My Dad the Rock Star (2003–2004): Season 2, Episode 4 - Home for the Holly Daze - full transcript
When Willy and his Mom decide to get involved with the local Christmas Pageant, Rock is more than happy to embrace the holiday spirit in Silent Springs. Unfortunately, the pageant isn't everything it's cracked up to be. A famous Broadway director, Marty Blum, is hired to spice things up - but ends up turning the small town pageant into a full blown monstrosity, which leads to his eventual firing. Willy successfully takes over the directing reigns, but things take a turn when Marty gets his revenge by purchasing the theatre and canceling the pageant just hours before the curtain is due to rise. Thanks to a last minute Christmas miracle; in the form of Rock Zilla, a million Christmas lights, and enough electrical power to run a small country; the pageant gets a second chance - and is a rousing success. The Zilla's first Christmas at home is a memorable one to be sure!
♪ It’s so hard ♪
♪ Just to feel normal
♪ When everyone is completely
paranormal ♪
♪ And everything is totally
deranged ♪
♪ And you’re the only one who’s
sane ♪
♪ Sometimes it gets
so unbearable ♪
♪ But mostly I feel
unbelievable ♪
♪ And I’m a freak ’cause my dad
is a rock star ♪
♪ Yeah
♪ My dad is a rock star
♪ That’s it, the party’s over ♪
♪ Turn off the lights, I’m
leaving the stage ♪
♪ I just wanna get
a little more control ♪
♪ So nobody can tell me what to
do ♪
♪ Sometimes it gets
so unbearable ♪
♪ But mostly I feel
unbelievable ♪
♪ And I’m a freak, ’cause my dad
is a rock star ♪
♪ Yeah
♪ My dad is a rock star
♪ Yeah, yeah
♪
Ah-whoo!
♪
(Bell ringing)
(Students shouting)
You smell that?
(Deep breathing)
(Sighing)
ALYSSA: Quincy, you didn’t!
No, I’m talking about the
sweet smell of freedom.
WILLY: I was starting to
think Christmas break would
never get here.
ALYSSA: So, what are your
plans for the holidays, Willy?
Oh, my dad always flies us
off to some tropical paradise or
other.
Oh, the usual boring vacation
stuff.
QUINCY: Too bad you’re gone.
Lys and I start rehearsals for
the Silent Springs Christmas
pageant tomorrow.
ALYSSA: We do it every year.
It’s a tradition.
Really?
Hey, that sounds pretty cool.
Buzz, I should have known.
Don’t blame me, Zilla.
You’re the one who wandered into
the natural arc and trajectory
of that poor, innocent snowball.
Just think, two glorious
weeks away from Buzz.
♪
QUINCY: So, you think you
could convince him to stick
around?
WILLY: I’ll give it my best
shot.
ALYSSA: Well, if all else
fails, don’t be afraid to cry
like a baby.
Yo, it’s always worked for
me.
WILLY: Who knows, maybe Dad
would rather celebrate Christmas
at home this year.
ROCK: Hey, Willy!
So much for that theory.
Hope you’re ready to hit the
beach and soak up some rays,
’cause we are out of here!
Okay, crazy idea.
What if we were to not go away
for Christmas?
Yeah?
I’m not following.
I just thought it might be
fun to stay here for the
holidays.
Maybe even audition for the
local Christmas pageant.
Pageant?
There’s a pageant?
I’ve been looking for an
opportunity to showcase my
acting talents.
Oh, no.
Please tell me this is not
happening.
And just this morning, my
aurascope said, "You’re entering
a new stage of consciousness."
We have to be in that pageant,
it’s fate.
We?
Uh--
I mean, yeah, fate.
ROCK: Then it’s settled.
The Zillas are spending
Christmas at home.
We’ll need to work fast to whip
this place into holiday shape.
But first thing’s first.
We’re gonna need a tree.
QUINCY: Lot of competition
this year, yo.
ALYSSA: Quincy, where’s your
Christmas spirit?
A pageant’s a group effort, not
a competition.
Just as long as the two of us
get juicy roles.
(Door closing)
WILLY: Hey, what am I,
invisible?
Willy, you made it.
