My Dad the Rock Star (2003–2004): Season 1, Episode 6 - The Candidate - full transcript
Willy decides to experience more of normal life by running for student council. But his rival, Buzz, tries to trip him up by accusing Willy of being incapable of representing the ?common man? because of his privileged background.
♪ It’s so hard ♪
♪ Just to feel normal
♪ When everyone is completely
paranormal ♪
♪ And everything is totally
deranged ♪
♪ And you’re the only one who’s
sane ♪
♪ Sometimes it gets
so unbearable ♪
♪ But mostly I feel
unbelievable ♪
♪ And I’m a freak ’cause my dad
is a rock star ♪
♪ Yeah
♪ My dad is a rock star
♪ That’s it, the party’s over ♪
♪ Turn off the lights
I’m leaving the stage ♪
♪ I just wanna get
a little more control ♪
♪ So nobody can tell me
what to do ♪
♪ Sometimes it gets
so unbearable ♪
♪ But mostly I feel
unbelievable ♪
♪ I’m a freak
’cause my dad is a rock star ♪
♪ Yeah
♪ My dad is a rock star
♪ Yeah, yeah
♪
Ah-whoo!
(Crowd cheering)
MAN: Yes, that bee-stung-lips
look is no longer just for
movie stars.
No matter how dull, plain or
stupid you are, men will be
swarming all over you with New
Power Lips, from the good folks
of Lips and Stuff: no surgery,
no injections.
It’s fun, it’s fast, and it’s
easy!
Baby, you are so hot.
Smoking, in fact.
Yah, smoking.
What are you watching?
Nothing.
Did you feed Mosh?
No, he wouldn’t eat.
What do you mean?
He’s a reptile.
What else has he got to do?
Mom thinks he’s depressed.
That’s ridiculous.
Animals don’t get depressed.
Why are you playing that
stupid video game so early in
the morning?
It’s turning your brain to mush.
WOMAN: But how many of us
know where the stars’ pets go
for some R&R?
Quit following me.
I’m not following you, I’m
walking with you.
Grrr!
Give me a break.
This is a big day for me.
I’ve made up my mind: I’m
running for class rep.
(Tires screeching)
Ooh, loser!
Thanks for the support.
What if I win?
BOTH: Ugh!
Let me get this straight.
I thought you wanted to go
unrecognized, that your
perverted aim in life was to be
ordinary; a goal you’re achieved
beyond your wildest dreams, in
my opinion.
Oops, getting near the school.
Losers on this side of the
street and me on the other.
(Tires screeching)
(Crashing)
(Siren wailing)
(Bell ringing)
You’ve got to be kidding:
you running for rep?
What’s wrong with that?
I’m just as capable as anyone
else; besides, just because I
travelled around the country in
a specially equipped
air-conditioned bus with a
jacuzzi, always eating in
restaurants, staying in a
different hotel every night,
doesn’t mean I can’t relate to
the other kids.
(Slamming locker door)
Okay.
I want to contribute.
I want real life experiences.
I want to go through what real
kids go through.
Then this is your lucky day.
What is going on here, some
big secret?
A secret which must not be kept
from me, from I who must know
all.
Willy’s going to run for
class rep.
(Laughing)
Loser!
What’s so funny?
Zilla here is running for
class rep.
Why don’t you try out for the
football team?
That will be fun too, for me.
Willy running for class rep?
I think that’s so cool.
I’d be honoured to be your
campaign manager.
(Laughing)
Huh?
Okay.
BUZZ: Hold it!
I have an announcement to make.
I, Buzz Sawchuck, do hereby
announce my candid-- my
candizim-- I-- I, Buzz,
Sawchuck, am running for class
rep.
(Laughing)
I urge you to listen to your
conscience and vote for me, or
you can experience extreme pain
that will linger for months,
possibly years.
(Gulping)
ALL CHANTING: We want Buzz!
We want Buzz!
We want Buzz!
We want Buzz!
(Smashing)
Mosh, my man, what’s
happening?
This is Henderson, Mr. Kant’s
cat.
I borrowed him as a friend for
Mosh.
Call me crazy, but I don’t
think cats and dragons get
along.
