Murder, She Wrote (1984–1996): Season 6, Episode 22 - The Sicilian Encounter - full transcript

What exactly was he into?

Cash.

Tonight on Murder, She Wrote.

He cut his throat shaving.
Nobody saw nothing.

And my poor sister, she becomes
a widow before she's married.

But this family of yours,

I mean, I'm just not sure
I'm gonna fit in, that's all.

Okay, Padre, let's
you and me talk turkey.

I could marry you, quietly.

Thanks for the use
of the hall, Father.

Oh, hello. After a week of publishers'
meetings and book interviews in New York,



I can hardly wait to kick
off my shoes and relax,

I don't know about you,
but I could use a cup of tea.

Isn't it amazing the amount of
mail that accumulates in one week?

Most of it is unsolicited. It's frightening
to think of how many junk mail lists

your name must be on.

Uh-huh.

"Your pre-approved credit
card." One that I didn't apply for.

Oh, my goodness, can the
property taxes be due again?

Hmm. It's postmarked Paris.

Michael Haggarty of
Her Majesty's Service.

Up to some derring-do, no doubt.

Michael, you
certainly do get around.

"Dear Jessica"...

Oh, dear.



Do you know what I like
most about Italy, Claudia?

The wine?

The music?

The tradition of retiring
after lunch for a little nap.

Awfully civilized,
don't you think?

Helps digest those big meals.

You know, the thought of you for
dessert is driving me absolutely wild.

But, but, but, but...

You wouldn't happen to have any knockout
drops in that purse of yours, would you?

Fresh out.

I mean, it's all very considerate
of your late husband's family

to supply us with a car and a
chauffeur, but we don't need a nanny.

Especially one as
ugly as that one.

Be patient, darling. The
wedding is only a week away.

And then we're
off to Switzerland.

Really? Not Boston?

I mean, I assumed since the Carboni
business interests were in Boston that...

Peter, I know so little about the business.
We were just married for six months.

Yes, I'm a little hazy
about this business of his.

What exactly was he into?

I never really knew.

Except that he
dealt mostly in cash.

Well, how very wise of him.

You know, to arrange
his affairs so prudently.

By the way, you never
did mention how he died.

Suddenly.

Darling, why don't you pay
the bill while I go freshen up?

Okay.

I trust everything was
satisfactory, Signore Baines.

Just excellent.

And you can tell the chef
that he's outdone himself.

Oh, and add 20% for yourself.

My pleasure.

Call me a silly romantic, but...

You're a silly romantic.

When I think of the way we
met on that plane from Boston...

Well, that was destiny,
Claudia. Fate. Kismet.

Well, almost. I had the stewardess
change my seat next to yours.

You didn't. Mmm-hmm.

Well, the moment I saw you, I sensed the
tragic grief you tried so hard to conceal.

I knew then that fate had thrown
us together so I could console you.

Right. Right.

And who'd ever believe
that in that short time

we'd have fallen in love
and decided to get married.

Yeah, it's remarkable, considering
we've scarcely spent a moment alone

since we got off the plane.
Now, Claudia, darling, seriously...

Sweetheart, I know
exactly how you feel.

But in Italy, a widow,

especially a young widow, is
considered a threat to the family

until she takes another husband.

In church. Legally.

In front of a priest.

Yes, Claudia, this
family of yours,

I'm glad you brought them up.
There is something about them that I...

They're my ex-husband's family.

And the only reason that I am
here at all is just to pay my respects.

And to settle some
details of the estate.

Don't you worry. They like you.

They're in favor
of the marriage.

Oh, well, that's good
because so am I.

So am I.

Darling, it's only a
week until the wedding.

I say, old man, you've
got the wrong room.

Scusi, Signora.

Yes?

Do you know what happened?

Somebody died. Some Englishman.

Died? How?

He cut his throat shaving.
Nobody saw nothing.

This is Mr. Green speaking.

There's been a complication.

The business associate that was
supposed to meet caught a cold

before I could connect with him.

I'm very sorry to hear that.

Does this mean the
order's been canceled?

Negative.

The consignment is
urgently expected in London,

and you are expected
to deliver it at all costs

regardless of any flu
that may be going around.

Bloody marvelous.

But what if the package
doesn't wanna be delivered?

It seems a wedding present
has gotten into the shipment.

Well, listen carefully.
This has top priority.

Especially since our competitors in
America are also interested in the goods.