Yeah, but at what price?
Now my mom wants to be in the
pageant, too.
What could be worse than that?
BUZZ: Well, well.
Isn’t this a quaint little class
reunion?
It seems like only yesterday I
was making your life miserable.
Oh, wait, it was only yesterday.
I had to ask.
BUZZ: Oh, and Zilla.
If you’re trying out for the
role of punching bag, I would
love to help you rehearse.
Great.
Don’t worry about it, our
parents do the show every year,
too.
See?
Glad you could join us,
Crystal.
I am so nervous I can feel my
chi leaking out through my
pores.
At ease, ma’am, no pressure.
Everyone who shows up gets a
part.
We wanted this year’s show to
be extra special, so we’ve hired
a famous Broadway director to
create--
The best Christmas pageant
Silent Heights has ever seen.
Right, Silent Springs.
I knew that.
Anyway, I’m Marty Bloom,
director extraordinaire, a man
with more vision than a Hubble
telescope-- and that’s a direct
quote from the Bulletins Over
Broadway magazine.
Now then.
If someone could let the actors
know I’ve arrived.
Um, actually, that would be
us.
(Gasping)
MARTY: I can see I have my
work cut out for me.
All right, then.
Let’s get started.
♪
SKUNK: Ooh, a sad lot of
trees this is.
MAN: I see you’ve spotted the
cream of the crop.
I’m sure this model here will
bring copious amounts of joy to
you and your loved ones.
Nah.
Whoa.
How ’bout that baby there?
MAN: Impossible.
That tree is 100-years-old.
It’s an historic monument.
(Chainsaw roaring)
And certainly not for s--
SKUNK: Timber!
So, do you deliver?
We’ll put the lights here,
build an orchestra pit there--
oh, and don’t forget to book the
orchestra.
Oh, this stage is an antique.
We’ll build a new one from
scratch.
What does this theatre seat,
anyway, 100 people?
We’ll need to quadruple that, at
least.
The entire back wall needs to
come down.
Get me a bulldozer, stat.
Shouldn’t you all be rehearsing?
WILLY: But, Marty, we don’t
even have the script yet.
Oh, yeah, right.
It’s about a young snowman on
his quest for, um, something or
other, lots of fun Christmassy
stuff happens, and then it ends
with a big musical number.
It’s sure to be a timeless
classic.
You!
I like your spirit, kid.
You’ll be perfect for the lead
role.
Dude, way to snag the lead!
CRYSTAL: Ooh, ooh, ooh.
What about me, Marty?
What role will I be playing?
A tree.
It’s the role I was reborn to
play.
♪
There, the stockings are hung
by the chimney, with care.
Serenity, you’ve got this
decorating thing licked.
That tree rocks!
WILLY: Hey, guess what.
I got the lead!
Oh, and Mom’s gonna be a-- tree?
ROCK: That’s awesome.
Oh, and speaking of trees, it’s
time to put the star on top of
ours.
Everyone outside.
BOTH: Outside?
♪
What could be better than
this?
(Sobbing)
WILLY: Look, Serenity, I know
you’re upset about spending
Christmas at home, but I bet if
you gave the pageant a chance,
you’d have a great time.
Give me one good reason why I
should.
WILLY: Well, our director,
Marty Bloom, mentioned he was
looking for someone to assist
with hair and makeup, costumes,
so I thought--
You had me at "hair."
(Whizzing)
WILLY: What’s with the
satellite?
MARTY: Isn’t it obvious?
We’re gonna broadcast this baby
worldwide!
WILLY: Is that really such a
good idea?
I mean, this pageant is kind of
a local tradition.
MARTY: Oh, trust me, kid.
It’ll be the biggest, most
extravagant event of the season,
if not the entire century.
ALYSSA: Wow, I still can’t
believe Marty put you in charge
of casting.
WILLY: Yeah, he told me he
had more important things to do.
I guess he just values my
opinion.
BUZZ: What’s the big idea,
Zilla?
Giving me the whacky sidekick
role?
I-- just wanted to fully
utilize your brilliant comedic
talents, Buzz.
Well, let’s see how funny you
think it is when I--
Did-- did you just say
"brilliant"?
