My Name Is Earl (2005–2009): Season 4, Episode 14 - Got the Babysitter Pregnant - full transcript
Earl tries to help his old babysitter, whom he got pregnant by poking holes in her condom, by whipping her deadbeat son into shape. However, Randy gets mad at Earl when he recognizes the similarities between the man and himself.
My name is Earl.
One of the great things about the Crab Shack...
people come by when they got
something exciting to share.
Great news!
My stalker just got hit by a bus!
He's paralyzed from the waist down!
Congratulations.
Good news! Saw the new family.
I'm still the hottest mom
in the trailer park.
Congratulations!
Good news! I'm not pregnant!
Congratulations! Congratulations!
Congratulations!
Hearing about a pregnancy
reminded me of something on my list-
got the babysitter pregnant.
When I was growing up,
Fridays were square-dancing night.
The first week, I lit a bale of straw on fire
so I'd get banned.
I did it for two reasons-
first, because square dancing is lame...
and second, 'cause we had
a hot new babysitter...
Rachel Magann.
Earl, what do you want for dinner?
- How about we just grab a bottle
of wine and sit outside?
I desperately wanted Rachel to like me,
so I used my best moves on her.
Hey, Rachel. Forgot you were here.
Probably 'cause I was
working out so hard in my bedroom.
She was my first love,
but I didn't know if she liked me back.
# Sweet home Alabama #
Um... what are you listening to?
Oh, it's this band, Lynyrd Skynyrd!
You have to hear this!
# Sweet home Alabama #
# Lord, I'm comin' home to you #
Now that our ears had touched,
I knew it was time to make my move.
- Time for bed, Earl.
- I brought Risky Business.
Oh, I love that movie.
And maybe afterwards,
a little frisky business.
Ohh!
#Just take those old records off the shelf#
That son of a bitch ruined
my chances, so I was gonna make him pay.
# Today's music ain't got the same soul #
# I like that old-time rock and roll #
Really pay.
# That kind of music just soothes the soul #
# I reminisce about the days of old #
# With that old-time rock and roll ##
Announcer]
Caught him in the secondary-
After that, Rachel changed.
Continues, Indistinct]
Well, look on the bright side.
We already know you're a good babysitter.
You just saw somethin'
that made you think of your list, didn't you?
Yep. It's "Got"-
No, no, no.
Don't tell me. Let me guess.
Is it " Threw up
in the pickled egg jar"?
Nope.
- Oh! "Threw up on the electric crab"?
- Nope.
- I give up.
- It's "Got the babysitter pregnant. "
Mmm.
Darnell, uno margarita, "por favor. "
Now that a Democrat's in office,
we all better learn Spanish.
Didn't you say you were
bringing Mr. Turtle?
I got the dishwasher to the perfect
temperature for a steam bath.
Ohh. Mr. Turtle.
I forgot him back at the trailer.
Joy wasn't exactly lying...
but she wasn't telling
the whole truth either.
Damn it, Eugenia!
Duncan chewed through his leash again.
Come here.
Your mama's gotta learn
to pay attention.
I tracked down Rachel and
was surprised to find she was still with Daniel.
We are just as happy
as two peanuts in a shell.
I used to think it was fate,
but I guess we should thank you...
for saving us all those wasted years
of searching for the right one.
In fact, you are responsible
for this wonderful day.
And, uh, it gets better.
Well, I guess it looks like
everything turned out okay.
But I-I still feel
like I did something wrong.
Don't be silly.
You brought a new life into this world.
How could that ever be wrong?
Hey! Could you guys possibly
make any more noise?
It's not like I'm trying
to sleep or anything.
And I guess I have to make my own breakfast
since I don't hear any bacon sizzling.
That's our boy!
Skim milk?
Really? Skim?
Unbelievable.
- Who wants to see more pictures?
- Ah!
While I sat with Rachel and Daniel...
Joy was trying to correct
a past mistake ofher own.
- Where the hell is Earl?
- How should I know? I'm his maid, not his secretary.
You foreigners have
a weird way of bragging.
Do me a favor.
- Which one of these looks more like Mr. Turtle?
- What did you do to Mr. Turtle?
I didn't do anything.
He slid off the roof of the Brat.
Ironically, I had just Turtle Waxed it.
Don't you judge me. You don't know
what kind of lies and deceptions...
one has to perpetrate
to keep a marriage afloat.
What am I supposed to do,
tell him the truth and break his heart?