You are authorized to use
the express shipment channel.

Damn it, man,
use your ingenuity.

Now how do the
shoulders look, darling?

Wonderful. Yes,
I thought so, too.

You know, I was thinking, after
the honeymoon in Switzerland,

how about taking a cruise around
the world? Can we afford that?

We can afford anything you like.

Oh, how nice.

Oh, signore, the white suit
will be perfetto for a cruise.

Oh, Peter, did you
order another suit?

I ordered half a
dozen, actually.

Well, I thought it would be
nice to have something suitable

for all occasions, you know.

Everything will be ready in
time for the wedding, Signora.

Fine. Fine. Sofia.

Per favore, show
Signore Luca a fare.

Che fare. Sì.

Cheerio. Ciao.

Peter, they're going to see us.

Oh, frankly, my dear,
I don't give a damn.

Does it hurt much,
darling? Poor girl.

You know, she turned her ankle on
the carpet just walking across the floor.

Would you believe that?
Let's have a look at it.

Sorry.

You know, it doesn't seem too
bad, not much swelling yet, anyway.

Better keep the weight
off it for a while, huh?

Was there something
you wanted, Mario?

You have a visitor, Signora.

Claudia, Monsignor
O'Shaughnessey just arrived

from your parish in Boston.

Well, not your parish, Mrs.
Carboni. Actually, we've never met,

and this is indeed a pleasure.

Father Flynn, your
pastor, poor man,

he was stricken with an
attack of the gall bladder

and he couldn't make
it for the ceremony.

But I was an acquaintance of
your dearly departed husband.

We played golf several
times together. A fine man.

Very generous to the church.
So His Eminence, the cardinal,

sent me, O'Shaughnessey.
Monsignor O'Shaughnessey,

as his official emissary
from the Boston diocese.

It's a pleasure to meet you,
Monsignor O'Shaughnessey.

And when might I
meet your intended?

Is it possible that he's
from your parish in Boston?

No, no. Actually,
he's from England.

Oh, well.

Darling, come here, please.

There's someone
I'd like you to meet.

Say hello to Monsignor
O'Shaughnessey.

He's all the way from Boston.

This is my fiancé, Peter Baines.

How do you do.

Baines, you say? Really?

Yeah. Have we met, Father?

No, I don't think so.

But I once knew a gentleman
named Harold Baines.

Harold? No, no, no,
Harold's my brother.

Oh. Where on earth
did you meet Harold?

Well, I can't remember the exact

circumstances. I do
an awful lot of traveling.

Scusi Claudia, I got a
telephone call this afternoon.

You gonna have
another guest arriving.

Your brother-in-law, Gino, is
coming from Boston for the wedding.

Gino is coming?

Wow!

Did he say when he's arriving?

He no say. But certainly
before the wedding.

Did you know Gino, Monsignor?

Oh, yes, yes, of course. We
played together several times.

He had a terrible slice.

Slice?

Oh, that's a golfing
term, Signore Carboni.

Perhaps Monsignor O'Shaughnessey

would like to freshen
up after his long journey?

Well, thank you very much,
that's very kind, very thoughtful.

But first, I have some
spiritual duties to perform.

Oh?

Yes, I promised Father
Flynn that the first thing I'd do

when I got here was to
hear Claudia's confession.

Oh, well, that's just...

That's so nice of Father
Flynn, but I don't...

Now, now, now. We can
do this rather informally.

Perhaps out in the garden?
Come along, now, my dear.

This won't take long.

A passionate woman who has just lost her
husband always has something to confess.

Listen, I assure you she's got
nothing to confess that concerns me.

Nothing at all. Absolutely not.

Really.

You see, my child,
I am concerned

about your departed
husband's soul,

considering the business he was
in and the violence of his death.

Look, father, I had nothing to
do with the business or his death.

I hope everybody
understands that.

Oh, yes, I'm sure they do.

Now, about this chap that
you're going to marry... This...

Peter.

Oh, actually, Peter and I have
known each other a very short while.

But he's so... So...

Yes, I'm sure he is.

Now I do hope, my child, that
this is a true union of the souls,

not merely an
attraction of the flesh.

Oh, no. No, no, no.

Peter has... Peter has many,
many admirable qualities.

And your late husband's
Italian cousins?

How well do you know them?

Oh, they're very attentive.

Very hospitable.
Very family-oriented.

So I gathered.