SERENITY: Touch-ups, anyone?
Serenity, this is only a
rehearsal.
We don’t need our hair done.
Please, do you own a mirror?
(Coughing)
Um, I know we hired you to
make our pageant better, Marty,
but I’m worried that some of
your ideas may overshadow the
show itself, and--
Can we discuss this later?
I have to set up the laser
light show and find a place that
rents elephants on short notice.
CRYSTAL: Oh, Marty.
I’m having trouble getting into
character, and I was just
wondering, what’s my motivation?
You don’t have any
motivation, you’re a tree.
Just stand there.
Well, what kind of tree am I?
Ooh, how about a weeping willow?
(Sobbing)
WILLY: Marty, the last page
of the script says
"death-defying grand finale."
You’re kidding, right?
Why are we doing this again?
MARTY: Every show needs a
grand finale, and nothing says
"merry Christmas" like a human
pyramid of fire.
Did you say fire?
Whoa!
(Crashing)
(Groaning)
Once more from the top.
SKUNK: Almost got it.
ROCK: And that’s a wrap.
Heads up, mate.
That one there’s making a run
for it.
Oops, sorry, Mosh.
I was wondering where you got
to.
(Door opening)
What’s that I see?
Someone standing under the
mistletoe?
Not now, dear.
I’m exhausted.
Nothing a long soak in the hot
tub won’t fix.
Oh, please.
I don’t even have the energy to
be grossed out.
Oh, wait.
Yes, I do.
But it’s bad luck not to kiss
someone under the mistletoe.
Don’t even think about it.
(Doorbell ringing)
Saved by the bell.
CAROLLERS: ♪ We wish you a
merry Christmas, we wish you a
merry Christmas ♪
How cool is this?
A door-to-door Christmas tour!
It’s genius!
I’m so glad I thought of it.
Skunk, get your tools, we’ve got
work to do!
MARTY: What do you mean we’re
out of fake snow?!
Where on Earth am I gonna find
20 barrels of snow?
Hey, kid, let me see that
script.
But I needed that for
rehearsal.
MARTY: Oh, didn’t I tell you?
I’ve decided to take the pageant
in a whole new direction.
Marty, I found this young
woman and 20 more just like her
hanging around backstage.
It’s bad, Marty.
It’s wrong.
MARTY: Ah, yes.
Meet the stars of this year’s
pageant, the Marty Bloom
Dancers!
♪
You mean to say we’ve been
replaced?
I’m afraid so.
(Gasping)
We brought you here to make
our pageant special, but all
you’ve done is take away
everything that made it special
in the first place.
I’m sorry, but I think we--
we’ve made a mistake.
Did you just fire me?
I’m afraid so.
Nobody fires the great Marty
Bloom!
You haven’t heard the last of
me!
The man knows how to make an
exit.
So, now what?
Well, the way I see it, the
show must go on.
♪
Man, is this gonna rock or
what?
Okay, everyone, we need to
find a new director.
Someone who will take charge and
get the job done, someone not
afraid to stand up and speak
their mind.
Someone-- someone--
ALYSSA: Someone like you!
That’s right, someone like--
Whoa, oh, no.
I didn’t mean me, no way.
Come on, dog.
Why not?
Embrace your destiny,
sweetie!
(Cheering)
I’ll give it my best shot,
but no more satellite linkups or
human pyramids.
(Cheering)
Just plain old holiday fun, the
way a Christmas pageant should
be.
(Cheering)
♪
(Doorbell ringing)
♪
Are you ready to get festive?
♪
♪ Wreck the walls and wreck the
stockings, fa-la-la la-la la-la
la-la ♪
♪ ’Tis the season to get
rockin’, fa-la-la la-la la-la
la-la ♪
♪ Don we now our boots and
makeup, fa-la-la la-la-la
la-la-la ♪
♪ Ready for a Yule-side shakeup,
fa-la-la la-la la-la la-la ♪
♪
♪ See a blazing ground before
us, fa-la-la la-la la-la la-la ♪
♪ Now you know you can’t ignore
us, fa-la-la la-la la-la la-la ♪
♪ Don’t criticize until you try
it, fa-la-la la-la-la la-la-la ♪
♪ A good old-fashioned Christmas
riot, fa-la-la la-la la-la la--
Merry Christmas, folks!
