My Dad the Rock Star (2003–2004): Season 1, Episode 4 - High Infidelity - full transcript

♪ It’s so hard ♪

♪ Just to feel normal

♪ When everyone is completely

paranormal ♪

♪ And everything is totally

deranged ♪

♪ And you’re the only one who’s

sane ♪

♪ Sometimes it gets

so unbearable ♪

♪ But mostly I feel



unbelievable ♪

♪ And I’m a freak ’cause my dad

is a rock star ♪

♪ Yeah

♪ My dad is a rock star

♪ That’s it, the party’s over ♪

♪ Turn off the lights, I’m

leaving the stage ♪

♪ I just wanna get

a little more control ♪

♪ So nobody can tell me what to

do ♪

♪ Sometimes it gets

so unbearable ♪



♪ But mostly I feel

unbelievable ♪

♪ And I’m a freak, ’cause my dad

is a rock star ♪

♪ Yeah

♪ My dad is a rock star

♪ Yeah, yeah

♪

Ah-whoo!

♪

I saw it on TV.

The hippopotamus sits there with

it’s mouth open, and a bird

flies in a cleans all the food

out of its teeth.

That’s gross.

I don’t know, I’d love it if

a bird cleaned my teeth for me.

With your breath, it’d have

to be a vulture.

Hey, Willy, isn’t that your mom?

What?

Uh-oh.

Mom, what are you doing here?

This is where my new psychic

alignment wellness centre’s

going to be.

Here?

Beside the school?

Isn’t it just the perfect

spot?

As soon as you’re finished

class, you can come right in.

I actually go home the other

way.

No, you don’t--

I thought you could come in

after school twice a week and

have your chakras balanced and

served smoothies.

Um...

Well, I better go back in and

make sure the contractors are

doing their work with love.

A psychic alignment wellness

centre.

My entire life just flashed

before my eyes.

Smile, mate!

You’re on our new video

surveillance camera system.

Great.

Dad!

Earplugs!

Daaad!

Willy!

Check it out.

♪ Soul crusher!

Mom is opening her freaky

wellness center thing beside my

school.

Yeah!

It’s the title track from the

new album, "Soul Crusher".

Dad, earplugs!

Could you take them out--

♪ Soul crusher

(Guitar strings breaking)

Skunk, don’t just stand there.

Help me.

Rock, I was hoping you would

record some music I could play

at my wellness center.

What?!

Dad, you still have your ear

plugs in.

What?!

The name of Daddy’s new album?

♪ Soul

Dad!

Ow, that’s loud!

I need relaxation sounds for

the center.

This is a list of different

moods I’m hoping you could

create.

Create different moods with

music?

I guess it could be done.

Let’s see, fluid, yielding,

balance, earth, acceptance

amber-- Ugh, these aren’t moods.

Yes, they are.

No, moods, are...

♪ Getting down, rocking out,

partying ♪

Rocking and partying aren’t

moods, dad.

You’re right, Serenity,

they’re basic truths.

Well, I’ll see what I can do.

Well, what do you think?

I think it’s kind of bright

out.

No, of the space.

Isn’t this place just screaming

contentment?

Yeah...

I think I do hear some sort of

screaming.

(Screaming)

Sorry, I thought that was

only inside my head.

Yeah, that’s him all right.

This place is completely

stress-free.

Not for me, it isn’t.

Come on inside.

Who wants to light the first

incense stick?

(Groaning)

It’s vanilla!

Hey!

Gee, I’d love to, Mom, but I

have to study for-- gym class?

Love you, bye!

I guess that just leaves you,

handsome.

Me?

What about Will--

(Grunting)

Heh-heh-heh

Ahhh!

(Laughing)

And so, the re-alignment

begins.

Hey, Crowbar, you see that?

Yeah, that kid looks nasty

and spiteful.

Yeah, and maladjusted.

And sociopathic.

Just the kind of kid we need.

Nice wedgie back there, kid.

Thanks.

Where’d you learn moves like

that?

Nowhere, I’m self-taught.

Do I know you?

Uh, you might have seen us on

a hit TV show, "Small Time Hoods

Caught on Video".

I remember, now!

You guys are amazing.

I like this guy.

How would you like to do a

little job for us?

Cool!

We heard that Rock Zilla is

recording a new album in his

basement studio.

And we want to get a copy.

So, we can put out pirate

copies of the disc, before he

releases it.

With your obvious talents,

it’d be a cinch.

All you gotta do is follow

some simple instructions, and we

got a deal.

Yeah?

I mean, yeah!

For now, you only get to

touch.

When the job’s done, you get to

keep it.

