\pos(33,460)}before you can say buongiorno!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Stupid cop.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] I'm beginning
to doubt my comb-over.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Hmm, I think
I'll get a teriyaki jerky.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Servo] Well, I'm done
showing men what worms they are.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- The tiger's in
the tank, ma'am.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Keep the change.
- Thanks.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Would you like a
tail for good luck?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Oh no, thank you,
I'm not superstitious.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(engine revving)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] I should rub myself

{\a1\pos(117,460)}with new car scent
and ask her out.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] She's getting away!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}What'll I do?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] He's wearing
his tropical tweets.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(birds tweeting)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Oh man
(chewing noises),

{\a1\pos(33,460)}swimming is great exercise.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Hey, you!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Dang, knock it off, will ya?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Ah, we are
having fun, aren't we?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] (chewing
noises) Gimme more.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] The pool's
all cluttered with
Sociables and dip.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Ralph!

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Phone.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] I'm coming, Alice.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Ralph!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] I need you to
razor my corns again!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- It's about time.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Servo] You shouldn't
get out of the pool

{\a1\pos(12,460)}until an hour after he's eaten.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- It's a man.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Shut up.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike] You're welcome.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Who is it?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- It's Rudy.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}The girl you're after
is at Vernier's.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Don't let her
out of your sight.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Are you sure no one
followed you here?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Who's who?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Why do you ask?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Listen to me, don't
come here again, ever.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Crow] Or I'll thrust
my forehead at you.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- What are you
trying to tell me?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- You came here
for medical advice.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I'm telling you this for
your health, and mine.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] Eat more vegetables.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Nurse?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Nurse] Yes, doctor?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Take her along to
the infrared room.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Mike] Oh, and
do all the work,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}and make all the hard decisions

{\a1\pos(96,460)}at one-fourth my salary.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Crow] Infrared room.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Mike, I beg you to get
us an infrared room, now!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Please,
please, please?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Crow] Please!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Infrared room?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Ma'am, you
want me to pop this?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Now just relax.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I'm going to give you
the infrared treatment.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] It's actually kind
of a infra-burnt orange.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Excuse me.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}The fuse must have blown.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] I don't
blame it, mmm-hmm.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Servo] Would you like
a sample of Giorgio?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(sinister music)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] The bunchy diety
look, sweeping Europe!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] The death
of Gregg Allman.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Well, he should
have called by now!

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Relax.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Don't do it.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- We've got him in a box.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}He's too far gone on the girl.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Is she very beautiful?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Yeah.
- Ooh!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- You're too smart to
ask stupid questions.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] No, I'm not!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Hold it.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Glad I
paneled the basement.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Now I can finally entertain.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(telephone ringing)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Crow] He's stringing
up some speakers.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}It's gonna be great.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Bad guy.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Enterprise one,
three-three-three.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- I saw your ad
regarding white Jaguar.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Mike] How new are the tires?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- What's your price?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- $10 million.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Plus...

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Dealer and prep.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- An emerald necklace.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Right.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- And don't try to pull any
of the funny stuff, huh?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I've got a couple of experts
at dealing with women here.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Dudley
Moore and Rick James.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- You might not find it too easy

{\a1\pos(33,460)}to recognize her afterwards.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] No, I was calling
about a white Jaguar?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- I accept your conditions.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- That's what I like to hear.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] He has a
pillow top face.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}- Yes.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Meet me at Sibby's at
the Break-In Airport.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] He sounded nice.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Get me Inspector Ginko.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Welcome, Dr. Meacham.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(foreboding music)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Crow] So you like my
cool conversion plane?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Ah,
they're gonna put him

