My Dad the Rock Star (2003–2004): Season 1, Episode 12 - Rebel Without a Nose Ring - full transcript

♪ It’s so hard ♪

♪ Just to feel normal

♪ When everyone is completely

paranormal ♪

♪ And everything is totally

deranged ♪

♪ And you’re the only one who’s

sane ♪

♪ Sometimes it gets

so unbearable ♪

♪ But mostly I feel



unbelievable ♪

♪ And I’m a freak ’cause my dad

is a rock star ♪

♪ Yeah

♪ My dad is a rock star

♪ That’s it, the party’s over ♪

♪ Turn off the lights, I’m

leaving the stage ♪

♪ I just wanna get

a little more control ♪

♪ So nobody can tell me what to

do ♪

♪ Sometimes it gets

so unbearable ♪



♪ But mostly I feel

unbelievable ♪

♪ And I’m a freak, ’cause my dad

is a rock star ♪

♪ Yeah

♪ My dad is a rock star

♪ Yeah, yeah

♪

Ah-whoo!

(Snoring)

(Beeping)

(Rock music blaring)

(Screaming)

(Grunting)

(Laughing)

Good morning, Willy!

Dad!

What are you doing up so early?

I was never down.

I pulled an all nighter fixing

your clock radio so you could

hear my new CD.

3600 watts a channel and added a

little sub woofer!

Yeah, crank it up!

Ah-whooo!

Oo?

"Rockzilla Rocks: Unplugged."

Your mom thought my fans

would like a little easy

listening music.

You know, something laid back.

Oh yeah, about as laid back

as a herd of stampeding rhinos.

Right on!

That’s exactly the kind of

mellow mood I was going for.

It’s great, Dad.

I mean your fans will love it

but, well, I like to wake up to

the news, you know?

No prob.

Like I always say it takes all

kinds to rock the world, right?

Right.

But do they have to start

rocking it so early?

Drink your orange juice,

dears, it’s freshly squeezed

from holistically grown oranges.

The trees are fed only the

purest spring water.

Each orange is massaged daily

and none is picked until it’s

chakras are in perfect harmony.

ROCKZILLA: Woo, yeah!

Who’s ready for a bowl of

Rockzilla’s chili con carnage?

It’s a real eye opener.

Actually your eyes ain’t all

this stuff will open.

Pass, Dad.

I choose life.

(Chewing)

(Spitting)

Bummer.

Aw, what’s wrong, dear?

It’s my chili con carnage.

It usually has a little more

kick to it, you know?

Hm.

Have a rockin’ day, Willy.

Sure, Dad, you too.

Hey, looking good, Alyssa.

Yo, what’s rocking, Q my man?

’Sup, Mr. Z?

Just keeping it real, know what

I’m saying?

Laying down a steady groove.

I’m with the flow.

I’m just, uh, know what I’m

saying?

I’m, um...

Fine?

Yeah, I’m fine.

(Gasping)

Chili backwash, take cover!

(Belching)

Mm, tastes even better coming

up than it did going down.

Think I’ll have seconds.

Or, is it thirds?

Yo, and I thought I was

styling when I belched the

alphabet.

Last time he made chili we

had to re wallpaper the first

floor.

Ew.

That has got to be the world’s

ugliest garden gnome.

Oh, actually, it’s the

world’s sleaziest tabloid

reporter.

What are you up to this time,

Scoop?

Same old, same old, kid.

(Gasping)

Just making a living.

Headline: Surly Spawn of Rock

Icon Rebels Against Famous

Father.

Rockzilla and son caught by

cameras in wild screaming match.

We weren’t screaming, we were

saying goodbye.

No need to bore my readers

with the truth, kid.

Better hit the road, Scoop.

Mosh hasn’t had breakfast yet.

(Growling)

Call him off, call him off!

Sorry, komodos are mindless

eating machines.

Once they smell fresh meat

there’s no switching ’em off.

