My Name Is Earl (2005–2009): Season 4, Episode 12 - Reading Is a Fundamental Case - full transcript
Earl and Randy discover that an old friend is living in the woods in a Bookmobile they stole years earlier, and that he has gone completely crazy.
My name is Earl.
Mama!
Come on, Son. Come on!
You're gonna enjoy it.
- Hey, Earl.
- Hey, Crabman.
Think there's something wrong
with these books.
Oh, the Camden Library couldn't afford
actual classics, so they bought knockoffs.
That explains
The Adventures of Chuckleberry Flynn.
I'm gonna read Trazan the Ape-Man.
He's got a pet cheetah named Monkey.
All right. Let's get started.
Trazan the Ape-Man.
"You may be shocked
as I describe this strange and unusual tale...
"but I assure you
that every word is true.
And you may be shocked I'm reading to kids.
Well, like all good adventures,
it starts at the beginning.
Back before my list, me and Randy
got sentenced to community service...
in the Humiliate
to Rehabilitate Program.
Hi, Dad!
How big's a body part gotta be
before we're supposed to report it?
- Fist or larger.
- Never mind then.
It was crappy work,
but one guy made it kinda fun.
That guy's doin' the theme song from that show
that comes on every couple years...
about the different colored people
with super powers...
like swimming faster,
throwing sticks real far.
Oh, yeah.
I saw an episode of that once.
Come on, fellas.
They're only gonna burn it later on!
Why should those bastards at the dump
have all the fun, eh?
Yeah, those guys at the dump do have all the fun.
Gimme that lighter.
Whoo!
This is a huge misunderstanding.
Raynard was so cool...
he let us crash with him
when our dad threw us out for the eighth time.
Come on in!
Earl, there's a bathtub
in the living room.
And he's got outside plants
growing on the inside.
I didn't grow them on the inside.
I just opened up the window
and gave the plants a choice.
Did you open the bathroom door
and give the tub a choice, or are you just crazy?
I'll tell you what is crazy is lettin' somebody
tell you where you can put your tub.
Believe me, the news isn't so depressing
when you're surrounded by bubbles.
Hmm.
I think your globe
is upside-down.
- Is not.
- No, I'm pretty sure it is.
Geography was the only class
I went to in high school.
The teacher was hot
and had a touch of the palsy.
She was always dropping stuff...
bendin' over to pick it up...
droppin' it again.
Mmm.
Anyway, the North Pole
should be on top.
There is no up or down in space, man!
Look at my hand.
It's a spaceship, and it's comin'
at the Earth like this. Okay?
And, okay, this is the top.
But if you come at it like this-
the top becomes the bottom.
Wow.
Makes you think.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
A globe is the Earth?
# Oh, Susannah #
# Don't you cry for me #
# I come from Alabama #
#With my banjo on my knee ##
As fun as Raynard was...
he was a little nervous
around the ladies.
Hey, nice, um-
Let me handle this.
We're in a band.
We're opening for U2.
- U2?
- Yeah, me too. All of us.
That's right. So who wants to party with guys
that are gonna be sharing a shower with Bono?
Sweet!
Do you guys have a tour bus? 'Cause we
don't party with garage bands no more.
Uh, no.
But... we take the bus.
Raynard. He's kiddin'.
Yeah, we got one. A big, shiny one.
It's, like, a hundred feet long.
Okay, everybody stop talkin'.
Meet me outside in 10 minutes.
I went out and stole
the first bus-like thing I could find.
- Whoa!
- Whoo!
We wanted to party
where we wouldn't be disturbed...
so we drove out to
the old abandoned Camden Scout camp.
Next morning we got the girls to leave
by telling them we had to rehearse...
and that we'd call 'em later.
Neither one of those things were true.
And we didn't want to get caught driving
a stolen bookmobile, so we walked too.
My girl bit me.
Is that hot or scary?
And that's where our tour bus stayed until me
and Randy went out to do number 219-
stole a bookmobile.
But I don't understand
why I can't have one.
I promise I'll feed it and walk it,
and if it's bad, I'll hit it with a shovel.
I'm not sure you're ready
for a puppy, Randy.
Let's see if she'll start.
Aah! What the hell?
Raynard?
"No one who saw him could say
for certain ifhe was an ape or a man.
"Perhaps he was neither one
of those things.
Perhaps he was both. "
"Even though
we were paralyzed with fear...