{\a1\pos(117,460)}over the trap door and
drop him three feet.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] You had more than
one carry-on, you bastard.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] I have a
flashing appointment.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Is this gonna take long?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(engine turning)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Go check them.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] It's full of Jean
Nate Friction Pour Le Bain!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] We're seeing the
plane's private parts!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- It all seems to be here.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] And I'm
a cartoon walrus!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- The necklace.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- When I've got Eva back.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- No necklace, no Eva.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}That's the deal.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Is that the only deal you've
got going today, Valmont?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- I don't have to talk.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Mike] I'd rather just cuddle.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I could kill you instead.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Go ahead.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}All you've got to do
is push that button.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] That didn't have
the impact I'd hoped for.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Valmont, this is
most unprofessional.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Henchman] Boss, we're
over the target now.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] We need
any discount items?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Circle this spot.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Henchman] Gotcha.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(intercom buzzing)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Excuse me.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- That's where Eva is.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Boss, you look
chilly, so I brought you this.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Valmont] Ever jumped before?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Servo] Once, from
the teeter-totter, yeah.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Valmont] Nope.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}First, the necklace.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Hold it.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}I'll take it.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Well, I
was just reaching

{\a1\pos(12,460)}for my snotty Kleenex, but sure.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Valmont] Now.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Eww, it's all
warm from your pocket!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(dramatic music)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Like I quickly showed
all three of your faces?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] But I'm
an evil mastermind!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(everyone laughing)

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Mike] Ha ha ha, this is fun!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Crow] My leg is
turning one-dimensional!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(loud explosion)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Peanut dust!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- I almost forgot.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}When I stumbled,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I attached a magnetic
capsule to your plane.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Who cares?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Pull the cord!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Pull the cord!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] No, it's
"pull the string!"

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- I know it's a trap, Valmont!

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Is Eva down there or only Ginko?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Yeah, yeah!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}She's there, in the cabin!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- And Ginko, is Ginko
down there, too?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Yeah, yeah!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Like whoa, man, yeah!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Great, it's
a picnic umbrella.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}D'oh!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Wow, I really
missed Yankee Stadium.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(hard thud)
(guttural groan)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Ow, I crushed
all my Pringles.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- It's a trap.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Valmont's made a
deal with Ginko.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Are you all right?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] If my wig
is straight, I'm fine.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Damn you, Ginko.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] There's people
coming, I gotta straighten up.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Rat Patrol, too?

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Man!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] Oh, they're
trucking in Nittany Lions.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Is it too
windy back there?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Next birthday, I'm
taking you to Olive Garden.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(heavy breathing)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- You hide back in the cabin.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I'll draw their fire.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}If they get me, you
know what to do.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Hook up with
some other idiot?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- But--

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Run, or they get us both.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Okay,
I'll go find Nova

{\a1\pos(33,460)}and hang with her for a while.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(tires screeching)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Thought you guys were
gonna take the coast road.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Where'd you go?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Inspector, we've
got him this time.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}He's surrounded.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Ha, they don't know
about my pencil-thin arms!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}(rhythmic primal music)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] George, George,
George of the Jungle!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Strong as he can be.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike] Good job, tree.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Take it easy.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(rapid gunfire)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Ah-ha, I'll
give away my position!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Heh heh heh.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(rapid gunfire)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] I was
cleaning the erasers!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(loud gunfire)

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(loud gunfire)

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(loud gunfire)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Hey, and I let
your ride on my parachute!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(loud gunfire)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] I must remember to
have my face resharpened.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(ethereal music)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Damn,
I'm out of staples.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- I've got you, Diabolik.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Come on out.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Valmont!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Don't play the hero!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Oh, Valmont
playing the hero.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Why does that not surprise me?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] Your pacing is...

{\a1\pos(285,460)}so...

{\a1\pos(117,460)}important to a...

{\a1\pos(285,460)}movie.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Eh, I'll
just try this again.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Servo] D'oh!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}D'oh, d'oh, god,
gotta play the hero.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}D'oh, oh, d'oh!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}D'oh, ow!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(rapid gunfire)

{\a1\pos(285,460)}- Now.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Diabolik!

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Give up!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Yeah,
yeah, yeah, hang on.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I gotta get a Sen-Sen.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Damn
child-proof spy stuff!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] My steel
reusable Fleet.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Maybe I can run real
fast and push it into him.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] I wasn't
getting enough iron.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(mechanical click)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] He swallowed
the silver thing.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}We're sunk.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] This could
be a long stand off.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I'd better take
care of, you know.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Uh, Spock,
are you going back?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] Wonder if I can
see my backyard from up here?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Mike] Ah-ha!