Aw, Mosh is such a

sweetheart.

Hey, no need to bore Scoop

with the truth, right?

(Laughing)

Right.

(Kissing)

(Gasping)

(Coughing)

Hm, still a little bland.

Try this, dear.

These peppers were organically

grown from seeds that were found

in an ancient Aztec temple

dedicated to the sun god

Itllhurtalotl.

(Exploding)

(Howling)

Woo-hoo!

Houston we have ignition.

(Coughing)

What’s Buzz up to?

Is it possible Buzz Sawchuck

has an artistic side?

Only if you’re talking con

artist.

Yo, that’s good, Buzz.

This is freaky.

You’ve actually got talent?

Indeed, my ability’s with

light, texture, and shadow are

second only to my skill for

causing mayhem.

Yeah.

(Gasping)

Principal Malfactor’s going

to flip.

(Laughing)

Hey, you signed my name!

Buzz, you lowdown malicious

conniving bottom feeding--

Please, your refusive praise

is making me blush.

(Gasping)

It’s not what you think.

I’ve been framed!

This is Buzz Sawchuck’s twisted

idea of a joke.

That’s right, Sir.

We back Willy up all the way.

Sadly, my reputation as one

who often steps outside the

bounds of acceptable social norm

makes me vulnerable when others

are in search of the proverbial

scapegoat.

But unlike your weak-minded

friends our keenly intelligent

principal would never fall for

such an obvious ploy.

Sir, nobody in their right

mind would sign something like

this!

Hm, it does seem a bit too

obvious, doesn’t it, Mr.

Sawchuck?

Indeed, Sir, it does.

Sadly, children who are

suffering parental neglect will

often choose inappropriate

methods to garner the attention

that is lacking at home.

I understand it’s a common

situation in celebrity

households.

I knew when he started going

to psychotherapy no good would

come of it.

My office now!

(Belching)

(Gasping)

ROCKZILLA: Woo-hoo, now that

is what I call chili con

carnage.

Those peppers are hot stuff,

just like you.

Look on the bright side

you’re in the record books, bro.

Most detentions assigned in one

day.

Oh boy, is there a trophy?

We’ll file an appeal.

We’ll take it all the way to the

school board if we have to.

No thanks, Lys, that would

only get Malfactor even more

ticked at me.

Let’s just chalk this up as

another real life experience.

But it’s not fair!

From now on I’m off

Malfactor’s radar.

I’m deploying stealth

technology.

He’ll forget I even exist.

Call me Mr. Anonymous.

Uh, could I have your

autograph?

Autograph?

You’re famous!

WILLY: Oh no.

From Mr. Anonymous to Mr.

Front Page News.

Looks like Scoop is giving

you the star treatment, bro.

It’s all a pack of lies.

You shouldn’t be reading this

junk.

Sorry, no free samples.

At least not until I exhaust the

sales opportunities yet to be

had in the teacher’s lounge.

WILLY: Come back here!

ALYSSA: Willy, no running the

hallways!

Malfactor will flip!

No shouting either, Lys.

(Footsteps sounding)

Look out!

(Grunting)

(Gasping)

(Laughing)

You, I might have known.

Sir, it was an accident.

I was--

Hm, defying authority,

causing mayhem--

Believe me, I get enough

mayhem at home.

I don’t really need anymore at

school.

(Laughing)

Flaunting your disrespect

with satirical wisecracks?

That wasn’t a wisecrack.

(Laughing)

Neither was that!

Sir, I think you’re a little

woozy.

Maybe you should lie down.

Oh yes, I’m woozy.

Woozy like a fox!

You can’t fool me, I am a

history major!

I know all about revolution.

Oh, I should’ve seen it coming.

General unrest, lack of

discipline, fanciful hairdos, a

casual disregard for personal

hygiene.

All they needed was a

charismatic leader.

Wow, you tackled the

principal.

Now I really want your

autograph.

