My Wife and Kids (2001–2005): Season 5, Episode 2 - Fantasy Camp: Part 2 - full transcript
Michael can't focus on much else after learning that he'll be going to sports legend Michael Jordan's fantasy basketball camp in Las Vegas. Everyone shares his excitement - but for different reasons - and finds some reason as to w...
LAST TIME
ON "MY WIFE AND KIDS"...
"TO MY WONDERFUL HUSBAND...
YOU HAVE BEEN ENROLLED
IN MICHAEL JORDAN FANTASY CAMP
IN LAS VEGAS, NEVADA"?
I'M GOING TO JORDAN CAMP!
OH, THAT'S GREAT!
I LOVE VEGAS!
WE CAN'T GO, HONEY.
BUT AS THE MAN...
WE CAN'T GO!
Do you realize what's in Vegas?
YES, WHORES AND LIQUOR.
No! There's wedding chapels.
We could get married!
IT MAY NOT BE SUCH A BAD IDEA
TO TAKE FRANKLIN ALONG.
I CAN COVER MY EXPENSES
BY SIMPLY BOOKING
A SPEAKING ENGAGEMENT
AT HOOVER DAM.
AND... HEH HEH...
I'M SOMETHING OF A CELEBRITY
AMONG THE DAM FOOLS.
HEY, LOOK,
THERE'S JUNIOR AND TONY.
WHAT KIND OF FOOLISHNESS...
HI, GUYS.
HI, CHECKING IN
TO THE FANTASY CAMP.
MY NAME'S MICHAEL...
[ Foreign accent ] JORDAN!
WHERE? MICHAEL?!
SUCKER!
MADE YOU SEE.
I'M CHECKING IN...
BOB SLOVADONAPOPOVICH.
KYLE.
K-Y-L-E. KYLE.
DON'T HAVE
YOUR NAME HERE, SIR.
DON'T MESS WITH ME, MAN!
THE LAST PERSON
WHO GOT IN THIS YEAR
WAS A
MR. BOB SLOVADONAPOPOVICH.
DAMN, THAT BOB SLOP...
BONADOVAPOP...
POPOVICH.
YEAH.
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS
GONNA DO?
I TOLD YOU,
I'M GOING TO THE SPA,
AND I'M GONNA RECLINE
IN THE LAP OF LUXURY.
NO SLOT MACHINES.
COME ON, BABE, THAT'S
THE LAST THING ON MY MIND!
[ WHISTLING ]
FRANKLIN!
GET OVER HERE!
HEY, MRS. KYLE.
HEY, HEY, HEY, WHERE ARE YOU
ON YOUR WAY TO?
I'M OFF TO SEE
THE DAM FOOLS.
FRANKLIN, NOW, I NEED YOU
A LITTLE MORE THAN THEY DO.
FRANKLIN,
IT'S THAT BLACKJACK.
I'M IN SO DEEP, FRANKLIN.
MICHAEL IS GONNA KILL ME!
BUT MRS. KYLE, CAN'T YOU
REMEMBER MY BLACKJACK SYSTEM?
NO, FRANKLIN,
IT'S TOO COMPLICATED!
IT COULDN'T BE SIMPLER.
WHAT'S SO HARD ABOUT A SERIES
OF LOGARITHMIC CALCULATIONS
BASED ON
NUMERICAL PROGRESSIONS
RISING IN A FINITE COMBINATION
OF CARDS
BASED ON A 52-CARD DECK?
BECAUSE I HAVE NO IDEA
WHAT YOU JUST SAID!
LISTEN TO ME
AND LISTEN TO ME GOOD, OKAY?
IF YOU EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER,
EVER WANT TO SEE KADY AGAIN...
OH, YEAH, I SAID IT.
SAY IT AGAIN.
IF YOU EVER WANT TO SEE KADY
AGAIN, THEN YOU'LL HELP ME.
WE HAVE A DEAL.
BUT HOW CAN I HELP YOU?
I'M NOT EVEN ALLOWED
IN THE CASINOS.
SEE, I PREPARED FOR THIS,
FRANKLIN.
[ LAUGHS ] THIS IS WHERE
MY GENIUS COMES IN.
I HAVE A PLAN.
[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]
WOULD YOU LIKE
ANOTHER CARD?
UM, HMM.
WHAT DO YOU THINK, HONEY?
[ Southern accent ]
I RECKON
YOU SHOULD TAKE
ANOTHER HIT, LITTLE LADY.
[ LAUGHS ]
EXCUSE ME, SIR,
HOW OLD ARE YOU?
HOW DARE YOU QUESTION ME,
YOU OBSTREPEROUS,
YOUNG RAPSCALLION!
[ LAUGHS ]
HOW OLD ARE YOU?
58.
BOTOX.
LOOK, KID...
YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO LOITER
AT THE CASINO TABLES.
EXCUSE ME. I'VE GOT TO GO
TO THE BATHROOM.
THIS OLD BLADDER AIN'T AS STRONG
AS SHE USED TO BE.
[ LAUGHS ]
YOU HAVE 14.
DO YOU WANT A HIT?
I HAVE 14.
DO I WANT A HIT?
TAKE THE HIT.
OH, WHAT A SWEET,
LITTLE BABY OVER HERE!
THAT'S JUST A SWEET BABY.
HEY, KID, I TOLD YOU
TO KEEP MOVING.
GOO-GOO, GAGA!
GET OUT!
GOO-GOO, GOTTA GO!
UH, SIR, HIT ME.
21! WHOO!
[ SIGHS ] I HAVE 18,
AND THE DEALER HAS 3.
WHAT SHOULD I DO?
STAY!
I'LL STAY.
HOUSE BUSTS.
YOU WIN AGAIN.
YES, I DO!
[ LAUGHS ]
UNHAND ME, YOU BRUTES!
I WANT MY LAWYER!
[ SINGING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE ]
HEY! HEY! HEY!
[ SCUFFLING ]
[ IMITATING SINGING
IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE ]
TONY!
WHERE ARE YOUR CLOTHES?
THEY STOLE THEM!
AT THE CHRISTIAN HOSTEL?
YEAH, THEY EVEN TOOK MY
"WHAT WOULD JESUS DO?" BRACELET.
WHO WOULD DO A THING LIKE THAT?
WHERE DO YOU DRAW THE LINE?