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Oh.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] It's been
a hard day's night.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Crow] Diabol?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Diab, how you doing?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] He's dead, I
have a huge forehead.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}What else can go wrong?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Good night,
sweet thin guy.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] A flight of Jaguars
sing thee to thy rest.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Servo] Oh, I suppose
he's young and has hair.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}That means I'm just crap.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Doctor] So, this is
the famous Diabolik?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Assistant] Yes, doctor.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Get him ready.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Yes, sir.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(busy chatter)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Is it true he's dead.
- Yes.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Was he poisoned?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Dr. Ferrara is
performing the autopsy.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Servo] I'm playing gearshift.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Vroom, vroom, heh heh.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- We'll begin with
a circular incision.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Scalpel.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(instruments jingling)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Oh, that's a scalpel?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Oh, I'll use that.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Ugh, let me get
that nose out of the way.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Just give me a
little room to work.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(dramatic music)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Crow] Here, I'll do
my own autopsy, thanks.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] I'm not
Werner Klemperer!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Please don't hurt me!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] You know, Quincy
wouldn't take crap like this.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Servo] Right.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Krushan, doctor.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}The Tibetan lamas have
used it for 3,000 years.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}It brings on a
state of suspended
animation for 12 hours.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}But if you're not
given the antidote,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}the apparent death becomes real.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Anyway, I'll
get back on the table.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- How long's it been, Eva?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Well, it
shrank when you died--

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Oh.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- 11 hours and 57 minutes.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Mike] Give or take 11 hours.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(Mystery Science
Theater 3000 theme)

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Sergeant.
- Lick me.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- This is our friend
Valmont's certificate.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] He completed
Piano Book One.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Cause of death, 11
machine gun shots.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}11 emeralds.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] And one pimple.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- 11 bullets.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}To the morgue!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] I'm really hungry.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- There, Ralph Valmont.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}If you'll just sign this here,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}here, here, and here.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Four times.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Four times, yes.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] See,
Anonymous P. Hancock.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Crow] I'll take a
pack of Marlboros, too.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- He was basically a good boy.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Always sent money to mama.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] Hang on, pig oyster.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- There there, buck up.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Crow] I'll see if I
have this in your size.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Mmm, the
baked beans are ready.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- He'll soon be home at last.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}He's in peace now.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Let's see whether
he's ready yet.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Please.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] I put some
semolina flour in him,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}so he'll have a
nice, crispy crust.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Yes, he's ready.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] For some football!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Every time...

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] I'm about to close,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}some jerk wants to be cremated.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- I reflect on man's insig--

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(sinister laughter)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Have you ever seen a--

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(loud clang)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Excuse me, could
you tell where the--

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Servo] So no, then, I guess?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Crow] Let's face it,
this guy operates on

{\a1\pos(117,460)}unbelievable luck
and coincidence.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Servo] Yep.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Excuse me, please, could you
tell me where the doctor is?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- He's in shock.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- What?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] But I have an
appointment to be cremated!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(cane tumbling)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Mein
Fuhrer, I can walk!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(sensual music)

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Good.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Don't look.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Ooh hoo!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] You know,
sometimes O-rings can twist

{\a1\pos(117,460)}and lose their
structural integrity.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Ah, who am I kidding?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}It's not gonna happen.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Servo] No, that's all I got.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Diabolik] Two.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Two breast
emeralds, ha-ha-ha!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Diabolik] Three.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Four, five, six.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Right, right, seven,
eight, right, right, right.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Eight.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Nine.
- Ten.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Happy birthday.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Yeah, what
else could he get me?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Oh, you shouldn't
have, darling.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Well, last year, he
just went to the gas station

{\a1\pos(12,460)}and got some of those underpants
folded up like a rose.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] World-record
pencil eraser.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] I'll start
my Russian dance