You and your gang of mindless

followers are trying to take

over the school!

I have to restore order before

it’s too late.

Poor guy, seems a little

stressed.

And the concussion can’t be

helping.

Aw, I bet stuff like this

would never happen if Dad was an

accountant.

ALYSSA: A dress code!

"No nose rings, no tattoos,

no pointy hair, underwear must

only be worn under your pants."

"And the girls have to wear

dresses."

Yo, what’s a loafer?

Oh, what a relief.

I was expecting armed tanks in

the hallways.

I mean it could’ve been worse,

right?

(Laughing)

ALYSSA: Drop the dress code,

we’ve got to stand together.

Fight for our rights, rise up,

join the struggle!

I’m just wasting my breath.

I don’t think anyone wants to

join a struggle if it’s going to

get them upside Malfactor’s

bad side.

Can’t blame ’em.

Been there, done that.

Now let’s get out of here before

Malfactor sees us.

(Gasping)

That’s him, he’s Silent

Springs’ celebrity bad boy.

Shoo, beat it, go away.

He bites the heads off

hamsters, and he was abducted by

aliens when he was a baby.

That’s it!

Every good cause needs a

celebrity spokesperson.

No way, I’m no celebrity.

Don’t be shy.

Just say something.

No!

(Echoing)

ALL: No, no, no, no, no dress

code.

See.

Worked like a charm.

Funny, seems more like a

curse.

ALL CHANTING: No, no!

No dress code!

(Door locking)

No, no, no--

Check it out, you’ve

kick-started the revolution.

I was keeping a low profile,

remember?

I’m sorry Scoop’s stupid

tabloid piece has turned you

into a celebrity.

But I promise to only use your

powers for good.

Freedom of choice, freedom of

expression!

QUINCY: Yo, go with the flow,

bro.

Hey, that rhymed.

I’m a rapper.

(Gasping)

Water balloons?

(Screaming)

Hold your fire, this is a

strictly non violent protest.

Me thinks thou dost protest

too much.

(Laughing)

Hah, it’s a dud, Buzz, just

like you.

What is the meaning--

(Spitting)

(Laughing)

Quite the sudden rain shower

wasn’t it, Sir?

I take complete

responsibility for this protest.

Go ahead, do your worst.

I’m willing to take a lifetime

detention for our noble cause.

So, now you’re brainwashing

your mindless followers into

taking the blame for you.

Hey, nobody washes my brain

but me.

And who’s he calling mindless?

Yeah, well at least he liked

your suggestion of a lifetime

detention.

Oh yeah, sorry.

And not only am I banned from

all school field trips, I don’t

even get a slice on pizza day.

(Chewing)

(Honking)

Hey, Willy!

Check it out.

Wow!

(Grunting)

I fixed your bike.

But it wasn’t broken.

Well, yeah, that doesn’t mean

it didn’t need a new paint job,

extended forks, magwheels, fox

tails and a six disc CD changer.

Woo-hoo!

(Belching)

Whoops, excuse me.

That extra strength chili con

carnage sure has staying power.

(Coughing)

Wild.

I thought he did that fire

breathing trick with lighter

fluid.

Woo-hoo.

So, what do you think?

Is this a killer ride or what?

Yeah, great Dad.

Maybe you could paint a bulls

eye on my forehead while you’re

at it.

What’s up with Willy being so

down?

Well, he had a brutal day at

school today, Mr. Z.

Hm.

There there, dear.

We’ll all get together and share

some deep calming breaths.

I’m sure we can reason with him.

You don’t know Malfactor,

Mom.

He’s totally unreasonable,

unbending, and unhuman.

Now, Willy, you know that’s

wrong.

Yeah, I know, Mom.

I should’ve said inhuman.

I mean when you judge others

you’re only judging yourself.

Instead of lashing out, try to

understand where Mr. Malfactor

is coming from.

I already have a pretty good

idea, Mom.