Ah-whoo!
(Alarms blaring)
♪
WILLY: Wow, the set’s really
coming along, great job,
everyone!
SERENITY: Willy, which blouse
do you think is cooler?
WILLY: The red one.
Green it is, thanks.
CRYSTAL: Willy.
I’d like to lead the cast in a
pre-dress rehearsal meditation.
Can you do it in under 10
minutes?
If I skip the incense and the
chanting it’s doable.
Thanks.
BUZZ: How about it, Zilla?
Does this costume say brilliant
comedic talent or what?
And then some!
Remember, full dress rehearsal
tonight.
Don’t be late.
ROCK: Come on, already.
Let’s get this baby on the road.
My adoring public awaits.
WOMAN: Mr. Zilla?
Yes, officer?
Is there a problem?
Did Mosh get into the city’s
water supply again?
There’s been several
complaints about excessive noise
and property damage.
I still got it.
OFFICER: I’ll be forced to
impound your vehicle-thingy here
if there’s any further
disturbance.
Have a nice evening.
(Groaning)
Now how do I focus my
artistic energy in a Christmassy
sort of way.
♪
Oh, yeah!
Better call the power company,
Skunk, we’re gonna need some
extra juice.
WILLY: This is it, everyone.
Last chance to get the bugs out
before tomorrow night.
MARTY: Well, well, isn’t this
quaint.
(Cast gasping)
WILLY: Marty?
I’ll take it from here, kid.
I’m not sure what you mean.
This here is a bill of sale,
which clearly states that I am
now sole owner of this theatre.
If you want to use my theatre,
then you’ll have to do things
my way!
(Gasping)
It’s not fair.
Either we do this whole weird
Franken-pageant, or it’s
cancelled altogether.
Not much of a choice, is it?
That reminds me of a similar
decision I had to make once.
Dad told me never to stick my
tongue to a frozen pole, and yet
it calls to me.
Can’t resist.
Awesome.
WILLY: So-- uh--
Is there something you wanted to
share or are you just gonna
stare off into space.
Hey, sometimes you just gotta
do what you gotta do, even if
the results aren’t what you
expected.
Wha-- kinda made sense.
Thanks, Dad.
No problem.
Ah, good times.
♪
(Sighing)
SERENITY: All right, everyone
needs a glitter vest and
sparklers.
Single-file, please, no pushing.
Yo, I feel like an arts and
crafts project gone horribly
wrong.
WILLY: Wait, we don’t have to
do this.
It’s time to stand up for what
we believe in.
Yeah!
You go, Willy!
I mean, it’s Christmas Eve,
we should be celebrating, not
feeling miserable!
I hate to admit it, but
Zilla’s got a point.
This is our pageant, let’s
take it back.
(Cheering)
Marty?
Can we have a word with--?
What exactly are you doing?
Basking in the glory of my
own genius.
What else?
WILLY: Right.
Marty, we want to do our version
of the pageant.
MARTY: I see.
And you all feel that strongly
about it?
What do you say, Marty?
It is Christmas, after all.
BUZZ: Nice going, Zilla.
I knew I should never have
listened to you.
The only thing that will save
us now is a miracle.
♪
Let there be light!
Ah-whoo!
♪
ALYSSA: Look, over there.
It’s beautiful.
Yo, what is it?
Only one way to find out.
Come on.
(Crowd oohing)
(Gasping)
Dad, Skunk, how long would it
take to make that stage
show-worthy?
Just a nod and a whistle,
mate.
Hello, Silent Springs!
Prepare to have your minds
blown pageant-style!
(Clapping)
I’m tired of the North Pole.
I’m going off in search of
adventure.
Sounds like fun.
We’ll all go.
Yes, won’t that be just
grand?
♪ We are a couple of chimney
sweeps ♪
♪ Yes, chimney sweeps are we
It’s like it was written just
for me.
♪
(Clapping)
WILLY: And that’s why I’m the
happiest snowman in the whole
world.
Merry Christmas, everyone!