{\a1\pos(33,460)}as soon as you're done here.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Inspector, we followed your
instructions to the letter.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}20 tons of gold melted
into one big ingot.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Nobody in the world
could possibly steal it,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}considering the weight.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Uh-huh, yes.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Mike] Whip it good, everyone.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- You'd have to sweat for
two days to open that.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] I remain
cool and dry, sir.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Of course, our gold reserves

{\a1\pos(117,460)}certainly have
dwindled recently.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Servo] And someone's
been taking paper clips.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Only since everyone
stopped paying taxes.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}We have to sell the gold
to get hard currency.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Ooh, I'm glad
he said "currency."

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Mike] Oh, don't say goodbye.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Arm the convoy!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] Chicken in the
breadpan, pickin' up dough.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Ginko] Operation Gold Van.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Operation Gold Van.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}This is Inspector
Ginko speaking.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Can you read me?

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Over.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- I read you loud
and clear, over.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Ginko] The trains left.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I will be calling you
at 10-minute intervals.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Over and out.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(train horn blowing)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike] Sounds like my
uncle blowing his noise.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Keep alert.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Crow] Nazis commute to work.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Danek.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Yes, sir?
- Take over up front.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Yes, sir.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] Yes, I'm king
of the front of the train!

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Woo-hoo!

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Crow] Whew, I wish we
Europeans believed in showering.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] How long does it
take for breadsticks to bake?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] Would've thought
one of these networks

{\a1\pos(96,460)}would have put the other
out of business by now.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Hey, Hans, crack
that window, will ya?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Five.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Crow] Crap, what's
the next number, again?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Five...

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Attention.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Attention.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Operation Gold Van.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] Paging Mr. Herman.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Ginko] To all patrols
along the line, attention.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Train is underway.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Red flash alert.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Report all suspicious movements
in vicinity of right of way.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Arrest all persons
loitering along tracks as--

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] We gotta do it.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Don't loiter
near the tracks.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Crow] Nope.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Attention.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Ginko] DO you
read me, Patrol 39?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Uh-huh, Patrol
39 acknowledging.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}We're proceeding with plan.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(doors slamming)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(sonar beeping)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Hey, and there's me by

{\a1\pos(33,460)}the giant fiberglass muskie
in Hayward, Wisconsin.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- Wow, Mike, I can't wait to see

{\a1\pos(117,460)}all the wonders of
your amazing planet.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Yeah, me neither.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}You know, Crow is gonna love--

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Hey, Crow!

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Cr--

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Crow?
- Crow?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- (sobbing) Mike,
I don't wanna go.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}I'm scared!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- I think he wedged
himself under the desk!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Oh, brother.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Come on outta there, you big
lily-livered scaredy Earth!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Hey, come on, take it easy.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}What's the matter, little pal?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Well, well, the
Earth is so big,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}and there's traffic accidents,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}and all those open spaces,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}and there's wild pigs.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I wanna stay here.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Yeah, I thought
this might happen,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}so I wrote a little song.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Kinda help with the jitters?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Servo, Gypsy, will
you help me out?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Well, lay on, Cole Porter!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(gentle piano music)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ I know it's hard to leave

{\a1\pos(12,460)}♪ This little satellite of ours

{\a1\pos(12,460)}♪ We've had some fine adventures

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ We danced among the stars

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- We did!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ And though we're
far-out space nuts

{\a1\pos(96,460)}♪ No matter where I roam

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ There's just no other planet

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ Like the planet I call home

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Wisconsin?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- No, actually, I was
talking about this...

{\a1\pos(201,460)}♪ To Earth

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ The very birthplace
of my birth

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ The thought of Earth
fills me with mirth

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Hey, maybe we'll
meet Colin Firth

{\a1\pos(96,460)}♪ That is a possibility

{\a1\pos(285,460)}♪ See

{\a1\pos(12,460)}♪ The blossoms on an apple tree

{\a1\pos(12,460)}♪ To wander barefoot by the sea

{\a1\pos(12,460)}♪ And slice your heel upon a
broken bottle of Lipton Ice Tea

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- C'mon, clam it, shorty,
you're not helping.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ The Earth's a
big and scary place

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ With wars and crime and gas

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- It is?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ They listen to Shawn
Mullins and Alanis Morrissette

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Oh no!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}♪ This satellite
has been my home

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ I've never known another

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Me either!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Where will I
live, what will I do

{\a1\pos(33,460)}And can I keep my mother?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Absolutely

{\a1\pos(285,460)}- Mom!