Well, I don't want
Crabman to be sad.
Just pick!
Well, Mr. Turtle always reminded me
of Richard Dreyfuss.
This one looks
like Richard Dreyfuss...
but this one acts more
like Richard Dreyfuss.
I'd go with this one.
This album is from Ronnie's
high school graduation.
We didn't know he wasn't graduating
until they didn't call his name...
so that was a surprise.
You guys are gonna need to get a ride
to work tomorrow. I need the car.
- What for, sugar lump?
- Does everything have to be a debate with you, Rachel?
Just give me the stupid car!
If you don't mind me asking,
what the hell's going on with Ronnie?
Ah, you know, kids and their phases.
Hey! Where's my pee bottles?
Oh, sorry, honey.
They're in the dishwasher.
We've been meaning to
put a bathroom down there.
It is a lot of steps for him to take.
Kids! What are you gonna do?
Kid? He's a grown man.
Shouldn't he be out on his own?
We told him to look for an apartment.
We gave him a month's rent.
But he blew it all one night taking a call girl
to an Ultimate Fighting match.
- Cool.
- Oh, and she was a doll!
We hoped they'd go out again, but...
couldn't afford it.
I think this is why
karma brought me here.
I'm responsible for Ronnie
becoming your baby.
Maybe I should be responsible
for Ronnie becoming a man.
But what if he's not ready
to become a man?
You know, it's a dangerous world
out there.
We're not seals, Earl.
We don't just throw our babies
in the water to see if they live.
You're being too emotional about this.
In your head you know
if you want Ronnie to grow up...
you need to throw him out
on his ass...
but your heart won't let you do it.
This kid needs tough love.
Let me do it for you.
I think the cops might be coming.
The neighborjust saw me
peeing out the window.
Help! Abuse! Abuse!
Abuse!
Don't worry. My brother's
good at teaching people stuff.
Mom!
He taught me that.
I was determined
to make Ronnie independent...
by doing the hard thing-staying tough
and giving him the discipline he never got at home.
You are lucky
I dropped out of karate, man!
I paid rent on this room for three days.
You got that long to get a job.
After that, you're on your own.
- When do I get my allowance?
- Fridays.
There's no allowance!
Just find a job.
Something's wrong with Mr. Turtle.
Oh, crap.
By now he's usually spun this thing
a whole quarter turn.
Well, maybe you
work him out too much.
I mean, he's already got
a six-pack on his belly.
He must have tried to hump
his heating rock again.
The rejection always depresses him.
You know, Randy...
I've always wondered how good I'd be
raising a teenager.
I gotta say, I think
I'd be pretty good at it.
I like this tough dad thing.
I don't know, Earl.
I'm a nervous wreck.
No wonder Mom drank.
I'm gonna go check
the bullet hole...
and see if my non-nonsense parenting
has fixed Ronnie yet.
Indians Whooping]
- [Earl Narrating] Unfortunately, he wasn't fixed.
He was just lying there
like a big slug.
You just lost your TV privileges.
I hate you!
That's when I knew
I was being a good parent, a tough parent.
But the next day, Ronnie
still hadn't done anything.
Got two days left. Better get a job.
I hate you!
But even with nothing in the room...
Ronnie still found a way
to waste time.
Now you lost your zipper!
Tomorrow you're out!
Hope you're ready!
- I-
- I hate you more!
Me and Joy
were both trying to motivate someone...
but she took a more loving approach.
Come on, walk, stupid.
What do you need, some incentive?
There you go.
You want some more of that,
you'd better get to walkin'.
After three days of not trying to get a job...
I let the motel kick Ronnie out.
I was hoping a night in the parking lot
had finally made him a man.
Son of a bitch!
Homeless Mom,
these eggs are amazing.
Can I have some more?
I'll see if I can find another nest.
I can't believe you.
You're just mad
Ifigured out how to feed myself.
You didn't feed yourself. You just talked a
homeless woman into cooking baby birds for you.
You're pathetic.
For God's sakes, act like a man.
It's not my fault they kicked me out.
You only paid for three days.
You're too old to be living in a motel room
someone else is paying for.
- Earl-
- Not now.
You got no job, no skills.
All you do is mooch off other people.
- Earl-
- I said not now, Randy!
You're 22 years old, man.
Have some self-respect. It's just sad!
I'm 31,
and all that stuff describes me!
Randy, just go wait
in the motel room.
Who, me? The guy with no job, who has no skills?