HUH, HUH, HUH?!
WHERE DO YOU DRAW IT?! HUH?!
TONY, I'M SORRY.
LISTEN, I'M ANGRY,
BUT I'M GLAD,
'CAUSE AFTER TONIGHT,
I'LL FINALLY BE ABLE
TO RID MYSELF
OF SOME OF
THESE SEEDS OF EVIL.
GREAT.
LET'S GET ON WITH THIS.
HELLO?
IS ANYONE THERE?
CAN I HELP YOU FOLKS?
HI, ARE YOU THE REVEREND?
I'M REVEREND AL.
OH, WELL, HI.
I'M TONY, AND THIS IS CLAIRE.
OH, NICE TO MEET
YOU YOUNG FOLKS.
BUT WHAT HAPPENED
TO YOUR CLOTHES, SON?
THEY WERE ACTUALLY STOLEN
DOWN AT THE CHRISTIAN HOSTEL.
OH, I USED TO MINISTER
DOWN AT THE CHRISTIAN HOSTEL.
I'M AFRAID LATELY IT'S A LOT
MORE HOSTILE THAN CHRISTIAN.
BUT HOW CAN I HELP
YOU FINE, YOUNG PEOPLE?
ACTUALLY, WE'D LIKE
TO GET MARRIED.
OF COURSE.
YOU DON'T WANT A NICE,
BIG WEDDING,
WHERE YOUR FAMILY
AND FRIENDS COME
AND THROW ALL THAT RICE
AND MONEY AT YOU.
FORGET ABOUT THE GORGEOUS GOWN
AND TUXEDO.
YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED
IN YOUR DOLPHIN UNDIES
IN MY TINY,
ROACH-INFESTED CHAPEL.
IT WILL PREPARE YOU
FOR YOUR TINY,
ROACH-INFESTED APARTMENT,
WHERE YOU'LL RAISE
MALNOURISHED, IGNORANT BABIES
AND LOOK IN THE MIRROR
AT YOUR BEAUTIFUL BODY
STRETCH OUT
AND PULL DOWN
AND DRY UP.
AND I'M JUST TALKING
ABOUT YOU, YOUNG MAN.
WELL, COME ON,
LET'S GO IN THE BACK,
AND LET'S GET THIS DONE.
UH, M-MAYBE
WE SHOULD WAIT.
WHY DO THE BABIES
HAVE TO BE IGNORANT?
GEE, I HOPE I DIDN'T SAY
ANYTHING TO SCARE YOU OFF.
UH, NO, ACTUALLY,
WE WERE JUST LEAVING.
WELL, LET ME SHOW YOU OUT.
YOU KNOW, I USED TO HAVE
A "WHAT WOULD JESUS DO?"
BRACELET JUST LIKE YOURS.
NO KIDDING?
YEAH, AND IT HAD
MY INITIALS, "T.J.," ON IT,
JUST LIKE YOURS.
WELL, THIS ONE
STANDS FOR "THANK YOU, JESUS."
[ APPLAUSE ]
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
FOR MY NEXT TRICK,
I WOULD LIKE TO PERFORM AN
ILLUSION ORIGINALLY MADE FAMOUS
BY THE GREAT HARRY HOUDINI...
THE TOMB OF TELEPORTATION.
AND FOR THAT, I'LL NEED
AN AUDIENCE VOLUNTEER, PLEASE.
OOH, PICK ME! I WANT TO GO INTO
THE TOMB OF TELEPORTATION!
VERY WELL. THE BIG-HEADED
YOUNG MAN IN THE BACK.
THAT'S ME!
THAT'S ME!
[ APPLAUSE ]
YES, AND YOUR NAME IS?
JUNIOR KYLE.
JUNIOR,
WHERE ARE YOU FROM?
STANFORD, CONNECTICUT.
WELL, THAT'S BORING.
GET IN THE BOX.
[ CHUCKLES ]
I WILL NOW TELEPORT
THIS MAN
BACK TO A TIME AND PLACE
OF HIS CHOOSING.
YOUNG MAN, WHERE IN TIME
WOULD YOU LIKE TO VISIT?
ANY TIME, ANY PLACE
IN ALL OF HISTORY.
ANY TIME AND ANY PLACE?
LET YOUR IMAGINATION
RUN WILD.
OKAY, I WANT TO GO
BACK, BACK...
UH-HUH?
...BACK...
...ALL THE WAY BACK
TO THE 1:30 BUFFET.
NO, WAIT... 1:00,
THAT'S BEFORE
THEY RAN OUT OF SHRIMP.
VERY WELL.
I WILL NOW IGNORE
JUNIOR'S REQUEST
TO BE TELEPORTED
BACK TO LUNCH.
INSTEAD, I WILL SEND HIM
BACK TO THE STONE AGE,
WHERE, PERHAPS, HE WILL MEET
SOMEBODY AS SMART AS HIMSELF.
[ LAUGHTER ]
YES, AND IT'S SEAM, SEAM,
SEAM SALA-BEAM!
SEND JUNIOR BACK
THROUGH THE TIMELESS SEAM!
[ APPLAUSE ]
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
[ Laughing ] YES.
PERHAPS WE SHOULD
BRING HIM BACK
BEFORE HE GETS EATEN
BY A DINOSAUR?
[ Laughing ]
ALL RIGHT.
HERE WE GO.
JUNIOR, COME ON OUT!
[ GASPS ]
[ GASPS ] [ GASPS ]
ALL RIGHT, FOR MY NEXT TRICK,
PICK A CARD, ANY CARD.
[ CRYING ]
[ CRYING ]
I'M SO HAPPY, I'M SAD.
ME TOO!
HEY, KADY, BABY, I'M HOME.
HEY, HO... HO...
WHOA... HO...
WHO ARE YOU?
OH, HI.
YOU MUST BE MRS. KYLE.
THIS IS BAMBI.
BAMBI?
YES, YOUR SON HIRED ME...
TO WATCH KADY.
WHAT KIND
OF FOOLISHNESS...
HE SAID HE WANTED
TO GO TO THE MAGIC SHOW.
OH, I'M GONNA SHOW HIM
SOME MAGIC, ALL RIGHT.
I'M GONNA MAKE MY FOOT
DISAPPEAR.
KADY, BABY,
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
YEAH, I'M FINE.