In fact, they're giving us a week's
vacation at a luxury resort in Switzerland

as a wedding
present. Is that so?

Now isn't that thoughtful?

To be honest, Father.
I can't wait to get away.

I mean, they're very
sweet and all that,

but the atmosphere here at
the villa is a little bit stifling.

Oh, well, it's only natural
that you two love birds

should want to get on
with the honeymoon.

Well, you can rely on me
to help you in any way I can.

Well, thank you,
Father. Thank you.

I better get back inside.

Ah, well now,

I can see you've got an eye
for fine tailoring, Mr. Baines.

Oh.

Is that what they
call the Italian cut?

No, actually, I had this made
in Savile Row. Do you like it?

Splendid. Splendid.

I have a friend who says that

you can tell a man's line of
work by the clothes he wears.

Really? Really? Well,
what an interesting notion.

Yes, I've never
understood that myself.

You wouldn't be in the banking
business, now would you?

Never had the opportunity.

But I always thought it would
be a fascinating challenge.

No, I've mostly just knocked
about. A bit of this, a bit of that.

Tell me, son, what kind of thing
have you lent your hand to, exactly?

Well, let me see.

I was a cruise
director for a while.

And then there was a stint selling
securities. I rather enjoyed that.

Then the company collapsed.

What a shame. Yes.

And then I was a yacht broker
in Monaco for the season.

The trouble there
was I got sea sick.

And then once in Paris, when
I was a bit down on my luck,

I gave dancing lessons.

I would imagine a man would meet a number
of wealthy women in that line of work.

Father, you never did tell me
how you met my brother, Harold.

Ah, yes.

Well, the exact circumstances
have slipped my mind.

Well, we were never
that close, actually.

Harold was always a bit
too... Too proper for my taste.

Odd, though. I got a letter last
Christmas from one of my dotty aunties.

And she said something about
Harold being in Greece. In jail.

Oh, my. Yeah, strange.

Harold was always such a
straight laces sort of fellow.

Well, I suppose you can never
tell about some people, you know.

Beneath the façade, there's
somebody totally unexpected.

Hey. This is some
kind of place here.

Gino, benvenuto.

Welcome to the land
of your grandfathers.

Our home is your home.

Grazie.

I'm your cousin Antonio.

So sorry about
your brother's death.

Thank you. It was
a lousy way to go.

Hey, come sta? I
am your cousin Vito.

Che fa, Gino?

This is not necessary.

We are cousins.

Hey, guys, it's a habit.
I feel naked without it.

We have heard wonderful
things about you, cousin,

that you killed your first
man when you was 15.

Thirteen. But who's counting.

Grazie.

Is Claudia here? VITO: Sì, sì.

We give her all our attenzione.

That cheap bimbo
left Boston in a hurry,

maybe with something
that didn't belong to her.

I thought you said
Gino was here.

But, Claudia, this is Gino.

That man is not Gino. I've
never seen him before in my life.

Now wait a minute. This
broad ain't my brother's wife.

I don't know who this man is,

but I know the brother of the
poor husband who died in my arms.

She's lying.

Hey, look at my passport.

Did I hear somebody say
that Gino Carboni had arrived?

Monsignor, do you
know Gino Carboni?

Oh, yes, of course. He was the one
who introduced me to Claudia's husband.

He was the best
golfer of the lot.

And this man, Monsignor?

How do you do, Monsignor
O'Shaughnessey. And you are?

Gino Carboni.

Oh, well, if he says
he's Gino Carboni,

then he'd better
go to confession.

What, are you all crazy?
Look at my passport!

Yes, it's a very good
job. Just like the real thing.

Only whoever forged it, gave
the wrong zip code for Boston.

Now wait a minute!

Silenzio!

You will please excuse us while we send
this imbroglione back where he came from.

Signora!

Oh, it's all right, Theresa.

Peter, you look terrible.
What's the matter?

Get rid of her.

It's okay. She
doesn't speak English.

Now what's the matter?

They just murdered him. Who?

Who? Who? The chap claiming to
be your brother-in-law, that's who.

Poor sod.

Oh, Claudia, darling, you know I
worship the ground you walk on,

but this family of yours,

I'm just not sure I'm
gonna fit in, that's all.

I thought you loved me.

I do love you, you
know, I love you.

It's just that, well, deep
down, I think they resent me.

I don't want to cause
any family dissention.

Peter, darling, listen.
They're not really my family.