Go wait in the motel room you pay for?
This isn't about you.
It's about this loser.
If you think he's a loser,
then you must think I'm a loser too.
- He does. He does think you're a loser.
- I didn't say that!
Do you think I could
take care of myself?
Yeah. Yeah, sure. Of course.
Well, at least now I know the truth.
Wh-Where you going?
I'm going to prove to you
that I can live on my own like a grown-up.
Cool!
- I'm gonna follow you around now and probably live off you.
- Hmm.
Looks like I got myself a Randy.
Aren't you worried about Randy?
Randy? My brother? Nah.
He'll be back
as soon as he gets hungry...
or forgets he's running away.
Either way, I'm not gonna get emotional about it,
'cause that's what they want you to do.
You picked the wrong one, dummy!
No. Other dummy. You picked the stupid turtle,
and Darnell's getting suspicious.
- Where's the one I gave you?
- He's in the pool with all the other animals people dump.
I think there's a Shetland pony
at the bottom.
I'm conflicted. I would love
to ratJoy out to Crabman.
But I don't want him to worry about
his poor little buddy out there on his own.
- I think he'll be okay.
- I don't know. Anything can happen.
It's a dangerous world out there
for a helpless guy like that.
It is a dangerous world out there.
Bad things happen all the time.
I mean, he's slow, he's vulnerable.
He sure is. He doesn't even look
before he crosses the street.
If you touch him and you don't wash
your hands, you could get salmonella.
And he eats anything people give him.
- When he falls on his back he can almost never get up.
- I know.
I gotta roll him over
all the time. Randy!
I screwed up.
Our boys might be dead.
# With that old-time rock and roll ##
I can't believe this. You made me have
a little boy, and now you made me lose him!
I know, I know! I lost mine too!
- This tough love isn't so easy, is it?
- It's horrible!
How can you not be emotional
about somebody you love?
- He's out there in 67-degree weather!
- Did you pack light sweaters?
- No!
- Oh, God!
- Ronnie!
- Ronnie, it's Mommy!
Randy, I got Rainbow Sugar Bits!
Oh, thank God.
"SARS."
Must have been a Norwegian guy.
All right. We should keep looking.
The only thing down there
is a Shetland pony.
# Amazing Grace #
# How sweet the sound #
Oh, that's my jam!
# That saved a wretch #
# Like me #
Oh! Hey, baby. What's going on?
Mr. Turtle died this morning.
He went quietly.
# Was blind, but now #
# I see #
I am so sorry.
Can't believe this is happening.
Typically,
his species lives to be 150.
I guess his love of butter lettuce
finally caught up to him.
Too soon.
That's not Mr. Turtle.
I lost the real Mr. Turtle.
I was bringing him
to the Crab Shack...
and I accidentally drove off
with him on the roof of the car.
Who's this son of a bitch then?
Found him in the pond,
trapped in a six-pack ring.
You could have gotten away with this.
I would have buried this bastard
and never been the wiser.
But you told the truth.
You looked so sad.
Couldn't put you through that
just to protect myself.
That means Mr. Turtle's
out there somewhere.
If any reptile can make it home,
it's him.
While Darnell was gaining hope...
after searching all night in every place
we could think of, we gave up.
Don't worry. We'll find him.
Everyone knows the cops say
"probably dead" all the time.
Ronnie! You're alive!
Randy!
Yeah, that's my brother.
No, I gotta go.
Okay. Okay, yeah. Send me the link.
Ye-
Oka-
Okay, buddy. Yeah.
I gotta jump. Okay.
Earl, you're not gonna believe what happened.
After Randy
and Ronnie left, they started walkin'.
And since Randy now had a Randy ofhis own,
he started feeling more responsible.
I'm gonna start growing a mustache.
You watch out for aliens and birds.
That's what the number two does.
Most people don't understand
how important that is.
Sweet. A wallet.
There's probably money in it.
- Let's try crack.
- No!
It doesn't belong to us.
Excuse me, sir.
Think you dropped your wallet.
The man was so shocked by Randy's honesty...
that he let the boys pick anything
they wanted from the thrift store.
Oh, check it out.
My suit had a note in it.
"Don't forget to buy milk. "
Ronnie, don't let me
forget to buy milk.
So what do we do now?
Let's follow those guys.
It turns out,
when they started looking like grown-ups...
people started treating them
like grown-ups.
Hello, gentlemen.