WE WATCHED "BAMBI" THREE TIMES.
PARTS OF IT ARE SAD.
YEAH, I KNOW.
BUT FOR ME,
IT'S PERSONAL,
BECAUSE MY MOTHER
WAS SHOT BY A HUNTER.
YEAH, LOOK, THANK YOU
FOR BABYSITTING MY DAUGHTER
AND EVERYTHING.
HOW MUCH DO I OWE YOU,
PLEASE?
LET'S SEE...
THREE HAPPY ENDINGS,
TWO PONY RIDES,
AND ONE RING-AROUND-THE-ROSY.
THAT WILL BE...
$900.
$900?!
NOT INCLUDING THE TIP.
YOU WANT $900
PLUS A TIP?!
WELL, THE MONEY
DOESN'T GO TO ME.
IT GOES TO EARL.
[ LAUGHS ]
I MEAN...
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
..."THE AGENCY."
ALL RIGHT, FRANKLIN,
EVERYTHING SHOULD BE FINE.
JUST STAY
OUT OF THE CASINO.
THANKS, BOB.
HEY, THAT WAS GREAT THE WAY
YOU TWISTED THE MEANING
OF SECTION 29
OF THE PENAL CODE.
YOU TAUGHT ME THAT TRICK,
FRANKLIN.
I DID, DIDN'T I?
WELL, ANYWAY,
THANKS AGAIN, BOB.
DON'T MENTION IT.
I OWE YOU ONE, PAL.
IF IT WASN'T FOR YOUR
LATE-NIGHT TUTORING SESSIONS,
I NEVER WOULD HAVE GOTTEN
YOU-KNOW-WHO OFF.
EXCUSE ME! HELLO!
CAN I HELP YOU FOLKS?
YES,
WE'RE LOOKING FOR OUR SON.
DUMB, BIG HEAD,
STANFORD, CONNECTICUT?
THAT'S HIM.
HAVE YOU SEEN HIM?
YES, ACTUALLY,
I MADE HIM DISAPPEAR.
I NEED YOU
TO BRING HIM BACK
SO I CAN
BEAT HIS BEHIND.
THAT'S THE PROBLEM.
I CAN'T FIGURE OUT
HOW TO GET HIM BACK.
THERE'S A MALFUNCTION
IN THE ILLUSION.
PERHAPS I CAN HELP.
YEAH,
YOU KNOW ABOUT ILLUSIONS?
I'M ACTUALLY
7 FEET TALL.
HOW DO YOU DO IT?
MIRRORS?
NO, BLACKTOP, THE TRUTH IS,
I HAVE QUITE A BIT
OF EXPERIENCE
WITH PRESTIDIGITATION.
HONEY!
WATCH YOUR MOUTH!
IT MEANS "MAGIC," MY DOVE.
I ONCE PERFORMED
THE FLOATING-MAN ILLUSION
FOR THE QUEEN.
ELIZABETH?
NO... LATIFAH.
BUT THAT'S ANOTHER STORY.
ALLOW ME TO COGITATE.
OH, HE'S GOOD AT THIS.
WHICH DIRECTION
DID YOU SPIN THE BOX
TO MAKE HIM DISAPPEAR?
COUNTERCLOCKWISE.
FEAR NOT!
NOW, SPIN IT CLOCKWISE.
KEEP SPINNING,
KEEP SPINNING, KEEP SPINNING.
STOP!
RIGHT THERE.
RUN! THERE'S A PTERODACTYL
ATTACKING!
RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!
HOW DID YOU
DO THAT?!
WITHOUT GIVING AWAY
THE SECRETS OF THE ILLUSION,
JUNIOR'S HEAD WAS SO BIG
THAT IT GOT LODGED
IN THE MECHANISM.
OH, I WAS
SO SCARED BACK THERE.
WAIT TILL I GET YOU
BACK TO THE ROOM.
WHAT DID I DO?!
WHY DON'T YOU TELL US
ABOUT BAMBI, THE HOOKER,
AND HOW YOU PLAN
ON PAYING HER $900, JUNIOR?
$900?
YEAH, $900.
WOW, THAT'S A LOT.
FOR $900, I SURE HOPE SHE DID
A LITTLE MISS MUFFETT,
A COUPLE OF HUMPTY DUMPTIES,
AND A COW
JUMPED OVER THE MOON... MMM!
Jackson: HEY, FOR
THAT KIND OF MONEY,
YOU OUGHT TO GET
TWO HEY, DIDDLE, DIDDLES,
ONE RUMPELSTILTSKIN,
A RUB-A-DUB-DUB,
AND THREE MEN IN A TUB.
DID I SAY THAT OUT LOUD?
YEAH.
THIS IS SO COOL!
YOU'RE LUCKY
YOU GET TO SEE THIS.
IF THERE WAS AN EARLIER FLIGHT,
YOU WOULDN'T BE HERE.
YEAH, I KNOW,
BUT STILL, HOW MANY KIDS
GET TO WATCH THEIR DAD
KICK MICHAEL JORDAN'S BUTT?
YEAH, BUT DAD'S GONNA WIN
BECAUSE HE'S GOING TO...
Together: SPIN TO THE LEFT
AND TAKE JORDAN TO THE HOOP.
Announcer: AND NOW,
FROM NORTH CAROLINA...
NUMBER 23...
MICHAEL JORDAN!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
AND FROM THE NEWLY FORMED
REBEL REPUBLIC
OF HANZAKHSTAKALAN,
BOB SLOVADONAPOPOVICH!
YES!
BOB SLOVADONAPOPA... WHO?
HEY, ARE THOSE MY SHOES?
UH, NO, I GOT THESE
FROM THE JORDAN STORE
IN THE REBEL REPUBLIC
OF KOLERBOBASTAPADON.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S PLAY.
I HOPE
YOU'RE READY FOR THIS.
SEE,
THAT'S THE TRIPLE THREAT.
MMM!
OOOH!
YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT...
WHOA!
NEXT.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
WAIT! YOU DIDN'T
LET ME GET READY!
NEXT!
WAIT!
NEXT.
LET ME JUST PLAY YOU.
I GOT THIS SPECIAL MOVE.
WHAT DO YOU WANT
TO PLAY TO? PLAY TO 10.