Oh, sweetheart, I promise,

once we're married,

we never have to
come back to Italy again.

You may not have
much to say about it.

Oh, darling, I need you.

I just can't bear the
thought of all that money

and no one to share it with.

Yes, well, I... Well, I suppose,
on the other hand, I could...

I've gotta tell you something.

What?

The reason we're
going to Switzerland...

Yeah?

Is because

there's so much money

in my safe deposit box.

Well, you know, I suppose we don't
have to see that much of them, do we?

I mean, socially.

Exactly how much money
are we talking about here?

Well, I think it might
help you to understand

exactly the nature of my
ex-husband's business.

No! Claudia, no. Really,
I don't care to know.

But I want to be
honest with you.

Yes, I know you do. I know, I know,
it's just that I just don't want to know.

I mean, supposing somebody
someday puts me in the witness box.

Your relatives, think about
it. They might take offense.

I think you'd better
go before they see you.

Speak English.

Sometimes the hired
help have big ears.

It's been confirmed.

The private bank
account is in Switzerland.

Our American cousins
have been cheating us.

But what bank?

As soon as we get
the widow married off,

she goes off to Switzerland and
she leads me right to the money.

But why is it you who
follows them to Switzerland?

Because you know the risks if
we leave the safety of Palermo.

However, no one know exactly

what's in this bank box, yes?

Or how much money it contains.

I will find out, I
will bring it back.

Mario,

Vito and I no cannot let
you take this risk alone.

We all go to Switzerland.

If you insist.

We insist.

That way, we can all deliver

the final wedding
present for Claudia

and her gigolo.

Ah, Signore Baines.

Un poco brandy
before bed? Va bene.

You're a man who has a taste
for the best things money can buy.

Oh, living well has always
been a bit of a hobby of mine.

Perhaps you'll
join me in a cigar?

A cigar? Oh, thank you very
much. Yes, yes, I don't mind if I do.

I have these sent from Cuba.

Cuba? Oh, how nice.

Hmm? Oh.

Thank you.

Calms the nerves.

A bridegroom is
always nervous, no?

Yes, I expect it's all
this waiting around.

In Sicilia, a man must
learn to be patient. Pazienza.

Oh, yes, yes, by all means, yes.

You remember when
you first arrived here,

you and I, we talk about
the honor of a famiglia?

Yes, I remember. Absolutely.

I'm not sure you understood.

There was a man from
Napoli I once knew.

He was engaged to my
sister. A very impatient man.

He ran off with her to
Rome before the wedding.

Oh, dear. He showed no respect.

He could not wait until
she was properly married.

So my brothers and
me, we followed them.

And we find them
in a hotel in Rome.

And my poor sister, she becomes
a widow before she's married.

But that was another
man, another time.

You are a man of understanding.

It will be an honor to
have you in our famiglia.

That's very nice
of you to say so.

Buana notte, Pietro.

Yes.

Monsignor, it is an honor you come all
the way from Boston for the ceremony.

You will of course assist
at the nuptial mass?

Of course.

Benissimo.

Now if you will excuse me, I must
speak to the sexton about the flowers.

Certainly. Signorina.

Mmm-hmm.

Will you look at these guys.

They won't let me
out of their sight.

Well, they're just guarding
your virtue, my child.

Well, I would sooner give them the
slip and get on to Switzerland right now.

Now? Darling, we really ought
to respect the local traditions.

And your cousins would
be awfully, awfully offended

if we didn't wait
for the ceremony.

We're practically
prisoners here.

What do you think, Monsignor?

Frankly, I don't think
you're gonna get any peace

until you are in Switzerland.

Then let's do it. No,
darling. I'm sorry...

I don't want to sound stuffy,

but the family have
made it very clear.

And I for one am not
going to leave Sicily,

at least not until you
and I are properly married.

Oh, well, if that's
your only problem, son,

I could marry you, quietly.

When?

Here and now.

Then you could be off to
Switzerland man and wife.

Great idea!

Works for me.

Andiamo.

To love honor and obey,
for richer, for poorer,

in sickness and in health,

till death you do part.

I do.

Then by the power vested in me
by the Holy Mother of the Church,

I now pronounce
you man and wife.

Don't believe I've ever heard
that version before, Father.

Well, there have been quite a few
changes since the Vatican Council.

You may now kiss the bride.

Hey, hey, hey! Che fanno?

No, no, no. Practice, practice.

Pratico, practico.

