My Babysitter's a Vampire (2011–2012): Season 1, Episode 1 - Lawn of the Dead - full transcript

BENNY'.
Think about it, dude.

Anything we want.
Cash, cars, candy.

So you only use magic spells
for stuff that starts with C?

Once,
we were lowly high-school noobs...

now we're vampire-killing,
spell-casting rock stars.

The world is our oyster.

Have you ever actually had oysters?

Not something you wanna swallow.
More like something you cough up.

Yeah, nice. Nice image to start the day.

But there's the image I need.

I know you're the "seer" and all,
but I can see her with me.



Keep the magic on the down-low,
remember?

Life just got back to normal.

Would you relax?

I got this.

Can I talk to you?

Hey. How goes it? What's new?

Can I borrow $20, friend?

- It's for a good cause.
- Twenty dollars?

Like, now? Um...

Awesome news. Della's dog died.

And that's good news?

- Yeah.
- I've gotta go.

Later.

She said she loved my flowers.



And then she said she'd do anything
to bring her dog back.

- Anything.
- Yeah.

What if somebody
magically brought her dog back?

Can you imagine how grateful she'd be?

No. No, Benny.

You cannot bring her dead dog
back to life.

Won't know until we try, right?

Benny. Stop.

If Harry Potter were here,
he'd smack you around.

Hey, Grandma.

Uh, I was just wondering
if there's any magic...

that can bring, say, a small animal
back from the dead?

Why are you asking me that?

I'm~- You know, it's for a report at school.

Uh-huh.

See? Those crazy wrinkles
are hiding something. I know it.

Benny, maybe you should just conjure up
a bracelet for this girl.

Reanimating a dead dog is overkill.

No, it's underkill.

Because the dog would be un-killed.

Duh.

You don't even know how to do it.

No. But I do know
where to find the answers.

Grandma's secret shelf.

Secret shelf?

My bad feeling just got
10 percent more bad.

Hey, guys. Ethan, dinner is almost ready.

What's that...

aroma?

Did Jane melt one of her dolls again?

Actually, Ethan's dad...

is having a very, very important client
over for dinner this Friday.

So I'm testing some recipes
from TV's Greatest Chefs...

and this is kelp and kimchi ratatouille.

Do you wanna try a sample?

Mm, yum. Uh...

I have to go.

Honey?

Come on.

- Mm.
- There's a little...

Okay. Can you tell Sarah
I'm not gonna be needing her Friday night...

because we're going to be having
our gourmet dinner.

Okay. Cool.

I'm sure she'll be thrilled
to have a Friday night off.

What? So now I can't even get
babysitting money?

Great. Perfect.

- Why do you need money all of a sudden?
- Forget it. I still have some other options.

- See you.
- So...

how is your little pet nerd?

Oh, you know, nerdy.

Look, the reason
I wanted to talk to you is that...

You changed your mind
about flying down to the city?

I knew it. We are gonna tear it up.

Erica, you know fledglings can't fly.
Not for free.

Which is why I need to ask you...

can I borrow some money?

- I'll pay you back.
- Money?

Wake up
and smell the platelets...

then you can take whatever you want
and whoever you want.

- I understand. But I just thought...
- Bup-bup.

In fangs we trust, all others pay cash.

Ah, my food's here.

Call me when you're ready.

Hey. I got your text. What's up?

I took these from Grandma's secret shelf.

How do you know which one has the potion
to bring a dog back?

I thought you might use a vision...

to see which one
is the bring-back-to-life juice.

Come on, E.

Help reunite a fair maiden
with her beloved pet.

One touch?

Uh...

- O kay.
- Yes.

Okay, now, focus.

This, angry birds.

Right on.

- This one, gross hair on your fingernails.
- Cool.

This...

This one's it.

- But...
- Sweet. Della's dead dog thanks you.

Wish me luck.

I have a long road ahead
and a pooch to summon from the dead.

Engage.

Benny. Benny, wait.

Benny. Oh...

- Boo.
- Ah!

Don't do that.

I was working on my ninja skills.
Check out my new card.

- What's that mean?
- Hmm.

Rory, Vampire Ninja.

Uh... Benny's gone to Della's,
I don't know where she lives.

- Do you?
- No.

I know a sure way to find out.

- Air Rory.
- Ah!