(Sipping)
Hey, that would make a good
song!
♪ Cats and dragons
♪ Cats and dragons
I think this whole species
rivalry thing is an arbitrary
product of the multinational
media conglomerate.
I mean, we’re all part of
nature.
(Wendy meowing)
In nature, everything goes
around eating everything else.
Mosh is just lonely.
Here, Mosh, meet your little
friend Wendy.
(Growling)
Meow!
Actually that sounded pretty
good; F sharp, I think.
I think Mosh is demonstrating
a lot of repressed hostility,
not that this cat doesn’t have
issues as well.
(Wendy yowling)
As your campaign manager,
I’ve organized an itinerary for
you.
Monday, you’ll debate the other
candidate.
Buzz wanted to make it a debate,
slash, ultimate fight cage
match, but I said no way.
We stick to the issues, whatever
they are.
The issues, right.
The issues like honesty and
good government and defence
of student rights.
That sounds good.
Ugh!
Sshh!
What are you doing in there,
Buzz?
Uh, looking for my math
book.
Honesty, good government and,
uh, student cops or something
like that.
You’re stealing my platform!
(Squelching)
Ew, I can’t tell if this is
orange pudding or chicken pot
pie.
BUZZ: Ooh, rich boy doesn’t
like our food!
He’s probably got a caviar
sandwich in his backpack, right,
Zilla?
Get off it, Buzz.
You ever partake of caviar,
Zilla?
Well, sure, I’ve eaten it,
when I met the mayor and stuff.
That’s enough.
Don’t say anything more, Willy.
But I didn’t like it.
I’d like to say right now,
for the record, that Buzz
Sawchuck has never eaten caviar
or pheasant or vegetables, that
I wasn’t born with a silver
spoon in my mouth, that I’m just
an ordinary Joe, like everybody
else, and that’s why I am suited
to be class rep!
(Clapping)
Hey, I’m just an average kid
too.
Look at marks.
Some of them are actually below
average, and that chemistry
exam, if it wasn’t for the
private tutor--
(Students grumbling)
Yeah, you’re an average kid,
an average kid whose father is a
rock star!
I’d like to say that, yes,
Willy Zilla is privileged.
Yes, he’s rich.
You might even say he’s
pampered, but, um-- but--
GIRL: Yeah, right!
(Students grumbling)
I am so toast.
(Boinging)
(Shivering)
It’s all about creative
visualization.
You’ll never be a happy dragon
until you can see yourself as a
happy dragon.
(Cat yowling)
Mosh Zilla, 2:00.
That’s a great hat.
(Cat shivering)
Yes, I see.
It’s either total and complete
catatonia or guess.
Mrs. Zilla, come in, please.
Now, just some background
information.
Mosh is a--
Komodo dragon.
I see.
Can you tell me anything about
his early family life?
Well, apparently they hung
around, laid in mud, ate
chickens and goats.
Sometimes the big ones beat up
the little ones, but pretty much
the usual.
All right, now I’m going to
show a series of drawings and
see if I get any reaction.
Here’s the first one.
Yeah, that looks like an
alien ship landing.
No, I mean, for Mosh.
Oh.
I think it’s his mother.
See here?
The mother is looming over the
little boy.
Looming!
Looming!
Nurturing becomes stifling, you
see?
The boy needs to express himself
but he’s never been allowed to
express himself!
Uh-huh.
So the little boy turns to
animals, the only ones who
understand him!
(Alarm ringing)
Time for my nap.
All right, we have an
appointment back on earth.
We’ll let ourselves out.
(Door slamming)
You know, he, like, drops his
comics anywhere he wants in the
house, and someone picks them up
for him.
Big deal.
My mom does that for me.
Yeah, but they pay someone to
do it.
Oh, if I heard those stories,
I’d hate me too.
I’ve got an idea.
What?
You know how guys who are
running for election always show
up at rallies and stuff with
their wives, and they always
look pretty and normal and
everybody’s happy?
But I don’t have a wife.
There’s laws about that.
Don’t just tell people your
family’s typical; show them.
We have a meet-the-candidate
garden party at your house.
No, no way!
Ix-nay!