Welcome to the American Flange, Stoppers
and Fastener Manufacturers...
Trade Association annual convention...
where all your dreams
can come true...
as long as they're flange,
stopper or fastener related.
And as you can see,
domestic flange production...
has declined sharply
over the past two quarters.
Looking forward-
Uh, where are you gentlemen going?
Uh-
This is boring.
I don't even know why we're here.
Oh, for God's sake, he's right.
Why are we dancing around the obvious?
The American flange used to be
the envy of the world.
F.D.R. once said...
the pipes of freedom
are held together...
by the American flange.
Well, those pipes
are leaking, damn it.
These boys are right.
It is high time
we did something about it!
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
By the end of the day...
Randy and Ronnie were the hit of the convention.
Okay, ladies and gentlemen...
for the close of what has been
the most exciting flange convention in years...
we're giving away a golf cart...
to the winner
of our annual dance contest.
Right about now,
you're about to be possessed by the sounds-
Oh, no, they didn't!
Follow my lead.
- We got this.
- # Hit it #
- # Yeah
Whoo #
# Yeah
Whoo #
- # It takes two
to make a thing go right ##
I was worried sick!
Why? I just did the things
I learned by watching you.
Whenever you have something
important to do, you put on a suit.
And I was honest when I found that wallet,
just like you would have been.
Plus, I took care of my Randy.
That's when I realized
all you can do is teach 'em the best you can...
and trust they'll find their way.
It was amazing!
There was free food and drinks
and people were having fun at work.
Oh, and someone called me "sir" and it
wasn't followed by "You have to leave. "
And after feeling that kind of respect...
Ronnie decided to go back to school
and even move out ofhis parents'house...
even if it was just to the garage.
Everyone's motivation for
getting their life together is different.
For some people, it takes tough love.
For Ronnie, it took hope for the future.
- You didn't think I could take care of myself.
- I was wrong.
Being a grown-up's easy,
but it's just not my thing.
Boss man breathing
down your neck 24/7.
You're only as good
as your last idea, Earl.
I hear that.
Well, in case anything
ever happens to you...
and I need to take care of myself...
I'm gonna take extra-special care
of this suit.
- Night, Randy.
- Night, Earl.
# A slow turnin'#
# A slow turnin'#
# A slow turnin'#
# Just a slow turnin'##
Relax. No turtles were harmed
shooting this episode.
So please, no letters, crackpots!
One of the great things about the Crab Shack...
people come by when they got
something exciting to share.
Great news!
My stalker just got hit by a bus!
He's paralyzed from the waist down!
Congratulations.
Good news! Saw the new family.
I'm still the hottest mom
in the trailer park.
Congratulations!
Good news! I'm not pregnant!
Congratulations! Congratulations!
Congratulations!
Hearing about a pregnancy
reminded me of something on my list-
got the babysitter pregnant.
When I was growing up,
Fridays were square-dancing night.
The first week, I lit a bale of straw on fire
so I'd get banned.
I did it for two reasons-
first, because square dancing is lame...
and second, 'cause we had
a hot new babysitter...
Rachel Magann.
Earl, what do you want for dinner?
- How about we just grab a bottle
of wine and sit outside?
I desperately wanted Rachel to like me,
so I used my best moves on her.
Hey, Rachel. Forgot you were here.
Probably 'cause I was
working out so hard in my bedroom.
She was my first love,
but I didn't know if she liked me back.
# Sweet home Alabama #
Um... what are you listening to?
Oh, it's this band, Lynyrd Skynyrd!
You have to hear this!
# Sweet home Alabama #
# Lord, I'm comin' home to you #
Now that our ears had touched,
I knew it was time to make my move.
- Time for bed, Earl.
- I brought Risky Business.
Oh, I love that movie.
And maybe afterwards,
a little frisky business.
Ohh!
#Just take those old records off the shelf#
That son of a bitch ruined
my chances, so I was gonna make him pay.
# Today's music ain't got the same soul #
# I like that old-time rock and roll #
Really pay.
# That kind of music just soothes the soul #
# I reminisce about the days of old #
# With that old-time rock and roll ##
Announcer]
Caught him in the secondary-
After that, Rachel changed.
Continues, Indistinct]
Well, look on the bright side.
We already know you're a good babysitter.
You just saw somethin'
that made you think of your list, didn't you?
Yep. It's "Got"-
No, no, no.
Don't tell me. Let me guess.