Here, dead dog.

Here, boy.

"Beloved Puffles. In loving memory."

Bingo.

I have an afterlife wake-up call
for one Puffles, the dead dog.

- Ah!
- Wait.

Ethan, do not sneak up on a dude
who's awakening the dead.

Keep it down. Come on,
let's go before you do something stupid.

I mean, more stupid.

Too late. I already did.

Nothing happened. I...

- Ha!
- Ah!

Boo-yaw.!

Rory, I don't care how undead you are.

You do that again, I kill you.

To kill Vampire Ninja,
you must first find Vampire Ninja.

Vampire Ninja...

All right.

That was kind of cool.

Anyway, potion had no effect at all.

Maybe your vision was wrong.

My visions are never wrong.

But I think your grandma was right.

We shouldn't mess
with the forces of life and death.

Do you hear that?

No way.

Puffles.

- It's alive.
- Shh, Benny.

Whoa.

Whoa.

That is the sweet sound of Benny
scoring a date with Della.

Okay, you did it. He's alive.

Let's go before someone sees us.

What? No, she has to know I saved him.

I wanna surprise her at school tomorrow.

Okay. We have to go.

- Yeah.
- Now.

Benny. Benny, come on.

Puffles?

Can we put Puffles in your garage?
Just until morning?

Grandma cannot find out.

What will I tell my parents
if they find Dog of the Undead?

- You'll think of something.
- Ugh.

You might wanna leave out the part
about it being dead earlier.

Yeah. Thanks.

Just promise me this is the last time
you raise anything from the grave.

Okay. Just take it.

I swear on my Jedi honor...

Puffles is the only animal
I will ever bring back from the dead.

Better be.

Good morning, Puffle Pooch.

You feel a little less dead? Oh!

Man, I'm telling you, this feels wrong.

That dog isn't just undead.

He's evil.

He tried to eat my hand this morning.

Why? Didn't you feed him?

No. Sorry, I didn't have
any dead-dog chow lying around.

There's Della. When she sees Puffles,
she will be all over me.

Wish me luck.

Just tell me. What are you and dumber-you
up to this time?

What? Uh, nothing.
I don't know what you're talking about.

I know your work.
I was trying out for a new sales job...

Look, all I did was help Benny, um,
rescue an innocent girl's dog.

Puffles? Puffles.

- Be careful.
- Ow!

What are you doing?

Puffles, what is wrong with you? Ah!

Wait.

DELLA'. Fumes'. Ah'.
BENNY '. Oh .

She didn't even say thank you. Oh...

Coincidence?

- Look, I can explain.
- Hey, what is up?

What happened to you?

Weirdest thing. Last night, I went out
for a crunchy critter snack...

but this time, the snack fought back.

I think it was possessed.

You don't need bandages, remember?
Vampires can heal themselves.

Yo! Fingers grow back fast. Sweet.

High five.

Did you guys do
what I think you guys did?

Raise dead animals from the grave
to get a girl's attention?

Unbelievable.

Ah! Benny! Get him off!

- Benny.
- Ha-ha-ha-ha.

Get it Off.

Attention, all students.

Due to recent outbreaks
of rabid animal attacks...

we ask you to return to your homes
and remain indoors.

As of now, all classes are canceled
until further notice.

- Ah.
- Oh.

Phew.

Is it me or did that chipmunk
look about ready to eat our eyeballs?

I think it's time we call in
a little magical backup.

What? No, no.

If Grandma finds out,
who knows what she'll do to me?

Listen, if the potion did cause this...

then it will probably
just run out of gas, right?

I'm sure the worst is over.

A special news bulletin.

Reports are coming in
of bizarre small-animal attacks.

That's Tiberius.

- No.
- Yeah.

That's crazy.
He ran away when you were 8.

You and I have to talk
with your grandma. Now.

Couldn't we just e-mail her?

Ah!

I mean...

aha!
Hi, Grandma.

Something you twits want to tell me?

First, we brew enough anti-potion...

to douse all those demon critters
you created.

But all I did was spill a few drops
where the dog was buried.

A few drops is far too much.

But why are they so evil?

You reanimated the bodies,
but the souls had moved on.

And a body with no soul
is a demon's playground.

Even if this brew works...

how are we gonna track down
all the undead critters?

Right. Here.