(Cheering)
MARTY: That was easily the
silliest, most amateurish thing
I’ve ever seen.
And I loved every minute of it!
You were right.
It’s not always about big
production values, it’s about
the community coming together to
celebrate the holidays.
The theatre is yours once more,
my gift to Silent Springs.
(Cheering)
ROCK: Man, you guys rocked up
there.
And here I thought I was the
biggest star in the family.
Merry Christmas, Dad.
ROCK: Ah-whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
♪
♪ Just to feel normal
♪ When everyone is completely
paranormal ♪
♪ And everything is totally
deranged ♪
♪ And you’re the only one who’s
sane ♪
♪ Sometimes it gets
so unbearable ♪
♪ But mostly I feel
unbelievable ♪
♪ And I’m a freak ’cause my dad
is a rock star ♪
♪ Yeah
♪ My dad is a rock star
♪ That’s it, the party’s over ♪
♪ Turn off the lights, I’m
leaving the stage ♪
♪ I just wanna get
a little more control ♪
♪ So nobody can tell me what to
do ♪
♪ Sometimes it gets
so unbearable ♪
♪ But mostly I feel
unbelievable ♪
♪ And I’m a freak, ’cause my dad
is a rock star ♪
♪ Yeah
♪ My dad is a rock star
♪ Yeah, yeah
♪
Ah-whoo!
♪
(Bell ringing)
(Students shouting)
You smell that?
(Deep breathing)
(Sighing)
ALYSSA: Quincy, you didn’t!
No, I’m talking about the
sweet smell of freedom.
WILLY: I was starting to
think Christmas break would
never get here.
ALYSSA: So, what are your
plans for the holidays, Willy?
Oh, my dad always flies us
off to some tropical paradise or
other.
Oh, the usual boring vacation
stuff.
QUINCY: Too bad you’re gone.
Lys and I start rehearsals for
the Silent Springs Christmas
pageant tomorrow.
ALYSSA: We do it every year.
It’s a tradition.
Really?
Hey, that sounds pretty cool.
Buzz, I should have known.
Don’t blame me, Zilla.
You’re the one who wandered into
the natural arc and trajectory
of that poor, innocent snowball.
Just think, two glorious
weeks away from Buzz.
♪
QUINCY: So, you think you
could convince him to stick
around?
WILLY: I’ll give it my best
shot.
ALYSSA: Well, if all else
fails, don’t be afraid to cry
like a baby.
Yo, it’s always worked for
me.
WILLY: Who knows, maybe Dad
would rather celebrate Christmas
at home this year.
ROCK: Hey, Willy!
So much for that theory.
Hope you’re ready to hit the
beach and soak up some rays,
’cause we are out of here!
Okay, crazy idea.
What if we were to not go away
for Christmas?
Yeah?
I’m not following.
I just thought it might be
fun to stay here for the
holidays.
Maybe even audition for the
local Christmas pageant.
Pageant?
There’s a pageant?
I’ve been looking for an
opportunity to showcase my
acting talents.
Oh, no.
Please tell me this is not
happening.
And just this morning, my
aurascope said, "You’re entering
a new stage of consciousness."
We have to be in that pageant,
it’s fate.
We?
Uh--
I mean, yeah, fate.
ROCK: Then it’s settled.
The Zillas are spending
Christmas at home.
We’ll need to work fast to whip
this place into holiday shape.
But first thing’s first.
We’re gonna need a tree.
QUINCY: Lot of competition
this year, yo.
ALYSSA: Quincy, where’s your
Christmas spirit?
A pageant’s a group effort, not
a competition.
Just as long as the two of us
get juicy roles.
(Door closing)
WILLY: Hey, what am I,
invisible?
Willy, you made it.
Yeah, but at what price?
Now my mom wants to be in the
pageant, too.
What could be worse than that?
BUZZ: Well, well.
Isn’t this a quaint little class
reunion?
It seems like only yesterday I
was making your life miserable.
Oh, wait, it was only yesterday.
I had to ask.
BUZZ: Oh, and Zilla.
If you’re trying out for the
role of punching bag, I would
love to help you rehearse.
Great.
Don’t worry about it, our
parents do the show every year,
too.