"we couldn't help but gaze with wonder
at this most odd creature...
that looked so much like a man
but acted so much like a beast. "
Raynard?
- What are we gonna do?
- Well, Raynard always told us to think for ourselves.
I think we should
set this thing on fire and run.
We can't leave him, Randy.
I got a feeling this might be all my fault.
Turns out it was all my fault.
The last time I saw Raynard
was right after me and Joy got married.
- Earl! Buddy!
- Shh! Shh! Shh!
Great to see you, Raynard.
But we gotta keep it down.
I- I got a wife now.
Pregnant. Hormones.
Little touchy.
Super hearing.
What's with all this chitter-chatter?
Hey, sugar.
It's my friend Raynard.
Who cares?
I'm back there workin' my ass off...
trying to grow this baby,
and you're out here havin' a party?
I need peace and quiet!
I mean, what if I'm growing
somethin' really important on the baby today...
like his brain or his wiener?
Do you even care?
I need a glass of Chablis!
She seems nice.
So, Earl, buddy, I was wondering
if I could crash with you guys for a while.
I got evicted.
- Cheers!
- Stop talkin' funny!
You can see what
I'm up against here.
Joy's not gonna like it if I let you stay.
But... I've tried everywhere.
I've got nowhere else to go.
Earl, my water broke!
Oh. Never mind. Never mind.
I just peed the bed.
Come clean it up.
After that night,
Raynard wandered broke and homeless for days...
until he stumbled across what was left
of Camden's library outreach program.
And that reminded him
of the bookmobile.
I gotta put him on the list, Randy.
When we were in trouble,
he let us crash at his place...
but when he needed somewhere to stay,
I didn't help him.
But that's Joy's fault.
She was so mean when she was pregnant.
And when she wasn't.
We coulda tried harder.
We should've been there for him.
R- R-Raynard, don't be scared.
It's- It's- It's Earl and Randy Hickey.
Do you remember us?
We stole this bookmobile with you.
We're your friends.
You're... friend!
- Friend!
- What's the matter, buddy?
You been living in the woods so long
you forgot how to speak?
I-
No one... speak... to... me.
Cool. He figured out a way
to talk out here using less words.
What a time-saver.
Me like you talk.
Me like you talk too!
Smell Raynard?
No, thanks.
Just like talk part.
So, what are you doing out here?
Y- You okay?
Yeah. Happy.
It's, uh, paradise.
Yeah, it's- it's beautiful.
But where do you find food and stuff?
Food?
Food. You hungry!
I be back!
Weird.
I think he's gone crazy.
I don't know, Earl.
He seems happy.
Plus he's got a pretty sweet set-up.
Maybe we're the crazy ones
for not living like this.
Friend, this is my hot wife, Charlene!
- Nope. He's the crazy one.
- Yeah.
Food. Mmm!
Hot wife.
Perfect life.
And then I realized why he was crazy.
Me and Randy had seen
those berries before.
Back when I was married toJoy
and the bill collectors got to be too much...
sometimes we'd go campin'.
Y'all be honest.
Is the bottom half of me a horse right now?
Joy, what's wrong with you?
Joy, say somethin'.
You're weirdin' me out.
- # Rainy day mushroom pillow #
- Hello. Anybody home?
# Colors green, brown
and yellow #
# Poisoned dreams
Distorted dreams #
Freak head!
- # Mushroom dreams #
- Baby, no!
How about we skip the berries
a- and go in my car and-and get a pizza?
- Huh?
- Earl, you're usin' too many words.
Pizza. Come on. We go.
Rubber face!
Poor guy.
Living out here eating crazy berries...
and doing God knows what
with a raccoon.
We gotta bring him back
to civilization.
Hey, Earl, when we catch Raynard,
can I keep him for a pet?
What? No! He's a person!
Here, Raynard.
Here, boy.
Come with us
and see what you've missed.
Remember how you used to like
puttin' a lime in your beer?
Well, now they make beer
with the lime already in it.
Crazy, huh?
And everybody's got a phone in their pocket
and a dog in their purse.
And cars fly,
and everybody's rich.
- Don't oversell it.
- Well-
Aah!
Raynard, just try to fight
through the crazy berries and listen.
It's Earl. I'm your friend, and I wanna help you!
All right, you know what?
You're not the only one that can climb a tree.
I'm coming up there after you.
Randy!
"We watched in awe as he ran away...
"as sure-footed as a mountain goat,
as fast as a jackrabbit.
