Murphy Brown (1988–2018): Season 1, Episode 16 - Moscow on the Potomac - full transcript

Great morning. isn't it. Flank?

And may I say. that's a very
handsome shin.

I spilled on it already.
This is not a good day.

I've got about 50 cassettes to screen.
I have to be on location by 3.

But Miles said we all have
to be here at 10.

- Frank. are you bleeding?
- Miles made me shave again.

All this because some Russian newswoman
is coming to visit.

She probably needs a shave more than I do.

Good morning. all. I see Vladia Rankov
hasn‘t arrived yet.

Frank. you're bleeding.

I don't have to get excited about this.
She's not my Soviet counterpart.



You pitilul. jaded man with a stained shirt.
Even I‘m excited.

I got Vladia a “welcome to America“ gilt.

Some lottery tickets and a towel
trom the Watergate Hotel.

You know. it seems like only yesterday
I was fresh out ot college...

...working at the atfiliate in Chicago. when
news ot Sputnik came over my car radio.

God. I loved that car.
A '53 Buick Roadmaster.

Driving along with the top down.
cold wind stinging my face.

Oh. there was the occasional bug.

I sold it tor $200.
Boy. did he see me coming.

Well. And now here you are...

...covering the dedication ot the tirst
U.S.- Soviet joint satellite.

Where is this Vladia anyway?
Did her tractor break down?

Everyone. I have a special visitor
to introduce.

This is the lady we've been hearing
so much about.



So let's all give a big American
hello to Vladia Rankov.

Yeah.

Oh. and this is her assistant.
Olga Rostapoplovich.

- Did I say that right?
- No.

Welcome. Vladia. I'm Murphy Brown.

I just wanna tell you how much
I've been looking forward to this.

I must tell you. Murphy. I am a big tan.

Your success here has been an inspiration
to female journalists all over the world.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Meet the rest of our team.
This is Jim Dial. our senior anchor.

Vladia. a pleasure to meet you.
Hands across the water. as it were.

- And this is-
- Frank Fontana. investigative reporter.

Hello. Frank.

Well. I know you all have work to do.
and. actually. so do Vladia and I.

Right. Nice to meet you. Vladia.

And if you need a tour guide. I'd be happy
to show you Jim Dia|'s Washington.

Thank you. Jim.
I may take you up on that.

And I'll be in my office.
planning my next investigative report...

...probab|y something that causes me to risk
my life. but is worth it in the end...

...as I uncover some injustice.

Goodbye. Frank. Goodbye. Jim.

Frank.

Thank you for showing me around.

You may go now too. I'm sure your superior
has other errands for you.

No. no. no. I'm Miles Silverberg.
the executive producer.

The top dog. The big kahuna.

I have a bathroom in my office. Murphy?

I know what you're thinking. Vladia.
He seems young...

...but once you get to know him like we do.
you'll find out he is young.

- And he knows what he's doing.
- Thank you. Murphy.

Well. I'll leave you two to your work.

I have to return a phone call
to the White House. Honest.

Why don't we go into my office.

- Come. Sonya.
- Olga. I am Olga. Sonya was last week.

Sorry.

It's so difficult to find a good secretary.

It just so happens I'm between
secretaries myself.

Olga. make yourself at home.

I knew I was going to be late.

Have you left the house...

...and then wondered if you remembered to
lock the door. so you go back and lock it.

But then you get in your car and wonder:

"Was it already locked. and now
I unlocked it?" So you go back-

And this is Corky Sherwood.
She's also on the show.

Now. let me show you
where we're going to be.

Vladia. it's a pleasure to have you
visit this great land of ours.

Don't be afraid to enjoy your personal
freedoms while you're here.

- Thank you.
- Oh. and if you have any thoughts...

...to extend your stay. I know people.

- That's very funny.
- Oh. I get it. Good idea.

In my country.
she would be working in a bakery.

Why don't we go in my office.

Oh. this is very nice.
Very much like home.

I must tell you. Murphy.
I don't get excited about much.

But us working together. this is exciting.

I feel the same way. We can really make
a statement with this broadcast.

Should we get to work?

Vladia. you're forgetting.

It was a change in the political climate
that made this satellite possible.