{\a1\pos(285,460)}♪ Okay

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Oh no!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Then it's to Earth
we'll go to stay

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Through sylvan glens
we'll romp and play

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Yeah!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Oh, but what if I
get eaten by a dog

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Or by a manta ray

{\a1\pos(201,460)}♪ Let's go

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ There's so much
that we don't know

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ It's Gypsy, Servo,
Mike, and Crow

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ I'm scared of water buffalo

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Exotic lands
we'll come to know

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ We'll all get
mauled in Chicago

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ We'll bid the
satellite farewell

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ And then we'll go to Earth

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Well, now I think
I'd rather stay

{\a1\pos(201,460)}♪ To Earth

{\a1\pos(180,460)}♪ I wish to hell
you wouldn't say

{\a1\pos(201,460)}♪ To Earth

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- Well, now I can't wait to go!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Show me that giant
fiberglass muskie!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- That's the spirit!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Hey, Tom, where was that pic--

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Tom, Tom?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- I think he wedged
himself under the desk.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Uh-oh.
- Great.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Now I'm gonna have to
write a whole new song.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}We'll be right back.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Help?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(Mystery Science
Theater 3000 theme)

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(upbeat music)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(Servo humming)

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Crow] Sorry, ma'am, I'm gay.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Oh, I wore
that hitchhiking once.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Crow] Yeesh.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Can I help you?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Oh, thanks, I
could use a lift.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Trucker] Yeah, sure!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] If I could
borrow that belt.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- I ran out of gas.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Oh, I'm so tired.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}If you could just drop
me at the motel, huh?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Yeah.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- I'll worry about the
car in the morning.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] In my skimpy nightie.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Oh, oh, my suitcase!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- I'll get it.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] I borrowed
Harvey Fierstein's voice.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Happy to get it.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Oh, you're so nice.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(raspy croaking)

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- It's heavy.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Always glad to help
a lady in distress.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] I bought the largest
toddler jumper I could find.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Would you
stop being stealthy

{\a1\pos(33,460)}and just get in the truck?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Turns out Diabolik
can't drive a stick.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] I usually
wear my driving thong.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(engine turns)

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(upbeat music)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}♪ It's not unusual to
steal trucks from anyone

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(musical scatting)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] This is so Mentos-y.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Stop it!

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Stop!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Crow] Oh, crap, I'm
supposed to be driving!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Servo] Wa-ha!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Ah, Diabolik
adds to his trail

{\a1\pos(117,460)}of charred and
dismembered bodies.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(loud crash)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] George
Jones drives a truck.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(downtrodden music)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}(uptempo surf rock music)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] We're beautiful
and you're a loser!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Crow] Ah, it's
delightful and charming

{\a1\pos(33,460)}that they triumphed
again in the name of sex.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Hey, can I get a
ride with you, okay fine.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(loud gunshots)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Requesting aid, repeat.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Ginko here.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Ginko here!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Ginko here!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- What's happened?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(brakes grinding)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Crow] Reginald
Perrin's on that train.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Mike] Flaming truck at
Brixton, 20 minutes late, Joan.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- He's probably mined the
entrances to the tunnel.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}We can't afford to take chances.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] We've drained
the chances-taking budget.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- We're backing out before--

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(loud explosion)

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Mike] Oh wait, no, we're not.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(humming upbeat music)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Just as I thought.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}The tunnel's been blocked
by two explosions.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Luckily, we're clear.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Are we
still on for dinner?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Danek's in pursuit.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}The train will have
to be rerouted.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Wait.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Three miles back, there's the
Arleville marshaling yard.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}From there, take the unused line