"And we knew we wouldn't be able
to catch him with our strength.
We would have to use our brains. "
"The ape-man used
his primitive skills to escape...
"but we knew we were smarter.
So we decided to set a trap,
and that required bait. "
Don't mention this to my boss.
There's a strict policy at the club
against letting people lure you into the woods.
#Jump, jump, jump, jump #
# Jump, jump, jump
Jump, jump #
# Jump around #
# Jump around
Jump around #
# Jump up
Jump up and get down #
# Jump, jumpJump, jump, jump #
What kind of freaky crap is that?
I guess there was more to that relationship
than I thought.
"In an effort to civilize this beast-man,
we brought him back to the city.
"To see such a monster
paraded through town made people stare.
"Most were disgusted,
but some were overcome with curiosity.
We knew for the creature's own good,
we had to tame it quickly. "
The hell is that idiot doing with
a wild man tied up in the back of his car?
That Earl and his list.
He gets himself in so many predicaments.
We were in a hurry
to get Raynard back to normal.
Luckily, Catalina knew about
something called a colonic...
that gets all the bad stuff
out of your body.
Oh, man.
Bad news, Raynard.
The hose goes in the other end.
Don't worry. I got a G.I. Joe
stuck up there on accident once.
This hose is a lot smaller, and there's
no gun to get caught on anything.
While I hope to never have
to give another dude a forced colonic...
it was good to see Raynard
back in his right mind again.
Married? To a raccoon?
Those must be some powerful berries!
It was a girl raccoon, right?
Yeah.
The next step to gettin'Raynard
back on his feet was getting him cleaned up.
Now is that one a tick or a mole?
Aaah! Whoa!
Mole.
And after we got him cleaned up,
it was time to find him a job.
So I got him a deliveryjob
at Camden Foreign Foods.
I figured he couldn't mess it up...
'cause all he had to do was hand people food
and take their money.
You don't give them the food
if they don't give you the money!
Yeah, but she gave me
something better than money.
We give her half a chicken,
she gives us a whole chicken.
- That's two for one where I come from, buttercup.
- You are fired!
After Se?or Lo Mein
didn't work out, I got Raynard a job...
somewhere that standards were so low
I didn't think he'd get in trouble.
You put the little soap
on the pillows?
Yeah. It forces you to get out of the shower,
walk in here naked...
feel the delightful sting
of the air conditioning on your privates!
Really pulls the drawstring tight
on your coin purse, huh?
It's always candy on the pillow!
- # Don't bring me down #
Finally I found Raynard a job...
where it didn't matter how you did it
as long as thejob got done.
The hell are you doin'?
That's the rat hole I was talkin' about.
You gotta spray the poison in there.
I'm not gonna spray it in the hole.
I'll spray it around the hole.
If the rat comes out of the hole
and he steps into the poison...
he steps in the poison
of his own free will.
I don't give a rat's ass
about that rat's ass and his free will.
- You won't do it, I'll do it myself.
- That's not your choice to make!
- It's the rat's choice!
- Give it!
How would you like it if someone
sprayed you inside your house?
Aaah! Aaah!
Darnell, call the police!
Exterminator sprayed me in the face
with rat poison again!
# I'll tell you once more
before I get off the floor#
I'd had enough of Raynard's free thinkin'.
- # Don't bring me down ##
- I decided to post his bail and call it even...
until I found out they hadn't
taken Raynard tojail.
Well, my official diagnosis is A.P.D.
That's antisocial personality disorder...
and a pretty advanced case of that.
Oh, here.
See for yourself.
- Earl. Earl!
- Randy, enough.
Santa Claus would not be working
in a mental institution.
Why are you so afraid of me, man?
'Cause I'm different? Because I sound funny?
I can talk
just like everybody else here if I wanted to.
Would you be more comfortable
if we talked about hot dogs and apple pie?
Or we could tailgate
and drink some light beer!
Or are youse afraid of me because
I don't blindly follow your rules...
because I'm not a sheep like you?
Huh?
Ho ho ho ho ho!
That was a good one.
Luckily society has a place
for people like your friend.
- Do they make toys there?
- Randy.
Don't worry. He'll be
well taken care of.
After a couple of days on the meds,
he won't even need the straps.
- Can I talk to him?
- Of course.
I'll have my assistant take you in.
Karen!
Would you like to follow me?
Okay, Randy, that's weird.
I admit it.