Once the demons hear this enchanted flute,
they'll come running.

But you'd better be ready.

Don't worry, Grandma.

I will not fail you.

Not you, Einstein.

I need you here to help me with this brew.
Ethan can do it.

Start at the site of the spill
and then work your way back here.

Wait. Tonight's my dad's dinner
with his new client.

Mom will kill me if I miss it.

Well, if he can't do it and I can't do it,
who's gonna play the stupid magic flute?

What's your little blond friend up to?

She's right.

- This sounds like a job for Vampire Ninja.
- Vampire Ninja.

Sarah.
What are you doing here?

- Oh, they're here.
- What's with the waiter outfit?

Your mom called me in a panic.
And she offered double my babysitting rate.

Totally rocking the sweater vest, mister.

Stylish, yet stupid.

Fine. But there goes your tip.

All right, we are locked and loaded
with anti-potion.

- And Rory is on his way.
- Good.

When he leads the critters back,
we'll take position in your backyard...

- ...and let them have it.
- All right, and, uh, Sweater Vest...

can you tell the waitress
I'll have a decaf triple mocha latte...

no foam?

- Easy.
- Ethan, come meet our guests.

Sarah, bring the hors d'oeuvres, please?

Yes, ma'am.

Everybody, this is our son, Ethan.

Hi. Della and I have met.

Kind of.

Hey, Della. Did the dog come back?

She's been worked up all week.
Every dog she sees is Puffles.

- Oh, I'm so sorry.
- Oh...

It's so sad.

What, uh...?
What is that?

Oh, just a little dinner music.

Rory is here
and he looks happy about something.

That's never good.

Rory, what did you do?
How come I can still hear the music?

I had an inspiration.

Why shred my primo lips...

when I could just record the tune
and play it back on a loop?

No flute required.

So where's the player?

I landed on the roof to look for you
and then there was this psycho squirrel...

- ...and I dropped it down the chimney.
- The chimney?

Hey, relax.

I know a way to get it back.
When Santa comes...

Shut up. You know the rules
about plans involving Santa.

So now that music's in the house.

Which means...

Della, are you okay?

I felt something. On my leg.

Gotcha.

I mean, cut your next course.
Coming right up.

Okay, we have to keep it down. My...

It's like Snow White
and her little forest friends.

Evil undead.

Gotcha.

Oh, yeah.

Whoa. This is not good.

This is awesome.

Try them with the clam sauce.

- That's hilarious.
- Hey, Dad.

- Hey, I thought I heard a loud bang.
- Dad, no.

Hey, now that our guests are settled in...

time to wow them
with your new sales pitch.

My new pitch?

"Top 10 Fun Facts About insurance"?
You think?

Yeah, that's it.

Go for it.

Yeah.

What was that for?

Just some hare on your back.

Now, I told my mom
I'd get the Parmesan.

Fumes. Ah'.!

- Ethan!
- Ah!

Puffles?

Careful.

Benny.

Goodbye, Puffles.

Ew, his collar.

Sarah, I'm gonna need this sauce right now.

- Mom, mom, wait.
- What?

- I'll get it. It's fine.
- No, okay. Let it go, I've got it.

Puffles? Is that you? Oh!

Puffles?

Yeah, that's him.

- Kind of.
- Oh!

Della, wait, I can explain.

Not right now,
but I'll think of something.

Ethan, you better have
a good explanation for this.

Phew. Huh.

Demon critters done...

sweater vest gone.

Come on in, Rory.

Tiberius, my old friend.

I should have known you'd show up last.

Take the shot. He's evil. Get him.

I can't.

Fine, I'll do it.

What...?

What happened here?

Uh...

Food fight?

I should've known
Tiberius never ran away.

When he died, my folks buried him
in the field where I found him...

behind Della's place.

Speaking of which...

have you talked to Della?

Our courtship is on hold.
At least until she gets out of counseling.

What about Grandma?
Did she think of a punishment?

Da-da!
Guess who finally got their license.

And my aunt gave me her old car.

Ah, hard part was saving up
enough for insurance...

but your dad gave me a great deal.

Yeah. He's the best.

- Boo!
- Ah!

Rory, this Vampire Ninja stuff
has to stop, or...

Okay, how'd he do that?

Don't care. Let's just get out of here
before he comes back.

Come on.