ALL RIGHT,
I GOT THE BALL FIRST.
WELL, THAT'S NOT FAIR.
I GOT THE BALL FIRST.
READY? I'M READY. YOU READY?
DROP THE BALL.
ALL RIGHT.
[ GROWLS ]
OHH!
1.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
DO IT WITH YOUR EYES CLOSED,
AND I'M IMPRESSED.
2.
I WASN'T PLAYING "D."
I WASN'T PLAY "D."
HERE IT IS.
THAT'S THAT JOE DUMAR "D."
LOOK AT IT.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
3-0.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
4-0.
YOU CAN'T SHOOT
FROM RIGHT THERE.
THAT AIN'T YOUR SPOT.
5-0.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
THAT AIN'T YOUR SPOT.
YOU AIN'T GOT
NO SPOT THERE.
[ GRUNTS ]
6-0.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
WHAT ELSE?
[ GASPS ]
AAH!
WHAT'S THAT?
THAT'S 3-2.
7-0.
8-0.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
GO AHEAD.
LUCKY SHOTS...
LUCKY EIGHT SHOTS.
LUCKY EIGHT SHOTS.
9-0.
IS SOMEONE TIRED?
NO.
OKAY.
FADEAWAY.
OH!
YOU SEE THAT DEFENSE.
YEAH.
ALL DEFENSE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
NEXT.
HEY,
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
I'M LEAVING THIS CAMP.
WHY?
BECAUSE MY SECRET MOVE
DIDN'T EVEN WORK ON YOU.
SO, YOU'RE GONNA QUIT?
YEAH.
IF YOU QUIT RIGHT NOW,
YOU'RE GONNA QUIT IN LIFE.
COME ON, DON'T QUIT.
JUST TRY HARDER.
I JUST WANTED ONE BUCKET!
I'M SORRY, BOB... UH,
WHAT'S YOUR NAME AGAIN?
IT'S MIKE...
JUST LIKE YOURS.
[ LAUGHS ] EVERYBODY
WANTS TO BE LIKE MIKE.
GOOD LUCK, KID.
I'LL NEVER WASH...
[ SNIFFS ]
YEAH, MAYBE
I SHOULD WASH IT AGAIN.
[ WHIMPERING ]
I'M HEADED
TO THE AIRPORT, DAD.
OKAY, SON.
HAVE A GOOD FLIGHT.
ARE YOU OKAY, DAD?
YEAH, I'M GREAT.
YOU KNOW,
YOU'RE TAKING THIS VERY WELL.
IT'S JUST A GAME,
HUH?
AND LOOK... I WON A TROPHY.
I CAME IN SECOND...
TO LAST.
THAT'S 23rd PLACE.
THAT'S HIS FAVORITE NUMBER.
WOW, DAD. THAT WOULD MAKE
A GREAT KEYCHAIN.
YEAH, SO, I SAW YOU TALKING
TO JORDAN AFTERWARDS.
WHAT DID HE SAY?
NOTHING.
HE WAS JUST COMPLIMENTING ME
ON HOW GOOD I PLAYED...
YOU KNOW, MY AGGRESSIVENESS.
HE WANTED ME TO TEACH HIM
THE SPIN MOVE.
NO, YOU KNOW,
HE'LL TAKE THAT,
AND HE'LL PATENT IT AND CALL
THE SHOE THE "SPINDNAL."
YEAH.
WHAT ABOUT YOU, SON?
HAVE YOU MADE
ANY DECISIONS YET?
OR ARE YOU STILL THINKING
ABOUT QUITTING FATHERHOOD?
WELL,
I'M STILL SCARED, DAD.
THE WHOLE REASON
WHY I CAME TO LAS VEGAS
WAS I DIDN'T WANT TO SEE
THE BABY GET HIS SHOTS.
I COULDN'T STAND
TO HEAR HIM CRYING.
I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN
DO THIS FATHER THING.
OF COURSE YOU CAN,
BECAUSE YOU'RE MY SON.
AND IN YOUR HEART,
YOU'RE A TRUE CHAMPION,
AND CHAMPIONS DON'T QUIT.
SEE, IF YOU QUIT NOW,
YOU'RE GONNA QUIT IN LIFE,
AND QUITTERS NEVER WIN.
SEE, YOU GOT TO BE ABLE TO LOSE
IN ORDER TO WIN,
SO JUST DON'T QUIT.
THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL, DAD.
I CAN'T QUIT NOW.
IF I QUIT NOW,
THEN I'LL ALWAYS BE A LOSER,
SO I NEED TO FOCUS ON WINNING
AT THE IMPORTANT STUFF,
LIKE LOVING VANESSA
AND LOVING MY SON.
HELLO, SON.
HOW'S DADDY'S BOY?
HOW'S DADDY'S BOY DOING?
LOOK, YOU ARE HEADING
IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION,
SON, OKAY?
YOU HAVE YOUR BRASS RING.
SPEAKING OF RINGS...
LOOK AT THAT...
BAM!
WOW.
WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?
MICHAEL JORDAN
GAVE IT TO ME.
HE JUST GAVE IT TO YOU?
YEP, BECAUSE I WAS DETERMINED,
AND I DIDN'T QUIT.
AND I GAVE HIM $15,000.
WOW. WHEN YOU DIE,
CAN I HAVE THAT?
IF YOU DON'T MIND DIGGING.
I DON'T, DAD.
THANK YOU.
YOU'RE WELCOME, SON.
I LOVE YOU, DAD.
I LOVE YOU, TOO.
HEY, DAD, WHEN I GROW UP,
I WANT TO BE JUST LIKE YOU.
EVERYBODY WANT TO BE
LIKE MIKE.
WHO'S THIS?
WHO'S THIS?
FOUL!
MY BALL.
REACH.
I'LL TEACH.
YOU REACH,
I'LL TEACH.
THAT'S TRAVELING.
YOU SURE?
NO.
HOW THAT'S TRAVELING?
TRAVELING... YOU KNOW
WHAT TRAVELING IS? NO.
TRAVELING.
MY BALL.
THERE AIN'T NO REFS
OUT HERE.
I'M A REF.
IT'S MY CAMP, DUDE.
[ LAUGHS ]
YOU REACH,
AND I DRIBBLE THE BALL.
OW!
UGH!
OH!