It was sad seeing Raynard all drugged up...
but after trying to help him fit in...
I had to agree that hejust didn't
belong in the normal world.
I like candy.
Do you have candy?
- No. Do you?
- No! Do you?
- No. Do you?
- No! Do you?
No.
Do you?
Hey there, Raynard.
How you feelin'?
Put out your hand.
You didn't think I was gonna
let these dillweeds...
take me for a ride
on their monkey train, did ya?
How 'bout you untie me
and let's get out of here?
I don't think that's the best idea.
The best idea would have been for you to
leave me in the woods where I was happy, man.
I've tried living in your world.
Look where it got me.
I don't know if you were
really better off out there.
You were hallucinating
on crazy berries.
Look, I'm not gonna eat any more
of those damn berries.
Please. The next time I see a raccoon,
we're just gonna be friends.
Come on, Earl.
I'm dying here.
Raynard was right.
He didn't belong locked up and pumped
full of drugs. He belonged in the wild.
I just had to figure out
how to get him back there.
Yo, buddy, will you help me do a magic trick
to entertain the folks?
Sure.
Hey, everybody!
Check this out!
Whoa!
Whoa-ho-ho-ho-ho, man!
This guy is full of candy...
like a giant pi?ata.
Candy! Candy!
Candy! Candy!
Candy! You're supposed
to share a piece!
Sorry I gotta take the bookmobile back.
- Are you sure you're all right with the tent?
- Yeah, man. Take it back.
That thing's way too restrictive.
Besides, I already read
or ate most of the books.
You hear that?
Hear what?
Exactly.
That's the sound of freedom.
That chirpin' is the sound
of Charlene in heat.
That's gonna be a tough conversation.
I could hit her with the bookmobile
on my way out.
I don't wanna know.
Thanks for everything, Earl.
Thanks for bringin' me home.
"A t last he was returned
to where he belonged.
"What we had once feared
we came to admire.
"He had the courage
to think freely, to live freely...
"to truly live.
He was Trazan, king of the jungle. "
The end.
I was glad to bring the bookmobile back.
All those books were gonna help the kids
see the world in a whole new way...
kinda like Raynard did for me.
Where did Trazan live?
Well, the story
takes place in Africa...
which is down here.
Or another way to look at it...
is that it's up here.
Makes you think, doesn't it?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
A map is also the Earth?
Mama!
Come on, Son. Come on!
You're gonna enjoy it.
- Hey, Earl.
- Hey, Crabman.
Think there's something wrong
with these books.
Oh, the Camden Library couldn't afford
actual classics, so they bought knockoffs.
That explains
The Adventures of Chuckleberry Flynn.
I'm gonna read Trazan the Ape-Man.
He's got a pet cheetah named Monkey.
All right. Let's get started.
Trazan the Ape-Man.
"You may be shocked
as I describe this strange and unusual tale...
"but I assure you
that every word is true.
And you may be shocked I'm reading to kids.
Well, like all good adventures,
it starts at the beginning.
Back before my list, me and Randy
got sentenced to community service...
in the Humiliate
to Rehabilitate Program.
Hi, Dad!
How big's a body part gotta be
before we're supposed to report it?
- Fist or larger.
- Never mind then.
It was crappy work,
but one guy made it kinda fun.
That guy's doin' the theme song from that show
that comes on every couple years...
about the different colored people
with super powers...
like swimming faster,
throwing sticks real far.
Oh, yeah.
I saw an episode of that once.
Come on, fellas.
They're only gonna burn it later on!
Why should those bastards at the dump
have all the fun, eh?
Yeah, those guys at the dump do have all the fun.
Gimme that lighter.
Whoo!
This is a huge misunderstanding.
Raynard was so cool...
he let us crash with him
when our dad threw us out for the eighth time.
Come on in!
Earl, there's a bathtub
in the living room.
And he's got outside plants
growing on the inside.
I didn't grow them on the inside.
I just opened up the window
and gave the plants a choice.
Did you open the bathroom door
and give the tub a choice, or are you just crazy?
I'll tell you what is crazy is lettin' somebody
tell you where you can put your tub.
Believe me, the news isn't so depressing
when you're surrounded by bubbles.
Hmm.
I think your globe
is upside-down.
- Is not.
- No, I'm pretty sure it is.
Geography was the only class
I went to in high school.
The teacher was hot
and had a touch of the palsy.