My family is nuts, gonzo
from Pluto.
True enough, but on the
other hand, it’s time for a
desperate idea.
Oh, this is great.
What are you doing?
Duh, getting a ride home.
It’s Wednesday, geography day.
The book’s got the whole world
in it.
It weighs like half a kilo.
Sorry, I’m late, missy.
Mosh got held up at the
psychiatrist’s office.
(Clicking fingers)
Gary, book.
Oomph!
Yow!
You want a ride?
No, I’ll catch a ride in the
back of a pickup or walk or
something.
(Engine roaring)
There you go, this Sunday, a
meet-the-candidate party at my
house.
Buzz Sawchuck, the man with his
family behind him.
Here you go, sir.
See you on Sunday.
I’ll see you before then.
I’ll see you Saturday.
But I thought--
A meet-the-candidate garden
party at my house, Saturday
afternoon, just a typical
average family.
Is your dad going to be
there?
That’s not the point.
The point is, rock star or not,
we all put our pants on one leg
at a time.
I always thought Willy’s dad
put his pants on with a spray
can.
(Sniggering)
I’ll see you Saturday,
sucker.
What are we going to do?
WILLY: Any mail for me, a
package?
CRYSTAL: No, sweetie.
(Willy sighing)
How about a hug for Daddy?
(Phone ringing)
CRYSTAL: Hello?
What a coincidence.
I was just about to call you.
It’s the pet psychic.
(Sighing)
(Willy sighing)
Why so glum, chum?
It’s the student election.
Ah, student politics: the
sit-ins, the fires, the police
in riot gear!
Woo-hoo-hoo!
Anyway, I kind of said I’d
have a meet-the-candidate party
here on Saturday.
Great.
We’ll get a couple of barrels of
caviar, we’ll fly in some ribs
from Texas--
No, Dad--
I’ll get the band together.
The thing is--
(Cell phone ringing)
Hang on-- you got Rock.
What luck.
I was talking to the pet
psychic and she said depressed
lizards are her speciality.
She’s going to come over and
regress him through his past
lives.
Yeah, good thinking.
Maybe she can give him a bath
and do his nails too.
They’re disgusting.
Great, Leo, see you at 7:00.
The thing is I don’t want to
get elected just because I’m the
kid of someone famous.
I just want to be normal.
So on Saturday, do you guys
think you could try to be
normal, just for the afternoon?
What do you mean normal?
We are normal.
What do you think is better,
honey: these shrunken heads or
the stuffed rats I showed you
this morning?
Well, I think it all depends
where you’re intending to wear
the jacket.
Good point.
By the way, can we eat a little
bit later tonight?
I have to meet Leo from
the legal department at 7:00.
We’re thinking about patenting
my hair.
(Kissing)
So what’s your platform?
Um--
Well, what’s your opponent’s
platform?
Vote for me or I’ll beat you
up.
So he’s a bully?
Yeah, but I can’t say that.
No, but you can say that
you’re honest and that you’re
not a bully, so there’s an
issue.
Hey, that’s right!
Yes, you’re a smart kind
decent boy with a family who
loves you.
Thanks, Mom.
So lets get started on that
campaign party.
I’ll do the cooking.
No!
That’s okay.
I just bought some hotdogs.
Don’t be silly.
Good and good for you.
This food will make an important
political statement, that for
too long the fast-food industry
has pillaged our planet and
destroyed the rainforest, our
bodies and our environment.
Mom, it’s the class
elections, not the United
Nations.
Well, still you’ve got to
start somewhere.
(Gulping)
(Retching)
Good and good for you!
Look, Skunk, can you do me a
favour?
You know that place in the mall,
Hamburger Heaven?
When the kids arrive, could you
do a headcount and--
Say no more, mate.
As good as done.
Let’s hang these outside.
(Sizzling)
What’s that?
Hot dogs-- well, vegetable
protein hotdogs.
They haven’t had a chance to set
yet.
What about the hamburgers?
Right here: different shapes,
same goodness.
Yummy!
Bleck!
All right!
(Smashing)
♪ You’ve got rocks in your head
if you don’t vote for Willy ♪
♪ Yow
I think we just need a little
more volume.