[ LAUGHS ]
YOU DIDN'T KNOW
ABOUT THAT!
YOU DIDN'T KNOW
ABOUT THAT!
TAKE SOME OF THAT.
HA! HA!
ON "MY WIFE AND KIDS"...
"TO MY WONDERFUL HUSBAND...
YOU HAVE BEEN ENROLLED
IN MICHAEL JORDAN FANTASY CAMP
IN LAS VEGAS, NEVADA"?
I'M GOING TO JORDAN CAMP!
OH, THAT'S GREAT!
I LOVE VEGAS!
WE CAN'T GO, HONEY.
BUT AS THE MAN...
WE CAN'T GO!
Do you realize what's in Vegas?
YES, WHORES AND LIQUOR.
No! There's wedding chapels.
We could get married!
IT MAY NOT BE SUCH A BAD IDEA
TO TAKE FRANKLIN ALONG.
I CAN COVER MY EXPENSES
BY SIMPLY BOOKING
A SPEAKING ENGAGEMENT
AT HOOVER DAM.
AND... HEH HEH...
I'M SOMETHING OF A CELEBRITY
AMONG THE DAM FOOLS.
HEY, LOOK,
THERE'S JUNIOR AND TONY.
WHAT KIND OF FOOLISHNESS...
HI, GUYS.
HI, CHECKING IN
TO THE FANTASY CAMP.
MY NAME'S MICHAEL...
[ Foreign accent ] JORDAN!
WHERE? MICHAEL?!
SUCKER!
MADE YOU SEE.
I'M CHECKING IN...
BOB SLOVADONAPOPOVICH.
KYLE.
K-Y-L-E. KYLE.
DON'T HAVE
YOUR NAME HERE, SIR.
DON'T MESS WITH ME, MAN!
THE LAST PERSON
WHO GOT IN THIS YEAR
WAS A
MR. BOB SLOVADONAPOPOVICH.
DAMN, THAT BOB SLOP...
BONADOVAPOP...
POPOVICH.
YEAH.
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS
GONNA DO?
I TOLD YOU,
I'M GOING TO THE SPA,
AND I'M GONNA RECLINE
IN THE LAP OF LUXURY.
NO SLOT MACHINES.
COME ON, BABE, THAT'S
THE LAST THING ON MY MIND!
[ WHISTLING ]
FRANKLIN!
GET OVER HERE!
HEY, MRS. KYLE.
HEY, HEY, HEY, WHERE ARE YOU
ON YOUR WAY TO?
I'M OFF TO SEE
THE DAM FOOLS.
FRANKLIN, NOW, I NEED YOU
A LITTLE MORE THAN THEY DO.
FRANKLIN,
IT'S THAT BLACKJACK.
I'M IN SO DEEP, FRANKLIN.
MICHAEL IS GONNA KILL ME!
BUT MRS. KYLE, CAN'T YOU
REMEMBER MY BLACKJACK SYSTEM?
NO, FRANKLIN,
IT'S TOO COMPLICATED!
IT COULDN'T BE SIMPLER.
WHAT'S SO HARD ABOUT A SERIES
OF LOGARITHMIC CALCULATIONS
BASED ON
NUMERICAL PROGRESSIONS
RISING IN A FINITE COMBINATION
OF CARDS
BASED ON A 52-CARD DECK?
BECAUSE I HAVE NO IDEA
WHAT YOU JUST SAID!
LISTEN TO ME
AND LISTEN TO ME GOOD, OKAY?
IF YOU EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER,
EVER WANT TO SEE KADY AGAIN...
OH, YEAH, I SAID IT.
SAY IT AGAIN.
IF YOU EVER WANT TO SEE KADY
AGAIN, THEN YOU'LL HELP ME.
WE HAVE A DEAL.
BUT HOW CAN I HELP YOU?
I'M NOT EVEN ALLOWED
IN THE CASINOS.
SEE, I PREPARED FOR THIS,
FRANKLIN.
[ LAUGHS ] THIS IS WHERE
MY GENIUS COMES IN.
I HAVE A PLAN.
[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]
WOULD YOU LIKE
ANOTHER CARD?
UM, HMM.
WHAT DO YOU THINK, HONEY?
[ Southern accent ]
I RECKON
YOU SHOULD TAKE
ANOTHER HIT, LITTLE LADY.
[ LAUGHS ]
EXCUSE ME, SIR,
HOW OLD ARE YOU?
HOW DARE YOU QUESTION ME,
YOU OBSTREPEROUS,
YOUNG RAPSCALLION!
[ LAUGHS ]
HOW OLD ARE YOU?
58.
BOTOX.
LOOK, KID...
YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO LOITER
AT THE CASINO TABLES.
EXCUSE ME. I'VE GOT TO GO
TO THE BATHROOM.
THIS OLD BLADDER AIN'T AS STRONG
AS SHE USED TO BE.
[ LAUGHS ]
YOU HAVE 14.
DO YOU WANT A HIT?
I HAVE 14.
DO I WANT A HIT?
TAKE THE HIT.
OH, WHAT A SWEET,
LITTLE BABY OVER HERE!
THAT'S JUST A SWEET BABY.
HEY, KID, I TOLD YOU
TO KEEP MOVING.
GOO-GOO, GAGA!
GET OUT!
GOO-GOO, GOTTA GO!
UH, SIR, HIT ME.
21! WHOO!
[ SIGHS ] I HAVE 18,
AND THE DEALER HAS 3.
WHAT SHOULD I DO?
STAY!
I'LL STAY.
HOUSE BUSTS.
YOU WIN AGAIN.
YES, I DO!
[ LAUGHS ]
UNHAND ME, YOU BRUTES!
I WANT MY LAWYER!
[ SINGING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE ]
HEY! HEY! HEY!
[ SCUFFLING ]
[ IMITATING SINGING
IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE ]
TONY!
WHERE ARE YOUR CLOTHES?
THEY STOLE THEM!
AT THE CHRISTIAN HOSTEL?
YEAH, THEY EVEN TOOK MY
"WHAT WOULD JESUS DO?" BRACELET.
WHO WOULD DO A THING LIKE THAT?
WHERE DO YOU DRAW THE LINE?
HUH, HUH, HUH?!
WHERE DO YOU DRAW IT?! HUH?!
TONY, I'M SORRY.