She was always dropping stuff...
bendin' over to pick it up...
droppin' it again.
Mmm.
Anyway, the North Pole
should be on top.
There is no up or down in space, man!
Look at my hand.
It's a spaceship, and it's comin'
at the Earth like this. Okay?
And, okay, this is the top.
But if you come at it like this-
the top becomes the bottom.
Wow.
Makes you think.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
A globe is the Earth?
# Oh, Susannah #
# Don't you cry for me #
# I come from Alabama #
#With my banjo on my knee ##
As fun as Raynard was...
he was a little nervous
around the ladies.
Hey, nice, um-
Let me handle this.
We're in a band.
We're opening for U2.
- U2?
- Yeah, me too. All of us.
That's right. So who wants to party with guys
that are gonna be sharing a shower with Bono?
Sweet!
Do you guys have a tour bus? 'Cause we
don't party with garage bands no more.
Uh, no.
But... we take the bus.
Raynard. He's kiddin'.
Yeah, we got one. A big, shiny one.
It's, like, a hundred feet long.
Okay, everybody stop talkin'.
Meet me outside in 10 minutes.
I went out and stole
the first bus-like thing I could find.
- Whoa!
- Whoo!
We wanted to party
where we wouldn't be disturbed...
so we drove out to
the old abandoned Camden Scout camp.
Next morning we got the girls to leave
by telling them we had to rehearse...
and that we'd call 'em later.
Neither one of those things were true.
And we didn't want to get caught driving
a stolen bookmobile, so we walked too.
My girl bit me.
Is that hot or scary?
And that's where our tour bus stayed until me
and Randy went out to do number 219-
stole a bookmobile.
But I don't understand
why I can't have one.
I promise I'll feed it and walk it,
and if it's bad, I'll hit it with a shovel.
I'm not sure you're ready
for a puppy, Randy.
Let's see if she'll start.
Aah! What the hell?
Raynard?
"No one who saw him could say
for certain ifhe was an ape or a man.
"Perhaps he was neither one
of those things.
Perhaps he was both. "
"Even though
we were paralyzed with fear...
"we couldn't help but gaze with wonder
at this most odd creature...
that looked so much like a man
but acted so much like a beast. "
Raynard?
- What are we gonna do?
- Well, Raynard always told us to think for ourselves.
I think we should
set this thing on fire and run.
We can't leave him, Randy.
I got a feeling this might be all my fault.
Turns out it was all my fault.
The last time I saw Raynard
was right after me and Joy got married.
- Earl! Buddy!
- Shh! Shh! Shh!
Great to see you, Raynard.
But we gotta keep it down.
I- I got a wife now.
Pregnant. Hormones.
Little touchy.
Super hearing.
What's with all this chitter-chatter?
Hey, sugar.
It's my friend Raynard.
Who cares?
I'm back there workin' my ass off...
trying to grow this baby,
and you're out here havin' a party?
I need peace and quiet!
I mean, what if I'm growing
somethin' really important on the baby today...
like his brain or his wiener?
Do you even care?
I need a glass of Chablis!
She seems nice.
So, Earl, buddy, I was wondering
if I could crash with you guys for a while.
I got evicted.
- Cheers!
- Stop talkin' funny!
You can see what
I'm up against here.
Joy's not gonna like it if I let you stay.
But... I've tried everywhere.
I've got nowhere else to go.
Earl, my water broke!
Oh. Never mind. Never mind.
I just peed the bed.
Come clean it up.
After that night,
Raynard wandered broke and homeless for days...
until he stumbled across what was left
of Camden's library outreach program.
And that reminded him
of the bookmobile.
I gotta put him on the list, Randy.
When we were in trouble,
he let us crash at his place...
but when he needed somewhere to stay,
I didn't help him.
But that's Joy's fault.
She was so mean when she was pregnant.
And when she wasn't.
We coulda tried harder.
We should've been there for him.
R- R-Raynard, don't be scared.
It's- It's- It's Earl and Randy Hickey.
Do you remember us?
We stole this bookmobile with you.
We're your friends.
You're... friend!
- Friend!
- What's the matter, buddy?
You been living in the woods so long
you forgot how to speak?
I-
No one... speak... to... me.
Cool. He figured out a way
to talk out here using less words.
What a time-saver.
Me like you talk.
Me like you talk too!
Smell Raynard?
No, thanks.
Just like talk part.
So, what are you doing out here?
Y- You okay?
Yeah. Happy.