See?
Glad you could join us,
Crystal.
I am so nervous I can feel my
chi leaking out through my
pores.
At ease, ma’am, no pressure.
Everyone who shows up gets a
part.
We wanted this year’s show to
be extra special, so we’ve hired
a famous Broadway director to
create--
The best Christmas pageant
Silent Heights has ever seen.
Right, Silent Springs.
I knew that.
Anyway, I’m Marty Bloom,
director extraordinaire, a man
with more vision than a Hubble
telescope-- and that’s a direct
quote from the Bulletins Over
Broadway magazine.
Now then.
If someone could let the actors
know I’ve arrived.
Um, actually, that would be
us.
(Gasping)
MARTY: I can see I have my
work cut out for me.
All right, then.
Let’s get started.
♪
SKUNK: Ooh, a sad lot of
trees this is.
MAN: I see you’ve spotted the
cream of the crop.
I’m sure this model here will
bring copious amounts of joy to
you and your loved ones.
Nah.
Whoa.
How ’bout that baby there?
MAN: Impossible.
That tree is 100-years-old.
It’s an historic monument.
(Chainsaw roaring)
And certainly not for s--
SKUNK: Timber!
So, do you deliver?
We’ll put the lights here,
build an orchestra pit there--
oh, and don’t forget to book the
orchestra.
Oh, this stage is an antique.
We’ll build a new one from
scratch.
What does this theatre seat,
anyway, 100 people?
We’ll need to quadruple that, at
least.
The entire back wall needs to
come down.
Get me a bulldozer, stat.
Shouldn’t you all be rehearsing?
WILLY: But, Marty, we don’t
even have the script yet.
Oh, yeah, right.
It’s about a young snowman on
his quest for, um, something or
other, lots of fun Christmassy
stuff happens, and then it ends
with a big musical number.
It’s sure to be a timeless
classic.
You!
I like your spirit, kid.
You’ll be perfect for the lead
role.
Dude, way to snag the lead!
CRYSTAL: Ooh, ooh, ooh.
What about me, Marty?
What role will I be playing?
A tree.
It’s the role I was reborn to
play.
♪
There, the stockings are hung
by the chimney, with care.
Serenity, you’ve got this
decorating thing licked.
That tree rocks!
WILLY: Hey, guess what.
I got the lead!
Oh, and Mom’s gonna be a-- tree?
ROCK: That’s awesome.
Oh, and speaking of trees, it’s
time to put the star on top of
ours.
Everyone outside.
BOTH: Outside?
♪
What could be better than
this?
(Sobbing)
WILLY: Look, Serenity, I know
you’re upset about spending
Christmas at home, but I bet if
you gave the pageant a chance,
you’d have a great time.
Give me one good reason why I
should.
WILLY: Well, our director,
Marty Bloom, mentioned he was
looking for someone to assist
with hair and makeup, costumes,
so I thought--
You had me at "hair."
(Whizzing)
WILLY: What’s with the
satellite?
MARTY: Isn’t it obvious?
We’re gonna broadcast this baby
worldwide!
WILLY: Is that really such a
good idea?
I mean, this pageant is kind of
a local tradition.
MARTY: Oh, trust me, kid.
It’ll be the biggest, most
extravagant event of the season,
if not the entire century.
ALYSSA: Wow, I still can’t
believe Marty put you in charge
of casting.
WILLY: Yeah, he told me he
had more important things to do.
I guess he just values my
opinion.
BUZZ: What’s the big idea,
Zilla?
Giving me the whacky sidekick
role?
I-- just wanted to fully
utilize your brilliant comedic
talents, Buzz.
Well, let’s see how funny you
think it is when I--
Did-- did you just say
"brilliant"?
SERENITY: Touch-ups, anyone?
Serenity, this is only a
rehearsal.
We don’t need our hair done.
Please, do you own a mirror?
(Coughing)
Um, I know we hired you to
make our pageant better, Marty,
but I’m worried that some of
your ideas may overshadow the
show itself, and--
Can we discuss this later?
I have to set up the laser
light show and find a place that
rents elephants on short notice.
CRYSTAL: Oh, Marty.