That's the point we have to make first.

Without technological advancements.
this satellite would not exist.

That should be the theme.

I think if you take time
to consider my idea. you will agree.

I'll consider your idea if you'll take time
to think about my way of doing it.

Of course.

- I cannot do it your way.
- Your way would never work.

- Morning. all.
- Hi. Jim.

Hello. Jim. Thank you again
for yesterday.

I don't know when I've enjoyed
myself more.

- What'd you do?
- Jim and his wife took me paddle boating...

...on the Tidal Basin.

A few dicey moments when Doris
leaned over to pet a duck.

Tomorrow I'm going to take you
and Doris to 31 Flavors. My treat.

You're on.

Hold that elevator.

- Hi. Murph.
- Frank.

- Hi. Vlad.
- Hello. Frank.

Vladia.

- What is that. Frank?
- Tell her. Vladia.

He asked me where the bus stop is.
That's so cute.

And I'm this close to conjugating a verb.

Frank. we're busy here. Say your
do svidanyas and let us get back to work.

Oh. I just thought I'd stop by
and ask our visitor...

...if she'd have dinner with me tonight.

Oh. I would love to. Frank. But Murphy
and I are planning to work late tonight.

Late is not a problem for me.
I can stay up very late.

You are a very persuasive man.
Frank Fontana.

And you are a very fascinating woman.
Vladia Rankov.

Call me when you're ready.

Oh. I like this Frank man.

I'm sure you'll have a very nice time
at dinner.

It's eat-till-you-bust night
at Ernie's House of Pork.

Vladia. Murphy. Just came up here to fill
you in on a little piece of exciting news.

I've just arranged for seven European
nations to receive our broadcast live.

I'm gonna personally handle
all the promotion...

...including a cover story in Newsweek.

Here's a letter from Meryl Streep praising me
for our piece against pesticides last year.

Honestly. Miles.
this need for approval...

I must tell you. Miles. in my country.
one so young would never be given...

...a position of such responsibility.

But you have won me over.
You're like a bulldog.

A bulldog. Did you hear that. Murphy?

Why don't you go find a hydrant?
We're busy here.

Right. You two have important
work to do.

My journalists.

You know. he's a very attractive fellow
in his own way.

He's gay. Now can we get to work?

- I'll need these sent to Press and Promotion.
- Yes.

- After you've had these files copied.
- Okay.

- And did you finish the letter to NASA?
- Yes.

- Which can't go off until I've proofed it.
- Here.

- Get Moscow on the phone in 10 minutes.
- Okay.

- I'll be in my office.
- I'll be in my office.

Hey there. Welcome to Phil's.

Hey there. Thank you.

Say. you're one of those Russian visitors.
aren't you?

Well. you came to the right place.
In honor of your visit. I went all out.

Stocked the bar with Russian vodka.
made stroganoff. borscht and Chicken Kiev.

And if you admit that you stole the gold
medal in basketball at the '72 Olympics...

...you get it for half price.

Do you know what I would really like?

A cheeseburger and a Coke.

Great. I got a kitchen that looks
like downtown Minsk...

...and she wants the Golden Arches.

Come on. Miles. You were with her.
Did Vladia say anything about me?

I hate it when you get involved in these
little journalism romances.

She'll be leaving in two days.
That's the real appeal. isn't it. Frank?

Did it ever occur to you that I just might
have some true feelings here?

That maybe there was the beginning of
something really wonderful between us?

Jim? Did she say anything about me?

Yes. She said she's deeply in love with you.
and she wants to become your wife.

I'm such a card.

- Hi. guys.
- Hello. Murphy.

Look. guys. I've gotta get something
off my chest.

This is probably gonna come as a surprise
to you. but- Well. I'll just say it.

I hate Vladia.

She's incredibly stubborn.
has to have everything done her way.

And I've never met anyone who's
more rude to people.

She grates on me like the Bee Gees...

...and I can't wait till tomorrow when
this whole awful experience is over.

- Did she say anything about me?
- Oh. come on.

Really. Murphy. I don't understand
why you're having this problem.

Yes. she's tough. but I like her.

Jim. come on. help me out here.
You hate her. don't you?