He came straight from--

(Honking)

(Screaming)

(Grunting)

ROCKZILLA: Ow!

Willy, Alyssa and Q told me all

about it.

So I pedalled right on down to

talk with the Malfactor dude.

I figured I’d better get this

thing straightened out, you

know?

(Honking)

Anyway, after we got the hellos

out of the way I--

Well, I kind of, sort of,

accidentally, set him on fire.

But don’t worry, I put him

right out.

(Crashing)

Oh, no.

I, uh, brought a note home

from the principal.

You got me expelled!

(Barking)

Well, not yet.

There’s still hope.

See, if you read the fine print

it says first thing tomorrow you

have to go to a conduct review

meeting with some school board

big wigs.

Now, don’t you worry, Willy.

I’ll be right there with you

playing back up.

I’ll give them something to rock

about.

(Belching)

Whoops.

Guess I shouldn’t have had that

midnight snack.

Dad, I have to convince them

I’m really not some kind of wise

guy trouble making kid with a

wacko celebrity father.

No probs, you’re a great kid

and uh...uh...hm.

Define wacko.

I think I’d better handle

this gig solo.

Showing up in front of a bunch

of stuffed shirts with Rockzilla

by my side would be like waving

a red flag at a herd of mad

bulls.

But, I’ll be--

Stay!

(Whimpering)

MR. MALFACTOR: This negative

influence must be eliminated

before he can realize his

diabolical plot to overthrow my

authority.

Obviously because his father is

some sort of celebrity the boy

thinks rules don’t apply to him.

I’m sure his jet setting parents

fill his head with all kinds of

subversive ideas.

WILLY: Oh yeah, my folks have

taught me all sorts of crazy

stuff.

When you judge others you’re

only judging yourself.

Like I always say it takes

all kinds to rock the world,

right?

My parents have taught me not

to judge people by the colour of

their skin, or how they talk, or

what they wear, or by what you

read in some trashy tabloid

written by a weasel-y reporter

who wouldn’t know the truth if

it jumped up and bit him in the

a--

Scoop!

I told you, kid, I never bore

my readers with the truth.

Headline: Son of Zilla on

Rampage.

Terrible Teen Terrorizes Town.

Hey, a girl has got to make a

living.

(Belching)

Sorry, I’m late.

It took me a while to figure out

this tie thing.

Dad?

Is that you?

I wanted to make a good

impression.

(Coughing)

But wearing a suit and tie

must be killing you.

No probs.

I’m here to back you up.

(Coughing)

Are these the stuffed shirts you

were talking about?

(Throat clearing)

Uh, not that there’s anything

wrong with stuffed shirts.

I mean, hey, it takes all kinds

to rock the world, right Dad?

(Gasping)

Yo, Willy, I think that tie

really is killing him.

Hang on, Dad.

(Belching)

Excuse me.

Wow, your Dad almost quick

fried the whole school board.

(Sighing)

I think I’ll go pack my bags

for military school.

Look on the bright side, um.

Let’s see.

(Throat clearing)

Could I uh, have your

autograph?

I have all of your albums.

Wow, the school board pres is

a huge Rockzilla fan.

Now then, perhaps we should

discuss stress leave.

Maybe Principal Malfactor

should learn some of mom’s

relaxation techniques.

I think what the dude really

needs to learn is how to duck.

(Belching)

Headline: Tabloid Tattletale

Toasted.

(Grunting)

(Cheering)

You rock, Mr. President.

Call me Lloyd.

Lloyd Sawchuck.

Did he say Sawchuck?

(Gasping)

Daddy!

Don’t believe a word he says I

had nothing to do with putting

donkey ears on the principal and

signing Willy Zilla’s name.

He did it!

And it wasn’t me throwing water

balloons at Mr. Malfactor, it

was him.

A month’s detention?

This is not fair.

(Sobbing)

He’s right, you know?

It isn’t fair.

No, but on the bright side--

It’s a start.

♪