LISTEN, I'M ANGRY,
BUT I'M GLAD,
'CAUSE AFTER TONIGHT,
I'LL FINALLY BE ABLE
TO RID MYSELF
OF SOME OF
THESE SEEDS OF EVIL.
GREAT.
LET'S GET ON WITH THIS.
HELLO?
IS ANYONE THERE?
CAN I HELP YOU FOLKS?
HI, ARE YOU THE REVEREND?
I'M REVEREND AL.
OH, WELL, HI.
I'M TONY, AND THIS IS CLAIRE.
OH, NICE TO MEET
YOU YOUNG FOLKS.
BUT WHAT HAPPENED
TO YOUR CLOTHES, SON?
THEY WERE ACTUALLY STOLEN
DOWN AT THE CHRISTIAN HOSTEL.
OH, I USED TO MINISTER
DOWN AT THE CHRISTIAN HOSTEL.
I'M AFRAID LATELY IT'S A LOT
MORE HOSTILE THAN CHRISTIAN.
BUT HOW CAN I HELP
YOU FINE, YOUNG PEOPLE?
ACTUALLY, WE'D LIKE
TO GET MARRIED.
OF COURSE.
YOU DON'T WANT A NICE,
BIG WEDDING,
WHERE YOUR FAMILY
AND FRIENDS COME
AND THROW ALL THAT RICE
AND MONEY AT YOU.
FORGET ABOUT THE GORGEOUS GOWN
AND TUXEDO.
YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED
IN YOUR DOLPHIN UNDIES
IN MY TINY,
ROACH-INFESTED CHAPEL.
IT WILL PREPARE YOU
FOR YOUR TINY,
ROACH-INFESTED APARTMENT,
WHERE YOU'LL RAISE
MALNOURISHED, IGNORANT BABIES
AND LOOK IN THE MIRROR
AT YOUR BEAUTIFUL BODY
STRETCH OUT
AND PULL DOWN
AND DRY UP.
AND I'M JUST TALKING
ABOUT YOU, YOUNG MAN.
WELL, COME ON,
LET'S GO IN THE BACK,
AND LET'S GET THIS DONE.
UH, M-MAYBE
WE SHOULD WAIT.
WHY DO THE BABIES
HAVE TO BE IGNORANT?
GEE, I HOPE I DIDN'T SAY
ANYTHING TO SCARE YOU OFF.
UH, NO, ACTUALLY,
WE WERE JUST LEAVING.
WELL, LET ME SHOW YOU OUT.
YOU KNOW, I USED TO HAVE
A "WHAT WOULD JESUS DO?"
BRACELET JUST LIKE YOURS.
NO KIDDING?
YEAH, AND IT HAD
MY INITIALS, "T.J.," ON IT,
JUST LIKE YOURS.
WELL, THIS ONE
STANDS FOR "THANK YOU, JESUS."
[ APPLAUSE ]
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
FOR MY NEXT TRICK,
I WOULD LIKE TO PERFORM AN
ILLUSION ORIGINALLY MADE FAMOUS
BY THE GREAT HARRY HOUDINI...
THE TOMB OF TELEPORTATION.
AND FOR THAT, I'LL NEED
AN AUDIENCE VOLUNTEER, PLEASE.
OOH, PICK ME! I WANT TO GO INTO
THE TOMB OF TELEPORTATION!
VERY WELL. THE BIG-HEADED
YOUNG MAN IN THE BACK.
THAT'S ME!
THAT'S ME!
[ APPLAUSE ]
YES, AND YOUR NAME IS?
JUNIOR KYLE.
JUNIOR,
WHERE ARE YOU FROM?
STANFORD, CONNECTICUT.
WELL, THAT'S BORING.
GET IN THE BOX.
[ CHUCKLES ]
I WILL NOW TELEPORT
THIS MAN
BACK TO A TIME AND PLACE
OF HIS CHOOSING.
YOUNG MAN, WHERE IN TIME
WOULD YOU LIKE TO VISIT?
ANY TIME, ANY PLACE
IN ALL OF HISTORY.
ANY TIME AND ANY PLACE?
LET YOUR IMAGINATION
RUN WILD.
OKAY, I WANT TO GO
BACK, BACK...
UH-HUH?
...BACK...
...ALL THE WAY BACK
TO THE 1:30 BUFFET.
NO, WAIT... 1:00,
THAT'S BEFORE
THEY RAN OUT OF SHRIMP.
VERY WELL.
I WILL NOW IGNORE
JUNIOR'S REQUEST
TO BE TELEPORTED
BACK TO LUNCH.
INSTEAD, I WILL SEND HIM
BACK TO THE STONE AGE,
WHERE, PERHAPS, HE WILL MEET
SOMEBODY AS SMART AS HIMSELF.
[ LAUGHTER ]
YES, AND IT'S SEAM, SEAM,
SEAM SALA-BEAM!
SEND JUNIOR BACK
THROUGH THE TIMELESS SEAM!
[ APPLAUSE ]
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
[ Laughing ] YES.
PERHAPS WE SHOULD
BRING HIM BACK
BEFORE HE GETS EATEN
BY A DINOSAUR?
[ Laughing ]
ALL RIGHT.
HERE WE GO.
JUNIOR, COME ON OUT!
[ GASPS ]
[ GASPS ] [ GASPS ]
ALL RIGHT, FOR MY NEXT TRICK,
PICK A CARD, ANY CARD.
[ CRYING ]
[ CRYING ]
I'M SO HAPPY, I'M SAD.
ME TOO!
HEY, KADY, BABY, I'M HOME.
HEY, HO... HO...
WHOA... HO...
WHO ARE YOU?
OH, HI.
YOU MUST BE MRS. KYLE.
THIS IS BAMBI.
BAMBI?
YES, YOUR SON HIRED ME...
TO WATCH KADY.
WHAT KIND
OF FOOLISHNESS...
HE SAID HE WANTED
TO GO TO THE MAGIC SHOW.
OH, I'M GONNA SHOW HIM
SOME MAGIC, ALL RIGHT.
I'M GONNA MAKE MY FOOT
DISAPPEAR.
KADY, BABY,
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
YEAH, I'M FINE.
WE WATCHED "BAMBI" THREE TIMES.
PARTS OF IT ARE SAD.
YEAH, I KNOW.