{\a1\pos(96,460)}that crosses the bay
on the Lawrence Bridge.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] I'll hit the
slot machine first.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}(uptempo surf rock music)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ I only learned one lick

{\a1\pos(96,460)}♪ Does it bug you at all

{\a1\pos(96,460)}♪ Gotta practice my lick

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Only one hour more

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] Listen, someone's
beating up Doc Severinsen.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Crow] Hey-oh!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Ah, that
was a great finch.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Perfect, Ginko, perfect.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Whoopee!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(tires screeching)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Crow] Ah, should have
gotten a sleeper car.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I didn't know this movie
would take so long!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Man, Von
Ryan really fell bad.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Bye-bye, Von Ryan.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Crow] Bye.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(loud explosion)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Oh, more
innocent people killed

{\a1\pos(33,460)}because of Diabolik's whims.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Servo] How wonderful.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(loud splash)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Something happened?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Servo] No.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Headquarters to
Operation Gold Van.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Headquarters to
Operation Gold Van.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I can't hear you.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}YOu're drowned out.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] The ocean is
heavily chlorinated.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(water splashing)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(languid music)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] I put this rope up so
the sharks stop bothering me.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] Wait, she's a man!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Ugh, yuck.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Ah, he found
the ocean's plug.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Now he's gonna drain it.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike] And bring those
paper towels over here.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I spilled a little.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] I don't
think the rain gear

{\a1\pos(33,460)}is gonna help at this point.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] My tanks are filled
with Paul Mitchell products.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(air hissing)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Mike] Sorry.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(air hissing)

{\a1\pos(201,460)}♪ La la la la

{\a1\pos(201,460)}♪ Wa wa wa wa

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Lyrics by Chachi.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] You know, I heard
the song as wee-wee-wee.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}This is kind of an
interesting interpretation.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}♪ Waa waa waa

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Servo] Woo!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Man, I'm farting
a mile a minute.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Crow] You're a zero!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Servo] Hey!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Crow] What?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Servo] Hey!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] What, Mike,
what do you want?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] No, I...

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Nothing, never mind.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] Kinda hard to
drive with fins on, isn't it?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Uh, how do
you start this thing?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Waa waa, waa waa

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Hey, that's Fonzie
joining in with the whoa-whoa.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Release
baking soda, and away!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] Raising the
Titanic would be a cinch!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Just get a bunch
of party balloons.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] You know,
nobody goes through

{\a1\pos(33,460)}this kind of trouble any more
for frankincense or myrrh.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Servo] Oh.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Ribbit, sir.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Well?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Frogman] Nothing, inspector.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}The gold's not there.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I searched everywhere.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Why, what do you
mean it's not there?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}It weighs 20 tons!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike] If it's heavy,
it has to be there!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] What do you
mean it's not there?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}It's blue!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] Diabolik really
likes to tinker in his garage.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Honey, are
you gonna come up?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I made you a ham sandwich.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] He's on the David
Cassidy workout program.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Boy, labelmakers
have really come a long way.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Ahh, I'll put
it right in here.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] I wish more gold
would get this test done.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}It would save a lot of lives.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Good.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}This laser gun
can melt anything.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Except you, honey.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Nice that gold melts at a
lower temperature than steel.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}It's the only way we can get it.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike] "Oh, I'm gold,
I'm hard to steal."

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Well, eat me, gold!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Can I get
you a cappuccino, sir?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(phone buzzing)

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Ginko here.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Inspector.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] I'm Mr. Wilson.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- We allowed you take all
these extravagant measures

{\a1\pos(33,460)}so that the gold would reach
its destination without fail!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}And now, what do I hear?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}What am I to report
to the minister?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}What is he to tell
to Parliament?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}That we are bunch of
helpless jackasses?!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Let's not exaggerate.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Exaggerate?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Don't be funny!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Like Fred
Travalena, sir?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Well, professor.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Professor] Yes, yes?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}There are spots.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Good, there are traces.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Traces of what?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Servo] Love?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Radioactivity.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}As a precaution, I had
part of the container

{\a1\pos(12,460)}holding the gold radioactivated.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike] Let's not talk.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Then there's a chance
of recovering it!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(Mystery Science
Theater 3000 theme)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- You be careful.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Don't worry.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}With this suit, I could swim
through the center of the sun.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] Well, that's what it
said in the catalog, anyway.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Wow, that
enhugens his face.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] Mmm, canker sore.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Oh, wow,
wow, turn it down!