Is it " Threw up
in the pickled egg jar"?
Nope.
- Oh! "Threw up on the electric crab"?
- Nope.
- I give up.
- It's "Got the babysitter pregnant. "
Mmm.
Darnell, uno margarita, "por favor. "
Now that a Democrat's in office,
we all better learn Spanish.
Didn't you say you were
bringing Mr. Turtle?
I got the dishwasher to the perfect
temperature for a steam bath.
Ohh. Mr. Turtle.
I forgot him back at the trailer.
Joy wasn't exactly lying...
but she wasn't telling
the whole truth either.
Damn it, Eugenia!
Duncan chewed through his leash again.
Come here.
Your mama's gotta learn
to pay attention.
I tracked down Rachel and
was surprised to find she was still with Daniel.
We are just as happy
as two peanuts in a shell.
I used to think it was fate,
but I guess we should thank you...
for saving us all those wasted years
of searching for the right one.
In fact, you are responsible
for this wonderful day.
And, uh, it gets better.
Well, I guess it looks like
everything turned out okay.
But I-I still feel
like I did something wrong.
Don't be silly.
You brought a new life into this world.
How could that ever be wrong?
Hey! Could you guys possibly
make any more noise?
It's not like I'm trying
to sleep or anything.
And I guess I have to make my own breakfast
since I don't hear any bacon sizzling.
That's our boy!
Skim milk?
Really? Skim?
Unbelievable.
- Who wants to see more pictures?
- Ah!
While I sat with Rachel and Daniel...
Joy was trying to correct
a past mistake ofher own.
- Where the hell is Earl?
- How should I know? I'm his maid, not his secretary.
You foreigners have
a weird way of bragging.
Do me a favor.
- Which one of these looks more like Mr. Turtle?
- What did you do to Mr. Turtle?
I didn't do anything.
He slid off the roof of the Brat.
Ironically, I had just Turtle Waxed it.
Don't you judge me. You don't know
what kind of lies and deceptions...
one has to perpetrate
to keep a marriage afloat.
What am I supposed to do,
tell him the truth and break his heart?
Well, I don't want
Crabman to be sad.
Just pick!
Well, Mr. Turtle always reminded me
of Richard Dreyfuss.
This one looks
like Richard Dreyfuss...
but this one acts more
like Richard Dreyfuss.
I'd go with this one.
This album is from Ronnie's
high school graduation.
We didn't know he wasn't graduating
until they didn't call his name...
so that was a surprise.
You guys are gonna need to get a ride
to work tomorrow. I need the car.
- What for, sugar lump?
- Does everything have to be a debate with you, Rachel?
Just give me the stupid car!
If you don't mind me asking,
what the hell's going on with Ronnie?
Ah, you know, kids and their phases.
Hey! Where's my pee bottles?
Oh, sorry, honey.
They're in the dishwasher.
We've been meaning to
put a bathroom down there.
It is a lot of steps for him to take.
Kids! What are you gonna do?
Kid? He's a grown man.
Shouldn't he be out on his own?
We told him to look for an apartment.
We gave him a month's rent.
But he blew it all one night taking a call girl
to an Ultimate Fighting match.
- Cool.
- Oh, and she was a doll!
We hoped they'd go out again, but...
couldn't afford it.
I think this is why
karma brought me here.
I'm responsible for Ronnie
becoming your baby.
Maybe I should be responsible
for Ronnie becoming a man.
But what if he's not ready
to become a man?
You know, it's a dangerous world
out there.
We're not seals, Earl.
We don't just throw our babies
in the water to see if they live.
You're being too emotional about this.
In your head you know
if you want Ronnie to grow up...
you need to throw him out
on his ass...
but your heart won't let you do it.
This kid needs tough love.
Let me do it for you.
I think the cops might be coming.
The neighborjust saw me
peeing out the window.
Help! Abuse! Abuse!
Abuse!
Don't worry. My brother's
good at teaching people stuff.
Mom!
He taught me that.
I was determined
to make Ronnie independent...
by doing the hard thing-staying tough
and giving him the discipline he never got at home.
You are lucky
I dropped out of karate, man!
I paid rent on this room for three days.
You got that long to get a job.
After that, you're on your own.
- When do I get my allowance?
- Fridays.
There's no allowance!
Just find a job.
Something's wrong with Mr. Turtle.
Oh, crap.
By now he's usually spun this thing
a whole quarter turn.
Well, maybe you
work him out too much.