I’m having trouble getting into
character, and I was just
wondering, what’s my motivation?
You don’t have any
motivation, you’re a tree.
Just stand there.
Well, what kind of tree am I?
Ooh, how about a weeping willow?
(Sobbing)
WILLY: Marty, the last page
of the script says
"death-defying grand finale."
You’re kidding, right?
Why are we doing this again?
MARTY: Every show needs a
grand finale, and nothing says
"merry Christmas" like a human
pyramid of fire.
Did you say fire?
Whoa!
(Crashing)
(Groaning)
Once more from the top.
SKUNK: Almost got it.
ROCK: And that’s a wrap.
Heads up, mate.
That one there’s making a run
for it.
Oops, sorry, Mosh.
I was wondering where you got
to.
(Door opening)
What’s that I see?
Someone standing under the
mistletoe?
Not now, dear.
I’m exhausted.
Nothing a long soak in the hot
tub won’t fix.
Oh, please.
I don’t even have the energy to
be grossed out.
Oh, wait.
Yes, I do.
But it’s bad luck not to kiss
someone under the mistletoe.
Don’t even think about it.
(Doorbell ringing)
Saved by the bell.
CAROLLERS: ♪ We wish you a
merry Christmas, we wish you a
merry Christmas ♪
How cool is this?
A door-to-door Christmas tour!
It’s genius!
I’m so glad I thought of it.
Skunk, get your tools, we’ve got
work to do!
MARTY: What do you mean we’re
out of fake snow?!
Where on Earth am I gonna find
20 barrels of snow?
Hey, kid, let me see that
script.
But I needed that for
rehearsal.
MARTY: Oh, didn’t I tell you?
I’ve decided to take the pageant
in a whole new direction.
Marty, I found this young
woman and 20 more just like her
hanging around backstage.
It’s bad, Marty.
It’s wrong.
MARTY: Ah, yes.
Meet the stars of this year’s
pageant, the Marty Bloom
Dancers!
♪
You mean to say we’ve been
replaced?
I’m afraid so.
(Gasping)
We brought you here to make
our pageant special, but all
you’ve done is take away
everything that made it special
in the first place.
I’m sorry, but I think we--
we’ve made a mistake.
Did you just fire me?
I’m afraid so.
Nobody fires the great Marty
Bloom!
You haven’t heard the last of
me!
The man knows how to make an
exit.
So, now what?
Well, the way I see it, the
show must go on.
♪
Man, is this gonna rock or
what?
Okay, everyone, we need to
find a new director.
Someone who will take charge and
get the job done, someone not
afraid to stand up and speak
their mind.
Someone-- someone--
ALYSSA: Someone like you!
That’s right, someone like--
Whoa, oh, no.
I didn’t mean me, no way.
Come on, dog.
Why not?
Embrace your destiny,
sweetie!
(Cheering)
I’ll give it my best shot,
but no more satellite linkups or
human pyramids.
(Cheering)
Just plain old holiday fun, the
way a Christmas pageant should
be.
(Cheering)
♪
(Doorbell ringing)
♪
Are you ready to get festive?
♪
♪ Wreck the walls and wreck the
stockings, fa-la-la la-la la-la
la-la ♪
♪ ’Tis the season to get
rockin’, fa-la-la la-la la-la
la-la ♪
♪ Don we now our boots and
makeup, fa-la-la la-la-la
la-la-la ♪
♪ Ready for a Yule-side shakeup,
fa-la-la la-la la-la la-la ♪
♪
♪ See a blazing ground before
us, fa-la-la la-la la-la la-la ♪
♪ Now you know you can’t ignore
us, fa-la-la la-la la-la la-la ♪
♪ Don’t criticize until you try
it, fa-la-la la-la-la la-la-la ♪
♪ A good old-fashioned Christmas
riot, fa-la-la la-la la-la la--
Merry Christmas, folks!
Ah-whoo!
(Alarms blaring)
♪
WILLY: Wow, the set’s really
coming along, great job,
everyone!
SERENITY: Willy, which blouse
do you think is cooler?
WILLY: The red one.
Green it is, thanks.
CRYSTAL: Willy.