BUT FOR ME,
IT'S PERSONAL,
BECAUSE MY MOTHER
WAS SHOT BY A HUNTER.
YEAH, LOOK, THANK YOU
FOR BABYSITTING MY DAUGHTER
AND EVERYTHING.
HOW MUCH DO I OWE YOU,
PLEASE?
LET'S SEE...
THREE HAPPY ENDINGS,
TWO PONY RIDES,
AND ONE RING-AROUND-THE-ROSY.
THAT WILL BE...
$900.
$900?!
NOT INCLUDING THE TIP.
YOU WANT $900
PLUS A TIP?!
WELL, THE MONEY
DOESN'T GO TO ME.
IT GOES TO EARL.
[ LAUGHS ]
I MEAN...
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
..."THE AGENCY."
ALL RIGHT, FRANKLIN,
EVERYTHING SHOULD BE FINE.
JUST STAY
OUT OF THE CASINO.
THANKS, BOB.
HEY, THAT WAS GREAT THE WAY
YOU TWISTED THE MEANING
OF SECTION 29
OF THE PENAL CODE.
YOU TAUGHT ME THAT TRICK,
FRANKLIN.
I DID, DIDN'T I?
WELL, ANYWAY,
THANKS AGAIN, BOB.
DON'T MENTION IT.
I OWE YOU ONE, PAL.
IF IT WASN'T FOR YOUR
LATE-NIGHT TUTORING SESSIONS,
I NEVER WOULD HAVE GOTTEN
YOU-KNOW-WHO OFF.
EXCUSE ME! HELLO!
CAN I HELP YOU FOLKS?
YES,
WE'RE LOOKING FOR OUR SON.
DUMB, BIG HEAD,
STANFORD, CONNECTICUT?
THAT'S HIM.
HAVE YOU SEEN HIM?
YES, ACTUALLY,
I MADE HIM DISAPPEAR.
I NEED YOU
TO BRING HIM BACK
SO I CAN
BEAT HIS BEHIND.
THAT'S THE PROBLEM.
I CAN'T FIGURE OUT
HOW TO GET HIM BACK.
THERE'S A MALFUNCTION
IN THE ILLUSION.
PERHAPS I CAN HELP.
YEAH,
YOU KNOW ABOUT ILLUSIONS?
I'M ACTUALLY
7 FEET TALL.
HOW DO YOU DO IT?
MIRRORS?
NO, BLACKTOP, THE TRUTH IS,
I HAVE QUITE A BIT
OF EXPERIENCE
WITH PRESTIDIGITATION.
HONEY!
WATCH YOUR MOUTH!
IT MEANS "MAGIC," MY DOVE.
I ONCE PERFORMED
THE FLOATING-MAN ILLUSION
FOR THE QUEEN.
ELIZABETH?
NO... LATIFAH.
BUT THAT'S ANOTHER STORY.
ALLOW ME TO COGITATE.
OH, HE'S GOOD AT THIS.
WHICH DIRECTION
DID YOU SPIN THE BOX
TO MAKE HIM DISAPPEAR?
COUNTERCLOCKWISE.
FEAR NOT!
NOW, SPIN IT CLOCKWISE.
KEEP SPINNING,
KEEP SPINNING, KEEP SPINNING.
STOP!
RIGHT THERE.
RUN! THERE'S A PTERODACTYL
ATTACKING!
RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!
HOW DID YOU
DO THAT?!
WITHOUT GIVING AWAY
THE SECRETS OF THE ILLUSION,
JUNIOR'S HEAD WAS SO BIG
THAT IT GOT LODGED
IN THE MECHANISM.
OH, I WAS
SO SCARED BACK THERE.
WAIT TILL I GET YOU
BACK TO THE ROOM.
WHAT DID I DO?!
WHY DON'T YOU TELL US
ABOUT BAMBI, THE HOOKER,
AND HOW YOU PLAN
ON PAYING HER $900, JUNIOR?
$900?
YEAH, $900.
WOW, THAT'S A LOT.
FOR $900, I SURE HOPE SHE DID
A LITTLE MISS MUFFETT,
A COUPLE OF HUMPTY DUMPTIES,
AND A COW
JUMPED OVER THE MOON... MMM!
Jackson: HEY, FOR
THAT KIND OF MONEY,
YOU OUGHT TO GET
TWO HEY, DIDDLE, DIDDLES,
ONE RUMPELSTILTSKIN,
A RUB-A-DUB-DUB,
AND THREE MEN IN A TUB.
DID I SAY THAT OUT LOUD?
YEAH.
THIS IS SO COOL!
YOU'RE LUCKY
YOU GET TO SEE THIS.
IF THERE WAS AN EARLIER FLIGHT,
YOU WOULDN'T BE HERE.
YEAH, I KNOW,
BUT STILL, HOW MANY KIDS
GET TO WATCH THEIR DAD
KICK MICHAEL JORDAN'S BUTT?
YEAH, BUT DAD'S GONNA WIN
BECAUSE HE'S GOING TO...
Together: SPIN TO THE LEFT
AND TAKE JORDAN TO THE HOOP.
Announcer: AND NOW,
FROM NORTH CAROLINA...
NUMBER 23...
MICHAEL JORDAN!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
AND FROM THE NEWLY FORMED
REBEL REPUBLIC
OF HANZAKHSTAKALAN,
BOB SLOVADONAPOPOVICH!
YES!
BOB SLOVADONAPOPA... WHO?
HEY, ARE THOSE MY SHOES?
UH, NO, I GOT THESE
FROM THE JORDAN STORE
IN THE REBEL REPUBLIC
OF KOLERBOBASTAPADON.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S PLAY.
I HOPE
YOU'RE READY FOR THIS.
SEE,
THAT'S THE TRIPLE THREAT.
MMM!
OOOH!
YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT...
WHOA!
NEXT.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
WAIT! YOU DIDN'T
LET ME GET READY!
NEXT!
WAIT!
NEXT.
LET ME JUST PLAY YOU.
I GOT THIS SPECIAL MOVE.
WHAT DO YOU WANT
TO PLAY TO? PLAY TO 10.
ALL RIGHT,
I GOT THE BALL FIRST.
WELL, THAT'S NOT FAIR.
I GOT THE BALL FIRST.
READY? I'M READY. YOU READY?