I mean, he's already got
a six-pack on his belly.
He must have tried to hump
his heating rock again.
The rejection always depresses him.
You know, Randy...
I've always wondered how good I'd be
raising a teenager.
I gotta say, I think
I'd be pretty good at it.
I like this tough dad thing.
I don't know, Earl.
I'm a nervous wreck.
No wonder Mom drank.
I'm gonna go check
the bullet hole...
and see if my non-nonsense parenting
has fixed Ronnie yet.
Indians Whooping]
- [Earl Narrating] Unfortunately, he wasn't fixed.
He was just lying there
like a big slug.
You just lost your TV privileges.
I hate you!
That's when I knew
I was being a good parent, a tough parent.
But the next day, Ronnie
still hadn't done anything.
Got two days left. Better get a job.
I hate you!
But even with nothing in the room...
Ronnie still found a way
to waste time.
Now you lost your zipper!
Tomorrow you're out!
Hope you're ready!
- I-
- I hate you more!
Me and Joy
were both trying to motivate someone...
but she took a more loving approach.
Come on, walk, stupid.
What do you need, some incentive?
There you go.
You want some more of that,
you'd better get to walkin'.
After three days of not trying to get a job...
I let the motel kick Ronnie out.
I was hoping a night in the parking lot
had finally made him a man.
Son of a bitch!
Homeless Mom,
these eggs are amazing.
Can I have some more?
I'll see if I can find another nest.
I can't believe you.
You're just mad
Ifigured out how to feed myself.
You didn't feed yourself. You just talked a
homeless woman into cooking baby birds for you.
You're pathetic.
For God's sakes, act like a man.
It's not my fault they kicked me out.
You only paid for three days.
You're too old to be living in a motel room
someone else is paying for.
- Earl-
- Not now.
You got no job, no skills.
All you do is mooch off other people.
- Earl-
- I said not now, Randy!
You're 22 years old, man.
Have some self-respect. It's just sad!
I'm 31,
and all that stuff describes me!
Randy, just go wait
in the motel room.
Who, me? The guy with no job, who has no skills?
Go wait in the motel room you pay for?
This isn't about you.
It's about this loser.
If you think he's a loser,
then you must think I'm a loser too.
- He does. He does think you're a loser.
- I didn't say that!
Do you think I could
take care of myself?
Yeah. Yeah, sure. Of course.
Well, at least now I know the truth.
Wh-Where you going?
I'm going to prove to you
that I can live on my own like a grown-up.
Cool!
- I'm gonna follow you around now and probably live off you.
- Hmm.
Looks like I got myself a Randy.
Aren't you worried about Randy?
Randy? My brother? Nah.
He'll be back
as soon as he gets hungry...
or forgets he's running away.
Either way, I'm not gonna get emotional about it,
'cause that's what they want you to do.
You picked the wrong one, dummy!
No. Other dummy. You picked the stupid turtle,
and Darnell's getting suspicious.
- Where's the one I gave you?
- He's in the pool with all the other animals people dump.
I think there's a Shetland pony
at the bottom.
I'm conflicted. I would love
to ratJoy out to Crabman.
But I don't want him to worry about
his poor little buddy out there on his own.
- I think he'll be okay.
- I don't know. Anything can happen.
It's a dangerous world out there
for a helpless guy like that.
It is a dangerous world out there.
Bad things happen all the time.
I mean, he's slow, he's vulnerable.
He sure is. He doesn't even look
before he crosses the street.
If you touch him and you don't wash
your hands, you could get salmonella.
And he eats anything people give him.
- When he falls on his back he can almost never get up.
- I know.
I gotta roll him over
all the time. Randy!
I screwed up.
Our boys might be dead.
# With that old-time rock and roll ##
I can't believe this. You made me have
a little boy, and now you made me lose him!
I know, I know! I lost mine too!
- This tough love isn't so easy, is it?
- It's horrible!
How can you not be emotional
about somebody you love?
- He's out there in 67-degree weather!
- Did you pack light sweaters?
- No!
- Oh, God!
- Ronnie!
- Ronnie, it's Mommy!
Randy, I got Rainbow Sugar Bits!
Oh, thank God.
"SARS."
Must have been a Norwegian guy.
All right. We should keep looking.
The only thing down there
is a Shetland pony.
# Amazing Grace #
# How sweet the sound #
Oh, that's my jam!
# That saved a wretch #
# Like me #
Oh! Hey, baby. What's going on?