First, here’s what we want

you to do.

(Whispering)

Yo, feel like splitting the

fries and gravy with me?

No, not really.

Hey, give me back my tray.

May I recommend the fries

and gravy?

They look excellent.

Actually, I didn’t want--

How’s the root beer today?

Fresh?

Excellent.

One of those on the rocks, and a

doughnut.

Chocolate glaze, my good woman.

(Groaning)

Scram, losers!

Right this way, mine steward.

Buzz, why did you buy my

lunch?

Yeah, and why are you trying

to act human?

I’ll tell you why.

Coming back, and doing my

remedial year again has really

opened my eyes.

It has?

I see things differently,

now.

Sure, I still enjoy a cruel

practical joke.

Who doesn’t?

But, I want to show you that

there’s no hard feelings, that

we can still respect one

another.

Suddenly, I’ve lost my

appetite.

Let’s go beyond our

bully/doofus relationship, and

start afresh.

BOTH: Don’t do it.

Um, sure.

You’re all right, William.

Enjoy your lunch, I’ll see you

later.

You shook his hand!

That’s so ill.

He wants to start over.

You don’t buy that, do you?

I don’t know, why not?

That guy’s as phoney as a

three dollar bill.

Well, he seems like he means

it.

I’d watch it, if I were you.

All right, eyes front!

Which of you delinquents passed

me a three dollar bill?

Heh.

Willy, I need to take some

pictures for our brochure.

Okay, I’ll get out of your

way.

No, no, I need you in the

picture, performing some of our

psychic alignment exercises.

Mom, don’t make me do that.

Don’t worry, honey, you’ll be

in silhouette in the brochure.

Nobody will know it’s you.

Well, okay.

♪

(Laughing)

Get lost, knuckleheads.

Now!

Don’t pay any attention to

them, William.

You go ahead, doing your weird

thing.

Thanks, Buzz, but this isn’t

really my thing, my mom’s making

me do this.

You’re so lucky.

I am?

At least you have a mom.

When I get home, there’s nobody

there; just bare, cardboard

walls.

It’s dark, because we don’t

have electricity.

Packs of wild dogs run all over

the place.

My bed is a pile of oily rags.

Mom, my bed is on fire, again.

Oh, right, I don’t have a mom,

or a bed, or dinner.

Just a second.

Oh, the poor, unfortunate

urchin.

Yes, of course Buzz can come for

dinner.

Smile for the camera.

Skunk, stop it.

I haven’t even done my

highlights or had my

microdermabrasion yet!

The whole idea of video

surveillance is that you catch

intruders on tape, Skunk, not

the people who live here.

Don’t you worry, mate, the

whole place is being monitored.

I use the handheld as well,

’cause you can never be too

careful.

Hi, I’m home.

Awesome place, William!

It’s as big as our school.

Bigger, actually.

You must be Buzz.

(Gasping)

Rock Zilla, heh-heh.

Uhhh... yeah.

Once again, I can’t stress

enough how important it is to

exhale as you’re performing the

fire-breathing routine.

I have to go to the washroom.

Go down the stairs, take two

left turns, and it’s the eighth

door on your right.

So here I was, breathing out

big balls of fire.

(Blowing sounds)

And I guess someone should have

checked how low the ceilings

were in the children’s hospital.

♪

(Groaning)

If anything, the burning

hospital made the show that much

more exciting!

Cool!

Ha-ha-ha, which reminds me of

a funny story.

What happened to your friend,

Willy?

No.

No.

Yes!

(Music blaring)

Mission accomplished.

Buzz?

William!

What are you doing in my

dad’s studio.

I got lost, and I thought

this was the way back.

I just couldn’t resist standing

here for a second to, uh, absorb

some of the greatness.

Well, c’mon, let’s get back

to dinner.

Yeah, about that: I have to

get home and walk my cat.

You have a cat with those

packs of wild dogs roaming

around in your house?

Tell you what, you can wrap

up the rest of those ribs for

me, and bring them to school

tomorrow.

See ya!

Where’s Buzz?

He had to go home to walk his

cat.

In the middle of dinner?

Cat lovers.

What a weird bunch.

You got the goods?

Easy as pie.

Good work, kid.

I’m impressed.

You show a lot of potential.

We’d like you to continue

working with us.

We have a fabulous mentoring

program.

Right on!

You’re all right, kid.

How’d you like to see our

operations warehouse?

Would I?!

This new compact disc player

also plays any video game I

want.

I can email from it, and it

takes digital pictures.

Hey, back off!

I haven’t figured out how it

works yet.

Hey, Buzz.

Look, it’s a new psychic

alignment pose, "the

downward-facing doofus".