Dad, the kids are going to be
here soon.
Oh, don’t worry.
I spoke to your father.
(Clapping)
Come on, Rock.
We have to change.
Oh, no.
(Rock music playing)
Don’t do this to me.
Do what?
Come on, it’s not funny.
People will be here.
You said you’d act normal.
All right, but it’s going to
cost you.
(Doorbell ringing)
They’re here.
I’ll do anything; just change!
(Banging on door)
Hi, everybody.
Come on in.
GIRL: Hey, cool place.
Thanks.
Let’s go right through into the
back where there’s trees, grass,
all that normal stuff.
As the candidate is an
ordinary kid representing the
interests of ordinary kids, I’d
like to know what issues are on
your mind.
I think we should have
computers in the school.
Actually, we do.
Wow, you’re fantastic.
I would really love to be
working on Willy’s campaign,
but, what, with baking for the
church and my volunteer work
with the animal shelter, I
just couldn’t find the time.
I have to say that even by
your lofty standards, that was
an incredible lie.
The secret is to add just a
hint of detail while keeping
the basic story simple.
Thanks for the tip.
(Tires screeching)
Package for Serenity Zilla.
Serenity Zilla?
That’s me.
Ugh!
Hey, your parents are here.
Oh, no.
Yes, normally I spend
Saturdays in my basement
workshop carving duck decoys
while Mother here vacuums the
pot roast.
But when Willy said he wanted
to throw a normal party for all
his normal friends, we said
"How normal."
Psst1
Okay, it’s the food.
Let’s go.
Willy, your mom, I think
she’s having a meltdown.
CRYSTAL: It really opens up
the chakras and realigns your
electrical fields.
(Laughing)
Ha-ha--
Mom, don’t forget the
petit point you have to do for
the sewing circle.
What is petit point?
Dad, don’t you have some work
to do in the house?
The campaign song, right.
What’s an election without a
campaign song?
No-- I mean, sure, whatever.
So thanks for stopping by,
and I look forward to seeing you
again.
(Tires screeching)
Say, why don’t you two go
take the pet psychic somewhere
quiet and far away?
Hey, everybody, let’s eat.
Help yourselves to the normal
food, everyone, and I’d just
like to thank you for coming to
share a typical day at the Zilla
house.
I think it’s going all right,
considering.
What I sense is Mosh’s
problem is one of identity.
Yes, he knows he’s not a cat.
He knows he’s not a dog, but
with no one to identify with, he
has no idea who he really is.
What I’m going to do is regress
Mosh through his past lives, put
him in touch with his roots and
let him see who he really is.
Bee-stung-lips, here I come!
Hmmrgh!
What’s with this ointment?
Hmmrgh!
(Buzzing)
Aaah!
Aah, aaah!
(Snoring)
Now, I want you to go back
to your vestigial memory, back
to who you are as a dragon.
(Buzzing)
(Roaring)
(Sizzling)
(Roaring)
Aaaah!
(Electrical zapping)
Try that, mate.
Yeah!
(Guitar vibrating)
Earthquake!
(Mosh yelping)
(Crowd yelling)
Hey, it’s okay.
Everything’s normal!
The entertainment’s here!
How is the candidate party
going, Zilla?
Ha-ha-ha!
Willy, help me!
(Screaming)
(Buzzing)
You saved me, Willy.
Wow, did you see that?
(Mosh whining)
Mosh, it’s going to be all
right.
Come on, just settle down, boy.
Did you have any idea that he
was this good?
He’s a guy you can depend on.
Shame to let all this good
food go to waste.
Going to need something to wash
these burgers down.
Student counsel, here I come!
♪
And now without further ado,
the winner of the election for
class representative--
Oh, well, maybe in a few
months, after Buzz is impeached,
I can run again.
Willy Zilla.
(Cheering)
Huh?
Last time I checked, that
was your name.
Go for it!
(Cheering)
Thank you.
Thank you for voting for me, and
I want you to know I meant
everything I said.
All I can promise is to do my
best to represent you and your
concerns over the school year.
Thanks.
Of course, in a democracy,
there are no losers when the
people win.