Mr. Turtle died this morning.
He went quietly.
# Was blind, but now #
# I see #
I am so sorry.
Can't believe this is happening.
Typically,
his species lives to be 150.
I guess his love of butter lettuce
finally caught up to him.
Too soon.
That's not Mr. Turtle.
I lost the real Mr. Turtle.
I was bringing him
to the Crab Shack...
and I accidentally drove off
with him on the roof of the car.
Who's this son of a bitch then?
Found him in the pond,
trapped in a six-pack ring.
You could have gotten away with this.
I would have buried this bastard
and never been the wiser.
But you told the truth.
You looked so sad.
Couldn't put you through that
just to protect myself.
That means Mr. Turtle's
out there somewhere.
If any reptile can make it home,
it's him.
While Darnell was gaining hope...
after searching all night in every place
we could think of, we gave up.
Don't worry. We'll find him.
Everyone knows the cops say
"probably dead" all the time.
Ronnie! You're alive!
Randy!
Yeah, that's my brother.
No, I gotta go.
Okay. Okay, yeah. Send me the link.
Ye-
Oka-
Okay, buddy. Yeah.
I gotta jump. Okay.
Earl, you're not gonna believe what happened.
After Randy
and Ronnie left, they started walkin'.
And since Randy now had a Randy ofhis own,
he started feeling more responsible.
I'm gonna start growing a mustache.
You watch out for aliens and birds.
That's what the number two does.
Most people don't understand
how important that is.
Sweet. A wallet.
There's probably money in it.
- Let's try crack.
- No!
It doesn't belong to us.
Excuse me, sir.
Think you dropped your wallet.
The man was so shocked by Randy's honesty...
that he let the boys pick anything
they wanted from the thrift store.
Oh, check it out.
My suit had a note in it.
"Don't forget to buy milk. "
Ronnie, don't let me
forget to buy milk.
So what do we do now?
Let's follow those guys.
It turns out,
when they started looking like grown-ups...
people started treating them
like grown-ups.
Hello, gentlemen.
Welcome to the American Flange, Stoppers
and Fastener Manufacturers...
Trade Association annual convention...
where all your dreams
can come true...
as long as they're flange,
stopper or fastener related.
And as you can see,
domestic flange production...
has declined sharply
over the past two quarters.
Looking forward-
Uh, where are you gentlemen going?
Uh-
This is boring.
I don't even know why we're here.
Oh, for God's sake, he's right.
Why are we dancing around the obvious?
The American flange used to be
the envy of the world.
F.D.R. once said...
the pipes of freedom
are held together...
by the American flange.
Well, those pipes
are leaking, damn it.
These boys are right.
It is high time
we did something about it!
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
By the end of the day...
Randy and Ronnie were the hit of the convention.
Okay, ladies and gentlemen...
for the close of what has been
the most exciting flange convention in years...
we're giving away a golf cart...
to the winner
of our annual dance contest.
Right about now,
you're about to be possessed by the sounds-
Oh, no, they didn't!
Follow my lead.
- We got this.
- # Hit it #
- # Yeah
Whoo #
# Yeah
Whoo #
- # It takes two
to make a thing go right ##
I was worried sick!
Why? I just did the things
I learned by watching you.
Whenever you have something
important to do, you put on a suit.
And I was honest when I found that wallet,
just like you would have been.
Plus, I took care of my Randy.
That's when I realized
all you can do is teach 'em the best you can...
and trust they'll find their way.
It was amazing!
There was free food and drinks
and people were having fun at work.
Oh, and someone called me "sir" and it
wasn't followed by "You have to leave. "
And after feeling that kind of respect...
Ronnie decided to go back to school
and even move out ofhis parents'house...
even if it was just to the garage.
Everyone's motivation for
getting their life together is different.
For some people, it takes tough love.
For Ronnie, it took hope for the future.
- You didn't think I could take care of myself.
- I was wrong.
Being a grown-up's easy,
but it's just not my thing.
Boss man breathing
down your neck 24/7.
You're only as good
as your last idea, Earl.
I hear that.
Well, in case anything
ever happens to you...
and I need to take care of myself...
I'm gonna take extra-special care
of this suit.
- Night, Randy.
- Night, Earl.
# A slow turnin'#
# A slow turnin'#
# A slow turnin'#
# Just a slow turnin'##
Relax. No turtles were harmed
shooting this episode.
So please, no letters, crackpots!