You go out and wait by the car.

I'll take care of this.
I'll be there in a tick.

Monsignor O'Shaughnessey,
what's going on?

Nothing. We were just
saying a few prayers

and the lads got the wrong idea.

Thanks for the use
of the hall, Father.

Have him drive me!

Get in and drive!

Whoa!

What happened back there?

Just a little misunderstanding
with one of the hired help.

Where in the name of all that is
holy did you learn to drive like this?

Daytona.

You must be joking.

I spent a season on the racing
circuit. Where are we going?

About five kilometers down
the road. Make the first right turn.

There's a small airstrip. I've
got a chartered plane waiting.

You're mighty well
prepared, Father.

It's a wedding gift
from His Eminence.

Just take bloody care that you
don't get us killed before we get there!

I'll do my best.

Let's get cracking.
We're in a bit of a hurry!

Scusi, Padre. I cannot take you.

What the hell are
you talking about?

The charter, she is canceled. The
Carboni brothers just phoned me.

No flights must leave! Now listen, you,
get in that plane and crank it up, now!

Padre, forgive
me. I cannot do it.

They threatened my life. I
have a wife and four children.

By the way, I know I keep asking
you this, where are we going?

Geneva.

Charming.

Well, it's probably not
as plush as the suite

that your cousins
planned to reserve for you,

but under the
circumstances, much cozier.

Right. Now what we're gonna need
is a bottle of your best champagne,

two glasses, and a
tin of beluga caviar.

Oh, and let us know when the luggage
arrives from the airport, would you?

Yes, monsieur. Got any Swiss
francs, Father? I seem to be fresh out.

Merci, Monsignor.

Yes, well, thanks for
all your help, Father.

And now, Mrs. Baines and I really
mustn't detain you a moment longer.

Peter, darling. My love?

As long as there
really is no luggage,

would you be a dear and run to the
lobby and pick up some toothbrushes

and anything else you
think we might need?

What a good idea.

Well, I won't be a moment.

Goodbye, Father.

If we're ever in Boston,
we'll give you a ring.

Okay, Padre, let's
you and me talk turkey.

Why, Mrs. Baines,
whatever do you mean?

If I thought I were really Mrs.
Baines, I'd be out that door.

My guess is you're
my contact from MI6.

Michael Haggarty, Mrs.
Carboni. At your service.

You'll have to forgive me.
I'm a very cautious man.

I would have revealed
myself to you a long time ago

except that one of our lads got
his throat cut by your cousins.

Then there is the little
matter of your fiancé.

Where'd you pick him up?
And more to the point, why?

Peter's attractive.
We're in love.

And a girl has to make
plans for the future.

Try again.

A girl can always
use some muscle.

Peter looks like he could
take care of himself, and me,

if things got rough.

He also looks like a pretty
good beard for a honeymoon trip

to look at a certain
bank box in Switzerland.

Now look who's being perceptive.

Look, Haggarty,

I agreed to go along with British
Intelligence on two conditions.

One, that I got protection
and asylum in England.

And two, that I get to keep all
the money in the safe deposit box.

That is our deal, isn't it?

Hmm. If we get what we want.

Namely, the little black book.

Look, I don't know what's in that
book, and I don't want to know.

All I want is a brand new life
and a lot of financial security.

Not to mention a new husband.

It seems to me that Baines is the kind
of chap that would go through a fortune

like a dose of salts.

Why don't you let me
worry about Baines.

Fine. What I'm worried
about is your in-laws.

They must be aware of the
goodies in your safe deposit box.

But what they don't know
is which city and which bank.

Success!

Oh, are you still here, Father?

Haven't you got a flock
to shear somewhere else?

Now, now, now, I was
just talking to your bride

about her marriage obligations.

Ah, well, maybe you
could write her a letter.

Darling, while you talk to
Monsignor O'Shaughnessey,

I'm going to slip
into a hot bath.

That's a splendid idea. Take that
with you. I'll join you in a minute.

This preoccupation you have
with the pleasures of the flesh,

it's highly overrated, my son.

The true joy of marriage lies
in... Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

You can drop the
priestly platitudes, friend.

I've impersonated a
priest myself once or twice.

Let me guess. Was it
when you were a fundraiser?

Who are you?

Well, the name on my
passport says Michael Haggarty.

At least, that's the name
on one of my passports.

I see. Well, Mr. Haggerty, I'm not sure
what your game is and I don't really care.