So in that spirit, I’d like to
ask the defeated candidate, Buzz
Sawchuck, to come to the stage.
That’s okay.
I’ve got nothing to say.
Bzzz!
♪
♪ Just to feel normal
♪ When everyone is completely
paranormal ♪
♪ And everything is totally
deranged ♪
♪ And you’re the only one who’s
sane ♪
♪ Sometimes it gets
so unbearable ♪
♪ But mostly I feel
unbelievable ♪
♪ And I’m a freak ’cause my dad
is a rock star ♪
♪ Yeah
♪ My dad is a rock star
♪ That’s it, the party’s over ♪
♪ Turn off the lights
I’m leaving the stage ♪
♪ I just wanna get
a little more control ♪
♪ So nobody can tell me
what to do ♪
♪ Sometimes it gets
so unbearable ♪
♪ But mostly I feel
unbelievable ♪
♪ I’m a freak
’cause my dad is a rock star ♪
♪ Yeah
♪ My dad is a rock star
♪ Yeah, yeah
♪
Ah-whoo!
(Crowd cheering)
MAN: Yes, that bee-stung-lips
look is no longer just for
movie stars.
No matter how dull, plain or
stupid you are, men will be
swarming all over you with New
Power Lips, from the good folks
of Lips and Stuff: no surgery,
no injections.
It’s fun, it’s fast, and it’s
easy!
Baby, you are so hot.
Smoking, in fact.
Yah, smoking.
What are you watching?
Nothing.
Did you feed Mosh?
No, he wouldn’t eat.
What do you mean?
He’s a reptile.
What else has he got to do?
Mom thinks he’s depressed.
That’s ridiculous.
Animals don’t get depressed.
Why are you playing that
stupid video game so early in
the morning?
It’s turning your brain to mush.
WOMAN: But how many of us
know where the stars’ pets go
for some R&R?
Quit following me.
I’m not following you, I’m
walking with you.
Grrr!
Give me a break.
This is a big day for me.
I’ve made up my mind: I’m
running for class rep.
(Tires screeching)
Ooh, loser!
Thanks for the support.
What if I win?
BOTH: Ugh!
Let me get this straight.
I thought you wanted to go
unrecognized, that your
perverted aim in life was to be
ordinary; a goal you’re achieved
beyond your wildest dreams, in
my opinion.
Oops, getting near the school.
Losers on this side of the
street and me on the other.
(Tires screeching)
(Crashing)
(Siren wailing)
(Bell ringing)
You’ve got to be kidding:
you running for rep?
What’s wrong with that?
I’m just as capable as anyone
else; besides, just because I
travelled around the country in
a specially equipped
air-conditioned bus with a
jacuzzi, always eating in
restaurants, staying in a
different hotel every night,
doesn’t mean I can’t relate to
the other kids.
(Slamming locker door)
Okay.
I want to contribute.
I want real life experiences.
I want to go through what real
kids go through.
Then this is your lucky day.
What is going on here, some
big secret?
A secret which must not be kept
from me, from I who must know
all.
Willy’s going to run for
class rep.
(Laughing)
Loser!
What’s so funny?
Zilla here is running for
class rep.
Why don’t you try out for the
football team?
That will be fun too, for me.
Willy running for class rep?
I think that’s so cool.
I’d be honoured to be your
campaign manager.
(Laughing)
Huh?
Okay.
BUZZ: Hold it!
I have an announcement to make.
I, Buzz Sawchuck, do hereby
announce my candid-- my
candizim-- I-- I, Buzz,
Sawchuck, am running for class
rep.
(Laughing)
I urge you to listen to your
conscience and vote for me, or
you can experience extreme pain
that will linger for months,
possibly years.
(Gulping)
ALL CHANTING: We want Buzz!
We want Buzz!
We want Buzz!
We want Buzz!
(Smashing)
Mosh, my man, what’s
happening?
This is Henderson, Mr. Kant’s
cat.
I borrowed him as a friend for
Mosh.
Call me crazy, but I don’t
think cats and dragons get
along.
(Sipping)
Hey, that would make a good
song!
♪ Cats and dragons
♪ Cats and dragons
I think this whole species
rivalry thing is an arbitrary
product of the multinational
media conglomerate.