DROP THE BALL.
ALL RIGHT.
[ GROWLS ]
OHH!
1.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
DO IT WITH YOUR EYES CLOSED,
AND I'M IMPRESSED.
2.
I WASN'T PLAYING "D."
I WASN'T PLAY "D."
HERE IT IS.
THAT'S THAT JOE DUMAR "D."
LOOK AT IT.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
3-0.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
4-0.
YOU CAN'T SHOOT
FROM RIGHT THERE.
THAT AIN'T YOUR SPOT.
5-0.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
THAT AIN'T YOUR SPOT.
YOU AIN'T GOT
NO SPOT THERE.
[ GRUNTS ]
6-0.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
WHAT ELSE?
[ GASPS ]
AAH!
WHAT'S THAT?
THAT'S 3-2.
7-0.
8-0.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
GO AHEAD.
LUCKY SHOTS...
LUCKY EIGHT SHOTS.
LUCKY EIGHT SHOTS.
9-0.
IS SOMEONE TIRED?
NO.
OKAY.
FADEAWAY.
OH!
YOU SEE THAT DEFENSE.
YEAH.
ALL DEFENSE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
NEXT.
HEY,
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
I'M LEAVING THIS CAMP.
WHY?
BECAUSE MY SECRET MOVE
DIDN'T EVEN WORK ON YOU.
SO, YOU'RE GONNA QUIT?
YEAH.
IF YOU QUIT RIGHT NOW,
YOU'RE GONNA QUIT IN LIFE.
COME ON, DON'T QUIT.
JUST TRY HARDER.
I JUST WANTED ONE BUCKET!
I'M SORRY, BOB... UH,
WHAT'S YOUR NAME AGAIN?
IT'S MIKE...
JUST LIKE YOURS.
[ LAUGHS ] EVERYBODY
WANTS TO BE LIKE MIKE.
GOOD LUCK, KID.
I'LL NEVER WASH...
[ SNIFFS ]
YEAH, MAYBE
I SHOULD WASH IT AGAIN.
[ WHIMPERING ]
I'M HEADED
TO THE AIRPORT, DAD.
OKAY, SON.
HAVE A GOOD FLIGHT.
ARE YOU OKAY, DAD?
YEAH, I'M GREAT.
YOU KNOW,
YOU'RE TAKING THIS VERY WELL.
IT'S JUST A GAME,
HUH?
AND LOOK... I WON A TROPHY.
I CAME IN SECOND...
TO LAST.
THAT'S 23rd PLACE.
THAT'S HIS FAVORITE NUMBER.
WOW, DAD. THAT WOULD MAKE
A GREAT KEYCHAIN.
YEAH, SO, I SAW YOU TALKING
TO JORDAN AFTERWARDS.
WHAT DID HE SAY?
NOTHING.
HE WAS JUST COMPLIMENTING ME
ON HOW GOOD I PLAYED...
YOU KNOW, MY AGGRESSIVENESS.
HE WANTED ME TO TEACH HIM
THE SPIN MOVE.
NO, YOU KNOW,
HE'LL TAKE THAT,
AND HE'LL PATENT IT AND CALL
THE SHOE THE "SPINDNAL."
YEAH.
WHAT ABOUT YOU, SON?
HAVE YOU MADE
ANY DECISIONS YET?
OR ARE YOU STILL THINKING
ABOUT QUITTING FATHERHOOD?
WELL,
I'M STILL SCARED, DAD.
THE WHOLE REASON
WHY I CAME TO LAS VEGAS
WAS I DIDN'T WANT TO SEE
THE BABY GET HIS SHOTS.
I COULDN'T STAND
TO HEAR HIM CRYING.
I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN
DO THIS FATHER THING.
OF COURSE YOU CAN,
BECAUSE YOU'RE MY SON.
AND IN YOUR HEART,
YOU'RE A TRUE CHAMPION,
AND CHAMPIONS DON'T QUIT.
SEE, IF YOU QUIT NOW,
YOU'RE GONNA QUIT IN LIFE,
AND QUITTERS NEVER WIN.
SEE, YOU GOT TO BE ABLE TO LOSE
IN ORDER TO WIN,
SO JUST DON'T QUIT.
THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL, DAD.
I CAN'T QUIT NOW.
IF I QUIT NOW,
THEN I'LL ALWAYS BE A LOSER,
SO I NEED TO FOCUS ON WINNING
AT THE IMPORTANT STUFF,
LIKE LOVING VANESSA
AND LOVING MY SON.
HELLO, SON.
HOW'S DADDY'S BOY?
HOW'S DADDY'S BOY DOING?
LOOK, YOU ARE HEADING
IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION,
SON, OKAY?
YOU HAVE YOUR BRASS RING.
SPEAKING OF RINGS...
LOOK AT THAT...
BAM!
WOW.
WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?
MICHAEL JORDAN
GAVE IT TO ME.
HE JUST GAVE IT TO YOU?
YEP, BECAUSE I WAS DETERMINED,
AND I DIDN'T QUIT.
AND I GAVE HIM $15,000.
WOW. WHEN YOU DIE,
CAN I HAVE THAT?
IF YOU DON'T MIND DIGGING.
I DON'T, DAD.
THANK YOU.
YOU'RE WELCOME, SON.
I LOVE YOU, DAD.
I LOVE YOU, TOO.
HEY, DAD, WHEN I GROW UP,
I WANT TO BE JUST LIKE YOU.
EVERYBODY WANT TO BE
LIKE MIKE.
WHO'S THIS?
WHO'S THIS?
FOUL!
MY BALL.
REACH.
I'LL TEACH.
YOU REACH,
I'LL TEACH.
THAT'S TRAVELING.
YOU SURE?
NO.
HOW THAT'S TRAVELING?
TRAVELING... YOU KNOW
WHAT TRAVELING IS? NO.
TRAVELING.
MY BALL.
THERE AIN'T NO REFS
OUT HERE.
I'M A REF.
IT'S MY CAMP, DUDE.
[ LAUGHS ]
YOU REACH,
AND I DRIBBLE THE BALL.
OW!
UGH!
OH!
[ LAUGHS ]
YOU DIDN'T KNOW
ABOUT THAT!
YOU DIDN'T KNOW
ABOUT THAT!
TAKE SOME OF THAT.
HA! HA!