It's, uh, paradise.
Yeah, it's- it's beautiful.
But where do you find food and stuff?
Food?
Food. You hungry!
I be back!
Weird.
I think he's gone crazy.
I don't know, Earl.
He seems happy.
Plus he's got a pretty sweet set-up.
Maybe we're the crazy ones
for not living like this.
Friend, this is my hot wife, Charlene!
- Nope. He's the crazy one.
- Yeah.
Food. Mmm!
Hot wife.
Perfect life.
And then I realized why he was crazy.
Me and Randy had seen
those berries before.
Back when I was married toJoy
and the bill collectors got to be too much...
sometimes we'd go campin'.
Y'all be honest.
Is the bottom half of me a horse right now?
Joy, what's wrong with you?
Joy, say somethin'.
You're weirdin' me out.
- # Rainy day mushroom pillow #
- Hello. Anybody home?
# Colors green, brown
and yellow #
# Poisoned dreams
Distorted dreams #
Freak head!
- # Mushroom dreams #
- Baby, no!
How about we skip the berries
a- and go in my car and-and get a pizza?
- Huh?
- Earl, you're usin' too many words.
Pizza. Come on. We go.
Rubber face!
Poor guy.
Living out here eating crazy berries...
and doing God knows what
with a raccoon.
We gotta bring him back
to civilization.
Hey, Earl, when we catch Raynard,
can I keep him for a pet?
What? No! He's a person!
Here, Raynard.
Here, boy.
Come with us
and see what you've missed.
Remember how you used to like
puttin' a lime in your beer?
Well, now they make beer
with the lime already in it.
Crazy, huh?
And everybody's got a phone in their pocket
and a dog in their purse.
And cars fly,
and everybody's rich.
- Don't oversell it.
- Well-
Aah!
Raynard, just try to fight
through the crazy berries and listen.
It's Earl. I'm your friend, and I wanna help you!
All right, you know what?
You're not the only one that can climb a tree.
I'm coming up there after you.
Randy!
"We watched in awe as he ran away...
"as sure-footed as a mountain goat,
as fast as a jackrabbit.
"And we knew we wouldn't be able
to catch him with our strength.
We would have to use our brains. "
"The ape-man used
his primitive skills to escape...
"but we knew we were smarter.
So we decided to set a trap,
and that required bait. "
Don't mention this to my boss.
There's a strict policy at the club
against letting people lure you into the woods.
#Jump, jump, jump, jump #
# Jump, jump, jump
Jump, jump #
# Jump around #
# Jump around
Jump around #
# Jump up
Jump up and get down #
# Jump, jumpJump, jump, jump #
What kind of freaky crap is that?
I guess there was more to that relationship
than I thought.
"In an effort to civilize this beast-man,
we brought him back to the city.
"To see such a monster
paraded through town made people stare.
"Most were disgusted,
but some were overcome with curiosity.
We knew for the creature's own good,
we had to tame it quickly. "
The hell is that idiot doing with
a wild man tied up in the back of his car?
That Earl and his list.
He gets himself in so many predicaments.
We were in a hurry
to get Raynard back to normal.
Luckily, Catalina knew about
something called a colonic...
that gets all the bad stuff
out of your body.
Oh, man.
Bad news, Raynard.
The hose goes in the other end.
Don't worry. I got a G.I. Joe
stuck up there on accident once.
This hose is a lot smaller, and there's
no gun to get caught on anything.
While I hope to never have
to give another dude a forced colonic...
it was good to see Raynard
back in his right mind again.
Married? To a raccoon?
Those must be some powerful berries!
It was a girl raccoon, right?
Yeah.
The next step to gettin'Raynard
back on his feet was getting him cleaned up.
Now is that one a tick or a mole?
Aaah! Whoa!
Mole.
And after we got him cleaned up,
it was time to find him a job.
So I got him a deliveryjob
at Camden Foreign Foods.
I figured he couldn't mess it up...
'cause all he had to do was hand people food
and take their money.
You don't give them the food
if they don't give you the money!
Yeah, but she gave me
something better than money.
We give her half a chicken,
she gives us a whole chicken.
- That's two for one where I come from, buttercup.
- You are fired!
After Se?or Lo Mein
didn't work out, I got Raynard a job...
somewhere that standards were so low
I didn't think he'd get in trouble.
You put the little soap
on the pillows?