Now if you don't mind. I'd
rather like to start my honeymoon.

But since I'm not really a
priest, you're not really married.

Yes, I know that, but I see no
need to break that news to Claudia.

At least not tonight.

Too late for that, I'm afraid.

What? You mean she
already knows? Mmm.

Listen, boyo, I'll tell you
one thing and one thing only.

I'm with British Intelligence, and
the lady and I are here in Geneva

to transact some business.

MI6. That's how you
know Harold. He's MI6, too.

Was.

That jail term in Athens is all too
real, and I'm the one who put him there.

With a little help
from a writer friend.

The charge is murder.

Murder? Harold?

That's unbelievable.

Yeah, I always figured Harold
for a stuffed-shirt bureaucrat.

His weakness was money.

Apparently, it
runs in the family.

Now listen you, Claudia
and I happen to be in love

and we are gonna get married.

Sorry, boyo, but your
wedding night's on hold.

I can't let Claudia
out of my sight until

we've concluded our
business in the morning.

Security reasons. You're
sleeping alone tonight.

Right here.

Pronto.

Bonjour. I would like to
speak to Mrs. Claudia Carboni,

s'il vous plaît.

She's not here at the moment.
Who's speaking, please?

This is the Swiss
Federal Bank in Geneva.

We would like to confirm her
appointment at 10:00 in the morning.

Call the airport.
We leave subito.

I can get a message to her.

What bank was that?

Swiss Federal Bank, Geneva.

10:00 in the morning. Grazie.

Merci.

Oh, hello.

Hello. How did you sleep?

Oh, hardly a wink. Ow!

What about you?

Well, I wasn't very comfortable
sleeping in there all by myself.

Yeah? Yeah.

Now listen, Claudia,
I'm sorry, but I'm afraid

I'm really going to have
to put my foot down.

Just as soon as this
bank business is finished,

you and I are going to find a magistrate
and we're gonna get properly married.

Okay.

Really?

Peter. What's the matter?

There's something I should have
told you... Your family? Forget about it.

No, it's not the family. It's
something else... It's that I'm...

It's that I...

I really am attracted to you.

The bank opens in half an hour.
I've got a car waiting downstairs.

Sent your dog collar to the
cleaners, have you, Padre?

You can get anything
at a good Swiss hotel

if you tip the concierge enough.

Let's go. Oh, hold it,
hold it. I'm coming, too.

Sorry.

Listen, Haggarty. Now, Claudia
and I are practically married.

And I'm coming with you just to make
sure you don't pull any tricks on her.

You make an
interesting point, darling.

What's the matter,
doesn't he trust you?

The questions
is, do I trust you?

You better get dressed.

Right. Ha!

Won't be long.

Peter, why didn't you tell me
you'd smudged my lipstick?

Sorry, darling. Are we sure
this is gonna be big enough?

How much money do you think one
of those safe deposit boxes holds?

Well, I had a dream last night
and, well, it was a jolly big box.

This is as far as
you go, Mr. Baines.

Oh.

I'd like to visit my safe
deposit box, please.

May I have the key, madam?

Thank you.

Allow me.

Let's pray my dear departed
husband wasn't lying to me.

Oh.

Well, it seems he was as
greedy as he was dishonest.

I'll just count this later.

Huh, and I thought only the little
money slipped through your fingers.

Color me overeager.

Thank you. Thank you.

Oh, the black book goes to you

and the money stays with me.

Thank you, Mrs. Carboni.

It's a pleasure doing
business with you.

Everything all
right? Perfectly fine.

That looks heavy. Let me give
you a hand with that. I can manage.

Listen, while I was waiting,
I looked in the phone book.

Now, there's a
magistrate in the next

street. City hall is
just around the corner.

We can go in, get the
license, Bob's your uncle.

Bob's your uncle? Yes, it's
just a figure of speech, Claudia.

English figure of speech. Means
everything's copasetic. Terrific.

Well, Mr. Haggerty, it's been
extremely interesting meeting you.

We won't trouble you for a lift.
We'll just take a cab, be on our way.

You no think we could let you slip out
of town without a wedding reception?

Unless you wish to shed your
life's blood here on the street.

Give us the suitcase.

Freeze! Stand
very still, gentlemen.

Brian, get his gun.

What is the meaning
of this outrage?

We have rights
as citizen of Italia!

Yeah, yeah, let's
go, let's go! Move it!