Murphy. it's never easy to team with a
partner when you're used to working alone.

Remind me one day to tell you
about the time I had to anchor...

...a broadcast with Garrick Utley.

I almost had to slap him.

Well. thanks. you guys.
Thanks for sticking with the home team.

Think I'll just defect to the bar.

I've gotta be honest with you.
I'm worried about the broadcast.

My picture of glasnost doesn't include
two women rolling on the floor...

...strang|ing each other with mic cords.

Come on. Miles. I'm a professional.

When was the last time I wasn't able
to hide my feelings during a broadcast?

Not including the
Phyllis Schlafly interview...

...or Bert Lance or Shirley MacLaine.

Okay. bad question.

You have to find some common
ground here. some way to connect.

Miles. you know I don't like being told
what to do. especially if you're right.

Okay. I'll try a little harder with Vladia.

Hey. Vladia Rankov. come on down.

Vladia. look who's here. It's Murphy.

Yeah. here we are. I gotta go.

- Hi.
- Hi.

V|adia...

Look. I know there's been some tension
between us. so I've been thinking.

What if we finished our segment tonight
and took tomorrow off?

That way we could get to know each other
without the pressure of work.

Oh. Murphy.
I think this is a very good idea.

It would be good for us to relax
before the show.

- But what would we do?
- I don't know. Something fun.

Is there anything special you want
to do. anyplace you'd like to see?

There is a place I've read about
that I'd love to visit.

- You name it.
- Atlantic City.

- You're kidding.
- You don't like it.

It's glitzy and tacky
and you gamble all day. I love it.

We'll grab the 9 a.m. shuttle
and spend all day.

This is exciting. Oh. Murphy. I think
we're going to have a very good time.

Where are they? Three minutes to airtime.
It's not like Murphy to be late.

I'm not worried. It means they're
enjoying themselves.

The best of buddies.
That was the whole point. right?

It's not like we'll have an hour of dead air.
We can film my heart attack.

The important thing is that they're
having fun playing keno.

- I didn't even want to go.
- I'm not taking the car back.

Murphy. where have you been?

Driving. We missed the last shuttle
because someone...

...had to go through the Grace|and-on-
the-Boardwalk Elvis Museum twice.

For the last four hours I've been driving
warp speed in a rental car...

...that smelled of cigarette smoke. with a
shrill whining noise in the passenger area.

Okay. but the important thing is that
you're back. You're ready to go.

Get them something to wear.

And why did we have to get
such a bad car?

Because you had to get into a fight
with the rental man.

Unless calling him a weenie in a bow tie
is an American compliment.

- So we're relaxed. We're ready to go.
- You're lucky I even got a car.

- You got a lot to learn about reading a map.
- And you are cheap.

Why else would you eat free pancake
breakfasts at four different hotels?

How about you. downing those free drinks
at the casino like there was no tomorrow?

I hope for your sake they'll be opening
a Raisa Gorbachev clinic real soon.

I'm only going to say this once.

I fed that slot machine for 22 minutes
until you pulled me away.

That old lady got the jackpot
on the very next quarter.

- You owe me $27.
- You're only going to say that once?

That's the sixth time you're only
going to say that once.

You cannot say anything just once.

Oh. yeah? Well. I can't take anything you
say seriously with that stupid accent.

You sound like you should be plotting
big trouble for moose and squirrel.

Well. let me tell you. I lied before.

You looked stupid when Wayne Newton
took you on the stage and sang to you.

We kicked your butts
in the Cuban Missile Crisis.

That's my jacket! I never wear melon!
I want the blue!

- You're changing your mind to be difficult!
- Places. people.

Okay. I'll wear the melon. But I'm not
going on till I get my 27 bucks.

After you pay me for your ticket
to Nudes an Ice. buster.

Good show. everybody.
Just go out there and have fun.

All right. 30 seconds. people.

I'm just going to say one thing.
and then I'm out of it.

You two can do something...

...that Raisa Gorbachev and Nancy Reagan
couldn't do.

To rise above it all and show the world
that women can make a difference.

Think about that when the red light comes
on and millions of eyes are on you.

And think about asking my opinion the
next time you have a wardrobe question.