{\a1\pos(12,460)}You're getting gold everywhere.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] The government's
French dressing storehouse.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] Remember when I
said that about the gold?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Feels great, that's great.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(diabolic laughter)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Sorry,
drank too much coffee

{\a1\pos(33,460)}and ate a lot of asparagus.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(foreboding music)

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Servo] Ooh!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Oh, Dr.
Phibes is drunk again.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- The alarm.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Crow] The bed-wetting alarm.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}What does it mean?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Someone's broken in.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Let's go
swim through the sun.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Kinda glad I didn't
install a bagpipe alarm.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] I need to get
out of this play suit.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}- Run.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I'll meet you in
tunnel number seven.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}They'll never find us there.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Why aren't you coming now?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- I've got to open the locks.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] And bagels.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- They'll drown like rats.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- I'll wait for you.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I'm not going alone!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Who will
inflate my lips?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- You are.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}You'll not be
alone while I live.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] You can
stay with my mom.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Now go!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Keep going.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Keep--

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Keep going further.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Go.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] A box of men got out.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] That suit has to
be a little constricting.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] You know he's
taping and tucking.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Servo] He's gotta be.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(loud gunshots)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] D'oh, my
own shotgun trap!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I keep forgetting.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(loud gunshots)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Okay, geez!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}I gotcha.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(loud gunshots)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] Kato, no!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(rapid gunshots)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(rapid gunshots)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(loud gunshots)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Crow] Well, I'm
sorry if you're offended

{\a1\pos(117,460)}by my random murders.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(loud gunshots)

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Mike] No, it's boiling over.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Now the house is gonna
smell like burnt gold.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Crow] Great.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Ha ha, I'm useless
against your weapons!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}I mean...

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(rapid gunshots)

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Diabolik!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}You're finished!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}The exits are blocked!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] I'll bulge
my eyes at you!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(loud explosion)

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Mike] Help, I forgot to wear

{\a1\pos(33,460)}swimming-through-the-sun-proof
socks!

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Ow!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Servo] Some kids get
covered with molten gold

{\a1\pos(33,460)}when they sit and spin...

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Suit didn't work
as well as I thought.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] He's a golden Gumby.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Gold everything

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(general chatter)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] What is that,
a pack of baboons?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(Servo grunting)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Thank you very much.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Sir, is it true
you're dating Ben Affleck?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Barbaric, displaying the
body of a fallen enemy.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- The minister.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Besides, it's good publicity.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(general chatter)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Servo] Isn't it cool?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}You guys.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Crow] Kind of stupid to have
an underground observatory.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Order this place
to be cleared.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Yes, sir.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] I'll fart.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Everybody out, please.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Servo] I took
a Swizzle Stick.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Alright, gentlemen, leave.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}This way, please.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Ah, there
ain't no story here.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I'm just gonna write
about the Internet.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(general chatter)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] These guys are
part of the Rhythm Nation.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Not entirely.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(dull droning)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(dramatic music)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Servo] They're
raiding my refrigerator!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] And the movie
just kinds of peters out.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Well, let's
see if we can find

{\a1\pos(33,460)}another hero somewhere else.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(melancholy music)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] I'll sneak out while
he has no peripheral vision.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Did she get
stuck in a bear's behind?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Servo] Hmm, I thought I heard

{\a1\pos(33,460)}someone laughing at my outfit.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Oh, well.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Well, this
place looks cavernous,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}but it's only got a little
cramped kitchenette.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}It's real pink.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Shouldn't the Sandpipers
start singing right about now?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Well, I'm
off to the Iditarod.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Servo] What's
that stain up there?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] If only he'd been
drenched in zero coupon bonds.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Crow] Oh, I know you
stabilized our economy,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}but it's hard to accept.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Servo] We had so many
innocent people left to murder.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Yeah.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}(sinister music)
- Can You move your car?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}You parked me in.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- I was expecting
you, inspector.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Servo] I wasn't
expecting your expecting

{\a1\pos(96,460)}when I expectorated your
injector, inspector.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- I knew you wouldn't be
able to resist seeing him.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Please...