I mean, we’re all part of
nature.
(Wendy meowing)
In nature, everything goes
around eating everything else.
Mosh is just lonely.
Here, Mosh, meet your little
friend Wendy.
(Growling)
Meow!
Actually that sounded pretty
good; F sharp, I think.
I think Mosh is demonstrating
a lot of repressed hostility,
not that this cat doesn’t have
issues as well.
(Wendy yowling)
As your campaign manager,
I’ve organized an itinerary for
you.
Monday, you’ll debate the other
candidate.
Buzz wanted to make it a debate,
slash, ultimate fight cage
match, but I said no way.
We stick to the issues, whatever
they are.
The issues, right.
The issues like honesty and
good government and defence
of student rights.
That sounds good.
Ugh!
Sshh!
What are you doing in there,
Buzz?
Uh, looking for my math
book.
Honesty, good government and,
uh, student cops or something
like that.
You’re stealing my platform!
(Squelching)
Ew, I can’t tell if this is
orange pudding or chicken pot
pie.
BUZZ: Ooh, rich boy doesn’t
like our food!
He’s probably got a caviar
sandwich in his backpack, right,
Zilla?
Get off it, Buzz.
You ever partake of caviar,
Zilla?
Well, sure, I’ve eaten it,
when I met the mayor and stuff.
That’s enough.
Don’t say anything more, Willy.
But I didn’t like it.
I’d like to say right now,
for the record, that Buzz
Sawchuck has never eaten caviar
or pheasant or vegetables, that
I wasn’t born with a silver
spoon in my mouth, that I’m just
an ordinary Joe, like everybody
else, and that’s why I am suited
to be class rep!
(Clapping)
Hey, I’m just an average kid
too.
Look at marks.
Some of them are actually below
average, and that chemistry
exam, if it wasn’t for the
private tutor--
(Students grumbling)
Yeah, you’re an average kid,
an average kid whose father is a
rock star!
I’d like to say that, yes,
Willy Zilla is privileged.
Yes, he’s rich.
You might even say he’s
pampered, but, um-- but--
GIRL: Yeah, right!
(Students grumbling)
I am so toast.
(Boinging)
(Shivering)
It’s all about creative
visualization.
You’ll never be a happy dragon
until you can see yourself as a
happy dragon.
(Cat yowling)
Mosh Zilla, 2:00.
That’s a great hat.
(Cat shivering)
Yes, I see.
It’s either total and complete
catatonia or guess.
Mrs. Zilla, come in, please.
Now, just some background
information.
Mosh is a--
Komodo dragon.
I see.
Can you tell me anything about
his early family life?
Well, apparently they hung
around, laid in mud, ate
chickens and goats.
Sometimes the big ones beat up
the little ones, but pretty much
the usual.
All right, now I’m going to
show a series of drawings and
see if I get any reaction.
Here’s the first one.
Yeah, that looks like an
alien ship landing.
No, I mean, for Mosh.
Oh.
I think it’s his mother.
See here?
The mother is looming over the
little boy.
Looming!
Looming!
Nurturing becomes stifling, you
see?
The boy needs to express himself
but he’s never been allowed to
express himself!
Uh-huh.
So the little boy turns to
animals, the only ones who
understand him!
(Alarm ringing)
Time for my nap.
All right, we have an
appointment back on earth.
We’ll let ourselves out.
(Door slamming)
You know, he, like, drops his
comics anywhere he wants in the
house, and someone picks them up
for him.
Big deal.
My mom does that for me.
Yeah, but they pay someone to
do it.
Oh, if I heard those stories,
I’d hate me too.
I’ve got an idea.
What?
You know how guys who are
running for election always show
up at rallies and stuff with
their wives, and they always
look pretty and normal and
everybody’s happy?
But I don’t have a wife.
There’s laws about that.
Don’t just tell people your
family’s typical; show them.
We have a meet-the-candidate
garden party at your house.
No, no way!
Ix-nay!
My family is nuts, gonzo
from Pluto.
True enough, but on the
other hand, it’s time for a
desperate idea.
Oh, this is great.
What are you doing?