Yeah. It forces you to get out of the shower,
walk in here naked...
feel the delightful sting
of the air conditioning on your privates!
Really pulls the drawstring tight
on your coin purse, huh?
It's always candy on the pillow!
- # Don't bring me down #
Finally I found Raynard a job...
where it didn't matter how you did it
as long as thejob got done.
The hell are you doin'?
That's the rat hole I was talkin' about.
You gotta spray the poison in there.
I'm not gonna spray it in the hole.
I'll spray it around the hole.
If the rat comes out of the hole
and he steps into the poison...
he steps in the poison
of his own free will.
I don't give a rat's ass
about that rat's ass and his free will.
- You won't do it, I'll do it myself.
- That's not your choice to make!
- It's the rat's choice!
- Give it!
How would you like it if someone
sprayed you inside your house?
Aaah! Aaah!
Darnell, call the police!
Exterminator sprayed me in the face
with rat poison again!
# I'll tell you once more
before I get off the floor#
I'd had enough of Raynard's free thinkin'.
- # Don't bring me down ##
- I decided to post his bail and call it even...
until I found out they hadn't
taken Raynard tojail.
Well, my official diagnosis is A.P.D.
That's antisocial personality disorder...
and a pretty advanced case of that.
Oh, here.
See for yourself.
- Earl. Earl!
- Randy, enough.
Santa Claus would not be working
in a mental institution.
Why are you so afraid of me, man?
'Cause I'm different? Because I sound funny?
I can talk
just like everybody else here if I wanted to.
Would you be more comfortable
if we talked about hot dogs and apple pie?
Or we could tailgate
and drink some light beer!
Or are youse afraid of me because
I don't blindly follow your rules...
because I'm not a sheep like you?
Huh?
Ho ho ho ho ho!
That was a good one.
Luckily society has a place
for people like your friend.
- Do they make toys there?
- Randy.
Don't worry. He'll be
well taken care of.
After a couple of days on the meds,
he won't even need the straps.
- Can I talk to him?
- Of course.
I'll have my assistant take you in.
Karen!
Would you like to follow me?
Okay, Randy, that's weird.
I admit it.
It was sad seeing Raynard all drugged up...
but after trying to help him fit in...
I had to agree that hejust didn't
belong in the normal world.
I like candy.
Do you have candy?
- No. Do you?
- No! Do you?
- No. Do you?
- No! Do you?
No.
Do you?
Hey there, Raynard.
How you feelin'?
Put out your hand.
You didn't think I was gonna
let these dillweeds...
take me for a ride
on their monkey train, did ya?
How 'bout you untie me
and let's get out of here?
I don't think that's the best idea.
The best idea would have been for you to
leave me in the woods where I was happy, man.
I've tried living in your world.
Look where it got me.
I don't know if you were
really better off out there.
You were hallucinating
on crazy berries.
Look, I'm not gonna eat any more
of those damn berries.
Please. The next time I see a raccoon,
we're just gonna be friends.
Come on, Earl.
I'm dying here.
Raynard was right.
He didn't belong locked up and pumped
full of drugs. He belonged in the wild.
I just had to figure out
how to get him back there.
Yo, buddy, will you help me do a magic trick
to entertain the folks?
Sure.
Hey, everybody!
Check this out!
Whoa!
Whoa-ho-ho-ho-ho, man!
This guy is full of candy...
like a giant pi?ata.
Candy! Candy!
Candy! Candy!
Candy! You're supposed
to share a piece!
Sorry I gotta take the bookmobile back.
- Are you sure you're all right with the tent?
- Yeah, man. Take it back.
That thing's way too restrictive.
Besides, I already read
or ate most of the books.
You hear that?
Hear what?
Exactly.
That's the sound of freedom.
That chirpin' is the sound
of Charlene in heat.
That's gonna be a tough conversation.
I could hit her with the bookmobile
on my way out.
I don't wanna know.
Thanks for everything, Earl.
Thanks for bringin' me home.
"A t last he was returned
to where he belonged.
"What we had once feared
we came to admire.
"He had the courage
to think freely, to live freely...
"to truly live.
He was Trazan, king of the jungle. "
The end.
I was glad to bring the bookmobile back.
All those books were gonna help the kids
see the world in a whole new way...
kinda like Raynard did for me.
Where did Trazan live?
Well, the story
takes place in Africa...
which is down here.
Or another way to look at it...
is that it's up here.
Makes you think, doesn't it?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
A map is also the Earth?