I’d like to lead the cast in a
pre-dress rehearsal meditation.
Can you do it in under 10
minutes?
If I skip the incense and the
chanting it’s doable.
Thanks.
BUZZ: How about it, Zilla?
Does this costume say brilliant
comedic talent or what?
And then some!
Remember, full dress rehearsal
tonight.
Don’t be late.
ROCK: Come on, already.
Let’s get this baby on the road.
My adoring public awaits.
WOMAN: Mr. Zilla?
Yes, officer?
Is there a problem?
Did Mosh get into the city’s
water supply again?
There’s been several
complaints about excessive noise
and property damage.
I still got it.
OFFICER: I’ll be forced to
impound your vehicle-thingy here
if there’s any further
disturbance.
Have a nice evening.
(Groaning)
Now how do I focus my
artistic energy in a Christmassy
sort of way.
♪
Oh, yeah!
Better call the power company,
Skunk, we’re gonna need some
extra juice.
WILLY: This is it, everyone.
Last chance to get the bugs out
before tomorrow night.
MARTY: Well, well, isn’t this
quaint.
(Cast gasping)
WILLY: Marty?
I’ll take it from here, kid.
I’m not sure what you mean.
This here is a bill of sale,
which clearly states that I am
now sole owner of this theatre.
If you want to use my theatre,
then you’ll have to do things
my way!
(Gasping)
It’s not fair.
Either we do this whole weird
Franken-pageant, or it’s
cancelled altogether.
Not much of a choice, is it?
That reminds me of a similar
decision I had to make once.
Dad told me never to stick my
tongue to a frozen pole, and yet
it calls to me.
Can’t resist.
Awesome.
WILLY: So-- uh--
Is there something you wanted to
share or are you just gonna
stare off into space.
Hey, sometimes you just gotta
do what you gotta do, even if
the results aren’t what you
expected.
Wha-- kinda made sense.
Thanks, Dad.
No problem.
Ah, good times.
♪
(Sighing)
SERENITY: All right, everyone
needs a glitter vest and
sparklers.
Single-file, please, no pushing.
Yo, I feel like an arts and
crafts project gone horribly
wrong.
WILLY: Wait, we don’t have to
do this.
It’s time to stand up for what
we believe in.
Yeah!
You go, Willy!
I mean, it’s Christmas Eve,
we should be celebrating, not
feeling miserable!
I hate to admit it, but
Zilla’s got a point.
This is our pageant, let’s
take it back.
(Cheering)
Marty?
Can we have a word with--?
What exactly are you doing?
Basking in the glory of my
own genius.
What else?
WILLY: Right.
Marty, we want to do our version
of the pageant.
MARTY: I see.
And you all feel that strongly
about it?
What do you say, Marty?
It is Christmas, after all.
BUZZ: Nice going, Zilla.
I knew I should never have
listened to you.
The only thing that will save
us now is a miracle.
♪
Let there be light!
Ah-whoo!
♪
ALYSSA: Look, over there.
It’s beautiful.
Yo, what is it?
Only one way to find out.
Come on.
(Crowd oohing)
(Gasping)
Dad, Skunk, how long would it
take to make that stage
show-worthy?
Just a nod and a whistle,
mate.
Hello, Silent Springs!
Prepare to have your minds
blown pageant-style!
(Clapping)
I’m tired of the North Pole.
I’m going off in search of
adventure.
Sounds like fun.
We’ll all go.
Yes, won’t that be just
grand?
♪ We are a couple of chimney
sweeps ♪
♪ Yes, chimney sweeps are we
It’s like it was written just
for me.
♪
(Clapping)
WILLY: And that’s why I’m the
happiest snowman in the whole
world.
Merry Christmas, everyone!
(Cheering)
MARTY: That was easily the
silliest, most amateurish thing
I’ve ever seen.
And I loved every minute of it!
You were right.
It’s not always about big
production values, it’s about
the community coming together to
celebrate the holidays.
The theatre is yours once more,
my gift to Silent Springs.
(Cheering)
ROCK: Man, you guys rocked up
there.
And here I thought I was the
biggest star in the family.
Merry Christmas, Dad.
ROCK: Ah-whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
♪