Duh, getting a ride home.
It’s Wednesday, geography day.
The book’s got the whole world
in it.
It weighs like half a kilo.
Sorry, I’m late, missy.
Mosh got held up at the
psychiatrist’s office.
(Clicking fingers)
Gary, book.
Oomph!
Yow!
You want a ride?
No, I’ll catch a ride in the
back of a pickup or walk or
something.
(Engine roaring)
There you go, this Sunday, a
meet-the-candidate party at my
house.
Buzz Sawchuck, the man with his
family behind him.
Here you go, sir.
See you on Sunday.
I’ll see you before then.
I’ll see you Saturday.
But I thought--
A meet-the-candidate garden
party at my house, Saturday
afternoon, just a typical
average family.
Is your dad going to be
there?
That’s not the point.
The point is, rock star or not,
we all put our pants on one leg
at a time.
I always thought Willy’s dad
put his pants on with a spray
can.
(Sniggering)
I’ll see you Saturday,
sucker.
What are we going to do?
WILLY: Any mail for me, a
package?
CRYSTAL: No, sweetie.
(Willy sighing)
How about a hug for Daddy?
(Phone ringing)
CRYSTAL: Hello?
What a coincidence.
I was just about to call you.
It’s the pet psychic.
(Sighing)
(Willy sighing)
Why so glum, chum?
It’s the student election.
Ah, student politics: the
sit-ins, the fires, the police
in riot gear!
Woo-hoo-hoo!
Anyway, I kind of said I’d
have a meet-the-candidate party
here on Saturday.
Great.
We’ll get a couple of barrels of
caviar, we’ll fly in some ribs
from Texas--
No, Dad--
I’ll get the band together.
The thing is--
(Cell phone ringing)
Hang on-- you got Rock.
What luck.
I was talking to the pet
psychic and she said depressed
lizards are her speciality.
She’s going to come over and
regress him through his past
lives.
Yeah, good thinking.
Maybe she can give him a bath
and do his nails too.
They’re disgusting.
Great, Leo, see you at 7:00.
The thing is I don’t want to
get elected just because I’m the
kid of someone famous.
I just want to be normal.
So on Saturday, do you guys
think you could try to be
normal, just for the afternoon?
What do you mean normal?
We are normal.
What do you think is better,
honey: these shrunken heads or
the stuffed rats I showed you
this morning?
Well, I think it all depends
where you’re intending to wear
the jacket.
Good point.
By the way, can we eat a little
bit later tonight?
I have to meet Leo from
the legal department at 7:00.
We’re thinking about patenting
my hair.
(Kissing)
So what’s your platform?
Um--
Well, what’s your opponent’s
platform?
Vote for me or I’ll beat you
up.
So he’s a bully?
Yeah, but I can’t say that.
No, but you can say that
you’re honest and that you’re
not a bully, so there’s an
issue.
Hey, that’s right!
Yes, you’re a smart kind
decent boy with a family who
loves you.
Thanks, Mom.
So lets get started on that
campaign party.
I’ll do the cooking.
No!
That’s okay.
I just bought some hotdogs.
Don’t be silly.
Good and good for you.
This food will make an important
political statement, that for
too long the fast-food industry
has pillaged our planet and
destroyed the rainforest, our
bodies and our environment.
Mom, it’s the class
elections, not the United
Nations.
Well, still you’ve got to
start somewhere.
(Gulping)
(Retching)
Good and good for you!
Look, Skunk, can you do me a
favour?
You know that place in the mall,
Hamburger Heaven?
When the kids arrive, could you
do a headcount and--
Say no more, mate.
As good as done.
Let’s hang these outside.
(Sizzling)
What’s that?
Hot dogs-- well, vegetable
protein hotdogs.
They haven’t had a chance to set
yet.
What about the hamburgers?
Right here: different shapes,
same goodness.
Yummy!
Bleck!
All right!
(Smashing)
♪ You’ve got rocks in your head
if you don’t vote for Willy ♪
♪ Yow
I think we just need a little
more volume.
Dad, the kids are going to be
here soon.
Oh, don’t worry.
I spoke to your father.
(Clapping)
Come on, Rock.