Those jackets make you look flat-chested.

All right. in five. four. three. two...

Good evening. and welcome to FYI.

For your information tonight.
in honor of the U.S.- Soviet satellite...

...we will be broadcasting not only in the
United States. but live in the Soviet Union.

First up. covering the satellite
dedication...

...Murphy Brown is joined by a very
special guest. Murphy?

Thank you. Jim.
It's my privilege tonight...

...to introduce a woman I've admired for a
long time. Soviet journalist Vladia Rankov.

It's a pleasure to be here. Murphy.

It's been a very exciting week covering
this dedication with you.

It certainly has. Vladia.

Okay. save some film
for your next assignment.

It's late. and besides. Vladia
has a long trip home tomorrow.

We don't want to take advantage
of Murphy's gracious hospitality.

Murphy. I thank you for a lovely.
lovely time.

Vladia. I hope you have convinced Murphy
to come visit our country.

- Yes. Please. do come.
- Thank you so much for the invitation.

Thank you for coming.
It was a pleasure having you.

Don't be a stranger.

- I'm exhausted.
- I'm leaving.

I'm all wired. I gotta wind down.
Maybe I'll watch a movie.

Look. all your tapes are mixed in
with mine.

Eldin. go home.

Oh. look at this one
my girlfriend gave me. E.T.

You know. I never saw it.
I got tied up on a job in '82...

...that lasted about a year longer than
I expected. It was a nightmare.

You wanna watch it with me?

I didn't wanna see that drivel when
it came out. I don't wanna see it now.

What about you. Vladia?

I have no interest in such cheap
American sentimentality.

- Before I go, I believe I owe you $27.
- Why don't we just forget it.

I won't have you think I'm a deadbeat.

But if I take the money. then you can
tell everyone how cheap I am.

Hey. ladies. ladies. Shutski upski.

That's it? What a major disappointment.

First off. I doubt very much whether an
extraterrestrial...

...cou|d tolerate the molecular content
of Earth candy.

How are those kids gonna explain
why they missed school?

Answer me that.

Women.

It was just an actor in a rubber suit.
It wasn't even believable.

Trick photography.
That bicycle didn't fly.

The whole thing was nothing more
than blatant manipulation.

- It's not like I'm really crying.
- Same with me.

This is so embarrassing.

- You won't tell Newsweek I cried?
- No. If you don't tell Pravda I did.

Deal.

I am surprised that you've never seen
this movie before.

There's a lot of movies I don't get to see.

I wish I had the time
to do more things like that.

But sometimes I feel like I spend
my life in an airplane.

I know what you mean.

The last time I was in a theater.
I sat down and reached for my seat belt.

Where'd you spend your 40th birthday?

All alone in a small hotel room
in East Berlin. No telephone. no heat.

I spent mine in a jeep convoy
across Libya.

My crew put a candle on a Hershey bar.

Tell me this. When's the last time you
had a date on a Saturday night?

And even if you do finally meet
somebody interesting...

- ...and you find time to spend with him-
- You get sent away to cover another story.

Let me ask you something.

Do you ever think about having children?

All the time.

I'm sorry that I was so difficult this week.

I don't know why I push my way
into everything.

Don't apologize. Vladia.
I did more than my share of pushing.

I guess it comes from all those years
of trying to be the best.

And now that we are.
you wonder if it's all worth it.

Now and then. the job has its rewards.

- Like now.
- Yes. Like now.

Why don't I go and make us some coffee.

I noticed there's some chocolate mousse
left over.

You know. it's illegal in this country
to waste it.

Oh. I would love to.
but I have an early plane.

And I am meeting Frank.
Maybe I'll get lucky. eh?

Maybe.

I can't let you go home empty-handed.
I wanna give you something.

Here. Take this.

Aretha Franklin.

Oh. and it's autographed too.

Murphy. thank you.

I'm really glad I got the chance
to know you.

Me too. I hope you will come
to Russia soon.

I'd like that. But even if I can't.
we can talk to each other on the phone.

I can call you from work.
It won't cost us a thing.

- Not that I'm cheap.
- Of course not.

- Goodbye. Murphy.
- Goodbye. Vladia.