Get in and drive!

What the hell
was that all about?

Peter, you could have
gotten us killed driving like that.

Don't worry, Claudia, your
fiancé is an expert car driver.

Does anybody got a clue who
those other guys were back there?

Oh, yes. Yes, I think
I've got it sorted out.

CIA?

You're CIA. Darling? Why
on earth didn't you tell me?

It was my cover,
Peter. I couldn't tell you.

Yeah. Sure, but...

Just think of it as a healthy
competition, old chap.

British MI6 and the yanks' CIA are both
interested in the same family business.

Particularly a little
black record book

that's been hidden away in a
secret numbered Swiss bank box.

Names, contacts,
payoffs, the lot.

Only the widow of one of the Boston
dons knew the location and the numbers.

But we, considering that
our turf, had a better plan.

We thought we'd just nab
those thugs from Palermo.

So we came up with a
scheme to lure them out of Sicily,

where we couldn't touch them.

The honeymoon in
Switzerland fit in perfectly.

Actually, that was her idea.

Then you weren't really
married to that chap in Boston?

The real Claudia Carboni must
have gone to the U.S. authorities,

asked for protection,
offered to co-operate.

Isn't that true, Miss...

Or is it missus?

Jennifer Page.

I'm a miss.

Jennifer.

We grabbed her out of
a clerical job in Denver

because she was a dead ringer
for the real Claudia Carboni.

A risk since she had
no field experience.

My, you learn fast.

It's been a pleasure, Haggarty.
Anything I admire, it's a good loser.

By the way, where is
the book, Agent Page?

Right over here.

Is this what you're looking for?

Oh, yes.

It fell out of your
purse in the car.

Oh.

Thank you.

There you go.

Get this in the pouch to
Washington immediately.

All right. Take the
suitcase with you.

What? Wait a
minute. Wait a minute.

Claudia... I'm sorry,
Jennifer, what are they doing?

Guess that about wraps it up.
Where's he going with the case?

Better luck next time, Haggarty.

I'll catch up with you later.

Right.

You skunk! You took
that out of my purse!

I don't get any of
this. Excuse me.

True, but at least I was gentleman
enough to give it back to you.

The same way you gave
it to me in the bank vault.

Don't worry, Miss Page,

I'll send the real thing along after
we've had a good long look at it.

What... Peter, what is it?

Well, I'm just a
little confused here.

Does all this mean you
don't get to keep the money?

No, I don't, darling. I'm sorry.

Regulations.

So, can I give you two
a lift to the magistrates?

What? Oh, well...

I don't know that we
have to rush into this.

I mean, there are a number of
things we've got to discuss. Such as...

Well, do you know that I
haven't even had the opportunity

of telling my own family
about this engagement?

Funny, that's the
first time that came up.

Oh, darling, come on. No, I love you
deeply, you know I do, I always will.

It's just that at the moment,
well, I don't even have a job.

Actually, I'm a bit flat,

and marriage is a very
big financial responsibility.

Terrific.

When you thought I
was a rich mafia widow,

you couldn't wait to
get me in the sack.

Oh, darling, no, no, on that
score, I was totally sincere.

You know I find you
devastatingly attractive, but,

well, you've got to admit
that I've had a shock. Several.

On the other hand, I don't
see why we can't have a...

Well, a really
meaningful relationship.

Relationship? Yeah.

That's like a commitment
with no rings attached, right?

Right?

No.

Right?

Well, sort of.

Yes, I've crossed trails with
our American competitors.

I warned you they
were in the game.

They've packed the three
items from Palermo off to Boston.

And what about our merchandise?

Well, there was almost a mix-up.

But the authentic volume is on
its way to London in today's pouch.

Oh, splendid, Michael.
Congratulations.

But now, now, I've got something
rather interesting for you.

Oh, no, no, no. I've
got leave coming.

We've had a tip

about the Alpine Grand Prix Auto Race which
starts in Vienna and winds up in Paris.

Of course, I could
always take it later.

Well, it seems that they're
gonna use the race as a cover

to smuggle some counterfeit
currency plates into France,

and we'd like
you to look into it.

Sounds like a bit of fun. So
happens that I bumped into a civilian

who's one hell of a
driver. He used to race.

And he's out of a job at the
moment. He might be useful.

Use your best judgment. Oh, and
call me in the morning on a secure line

and I'll give you the details.

Whatever you do, don't let
the Americans get wind of it.