We have to change.
Oh, no.
(Rock music playing)
Don’t do this to me.
Do what?
Come on, it’s not funny.
People will be here.
You said you’d act normal.
All right, but it’s going to
cost you.
(Doorbell ringing)
They’re here.
I’ll do anything; just change!
(Banging on door)
Hi, everybody.
Come on in.
GIRL: Hey, cool place.
Thanks.
Let’s go right through into the
back where there’s trees, grass,
all that normal stuff.
As the candidate is an
ordinary kid representing the
interests of ordinary kids, I’d
like to know what issues are on
your mind.
I think we should have
computers in the school.
Actually, we do.
Wow, you’re fantastic.
I would really love to be
working on Willy’s campaign,
but, what, with baking for the
church and my volunteer work
with the animal shelter, I
just couldn’t find the time.
I have to say that even by
your lofty standards, that was
an incredible lie.
The secret is to add just a
hint of detail while keeping
the basic story simple.
Thanks for the tip.
(Tires screeching)
Package for Serenity Zilla.
Serenity Zilla?
That’s me.
Ugh!
Hey, your parents are here.
Oh, no.
Yes, normally I spend
Saturdays in my basement
workshop carving duck decoys
while Mother here vacuums the
pot roast.
But when Willy said he wanted
to throw a normal party for all
his normal friends, we said
"How normal."
Psst1
Okay, it’s the food.
Let’s go.
Willy, your mom, I think
she’s having a meltdown.
CRYSTAL: It really opens up
the chakras and realigns your
electrical fields.
(Laughing)
Ha-ha--
Mom, don’t forget the
petit point you have to do for
the sewing circle.
What is petit point?
Dad, don’t you have some work
to do in the house?
The campaign song, right.
What’s an election without a
campaign song?
No-- I mean, sure, whatever.
So thanks for stopping by,
and I look forward to seeing you
again.
(Tires screeching)
Say, why don’t you two go
take the pet psychic somewhere
quiet and far away?
Hey, everybody, let’s eat.
Help yourselves to the normal
food, everyone, and I’d just
like to thank you for coming to
share a typical day at the Zilla
house.
I think it’s going all right,
considering.
What I sense is Mosh’s
problem is one of identity.
Yes, he knows he’s not a cat.
He knows he’s not a dog, but
with no one to identify with, he
has no idea who he really is.
What I’m going to do is regress
Mosh through his past lives, put
him in touch with his roots and
let him see who he really is.
Bee-stung-lips, here I come!
Hmmrgh!
What’s with this ointment?
Hmmrgh!
(Buzzing)
Aaah!
Aah, aaah!
(Snoring)
Now, I want you to go back
to your vestigial memory, back
to who you are as a dragon.
(Buzzing)
(Roaring)
(Sizzling)
(Roaring)
Aaaah!
(Electrical zapping)
Try that, mate.
Yeah!
(Guitar vibrating)
Earthquake!
(Mosh yelping)
(Crowd yelling)
Hey, it’s okay.
Everything’s normal!
The entertainment’s here!
How is the candidate party
going, Zilla?
Ha-ha-ha!
Willy, help me!
(Screaming)
(Buzzing)
You saved me, Willy.
Wow, did you see that?
(Mosh whining)
Mosh, it’s going to be all
right.
Come on, just settle down, boy.
Did you have any idea that he
was this good?
He’s a guy you can depend on.
Shame to let all this good
food go to waste.
Going to need something to wash
these burgers down.
Student counsel, here I come!
♪
And now without further ado,
the winner of the election for
class representative--
Oh, well, maybe in a few
months, after Buzz is impeached,
I can run again.
Willy Zilla.
(Cheering)
Huh?
Last time I checked, that
was your name.
Go for it!
(Cheering)
Thank you.
Thank you for voting for me, and
I want you to know I meant
everything I said.
All I can promise is to do my
best to represent you and your
concerns over the school year.
Thanks.
Of course, in a democracy,
there are no losers when the
people win.
So in that spirit, I’d like to
ask the defeated candidate, Buzz
Sawchuck, to come to the stage.
That’s okay.
I’ve got nothing to say.
Bzzz!
♪