Get used to it, swami.

I can also tell you where to get

advanced bootleg copies of Rock

Zilla’s new album.

What?!

I feel so stupid.

I caught Buzz in my dad’s studio

last night.

What was he doing in there?

I think he must have

downloaded dad’s new album.

This is the worst thing that’s

ever happened to me.

You’ve been slept on by Buzz,

man.

He slept on you.

I know.

I should have listened to you

guys.

Yeah, you should have.

If my dad finds out Buzz

stole his new album, he’ll hit

the roof.

Buzz isn’t exactly enough of

a brainiac to come up with a

plan like that on his own.

He must be working with someone.

But, who?

(Soft flute music playing)

Ahh.

(Snoring)

Ahh!

Man, I am never going to

finish this if I keep falling

asleep.

Whoa!

What are you doing, Dad?

I’m working on the music for

your mom’s psychic alignment

thing-y.

How’s it going?

Who knows?

Without drums, it all just seems

so pointless!

(Snoring)

Skunk, can I talk to you in

private?

Why, sure, mate.

Let’s retire to the tour bus.

Skunk, I have a bit of a

problem.

Remember that kid I had over for

dinner last night?

The ugly one?

Yeah.

I think he got into dad’s studio

and downloaded the new album.

That little snot!

But I don’t think he could

have done it on his own.

There must be somebody else

who’s in on it.

Yeah, somebody else.

But how could we ever figure

out who?

Maybe we can check last

night’s tape from your video

surveillance system?

Surveillance tapes?

Hey, that’s a brilliant idea,

Willy!

This is a tape of the outside

grounds.

What time did your friend leave?

During dinner.

Okay, so about 7:30,

let’s see...

Bingo!

Let me zoom in on that.

BOTH: Whoa!

Skunk!

Right.

Crowbar and Franco.

You know those guys?

Notorious music bootleggers.

They only go after the very

best.

Well, I guess this means your

dad’s still got it, eh?

So, they’re behind this.

Don’t you worry, we’ll tell

Rock about this, and he’ll put

his boot to their bootleg.

No!

This whole thing is my fault,

and I want to fix it.

But, I’m gonna need your help.

Are you sure you want to put on

a disguise, Skunk?

Get ready for this!

Aww, yeah!

What ya think?

These guys are music pirates,

not old sea pirates!

No, this is my motorcycle

gang look.

I fancy my name might be, "The

Killer".

Or, "Gypsy".

I sure hope this works.

Leave it to Gypsy.

Now, where’s my hog?

♪

Are you Buzz?

Yeah, are you some weirdo on

a motorcycle?

Heh-heh.

Funny, kid.

Look, I’m supposed to meet

Franco and Crowbar to get the

new Zilla bootleg.

You know where they are?

At the warehouse, probably.

The one out by the airport?

No, downtown, behind the

power plant.

Oh, right.

Thanks, kid.

♪

How did it go?

Well, he definitely ain’t the

brains of the operation.

You found the bootleggers?

Sure did.

Now, let’s move!

Quincy and Alyssa are going

to come with us.

Oh, well, we better get out

the side car.

I haven’t used this in a while,

but I think it still works.

(Gasping)

Skunk, I don’t think you need

your disguise, anymore.

Are you kidding?

I haven’t felt this alive in

years!

(Gasping)

Okay, let’s split up.

(Grunting)

(Dog Barking)

(Gasping)

(Screaming)

(Woman screaming)

(Imitating bird)

There they are.

And there’s the CD burners.

Okay, I’m going in.

♪

They’re coming!

Good work, mate!

I hope they’re not counting

on the royalties from this one.

Yeah, well, I don’t do

wedgies anymore.

I’m strictly high-end, now.

Those are nice shoes Buzz has

on, but I’d hate to be in them.

Yeah, I hope they can help

him run fast.

Really fast.

(Laughing)

♪

(Cheering)

This isn’t Rock Zilla!

This sucks.

I want my money back!

(Crowd yelling)

Yeah?

Oh, hi--

No, but, I--

But, you know--

Well, if you’d just listen for

five seconds!

No, Ma’am...

Franco, it’s for you.

Hello?

Yeah, no--

Wait-- Yeah, but--

You purchased the--

No, I don’t have children.

Wait--

Yeah, but--

(Soft flute music playing)

(Snoring, yawning)

(Horn honking)

(Grunting, groaning)

Yeah.

Ha!

(Crying)

And now that you’re

completely relaxed, just listen

to the breath.

Just listen...

(Rock Zilla music blaring)

(Screaming)

Oops...

♪ Soul crusher

(Chuckling)

♪