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Get bent.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Give me a few seconds more.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Alone.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Oh, man,
my nose itches.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike] Well, you guys
have never tricked me,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}so I guess it's okay.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] Oh, once this
giant mink gives birth to me,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I'll help you, honey.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Invest me wisely.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Hey, watch the hand!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(dramatic music)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] (muffled) Woman, get
this stupid thing off of me!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Not to take
anything away from Diabolik,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}but this guy was not the
sharpest arch-nemesis.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] That's not to say
anything bad about Diabolik--

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike] Not to take
anything away from him.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Thank you, inspector.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}You don't know
how grateful I am.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] He's basically an
eyebrow delivery system.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] Man, there's a cold
Heineken sitting right there!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Deep, deep down

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] It doesn't really
seem like he comes out ahead.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Not really.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Deep, deep down

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(diabolic laughter)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Hey, who
turned off the lights?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Servo] This has been the
official biopic of Larry Fine.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(doors slamming)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(sonar beeping)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(doors slamming)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(alarm beeping)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Tom, what's our situation?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Beginning reentry, Mike!

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Good.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(loud explosion)
- Ugh!

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Total heat shield failure, Mike!

{\a1\pos(285,460)}- Bad.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}What's going on?
- Deck Three broken away!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(loud explosion)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Deck Four broken away!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(loud explosion)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Oh my gosh, Cambot, give
me Rocket Number Nine!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Whoa, Nelly!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(loud explosions)
Deck Five broken away!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Deck Six, broken away!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(loud explosion)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Deck Seven, melting
and broken away!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Gypsy, what do we do?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- We burn up horribly.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}It's too dreadful
to contemplate!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Oh my god in heaven, please
have mercy on our souls!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- I'll call Pearl.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Uh-oh, toxic gas filling our
lungs and our nasal passages!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Mike] Pearl!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Now sing, dammit, sing!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ It's a long way
to tip a rare breed

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ It's a long way

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Look, Nelson.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Move on.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}I am.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(electronic static)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Whoa, Deck Nine crashing
through Deck 10 and 11!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- This is it!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}We're going down!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(loud explosion)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Brace for impact!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- We're all gonna die!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Mike, have you seen
my other sweater?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(panicked screaming)

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(loud crash)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(loud explosion)

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(light music)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Heh heh heh, boy, oh boy,
this ConGypsCo stock is up!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I mean, way up!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Well, Gypsy did want to let
us in on her public offering,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}but we said no.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Well, if you remember,
I made a fart noise.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}She only took it as a no.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Well, still, it
all worked out.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I mean, we were very fortunate
to walk away from that crash.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- I'll say.
- Oh, yeah.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- I guess if we were
all multibillionaires,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}you guys wouldn't
have moved in with me.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- True.
- Yeah, that's right.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Sweet garden-level living.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}One bedroom, one half-bath,
and on the bus line.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Sweet!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Hey, who's for rice?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Would you sit down?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}The movie's about to start!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Come here, dummy!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Announcer] WTMJ TV
in Milwaukee presents

{\a1\pos(96,460)}our Saturday afternoon
movie, The Crawling Eye.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(dramatic music)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- The Crawling Eye, the
Marty Feldman story.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Oh, Forrest Tucker.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}He's the guy that makes sure
the trees' shirt tails are in.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- This movie looks kind
of familiar, doesn't it?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Servo] Hmm...

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(MST3K Love Theme)

{\a1\pos(180,68)}(siren whooping)

{\a1\pos(12,68)}- [Valmont] Is that Stud coming?